21/02/02
uk Issue no: 1026 FREE
Green Week Special:
What’s It All About,
Who Cares?
News In Brief
BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS
Over 200 decomposing corpses found in
crematorium yard
An extensive search operation was put into
action last Friday after a pet dog, which
was being walked by its owner, unearthed
a human skull in a forest behind a cremato-
rium in the US state of Georgia. Authorities
say they have now recovered more than 200
decomposing corpses from the grounds of
the Tri-State Crematorium. Bodies were
found stacked in storage sheds and scattered
in woods around the site in the small town of
Noble, north west of Georgia. It is believed
that the owners of the business have been
dumping bodies for years instead of cremat-
ing them – and the final body count could
reach 400. When asked why the bodies had
not been cremated, operator Ray Brent Marsh
is reported to have said that the incinerator
was not working. Mr Marsh was arrested
on Saturday and has been released on bail.
The disturbing news has caused anger in the
town, with many questioning how this could
have been buried from the authorities for so
many years.
EU imposes sanctions on Zimbabwe
After a meeting of European Union foreign
ministers on Monday, the EU has decided to
impose sanctions on Zimbabwe’s ruling elite
and will pull its election observers out of the
country. The decision was taken following
the expulsion from Zimbabwe on Saturday
of the head of the EU observer team, Pierre
Schori. The EU had for weeks threatened to
impose targeted sanctions – including a ban
on travel to the EU, a freeze on financial
assets held in the EU, and an arms embargo
– if the Zimbabwe government hampered the
work of the EU’s election observer mission.
The British foreign secretary, Jack Straw,
said the sanctions were designed “to hit
the political elite, not the economy”. Pierre
Schori, who flew back to London on Sunday
after his visa was cancelled, said he had been
ejected on false grounds. “I don’t know what
they want to hide but evidently they don’t
like some of us to be there”. Sanctions take
effect immediately.
Regulars
News 1-3
Letters 4
Barearts 8-14
Services 18
Sport 20
The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper
p16 - 17
Thank Orange It’s
Friday!
BY RICHARD WATTS
Deputy Editor
Following the success of last year’s Orange
V.1 event, Orange V.2 took the Union over
once again last Friday night and gave the
Student’s Union one of it’s most memorable
Fountain Stopped In Lake Swimming Incident
By Richard Watts
Deputy Editor
It has been revealed by an unknown source
that the fountain contained as a feature in
the small lake on campus was stopped as
part of some drunken activities undertaken
by students on Saturday 16th February.
The incident, believed not to be an isolated
occurrence, took place around 2.30am after
the successful Orange evening at the Union
and has been linked with the activities of
www.ussu.co.
Letters:
VC’s Pay - The Uni
Hit’s Back!
p4
nights in recent history. Having been thought
of as one of the best venues last year, USSU
was once again praised by the representatives
of Orange, not only for the atmosphere and
general good nature of the event, but also for
the technical support offered by Stage Crew.
In the main union, DJ’s Cut La Roc and
a group of students who are well known
for water-feature swimming and road-sign
“borrowing” in and around the Guildford
area. It has also been suggested this group
may be responsible for the lifting of flags
from a local golf course and the planned
distribution of tesco’s trolleys in each
parking space at the local store, as well as
teddy-bear snatching from open windows,
though these claims cannot be substanti-
ated.
Such behaviour is typical of drunken stu-
On Being A Sabb...
p6
Touché complimented the temporary décor
erected by Orange with decent dance tunes
that we are not necessarily accustomed to at
Surrey, whilst downstairs, in the Helyn Rose
Bar, Dynamo Productions fused a beat wor-
thy of the finest groove Surrey could offer;
the laid back vibe created was apparent for
all to see.
As part of the transformation the
Union underwent, the reception area
was draped in thick black ‘curtains’,
with orange lights providing only
the barest minimal of light required
for safe passage through to the main
Union area. Extra plasma screens
were posted around the Union and
numerous interactive devices, mak-
ing it possible to e-mail pictures of
your slightly inebriated self, were also
introduced to the building. One can-
not fail to mention the ever-popular
space-hoppers, either, which at the
end of the night were worthy enough
for some to deal out a good bashing
in order to secure their very own big-
orange bouncy thing.
The tour, which is costing in the
region of £1m for Orange to hold at
various universities throughout the
country, was designed to be bigger
and better than last year’s events after
it resulted in 97% brand recognition
for the telecommunications special-
ists, and the success of the present
tour is a good indication of a possible
Orange V.3 series of events next year.
dents and has long been a cause for concern
of the community; though often “harmless
fun”, it should be noted that road signs,
“for sale” signs and other such ‘drunken
trophies’ are used to serve a purpose and
should not be removed from their respec-
tive stations. It must also be highlighted
that swimming when drunk in conditions
approaching freezing is an extremely haz-
ardous occupation and can result in injury
or possible death.
 2 News 21/02/02

Editor
Editorial Team

Tristan O’Dwyer
Adoption Is Not A Trivial Matter
Deputy Editor
Richard Watts
News and Political Editor I was stunned to suddenly sit up, stop doing whatever they were called the ‘Surprise Surprise’ effect. Whenever
Reuben Thompson recently whilst lis- doing whilst the radio was on and think “oh yes Cilla Black, on her prime time Saturday evening
Music Editor tening to the radio: – perhaps adoption is something I should con- television show, re-united long-lost adopted sons
Kevin Marston in amongst the sider.” Where is the care and thought in that? The or daughters with their parents, I have often won-
Film Editor usual poor adver- idea to adopt must surely come from a desire to dered ‘why?’ What purpose could that possibly
Navroop Sehmi tisements suggest- genuinely help a child who has been unfortunate in serve? Of what use is it to a television audience
Sports Editor ing that I buy some their time so far, and to try to give them what they to see years of silence suddenly broken and the
Dave Chapman curtains from one may never have experienced before: a loving, car- tears flowing freely as the parents embrace their
Production Editor place or another, ing, sympathetic home in which all of their needs children “who they gave up over thirty-five years
Vacant there was a com- can be nurtured and their talents encouraged. (As ago”? What is the fascination with ‘real-life’ sob
Features Editor Richards Watts mercial aimed at an adopted child myself, I can fully appreciate the stories when the viewing public normally embraces
Vacant
Arts Editor Deputy Editor those who may
wish to consider
benefits of loving adoptive parents). The idea of
radio advertisement (or advertisement of any sort,
so whole-heartedly the trials and tribulations of fic-
tional characters on soap operas?
Vacant
fostering or adop- in fact, when it comes to this subject) seems a little If we are to follow the examples above, it would
tion. For a second I thought that I must have heard flippant and ignores the fundamental point of why seem to me that adoption is regarded with the same
Contributors it wrong, but sure enough, at the end of the thirty someone should consider adoption, appearing as if sentiment as the Andrex puppies – a kind of “ahh,
Jana Kristensen seconds or so, there was a s oft, soothing female to trivialise the process through which a child is isn’t that sweet” approach – and I’m not sure if we
Samantha Stevens voice telling me the phone number I should call if fostered or adopted. You could argue that it is mak- should be happy with that. Parenting and child-
Michael Chambers I felt it the right time to take on the responsibilities ing people aware of the possible channels through care cannot be treated flippantly and, as such, must
The Sabbs of child-care. which adoption can be approached, but if those be entered into seriously after careful thought and
My reaction was one of amazement: to what wishing to adopt are sincere in their motives, you consideration. Whether radio advertisement and
sort of person could an advertisement like that be would hope they have already looked into all of the ‘Surprise Surprise’ are the best ways to promote
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper, directed at? Surely you cannot expect someone possibilities available to them. that, I for one am not entirely convinced.
published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union who has never really considered adoption before Reflected above is something that I have long
Communications Office.

High Court Judge The Government’s

The views expressed within the paper are those of
individual authors, and do not necessarily repre-
sent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board,
the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the

Screws Prostitutes “Trail of Cover-up and

University of Surrey.

This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in

part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without
the express permission

Deception”
of the publisher.
BY REUBEN THOMPSON
All submissions must include the author’s name and News and Political Editor
Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee
of publication.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be In a bizarre move today, a high court judge ruled today that pimps, prosti-
published. the Conservative
tutes, brothels and other people engaged in such activities most probably
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. Party, Iain
© USSU Communications Office 2001 have to pay tax. Since their activities are not illegal, an earlier tribunal
Duncan-Smith is
ruling that an escort agency didn’t have to pay VAT since it was not con-
Deadline for Publication leading calls for
ducting lawful business was overturned.
Features and Arts: Friday 2pm an inquiry into
Mr Justice Jacob siad that the owners, Robert and Judy Polok, of Juniper
News: Monday 2pm why the govern-
Close, Ashford Kent, were carrying out a “lawful and autonomous” activ-
ment backed the
SubmissionOn disk / email in
ity, and that the tribunal had overlooked the “simple fact” that prostitution
loan. He said the
Word 6.0 Format, Text in Times New is in fact legal in Britain.
way the govern-
Roman, size 9.5 font Frankly, all I can say, is that it’s keeping lawyers in a job.
ment had han-
dled the disclo-

Yellow American
barefacts sures about the
Union House,
BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS loan looked like
University Of Surrey
a “trail of cover-up and decep-

School Buses
Guildford, News Correspondant
tion” after the government initially
Surrey,
GU2 7XH Last week it was revealed that denied the letter’s existence. The
British Prime Minister Tony Blair Prime Minister’s official spokes-
Tel: 01483 689275 In what many will see as a bizarre move, the government has announced had written to his Romanian oppo- man rejected claims that Downing
Fax: 01483 534749 that it will be introducing yellow, American style school buses into pilot site number in support of the bid Street lied over the controversy and
email: barefacts@ussu.co.uk schemes in Yorkshire and South west Surrey. Supposedly safer and more of billionaire Indian businessman Mr Blair himself told his cabinet
economic, they suggest that their use will save 50,000 car miles in the Lakshmi Mittal to buy Romania’s last Thursday all the allegations
Do you have a complaint first year. state-owned steel company Sidex. were nonsense. A spokesman for
Welsh nationalist party Plaid Cymru
against this newspaper? The letter was written in July 2001,
adds: “This latest example of Tony

Casino Exhibition A
If you have a complaint about any item just a month after Mr. Mittal donated
in this newspaper which contains inac- £125,000 to the Labour party. The Blair’s support for this Mr. Mittal’s
curacy, harassment, intrusion or dis-
letter included a suggestion that it company is simply extraordinary”.
crimination write to our editor about it.
“Why was similar help not extended

Little Bit Iffy

would enhance Romania’s chances
If you remain dissatisfied please contact of joining the European Union. to Corus <Britain’s struggling steel
the Press Complaints Commission - an The government also backed a company>, which has shed thou-
independant organisation established to
£70 million loan to Mr. Mittal’s sands of jobs?”. The Prime Minister
uphold an editorial Code of Practice for Following our front cover story about the proposed new casino opposite firm in order for it to complete the faced new questions at the beginning
the Press. This newspaper will abide by
their decision. Wetherspoons in town, on the site of the Drink a few weeks ago, barefacts purchase. The loan came from the of this week about his involvement
visited the exhibition on the plans this week, and was shocked to find that European Bank for Reconstruction with Mr. Mittal after it emerged his
Press Complaints Commission people viewing the exhibit were being asked to answer a questionnaire, and Development (EBRD). A gov- firm had entered ‘exclusive’ nego-
1 Salisbury Square and then asked to sign their response. On closer inspection, the signature tiations with the Czech government
London EC4Y 8JB ernment spokeswoman confirmed
is an endorsement of the plans aimed at the local council, which this cor- that the Department for International regarding their steel privatisation
Telephone: 020 7353 1248
Fax: 020 7353 8351 respondent watched three people sign with no explanation. Perhaps we Development (DFID) supported the plans. The negotiations come a
should check more carefully what we’re signing. £70 million loan and told the UK short time after Tony Blair wrote to
Printed by South West Wales
representative on the EBRD to do the Czech government to ‘promote’
Publications Ltd,
Adelaide Street, Swansea so, describing Mr. Mittal’s bid as a British interests.
Tel: 01792 510000 “very good project”. The leader of
21/02/02 3

New Picture Of Earth Unveiled

BY REUBEN THOMPSON
News and Political Editor

A stunning new image of the Earth, more accu-

rate than any of its predecessors was unveiled
on Tuesday. Composed of thousands of satel-
lite images, and with the distorting effects of
the atmosphere removed, it provides a strik-
ing portrait of the planet we call home, with
the land rising clearly above the sea, which
appears in the main a dark shadowy blue.
Produced by the new MODIS satellite amongst
others, it provides a hitherto unencountered
level of detail, with cities visible and the level
of light around the world clearly dependent
on the population. The lush green vegetation
and harsh deserts of Africa are obvious, as are
the Ural, Rocky and Appalachian mountains
amongst others.
Also in space news this week, eminent sci-
entists have announced that alien scientists
will have clearly noticed life on Earth a long
time ago. It seems that the signals have been
obvious in the Earth’s spectrum for thousands
of millions of years, and the technology to
detect such planets is indeed less than fifteen
years away here now. At present, scientists
can only detect planets around other stars by
virtue of the “wobble” in their image caused
by the passing of super size planets (much like
our own Jupiter) around the stars. The launch
of new telescopes into space by both the
European and American programmes around
2017 will take this several steps further.

Diamonds Aren’t Forever - Petitions To

Just 15 Years!
BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS
News Correspondant
Four men were convicted on Monday
of conspiring to steal more than £200
million worth of rare diamonds from
the Millennium Dome. Had the rob-
bery been a success, it would have
been the largest theft in history, but it
was foiled by a huge police operation.
The four had admitted conspiring to
steal the 12 diamonds, including the
Millennium Star, one of the world’s
largest gems, from the De Beers
Millennium Exhibition, but denied
the more serious charge of conspiracy
to rob (where force is involved). The
men were sentenced to between 15
and 18 years in prison for what the
judge called “a wicked and highly
professional crime.”
It had all the characteristics of a
fantasy film, such as James Bond. A
dazzling array of rare and spectacular
diamonds on display, worth millions,
an audacious smash and grab raid car-
ried out in broad daylight and plans
for a high speed getaway by speed-
boat across the Thames. The gang
planned to sell the diamonds to the
Russian mafia. The gems including
the 203-carat, 5cm long, Millennium
Star, would have been cut up into
smaller, less recognisable gems then
sold on the black market or through
diamond auction houses.
The robbery was carefully planned,
however police had been watching
the gang for months thanks to a tip-
off from a police informer. Officers
dressed as cleaners were waiting and
arrested the men as they attempted to
smash through the armored glass case
holding the diamonds with a sledge-
hammer on 7 November, 2000. The
Millennium Star and accompanying
11 Millennium Blue diamonds – part
of an exhibit sponsored by De Beers
at the riverside tourist attraction – had
been replaced with crystal fakes as a
precaution.
The raiders smash thier way into the dome in a JCB
The gang were caught on CCTV smashing through
security glass with sledgehammers
On thier way to the get away vehicle, a surspise when
police officers quickly surrounded them as smoke
bombs went off
Downing Street
Ahead Of March
BY TRISTAN O’DWYER
Editor
On Tuesday 19th February Students delivered petitions
and letters, numbering many thousands, to Downing
Street to protest against tuition fees and the abolition
of the grant.
The National Union of Students (NUS) said access
to university should be based on academic ability and
potential, rather than the ability to pay, and that the
government could only fail in its agenda to widen par-
ticipation. Thousands of students every year are put off
University as they see graduates leaving with average
debts of £12,000.
The National Union of Students (NUS) praised the
administrations in Scotland and Wales for taking “posi-
tive steps” to remove some of the financial barriers -
and urged Westminster to follow suit.
Last week the Welsh Assembly announced that stu-
dent grants were to be re-introduced, with £41m being
ringfenced to help students from poorer families. This
follows Scotland’s scrapping of up front tuition fees.
NUS President Owain James said students were going
to Downing Street to make their views known.
“NUS is appalled that, months after the prime minis-
ter himself highlighted the issue of student funding, no
improvements have been made,” said Mr James.
“In fact some of the proposals, such as commercial
rate loans, will actually leave thousands of students
even worse off.”
The gesture came a day before the NUS national
march planned to take to the streets of central London
in protest, which UniS students will be attending.
 4 Wow - Long letters this week! 21/02/02

Letters to the Editor Letters must be received by 5pm on the

Friday before publication to guarentee their
presence in the next newspaper. So there.

VC’s Pay - University Hits Back!

I was saddened to read the cover article
and editorial of last week’s issue of Bare
Facts (University Chiefs get 9.3% pay
rise). In particular, it is unfortunate that
the Editor chose not to reproduce the
University’s original statement relating
to the Vice-Chancellor’s salary, which
was produced in response to a request
from the Editor, and provided in good
time for inclusion within the article.
In the interests of a balanced reporting
of the facts, I have reproduced the state-
ment below:
“Each year the Finance and
General Purposes Committee
of the University formally
determines the levels of pay
for Academic and Academic
Related Staff and for Clerical
and Manual Staff. For the
2000-01 academic year the
Committee formally imple-
mented the national pay
awards and these were 3%
for Academic and Academic
Related, 3% for Clerical and
4% for Manual Staff.
The Vice-Chancellor’s sal-
ary is set by a Remuneration
Committee chaired by the
Chairman of Council, Sir
William Wells.”
As an additional point of clarification,
under the terms of reference for the
Remuneration Committee, the Vice-
Chancellor is not involved in the process
of setting his own salary.
The second to last paragraph of the
Editorial makes a number of assertions
regarding the University. In response, I
would wish to draw the following points
to the attention of your readership:
• Up to and including the end of
January 2002, undergraduate appli-
cations to the University are in
excess of 7,000. This figure repre-
sents an increase of 16.5% over the
same time last year;
• Recent figures show that 44% of
UK HEIs are in the red; with a cur-
rent operating surplus of £855,000,
Surrey is not one of these institu-
tions and has strategies in place to
ensure financial robustness. Indeed,
we rest just below Oxford and
Cambridge in terms of financial
good health;
• The outcome of the recent Research
Assessment Exercise has confirmed
Surrey’s status as a member of the
UK research elite, with 34% of
our research-active staff working
within top-rated 5* departments,
placing us 5th in the UK higher
education sector for the quality of
our research;
• We have recently been singled out
as ‘The Rising Star of UK higher
education’ by the Times Higher
Education Supplement, which has
also identified us as the best value-
for-money institution for money
invested in research, beating all
other UK universities;
• On the question of student accom-
modation costs, the University
aims to charge rents that are in
line with or below the average of
similar institutions. In the 2001
NUS accommodation cost survey,
the University’s rents were £3 per
week cheaper than the average for
South East Universities for stand-
ard rooms and £2 per week cheaper
for ensuite rooms. The average cost
per week of University campus-
based accommodation is £51.66;
this compares favourably with
the average cost of private sector
accommodation in Guildford and
the surrounding area.
Wyn Davies
University Secretary and Registrar
Editor’s Reply
I would like to thank Wyn Davies for his response
to last week’s article and editorial.
First of all I should make one thing clear. The arti-
cles last week were not a reflection of the Union
Management and President’s thinking. Unless the
issue is discussed at a Student Council meeting
then the Union as a whole has no position on the
matter. The views were, as the Vice Chancellor
was informed, the views of the editor and editorial
board, which is as would be expected on an editori-
ally independent paper such as Barefacts.
As the article and editorial point out, the low pay
rises for academic staff are not a problem that only
UniS has, and you are right to point out that UniS
is simply implementing a nationwide pay rise for
academic and support staff. However, this does
not change the fact that this is happening as Vice
Chancellors across the country, including here, are
receiving high raises. It is because of this that the
Association of University Teachers has condemned
the rises nationally.
You are also right to point out that the VC’s pay
rise is determined by a committee in which he has
no involvement and perhaps this could have been
made clearer in the articles. Perhaps I should not
have asked if the VC can justify his raise, and rather
if the Remuneration Committee can justify it.
To respond to some of the more specific points
made:
Although application numbers are up on this time
last year, let us not forget that there are new cours-
es, such as the new Business management course,
which will be attracting people that weren’t apply-
ing last year. Are the figures for application still up
on last year, which showed Surrey as bottom of the
application rate league, when you look at number
of applications as a proportion of available places?
I doubt it. And anyway, the pay rise was for 2001,
NOT 2002.
If the financial position of the University is so
strong, why can it not afford to pay it’s ground level
workers good salaries? There is currently a shortage
of cleaning staff, which has resulted in cutbacks to
services for student accommodation. Back in 1998
a Times Higher Education Supplement highlighted
the problem of the low pay of Surrey University
cleaners (“Low Pay, Low Gain” THES, 15th May
1998). If this was a highlighted problem back then
when we had more cleaners then why are we now
in a situation where we can’t attract enough of
them?
The quote from the THES about Surrey being
a “rising star” may have been taken slightly out
of context. The quote is part of this paragraph of
the article… “Surrey University is the rising star
of higher education. It makes it into the top ten of
two league tables of financial strength. Its reserves
of more than £100 million are the seventh highest
of any university in the United Kingdom.” (“Which
University has the deepest pockets?” THES,
13th July 2001) An article which talks of which
Universities are the richest. The article doesn’t
mention value for money. Instead it says that we
were at the time the seventh richest University in
the country. This was largely a result of a series of
good land and property deals.
Finally to address the point about accommodation.
The fact of the matter is that accommodation stand-
ards here are slipping (when you ask a receptionist
if someone can fix a leaking window and you get
given towel then you know something’s wrong!)
and services are being cut (such as the cleaning
and linen services) whilst prices are rising at above
inflation. You say that we compare favourably with
the private sector costs for this area, but let us not
forget that Surrey is an extremely expensive area to
live in. If the University is serious about widening
participation and increasing its application rates
then surely it should be aiming to try to signifi-
cantly reduce its accommodation costs, and NOT
increase them. And as we saw with Surrey being a
“rising star” in terms of it’s wealth, then surely this
would be possible.
So perhaps the question should be this: if the
University CAN afford to give such big raises to the
VC, then why can it not afford to invest more in it’s
academic and support staff and services? Simply
saying that it is implementing the national level for
these raises is NOT enough. The University does
not have to follow these standards. Perhaps the
University should be doing more to influence these
national levels and try to raise them.
Regards
T. O’Dwyer
Editor

Lock Your Doors

Dear Bare Facts Editor
My hands are rather tied concerning your request
for comment, since our Vice Chancellor is an
AUT member and it would be invidious for the
AUT to comment on the pay of any individual
member.
The most I can offer are the following personal
reflections on the pay of UK Vice Chancellors in
general, omitting Surrey from this discussion.
It hasn’t passed unnoticed, among the academic
and academic-related staff that form the
constituency of the AUT, that Vice Chancellors
nationally have been receiving pay rises that are
much higher than for the rest of
our membership (typically around 10% and in
some cases up to 100%, compared with some 3%
for other staff). The cynicism that this tends to
foster is not good for morale.
In their defence, Vice Chancellors might reply,
correctly, that their
pay doesn’t usually make much impact on the
scale of their University’s finances, and that
in any case they don’t award such increases
themselves: as with directors in industry, their
remuneration is decided by some formally
independent person or panel.
But, in industry at least, such arrangements can
look rather cosy, and the consistent trend towards
large pay rises regardless of the institution’s
condition speaks for itself. For UK Universities
there seems little relation between VC’s pay and
results - this University is actually doing rather
well, but some of the highest pay rises are found
where this is not obviously the case.
It could be argued too that the performance of
an institution depends on the contributions of
everyone within it, not on any single individual.
So Vice Chancellors who accept disproportionate
pay increases risk missing out on some of the
respect that could have come from sharing the
hardship of those they lead.
Robin Shirley
Chairman, University of Surrey Local
Association
Association of University Teachers
Dear BF
I was attacked Saturday night. In
Guildford.
Basically 3 guys tried to climb into the
back of my car when I was giving a friend
a lift home. Fortunately I had locked ALL
my doors and they couldn’t get in. I started
to drive off in a hurry so they threw a stone
through one of the windows.
That can be mended but G-d only knows
what would have occurred had I not
ignored my friends’ advice to keep door
unlocked in case of an accident. I have
spoken to a few people about this and the
general advice is LOCK YOUR DOORS.
In the event of an accident, your doors are
likely to lock automatically or jam, so it
makes no difference.
I have hear this morning that there was
another hijacking in Surrey this week end.
They were after her car and got it. If you
saw my car, you’d know they wouldn’t
want it (hell I’d give it to them!) Also
my friend was male so I don’t believe we
looked particularly vulneralble targets. I
have had already had one other incident of
a person following me, which I was able to
get away from.
PLEASE BEWARE!!!!!!!! Their next
victim may not be so lucky.
Security have rape alarms available, they
have also produced a booklet highlighting
security concerns. Please take the time to
come to Senate House and discuss this with
them. We need to be more aware so people
who intend to hurt and harm us can’t get
away with it.
D. How
21/02/02
In general, Friday night in a Surrey Student’s vocabulary means
‘union night’. A night of great jollity and inebriation: Good, clean
fun! A time when students unite in a cheesy mass of sweaty bodies
and drunken laughs. However, Friday nights at Surrey have the
potential to be much more sinister than this, forget enjoyment and
welcome fear!
The walk to the union is normally a time when you joke, drink and
talk about the week’s events. A time to chill and catch up with your
good palls. However, beware, this time is the most hazardous, the
time when hidden dangers lurk. I apologise for making this sound
like a bad horror novel, but the hidden dangers in a place such as
Guildford are far greater than you would expect.
I bring your attention to the night of Friday 8th February, my
friends and I meandering along to the union, discussing the great
dance moves we shall perform (tongue in cheek). A drunken group
perhaps, a naive group, yes, but an aggressive, trouble-seeking
group, NO! We approach the subway, located behind the shops
on Southway: brightly lit, busy, and seemingly safe for a group of
six. Yet, we hadn’t bargained for a person who, to put it politely
was one special brew short of a six pack. A guy you wouldn’t
necessarily look twice at unless provoked, and we were certainly
provoked!
Walking innocently, drunkenly swaying, we were approached by
this insignificant character, we smiled in friendly and non-aggres-
sive manner! However, this man, (I use the term ‘man’ loosely, as
he seemed to possess no traits which would suggest such a title)
took acceptation to my group and accused us of ‘beating up’ his
brother! We laughed (perhaps less sympathetically than wise) and
Good Lord, even more letters!
carried on our journey. Yet, he pursued us! Stating that his little
brother was beaten up there and therefore we must be the per-
petrators. The atmosphere began to grow uneasy; this was when
he decided to lash out on the blokes in my group (of which there
were three). He hit my friend, tore his shirt and gave several nasty
scratch marks on his chest. The victim managed to struggle away
and call the police.
Presuming this was the end we tried to reason with him (not
an easy task). He than grasped at one of my female friend’s left
bosom, outraged by his assault she pinned him back against the
wall, at which point he grabbed me by the hair and threw me to
the floor. And yes, I’m afraid to say I wailed in an extremely girlie
manner! And yes, I’m afraid to say I ran away. Waiting for the
police, the encounter continued, I’m uneasy, yet pleased to say
another female friend, rooting for the girl power ‘thang’, punched
the psycho man, unfortunately this angered him further resulting in
another female friend being punched twice in her forehead!!!
I’m sure you’re all asking what’s my point! So what? A psycho
man lurks in a subway, what’s new? Well, the point my friends, is
not only to alert you of the hidden dangers of Guildford’s under-
paths, but also to alert you to the police’s indifference. After
waiting for what seemed like an infinity for the police to arrive,
they swaggered in a most ‘manly’ fashion past me (I was in a
considerable state of hysterics- pathetic I know), and up to the said
psycho man, who was being bravely restrained by the remaining
members of ‘da posy’. The police seemed surprisingly casual to
the scene, whereby three members (in my view) had been assaulted
and another three terrified to death. They were even confused that
5
the male members of the group hadn’t “taken a few punches”. One
stated, “as long as it’s with fists then its OK!”. Understandingly,
the group, as a whole, wanted the attacker to be taken into police
custody. Yet the ‘law enforcers’ seemed quite happy to let him lurk
about the under-path for more unsuspecting, non-violent students
to vent his aggression upon.
And here’s where my story brings me. I’m sorry if I sound naive...
But I’ve always had a belief that the police were some kind of non-
human, almost god-like force, in which they upheld the modern
morals of this world. This illusion sharply faded that night. The
fact that we had been drinking obviously allowed the aggressor
to throw punches and scare people witless. The fact that we are
students obviously meant that we were asking for it! The group
persisted and fortunately the psycho attacker was taken by the ‘law
enforces’ for the night, probably to be released the following day
to an unsuspecting public!
Our night ended in casualty, whereby we waited for a long period
of time for two of the victims to be diagnosed with mild concus-
sion. A lucky escape I suppose! But beware, this evil still lurks,
and don’t expect the police to help! And just a note, thanks to the
people who passed us that night, who offered us assistance and
stopped to help. Yeah right! I estimate that twenty people passed
whilst the perpetrator terrorised the group, not one stopped!
So, happy walking fellow students, be careful, and look after
yourself! No one else will!
Sophie Ayers
Psychology

Dear Mr. O’Dwier,
I was saddened and shocked to read your
“feature” on cannabus and marijuaanana
abuse last week. It is disgusting that a maga-
zine, which represents the views of such a
prestigious educational establishment as the
University of Guildford, can be encouraging
people to destroy their lives with one of the
greatest threats to traditional family values
in our British society today.
It is a widely known fact that cannabis
addicts, whom the Daily Mail tells us can
be seen injecting themselves in the streets of
our towns today, are responsible for the vast
majority of violent crime in Britain. People
who have had one cannabis cigarette often
become psychotic, violent maniacs, threat-
ening the elderly, who served this country
in the Great War with such self sacrifice,
and these addicts often never recover their
mental health.
It has to be said that the only way to deal
with these thugs and hoodlums is the old
fashioned way—the birch. And those found
selling it should be hanged. Our great allies
the Americans have seen the right way to
deal with the problem: spend billions on
programmes of education delivered by
people youngsters trust and respect—like
the police and politicians. And it can’t be
denied that a spell of military service for
boys would do no harm.
I do sincerely hope I shall not read such
filth in your publication ever again, if I
indeed do buy it again whatsoever, which
I doubt.
Yours sincerely,
A. Bigot.
PS. Gawd bless the Queen Mum etc etc…
- ed
Dear Barefacts,
This letter may be a touch controversial, but I feel
this is an issue that needs to be addressed. The
subject matter is the prices we are charged for our
drinks in the Union and Chancellors.
Being a member of bar staff myself, I am privy to
few pieces of information. I have it on very reli-
able source that the Kronenberg costs 40 pence a
pint to the bars. However, somehow we are being
charged an extortionate £2!!! I can appreciate that
there are other costs than the simple purchasing of
the beer itself, what with wages, and so on, but
the rates we are currently paid can hardly amount
to any huge sum worthy of an extra £1.60 per
pint. This point is only fortified with the constant
penny pinching that takes place in the bars. Here
I refer to a food allowance issue in Chancellors,
which I shall not go in to in any more depth, but
shall simply use it as an example.
What the Union and Chancellors seem to be
forgetting is that we are students. We do not have
great deal of money and we frequently think about
where our next loaves and pints are coming from.
As a consequence of this, both these institutions
lose money from the drinks that are given away
by sympathetic staff like myself. If the costs were
lower, I certainly would be less inclined to give
away these drinks, and this would be better for
the Union. I remember the days of Double and
a Mixer for £1, and although there are several
reasons for the abolishment of this promotion, it
only goes to show that these kinds of prices are
possible. If the union is worried about the state of
drunkenness that would occur, then consider the
fact that if these prices were constantly low, then
this would certainly be less of a problem.
I urge the Union managers to consider this, as
the current state of affairs greatly saddens me to a
point of almost hatred to the place that I call my
second home.
Name and Address Supplied.

Life After The Womb - by Rich W... who may very well be a miscreant

Snow White had become bored with her image: talks with
Disney over a possible new direction had proved fruitless and
if things continued in the house with the seven little fellas as
they had been over the past few weeks, they would surely
come to blows. It was not so much the blatant disregard for
her personal space in the house (and the fact she never had the
chance to have control of the television remote) but more the
unwashed pots and pans left full of water in the sink and the
apparent communal attitude towards shower gels and tooth-
brushes.
Though it was unfair to pick on any of them individually
(living in a house is, after all, a team effort) there were certain
things that each of them did that really riled her. Dopey, for
example, would always leave the toilet seat up – not because
he couldn’t be bothered to put it down, but simply because he
couldn’t figure out how to work it – and it was this lack of
common sense that became frustrating after a while. Sure for
the first few weeks you can accept a dwarf’s nature, but after
months of basic stupidity, it all became a little much.
Happy wasn’t much better: for all it would seem great to have
a smiley, cheery person around the house all the time, the last
thing you need when you’ve had a bit of a bad day is someone
asking you if you’re ok and trying to suggest fun ways of mak-
ing things better. In fact, it’s positively the last thing you need
sometimes, to the point of employing either an outrageous
verbal outburst or simple physical harm. (Though the latter
had only happened on the one occasion, it was enough for
Happy to bring it up time and time again, albeit in a slightly
guilt-inducing, “that’s-ok-I-don’t-really-mind” kind of way.
The bastard.)
Of course, living with an ex is never the best sort of co-habi-
tation arrangement, but following the four-month relationship
with Grumpy, there had been times when things were a little
strained to say the least. What attracted her to him in the first
place she was still unsure – perhaps it had been his sullen
attitude, raging temper and ability to fly off the handle for
no apparent reason – but what was certain was that the whole
mess had been a mistake.
As indeed had the rebound fling with Sneezy. If only he
hadn’t have offered her a tissue to dry her tears with when he
was quite obviously in desperate need of it himself, she may
have been able to resist. As it was, though, he did offer her the
tissue, and albeit for some awkward kissing moments (when a
sudden jerk would result in an inadvertent head-butt) the ten-
sion created by the Grumpy situation was enough to make sure
that nothing ever came of it.
Though his intelligence was something she had always
respected, Doc’s attitude towards the other dwarves (and her-
self) was also of some concern to our heroine. Having watched
the video over and over again she had decided, in fact, that
Disney had been somewhat inaccurate in their portrayal of
Doc as a sympathetic, caring, leader type and would have
been better advised to concentrate on his bigoted, misogynist
and arrogant characteristics instead. His insistence on calling
her “love” every time he addressed her was also a point of
grievance that she felt worthy of mentioning to Disney (given
that they had advised her to record any circumstance in which
Doc displayed his chauvinistic tendencies) but the deaf ears
on which her complaints fell only served to encourage the old
fool, who especially delighted in pinching her bum whenever
she was doing the vacuuming,
Bashful, on the other hand, was annoying by virtue of the
fact he never said what he wanted to say: his seeming indiffer-
ence acting as a foil for his frankly irritating shyness. Trying
to bring him out of his shell, therefore, was akin to shovelling
shit with a heavy shovel and, though she had tried her utmost
by setting him up on blind dates, it appeared the poor fellow
would never appreciate the comfort of another cartoon-crea-
ture.
As for Sleepy, it appeared the only kind of comfort he needed
was that of a nice comfy bed underneath him. Though his som-
nambulant tendencies were hardly surprising to Snow White,
the fact that he was sleeping in a different bed practically every
night was somewhat worrying, and his seeming disinterest in
the perils of a promiscuous life-style (and the ill-repute it may
laud upon the house) was something that she simply could not
understand. Admittedly everyone likes to have a little fun,
but with such blatant disrespect for those that he sleeps with
and for the sleeping habits of his housemates (some issues of
noise had been previously discussed) there appeared to be no
winning with the lazy boy.
And so it was that one day, Snow White, having coped for
so long with the ungrateful pygmies she’d been lumped with,
decided to pack it all in, hand in her resignation to Disney
(throwing away the chance of a multi -million pound sequel),
change her name by de-poll and live somewhere on the east
coast, not far from Norwich.
 6 On Being A Sabb... 21/02/02

On Being A Sabb...
VP Societies & Culture Well, the elections are nearly upon us El Presidente
again. Time for another few weeks of
I suppose the life of a sabb is quite a “different” one with all
“Wow! I’m so happy - I’ve wanted to do this for 3 years and I’ve mayhem soon. No doubt some of you
of it’s complexities. After all I’m the guy overall in charge of
finally done it!” – my thoughts all while campaigning and then will already be thinking of standing, the union (even the bars) but, if council decided to, they could
upon hearing the news that I had been elected to be VP Societies and some of you will have been asked mandate me and the rest of the sabbs to dress in turquoise and
& Culture.
A year on, much has happened. I’m very pleased to say that
to nominate people and help thier cluck like a chicken for a day, and I’d have to .
campaigns. However, before any of When I started this job I had a plethora of ideas and all of
together and individually, I believe the sabbatical team has
them seemed achievable at the time. Unfortunately the free
achieved a lot. I feel proud that, as I promised, I have helped to this can happen we need more people
Stella and waterslide complex are still quite a way off but
“build a better Union”. to nominate themselves. An editorial so far drink prices have frozen and the union went under a
Now its time for someone else to take up the challenge, to make from a couple of weeks ago pointed out massive refurb last summer - almost there I guess...
a difference, to put right what once went wrong, to do better, to
that some of this years Sabbs hadn’t It’s not all bad though. I can chuck a rugby ball around in
achieve more – whatever they feel is necessary. That’s what it is the offices (how many other offices can you do that in?), I’ve
all about – through your own views and by representing students, even thought about being a Sabb until
been to Scotland and other places on various training events
making a mark to ensure the Union/University is shaped (some- nominations open. This week we bring
and met some colourful people, I’ve met the Duke of Kent &
times literally!) appropriately. you the thoughts of the Sabbs on being Timmy Mallett (not together), and been to a few beer trade
Being a sabbatical is a huge responsibility with even larger a Sabb. fairs. Those things aside though, the most rewarding aspects
potential. There is so much that should be done. The difficult bit of the job are actually helping people out of difficult problems
is figuring out if it is worth it, if it can be done, and then actually and seeing the relief on their faces afterwards, and as bizarre
getting it done. as it sounds just standing
Examples of things that I suc- there on a friday night or at
ceeded in doing are the first the staff party and watching
ever instances of ReFreshers Fair people enjoy themselves. I
and Arts & Culture Week. The had the time of my life here
feedback I received for the first and it’s great to know that
Freshers Fairs etc was very satisfy- I’m helping others do the
ing. It showed that people appreci- same.
ated my efforts and that I was suc-
ceeding in my goals – those were Adam
the best moments of the year.
Of course there are things that
didn’t go so well as well as others
that fell by the wayside. Decisions
not going your way and meeting VP Sports
resistance to your efforts can make
Being a sports sabb, well
you wonder why you bother. It’s at
what can I say apart from
those times that you must remem-
hectic! I have one of the
ber why you took the job – to make
most diverse positions
a difference. If you can say that you
where I seem to be faced
have affected one student’s life for
with a different set of prob-
the better – then it is worth it. If
lems everyday, ranging from
you can not only accept, but like
no referees to budgeting, all
that idea that then you are on the the way to the total lack of
way to being a sabbatical. minibus drivers! Everyone
Working with so many people, seems to want you all at
fellow sabbs, students, Union and once, and if you are not in
University staff so intensely for the office, then its assumed
such a short amount of time is a unique and immensely charac- your not doing anything, but I’m usually in a meeting - another very large part of the job! Be it union
ter building experience. I think it’s an amazing and extremely or sports based its amazing how many hours a week you spend in meetings. But on the up side I get to
rewarding year. It is not for the faint hearted but if you want to organize fun stuff like the Colours ball (this year on the 3rd May) and the sports fayre. Its all swings
make a difference you can. Grab the opportunity, and make it and roundabouts, but as a whole its an experience that I’m glad I have been able to partake in. I’ve got
happen – be a sabb. a great team to work with and although I have my off days, it’s generally all good.

VP Comms & Marketing
Well the first thing to say is, it certainly isn’t
an easy job, and certainly isn’t what you expect
it to be.
To tell you the truth, I don’t think any of us
really new what to expect when we came into
our jobs, let alone when we stood for election,
but having a month’s handover period with my
predecessor made things easier.
With the Comms job you are really thrown in
at the deep end as the first task is to lay up, get
funding for, and print the “Guide to Life”, a 60
page publication for new students, all to very
tight deadlines. If it sounds like hard work, then
that’s because it is! It comes complete with late
nights, computer crashes and frustrating phone
calls trying to get sponsorship from businesses,
but when you see 5,000 copies of a booklet
YOU have produced turn up in a van, and when
you get Freshers telling you they found it use-
ful then you realize why you stood. And if you
think that’s rewarding, wait till you see 3,000
newspapers turn up every week.
Being editor of Barefacts is also demanding,
but again the rewards are big. One of the things
I decided I would be taking very seriously was
the independence of the paper. This can some-
times lead to conflicts with other members of
the team, but then again, we can’t all agree all
of the time! Anyway, such things are soon for-
gotten when you pop down to Chancellors for a
pint after work.
Basically it comes down to this: Being a Sabb
(any Sabb) is by no means an easy job, but I
think most would agree that it can be one of the
best, and most rewarding years of your life. And
hey, it looks good on a CV too!
Tris
VP Education & Welfare
The last 8 months have been informative,
challenging, eye-opening, frustrating and
rewarding all rolled into one.
I came into office knowing that I wanted
to make a difference and thinking I would
be able to change so much! Some of these
things, I now realize, are just not feasible
due to restrictions on time (a year really
isn’t that long!) or policies already in
place. However, for every one thing that
you find you can not do, there are 10 that
you can – and that feels like an achieve-
ment in itself.
Watching 1600 Freshers move in safe
and sound in September is a specific
highlight for me. Almost 3 months plan-
ning, 200 fantastic helpers, goodness
knows how many bags and a dented van
later (cheers Kam!) everyone’s hard work
came together and a great day occurred.
The ‘thank you’s’ from individual stu-
dents who I have helped through appeals
or by simply offering a shoulder to cry on
make it all worthwhile.
Finally being ‘thrown’ in at the deep
end with 5 people I had never worked
with before could have felt scary, but
the friendships I have found this year are
something I truly value and I owe my san-
ity to! I’d be lost without the support and
hugs on tap!!
Finally, all I can say is stop ‘thinking’
about running for a Sabb post and just
do it… you can only be more than happy
with the decision.
Lisa
 21/02/02
WHAT IS ART?
BY SAMANTHA STEVENS
Art Correspondant
Before I offer you any opinion on what
I think art is, we look first to the Oxford
English dictionary and it’s definition of the
term:
“[art] 1. Is the expression or application of
a creative skill, especially through a visual
medium such as painting or sculpture. 2.
Works produced in this way. 3. The various
branches or creative activity such as paint-
ing, literature, music and dance.”
We can see, therefore, that “art” can be
interpreted as any kind of human skill and
not just the stereotypical idea of some sort of
drawing and painting. If we take the argu-
ment of human skill further, we could thus
include a massive spectrum of activities,
from astronomy and cosmology through to
mathematics and medical surgery.
The brief outline given above presents an
interesting question: how does everyone
else interpret art? Of course, through the
medium of a newspaper I can only offer
my own opinion, and so I leave it to you to
write in and offer your own opinions on the
matter – that way, we can soon develop the
Arts section we have attempted to imple-
ment over the last few weeks and have more
reason for open debate on the matter.
I have quite a relaxed view of art and what
can rightly be considered as “a piece of art.”
Though I am not an admirer of much of
today’s ‘modern art’ (or ‘modernistic form’)
I am attracted to the surrealist genre, in
particular the work of Salvador Dali. (One
of my favourite works by him is the image
entitled “Narcissus.”). Though originally an
architect, I am also appreciative of the works
of M. C. Esher, whose work on special illu-
sions, impossible geometric buildings and
tessellations I find fascinating.
7
Jericho
Dear brothers and sisters, dear enemies and friends: why are we all so alone here?
All we need is a little more hope; a little more joy.
Though not usually considered as an art All we need is a little more light; a little less weight; a little more freedom.
form proper, I have always enjoyed the If we were an army, and we believed that we were an army
depiction of nature, specifically wildlife, And believed that everyone was scared like little lost children in their grown-up clothes and
poses
through the medium of photography – pic-
So we all ended up alone here
tures of panthers, horses and peregrine fal-
Floating through the long wasted days of great tribulation
cons being prime examples of this. Another
interesting art form is that of sword- and Oh, everything felt wrong
axe-making and the tremendous variety of Good words, strong words:
weapons that can be realised through its Words that could move mountains
practise (ranging from snares to scimitars). Words that no-one ever said – we were waiting to hear these words and no-one ever said them
From previous articles I have written, you And their tactics were never hatched and the plans were never mapped.
may recall that I am a fan of science fiction We all learnt not to believe
and fantasy; as a result of this, I also consid- And strange, loathsome monsters roamed through the hills wondering why
er the art-work found on the covers of sci-fi And it is best never ever ever ever to wonder why.
books to be art, no finer exponent of which
can be found on all of Terry Pratchett’s So tangle around some bright red ribbons:
Let’s have a parade – it’s been so long wince we had a parade.
Discworld novels. In a visit to the University
So let’s have a parade: let’s invite all of our friends and all of our friend’s friends
last semester, Mr Pratchett himself men-
Let’s promenade down the boulevards with terrific pride and lights in our eyes
tioned he was a fan of such works and went Twelve feet tall and staggering
on to say that he had bought one of the origi- Sick with joy of the angel standing before us.
nals that were used in his book “The Last
Hero.” Though both he and I may be biased Brothers and sisters, hope still waits in the wings
(being fans of the sci-fi genre), our opinion Bitter spinster – impatient, lonely, shivering and waiting
was substantiated some by an event involv- To build some glorious fires and look at out plans;
ing the most popular of all art prizes and an Our beautiful, ridiculous plans.
argument over plagiarism. An artist named Let us launch them like gleaming jet-planes
Glenn Browns won the Turner Prize in 2000 Let’s crash all of our other planes into the river and build strange and wonderful machines
with a piece entitled “Love of Shepherds”,
but it was soon thought that his work was There is a Jericho waiting to fall.
a little too reminiscent of a previous work by Ricardo Wattistico
by Robert A. Heinlein, whose cover for the
novel “Double Star” had appeared some
years before. When Mr Brown was asked
about his piece, whose huge canvas had
been displayed and admired as a piece of art
at the Turner exhibition at Tate Britain, he
commented simply that he had been inspired
by the work of Robert A. Heinlein.
It is thus apparent that what keeps art
alive is its ability to avoid definition and to
always offer different ways in which it can
be realised and appreciated. It is this discus-
sion that I would like to draw you into over
the next few weeks.
 This Week
THE NME Saga: Live Reviews From the 50th
Anniversary Gigs (Continues Next Week)
Album of the Week: VEX RED Start With A Strong And
Persistent Desire
Single of the Week: THE WHITE STRIPES Fell In Love
With A Girl

PARTY HARD
Andrew WK/Lostprophets/Black Rebel
Motorcycle Club/The Coral
London Astoria 10/02/02
Another year, another NME Carling
Tour, showing off the best 2002 hopefuls,
and it’s an interesting bunch to acts to say
the least
If previous years are anything to go
by (Coldplay, Starsailor), the opening band
is destined for great things, and The Coral
are no exception. Six incredibly young scal-
lies make up quite possibly the best band to
come out of Liverpool in aeons. Their sound
is pleasingly psychedelic (Bob Marley meets
The La’s… on acid), and proves very popu-
lar with the already half-capacity Astoria.
They deserve to be massive.
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club are
already one step closer to greatness. Their
excellent debut album sits comfortably in
the Top Ten as they appear, dressed in black,
through the dimly lit haze, and subject the
crowd to an exhilarating tidal wave of heav-
ily distorted guitars. They rarely interact
with the crowd, but effortlessly steal the
show with greats like ‘Love Burns’, ‘Rifles’
and ‘Whatever Happened To My Rock ‘N’
Roll?’ Fantastic.
The Lostprophets look like a boy
band…no kidding. Denim jackets, white t-
shirts, screaming fans, it’s hard to believe
they’re one of our up and coming Metal acts.
However, there’s no denying they’re very
good at what they do. Punchy, proficiently
executed Nu-Metal mayhem, with plenty of
salmon-like leaping. They draw the biggest
crowd of the evening.
Let’s cut the crap, Andrew WK is the
most unnecessarily over-hyped act to ever
grace front page of NME. There appears
to be a mass exodus of people before (and
during) his set, but in all fairness, he doesn’t
disappoint his hardcore faithful. Donning
his infamous white kit (that’s never seen
a washing machine), he bulldozes through
his (annoying) party rock anthems. The
saviour of Rock ‘n’ Roll, or just a talentless
troglodite? You decide. Guaranteed he’ll be
forgotten in a year though. Andy Smith
21/02/02 Single Reviews 9
DESAPARECIDOS to-the-point-of-irritating sampled

SINGLES
BEN AND JASON
How the Hell do I Explain? (Go
Beat)
The pair Jason Hazeley and Ben
Parker have released another great
song in “How the Hell do I Explain?”.
Ben’s superb vocals, often compared
to Thom Yorke’s, bring together a
sublime song with acoustic guitars,
string movements, piano and drums.
They don’t deserve to just be stuck in
the NAM pile being two of the most
talented singer/songwriters around
today. 8/10 J.S.
DOM SMART & DJ TIM
DINGLEY
Out Of Reach (No Label)
A psychedelic trance choon that
wouldn’t look out of place in the
U.K’s most prestigious churches of
dance, but here’s the catch, Dom
Smart and Tim Dingley are currently
Surrey undergraduates (and both
heavily involved with GU2 to boot).
Epic, bold, extremely compatible,
and a promising preview of excel-
lent hidden talent, this one will have
‘em dancin’ until their limbs fall off.
8/10 A.T.S.
GORILLAZ
Tomorrow Comes Today
(Parlophone)
Arguably the best release from eve-
ryone’s favourite cartoon band (sorry
Chipmunks), was in fact their debut
EP at the back-end of Y2K. One of
Damon’s best vocals to date (includ-
ing all Blur stuff) is equalled by
the blissed-out psychedelic hip-hop
backing track and beautifully sup-
plemented by inclusion of a wispy,
kazoo-like harmonica riff. The ques-
tion is when will they release a Phil
Collins cover like all other manufac-
SINGLE OF THE WEEK What’s New For Fall vocals, and alternating two-note bass
THE WHITE STRIPES (Wichita) line, there is nothing to distinguish it
Fell In Love With A Girl (XL Recordings) from any other track of average house
Gutsy US rock tune music. Believe all the hype and you
Taken from acclaimed album ‘White Blood Cells’, (some call it ‘EMO’) might be disappointed, although it
this is the first White Stripes single of 2002, and con- in the vain of Rival may still prove a dance-floor-filler.
tinues in the same vein as the incredible year, Meg Schools and Jets To 4/10 C.L.
and Jack have just had. ‘Fell In Love With A Girl’ is Brazil. ‘What’s New
a pure, melodious punk-pop explosion. It rocks for For Fall’ is raw, catchy RELISH
every second of the 1m50 it lasts for. And as soon as guitar riffing, with Heart Shaped Box (EMI)
it’s over, you can’t help pressing play again. This is the kind of vocals Like a cheap Valentine’s Day gift this
what the repeat button was made for. 9/10 A.W. that wouldn’t get heart-shaped box seems like a good
you through the first idea until you quickly realise it’s
round of ‘Pop Idol’ one big cliché and throw it in the bin
track. Lady of the moment Alicia occasional instrumental lick on cello auditions… that is if almost instantly. A funky wha-wha
Keys joins Angie on vocals with Ruff or marimba. Definitely a relaxing, you weren’t gunned down outside guitar lick and a soulful vocal sounds
Ryders’ queen, Eve, on MC duty. And moodsetting track, funky in a chilled the building beforehand. Sadly, it’s like the ideal combination, but after
it sounds as good as it looks on paper. sense. Yum. 7/10 C.L. backed up by some pretty naff B- sixty seconds the hand and glove
7/10 M.R. sides. 5/10 A.T.S. analogies end and the track descends
into middle-of-the-road trash. More
81VIKTER DUPLAIX
THE KENNEDY SOUNDTRACK Sensuality (K7) TELEPOPMUSIK like a coffin-shaped box me thinks.
Breathe (Chrysalis) 4/10 M.R.
Wrong Day EP (?)
This is the latest DJ to sign up the
Guess what? It’s more nu-metal! DJ Kicks series on K7 records, per- Telepopmusik. That is one CRAP DUST BYTE
name for a band. The song’s alright Priscilla / The Misadventures
Wait, come back. For once this is haps better known as the home of
something reasonably decent. It has Kruder & Dorfmeister. So what’s it though. Apparently this trio see Of The Great Red Shark (Smelt
themselves as “The French Massive Records)
some semblance of a tune, with a like? Well ‘Sensuality’ is a pretty apt
singer who doesn’t whinge or whine title. It’s perfect as a Valentine’s Day Attack”! I think 3D might have
something to say about that though, I Slightly boring alt-rock and a vain
(like Fred Durst). The riffs aren’t any- tune as it oozes seduction with its
thing extraordinary, but if nu-metal is rhythmic shuffling beats and smooth think he’d say “no you’re not”. Well attempt to imitate those who do the
anyway, that’s no bad thing. The song up-beat style so much better i.e.
your thing, then this is definitely vocals, but apart from that it’s nothing
worth listening to. 7/10 P.G.S. too original. 6/10 P.G.S. is an ambient house affair featur- Sebadoh, Mudhoney, Brainiac etc.
ing vocals from Angela McCluskey Eclectic but who cares? 4 / 10 O.Z.
(who? Hehe!) It’s quite catchy so
ALIZEE CAPITOL K
Moi… Lolita (Polydor) Pillow (XL Recordings) expect to see this on all those crap WESTLIFE
“chill-out” later albums this year. World of our own (BMG)
Rather alarmingly another teenage Very weird folk-y, almost pop-IDM, 6/10 D.H.
female pop star, French 17 year- electronica stuff here! Not the sort of Vomit inducing filth. –37 / 10 O.Z.
old Alizée has sold billions across thing you really expect from XL. This BRANCACCIO & AISHER
Europe and is set to make an impact is the first single to be taken from It’s Gonna Be … (A Lovely Day)
here. Written by former chart-top- Capitol K’s debut album ‘Island Row’ (Credence) This Week’s Reviews by
ping youngster Mylene Farmer, the which was originally licensed to Mike Kevin Marston, Jana Kristensen,
production is immaculate and com- Paradinas’ excellent ‘Planet Mu’ label. First appearing at the start of last Oz, Duncan Hills, John Swarbrick,
ing with a video that will undoubt- The track is pretty good and occa- year’s Ibiza season, this single has Matt Sainsbury, Pete (I Still Havent
edly make dirty old men fidget with sionally screams of ‘Plaid’ but then it apparently kicked up a storm amongst Got BRMC) Smith, Andy Smith,
excitement, this can’t fail. You have all goes and gets a bit pop-tastic later dance music circles across the globe. Catherine Lee, Simon Pearson, Mark
been warned. But all that AND hav- in the song for me. However the sin- To be honest, it is hard to see why. Richards, Michael Field, & Matt
ing been an NME single of the week? gle includes remixes from ‘Leafcutter With its driving drumbeat, repetitive- Badcock
Surely then it can’t possibly be any John’ and Warp
good? Oh no…7/10 M.F. Records’ fan- ANDREW WK
tastic ‘Wagon She Is Beautiful (Mercury)

tured bands? 8/10 M.R.
ANGIE STONE Feat: Alicia Keys
& Eve Brotha: Part II (Arista)
The lady known for soul/R‘n’B with a
refined edge does it again. Co-written
by Rapheal Saadiq, this old school-
style soul gem is still extremely fresh
with its big brass section, the backing
track could’ve come from an old Stax
RAE & CHRISTIAN feat. THE
CONGOS
Hold Us Down (!K7)
Taken from their album
‘Sleepwalking’, this is a wonderful
soul track, perfect for late night /
early morning listening. Featuring
the horn section of reggae outfit
The Congos, falsetto vocals glide
over a laidback drumbeat and jazzy
keyboard chords, interrupted by the
Recommended
Christ’. 6/10
D.H. This is my first listen to Mr WK and I didn’t really
know what to expect. What I heard was loud Bon
Jovi with lashings of China Drum and a pinch of Elvis
Costello. At first I was shocked and a little put off,
but after a few whirls in my cd player, player, player
the infectious 80’s rock-esque reverberations began
shooting through my brain. I can’t seem to stop sing-
ing, humming and tapping Mr WK. Give it a chance
and it will grab you and suck you under the Andrew
WK spell. 8.5/10 B.A.Z.

“Give Us Some Time And We’ll
Prove We’re Worth The Attention”
ONE LEGGED PROSTITUTES
The Virge Inn
18th February, 2002
Having exploded onto the music scene in only the very recent
months, the One Legged Prostitutes, a group who came togeth-
er after meeting in a local coffee bar, have found themselves at
parties they could only once have ever dreamed of. Gwenda
Fumblestuck, the lead singer and occassional digiridoo player,
realised only half way through the night, for instance, that the
OLP’s table at the Brits was right next to Travis’s table and
was instantly dumb-struck by the amazing amount of hair gel
used to hold up Fran Healey’s mohican. “It’s funny, becasue
on television, you think Fran is this small chap who has hair
that naturally stands on end, but when you see him in real life,
you realise he’s actually six foot four and uses more Dax Wax
than is produced by an entire bee colony in a year.”
Their rock and roll experiences have affected the live per-
formances of the OLP’s little, though, and their style is still
very much reminiscent of the early days. Crowd pleaser and
opening track “Get Off the Cat - He Can’t Breath” sounds as
refreshing as it did the first time you heard it and is swiftly fol-
lowed by “Turkey Tickle” with it’s delicate acoustic opening
line and thumping chorus ‘Don’t forget the turkey at chirstmas/
We should never be so fickle/What would christmas ever be/if
it weren’t for turkey tickle.”
What is noticable is the extra effort the band are putting
into their visual show: not only are the lighting effects quite
sublime, but the video clips played on the big screen at the
back give a welcome insight into the band. Fortunately, the
humour with which we have associated the OLP’s is evident in
their home-movies and a particular favourite of mine are their
recreations of the paralympics, involving the tandem bicycle
event, three-legged horse racing and the quadraplegic diving
event.
What can be expected of the One Legged Prostitutes over the
coming months one can only guess at - they refute claims that
they are a manufactured band devised only to take up column
inches in newspapers and publications without enough material
- and so perhaps now is the time to prove that that is not the
case.
“It annoys us when people say things like that,” says Gwen-
da, “we’ve worked hard to get where we are and are hopefully
staying true to our roots. After all, it’s the music that is the
most important thing here. That’s the only overall message.”
We can only hope that the Prossies can stay true to their claim
as the inevitable rise to stardom occurs over the next year.
Who knows - perhaps it will be they who are collecting a Brit
Award next year? Richard Watts
 12 Albums 21/02/02

ALBUMS it doesn’t disappoint blending the

ALBUM OF THE WEEK

JEWEL
This Way (Atlantic)
Uh-oh, ex-country singers can be
a bit scary! Take Shania Twain for
example. Thankfully Jewel has a bit
more talent and a voice with a much
bigger dynamic range. The opening
track “Standing Still” is a brilliant,
bouncy poppy-rock song, with great
lyrics. This sets the tone for the rest
of the album really – it’s all tremen-
dously uplifting, full of infectious
melodies, and it’s always refreshing
to hear an album which isn’t just
packed full of samey love songs
(I can safely say I’ve never heard
the lyric ‘He looked like a potato
shoved into jeans’ before). There are
a couple of live bonus tracks thrown
in as well, and although “This Way”
does stray quite significantly into the
country genre in places, it just some-
how works really well, and makes a
happy change from all the dreary nu-
metal crap that seems inescapable at
the moment. 9/10 S.P.
HEFNER
The Hefner Brain EP (Too Pure)
A new direction for Hefner then;
no longer champions of understated
tales of relationship woe as on 1999’s
Recommended
more up-tempo dirty house beats of
the Colombians and the tribal vibe
created by Hard Attacks. The feeling
of the album goes dark and filthy yet
staying funky with King Of Spin’s
remix of Skynet fea Alex. Overall
Progressive Development provides
a very impressive showcase of the
label that should not be sniffed at.
Whoop! there it is. Sorry couldn’t
resist. 8/10 B.A.Z.
(OBJECTS)
Ocean (Unknown Records)
Mellow hybrid of light electronica
with gentle electric or acoustic
guitars. Think Godspeed You Black
Emperor or Yo La Tengo except
maybe not so polished. Fairly origi-
nal, reasonably listenable, vaguely
likeable, relatively harmless. Won’t
rock your world but it certainly won’t
do it any harm either. 7/10 O.Z.
CLINIC
Walking with thee (Domino
Records)
Not too sure whether it was a single
or an album I got in my hands, I took
‘Walking with thee’ home to listen to
it. I might as well admit that before
this I didn’t know a thing about
Clinic. I still don’t know much, but I
do know that I like it. ‘Walking with
V/A
Another Late Night – Zero 7 (Treacle)
VEX RED
Start With A Strong And Persistent Desire (Virgin)
With the increase of nu-metal bands hitting the industry faster than
a bug on a car windscreen it is a breath of fresh air to hear an album
that is full of vigour, power and beautifully crafted rock tracks. Start
With A Strong And Persistent Desire is an epic of a debut with its
mixture of raw grunge sounding guitars and hypnotic soundscapes.
Each track can be deciphered from the mass of their influences
ranging from NIN, Smashing Pumpkins, Aphex Twin, Metallica
and Silverchair while excruciatingly adding that ‘something new’
feel to the vibe of this nu grunge era. ‘Can’t Smile’ and ‘Sleep Does
Nothing For You’ are two of the most powerful tracks on the album
with their infectious nature and crooning vocals. All I can say is
“Thank you, Vex Red for making a stand against all that tireless
nu-metal shit.” 9/10 K.M.
The Hackers remix of “Don’t be the hip-hop element of The Lick. (but not much, mind you) ‘Let You
Light”. The other fuzzy, electroid Kicking off with the Crooklyn Clan Know’ is pleasing ear candy. It’s just
versions from Mr Oizo, Malibu, hip- – Up & Down incorporating the over a shame that Hoobastank are two
hop heads The Neptunes and French incorporated Missy Elliot – Get yer years late, their impact could have
comrades, Daft Punk make the album freak on. Still not a bad effort though had much more relevance. 6/10
work well. It is good for background which then progresses to the up and A.T.S.
music 6/10 J.S. coming Bubba Sparxx – Ugly that is
one of the highlights. After that it is THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS
CHRISTINA MILIAN a bit of a bland selection with a few Mink Car (Restless Records)
Christina Milian (Def Jam) other high-points but it all becomes
much of a much-ness. As for cd 2 The first thing you hear on this CD is
This 19 year old has been described that made me very depressed. It is something which resembles a dodgy
as the future of urban pop. From this not fun listening to summer music Cher track. Once they ditch the voc-
accomplished album, it seems like a when we seem to have no sign of oder things don’t improve too much,
fair assessment. Christina’s voice, sunshine. Minus the sunshine cd2 because “Man it’s so loud in here”
though not becomes a bit bland. Add the sun- still sounds like cheesy early 90s
particularly shine and I think you will have an video game music. But what do you
distinctive, ultimate summer evening beach expect from the band who brought

poignant and altogether lovely
‘Fidelity Wars’, their sound is now
rather surprisingly that of stripped-
down, plaintive electro-space-pop
typical of last album ‘Dead Media’.
Darren Hayman’s voice remains
as daftly nasal as ever but with
such Supernaturals-esque gems
as ‘Baggage Reclaim Song’ and
the silky, synthesiser-driven ‘Dark
Hearted Discos’, this 5-track EP is a
rare delight. 8/10 M.F.
WHOOP! Mixed by Nigel Dawson
Progressive Development
(Whoop!)
Whoop! Records have been at the
forefront of the progressive house
scene for many years. Progressive
Development showcases some of
the labels highlights from the last
two years. The first track is a Way
Out West remix of Tarrentella by
Karma. The track in its original form
was revamped by the likes of Sasha,
Digweed and Layo & Bushwakka.
This gives you an indication of the
high regard for Tarrentella’s pro-
duction. As this album progresses
is perfect party tunes. But be careful, towards us such warped things as “Birdhouse
This is the fourth outing for the Another LateNight for the RnB the end of cd2 they stick in few In Your Soul” (remember that? It
series with its chilled beats and soothing sounds groove she smoochy little numbers that took charted in 1990…). You definitely
from across the globe. This time around Zero 7, has already me by surprise and resulted in me in shouldn’t expect the band to have
the heavenly gods of all which is chilled have made her turning off the lights and sparking up become much more sane in the 12
their turn at creating what could only be called own. Being some candles. Save it for Valentines intervening years. Forget meaningful
Another Latenight. Not surprisingly the general signed to Day! 6/10 B.A.Z. lyrics, or meaningful anything really.
sound ventures from the traditional sounds of the Def Jam at “Mink Car” is an album of short,
latin and samba quarters to the hedonistic beats 19 is very HOOBASTANK snappy, confusing, energetic tracks,
of Zero 7. Its soothing, relaxing, joyful and basi- impressive, H∞bastank (Mercury) most of which sound as though they
cally wonderful…..what more can you say except and Christina were written by a hyperactive 11
that the final track, ‘People Make the World Go has also been Imagine this scene: in a busy US year old. All these scathing things
Round’ by The Stylistics, tops of the perfect slum- working with city centre stands the Office for aside, if you’re in the mood for
ber. 9/10 K.M. top producer the Registry of Nu-Metal Bands throwing chewits at people, running
R o d n e y (ORNMB). Last year their intake into doors and being generally quite
J e r k i n s was increasing rapidly, but as 2002 childish, it’s ideal. 6/10 S.P.
thee’ is Clinic’s second album, after (Michael Jackson, Destiny’s Child) gets fully into gear, the office is busi-
their debut with ‘Internal Wrangler’, for years. Ja Rule and Jermaine er than it’s ever been. So, on a typical VARIOUS ARTISTS
and although these four blokes comes Dupri feature on the album as well. Tuesday morning, Reg the busy reg- Out The Box (Various Labels)
from Liverpool, there comparison to The single ‘AM To PM’ has been istry assistant calls up band number
any other Liverpool quartet stops huge and rightly so - it is a stylish, 2,756,502. “Name?” “Hoobastank, Mix of alt-punk, pop and rock
there. In fact, when trying to com- expertly crafted pop tune. She isn’t sir”. And so it begins…. Ok, cyni- – some good, some baaaaad. A curi-
pare Clinic to something else, noth- just a talented singer, but an estab- cal joking aside, Hoobastank are yet ous mix to say the least with tracks
ing comes to mind. It’s a mix of lished songwriter too, being the writ- another US Rock/Metal act, and similar to Pulp, Elastica, Fatboy
everything; chillout, melodica, jazz er behind J-Lo’s UK top 5 hit ‘Play’. despite all the hubbub, they’re sadly Slim, Cornelius – Hell there’s even a
and underground tunes, rock and The strongest tracks on the album nothing particularly new. However, hammond organ cover of Nirvana’s
electronic. They’ve been on tour with are the upbeat offerings such as the their well-produced debut album Smells like Teen Spirit. Weird. What
Radiohead, and if I’m not mistaken fantastic ‘ When You Look At Me’ packs more firepower than some is good on the album is actually
they’ve also been on a Levi’s advert. which has to be a future single. The recent assaults on the UK (P.O.D, quite good but then you get a track
They’re basically about as ‘cool’ as ballads, such as ‘It Hurts When.....’ Nickelback). Tracks such as ‘Hello by fucking Halo or something and
you can get.7/10 J.K. are weaker though, as they aren’t Again’, ‘Give It Back’ and ‘Pieces’ you just want to snap the CD. 6/10
very original and ‘Until I Get Over would easily stir up an impressive O.Z.
AIR You’ is terrible. But get Christina mosh-pit, and the slower burner
Everybody Hertz (Virgin) singing the style she is best at, and
the talent is obvious. What’s also
This is a remix album featuring fairly obvious is that Christina Milian
three of the tracks from the album is going to be a star. 6/10 A.W. SHOCKER OF THE WEEK
“10000Hz” and a totally new track.
TWO DAY RULE
Its what is expected for the remix MTV The Lick Vol. 2
When You’re Ready (Sugar Shack)
album of Air’s ‘difficult’ album. Presented by Trevor Nelson (Def
There are some very good moments Soul)
Shoot. Me. Now. Appallingly bad punk rock with a crazy female lead
and some not so good moments but
singer who disguises her poor singing voice with a fake American accent.
all in all it is a good album. Adrian Trevor ‘hey I’ve got cue-ball head’
Intensely annoying. In fact I don’t know why I am still writing this review,
Sherwood’s version of “How does Nelson has put together a collection
I think I made my feeling clear in the first line! I can’t see more than about
it make you feel?” particularly is a from his R&B and Hip-Hop show
three copies being sold anyway. Ouch! 0/10 D.H.
fantastic piece of work along with The Lick. CD 1 provides more of
21/02/02
Interview with Adrian Calvert
Trying to get more art into Barefacts, we in the
art section stumbled over a 21 year old artist
who is trying to make a living out of his draw-
ing. Adrian Calvert is from Kent and it was here,
about four years ago, he first got into drawing.
Inspired by heavy metal music, and after learn-
ing the techniques from a person in the FEU,
he soon discovered that this was something he
Art & Film
• Are there any other artists who
inspire you?
Yes, I really like Rodney Mathews’ puz-
zleforms and M.C. Esher. H.R. Geiger, the guy
who produced the creatures in ‘Gremlings’,
‘Aliens’, and a lot of other Sci-Fi films, is
another. I find Sci-Fi creatures very fascinating.
I also find inspiration in mythology and magick.
13
Art On Campus?
Ever wondered what your lecturers get up to in thier spare time? Well, currently on dis-
play in the Lewis Elton Gallery (next to the Uni Bookshop for those that didn’t know),
is a selection of artwork produced by members of University staff.
It’s open all day every day until the 28th of February, and contains some very fine and
diverse works.
Hopefully we’ll have a review for you soon.

The Bridge Project

could do.
• When did you realise that this was
what you wanted to do with your
life?
I gradually understood that drawing was
something I was good at, but it wasn’t until after
drawing lots and lots that I knew that this was
something I wanted to do with my life, and that
I actually could make a living out of it.
• Where would you say that your
inspiration comes from?
Most of my inspiration comes from being
around friends, and I tend to use their faces in
a lot of my art. I also like to sit in clubs and do
quick sketches out of the feelings in the place.
Before, I used to draw a lot of inspiration from
marijuana and that is one of the reasons to why
a lot of my drawings have marijuana leaves in
them, but these days I mostly use comics and
music such as ‘Metallica’ and ‘Nine Inch Nails’
to get into it.
• What do you want to do with your
art?
I’d love to become a graphic designer for
a record company, make posters and CD-cov-
ers. Anything to get my stuff out there on the
market, really. It’s like playing an instrument,
you want people to hear you and see you, you
want to show them what you can do. I would
also like to do some big pieces, but I’m still not
good at it. I wouldn’t want others to finish up
my work either, I prefer to do it all by myself. If
I could paint I would have done that, but so far
my drawing has been enough.
When I was 10-13 years old I fell in love with
the Chinese and Japanese cultures, and
the way the dragons always looked so alive.
That is something I try to achieve in my own art South East Contemporary Dance Showcase presents the Bridge Project: Mad in Surrey,
as well, to make them look real on the paper. promoting the work of dance graduates from the University of Surrey. The project gives
six featured dance artists the opportunity to develop their choreographic work, providing
• Most of your artwork is drawn in firstly a working environment for them, and finally a venue to showcase their completed
black and white, why is that? works. Rehearsal space, mentoring and a performance venue are provided by the Univer-
My favourite colours are black, blue and sity of Surrey, and the project is sponsored by South East Arts. Therefore the young artists
purple, but I find that if I draw something in
have a secure, established environment in which to explore their creativity, a plcae to show
black and white, I don’t need to colour my pic-
the result of this, and an opportunity to help them move between student and professional
tures in order to see what colours they are. It’s
choreography - bridging the gap from graduate to emergent dance artist. The showcase is
the illusion that comes out from the black and
white, and the way you can look at a picture
an exciting opportunity to see the fruits of this project, the works of the choreographers of
and see colours even though they aren’t really the future, fresh, talented and ready to go to work!
there.
The performance takes place on Wednesday 27th February at 7.30pm in the Performance
• Where do you see yourself go from Arts Building, University of Surrey, with a pre-performance talk at 6.45pm if you want
here? to learn more about the choreographers or The Bridge Project itself. The event will be
At the moment I try to focus on my drawing, followed by a post-performance reception. Tickets are available from the University of
but I can’t live off it yet so I do the odd job now Surrey Box Office on 01483 686876, priced at £8 for adults and £5 for concessions.
and then just to get money. A guy recently paid
200 pounds for ten pictures, but since I haven’t
been able to get hold of him I still have them at
home. I do work as it comes, but drawing is a
very hard field to get into. There are simply too
many people trying to get the few jobs there are,
and it is very hard to get noticed.
• Do you have any final advice to give
to others who want to do the same
thing as you?
Be patient! Getting your stuff onto the
market isn’t just about being determined, and it
has nothing to do with being strong. You simply
have to be very patient and believe that you
have something to offer.

when you thought they might fail, reveals the light

twist at the end of how they really did it.
Ocean’s Eleven is, if you didn’t know already, a
remake of the famously bad rat pack movie of the
same name. Another review summed the film up by
saying, “This is not a movie, it’s a magazine photo
spread with a hunk pack of A-list movie stars.”
Actually, that is a bit harsh but it’s not far off. The
guy’s dress up in swanky designer suits sporting
designer stubble, Don Cheadle has a very dodgy
cockney accent and Julia Roberts is underused as
just a bit of eye candy. Maybe I’m being a bit too
harsh, since alluding itself to the original Ocean’s
Eleven, it is saying that it’s all just a bit o’ fun – and
in that sense, then it probably has succeeded. At the

Ocean’s Eleven film’s press conference in LA, it seemed to be just a

bit of a laugh:

Director: Steven Soderbergh Reporter: “Don, what made you

Written By: Ted Griffin decide to do a third film with Steven?”
Cast: George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Cheadle: “Actually, I thought my agent said
Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Steven Spielberg. Imagine my
Garcia, Don Cheadle, Elliot Gould, embarrassment when I got onto
Carl Reiner, Casey Affleck, Scott set.”
Caan Reporter: “Were any of you disappointed that
there were no sex scenes in the
Danny Ocean (George Clooney) has just come out of film?”
prison and plans to rob the three biggest casinos in Damon: “Actually George and I shot one
Las Vegas, on the same night. Along with this seem- together.”
ingly impossible task, he plans to reclaim his ex-wife Clooney: “…for old times’ sake…”
who is now with the casino boss they plan to rob, Terry
Benedict (Andy Garcia). In true heist film style, he then However, there is no getting away from the fact that
proceeds to choose his crew (the eleven of the title), this is a very easily forgettable film. 4/10
formulates the master plan, goes to execution and just Navroop Sehmi.
21/02/02 Society Profiles 15
The Stars Wot A Proper
Astrologer Did Society Profiles:
Greensoc
PISCES: two weeks in June, though not necessarily the one’s you’re expect-
ing

The stars are, let’s face it, vague. Attempt to replicate this ambiguity in every
conversation you have.
By now, observant readers will have may continue to do so, and
noticed the green front page (well, I then I can graduate (?!)
ARIES: most of April with light winds suppose most people have noticed that knowing that Greensoc will
by now), but wait, there is more green live forever.
The lack of anyone taking anything seriously will right royally annoy you this to come! This week’s Society Profile is
week. Fortunately you can always rely on your stars to be there for you when those the greenest on Campus! Allow us to Worst injury: Devastation
around you are flippant. introduce: and severe grief when there
is a Q in Roots for the cof-
TAURUS: 15th - 17th March inclusive (excluding 16th March) Green soc! fees.

Good week. Bad week. Who knows? I asked the stars for you, but claiming that Name: Emma Van-Huysse Society activity idol: Idol?
I had previously gleamed unlawful information from them without their consent, Not sure we have one... But
Position in Society: Chair I guess a Green sock should
they were unwilling to give anything away. Sorry – I’m awaiting news from my
lawyer. be our mascot!
Your Best Feature: My trendy hat!
Green socks - worked better in colour! Most embarrassing/
GEMINI: New Years Day, St Georges Day and Equinox What do you look for in a man/ amusing society moment:
woman: An equally trendy hat! All dressed up in to visit smelly landfill site in the
I saw an advertisement for a psychic fair today, which I thought was unusual, given
rain - saw Fiona (SU president at the time) with
that you’d think everyone would already know about it. Moral of the story: astrol- Best thing about the society activity: We are the very muddy smelly feet!!!
ogy and all that mambo-jambo isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. only society in colour!
Hidden aspects of your society: Come along and
CANCER: your birthday Best single moment of your society life: Too find out....!?
many to count - our meetings are always great!
Don’t make friends with anyone whose star sign is in one of the following six: Worst fear: Launch of a rival - purplesoc sounds
their stars have been written by a different astrologer whose motives are somewhat Best moment for society: We won society of the pretty scary....
immoral and involve duping the gullible public into putting him up for a week or year in 2000, which was pretty neat!
two. Suffice to say I will report him to the Society of Fake Astrologers and have Lunchtime lasagne in Chancellors or HRB?
Worst thing about your society: We need more Is it Fairly Traded, Veggie and Organic? If so,
him dealt with appropriately.
members and then we would be REALLY great! either!
LEO: April 11th, Last Tuesday, Halloween and the Third Week of November Ultimate society dream: Green the world! Then You in three words: Convert-a-cup!
we could just enjoy our meetings in Roots without
This week, you shall be stupid enough to believe the shite I write here since you having to think about how to Green the world! The society in three words: Keen Green - 2
have nothing better to do. You’d better anyway, since I’m not as daft as the guy
words are all that is needed, they say it all!
who writes the other half of this column, and want to keep the job. Quite honestly, Ultimate dream for you personally in the socie-
where does he think his bread’s buttered? Shit, wrong metaphor. Um… he doesn’t ties activity: Get it all going great guns so that it
know who’s paying the rent. No, he’s keeping his eggs in the wrong basket. Oh

CHINESE/
f*ck this. I’ll try writing the next one.

VIRGO: I don’t bloody know—pick your own date

Incidentally, I am one of the founder members of the society of fake astrologers

JAPANESE
(or SOFA for short). Sofa describes this job well—I sit on my arse and seek
“divine” (beer is from the gods after all) inspiration. Maybe I’ll try crack next
week—could lead to some better predictions. I suppose that by now you have
understood that this article cannot be read in isolation—you need to read the lot to
get a “year round” feel. VOLUNTEERS REQUIRED TO HELP WITH A RESEARCH STUDY. THIS
WILL BE LOOKING AT THE GENETIC VARIATION BETWEEN THE
LIBRA: The other two weeks in July, plus the last day of October
ETHNIC GROUPS SPECIFIED BELOW:
Well, I suppose that I ought to make a prediction. Elves will not steal your shoes
this week. Oh and you won’t win a prize in a knobbly knees competition. · Chinese - person with Chinese parents and grandparents
· Japanese - person with Japanese parents and grandparents
SCORPIO: Pancake day, half of Ash Wednesday (til 4:37pm), 69th March

Scorchio! Will be the weather in Spain. Elves will steal your shoes. You will pay The purpose of this study is to investigate and further our understanding into the difference of why
me money to stay away from your children having read this article. Incidentally, some people respond better to certain medicines than others. This can be done by looking at the
Tris O’Dwyer, the editor of this fine publication will be seen with a handbag. variations in the patterns of DNA between ethnic populations.

SAGITARISAURUS: Any day on which your mum found a dinosaur bone If you participate in this study you will be required to give a blood sample and complete a ques-
shortly before giving birth tionnaire. The study visit will last half an hour and you will be compensated for your time and
expenses.
Oh where oh where has my little dog gone, oh where oh where can he be? Hang
on I don’t own a dog. One moment… ahh, have rejoined reality. You must watch
out of traffic wardens. They may be being over vigilant, and there’s nothing worse FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, PLEASE CONTACT:
than getting your leg clamped in Bedford Road.
Dr Mould or Alison Hepworth on 01483 455375/406886
AQUARIUS: Jan 20th to Feb 18th Guildford Clinical Pharmacology Unit
Royal Surrey County Hospital
Okay, right, following complaints about my last Aquarius column, I am duty
Guildford, GU2 7XX
bound to inform you it’ll be a great week. Only kidding, you’re going to jail on
Thursday for a crime you didn’t commit. And then you’ll be charged on Saturday
with the one you did… you know which one I mean.
21/02/02 Green Week Special 16

The Choose Positive Energy Green Week - What’s it all

Plan about?
‘Green energy’ has become a topical issue
again as Greenpeace and The Body Shop
launch their Choose Positive Energy campaign
(CPE), with their own electricity supple “Juice”.
Governments and companies are beginning to
invest in the expansion of wind, wave and
solar renewable projects world-wide. The
CPE campaign seeks commitment from world
governments at the World Summit meeting on
Sustainable Development, in September this
year. The aim is to take renewable energy to
more than two billion people in poorer countries
who currently have no access to basic energy
services. The campaign will focus on the need
to provide new financing to renewable projects
by ending all subsidies for fossil fuel projects
and reforming the institutions that support fossil
fuel expansion.
But why should this be important? All envi-
ronmental concerns aside, fossil fuels, com-
monly used to generate electricity, are a non-
renewable resource – once current coal and
oil reserves run out there will be no more and
seeking an alternative would become necessary.
Environmentalists have raised the issue due to
the harmful emissions generated during com-
bustion. While modern power stations may have
come a long way from the older smog pumping
designs, the process still leads to volumes of
noxious gasses and particles being released into
the atmosphere. Most significant is carbon diox-
ide, which has been linked to the Greenhouse
effect and global warming, causing a whole
gambit of adverse environmental impacts.
Some governments, especially the French,
have identified nuclear generation as being a
positive way forward, however this comes with
it’s own set of environmental risks and concerns
– accidents such as Chernobyl may be rare and
unlikely, but on a smaller scale there have been
several accidents leading to radioactive deposits
being dumped on towns and agricultural land.
Then there is the problem of disposing of the
hazardous nuclear waste – plutonium – which
remains dangerously reactive in the environ-
nuclear waste is also potentially dangerous, not
only in case of leeks, but also because it takes so
little of the highly reactive plutonium to make a
nuclear bomb, which under the current global
situation raises a situation that is perhaps even
more worrying to some.
Hydro-electricity is sometimes regarded as a
good option, but even this has its drawbacks.
While the water reserves it relies on may be
renewable (usually rivers or lakes), it often
involves creating huge lakes and reservoirs
behind gigantic dams. These change the natural
hydrology of an area and can cause rivers to
dry up, stagnation of still water, proliferation of
water-borne diseases, siltation, and water short-
ages lower in the rivers catchment area. Land
flooded behind the dams may have been valu-
able as farmland, for peoples homes, or other,
perhaps historically or culturally important
reasons. Dams are also very costly to develop
and build raising problems of unpayable debts
in developing countries. Altogether this makes
hydroelectric power another dubious area to
invest in.
So enter ‘Juice’ energy, from renewable sourc-
es, and committed to developing the technology
further especially into the area of offshore wind
and wave power. The sea is a huge resource
of energy available to be harnessed, and once
the technology is set up, running costs of such
plants are comparatively low. By locating the
generators offshore advantage can be taken of
the strongest air/water currents, while minimis-
ing any possible impacts upon human lifestyle
relating to complaints f noise or visual impacts.
Many electric companies already operate a
‘Green tariff’ whereby customers can choose
to have their electric from renewable ‘green’
sources, and there are already exclusively
green electricity suppliers such as Unit[e] and
RSPB . However, the new Juice campaign
brings renewable energy issues to the public
eye and represents a hugely positive investment
and commitment. A giant leap forward for busi-
nesses and individual alike. See the Greenprace
The annual University of Surrey Green Week is a whole week of activities aimed at
increasing awareness among students (and staff) of environmental and ethical issues of
all scales – from local to international. This year there will be a host of opportunities for
everyone to get involved and enjoy themselves at the same time. Here’s the plan!!!
Monday – Fair Trade Chocolate Game in Chancellors 7:30pm £1 each to play, which
includes a bar of Fair Trade Chocolate and Fair Trade Hot Chocolate (or tea or coffee!)
Tuesday – Chancellors Challenge at 8pm, the usual set-up of £1 a player and most of the
usual rounds, but with the bonus of extra prizes for the ‘Green’ rounds, and again FREE
Fair Trade chocolate for all taking part.
Wednesday – Energy Day with a stand in the Union to let you know how you can decrease
your energy costs both on and off campus. There will be free rides in the Universities own
electric van and the launch of a new Energy Awareness campaign championed by John
Davis. In addition there will be a simple energy survey to fill out where you can win £30
of supermarket vouchers, and there are freebies available for everyone! At 3pm there will
be a presentation in LTE by representatives from DEFRA, again to inform about grants
for energy costs and to improve energy efficiency in your accommodation be it on campus,
rented, or your own.
Thursday – Green and Fair Trade Fair all day in the Students Union with representa-
tives from many Natrional organisations such as Green Peace and TraidCraft, promoting
their campaigns and selling merchandise and Fair Trade products. FREE Fair Trade tea
and coffee all day, as well as samples of some tasty Fair Trade confections! Chancellors
will also be serving a special Organic Menu for the day, and in the evening you can join
Greensoc and the stall holders for a social drink in Chancellors.
Friday – Of course it is Friday Night Out, and the Union will be turned suitable Green for
the occasion! £1 off entry if you are wearing a Green Ribbon. There will also be a prize for
the person who can collect the most cans by midnight and present them to Greensoc…
Also appearing will be Green stand up comedy in Roots. Free entry at 9pm
Plus all week Organic Beer in Chancellors, Green Ribbons available from Union
Reception giving £1 off FNO, and several competitions with fantastic prizes!!! Simply
fill in the crossword in Barefacts (also available at the Union reception desk) and make a
Green suggestion for the new Manor Farm campus developments. The first crossword out
of the box at midnight at the FNO will win a bike and all your ideas will be passed onto
the Research Park, for another prize, so that they know what the students really think.
GU2 will also be following the week and giving away a fantastic Freeplay Solar Radio
every day!
So be Green and get involved!!!

Save or Delete?
ment for hundreds of years. Nuclear power sta- website for more information including how to
tions have been linked to human illnesses such sign up – www.greenpeace.org.uk
as leukaemia and other cancers. Even storing

All very amusing but surely not…?
1. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
2. Two-thirds of the world’s aubergines (eggplants) are grown in New Jersey.
3. Hamsters can only blink with one eye at a time.
4. A duck’s quack has no echo.
5. You can walk a cow up stairs but can’t lead it down stairs.
6. Tigers have striped skin as well as striped fur.
7. 70% of the dust in your house is dead skin cells.
8. A rat can live longer without water than a camel can.
9. Even if you cut off a cockroach’s head it stays alive for several weeks.
10. Owls are the only birds that can see the colour blue.
11. Mosquitoes have teeth.
12. Rainforests only cover 2% of the earth’s surface, but they are home to about
HALF of ALL of the species in the world.
More computer jargon? NO! Save or Delete is the
latest Greenpeace campaign to save the world’s
Green Fair Trade Fair, and at all other Green Week
events and activities. If we don’t act now, the great
valuable ancient forests, and it is being launched African ape, pictured here, will become extinct
this week – Green Week! Every two seconds during our lifetimes.
and area of forest the size of a football pitch is
destroyed for use in furniture, paper products and
industry. Thousands of species that live only in the
ancient established forests will become extinct if
this is allowed to continue, and although at the Rio
Earth Summit ten years ago 181 nations – includ-
ing the UK – agreed to protect the world’s ancient
forests by signing a Convention on Biological
Diversity, there has been little action on the gov-
ernments behalf to do so. The UK is currently one
of the world’s largest paper consumers, much of
which comes from forest supplies that have been
illegally and destructively logged.
The campaign asks you to show your support in
protecting these ancient forests and the wildlife
within them. You can do this by signing a simple
postcard message to Tony Blair, calling for him
to act against the destruction when he attends
the Ancient Forest Summit in The Hague, April
2002, and again at the Rio+10 Earth Summit in
Johannesburg, September 2002.
Look out for information leaflets and postcards
around campus throughout Green Week, at the
 Who Cares?
BY PETER BARRATT
Greesnsoc
The ENVIRONMENT. Still reading?? Oh well, I might as well
not bother writing any more.
Oh wow, someone is actually reading this! Excellent. Are you:
a) bored of hearing about the disastrous state of the
planet?
b) of the opinion that your actions don’t make any
impact on the environment?
c) sceptical that there are any problems at all?
d) concerned about environmental issues, but feel
powerless to do anything about them?
If your answer to any of these questions is “yes”, then keep
reading. If it’s “no”, then definitely keep reading. And that is an
ORDER! (Please).
Whether we choose to ignore it or not, the world is full of prob-
lems, and not just those of an environmental nature; it is a fact
of life. If we were to spend all of our spare time and energy wor-
rying about how awful everything is, and about how we can’t
do anything about anything, then we would turn into vegetables.
On the other hand, not giving a flying f**k about any problems
other than our own would make us very boring and equally
unhappy people.
Right, that’s the depressing bit out of the way. In fact, it is
incredibly easy to make a difference. As students, it is our pre-
rogative to at least be aware of world issues, and spare a small
part of our enormous intellect to have a few opinions and ideas
about these issues. At the moment, apathy towards the environ-
ment is widespread. It may be that the reason for this is we feel
anything we do individually to help has a negligible effect. This
is true of course, but collectively we could make a huge differ-
ence, as I’m certain you’ve heard before.
If we start off by making minor changes to our lifestyle, which
don’t really have any effect on our quality of life, those changes
will eventually become a way of life. Then we could make a few
more minor changes, and the whole process could snowball.
Problems are not going to be solved soon by any means.
However, if this apathy towards the environment continues,
these problems will never be solved. Have a look at the list of
easy ways to help the environment in this section of Barefacts.
Even if you do just one of those suggestions, you will have
made a difference. If you have bothered to read this article, then
you have already done something to help the environment. Does
it feel good??
In conclusion, then, what I am trying to say is that while we
should be at least aware of world environmental issues, we can-
not expect to be able to do a great deal about them individually.
What we can do, however, is gradually make minor adjustments
to our lifestyle in order to start the process of change for the
better. If everybody does this, there is no limit to the positive
impacts which could be made. I am confident that, eventually,
environmental friendliness will become a way of life, and we
won’t even think about it. If you’re not convinced, come along
to GreenSoc, and persuade us otherwise! (Thursdays, 6pm in
Roots).

WIN! WIN! WIN!

Simply complete the crossword below along
with a Green suggestion for the Manor Farm develop-
A Road To Nowhere?
A Chile-ing Thought
ment - be it for better recycling facilities, another lake,
or some technical energy project. All ideas will be
forwarded to the University so that your views on how
the campus should be planned can be considered. Last
year Greensoc gave away a bike and a radio. This year
we have five radios and a bike to give away over the
week… Watch this space!

Don’t forget to add your name and contact details so

we can get hold of our lucky winner! The first cross-
word out of the box at midnight at the FNO wins the
bike! There will be separate prizes for the crossword
and best Green suggestion, so make sure you enter
both.

BY EMMA VAN-HUYSSE culture and heritage. It will also attract hard currency (e.g. US$)
Greensoc which will feed into the local economy.
Unfortunately no penguin would be seen along the roadside
ACROSS South America represents a large part of the world’s remaining vir- (unless squashed by some careless driver), and all wildlife will be
1. Type of power station gin tropical forests, home to many rare and elusive animals, birds disturbed and displaced by the noise and land use changes. The
2. There were plans for one at Slyfield and plants. Tropical forests are extremely vulnerable to change road would have a huge impact on breeding and migration patterns
– be it directly through logging or exploration, or indirectly such as – species being too afraid or unable to cross such boundaries. Plant
3. Opposite of ‘battery’
through global climate changes. As with many areas, especially true life will change too due to the influx of light and loss of ground
4. The second of the three ‘R’s’ of developing countries, there are a number of land-use conflicts, protection, leading to erosion spreading gradually backwards into
5. Another name for rubbish; mail you don’t want and frequently these are financially motivated and the forest.
6. E.g. a dodo is this act against the natural environment and conserva- Perhaps of equal importance is the principal
7. Week 7 tion concerns. of opening up a sacred religious site to the
“Cape Froward” is such a place – the very south- scrutiny of mass consumerism – another factor
erly tip of South America – surrounded by such that will spread as people move in to exploit
DOWN dense forests that access is essentially restricted to the visiting public. Think of the Egyptian
8) Source of air pollution, especially in cities visitors by sea and along the beaches. It is also the Pyramids or Niagara with their visitor centres
9) A fossil fuel home to sealions, the Patagonian puma, dolphins, and hotels – hardly very sensitive or attractive
the Andean condor, and penguins. developments! All that for a bit of extra cash,
10) Common Fair Trade beverage
The issue here is not purely logging for loggings much of which will go to National developers
11) Without pesticides sake, neither is it over a need for agricultural farm- and tourist chains.
5) Name of the Greenpeace/Body Shop electricity land. It is tourism and a balance between environment and eco- Is it worth it? An interesting debate that I shall leave you to pon-
campaign nomic development. Capo Froward is the site of a huge Christian der and reach your own opinions upon. But if you feel this is an
monument, a giant cross ‘Cruz de los Mares’ erected there in the inappropriate development, please write to the Chilean government
1930’s. Because it is so difficult to reach, it has maintained it’s and express your view at the following address: Nelda Panicucci,
Green suggestion for Manor Farm: peaceful and somewhat mystical aura, another feature of the region Intendante, Edificio del Gobierno, 3er Piso, Bories Esquina,
as a whole. But things are about to change… Jose Menendez, Punta Arenas, Chile (by he way, it will need
The nearest city, Punta Arenas, is planning to build a 40km stretch an”Airmail” stamp and sticker if it is going to arrive before the
Name: of road along the coastline to the monument. The first 10km phase tree-fellers do!).Maybe it is not in your backgarden, but protecting
has already secured ‘planning permission’ and will effectively lead a natural habitat is a National issue, and there may equally be a time
Dept:
to nowhere. The road will open up the forest to allow visitor access when we are asking them for support on a similar issue.
Phone: to the monument, encouraging tourist interest in the local traditions,
 18 Services 21/02/02

Dr Russ says “.......... Money Matters!

Written exercises used in selection
There are a number of tests which
employers use which involve writing.
They are usually designed to measure
a range of qualities besides simply
the ability to write clear and effective
English.
The first one which I’ll describe
requires that you respond to a let-
ter of complaint from, say, a col-
league or a customer. Although the
detailed circumstances will vary
in each case, there are some gen-
eral guidelines which might help
you. Make sure you convince the
recipient that you have understood
their problem. Consider whether an
apology is required or whether an
explanation would suffice instead.
Avoid responding aggressively; try
instead to be both polite and tactful.
There will be a chance to practise this
exercise in the Assessment Centre
workshop on Wednesday 27 February
at 2 – 4 pm in LT B. If you are
interested in attending, please email
c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk or sign
up in the Careers Service.
Another test involves analysing a
mass of complicated written material
before presenting a reasonable solu-
tion to the problems which it contains.
There aren’t necessarily any right or
wrong answers. The assessors are
simply interested in knowing whether
you have understood the issues and
whether your proposals are well
thought out. Whilst the written part
of this exercise can be minimal, it
is important to make sure that your
recommendations are lucidly and
logically presented.
One of the most popular tests is
known as the in-tray exercise. You are
asked to play the role of a personnel
manager who has returned from holi-
day to find a pile of papers waiting to
be dealt with. Your task is to separate
the urgent from the non-urgent and
the important from the unimportant.
The key to doing well in this test is What do you do when the money runs out?
to skim all of the papers quickly at
first. It is tempting to try to read eve-
rything, including the cleverly placed Whatever you do – DON’T PANIC,
but don’t sweep the matter under the If money is getting tight the following
30 page report which would take up
carpet and try to don’ts may be worth remembering:-
the whole of the time allocated to the
test if you fell into the trap of read- ignore it because
it won’t go away. Don’t
ing it! After your initial skimming, fall into the hands
attempt an early prioritisation of Come and talk to
us at SAIS, or the of a loan shark
papers. Some are obviously impor- Don’t
tant - like the memo from the man- student adviser at
your bank, or the exceed your bank
aging director requesting a review
Citizens Advice overdraft without
of safety procedures following the asking first
Bureau. Or all
recent fire. Take a look at your watch Don’t
three. Between
and see how much time you have for forget to pay your
every one you will
a more detailed look at the material. receive the best gas and electricity
This could lead to some changes in bills (a couple of
advice and help.
your priorities. The written summary weeks on bread
of your recommendations is likely and jam are better
Impoverished and
to be brief, but should nevertheless than having to pay
imprudent students are not a new phe-
be clear, logical and concise. You court costs)
nomenon and you are not alone.
must take care to leave enough time Don’t see credit cards as
to write your summary. The asses- A bank manager’s view – ‘The prob- another source of income
sors won’t be able to guess what you lems students have are very real. As
intended to write after you’d found a bank manager, all too often we find Student Advice and Information
you’d run out of time! we are just picking up the pieces Service
when things have gone too far. Debt Wey Flat 2, Surrey Court
Russ Clark brings stress, and that will affect your Tel: 01483 689261
Careers Service ability to study. Come sooner rather E-mail student-
than later.’ advice@surrey.ac.uk

Notices
CHANGE OF DATE: Christian Union AGM on 21/2/
Tennis Club AGM
02 at Rushes Restaurant at 7:30pm.
Thursday Week 8 (7-Mar-02), 1pm
TB22
Euchrist - Every Thursday by Rev John Strain, 12:
Any queries contact:
30pm, Grant Mitchel Room
surreytennisclub@hotmail.com
Union cashiers office is open 12:00 - 14:00 every work-
Conservative Society AGM @ 7pm Monday 4th March,
ing day except wednesdays.
TB2
OrthSoc will hold its AGM on the 23rd of
The Nordic Society is going on a coach pub trip Friday
February(saturday)
March 1st! Great
venue out-of-town! Games and drinks! Open to non-
Astronomy (Surrey SEDS) Society AGM @ 1pm
members. See homepage
Friday 22nd Feb, Union Balcony
www.surrey.ac.uk/Union/societies/norsoc for details.
Active Thinkers Society AGM, Thursday 28th Feb,
Music Soc - Underground AGM, Monday Week 8, 5pm,
6.30pm, GMR,
GMR
Mountaineering Club AGM - 27th Feb, The Vertex,
American Fottball AGM - 28th Feb, Varsity Centre,
UniSport @ 3.30pm
9pm
Ecconomics Society AGM @ 6pm Monday 4th March,
LT M
Personals
‘tell bloke from crs’ thinks you are really pretty!’

Hey Lisa, we saw you dancing on stage last wednesday.....it was almost as
funny as THAT photo!!!

Oi Crabtree you northern bastard, stop getting us thrown out of

weatherspoons!!

Mike, they’re on to you!

Rich, piss off and leave us alone - from the fish in the lake

Fornt cover was green when we sent it. Wonder what colour it’ll be when it get’s back - ed team

Paddy, can you lend us a tenner?

No Quirk, No! It may be fetish night, but still - NO!

Oh You - Lend us 309K

Amazing turnaround for
UniSPORT Guildford
UniSPORT Guildford 5 – 0 Lee-on-Solent
UniSPORT Guildford bounced back from
their worst defeat in history two weeks ago
with a whitewash over their visitors. The
team only conceded one game all evening
winning 3 – 0 in four matches and 3 – 1 in
the other. It was our best win in our four year
history and was not the first time we won 5
– 0. There was an amazing display of squash
with Fiona Geaves sweeping her opponent
away and before she could reach the chang-
ing rooms Neil Frankland had done the same
to his opponent on the adjacent court. Stacey
Ross then kept the run going winning 3 – 0
while Steve Meads was involved in a scrap-
pier match losing our only game but win-
ning 3 – 1. It was then left in the hands of
UniSPORT Guildford’s number 1 and World
no. 15 Paul Johnson to complete the rout and
show that when we have a full squad we are
up there with the best.
The next and last home match of the sea-
son is against UK Packaging on 5th March.
This promises to be an entertaining climax
to the season with the prospect of Peter
Nicol, World number 1 playing against Paul
Johnson and Linda Charman-Smith World
number 5 playing Fiona who is ranked one
place below her in the World rankings. The
last time we met it was an emphatic battle
with their home crowd playing a huge part.
If you want to join in the excitement contact
the Varsity Centre. UniSPORT cardholders
get in free so take up the last opportunity of
the season.

Intramural Mixed Soccer

The intramural mixed 5-a-side soccer tournament is heating up with one more game before
the Quarter-final stages kick off. So far Civ Eng A, Inter Comms and Civ Eng B have all
won their groups with Anwar’s Allstars, Real Wages and The Cheddars taking the runners up
places. With just the final group matches left to play the knock-out stages look set to bring in
the crowds especially with the ever impressive ‘Clough Machine’ playing in the same kind
of style as his fashion sense!
 SURREY PRIDE
Surrey bounce beautifully into the finals
On the third of February the southern
BUSA trampolining championships
were held here at Surrey. As the host-
ing team we were all really excited
and spent most of the weekend trying
to make everything run smoothly.
First thing in the morning were the
novices and the intermediates. With
loads of us competing in the novices
we were in for a good chance at some
places in the finals, and we ended up
with four, Katie, Racheal, Sarah and
Emma. The rest of the novices, Will,
Louise, Alison, Emily and me, Anna,
all did really well and we are lucky
enough to not have to do the routine
again until next year.
A special mention goes to Will who
only started a couple of weeks before
so that we had a lad in the novices
and he did really well, must be all the
Vicious Miners Strike Hard?
Surrey 4s 2 R.S.M 4
Sometimes in life there are things
beyond our control. Some of these
things are trivial while others are
important. Perhaps in hindsight
R.S.M’s decision not to provide a ref-
eree for a B.U.S.A game was one of
those trivial things beyond one’s con-
trol but at the final whistle this deci-
sion certainly did seem important.
While we tried to play football, led
by joint debutant captains Aps & Stu,
R.S.M were playing an altogether
Sporting
Vernacular:
Bf needs you!
It’s been a long time since the back
page has seen a Vernacular; in fact
it’s been too long. Consequently,
you would expect there to be a lot
of issues that spring to mind and this
column to be full of ranting about this
and that. Instead I will rant about two
issues.
1. The Sports Profile is not, contrary
to popular opinion controlled by the
Sports Office or the Bf Office. You
will not be dropped if you don’t have
mates in either of the above offices.
All you need to do is, write a profile
and submit it, with a photo, to the
Barefacts office. Also contrary to
popular opinion, we do not have a
massive backlog of profiles, so its
likely you will get your profile in
print.
2. Sports Articles. I’m quite sure
I am not the only person who gets
bored of the same old sports appear-
ing on the back page? The sad truth
of the matter, however, is that there
reason for this is because there are
only a small number of sports that
write about what they get up to. If
we only have articles from a few
clubs, you only get to read about a
intense training from Annabel.
Whilst we were all competing, on
the next bed was Curly flying high.
She bounced beautifully and came
fourth in the intermediate ladies.
In the afternoon the advanced and
elite women’s teams competed. The
men’s advanced and elite team went
straight through into the finals. Our
advanced team are Annabel and Susie
and Kirsten is elite. We did especially
well as all the other teams had four
members and their lowest score is
deleted but we competed with just the
three so all our scores counted and we
came an excellent second.
At the end we saw Kirsten Lawton
and Claire Wright both members
of the national squad do some syn-
chronised trampolining which was
amazing.
different game – a strange hybrid of
wrestling and rugby.
Much to our disgust in the bar after-
wards their players used phrases such
as we won ‘fair & square’ and the
{multitude of fouls} were ‘6 of one
half a dozen of the other’. Football is
certainly a game of opinions but these
perverse views were hard to stomach.
Maybe it is something in the water
supply to R.S.M but everyone in a
Surrey shirt thought they had been
cheated by a combination of punchs,
elbows and downright cheating.
few clubs. I only have one page to
fill each week and yet I frequently
have to struggle to do so. It should
be the opposite. I should be strug-
gling to fit everything, and everyone,
in. I should be pleading with Tris for
that extra half page because of all the
poor clubs who didn’t get a mention
yet again. I should be weighing up
the merits of articles, how well writ-
ten they are, their content, the photos
that accompany them. Talking of
photos!!! If you hadn’t noticed, Bf
has had four pages of colour in every
issue this year and having the tradi-
tional back page for sport means you
are guaranteed to have you photos
printed in glorious technicolor. Such
privileges were few and far between
in previous years. Yet, very few arti-
cles are accompanied by a picture.
Bf has digital camera’s we can lend
out, so take advantage of what we
can offer you. Borrow a camera,
take some photos of your sport, write
a few words and send it all in. Get
your sport some free publicity.
I can only publish what you submit.
All in all
it was a very
good day,
which
consider-
got
ably better the
moment my
routines were
over. We were
also lucky
enough to
have the Vice
Chancellor
come along to
watch us so
hopefully he
was impressed
with our talents.
A big thank you to everyone who
helped out on the day including all
the unisports staff and some mem-
The scoreline indicates a 4 – 2 win
for R.S.M but how many of their
players would have remained on the
pitch if a qualified referee was offici-
ating? 7, 8 perhaps?
It was gut wrenching to lose to
such ‘players’ after taking a two goal
lead by virtue of goals from Gary and
Pascoe. The last two goals conceded
were very soft and at times when we
avoided the hatchet men our passing
was superb, with Ruud the Dutchmen,
Pascoe and Stu Wilson the main insti-
gators. Perhaps such a scoreline is to
Australia get 1st
Winter Olympic Gold
In a bizarre twist to the 1000m speed
skating final, Australia’s Steven
Bradbury won his countries first ever
Winter Olympics Gold medal.
The skater had been trailing the
four leaders of the race from its
onset. During the initial lap, the pace
had been low and he had been able to
stay with the others. When the pace
1. Entering the final bend everyone
but the Australian is in the running.
2. The four leaders start to slide
3. .... and slide
bers of the basketball team! As well
as Spider Man and Dave.
We are going to the finals in Bath on
March 8th so no doubt we will come
back with some golds….hopefully!
be expected with 4 final year players
missing, including captain and vice-
captain but in the circumstances it
was an unpleasant afternoon not to
be repeated.
PS: This game will be replayed at the
Varsity since we are not, as originally
thought, entitled to a walkover due to
R.S.M failing to provide a referee.
We’ll take our gumsheilds this time!
By Tom Sugarman
picked up towards the end of the race
he fell behind and was clearly set for
final place.
In the final bend however, all four
leaders crashed out as they scrambled
for the lead. Bradbury was able to
easily pass them as they scrambled
to pick themselves up and literally
throw themselves across the line.
4. .... and slide until they hit the wall
5. Bradbury cruises comfortably past
6. .... and takes the gold.
Sports
Profile:
Ultimate
Frisbee
Name and Age: Richard Sawyer,
21.
Nicknames: Shearer, Mach 3,
Locomotive, Flying Scotsman,
Spike.
Best Feature: eyes - the pearly blue
is less pearl, more sexy.
What do you look for in a girl?
Just single would be nice. Other
than that, short with nice hair.
Marital status: Single. (I’m begin-
ning to spot a trend here - dep. ed.)
Favourite position: bottom of the
stack or IN THE ZONE. (single?
- dep. ed.)
Best thing about your sport: run-
ning like a madman around a sports
hall, chasing a piece of rounded plas-
tic with a silly hat on my head. Let it
be known that sun-visors rock.
Worst thing about your sport: the
fact that no-one knows what it is and
therefore do not take it seriously. I
assure you, it’s very serious.
Best single moment in your sport-
ing life: the Slurrey Slingers win-
ning their first game; which had
nothing to do with the fact that I
wasn’t playing.
Worst injury: dislocated little fin-
ger and subsequent hospital visit, by
myself, to A & E. Thanks, Ben and
Stew, for your support.
Sporting Idol: Stewart “Whigger”
Fudge - captain extraordinaire and
wannabe Will Smith.
Most embarrassing Sporting
Moment: dropping the simplest
of catches in the end-zone and pro-
ceeding to let the opposition score
after some abysmal defence in a
very important game after we had
brought the score back to 5-6 from
5-0 down.
Hidden aspects to your sport:
catching (see above).
Last time you were drunk and
threw up/swam a lake? Friday
evening (see front page, although I
claim no responsibility for the golf-
flag incidents).
Favourite Food: anything not
cooked by my housemates. Chilli
and chips at chancellors is quite
nice.
You in three words: end-zone