Dear Alistair:

1. I always feel difficult to use “with” like this: There was also a significant rise in the use of
mobiles to play games and to record video, with figures reaching 41% and 35% respectively in
2010. Could you please give me a brief introduction?

After the , (and main clause) we can use verb +ing (the ‘with’ is adding information about ‘figures’
– ‘I am getting married next week, with the wedding at a local church’

2. I wonder when should I use “the” in such sentence:

a) People who go to universities (the university)
b) In primary schools (the primary school)
According to a book, we should use “the” when we say university as a certain stage (all
university), but I frequently saw people use “students in universities” instead of “students in
the university”. Why?
In my experience ‘the university’ is never used. Only after we have introduced the name of
the university would we use ‘the’. It is better to talk about things generally (using +s). In IELTS
we make many general statements about subjects. They are not specific because we are not
specialists.
3. I would be very grateful if you can send me the book with collection you mentioned

4. My next IETLS is coming in next week. Wish I can get 7 this time with your help
The graph below shows changes in young adult
unemployment rates in England between 1993 and 2012.

13:11

The line graph compares the unemployment rate of people aged between
16-24 years old with overall unemployment rates over 20 years in
England.
It is evident that population among 16 to 24–years-old group had
higher unemployment rates compared with all population in England.
The unemployment rates in London area of both age groups are also
significantly higher than other regions of England.
More specifically, in 1993, the unemployment rate of young adults in
England was 22%, followed by young adults from rest of England at
17.5%, and then all adults who live in London and rest cities in
England, at 15% and 10% respectively.
In over 20 years, all four groups of population saw similar trends.
The number of unemployed people from all four groups gradually
declined, and then started increasing from 2002, despite some
fluctuations. In 2012, while the unemployment rate of young adults in
London and other areas peaked at 25% and 20%, the figure for overall
population in London and rest areas in England reached at 9% and 8%
respectively.
Commented [A1]: If you use hyphens ‘-‘; the +s disappears –
24-year-old
Commented [A2]: The rest of the population in England /
the rest of England’s population.
Commented [A3]: ‘’the London area’ – the specific area of
London.
Commented [A4]: The idea here is that the percentage of
unemployed is higher for 16-24 year olds in London than the
16-24 group in England. In addition the overall rate in
London is higher than the overall rate of the rest of England.
Commented [A5]: ‘the rest of England’
Commented [A6]: ‘the rest of the cities’
Commented [A7]: ‘Over the…. (no ‘in’)
Commented [A8]: I’m not sure I agree with this –
The two aged 26-24 groups for London shared the same
pattern as did the two ‘overall’.

Commented [A9]: I think this is a good summary sentence

and would fit better at the beginning of paragraph 2.

Commented [A10]: ‘reached a peak/hit a peak at’

IELTS Marking My comments Band Formatted Table
Criteria score

Task Fulfilment Generally covers the

requirements of the
task. I would say that
you didn’t really
group the information
together logically.

Describes effectively
the sets of 6.0
information from the
graphs/charts.

Presents an overview
with information
appropriately selected
– however your
overview should go
before your first main
body section ‘all
four groups of
population saw similar
trends.’

Cohesion and Clearly presents and

Coherence highlights key
features/bullet
points. Logically
organises information
and ideas in
paragraphs; there is
clear progression
6.0
throughout – however
there are problems
with the overall
organisation

 Introduction
 Overview
 4 pieces of
information – 2
 similar / other
2 similar
 London higher in
terms of 16- 24
and ‘overall’
than the rest
for the same two
categories.
 Details.

Lexical resource Uses a sufficient

range of vocabulary to
allow some flexibility
and precision – some
great vocab here. Uses 7.0
less common lexical
items with some
awareness of style and
collocation – ‘see
similar trends’;
‘higher unemployment
rate’
Grammatical Range Uses a variety of
complex structures.
and accuracy Produces frequent 7.0
error-free sentences.

Overall score: 6.5. Well done. A good answer. One issue is the
overview and the structure needs to be clearer.
Staying healthy by participating in sports and eating well
should be an individual’s duty to society rather than a
habit for personal benefits. Do you agree or disagree?
Having a healthy living habit is a prevalent trend in contemporary
society. From my perspective, staying healthy is not only a personal
habit, but also an individual’s duty to society. Therefore, I partly
agree with the view that having health life is only an obligation to
society rather than living habit.
Convincing argument can be made that having a healthy life style
definitely can be seen as a habit for personal benefits; the major
one being that individuals themselves are most benefited from such
living mode. Frequently participating sports can increase
individuals’ physical strength and enhance their immune system,
reducing the possibility of getting injured and being sick.
Similarly, remaining a good eating habit can effectively control
those diet related health issues, such as overweight. By doing these,
individuals would definitely have a better health condition, which
indicates that they would be happier and spend less money on medical
services.
On the other hand, I believe that remaining healthy is also
individual’s duty to society. This is mainly because those
individuals who have superior health condition tend to be more
productive than those ordinaries. These can afford a larger volume of
work, and consequently, they are likely to make a greater
contribution to society. For instance, police officers with a good
physical condition can more effectively fight against crimes and
maintain the security of communities. In addition, it is everyone’s
responsibility to be a model of others as people are easily affected
by other’s behaviors. If individuals, especially those celebrities,
remain a good living habit, others might be encouraged to do the
same, which would improve overall public health.
In conclusion, I believe that staying healthy is both a personal
habit and a duty to society.
Commented [A11]: Living healthily is ……../having healthy
living habits is……..
Commented [A12]: ‘is generally’- ‘is’ – is too direct (you
should be less direct in your statements’.
Commented [A13]: ‘way of life/ life choice’ – a habit refers
to more specific things (smoking/ catching the same bus
everyday/ going to the gym)
Commented [A14]: ‘having a healthy life’
Commented [A15]: This does not clearly connect with the
previous sentence. You are repeating the same idea. I can’t
see how this sentence is different from the previous one.
Commented [A16]: ‘Convincing arguments’
Commented [A17]: Don’t use too much passive – the main
idea becomes unclear.
Commented [A18]: Convincing arguments can be made that
healthy life styles can benefit people personally; ……….
Commented [A19]: Do not use too much passive ‘that
individuals themselves benefit most from such ways of life’.
Commented [A20]: ‘participating in sports’
Commented [A21]: maintaining
Commented [A22]: ‘good eating habits’ (no need for ‘a’) –
there are more than one types of eating habit.
Commented [A23]: Such as + noun / +ing (overweigh is an
adjective) – ‘such as being overweight / such as obesity’
Commented [A24]: ‘these’ what? – these sports or habits? –
may be you could say ‘the above’ meaning both.
Commented [A25]: ‘Be healthier / be fitter’
Comments:

IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment Presents a clear position

throughout the response.
6.5
A clear introduction. The
conclusion is, however, less
clear.

Cohesion and Coherence Logically organises

information and ideas; there
7.0
is clear progression
throughout. Presents a clear
central topic within each
paragraph. Good cohesion.
Excellent cohesion within
and between sentences and
between paragraphs.

Lexical resource Uses a wide range of

vocabulary fluently and
6.5
flexibly to convey precise
meanings. Good use of
collocation e.g. ‘valuable
experience’ and ‘potential
threats and more uncommon
lexis e.g. ‘detrimental’;
‘temptation’ but occasional
errors in word choice
‘mutual’; ‘inherit’

Grammatical Range Makes some errors in

grammar and punctuation
and accuracy
but

they rarely reduce

communication 6.5
 – a high level of complexity
in your sentences with
examples given and a high
degree of accuracy.
However, some issues with
identifying verb or noun and
parallel structures. If you can
fix these a high score should
be guaranteed.

Overall score – 6.5. A 7 is possible if you do not try too hard to always

find a more complicated/formal word when a simple one might be

clearer. A couple of grammar issues to clear up too.