© Nik Schatz 2018 0

When we don’t agree

During my high school years my parents tried their hardest to teach me right
from wrong. And it was more than just wanting me to be a good citizen; they
wanted me to honor Jesus with my life.

I was taught that, as a Christian, there are certain things that we must do.
We read our Bible, we give to the poor, we love our neighbor, we attend
church… there was a long list.

But there are also certain things we do not do: we are not to be greedy, we
cannot get drunk, we cannot do whatever we want sexually, and so forth.

So when I left for college, I packed some clothes, some bedding, some books,
and I packed my list. Not a literal, tangible list, but one which had been
imprinted in my head. The list of “do’s” and “don’ts”.

Once I got to college, I made lots of new friends. I listened to lots of smart
professors. I started attending a new church. But I began to notice that other
people had different lists.

Most of the things on our lists were the same. But there were a few differences.

What do you do whenever you notice that your list looks different from
someone else's list? We all respond differently. Do we quarrel over the
differences, do we ignore them, or do we perform a Christian form of a
“citizen’s arrest” and report them to the pastor of our church?

Well thankfully we have an entire chapter of our Bible devoted to this topic
alone. It's about matters of opinion. Take a look at Romans 14 with me.

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A 1st century example

Romans 14:1–2 As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to
quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak
person eats only vegetables.

Here’s what we have in this text. There are two kinds of people, and neither is
treating the other like he should. First, there’s a guy who like to eat meat. Then
there’s another guy who eats only vegetables.

Now the vegetarian is not abstaining from meat for health reasons like you may.
He is abstaining from meat for ETHICAL reasons. There’s a couple possible
reasons for this:

1st possibility: It could be because, in that society, meat had been used
in sacrifice and worship to pagan gods, and then resold in the market.
So it’s possible that some Christians were looking at other Christians
and saying “Hey! You can’t eat that, it’s been offered to idols! It’s been
defiled or possessed!”

2nd possibility: Another possibility is that Jewish Christians were still

wanting to hold on to their Jewish stipulations, which meant they
thought it was “unclean” to eat certain kinds of meat like pork (which is
a shame, isn’t it?). And for Jews this is more than just a moral thing; to
them pork is also culturally unclean, and so just the very thought of
eating an animal that likes to roll around in mud all day is disgusting.

It really doesn’t matter why the vegetarian is abstaining from meat; what
matters is his attitude towards the meat eater. But again, both people are
wrong in how they are viewing the other.

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 Romans 14:3 Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let
not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has
welcomed him.

So… the guy who EATS MEAT “despises” the

vegetarian. The guy who ABSTAINS from meat
judges the meat-eater.

And Paul says to both, “That’s a no-no.” His instruction to them may rub us the
wrong way, but swipe the next page to see what he says.

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RULE #1: When it comes to matters of opinion,
keep your mouth shut and your thumbs up

That may sound kinda harsh, but what is even harsher is attending a church in
which people are despising one another and judging one another. So Paul is
completely justified is being so strong on this. Look at how he states in it verse
one.

Romans 14:1 As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to
quarrel over opinions.

Notice he says to “welcome” your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t fight with
them, don’t bicker with them, don’t argue about nonessential things with them.
And then he gives us the “Why” behind it.

Romans 14:3 … for God has welcomed him.

If God can open his arms wide in acceptance of a meat eater, or a vegetarian,
then surely you can.

When it comes to matters of opinion,

keep your mouth shut and your thumbs up.

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Read this verse again:

Romans 14:2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person
eats only vegetables.

What a silly thing to fight over. To eat meat, or to eat vegetables only – what a
dumb thing to fight about with other Christians. I mean, you and I don’t do this
do we?

Ok. Maybe, we do. I know I have.

When I first started preaching I picked some pretty ridiculous hobby-horses to

teach about. For instance, I used to be convinced that Christian Contemporary
Music was not God-honoring, especially in church. So I preached in a few youth
groups and told the teens they should burn their CCM CDs, and get rid of their
Christian Rock, Christian Rap, etc. I now realize that when it comes to music
preferences, I need to keep my mouth shut and my thumbs up.

In another personal example, I once pastored a small church in Indiana. The

town was small enough that all the pastors knew each other. Every month a
bunch of them would get together and encourage each other, pray for each
others’ churches, etc. It was called “The Ministerial Alliance”. Well, back then I
was convinced that Baptists were the best brand of Christians around. I had this
Baptist acrostic memorized on why the Baptists were the best denomination,
and I even felt like these other denominations were competition for my church.
So I refused to fellowship with the Methodists; or the Church of Christ; or the
Non-denominational churches; or the Assemblies of God. To be honest, I was
kind of a jerk. And it took a couple of years of bumping into these pastors, and
meeting really good Christians who went to those other churches, to realize
that… WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM! I began to realize that when it comes to
minor denominational differences, I need to keep my mouth shut and my
thumbs up.

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I became a Christian when I was 17, and since then I have been a part of several
churches and I have become friends with several Christians. I’ve run into people
who like to quarrel all sorts of things. Things like:

 Church worship music. Some like choirs and hymnals, other like bands
and praise songs.
 Alcohol. Some Christians have a glass of wine with supper, others do not
feel comfortable with it.
 Church ascetics. Some Christians have a theological conviction that the
baptistery should be in the center of the auditorium, others on the side.
Some believe the pastor’s pulpit should be centered while the communion
table should be to the side, others vice versa. Some have a strong
attachment to stained glass windows, or pews, or anything in the
sanctuary.
 Bible versions. Some Christians believe there is only one legitimate
English translation of the Bible. Others believe each version has its
strengths and weaknesses.

When I was in college I got to know a man who happened to not be a Christian.
After inviting him to church for months, he finally told me he’d come! I was so
excited. As we walked into the auditorium and looked for a seat, one of the
church deacons met us and introduced himself. The first thing he noticed was
that my friend, who was not a Christian, was holding an NIV bible. And then the
deacon went on for 4 or 5 minutes explaining to my friend how “that isn’t the
true Bible you are holding there. God has preserved His word through the
centuries in the Greek manuscript called the Textus Receptus, the Byzantine
Text. That book comes from a flawed manuscript called the Alexandrian Text. If
you meet me later I’ll buy you the only infallible word of God and we’ll get rid of
that one…” and I’m telling you, he went on and on. The whole time he was
talking, all I could think was “My buddy came to hear about Jesus and eternal
life, and all he’s hearing right now is this whacko.” Unfortunately, he never
came to church with me again.

You are going to encounter these kind of preferences all the time. And believe it
or not, YOU have preferences that are important to you. What Paul wants us to
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remember is when it comes to matters of opinion, keep your mouth shut and
your thumbs up.

Sometimes we forget who the real enemy is.

“We are reminded how little benevolence was shown our

Lord when throughout his ministry he was accused of being a
wine-bibber, a glutton, a friend of sinners and a Sabbath
breaker. Jesus, from the strength of faith, broke with Jewish
custom and man-made traditions to live a life he thought
pleasing to God.”1

The writer goes on to give us an analogy of a slave and a slave owner.

Romans 14:4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is
before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord
is able to make him stand.

First off, Paul is not endorsing slavery. The New Testament never does. But in
the 1st century Roman world, slavery was not only a common practice, but an
essential part of their economic system. The Bible writers realize this and
therefore talk about slavery in their letters.

Here’s the point in verse 4. If I met the slave of another man and told him to do
something that went against what his real master told him, he wouldn’t listen to

1
R. C. Sproul, The Gospel of God: An Exposition of Romans (Great Britain: Christian Focus
Publications, 1994), 235.
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me. Do I feed him? Provide medical attention for him? Care for and provide
shelter for his family? No. I’m not his master.

The contrast is that God is our master. You don’t have to honor any of my
standards and I don’t have to honor any of your standards. You and I follow our
own master, God.

Some of you may be cheering me on in your mind. You’re thinking “Yes! I like
this guy! Y’all can’t judge me! He said to keep your mouth shut and your thumbs
up! Ha!”

But remember Paul isn’t writing this for other people to read; he’s writing it for
you (and me) to read. He isn’t writing this so that you can feel good about
yourself when other people judge you. He is writing this for you to read because
whether you want to admit it or not, you have opinions that you judge others
for.

Summary of Rule 1
If the Bible is not explicitly clear on something, it’s probably a neutral issue. But
the key is not to quarrel about it. The problem is that one person’s “overly-
cautious neighbor” is another person’s “liberal.”2 After all, anyone who drives
faster than I do is a maniac; anyone who drives slower than me is an idiot.
Right? So be careful about judgments.

2
Robert Mounce, Romans, vol. 27, New Covenant Commentary Series (Nashville, TN:
Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1995), 252.
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RULE #2: When it comes to your opinion,
keep your conscience clear

And now Paul gives us another example of a scruple that was happening in the
1st century churches.

Romans 14:5–6 One person esteems one day as better than another, while
another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own
mind. The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one
who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one
who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God.

Now the thing about food – and who was eating meat and who was abstaining –
was a heated debate some were having. But this issue was much more
theological. This time, Paul received word that Christians were fighting over
which days of the week were more highly “esteemed”. Once again, we don’t
know exactly what the people were fighting about:

1st possibility: He could be talking about the Sabbath. Unlike eating or

not eating meat, this was one of the 10 commandments. For all of
Jewish history, everyone was forbidden to do any work on the Sabbath
day, which probably equates to our Saturday today. So if this is the
“day” problem Paul is talking about, there may have been some
Christians who insisted on worshipping on Saturday, and others who
wanted to have church worship on another day.

2nd possibility: Likewise, he could be referring to some specific religious

feasts or festivals. The early Jews held to a rigorous calendar of religious
holidays and festivals they observed, but they were wrapped up in
Jewish history so Gentiles didn’t really see the significance of them.

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I don’t know what “days” they were quarrelling over, or why they were
quarrelling about it, but Paul’s answer was simple.

When it comes to your opinion,

keep your conscience clear.

Now take a look at this profound statement.

Romans 14:5 ...Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.

That’s an interesting comment isn’t it?

First, let me explain what he DOES NOT mean. The writer never implies that
“every person has the right to create their own ethical system.”3 R.C. Sproul
gives us a good example of this with adultery. If someone is in a church and they
believe that adultery is OK, does that mean the rest of us have to keep our
mouths shut and our thumbs up, and be OK with that practice? Of course not!
That is something explicitly condemned in the Bible. If something is explicitly
called sin, then we should say something, and we should judge that person, and
we should ask them to change their heart and repent.

Here’s a hint about he is talking about. He’s dealing with matters of opinion.
These are neutral matters.4 For Paul, foods themselves are religiously neutral;

3
Sproul, 232.
4
Sproul, 231.
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that is, one may keep food customs because of upbringing, cultural preference,
or ethnic attachment, but they are not inherently good or evil.5

For instance: Popcorn is neither righteous nor evil; it’s just popcorn. Steak is
neither righteous nor evil; it’s just steak. (Brussel sprouts on the other hand are
evil. They are from the devil and you should never eat them.)

Romans 14:5 ...Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.

So what does this mean? Allow me to offer some examples.

Using Paul’s example, if you study the Bible and become convinced that
Saturday is the day you need to rest and worship, and someone gives you a
Saturday ticket to Six Flags, then you should not go. (You should go to church
and give your ticket to me!)

Or if you think that it is wrong to eat pork, or if you are suspicious that the meat
at Dickey’s BBQ is pagan worshipper meat, then you shouldn’t eat their BBQ.
(Again, you should give it all to me!)

When it comes to matters of your opinion, keep your conscience clear.

And you may not demand others to do the same.

If you have a preferred English Bible version to read, then read that one. If you
don’t like praise songs that repeat the same verse over and over, then just don’t
sing. The band will move to the next song soon. If you don’t feel right about
drinking alcohol, then don’t drink. If you think smoking is wrong, then don’t
smoke. If you don’t feel right shopping at Target, then don’t shop there.

But you cannot demand others not to.

5
Craig Keener, Romans, New Covenant Commentary Series (Eugene OR: Cascade Books,
2009), 163.
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 Romans 14:8–9 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the
Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. For to this
end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of
the living.

It’s not your job to please me. Please Christ.

It’s not my job to please you. I please Christ.

Life is short. So keep your list short.

Let’s talk about a random issue some Christians disagree on: piercings.

I have had friends over the years who have had lots of piercings. Guy friends and
female friends both. Me personally? I am not going to get a piercing any time
soon. I have no problem if any of you do. And you can get ‘em wherever you
want! Up and down your ear lobe, on your eye brows, in your belly button, on
your fingertips, in your tongue… I don’t care.

I, however, do not have any piercings. And I will not get a piercing any time
soon. There an actual ethical reason that I have. I’m not going to tell you why
(see point #1…), but it is a personal, ethical reason.

Romans 14 has something interesting to say about this:

Romans 14:14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is
unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean.

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Because I have a personal, ethical reason for not getting piercings, it would be a
sin for me to get a nose ring, or tongue stud, or whatever. SIN. On the other
hand, Paul is saying here that it would not be a sin for someone else to get one.

That would not be sin. I have a personal, moral reason (which I’m not sharing
with you) for not getting a piercing. But you can get all kinds of assorted
piercings and it would be perfectly ethical for you to do so.

Just focus on honoring Christ with your own standards. Don’t worry about your
neighbor’s personal standards.

Romans 14:10–12 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do
you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of
God; for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and
every tongue shall confess to God.” So then each of us will give an account of
himself to God.

When I stand before Jesus, who’s life will I have to answer for? Mine! This has
two implications for me.
1. I’ve got enough to worry about. I don’t have time to keep up with your
preferences.
2. Even if you were wrong – your personal standards were too high or too
low – Jesus will critique me if I ever judge or despise your standards.

Summary of Rule 2
When it comes to matters of your opinion, keep your conscience clear.

This does not mean that you get to choose your own moral standards. It means
that if you have beliefs or convictions about things that are not explicitly right or
wrong, follow your own conscience. It is possible for something to be sin for
you, but not sin for someone else. Stay true to your beliefs if you are truly
convinced.
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What to do when you disagree
If someone holds to an opinion that you disagree with, and talking about it will
turn into an argument, CHOOSE PEACE. Peace within a relationship is far more
important than winning an argument.

Romans 14:19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual
upbuilding.

When one person is barking, and the other is taking a brow-beating, that is not
mutual upbuilding. That’s a demolition project. But when we major on majors,
and minor on minors, we can always learn something from each other.

This works its way out several ways. Here are some points you can walk away
with.

1. I will go out of my way to not cause a conflict over neutral issues.

Romans 14:13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer,
but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a
brother.

2. I will bend over backwards to keep your conscience clear.

Romans 14:15 For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer
walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.

3. I will not go out of my way to flaunt what I think is acceptable.

Romans 14:16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil.

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 Bibliography

Keener, Craig. Romans. New Covenant Commentary Series. Eugene OR: Cascade Books,
2009.
Mounce, Robert. Romans. Vol. 27. New Covenant Commentary Series. Nashville, TN:
Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1995.
Sproul, R. C. The Gospel of God: An Exposition of Romans. Great Britain: Christian Focus
Publications, 1994.

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