Lauren Sweers

Professor Cole

English 234

28 February 2017

In Love and War:

Elias Cole’s Narcissism and Manipulation in ​The Memory of Love

Aminatta Forna’s novel, ​The Memory of Love, ​tells many stories: stories of trauma, love,

and war. Of his story Elias Cole is the narrator, the man on his deathbed, the victim of a disease

that will soon take his life. As he tells his story from his own biased viewpoint, readers must

decide for themselves how unethical or delusional Elias truly was in pursuing the wife of his

colleague. Near the end of the book, however, readers see that Elias is not simply a fool in love,

but an abuser of power and complicit in murder. Forna contrasts the courageous, trusting

character of Julius with the victim-minded, cowardly person of Elias, who is not the victim of

power abuse, but the perpetrator, manipulating Saffia and the circumstances around their

relationship as a manifestation of narcissistic personality disorder.

According to Mayo Clinic, the definition of narcissistic personality disorder is “a mental

disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for

admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a

fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” This definition amounts to a

portrait of Elias Cole. Falling short of his professional ambitions and unsatisfied in his love life,

he is jealous of Julius who is flourishing and happily married to Saffia, who, as Elias imagines, is

the perfect woman. The first time Elias sees Saffia, he is struck with “a surge of feeling, that then
nameless emotion,” clearly referring to desire or lust (Forna 6). When he realizes Saffia is

married to Julius, his successful and vigorous colleague, this lust manifests into an obsession

tangled up in the temptation of forbiddenness and an entitlement to happiness. In his mind,

Saffia instantly becomes a token, a symbol, a “holy grail” of success and contentment that he is

determined to win.

Older Elias admits that his inner competitiveness with Julius was just like the other

jealousies in his life, including the jealousy he felt toward his “absurdly happy” younger brother

while they were children (289). He recounts behaviors that a psychologist like Adrian may have

conceived as psychopathic, such as tormenting his ill brother by pinching him all over his body

and putting his water out of reach, all because he was jealous of his brother’s positive attitude in

the midst of physical illness (52-53). Such behaviors go far past “sibling rivalry;” they lack any

empathy, therefore suggesting that Elias had much deeper narcissistic complexes from the time

he was a child. His hate of Julius mirrors his hate for his brother, resenting Julius’ boldness and

larger-than-life charisma.

Elias pursues Saffia aggressively. All is done in the name of uncontrollable love for her:

“No woman had ever produced such a restlessness in me,” Elias explains. “...the affection I felt

for those creatures was like comparing the pleasure of a summer’s day to the terror of a storm”

(97). He is lost in a “tempest” that fuels his recklessness, and he justifies his actions by her not

confronting him on the boundaries he subtly, carefully sneaks past:

I think it would be wrong to say I ever ​followed ​Saffia. In conversation the names of

places she liked to visit or where she did her shopping might arise. Later, I might jot
 down the detail down in my notebook. And if I happened to find myself there at any of

those times, naturally I would look to see if she happened to be there also. (Forna 96).

In his narration he simply brushes over what had been clearly his stalking Saffia. Elias, though

honest, is troublingly unashamed of his past actions, shielding himself from the pain of the truth

with self-justification and lies.

Readers wonder as the story unfolds whether Saffia is somehow oblivious to Elias’

advances- highly unlikely, it seems- or if she lets his pursuit continue because she likes the

attention or even has romantic feelings toward Elias. Saffia’s lack of confrontation, however,

actually seems to reflect disorientation due to Elias’ manipulative antics. He knows just how far

to go without raising the red flags, so Saffia is left to try to navigate cautiously yet amiably

through his deception. For instance, when Elias visits unexpectedly while she is home alone,

Saffia does not welcome him in immediately. “Saffia regarded me in silence for a few

moments,” he explains. “‘Hello, Elias,’ a note in her voice, of weariness or caution. She did not

open the door, but held on to the handle” (Forna 98). Saffia is obviously grappling with adhering

social norms of courtesy while trying to discourage Elias’ advances. Elias, aware that she does

not intend to let him in, feigns ignorance of the social cue, a manipulative technique of

gaslighting that leaves her only the option of rudely sending him away or letting him inside.

Saffia chooses the latter.

Upon Julius’ arrest, Saffia does go to Elias out of desperation. While Saffia is miserably

distraught, meanwhile Elias soaks in Saffia’s dependence on him. She cries after a few days have

passed, and Elias swoops in eagerly: “I put my arm around her. She neither resisted nor made to

move away…. Her head rested on my shoulder” (186). This does not signify any affection for
him, however; in fact, Elias recalls Saffia’s being detached and defeated, rejecting his offer to get

something to eat, and working tirelessly to find out what is going on with Julius. Instead of

letting Saffia’s love and heartbreak over her husband be a reality check on his expectations, Elias

instead retreats to his imagination, “to think what it might be like. That this was all mine,” he

fantasizes, “my home, lit up against the night. The sleeping woman inside my wife. Not sleeping

from exhaustion, fear, and whisky. But slumbering in peace. I wished Julius would never come

back” (187). Thus, the truth comes out in that final line, Elias’ deepest desire to take what

rightfully belongs to Julius for himself.

Elias’ dreams come true. Julius is dead, and Saffia, his holy grail, is now within his reach

to grasp. He exploits her vulnerable position by inserting himself into the void left by Julius,

giving her money to pay for the house and watching “how tired she was beginning to look, how

weary of it all” (Forna 271). In his book, ​Space and Trauma in the Writings of Aminatta Forna,

Dr. Ernest Cole explains that Elias’ proposal to Saffia not even a year after Julius’ death “attests

to his desperation and disregard for traditional values” because in Sierra Leone, “it is

disrespectful and dishonorable for Elias to make an offer of marriage to his late friend’s wife

during the period of mourning” (Cole 193). Saffia asks for time to consider his proposal, and he

waits just a month before asking her again. Her “yes” is a weary, defeated consent to an abuse of

power much like that which caused the death of her husband. If Elias truly loved Saffia, he

would have been more sensitive and patient to her mourning, and maybe he would not have

expected her to fall in love with him at all. His impatience with Saffia shows that his kind of

“love” for her is all self-seeking.

 His victory is short-lived: at last Saffia is his wife, but the “ghost” of Julius remains in

their “love triangle,” as he explains (Forna 290). He projects his dissatisfaction onto her during

their lovemaking, frustrated and paranoid by her restraint. Cole refers to this as “the paradox of

his accomplishment,” in that Elias “hopes to remodel his life and lay claim to Julius’ lifestyle,”

but Saffia’s memory of Julius isn’t replaced by Elias, her “memory of love obliterates all his

expectations of happiness” (Cole 194). This is the ultimate blow, the fact that he cannot live up

to Julius, and the thought makes him “jealous even of Saffia, what she kept inside and would not

share” (Forna 291). He becomes irrationally suspicious with her, reading into everything she

says and going through her personal papers and items. Meanwhile, Saffia is still recovering from

grief and confusion of her husband’s death, and is probably vaguely disgusted with the man she

was all but forced to marry, but she copes by maintaining her domestic responsibilities and being

civil to Elias as she feels is her duty. Elias is concerned not with her emotional health, but only

with her affection and attention, so when he cannot have it fully, he turns to Vanessa, ironically

enough, to give him what he believes he deserves.

Forna uses Adrian’s conversation with Mamakay about her father to not only reveal the

truth about Elias, but also the truth about war, its victims, and its perpetrators. Victim-minded

Elias is the opposite of confident, upbeat Julius. Elias feels entitled to happiness, wants the

approval of others because of his own insecurity, and, worst of all, is silent in face of injustice in

order to save his own skin. Out of jealousy, he hates Julius so much he allows him to die in

prison- because, as he snaps, “Julius’s betrayal of me was far greater” (349). Damaging enough

in love, Elias’ behavior and its consequences also extends to the political and social scene of

Sierra Leone, a country recovering from a ten-year civil war. Just like Elias “survived” and even
“thrived,” as Mamakay reflects, by his being complicit to injustice and exploiting the weakness

of others, many other Elias’ did the same thing during the war. The ones who stood up were shot

down. Elias might have not been holding the gun, but he was cowering behind the firing line.
 Works Cited

Cole, Ernest. ​Space and Trauma in the Writings of Aminatta Forna​. Africa World Press:

Trenton, New Jersey, 2017.

Forna, Aminatta. ​The Memory of Love​. London: Bloomsbury, 2010. Print.