Get that zing back

into your sex life

re you getting too stomach and eyelids to fetch a drink. It'll
A much sleep? Do
you end up
before moving on to help ensure there's a
the breasts and next time.
FOR WOMEN
Few women realise
watching infomercials thighs m Once the power at their
on s,TV? Here are you're touching your disposal, or how
some easy tips for partner's genitals, be potent the allure is
men and women that conscious of her of an "average-
will light up not just reaction. If she looking" woman who
the bedroom ceiling, moves your hand or puts her mind to it.
but your whole neigh - positions herself All it takes is a little
bourhood too. differently, stay confidence and
there, because that's imagination, and you
FOR M EN will see the results...
Men are goal- where she wants the
stimulation. m Don't 1 Men generally are
oriented. They don't very excited when
shop - they zero in react to expressions
of pleasure - women initiate
on the target, buy it intimacy, and
and leave. Intimacy breathing heavily,
pulling your hair or prolonging the
requires a slightly undressing part
less fastidious calling your name -
by increasing the heightens that sense
approach: of participation.
pace or intensity of
m When foreplay Combine this by
whatever you're do-
starts, avoid the wearing something
ing. Just maintain a
tendency to head sexy. Something that
steady pace. S
straight for the makes you feel silly
Rather than the old
genitals or breasts. won't work, because
style missionary
Remember how hot you won't be able to
position, put your
you get when she relax, but be a little
partner on top. Let
moves her tongue adventurous.
her lean forward,
on your collar bone? & Don't rush.
with her hands on
Take it slowly. Prolonging the un-
your shoulders and
Concentrate on dressing part
manipulate the pres-
being the best kisser heightens the pleas-
sure. Enhance your
your partner's never ure. Combine this
presence with a
had. coyness with a little
pillow under your
1 Treat every area brazen self-
buttocks.
of the body as an confidence and keep
After it's over,
erogenous zone. your man's blood
please, refrain from
Touch and kiss oft- pressure pills handy.
rolling over and
neglected areas Try things he might
starting to snore.
such as the neck, never ask you to
Indulge in cuddling
throat, inner arms,
and stroking, or offer
 Have you lost that sparkle
do, such as kissing stomach and delay
his nipples or touching his genitals
eyelids. m Try lying until the anticipation
your man on his is excruciating. He
back and rubbing may try to join in, in
him down with oil or which case pushing
cream. Don't push him back down and
too hard on his continuing with your
any couples find that the! sex scented candles or a simple oil
life loses sparkle as they make
more of a com mitment to each
other. Dealing with a stressful
job while juggling work,
childcare and your relationship
can also dampen the fires of
passion over time and this is
especially true if either of you
has been ill or had a sexual
problem that needed medical
help.
Home or away?
Talk to your partner about
devoting a whole weekend to
exploring your sex life.
Regardless of whether you plan
to stay at home or book into a
remote resort, if you have
children, you will need to find
babysitters. Th focus is on you
and your partner, so ask a friend
or relative if your children can
sleep over with them.
If you decide to go away, look
for somewhere quiet where you
can come and go as you please.
You might consider renting an
out-of-tht way cottage or a
room in a small beachside hotel.
If you decide to sta; at home,
unplug the TV and turn on the
answer-machine to prevent any
interruptions or distractions.
Setting the scene
If you plan to go away for the
week end, take some basic
items with yoi to set the scene
during love play such as
get it started. st
Being verbal about
your enjoyment is a
rubbing will only turn-on for most
heighten the sexual men. So feel free to
tension. m Not all make noise. He'll
men get an erection take it as a
immediately, even if compliment.
they're very
aroused. Use your
tongue or fingers to
burner. Consider also taking a
silk sheet to drape over the
bed, or; soft flannel blanket, to
provide a stimulating texture
for your skin.
If you have a portable CD
player, then take it with you
along with a selection of your
favourite CDs. Choose your
music with care. Look for
music that has a good rhythm
but is not too disturbing (no
heavy metal!), or music that
helps you relax. Music that
you listened to when you first
got together is a great choice
as it will remind you of a time
when you felt sexy and close
to one another.
Props for your sex
play
You may be surprised to
discover that you already own
a multitude of aids to sexual
pleasure in your wardrobe or
around your home. Look for
items such as silk scarves,
furry gloves, feathers
(especially a feather boa), a
chain link or pearl necklace,
and any sexy underwear you
have tucked away for special
occasions. Your partner too
may also want to search for
silky boxer
shorts, and other fabrics that
will stimulate your touch sensors. Buy a good-quality
massage oil {available from
chemists or health and beauty
outlets) and a lubricant for
lovemaking (look for sili-cone-
based lubricants), for fun, try
baby oil!
Stimulate all your
senses
Start your weekend love-in by
taking turns to have a relaxing
bath, or bathing or showering
together. Use the water from
your bath to caress your body,
relaxing as you allow yourself
to get in touch with your
sexual self again. Enjoy the
sensations of touch as you
think about the pleasure you
will share together. If you
bathe together, avoid making
love immediately. Instead, take
time to caress one another,
using sweeping strokes over
each other's back and thighs.
Use scented candles
to lend a luxurious feel
to the room. Pile up
cushions and pillows
to create a 'harem' feel
alongside your silk
sheet or soft fleece.
Wear your slinkiest
underwear and enjoy
leading yourselves up
to lovemaking.
Reinvent your sex life in just one
weekend
Discover how a little creativity and fun can rejuvenate
your sexual relationship and make a real difference,
in just 48 hours!
any couples find that the! sex
life loses sparkle as they make
more of a com mitment to each
other. Dealing with a stressful
job while juggling work,
childcare and your relationship
can also dampen the fires of
passion over time and this is
especially true if either of you
has been ill or had a sexual
problem that needed medical
help.
Home or away?
Talk to your partner about
devoting a whole weekend to
exploring your sex life.
Regardless of whether you plan
to stay at home or book into a
remote resort, if you have
children, you will need to find
babysitters. Th focus is on you
and your partner, so ask a friend
or relative if your children can
sleep over with them.
If you decide to go away, look
for somewhere quiet where you
can come and go as you please.
You might consider renting an
out-of-tht way cottage or a
room in a small beachside hotel.
If you decide to sta; at home,
unplug the TV and turn on the
answer-machine to prevent any
interruptions or distractions.
Setting the scene
If you plan to go away for the
week end, take some basic
items with yoi to set the scene
during love play such as
scented candles or a simple oil
burner. Consider also taking a
silk sheet to drape over the
bed, or; soft flannel blanket, to
provide a stimulating texture
for your skin.
If you have a portable CD
player, then take it with you
along with a selection of your
favourite CDs. Choose your
music with care. Look for
music that has a good rhythm
but is not too disturbing (no
heavy metal!), or music that
helps you relax. Music that
you listened to when you first
got together is a great choice
as it will remind you of a time
when you felt sexy and close
to one another.
Props for your sex
play
You may be surprised to
discover that you already own
a multitude of aids to sexual
pleasure in your wardrobe or
around your home. Look for
items such as silk scarves,
furry gloves, feathers
(especially a feather boa), a
chain link or pearl necklace,
and any sexy underwear you
have tucked away for special
occasions. Your partner too
may also want to search for
silky boxer
shorts, and other fabrics that
will stimulate your touch
sensors. Buy a good-quality
massage oil {available from
chemists or health and beauty
outlets) and a lubricant for
lovemaking (look for sili-cone-
based lubricants), for fun, try
baby oil!
Stimulate all your
senses
Start your weekend love-in by
taking turns to have a relaxing
bath, or bathing or showering
together. Use the water from
your bath to caress your body,
relaxing as you allow yourself
to get in touch with your
sexual self again. Enjoy the
sensations of touch as you
think about the pleasure you
will share together. If you
bathe together, avoid making
love immediately. Instead, take
time to caress one another,
using sweeping strokes over
each other's back and thighs.
Use scented candles
to lend a luxurious feel
to the room. Pile up
cushions and pillows
to create a 'harem' feel
alongside your silk
sheet or soft fleece.
Wear your slinkiest
underwear and enjoy
leading yourselves up
to lovemaking.

AAs you know, the male body is
de definitely a hotbed of feel-good
ozones. But now experts are saying
there are nine special, cream-of-the-
crop spots that do double duty when
it comes to sexual gratification. We're
talking about passion points hiding
in plain sight that even he may not
be clued in to.
Touching and teasing them the right
way will turn on all of his senses
and make him feel so good, he'll
think he's gone to pleasure heaven.
So check them out!
H IS L O W E R L IP
The male mouth is an obvious
choice. But zeroing in on that slope
between his outside lower lip and
chin will bring ultra-intense bliss to
his kisser. This tiny, delicate curve is
packed with extra-sensitive nerve
receptors.
T H E F R O N T O F H IS N E C K
Women tend to pay oral attention to
the sides of his neck between his ear
and his collar - but it turns out
they're missing the major
stimulation spot: just below his
Adam's apple. The thyroid, a
butterfly-shaped gland about
halfway down the front of his neck, is
closely linked to the sex organs,
according to ancient Chinese
medicine.
H IS N IP P L E S
Experts found your guy's nipples
might be even more sensitive. For a lot
of men, their nipples are uncharted
territory - an erogenous zone they
haven't experimented with. Touch
them, however, and you'll send shock
waves of pleasure radiating through
him.
THE DIP UNDER HIS ANKLE
Halfway between his heel and ankle
bone is a fingertip-size pressure point,
which is linked to the sex organs.
Pressing it releases energy, producing
feelings of pleasure.
H IS P E R IN E U M
Most men are shy about guiding you
to this patch of skin just past his
testicles. But beneath it is his prostate
gland - an organ with major orgasmic
power. "A few soft strokes here will
bring him to the brink.
T H E H E A D O F H IS P E N IS
With more pleasure receptors than
any other part of his package, this tip
of the iceberg is the nexus of male
sex nerves. But it's tricky to get the
right level of pressure so you send
him soaring into ecstasy, not recoiling
in sensory overload.
H IS F R E N U L U M
The F Spot refers to that tiny knob of
flesh underneath the crown of his
penis, where the head connects to the
shaft. Because it's off the beaten
passion path, it doesn't get much
attention.
A bundle of nerves meet at this
point, so when you touch it, you set
off an amazing chain reaction of
rapture.
H an d s-onU. se your fingertips to trace
tiny circles in th e cen tre h is ofp alm , th en
w id e n th em o u th
t toe ed g e s o f h is h a n d .
m F ace tra ce. A s the back o f his h ea d
re sts o n a cu sh ioplace
n, tw o fin gers on
eac h tem ple,
g e n tly p re ssin g b o th side s
sim utaneously.
l
m Back track. W ith his shirt off,k n ea d
th e a re a w h e re h is mb eutt
ets h is sp in e,
p u sh in g firm ly hinisto fle sh w ith e a c h
stro k.e
 Are your loosing your S ex d rive?
Many factors influence
sexual energy. Nowadays, it's
unlikely that birth control
pills decrease libido, or sex
drive. In the past, when birth
control pills contained much
higher doses of hormones,
some women described a
lowered libido and decreased
signs of sexual arousal (such
as less vaginal lubrication).
While unlikely as a cause
nowadays, it may make sense
to speak with a gynaecologist
or women's health nurse
practitioner to talk about
changes in your sex drive and
a possible relationship to your
oral contraception. Perhaps
another birth control pill
could be prescribed that may
create a difference in the way
you feel.
Since the pill is also an
elective medication, it's
something a woman chooses
to take for contraception.
Often, women on birth control
feel more sexual since their
concern about pregnancy
decreases. Sometimes,
women who have the
additional hormones circulat-
ing through their system can
experience an increase their
libido.
Medication and fatigue to
blame?
Decreased sexual energy is a
common side effect of a num-
ber of medications. If you
started taking any new med-
ication around the same time
that you began to notice a dif-
ference in your sex drive,
mention this to the health
care provider that
prescribed the medication.
You may need to change
the dosage or even try a
different medication
instead. Do not stop taking
your medication without
first talking with your
provider.
One of the most common
causes for a decrease in sex
drive is fatigue. Tired
people, especially women
who balance hectic lives,
can - understandably so - be
less interested in sex.
Has anything been hap-
pening in your life lately
that is causing extra stress
and leaving you tired? You
might want to think about
your schedule and stressors
in your life. Sometimes just
making a list can help you
see what's making you feel
stressed. Books or
workshops on stress
management can be helpful
resources if you think
undue stress and/or being
tired might be having an
impact on your sex life.
Beyond being tired, depres-
sion, as well as anxiety
disorders, especially
undiagnosed and untreated,
often affect one's libido.
Take some time to think
about how you've been
feeling lately, separate from
the obvious frustration at
not being as sexually
charged as you want to be.
Relationship problems
add to the problem
What else is happening in
your life? Arguments
between partners, a lack of
trust or intimacy,
communication problems,
or other issues that cause
friction in a relationship can
easily make a woman (or a
man, for that matter) lose
interest in sex. You may
want to work with your
partner(s) to fix barriers to
intimacy, which may
include seeking couples
counselling that can provide
you with perspective as well
as doable approaches.
Many people go through
periods of decreased
arousal in their lives.
Focusing too much on
what your body isn't doing
might just exacerbate the
problem.
If you want to be sexual and
find that you're dry, using a
little lube for masturbation
or penetration can help.
Finally, if none of the things
mentioned here seem to be
relevant to you, schedule an
appointment with your
health care provider to talk
more in depth about issues
more closely related to your
own unique medical and
sexual history.
Different kind of kisses are you aware of?
WE BRING YOU SOMI THE MOST INVENTIVE KISSES GOING AROUND
T H E B E G IN N E R 'S K IS S
A simple meeting of the lips.
Your lips may brush against
each other or gently press to-
gether. Done with finesse,
this can be a fantastic
starting point. A variation of
this is to "swirl" your lips slowly
around your lover's. Relax, let
go and allow your lips to roam
over and around your lover's
mouth.
T H E E A S T E R N S W IR L A N D
This may be applied to the lips
or the body. Relax your lips
and allow your tongue to
swirl and poke. Alternating
these swirling and poking
sensations feels wonderful.
T H E G O O D O L D F R E N C H K IS SSaid to originate from Latin
With open mouths, your
tongues gently probe and
swirl against the delicate skin
inside the mouth.
T H E L O V £ R 'S P A S S
When you want to pass
something in a sensual way flicks. This is perfect for
to your lover -- perhaps a
piece of chocolate, fruit or ice
-- simply hold it gently
between your lips and allow
your mouth to touch his.
Then, using your tongue,
push the item into his mouth.
TH E LUSH LAP
More controlled than the
Naughty Dog, this kiss still
involves a lapping motion
with your tongue, but is more
contained and controlled, with
your lips kept close to your
lover's skin. With your lips
parted, use a firm, slow lap of
the tongue pressed to her (or
his) flesh, lips or mouth. "lapping" motion finishes.
Again, this kiss puts you in
control and feels incredibly THE SLIDING KISS
sexy to a lover who likes The tongue moves gently
to yield to your moves. back and forth or in and
out. A perfect kiss, too, for
T H E M E D IE V A L N E C K L E T gently "sliding" erotic
food - such as sauces
Said to be enjoyed by and creams ~ off your
knights of the realm when lover's body as your
medieval ladies wore low- foreplay develops.
cut necklines. Gently circle
your lover's neck with a THE SNAKE
series of kisses, moving Moving on from the
from the lower neck just Mediterranean "flick," al-
P Obehind
KE the ear, around the low your tongue to flick,
breastbone and finishing lap, poke and generally
back behind the other imitate that of a snake.
ear. Both men and women This can take place while
enjoy the slow circular French kissing but can
pattern being traced along also be used all over
this delicate skin. your lover's body.
THE MEDITERRANEAN STRETCH
FLICK When French kissing,
stretch your tongue up
lovers who flicked little to rub the roof of your
beads of sweat from their lover's mouth. People
lover's body during long rarely focus on this
hot summers of passion. area, yet the sensations
Using a gentle flick of the your tongue can create
tongue, you cover your here can be quite ex-
lover's lips, cheeks, neck - plosive. Explore this area
in fact, anywhere you extensively and your
please - with delicate little lover will soon panting
for more.
the nipples and around
the belly button.
THE VACUUM KISS
Allow your lips to relax
THE NAUGHTY DOG and encircle your part-
A passionate, earthy kiss, ner's lips with your own.
particularly good for larger Apply a gentle sucking
erogenous zones such as motion that pulls on the
the neck, breasts, much-neglected outer
abdomen and inner thigh. rim of the lips. Release
Let your mouth open the vacuum seal and
loosely and allow your then reapply.
tongue to relax and "lap" at
your lover's body. This feels
incredible when applied
from the lower part of the
breast up to the tip of the
nipple - the tongue just
flicking the nipple as the
Watch out for these sore spots in your Continuously
complaining about
relationship your partner's
spending habits can
lead to major arguments
So, how is your relationship going? Coasting along, or are you skirting in between the landmines? These are
seven things that have the potential to sabotage any relationship. So watch out!
JEALOUSY
Possessiveness and jealousy on your part will only make your partner feel trapped. This could lead to
them wanting to get away from you, because you make them feel claustrophobic. Ironically the single thing
you wanted to prevent.
SEXUAL PROBLEMS
If you are having sexual problems, and are unable to talk about them, or get it together to go for profes-sional
help, alarm bells should be ringing. Different people have different sexual needs, so once a week may be quite
sufficient for one partner, but not for the other.
OLD ISSUES
Long shadows from the past can cast a pall over present relationships. If you have abandonment issues, self-
image issues, self-worth is-sues, drug issues, dependency issues or endless financial issues, it is unrealistic to
expect them not to have an impact on the relationship you are currently having.
FINANCIAL WOES
Financial worry is part and parcel of life - few couples never have these. But constant agonising about money,
running up of debts and misspending can cause a lot of tension in any relationship. When couples are unable to
synchronise their spending habits or their financial values, trouble looms.
PARENTING STYLES
Parents need to present a united front to their children. If one parent allows the kids to do things and the other
forbids it, it causes confusion for the children and stress in relationships. When children are stepchildren, this
becomes even more important. Parents need to decide on certain ground rules and stick to them.
IN-LAW TROUBLES
When parents are unhappy with your choice of spouse, or parents are unwilling to let go of their child and let
him/her start a new life, it causes great trouble for the couple. There is ongoing stress and family dramas and
everyone feels they are being pulled in different directions.
OLD FLAM ES
Sometimes there are old boyfriends or girlfriends who just won't back off. This can cause endless dramas and
jealous fits. If it really upsets your partner that you see an old flame, weigh up the different issues here. Is a
cup of tea with an old boyfriend really worth an unpleasant atmosphere at home for days? On the other hand,
does your partner perhaps have a reason to feel insecure?
Know ing your partner too w ellmcan
ake you self-conscious, turning
into
sex
a
routine
Why do you sometimes, in the half-sleep of early morning, fantasise about what you'll do to your partner once they
come back from their gym but instead end up waking to the smell of tea followed by a list of things that need to be
done for the day? And even if you have attempted to realise your fantasy by acting a little sinuous with your partner,
you have been stared at with disbelief. Sounds miliar?
fa
If yes then chances are that your partner and you know each other just about too well. You find each other gorgeous,
support each other in professional lives, share the shopping and socialties du and talk to each other when things go
wrong. But sex? Sex is something that seems to have been relegated to certain places (bed), certain times (weekend
mornings), and an altogether uncertain frequency in your life. If this is you then you're not alone.
Apparently, and this is small comfort, psychologists say that many happy, loving couples are finding themselves
expressing the loving part in less carnal ways. It's particularly common among 30-somethings because they're in ter-
rifyingly busy years: they're in more senior and demanding sitions
po at work; parents are get
ting older and perhaps
needier; there are more life crises around (siblings losing jobs, for instance); there may be children (and we all know
what that does to your sense of yourself as a sexual ing);be and they're more aware of, and spend more time on,
fitness and cooking proper meals. With so much at hand, the 'lover' in them gets neglected - and that's one role that
does need attention to keep it feeling perky.
But the main thing that's changed between such couples is that over a period of time they Ve gotten to know each
other too well to do the hot 'n horny, hun gry thing without giggling. Wild and wanton sex, to some extent, does
depend on fantasy, and the more these couples cook Sunday brunches together, go to the permarket,
su and use the
bathroom together, the more intimate they become - the less possible it is for them to find that stranger in
themselves. Ironically, true sexu
al equality, and true emotional in
timacy, are the enemies of fanta
sy sex.
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT?
m Unplan it: Act on your erotic instincts whenever they strike, despite the fact that it might seem inconvenient at the
time. When you give in to your desires at dif ferent times of the day, the act self
it will be hotter because it's un
-
expected or at least unplanned. 1 Discover: One way to figure out fresh ways to push each other's hot button is to
take turns being the giver and the receiver. By for
getting yourself and homing in on your partner's pleasure, then
switching, you can discover new erogenous zones. m Do it at new places: Transplant your sack sessions to a place
that feels sneaky or taboo, like the backseat of your car or in the storeroom while everyone is in the living room. The
thrill of messing around in a forbidden place plays to innate fantasies. Doing it somewhere out of the norm adds an
element of fun and makes you feel a little deviant, which is a turn-on for many. 1 Abstain: Forgo full-on sex and focus
on foreplay. If you only have foreplay for a day or two and get each other really workei up, it'll make the sex much
hotte when you actually do it. 1 Fantasise: Develop your fan tasies and give in to them once ii a while by playing
them out witl your partner. This way your part ner will find you to be a differen person and will yearn to discove more
of that stranger in you.
 Are you Ready for Sex

If you are ready for sex, here's how to go about it:

SE T LIM ITS
Think about how far you want to go and set your own limits. How do you feel about mutual
masturbation? Oral sex? Vaginal intercourse? Anal intercourse? Don't do anything you don't want
to do. Make sure your partner knows how you feel and is willing to respect the limits you set.

P R EV E N T P R EG N A N CY
Talk to your partner before you have sex about birth control and choosean effective method that
you will use every time you have sex.

G ET P R O TE C T IO N
If you or your partner have had sex before, get tested for sexually trans
mitted infections (STI).
Use a condom every time you have sex.

B E R E A LIST IC
Sex can be a wonderful part of a caring relationship, especially when you and your partner can
talk openly and honestly about what you want. But be realistic. Movies andevision
tel have led us
to believe that rockets will go off when we have sex. Sex is something you learn together over
time. It is not an amusement park ride, a guarantee of commit ment or a cure for a bad
relationship.
But, if you are not ready for the act, here's what you can do:

S A Y "N O "
You have the right to say "no" to sex and you should not feel guilty about your decision.
Saying "no" has many advan tages. You do not have to worry about unplanned pregnancies
or sexually transmitted infections. You have more time to think and talk about your
relationship with your partner. You do not have to explain your reasons for saying "no." But
if your partner is pressuring you to have sex, here are some simple responses to common
pressure lines:
"You would if you love me." If you really loved me, you would n't push me."Everybody's
doing it."You won't have trouble finding someone then!"I need you. I have to have it."
 IS SEX IMPORTANT

All of us know that sex can make men happy. popularity

The of red light districts,
pornography and the 'sexcapades' of
the Bill Clintons and the Hugh Grantswould surely suggest this. But here, we are asking if it is possible for men
to be
happy without sex.
Contrary to popular belief, all men
aren't happy just copulatingmindlessly for the sake of it. Even to men, sex in
meaningful relationships is the most fulfilling — if it can be attained without too many hassles, that is. However, men do
differ from women in that they are also able to have sex without major emotional involvement. Men also have higher
levels of the sex drive hormone testosterone, and hence require fromreliefsexual tension far morefrequently. Unreleased
sexual tensioncan be distracting and can cause 'unhappiness'. In this sense, sex does provide 'happiness'.
There are many single men, including those living away from their partners, and even men who are living within
monogamous relationships, who do not have any sex whatsoever. Single men lack sexual opportunity. However, even
within an 'opportune' relationship,
many men lose interest in sex when the relationship deteriorates, thus debunking the
myth that men just need it no matter what. Some of these men are so disillusioned with the
partner, the institution of sex,
the conditions attached to it, and its
attendant consequences, that they do not seek sex even elsewhere. They just don't
want sex. They are content with the episodic masturbatory release. There is no medical evidence to suggest that these
men re really unhappy. A few other men turn celibate by choice and renounce sex altogether. These are not
unhappy
either.
And then there are the male sexaddicts. The discovery, in higher primates and humans, that sexual activity can be
pleasurable, has givensex the propensity for causing dependence and addiction — much like alcohol or cocaine. Like
the drug addicts, sex addicts will go to great lengths to seek sexual gratification. Many sex addicts on 'Page have
3' will
you believe that sex is the
ultimate happiness. This is dangerous
a myth. Sex addicts are seriously sick and unhappy
people who need treatment. Engaging in sex purely as a money and
power sport is yet another variant of sex addiction.
The relationship between sex and happiness is a complexetaphysical, physical, physiological,sychological, emotional,
social, legaland spiritual one that cannot be explained by the trite genetic
determinism model of instinct alone. Man has
long ago ceased tocopulate just for reproduction. Evolved man must use his rational mind to dictate what he wants to do
with his sexual impulses. There aremany paths to happiness. Sex merely
is one of them. It is dispensableif one wants to
dispense with it orsublimate it.

When was the last timeyou had an orgasmduring sex?" The last time I asked this question- at a party, I got
responses that ranged from 'never' to last night'. When I asked how many of them actively initiated sex, I only got
a few 'sometimes'. And this was to a group of women who were accomplished in their own right in their
professions. And, not surprisingly, within momentsI found no one wanted to talkto me anymore!
So what is it that stops most of us from actively pursuing sex? Why is that few of us will do all it takes achieve
to
great sex? The answer I think lies in the question of this debate — do women believe sex is important for their
overall happiness? Personally, I believe women do not equate sex with happiness. My belief rises from the
observation that most women dolittle to have sex and when they do, equally little to achieve great sex. Most
women believe love is whatbrings happiness. Not sex aione. If you were to probe a little deeper,most women
would say only sexaccompanied with love bringshappiness. In fact, most of us are apologetic about wanting
sex.
On the other hand, ! do believe thatirrespective of women's attitudes towards sex, sex is important for happiness.
Especially sex with a person you love
Good sex is sheer indulgencein one's physical being. The intensityof sexual passion is like a session of intense
meditation. It can take you away from the daily pressures of life and rejuvenate your body and m ind It is a tim e when you
focus only onpleasure. W hich is why I believe good sex is essential for a wom fulfilm
an's
ent. W ithout it there is a sense of
em ptiness. Your ego takes a beating and you wonder if you are capable of receiving giving pleasure.
and It is also directly
related to how wom en perceivetheir body images and their sense
of worth.I don't believe love is essential for a fulfilling sexual
experience Respect is. Respect for each other's needs Respect for each other as a person. Another issue relevant here is the 'big
0'. In various surveys taken
across cultures, countries and classes of women, it has found
beenthat only half have ever
experienced orgasm during intercourse. However, all -women
(those w ho are aw are of w hat it is. that is) rate having an orgasm as
veryim portant. It just doesn't have toduring
be intercourse. It can be through oral sex or through other m eans(and butthis is a
very important 'but') with
the partner involved
in som e way.
Not having an orgasmhaving
or a partner w ho isn't bothered about your orgasm leads resentm
to ent. It also makes one feel like a
sexual object.
The biggest im pediment though to good sex is. undoubtedly our attitudes towards sex. Barring a few cultures, sex
is a dirty word for
women. We can't seem to see sex for w hat it is. Itmeans
is a to an end.T he end being a celebrationoneself.
of
And unless we women see sex in this perspective, sex will never be a factor of happiness
in our lives.