Brian Tracy - Maximum Achievement

Septembrie 2017

Life = combination lock: turn to the right numbers in the right sequence => the lock will open for you. Determine
what do you want then find out how others have achieved it before you. Study + emulate them! Do you want it
badly enough? Are you willing to persist long enough in doing what others have done to accomplish similar things?
You can learn anything you need to know to become successful at anything that you care about. Knowledge makes
all things possible. Your future is limited only by your imagination! BUT Everything worthwhile takes time!
7 Ingredients of Success
1. Peace of mind = absence of fear, anger, doubt, guilt, resentment, worry. => basic precondition for
enjoying everything else! Remember 2 things
a. trying to live your life around making others happy is an unending exercise in frustration
b. You can`t make others happy unless you make yourself happy first.
Define your life as it would have to be for you to enjoy the peace of mind you desire.
What would you be doing?
Where would you be living?
Who would be there with you?
How would you spend your time?
2. Health / energy - If you achieve all kinds of things in the material world, but you lose your health / peace of
mind, you will get no pleasure from your other accomplishments. Think of how you would be if you were
your ideal image of physical fitness.
How would you look?
How would you feel?
How much would you weigh?
What sort of foods would you eat and what kind of exercises would you do?
3. Loving relationships = a measure of how well you are doing as a human being.
What is your ideal relationship?
Who would it be with and what would it look like?
If you could design your important relationships, what would you want of?
What could you do to create these conditions in your own life?
Examine your relationships. Make a plan to make each of them enjoyable and satisfying.
4. Financial freedom = essential in the achievement of the first 3 ingredients.
Money worries => 1. stress, anxiety, lost peace of mind 2. health problems 3. problems in relationships.
How much would you like to have in the bank?
What kind of lifestyle would you like to be enjoying?
How much would you like to be worth when you retire?
How much would you like to be earning 1, 5 or 10 years from today?
What would your life look like if you achieved all your financial goals? What difference would it
make in your daily activities?
Define your financial future clearly. Make a plan to realize it. Everything will follow from that.
5. Goals / ideals = commitment to sth bigger than yourself, sth that makes you feel like you make a valuable
contribution to the world
What sort of activities / accomplishments you most enjoy?
What were you doing in the past when you were the happiest?
What sort of activities give you sense of meaning / purpose in life?
6. Self-knowledge / self-awareness = know who you are / why you think and feel the way you do. Understand
the forces / influences that have shaped your character from childhood. You need to know why you react /
respond the way you do to the people / situations around you. => self-awareness => self-acceptance =>
improving your life
7. Personal fulfillment = realization of your full potential as a human being.
=> Decide exactly what you want! CLARITY is the most important element! Failing to plan = planning to fail

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3 Basic Principles
1. Life is hard!
2. Your life = sum total of your CHOICES!
3. You can learn anything you need to become anyone you want / achieve anything you want [Pain is father of
learning!] But you must have a SYSTEM to learn / practise.

7 Laws of Mental Mastery = > learn how to use properly your mind
What you read + people around you + your conversations + audiobooks + seminars + activities + past experiences =>
Thoughts + mental images + feelings
1. The Law of Control = control over your life begins with your thoughts => feelings => behaviour!. No
person / situation can make you feel anything- it`s the way you think about a situation that makes you feel
the way you do. Knowing what you want => clear purpose => self-confidence => control
2. The Law of Cause and Effect - you sow thoughts => reap conditions of your life. Everything begins with a
thought! Change your thinking => change your life!
3. The Law of Belief = what you believe becomes your reality!
Self-limiting beliefs = mental roadblocks which stops your from trying. You must overcome them! Refuse to
accept limitations on your potential. You can do more than you've ever done before. "If you believe that you
can sth, or if you believe you cannot, in either case, you are right.
4. The Law of Expectations = what you expect in life is what you gett => 4 types of expectations
a. Of parents => need for the approval of our parents
b. Of our bosses =>
c. Your expectations of your children / spouse / employees etc => The more important you are in the
life of so. the more will your expectations affect their performance => expect the best from others.
People will always try not to disappoint you.
d. You expectations of yourself => create your own mental set / way of approaching the world,
expecting the best of yourself in every situation => create a force field of positive mental energy
around you by expecting to gain sth from every situation. => "I believe sth wonderful is going to
happen to me today."
5. The Law of Attraction = like attracts like. Thought + emotion => vibration / energy => people / situations
alike. Discipline yourself by keeping your thoughts on what you want and refusing to think about what you
don't want. Success = clear goals + optimstic thinking
6. The Law of Correspondence = your external world corresponds with internal world [thoughts + emotions].
Become a different person on the inside before you see different results on the outside. "What kind of a person
do I have to be to earn the respect of the people I care about and live the kind of life I want to live?"
7. The Law of Mental Equivalency = thoughts are things! You become what you think about. Use your mental
powers in such a way that they serve your best interests all of the time.
Positive / confident way of thinking about main aspects of your life => control over your life => sow positive causes
and reap positive effects => believe in yourself => attract positive people / situations => outer life of results will begin
to correspond to your inner world of constructive thinking
*8. Law of Habit = from all habits the mental ones are crucial! Your thoughts create your life. Good mental habits
=> success / prosperity. Bad habits are easy to form, but hard to live with. Good habits are hard to form, but
easy to live with!
*9. Law of Emotion = everything you do is based on DESIRE / FEAR. Desire + Thoughts => Positive outcome. Fear
+ Thoughts => Negative outcome. Keep your thoughts on the things you want and keep them off the things you
fear!
*10. Law of Practice = a thought / action you repeat often enough => habit. Discipline yourself to think / act in a way
that is consistent with your ideals long enough for them to become new habits.

SELF-CONCEPT = sum of beliefs about yourself / world. There is direct relationship between how well you do
anything and your self-concept in that area. You perform as well as you believe yourself capable of performing!!!
Self-Concept = Self-Ideal + Self-Image + Self-Esteem
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 1. Self-Ideal = be clear about the person you want to become => you will evolve into that person
2. Self-Image = mental pictures about yourself => see yourself / think about yourself as more competent and
confident => more focused and effective.
3. Self-Esteem = how much you like yourself => 2 factors
a. Personal assesment - how valuable and worthwhile you feel about yourself
b. Feeling of self-efficacy - how competent you feel you are in whatever you do
Liking yourself => confidence=> positive attitude => health / energy
Rules of Self-Esteem
1. You can never like or love anyone else more than you like or love younelf. You can't give away what
you don't have.
2. Never expect anyone else to like or love you more than you like, love or respect yourself.
Level of self-liking determines your human relationships!
Self-Concept => Beliefs => Expectations => ATITTUDE!
[Inborn Attributes + Acquired Attributes ] x Attitude = Individual Human Performance
Formation of Self-Concept
Children born unafraid / uninhibited!!! Withdrawal of love / approval of parents + criticism + physical punishment =>
child loses his fearlessness / spontaneity.
Destructive criticism => makes the individual feel incompetent => performance gets worse => demoralization, anger,
resentment, self-doubt vs. Constructive criticism => the person feels capable of doing a better job in the future
Children who are criticized learn to criticize themselves => `I`m not good enough.`
7 steps for giving constructive feedback
1. protect the individual's self-esteem. Treat it like a balloon, with your words as potential needles. Be gentle!
2. focus on the future, not the past. Don't cry over spilled milk. => "Next time, why don't you ?`
3. focus on the performance, not the person. Replace the word "you" with a description of the problem.
4. Instead of saying, "You make me very angry," instead say, "I feel very angry when you do that,"
5. Say clearly what is to change, when, how much. Be specific / future-oriented / solution oriented
6. Offer your help "What can I do to help you in this situation?" => be a teacher
7. Have positive expectations
Be calm, patient, supportive, sensitive, constructive rather than angry or destructive. Build the person up!
Negative habit patterns
INHIBITIVE - parent to child "Don't! Get away from that! Stop that! Don't touch! Watch out!" => "every
time I try something new or different, Mommy or Daddy gets mad at me and stops loving me. It must be because I'm
too small, I'm incompetent, I'm incapable, I can't, I can't, I can't." => fear of failure => anxiety and nervousness +
perspiration, rapid heartbeat, irritation, impatience and angry outbursts.
`I can`t` / Fear of failure is learnt in 3 ways
1. Repeated association with an event, coupled with destructive criticism or physical punishment
2. Subtle negative influences
3. Traumatic event
It`s vital to identify and deal with any fears that could be holding you back.
COMPULSIVE - when parents make their love conditional -=> fear of rejection => obsession with others opinions
Fear of failure + fear of rejection => comfort zone!!! But fear is learned => can be unlearned!!!

Homeostasis = comfort zone => doing sth different from what you're accustomed to makes you feel tense / uneasy.
Psychosclerosis = the opposite of flexibility / willingness to consider other points of view /ideas, with the possibility
that you could be wrong. Change your language from WHETHER [inflexible mind] to HOW [flexible mind] you can
achieve it!

There are 2 powers which determine your thoughts / feelings

1. Suggestion - take control of your environment! Have a `mental diet` - accept only thoughts / discussions
2. Love - what you do is done to get love / to compensate for lack of love => everything you do must be
consistent with increasing the amount of love / respect you have for yourself, and that others have for you =>
enough motivation to make the effort to become who you want to be
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 Who are the people whose love / respect are most important to you?
What do you have to do / who do you have to become for them to love and respect you?

3 conditions for change

1. Desire - to want to change
2. To be willing to make efforts - perseverance
3. Will - to be willing to let go the old person to become a new one

PMA - Positive Mental Attitude Diet for 21 Days - keep your thoughts/ words /actions consistent with the goals
you want to achieve / the person that you would like to become! Change your thoughts about yourself for any
period of time => self-concept will change and evolve in that direction.
7 ways to control you mental life
1. Visualization - visualize your desired results / replay the ideal image of your future over and over. !!! Mental
pictures => your reality!!! There are 4 elements of visualization
a. Frequency
b. Vividness - be clear about what you want
c. Intensity - emotion speeds up the manifestation of your desire
d. Duration - the longer you imagine a desired future event, the more likely it is to appear
2. Affirmations - must be PPP Positive. Personal. Present tense. What you say to yourself / believe is crucial!
"I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in my life. => courage, enthusiasm, control => self-
esteem
3. Verbalization - "I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!" - say aloud with conviction / enthusiasm. Refuse to
discuss your fears. Be positive / optimistic in everything you say
4. Acting the part - Fake it until you make it! Positive behavior => positive feelings. Positive feelings =>
Positive behavior
5. Feeding your mind - books, articles, audiobooks, seminars etc. The more you`ll feed yourself the more
confident you`ll feel in the area you want to develop.
6. Association with positive people - fly with the eagles rather than' scratching with the turkeys and get away
from negative people
7. Teaching others - you become what you teach!
ACTION EXERCISE
For 21 days discipline yourself to think, visualize, verbalize, affirm and behave in a manner consistent with the new
habit you want to develop. Think in terms of "how" you can achieve it. Act as if it were already a reality.

Work smarter not harder! Use your mental powers rather than your physical powers to achieve your goals!
Conscious mind - deals with 1 Subconscious mind = stores everything that ever
thought at a time! happens to you => habits! => comfort zone!!!
=> 4 functions Conscious commands, Subconscious obeys!
1. identifies incoming info
Law of Subconscious Activity = any idea / thought
atound you that you accept as true in your conscious mind will be accepted
2. Compares previously stored subconscious mind => the idea will become your reality
info Law of Concentration = The more you think about sth, the more it
3. Analyze becomes part of your reality. => think / talk only about what you want,
4. Decide and keep your mind off what you don't want.
Law of substitution = replace a negative thought with a positive thought.
Stop talking about the prbl. Think about solutions!

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Autogenic conditioning => RELAXATION + visualization + affirmations. Calm, confident, expectant, positive
emotion => results! In all mental working, effort defeats itself.
5 steps to get what you want
1. Verbalize and affirm your goal
2. Vizualize the goal
3. Emotionalize - create the `feeling`
4. Let it go just as you would if so. you trusted said that he would take care of it
5. Manifestation of your desire
Useful mental techniques
1. Written Affirmation Technique - writing imprints your goals into subconscious mind! [In the morning]
Write a clear, present-tense description goals. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, visualize and create the
feeling. Let it go and carry on with your day
2. Standard Affirmation Technique for morning + evening - write your goals in bold letters on a series of
cards. They must be PPP Positive. Personal. Present tense. Relax, breathe deeply. Read 1st goal. Close your
eyes and repeat the goal 5x. Visualize + emotionalize the goal and let it go. Do the same with the other goals.
3. Quick Affirmation Technique - used before important events. Affirm + visualize + emotionalize + release
it[AVER]! See and feel the event working out successfully. Do this whenever you think about the event.
4. Autogenic Technique -implies relaxation of your limbs + chest + head before AVER Talk with all parts of
your body. Repeat 6x each sentence, one breath = one repetition
a. "My left arm is becoming heavy and warm."
b. "My left arm is now heavy and warm."
c. "My left arm is completely heavy and warm."
Repeat this process with each of the other 5 parts of your body.
5. Taped affirmation music - play relaxing music while you read your affirmations
Ex - Awakening from sleep - imagine that you deliberately chose your parents/ the situation you were born into and
brought up in. => the person you are today has come about as a direct result of your choice!!!
How would this discovery change your attitude toward your parents / the experiences of your childhood?
Would you be more positive and accepting of them?
Would you see yourself and your past experiences in a different light?
Every previous experience and situation of your life was sent to you, at exactly the right time for you, to teach you
sth you needed to learn so that you could continue moving toward the wonderful life that awaits you. But you are an
active participant in your evolution!
Ex - Action commitment - make a list with your goals. For 24h think only of them without criticizing, condemning,
complaining or getting angry, upset or worried about anything. See if you have the willpower and strength of character
to think about only what you want for one whole day

You can`t hit a target you don`t see. GOALS = Success! But success requires
1. To DECIDE what you want
2. To know the PRICE you have to pay and paying the FULL PRICE in advance
Goals make the laws work for you
1. Law of Control - goals help you to control the direction of your life
2. Law of Cause and Effect - causes: goals => effects: happiness, health, prosperity, joy
3. Law of Belief - taking consistent actions according to your goals and believe in their accomplishment
4. Law of Expectations - expecting that everything that happens moves you toward the realization of your
goals; every mistake is a stepping stone.
5. Law of Attraction - thinking continually about your goals => people / ideas / opportunities / resources in
harmony with your goals
6. Law of Correspondence - when your inner world is dominated by goals and plans your outer world mirrors
your inner hopes and aspirations.
7. Law of Subconscious Activity - subconscious mind works to bring to reality your thoughts / goals held in
your conscious mind

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 8. Law of Concentration - think on and on about your goals and how to attain them => you become aware about
opportunities
9. Law of Substitution - when sth goes wrong think about your goals. When you have a bad day think about
your goals.
Principles of Goal Setting
1. Harmony between your goals and values
2. Area of excellence = doing what you most enjoy and doing it well.
3. Acres of diamonds = your acres of diamonds lie right under your own feet. But they are disguised as hard
work.
4. Balance = you need goals in the 6 critical areas of life in order to perform at your best
a. career and work goals.
b. physical and health goals.
c. family and personal goals.
d. financial and material goals
e. mental and intellectual goals
f. study and personal development.
g. inner development and spiritual enlightenment.
5. Have a major purpose in life - "Which goal, if I accomplish it, would do the most to help me achieve all my
other goals?" This major goal must be quantitative, challenging and aimed at 3 years out.
Goal Setting Rules
1. Harmony - goals cannot be contradictory. They must be mutually supporting.
2. Challenge - goals must make you stretch yet not so difficult that you can become easily discouraged
3. Tangible / intangible; quantitative / qualitative goals
4. Short-term [ideally 90 days] / long-term goals [ideally 3 years]
=> always know what you1re doing and why!!!
Goal-setting questions
1. What are your 5 most important values in life? Prioritize them.
2. What are 3 most important goals in life right now? Answer in 30 sec.
3. What would you do if you knew today that you only have 6 months to live.
4. What would you do if you win $1 million?
5. What have you always wanted to do but been afraid to attempt?
6. What one great thing would you dare to dream if you knew you could not fail? Once you know what you want
ask yourself "Do I want it badly enough, and am I willing to pay the price?
12 steps system
1. Desire - what you really want?
2. Belief - have faith, be persistent
3. Write it down - minute description of your ideal
4. Your `WHY`s - ideally you should have a list of 20-30
5. Starting point - where you are coming from? Where are you going?
6. Deadlines
7. Obstacles - put yourself 2 questions
a. "Is there anything about myself that I will have to change, or any ability that I will have to develop in
order to achieve my goal?"
b. "What is my limiting step?"
8. Info. - Make a list of all the info., talents, skills, abilities and experience that you will need. what is the most
important info / ability that you will require to achieve your goal?
9. HR - make a list of all the people whose help you need. Prioritize the list. No one works for nothing!!!
"What are you going to do for them to get them to help you?"
10. PLAN - what / when / why / where? => obstacles / info / people
11. Visualization - replay the mental picture of your goal
12. Refuse to quit - be persistent!!! Keep up the pressure => do sth daily to move you toward the achievement of
your major goals.
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Superconscious mind= universal mind, the source of creativity / inventions / inspiration => access to all stored
info. It always gives you exactly the answer you need! Program a clear goal into your subconscious mind and release
ir. => the goal will be transferred to your superconscious mind and will work on your goal.
Keep yoour thoughts on your goal! Your superconscious mind will solve each problem on the way to your goal
as and when the problem arises. Be calm / patient / confidently expecting that your problems will be solved,
obstacles removed, and your goals achieved. There is a power greater than you that is helping you.
Your superconscious mind brings you the experiences you need to be successful. You can`t achieve anything on the
outside that you are not fully prepared for on the inside. The final test is just before you arrive at your destination =>
most difficult learning experiences => ability to control your mind and have faith / patience
Superconsicous mind operates under 2 conditions
1. conscious mind is concentrating 100 % on a clear problem or goal
2. conscious mind is busy with something else altogether.
5 steps to use the subconscious
1. Write down the problem / goal
2. Read, research, ask questions and seek the answer you need
3. Try to solve the problem by reviewing all the info you have gathered
4. Release it confidendy, the way you would release a balloon
5. Get your conscious mind busy elsewhere. Let your superconscious mind take care of it for you!
Law of Superconscious Activity = Any thought, plan, goal or idea held continuously in your conscious mind must be
brought into reality by your superconscious mind!
Ways to stimulate superconscious activity
1. Think about your goals all the time
2. Solitude - go and sit somewhere, silently, without moving, for 1h. It`s hard but try to stay at least 30 min =>
You will start to have ideas and insights you can apply immediately
3. Visualize your goal
The superconscious solutions come from
1. Intuition
2. Chance encounters with people / events
3. Unpredictable events - often appears to be a setback or failure. When God wants to send you a gift, he wraps it
up in a problem!
3 characteristics of a superconscious solution
1. 100% complete - achievable, simple, easy to implement
2. Obvious => AHA! Moment => You wonder why you hadn't thought of it before.
3. Elation / joy / energy => you take action immediately
Goal + plan + positive mental attitude + calm, confident expectation => superconscious mind will make your
dreams come true! Affirm positively, visualize clearly and believe absolutely, you will be led irresistibly to do and
say the right thing at the right time in every situation.
Action exercise = Schedule 1h of solitude during which you sit still for the entire 60min. Shut everything else out of
your mind.Daydream. Don't try to think of anything specific.Tum everything over to your superconscious mind and
release all your cares and worries.
At the end get up and follow your intuition. Do what your superconscious has guided you to do. Don't worry about
whether someone else will approve or agree. The answer will be exactly right.

Excuses
"I'm too young," or "I'm too old," or "I don't have any money," or "I don't have enough education," or "I have too
many bills," or "I'm not ready yet What are your excuses for not making the changes that you know are necessary if
you are going to achieve your goals and fulfill your dreams? Test your excuses. Ask yourself: "Is there anyone with
my problem or limitation who has succeeded in spite of it?
Take responsability RESPONSIBILITY = CONTROL = FREEDOM = POSITIVE EMOTIONS
IRRESPONSIBILITY = LACK OF CONTROL = LACK OF FREEDOM

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Negative emotions = no one is born with negative emotions. negative emotions are learned => can be unlearned.
Doubt / fear / resentment / guilt / envy / jealousy / anger. How do you feel when you are angry? How do you think or
reason? How do you get along with others? How do you sleep or digest your food?
4 causes of negative emotions
1. Justification = explain to yourself / others why you`re entitled to feel angry => keeps the anger going =>
without justifing your anger, you can't keep your anger gomg!
2. Identification = taking things personally; "a man who acts as his own Lawyer has a fool for a client."
3. Lack of consideration = "You should not worry so much about what other people think of you, because if
you knew how seldom they did, you would probably be insulted."
4. Blaming
I AM RESPONSIBLE => greatest mental / emotional control
Responsibility looks forward, to the future. Vs Blame looks backward, to the past, for someone who is guilty.
Responsibility says "next time" or "in the future" or "what do I do from here?" Vs Blame says "he did" or "she did"
or "if only."
Exercise - Analyze each memory or situation that makes you feel negative as if you were holding it up to the light.
Neutralize any negativity associated with it by saying, "I am responsible," over and over. IDENTIFY negative
feelings => ACCEPT responsability => LET GO!!!

Pass it on! When so. complains, respond by saying, "You are responsible, what are you going to do about it?"
Action Exercise
Make a list of every person or situation about which you harbor any negative feelings On the right side of the page,
write out a series of sentences that begin with "I am responsible for this because . .. " and complete this sentence. Be
brutally frank and honest. Write out every reason why you might be responsible for what happened.

Roots of negativity
1. Destructive criticism = every problem you have with yourself and with other people can be traced back to
some incident in which your value and worth were criticised. Criticism is accepted by conscious mind then
goes deeper in the subconscious mind => begin to see examples that "prove" your beliefs!
2. Lack of love = destroyer of happiness
There are 3 conditions to feel loved as a child
Parents must love themselves
Parents must love each other
Parents must love the child
Destructive criticism + Lack of love = GUILT manifested by
1. Inferiority / inadequacy => I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH => fear of success
2. Destructive self-criticism - When you constantly criticize yourself, your subconscious mind accepts your
words as commands => You will behave on the outside the way you talk to yourself on the inside.
3. You`re manipulated by guilt - Taxi drivers, waitresses and fight attendants use guilt to control you!
4. Using guilt and blame with others
5. Victim complex => always making excuses or apologizing. => "I can't" or "I have to "I have to, but I can't; I
can't, but I have to."
a. Another form of victim language is the word trying." "I'll try," = apologizing for failure in
advance! "I'm going to fail at this, and I want you to know in advance so that you can't come
back to me later and say that I didn't give you any warning. If you do come back I can remind
you that I only said that I would try.
b. I wish = 1 don't believe that it is possible for me."
Using victim language-"I can't," or "I have to," or "I'll try," or "I wish," or "I am sorry," or "Don't blame me,"
or "That's not my fault" => reinforcing the negative emotion of guilt
Free yourself from guilt
1. Eliminate self-criticism from your thoughts / conversation. Refuse to allow anyone else to speak to you in a
negative way.

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 2. Refuse to blame anyone. Accept complete responsibility for your life and everything in it that you can do
something about.
3. Refuse to be manipulated by the guilt-throwing behavior of others. =>
a. Use silence! Don't allow yourself to be provoked. When the other person asks you what you have to
say, you reply, "I'm not going to respond to that.". Refuse to explain yourself.
b. When the other person attempts to manipulate you using guilt, you respond by saying, "Are you
trying to make me feel guilty?"
4. Refuse to discuss the guilt of others / gossip / exchange "dirt" about other people. Talk about others as if they
were present and you wanted to make them fed good about themselves.
5. Forgive! You are mentally healthy to the degree to which you can freely forgive / forget offenses against
you. Forgive your parents!!! Each time you think of the thing that they did that hurt you, replace the thought
by saying, "I forgive him (her) for everything, I forgive him (her) for everything." Go and see them, or
telephone them. "I just want you to know that I forgive you for every mistake that you ever made
bringing me up, and I love you."
Forgive everyone else! The refusal to forgive just one person can destroy your future happiness!
The letter [for relationships / marriages]! It has 3 parts
1. "I accept complete responsibility for our relationship. I got myself into it and I have no excuses to
offer." Refuse to mention how aggrieved you are.
2. "I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me in any way." Spell out all the things that you
forgive the other person for.
3. "I wish you well."
Forgive yourself!

Action exercise - make a list of everybody you can think of who has hurt you in any way. Read the name, think of
what happened., and say "I forgive him or her for everything; I now let it go." Repeat these words two or three
times for each person on your list

Peace of mind = your highest goal! You need to eliminate negative emotions. It`s not what happens to you but how
you think about what happens to you that causes your response, positive or negative! Choice is yours! Learn to
respond to unpleasant situations in a constructive way.
7 sources of stress
1. Worry - useful technique
a. Define your worry situation in writing
b. Determine the worst possible thing that could happen
c. Accept it if will occur
d. Make sure it doesn't happen. Minimize the worst possible outcome. Get busy!
Feeling listless? Make a list! Be clear about your goals / priorities!
2. Incomplete actions = We feel unhappy and stressed when we leave sth undone. Procrastination is the worst
form of incomplete action.
3. Unfinished business = result of
a. Unwillingness to forgive and forget.
b. Desire to get even
c. Anger
=> you`re still emotionally attached! When you decide that you no longer want anything from the other
person, you complete the "business." You are free again.
4. Fear of failure => indecisiveness, anxiety, worry => I can`t. Do the thing you fear! Ask yourself
a. "If I were totally unafraid in this situation, if I had no fears at all, how would I behave?"
b. "What's the worst possible thing that can happen if I go ahead?"
c. ''What is the best thing that can happen if I am successful?
5. Fear of rejection => type A behaviour!!! => obsession with performance / achievement => insecurity of
status. They never feel they've done enough. => compare themselves with others, bring work home. Type A
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 can`t relax, enjoy life. You can`t find peace / happiness in your accomplishments. You can only find
peace within yourself!
6. Denial = refuse to face an unpleasant situation, pretending it`s all right; you refuse to admit to yourself or
someone else that you are not the person you appear to be. Ask yourself "What is it in my life that I am not
facing?" Wrong job / relationship?
7. Anger = comes from the person you are, not from what people say or do. No one makes you angry. Anger is
a chosen response. Your interpretation about the event triggers anger. Take control of your tendency to
blame or lash out by catching yourself and repeating, over and over, "I am responsible!
Dispel anger through one of 4 outlets: your hands / feet / teeth / voice. Get rid of anger by hitting, kicking,
biting or screaming.
Action exercise - Identify one area in your life in which you experience stress or anxiety. Define the stressful
situation. Write out a list of the positive actions you can take to adress the situation. Be active!

Social skills = learn to get along with people with different temperaments, personalities, attitudes, values, opinions
look for the good in each person + forgive people who have hurt you => healthy personality
The more you like / respect / accept yourself, the more you like / respect / accept others!!!
The Law of Indirect Effort = if you want to impress, be impressed by people. If you want people be interested by
you, be interested by them. You get what you give. What you send out, you get back. Take every opportunity to
say and do things that make people feel more valuable! Make them feel important.
Build self-esteem in others. Eliminate destructive criticism from your vocabulary / conversations.
Stop complaining! The more you complain, the more you find situations / people to complain with / about. If you can't
say something nice, don't speak at all.
7 keys to improving relationships
1. Be Agreeable - instead of arguing ask yourself "How important is this?" If it's not important, let it pass.
Winning al arguments => losing all friends
2. Express Acceptance => smile
3. Express Appreciation => Thank you / Please
4. Express Approval => praise / recognition => powerful motivator. Praise should be
Immediate
Specifically - "You did a super job of making your bed and cleaning up your bedroom this moming."
instead of You did a great job.
Praise in public
2 kinds of praising =>
Continuous reinforcement = praise the person every time he or she does it
Intermitent reinforcement = praise the behavior every 3rd or 4th time it occurs [once the habit has
been established]
5. Express Admiration => compliments on their accomplishments / qualities / possesions
6. Attention => Listen attentively, without interrupting, pause before replying, put opend-ended questions.
Listening builds
Trust
Self-esteem
Self-discipline - Active listening requires that you control your attention, and keep yourself focused
on the person speaking.
Emphatic listening => 2 types
Simple reflection = rephrase what the speaker has explicitly stated without adding anything to it
Interpretative reflection = go beneath the speaker's words and look for the real reasons the speaker
feels the way he or she does.
7. The boomerang principle = ''whatever emotion you express toward any person will boomerang back on you.
Say about others is what you want to have come back!
Be sincere. You must honestly mean what you are saying!
Conversation rules

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 1. Cue the subject to your listener - tackle only subjects which listener like. Put questions begining with What?
Where? Who? How? Why? or Who?
2. Take your turn - Each person must have an opportunity to speak and to listen.
3. Think before speaking - Be tactful and aware of the feelings and sensitivities of other people.
4. Respect other people`s privacy - Never criticize, condemn or complain. Keep your problems to yourself.
5. Be natural -

Personal relationship = You get out of your marriage / romance what you put into it.
Self-esteem = how much you like yourself is largely detennined by how much you feel you are accepted by other
people.
Self-acceptance = when so else accepts you as you are, you can relax and accept yourself as being a valuable person.
Self-awareness = understand why you think, feel and act the way you do. You must to be more aware of who you
really are before you can accept yourself
Self-disclosure = you can tell so. else, whom you trust completely, exactly what you are thinking and feeling, with no
fear of disapproval or rejection. You understand yourself to the degree to which you can disclose to another person.
Self-disclosure => Self-awareness => Self-acceptance => Self-esteem
6 Rules for Successful Relationships
1. Similar attiudes toward money / children / sex / political and social ideas / people and social activities / how
to spend leisure time
2. Conversation compatibility- Each partner has an amount of talking that he / she must do to feel healthy and
whole. If people don`t get the opportunity to do their talking with their partners, they will seek to fulfill their
communication needs somewhere else.
3. Total commitment = determination to make the relationship successful
4. Liking => the feeling that you have met your best friend. The amount of laughter determines the health of that
relationship.
5. Similar self-concepts
6. Communication - express interest in your mate and listen carefully
The key question is What`s important here? What's important is not winning the argument but maintaining the love
and respect each for other and live together in peace and harmony.
Ask yourself: "What would it be like to be married to me?" Or "What would it be like if my mate treated me
the way I treat him or her?" Do to your mate what you would like to see done to you!

6 Problems in Relationships
1. Lack of commitment - is crucial to never consider the possibility of the relationship failing.
2. Trying to change the other person = form of rejection "You are not good enough for me the way you are.".
stop trying to change the other person and accept him or her unconditionally => he or she will begin to change
as a result of his or her own choice
3. Jealousy = arises from low self-esteem and personal inadequacy. Work on self-esteem by repeating I like
myself.
4. Self-pity = mistaken notion that so. else is responsible for making you happy. Get so busy with your own
goals that you don't have time to feel sorry for yourself
5. Negative expectations from your partner - Tell him or her that you have complete and faith in his or her
ability to do anything that he or she puts his or her mind to.
6. Incompatibility - a couple is no longer compatible when
a. The laughter dissapears
b. Little to talk about
Small attentions, little favors, kindnesses, gifts and other things that make the other person happy => make
you love the person more => puts the love back in
When the relationship cannot be saved is important to accept, to deal with it instead of denying. Face life
as it is, and not as you wish it would be. You can never make anyone else happy by being miserable yourself,

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Action exercise - sit down with the other person and ask him or her "What can we do to make this a wonderful
relationship?" Make your relationship more important than anything else. Ensure the stability of your home and the
emotional health of the person you care about more than anyone else.

Mastering the art of parenting

Parents with low-self esteem and who have the false idea that that their children exist to fulfill their expectations
=> can`t give sufficient love to their children.
Accept responsibility for child's behavior! What your children are = reflection of who you are as a person. When you
have a problem with your child, ask yourself ''What is there in me that could be causing this situation?"
Principles
1. Raise your children with high self-esteem and self-confidence.
2. Give unconditional love, approval and acceptance. Never use destructive criticism on your children!
3. Tell your children you love them every day, in words and actions through
a. eye contact
b. physical contact
c. focused attention => spend lots of time
4. Build a high-achieving environment
a. Get involved with their education / homework
b. Have positive expectations - Tell them you believe in them. Praise and reinforce what you would like
to see repeated.
c. Value their opinions! Treat them with respect and they will respect themselves.
5. Youre your child's role model - they will strive to be like you, and will treat other people the way you treat
them. Admit your mistakes => set an example that builds courage and character in your children. They
realize that they don't have to be perfect to be acceptable.

Love is the answer! All fears dissolve in love! You can`t experience fear and love in the same time.
Begin with self-love! The more you love yourself, the more you like / love other people.
Keys of Personal Development
1. Have goals!
2. Take care of your health!
3. Accept yourself unconditionally
4. Assume responsability - refuse to blame or criticize others, or make excuses for things you don't like
5. Say daily I Like Myself [50-100 X]
LOVE = verb! Love is sth you do!
The more you give love, the more you have. When you experience fear, doubt and low self-esteem find someone
you can help / express love toward. The best cure for unhappiness is to make someone happy.

Before saying or doing anything ask yourself - ''What would Jesus do?"
Be loving when you feel the least like loving. Be patient, kind and compassionate when you are the most displeased
with another person. Obnoxious or unpleasant behavior is a cry for help / way of expressing the frustration of not
feeling truly loved and accepted. Resist acting or speaking in a negative way toward anyone by thinking kind
and loving thoughts about others.
Only one life, that soon is passed;
Only what's done with love will last.

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