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The subject of spirit marriage is a topic both near and dear to my heart. Therefore, in
researching spirit marriage I have sought to find context for it within a tradition or traditions
that will both honor it as a unique and valid transpersonal experience, as well as help to
contextualize the subtle forces at play in these non-ordinary realms. To this end, I have sought
research material which would offer a perspective on spirit marriage that honors it as a sacred
and mystical experience, one that can be seen as a kind of hybrid between human marriage and
divine union.
Modern academic research on the subject of spirit marriage, and the topic of sexual
encounters with spirit entities, is regrettably slim. This is not necessarily surprising, as the
Western academic mind has traditionally sought to reduce mystical experience, and the esoteric
arts in general, to psychological process or folktale. What does surprise me is the disregard for
traditions. Also surprising is the apparent denial of its presence in Western Abrahamic religions.
The more I have researched this topic - a topic that has been of personal and scholarly
interest to me for eight years now - the more I am amazed at the widespread presence of this
phenomena across culture, creed and religious persuasion. What troubles me is how doggedly it
have been unable to find much scholarly discourse on the topic, positive or negative, with most
Spirit marriage is a phenomena not exclusively practiced by shamanic cultures. It has also
appeared in the Christian monastic tradition, in the folkloric Islamic tradition, as well as the
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apocryphal literature of the Jewish canon. As a result, my research has had to rely heavily on
first-hand accounts as well as primary source documents written by the church in its campaign
against such practices, which, of course, address the topic from a very skewed perspective. In
fact, the Christian church fathers spent quite a lot of time and energy to hide this very fact
(Collins, 1996).
What is also interesting is the unique hybrid of Christianity and Shamanism that has
come together in the African Syncretic Religions: Voodou, Makumba, Ifa, Santeria, Umbanda,
and the fact that these traditions are practiced by an estimated 60 million people worldwide -
thats twice the size of the Canadian population. (ReligiousTolerance.org) Spirit marriage is
essential to the health and vitality of these religions, and is the primary means through which
their spirituality is practiced. How, then, can Western scholars of Religion not be discussing this
phenomena? In most cases it is treated like a dirty subject that isnt brought up in nice, polite
conversation, something we choose to sweep under the rug rather than address its possible
implication - that God likes sex and he/she likes to have it with us!
As I write this I notice how frustrated and angry I feel, how marginalized and invisible.
As someone who has first-hand experience of this phenomena, I have learned to keep my mouth
shut about my practice to keep it precious and sacred. However, as a scholar and feminist, it is
this very silence that keeps it marginalized and allows ignorance to demonize it.
The path of ecstatic mysticism was not a path I consciously chose. It was thrust upon me
at an early age with little to no guidance. I have spent my life alternating between defense and
denial of this orientation, but in either posture feeling, until recently, very little support and quite
took no responsibility for the openings it created, other than to try to restrain it through dogma
and rules. The natural unfolding of the spirit gifts that were awakened within me chaffed at these
restraints, squelching the fine nectar of ecstasy that wanted to release in my body when filled
with the Spirit. Yet the traditions that did give room and license for embodied, ecstatic Spirit
communion have been demonized and vilified by our culture to the point of equating spirit
spirit spouse is one of the most widespread elements of shamanism, distributed through all
continents and at all cultural levels. The spirit spouse typically visits in dreams or non-ordinary
states, and female shamans can give birth to spirit children. The person dreaming will habitually
dream of having, in the dream, a spouse who is otherworldly and who is able to assist in waking-
world activities. Although fairly straightforward a definition, it begs the question, Who or what
According to my survey of the literature on spirit marriage, the range and breadth of
spirits that may be contacted and betrothed are numerous. Perhaps these are different terms for
the same energies. Perhaps there are a strata of non-ordinary entities we call spirits. According to
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Orion Foxwood (2010), Celtic shaman and spirit-spouse, there are a variety of classes, much
like ethnicities, of other-world beings typically distinguished according to their geographic and
The literature on spirits dates back in many cases to origin myths of humankind, and is
prevalent across literary style from Plato to St. Augustine to the Brothers Grimm. Unfortunately,
literature on modern practices of spirit marriage is scant, due to the fact that most of these
practices are done in the context of oral tradition. Although, notedly, communication with spirits
under the study of the parapsychology is better documented and researched by both science and
scholars.
African Shamanism: The Dagara people of Burkina Fasso. In Western Africa, not far
from the Ivory Coast, there lives a tribe of people called the Dagara. Popularized by their
Western-educated kinsman, Malidoma Som (1999), the Dagara practice a form of African
Shamanism that involves cultivation of relationships with the little people or kontombl that
dwell within the land. Som writes of these relationships and how the balance between the earth
When God Had Sex 6
and humans is maintained through these otherworldly contacts. He reports seeing and speaking
My experiential research with the Dagara tradition has consisted of working with a
Dagara diviner for the past two years. During this time I discovered that in addition to general
communication with the kontombl, diviners within the tradition also partake in a form of spirit
marriage with a specific kontombl being. According to Bockley (2008 - 2010), first contact with
a kontombl often happens via sexual encounters in the dreamtime, where the spirit is making its
presence and desires known. Over time a relationship develops, and eventually, if deemed
appropriate by the kontombl and the elders within the tradition, a marriage will take place
Human marriage does not preclude spirit marriage. In fact, usually in a human marriage
the husband and wife will each have a spirit partner and the spirit partners are married to each
other in the otherworld. The Dagara believe that an entire spirit family can be created with a
spirit spouse, and the union is often highly sexual. It is also important to give the spirit spouse
and family somewhere to live, and so the creation and upkeep of spirit houses are erected and
filled with clay figures that represent the spirit spouse and ancestors. This gives them a
physical body to be fed and attended, and are kept by the practitioner for life.
Celtic Shamanism: Faery seership and folkloric magic. In the Celtic Shamanic
tradition of Faery seership, the practice of spirit marriage is much more rare and complex. Lest
you read the word faery and think fairy or tinkerbell, the difference in spelling implies the
difference in understanding who and what otherworld energies are represented. In the Celtic
tradition the Fey, also known as the Sidhe, are a pre-human race of being that are more akin to
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Angelic beings than they are to sprites with wings. In more general use, the term Fey or Faery, is
more of an umbrella term used to connote all otherworld entities, angels, demons, ancestors,
elementals, etc, including what we more commonly think of as fairies, air spirits or Sylphs
(Foxwood, 2010).
In terms of human relationships with the Fey, the true Faery marriage requires immense
work and transformation of the self on every level and usually takes seven to nine years, at a
minimum, to achieve. Most seekers are not suited to the marriage level of relationship, and very
According to Foxwood (2007) there are five stages of Faery contact. Stage one, the
Contact, is similar to the Dagara tradition. The Fey makes itself known to the human through
dreams, visions or magical ritual. This can often feel sexual in nature, but according to Foxwood
this is not the intended result, this is the effect their energy has on the human nervous system,
arousing our life force or vital center. Stage two, the Cousin, cultivates familiarity with the Fey.
Resonance and consistency is built between the human and the spirit at this stage. Stage three,
the Co-Walker, brings greater collaboration between the two beings, as the Fey becomes a
constant presence in the humans life, as if they are walking together through life. The fourth
stage, the Companion/Lover, begins to build a ring of light around the two beings, and a
deepening affinity results, where sharing of the upper and underworld cultures happen. Energetic
shifts take place in the human to readjust and imprint the two. Stage six, the Consort/Marriage, is
rarely achieved by a Faery Seership practitioner. This involves a folk-rite where the two are wed
in ceremony with an overshadowing by the Fey of another in-dwelled seer host. This leads to the
final stage, the Co-creation of Other, where the married couple now become a living bridge
When God Had Sex 8
between the worlds, a hybrid being. Foxwood, an in-dwelled Faery Seer, describes this as when
I close my eyes, I see into her world, when I open them, she (my Faery Queen) sees into
mine (2007).
Siberian Shaman, Mircea Eliade (1967) reports of a Goldi shamans initiation by a spirit wife.
She is his Ayami, a teaching spirit, that chooses him as her husband. He is told that if he refuses
she will kill him, and subsequently he reports that their marriage is sexually consummated. I
sleep with her as with my own wife, but we have no children. She assists the shaman in
bringing health and good fortune to his family and gives him assisting spirits, as well as animal
Hellenic Myths: Eros and Psyche, Zeus and everybody. It feels necessary to include at
least a brief note on the Hellenic tradition of spirit marriage and why this is not a more prominent
piece within the scope of this work. Although Greek and Roman mythology is filled with
examples of divine-human couplings (Zeus in particular liked to couple with pretty much
anything worth coupling with) the distance between the Pagan Mystery cults that practiced spirit
marriage and our own modern understanding of Greek mythology feels too great a chasm to
bridge here. Although a literal interpretation of the myth of Eros, the god, and Psyche, the
woman, corroborates much of the Shamanic modeling of spirit marriage that we have just
explored, to attempt to reclaim such a story from years of mythologizing is beyond the scope of
this piece. Suffice it to say, I believe that the Hellenic narratives hold record of spirit marriage as
it was perhaps originally practiced within the mystery traditions of ancient Greece, and certainly
When God Had Sex 9
Marguerite Rigogliosos work (2009) on divine birth is an example of fine scholarship in which
Sex Magick and Sexual Alchemy. In 1919 a scholar and founder of the Free Speech
League, Theodore Schroeder, edited and published in the psychological journal The Alienist and
Neurologist, an article entitled Heavenly Bridegrooms written in 1894 by a woman named Ida
Craddock. In Heavenly Bridegrooms Ida claims to be married to an angel named Soph. More
remarkably, she painstakingly traces the history and psychology of spirit marriage from the
pagan traditions through the advent of Christian civilization and into her experiences of Spiritist
We thus see that the heathen gods and heroes whose father was Jupiter, the Christian
Messiah whose father was the holy spirit and the traditional "giants" whose fathers were
angels were, in the eyes of at least one Church Father [Justin Martyr], but different
aspects of the same underlying principle: the possibility of marital union between
dwellers in the unseen world and dwellers upon the earth, for the purpose of begetting
children...to laugh to scorn the birth of Perseus from the occult union of God with one
virgin, and then to accept without question the birth of Jesus from the occult union of
God with another virgin, is somewhat inconsistent.
On strictly logical grounds, if one story be false, so may the other be false; if one be true,
so may the other be true. But Perseus is only one of many virgin-born heroes or gods. We
find these children of a visible earthly mother and an invisible, celestial mysterious father
the world over, in all ages. (Craddock, 1894, reprint 2010, pp. 62 - 63)
importantly, by publishing this piece, he brought it to the widespread attention of the Occult
community of the early 20th century, most notably renown Occultist Aleister Crowley. This
would, in fact, cement Craddocks influence on the Sex Magick practices of the later 20th
Vere Chappell in Sexual Outlaw, Erotic Mystic: The Essential Ida Craddock (2010)
astutely remarks that it is easy to dismiss Ms. Craddocks claims to a spirit spouse as delusional
or perhaps a coverup for her detailed knowledge of sex, given that she was a single woman living
during the Victorian era. However, Chappell reports that a review of her personal journals offer
an account of her psychological profile as clearly detailed, logically consistent, and evenly
matter-of-fact in tone...She is able to distinguish clearly between the real world and spirit
world occurrences. Chappell concludes that even if she had extraordinary experiences, perhaps
deemed delusional in the conventional sense, she was neither a liar nor clinically insane.
Another more contemporary work by Ceremonial Magician and Occultist, Donald Tyson,
entitled Sexual Alchemy: Magical Intercourse with Spirits (2000), covers much of what Ida
researched in Heavenly Bridegrooms and updates both the language and the understanding of
Sex Magick for a modern audience. In a section entitled, Why Bother with Spirit Sex?, Tyson
argues that a loving relationship with spiritual beings can be one of the most rewarding
relationships in life.
There is nothing inherently dangerous, or perverse, or evil, about sex with a spirit. Just
the opposite. A study of historical accounts and ancients legends...have led me to
conclude that loving and erotic unions with angels...are a precious gift that should be
cherished...the crucial feature of these relationships is love...love invokes the Goddess
herself and allows union with the spirit to be simultaneously union with Shakti. (Tyson,
2000, p. xxxv)
In both works, Craddock and Tyson clearly state that the ultimate goal of Sex Magick is
to transmute sexual energy into spiritual energy, via the use of meditations and practices done
first with oneself, then with a physical partner, and ultimately with a Spirit. Tyson goes on to
argue that denial or demonization of this type of spiritual practice is akin to sticking ones head
When God Had Sex 11
in the sand. Just because we may find the idea of sex with spirits unpalatable, doesnt mean that
it isnt happening.
Spirits in all their forms are a natural, and indeed an inescapable, part of life. Despite all
the efforts of scientific materialism to deny them existence they continue to be seen,
heard, smelled, touched, and from time to time loved...Sexual intercourse with angels and
other spiritual beings continues to occur because it is real. To rigorously deny and ridicule
the existence of an entire class of beings whose existence has been acknowledged in all
cultures from the dawn of recorded history is a form of intellectual gangsterism that is
inevitably doomed to fail. (Tyson, 2000, p. 25)
Admittedly, both Craddock and Tyson use arguments that are meant to justify and
validate their personal practices, and although academically minded, leave much room for
the reports of spirit marriages that occur cross-culturally, we see that many of the same themes
and patterns, that appear in both the shamanic and syncretic traditions, are also present in their
accounts.
The Sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives
of all that they chose. (Genesis 6:2)
These earthy forces dont conform to the mainstream of mystical spiritual conventions.
They may even seem obscene, especially to those who believe the sacred is only about
subtle cerebral events and altruism. Sex, the life force and one of the first attributes of
deities, has so long been relegated to the recesses of civilized life that only its ghostly
imprint remains in what we now call the major religions and perennial philosophies.
Yet even in these, sex once was a holy quality of the Absolute (including the God of the
Old Testament). (Wade, 2004, p. 108)
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It was perhaps this scripture verse in Genesis that initiated my research, many years ago
now, into the subject of spirit marriage. In seminary, at the Graduate Theological Union, I recall
about sex with angels, a topic that he apparently had been researching. Although the concept
seemed strange to me at the time, there was some element of recognition, some resonance, that
stuck with me, so that over the years my interest has remained piqued on the topic.
Hadjewich, the 13th century Beguine mystic, wrote ecstatic, erotic mystical works on
union with Jesus as beloved that approach those of St. Theresas ecstatic experiences with the
angel (Woolever, 1996). What I have found interesting is not that the church suppressed or
obfuscated this phenomena, but how prevalent these experiences actually are in church history.
The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls in 1946 brought into the public eye the book of Enoch, a
key piece of Apocryphal literature on Angelology, showing us just how much early Abrahamic
and they said to him, ...We [Fallen Angels] will [not] turn away, any of us, from this
plan...They and their lieutenants they took women of all that they chose and [...] to teach
them sorcery [...] and the women became pregnant by them and bore [...] and giants were
being born on the earth. (1 Enoch 1 -2, 13 - 17, Dead Sea Scrolls)
According to Andrew Collins (1996), the early church fathers cultivated a climate of fear
and warning around the dangers of seducing angels, using it as a basis for keeping women veiled
and silent. Many of the Early Church leaders, from the first to the third centuries AD, used and
openly quoted from the Enoch text and generally accepted that the fallen angels possessed
corporeal bodies. It wasnt until the fourth century that these assumptions were even questioned,
and subsequently the book of Enoch and many teachings on Angelology were suppressed and
condemned as heretical.
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It pleased our Lord that I would sometimes see this vision: very close to me, on my left,
an angel appeared in human form... In his hands I saw a golden spear and at the end of
the iron tip I seemed to see a point of fire. With this he seemed to pierce my heart several
times so that it penetrated to my entrails. When he drew it out, I thought he was drawing
them out with it, and he left me utterly consumed by the great love of God. The pain was
so sharp that it made me utter several moans; and so excessive was the sweetness caused
me by this intense pain that one can never wish it to cease, nor will one's soul be content
with anything less than God. (St. Teresa of Avila, reprint 1985)
The continued accounts of Christian mystics and monastics, most notably St. Theresa of
Avilas account above, report highly erotic experiences with spirit beings, including St. Theresas
case with an angel. When taken in the context of monastic vows, where a nun espouses herself as
the Bride of Christ, this seems to be a logical outcome. However, the church has traditionally
classified such activity as congressus cum daemone (union with demons). Yet in the case of St.
Theresa, instead of being chastised, her integrity was so highly regarded that instead of congress
with a demon it was deemed she was communing with God himself and thus was sainted
(Craddock, 1894).
The Jewish faith, other than including the Genesis account in its canonical literature, has
little to say on the subject of spirit marriage. One must delve into the realm of Kabbalah to begin
to find the practice of communication with Angels. However, more esoteric practices like spirit
marriage are not overtly addressed. It should be noted, however, that most Kabbalistic teaching is
hidden knowledge, handed down selectively and in some cases only to men, so much of my
study of Kabbalah has been through the Magical Kabbalah of the Hermeticists.
A brief note on Islam. In Islamic folklore it is commonly believed that Bilquis, the
Queen of Sheba, whom King Solomon marries, is the daughter of a djinn mother and a human
father (Capp, 2002). What is noteworthy about this account is that in all three Abrahamic
When God Had Sex 14
traditions, Solomon is reported to be a great magician who engages legions of djinn in his
service. This is, actually, the basis for much of the modern occult magical practices, practices
which claim to take a majority of their workings from Solomonic and Kabbalistic magic.
Practices that during the purging of the Enoch texts in the 4th century, went underground into the
Joining hearts with a...Spirit is like signing a contract with an invisible protector to bring
good luck, dispel loneliness and ease financial woes... A spiritual marriage offers
something for everyone. The Spirit gains entry to the human world, where in dreams or
visions it makes its proposal of marriage to the person. If the proposal is accepted, the
Spirit is honored and celebrated, in exchange for which its earthly spouse is promised
divine protection from life's misfortunes. (Koleva, 2006)
and the like, that we find some of the most current and vital practices of spirit marriage. Born out
of the Middle Passage, these traditions hold vestiges of African shamanism, indigenous folkloric
magic and Christianity (Dow, 1997). It is often said that the African Gods and Goddesses were
brought here by the slaves. I think it might be just as accurate to say that the enslaved Africans
brought with them their spirit spouses and found for them new homes and new cultures. To
survive, African tribespeople of disparate spiritual practices blended together, learned from their
surroundings, and were whitewashed with the icons and trappings of Christianity. Although they
may carry the names and behaviors of mainstream religion, they are distinct spiritual traditions
unto themselves, seen clearly in the well-preserved syncretic centers of New Orleans, Brazil,
Mexico and the Caribbean. Front and center in these traditions stands the practice of spirit
marriage.
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In 1972 the Anthropologist Serge Bramly spent time in a Brazilian terreiro studying the
practices and teachings of Macumba Mother of the Gods, Maria-Jos. There he witnessed and
participated in the initiation practices of Macumba, learning how priests and priestesses are
called, purified and ordained. The six month initiation of a priest(ess) culminates in the marriage
ceremony of the initiate to his/her master of the head, the God or Goddess whom the medium
will not only marry but channel in ritual. Bramlys work (1975) is a unique and insightful
account of conversations with Maria-Jos over the span of a year and the attempt to understand
Asian Traditions
The Minghun Ghost marriage of China. The Minghun, or Ghost marriage, in the
Chinese tradition, is also a form of spirit marriage. It is a marriage in which one or both parties
When God Had Sex 16
are deceased. Because in traditional Asian culture an elder sibling must be married before
younger ones are allowed to marry, this practice on the surface seems to serve a practical means
through which younger siblings can marry first - just marry the elder sibling off to a ghost!
However, on closer inspection, it becomes clear that deeper relationships can be cultivated and
Anthropologist Marjorie Topley (1956) reports that often the spirit of a deceased son or
daughter will contact their family members and request a marriage. In the case of one family, the
deceased 14 year old son found a suitable deceased girl in a neighboring village and in a dream
came to his mother to request that a marriage be performed for them. Rather than dismissing
these practices as superstition or convenience, I believe they allude to a Chinese form of spirit
A South Indian God. Finally, a South Indian God, Paandi Muneeswarar, has enjoyed
quite a following of female devotees, all who fall into ecstatic convulsions when in proximity to
his sacred mountain, and many whom seek Paandis assistance in fertility. For her Ph.D.
dissertation UCSC graduate, Gillian Goslinga (2006), did an ethnographic study of these
devotees and the reports of virgin birth and spirit possession that tend to accompany Paandis
presence. After living in South India for a number of years, she cautions against the Western
tendency to take reports of extraordinary experience and classify them through anthropological
or psychological agendas. The implication is that to do so we are stripping the text from its true
and deeper meaning within that culture and projecting our own bias onto experiences that are
Transpersonal Interpretations
As I was researching this paper I realized that I was less interested in exploring the
delusion, etc) as these are perhaps the most common Western psychological understanding of
this phenomena. That is not to say that all spirit marriage phenomena should be viewed as
outside the possibility of DSM classification, but rather that I am very conscious of the use of
clinical diagnosis as way to explain away that which we do not understand. So in service to this
topic as spiritual and mystical practice, as well as to narrow the scope of my research, I primarily
spirit marriage.
Felt Sense
Who and what they are, and how they seem to appear, are not always the same. When
you work with any spiritual contact, it is the sense of what they feel like that is of more
significance to us as humans than the visual appearance. (Stewart, 2006)
People report that the experience is unusually vivid and authentic, and there is no
confusion about the [spirit] having an identity that is quite independent of the person who
envisions itThe person who has a truly transpersonal experience with a [spirit]
presence usually resists any efforts to assign symbolic meanings to the experience; it is
what it is...They have extraordinary characteristics... They radiate unusual energy...and
may even manifest by alternating between taking animal and human form. (Grof, 1992)
So how can one tell if they are having an encounter with a spirit or if they are just
hallucinating a good time? The answer to that is not an easy one. Generally speaking, and
according to Grofs research (1992), a transpersonal experience with a spirit contact feels unique,
extraordinary, and distinct. In the shamanic tradition it often takes place in the dream time or in
ritual, and for practitioners of these traditions it is interpreted as such. For non-practitioners, it
When God Had Sex 18
might at first be dismissed as fantasy. However, in the case of being wooed by a potential spirit
spouse that same being will repeatedly show up again and again, eventually causing the
individual to begin to question exactly where these fantasies are coming from and why. It is the
on-going cultivation of contact with the spirit lover that a felt sense knowing of when he or she is
making contact arises. As Stewart (2006) reports, the costume of the Spirit may change, but what
they feel like to their partner never alters. This is how contact is recognized.
Visitation dreams
Dreams have been associated with the spirit world...Visitation dreams seem to represent a
transpersonal reality only dimly perceived by humans...In visitation dreams, a deceased
person or an entity from a spiritual realm reportedly provides counsel or direction that the
dreamer finds of comfort or value...[they are] dreams in which the dreamer was greeted
by ancestors, spirits, or deities, and given messages or counsel by them. It is through
relationships that our spiritual path has its greatest opportunity to express itself...This
internal dream journey can actually serve as a sacred venture toward a communion with
God. (Krippner, Bogzaran, & Percia de Carvalho, 2002, pp. 147-155)
Contact within the dream state manifests similarly across all instances of spirit marriage.
Visitation dreams are a key element of knowing when you are being contacted, and similar to
Grofs felt sense, it is the knowing or feeling of a visitation dream that deems it as such.
Therefore, for people whose primary means for understanding and working with dreams is
through a psychological or archetypal lens, the presence of a Spirit contact in a dream can easily
be dismissed. Not surprisingly, it is the cultures that work with dreams as vehicles for contact
with the Spirit world that tend to acknowledge and cultivate spirit marriage.
Parapsychology. If we have learned one thing from science, it is that the atypical case,
the unusual incident, is the one that - if looked at seriously - teaches us about all the
When God Had Sex 19
others (Leshan, 1966, p. 5). One of the most notable indications of being Spirit touched is the
examining and validating this phenomena for over a century, but what perhaps remains to be
explored is the connection between spirit marriages and parapsychological talent. Foxwood
(2007) details the primary gifts given to humans who walk with a Spirit. They include psychic
abilities, prophetic abilities, the ability to bless or curse, mediation of healing, shape shifting and
enchantment, all are reported shamanic activities, and many fall within the study of ESP. I
suggest that the practitioners of spirit marriage are a ripe audience for parapsychological study,
and similarly, those experiencing ESP might benefit from learning more about shamanic ways of
Divine Union
The image of God as lover is ancient, and it permeates all religious traditions. Ecstatics
revel in the imagery of sexual love because no other human experience reflects so
accurately the nature of what transpires between the soul and God in the secret chambers
of the heart. Since the dawn of history, mystics have celebrated this love affair between
the transcendent Spirit and the incarnate human soul. (Bonheim, 2001, p. 16)
In her essay, The Sexual Mystic: Embodied Spirituality, Dorothy Donnelly (1982)
makes the argument that making love with God is a Feminist statement. Patriarchal religion has
taken God out of the bedroom and pathologized our longing for ecstatic sexual union. For the
theologians...she discovered in Gods lovemaking that the embrace of Gods unifying love was
When God Had Sex 20
not better expressed in the act of human love. Human love turned out to be the copy! Mystic,
unitive love, the original! And that love was eminently cognitive as well as emotional. (1982)
To make love to Spirit is to reconnect to our bodies in a way that vitalizes them, making
them temples of divine awakening. The love we experience for God...must happen in a sexual
way by dint of the fact that we love embodied. The love of God manifest in our spirituality is
influenced and shaped by our sexuality in turn. (1982) If we are open to working with traditions
that embrace the divine union of humanity with God, then sexual union between the two realms
Co-Creative Consciousness
As the medieval German mystic Meister Eckhart pointed out...All who make love with
Spirit will conceive and become pregnant with an otherworldly joy. They will nurture a
pure, innocent, and unsullied spirit that radiates divine love into the world, and they will
give birth to acts of compassion and beauty. (Bonheim, 2001, p. 23)
From divine union, then, we move into the state of co-creative consciousness. We need
each other. We do what they cannot, and they do what we cannot. (Stewart, 2009) Together we
can achieve so much more than our separate selves. Combined, whether in collaboration or
conjugal bliss, when humans reach beyond their finite sense of self and expand to embrace the
realms of consciousness out beyond the reaches of matter and time, an awakening of mystical
forces happen, forces that are inter-dependent and inter-penetrating. No longer are we limited by
our five senses, by facts, figures, or rational knowing. We are quickened by the presence of the
divine other which hastens us to let go of our mind nature and open to receive the influx of
Reaching out, or perhaps reaching in, to the in-dwelling of the Spirit, empowers us to
move beyond our previously held beliefs about reality, and encourages us to look with new eyes
at the horizon of possibility. The world around us becomes animate with a myriad of mysteries
just waiting to be touched. By taking a literal approach to the existence of Spirit beings, we
empower the world around us to embody its own mystery, to live beyond us, out beyond the field
of our bounded knowing. We sacralize all of existence, from the tiniest atom to the largest tree.
We are no longer the center, or master, of creation but its beloved, waiting to be wooed by its
I realize that I have primarily focused on the generative aspects of Spirit contact, as it
relates to the health and wellbeing of human - divine relations. It should be noted that there are
other perhaps more questionable kinds of Spirits, the kind that have recently been reported in
studies on sleep paralysis and the visitation of less-kind Spirits, the night hag being a common
motif (Solomonova, Frantova, Nielsen, 2010). Although these experiences are worth
investigating, I feel that they primarily relate to the subject of Spirit Marriage in that they caution
us to learn how to discern the Spirits we are working with before we enter into any kind of
marriage contract.
A note on Polyamory. In Haitian Voodou, polyamory is the rule among the loa (Gods
and Goddesses): Erzulie Freda is wife to Damballah, Ogou and the sea king Met Agwe, while the
God Ogou wears the rings of both Erzulie Freda and Erzulie Danto (Koleva, 2006). I believe that
to fully explore the topic of spirit marriage, one must also explore the practice and literature of
polyamory. Because this topic is also a hotly debated and often vilified practice, I believe that
When God Had Sex 22
of Western culture and religious values on the practice of polyamorous cultures is a very useful
lens through which to further discuss the topic of spirit marriage, sex with Spirits, and as a result,
Final Thoughts
In the process of writing this paper I found myself at times stimulated to the point of
frantically trying to get down everything my mind has been weaving together over the past eight
years of experiential research, and at other times lost in a morass of longings and stirrings that I
could not quite articulate. This is a deeply personal topic. Something that at times has been
accompanied with ecstatic bliss and other times conscious shame. To claim this material as my
own has forced me to investigate my assumptions around normal, sane and real, and ultimately
to release myself to the flow of my daimon, that guide who tapped me on the shoulder so many
It is then with great humility and reverence that I offer this as a work in progress, the
beginning of a larger conversation meant to stimulate, illuminate and, yes, perhaps irritate to the
point of passionate discussion. This is my attempt to write down what, up until now, I have had
great difficulty in admitting to in black and white. And so it is to all who long for grounded,
thoughtful and practical application of this oftentimes taboo material, that I dedicate my
research. May it bring greater harmony and conscious collaboration to all our relations.
When God Had Sex 23
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