Contents

magical thinking and the age of something for nothing p. 5

September 2, 2010 VOLUME 6 Issue 4
Editor-In-Chief Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com

ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos

jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

News.Politics.Commentary. colatheater.com
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
Letters to the reader Dear teetotalers, 4 Design
Editorial Confused White people 5 Lisa Corbin
news FDA, Obama Digital Medical Records Team at Odds over Safety Oversight 6
Arts Feature Krajewski stays in columbia 8 Music
Vocal booth Hip hop music review 10 Kingsley Waring, Shelby Sachs
Music American Aquarium 12 Pg. 8 Publisher
Paul Blake

Arts.Entertainment.Etc.
paul@columbiacitypaper.com

Account Executives
John Gibson, James Wallace
soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock 10 Contributors
Road Trip regional music dates 10 S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail Lagardien,
movie review No Redemption for Last Exorcism 13 WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
movie times at the Nick and big mo drive-in 13 Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
savage love adult sex advice 14
Jonesin Crosswords 14 Columbia City Paper
Cartoons Derf & Red Meat 15 2965 North Main Street
Sudoku Pg. 12 Columbia, SC 29201
803.218.9455 (dial area code)

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Letters to the
Dear atheists,
Reader
Thanks for the continuous stream
of ruffled emails related to J. Pelikan
Sarcophage’s essay on religious belief.
For the record, this paper –in the Bible
Belt, mind you—has spent the last five
years railing against the evils that religion
has bestowed upon the human species.
And, now, after publishing one essay to
hear the other side of the story, we are
now listed on “fundamentalist” watch
sites? Where are you guys when we lay an
open handed chop to the Religious Right?
We simply get and respect J. Pelikan’s
argument that denying the existence
of “God” (in whatever nebulous way
you want to define it) without having
scoured every nook and cranny of this
vast multidimensional universe is as
arrogant and misguided as believing in
said existence with no absolute proof
to substantiate it. At the end of the day,
we’re all just hairless primates that really
don’t possess the technology or higher
brain function to fully comprehend what’s
going on in the grand scheme of things,
so we should all agree –whether we be
atheist or Southern Baptist—to keep open
minds; skeptical, to be sure, but at least
open.
In the general editorial opinion of
CCP, the cold hard facts that modern
humankind has at its disposal have given
science a substantial lead over myth and
faith, when it comes to defining the
origins of the planet. But, we aren’t so
arrogant that we won’t at least keep the
door cracked.
Columbia City Paper
Dear spider,
Man, you were pimpin one of the
coolest, most beautiful webs I’ve seen in
my back yard in a while. You really outdid
yourself. But, I’ll bet you’re wondering
what happened to it this morning. See,
what happened was: it was all in working
order, but there was this leaf stuck in it.
You weren’t around, so I thought I’d pull
the leaf out so it would look perfect, but,
well, shit man you made that stuff too
sticky! I pulled the leaf and the whole
section came down and got on my arm,
I freaked out, slapped at it, spilled my
coffee, and stepped in the dog bowl in
my flip flops and pajamas and then just
pulled the whole thing down when I
lost my balance and fell into the yard
shrieking. You probably saw the whole
thing from the azalea bush. To you it must
have looked like a cross between Harvey
Fierstein and Godzilla.
It stinks that I blew up my tranquil
morning in nature. ...And, I mean, I
guess it kinda sucks from where you’re
standing, too.
Columbia City Paper
Dear Calculator (the band),
We were going to write a glowing
preview for your show at Bey’s Sports
Bar, but realized it was occurring a week
earlier than we had thought and wouldn’t
jibe with our deadline. And, yes, you read
that correctly: Columbia City Paper was
actually going to preview a show at Bey’s.
For those who’ve been following the
titanic battle between City Paper publisher,
Paul Blake, and Bey Rutherford over the
years it might come as a shock that CCP
would encourage funneling money there.
It must be either be freezing in Hell or
Calculator is an impressive enough local
band to draw us out of our comfort zone.
(Probably a little of both.) We’ll definitely
get you guys next time.
Columbia City Paper
Dear teetotalers,
Since alcohol is one of the major
food groups for most print journalists, it is
always a joy to report on medical research
that reveals the health benefits of booze.
A team from the University of Texas at
Austin recently found that heavy drinkers
tend to outlive abstainers, regardless of
socioeconomic background, exercise, and
other control factors. Notice we didn’t
say a small glass of Merlot with dinner,
we said heavy drinkers. Booze hounds.
A bottle of Merlot for dinner. (Though
moderate drinkers, it should be noted,
outlived the lot of them.)
We’ve harped on such research in
CCP for years now, strutting the case
studies around like peacocks in front
of wives and bosses who believe our
tendency to leave weepy 4 a.m. voicemails
or vomit in the waste basket before early
morning meetings is somehow indicative
of an unhealthy lifestyle. To the contrary!
So ponder this when you’re jogging this
evening and checking your wristband
heart monitor: the hooker staggering down
the sidewalk a few hundred yards up
ahead will probably outlive you. Cheers!
Columbia City Paper
September 2 2010 3
 Confused White People
On August 28, ignorance Did the civil rights movement
looked pretty blissful so effectively stigmatize the
behavior that even racists find
“War is peace. Freedom is the tag a handy cudgel against
slavery. Ignorance is strength.” their adversaries? 
- George Orwell   And what does “honor”
  mean today? What does it
I have lived long enough to mean in the mouth of a man
have witnessed some important like Glenn Beck?
changes in American culture, I've wondered about the
in the way Americans think, By Will Moredock man's state of mind in the past
behave and speak. as I watched the tears stream
When I was growing up in South down his face on his Fox News show.
Carolina a half-century ago, every white (He reminds me of Tammy Faye Bakker,
person I knew was a segregationist and a who used open the faucets and streak her
racist to a greater or lesser degree. Or if mascara while fleecing the lambs with
there were any white people who did not her husband Jim at her side on their PTL
share those views, they were smart enough Network.)
to keep it to themselves. A few months ago, when Beck
It is a tribute to the humanity of the civil announced that he would hold a rally at the
rights movement and to the basic decency Lincoln Memorial, on the 47th anniversary
of the American people that so much has of Martin Luther King's “I Have A Dream”
changed – even in the South. One of those speech, there was appropriate outrage and
changes has been in the way Americans use consternation. The reaction was because
the language. The “n-word,” as it has come Beck had so clearly taken that great moment
to be known, is now verboten. Its use can in American history and turned it on its
cost a person his social standing or her job, head.
as it did with a right wing radio personality “We were the people that did it in the
recently. Ironically, the word has standing first place,” Beck announced last spring on
today only among certain elements of the Fox News.
black community. Did what in the first place? Stood
Likewise, the word “racist” itself up to ignorance, bigotry and violence?
has been transformed. Fifty years ago No, Beck and his Fox News colleagues
racist speech and behavior were perfectly have never done that. They have fanned
respectable, even de rigueur. Whites not ignorance, bigotry and violence with their
demonstrating sufficient hostility to blacks Islamophobia and homophobia. And one
and suspicion of the civil rights movement knows instinctively that if Beck and Fox
might be ostracized – or worse. had been around in 1963, they would have Only have 20 minutes a day
 Today “racist” is one of the strongest been railing against Martin Luther King and
pejoratives in the language. No one – not everything he stood for.
even a racist – can allow the word to be “This is a moment, quite honestly,
to get into shape? Endorsed by
Chuck Norris
& Christie
Brinkley

hung on him. It is almost comic to watch that I think we reclaim the civil rights
conservative politicians backtrack and movement,” Beck proclaimed with no sense
stumble over themselves (as several South of irony. “It has been so distorted and so
Try Total Gym!
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of years), trying to explain that their racist honor and integrity first...We will take that
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remarks were misunderstood, were taken movement because we were the people that strengthen, and tone your muscles!
out of context, were meant  in jest, etc. did it in the first place.”
I realized the language had undergone And so a hundred thousand white
a strange mutation a couple of years ago people gathered at the Lincoln Memorial
when I observed that my critics had begun on August 28 for Beck's “Restoring Honor”
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calling me a racist in their responses to my rally, another linguistic contortion that
columns and blogs. Presumably, they were failed to address whose honor was being
for 30 days!
angry at my criticism of white people for restored and how it was lost.
their historic bigotry, for their subsequent
distortion of history, for their glorification
“Political language,” George Orwell
wrote,  “is designed to make lies sound
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took my motivation for writing such things an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”
to be racism against white people, ignoring There was much wind and lying at the Call now for this special offer:
the fact that I am white, that my family Lincoln Memorial on August 28 and it all
is white, that the majority of my friends sounded very respectable. Such is the power
associates are white. of language when people no longer care or 1.866.940.0898
So what does “racism” mean in the 21st remember what words mean. 
century? Is it just the pejorative of last resort
for those of limited vocabulary? talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
4 September 2,, 2010
 In The Year of Magical Thinking, enough to maintain control of the world, but its deficit, he would lose to Alvin Greene,
Joan Didion wrote that when her husband they just aren’t. guaranteed.
died, she would not throw away his shoes, During the second half of the 20th We need to reinvent ourselves. Instead,
because he might need them when he comes Century, freedom was defined as the ability the supposed champions of the Constitution,
back. This is the magical thinking in the to buy whatever you want. I remember when religion, and private property have spent
book’s title. Whenever we talk about the I was a child during the Cold War and I the summer arguing that a religious group
economy “coming back,” we are engaged in asked my parents why the Russians weren’t should not be free to build a mosque on
exactly the same kind of magical thinking. free, I was told that they couldn’t even buy private property, and no one will even
That is the problem with both parties. blue jeans. acknowledge the deadly irony.
They have been telling us for a generation The Baby Boomers, especially, have If we don’t grow up, perhaps the
that we can have something for nothing. been the grand recipients of this idea— government should withdraw from the
And we have believed them. We believe it it was built around them. A consumer economy entirely so that we actually taste
is our most fundamental right and would economy seemed possible only because the fruits of our own failure.
trade the Constitution There is a
for this magical power
in a heartbeat. When
“I ,
nstead the supposed champions of the of writers, including remarkable group

we talk about “our way C , ,

of life,” that’s what we
mean: something for
nothing. Magic is our
way of life. We can
give you a war, not ask
onstitution religion and private property Suzanne Hudson,
Joe Formichella,
have spent the summer arguing that a and Everette Capps,
religious group should not be free to build at a place called the
a mosque on private property and no one out in Alabama. , Waterhole Branch

you to serve, and not

ask you to pay for it.
will even acknowledge the deadly irony .” Every year, the
Waterhole Branch
Really? their generation was so large. Now that the group has a shoe burning. They build a big
It is impossible to have a consumer- consequences of this false idea have come bonfire and throw out all the bad juju of the
based economy. It is so obviously home, the Baby Boomers are angry. They previous year by burning their old shoes in
unsustainable. We’ve seen that. But no one can no longer buy whatever they want. the fire.
in either party will admit it. Instead, we talk Therefore they are no longer free. This is We need a national shoe burning night
about when the economy “comes back.” It where all of that tea party anger comes from. in order to get over the magical thinking
shows how infantile we have become in our People are pissed that they can’t really that Didion described. Sure, we might have
isolation from reality. We are like Didion have something for nothing and so they will hangovers the next morning (just ask the
after she lost her husband, or like children vote one more time for whomever tells them Waterhole Branch crowd about that), and we
when their grandmother has died, wondering that they can. But, neither party will be able shall certainly have lost our innocence. But
when “she’ll come back.” And yet, we have to deliver. If DeMint really let government that is what we need as a country. It is time
done nothing to bring the economy back. fail and told all the tea-partiers on Medicare to face reality.
We still don’t make anything. Sure, it would and Social Security that they could not get
be great if Marvel Comics and Netflix were their benefits so the U.S. could cut back on talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
September 2,, 2010 5
 Previously Undisclosed Hospital
Mixup Underscores Challenges on Road
to Reform
FDA Commissioner Margaret
Hamburg’s agency has been at odds with
National Coordinator for Health Information
Technology David Blumenthal’s office
on oversight of electronic health records.
(Photos: Emma Schwartz and Courtesy of
US Mission Geneva via Flickr)
Computers at a major Midwest hospital
chain went awry on June 29, posting some
doctors’ orders to the wrong medical charts
in a few cases and possibly putting patients
in harm’s way.
The digital records system “would switch
to another patient record without the user
directing it to do so,” said Stephen Shivinsky,
vice-president for corporate communications
at Trinity Health System. Trinity operates 46
hospitals, most in Michigan, Iowa and Ohio.
Less than two weeks later, an unrelated
glitch caused Trinity to shut down its $400
million system for four hours at 10 hospitals
in the network because electronic pharmacy
orders weren’t being delivered to nurses for
dispensing to patients, he said.
“As soon as it was brought to our
attention, we moved to fix the problem,”
Shivinsky said of Trinity’s system, one of
the hospital industry’s largest digital medical
record repositories with more than seven
million patient files. He said nobody was
injured in either event, the Cerner Corp.
system now works properly, and the hospital
chain determined that “technician error”
led to the system shutdown and that the
mixing up of patients was the result of a
“Cerner coding issue” involving software
that occurred after an upgrade.
Even absent any harm to patients, such
incidents underscore possible risks faced by
even large health organizations that have
eagerly embraced new medical software
to track patient records and treatment. As
the Obama administration ramps up plans
to create a digital medical file for every
American by 2014 – at an anticipated tab to
taxpayers of up to $27 billion – technology’s
boosters tend to tout its potential benefits to
patients and ability to slow runaway medical
costs.
6 September 2, 2010
Yet despite the high political and financial
stakes, the administration has established no
national mandatory monitoring procedure
for the new devices and software. That no
process exists to report and track errors,
pinpoint their causes and prevent them from
recurring is largely the result of two decades
of resistance by the technology industry, a
review of government records and interviews
by the Huffington Post Investigative Fund
shows. The industry argues that even with
flaws, digital systems are an improvement
over current paper records.
“There’s an assumption that just because
you have an electronic system, it’s going to
be safer, so people let down their guards,”
said Vimla Patel, who directs research on
the topic at the University of Texas Health
Science Center in Houston.
Monitoring could help others learn
from problems faced by early users of the
technology, which is being sold nationally,
or how they were remedied. Shivinsky said
he wasn’t sure if federal officials had been
notified of the difficulties at Trinity — or
would be. No rule requires it.
Almost a month after the first event at
Trinity, David Blumenthal, the government’s
top medical health information technology
official, didn’t know about it. “First I’ve
heard about it,” Blumenthal said when told
by a reporter July 20, as he left a Capitol Hill
hearing.
Since then, Blumenthal has declined to
discuss the incident or its implications.
Kelli Christman, a spokesman for
Cerner, the manufacturer of the software
used at Trinity, did not respond to repeated
emails and phone calls over the past week
seeking comment.
Detailed government regulations
announced July 13, three days before the
four-hour shutdown at Trinity, spell out
how doctors and hospitals can collect
stimulus money to help defray the costs
of buying digital systems. But safety and
quality standards – which Food and Drug
Administration officials had suggested earlier
this year could be in the offing – weren’t
included.
The safety debate has long pitted the FDA,
with the duty to make sure medical devices
are safe and effective, against the Office of
National Coordinator, whose central task is
to promote the technology’s swift adoption.
Under Blumenthal, a Harvard physician, the
office has campaigned tirelessly since last
April to sell the medical community and the
public on the wisdom of spending billions of
tax dollars for digital records.
Many industry groups contend that
FDA regulation would “stifle innovation”
and stall the national drive to wire up
American medicine. That view resonates
among the dozens of health information
technology experts serving as consultants to
Blumenthal’s office and on advisory groups.
Blumenthal also has been skeptical of the
need for regulation and argued that even if
some miscues occur, digital systems are far
less prone to error than paper ones.
“We know that every study and every
professional consensus process has concluded
that electronic health systems strongly and
materially improve patient safety. And we
believe that in spreading electronic health
records we are going to avoid many types
of errors that currently plague the healthcare
system,” Blumenthal said when unveiling
new regulations in Washington on July 13.
In public remarks that day, Blumenthal
said he “expects” an eventual certification
process for the digital systems to “collect
information about the problems that occur
with the implementation of electronic
health records, if any.” He did not say when
that would happen. In a later interview,
Blumenthal said “safety concerns are not
being ignored,” but wouldn’t comment
further.
Blumenthal declined to answer questions
from the Investigative Fund about the status
of negotiations with the FDA over these and
other safety issues.
In answering a question at a House
Energy and Commerce Committee hearing
on July 27, Blumenthal said that he was not
aware of any plans by FDA to “do anything
further than what they’ve already done.”
An FDA spokesman on Aug. 3 referred
all questions on its regulatory strategy
on digital records to Blumenthal’s office,
which declined to answer specific questions.
A spokesman for Blumenthal described
enhancing safety as a “continual process,”
noting that Blumenthal’s team is “working
with a number of organizations throughout the
health care industry” to make systems safer.
As for the Food and Drug Administration,
which is moving towards even tighter
regulation of other medical technology such
as X-ray machines and drug pumps, “FDA is
one agency that we are working with,” the
spokesman added.
‘Glossing over’ Problems?
Critics argue that both industry and
government should work more closely to
improve both safety and the efficiency of
digital systems. Some doctors and hospitals
have shunned electronic records because
they remain clunky and unwieldy for many
medical professionals to use—despite years
on the market—and that these deficiencies
can pose risks.
“The industry is glossing over these
problems,” said Robert B. Elson, a Cleveland
consultant and former medical director for
a digital records manufacturer. “It’s mind-
boggling how little innovation there has been
over the last ten to fifteen years.”
Dozens of other health information
technology insiders, from academics to front-
line users who believe digital medical records
can promote better and cheaper health care,
told the Investigative Fund in interviews
that they nonetheless fear safety issues will
mount as doctors and hospitals move quickly
to install the systems and collect stimulus
checks.
“People just assume that computers will
make things safer,” said Nancy Leveson, a
safety engineering expert at Massachusetts
Institute of Technology. “While they can
be designed to eliminate certain kinds of
hazards, they increase others and sometimes
they introduce new types of hazards.”
Some experts are calling for closer
government monitoring of the systems to
protect the public. “We need to have some
scrutiny at the front end and have an approval
process to make sure they are safe before
they’re deployed,” said Sharona Hoffman,
a law professor at Case Western Reserve
University, who has written about the issue
in academic journals.
Through the years, the industry has
been largely left to police itself.   The FDA
has wrestled with how to oversee medical
software since the mid-1980s. The agency
has published several such proposals and
held discussions with industry leaders, but
not taken any final action on a regulation.
In 2004, digital record keeping got a
boost when President George Bush signed an
executive order to create a digital medical file
for every American within a decade, a goal
officials said at the time they could reach
“without substantial regulation.”
“The time wasn’t right at that time to
move forward or the support wasn’t there (for
safety regulations),” said Robert Kolodner,
who ran the national coordinator’s office
during some of the Bush years.
Edward H. Shortliffe, president of the
American Medical Informatics Association
and a longtime industry figure, agreed that
safety issues weren’t a “primary concern”
as tech companies began to expand their
offerings.
Earlier this year, the trade group
convened an expert panel to study the issues
for the first time, but its findings have yet
to be made public. Shortliffe said he didn’t
think the organization would take a stand on
government regulation of the industry, but
said: “We recognize that there are significant
challenges that the field as a whole is facing.”
Concern Within the FDA
The FDA’s interest in the issue picked
up after Congress decided in February 2009
to spend billions of dollars making digital
medical records a cornerstone of the health
care reform campaign.
The FDA’s top brass heard those
concerns last fall, records show. In a
45-minute meeting on Sept. 22, 2009 at
FDA headquarters in White Oak, Md., staff
briefed Commissioner Margaret Hamburg on
regulatory strategy, including “possible risk
implications.” That day, Hamburg “stated
that FDA needs to be involved in the White
House initiative,” according to minutes of the
meeting obtained by the Investigative Fund.
In backing her staff, Hamburg, a
physician, risked a collision with a top White
House goal to roll out the electronic health
records plan and begin paying hospitals to
adopt them starting as early as this fall.
The clash of priorities became public
in late February when FDA official Jeffrey
Shuren tied 6 deaths and more than 200
injuries to health information technology and
said these were likely the “tip of the iceberg.”
The data review, based on mostly voluntary
reports to the FDA, suggested “significant
clinical implications and public safety issues
surrounding health information technology,”
according to an agency report.
Shuren laid out three possible options for
regulations, none of which have happened.
They range from mandatory reporting of
“adverse events” to a full blown regulatory
structure that would require all digital records
system to be approved by the agency prior to
marketing.
ONC director Blumenthal, the point man
for the administration, has called the FDA’s
injury findings “anecdotal and fragmentary.”
He told the Investigative Fund that he
believed nothing in the report indicated a
need for regulation. Yet others see anecdotes
as a starting point for a more methodical look
at problems that arise.
Both FDA and the ONC are branches
of the Department of Health and Human Post Investigative Fund
Services. HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius
is a key player in the administration’s health
reform agenda.
The same day that Blumenthal, Sebelius
and other federal health officials unveiled
their digital records plan in Washington,
an obscure government agency held a
conference less than 20 miles away in
suburban Maryland to discuss the state of
quality controls.
Ben-Tzion Karsh, an engineering
professor at the University of Wisconsin in
Madison who attended the National Institute
of Standards and Technology conference said
he heard a “broad consensus” among experts
that electronic medical records need to
function better and safer. “The truth is that we
do not at this time know what would make an
EHR (electronic health record) safe,” he said.
Others said that despite the rosy
view taken by many political figures in
Washington, many systems on the market
today aren’t designed in ways that prevent
and limit new errors—and that nobody is
holding the industry accountable.
Sometimes poor designs lead to
inconvenience and frustration. It can take
numerous clicks for a doctor to order
a prescription that seems more easily
accomplished with pad and pen. Some
systems issue so many alerts that doctors
ignore them or turn off built-in alarms.
Experts say not enough is done to test for so-
called “usability,” even when such issues can
impair safety.
Systems that are not “user friendly” can
generate errors, said Patel, the University of
Texas researcher in the field, who with her
team has a $15 million grant to study the
topic for the federal government.
Others experts are asking how well
the systems do at preventing potentially
disastrous mistakes, such as sending doctors’
orders to wrong patient’s treatment file.
Nothing in the current law, experts say,
requires manufacturers to focus on these
issues, though other sectors such as aviation
have done so for years.
Officials at Trinity Health said the
malfunctions in both events were rare
occurrences, and that overall their “major
investment” in the Cerner system has paid
big dividends by improved the quality of
medical care.
Trinity Health has noted improved care
for patients from its use of electronic records.
More than 1,200 doctors and staff
use the system at any given time and more
than 600,000 medical treatment orders
are processed daily through the networks.
Spokesman Shivinsky said that when the
system slowed down July 16, technicians
shut it down for about four hours. During that
period, he said, doctors and nurses were able
to rely on backup systems.
“We are not aware of any patient safety
or quality of care issues caused by this
event,” he said. Still, he said: “There’s a lot
of potential for improvement in all of our
systems.”
While doctors were concerned about the
problems, Shivinsky said that most are happy
with the system and would “never go back
to paper.” Meanwhile technicians are still
trying to figure out the root cause. “We’ll get
to the bottom of it and fix it,” he said.
Originally published by the Huffington
September 2, 2010 7
 City Paper recently sat down with
one of Columbia’s most progressive and
buzz worthy artists, Michael Krajewski.
His show “Fraught” opens September 3
at HoFP Gallery.
that you have donated art for a variety
of charities including Adopt a Pet and
Sistercare, among others. I assume you
are a starving artist, so what inspires you
to support these kinds of entities?

By Paul Blake MK: Is this an investigative report or

are we here to talk about my upcoming
COLUMBIA CITY PAPER: Laura shows?
Brown’s Artist Basement is often credited
for “discovering” you. Do you wish CCP: Word on the street is that you
the community embraced her private will be featured in the September issue of
local gallery the way it supports a tax SKIRT magazine. I’m sure the ladies will
payer funded venture like 701 Gallery? be excited about that?
Needless to say, the community should
support 701, but I thought I would pose MK: Don’t get too excited ladies;
the question to an artist who has had I still have only one lady on my mind,
successful shows at both. although she recently moved away from
Columbia.
MICHAEL KRAJEWSKI: I think
the Artist Basement was embraced by CCP: [Mimics sound of cracking
the community. We had many successful whip.]
shows there. And, I see many familiar
faces supporting 701. 701 is a whole MK: [Stares back silently. Not
different creature than Artists Basement. amused.]
The renovation of that building is
incredible and I think it is a huge boost CCP: ...So tell me about your
for Olympia and the arts community. 701 upcoming shows.
Gallery has allowed me to do incredibly
groundbreaking shows like the first live MK: I have a solo show at the HOFP
painting on a nude woman. Gallery on September 3rd. It will all be
my newest works. There will also be a
CCP: If you ever get thousands video installation done by Jason Stroud,
of dollars in grants or hospitality tax starring Bonnie Boiter-Jolley. I will also
money, will you consider buying a $50 be showing in November on Main St. for
ad in [Columbia] City Paper? I mean, their First Thursday at F.O.M. [Frame of
this is like your fourth interview in the Mind].
past five years.
CCP: It seems all the good people
MK: I have painted news boxes for leave Columbia. Does the fact that you
Columbia City Paper, one of which has are still around speak to the quality of
been stolen from the corner of Main your work?
and Gervais. I haven’t seen any money
from them. ...Don’t you guys owe me a MK: Well, you guys are still around.
couple hundred bucks?
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
CCP: Er, moving right along: I read
8 September 2, 2010
 Greetings!!! Schools back in session, 2) Heavy D- Peaceful
football is in full swing, and the money Journey (1991)
is still funny. Hopefully all of you out 3) Ice Cube- Dead Homiez
there are doing well and enjoying the (1990)
cooler weather. If not; sorry for you… 4) D.R.S. (Dirty Rotten
this summer was crazy hot. Let’s get it!!!! Scoundrels)– Gangsta Lean
(1993)
Rest In Peace Playlist Back 5) Bone Thugs & Harmony-
in mid 2005, Hurricane Katrina came Tha Crossroads (1995)
thru the Gulf Coast like something 6) UGK (Underground
that was never experienced before Kingz)- One Day (1996)
in these continental United States. 7) Master P- Heaven For A
From dilapidated infrastructures and Gangsta (1997)
overwhelming flooding to disarrayed 8) 2 Pac- I Ain’t Mad At
politicians and the unfortunate relocations You (1996)/Notorious B.I.G.-
for many and the even more devastating Miss You (1997)
losses of life of people; Katrina will never 9) NAS- Just A Moment
be forgotten as a dire time in American 10) D.I.T.C. (OC, AG,
History. As a tribute to the 5 year since & Lord Finesse)- Tribute…
it came upon shore, we are going to give dedicated to Big L (2000)
you 10 of the greatest tribute songs to
those who have gone on; there are plenty WORDS OF WISDOM
more out there, but these are some of You never know what day will
the best. May you forever remain in be your last…Live your life now!!! Stay
our memories… (In no particular order Up!!!!
except #1 my personal favorite)
1) Pete Rock & C.L. DJ Kingpin-Villain Of Vinyl
Smooth- T.R.O.Y. (The kingpinvillianofvinyl@gmail.com
Reminisce Over You- 1992)

10 Septemebr 2, 2010
 14
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Friday September 3 Cafe Strudel Perlowin of Ahleuchatistas We Came As Romans Friday September 10 Utopia
Flagship Admirals (early show) In Fear and Faith The Dirty Lowdown
Cafe Strudel Tom Conlon Don Russo, & Confide Cafe Strudel
Dennis Ware House Jesse Isley(late show) Upon A Burning Body Sound of Voices New Brookland Tavern
The Swift Technique From The Heart Dignan
New Brookland Tavern Sunday September 5 New Brookland Tavern Farewell Flight
Aloha Fest II:Day 1 Loose Cockaboose Utopia Josh Roberts & the Hinges Versus The Robot
Capital City Playboys Evil Empire (Rage Against Art Bar Luci & Levia The Restoration I In The Sky
The Soul Mites the Machine Tribute), So Isle of Wight Pop Festival Say Brother Soft Spot
The Stellas Hush Hush (Pixies Tribute), Tribute Show White Mule High Roses Grow
Acoustic Sets By: David Colour and the Shape, The Jacob Johnson w Taylor Utopia
Adedokun, Ben Walker, Lovecrafts, Chase Asmer New Brookland Tavern Moore and Paul Brazell Flagship Admirals w The White Mule
Justin Register, Danny Harptallica (Metallica the forces of the street Loose Shoes w/ Kevin
Lyons, TBA New Brookland Tavern Cover Band) Thursday September 9 Harrison
Aloha Fest II: Day 2 Brass To The Future The White Mule
Utopia Testing Ground New Brookland Tavern Joal Rush & The Wares CD Sunday September 12
Reggae Infinity Carolina Chupacabra Tuesday September 7 Benjy Davis Project Release w/ Mike Willis New Brookland Tavern
Trudge Ingram Hill Those Lavender Whales
Saturday September 4 These Dying Days New Brookland Tavern Saurday September 11 Coma Cinema
TBA American Aquarium Utopia Cassangles
Art Bar Ponderosa Open Mic w Betz Kirby The Art Bar Let’s Go, Coyote!
Evil Empire (Rage Against Utopia TBA American Gun, Caleb
the Machine Tribute), So Cold Creek The White Mule Caudle and The Bayonets Monday September 13
Hush Hush (Pixies Tribute), Wednesday September 8 The Mosier Brothers New Brookland Tavern
Colour and the Shape, The The White Mule (founding members of Cafe Strudel Acoustic Open Mic Night
Lovecrafts, Chase Asmer An Evening w/ Shane New Brookland Tavern Blueground Undergrass). Uncle Mountain w/ Brightford

Whatever you need in an alt country
band, Raleigh’s American Aquarium has
it: greasy licks; a deep well of lyrics; solid
hooks; a sound that’s both gritty and rich
at once; songs about booze and loss and
the occasional bar tramp; packed out, beer-
soaked live shows; four solid albums to
pull from; you name it. What more could a
music fan possibly ask for?
The band’s latest album Small Town
Hymns is destined to be an underground
classic. Rumored to have been written and
12 September 2, 2010
recorded in just around a month’s time, it
supplants the fuller barroom grooves of
Dances for the Lonely and The Bible and
the Bottle, with a darker, stripped down
introspection more rooted in storytelling.
Don’t get me wrong, it rocks, but it’s
definitely a coming of age album –the
morning-after soul searching that follows
a night that got out of hand.
This will be a fun, hard-drinking
show. New Brookland Tavern at it’s best.
Ponderosa opens. Doors at 8 p.m.
Road Trip
09/03/10 :: Friday Gregory Scott Performing Arts
Lord T and Eloise Deftones Wine Awhile Kilowatts The Center
DJ Logic Baroness Mount Pleasant, SC Garage at Biltmore Charleston, SC
Big Gigantic The Fillmore Asheville, NC
Live Wire Music Charlotte, NC Tears For Fears DJ R Dot
Hall House of Blues Emmitt-Nershi Band O’Malley’s
Savannah, GA Glen Clark and the N. Myrtle Beach, Del McCoury Band Bar and Grille
Family Denton SC Town Mountain Charleston, SC
American Aquarium Farm Park Denton, Hank Williams III Pisgah Brewing
The Jinx NC Ground Zero Black Mountain, NC Henry’s Attic
Savannah, GA Nonpoint Jesters Spartanburg, SC Parson Jack’s Cafe
Pub Shannon Whitworth Charleston, SC
The Hypsys Fayetteville, NC 09/04/10 : Saturday Ian Thomas The
Buffalo’s Cafe Evening Muse Stockholm
Statesboro, GA The Freeloaders Dank Sinatra Charlotte, NC Syndrome
Saltus River Grill Farm 255 Athens, Bret Mosley
The Train Wrecks Beaufort, SC GA The Love Language The Music Farm
Huc A Poos Tybee Matt Hires Visulite Theatre Charleston, SC
Island, GA Jacob Johnson Wakey!Wakey! Charlotte, NC
Stockholm Main Street Deli & Livewire Music Hall Toubab Krewe
Syndrome Coffeehouse Savannah, GA Jive Mother Mary The Pour House
The Enemy Lovers Central, SC The Doghouse Charleston, SC
Orange Peel Shathouse Rats The Hypsys Fayetteville, NC
Asheville, NC Kudu Coffee House Dingus Magee’s Zach Deputy
Charleston, SC Statesboro, GA Steep Canyon The Big Bamboo
jazzchronic The Lab Rangers Redbone Hilton Head Island,
Asheville, NC Corey Smith The Train Wrecks Willy’s Bluegrass & SC
Matt MacKelcan North Beach Grill Peddler’s Festival Simplified The
Ivan Neville’s The Music Farm Tybee Island, GA Lawndale, NC Windjammer
Dumpstaphunk Charleston, SC Isle of Palms, SC
Pisgah Brewing Big Daddy Love Paul Cataldo
Black Mountain, NC The Showdown Emerald Lounge Childress Vineyards Makeupbreakup
The Oasis Asheville, NC Lexington, NC Crazy J’s Basement
Dave Turner Charleston, SC Myrtle Beach, SC
White Horse Black Velvet Truckstop The Plaztik Pony
Mountain Black Toubab Krewe Lexington Avenue Band Sister Hazel
Mountain, NC The Pimps Of Brewery Momma Sarah’s Sun Domingo
Joytime Asheville, NC Morganton, NC House of Blues
Naughty By Nature The Pour House N. Myrtle Beach,
Amos’ Southend Charleston, SC Secret Agent 23 The Freeloaders SC
Charlotte, NC Skidoo Plum’s Shathouse Rats
Henry’s Attic Snake Oil Medicine Beaufort, SC The Mill North
Conrad Oberg Acme Cantina Show Charleston, SC
Double Door Inn Isle of Palms, SC Orange Peel Spyro Gyra
Charlotte, NC Asheville, NC North Charleston
 movie times
Movie times listed are 5:10 7:10 7:40 9:40 The Sorcerer’s Nickelodeon
for the weekend of 10:10 Apprentice (PG) h t t p : / / w w w .
September 3, please Machete new! (R) 1:50 4:40 7:15 9:45 nickelodeon.org/ 937
confirm with theater. 11:55am 2:20 4:50 7:20 The Kids Are All Right Main Street
9:50 (R)
Regal Columbia The American new! (R) 1:45 4:20 7:05 9:45 COUNTDOWN TO
Cinema 7 12:30 3:05 5:30 8:00 The Last Airbender 3D ZERO
3400 Forest Drive 10:30 (PG) Since the first atomic
Suite 3000, Columbia, Avatar: Special Edition Digital 3D Showtimes bomb exploded in 1945,
SC 29204 3D new! (PG-13) 1:35 4:05 6:35 9:15 scientists and world
The Last Exorcism new! Showtimes The Last Airbender leaders have grappled
(PG-13) 12:00 3:30 7:00 10:35 (PG) with the apocalyptic
2:50 5:20 7:45 10:05 The Last Exorcism new! 1:55 4:25 6:55 9:30 dangers and paradoxes
Takers new! (PG-13) (PG-13) posed by nuclear
2:20 4:45 7:20 9:50 12:20 1:00 2:45 3:15 Regal Sandhill weapons. Lucy Walker’s
Lottery Ticket (PG-13) 5:00 5:35 7:15 7:45 Stadium 16 450 Town documentary presents
Written by T. Espinoza up with his bag of tricks, complete with 2:45 5:15 7:40 10:00 9:25 10:00 Center Place an unblinking look
Nanny McPhee Returns Takers new! (PG-13) Going the Distance new! at humanity’s lethal
When you see the trailer for a film like demon sound effects and a smoking cross, (PG) 12:15 2:35 5:05 7:35 (R) predicament. The film
The Last Exorcism, with its grainy hand- to provide the family religious catharsis, he 2:10 4:35 7:00 9:25 10:05 11:30am 12:00 2:00 outlines current threats
held footage, no-name cast and a girl who finds a well-intentioned father who loves The Switch (PG-13) Piranha 3D (R) 2:30 4:30 5:00 7:00 7:30 posed by a growing list
looks like she could physically rotate her his daughter very much (perhaps a little too 2:40 4:55 7:10 9:35 Showtimes 9:35 10:10 12:10am of nuclear-armed states
head better than any tricked-out Linda Blair much, but that gets addressed later in the Vampires Suck (PG-13) 8:05 10:15 Machete new! (R) and weighs the prospects
doll, you get your hopes up. You think, movie). 2:55 5:25 7:25 9:30 Eat Pray Love (PG-13) 12:15 2:45 5:15 7:45 for global disarmament,
wow, this could be the best of the Blair What doesn’t get addressed very well The Other Guys (PG- 12:40 4:15 7:30 10:25 10:30 12:30am soliciting insights from a
13) The Expendables (R) The American new! (R) gallery of world leaders
Witch and The Exorcist with a little Emily in the film is the trailer’s promise of gory 2:00 7:30 12:05 2:30 4:55 7:25 11:50am 2:20 4:50 7:20 and policy experts.
Rose thrown in. And should you be so fun. Sure there’s a healthy amount of blood, Inception (PG-13) 9:55 10:00 12:30am SEPTEMBER 3-9,
astute as to catch the fact that it’s produced some cow guts and a kitty that’s seen bet- 4:25 9:55 Dinner for Schmucks Avatar: Special Edition Friday-Thursday
by Eli Roth (the writer/director of Hostel, ter days but other than that the film takes (PG-13) 3D new! (PG-13) Friday, Sept. 3 - 6:00
not to mention the Bear Jew in Quentin a cue from predecessors like Blair Witch Carmike Wynnsong 10 4:20 10:20 Showtimes only
Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds), you start and, more recently Paranormal Activity, by 5320 Forest Drive, Get Low (PG-13) 11:55am 3:30 7:05 Saturday, Sept. 4 - 3:00
to get a real sense that things might get allowing the viewer’s imagination to run Columbia, SC 29206 11:50am 2:15 4:45 7:15 11:00 and 8:30
Going the Distance new! 9:45 The Last Exorcism new! Sunday, Sept. 5 - 3:00
pretty gory pretty fast–deliciously, heart- wild with a minimum of prompting, which (R) Salt (PG-13) (PG-13) and 6:00
poundingly gory. is actually an admirable feat, but like I said, 1:50 4:45 7:35 10:00 1:50 7:50 11:40am 12:10 1:55 Monday, Sept. 6 - 6:00
Unfortunately, trailers can be mislead- the trailer sets you up to expect something Machete new! (R) Inception (PG-13) 2:25 4:15 4:45 7:25 7:55 only
ing. different. Even so, some of the freaky bits 1:40 4:30 7:25 9:55 12:45 3:50 7:05 10:15 9:45 10:15 12:00am Tuesday, Sept. 7 - 6:00
The film opens up with a glimpse of the are pretty good and a lot of them play off The American new! (R) Toy Story 3 in Disney Takers new! (PG-13) only
flashy ministry of the fast-talking Deacon the ghostly stare and otherworldly contor- 1:30 4:20 7:15 9:45 Digital 3D (G) 11:35am 12:05 2:05 Wednesday, Sept. 8 -
Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian), a hand- tions of the farmer’s daughter, portrayed Piranha 3D (R) Showtimes 2:35 4:35 5:05 7:10 7:40 3:00 and 6:00
Digital 3D Showtimes 12:25 2:50 5:25 9:50 10:20 12:20am Thursday, Sept. 9 - 6:00
some man of god who can get his practitio- with haunting effect by newcomer Ashely 1:40 4:40 7:15 9:45 Lottery Ticket (PG-13) only
ners hallelujah-ing about everything from Bell. Her nocturnal possession turns her in Eat Pray Love (PG-13) Carmike 14 2:50 5:20 7:50 10:25
the good word to banana bread. But for all to a writhing fiend, but it’s her vulnerable 1:30 4:50 8:00 122 Afton Court, Open Captioned THE BIG MO
of his fervor and pageantry, the deacon is daytime innocence that draws you into her The Expendables (R) Columbia, SC 29212 Showtimes MONETTA DRIVE-
having a crisis of faith lately, which isn’t plight and sets you up for the scares. 1:40 4:30 7:05 9:40 Lottery Ticket (PG-13) 12:20pm IN
good for someone who performs exorcisms. Playing into the that innocence with Scott Pilgrim vs. the 1:40 2:45 4:10 5:15 Nanny McPhee Returns 5822 Columbia
In fact, he thinks exorcisms are jokes that conviction are Fabin, whose torn resolve World (PG-13) 7:10 8:10 9:45 (PG) Highway North,
1:35 4:20 7:10 9:50 Nanny McPhee Returns 11:40am 2:10 4:40 7:15 Monetta SC 29105 open
can become dangerous if they get out of between skepticism and religious duty helps Step Up 3D (PG-13) (PG) 9:55 at 7pm and show starts
hand, so he mostly performs them to do you buy his character’s decisions (well until Digital 3D Showtimes 1:30 4:10 6:50 9:25 Piranha 3D (R) at 8:15.
damage control with the hope of one day the end), and Louis Hethum as the father 6:55 9:20 The Switch (PG-13) Showtimes Labor Day Weekend
exposing them for what they are: psycho- who desperately wants to save his daugh- Ramona and Beezus (G) 2:00 4:30 7:00 9:35 7:25 9:40 11:50 Triple Feature Sept 3,4,5
somatic manifestations of socio-religious ter’s soul. But perhaps the real standout is 1:40 4:15 Vampires Suck (PG-13) The Switch (PG-13)
anxiety (or something like that anyway). It’s Caleb Landry Jones as the farmer’s son and Salt (PG-13) 2:10 4:50 7:20 9:40 1:45 6:55 12:05am Screen 1
for this reason he decides to let a film crew dutiful brother, whose lackadaisical coun- 7:05 9:40 The Other Guys (PG- Vampires Suck (PG-13) Toy Story 3
Despicable Me (PG) 13) 12:25 2:40 5:10 8:00 Despicable Me
document his latest house-call, the footage try-boy affect is so underlyingly menacing; 1:30 4:05 6:50 9:15 1:30 2:30 4:00 5:10 10:10 12:15am Twilight
of which is the film–a clever gimmick if it one could argue he’s the scariest character 6:40 8:00 9:30 Eat Pray Love (PG-13)
were still 1999. in the whole film. AMC Dutch Square 14 Cats & Dogs: The 12:30 3:40 6:50 9:55 Screen 2
As the deacon and film crew leave his With such strong performances going 800 Bush River Rd., Revenge of Kitty Galore The Expendables (R) Shrek forever after
sunny parish to travel to the deep South in a long way to make the film believable, it’s Columbia, SC 29210 (PG) 11:45am 2:15 4:55 7:35 Iron Man 2
response to a farmer’s plea for help, the a shame that the ending falls so painfully 2:15 4:35 6:45 9:10 10:05 12:25am Inception
tone changes from comically light-hearted short. The “ah-hah” moment isn’t really Regal Columbiana Cats & Dogs: The The Other Guys (PG-
Grande Stadium 14 Revenge of Kitty Galore 13) St. Andrews Cinema
to the kind of perverse paranoia that only impressive and the conclusion is too cocka- 1250 Bower Pkwy, 3D (PG) 4:10 9:30 5 527 St Andrews Road
the backwoods can inspire. It seems that mamie and disorienting to be as rushed as it Columbia, SC 29212 Digital 3D Showtimes Toy Story 3 in Disney Columbia, SC 29210
the farmer’s livestock is being mutilated is those last few minutes. It left this cheated 2:05 4:15 6:30 9:00 Digital 3D (G) (803) 772-7469
and the only logical culprit is his sweat- viewer damning the trailer back to Hell. Going the Distance new! Charlie St. Cloud (PG- Showtimes Please call
as-pie daughter. But the farmer isn’t with- http://www.moviefilmreview.com/ (R) 13) 11:30am 1:50 4:20
out understanding; she is possessed by a author/Tazberry78 12:10 2:10 2:40 4:40 1:50 4:20 6:45 9:20
demon after all. So when the deacon shows September 2, 2010 13
 SavageLove Sex Advice
by Dan Savage
JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS
“Everyone’s Gotta Eat”--they’re just doing what they believe in.
by Matt Jones a way 26 Hang around too long to
Across 58 Answer to the question stare
I lost my virginity herpes misdiagnosis. So calm the fuck down. 1 “If I ___ so myself...” 60 Give an X to, perhaps 27 Of a certain Freudian
last night. Even if your roommate does have herpes, STD, 6 Peace symbol 61 Ski slope site fixation
I’m a straight male you’re not going to get it from sharing a toilet— 10 Capital dating back to 1000 62 “___ I may...” 28 Place to crash on campus
in my early 30s, so it unless you and the roommate have invented a novel AD 63 Late host Ken of MTV’s 31 “Love ___ neighbor”
was about time. It wasn’t new way of taking a dump. And you’re not going to 14 Pet person’s org. “Remote Control” 32 “2001” computer
awkward, and we had get it from your damn dog. For his own sake, your 15 Law professor Dershowitz 64 “Casablanca” character 33 “Press ___ key to continue”
a good time. However, I roommate shouldn’t allow your dog to lick his open 16 Nighttime bird call 65 Take in a stray 34 Class with divisions
didn’t climax, the result sores (who does he think he is? Job?), herpes-related 17 Part 1 of a question Down 35 Neighborhood
of years of death-grip or not, and if you’re really freaking out about your 19 Cigar leftover 1 ___ Butler (voice of Yogi 36 1981 Warren Beatty epic
masturbation. (Thanks for the warning, Dan, I’m promiscuously affectionate new dog, well, you can 20 Delhi wrap Bear) 38 Imitate
sorry I didn’t heed it.) She took it personally but make up your mind to refrain from kissing any animal 21 “In ___ of flowers...” 2 Workplace-watching org. 39 The wrong way
seemed satisfied when I said it was only nerves. that drinks out of toilets, licks its own ass, and laps 22 Knife brand used for crafts 3 Practice box 41 Like some softball teams
I am left this morning with confusion and up vomit. 23 Part 2 of the question 4 Trying to change society 42 “Back to the Future”
trepidation about my relationship with my new 26 Famous naked horse rider 5 Side-to-side movement inventor, familiarly
girlfriend. I suppose this is normal, but I don’t see last I have a new girlfriend. She likes me to eat her 29 National Hamburger Month 6 Spinoff of “Beavis and Butt- 43 It may be set to “stun”
night as a “bonding moment,” and I am afraid that cream pie after we have sex. She does get off again
30 Got up Head” 44 Poet Angelou
and squirts most of the time when I do it. No one has
31 Bangkok residents 7 Bygone, like days 45 Houston player
is a bad sign. I also find myself being extra critical of
34 Ruin 8 Liechtenstein’s capital 46 Young pigeon
my partner’s performance, which, as a virgin, I am ever asked me to do this before her. Is she crazy? Or
37 Wearing enough layers 9 Roxy Music ex-member 47 Mozart’s “Cosi fan ___”
not in a good position to judge. She has never been am I for doing it?
38 Part 3 of the question Brian 48 Miss Lavigne
a particularly good kisser and her blowjob technique Not A Cream Pie Lover Yet 39 Like some essentials 10 “Chantilly Lace” 49 Blue-green shades
was less than spectacular. Although it was a pleasant 40 Airline to Amsterdam exclamation 50 Syllables sung while
experience, I feel like it lacked passion or a spark. Why does someone have to be crazy? A cream 41 In a playful way 11 Sans ___ (without worry) skipping
I feel like an asshole for even having these pie isn’t my preferred post-orgasm snack—I much 42 Passe 12 Lenya of “The Threepenny 54 Ed McMahon catchphrase
thoughts. Is there something wrong with me and/or prefer a Creamsicle—but if it gets her off, and if 43 Go after a zit Opera” 55 Take ___ (rest)
am I an ass-hole? doing this for her doesn’t leave you curled up on the 44 Coffeehouse orders 13 Preminger and Klemperer 56 “Hey, over here!” hiss
One Potential Asshole bathroom floor in the fetal position, then you’re not 45 Part 4 of the question 18 Gymnast Korbut 58 Letters near 4 on a keypad
P.S. I have attached photos in hopes that you crazy and neither is she. She’s kinky, you’re GGG, 51 Group of cheerleaders 22 “Do not open ‘til ___” 59 ___ standstill
will respond. and you’re both enjoying some kick-ass, boundary- 52 Extremely 24 Mitochondrial ___
pushing sex. Enjoy. 53 Sound of being hit with a (descendant of all living ©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords
There could be something wrong with you, newspaper humans) (editor@jonesincrosswords.
OPA, and you could be an asshole. I can’t rule either I’m a 28-year-old straight guy. I’m also five 57 Expresses disapproval, in 25 Leave off com)
possibility out after quickly skimming one e-mail and feet six and 124 pounds. I know, I know—I’m hardly
thoroughly examining three nude photographs. microscopic. But I always feel like I’m a lost kid when
Just because you’re a virgin—or were a I’m at a bar or club, with people my age or younger
virgin—doesn’t mean you’re going to automatically towering over me. So that, right away, is a confidence
click with the first woman who volunteered to put killer when trying to meet women. But here’s the real
your dick in her mouth. However much you like kicker: I like tall women. In fact, I prefer somewhat
this girl, OPA, you still might not be sexually and/or butch women—Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry,
chemically compatible. Geena Davis in A League of Their Own—and this
But sex is a skill that takes time and practice leads to the ancillary problem that many of the
to acquire. It may take a little time and some women I’m attracted to are lesbians and thus are not
experimentation for you to discover what works for interested in me. But even the tall, butchy straight/
you. And if you give her some time, you may find that bi girls tend to go for guys who are taller than them.
she works for you. Most women I talk to about why they fall for tall guys
If she didn’t know you were a virgin, OPA, tell have a common theme: They are looking for someone
her. And tell her that it wasn’t nerves that prevented who makes them feel secure.
you from getting off, but the unfamiliarity of the That’s what I want! Is it so damn wrong to want
sensations you were experiencing and, perhaps, a a woman to be protective of ME? I want to be held by
masturbatory style that desensitized your dick. Tell a strong pair of lady arms! No, I’m not into super-
her it might take you a little while to get there, but muscle women, nor am I into hardcore dom/sub stuff.
with her help and patience—and mouth and pussy— Why is my vanilla kink such an obstacle? What am
you’re sure you can get there. And then try to relax, I to do?
experiment, and enjoy. Below Their League
And no more death grip—period. When you
masturbate, use your nondominant hand, a lighter Most women prefer men who are taller than
grip, and perhaps a Fleshlight. they are. It’s a sad, unavoidable fact, BTL, one you’ll
have to accept (just as I had to accept that most men
I’m herpes-free, but I found out today that prefer women), and you’ll have to search harder for
my roommate has contracted it. He has a sore but the lady/lady arms of your dreams. Not much else you
won’t see a doctor about it because he says he’s can do about it.
embarrassed. We share the same bathroom, so I’ve got some space to kill, so here are a few
I knew I would have to be diligent about that. But Savage Love programming notes: My recently
now I am freaking out: Not long after he shared this announced celebrity crush—Stefon on SNL as
information, my 7-month-old puppy runs into his room portrayed by Bill Hader—is no longer operative. My
and proceeds to cover my roommate’s face in kisses. new celebrity crush is Branden Hayward, the actor
I’ve called the vet and my medical provider, and while who plays the cute-but-dim young husband in those
they both agree that my pup cannot contract the STD, Rhapsody commercials. Sigh.
they cannot rule out the pup passing the infection on Ever wanted to be a porn star for a weekend but
to me. Please advise. I would like to know how to best not for the rest of your life? Ever wanted to win large
handle this situation. cash prizes? Go to thestranger .com/hump to learn
Scared To Death more about HUMP!, The Stranger’s annual amateur
porn festival that’s now in its sixth year. Hardcore,
Wouldn’t it be great if being paranoid about softcore, erotica, animation, robots, zombies, virgins,
contracting herpes was the only way to contract cream pies, lady arms—everyone and everything is
herpes? welcome at HUMP! The deadline for entry is October
Look, STD, lots of people self-diagnose 15. Go to the website for contest details, release
themselves with herpes when all they have is an forms, and dates.
innocuous little cut or sore near their mouth or And finally: Khia’s new album? My goodness.
genitals. People who are too embarrassed/ridiculous
to go see their doctors are highly likely to arrive at a mail@savagelove.net
14 September 2, 2010
September 2, 2010 15
 Thursday 2 friday 3 Saturday 4 Sunday 5 monday 6 Tuesday 7 Wednesday 8
no cover 7:00pm donations 7pm donations 7pm $8/$10 8 pm no cover 9pm $8 8pm $13/$15 6 pm
SepTember

College Football AlohA Fest II: DAy 1 AlOHA FeST II: Useless Trivia
Capital City Harptallica American We Came aS
Aquarium
Kickoff 9pm Hosted
USC vs Southern Miss Playboys DAY 2 (Metallica Cover By Hardy romanS
Game on 4 TVs & Projector The Soul Mites Testing Ground Band) & Dewayne In Fear and Faith
$2 Budwiezer / Bud light The Stellas Carolina Chupacabra
Brass To The Ponderosa Confide
Free Shots Acoustic Sets By: David Trudge
Future. Upon A Burning
everytime USC Adedokun Ben Walker, These Dying Days TBA Body
Scores a Touchdown Justin Register, Danny TBA From The Heart
Lyons, TBA
Thursday 9 friday 10 Saturday 11 Sunday 12 monday 13 Tuesday 14 Wednesday 15
$8 8pm $10 8:30pm $8 7pm $5/$8 7pm Free>21/$3 8pm $10/$12 6 pm $8 7 pm
SepTember

Dignan
those lAvenDer Acoustic Open
$7 with college ID For info

Mic Night w/: Fireworks and sign up,

Benjy Davis Josh Roberts & Farewell Flight WhAles email newbrooklandtavern@

the Hinges The Swellers hotmail.com

ComA CInemA
Versus The Robot brighTforD
Project I In The Sky CAssAngles Man Overboard $2000
The Restoration Soft Spot let’s go, Coyote! Sign up in advance or at granD prize
Ingram Hill the club that evening. Transit $4000 in
Say Brother High Roses Grow mIDnIght murDerAmA Under 21 Must sign up ToTal prizeS
before 10pm. rounD 1

Thursday 16 friday 178

Thursday Sunday 19 Thursday 23 Saturday 25 monday 27 Tuesday 28
$8 7 pm $10 8:30pm $14 6pm $10/$12 8 pm $5/$8 4:45pm no cover 9pm $8/$10 7pm
SepTember

luDo
For info Useless Trivia
Kingslyn Kevin Seconds We Sail At All Get Out
and sign up,
9pm Hosted
Dawn
email newbrooklandtavern@
By Hardy
hotmail.com Cherry Case there For tomorroW
& Dewayne O’Brother
the grADuAte Behold The Messenger
$2000 TBA TBA Death On Two
tommy & the hIgh Ninjaloot
granD prize PIlots Wheels
Saying Goodbye To
$4000 in
ToTal prizeS Scarlet Pan
rounD 1

MONDAY
We Came Sept. 13 TueSDay SepT. 14
aS romanS Open Mic Night w/:

In Fear and Faith

brighTforD
Sign up in advance or at the
Confide club that evening. Under 21
Upon A Burning Must sign up before 10pm.

Body
From The Heart

Wed. Sept. 8 personal pie

$13/$15 6pm $2.50 all the time $13/$15 6pm

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169

www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413