Developmental Theory 1

Developmental Theory Paper

Liliana Celio
Pacific Oaks College
Instructor: Karen Opstad
HD 489 ONL
June 24, 2017
Introduction
As I reflect on the feelings and circumstances that I endured throughout my life, I find

that each specific event contributed to who I am today. Although I may have not always

understood the meaning behind each situation, I believe that I encountered each event in order to

learn something that would benefit me in that moment, or in the future. Considering that I prefer

not to think of negative feelings that I have experienced, I believe that revisiting a few of those

feelings has benefited me therapeutically. As I think of three occasions that impacted me during

my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, I feel a sense of accomplishment. By revisiting how I

felt about the color of my skin, my weight, and low self-esteem, I reflect on the manner in which

each aspect individually contributed to my development as a member of society.

My Childhood
Although each experience contributed to the person that I am today, I specifically

remember that as a child, the color of my skin became the first characteristic that others pointed
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out to me. Apparently, it was a feature that categorized me as different from most children at

my school at the time. While the color of my skin was never an issue to me before, one specific

incident in Kindergarten haunted me for years. As my classmates and I sat in the cafeteria eating

our lunch, another child mentioned to me that my skin was black because I drank too much

chocolate milk. Another child sitting next to me responded by saying, thats not true. I drink

chocolate milk every day and Im not black. Regardless of her defending statement, I felt

uneasy. Multiple feelings ran through me and I was speechless. Most importantly, I was hurt

because for years I never noted the difference in my appearance compared to my classmates.

Like many children, I primarily focused on playing with my friends. In fact, before the incident, I

never noticed the color of my friends skin or the clothes that they wore. My main concern

focused on whether they were friendly. I vividly remember that I kept to myself for the

remainder of the school day. I then ran home and told my parents about the incident. I cried

because the boy made me feel ugly. My parents attempted to ensure me that I was beautiful the

way that I was born. But in that moment, their opinion meant nothing to me because they did not

need to hear what the other children told me. I felt inconsolable because the negative words were

said to me, not to my parents. I also felt as if they did not understand. Nonetheless, for years, I

refused to drink chocolate milk in fear that my skin would darken any further.
After feeling inferior due to other childrens negative comments, I learned that children

can say things based on their own observations. For years, I allowed their opinions to haunt me

until I learned that children do not have any ill intent. I say this because children act and react

based on their learned behaviors. More specifically, children learn based on comments that they

hear from adults, other children, or the media. The children in my class made those comments

because they initially compared their own appearance to my mine. Without striving to purposely

cause me to feel horrible, my classmates connected the chocolate milk to the color of my skin.
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They believed that my skin was originally the same skin tone as theirs. However, they also

believed that my skin darkened because I drank plenty of chocolate milk. Now that I think of it,

the experience sounds comic.

My Adolescence
As an adolescent, I continued to notice my unique physical characteristics. I noticed that

my body was heavier than most girls my age. Nobody made comments that I heard. However, I

constantly compared my appearance to those of the other girls around me. I especially noticed

the way that boys looked at them, yet nobody seemed to express their attraction towards me.

More specifically, I felt as if I was one of the few girls my age who did not have a boyfriend and

I felt that it was because of my weight. In fact, my weight became a constant battle for me as I

struggled to find clothes that fit me. Every article of clothing did not zip or button, was too form

fitting, or simply did not flatter my body type. Each time that I found clothes that I liked and that

fit my body, I danced and smiled in the fitting room. I even told my mom in excitement. Of

course, this was a rare occasion because, at the time, various clothing lines failed to cater to

heavier teens like myself. As a result, I continuously found myself shopping in the womens

section. As a teenager, my closet consisted of several mom jeans and loose shirts while the

other girls my age wore chic outfits. Indeed, this affected my self-esteem daily because I wanted

to dress like the other girls. I constantly dwelled on the idea of my weight, yet I could not find it

in myself to change the root of the problem. In fact, I worsened the problem by continuing to eat.

I ate because I felt bored, sad, happy, tired, and angry; yet I blamed everyone else for my weight.

To say that for years I felt angry towards the world was an understatement.
The experience of struggling with my weight taught me that although human emotions

fluctuate, they may also be controlled. I say this because considering that teenagers struggle

through fluctuating hormones, many do not need to allow those emotions to take charge of ones
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overall well-being. In fact, if many adolescents choose to recognize how much their emotions

affect not only them but those around them, they would ultimately feel better. Many may

accomplish this by talking about how they feel to someone whom they trust. By doing this,

adolescents may find that they are not the only people who struggle with their weight.

My Adulthood
As I transitioned into adulthood, I found that I allowed my physical appearance to

continue to negatively affect my self-esteem. This especially became apparent in the way that I

carried myself during my stint in college a few years ago. I constantly binge drank so that I may

avoid facing how I felt internally. Instead of talking about my feelings or doing something about

it, I decided to mentally run away from them. At the time, I felt that if I drank my sorrows, I

would momentarily feel better about myself. For a few hours, I felt that drinking brought me a

sense of relief and happiness because nothing in the world matters to me in that instance. In fact,

this was far from reality. The world around me was gradually collapsing and I was the main

culprit in my own story. Although everyone who cared about me worried about the downward

spiral I faced, I felt too hurt to deal with my feelings. My drinking and insecurities affected not

only my friendships but my relationships with loved ones as well.

As the negative spiral continued, I somehow needed to stop. This negative path came to

an end when I almost lost my life in a horrendous car accident. The night of the accident, I drove

home by myself after a night of drinking. As I drove, I thought about everything that bothered

me without focusing on the road ahead of me. I then felt myself gradually become sleepy until I

suddenly woke to my car rolling on the freeway. Unfortunately, I shattered my left elbow, broke

three of my ribs, broke my left clavicle bone, and punctured one of my lungs. At the time, I felt

broken and hopeless, but I knew that if I chose to give up, my situation would not improve
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without my proactivity. I, therefore, decided to believe that everything happens for a reason as

the universe was somehow telling me that I needed to change my ways.

After reminding myself of the contributing factors that ended my relationship with

alcohol, I believe that humans often have a difficult time recognizing that we cannot do

everything on our own. In fact, we fail to recognize that we sometimes encounter situations in

which we need help the most. In a way, I believe that although many of us choose to cope with

certain situations in our own way, our stubborn perspective hinders us from relieving ourselves

from the shackles of depressive emotions. We ultimately stand in our own way. While many of

us choose to feel miserable, we also hold the tools to our own happiness. We just need to first

recognize how we feel and then seek for help.

Conclusion
Now as an adult, I believe that my mentality has transitioned from that of a victim to the

mentality of a survivor. I say this because I believe that I learned to accept my experiences and

mistakes for what they were; mistakes. They were experiences that resulted from choices that I

made. Now I know that I need to make different choices. I learned that I should not dwell on the

past because I can never change what happened, I can only focus on moving forward.
The various experiences through which I endured feelings of despair ultimately shaped

my perspective on my life. For instance, my childhood experience of feeling bullied due to the

color of my skin taught me to focus on the silver lining. Instead, I learned to embrace my skin

color by focusing on the unique quality of its tone. This change in attitude also impacted how I

viewed my weight as an adolescent and my self-esteem as an adult. I say this because my weight

encouraged me to see that if I do not feel confident or happy with my appearance, then I need to

change it. More specifically, if I did not change it to benefit my appearance, I indeed needed to

change it to benefit my health. I also believe that my low self-esteem and binge drinking taught

me to stop dwelling on the factors that made me feel unhappy. In fact, I learned that my attitude
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on various situations ultimately changes how I feel about the outcome of those situations. I say

this because nothing positive happens when we view certain circumstances through a negative

lens. In contrast, I believe that a negative perspective leads to negative outcomes. I also know

that nobody wants to be around a negative person.