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We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations

January 20th, 2011 admin No comments

Think of a conversation youve been putting off. Got it? Great. Then lets go.

There are dozens of books on the topic of difficult, crucial, challenging, important (you get the idea)
conversations (I list several at the end of this article). Those times when you know you should talk to
someone, but you dont. Maybe youve tried and it went badly. Or maybe you fear that talking will
only make the situation worse. Still, theres a feeling of being stuck, and youd like to free up that
stuck energy for more useful purposes.

What you have here is a brief synopsis of best practice strategies: a checklist of action items to think
about before going into the conversation; some useful concepts to practice during the conversation;
and some tips and suggestions to help your energy stay focused and flowing, including possible
conversation openings.

Youll notice one key theme throughout: you have more power than you think.

Working on Yourself: How To Prepare for the Conversation

Before going into the conversation, ask yourself some questions:

1. What is your purpose for having the conversation? What do you hope to accomplish?
What would be an ideal outcome?
Watch for hidden purposes. You may think you have honorable goals, like educating an employee or
increasing connection with your teen, only to notice that your language is excessively critical or
condescending. You think you want to support, but you end up punishing. Some purposes are more
useful than others. Work on yourself so that you enter the conversation with a supportive purpose.

2. What assumptions are you making about this persons intentions? You may feel intimidated,
belittled, ignored, disrespected, or marginalized, but be cautious about assuming that this was the
speakers intention. Impact does not necessarily equal intent.
3. What buttons of yours are being pushed? Are you more emotional than the situation
warrants? Take a look at your backstory, as they say in the movies. What personal history is being
triggered? You may still have the conversation, but youll go into it knowing that some of the
heightened emotional state has to do with you.

4. How is your attitude toward the conversation influencing your perception of it If you think
this is going to be horribly difficult, it probably will be. If you truly believe that whatever happens,
some good will come of it, that will likely be the case. Try to adjust your attitude for maximum
effectiveness.

5. Who is the opponent? What might he be thinking about this situation? Is he aware of the
problem? If so, how do you think he perceives it? What are his needs and fears? What solution do
you think he would suggest? Begin to reframe the opponent as partner.

6. What are your needs and fears? Are there any common concerns? Could there be?

7. How have you contributed to the problem? How has the other person?

4 Steps to a Successful Outcome

The majority of the work in any conflict conversation is work you do on yourself. No matter how well
the conversation begins, youll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and your emotional
energy. Breathe, center, and continue to notice when you become off center?and choose to return
again. This is where your power lies. By choosing the calm, centered state, youll help your
opponent/partner to be more centered, too. Centering is not a step; centering is how you are as you
take the steps. (For more on Centering, see the Resource section at the end of the article.)

Step #1: Inquiry

Cultivate an attitude of discovery and curiosity. Pretend you dont know anything (you really dont),
and try to learn as much as possible about your opponent/partner and his point of view. Pretend
youre entertaining a visitor from another planet, and find out how things look on that planet, how
certain events affect the other person, and what the values and priorities are there.

If your partner really was from another planet, youd be watching his body language and listening for
unspoken energy as well. Do that here. What does he really want? What is he not saying?

Let your partner talk until he is finished. Dont interrupt except to acknowledge. Whatever you hear,
dont take it personally. Its not really about you. Try to learn as much as you can in this phase of the
conversation. Youll get your turn, but dont rush things.

Step #2: Acknowledgment

Acknowledgment means showing that youve heard and understood. Try to understand the other
person so well you can make his argument for him. Then do it. Explain back to him what you think
hes really going for. Guess at his hopes and honor his position. He will not change unless he sees that
you see where he stands. Then he might. No guarantees.

Acknowledge whatever you can, including your own defensiveness if it comes up. Its fine; it just is.
You can decide later how to address it. For example, in an argument with a friend, I said: I notice Im
becoming defensive, and I think its because your voice just got louder and sounded angry. I just want
to talk about this topic. Im not trying to persuade you in either direction. The acknowledgment
helped him (and me) to re-center.

Acknowledgment can be difficult if we associate it with agreement. Keep them separate. My saying,
this sounds really important to you, doesnt mean Im going to go along with your decision.

Step #3: Advocacy

When you sense your opponent/partner has expressed all his energy on the topic, its your turn. What
can you see from your perspective that hes missed? Help clarify your position without minimizing his.
For example: From what youve told me, I can see how you came to the conclusion that Im not a
team player. And I think I am. When I introduce problems with a project, Im thinking about its long-
term success. I dont mean to be a critic, though perhaps I sound like one. Maybe we can talk about
how to address these issues so that my intention is clear.

Step #4: Problem-Solving

Now youre ready to begin building solutions. Brainstorming and continued inquiry are useful here. Ask
your opponent/partner what he thinks might work. Whatever he says, find something you like and
build on it. If the conversation becomes adversarial, go back to inquiry. Asking for the others point of
view usually creates safety and encourages him to engage. If youve been successful in centering,
adjusting your attitude, and engaging with inquiry and useful purpose, building sustainable solutions
will be easy.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The art of conversation is like any art?with continued practice you acquire skill and ease. Here are
some additional hints:

Tips and Suggestions:

? A successful outcome will depend on two things: how you are and what you say. How you are
(centered, supportive, curious, problem-solving) will greatly influence what you say.

? Acknowledge emotional energy?yours and your partners?and direct it toward a useful purpose.

? Know and return to your purpose at difficult moments.

? Dont take verbal attacks personally. Help your opponent/partner come back to center.

? Dont assume your opponent/partner can see things from your point of view.

? Practice the conversation with a friend before holding the real one.

? Mentally practice the conversation. See various possibilities and visualize yourself handling them
with ease. Envision the outcome you are hoping for.

How Do I Begin?

In my workshops, a common question is How do I begin the conversation? Here are a few
conversation openers Ive picked up over the years?and used many times!

? I have something Id like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.

? Id like to talk about ____________ with you, but first Id like to get your point of view.

? I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?

? I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)? If the person says, Sure, let me get
back to you, follow up with him.

? I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. Id like to hear your thinking
on this.

? Id like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas about how to
_____________________.

? Id like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear
your feelings about this and share my perspective as well.

Write a possible opening for your conversation here:

_________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Good luck! Let me know if this article has been useful by contacting me at http://www.judyringer.com

Resources

The Magic of Conflict, by Thomas F. Crum (www.aikiworks.com)

Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen (www.triadcgi.com)
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
(www.crucialconversations.com)
FAQ about Conflict, by Judy Ringer http://www.JudyRinger.com

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: Assumptions, Backstory, Difficult Conversations, Dozens, Goals,
Ideal, Intention, Marginalized, Practice Strategies, Situation Warrants, Step By Step, Step Checklist, Useful
Concepts

5 Quick and Easy Ways To Wiping Out Obstacles To Goal

Achievement

January 18th, 2011 admin No comments

Life is nothing but an obstacle course, its all about getting through that obstacle course *successfully*
to your desired goal that most people seem to have a problem with.

And its only normal to encounter these obstacles in the pursuit of your goal.

Its kind of a test to see if your worthy.

However, when these obstacles start to become a nuisance to the point of almost putting a stop to
your goal(s); or worse, making one completely abandon his/her goal, one must take action and think
things through.

So, with that said, here are some helpful, tested pointers that will keep your attention focused in
achieving any goal that you put your mind to.

Step #1. Think positive.

This means: Do not quit. Especially when one is midway in working for a goal, there should be no
room for quitting.

To quit is tantamount to going back to the starting line of goal accomplishment. That is time, energy,
money, and a whole lot of things wasted and lost. It is more costly to quit than to find a solution to
the problem, not to mention the frustration one feels.

Step #2. Keep a clear, open and tense-free mind.

Always be ready to receive new ideas. Focus and concentrate. Think on a wide scale manner and
always be open for options(even unconventional ones) to eliminate the particular obstacle you are
currently dealing with.

Step #3. Persist and Persevere.

Be sure to exhaust every possibility, even to the point of trial and error, just to be sure that there is a
solution to correct the problem your dealing with.

Step #4. Simulate.

Try to picture inside your head a possible solution to help overcome and/or solve the obstacle thats
setting you back.

Step #5. Get assistance.

If all fails get assistance from other you know who are more knowledgeable on the work being done.
They may be able to help you or not. Their suggestions might not necessarily be the right or exact
ones you were hoping to hear, but they may trigger some NEW ideas in finding the right solution to
your problem.

Those are the basic 5 steps to overcoming any obstacle thats holding you back.

But before I go Id like you to consider this scenario as an example.

Lets say you thought of a COOL new product and you are confident and excited that this product will
be sellable to your target market once it hits the market.

You then go tell a friend about it, but your friend says that your product would be waste of time and
money.

Your friend also tells you why it will be such a flop and gives your their reason why as follows:
If your product idea is to be a success, how come nobody else is doing it?

Does this sound familiar?

With that being said you decide that your friend is right and forget about your new product idea
because of your friends comment.

This exact scenario happens all the time all over the world.

Dont fall victim to this.

You are your own person with your own opinions and beliefs.

Though it is good to hear other peoples opinions and their reasons, what really matters the most is
yours in the end based on the information you have received and researched.

So the lesson here is, be firm in your beliefs and follow your heart and minds desire.

You just never know what the outcome might be.

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: Frustration, Goal Accomplishment, goal-achievement, Lost, Money,
New Focus, Nuisance, Obstacle Course, Obstacles, people, Pointers, Possible Solution, Righ, Starting Line,
Step 1, Time Energy, Trial And Error, Whole Lot Of Things

Create Anything You Want With These 7 Secrets To Goal-Setting

January 16th, 2011 admin No comments

Why is it that some people set goals and give up on them while others set goals and achieve them
with amazing ease? The answer almost certainly lies in applying the following 7 secrets of goal-
setting.

1. Start With Your Strengths. Although you can base your goals on anything you want, your
chances of success are greater if, first, you base them on your strengths and second, on the current
opportunities in your field. To find out your strengths, do some self-research, such as a personal
SWOT: your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.

2. Put Your Goals In Writing. Written goals have a way of transforming wishes into wants, cants
into cans, dreams into plans and plans into reality. The act of writing clarifies your goals and provides
you with a way to check your progress. You can even add reasons to give you more motivation. So
dont just think it ink it!

3. Dream Big. One of the factors that restricts the realisation of our full potential is the belief that we
shouldnt go for big goals. Yet all the evidence of those who realize big goals is that we can always
achieve far more than we think. David Schwartz says in his book The Magic of Thinking Big: Big
goals attract big resources like a magnet.

4. Pitch Each Goal. Once you have set your ultimate goal, you then need to set the intermediate
goals that will get you where you want. Dont pitch these too easily or too ambitiously or they will
drop into the Drop Zone. Aim to make them challenging: out of reach, but not out of sight.

5. Express Them Right. Its important to express your goals in the right way.
? never express your goal in terms of what you dont want; always in terms of what you do want
? express your goals in performance terms not reward terms
? express your goals in terms of how others benefit
? express your goals according to the principles which matter.

6. Set Goals In Terms of Behaviour. When we set goals for ourselves, they should be expressed in
behavioural terms, rather than in terms of status, rewards or position. Thats because behaviour is
something within our power, while status, rewards and position are not. Formulating goals in
behavioural terms also means we present a strong positive image of ourselves to our brains. The
brain, not knowing the difference between a real or imagined experience, then seeks to act in
accordance with the presented image.

7. Pursue Your Goals With Passion. The driving force behind your goal-achievement is Desire. You
must desire your goals constantly, vividly and with a burning passion. If you do, you cannot fail to
achieve them. It was said of Michaelangelo that he could blot out every distraction while working on a
project such as the statue of David, until it was completed.
When you pursue your goals with these 7 habits, youll be amazed at how quickly they manifest
themselves and how much more enjoyable the process becomes.

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: Act Of Writing, Aim, Belief That, Cans, Current Opportunities,
David Schwartz, dreams, Drop Zone, goal-setting, Intermediate Goals, Magic, Magnet, motivation, Out Of
Sight, Performance Terms, Pitch, Self Research, Setting 1, Strengths Weaknesses, Swot

A Moment Can Change a Life

January 14th, 2011 admin No comments

A fleeting moment can change your life.

Christopher Reeves had everything going for him fame, fortune and best of all a loving wife and son.
Enjoying his favorite sport, he fell off his horse. In a split second, his whole life changed! He is not
alone.

In a moment, all dreams can be quashed.

A young man, full of promise gets into an industrial accident. It left him physically disabled. With a
young family and the first baby on the way, how does he feel?

There are those who take a severe stroke which leave them with physical disability and rob them of
their mobility. They suffer the loss of their independence. Some endure the loss of speech for the rest
of their lives. There goes most of their dreams. Life will never be the same.
Some suffer severe financial loss and see everything they worked for taken away from them and there
is nothing they can do.

Think of the victims of the tsunami and Katrina. Many are making an effort to rebuild their lives but
will it ever be the same?

On the bright side of a winning moment a big-time win from the lottery or gaming table spells a
major change in ones life. These winners go through a major change in their lives.

There is an upside. There are some lucky ones who find strength in their illness and disabilities, major
financial setbacks, calamities and crimes of violence. Amid the dark hours and pain, they work their
way to find a new meaning in their lives. With courage, perseverance and a strong spirit, they win
their battles. They become pillars in their communities.

Christopher Reeves spent the rest of his years as a quadraplegic to champion the cause of spinal cord
injury. His disability never stopped him.

An illness, an accident, natural calamities, financial loss, crime, violence and loss of a loved one, a
winfall, an unexpected career change or opportunity are realities of our world.

Many of us think it will not happen to us, but it can. Live for today. No one knows what tomorrow
brings.

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: Baby On The Way, Career Change, Christopher Reeves, Crime
Violence, Favorite Sport, Financial Setbacks, Fleeting Moment, Gaming Table, Industrial Accident, Loss Of A
Loved One, Loving Wife, Lucky Ones, Natural Calamities, Physical Disability, Quadraplegic, Spinal Cord
Injury, Unexpected Career, Victims Of The Tsunami, Winfall, Winning Moment

The Key to Getting What You Want

January 12th, 2011 admin No comments

The most critical attribute for realizing our dreams is integrity. In a conversation about dreams,
integrity is essential and can be summarized this way: Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Honor your word and agreements and you will be living with integrity, where dreams really do come
true.

Simple, yes, but not always easy. Vastly overscheduled, often the person its most difficult to keep our
commitments with, is yourself. As you practice upholding your values, you are given opportunities to
show up or to sell out. When you are challenged, do you lose sight of what matters to you? Do you
have an internal pulse, a set of conscious principles that you live your life by?

If you are committed to a life of joy and abundance, filled with love, generosity and contribution,
integrity is a must. Integrity creates trust and accountability. Surrounded by crowds, you can feel
lonely if youre not true to yourself. Without integrity, you can have great wealth and still feel
worthless. And lacking integrity, you wont trust yourself or have faith in your dreams.

When we leave things unresolved or incomplete, we are out of integrity. You can recognize something
as incomplete by how you feel about it. Is the matter settled? Do you worry about it? How is it
impacting other areas of your life? When you are complete with something you dont even think about
it. There is no agitation or energy wasted.

Its up to you to decide if something is incomplete or not, but its difficult to focus on future dreams
when you are consumed by your past. Incompletions can be notorious and contagious as one leads to
another. Buried under burdensome annoyances we can feel lost, afraid or confused. Take Jake for
instance. He didnt pay his taxes for two years. The IRS put a lien on his assets, so he was labelled a
bad credit risk. He couldnt buy a house or rent an apartment. Eventually he lost his credit cards. He
was caught in a downward spiral that also undermined his confidence and self esteem.

Linda let her parking tickets pile high and never got around to paying them. She became afraid to
drive her car because she might get towed. Concerned about driving to work, she eventually lost her
job. A small detail led to a bigger concern, which led to an even worse problem.

Carol had a room in her home that she called the black hole, filled with incomplete items. Since she
and her husband were trying to sell their house, she knew it was time to tackle that project. She came
up with a list of over one hundred items to do. They included returning things she had borrowed,
writing letters, even mailing back an inexpensive bracelet she had stolen from her local drug store
when she was a teenager. It took some time and effort, but with each item she handled, Carol felt
lighter and freer. Within a few weeks of completing her list, they easily sold their house. Completion
creates freedom.

First Steps

This powerful process of exploring whats been left unsaid, undone or incomplete in your life is one of
the most awesome things you can do to free yourself and have more access to your dreams. If
undertaken to the best of your ability, this may be the most profound thing you have ever done.

Look at all these important areas and use this formula as a guide to scrutinize your life. The areas to
explore (but are not limited to) include your body, mind, home, work, finance, and people (living and
dead).

1. Write down what you feel incomplete about with anyone or anything.

2. List what you need to do to complete it.

3. Complete as many items as possible.

How do you complete something? You may need to write a letter or make a phone call. You may need
to forgive someone or just declare its over. On some items, you might need to create a project plan
or you might not even know yet. Just do your best to get rid of anything that is weighing you down.

Removing clutter will give you greater clarity and energy for the things that are important to you. As
you complete what you can, feelings of pride, accomplishment, and peace of mind, can motivate you
to take on even the tough things. Free to move forward, now you can tap into the flow of life. The
more your life is in order, the faster and easier your ability to manifest dreams will become. Its just
that simple.

5 Quick and Easy Ways To Wiping Out Obstacles To Goal Achievement

January 18th, 2011 admin Leave a comment Go to comments

Life is nothing but an obstacle course, its all about getting through that obstacle course *successfully*
to your desired goal that most people seem to have a problem with.

And its only normal to encounter these obstacles in the pursuit of your goal.

Its kind of a test to see if your worthy.

However, when these obstacles start to become a nuisance to the point of almost putting a stop to
your goal(s); or worse, making one completely abandon his/her goal, one must take action and think
things through.
So, with that said, here are some helpful, tested pointers that will keep your attention focused in
achieving any goal that you put your mind to.

Step #1. Think positive.

This means: Do not quit. Especially when one is midway in working for a goal, there should be no
room for quitting.

To quit is tantamount to going back to the starting line of goal accomplishment. That is time, energy,
money, and a whole lot of things wasted and lost. It is more costly to quit than to find a solution to
the problem, not to mention the frustration one feels.

Step #2. Keep a clear, open and tense-free mind.

Always be ready to receive new ideas. Focus and concentrate. Think on a wide scale manner and
always be open for options(even unconventional ones) to eliminate the particular obstacle you are
currently dealing with.

Step #3. Persist and Persevere.

Be sure to exhaust every possibility, even to the point of trial and error, just to be sure that there is a
solution to correct the problem your dealing with.

Step #4. Simulate.

Try to picture inside your head a possible solution to help overcome and/or solve the obstacle thats
setting you back.

Step #5. Get assistance.

If all fails get assistance from other you know who are more knowledgeable on the work being done.
They may be able to help you or not. Their suggestions might not necessarily be the right or exact
ones you were hoping to hear, but they may trigger some NEW ideas in finding the right solution to
your problem.

Those are the basic 5 steps to overcoming any obstacle thats holding you back.

But before I go Id like you to consider this scenario as an example.

Lets say you thought of a COOL new product and you are confident and excited that this product will
be sellable to your target market once it hits the market.
You then go tell a friend about it, but your friend says that your product would be waste of time and
money.

Your friend also tells you why it will be such a flop and gives your their reason why as follows:

If your product idea is to be a success, how come nobody else is doing it?

Does this sound familiar?

With that being said you decide that your friend is right and forget about your new product idea
because of your friends comment.

This exact scenario happens all the time all over the world.

Dont fall victim to this.

You are your own person with your own opinions and beliefs.

Though it is good to hear other peoples opinions and their reasons, what really matters the most is
yours in the end based on the information you have received and researched.

So the lesson here is, be firm in your beliefs and follow your heart and minds desire.

You just never know what the outcome might be.

Ingredients That Make A Winner

January 10th, 2011 admin No comments

Whether we like to admit it or not, other peoples opinions of us really do matter. The opinions we
have of ourselves, matters even more. Think about this for a minute. What separates the haves from
the have-nots? Nothing, but your own fear and insecurities.

It has been said many times that Americans love a winner and that nobody remembers who came in
second. The truth is like the joke that goes; this guy was praying to God everyday to win the lottery.
After weeks and weeks of prayer the guy asked God why his prayers were going unanswered. God
replied; you need to at least meet Me halfway and buy a ticket!

Wishing doesnt always make it so not without applied effort. You need to take a gamble on yourself, a
leap of faith if you will, and you will learn that the only difference between the haves and the have-
nots is the overcoming and mastering of these fears.
Nothing comes your way without effort. Im from the old school of thought that also teaches that if
you didnt earn it, it wont mean as much to you as if you did. Expect the same in business. It may
take you several attempts before you find just the right combinations of things that work for you. Just
because the first couple or so didnt work out mean that youre a loser it means youre a doer,
someone whos willing to go out on a limb, someone whos confident in there ability to stand and
deliver when things may rise up against you.

These are the real winners not because they necessarily succeed but because they tried.

Sometimes when starting a new business or venture everyone, at one time or another, will have their
fair share of nay sayers Just dont you be one of them! It would be all too easy to say I cant do this
and I cant do that, but why?

Dont ever give up or cave in to outside pressures or you will always be asking yourself what if and I
wonder. No one ever looses who honestly tries. If you have a dream or vision for yourself, you owe it
to yourself to a least try. In my experience most of the people I know who have been the nay sayers
are those who have settled for second best or have given up altogether.

Today I want to start my own internet company and compete with the Fortune 100 companys! Pretty
simple statement right? You bet! Why not? Realistically, what do we need? While these examples are
but the tip of the iceberg, theyre a good place to start;

Desire
Ambition
Drive
A willingness to succeed
The ability to see loss as a stepping stone to success

Internet businesses are great places for people to latch onto their piece of a dream and the only place
I know of where you can compete with corporate America equally everyday.

The only thing that can get in your way from realizing the dream is YOU coupled with your uncanny
ability to shoot yourself in the foot. We have no enemies in business but ourselves and those nasty
little voices we carry around that tell us were failures.

I dont make a practice of using quotes but I stumbled across this one and I found it highly
appropriate. The late great football coach Vince Lombardy was asked by a sport reporter about a loss
his team had just suffered. The Coach replied; we didnt lose, we just ran out of time.

Tell yourself something long enough and you begin to believe it. Have other people tell you something
long enough youll not only believe it, but youll magnify it as well! You do not have to know
everything there is to know. Surround yourself with those who can bring to the table an asset that
your business needs and one that you do not posses. This worked for Andrew Carnegie and will work
equally well for you.

Failure and defeat provide the fire we need to forge our will to achieve success. So rather then let
defeat beat us down or call us a loser, embrace it, welcome it as a teacher and then move on never
forgetting the lesson learned.

You are only a loser if you believe youre as loser.

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: Attempts, Combinations, Fair Share, Fear, Fears, Joke, Leap Of
Faith, Loser, Lottery, Love, Nots, Old School, Prayer, Prayers, Praying To God, Sayers, School Of Thought,
Stand And Deliver, Starting A New Business, Truth

What Is Your Challenge?

January 8th, 2011 admin No comments

Welcome another year!

Why do most New Years Resolutions fail? By now, many New Years resolutions would be thrown out,
forgotten, shrugged off. There is always next year.

Why do they fail? Perhaps, because theseBy now, many New Years resolutions would be thrown out,
forgotten, shrugged off. There is always next year.
Diet? Lose weight? Cut down on the use of credit cards? Be more prompt with bill payments? Cut
down on shopping. Read more, pursue that elusive dream, whatever that is. Be a better partner,
parent, friend and employer or employee. This is a common one: Exercise!. Meditate.

Time is passing by, welcome to 365 days of procrastination. Time to change your strategy. Yes, life
entails strategies, planning,action and implementation.

But, build it one step at a time.

Think of the company you work for. They have a business plan, a budget; they make sure they have
the resources needed, financial, time and human . They assess their position on schedule. They
implement, they act decisively when it matters.

This is their challenge in order to succeed.

So, what is your challenge?

Replace the worn out resolutions that you make year year.The words lost their essence, their meaning
long ago. Re-think, plan a strategy to meet your challenge. Make it worth your while.

In a nutshell, are these pursuits challenging ?

Healthy lifestyle:

1. good , healthy nutritious food

2. healthy portions of food

3. balance work, family and recreation, each area gets a time of their own

4. exercise choose what is best for you, a lot to choose from

5. time for yourself- discover, nurture and listen to your inner self

Financial Health

1. budget- a well planned budget

2. outline major expenses for the year- car, house repairs, travel

3. analysis of spending habits- what you need and what you want

4. pay down debt- mortgage, credit cards

5. no matter what age group- a nest egg /retirement/emergency funds

Try a 21-day challenge.

This is not an original idea. But studies show that if you try your best for 21 days, it eventually results
in developing a healthy habit. A forum Im on has this 21-day challenge. It turns participants into
doers. Thats what you need to become- a doer.

Take it one challenge at a time. What is important to you? Diet, weight loss?

Challenge yourself to adopt a healthier eating habit. If fast food and take-out food is your style, there
are healthy choices in this area. BUT-is cooking such an aversion and bother that the convenience of
take-out or frozen meals are so tempting. There are benefits to cooking. You can choose, experiment
and be creative. Its actually a rewarding endeavour. Surprise yourself.

You love food, eat very healthy portions, you never feel full. More food is good for you. OK- think
aboout this seriously.

Vegetables. Yuk. What wants them? Think again. You do!!! Get the idea?

Try this for 21 days. Focus on this challenge,with dedication and enthusiasm.Do it! If you succeed,
your 21 days would act as your spring board to the next challenge .

One challenge at a time, you can build it up to eventually meeting all those New Years Resolution
youve dropped by the wayside.

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: 365 Days, Age Group, Balance Work, Bill Payments, Business Plan,
Credit Cards, Elusive Dream, Emergency Funds, Financial Health, Healthy Lifestyle, Mortgage Credit, Nest
Egg, New Year, new years resolutions, Nutritious Food, Nutshell, Parent Friend, procrastination, Spending
Habits, Step At A Time

Goal Setting: Outcome Goals and Process Goals, with Stever Robbins

January 8th, 2011 admin No comments

Read more:
Goal Setting: Outcome Goals and Process Goals, with Stever Robbins

Goal setting is most effective when you set outcome goals and process goals. Stever Robbins,
management consultant and host of the Get-it-Done Guy podcast getitdone.quickanddirtytips.com,
explains the difference between outcome goals and process goals in this clip from Harvard Business
School Publishings Harvard Manage Mentor.

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: explains-the-difference, goal-setting, harvard, harvard-business,

howto & style, management, most-effective, Outcome Goals, process goals, productivity, robbins, school,
school-publishing, set-outcome, Stever Robbins

Do Goals Really Work?

January 6th, 2011 admin No comments

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning about her financial goals for the year. After listening to
her for a few minutes, I interrupted to ask how she felt about those goals.
There was a long pause. Finally, I asked if I could share my thoughts about goals why I dont set
them for myself, and why I think theyre terribly limiting and frustrating.

By the end of the call, she was in tears, and I nearly was. I had been in the right place at the right
time for her, and had helped her see a new way of approaching her business, her clients, and her
whole life a way that felt scary, but spacious and even inspiring in ways that traditional goal-setting
just cant achieve.

Are you ready to try something new? Heres what I shared with her; I hope it will be as inspiring to
you.

Goals are like Boxes

When you were a kid, it was fun to play in big packing boxes. But squashing your life into one is a
very different feeling. And thats what goals do.

Ive observed over and over again, with myself and with clients, that setting goals creates limitations
and panic! Once a goal is set, you immediately start thinking about it; you cant stop thinking about
it. Everything you do is focused on achieving the goal. My friend saw all her potential clients as
walking dollar signs- not very comfortable for her or for them!

How will I meet my goal? What happens if I dont succeed? Will everyone think Im a failure? Then,
as my friend commented this morning, theres always the Oh, I didnt really mean that thing that
happens when a goal starts to feel unreachable.

On the other hand, when you finally reach your goal you think, Ahhh I achieved it. Now I can
relax. And you put your feet up and take a deep breath. Whether you do this literally or figuratively,
youve stopped. What amazing things would happen if you kept going? Youll never know.

An Invitation to Be
So I asked my friend, Who would you be if you werent so focused on financial goals?

There was another long silence, but this one was full of electricity I could almost see the
exclamation marks flying in her thoughts. Finally, she said, I dont know!

Ive asked myself that question before, she added, but its always been what would I do. I never
thought of asking who I would be.

When you start with an intention to be something special, to be more of who you really are, the goals
you might have set are nothing compared to what youll actually receive, accomplish, and experience.
Just as Ive seen people box themselves in with goals, Ive seen them set themselves free with an
intention to be.
The more powerfully you set the intention, the better. Set an intention that stretches you, that pushes
you out of your habits, that makes you feel nervous and vulnerable. Set your intention with
commitment and heart, even when it frightens you.

I know someone who was always giving. Immensely generous of spirit and in action, she felt
threatened and vulnerable in receiving. When she set an intention to be someone who receives as well
as giving, she knew it would be challenging. What she didnt know was how amazingly rewarding it
would be. She received gifts of friendship, service, joy, peace, and love that have changed her life
forever, in ways she could not have imagined.

And all she did was set the intention and then she noticed whether she was being in alignment with
that intention.

What will you be?

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Categories: Personal Goals Setting Tags: Amazing Things, Deep Breath, Different Feeling, Dollar Signs,
failure, Few Minutes, financial goals, Invitation, Packing Boxes, Right Place At The Right Time, setting-goals,
Silen, Whole Life

Setting Goals: Making Them Attainable!

January 4th, 2011 admin No comments

As a writer/author/editor/web designer, et al, I find that in order to make a go of my business, I

must periodically refocus or reshape the direction in which my business is moving in order to remain
relevant and profitable. If you, too, run your own business you probably have learned to do the same.
If not, you may be missing some important trends that can impact your bottom line. Please continue
to read on for some helpful advice on how you can set attainable goals for your enterprise.

My business is always in a state of flux. At times, web design is the hot item while at other times
article writing surges to the top of my list of tasks. Several other competing responsibilities including
advertising, resume design, and special projects also weigh in. My job isnt boring, but if I dont keep
a firm grasp on my myriad duties, I can find myself going in the wrong direction without warning. This
can be both a career killer and a financial disaster.

Some goals I make for myself are specific, such as, write more personal finance articles, while others
are general, such as, the following goals I recently made to provide even better service to my clients:

1. I will do the best job possible for you and at a competitive price.

2. I will work for you as if it matters to me. Thats because it does.

3. Your success is my success. If you do well, I do well. If your project fails, I have failed too.

Of course, more generalized goals give you more room to move [and breathe!] while specific, set-in-
stone goals are just that: immovable. You will either reach your goals or you willfail; there is no
middle ground!

So, why not do both? Have specific goals which you know you must reach and generalized goals which
you can meet, but can also be reshaped on the fly. Divide up your goals into those that must be kept
a specific way for one category, while placing the remaining goals in the second, more fluid category.

You will likely attain your goals if you give yourself some wiggle room. If you dont, you will soon grow
disinterested, forget your goals, and your business and your customers will suffer the consequences.

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