Wang  1

Andrew  Wang
76-­101  Section  C
Salita  Seibert
December  14th,  2014
Electronic  Dance  Music  Culture

Today’s  rave  culture,  known  as  Electronic  Dance  Music  Culture  or  EDMC,  is  a  

culmination  of  four  movements:  the  New  York  City  dance  scene  of  the  1970s,  the  Chicago  

“house”  music  scene  in  the  late  1970s  to  the  early  1980s,  the  Detroit  “techno”  music  scene  of  the  

early  1980s,  and  the  British  “acid  house”  scene  of  the  mid  to  late  1980s  (which  stemmed  from  

the  club  scene  in  Ibiza,  Spain).  As  raves  shifted  from  obscure  locations  like  warehouses  to  the  

more  visible  nightclub,  rave  culture  gradually  became  less  underground  and  more  mainstream.  

Today,  raves  are  incredibly  commercial,  having  evolved  out  of  clubs  and  into  sold-­out  festivals  

such  as  Electronic  Daisy  Carnival,  Ultra  Music  Festival,  and  Tomorrowland.  Its  music,  

Electronic  Dance  Music  (EDM),  a  culmination  of  house,  techno,  and  trance  music,  can  be  heard  

on  virtually  every  popular  radio  station.  Together,  today’s  raves  and  EDM  form  Electronic  

Dance  Music  Culture  (EDMC).  Based  on  discussions  among  scholars  regarding  the  purpose  

EDMC  serves  for  society,  there  emerges  four  positions:  the  ritualists,  who  assert  that  EDMC  

possesses  ritual  aspects  and  is  therefore  religious;;  the  subjectivists,  who  believe  that  EDMC  

liberates  and  transcends  the  mind  from  the  body;;  the  collectivists,  who  claim  that  EDMC  

dissolves  social  boundaries  and  absorbs  participants  into  a  larger  mass;;  and  the  spiritualists,  who  

assert  that  EDMC  creates  the  authority  of  the  self  which  competes  with  the  authority  of  God  and  

thus  institutional  religion.  By  analyzing  the  Peace,  Love,  Unity,  and  Respect  (PLUR)  philosophy  

of  rave  culture,  a  rave  itself  (its  physical  space,  its  music,  the  DJ,  the  recreational  usage  of  

ecstasy  by  participants)  and  participants’  reactions  and  perceptions  to  EDM  and  its  events,  it  

becomes  clear  that  EDMC  adheres  more  to  the  collectivist  position.  
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The  concrete  ideals  of  EDMC,  the  PLUR  philosophy  and  the  Raver’s  Manifesto,  clearly  

show  EDMC’s  propensity  for  collectivity.  PLUR  has  generally  been  defined  as  follows:  

Peace:  Letting  go  of  fear  and  living  at  peace  with  oneself,  one  another,  and  the  

planet  for  a  greater  good;;  Love:  As  one  learns  to  love  oneself,  one  is  able  to  love  

everyone  else  unconditionally;;  Unity:  A  mutual,  corporate  bond  is  formed  

resulting  from  the  love  and  peace  experienced  with  one  another;;  Respect:  Because  

of  peace  love  and  unity,  one  can  accept  others  regardless  of  their  beliefs  or  

background  (“Peace”).

As  seen  above,  the  PLUR  philosophy  is  not  self-­centered  but  rather  community-­oriented.  Each  

word  in  PLUR  refers  to  the  relation  of  a  person  to  the  people  around  him  and  promotes  solidarity  

regardless  of  differences.  The  Rave  Manifesto  further  supplements  the  idea  of  community:  "Our  

nourishment  of  choice  is  love  ...  Our  politics  of  choice  is  none  ...  Our  society  of  choice  is  utopian  

even  though  we  know  it  will  never  be  ...    We  are  one  global,  massive,  tribal  village"  (“Peace”).  

By  preaching  peace,  love,  unity,  and  respect  not  just  towards  the  self  but  also  towards  others,  

EDMC’s  ideals  advocate  for  the  breaking  down  of  social  boundaries  and  thus  the  gathering  of  

people  into  one  unified  mass.

By  comparing  the  spatial  setting  of  a  rave  with  that  of  a  typical  nightclub,  it  becomes  

apparent,  although  subtly,  that  a  rave  facilitates  unity  more  so  than  a  nightclub.  Although  a  rave  

is  similar  to  a  nightclub  in  terms  of  having  a  packed  dance  floor,  flashing  lights,  and  a  DJ,  one  

unique  characteristic  is  that  “ravers  tend  to  face  the  DJ  and  make  sure  that  each  person  has  their  

own  space  to  dance  in”  as  opposed  to  typical  nightclubs  where  “people  face  one  another  dancing  

in  social  circles”  (Wilson).  During  a  rave,  ravers  are  all  standing  next  to  each  other  and  facing  

the  same  direction;;  thus  they  are  more  or  less  engaged  in  the  same  experience.  A  typical  dance  at  
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a  nightclub,  on  the  other  hand,  may  be  factionalized.  As  mentioned  above,  people  face  one  

another  and  dance  in  social  circles.  Unless  there  is  one  gigantic  social  circle  throughout  the  

whole  night,  this  dance  is  bound  to  be  a  socially  segregated  experience.  The  way  a  rave  is  

oriented  is  crucial  in  breaking  social  barriers  and  setting  the  foundation  for  unity.

Electronic  Dance  Music,  the  primary  medium  of  expression  of  EDMC,  also  plays  a  

crucial  role  in  facilitating  unity.  For  example,  the  title  and  songs  of  Dash  Berlin’s  (who  is  

currently  ranked  #14  DJ  in  the  world  by  DJ  Mag)  newest  record  We  Are  (Part  1)  conspicuously  

advocates  it.  In  describing  how  he  came  up  with  the  album  title,  Dash  Berlin  states:  “‘We  Are’  is  

a  modular  concept  where  everyone  can  relate  to  the  album  …  This  means  everyone  is  important;;  

it  goes  from  record  companies,  clubbers,  fans,  friends,  DJs,  collaborators,  vocalists,  journalists,  

and  everybody  who  is  supporting  the  electronic  family”  (Telephone).  He  further  states:  

“everyone  is  connected…  It  takes  a  team  effort  to  accomplish  things  in  life”  (“We  Are  All  

Connected”).  This  response  clearly  shows  Dash  Berlin’s  appreciation  for  the  supporters  of  

EDMC  and  the  thought  he  put  in  the  album’s  title.  The  fact  that  the  title  is  “We  Are”  and  not  “I  

Am”  or  “You  Are”  further  suggests  its  suggestion  of  inclusiveness.  Just  by  merely  looking  at  the  

album,  the  listener  is  already  being  exposed  to  elements  of  unity.

The  songs  from  We  Are  (Part  1)  continues  to  promote  solidarity.  For  example,  in  his  

song  “Here  Tonight,”  Dash  Berlin  writes:  “I  can’t  break  this  love  between  us,  we’ll  survive  

through  healing  …  Feel  the  love  inside  us  here  tonight”  (We  Are  (Part  1)).  Through  his  usage  of  

“we”  and  “us,”  he  is  encouraging  togetherness  and  love  all  around.  Similarly,  in  his  song  “People  

of  the  Night,”  he  writes:

You  are  surrounded  by  love  

Don’t  cry
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We  are  the  people  you  can  turn  to  every  time  

We  are  the  people  who  will  never  judge  you,  never  lie  

We  are  the  people  who  will  start  again,  it  never  ends  

We  are  the  people  of  the  night  (We  Are  (Part  1)).

In  this  song,  Dash  Berlin  assures  comfort  and  assistance:  “You  are  surrounded  by  love”  and  “We  

are  the  people  you  can  turn  to  every  time…  we  are  the  people  who  will  never  judge  you,  never  

lie”;;  he  is  essentially  describing  the  ideal  setting  of  a  rave:  everyone  is  surrounded  by  love  and  

trustworthy  people.  By  encouraging  this  type  of  environment  through  his  songs,  Dash  Berlin  is  

breaking  down  differences  and  upholding  a  collective  experience.  Thus,  his  album  We  Are  (Part  

1),  both  in  its  title  and  its  songs,  promotes  unity.

Last  but  not  least  in  regards  to  Dash  Berlin,  he  also  comments  on  his  role  during  the  rave  

experience:  “I’m  one  of  the  people  on  the  dancefloor.  I  just  happen  to  be  standing  on  the  other  

side.  I  experience  the  music  exactly  as  they  do,  so  we  are  the  same,  but  my  position  is  different.  

I’m  just  one  of  the  guys  who's  in  the  lucky  position  to  play”  (“We  Are  All  Connected”).  Clearly  

he  is  not  imposing  any  social  distinctions;;  although  he  is  the  DJ,  he  does  not  let  that  divide  him  

and  the  audience.  Therefore,  both  Dash  Berlin’s  music  and  character  promote  unity.

Along  with  EDM,  the  recreational  use  of  ecstasy,  a  drug  that  is  often  associated  with  

EDMC,  is  known  for  its  ability  to  facilitate  goodwill.  It  must  be  noted  that  ecstasy  is  not  a  

necessity  of  rave  culture;;  although  it  is  not  uncommon  to  hear  about  ecstasy  consumption  at  

raves,  there  are  certainly  many  people  who  do  not  consume  it.  The  fact  of  the  matter  is  that  the  
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people  who  participate  in  recreational  (not  excessive)  ecstasy  consumption  have  been  able  to  

find  some  benefits  (again,  this  does  not  mean  that  one  needs  to  consume  ecstasy  in  order  to  have  

an  uplifting,  collective  experience,  which  will  be  argued  further  later  in  this  essay).  This  

paragraph  is  not  a  promotion  of  ecstasy  but  rather  a  denoting  of  users’  experiences.  One  

respondent,  who  has  both  gotten  high  on  ecstasy  and  attended  EDM  shows,  states  that  many  

people  at  the  shows  “are  ‘tripping  out’  and  are  ‘extremely  friendly  and  open.  They  are  talking  to  

each  other  and  the  ambience  is  really  chill  and  calm’”;;  he  therefore  coins  ecstasy  as  a  love  drug  

because  it  helps  spread  love  all  around  (Sachan).  Furthermore,  in  Britain  around  the  ‘90s,  

warring  gangs  who  supported  rival  soccer  teams  often  went  to  the  same  clubs;;  but  instead  of  

causing  trouble,  “they  were  so  loved  up  on  E  [ecstasy]  they  spen[t]  the  night  hugging  each  other  

rather  than  fighting”  (Wilson).  As  shown  by  these  accounts,  the  recreational  use  of  ecstasy  can  

trivialize  differences  and  facilitate  a  positive  environment

Analyzing  the  reactions  of  rave  attendees  further  emphasizes  the  inclusiveness  raves.  One  

participant  says  that  the  shows  “are  free  havens  –  people  get  really  comfortable  and  it  pulls  out  

emotions  from  people.  There  is  love  and  affection”  (Sachan).  Many  agreed,  adding  that  raves  

“are  all  about  breaking  down  barriers,  losing  preconceptions,  expanding  the  mind  and  feeling  the  

vibe”  (Wilson  78).  Another  attendee  confirmed  this  with  an  anecdote:  “I  got  into  dancing  in  my  

usual  self-­conscious  way  …  Then,  imperceptibly,  I  gradually  relaxed  and  melted  into  the  

ambience,  and  knew  I  was  part  of  it  all  …  I  experienced  a  feeling  of  belonging  to  the  group,  a  

kind  of  uplifting  …  experience  of  unity  …  It  was  as  though  I  was  surrounded  by  fellow  members  

of  an  exclusive  tribe,  bonded  by  some  shared  understanding”  (Wilson  37).  Another  raver  even  

reflected  on  his  rave  experience  and  related  it  to  everyday  life:  “When  I  go  to  raves  and  use  

Ecstasy  it  breaks  down  barriers.  It  breaks  down  preconceptions,  it  makes  it  easier  to  meet  people  
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…  you  think  about  how  it  changes  you  and  how  you  feel  while  you’re  on  it  as  opposed  to  how  

you  feel  when  you’re  not  and  you  try  and  take  the  feeling  that  you  get  when  you’re  high  and  

relate  it  to  your  own  life.  Do  you  really  need  social  barriers,  do  we  really  need  the  defenses  that  

we  have  and  would  life  be  better  off  if  we  didn’t  have  some  of  the  defense  that  we  have?  Would  

it  be  easier  to  meet  people,  easier  to  communicate?  It  all  comes  down  to  communication”  

(Wilson  37-­8).  Clearly  there  are  many  ravers  who  feel  and  believe  in  the  positivity  and  unifying  

power  of  raves.

Some  may  argue  that  the  usage  of  ecstasy  manipulates  people  and  artificially  induces  the  

feelings  of  unity  experienced  by  them;;  thus,  without  the  usage  of  ecstasy,  many  users’  

experiences  would  not  be  as  the  same.  There  are  two  reasons  why  this  claim  does  not  hold.  For  

one,  EDM  itself  is  a  genre  of  music  that  is  simple  and  meant  to  capture  the  audience  

immediately;;  the  complexities  of  music  theory  and  composition  are  circumvented  (Oertl,  

“Introduction”).  Therefore,  each  person  more  or  less  interprets  and  is  affected  by  the  songs  in  the  

same  way.  Music  and  drugs  are  also  similar  in  that  they  both  facilitate  the  release  of  Dopamine,  a  

hormone  that  stimulates  pleasure  (Sachan);;  music  can  produce  “effects  comparable  to  strong  

stimulants  …  or  even  hallucinogens”  (Oertl,  “Design”).  That  being  said,  one  does  not  need  

ecstasy  to  bring  them  into  a  heightened  state  of  euphoria  and  goodwill.  EDM,  musically  and  

lyrically,  can  do  that.  Swedish  DJ  Alesso,  who  is  ranked  #15  on  DJ  Mag  Top  100,  often  reminds  

fans:  “Stay  safe,  have  fun,  but  you  don't  have  to  do  drugs  to  have  fun.  I  don't  do  drugs  and  I  have  

loads  of  fun.  I  get  high  off  the  music  ...  and  I  don't  need  drugs  for  that.  Never  tried,  never  will”  

(Ryan).  With  the  nature  of  EDM  and  Alesso’s  commitment  to  the  power  of  the  music  itself,  

ecstasy  is  clearly  not  a  prerequisite  for  a  fulfilling  rave  experience.

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Secondly,  the  music  is  arguably  the  most  important  thing  about  raves.  One  raver  argues:  

“if  you  take  away  the  drugs  …  weird  clothing  …  flashy  lights  …  people  would  still  go  because  

they  love  the  music”  (Wilson  98).  It  is  important  to  remember  that  the  attendees  of  rave  events  

are  fans  of  the  music  and  its  artists.  So  if  ecstasy  is  removed  as  a  variable  at  rave  events,  the  

remaining  variables  are  the  music,  the  DJ,  and  other  ravers  and  their  knowledge  of  the  ideals  of  

EDMC.  These  variables  are  clearly  capable  of  dissolving  social  boundaries  and  facilitating  an  

uplifting  and  collective  experience  without  ecstasy.

  EDMC’s  commitment  to  its  ideals  of  peace,  love,  unity,  and  respect  is  clearly  shown  by  

the  uniform  spatial  environment  of  a  rave,  Dash  Berlin’s  music  and  character,  the  results  of  

recreational  ecstasy  consumption,  and  the  reflections  of  rave  attendees.  EDMC’s  successful  

application  of  its  ideals  thus  breaks  down  social  barriers  and  provides  a  solidary  experience  for  

its  participants  (with  or  without  the  use  of  ecstasy).  The  experiences  evoked  by  EDMC  raises  an  

important  question:  can  people  feel  the  solidarity  they  feel  at  raves  in  everyday  life?  Today,  with  

divisions  of  race,  gender,  religion,  nationality,  sexuality,  and  class  permeating  the  world,  

humanity  as  a  whole  is  far  from  peace,  love,  unity  and  respect.  But  is  it  possible  to  superimpose  

the  effects  of  a  rave  on  the  reality  of  everyday  life?  What  if  everybody  was  aware  of  and  

consciously  upheld  the  ideals  of  PLUR?  Perhaps  humanity  would  then  be  one  step  closer  to  

union.  
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Works  Cited

Dash  Berlin.  "Dash  Berlin:  We  Are  All  Connected."  Interview  by  Kelly  Alanbay.  Insomniac.  

N.p.,  n.d.  Web.  20  Nov.  2014.

-­  -­  -­.  Telephone  interview  by  Armin  Van  Buuren.  28  Aug.  2014.

-­  -­  -­,  prod.  We  Are  (Part  1).  2014.  CD.

Oertl,  Stefan  M.  "The  Design  of  an  Optimal  Music  Experience:  A  Matter  of  Life  and  Death  (Part  

II)."  Re-­Compose.  N.p.,  15  Nov.  2012.  Web.  13  Dec.  2014.

-­  -­  -­.  "Introduction  to  the  Instant  Effect  of  Electronic  Dance  Music  (Part  II)."  Re-­Compose.  N.p.,  

12  Dec.  2012.  Web.  13  Dec.  2014.

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Loveism,  n.d.  Web.  12  Nov.  2014.

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Web.  13  Dec.  2014.

Sachan,  Shreya.  "Electronic  Dance  Music,  Drugs  and  Audience  Reception."  Academia.edu.  N.p.,  

n.d.  Web.  20  Nov.  2014.

Wilson,  Brian.  Fight  Flight  or  Chill:  Subcultures,  Youth,  and  Rave  into  the  Twenty-­First  

Century.  Montreal:  McGill-­Queen,  2006.  Print.

Look  Up
by  Andrew  Wang

I  never  thought  the  divine  could  be  so  drunk,

splashing  the  sky  canvas  with  buckets  of  blue  paint,
throwing  puffs  of  flour  everywhere.  

I  can  see  them  hooting  and  honking  with  laughter,

their  livers  slowly  soaking  up  the  last  drops
of  their  precious,  precious  drink.  
With  a  giant  paintbrush,
they  paint  over  the  day’s  craft  with  thick,  black  tar  
and  sprinkle  on  it  some  silver  dust.  

As  I  lay  awake  in  the  dark

amidst  crickets  twinkling  softly
I  can’t  help  but  imagine  the  gods
sitting  around  the  little  globe  they  call  Earth,
sipping  from  their  golden  goblets
and  wondering  how  to  decorate  the  next  day.

When  I  wake  up  the  next  morning

and  see  that  they  decided  to  laminate
the  sky  canvas  with  blue  shrink  wrap,
I’ll  know  that  they  tweaked  the  globe  a  few  degrees
and  pointed  their  fingers  at  some  other  place.
 We  Could  Be

By  Andrew  Wang

“Between  men  and  women  there  is  no  friendship  possible.  There  is  passion,  enmity,  

worship,  love,  but  no  friendship.”  –  Oscar  Wilde

Oliver  Wu  sat  at  an  empty  table  watching  the  muted  NBA  game  that  was  on  TV.  

Although  he  was  used  to  eating  alone,  this  occasion  was  different.  His  club  sandwich  

and  chicken  noodle  soup  were  getting  cold.  He  glanced  at  the  clock:  6:50pm.  I  wonder  

what’s  taking  her  so  long?  Oliver  thought,  running  his  hand  through  his  jet-­‐black  hair.  

Just  as  he  was  about  to  return  to  watching  the  game,  he  saw  a  blond  girl  enter  from  the  

corner  of  his  eye.  It  was  Clara.

Oliver  quickly  stood  up  and  walked  towards  her,  giving  a  little  wave.  “Hey  Clara,”  

he  tried  to  say  as  naturally  as  possible  amidst  his  spiked  heartbeat.  She  returned  the  

wave  shyly.  

“Hey,  sorry  to  keep  you  waiting,”  Clara  said,  her  voice  quivering  a  little  at  the  

end.  Her  hair  was  in  a  slightly  messy  updo,  with  a  strand  of  blond  hair  swept  across  her  

forehead  like  a  draped  curtain.  Despite  the  dim  lights  in  Skibo  Café,  her  blue  eyes  shone  

through  her  black  retro  glasses  like  electric  blue  marbles.

“No  problem,”  Oliver  said.  Shit  she’s  beautiful.  “I’ll  just  be  waiting  over  here.”

He  returned  to  his  seat  and  resumed  watching  the  NBA  game.  However,  he  was  unable  

to  focus.  Oliver  calm  down.  Just  take  a  step  back,  play  it  cool.  
 It  had  taken  Oliver  quite  a  bit  of  effort  to  set  this  up.  He  had  texted  Clara  on  

Wednesday,  making  what  he  thought  was  a  simple  request:  I  was  planning  on  seeing  

Mockingjay  on  Sunday  at  8pm  and  was  wondering  if  you’d  like  to  come?  It’s  showing  in  

McConomy  and  Perhaps  we  could  get  dinner  at  Skibo  at  6:30  as  well?  He  had  decided  to  

throw  in  the  dinner  request  because  he  didn’t  think  there’d  be  much  of  an  opportunity  

at  the  movie  to  talk.  

Surprisingly  to  him,  she  hadn’t  responded  right  away.  In  fact,  it  had  taken  

anywhere  from  5  minutes  to  an  hour  for  her  to  reply.  Oliver  remembered  being  taken  

aback  when  Clara  texted  As  friends?  After  all,  he  was  attracted  to  her  –  she  was  pretty,  

smart,  nice,  shy  –  he  didn’t  think  they  needed  to  reach  any  conclusions  so  soon.  She  had  

only  given  him  her  number  last  Friday.  He  hadn’t  even  gotten  the  chance  to  get  to  know  

her  yet.  Unfortunately,  she  also  had  texted  him  this  morning  saying  that  she  had  more  

work  than  she  expected  and  therefore  couldn’t  go  to  the  movie.  But  we  can  still  have  

dinner  if  you  want?  she  had  said.  Oliver  found  this  entire  situation  ironic.  

Clara  returned  to  the  table  with  a  bowl  of  soup  and  a  plate  of  pasta  with  garlic  

bread.  “Hey,  you’re  back!”  Oliver  joked,  trying  to  ease  the  tension  and  make  her  feel  

more  comfortable.  A  small  smile  barely  began  to  form  on  the  corner  of  Clara’s  lips  until  

she  uttered  a  soft  “Yeah”  and  sat  down.      

“How  are  you?  How  was  your  weekend?”  Oliver  asked,  removing  the  lid  from  his  

soup.  He  gently  scooped  a  spoonful  into  his  mouth  and  swallowed  the  broth.  To  his  

pleasant  surprise,  it  was  still  warm.  

 “I’m  good,”  Clara  said,  glancing  at  Oliver.  “My  weekend’s  been  a  little  busy.  Just  

working  on  an  art  project.”  

“What  kind  of  project  is  it?”

“It’s  this  project  in  Photoshop.  Basically  we  have  to  depict  a  scene  where  

someone  or  something  is  saying  goodbye.  My  scene  is  sort  of  a  mix  of  fantasy  and  post-­‐

apocalypse.”  

Clara  took  a  bite  from  her  pasta.  “That  sounds  really  cool,”  Oliver  said.  

“Yeah,  but  my  project  is  like  40  gigabytes  and  it  takes  forever  to  save  and  open.”  

“40  gigabytes?!”  Oliver  said,  half-­‐containing  his  enthusiasm.  “Oh  my  god.”  If  he  

had  been  completely  comfortable  with  Clara  he  would  have  deployed  his  relatively  

extraverted  side  and  said:  “40  GIGABYTES??!!”  

“Yeah,”  Clara  said,  offering  a  small  smile.  She  picked  up  her  garlic  bread  and  took  

a  bite.  She  chewed  softly,  lowering  her  eyes.

“Is  there  anyway  to  make  the  file  smaller?  Like  compressing  it?”  Oliver  asked,  

eating  another  spoonful  of  soup.  He  wasn’t  sure  if  Clara  was  avoiding  his  gaze  or  if  she  

was  just  shy.  Nonetheless,  Oliver  felt  that  it  was  important  to  make  eye  contact,  to  be  

an  attentive,  respectful  listener.  

“I’ve  tried  compressing  it,  but  it  messes  up  the  quality  of  the  file,”  Clara  said,  

quickly  looking  at  Oliver  and  then  turning  back  to  her  food.  

“Oh,  so  it’s  kind  of  like  converting  a  WAV  file  into  an  MP3.  The  song  quality  gets  

worse.”

“Yeah.”  
 Oliver  took  a  bite  of  his  club  sandwich  and  chewed  softly,  looking  past  Clara.  

Obviously  he  didn’t  want  to  make  it  awkward  for  her  by  constantly  making  eye  contact.  

Clara  looked  down,  eating  her  pasta.  

There  was  a  silence.  Oliver  thought  back  to  the  night  a  week  ago  when  Clara  had  

given  him  his  number.  He  had  seen  her  standing  by  herself  at  the  Chinese  New  Year  

party  hosted  by  the  Chinese  department  and  remembered  thinking  “What  the  hell  is  she  

doing  here?”  They  had  sat  next  to  each  other  in  the  same  first-­‐year  writing  class  last  

semester.  After  he  had  called  out  “Clara?!”  they  quickly  began  talking  and  participated  

in  the  tea  tasting  and  dumpling  eating  activities.  They  had  even  went  to  another  event  

hosted  by  the  Modern  Languages  student  council,  eating  more  food  and  watching  the  

scheduled  Japanese  animation  movie  together.  He  remembered  there  had  been  a  pause  

once  in  their  conversation  when  they  were  standing  around  eating.  He  had  asked  her  if  

she  thought  this  was  an  awkward  silence.  

“I  think  this  is  a  comfortable  silence,”  she  had  said,  with  a  peppy  emphasis  on  

“comfortable.”

“Really?  Sometimes  I  feel  like  most  silences  are  awkward.”

“Maybe  you’ve  never  been  in  a  comfortable  silence.”

“Maybe.”

Oliver  wondered  if  the  silence  they  were  having  right  now  was  awkward  or  

comfortable.  

“What  about  you?  How  was  your  weekend?”  Clara  finally  asked.
 “Oh  you  know,  the  usual,”  Oliver  said,  taking  another  bite  from  his  sandwich.  

“Just  doing  homework,  readings,  nothing  too  exciting.”  

Clara  nodded  and  scooped  up  some  soup.

A  sea  of  chatter  floated  in  the  background.  Students  walked  through  the  café,  

some  buying  food,  some  throwing  out  their  trash.  Skibo  seemed  quite  busy  for  a  Sunday  

night.  Perhaps  Clara  feels  a  little  self-­‐conscious,  Oliver  thought.  

 “How’s  Chinese  going?”  Oliver  asked.  He  remembered  asking  her  to  speak  some  

Mandarin  to  him  at  the  Chinese  New  Year  party.  He  was  impressed  –  she  had  a  great  

accent.  

“It’s  good.  I  have  a  midterm  on  Wednesday.”

“Ah,”  Oliver  said.  “Busy,  huh.”  Perhaps  she’s  stressed?

Maybe  it  was  because  he  had  never  officially  “dated”  a  girl  before,  but  Oliver  

never  characterized  asking  a  girl  out  as  “asking  a  girl  out.”  It  sounded  too  much  like  a  

means  to  an  end.  Instead,  he  saw  it  as  “wanting  to  get  to  know  someone.”  And  what  

better  way  was  there  to  get  to  know  someone  than  to  have  meaningful  one-­‐on-­‐one  

conversations?  He  did  not  think  that  asking  Clara  for  a  movie  and  dinner  would  –  and  let  

alone,  should  –  translate  any  romantic  bearings  (because  people  should  take  requests  

for  what  they  are,  and  not  what  they  think  they  are,  right?).  It  was  just  a  simple  request;  

it  did  not  imply  any  long-­‐term  commitment.  Oliver  was  more  eager  to  become  great  

friends  first.  

But  this  was  not  how  Clara  saw  it.  To  her,  Oliver’s  gesture  clearly  expressed  that  

he  had  a  romantic  interest.  She  never  ate  dinner  without  her  girlfriends  from  her  dorm  
and  rarely  had  one-­‐on-­‐one  conversations  with  people.  Yes,  she  was  the  one  (to  her  

surprise)  who  had  given  him  her  number,  but  that  had  been  an  unexpected  impulse  –  it  

just  “happened.”  Once  the  weekend  had  passed,  Clara  found  herself  busy  again  with  her  

art  classes  and  regular  hangouts  with  girlfriends.  The  feelings  she  had  once  possessed  

towards  Oliver  were  diluted.  Thus  she  was  a  little  overwhelmed  when  he  had  asked  her  

for  both  dinner  and  a  movie  –  she  didn’t  like  the  idea  of  getting  this  close,  especially  so  

soon.  Clara  just  wanted  to  be  “friends.”

“Hey  look,  a  cello,”  Oliver  said,  pointing  to  a  cello  case  that  a  girl  had  just  put  

down  near  the  couches.  He  had  mentioned  to  Clara  last  week  that  cello  had  been  his  

main  activity  in  high  school;  apparently  she  had  also  played  cello.  

“Oh  yeah,”  Clara  said.  “Do  most  people  have  hard  cases?  When  I  played  cello  I  

had  a  soft  case.”

“When  did  you  play  cello?”

“Um,  I  started  in  6th  grade  and  stopped  after  8th,”  she  said.

Oliver  wondered  how  to  respond.  He  didn’t  want  to  say  that  it  was  probably  

because  they  were  more  serious  than  her  about  it  (almost  everyone  he  knew  who  

played  cello  throughout  high  school  owned  a  hard  case);  that  could  sound  rude.  

“I  think  those  people  were  probably  super  serious.”  Oliver  said.  “And  the  

instruments  were  probably  more  expensive.”

“That  makes  sense,”  Clara  said,  returning  to  her  food.  

“Clara?”  A  small  girl  in  a  blue  sweatshirt  and  yoga  pants  springily  approached  the  

table.  She  also  wore  black  retro  glasses  and  was  holding  a  cup  of  Pepsi.
 “Hannah!  Hey,”  Clara  said,  her  face  lighting  up.  Clara  turned  to  Oliver.  “This  is  

Hannah,  she’s  an  old  hag,”  she  joked.  

“Yeah,  I’m  an  old  hag!”  Hannah  said,  sipping  her  Pepsi  and  laughing  at  their  

inside  joke.  “This  is  like  my  5th  refill.”

   “Jeez,  five  refills?”  Oliver  said,  welcoming  the  lightness  to  the  atmosphere.  “Hi,  

I’m  Oliver,”  he  said.  “Why  are  you  an  old  hag?”  

“Hannah  pretty  much  dances  all  the  time,”  Clara  said  to  Oliver.  “And  then  she’s  

in  bed  by  nine  while  we’re  all  up  doing  our  work.”

“Yeah,”  Hannah  said,  hyper.  “That’s  me!”

“Well,  it’s  nice  that  you  get  a  good  amount  of  sleep.  Are  you  guys  roommates?”

“No,  but  we  live  on  the  same  floor,”  Clara  said.  “Hannah,  you  have  dance  soon  

right?”

“Yeah  I’m  going  to  leave  in  a  few  minutes,”  Hannah  said,  sipping  her  Pepsi.  “It’s  

going  to  be  one  of  those  awkward  rehearsals  where  I’m  one  of  the  two  people  who  

show  up.  The  instructor  is  going  to  be  like:  ‘Uh,  do  you  guys  want  to  go  over  this  routine  

again?’”  she  said,  laughing  and  imitating  a  deep  voice.  

“What  kind  of  dance  do  you  do?”  Oliver  asked.

“Hip-­‐hop,  ballet,  modern,  ballroom  –  pretty  much  everything  except  jazz  and  

tap.”  

“Wow,  that’s  a  lot!”  Oliver  said.  “Clara,  you  mentioned  that  you  danced  before  

right?  Is  dancing  a  common  activity  for  girls?  I  know  some  people  back  home  who  do  

Garth  Fagan  stuff.”

 “Yeah,”  Clara  said.  “I  think  a  lot  of  girls  try  all  the  types  of  dances  and  then  

decide  which  ones  they  like.”

“Makes  sense,”  Oliver  said.  He  liked  the  way  Clara  said  her  “yeah”s;  it  was  

almost  like  she  was  saying  “ya”  and  tapering  softly  at  the  end.

“Anyway,  I  gotta  go  to  my  rehearsal.  Nice  meeting  you!”  Hannah  said,  turning  

around  to  leave.

“You  too!  See  ya,”  Oliver  said.  Clara  gave  a  little  wave.  

It  was  about  7:40.  

“Excited  for  Mockingjay?”  Clara  asked  timidly,  with  a  hint  of  playfulness.

“Oh,”  Oliver  said.  It  made  him  a  little  sad  that  she  couldn’t  watch  it  with  him.  “I  

guess,  I  mean  I’ve  seen  the  first  two  and  just  wanted  to  catch  up  on  the  series.”  

“Yeah  sorry  I  can’t  come.  I  have  a  46  page  research  paper  due  next  Friday  that  I  

need  to  start,”  Clara  said.  

“46  pages?!”  Oliver  said,  again  withholding  his  full  enthusiasm.  “Wow,  really?  46  

pages?

Clara  nodded.  

“Have  you  seen  Mockingjay  yet?”  Oliver  asked.  

“No,  I  haven’t.”

“Have  you  seen  the  first  two?”

“Yeah.”  What  a  coincidence,  Oliver  thought.  She’s  also  seen  the  first  two  but  

hasn’t  seen  the  third.  

 There  was  a  brief  pause.  “Well,  I  don’t  want  to  hold  you  from  your  work,”  Oliver  

said,  noticing  that  they  were  both  finished.  He  put  his  empty  soup  cup  on  his  plate  and  

stood  up,  Clara  doing  the  same.  

“I  would  have  watched  the  movie  if  I  didn’t  have  that  research  paper,”  Clara  said.

“It’s  okay,”  Oliver  said  while  they  went  to  throw  out  their  trash.  I  wonder  why  

she  said  that?  “Well,  thanks  for  coming.”  

Oliver  and  Clara  headed  out  of  Skibo.  They  walked  alongside  each  other  through  

the  hallway  of  the  University  Center,  past  the  windows  that  overlooked  the  parking  

garage,  past  the  hallway  where  various  art  pieces  hung  on  the  wall.  The  soft  crunch  of  

their  shoes  on  the  carpet  was  the  only  sound  that  could  be  heard,  let  alone  the  distant  

chatter  of  students  in  other  dining  areas.  Neither  Oliver  nor  Clara  said  anything.  

As  they  were  walking  down  the  stairs,  with  Clara  about  one  staircase  ahead,  

Oliver  noticed  how  graceful  her  stride  was,  how  slender  her  legs  looked  in  her  Carolina  

blue  skinny  jeans.  He  suddenly  felt  the  impulse  to  spend  more  time  with  her,  to  talk  to  

her  more.  

They  were  about  to  go  their  separate  ways  when  Oliver  stammered:  “Uh…”  He  

spun  around  to  take  a  glance  at  the  digital  clock  hanging  down  the  front  desk.  7:47.  

“I  could  walk  you  home.  I  have  ten  minutes  –”  

“No,”  Clara  interjected,  alarmed.  She  hesitated,  quickly  adding,  “It’s  fine,”  almost  

as  if  she  were  apologizing.  

 Oliver  was  surprised  to  feel  a  slight  throb  in  the  left  side  of  his  chest.  “Okay,”  he  

said,  forcing  a  smile  and  giving  her  a  quick  wave.  He  turned  around  and  headed  down  

the  hallway  towards  McConomy.

***

Oliver  sat  alone  amidst  the  scattered  audience  of  about  ten,  staring  at  the  giant  

projector  screen  advertising  upcoming  events.  

Despite  having  sat  next  to  Clara  in  Interpretation  and  Argument  for  the  whole  

first  semester,  he  had  rarely  spoken  to  her.  Oliver  thought  back  to  the  first  day  of  

classes:  Interp  was  his  first  class,  and  he  remembered  being  the  second  earliest.  Clara  

was  the  first.  She  was  quiet,  but  when  she  talked  she  was  peppy.  Immediately  when  he  

introduced  himself  to  her  he  got  the  sense  that  he  could  be  attracted  to  her.  After  that,  

he  barely  spoke  to  her.  

In  the  middle  of  the  semester,  Oliver  had  run  into  her  walking  to  Interp,  and  they  

had  had  a  nice  conversation.  However,  he  stopped  to  use  the  restroom,  saying  “See  you  

in  class!”  While  he  washed  his  hands,  he  thought  to  himself:  Oliver,  you  can’t  talk  to  her.  

Thus,  when  he  entered  the  classroom  and  plopped  down  next  to  Clara,  he  refused  to  

continue  the  conversation.  

Oliver  felt  that  he  could  not  afford  to  deal  with  romantic  feelings  so  early  in  

college  –  he  needed  to  get  his  shit  together:  to  sort  things  out,  to  take  care  of  himself  

first.  Then  he  could  manage  whatever  feelings  came  his  way.  If  that  meant  not  talking  to  

girls  he  thought  were  attractive,  then  so  be  it.

 He  could  not  say  he  regretted  his  decision.  His  first  semester  GPA  had  been  a  

3.8;  he  exercised  three  times  a  week;  he  was  mentally  and  physically  healthy.  However,  

he  still  wished  that  things  could  be  different.  He  had  no  classes  with  Clara  this  semester  

and  therefore  had  less  chances  to  talk  to  her.

Dang,  it  actually  does  kinda  hurt  to  be  rejected,  Oliver  thought.  

But  Clara  doesn’t  have  to  be  my  girlfriend.  

Wait,  that  wasn’t  even  my  conscious  intention  in  the  first  place!

Did  I  miss  my  chance  to  get  to  know  her?  

Can  we  even  be  friends?