Suave Social Life

GuideToAdulthood.
com
The Suave Social Life:
A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence,
Meeting New Friends, and Attracting the Opposite Sex
Table of Contents
Chapter One: Inner Confidence ................................................................................................ 8
The World is More Malleable Than You Think...............................................8

First Things First: Decide Exactly What It Is That You Want .....................15
Visualizations .....................................................................................................23
Affirmations and Autosuggestion...................................................................35
Inner Confidence Odds and Ends ...................................................................43
Chapter Two: Natural Charisma ..............................................................................................53
On Frame and Suaveness: Having a Strong Reality .....................................56

Social Proof: The “Oldest Trick in the Book” ................................................62
The Power In Being Yourself: Normal ............................................................72
Abundance Mentality vs. Scarcity Mentality ................................................81
Signs and Manifestations of Abundance Mentality .....................................89
The “Riker” Principle ........................................................................................90
Chapter Three: Building Your Own Social Network ...............................................................97
Basic Social Competence in Three Lessons ....................................................97

The Simplest Ways to Become an Extrovert Who Talks to Everyone .....109
How to Meet and Make New Friends ..........................................................117
Host a Regular Party or Group Outing—Even if No One Shows Up .....124
How to Make Social Media Work for You ..................................................131
Chapter Four: Attracting the Opposite Sex without Chasing ................................................140
Becoming More Attractive Without Chasing ..............................................140
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How to Make Rejection Feel Good ................................................................161

The Suave Guide to Phones and Texting .....................................................169
Chapter Five: Looks and Style ...............................................................................................180
A Quick Guide to Posture...............................................................................180

A Quick Guide to Personal Style and Clothing...........................................188
Style: Principles and Rules .............................................................................192
Chapter Six: Hobbies and Social Interests .............................................................................200
Easy Social Hobbies .........................................................................................200

Extreme Hobbies ..............................................................................................203
Chapter Seven: Your Pad, Your Car, Your Stuff ....................................................................208
The Pocket Guide to Interior Design ............................................................208

Cool Stuff for Your Living Space ...................................................................214
Prep Your Pad for “Drinks at Your Place”...................................................217
Optimize Your Bedroom.................................................................................221
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My Story
If you’re alone, I know how you feel.
In high school, I barely knew anyone. I would go from class to
class and watch everyone else socialize while they waited for the
teacher to arrive. At lunch, I would either hang out with old
friends from grade school or, sometimes, hang out with no one at
all. I started bringing books from home so I would have
something to make me feel less awkward. I remember those days
vividly. It seemed like everyone in the cafeteria had someone to
talk to.
Except me.
Then college came. It was a clean slate. An opportunity to be a
completely different person.
The problem was, I brought the same bad habits I had in high
school with me to college. I remember going to bed early simply
because I had so little to do in my dorm room, no one to talk to. I
knew no one on my floor—I just went from class to the cafeteria
and to my dorm room, and that was it. Rinse and repeat.
The year ended, and over summer I dreaded the next year. I
couldn’t go through that again. The pain of potential rejection
seemed far better than doing all of that again. It was time to tackle
this whole “social life” thing once and for all.
I was at the breaking point.
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Sophomore year, I arrived to the dorms a whole new person,

because I was resolved to make a change. I told myself that even
if I didn’t feel social, I would at least pretend to be social. Rather
than eat alone, I would walk right up to a table and ask if I could
join them. And in every class, I would start talking first.
I was the living embodiment of “fake it ‘til you make it.”
And you know what? It didn’t feel like I had been faking at all. If
anything, it felt as if I’d been suppressing my inner extrovert the
whole time.
Over time, a few of the people to whom I introduced myself
became friends. Those friendships led to acquaintances. It wasn’t
long before I had a true social circle.
The Importance of an Active Social Life
I had never been a big partier. In my mind, I was “smart.” I was
an “intellectual.” I never thought I needed that many friends to be
happy.
But let me tell you this: making new friends completely changed my
day to day life. I no longer had a fear of people. I no longer locked
myself away in my dorm room. I no longer dreaded going to the
next class because it felt like an existential threat to my happiness.
No. Life became richer. Classes became more fun. Heading to the
cafeteria wasn’t an embarrassment of loneliness; it was instead an
adventure: who would I see in there today?
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That’s what I want for you: a rich and vibrant social life, one that
allows you to live your own days on your own damn terms.
No more locking yourself away for fear of interaction. No more
fear of how people will react to you. No more loneliness.
We know that loneliness can be a risk factor for depression and a
host of other problems.
No wonder. If you’re reading this, then that means that you have
the following things going for you:
 You’re educated enough to read
 You spent money on this eBook and didn’t have to spend it
on your latest meal
 You have a roof over your head
 You have an Internet connection
 You have electrical power
 You have air in your lungs
 Your heart is still beating
Objectively, you’re doing better than maybe 90% of the world.
But when I was lonely and locked away in my dorm room, do
you think any of these things mattered to me? Of course not.
Without friend and family support, life can seem overwhelming.
Let’s change that.
What This eBook Will Do For You
Let’s be clear right off the bat: this book is not about tricking
people into liking you. I recommend very few lines and
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“routines.” I advocate some things that are controversial with a

lot of people, like not taking anyone’s number but rather giving
out your number.
If you’re looking for a book that will tell you “what to say to
people,” Google is that-a-way.
What’s that old saying? Give a person a fish and they’ll eat for a day.
Teach a person to fish and they’ll eat for a lifetime.
That’s what this eBook is all about: teaching you the habits that
will make a social life become automatic for you. Teaching you the
attractive traits that naturally draw people into your presence,
help cultivate a positive reputation, and turn you into the center
of an entirely new social network that you created yourself.
This book is also a little lazy.
I don’t want you to constantly strain yourself to approach 25
women a day—although you can certainly do that if you have the
energy for it. Instead, the lessons in this book are aimed at being
as efficient as possible. We address the basics. The fundamentals.
The stuff no one else practices—the small little differences in your
day that add up to a big difference in your life.
Are you ready?
Let’s meet the new you.
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Chapter One: Inner Confidence

The World is More Malleable Than You
Think
When you watch someone like Bob Proctor talk about "attracting"
things and how affirmations changed his life, part of you is
skeptical. Maybe you've tried affirmations or visualization before,
you half-ass it, you wait a few weeks, and you go "well, this isn't
really working. I knew it was a bunch of new age nonsense."
But sometimes, you have the opposite experience. Sometimes you

have an experience where you've affirmed something or
visualized something and that exact thing comes to you more
effortlessly than you could have imagined, and it comes to you
exactly in the way you pictured it. You could accept them as a
coincidence, of course, but part of you now knows that the way
you view things does, in fact, change the reality you experience on
some level.
Sometimes you have an experience that's so inexplicable that it

makes you wonder just how much power your inner self really
has.
I remember one of mine.
I had a series of affirmations and visualizations, and one of them

was that when I went out to a bar or a club and danced, that
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women would instantly start coming up to dance with me. I had a

very clear and vivid picture
of it in my mind already.
In truth, it was a bit of a

stretch. I'd been to a ton of
bars and clubs before, and
most of the time, it seemed I have had enough spooky and
like I was the one on the paradigm-shifting experiences
outside trying to join other with inner confidence,
people’s parties. affirmations, and
visualizations to know that
You can probably guess the they have astounding
rest of the story from here. potential for every guy who
After some weeks spent not feels clueless about how to get
going out, I finally had a started…
chance. I was out with a
few friends, enjoying life,
and somehow forgot all
about the affirmations and
focused on having a fun time.
At one point, I was dancing, minding my own business...when an

entire bachelorette party I hadn't even seen came out of nowhere
and started dancing around me like I was a celebrity or
something.
They even approached me and started talking to me.
Another “affirmation” came true that night: I told myself that

when I go out, people buy me drinks. At another bar that night, I
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joked around with a guy, discovered he was the owner of the bar,
and guess what? He enjoyed our conversation enough to give me
a drink on the house.
Later that night, I made the connection: that night went exactly how
I’ve been imagining my nights will go.
When you imagine something can come true, and see it come to
life in very specific detail, you start to wonder about the power of
your inner world.
I'm not saying that this is what will happen to you. Your mileage
may vary. You may do worse than that, you may do better than
that. It may take you longer to see results, it may take you shorter.
I'm also not saying that you're controlling other people using the
force. But people will treat you differently based on how you view
yourself, and how you view yourself is entirely up to your
thought habits. (Sound like an intimidating phrase? Don’t worry.
I’ll teach you how to change them.)
After doing the inner work, I probably walked, talked, and

danced like a guy who would be fun to approach. Before doing
the inner work? A guy who was trying to enter other people’s
parties.
What I'm saying is, the answer to success really lies within you
and what you believe is possible.
And that's the rub. It's all about what you believe. If you look at
the methods contained in this chapter and say "visualization and
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affirmation...come on...I want more tips on what to say. Give me

the lines, man!" then your experience is going to reflect what you
tell yourself. And you’re telling yourself, “I need good lines to
succeed.” How’s that working out for you?
Certainly there are plenty of people with amazing lives that don't
use affirmations or visualization or the other tools presented here
and have a completely different set of beliefs from you.
But there are all sorts of different ways to change your beliefs.
When I first started going out, the idea of possibly having a

woman give me her phone number was absolutely absurd. Until
it happened once. Then suddenly I knew it was possible, and it
started happening all the time.
I didn't think it was possible for me to make out with a woman I

had met only recently. I thought it would take years of effort and
discipline. Then it happened once, and suddenly I knew that any
time I went out, it was a possibility.
I didn't think it was possible to give out my number and have

women text me...okay, actually, by that time, I had gotten the
lesson, so it started working right away.
But you get the point.
I'm not saying I'm a glorious master charismatic ninja valentine

warrior and that I can attract women by looking at them—though
there are men out there who have claimed to achieve “Inner
confidence black belt” status and can do this very thing. I still
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have a buttload of struggles and inconsistencies I need to work

on. I don't claim to be an inner confidence guru and I’m not
trying to sell you on a coaching program. I'm writing this book
for myself just as much as I am for you, the reader.
But I have had enough spooky and paradigm-shifting experiences

with inner confidence, affirmations, and visualizations to know
that they have astounding potential for every guy who feels
clueless about how to get started. I know they're a tremendously
powerful tool for feeling like you have something right now, in this
moment. I do know that the brain itself is a strange and wonderful
thing. It's the most powerful tool you have, and you shouldn't
ignore it. In fact, you should make it your first priority.
There's a reason I talk about “being normal” later in this book, to

stop putting up imaginary boundaries and not worry so much
about what to say. It's because when you have strong inner
confidence, things will come to you just as naturally as being
awkward once did.
Everything about being suave starts in your head.
It's time to start using it.
As you read through this chapter, here are some concepts I want
you to keep fresh:
 Your mind shapes your experiences. You don't have to

believe in the Law of Attraction. But you do have to
recognize that the conditions of your mind are the
conditions of your reality. It's your interpretation of reality
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that forms your experiences, that makes a rejection feel

funny or feel bad, that erases some parts from your memory
because you don't view them as important. The mind is far
more powerful than you think. You might think that your
experiences and memories are simple, that your
consciousness in the present moment is a full and complete
representation of reality. It isn't. The reason James Bond
doesn’t take any rejection hard is because he instantly
interprets the rejection in a way that makes it something to
smile about. You do not have to be a special individual to
have this same kind of capacity. You simply have to know
that you have that power already, and then make the choice
to live it. (More on that later.)
 Inner and outer are related. Try smiling for five minutes.
You will literally be happier. There is a mind-body
connection and a mind-experience connection. Yes, the mind
is immensely powerful and can choose its own
interpretation of events. But the work you do in the outer
world matters too, and in fact can be seen as a tool to change
your self-perception. They say it's hardest to make your first
million. One reason is that you have more resources to make
another million after you've become a millionaire. But I
suspect another reason is that when you see a million dollars
in the bank account, your subconscious mind says "oh, I'm
rich. I'm going to do rich people things now."
 Your subconscious mind doesn't "think," it just responds
to thought and experience. Your subconscious mind is
responsible for behaviors, memories, emotions, and so many
things that seem out of our control. But there's good news: it
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listens to your command. If you smile long enough, your

subconscious mind thinks, "oh, I'm smiling. I must be
happy." This is a well-known effect. You'll find that this
effect extends to...well, just about anything you can possibly
experience. Stand up straight and speak with a confident
tone around a new group of people, and guess what your
subconscious will start to assume? Now you're starting to
get it. Use this force only for good. If you get embarrassed
and tell yourself "I suck," then your subconscious mind will
go "hey, I suck. I better start behaving like I suck." Think of
the subconscious mind like the powerful horse you have by
the reins. It will go anywhere you lead it - but you do have
to lead it.
 You already have a filter in place. As lifestyle coach Brent
Smith likes to say, "you already have a story you're telling
yourself." You already filter out your experiences by what
you expect to see. It's well-known for people who buy new
cars to suddenly see their same car everywhere. It's not that
they're changing the world around them; they're just
noticing information that was previously filtered out by their
brains. I've talked to countless guys who have lots to be
confident about. When I tell them they have something to be
confident about, guess what the first words out of their
mouth are? "Yeah, but." They are making reality conform to
their inner beliefs. You already do this. This chapter is about
knowing the mechanisms through which you do this and
merely changing the input.
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Are you ready to accept that all of the success you've wanted is
achievable, and the fact that you don't have it might solely be as
the result of bad thinking habits? That your brain has more
influence over the reality you experience than you ever imagined?
That women will approach you, that people will buy you drinks,
that a fun and awesome social life can be effortless?
That maybe pickup lines and fancy techniques designed to

circumvent your own fears and doubts were never the point?
What if, to quote the film “Back to the Future,” “where we’re
going…we don’t need roads?”
First Things First: Decide Exactly What It Is

That You Want
In the surprise hit movie "The Secret," one of the talking heads
describes having a vision board of all the things he wanted in his
life. One thing on his vision board was a beautiful house in
southern California. He went through all of his visualization at
the time, moved, and forgot about it.
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One day, when he was

moving into his new
house, his son found the
old vision board. In it, the
If you do not see great riches in man saw that he had
your imagination, you will actually moved into his
never see them in your bank dream home - literally the
balance. same exact one - without
-Napoleon Hill, "Think and knowing it.
Grow Rich”
The lesson?
Specificity. Before you can

move one iota from where
you are, you have to know
where you want to go.
It all starts with a seed.
If you want a tree, you have to get the right species of seed, plant
it, and care for it. In this section, we talk about finding the right
species of seed for your social life. You're not going to grow a rose
with a sunflower seed, yet guys keep trying this over and over
again and wonder why their results are so confused.
Or let me try another metaphor: the GPS. Your GPS is nice, but
it's a lot easier to use and a lot more precise if you give it specific
directions on where to end up.
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That's what today's work is based on: getting very specific about
what it is that you want, learning what it is you need to work on,
and identifying action steps to get you there.
Who Do You Want to Attract? An Exercise
Cory Skyy, a dating guru with a more “natural” approach,

recommends figuring out what you want – and what you have to
be in order to attract it. That’s good advice. Here’s how to figure
out what you want—and what you’ll have to do to get it.
STEP ONE: GET SPECIFIC
Write down a list of what you want in a significant other, in

detail. Hold nothing back here. I want you to describe your
PERFECT 10. The "unicorn." Someone you don't think could
possibly ever exist. Every detail is perfectly how you want it.
Don't hold back. Just have fun and write down what you most
enjoy.
You don't have to write these down like a checklist, but here's a
demonstration of how detailed you can get:
Physical:
 What do they look like?

 Does she have big boobs? Does he have ripped abs?
 Do they have a great ass, and if so, how do you define a
"great ass"?
 What color is their hair?
 How long is their hair?
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 What does their hair feel like?

 What color is their eyes?
 Are they tall or short?
 Are they fit and lean or curvy?
 What does their voice sound like?
 What does their smile look like?
 What kinds of clothes do they wear?
Personality and Things in Common:
 Are they fun and outgoing?

 Are they shy and reserved?
 What do they like to do with their time?
 Are they well-mannered and proper? Are they laid back and
chill?
 Do they make education and intellect a priority?
 How do they interact with your friends and family?
 Do they play video games?
 Do they play sports?
 Do they like the same TV shows? Do they even watch TV?
 Do they love the outdoors? Are they a homebody?
 Are they into physical fitness or are they naturally fit?
 Do they smile a lot?
 Are they funny? Are they quirky? Are they deadpan?
 Are they a more "masculine" or "feminine" type of woman or
guy?
 What's on their Instagram? Their Facebook? What kinds of
things do they Tweet?
 How do they interact with strangers?
 Do they like dogs? Do they like cats? Neither?
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Other:
 Do they have a lot of money?

 What kind of car do they drive?
 What kind of home do they have?
 What does the inside of their home look like?
 Do they have a great career? What kind?
 Do they want kids and a family?
 Do they want to get married or do they want to keep it
casual?
 Do they drink? How often?
 What's their stance on drugs?
 What are their politics?
 What religion, if any, do they have?
Again, write down only the ones that are more important to you.
You're choosing your perfect 10 here, not me or my questions.
Skip some if you like, add others if you please.
An aside: If you read through all of those questions, you'll likely notice
something interesting going on. As you imagine every quality, as you
visualize every question, you start to feel as though you're already
experiencing it. I'm guessing for a little while at least, all of your cares
and worries about the opposite sex have vanished while you sit there
blissfully daydreaming about a great life. That's not an accident.
STEP TWO: TURN THE MIRROR AROUND
Now that you have a list of qualities that you honestly desire out
of your "perfect 10," turn the questions on yourself.
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Go down the checklist, one by one, and ask yourself if YOU have
those same qualities. Write down the areas in which you need the
most work to become just like your perfect ten. (Obviously, you
don't have to dye your hair or change your eye color: only look
for things you can change.)
Voilà. You now know two very important things: exactly who
you want and exactly what you'll work on to attract them.
Why is this important?
Because attracting people isn't like how magnets work. You know
that old saying “opposites attract?” Hogwash. When it comes to
inner confidence and the law of attraction, like attracts like.
Ask yourself how many times you've seen a fat slob with a really
fit girl. Can it be done? Sure. Is it much more likely to see the fit
girl with a gym rat? Of course it is. And if you can't even muster
motivation to get fit, how important is it to you really that your
partner be a fitness model?
Figure it out. Get specific. And keep everything you write down.
Visualize Your Life / Your Perfect Day
Let's say you're not really looking for one big relationship but are
looking more for a kind of lifestyle. You don’t want a long-term
relationship, you just want to hang out, have fun, and party with
friends and love interests.
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Apply the same exact technique. Try to picture what "every day"
would look like under your most ideal lifestyle and think it out in
detail. Here are a few prompts to help you along the way:
Money
 What is your job like? How do you earn money?

 How much money is in your bank account?
 How much money do you earn?
 What is your house or apartment like? What kinds of rooms
does it have?
 What are your favorite gadgets?
 How much money do you give to charity?
 Do you travel the world? Where do you go?
 What kind of car do you drive? What features does the car
have?
Social and Lifestyle
 What kinds of friends do you have?

 What kinds of parties are you invited to? What kinds of
parties do you throw?
 What's it like when you chill out at home?
 How often do potential romantic partners text you?
 How often do potential romantic partners hit you up on
Facebook?
 How do you wake up in the morning? What kind of bed do
you have? What kind of alarm?
 When you go out, what happens?
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 When you go about your errands, do you meet people? Do

women approach you?
 What kinds of experiences do you have?
 How easy is it to meet members of the opposite sex?
 What kinds of fun experiences do you have with them?
The sky is the limit here. The important things: specificity and
detail. Ignore any of my prompts you didn't like; add ones you do
you like. You want to know exactly what it is that you want.
Once again, knowing the difference between your current

situation and your ideal lifestyle will show you exactly what you
need to work on.
If you want to enjoy rock climbing, for example, you're never

going to do it unless you pick up the keys and head to the local
rock climbing gym.
Critical Steps
First, the rules:
 Your dream should be motivating. So motivating that you

don't mind putting up with a little temporary pain to
achieve it. So motivating that just thinking about having it
gives you pleasure. This is why I want you to go for broke
when it comes to what you want. Really think big.
 Whether or not you think you can "do it" doesn't really
matter right now. People tend to overestimate what they can
accomplish in the short term and underestimate what they
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can accomplish in the long term. You're not looking for

instant results here.
 Don't let doubts get in your way. Really let your kite fly high
here.
Now, your first action steps towards inner confidence:
1. Get an empty notebook if you have one.

2. Complete the ideal lifestyle or ideal partner exercise above
to learn exactly what it is you want - or you can complete
them both. Or create your own exercise and write down
what kind of person you want to be. Remember: this is about
attracting exactly what you want here. You're picking the
menu. But after doing one or two of the above exercises, you
should be able to pick out what it is that you want. Write
everything down.
3. Write down a list of action steps that you can take right now
to start putting yourself into alignment with this new reality.
Want a raise? Google "How to get a raise" and write down
the action steps. Action and thought will always go together.
Want to attract a confident woman? Write down some
confidence exercises you can try by going out today and
doing anything from making eye contact with strangers to
starting small conversations. You're not just doing it to
improve yourself, you're doing it to put yourself into
alignment with what you want to attract.
Visualizations
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The Conscious and Subconscious Mind
You have two kinds of experiences:
 The daily conscious experience. This is your alertness, this

is you looking at the computer screen aware of what I’ve
written. In this daily conscious experience, you make
choices. You think about things. You watch TV shows, have
conversations, drive
home from work,
etc. This is the way
you've interacted Imagination rules the world.
with the world since
you were born, -Napoleon Bonaparte
interact with it now,
Without going out of your door,
and will interact
you can know all things on
with it until the day Earth. ... arrive without
you die. The traveling ... see all without
conscious mind is the looking ... do all without doing.
sail, the canvas that
flutters in the wind. -George Harrison, "The Inner
 The subconscious Light"
experience. This is
the less tangible
world of memory
and belief, your
overall impression of the world based on your thoughts,
actions, beliefs, and experiences. It's the song quietly playing
in the background that no one really hears because they're
focusing on something else, but helps shapes and determine
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what they experience. The subconscious mind is the hull -

slower to move than the sail, but ultimately responsible for where
you end up.
Before we move on, it's important to note that your experience of

reality is not accurate.
It seems like it is, sure. You can stop reading now, feel the clothes
on your body, watch the clock tick, clap your hands to hear a
sound if you like. This seems like a complete and stark view of
the present moment. But it is not a complete and stark view of
reality. None of us has that.
Consider:
 Your physical senses are limited. You can't hear the

frequencies a dog can hear, and you can't see ultraviolet
light or infrared light. This present moment will pass and be
recorded as memory. Memories are notoriously fallible and
pliable. Much has been written about the malleability of
memory: you can insert false memories, you can change
events, etc. What you remember is not reality; it is your
impression of past reality.
 Your mind fills in gaps and filters out what it considers as

less useful. Did you ever try the “blind spot” experiment
where you hold one eye closed, mark a small X on a piece of
paper, and move it around until you can’t see it? If a simple
"X" on a piece of paper can disappear like magic, what else
don't you know?
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Whether you believe physical reality bends to our mental wishes

or not doesn't really matter, because our filter of the physical
universe and our interpretation of events are powerful enough to
guide us no matter what you believe about reality.
Your Reality Filter
Let's revisit a well-known phenomenon: the act of buying a car

often stimulates the brain to suddenly see that car everywhere on
the road. It's not that you're making the car suddenly appear
through your miraculous powers, but rather than your conscious
attention to the new car has convinced your subconscious mind
that this kind of car is information relevant to you, and it now
stops filtering out of your reality. Subsequently you notice it
every time you see it, where before you didn't give it a second
thought.
Your life will change once you realize that this same effect
happens everywhere.
Have you ever tried to convince a shy friend that he has a lot
going for him? If his subconscious mind is set against you, it will
be like talking to a wall. You'll say, "but you're tall - women like
tall guys." He'll say, "yeah, but I'm too scrawny." You'll say,
"you're fun to hang around with." He'll say, "yeah, but no woman
ever seems to notice."
It's not that he necessarily wants to feel these things. But because
his subconscious mind's filter is set to "I'm unattractive," that's all
he's able to see.
26
Think about this for a second: have you ever talked to a woman
only to later realize she was flirting with you? "D'oh!" You kick
yourself. If only you had noticed it sooner. That brain of yours. So
slow to notice these things.
Now think about this: do you really think that's the first time you
didn't notice a woman was attracted to you?
Your experience partially depends upon what your subconscious

mind expects. If it expects no women to be attracted to you, not
only will your behaviors and habits become a self-fulfilling
prophecy, but you literally will have a tough time noticing it
when it does happen.
If you go out into the world expecting it to happen, suddenly

you'll walk a little taller, feel a little more relaxed, and you'll spot
women looking at you left and right. Not only are your behaviors
in alignment with a more attractive man, but you'll notice the
women who are attracted to you for the first time, the same way you
suddenly notice the same make and model of your car.
The result feels like magic, but it's really just your mind doing
what it always does.
The key?
Changing the filter.
27
How the Subconscious Mind Works
Your present subconscious mind is the result of past experiences,

thoughts, emotions, habits, behaviors, and beliefs. But you can
change it when you change the input, just as you can change the
quality of your body when you put in better food.
There are a few ways that you currently send information to your
subconscious mind:
 Thoughts and affirmations. You're already doing this to

yourself all day long, you just do it on autopilot so it's not as
easy to see. When two people laugh two offices down and
you think "they're probably laughing at me," that's an
interpretation your subconscious mind will "hear." When
you consider applying to a specific job but you first think,
"I'll never land that kind of money," your subconscious mind
complies. Think of the subconscious mind as a robot that
will do whatever you say, good or ill. You say "I'm
experiencing X," and it says, "Yes you are. Let me organize
your memories and thoughts to coincide with X."
 Visualization. Daydreaming. You do this all the time when
you picture the worst-case scenario. Or you fail to do it at all,
and you don't see what a positive outcome could even look
like. As usual, your subconscious mind says "Okay, that's
our experience? Then that's what I'll prepare for."
 Writing and talking. When you write a message or tell a
friend something, you're also telling it to yourself. "I suck
with women" is not just a message you send to someone
else, it's a message you send to your subconscious mind,
28
because your subconscious mind is always listening. "Yeah, I

suck with women," it says, because it doesn't know any
better. It just goes off of what it experiences, and the
experiences you're giving it aren't that good.
There is also a degree to which your subconscious mind filters

reality. Some thoughts have a higher "volume" to your
subconscious than others. Here are two ways you can adjust the
volume:
 Relevance to beliefs. If you interpret a rejection as an

implication on your self-worth, then you'll remember the
pain of that rejection so long as you're willing to carry it. If,
however, you're in the moment and you simply laugh to
yourself, you're instantly dismissing the relevance of this
event to your beliefs. Your subconscious mind says "Oh, the
conscious mind doesn't give a shit? Then I don't have to,
either." I find when I do this that I often forget the
embarrassment altogether. The subconscious mind is
powerful.
 Emotional relevance. You have more choice over your
emotions than you know, and when you take a harsh
rejection with a stunned blow to your pride, that's a sting
that you'll carry with you. But you'll also remember intense
points of joy; a sibling's wedding, a child's birth, etc.
Experiencing strong emotions tells your subconscious mind
that something is relevant and needs to be retained in
memory, and that your beliefs need to coincide with your
experience.
29
Now that you know how your conscious mind interacts with
your subconscious mind, and vice versa, it's time to get to the first
tool for changing your subconscious beliefs and therefore your
experience with reality itself. It's time to give yourself some new
experiences via visualization.
Visualization: As Good As Physical Experience
In “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, he relates the

following stories:
In 1960, a study at the University of Chicago divided up people

into three groups: one group would practice free throws, another
would visualize free throws, and the third group would do
nothing. After thirty days, the first two groups improved by 24%
and 23% respectively. Their conclusion? Invisible practice still
gets results.
Charles B. Roth tells us in an old book on sales that one

particularly successful group of men in Detroit would learn how
to sell by "role-playing," by taking on any possible objection a
customer might have by first rehearsing it in their mind.
Artur Schnabel, the concert pianist, insisted that he mostly hated

the physical keyboard of the piano and only practiced in his head.
Golfer Ben Hogan said he doesn't take a shot until he first sees
and feels it in his head.
One thing is clear: as far as the subconscious mind is concerned,

even the imagined experienced is legitimate so long as it is vivid.
30
Because your experiences and your thoughts are two of the most
powerful ways in which you influence your subconscious mind,
and because your subconscious mind clearly does not distinguish
actual events from vividly-imagined events, visualization is one
of the most powerful tools you have for changing what you
expect to experience.
This is the exact method through which I mentally rehearsed

having women dance with me, having people buy me drinks, etc.
Start getting used to the idea of yourself as a confident man.
Start experiencng it before you experience it.
A List of Visualization Tools
Your imagination:
You can have everything you want right now, if you're willing to
put in the effort to make it vivid and real. You can choose to close
your eyes and experience the imagination version of whatever you
want. This is a power we all have, yet how many of us refuse to
enjoy it?
Maxwell Maltz recommends taking some 30 minutes daily to

rehearse through a scenario where you can mentally envision a
situation in the following ways:
 Vividness. You need to feel, smell, and see everything about

the scenario. Make it as real as possible.
31
 Your ideal self. Live through the scenario and watch

yourself play through it in the most ideal way possible. For
example, you might imagine yourself moving through a
party with total ease and relaxation. Don't put any of this off
to the future. Choose to experience it - and the feeling - now.
You're giving yourself an experience, not a hope.
 Feel good. Give the experience emotional relevance so that
not only it feels good, but that your subconscious mind says
"oh, this is relevant input. I'll change my expectations and
beliefs accordingly."
Mind movies: Inspirational movies with affirmations, pictures,

videos, etc. I like to make my own, which takes a lot of effort, but
you can find many on YouTube simply by searching for “Mind
movie health” or “Mind movie relationships.”
Pictures: I download a lot of pictures of what I want. Any time I

come across a cool living room or something like that, I save it to
a thumb drive so I can always refer to it later. Many people print
out pictures and hang a vision board above their desk so they can
see the same images over and over.
Critical Steps
Some rules:
 Make your visualization vivid. As I just wrote, you need to

feel as if you had an authentic experience. The vividness of your
imagination is what makes that happen.
 Don't be attached to your visualization coming true. Focus
instead on your visualization being an "experience,”
32
something that has already happened. Feel good about it. It’s
your new evidence that your life is changing. You are
literally creating your own evidence in life; your brain will
know what to do with the rest if you keep creating this
evidence. It will start accepting your visualizations as part of
your reality. But if you have the mindset of 'my visualization
and my regular life are SO DIFFERENT," then that's the
reality you'll create for yourself. Look at the visualizations as
a way to experience without experiencing, as a way to have
what you want, right now. Maxwell Maltz recommends that
you consciously "let go" of outcome once the event you've
been mentally rehearsing - the party, the job interview,
whatever it is - and focus on something very basic, like
simply walking into the room. This allows you to relax and
let your subconscious guide you more naturally.
 Try to come up with a specific "imaginary scenario" where
you capture a “slice” of what it is you want. It can be
anything. Picture women coming up to you on the street and
grabbing your ass. Picture your wedding day. Your
imagination isn't limited by any particularly budget, so
really go all out and enjoy yourself.
 Emotion. Your visualization experiences should be relevant
to your subconscious mind. Don't go through the motions.
Really choose to feel excited, happy, and good when you
imagine yourself experiencing these things. This makes your
new affirmation more powerful than the less-emotional
negative affirmations you might have.
The action steps:
33
1. Get out your notepad.

2. Using your results from the previous exercises, create a short
list of imaginary scenarios that typify exactly what you
want.
3. Utilize as many tools as you like, but set aside 20 minutes
every night before you go to bed to visualize one or more
scenarios of your specific goals. You can use mind movies,
look at vision boards, etc., throughout the day. But this is
your time. You have to imagine yourself in the present
enjoying the exact thing you want. I like to "plant" my
imaginary self in a situation and then let the story go from
there. A good routine: Do 20 minutes at night sitting still, ala
meditation, simply living your imagination. Then in the
mornings, open up a favorite YouTube mind movie.
4. Go to bed by imagining more of your scenario and really
enjoying it, after the 20 minutes are done.
5. Extra credit. Rehearse specific scenarios: job interviews,
approaching women, etc. Or find something you want to do,
like learn guitar, and try practicing that mentally for 15
minutes a day for a few weeks. Then pick up a real guitar
and watch just how powerful your mind is.
34
Affirmations and Autosuggestion

I don't know what's spookier: when you picture an exact scenario
for yourself that then plays
We possess in ourselves an out in reality, or
incalculable force which is often
when you simply
prejudicial to us, if we handle it
unconsciously. If, on the contrary, we repeat something to
direct it in a conscious and wise yourself and it comes
manner, it gives us the mastery of to pass.
ourselves and enables us, not only to
save ourselves from physical and If you've read the
mental ills and ailments, but also help chapter thus far, you
from others; and to live in have an idea of how
comparative happiness under any and to start living more
all conditions. confidently as a
matter of imagination
-Emile Coue and not willpower:
I decided to revive a long-lost interest visualization. You
and try my hand at cartooning. But it can visualize yourself
was an unlikely dream, considering as confident and
my complete lack of artistic talent and suave (or, indeed,
the rarity of success stories in that visualize any life you
business. So I decided to try want) for about
something called affirmations ... I twenty minutes every
bought some art supplies, practiced night.
drawing every morning before work,
and wrote my affirmation fifteen Think of those
times a day: "I, Scott Adams, will be visualizations as
a famous cartoonist." "placing an order."
It’s like telling the
-Scott Adams, famous cartoonist
35
pizza place what kind of pie to make you – but in this case, the
pizza place is the subconscious mind.
Sometimes just placing the “order” via visualization is enough.

You place it, you receive it, and you don't even have to tip a
driver. But other times, you'll notice that you wake up and go
about your day and you feel as though nothing has changed,
despite your better efforts. "Argh," you mutter to yourself
yourself. "I knew it. Why can't I receive the actual answer to inner
confidence and charm? That eBook I read is full of shit!"
Little did you know it but you're actually "cancelling your order"
all day long.
Imagine if you had placed an order with a pizza place one

minute, but then called them back twenty times to tell you not to
bring the pizza. "Fine, fine," they'll say. "We'll cancel it. Just stop
calling us."
When it comes to your subconscious view of yourself, the same

exact thing can happen. You place an order with
visualization...and then you go through your daily life telling
your mind the exact opposite.
This is happening through a principle known as autosuggestion.

Today it's best known as "affirmations."
What are affirmations? They're simply thoughts that you have to

yourself. You already have them all day long. "Argh, I'm so
awkward" is an affirmation. "I'll probably get rejected if I ask her
out" is another.
36
If you want to change your inner confidence, you're going to have

to change it at its root cause: the very thoughts you choose to
indulge.
This isn't necessarily easy. It can be tough mental work. Undoing

the habit of negativity can sometimes feel like trying to redirect a
river.
But if you stick with it, you'd be amazed at the changes that can
happen in your life. If you believe that you're confident and
someone insults you, your first instinct isn't to pout and
fret...instead you'll notice your subconscious feeding you
something hilarious to say instead.
But in all honesty, when you do make these changes, not all of
them will seem that miraculous. When you've truly convinced
your subconscious mind that you're a confident, attractive person,
and you start getting confident, attractive person results...it will
feel natural. As if you were this way all along.
How to Use Affirmations for Self-Confidence
In Napoleon Hill's "Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons," he relates

the story of a young salesman with no confidence. This man fund
his company’s list of the most difficult leads and then went to the
park. In the park, he would read every single lead’s name and
affirm that he would make the sale to them within thirty days. He
accomplished just that. Some sales were made at first, some along
the way, but one held out the entire month.
37
The lesson I get from this is not to hound people on sales calls.
The lesson was how the young salesman started. He didn't start
by making his sales calls and hoping for the best. He started by
going to the city park, reading his list of names, and building his
self-confidence from the inside. Then he took the action.
Cory Skyy relates a similar story. After suffering a terrible

setback, he started growing his confidence from the ground up by
looking in the mirror and giving himself positive affirmations,
making sure never to break eye contact. Over the course of
several months, he noticed his entire life changing around him.
Lifestyle coach Brent Smith relates story about a friend who used
to shout crazy things in the shower, things like "I'm attracting
women now!" and "I'm the man! I'm awesome." Brent thought he
was nuts...until it started working.
What is going on here?
Why is confidence arriving before the actual in-person evidence?
The relationship between thought and action is far more powerful

than most people think; they just don't take much care to adjust
the thoughts they have all day, so they never notice their actions
changing.
But if you sincerely walk around with a new lease on life because
you've decided to change your thoughts at the core level, you'll
stop believing that your past is your destiny. You'll start believing
that what you think in the present is what really determines your
destiny.
38
Four Types of Affirmations and How to Do Them
Visualization gives your mind a target to work on and gives

yourself a new experience.
Affirmations fill in much of the rest.
Affirmations are kind of like the food your mind eats. If you eat
nothing but candy bars and soda all day, then you're going to get
a bad body. Garbage in, garbage out. If you stick to a more
wholesome diet, however, your body is going to respond in kind.
It works the same way with thoughts. If you visualize once every
week and think bad thoughts the rest of the week, then you're not
going to grow more confident...the same way you can't expect to
lose weight simply because you ate a vegetable one day this
week.
Affirmations are where the daily experience of the conscious

mind and the "overall" experience of the subconscious mind meet.
And you'd better believe that your subconscious mind is listening
to everything you do, say, think, and write.
That's why there are a few options you have when it comes to
affirmations:
1. Written Affirmations
2. Verbal/Mental Affirmations
3. Mirror Affirmations
4. Gratitude Affirmations
39
Experiment with them all. Scott Adams of Dilbert has attributed

his success to written affirmations. Cory Skyy swears by mirror
affirmations. Brent Smith is big on gratitude affirmations.
But they're all essentially the same thing: food for your mind.
Remember: your mind will not distinguish between any thought

said in faith, no matter how real or unreal it is. If you say "Man, I
suck with girls" with total faith, that's what your subconscious
mind will hold on to. If you say, "wow, I'm sexy" with the same
faith...you know what will happen.
But don't think about affirmations as will-powering your way to

success. Willpower is not how the subconscious mind works. It's
how the conscious mind often thinks, but the subconscious mind
only cares about what you believe and what you imagine to be
real.
That's why there are a few rules on how to best optimize your
affirmations throughout the day.
What Every Affirmation Should Be:
 Present tense. "I will be successful" is not as powerful as "I

am successful." If you want something to come about, you
have to believe that the result is real and present, now. If
your subconscious minds believes something is in the future,
then it will probably stay in the future.
 Positive, not a double negative. Why? Try not to think of a
pink elephant. You just thought of a pink elephant! And
that's what your subconscious is getting. That's why "I am
40
confident" is 1000x better than "I am no longer shy."

Remember the pink elephant. Go toward where you want to
go, not away from where you want to leave. It makes all the
difference. You don’t get into a car and say “okay, take me
away from here.” You tell it, “go to Atlanta, Georgia.”
 Brief. Try to create no more than 1-7 that you can repeat to
yourself without consulting any notes. This is for
repeatability and for convenience.
Critical Steps
The more affirming you can do, the more likely it is that you'll
have success. I've had success with a number of methods, but the
best is to simply notice every time you have the wrong thought
("I'm shy," or daydreaming about rejection), to stop yourself as
soon as possible, and to take the time and energy to replace it
with a new thought. Then you do your best to relax and go about
whatever it was you were already doing.
If you're not as good at that, you might try simply doing a series
of affirmations throughout your day while on a bathroom break.
The key is: you want to keep planting seeds for your
subconscious mind all day long, because this is the battleground
between your new belief and the real world. You have to choose to
see the world differently for your subconscious mind to respond.

2. Create a one sentence affirmation that follows the rules
above: it should be positive, present tense, and brief. "I am
confident all day long and beautiful women constantly hit
41
on me" is an example. Memorize your affirmation, because

you'll be using it all day long.
3. Create a longer affirmation you can use at other times when
you want to get more immersive. A paragraph. Remember:
keep it in positive language. "I am confident all day long.
Everywhere I go, I have a smile on my face and people are
charmed by me. Beautiful women are everywhere, and they
constantly ask me out. I have tons of fun with them and
have a blast everywhere I go, because I always bring the
party with me." You get the idea. If you must, keep this
paragraph in your pocket so you can use it during the day.
4. Don't try to make it feel good. If you're doing it right, it
should feel good as a consequence of doing it correctly. That's
emotional feedback that tells you your subconscious has
received the message.
5. Any time during the day you feel the opposite or think the
opposite of your affirmation, stop yourself and replace it. "I
am confident all day long and beautiful women constantly
hit on me." Make sure you feel good, and then go about your
day as normal in a spirit of expecting it to be true. Emile
Coue, one of the people who made "autosuggestion" famous
in the first place, insists that you should feel relaxed about it.
Don't make it a willpower thing. You can't willpower your
subconscious into accepting something. You simply think
new thoughts and let the subconscious find its own
conclusions.
42
Inner Confidence Odds and Ends

And...truth be told, that's just about it.
Those are the big fundamental secrets.
You have the principles necessary to achieve a different sort of

confidence than people are used to: real faith. Real expectation that
what you want in life is not only going to come into your life, but
is already coming into your life.
If you're doing affirmations and visualizations the right way, you

should feel like your problem has vanished within one or two
days. It happens that
quickly. You might
not have the
immediate symptoms Before enlightenment chop wood, carry
of success yet (say, water. After enlightenment, chop wood,
carry water.
maybe no woman has
asked you out yet), -Zen saying
but if you're
persistent in
affirmation and
visualization, you should immediately feel as good as though
success has already happened. Any problems you previously had
with worry and confidence should be gone within 1-2 days. If
they're not, re-read this chapter until it starts falling in line.
That isn't to say, however, that you know everything there is to

know about affirmation and visualization. I certainly don't. There
43
are a lot of odds and ends to inner confidence that play an

important part of who you'll become, and it's important to
remember them. And there are ways to make your path to success
and confidence even more efficient if you're willing to try them.
The most important: taking consistent action.
Action: Put Yourself in the Position to Succeed
Thought and action are not so separate as you might think. I like
to think of action as the "thought" of the physical world, and
thought as the "action" of the mental world.
In other words, your thoughts and actions need to be in

alignment toward your goals. You need to start “showing up for
success.”
Yes, I do believe that something bordering on magical happens

when you start visualizing and affirming your goals to yourself.
Your goals seem drawn to you in inexplicable ways.
But I'm not advocating that you become a monk on a

mountaintop, forever disconnected from the world.
If you want success to find you, you have to make yourself easy
for success to find. You wouldn't hope to win $100 million in the
lottery without physically going to the gas station to buy a ticket,
would you? Sure, you could hope that someone would come
along and gift you a ticket so you never have to do anything...but
it's a lot easier to just go and buy a ticket.
44
If you want women to

Never give in — never, never, never, find you, you're going
never, in nothing great or small, large or to have to make
petty, never give in except to convictions yourself easy for them.
of honour and good sense. That's why one of the
-Winston Churchill first pieces of advice I
have for men is to find
some social hobbies
and go out at least 2-3
times per week. More on that later.
Taking action is where the rubber meets the road, where you find
out just how far your inner confidence has really come along. If
going outside and meeting women still makes you anxious, then
you know that you need to do some adjusting with both your
inner work and your outer work. If, however, the prospect
sounds fun and you go out and women approach you...then you
know that you're on the right track.
Does this excuse you from any of the inner confidence work? Hell
no. Your thoughts and your actions should be aligned. You
should visualize yourself having success, you should affirm to
yourself that you have success, and your actions should be about
putting yourself in the right place.
Remember our work from earlier in this chapter? You wrote

down all sorts of details about the ideal kind of woman for you.
That means you also know where this kind of woman is likely to
hang out, what kind of events they attend, etc. It's time to put
45
yourself in alignment with her and start attending those same

events. Not to creep on women, mind you. But you're not going
to become the kind of person you want to attract unless your
actions somewhat resemble their actions.
Your Brain is Always Watching
You know how "actions are the thoughts of the physical world,
and thoughts are the actions of
the mental world"?
It's more true than you know.

The only thing that I see that Your subconscious mind is
is distinctly different about always active. It's the "eternal
me is, I'm not afraid to die on mind." It's awake when you're
a treadmill. Right? I will asleep. It's listening to your
“
run...I will not be outworked.
visualizations and affirmations,
Period. You might have more
yes, but it's also listening to your
talent than me, you might be
smarter than me, you might other thoughts. It's also watching
be sexier than me, you might what you do on a daily basis.
be all of those things, you got
The subconscious mind is not
it on me in nine categories.
But if we get on the treadmill "smart" the way you think it is. It
together, right, there's two works solely on faith. It simply
things: you're getting off first, believes whatever you feed it, for
or I'm going to die. good or bad.
-Will Smith Everything that you do, your

subconscious brain is watching,
looking to form assumptions and
46
beliefs based on what it sees. And it sees actions just as well as

thoughts.
If you walk into a room and put your head down, your
subconscious thinks, "this is a fearful situation. I'm not confident
here. I'll act accordingly."
If you walk into a room and smile, your subconscious thinks, "I'm
in a good mood." It will completely change how you interact with
that room, whether you realize it or not.
If you slack off at work and at cheese doodles at your desk, your
subconscious thinks, "oh, I don't take this job very seriously." It
will actively work to keep you from getting that promotion
because it doesn't believe you should get it.
Everything - EVERYTHING - that you think and do, your

subconscious is listening and obeying.
If it ever feels like the world is against you, it's likely because you
don't see that this is the case, that everything you think and do on
a daily basis - not just your visualizations and affirmations - is
feeding your subconscious mind information that it uses. You
might not be eternally vigilant, but you'd better believe that your
subconscious mind is.
If you read this chapter, do an affirmation or two, say hi to one

girl, and aren't overwhelmed by mobs of hot women blowing up
your phone, you might think "well...this is all well and good, but
I'm not sure it works for me."
47
Well, no shit. You get out of life what you put into it.
If you want better results, you're going to have to watch all of

your thoughts and actions and start questioning what you're
telling your subconscious mind. When you're too afraid to talk to
that "one girl" in your college class...when you're too afraid to say
"hello" to a beautiful woman in the street...these aren't just results.
These are actions. Actions that your subconscious mind is
listening to and using to form opinions about you and the world.
Focus Like a Laser Beam
If I had a dime every time I asked a guy, "well, what is it that you
want?" and they weren't able to
give me an answer...
There's a reason I started this

Nothing in this world can
take the place of persistence. chapter figuring what it is that
Talent will not; nothing is you want.
more common than
It's the first step in creating
unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded laser-sharp focus.
genius is almost a proverb.
Why is focus so important?
Education will not; the world
is full of educated derelicts. Focus is the difference between
Persistence and a sunny day...and a magnifying
determination alone are glass starting a leaf on fire.
omnipotent. The slogan Press Focus is the difference between
On! has solved and always traveling to the east coast...and
will solve the problems of the traveling to the Lincoln
human race. Memorial in D.C. If you know
-Calvin Coolidge
48
what it is you want, you'll not only make all of your thoughts and
actions that much more efficient, but it will help you find the
fastest possible route to its achievement.
Focus allows you to easily set the terms of your own success.
Focus is the difference between advice like "go out and meet
people" and "look up local charity events and introduce yourself
to at least five people." Focus makes your most vague desires
actionable.
Much as we hate to admit it to ourselves, our energy is finite. And

when we just try to "will" our asses to the gym when we're
already exhausted, we run the risk of burning out.
Focus changes all that. Focus says, "I want this specific thing to
happen. Now, how can I make it happen?”
Focus isn't just "I want to travel to the Lincoln Memorial." Focus is
also about strategy, sticking to a systematic plan of action that
will take you to where you want to go. Focus says "I'll use Google
Maps to find the most efficient route, then I'll set a goal of X miles
per day until I get there."
Focus means knowing what to do with yourself at the beginning

of the day.
One of the best tips for productivity I ever learned was sitting
down in the morning and writing down five things you want to
achieve that day. You start with the most important and work
your way down.
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It's simple, but devastatingly effective. Why? Because it gives you

focus. It not only requires to sit down and specifically work out
your focused goal, but it creates an action plan for its
achievement. It says "Once I do this, I do that next." It takes all of
the willpower and guesswork and decision fatigue from your day
and puts it on a little piece of paper.
To use focus to achieve your confidence goals, do exactly that.

You'll see the action steps at the end of this page.
Persistence
If you give up after two days, you're not doing it right.
Yes, I've told you that if you're putting yourself in alignment with
your goals properly, it will probably feel like your problems are
solved almost immediately. You'll be invigorated with a sense of
purpose and faith that everything is going to be all right, and
everything is going to turn out well for you.
But that doesn't mean that if it's not working, you should give up.
Instead, you should look to correct whatever it is that's getting in

your way. There's a difference between adapting to circumstances
and giving up entirely. Adapting says "this isn't working, let me
try something new." Quitting says, "fuck it, I'm going to watch
porn and jerk off and try this all again tomorrow."
To quote Fight Club, this is your life and it's ending one minute at
a time.
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You don't have the time to do anything but persist.
You think you do, but you don't.
On your deathbed, you won't regret all those times you tried and
failed. You'll regret all those times you never tried.
You won't regret hard work. You'll regret ever capitulating to

circumstances.
You won't regret plowing ahead. You'll regret letting fear get the
best of you.
You'll be willing to trade all the days from this day to that to
come back to being young and telling the world, "this is how I
want it, and I'm going to have it."
Don't give up.
Critical Steps
Action steps:

2. Refer to your original goals from the first section in this
chapter. Now, on a fresh sheet of paper, write out a list of
five actions you can take to put yourself in the same
"location" as the opportunities. If your goal is to attract
women, it might include "speed dating events" and "saying
hello to people at the beach." Whatever you want. Don't
worry about results for now, or how difficult it will be. Just
write down some do-able actions that you know you can
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take. Don't worry if they seem too small to be effective. The

goal is to start aligning your actions with your goals.
3. For focus, start implementing the habit of writing down
three action steps for you to take that week. You can use
suggestions from the previous step. Then don't worry about
the action you're taking other than crossing items off that
list. This eliminates decision fatigue and allows you to focus
on feeling good and visualizations and affirmations. Make
sure that your action steps are in line with your goals.
4. The Key: Give yourself action steps that are systems, not
goals. "Ask a woman out" is better than "get a date" because
you can ask a woman out, fail, and still be in line with your
system. It's not about results at this point, it's about action.
Don't say "get a new job," say "apply to ten new jobs." You're
focusing on showing up for success, and trusting the inner
confidence and visualizations and affirmations to align the
rest.
5. Listen to Calvin Coolidge.
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Chapter Two: Natural Charisma
I’ll never forget when I figured this one out.
I was back in college, and still inexperienced with women.

Sometimes I felt as if I could flirt with women, attract their
interest, only to watch nothing happen. This pattern happened
over and over again.
One woman in particular seemed to delight in teasing me. She

would invite me to her dorm room and then kick me out. She
would ask me for favors. And I would do them.
Then, I heard the lessons you’re about to read, and I said, “that’s
it. I don’t care how I come across anymore. I live in my own
reality, and I’m the start of my own story. And I’m going to act
like it.”
The next time I saw her, it was as if she knew my intentions. She
was ready to test my frame. “Can you take me to the movies?”
My response? A casual, but firm “no.” Just “no.”
She blinked.
To my surprise, she didn’t throw a fit. She didn’t yell at me.

Instead, when we both attended a party in the dorms that night,
she started flirting with more than ever before.
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It might seem counter-intuitive, until you learn just how powerful

it means to be the “hero of your own story” and the master of
your own reality.
After all, what is charisma? Charisma is the ability to draw

someone else into your world, win them over to your side, and
accept your frame of reference as the accurate frame of reference.
This word - "frame" - has a lot of connotations. What is it? It's

hard to define, but I'll give it a shot: your "frame" is the reference
from which you observe the world. When you have a strong
frame, you tend to draw other people into it. When you have a
weak frame, you tend to fall into others' reference points. The
stronger your frame, the more relaxed and confident you'll be; the
weaker your frame, the more self-conscious.
You "have frame" when your view of reality dominates the room.
You "lose frame" when you place too much importance on the
other person's view of you.
The dance between your frame and my frame is the basis for a
great many social interactions:
 Men "ribbing" each other is a light attempt to see who will

"lose frame" first. Quick wit is a sign that you're relaxed and
not self-conscious; when you lose the wit, it's a sign that
you've lost frame. This is why you've seen countless movies
of a guy "losing" when he doesn't have a comeback.
 It's a frequent theme in pickup circles that women will test a
man's frame to see if he's as confident as he's expressing.
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There is actually no way to "pass" these tests; with proper

frame, you merely dismiss their legitimacy.
 A political debate is less about substance and more about
which politician seems in "command." It's another word for
"frame-holder." Many people believed that Bill Clinton won
against George H.W. Bush in 1992 not because of his
substance, but because of unflinching eye contact and
charismatic delivery.
 James Bond is seen as "suave" because he rarely loses his
cool - he never loses "frame." Even when he's locked up by
supervillains or betrayed by some saucy minx, his frame
remains somehow
independent of his
circumstances.
 Watch the film
One man asked me why it is “Gandhi” to see that you
that he was trying to attract a can maintain a powerful
“model” into his life but he had frame while being
no success. I asked him, “well, nonviolent and wishing
if a supermodel walked into your neighbors well.
this room, what would you Frame is not lashing out
do?” He stuttered and nor is it cowering in fear.
stammered. He didn’t know. Sometimes, frame is
Then I asked, “If a supermodel merely not flinching.
were to enter your life, would
Frame is attitude. In
her life improve because of it?
short, frame is
Or would you make her sit
everything.
around and watch you play
video games?”
Ask yourself if your life is
worth a woman’s time.
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But I'll take it a step further and say that practicing frame is to
building suaveness what lifting large weights is to building
muscle.
How strong is your reality? Strong enough to draw other people

into it, or so weak that you walk from frame to frame, accepting
everyone else's view of the world?
This is an abstract concept, having a powerful frame of mind, but

there are tangible ways you can improve your frame and, thus,
your confidence.
On Frame and Suaveness: Having a Strong

Reality
You're already a master of frame. You just don't know it. Why?
Because one can actually have a strong frame and still turn people
off.
Think about the word "frame" for a minute. Let's consider the
metaphor of a frame on a window. What's the actual content that
fills the window?
If your window is full of positive beliefs about yourself - that you

are high-value, that you are kind, that you are generous, that you
are worth knowing - then you're going to have a heck of a lot of
fun talking to people.
56
If your window is full of negative beliefs about yourself - that

you're low value, that you have no friends, that you're a loser -
then you're going to have your work cut out for you.
It's possible to believe 100% that you're strong and high

value...and believe 100% that you're weak, and low-value. It's not
only the quality of the belief that matters, but the content of it. If
you know with 100% certainty that you're a social doofus, then
guess what? Your frame will win out every single time. But if you
know with 100% certainty that you're high-value, that your life is
interesting, that knowing you is fun, then that frame will win out,
too.
Becoming suave isn't just about having a strong sense of your

own reality; it's filling that reality up with fun and positive things.
Take a minute here and think about your own life, your own
reality. How do you walk through a day in your life? Would
someone else find that life worth entering? If someone enters
your reality for a day, are they better off for it?
If a beautiful woman were to enter your life, would her life

improve, or would grow...bored?
Let's fix that.
Tools to Improve and Strengthen Frame
Don't look at frame, except in rare occasions, as something that

you "do," or as a technique. Don’t tell them “no” because of the
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story you read earlier. Frame has to be something you are as a

matter of course in your life.
Trying to "win frame" with someone when you have no frame to

speak of is pointless...you might as well try to flex your muscles
when you haven't been to the gym in a year.
Frame is built day-by-day, activity by activity. Frame is built by

good habits, by meeting new people, by exposing yourself to
failure and coming through clean on the other end.
You can't buy frame with gold. With frame, you pay the iron
price.
Tool #1: Expose Yourself to Failure and Rejection
 Be bold in job interviews

 Approach beautiful women everywhere
 Talk to everyone everywhere
 Keep trying for that one thing you've always wanted to do
 Be a newb in a social situation: take a class somewhere
No, don't go out and try to get rejected; that's stupid and I’d never
advocate that. That's replacing confidence with boldness. No,
what you want to do is actually try to succeed, thus "exposing"
yourself to the possibility of failure. On a daily basis, you should
expose yourself to failure in some way.
This is a KEY point: approach beautiful women not only to see if

they're interested, but to build yourself up into a better person.
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There is no reason you should not expose yourself to this life-

altering skill.
When you fail, it's like working out until failure in the gym:
you're forcing yourself to grow stronger. If you get embarrassed,
you have to start learning a habit like being internally-validating,
because there's no other choice. Eventually, your voice loosens,
and deepens. You talk louder. You give more eye contact. All that
failure and social awkwardness is not for nothing: with it, you
grow stronger socially.
Tool #2: Overcoming Non-Suave Challenges in Your Life
 Take a cold shower

 Exercise: run faster, swim longer, lift more
 Ditch a bad habit and resist temptations
 Take effort towards your dream every day
 Daily, monthly, and yearly goal-setting
Tool #1 is by far your most important tool, but it also helps to see
yourself as someone who overcomes challenges. Frame, after all,
is not only about socializing; it's also about your approach to life
itself.
When you're on the last lap of a 10k, the physical pain will
challenge your frame. What wins out? The pain, or your will to
succeed?
When you get another rejection from a publisher, it will challenge

your frame that you're a good writer. What wins out? The
rejection, or your confidence in future success?
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When you try stand-up comedy for the first time, you'll get
heckled. What wins out?
When you're tempted to smoke that cigarette despite the fact that
you said you'd quit, what wins out? Your will to succeed, or a
craving?
Are you more than your pain? Are you more than rejection? Are
you worth more than some craving?
Hell yes. When you're tested to your limit, I want you to ask
yourself: what the hell wins out? You'll know the answer, and
your frame will be the stronger for it.
Gale Sayers of the Chicago Bears wrote once that he worked so

hard in the off-season that when training camp came around, it
seemed like a relief. Overcome difficult challenges. Test your
mettle. Work so hard that when time comes for you to talk to
people and flex your frame muscle, it feels like a walk in the park.
Tool #3: Control Your Thoughts
 Meditation 15 minutes daily

 Affirmations (as per chapter one)
 Visualization (as per chapter one)
Since your frame is basically the sum total of your daily thoughts,
learning how to change those daily thoughts is an essential key to
changing your frame.
Tool #4: Handle “Frame Tests”
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A frame test is something that people will throw your way to see
if you'll lose your poise/cool and enter in their frame.
An example might be a woman saying "you're just a player!"
By saying "you're just a player," she's announcing her reality as she

sees it, trying to see if it will hold ground against yours. If you
lose your cool, get flustered, or enter her frame in any other way,
the test will "work" and you'll lose the good vibrations.
So what do you do?
How to respond to a frame test:
 Never lose your cool. Losing your cool is the first and most
immediate sign that your frame test has failed. Stay cool,
baby, ice cold.
 Ignore. Not a great solution, but it generally beats
overreacting, losing your cool, etc. Simply move on with the
conversation.
 Shut down. This isn't my favorite, because it's not generally
smooth, but at least it shows that you're not going to take any
guff.
 Agree/disagree and amplify. We're getting a little closer. If
someone says "you are just a player, aren't you?" you might
disagree and say "Actually, I'm a virgin...and I'm really
sensitive about it. Thanks!" in a clearly joking tone. Or you
might agree and say..."Yeah, thanks! I'm actually thinking
about turning pro." Point is, you're not taking a frame test
seriously, which means you're “passing it.”
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The key takeaway: frame tests do not get "passed." More on this
later.
If you're trying to "pass" a frame test, you've already failed -

because you've entered into the idea that it's a test that has
meaning. Instead, you should just dismiss it amusedly.
Key Takeaways
 "Frame" is your reality: the window from which you

perceive the world. If it's strong, and the beliefs are positive,
you will be suave - it's that simple.
 The key to frame is not dominating others. It's merely
refusing to flinch.
 Frame is not a technique. It's a strength you build by the way
you live your life: conquering obstacles, pushing past your
boundaries, learning to be self-validating in the face of
rejection.
 Your frame comes from you. YOU set it. No one can set it for
you. It is YOU who must assert yourself as a high value
individual and believe in the same.
 There is no "passing" frame tests - there is only dismissing
their value.
Social Proof: The “Oldest Trick in the Book”

One of my friends used to work in a coffee shop. You know, one
of those little indie places where hipsters come to eschew the big
chains. The pay wasn't very good, but her boss said that she could
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put out a tip jar as long as she didn't ask customers to contribute
to it.
So she did. She took an empty jar from home, found a post-it
note, and wrote on it with big permanent marker: "TIPS."
The first day, no one even noticed it.
She tried a bunch of things, moving the jar forward, putting it on

top of the register, even changing the style of marker she used.
Occasionally someone dropped in a buck. But she still couldn't
just point to it or ask people to tip her.
Then, one day, when she picked up someone else's evening shift,
one of her co-workers showed her the secret to getting more tips
without asking for them. He took out a five-dollar bill and a few
singles from his wallet and dropped them in the tip jar at the
beginning of their shift.
Customers saw the jar, saw that people had been dropping
money in, and figured that they were expected to do the same.
By the end of that day, the tip jar was almost full of ones and
fives.
When it comes to your social life, you can approach people in one
of two ways: with your tip jar empty or you tip jar already full of
cash. Which do you think is better?
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Social Proof: A Definition
Social proof is a concept that goes back to Robert Cialdini's

"Persuasion" and beyond. It's "the oldest trick in the book." It's
why sports drinks pays millions to athletes to drink their sugar
water, and it's why people keep on buying it. We tend to value
things based on their perceived social value, and often not on
their actual value.
On a more basic level, social proof simply refers to the idea that
people judge social value based on social cues.
You know that old phrase “never judge a book by its cover”?
Well, that’s exactly what we do. All the time. And it works.
And here’s a secret you need to face: people are already doing it
to you.
I was volunteering with a group at a local school once, and we

were talking about something similar to this concept. The teacher
asked the students to make guesses about what kind of music we
listened to based on how we were dressed.
I was shocked when one of the kids got it exactly right.
“He looks like he listens to classical music.” At the time, it was all
I listened to.
I didn’t know what it was about me that gave off the vibe; now, I
know it was everything about me back then: the conservative
clothes, the conservative haircut, the nerdy vibe, the fact that I
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didn’t look like I went to very many parties where they played
pop or hip-hop.
That kid figured me out with one look. Don’t think adults aren’t
doing the exact same thing to the way you present yourself.
How to Increase Your Basic Social Proof

Basically, all you have to do to build basic social proof from the
ground up is to talk to people in a friendly way, and do it a lot:
 Take up a variety of social activities. This will help you

meet tons of people in general, and the fact that you always
have something to "do" will give you an added aura of being
busy, which is always good.
 Talk to everyone. If you're in college, talk to the people near
you before class starts - especially on that first day of class
when people are just forming their impressions of each
other. Be normal. Don't fret about talking to the beautiful
woman across from you; talk to her and the guy next to you
and the old commuter behind you. You'll be considered
talkative and "popular" from the very first and you've barely
taken any time out of your day. This applies everywhere you
go: treat everyone as equals, all worthy of your time and
energy. The key: when people see you talking to someone,
they assume that you know them. Even if you don’t. You’ll
be seen as someone with “connections.”
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 Don't be a spectator. Perhaps the most important. You know

those guys at weddings who sit in the corner and watch
everyone nervously, holding their beer as if the beer was
their best friend in the world and their sole protector? Don't
be that guy. Get up and participate in the social event you're
attending, even if it's just to say quick hellos to people. In
any given situation, it's the spectators with the lowest social
proof around. You want to be a participant in your own life;
so be it.
 Take care of your looks. Hygiene, strength, fitness, etc.
People, for better or worse, judge books by their cover. You
may be a great book, but it doesn't hurt to optimize your
cover as much as you can.
Of course, now we're touching on what I believe to be the single

most powerful element of being "suave," "charismatic," or
whatever you want to call it: innate social proof.
Innate Social Proof: The "Girlfriend" Paradox
Ever see the movie “Shallow Hal”?
In the movie, Hal starts out as shallow. He loves only beautiful

women, so he's a little pushy and desperate around them. In
particular, he goes on a date with his neighbor across the hall Jill,
who finally rebuffs his advances.
66
Then, Hal is hypnotized by

Tony Robbins into seeing
only the inner beauty in
The girlfriend paradox: women. He starts having
When you have a girlfriend, massive success with women
you lose the neediness of because he's lowered his
looking at other women as
standards even though he
potential mates. Suddenly,
doesn't know it...he's capable
attractive women seem to
respond well to you. of dating anyone because he
"Dammit," you think. "Why stopped getting in his own
can't women do this when I'm way. He finds Gwyneth
single?" Paltrow's character and
comes to ignore Jill...who's so
turned on by his newfound
nonchalance that she
eventually asks him out.
Shallow Hal didn't necessarily have a ton of "social proof"

because he wasn't living it up with beautiful women a la the Dos
Equis guy. But what he did have was a ton of innate social proof,
because in his mind, he had all the beautiful women he could
handle. He no longer cared about Jill. He forgave her for rejecting
him and went about his life.
She doesn't see Hal around beautiful women...but the fact that he
acts as though his life is full of beautiful women is enough for her.
She thinks, "there's something changed about this guy..."
That's innate social proof. Social proof you don't see, but you feel.
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Okay, yeah, Shallow Hal is just a movie. But it's a pretty common
phenomenon with guys who have a girlfriend: the "girlfriend
paradox."
Because there's a subtle shift in your vibe that you didn't have
when you were single.
The "girlfriend paradox" is a consequence of innate social proof:

your own behaviors. Because you're no longer needy or overtly
seeking the approval of attractive women, they can "smell" the
fact that you have other options...and, of course, a guy with
options is more attractive than a guy without options.
Virgins of the world, are you ready for a bombshell?
You do not need to have a girlfriend for this to happen.
Innate social proof is all about what you bring to any given
interaction at any point. Consider our example of the Dos Equis
guy above...in the second picture, he still has more "social proof"
than in the first picture simply because of how he's presenting himself.
This is why I will tell you in a later section to be as “normal” as

possible around beautiful woman. This is why "be yourself" is
actually good dating advice.
When you approach women with no neediness, they

automatically assume you have something else going on in your
life. If you walk up to a supermodel being the same awesome guy
you are with your best friend, she goes "oh, this guy doesn't need
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my approval, he acts like he already has the approval of beautiful

women in his life. There must be beautiful women in his life."
Innate social proof.
So many women are approached constantly by guys who place

them on a pedestal; to those lonely and creepy guys, this woman
represents a singular chance to rescue themselves out of
loneliness and desperation. But every once in a while, a guy
approaches them that doesn't have this air of neediness about him;
he comes to the interaction feeling "pre-fulfilled." Something is
different about him. He gives off the vibe that he already has
what she's selling, and so she assumes that that's the case.
It isn't just with women. People make these same assumptions

thanks to social proof...innate or otherwise. It's the way we're
wired, as social creatures, because we don't always have a lot of
information to go on.
What information are you sending out to the world?
How to Increase Your Innate Social Proof
Basically all of this eBook is about this very subject, but let's
throw a few basic points out there:
 Be normal, poised, and relaxed in extraordinary

circumstances. This is what's so damn suave about James
Bond; when we see him talk to a stunning woman like
Vesper Lynd or execute a perfect car chase, we know that his
life is always full of this kind of adventure because he's not
69
awe-struck by any of it. If you're normal, poised, and relaxed

around everyone...beautiful women, included...then, trust
me, you won't be lonely for long.
 Always try to have fun. Fun-seeking is the mark of someone
who's already fulfilled with their life and wants to
experience pleasure. Other people who aren't fulfilled or
satisfied are caught up in their worries, insecurities, and
fears about who will approve of them. Start out with the
assumption that everyone approves of you and look to make every
interaction as fun as possible.
 Start picturing yourself as pre-fulfilled. Don't walk into a
room looking to vampire the life-force and energy and social
validation of others; walk into a room already feeling it from
within. This isn't always easy, but it's necessary if you want
to have the best possible social interactions.
 End interactions first. Men, memorize this phrase: "Okay,
I've got to run." It's a magical phrase that will give your
presence more of a charge, because people will realize that
you value your time. You don't say why you're leaving first,
you don't say "Okay, I've got to go back to living my
awesome life of women, wine, and song..." but there's
something a little high-value implied when you're usually
the first to end an interaction. Make this a regular habit and
you'll notice that people start to value your time more.
What Social Proof is Not
It is not a reason to talk to only "high-value" people. Remember:

innate social proof works wonders. You don't have to have Kate
Upton on your arm to be considered cool; all you have to do is
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treat everyone around you well and people will automatically

perceive the coolness that already exists. Do not use the concept of
social proof as an excuse to stop being kind and generous to
everyone.
Social proof is not bragging. It never works like that. You can't
"brag" your way to social proof. Social proof has to be real,
demonstrable, or innate to the way you do things. Social proof is
dancing with a beautiful woman; it's not saying "I dance with a
lot of beautiful women!" Don't try to "hack" your way to social
proof. Live it.
Social proof is not being someone you're not. It's easy for people
to tell when you're being genuine and when you're not, which is
why I place such an emphasis on being normal and relaxed. But
it's okay. Yes, you might make some mistakes when trying to "act
cool" when talking to others, but sometimes doing it isn't always
as easy as talking about it. But keep striving to be as normal and
friendly as possible as a general rule and trust that social proof -
innate and otherwise - will do the rest.
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The Power In Being Yourself: Normal

Want to be suave? Then be normal and relaxed and everything
else will fall into place.
It's not the sexiest tip, I know. People want to be smooth,

charming, exceptional. And they think that to be exceptional, they
need to act in a certain "suave" way to win people over.
The problem: people can tell when you're behaving in an

inauthentic way to gain their approval. They feel this unspoken
"wall" between you two, and they shut off, consciously or
unconsciously.
Stop being a salesman. Assume that you're already valuable

enough to be worth talking to.
Start off from a place of "I am worth talking to."
When you do that, you drop all of the "game" mentality, you
relax, and you start to treat people the way you treat your
friends--like a normal person.
It's not a sexy tip, but believe me when I say it's a damn powerful
way to walk around.
Approaching New People Is Already Confident and Suave
Repeat after me: walking up to someone and introducing

yourself is already confidence enough. That's all you need to be
suave.
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Many people assume that in order to appear confident and suave,

they need to pull off all of these amazing social tricks and
techniques. Rubbish!
When you walk up to someone and introduce yourself in a

relaxed, normal way, guess what? You're already coming across
as confident. It requires confidence to do that. No extra confidence
required!
Think about it this way: how many men do you actually know
who can go up to someone new and initiate a conversation at
will?
It’s rare.
The problem is too many guys go way overboard and assume

they need to be a stand-up comedian or James Bond to win
people over after they've already introduced themselves. This
thought that you need to win people over is part of what's
driving them away. By approaching them as someone who needs
to be sold the concept of you, you're activating something within
them that says "wait...something weird is going on here...I don't
know why, but I need to withhold my approval."
If, however, you walk up to them and act like they're already won
over and therefore you don't need to use any special tricks or
techniques...well, that alarm doesn't go off. Instead they think,
"finally, a refreshingly cool guy who isn't trying to 'sell' me on
himself."
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You see, you were the one who introduced himself. You already
get suave points just for doing that. That's exceptional, because
lots of people have trouble doing exactly that. Let the confidence
of simply walking up be enough suaveness for one interaction.
After that, relax and enjoy the conversation.
Guys, you must start from a place of "I am already enough, I am

worth knowing." If you don't, you can try every technique in the
world and it won't work because people will smell the
desperation for approval underneath it.
Treat Everyone Like They're Already Your Friend
What's the secret to making friends?
Treat people like they're your friends.
Even the shyest among us can be goofy, fun, and extroverted

when we're around people we trust the most. It's a role we play
because we know that the other person expects us to be ourselves.
What if you treated everyone this way? You'd be your normal self
all the time.
When women say "be yourself," they are not lying to you. They
want you to drop the bullshit approval-seeking and be
refreshingly normal.
Imagine the life of a supermodel for one moment. They can’t walk
around without bending reality around them. Women get jealous.
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Men flirt with them, brag, or are too nervous to look them in the
eye. Their beauty colors all of their interactions.
Then, someone comes along and treats them like an old friend,
even though they’ve just met. He appears to not even notice the
“warped reality” around this woman. Something about him is
different.
Be different. Be the normal one.
Want Suave Points? Stay Normal and Relaxed Even in Tough

Situations
Okay, you like the idea of being normal, of treating people like
they're already your friends. You get it. But still, you figure this is
an eBook about being extraordinary and you want to learn be
extraordinary. What can you do?
The art of being suave is the art of being normal in

extraordinary circumstances.
What makes James Bond exciting and hilarious? It's that he keeps
his sense of normal even in the most thrilling, ludicrously
Hollywood of circumstances. When the pressure goes up, Bond
doesn't become different, he simply stays relaxed. When he's
captured, he stays so relaxed that his energies are focused on
puns. We end up interpreting that as suave, but really it's just
staying himself when the heat goes up.
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Yeah, James Bond is cool, but what really separates his smooth
style from ordinary non-fictional folks is how cool he remains
under pressure.
Maybe you won't be abducted by an evil organization any time

soon, but you can still strive to stay relaxed and poise when you
feel the social pressure going up. Don't focus on being something
you're not; focused on being the relaxed version of you.
For Women Who Get Approached a Lot, Normal is Refreshing

and Even Attractive
I remember being at a bar once with my friends and talking to a

group of beautiful women. I don't remember what I said; just that
I was as normal as possible; cracking jokes because that's what I
do with my friends. I put on no airs of "you are a beautiful
woman and I am a man so we are inherently separate." Instead I
treated them like every other person in my life.
When I got back to my friends, though, they were astounded by

the reactions I'd gotten. "What did you say to them, dude?" "Did
you use any lines?" "What's your secret?"
Honestly, I didn't even remember what I said. It wasn't that

important to me at the time. I just treated them like I'd treat
anyone else who I was talking to; tried to crack some jokes, have a
good time, and that's it.
That's when I realized there is no "secret" except removing the

thick wall of bullshit you place between you and other people.
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I simply talked to the women like they were already my friends.

And how do I behave around friends? I don't filter myself, I look
to crack jokes when I can, and I just say whatever comes to mind.
I’m spontaneous, a little goofy, a little random.
As stated, this is even more powerful when you talk to exceptional

women. Many women live in a world where men ogle them,
catcall them, and change their behavior around them. Some men
swagger and brag to overcompensate; others lock up and get
withdrawn.
What do you do?
You treat them like equals.
You talk to them as if you're talking to an old friend. You don't

put on any airs. You crack your lame jokes because you assume
that they'll like them, the same way you feel comfortable cracking
lame jokes around your friends. You realize there are no "right
things to say," but rather a "right way to behave," which is to say,
normal and relaxed.
The consequence is, you put off a vibe that says "I am enough"
and "I am comfortable in my skin." You put off a vibe that says "I
just approached an intimidatingly beautiful woman, and I'm so
comfortable with myself that I just act normal."
And, if you’ll remember your “Social Proof,” this says a lot of

great things about you. Beautiful women figure, if this guy can be
fun and relaxed around me, WHO ELSE is he talking to? He must
have some pretty spectacular people in his life.
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Voila.
Being Normal Says all of the Right Things
Think about it for a moment. When you approach people with the
attitude of "if I'm just normal and treat them friendly, that's
enough," what does that say about you?
 It says you expect people to like you. If you're trying to

"sell" them on you, it says you don't expect them to like you
unless you execute Seduction Maneuver #109 in proper
order. Don't do that! Be normal. This gets rid of the
"desperate" vibe you've been putting off and instead feels
like actual confidence.
 It says you already have a lot of friends. Innate social proof:
people assume that how you act around them is how you act
around everybody. If you're cool and friendly, they assume
you're always cool and friendly, and therefore a guy who's
worth knowing. After all, if you're always this cool and
friendly, you must have a lot of connections, friends, and
opportunities.
 It starts from the assumption that you are attractive
enough. This is the assumption every man should make, yet
99% of them don't. If you assume that being normal is
enough and that women will like you, you start from a place
of power and confidence, and not desperation.
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Being Yourself is Highly Efficient
When a woman doesn't get along with you and you're being
yourself, you know right away that you might not be compatible.
When someone befriends you when you're being yourself, you

know that they're being friends because of who you are.
Being yourself is effective and efficient. It won't end rejection.

Sometimes you'll find it hard not to tense up in social situations.
Sometimes you'll feel that you're doing your best to stay relaxed
and people don't like you anyway.
But by doing your best to stay cool, normal, and relaxed, you're
doing yourself a favor: you're weeding out the people who
wouldn't have gotten along with you anyway.
Abandon the need to "bat 1.000" with the people you talk to. Most
people are friendly; some people aren't. No amount of charm or
sophistication is ever going to change that. It's far more efficient
to be yourself and let the people who are more compatible with
you reveal themselves in turn.
Important lessons in being normal:
 "Be yourself." It's awesome, awesome advice that gets a

terrible rap. Treat people like they're already your friends,
which means being comfortable being yourself.
 Don't sell yourself. Walking up to new people at a party or
an event and introducing yourself is already ballsy; you
don't need extra confidence on top of that. Just be normal
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and relaxed and people will still view you as a sociable,

confident person.
 Remain poised even in times of high stress. It's the secret to
James Bond's confidence. Maybe you won't be kidnapped by
evil organizations, but you can still keep your normalcy and
poise when talking to beautiful women, or giving a speech,
etc. Poise in a high-pressure situation is interpreted as
confidence. All it takes is relaxing when the going gets
tough.
 You'll get bonus points from exceptional women.
Exception women are used to guys being weird around
them. They’re used to guys overcompensating. They’re used
to guys not being able to make eye contact. Don’t do any of
that. Instead, be normal.
 Being normal says all the right things about yourself.
Being normal requires more confidence than you might
know. It requires some vulnerability (cracking those lame
jokes you'd normally reserve for friends) and it requires
putting yourself out there. That's all the confidence you
require--anything else is just overcompensating.
 "Act like you've been there before." Ever hear this advice in
the context of sports celebrations? It says, don't dance and
celebrate after scoring a touchdown. Well, when you're with
other people, act like you've been there before.
Treat everyone like friends and be your normal, relaxed self and
it will change your social life.
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Abundance Mentality vs. Scarcity Mentality

You've seen me talk about "abundance" and "scarcity" mentality a
lot. It's not an original idea of mine. In fact, a lot of people talk
about it. Which makes sense, since it's rather fundamental to
everything you do in life, this question of where your focus lies.
So let's start with a definition:
The difference between abundance mentality and scarcity

mentality is where your focus lies--on abundance or scarcity.
Notice that his definition doesn't say that you have to have
abundance to focus on abundance, or that you have to have
scarcity to focus on scarcity. It's simply a definition of focus,
where you're aimed. That's it.
If that doesn't sound important, consider how important it is for a

ship crossing the Atlantic Ocean to be aimed in the right
direction, whether or not it's actually close to land.
To understand how it's possible to remain a positive outlook even

in the face of rejection, we have to dive deeper into the difference
between two fundamental ways of viewing the world: the
abundance mentality and the scarcity mentality.
Scarcity Mentality: "So, There's This One Woman..."
A lot of guys ask questions that start out like, "so, there's this one
woman...." or "how do I talk to this woman in my class..." or "how
do I ask this one individual out without peeing my pants?"
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They're all valid questions.
The answers, though, tend to be a little more complicated. It's like

if someone came to a gym and said, "so, how do I get a six-pack?"
The answer tends to be, "well, you can work out your ab muscles,
but what's really important is that you lose fat there. And to do
that, you have to lose body fat everywhere, because that's how
body fat works."
Similarly, the answer to "so, there's this one woman..." type

questions tends to be "you can do X and Y, but really what's
important is that you have an abundance mentality so that you'll
be relaxed, fun, and the best possible version of yourself. And
even then, she still might reject you, so you need to have an
abundance mentality anyway."
It's not the "sexy" answer, but I believe it to be the correct one.
In short, you have to stop living in the world of the dream

woman. (True: earlier we wrote out a “dream scenario” for your
visualizations, which might include the idea of a “dream
woman.” This is different.)
Love is not, and has never been, infatuation. Hell, the Greeks
used to write myths about the perils of infatuation. It's a rule as
old as time, and yet you'll still get guys asking, "Well, there's this
one woman..." type questions. They seem to think, "I know that I
should have the abundance mentality, but when it comes to this
one woman, how can I be perfect so that I'll never have to talk to
any other woman again and all of my problems will be solved?"
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The world doesn't work like that.
Stop Playing Just One Game
Most guys live in this fantasy world where they can wait for the
perfect girl, ask only her out, have her say yes, marry her girl, and
live happily ever after. They want to retire with a batting average
of a thousand.
This is no way to live.
You don't have to attach any emotional significance to any one

particular social interaction if you don't want to. Hell, most
women would prefer you didn't.
Think of it like this: if you consider yourself a good chess player

and you sit down at a chess tournament, you're going to be
nervous. You're going to stress out over every move, second-
guess yourself, and try to play a perfect game - otherwise, you're
out. No more chess tournament for you.
But you can also be a good chess player and play online
anonymously. There, you don't care about losing quite as much.
You want to win, sure, but you're mainly interested in having
fun. There's always another chess game to play, at the click of a
button.
Now ask yourself this: do you always perform better when you
micromanage yourself, as in the former case?
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Hell no! If anything, you perform worse. There are entire books
written about this phenomenon. Occasionally, you might "rise to
the occasion," and that's great, but when you rise to the occasion,
you're typically focused on all of the good things that can result
from winning and not all of the negative consequences of losing.
It works the same way with social interactions, if not moreso.

People - women in particular - can smell neediness and
desperation a mile away.
The guys who are playing the "I just need to succeed right here
and right now so I never have to try again" game are counting on
a 100% success rate: 1/1. Does it happen sometimes? Sure. But
that doesn't make you suave. It makes you lucky.
Signs and Manifestations of Scarcity Mentality
Truth be told, I think scarcity mentality manifests in the whole

gamut of negative emotions: envy, jealousy, fear, anxiety, nerves,
anger, etc. There are so many signs of scarcity mentality that I
can't even hope to try and explain them all here. But here are
some of the most common ones I've come across:
 The "So, there's this one woman..." question. The answer,

90% of the time, is "ask her out." If that's not enough for you,
you either have some highly unique circumstances, or you're
making excuses because you don't want to risk rejection.
After all, why risk rejection when you place your full hopes in
this woman? You will just end up...
 Taking a rejection really hard. If you've placed 100% of
your faith on any one person's opinion of you, and that
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person disapproves of you, guess what? You've just lost

100% of your confidence. Stop investing so much in the first
place.
 Tolerating crap. If you're tolerating crap, it's only because
you don't think you can do any better. Think about it this
way: if you had the abundance mentality of George Clooney,
would you ever stand around and let a woman insult you,
belittle you, or order you around? Hell no. You'd get the hell
out of dodge because you don't need that shit. Do not
tolerate rude, insulting, or aggressive behavior, even if she
looks like Helen of Troy.
 Pursuing women who aren't all that interested in you. I see
it everywhere. "I asked this woman out...but she says she's
busy. What should I do?" Move the hell on with your life. If
she's interested, she'll contact you. Otherwise, she's not
interested enough to treat you like a basic human being with
a social calendar of his own...why are you sticking around?
Because you have no other options--or, at least, that's what
your scarcity mentality is telling you.
Abundance Mentality: "Plenty of Fish in the Sea"
Ahh, it's refreshing just typing the words "abundance mentality"

after dealing with all that scarcity.
When you have the abundance mentality, you tend to see life as a
winning game no matter what happens. You're fine being rejected
because "hey, we weren't a match - and there are other women
out there who are."
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Imagine being a rich Hollywood celebrity. Everywhere you go,

women approach you, flirt with you. Hell, even the coffee barista
writes down her phone number on your cup - and that's just
Monday in your life. If you were this person, how would you
walk around? You'd feel pretty damn good, right?
Your life is already pretty damn good. You can read. You have an
Internet connection. You have air in your lungs and a roof over
your head.
Compared to the homeless, already living an abundant lifestyle.

Where's your gratitude?
You might say, "Okay, but we're talking about abundance with
women here, and I've never even had a girlfriend."
Once again, the problem is your focus, not the actual substance of
your love life. So let's get to work shifting this focus.
Seeing Everything as Win-Win, Even the Losses
There is opportunity in everything if you choose to see it. Sure,

there are more opportunities in some places than others. But if
you're looking for abundance rather than scarcity, you'll find
it...just as you'll find the scarcity if you're looking for that, too.
Approached a beautiful woman

at the supermarket and got
There is nothing either good or rejected? Let's think about the
bad, but thinking makes it so. positives in that scenario: one,
you learned that she wasn't
-Shakespeare
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interested. That's information gained. You'll never have to wonder

"what might have been." You know. Two, you exercised your
confidence muscle. Three, you learned that rejection doesn't stop
your heart or steal the breath from your lungs. You'll be ready for
the next time. Four, you acted in according with your desires as a
man, which is more than you can say for 99% of the population as
a whole. Five...hell, it's starting to sound like it was a good thing
she rejected you at this point. You're almost thankful for it. And if
she was interested...well, win-win.
Do you see what a shift in focus can do for not only your social
vibe, but for your life in general?
Try to find the "win-win" in everything, particularly taking new

chances in your social life. Go for that kiss, because the "win-win"
is that she kisses back, or alternatively she lets you know that
she's not interested in you in that way. Now you can stop wasting
your time.
If it seems to you like we're just "reframing" rejection, that's

true...but only to an extent. The truth is that there are good things
in many of these negative events, just as it was true that there was
something good about every one of Edison's failures. Something
is "win-win" because you cannot control how she feels about you.
Either she kisses back, or she tells you she's not feeling it - if she
wasn't feeling it in the first place, then going for the kiss was a
good idea because you found out that it's not going anywhere.
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"But, what if I could have kissed her at a different point? What if I

could have done something differently so she would have liked
me?"
It is not the critic who counts; not the You're violating one of
man who points out how the strong man the fundamental
stumbles, or where the doer of deeds principles of suaveness:
could have done them better. The credit you're trying to control
belongs to the man who is actually in the something that is out of
arena, whose face is marred by dust and your control.
sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes short again and David Deida, in his book
again, because there is no effort without "The Way of the Superior
error and shortcoming; but who does Man," says you should
actually strive to do the deeds; who choose a woman who
knows great enthusiasms, the great chooses you.
devotions; who spends himself in a
worthy cause; who at the best knows in That's all you can do.
the end the triumph of high achievement, You have to see if she
and who at the worst, if he fails, at least chooses you.
fails while daring greatly, so that his
place shall never be with those cold and "But I really liked this
timid souls who neither know victory nor girl!"
defeat.
Get that scarcity mindset
-Theodore Roosevelt out of here. What were
you going to do,
hypnotize her so she did
like you? You can’t
control her. Accept that fact and move on.
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Signs and Manifestations of Abundance

Mentality
 Relaxation. The less you invest emotionally in any one
interaction, the more you're relaxed. Suddenly, social events
feel more natural to you, as though you're hanging out with
old friends with no pressure. You always know that there
are more women out there, more friends to be made, more
social opportunities to be found...so you stop thinking about
this one specific interaction as a "1/1" opportunity.
 Confidence and assertiveness. Once you begin to see the
world in a certain light, you no longer have the same old
fears that were holding you back in the first place. Suddenly,
it becomes a fun notion to go see if that woman would like to
go out on a date with you. It's fun to go for that kiss to see if
she's feeling you as much as you're feeling here. You feel
positively giddy about the world around you and the ample
opportunities it provides.
 Not taking crap. When you're abundant, you're willing to
lay down the law if someone is breaking your personal
boundaries. And why not? They're just one part of the
abundance that already exists in your life; if they don't like
it, they can find someone else to be rude to.
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Abundance mentality and scarcity mentality don't care what you

actually have. You can feel scarce and depressed despite being one
of the wealthiest, well-off people on the planet. You can feel
abundant despite being a poor dude who's never had a girlfriend.
What matters is where your focus goes. Are you focused on the
opportunities, the win-win situations, and the abundance in
life...or are you focused on failure, lack, and want?
Guess which option makes you more fun to hang around.
The “Riker” Principle

Ever watch “Star Trek: The Next Generation”?
No? Then bear with me.
If you're not familiar with ST:TNG, there's a character, Cmdr. Will

Riker, who has a reputation as a bit of a ladies' man. Whenever
there's a hot new space-babe on
the Enterprise, you can always
count on Riker to have a warm
The Riker Principle: When you smile, a flirty/complimentary
see a beautiful woman you want comment, and an unwavering
to talk to, smile, but don't eye.
hesitate.
Or, as one YouTube video
description so bluntly put it,
"Riker got more p***y on the show than any 2nd in command."
But what I liked most about Riker is one episode in particular,

when a woman named Vash enters the Enterprise social lounge.
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Riker's there, at the bar, having a drink, and spots her. What does
he do? We rarely get to see Riker work his "game," so how will it
go? Does he instinctively close off his body language, get
nervous, and wonder when the best time to approach this
beautiful woman is?
Hell naw. Riker smiles to himself, saunters right up to her, and

strikes up a conversation.
That's the behavior of a galaxy-class Second-in-Command. And,

in fact, something as simple as not hesitating is so fundamental to
being suave that I dare call it the Riker Principle.
There's something about instant assertiveness that separates the

James Bonds, the Danny Oceans, and the William T. Rikers of the
world from ordinary men who, as Patton put it, give counsel to
their fears.
Not hesitating gives your fears no time to take root.
All of that "I'll wait until perfect timing," or "I don't want to
interrupt" stuff may be true...but if it's causing you to not approach
at all, then you have a problem with anxiety. It's easy to be polite
and apologize for interrupting. It's hard to watch a beautiful
woman leave the venue and never know if she would have liked
you.
But there's more going on here, in this principle of not hesitating,

that isn't only good for you, but is good for the vibe you
broadcast.
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Don't Join the Beer-Armed Militia
It only takes a moment's courage to change the dynamic of an

entire night.
Consider that time when you were in your first junior high dance.
All of the guys wanted to dance with the girls. All of the girls
wanted to dance with the guys. Yet all anyone did, for the first
few minutes or even hours, was talk to their own friends, leading
to a situation where the girls lined up one side of the gym and the
boys lined up on the other, facing each other off like
revolutionary militia against British redcoats.
But then, one guy says "I've had enough," and goes to ask his
favorite girl to dance. One by one, thanks to social proof, the
dominoes start to fall, and the night is made. Some of the guys
even come up to that first little William T. Riker to give him their
thanks. He's the proverbial man, and he's scored 10 suave points
for himself that night.
We don't really get over this, do we? Sure, we have alcohol to aid
our confidence as adults, but does it really help?
Consider the last wedding you went to. How many "Beer-Armed
Militia" did you spot hovering outside the dance floor? You know
the guys; they keep their hands in one pleated pants pocket,
another hand grasping a beer near their belly, and their eyes fixed
on the people actually having the fun.
Junior High nerves and butterflies are alive and well in the adult
world.
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Talk to these guys and you'll see that they have a litany of excuses
for not having fun. "I have to finish my first beer." "I'm not much
of a dancer." "Maybe a little later."
They're the opposite of Rikers; they're Barclays. They live in a

fantasy world in which having fun does not involve the slightest
bit of assertiveness or action
What To Do
Okay, so let's say you're caught off-guard. You're at a gas station

picking up a bottle of water and you see a rather striking woman
coming in to pay for her gas. What do you do? All of that eBook
stuff didn’t help!
Here's what you do:
You...
...approach...
...her.
And you do it before you have a chance to talk yourself out of it.
When in doubt, say "hi, how are you?" Or you might have a
default line memorized, just to make it a little easier on yourself,
something simple like: "Excuse me, I thought you were cute and I
had to introduce myself. I'm ____."
The point, of course, is not the line itself. The point is how you
deliver the line...and, in this case, how you demonstrate total
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mastery over your emotions by feeling the fear and doing it

anyway.
Courage, after all, is not the absence of fear, but rather absence of
hesitation in the face of fear.
Five Reasons Not to Hesitate
Why is it so important not to hesitate?
 Hesitation means you have not mastered your own

emotions. Both you and I know that in most situations, it's
relatively easy to approach a beautiful women--you go up
and you say hi. It's only once you remove the fear that you
think, "you know, it would have been so easy to just walk up
to her and say hi." If you hesitate, you're capitulating to your
emotions, which means you have not mastered yourself to
the degree that will shape your life for the better. Practicing
non-hesitation will help you achieve this.
 Social proof. There are two types of men: Beer-Armed
Militia, and the men on the "battlefield," in the "arena,"
actually talking to the women. As someone who has a lot of
experience with hovering around and dawdling before
approaching women, let me tell you this clearly: the longer
you wait, the weaker you appear. When you approach a
beautiful woman quickly, you come pre-packaged with the
innate social proof of the action itself...she has to think to
herself, "well, if this guy can approach me without fear, he
probably can talk to a lot of women without fear. He must be
cool and confident." It's not a direct thought; it's what she
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picks up on a purely "vibe" level. This is one reason Riker's

vibe is so good.
 Approaching boosts your confidence. You don't have to
approach a beautiful woman without hesitation to boost
your confidence; try talking to people as soon as you enter a
venue. You'd be amazed at how well it changes the lens
through which you view the entire night.
 Hesitation gives you the opportunity to talk yourself out of
taking action. It's the same way that going to the gym
shouldn't be a 30-minute agonizing decision; you should
pack up your bag and go before you have time to actually
think about it. Sometimes, being suave is just getting out of
your own way. Many guys build themselves up into James
Bonds, waiting for eye contact, when they don't even realize
that they haven't entered the woman's reality yet.
 You can't change the temperature of the water. Think you'll
eventually wind up in a magical happy place where social
interactions are 100% fun and people are always warm and
inviting, and approaching new interactions is always easy as
pie? Then you might as well try to change the temperature
of the swimming pool before you dive in. At a pool party,
don't be that guy who dips his feet in; be the guy jumping
right in and going "woo!" when he comes up for air.
A Caveat, or: How to Use Your Common Sense
Hesitation - or lack thereof - is a powerful thing, so I don't want to

end this chapter without a few words of warning.
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First, this lesson is for people who are too shy to take action. If
you have no problems hesitating, don't start bowling people over
because an eBook not to hesitate.
Second, this is not an excuse to be overly rude or obnoxious. If

you can approach new people with consistency, then do not start
thinking that you need to go interrupting every conversation and
barging into every interaction without the slightest bit of
awareness of your environment.
Third, this isn't about loudness or directness; it's about how

decisively and assertively you enter in. You can still be fun,
relaxed, happy, smooth, whatever you want to do. Don't be a
nervous hummingbird. Be relaxed as ever; just make sure that
your steps take you to your destination and not to the corner of
the room.
Fourth, this does not really apply online. Instant messaging your
crush as soon as she logs on Facebook gives you none of the social
points that real, in-person courage does. This chapter is about
real, face-to-face interactions, parties, and situations.
Fifth, the rules of handling rejection, which you’ll read about

later, still apply. If a woman rejects you, she rejects you - don't
hesitate in leaving, either. Don't stick around a woman who's
uncomfortable with you because you think you're being assertive
and decisive.
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Chapter Three: Building Your Own Social

Network
.
Meeting new people is one of those concepts that sounds easy on
the surface...until you move to a new city and find yourself sitting
alone in your apartment on Saturday night, wondering how to
cross the invisible barrier between you and the outside world.
Truth be told, meeting new people isn't always as easy for

introverts as you might think. And the older you get without
having friends or a girlfriend, the more awkward you feel about
your ability to meet new people and make friends.
Basic Social Competence in Three Lessons

Eye Contact
Most of the time, it comes down to a simple proposition: who

looks away first?
That's it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you can't make
prolonged eye contact with a woman and watch if she'll look
away first, you do not have confidence enough to date that
woman. Period.
Alpha X of PIPubs.com says he has a general rule: when it comes

to eye contact, he has a general rule: you are going to look away
first, period. He doesn't care who it is - if they're engaged in a
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conversation with him, he's going to look at them and let them
feel just how dominant his presence is.
On the surface, it might seem like this is overkill. And you

certainly don't want to go around staring people down - that's a
sure way to start a fight. Eye contact, like any other tool in your
kit of social skills, is strongly dependent on context and situation.
But if you have trouble giving enough eye contact, you need to
start working on looking at people ALL. THE. TIME.
It might feel like you're being too aggressive with it at first. That's
fine. So long as you aren't starting fights and making people feel
uncomfortable, you're probably doing just fine.
Is it possible to do a "creeper" stare? Of course. Eye contact that's

too intense will just go too far the other way and make people
think that you're a maniac of some sort. But if you struggle to
make enough eye contact, there's a good chance that you'll have
trouble even getting to this level at first.
If you focus on any one aspect of your body language, it should

be your eyes.
Consider this exchange from the film "Casino Royale," in which

James Bond flirts with a woman to get to her husband:
Bond: Well, what about a drink at my place?
Solange: Your place? ... Is it close?
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Bond: ... Very.
Solange: ...One drink.
Notice all those ellipses? Those moments are filled with rock-solid
eye contact: Solange is weighing James Bond to see if he's as man
as he's putting on, and James Bond, of course, doesn't flinch a
single time. It's all in the subtext, not the actual text. It's all in the
eyes.
Now, I'm not suggesting that you go around staring down

peoples' wives - that's a sure way to start a fight - but it's
important to see why eye contact has such a profound effect on
people.
Former President Bill Clinton was said to have an otherworldly

charisma to him, an ability to make you feel like you were the
only person in the room. Watch any debate or interview of his
and you'll see why this is the case: strong, pervasive eye contact
lasered upon whom he's interacting. It never ends. In fact, try to
picture yourself meeting Bill Clinton. In your imagination, does
he ever look away? Does he ever give a creeper stare? No; he just
makes rock-solid eye contact, like he does in real life, relaxing his
lids and letting his eyes work their magic.
It's the eyes that set the context.
Let’s consider another scene from “Casino Royale,” Daniel Craig's

James Bond flirting with Vesper Lynd. His eyes are on her like
glue. That's not to say that he's in "creeper mode." He's relaxed.
He changes his facial expressions. His jaw is relaxed. He truly
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looks like he couldn't give a shit because that's how he feels on

the inside.
But those eyes? They never fail to miss their target. Even if they
wander, they're right back to it.
Keys to Avoiding Creepy Eye Contact
 Occasionally catch your breath. Even if your eyes are glued

to someone, you don't have to keep on staring at them after
they've looked away first - that's overkill. You've already
won the contest, now just make solid eye contact for the rest
of the interaction. When you need to think a little bit, look
away for a brief moment, and then return to their eyes when
you give a reply. Imagine your eyes are on their eyes like
glue - glue isn't so strong that you can't move your eyes, but
you'll always return back to it. Feel free to set your eyes free
once you're comfortable making strong, enduring eye
contact.
 Relax your lids. When most guys start giving eye contact
after a lifetime of bad habits, the tension they feel manifests
on their face. Their expressions freeze shut and their eyelids
tighten, giving them the "Hannibal Lecter" vibe they're so
afraid of. You have to relax, period. You have to be
comfortable in your own skin. If that takes staring at people
until you achieve this, then do that, but eventually settle
down, take a breath, and let yourself relax. The most
powerful eye contact isn't intense eye contact, it's
"smoldering" eye contact with a healthy dose of relaxation
thrown in. Let yourself go.
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 Vary your facial expressions. When you're starting out with

eye contact, you're so focused on your eyes that you forget to
do anything else. But when most people are truly relaxed,
they tend to vary up their facial expressions. They raise their
eyebrows, they smile, they smirk, they shrug, they narrow
their eyes, they squint, the do all sorts of thing that let others
know that they're engaged. Creepy eye contact is eye contact
that has absolutely no awareness of social context. Vary your
facial expressions around your eyes and you'll let people
know you're actually with them in the present moment and
engaged.
Voice and Authority
Ever see "The Millionaire Matchmaker"?
I know, I know, I shouldn't watch trash TV. But something about

the constant failed attempts at flirting means I can't look away
from the screen. I have to watch. I have to judge.
A recent episode featured Jenna Marbles of YouTube fame talking

to two men over lunch so she could give them advice. One of the
men approached her tentatively, shook her hand meekly, and
could barely look her in the eye.
Needless to say, Jenna Marbles wasn't having any of it.
"You shook my hand like a wet fish," she told the guy, staring
him down. She asked him, "Are you scared of me? Are you scared
of this?" Then she showed off her bicep, completely emasculating
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the guy. Her advice: "I want you to make honest eye contact - like
staring contest."
Don't be the wet fish.
Don't EVER be the wet fish.
Your presence needs to have weight to it. After strong eye

contact, the most powerful way to achieve it is through
something we all deal with on an everyday basis, whether we're
in the car or relaxing at home:
Volume.
Turn the Volume Up
99% of guys need to speak more loudly.
Truly. It's rare to find the guy who's so loud that he needs to quiet
down. And even when you do come across these guys, their
presence is usually so large as a result of it that most people don't
want to say "hey - quiet down."
Speak up.
This is particularly important if you're out on the town, chatting

with women in a night club or a bar. There's music. There's a
crowd. There's people shouting at each other to hear each other.
You have to bring the boombox, or else you're going to get
ignored.
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A good rule of thumb: try to be the loudest person in the room. It

sounds obnoxious, but you'll generally find that this is easy to
achieve and still keeps you within a reasonable context for the
room itself. For example, you don't want to speak at full blast
when you're in a restaurant. But you do want to be the loudest
person at the table. You don't want to shout, but you do want to
be heard.
Most of your volume is controlled by force of habit: the amount of

energy you put into your lungs and throat. It's as simple as
mentally reminding yourself to speak up.
My recommendation: after you master the art of eye contact,

move on to the voice, and make it a point to greet people in new
situations with a loud, clear voice. You can still be friendly. "Hi.
What about this weather, huh?" A neat little trick is that when
you're focused on the volume of your voice, you're not so much
in your head about what to say.
Speak with Authority
It's not enough to be loud. Any idiot can be loud. And they
usually are.
You have to learn how to speak in a way that says that you're in
command of the situation. This means being the exact polar
opposite of the stereotypical "Valley girl" who ends each sentence
with an upward inflection. You know the type. They turn
statements into questions. "It's just, I was hoping to find someone
who could help me? Right now? You know? This is so not how I
wanted my day to go?"
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If you do this, stop. Immediately.
Could you picture any man with a significant amount of charisma

or presence ever talking like a valley girl?
No. He talks like this. The way you're reading this sentence right
now. Clear ends to each sentence. No question marks. Authority.
That's just how people with authority talk: they make every
sentence a command. It's unlikely that you'll ever find a boss who
doesn't speak with this downward-inflection of authority. Unless
they're “Bill Lumbergh” from “Office Space.”
But the key is not to give people commands. It's to take that habit
of downward inflection, of commanding sentences, and to mix it
up with a little bit of fun and positivity.
To hear how that sounds, try to consider the last time you told a
joke that you were absolutely certain people were going to love.
Your confidence was reflected in every word. You spoke loudly,
clearly, slowly, and with full authority, and when you arrived at
the punchline, you dropped it like a hammer on an anvil.
Now, go look up the top jokes at Reddit.com/r/jokes and record

yourself delivering those jokes in the same way. Give it a few
tries. See which one sounds the most natural to you.
You'll have an idea of how you speak when you feel the most
authority in your body. And when you make this manner of
speaking a habit for yourself, you'll start to project that same
authority effortlessly.
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Relax
The surest way to make any of this eye contact and voice tonality
stuff work for you is to relax.
It's tempting to hear "the more eye contact, the better" and then
take that to mean that you should make 100%, unrelenting eye
contact with everyone, never blinking. You know who never
blinks? Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, he has some sort of charisma, but
it's not the kind of charisma you want. You don't want to make a
chill go up peoples' spines. You want them to feel just as
comfortable and relaxed as you are.
The same goes for your tone of voice. If you go around shouting
and barking orders, you'll turn people off really quickly. If you
relax a bit and have fun - while still maintaining a sense of
volume and command - you'll do much better for yourself. You'll
just sound like the guy in the room having the most fun. That's
the kind of vibe you're going for.
Both of these things are accomplished by relaxing. You can still

concentrate on a loud volume and consistent eye contact, but
slow yourself down. Get less intense. Relax. Let people come to
you.
The Rule if You Forget All Other Rules
One time in college, I came across a beautiful woman that I had

been flirting with, and suddenly found myself in the lounge with
her, chatting on the same couch.
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Now, I liked to portray myself as an outgoing, confident guy...but

in this specific situation, I didn't feel anything like that. At all. I
had gone from sitting around to suddenly feeling like I was in a
high-pressure situation: the first time this woman and I sat down
to actually chat, one on one. I felt the familiar rush of nerves. The
instinct to shut down, withdraw. I felt like an introvert.
But realizing that this was likely my only chance to make an

impression on this girl, I had to think quickly. So I decided to
focus only on one thing: I relaxed.
That was it. No trying to think of cool lines. No trying to think of

anything. Just relaxing. Just calming down and letting anything
that happened, happened.
To my surprise, the conversation flowed. In fact, there was even

the energy of attraction in the air. She even remarked on how
laid-back I seemed.
Though I was inexperienced with women one-on-one at that

point, I had somehow found a way to make it work. Just by
slowing myself down, allowing myself to relax, and not going
into over-the-top sales mode, I had found the sweet spot. Though
on the inside I had felt like I was ready to panic, that I was a
fraud...I found that by relaxing, I soon felt none of these things.
Turned out, she genuinely liked the relaxed version of me for me.
Eventually, she asked me out.
And it didn't require a single trick or a single line.
It only required that I relax.
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This is the "Rule If You Forget All Other Rules." If you take
nothing else from this Ebook, take this one rule. When you find
yourself in a high-pressure situation, relax. Just relax. Think of
that old song, "Que sera, sera."
Translation: "Whatever will be will be."
Relaxation Means Instant Abundance Mentality
There's something magical that happens when you relax and

don't try to do anything in particular. Anyone who's meditated
for a long period of time knows how it feels when you truly wipe
your thoughts away and allow yourself to experience the current
moment. All thoughts of loneliness, of separation from the
outside world, and of scarcity seem to vanish. You might not feel
like you're dating ten supermodels, but when you relax, you get
an "automatic abundance mentality." It's a strange and wonderful
effect.
This happens in a number of ways:
 When you're talking to a beautiful woman and are just as

relaxed with her as you are with your friends, the
"invisible message" you're sending is that you must talk to
beautiful women a lot. At the very least, you must have
SOMETHING good going on in your life, because she
figures, "Hey, I'm attractive, and usually that throws guys
for a loop. This guy is just shooting the shit with me. This
must not be a novel experience to him." And since women
tend to be attracted to social status and high social value,
those assumptions always work in your favor.
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 Relaxation ends the idea that you have to compensate.

When you relax and adopt the "Que sera, sera" mentality, it
takes a lot more to phase you. Think of the coolest guy
you've ever met. Did it seem like you could throw him for a
loop easily, or was he so detached from any emotional
outcome that it was difficult to rattle him? If a woman gave
him her number, would he freak out like his day had just
been made or would he shrug it off and say, "oh, cool"?
Chances are, he's more of the latter.
 No more "fight or flight mode." Admit it: when you talk to
some women, you constantly feel like it's an emergency.
That tension completely taints your social interactions. It
puts other people on the defensive - and, maybe worse, it
puts yourself on the defensive. You're looking for a reason to
feel insulted or rejected. You WANT a reason to go into
flight mode. You almost seem to WANT to go home with
your head slunked down. Don't enter interactions this way.
Assume the best. Relaxation assumes the best.
Chances are, these three things: eye contact, volume, and

relaxation will solve 80% of your social problems. It's important
to add the other aspects of this Ebook - such as throwing a regular
party - if you truly want your social life to be extraordinary. But if
you simply focus on this section on a regular basis, you'll notice a
vast improvement in your relationships.
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The Simplest Ways to Become an Extrovert

Who Talks to Everyone
So how did I do it? How did I make the conversion from introvert
to extrovert in what felt like an overnight decision?
I remember walking up to the first class my sophomore year,

determined that I would be a new man. Determined that I
wouldn't let myself walk back to my dorm room feeling alone
and outcast.
I had so much nervous energy I went to the class early and saw
that the door hadn't even been opened. And then, as if people
somehow knew about my decision, there were three prospective
classmates all waiting there, lounging around. They weren't
talking. In fact, they looked like they'd never met. One of them
was a really pretty woman with dark brown eyes. I swallowed
and knew that this was it. This was the decision that would affect
the rest of my life.
Then, I opened my mouth, before I even knew what I was going

to say.
"Hi. Here for Intro to Western Civ?"
That was it.
She opened up to me, and I to her, and we chatted briefly. Then I

introduced myself to the other two people who were sitting
around awkwardly. They seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
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Whatever fears and anxieties they had about a new class had
visibly disappeared.
Turned out, it wasn't so bad after all. All I had to do was pretend
to be more social than I really felt, and then the words came
naturally. And within a few minutes, I really did feel that social.
Heck, I really WAS that social.
But if it's as easy as making that switch, everyone could do it.

That's why this section will focus on the HOW.
Be the Person Who Acts First, Even If You Start as Simply as

Possible
Put yourself in my shoes. First day of sophomore year of college.

A new class. Three people there, all saying nothing. You walk up.
What do you do?
This is absolutely critical.
Critical.
Critical!
Is it sinking in yet? This moment is absolutely critical. The

difference between being the person who acts first and the person
who does nothing is the difference between having five women
trying to date you and playing computer games alone at home
every Friday night. This is the difference that will make the
difference. This is where the river splits. This is the where the
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road forks. This is what Robert Frost is talking about when he

says a choice has made "all the difference."
This is it. Game time.
What will you do?
Simple. You just have to be the person who acts first. The section
"The Riker Principle" addresses this in more detail, but it needs to
be stressed.
 When you enter somewhere new - whether it's a bar or

your first class of college - talk. Talk before you give
yourself a thousand reasons to keep quiet. Talk even if
you don't feel social, talk even if it seems a little
awkward to talk at that point. Just talk. If the worst
happens (rejection), you'll at least feel good knowing
that you've encountered the worst and stuck through it.
 Don't let awkward situations stand. Maybe you're the
only mutual friend of two people who just showed up
to a party. Don't just sit there! Say "Jill, have you met
Barb?" That's it. Suddenly you're a group. Don't wait on
other people to give you permission to take over the
interaction. They never will, because that's not how it
works. You simply have to do it.
 Offer to help. If you're at a party and it's just getting
started, offer to help clean or set up. If you're the first
one in your classroom and your professor is getting set
up, offer to help. Even if they say no, they'll appreciate
the token of effort.
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Lower Your Standards for What is “Acceptable” to Say
This is crucial. Most people think themselves so unattractive that

they don't even believe that they can give people the honest
pleasure of simple conversation.
They think "I suck, and I'm ugly, so if I say something to this
beautiful woman, it had better be hilarious, intelligent, and on
point."
Of course, finding something that witty to say is difficult, so they

never say anything.
When I started talking to more and more people, this was the
biggest revelation for me. People were friendly. People would
laugh at my dumb little jokes. People were excited just to have
someone to talk to in a new situation. People were always looking
to socialize, as long as someone else made the initial awkward
effort. That's all it took.
It was as if when I became more social, everyone around me

became more social too.
But I wasn't saying magical things. This continues to be a major

theme with anyone who sees me talk to women. "What did you
say?" I said nothing special. They were just so happy to have a
normal conversation with no pressure that they were interested in
me. I brought value, I didn't seek to take their value, and they
rewarded me with fun. That's it.
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It's not that you don't have something to say, it's that you think
you have to HAVE something to say.
You know how easy it is to talk to your best friend? You don't
think you have to say brilliant and fun things. You know that the
pleasure of conversation is enough, and the words come fast and
easy.
Treat everyone you meet like this kind of close friend, and you'll
be amazed to learn that the conversation will flow naturally,
easily, and wittily...as long as you don't think you have to say
spectacular things.
Nothing to Say? Try Allowing Others in On Your Thoughts
You know how you have

“My God, Vanessa’s got a funny things that you think all
fabulous body. I’ll bet she shags the time but you never say?
like a minx. How do I let them
know that because of the Start saying them.
unfreezing process, I have no
inner monologue? … I hope I Some of the best conversations
didn’t say that all aloud just of my life have been when I
now.” opened up and said some of
the quirkiest, strangest stuff
-“Austin Powers: International that I usually reserve for my
Man of Mystery” inner monologue:
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 Asking a doorman how they knew it was me and not my

evil twin. (They had a good laugh about that. But still, HOW
DID THEY KNOW?)
 Waiting in the grocery line, looking at the candy bars, and
saying "Hmm...how would you react if I bought one of each
of these right now?"
 Telling a bar owner I wasn't sure if I should have gone into
the bathroom because it said "gentlemen" and not
"scoundrels." (An old and lame joke, but one that always
cracks me up.)
Unless you have some truly twisted inner monologue - in which

case I recommend you see a therapist rather than finishing this
Ebook - you're actually going to find that you're holding back
your best material. At the very least, when you allow people
access to your little quirky thoughts, you're going to be
interesting and memorable.
There's something especially charming about someone who opens

up their thoughts to you like that, especially upon just meeting
them. (Within reason, of course). You can see that they don't have
as strong a "social filter" as most, which means that YOU aren't
going to have to work so hard to keep up the conversation.
When you let people in on your inner monologue, it's as if the

seas part, their walls drop, and they can breathe a sigh of relief.
They're about to have a unique, fun experience that breaks up the
monotony of their day.
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Nine Secrets to Becoming the Extrovert Who Talks to Everyone
I know, I know. You're an introvert. All of this "talking to

everyone" sounds like a heck of a lot of energy and effort. You
know why it seems that way? You haven’t put the secrets into
action yet.
1. Memorize one line to say before you start. It can be as

simple as "Hello. How's your February going?"
2. You don't want to say the same old small-talk B.S. that
everyone else says, but you do want to keep it casual. Give
them something that's polite, but something they're not
totally used to. Most people say "How's your day going?"
They don't ask about your whole MONTH. It gets people
thinking and makes a lasting conversation far more likely.
3. Exclude no one, within reason. Don't go around the grocery
store talking to every single person you see - that's grounds
for getting yourself escorted out by security. But if you find
yourself waiting in line with a 90-year-old woman, don't
skip it just because she's 90 years old. Say "Hi. How's your
February going?" Before you know it, you're going to meet
an old grandma with a beautiful granddaughter she wants
to introduce to you. And if not, try to find the value in
making peoples' day and giving them the simple joy of a
pleasant interaction.
4. When in doubt, talk before you can "talk yourself out of
it." After all, you're a nice person. You don't wish people any
harm. You're not a creep. By talking to someone, if your goal
is to make their day, then there's no reason you really
shouldn't open your mouth, right? That's exactly why
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sometimes it's better to just blurt something out - "lovely

weather we're having today" - than to say nothing at all and
wonder forever what might have been.
5. Find opportunities everywhere. For some people, waiting in
line at the coffee shop is strict no-talking territory. But you'll
quickly find that that's not a written rule. It's not even an
"unwritten" rule. Most people do want to talk, they just
haven't come across someone willing to make the first step.
Until they meet you, of course. Bottom line: if you're
anywhere short of church or a funeral or any other place
where you're expected to shut up and listen, you can
probably get away with saying hello. Find those
opportunities in your daily life and make it a point to use
them.
6. If nothing's working, dumb it way down until you're more
comfortable. "Excuse me, do you have the time?" is a
perfectly valid reason to talk to someone. It's not particularly
suave, and won't lead to conversations usually, but if you
have no other experience to go on, you have to start
somewhere.
7. Go to talk as soon as you enter somewhere new. Believe
me, if you fear approaching someone, you're only delaying
the inevitable if you want to "think about it first." You have
to get moving right away. Not only will this warm you up
every single time you enter a new place, but it will prevent
you from walking around the store, hovering around,
buying your items, and going home wondering why you
didn't talk to anyone.
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8. Stick to a simple goal: to make their day a little brighter.

Yeah, yeah, this sounds corny. And you don't have to come
up to them and give them a rainbow sticker and say "cheer
up! You'll find your pot of gold one day!" You just have to
give them an opportunity to enjoy the pleasure of a nice
conversation. That's it. That's all you're doing. You're just
giving people pleasure. Once you shift to this mindset,
talking to anyone will feel like a snap.
9. Always look for the fun in any situation. That's the whole
point of interacting: to give each other pleasure. So whatever
the fun is, find it. Waiting for your bus to come? Say "I got
one dollar that says the bus is five minutes late today."
Ordering a sandwich? Order it "extra delicious, please."
There is fun to be found everywhere if that's where your
focus is.
It's really not rocket science one you take action. Just stick to
simplicity (have one interesting question ready to say, aim to
make peoples' days a little brighter, and always seek out fun), and
you'll do great.
How to Meet and Make New Friends

This guide is not going to make meeting new people any easier -
the same way I can't make curling 25 pound dumbbells any easier
for you except to tell you to get your ass to the gym. But follow
the steps contained therein, and you'll be surprised at how much
your social circle can balloon in a matter of weeks.
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Step One: Take Your Interests Social
From now on, commit to less social interaction online and more in
person. Just show up. This is a very simple formula:
 Take a look at the section on “Social Hobbies” and select two

or three that suit your needs.
 Go to sites like Meetup.com to search for that specific hobby
and sign up for any upcoming gatherings in your area.
Meetup not enough for you? Try apps like FourSquare and
Nearify. There are countless tools for you to find events and
likeminded people - you don't have an excuse for failing on
this step.
 Attend 2-3 gatherings per week...more if you want to get all
"Yes Man" about it.
The key here: you're not going

out to randomly meet people on
the street. You're going out to
“Ninety percent of success in life
meet people who come pre-
is just showing up.”
qualified with at least one similar
-Woody Allen interest. Not only does that help
you make connections faster, but
will generally help you find "your
kind of crowd." Sure, there will be
some people completely unlike you...but you'll likely luck out and
find a few who just "click."
Further, be willing to pay money. Taking cooking classes, for

example, is money well-spent: it kills two birds with one stone,
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giving you a new life skill and making you more interesting ...
while also serving as an excuse to talk to other people and work
on your social skills and connections.
But remember: just sign up. Just get out there. 90% in life is just
showing up.
The key? Don't do it just once, wuss out, go home, and tell yourself
that this eBook suave stuff doesn't work. It's hard to make new
friends in a new environment sometimes; it's anxiety-inducing.
But you'd be amazed at how the nerves exponentially die away
on the 2nd and 3rd time, when the environment is familiar and
you feel comfortable where you are.
Remember the movie “Yes Man”? In the movie, Jim Carrey's

character takes a vow that he'll say yes to every opportunity that
comes his way. His life ends up far richer for it, full of new
friends and deeper connections with his existing friends. Decide
to be more like that. Stop saying no to life, deferring your plans to
computer time, and instead get active about meeting new people.
Show up.
Step Two: Force Yourself to Talk to Everyone (But Be Normal)
I want you to commit the following sentence to memory:
Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm [your name here.]
In short, learn the art of introducing yourself. NEVER allow

yourself to stand on the sidelines again, not even when you're in a
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class and feeling out the environment. A suave person is someone

who enters a situation and decides that he or she will decide what
the social context will be.
Think about it: when you enter a new social situation with others,
everyone's looking for cues as to how to behave. They want to
know if they're expected to be polite...or if they can let loose a
little. Call it the "Moment of Awkward." It is crucial that you
overcome the Moment of Awkward by showing a little
assertiveness. Show them that it's okay to be themselves...by
being yourself and taking that first step.
Do this on the first day and you'll be amazed at how people open
up. In fact, I've had the most success in new settings when I just
"show up" as that guy everyone can talk to.
If you're an introvert, you're going to have to try a little bit of

"fake it 'til you make it." But don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s
going to be more work than you’re capable of.
Sure, it’s not easy at first. After all, you're entering a new social
situation. People don't know you. They have few assumptions to
make about your personality except from what they're presented
with. If you're open and talkative from day one, you'll be
establishing a first impression that can last you an entire series of
classes. You might find other people who are less comfortable
will approach you.
This is the part where you have to lift the weights, however. I
can't make you do it. You'll have to get out of your comfort zone
and force yourself to talk to everyone.
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What do you say? Anything. Remember: there is power in being

normal. Treat people like they're already your friends, and you'll
be amazed to see that they treat you the same way in return.
 Conquer the "Moment of Awkward." When everyone's in a

new place or trying to figure out a situation, make sure that
you establish that you're worth talking to by introducing
yourself.
 Make an effort to talk to everyone. Old men, old women,
attractive men, attractive women, everyone who's there.
 Be normal. Treat people like you already regard them as
friends or acquaintances, and you'll find they'll do the same
with you.
Step Three: Be a Social Point of "Gravity," Not Anti-Gravity
Context means everything in the social world. Thus far, you've

done a good job of establishing yourself as someone to know...in a
certain context.
But you don't have a new friend until you see someone from your
class / meetup group / event in a different context. If you merely
show up to new places and talk to a lot of people, you'll find
yourself meeting new people naturally; sometimes, they'll even
do the work for you. But if you really want to establish a social
circle of your very own, some additional assertiveness is required.
 Be a source of social events. Plan a monthly outing for

drinks, even if you're the only one in your social circle. Set a
date for it: the first Friday of every month. As you meet new
people, say, "hey, me and my friends go out for drinks on
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the first Friday of every month. Want to join us next time?"

Make up your own, too. This is just a suggestion. The point?
Have something that you regularly do so that you can invite
someone out and see them outside of the normal context of
the usual classes.
 Organize big outings. Throw yourself a birthday party and
rent a party bus. Organize a camping weekend. Don't always
wait for other people to make plans; make plans yourself.
 Get creative. Create your own MeetUp group. Start a
Subreddit for your local town. Be a point of contact, and not
someone always doing the contacting. You'll find people
start to naturally approach you looking to make you as a
connection.
In short: once you know someone well enough, invite them out.
To make it a more comfortable offer to accept, plan a monthly
group event where the pressure isn't on any one person to say
yes.
Meeting New People for College Students
College is like a pre-designed social environment in which people

expect to make new friends and hook up. It's basically a social life
on easy mode. But if you're truly determined, you'll find a way to
waste away in your dorm room while someone else has all the
fun.
Don't be that person. Be assertive about your social life.
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 Be normal. Remember: there’s more power in this than you

think. Treat everyone around you in your classes like friends
from day one.
 Take up one social activity. There are plenty of social
activities that are designed for you to simply sign up and
join. Fraternities. Sororities. Outings. Events. Whatever. Sign
up for something that won't add too much to your class load
and make sure to force yourself to talk to everyone when
you show up.
 Throw parties. Young adults expect things to be done for
them; you'll be amazed at how easy it is to start getting
approached by others when you're considered a SOURCE of
fun rather than merely another mannequin looking to join
the party.
If you want to build a social circle, you can't do it exclusively on

the computer - and you can't do it with the same habits that
brought you to lonely Friday nights. You'll have to get out there,
get out of your comfort zone, and become a source of social fun
rather than a drain of it.
Key Takeaways
 Internet doesn't count. The Internet is a tool to help you find

real-life people. Having Internet-only relationships just
doesn't count.
 To meet new people, you have to show up. Find where
people like you are gathering, and seek those places and
events out.
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 Overcome the "Moment of Awkwardness" by introducing

yourself first. In many situations, you'll find that people
gather around haphazardly, clinging to people they know,
not really doing anything...don't let yourself do the same. Be
the social spark.
 Expose yourself to enough situations that your most
compatible friends are naturally made. You'll find that if
you're social enough, the people who are most like you will
sort of naturally become your friends with minimal effort.
We're humans; we're social beings. Unless you have major
problems, it's going to happen for you, too.
 Be a source of social gravity. Start some sort of monthly
informal event with friends. Plan camping outings. Be the
leader of a Meetup group. If you're in college, make the
party happen. Part of the magic of the suave person is that
wherever they go, fun seems to follow. Be that person; don't
wait for the party to come to you.

Host a Regular Party or Group Outing—Even

if No One Shows Up
You might not expect a section like "you should host a regular
party or outing" to be controversial...but believe it or not, I've
gotten some negative feedback writing about party hosting. It's
not "beginner's" material, to some, because you need to make
friends before you can invite friends out.
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They're missing a key point: you don't have to be "Facebook

official" with people to host them.
When I lived with roommates, I would piggy-back off of their

respective acquaintances and friends by getting behind the bar,
even though I didn't really know any of the people directly.
I made being a host a way I made friends.
You should, too.
Give-to-Give: The Golden Rule
I was at a bar in Indianapolis when I first saw "Give-to-Give" in

action.
At bars, I used to be stingy with my tips. Tip a buck here, a buck

there. Sometimes no tips at all.
Then I read the work of suave man extraordinaire Brent Smith

and learned he has a very simple motto that governs most of his
social interactions. He calls it "Give-to-Give.”
The concept is simple: give for the sake of giving, not to get something
in return. Be generous with your time and energy for the sake of being
generous.
So, on the first drink of the night in that bar in Indianapolis, I

tipped the man five dollars on my drink, expecting nothing in
return - I just wanted to be a good tipper.
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Later, the bartender came around with a round of free shots,

which we drank together. I’d made a friend for the night.
If you give for the sake of giving, other people will treat you the
same way: they'll give in return. But here's the kicker: you can't
give to people expecting something in return...when you do,
you'll give off a needy vibe, and you’ll feel cheated when you get
nothing in return.
That night in Indianapolis, I wasn't expecting a free drink - and

that might be exactly why I got one.
I've always tipped well on the first drink ever since.
Don't Procrastinate: Be People’s Friend Now, Not Later
So what does hosting a party or organizing a group outing have

to do with giving people things?
Simple. It's the Golden Rule. Treat people how you want to be
treated. If you want more friends, you're going to have to start
acting like a friend first.
The messages I've gotten from people requesting I not write about
parties are well-intentioned but misguided. They don't see that
taking on a "Golden Rule" mindset helps you make friends.
Do not procrastinate. Do not put off living a fun and social

lifestyle simply because you think you need to reach some
arbitrary "Friendmaker lvl. 4" status that's only in your own
head. Start acting as if you are suave, right now.
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Okay. Now that I've got that off my chest, let's talk about being a
source of social interaction rather than someone always leeching
off the work of others.
Variables: Choosing the Party or Group Outing that Works For

You
There are essentially two variables to choose from as you begin to

organize your parties:
 What will your party or group outing be like? Will you

organize a camping trip amongst friends? Will you schedule
an informal "we're meeting out for drinks on Friday" event
monthly? A quarterly poker night with the guys? Do what
most appeals to you, because your enthusiasm will be
infectious.
 How often will you do this? If you don't have the resources
of Jay Gatsby, you don't have to throw a party every night.
You can simply throw one in occasionally.
Dream Big, Start Small
Take a few minutes right now and give yourself permission to

dream big - even TOO big - for a moment.
If you could host the party/get-together of your dreams, what

would it look like?
Feel free to go balls out on this fantasy. Pretend you have the
resources to live life on your terms. If you want to live it up like
Leonardo DiCaprio on a yacht, picture that. If you want to host a
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bangin’ New Year's Party at your mansion, picture that. Whatever

you want to do, picture your ideal party as a snippet within your
ideal life.
Okay, back to your computer screen.
What would it take you to go from where you are now to what
you just imagined? Let me let you in on a little secret: you don't
have to be as rich as Leonardo DiCaprio to have a taste of that
life.
This is where you have to get resourceful. Start asking yourself

how you might throw a banging party that takes people into
another dimension, if even for a night:
 Rent, don't own. Instead of buying a yacht, charter a boat.

Instead of buying a mansion, rent a place out. It's perfectly
common to invite people to kick in an "entry fee" for things
like party buses and limousines; you can do the same thing
but for more extraordinary logistics. We live in the age of
Google, people: no excuses. Type in "boat charters [my city]"
and get started figuring out who offers the best prices.
 Build up a reputation for your parties first. No one's asking
you to turn into Dan Bilzerian overnight. You'll want to
build up a regular "crew" of people who will show up to
your parties, and in order to do that, you have to keep
"giving to give" from the very start, even if you start with a
simple "drinks at my place" premise. More on this later.
Eventually, as you build up your ability to play host and you

remember that dream you had when you read that one brilliant
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eBook, you'll be able to build up into something remarkably close

if not right on the money to the kind of party lifestyle you've
always dreamed of.
The Process: Why "But I Don't Have Any Friends" Is Not An

Excuse
I've had people message me saying "but why are you writing
about parties when I can't even make friends to invite to parties?"
This is fundamentally flawed thinking, because it misses the

point: part of the point of having parties is making new friends.
When I started playing bartender for the friends of my friends, I

didn't really know any of them. But you can bet that they wanted
to get to know the guy giving them free drinks pretty damn
quickly.
But I understand that some people reading this are starting from
scratch. So let's look at this in terms of levels. Pick the level you're
at, and get started:
 Level One: No friends and no life. You're going to have to

fake it a little bit, and start small. Don't go chartering a yacht
if there's no one to enjoy it. If you meet an acquaintance, you
might say "I'm hosting this little get together next month.
Drinks are on me. Here's my number." It's really much
simpler than you first think. And here's the kicker: even if no
one shows up, do it anyway. Go to the bar you planned to go to
and if one guy shows up, buy him drinks. You have to start
somewhere.
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 Level Two: You know people, but no one is showing up.

You're going to have to incentivize things. This is where
"giving to give" comes in - and it might require some money.
Call some local bars or clubs to see if there are any group
deals you can get. Talk to a limousine company about a
"night on the town" deal. Organize a simple bar crawl and
offer free drinks for everyone who shows up to the first bar.
 Level Three: Growing the reputation. Eventually, if you are
consistent with your outings, you'll start to grow a
reputation and people will start to invite their own friends to
come along. That's good! That's exactly what you want to
happen; you want things to develop a life of their own. What
you do is simple: you welcome each new party-goer not as a
mooch, but as your friend. You're still giving to give. Even
when people are mooching off of your initiative.
 Level Four: Make it extraordinary. Now that you're
growing a reputation as throwing a great party, you'll want
to step up your game. This is when you think about
incorporating a yacht charter or something similar. You'll
want to take people out of their normal lives and make it
seem like you live in some alternative suave dimension.
Simply inviting people at this point will be giving-to-give.
 Level Five: Make it exclusive. Eventually, it will become too
big...and since you were the one to create this whole shindig,
you don't want it to get away from you. So create an
exclusive "VIP" list. Be discerning with who you invite.
Cultivate the air of an exclusive event that people want to
get into.
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The Tools: Finding People and Organizing Events
Okay, back to level one. Where does one start?
 Meetup.com is great for starting groups...and for meeting

people in the first place. Having a regular shindig to invite
other people you meet in MeetUp groups is a great way to
turn them from acquaintances into real friends that you see
in your personal life. If you're short on friends and
acquaintances, don't start a Meetup just yet until you have
people who would be interested.
 EventBrite is a great tool for creating your party as an event
that people can click to, so it's easier to find you and any
party details they need.
 Facebook should be used sparingly, of course, but as a party
planner...it has uses.
Get to making friends, and get to enjoying your life - and,

perhaps more importantly, get to improving the lives of others
simply because they know you. You'll astonished at the
rewards...but, of course, that's not why you're doing it.
How to Make Social Media Work for You

You might think that Dan Bilzerian is something of a douche.
And maybe he is. Maybe he's not. I haven't met him. Besides, I'm
not here to cast judgment on the guy today. Today's subject is
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social media, and Bilzerian's Instagram account is one of the most

notorious in the world:
A quick glance at Dan Bilzerian's Instagram will show the

following:
 Hanging out with attractive women

 Spending time with expensive cars
 Living it up on private jets
 Hanging out with other high-status individuals
 Going on adventures
 High-stakes gambling
A lot of people consider Dan Bilzerian to be obnoxious, but

there's no doubt he's carefully curated his Instagram account to
create a certain image of himself...and it's working. With over 12
million followers, he's become famous simply for his jet-setting
lifestyle.
Don't copy Dan Bilzerian, but do realize that you can do a lot
more with your social media to get the best parts of yourself
across to the world.
Portray the Right Image
Let's not be Dan Bilzerian.
I want to make it clear that I'm not advocating exactly what he

does. But it is important to recognize what he's doing right.
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No matter what your hobbies, no matter who your friends are, no

matter how you spend your time, you should have a specific goal
with social media: you should want to create an image that you're
a high status individual. Dan Bilzerian's Instagram accomplishes
this...but so does Barack Obama's. The content is vastly different,
but many of the inherent messages are the same: this is a high-
status individual who lives a very conscious lifestyle involved
with a lot of people, and they highlight that hanging out with
them would be time well spent.
You should do the same. Here's what your social media account
should aim to demonstrate:
 You are a high-status individual

 You meet a lot of people
 Spending time with you is fun; you keep busy
 You do interesting things
Show, Don't Tell: Why Pictures and Video Are Everything
Did you ever go to /r/IAmVerySmart on Reddit?
It’s rife with violations of this principle.
It's actually quite possible to come across as a high value

individual via social media, but you have to follow some of the
oldest advice in the world of writing: "show, don't tell." That
guy's problem above is that he was telling and not showing; it
comes across as disingenuous bragging.
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A picture is worth a thousand
words.
Not only that, but even if he
-Common saying
could convince us of everything
he wrote there, he's still only
trying to give off the image as
an anti-social nerd-genius. Being an anti-social nerd genius might
work for you if you can solve the mysteries of the universe and
have something to offer humanity...otherwise, it's just turns
people off.
So don't do any of that.
Here's why:
 Pictures are easy social proof. You take a picture with three
acquaintances, and guess what? Everyone assumes they’re
your friends.
 Pictures are easy, period. Why bother with some lengthy
journal entry about your amazing day in Cabo when you can
post five pictures and everyone will get the message?
 People are more willing to buy what they see, not what
they read. Especially on social media. By incorporating a lot
of pictures into your social media account, you give off a
more confident "this is me" vibe because you're not working
so hard to earn people’s attention...unless your pictures are
truly desperate.
But it's not enough to post pictures. You have to know how to do
it right.
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How to Get More Pictures onto Your Social Media
Go out enough and eventually you're going to start acquiring

pictures. Maybe you're in a club and a professional photographer
is there; check out the club website later and you'll find yourself.
Maybe you're at a house party with friends and someone's taking
pictures. Add them on Facebook and ask if you can swipe a few
pictures for sharing.
However, that's not the whole story. You don't want to flood
people’s timelines with a thousand pictures a week; that goes
over the "a picture speaks a thousand words" rule and simply
tunes people out. So here's how to add more pictures the right
way:
 Go out to actual events. The more special the event, the

more likely a photographer is to be there. Charity events and
other high-profile events are great for this, since people want
to be seen at these places, and it won't be hard to pose with a
few people you just met. Ask the photographer for their card
or website so you can share their pictures later. They're
happy to self-promote.
 Collect pictures like seashells. The more pictures you have
of yourself, the better...but gather them, and then take some
time to pick out the best ones. Be discriminating. Throw
away the bad seashells. You want your pictures to have
more impact. If you post 10 pictures a day, you're going to
reach a point of diminishing returns.
 Keep/share the pictures with other people in them. This
shows you aren't self-centered and allows other people to
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see the kind of company you keep. If you think this is

superficial, consider that this is already what other people
do no matter what you post online.
 Take your own camera if you must, and have other people
take pictures. Asking someone to take your picture is one of
the most common interactions people have with strangers.
You might have to force a few pictures at first, if you're not
used to being this social, and that means taking pictures
with people you barely know. But as you get used to it,
you'll gather more and more authentic pictures.
How Not to Share Pictures On Your Social Media
 No more selfies unless someone else is in the picture with

you. The more solo selfies you post, the creepier your social
media gets. Avoid them like the plague. Remember: the
point of these pictures is to show that other people exist in
your life. Generally, it's more "high status" that someone else
takes the picture for you.
 Upload no more than once or twice per week. Maybe thrice
if you're really in the zone. Since Facebook allows you to
post about a zillion pictures at a time, try not to create an
endless novel of picture albums. You don't want to flood the
timelines of people who follow you.
 No easy "set-ups." Don’t take a picture of your fancy book
and mug of hot chocolate to show people how you’re living.
They know this is phony, and so do you.
 No pictures of your food. Sharing pictures of your food is
ordinary. Be extraordinary.
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Likes, Re-Tweets, and Shares
Don’t be too “available.”
This is especially true it comes to your actual participation on

your timeline. Keep the likes, re-tweets, etc., to a minimum. "Like"
someone's post when they share something with you, but don't
go out of your way to be the only one poking others to get their
attention. You want to have a somewhat regular presence on their
timeline...but not so much that you take over and get people to
stop following you.
What to Actually DO With Social Media
Because you did your eBook homework and are working on

hosting a regular party, you can use the social media platforms
you have available to you to keep things organized. Once you get
to a certain level, you can make it a closed, invite-only group to
keep the value high.
In their excellent book "Jumpstart Your Social Life," Brent Smith

and Jason Treu recommend being the social hub by inviting
people out to high-quality events; you don't have to attach a
message, just invite people you know and want to hang out with
every once in a while.
Between your social activity and your pictures, people will start
to view you as the "guy/girl to know."
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Selectively Choose Your Friends and Followed People
I generally don't add someone as a friend/follower on social

media unless they ask for it. I'll occasionally add someone like a
photographer just to make a new contact, but the image you want
to portray on social media is that your time is valuable.
You don't want to be viewed as a "promoter/spammer." You

simply want to be seen as a person with a very active social life.
Never, Never Do the Following
 Never ask someone out on a date on social media. (Group

outings and social invites are a completely different thing
than asking your "one crush" to go out on a date via direct
message.)
 Post overly political messages. You’re not a Senator. You'll
accomplish nothing and will alienate half of the people who
follow you.
 Post bathroom selfies.
 Share your deep insights. People care far less about your
insights than you think.
 Post any picture of you by yourself that you took yourself.
 "Like" your crush's Cabo bikini pics at 2 a.m. at night. Stop
interacting a lot on social media except on your terms.
To review:
 Pictures are the most powerful way of demonstrating your

lifestyle, so use high-quality pictures at high-quality events
of you being dressed well and hanging out with people, or
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you having adventures with other people, or you traveling

with others. No more creepy bathroom selfies and no more
being alone in your photos.
 Use social media as a way to organize your regular social
gatherings; selectively invite people out to things in
conjunction with your pictures to be seen as the "person to
know."
 Don't post, like, share, or Tweet too often. You want to create
a little bit of mystery, after all. Cultivate an air of
unavailability.
 "Give to give." Be the social hub and share the occasional
event invite with people. Don't use social media to weasel
into other people’s events, but rather as an instrument to
give other people a good time.
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Chapter Four: Attracting the Opposite Sex

without Chasing
Becoming More Attractive Without Chasing
First Things First: Fix Your Attitude
Nothing you say, do, wear, or lift will help you with women if
you start off with the wrong attitude. Here’s where you need to
focus.
Abandoning Her-League-My-League Thinking
In short: now is the time to abandon game-based thinking. Can you

"game" women? Yes. Should you? No. You should focus on
building an attractive mindset, and attractive exterior, and
building yourself up to the point where you never feel a wall of
artificial "out of my league" separation between you and
extraordinary women.
When you truly feel attractive, you’ll never feel the need to
“game.”
From here on out, promise me: to you, there are no more

"leagues." There is no more "I won't approach someone that
beautiful; she probably has a boyfriend." There is no more "I'm
too ugly/short/fat to land a hot woman." There is no more
changing your behavior around hot women because you think
she'll like you more if you're more cocky/more polite/whatever.
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If you focus on becoming the right kind of guy - a guy that people
like being around - women will chase you. Because you'll be a rare
find.
Abundance Mentality
I won’t repeat myself – you’ve read about abundance mentality

already. But there are a few principles to remember as you go
forward:
 Choose a woman who chooses you. No more "making" a

woman like you with "game." Go around and be your best
self and let the women choose you, and proceed from there.
If you're worried it will never happen that way, check your
scarcity mindset at the door and keep reading.
 Failure is not permanent. Until a meteor crashes on earth
and humanity is wiped out, there will always, always,
always be more extraordinary, beautiful women out there.
 "Soul mates" don't exist. You are no longer trying to win
any one particular women over; you are now building the
lifestyle of a man who attracts women into his life easily and
naturally.
Reframing Failure and Rejection As Opportunities
 Rejection is good for you. You’ll find out more about this in
a little bit. In fact, if you do it right, you'll start to see that
rejections only help you build up confidence and poise.
When you watch yourself fail and overcome your worst fear,
you will innately build the belief systems that foster genuine
self-confidence.
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 Failure is motivation. If someone makes fun of you, thank

them for fostering your motivation. Write down the
motivating thought, and use it to fuel you at the gym. From
today on out, you will no longer fear mockery or failure;
instead, you will digest it, use it for its motivational calories,
shit it out, and flush it down the toilet of forgotten
memories.
Attracting Women Is Not What You Do, It's Who You Are
This is the toughest pill to swallow for men who have been
learning pickup lines, negs, and the like. It's time to abandon that
circus shit forever and walk around with the confidence that you
are enough.
 "I am enough." Come from the attitude of "I am enough"

and the world will open up to you. Come from the attitude
of "I must be witty and charming to earn approval" and you
will repel people away, because they'll sniff out your low
value from a mile away.
 Building good habits. You are not going to attract beautiful
women overnight. You're going to build yourself into an
attractive person via good habits: becoming fun, open, and
energetic - a positive presence. If you have good habits, you
won't ever have to worry about "what to say" again.
 You are malleable. The brain is malleable. Your habits are
malleable. You are not the static being you imagine yourself
to be. So don't fret and say "well, who I am hasn't attracted
anyone yet." You can simultaneously be yourself and
improve yourself.
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The Need to "Game" Comes from Scarcity
 "I need to game her" is the same as saying "I am not

enough." We want to build you up into someone who can
walk up to a woman, have no idea about what you're going
to say, and still feel the confidence and poise of someone
who expects to be treated with respect.
 Having one or two "lines" is not the same as gaming.
"Hello" is technically a "line" you can memorize. That doesn't
make it particularly artificial. It's okay to have one or two
basic things to say to people ready to go; if you spend
enough time socializing, chances are you'll develop this
habit anyway.
What You Do: Eyes, Voice, Body
I know, I know. In the previous section I wrote "It's not what you
do, it's who you are." And now I'm telling you what to do?! I've
got it all confused!
But the idea is simple: the way you use your eyes, your voice, and
your body are extensions of your internal belief system. If you
believe yourself to be a pathetic, shy loser, that will come out in
bad eye contact, voice, and body language habits. In truth, your
eyes, voice, and body are who you are. They're the habits that you
really have to work at to improve and control.
Here's the gist of where you want to be:
Eye Contact and Voice
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You remember the section from earlier, right? Now’s as good a

time as any to review it. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Body Language and Posture
Do the above (eye contact and speaking from fun authority), and
most of your non-verbal communication is taken care of. You’ll
see more about posture later in this Ebook, but for now, ask
yourself this:
How do you feel if you walk around like a king?
Go ahead. Walk around the room like a king. Hold your chest up,
survey your kingdom like a lion, and sit back down.
How different do you feel? How relaxed? How powerful?
How you carry yourself impacts how others see you—but it also
affects how you see yourself. When you catch yourself slouching,
sit up and smile.
A Note on Innate Social Proof
What do all of these "outer game" items have in common?
They come to you naturally when you're given a position of

leadership. If you've ever encountered someone with "situational
confidence," like say a manager at a coffee shop who's in charge
of a bunch of college-age employees, you'll find that their
behaviors tend to automatically "correct" to reflect their position.
Even if they're not usually like that. If you've ever been in that
situation, you probably know that your interactions with women
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seem a lot easier, more fluid, more natural, and you often
generate attraction.
The goal, then, is to create this same confidence and congruence

at a base level; i.e., you don't depend on being the coffee shop
manager; you depend on feeling like a leader all the time. When
you feel this way, people will inherently assume good things
about you. They'll judge you based on your behaviors, perceive
that you view yourself as high value, and they'll work on the
assumption that it's true. And, ideally, it is.
For most men, it goes like this:
 External validation: Playing confidence as a "role": Man

exhibits high value behaviors: Women are attracted
It works. But it's not genuine. It's built on a foundation of sand;

remove the external validation and the entire house of cards
crashes down. You want it to be more like this:
 Self-validation: Genuine confidence: You exhibit high

value behaviors: Women are attracted
That is how you become naturally good with women, in a

nutshell. But, of course, more remains to be explained.
Who You Are: Inner Game, Attractiveness, and Self-Leadership
Would you date you?
It's not fair to blame beautiful women for not being attracted to
you if you do nothing to attract them. And your attractiveness
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depends entirely upon the quality of your presentation to the

world. How often are you working on that quality?
The common axiom is "it's not what you do, it's who you are."
That's why a wise man will focus on making himself better across
the full spectrum.
Inner Game
If you’re still confused by Chapter One, go back and re-read it.

There’s a reason it’s positioned at the start of this book, and
there’s a reason we took our time getting through the basics.
Attractiveness
This is a big enough piece of being suave that it has its own
section here. But the key point is: you can and should work on your
attractiveness. I don't want to hear that your face is ugly. I want to
hear about how you're changing your body, your style, your
hygiene, and everything that is under your control for the better.
 If you want attractive women, be as attractive as you can

be. You can be unattractive and date attractive women, true.
But if you're actively working on bettering yourself, you're
going to come from a better place right off the bat. You're
going to believe in yourself more, you're going to take pride
in taking care of yourself, and you're going to be more
mentally healthy.
 A lot of value is conveyed through clothing. Can you
attract women without it? Sure. But a suave man doesn't
bother. Wearing well-fitting, stylish clothing has tons of
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benefits, including really practical benefits like getting into

bars/clubs more quickly.
 Love yourself. You should fundamentally enjoy treating
yourself well, and that includes treating your exterior well. If
you love yourself, it's infectious. Once again, all of this stuff
is connected.
Self-Leadership
Ever hear of the bystander effect? When someone is in danger,

many people simply watch, trusting someone else to take a
leadership role.
People want to be led. But you can't hope to lead anyone until
you can lead yourself. There is something innately attractive
about a man who knows what he wants, who’s protective of his
time, and who is decisive in social situations. Here are some
things you can improve in self-leadership:
 Self-improvement. Going to the gym is self-leadership.

Studying is self-leadership. Anything that requires discipline
for a greater good that you envision for yourself? It's worth
more than gold. Treat your free time as such.
 Boundaries. No suave man was ever a pushover. Even
James Bond wiped out motherfuckers with harpoons when
they tried sneaking up on him. Do not allow yourself to be
treated rudely.
 Poise. In tough situations, do you freak the fuck out? Do you
get butthurt when women make fun of you and call you
creepy? Or are you poised, even when you get rejected?
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Never, ever, be butthurt. Lead yourself to relaxation and

fun.
Baby Steps and Incremental Improvement
 Start where you are. If you have the guts and mental
fortitude, throw yourself into the pool. If not, start where
you are. It's not easy to start changing yourself, so if merely
walking outdoors alone gives you the heebie-jeebies, start
there.
 Set a weekly goal, meet it, and improve the next week.
Maybe one week, it's just to go somewhere where beautiful
women are. Maybe the next week, it's to say "hello" to one
woman a day. Maybe the next week, it's saying hello and
striking up a mundane conversation. Maybe the next week,
you work on your eye contact. Maybe the next week, you
work on speaking loudly and clearly. Keep stacking weeks.
Improve by 1% each week and you'll be amazed at your
progress within a year.
 The Seinfeld Productivity Technique. The gist: Buy a
calendar. Start a new habit today. Cross the day off on your
calendar when you've achieved your daily goal. Your chief
aim? To maintain the chain of completed days. That's it.
Nothing more, nothing less. Just keep the chain alive.
 Keep a progress journal. This won't only help you believe in
the progress you're making, but as you get farther along in
the journey, you'll be able to go back to those first days and
see how much you've really changed.
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Becoming suave is a long-term investment in yourself; think of it

like going to the bank every day and making a deposit. Through
the power of compound interest, you'll eventually find yourself in
amazing places. It won't happen overnight, but if you're vigilant,
it will happen.
Frame, Rejection, Poise, and Your "Confidence Muscle"
We humans are evolved to live in small nomadic groups; as such,

all it takes to build "social value" is to have the strongest mental
frame of mind in any given group of people.
If attracting beautiful women is who you are and not what you
do, then your confidence must be a matter of course, and not a
matter of circumstance.
 There is no game except frame control. In any given

situation, one person's views dominate. When you meet
someone, are they welcomed into your universe...or are you
trying to earn their respect and approval? And having
everyone's attention isn't enough. As Nick Sparks puts it,
would you rather be the jester...or the king?
 Frame is usually expressed in poise. The unwavering belief
in yourself is not aggressive; it is relaxed. It's Michael Jordan
looking at nothing but the next in Game 6. James Bond stays
James Bond, even when betrayed and rejected.
 Frame is built like muscle. You have to exercise it. And, like
muscle, your mental poise and frame can be built by failure.
Rejection makes good practice, even better than success.
Overcoming other challenges with your dignity in tact will
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make you a better man who sees his life from a larger
perspective.
One of the most valuable things you can learn to do is handle a

frame test. A frame test can be anything: an objection, an insult,
an attempt to knock you off your game. You'll read a lot about
these online, usually in the context of picking up women. But the
truth is, I think most people give you frame tests just to test your
mental mettle.
How to respond to a frame test:
 Never lose your cool. Losing your cool is the first and most
immediate sign that your frame test has failed. Stay cool,
baby, ice cold.
 Ignore. Not a great solution, but it generally beats
overreacting, losing your cool, etc. Simply move on with the
conversation.
 Shut down. This isn't my favorite, because it's not generally
smooth, but at least it shows that you're not going to take any
guff.
 Agree/disagree and amplify. We're getting a little closer. If
someone says "you are just a player, aren't you?" you might
disagree and say "Actually, I'm a virgin...and I'm really
sensitive about it. Thanks!" in a clearly joking tone. Or you
might agree and say..."Yeah, thanks! I'm actually thinking
about turning pro." Point is, you're not taking a frame test
seriously, which means you're passing it.
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This is not just a matter of technique; it's about understanding

what's behind a frame test that will give you more success.
The real key:
Why does the latter solution work so well? A frame test cannot be
passed, it can only be failed. A frame test can only be swatted
away by not taking its power seriously. Since you live in your
world, you won't acknowledge the authority of other people to
measure your worth as a person. Besides, life is a frame test.
James T. Kirk understood this when he beat the Kobayashi Maru

test; he simply refused to acknowledge it as a legitimate test.
Alexander the Great understood this received a letter from

Persian King Darius III asking for an alliance. Alexander’s
response? He didn't even acknowledge Darius' ability to make
such a request, saying, "Approach me therefore as the lord of all
Asia. If you are afraid of suffering harm at my hands by coming
in person, send some of your friends to receive proper assurances.
Come to me to ask and receive your mother, your wife, your
children and anything else you wish. Whatever you can persuade
me to give shall be yours."
Alexander also understood it when he encountered the Gordian

Knot; rather than succumb to everyone else's frame and attempt
to be the best at untying it, he simply chopped it apart.
A frame test is an attempt to see if you'll participate as a peon in

someone else's universe. Don't. If you value yourself, you value
your own perspective. Truth be told, as you become more
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advanced in your charisma, the frame test shouldn't really feel

like a major challenge. If you have poise and control over your
emotions, you'll find it easy to laugh off frame tests.
Having "Something to Say"
One of the most frequent problems men will bring up when

starting out dating is that they fear they'll run out of stuff to say.
I'll give you the quick fix, and then the way to treat the problem
that's causing the symptom.
Actually Have Something to Say
If you see a woman you want to introduce yourself to, you can't
let brain-freeze get in the way. Develop a sentence or two you use
to introduce yourself. It doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be
there, in your back pocket, so you can focus on beating your fears.
Here are a few suggestions:
 Direct: "Excuse me, I thought you were really cute and I

wanted to introduce myself. I'm _____." The "direct" method.
 Funny: "This is a crazy coincidence, but I have those exact
same shoes." Especially good if she's wearing heels.
 Cheerful: "Hey, happy Friday!"
 Simple: "Hi." Revolutionary!
I'll be the first to admit I'm not re-inventing the wheel. But if
you're thinking to yourself, "I've said hi before and it hasn't
worked," or "The problem is, I don't know what to say after that,"
then let's dig a little deeper to find what the real problem is.
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Golden Lips
The problem with "running out of things to say" is primarily

about your attitude and beliefs, not about your literal ability to
say charming things.
Golden Lips is a basic concept that as long as you believe that

what you say is valuable (because it comes from you, a valuable
person), you'll end up talking people’s ears off. I rarely encounter
someone with an actual "having something to say" problem. Shy
nerds turn into regular extraverts when they're in online chats
and feel no pressure to say anything particularly worthwhile.
Here are a few ways to fix the problem:
 Practice saying stuff without regard to its quality. Practice

just talking, and talking, and talking. Talk to the lady behind
the deli counter, the gas station clerk, the UPS guy. To keep
talking, you'll have to lower your standard for "what's
charming." You may end up just talking about the weather,
for example. But eventually, you'll discover that you're more
charming when you remove the mental blocks that have
been holding you back.
 Remember that communication is mostly nonverbal. You
can entrance people with a dumb story about that one time
you went camping...or you can be saying some pretty mind-
blowing stuff about the universe and watch as people roll
their eyes. Social skills aren't always about intrinsic value,
but perceived value. And the perceived value of what you
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say has more to do with your subcommunication than your

actual communication. It's about energy, not content.
Think about how fun it is to talk to a kid. Kids have nothing to

say, most of the time. But they're fascinated anyway, so the energy
of the conversation makes it fun. Talking to the mailman about
the rain is boring...but talking to a kid who's like "WOW! Look at
how fat the raindrops are!" is fun. It's not because of the content -
the mailman knows the weather better - it's about what's behind
the interaction. The energy.
So stop believing there's "nothing to say," and focus on being a

talkative, fun person who engages other people. Chances are, the
good stuff will flow anyway.
Bringing the Party vs. Seeking the Party
When you start a new interaction with people, one of two things
will happen: you will either bring the energy down, or you will
offer surplus energy. You're either taking or you're giving.
You've experienced seeking the party if you've ever walked up to

a group in a bar that looked like they were having fun, only to be
gently ignored by those standing on the outskirts. You've
experienced being the party if you've ever joked around and had
a good time with friends and saw that people started to talk to
you.
It's a subtle distinction, so here are a few principles to live by:
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 Approach each interaction with a "boost." Evaluate the

energy of your surroundings, and provide a gentle lift in
energy when you talk to people. If you're having a ball in the
club, that means shouting "woo," doling out high-fives, and
dancing your ass off. If you're chatting to someone at the
library, it's offering a pleasant hello. Your goal: communicate
that interacting with you is going to be pleasant, fun, and
worth their time and energy.
 Go out with the goal of providing a good time. Yes,
providing. People are wrapped up in their fears, their
anxieties, their uncertainty about the world around them. Be
a catalyst to having fun. Be that guy who says "oh, karaoke
night? Sure, I'll start us off?" And do it not for you, but for the
situation. Give more than you get. When you’re content
giving more than you get, neediness dissolves away.
 Carpe diem. Wherever you are, decide that's where the
party is. With a few male friends in the bar? Lift up the
energy and play some bar games. Alone at the bar? Ask the
bartender if they'll play dice. Talking to some elderly people
at the old folks' home? Start up a rousing game of Scrabble.
From now on, the good time in the room can be had by
knowing you. Seize the day.
 Introduce people to each other. Even if you don't know
people that well. You'll find that being a social catalyst
inherently provides fun to people, because it allows them to
feel like they belong in the good time that's being enjoyed by
all. You'll also be seen as the guy who "knows everyone."
 Act like you own the place. Brent Smith recommends
approaching a new situation by walking around and making
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quick, enjoyable small talk with everyone there - you know,

like how the mayor of the city might enter the situation,
schmoozing. The key is that you end the interactions first
and move on. People will think "who is that guy that knows
everyone?" It's social proof. Then, once you've talked to
everyone in the room, settle down for a drink and watch
how many people re-engage with you.
Remember: there is no such thing as something for nothing. By

re-focusing your energy on supplying the situation with energy,
introductions, and a fun time, you'll put yourself in the right spot
for women to approach you and ask, "so...who are you?" But it's
not done by accident. It comes from the attitude of giving, not
from expecting something for nothing.
Lifestyle vs. "Picking Women Up"
There's a reason women view pickup as creepy, and it's not

always for the reason you think.
Focusing your life on seducing women, figuring them out, and

approaching it like a video game might seem like fun to you, but
it's not how a truly suave man lives. A renaissance man is willing
to approach women to build his confidence, sure, but he
recognizes that this is only the part of a package of a re-invented
lifestyle.
Your goal should be to put yourself into the position to succeed;

it's that axiom, "90% of success is showing up."
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When you take up a number of social hobbies, when you go to

bars not to pick up women but to have fun and be the catalyst for
everyone to have a great time, when you start giving more energy
than you take...then you'll start to see how meeting women can be
the part of this complete breakfast...rather than just a tasty donut.
That's all well and good to say, of course: but how is it done?
 Talk to everyone. Talk to the old man in the grocery line just
as much as the cutie who was looking at 2% milk. You'll
build up massive amounts of social experience and
momentum by doing this, and you'll start to see beautiful
women not as special flowers but as people. Imagine that.
 End interactions first. Building a lifestyle means you're
busy; it's only a matter of practicality to end conversations
first and move on. But it will also instill your vibe with the
aura of value; there's only so much of you to go around. Get
in the habit of ending interactions first, and that means
everything from text conversations to hitting it off with
beautiful women.
 Log the hell off. Internet can certainly be a part of this
complete breakfast; it's what I'm doing right now. But life is
best experienced in living color. You're not going to
experience the full benefits of a complete lifestyle until you
get out in the real world and earn that ice-cold frame. You're
not going to build social momentum if you get home from
work and veg out in front of computer games that
practically play themselves. Find the fun stuff out there that
also has the added effect of making your social life more
interesting.
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 Remember: be generous with your energy. Don't give to

others with the expectation of receiving. Give for the sake of
giving. It's a subtle distinction, but it will make all the
difference. I recommend taking up volunteering if you really
want to work on this idea of giving for the sake of giving;
chances are, it will feel like the most valuable thing you do
all week.
 It's okay to let go. Having a great conversation with a
statuesque blonde? Try giving out your number instead of
taking it. You'll get a lot of B.S. from other guys for this, "It's
a man's job to call the woman," etc. But try it out a few times
and see if she doesn't end up contacting you. It's okay to let
go. There are more women out there, there's more life to
experience right now. No matter how great the vibe is, no
matter how much she loves you, remember: you'll always be
more powerful if you're willing to let it all go. As Fight Club
notes, it's not only until you've lost everything that you're
free to do anything.
Stop Tolerating Bullshit
That last point is important, because letting things go is part of

living in a mentality and lifestyle of abundance. Sometimes, that
means letting go of situations and even people who do nothing
but drag you down.
When I worked at a retail store, I started getting used to dealing

with rude customers. I usually let it go. Then, one day, my shift
manager saw me deal with a particularly irate woman and took
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me aside. He said something like, "Hey, you know you have the
right to refuse service to anyone, right?"
I probably blinked like someone who'd never heard this concept

before. "I do?"
"Yeah."
"But isn't the customer always right?"
"Hell, no."
He was my favorite shift manager.
And that was it. The next time a customer treated me rudely, I
refused service and told them to come back when they were
ready to treat me like a normal person. The person staggered out,
wide-eyed, and everyone else in the line was on their best
behavior. From then on, I realized that humility has a lot of
power, but having a spine can be just as important.
You don't have to be an abrasive asshole to achieve this effect.

You simply have to manage what happens in your life. You have
the right to say, "I accept this," or, "I don't accept this." And you'll
find that women are generally more attracted to a man who has
his head on straight. Sometimes, they'll throw frame tests your
way just to feel their way around your boundaries. And you
know what? Being that spineless overly nice guy justifiably turns
them off.
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And here's a revolutionary thought: you should hold women to

the same standards you hold men. You'd be amazed at how often
a man will let a woman walk all over him just because it's the
perceived social order - often, it doesn't even occur to the guy that
her behavior is abnormal because he holds her to a different
standard than he holds her friend.
The key is to see each situation with a level head. Is it reasonable

to let a guy butt in line if he's polite, asks you to do it, and has a
valid reason? Sure, let him butt. Is a female trainer at the gym
trying to kick you off the machine so she can use it? Well, like
anyone else, she can wait her turn.
Again, the principle is to lead yourself - and lead the people

around you.
Don't be invasive. If there's a public argument, don't get involved

in the argument; but you can certainly point out that this is
neither the time nor place for it. Mind your own business, but
don't become a bystander, either.
It's a difficult balance to achieve, but once you start doing it,
you'll be amazed at how quickly many people will see how their
behavior was inappropriate all along.
And a quick caveat: use your common sense. Don't go picking

fights with biker dudes just to show you're a big tough man, and
don't let someone get away with something inappropriate just
because she happens to be a beautiful woman. Ask yourself with
a level head, "should I really accept this?" And be polite but firm.
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Conclusion: Becoming the VIP
This chapter isn't all about how to seduce beautiful woman; it's
about becoming an attractive man who knows how to talk to
attractive women. It's about getting to that level where you feel,
quite justifiably, that you belong with exceptional people. Hell,
it's about being an exceptional person.
It's a lot to swallow, and it's a lot of homework. But many of these
principles will have major positive consequences in different
areas of your life. Taking pride in your clothing will help you
make a better impression at work. Learning how to grow a spine
will help you support your family members. Learning "giving to
give" will teach you the value of being a genuinely kind person.
Talking to everyone will help you meet new friends in
unexpected places.
It's not about "game." This is your life, and when you go out to
interact with the world, you have the moral obligation to make
other people’s lives better for knowing you.
And, if you meet a few hot babes along the way - great.
How to Make Rejection Feel Good

If I told you that it was possible to face one of every man's darkest
fears and come out the better for it, you'd probably tell me to go
back to selling real estate on Mars.
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But it's true.
Handling rejection with poise, confidence, and class is like doing

bench presses for your "suave muscle." Nothing else will give you
more pride, confidence, or satisfaction than handling adversity
with a calm, positive attitude.
Now rejection is indeed a scary word. Our fear of rejection is

palpable - and well-deserved, since rejection can literally feel like
a punch in the gut.
But learning to be suave is impossible until we learn how to deal

with this very real fear - and very real problem.
Luckily, with a little mental work, a good attitude, and the right
habits, you'll be able to handle rejection in an empowering way.
In fact, when you watch yourself get rejected and handle it with
poise, dignity, and class, you'll pull a Suave Grinch: your
confidence will increase three sizes that day.
Bottom line: If you learn how to handle rejection like a suave

man, it can do more for your self-confidence than any success.
Principle #1: Abundance Mentality
The "Abundance Mentality" is at the very core of everything you

do as a suave man, and it applies to rejections as well. So let's
recap it briefly:
Abundance mentality is not confidence that you'll succeed with

any particular woman, but rather the confidence that you can
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always succeed with the next woman. Abundance mentality says

"there's plenty of fish in the sea." No matter how sexy she is or
how great your vibe is with this particular woman, the
abundance mentality is always ready to move to the next one if
need be. Common symptoms include relaxation, poise, and confidence.
Think of Jerry Seinfeld in the episode "The Opposite." In the

episode, Jerry's come to the realization that everything seems to
work out evenly for him. Suddenly, he doesn't fret about any
losses, because he's convinced that the next gain is just around the
corner.
This is in contrast to scarcity mentality:
Scarcity mentality places too much emotional investment in one

woman's or one person's opinion because you believe that there
will NOT be a "next time." You might not expressly think it, but
you believe "this is my one chance at love." Common symptoms
include nervousness, fear, and outrageously overblown crushes in a
woman you barely know.
Your mentality is largely a result of your internal habits, so don't

expect to will-power yourself into an abundance mentality
overnight.
The good news, though, is that many of your fears of rejection

will vanish once you truly adopt the abundance mentality. After
all, once you have an abundance mentality, any one single
rejection doesn't seem to matter as much. There are more
beautiful, intelligent women just around the corner, right?
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Principle #2: Take Her Rejection Seriously
There are a lot of reasons a woman might reject you, but it's
important that when she says "go away," or "I'm not interested,"
you take her word for it.
Some keys:
 Don't linger when she's explicitly told you off. You were
being kind, courteous, and direct, and she was being rude in
response. If you have an ounce of self-respect, you'll ditch
the "sales" mentality and say to yourself "okay, this one's not
going to be any fun." You're not a used car salesman, and
you should not place a woman's beauty on a pedestal above
your basic standards for behavior and respect. Be kind and
move along.
 Don't hound her after you've already asked her out. I see
this one a lot. Guys say, "I've asked her out already, but she's
busy last weekend. Should I ask her out again?" Hell no! She
knows your intention now; if she's interested, she'll
reschedule. Women aren't sheep who need you to lead them
to saying "yes." They're capable of making their own
decisions and reaching out to you. Stop holding her hand
and acknowledge that she's just not that into you.
A suave man is not a car salesman, continually trying every trick

in the book so he can make his quota. The suave man is the man
who shows up to the lot and says "Whaddya got?" If he's not
welcome, he's got better things to do than to linger.
Bottom line: when she rejects you, it's goodbye time.
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It's okay. The boo-boo will heal in time. Contrary to your scarcity
mentality's instincts, this woman is not your perfect love or your
soul mate. Move along.
Principle #3: Have the James Bond Attitude
James Bond is the epitome of a sex symbol.
Yet, oddly enough, there are plenty of examples when he was

rejected by beautiful women. Let's take a look at how James Bond
handles this, shall we?
First, "Thunderball." James Bond is betrayed by a beautiful

woman. Does he get angry? Does he worry about his future love
life? Does he lament that women are out to get him?
Woman: What a blow it must have been. You, having a

failure!
She's rubbing it in! What an asshole! Any ordinary man would be

fucking out of his mind at this point.
But not Bond. What does Bond do? He almost smiles. Somehow,
he finds it amusing. Then he drops this quote, almost as if he's
talking to himself:
Bond: Well, you can't win them all.
Yeah, James Bond is a fictional character, but you can learn a lot
from his nonchalant attitude towards rejection. "You can't win
them all" is something only someone with a rock-solid abundance
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mentality would say, because the subtext is "You can't win them
all...but I nearly do."
Let's go with a more recent example: "Casino Royale."
James Bond loses his match of witty repartee with the sultry
Vesper Lynd. In fact, she leaves him feeling "skewered," in his
own words.
How does he react?
He smiles to himself, as if to say "well, that was interesting."
Do you think James Bond went to bed that night fretting and
cringing over how he'd been skewered by Vesper Lynd? No,
because when he was deciding what to think about that
interaction, he decided to smile. He kept his cool the entire time
and found a way to laugh at the whole thing.
The principle here: James Bond isn't only a master of talking to

others, but he's a master of talking to himself. He doesn't
succumb to self-pity or self-loathing.
Neither should you.
Principle #4: A Polite Goodbye
Okay, so you've approached a woman or a group of women and

they're being cold and mean to you. You know that you can
behave like James Bond and stay poised and amused...but what
do you actually do to get yourself out of the situation with your
dignity intact?
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Simply put, you leave on a good note. You wish them well. In
spite of everything, you try something revolutionary: a little
kindness.
“Well, I should go. But have a great night guys.”
And you depart.
This accomplishes a few things:
 Everyone else in the room is aware of what's going on, to

some extent. If you leave with your head slunked into your
chest, they're gonna know "oh, that guy failed." If they see
you walk with your head held high, they might think "oh,
he's cool...those women are just sort of cold.
 It helps you feel better. Handling rejection with poise is a
display to yourself that you can handle rejection and not let it
ruin your night. It's like watching yourself find the legs for
the last lap of a hard-fought race. You'll be amazed at your
own strength, and it will fill you with pride and confidence.
 It potentially saves the interaction for later--but only if she
comes up to you. PLEASE NOTE: You're not doing this to win
them over or "salvage" anything. That's not the focus here.
Principle #5: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
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Remember your first time on a roller coaster? Waiting in line,

with your nerves a-tingle, your
stomach in knots? Sometimes,
approaching a beautiful
woman can feel like that. You'll Set aside a certain number of
be much better at making the days, during which you shall be
approach when you realize content with the scantiest and
that there's no untying the cheapest fare, with course and
knot. You simply have to feel rough dress, saying to yourself
the fear and do it anyway. the while: " Is this the condition
that I feared?"
If you know how to properly
handle rejection, don't fret: no -Seneca
matter what happens, you'll
come out on the other end a
better person.
And you might just wonder what scared you so much in the first
place.
So don't be afraid to be rejected. If it happens, you'll have the

opportunity to say "well, I'm still alive. Still in one piece. Is that
what I was so afraid of all this time? Even James Bond
occasionally loses the girl. What matters is your attitude, your
poise, and the warm way in which you treat people, including
even those who reject you.
Handling rejection this way can result in women apologizing and

re-initiating with you...but that's not the point. The point of
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handling rejection this way is to keep your night going and to

build your self-confidence.
When you discover that you can handle rejection like a suave
man, you'll start believing more and more that you are a suave
man.
Remember: failure is a way to grow, the same way you don't get
stronger by successfully lifting a tiny amount of weight a little bit,
but by lifting weight just outside your comfort zone.
Rejection can build confidence, pride, and poise. Why do men

fear it so much? If they knew what you and I know, they
wouldn't.
They'd go out and handle it.
The Suave Guide to Phones and Texting

This is a major paradigm shift for most men, but it’s true:
When you start giving out your number, women will reach out to
you.
In fact, it’s not really all that magical a process to turn the ol'
phone switcheroo as long as you can accept that it's:
 Possible
 Quite normal
 More efficient
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In this case, my advice for men and women is exactly the same:
when it comes to texting and talking on the phone, reduce the
clutter, only give out your number, and let the dates come to you.
1. Cut the Noise
Only give out your number.
First, let me talk to the women: you're probably used to giving

out your number, but just in case you are, you'll generally get
away with a phrase like "would you like my number?" If things
are going well, he'll jump at the chance. So keep it simple.
Now, the guys. I know, guys...the idea of giving out your number
will feel like you're giving up all of your power as a man. Every
instinct in your body tells you that you need to get the digits, bro!
You feel like you're only in control of your life as long as you
control every little thing. But I've gotten more than a few numbers
in my time, and I can tell you that there's nothing powerful about
texting a woman and having her respond with "who's this again?"
So riddle me this: who's more powerful, the guys in the diner

fretting about whether to wait 2 or 3 days to call a woman like the
dudes from "Swingers," or the guy who's chilling at home
watching TV when a woman texts him?
How to Give Out Your Number
The #2 complaint guys give me when I talk about giving out my

number is "but you’re a fancy eBook writer, that only works for
you. Women never ask for my number."
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You can change all that with two simple phrases: "you're
welcome to join me" and "shoot me a text." Can it really be that
easy?
Yes, there has to be some spark of interest for a woman to ask a

few leading questions. But remember: we're choosing people who
choose us. If you throw out "I'm doing X later" or "I'm doing Y
this weekend" and she doesn't express enthusiasm, guess what? I
don't give out my number. Someone else will want it.
Abundance mentality is not just a buzz phrase.
Let them chase you.
The first time you give out your number and someone texts you,
it will bug you out. In the absence of poise, it'll be tempting to go
back to old "chasing" habits:
Her: Hey, it's Jen from the bar. Is that afterparty still on?
You: 555 N. Suave Boulevard. Are you coming?
You: [sixteen minutes later] This party's bumping! You

should come.
You: [seventeen minutes later] where r u
You: [seventeen minutes and thirty seconds later] I'm such a

loser please love me, that one eBook said this would work
Her: [silence, never comes]
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You have to fight that instinct that says "I've got to make this
happen." They're chasing you now. They have to make it happen,
or it won't happen. It should go more like this:
Her: Hey, it's Jen from the bar. Is that afterparty still on?
You: popping the champagne right now. 555 N. Suave

Boulevard
I like to throw out a phrase that suggests the party's already

bumping. But even that won't always quote-unquote "work." If
she never responds and never shows up, you don't text. You're
not Uber; she's a big girl and she can move herself from A to B.
Your texting isn't going to make her drive faster. If she doesn't
show up, it's - and this will shock you - probably because she
decided against it. You don't care because you're already at a
party. Only respond if she asks a question, like "where do I park?"
But maybe you don't have your awesome afterparties set up yet.
Let's consider a less "nightlife" scenario. Don't be this guy:
Her: Hey, it's Jane from class. What r u up to?
You: Hey Jane! Wow, can't believe you texted me. I'm just playing
some video games, listening to some music. Do you like Foo
Fighters? LOL anyways just a lazy afternoon...how about you?
Can you spot what's already wrong here? Dude's giving way too
much information out right away, making himself way too
available and desperate to keep the conversation going.
Conversation might resume from here, but you'll notice that that
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same spark that made her text you in the first place will
disappear.
You: chillin
And nothing else. It's how you'd respond to a friend, so it shows

that you don't place any particular importance on this interaction
- it shows that you've had women texting you before. You won't
give off a disinterested vibe, you'll give off a "this happens all the
time, I'm busy" vibe.
She'll almost always follow up after this.
Be "fashionably unavailable."
All of the above demonstrates one important point: you shouldn't

be too available. Be "fashionably unavailable." Don't respond to
every text you get in your life right away. Don't craft a well-
thought out, multi-sentence response to a girl who only deigned
to say "what's up." Hold back until it's obvious that the person
chasing you is serious about their interest in you.
This will feel strange at first, and counter-intuitive if you've never

had a lot of experience in the opposite sex being attracted to you.
But remember, at this point, you've already weeded out all of the
people who aren't attracted to you because they don't have your
number and they aren't texting you.
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A suave man is fashionably unavailable. From now on, so are

you.
2. Cut the Neediness
As a rule, leave the conversation first.
Here's something most men could do to instantly increase their

mystique yet the internal resistance is strong.
A guy will be talking to a woman on the phone, hitting it off. He's

absolutely thrilled that she called him, that she's beautiful and has
a great job and that she genuinely seems funny and interesting.
The vibe is great. And what happens? The
guy...just...can't...seem...to...let...go.
Then, she ends the conversation first.
Not a party-stopper by any means. The "game is still on" if you

had a great conversation.
But you guys know what I'm talking about when I say I've hung
on to too many conversations for far too long. When you do, it
says all the wrong things: that you're moving my schedule
around to talk to her (despite not really knowing her that well
yet), that she's your only current option, and that you'll wait for
her to lead rather than end a conversation myself.
All of the above will make you less attractive.
It might not kill your chances. But I think the women reading this
might remember a guy doing something similar. How did it make
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you feel over time, ladies? Men, have you ever dealt with
someone who had a crush on you who forced you to find an exit?
It's not exactly a turn-on, is it?
I don't care if you're hitting it off with Helen of Troy's hotter sister; you
will not improve your chances by increasing your availability. In fact,
the more exceptional she is the less she's used to someone who's
ever-so-slightly unavailable. If she's exceptional, then a guy being
normal is refreshing. It's sad, but it's true.
Yes, I used the word "normal." How is ending the conversation

first "normal"? Shouldn't you just spontaneously let a
conversation end when it ends? Why have this rule in place?
Well, when you talk to your friends like a normal person, you
leave the conversation when you have to go. And chances are if
you have problems with women, you don't treat them with the
same relaxed nonchalance with which you treat your friends.
Unfortunately, most people attempting romance get a little too

attached to their prospects and need to be told to reel it back in a
bit. Hence the rule. It's not going to make or break you, but it will
make you more intriguing.
Never send two texts in a row; let them respond.
Ever watch “Swingers”? Don’t be Mikey. If you’ve seen the

movie, you know what I mean. Mikey’s the guy who left about a
half-dozen messages on a woman’s machine because he was so
insecure about himself.
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Don't be Mikey.
People are not idiots. They see your text. If you asked a question
and they didn't respond, they're either 1) in an emergency or
otherwise unavailable, in which case you have to wait anyway or
2) rude, in which case you should spend your time on people who
aren't.
"But what if I have two things to say to a woman? Surely this isn't
a hard and fast rule."
There are exceptions to every rule, but if you're reading this,

chances are you need to reel yourself in rather than talk her ears
off.
And don't call me Shirley.
3. Add Efficiency
Get down to business.
Let's go back to our conversation from before.
You: chillin
You don't send two messages in a row, so the ball's back in her
court. It might be a while unless she's really into you (or really
into her phone). Then, 99% of the time, she'll ask more questions
to engage you. She took your number, after all; you already know
she's interested.
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You: chillin
Her: "chillin" huh? lol so descriptive
At this point, you might say “you want to get together?” It's
pretty direct, but it can be difficult to drop it out of nowhere,
especially at first. True: someone is texting you because they're
interested in getting to know you. But some people will want to
text with you a lot first, so experiment with your directness.
Here's something for the newbs:
You: i'm going out for a bite in a little while. want to join
me?
"A bite" is nice and casual; since they're already texting you,
they'll generally say yes unless they genuinely aren't ready to do
it on short notice.
You only "choose someone who chooses you," and that means
being ruthless with text messaging. Let her feel like she’s winning
you over. And make it clear that you don’t want to text, you want
to get together. That, after all, is the purpose of texting. Either
she's interested or she's not; don't play a zillion text games like
you're in high school. Offer the date and let her decide. Keep a
"ball is in her court" mentality. Many women will drop it, yes.
But that's what the abundance mentality is for.
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More Thoughts on Giving Out Your Number
I know a lot of people will resist to a lot of the ideas in this

section. It doesn't seem quite real, does it? Newbs won't believe
that they can have women text them, send one-word answers,
and still have women chase them. Experienced men will insist on
more high-falootin' "text game," and insist that women won't go
out with you until you've texted for hours and hours on end.
There are a few points here:
 You will not win 100% of the time this way...but you're no
longer playing to win, you're playing to be won. Remember,
you're choosing someone who chooses you. As the previous
section showed, you can’t win them all. We're working to
take an abstract concept like the abundance mentality and
put it into actual action.
 Feel free to break a few of these rules if social context
warrants it. But if things go wrong, revisit this to see if you
might find something you could have improved upon.
 No, most women will not get turned off by your apparent
busyness. Ask any woman who's acted the same way
toward men who are attracted to her and you'll find out it
generally has the opposite effect.
 Aren't these "lines"? Well, if you consider "shoot me a text"
when hitting it off with a woman to be a pickup line, very
well. The point is to get away from phones and texting so
you don't feel the need to do all of the circus stuff.
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Chapter Five: Looks and Style
You want a beautiful woman. Every man does.

But why should you expect a beautiful woman unless you’ve done
everything you can to make yourself pleasing to look at – or, in
the worst case scenario, as presentable as possible?
Let’s start with the quickest fix: how you carry yourself.
A Quick Guide to Posture

As a result of your hard work, someone should be able to tell that
you have self-respect just by looking at you.
But it's not just the way you dress, or the fact that you're well-
groomed. It's in the way you, quite literally, carry yourself.
Few direct changes will yield such positive benefits to your

confidence and results with women as fixing your posture. Not
only does the mind-body connection work both ways (when you
fix your body, your mind will follow, and vice versa), but posture
is one of the most important social cues other people use to
determine whether or not you believe yourself to be awesome.
It's no accident that you'll never see James Bond slouch; Sean
Connery was famous for his tiger-like stage presence, cultivated
with a ballet teacher by the name of Yat Malmgren. Try to find
any James Bond who slouches.
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You can’t.
Basic Posture Fixes
Your habits shape your posture, so if you have bad posture, it's
because you have bad habits. For most people, fixing those bad
habits and making them good will yield in superior posture
without even thinking about it.
There are a few principles for ensuring that you have proper
posture:
 Working out regularly with proper form. For many people,

simply doing squats, deadlifts, and other compound
exercises on a regular basis will help ensure that their
posture is on-point.
 Make a conscious effort throughout the day. Change will
hopefully be (mostly) automatic, but you'll need to right the
ship on a conscious level before the new posture becomes
unconscious. Close your eyes, stand up straight, and get on
with your day.
Advanced Fixes
If you're still not satisfied with your posture, it may be time to call
in the cavalry.
 Dance, ballet, and yoga classes. Sean Connery earned his

badass, cool, suave body language by working with a dance
instructor. Don't think you're above doing the same. Make
sure to tell your instructor about your goals.
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 Specific posture coaches. Check out sites like Alexander

Technique for specific lessons and advice about body
movement.
The Goal: What You're Aiming For
So what does proper posture look like, anyway?
A good rule of thumb to see what good posture feels like is to lift
both of your hands over your head pointing straight up at the
sky, align your head underneath them, and then lower your
hands while keeping your chest/head in alignment. You should
feel like you're standing like superman now.
If it feels unnatural, it means you've got some work to do: mostly,

physical exercise. But mental exercise will be part of the journey
as well, making sure to try and catch yourself if you're not
standing or sitting up straight.
Standing up straight is one of the very first visual cues that you
are not a basement-dwelling sea monster but a confident man in
charge of his environment. Make posture a real part of your
efforts to get more suave, and people will notice.
The Basic Posture Kit
For general problems...
 Lift three times per week. This should be part of your

fitness routine, of course, but it needs to be said. Deadlifts in
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particular are great for posture. Have a trainer check your

form.
 Tackle about three minutes of posture exercises per day. It
usually involves standing straight against a wall and moving
your arms, or laying on the floor and doing similar things.
 Set a phone notification to go off a few times per day for a
few weeks. Every time it goes off, ask yourself if you're
sitting or standing up straight. If not, fix it and go on with
your day.
 Enter a room walking tall. Make a habit of this. Leil
Lowndes in "How to Talk to Everyone" recommended that
you pretend that your teeth were tied to the top of the
doorway, lifting your head and chin up high.
For specific problems...
 Take a photo of yourself standing as "normal" as feels

natural. Front and sides. Have someone do it, or use your
phone's delay setting.
 Work the stretches and exercises into your usual exercise
routine.
Further Reading/Resources:
 Posture Power: How to Correct Your Body Alignment - A

great guide for diagnosing your problem and
recommending specific stretches and exercises to fix it.
 Alexander Technique
 The Knowing Body: Meaning and Method in Yat
Malmgren's Actor Training Technique - Highly advanced
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and academic but interesting to anyone who wants to get

deeper
Proper Hygiene
The second easiest thing to fix about your personal appearance is

your hygiene and grooming. Here’s an easy daily routine that
will keep you looking fresh:
 Shower in cool/lukewarm/cold water. Lukewarm for skin

benefits, cold for suave benefits. Shampoo first -> Condition,
leaving conditioner in -> Lather body fully -> Rinse body
and hair.
 Dry. Pat, don't wipe, face. Don't over-dry or rub too hard on
hair either.
 Clean mouth. Floss -> Brush -> Don't rinse mouth out.
 Clean face. Splash water on face -> Dime's worth of face
wash, work in gentle circles -> Rinse.
 Shave. Keep hot water handy. Lather -> Use safety razor
and shave with grain in short, gentle strokes and frequently
rinse blade in hot water -> Clean gently with moist towel,
don't scrub.
Equipment
Necessary:
 Shampoo.
 Conditioner.
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 Bar soap. The simpler the ingredients, the better. Will fancy
body washes and gels get you clean? Yes. But remember:
soap gets you clean because it's an emulsifier. That
emulsification is all you need to get clean. There's no need for
fancy washes with clever ads unless you like the way it
smells and think it's worth paying a premium for.
 Dental floss.
 Toothpaste. Unless you have special dental needs, the
cheapest toothpaste with fluoride will strengthen your teeth
just fine.
 Face wash. Why not soap? It tends to be a little too much of
a blunt instrument for the face. A simple search for "men's
face wash" on Amazon will yield plenty of $5 options.
 Shave soap or shaving cream. Depends on how you roll. I
find shaving cream does what I want just fine. Some people
recommend against using creams with foaming agents, so if
you find that shaving still irritates you, try a regular shave
soap or cream.
 Razor. I recommend a safety razor because it's long-lasting
and the blades are cheap, plus it looks more "adult" to have
it in your bathroom.
 Simple tweezers. For tweezing.
 Deodorant.
Optional:
 Back brush. Your choice--you simply need to get soap onto

your back.
 Moisturizer. Can be necessary for some, optional for others.
A good recommendation is to get a moisturizer that doubles
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as a sunblock. One with zinc oxide or titanium dioxide can

be worn outside right away.
 Body/face exfoliants.
 Mouthwash. Ask your dentist about the right kind of
mouthwash to use, and if you need it.
The Shower
 Use cold water. There are so many benefits to this that the
Art of Manliness calls it the "James Bond shower." For
minimal skin irritation, lukewarm water is best.
 Shampoo. Do it first so you can...
 Condition. ...apply and rub in conditioner and leave in
while you soap up.
 Use bar soap. Lather up thoroughly. Lather up your body so
you can tell that you've gotten soap to all of the areas, then
rinse afterwards to wash the soap and dirt away.
 Rinse thoroughly. Get rid of the conditioner in your hair.
The purpose of towels isn't to wipe soap away; it's to get you
dry again.
 Dry. Pat, don't wipe, your face. Helps prevent wrinkling. If
you have the patience to pat or air-dry your body entirely,
all the better. As for drying your hair, wipe it, don't rub it.
And wipe it in the direction it grows. Be okay with leaving it
a little wet and let the air do the rest. Don't be all aggressive.
 Apply deodorant at some point.
Get ready for the next step: at the sink.
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Oral Hygiene
 Floss.
 Brush teeth.
 Optional: Mouthwash. Talk to your dentist for
recommendations.
 Don't rinse your mouth out after! You want the fluoride to
stick with you a while.
Face Wash
 Splash your face with lukewarm water. Again, ditch the

"pores" nonsense. You just want to lube up a bit for the soap.
 Use face wash.
 Rinse thoroughly. Once again, pat dry.
Shaving
Shaving is highly dependent on what you're going for; these steps

assume you're going for a clean shave. If you're growing it out, do
not become a neckbeard, never never never. Instead I'll simply
refer you to Beards.com section on grooming.
 Lather up with shave soap or shaving cream. Let it sit for a

while if you're patient.
 Shave with the grain. Take some time separately to figure
out which directions your hairs go if you don't already
know. This will reduce irritation a lot. And remember: short,
gentle strokes. Especially with a safety razor. Let the blade
do the work. Continually rinse your blade in hot water.
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 Don't forget your unibrow. If you have one. Skip this if

you're tweezing your unibrow.
 Optional: Shave a second time. Some people go as high as
three. It will make for a better shave, of course, but it's up to
you to decide if you really enjoy sitting there in front of the
mirror that long.
 Use a moist towel to clean the remaining cream/soap off. It
feels way better than using a dry towel.
 Optional: Moisturize. This is the time to rub in some
moisturizer if you're using it.
As-Needed
 Apply sunscreen if you're going to be in the sun a lot. One

of the best ways to avoid wrinkles.
 Tweeze your unibrow. It's said that tweezing is a more
effective long-term solution for a unibrow and other
unwanted hairs. It takes more time, but sometimes shaving
can irritate.
A Quick Guide to Personal Style and Clothing

There aren't many things in life under your direct control, but the
way you dress is one of them. Squeeze every ounce of juice out of
it:
The Most Important Rule
 Fit is king. If it doesn't fit, don't wear it - return it. You're

investing your money in clothes, so they'd better fit in a
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flattering way - and they should be comfortable enough to

wear a lot. See this guy? That's how good you can look in a
T-Shirt and jeans if you have this stuff nailed down.
Be As Handsome As Possible
 Be in-shape.
 Be fit.
 Don't be unfit. Do these rules sound familiar? Well, at least
these are under your direct control. Consider exercise killing
two birds with one stone: you're getting your health and
your style game in check. This guy is wearing fancy clothes
but his clothes are baggy.
 If you can't grow a full beard, shave it all. This is fully
under your control. Join the no-neckbeards club. Famous
violators include Andrew Luck and this dirty-ass dude.
 If you're balding, shave it all off. Maybe you won't look like
Jason Statham, but you won't look like this guy either. Look
how this guy goes from looking like his unhealthy hair is
fighting a losing battle to looking bald-on-purpose. Even if
you think you will look better with your sliver of hair, just
know that you won't. It's far better to have an "intentional,"
clean look.
 Get a haircut every two months. Even if you want to grow it
out. Simply tell your barber "I'm growing it out, I just want it
cleaned up." Many places offer a discount for such a cut. The
point is, even if you want to have long hair, you should
never look sloppy. Your hair should always look "on
purpose."
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Accessories
 Basics: sunglasses, wristwear (bracelet or watch), maybe

something on your neck. Anything more is overdoing it.
 No rings except wedding rings.
 No hats, except maybe at sporting events.
 Unless you work for yourself and are already fit, keep
tattoos to an absolute minimum. Tattoos look terrible on fat
people.
 Don't get fancy. Check out how good you can look in a T-
shirt and jeans if your fit and choice in clothing is good.
Investing in Clothes
 Get a well-fitting navy blazer (/r/navyblazer for more) and

the rest of your wardrobe will fall into place.
 Buy a good leather belt that will actually last: LL Bean,
Orion Leather, etc.
 Don't get fanciful. If you want to stand out, then layer
effectively, don't buy one-dimensional seasonal shirts. Go
with mostly solid colors for ease of matching and versatility.
You're not Fashion Guru X; you're simply a suave man.
Colors and Matching
 Shoes should match belt.

 Avoid pairing brown and black.
 Brown and black can each individually match with blue,
however. Consider blue a wardrobe staple.
 Never wear white socks with black shoes.
 Narrow lapel, narrow tie. Thick lapel, thick tie.
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 "Dark skies, dark clothes." Darker clothes hide moisture

better.
 Match your pocket square to your shirt, not your tie.
There's a reason this looks good.
Shoes
 No square toes.
 No socks and sandals.
 No socks and shorts; if you must wear socks, use no-shows.
 Brown is king. Brown is versatile and matches most belts.
Fit
 If your pants or shorts can't stay up without a belt, they

don't fit.
 Tie should hit the middle of your belt buckle when you
stand up straight.
 Shoulder seams should align with the edge of your
shoulder when standing up straight, not droop down the
arms.
 Unless it fits, don't make it a part of your wardrobe. Go to
the store to try it on. Take it to a tailor. Return it online. Just
don't put up with "good enough."
Basic Style Standards
 Wear collars if you can, even if it's just a polo shirt. Plenty of
exceptions here, including cardigans, sweaters, and even T-
shirts in the casualest of casual occasions. Of course, you can
always put your sweatshirt over a collar to dress things up.
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 No cargo pockets unless you're camping or fishing.

 Don't button the bottom button of your blazer. This will
make it easy to switch from standing to sitting and back and
forth.
 Hold your standard everywhere. The grocery store, mowing
the lawn, etc. Except use your head, too: no navy blazers
while on the basketball court. Before you go out, take five
seconds to ask "do I look like the kind of man I want to be?"
 Take time to properly learn how to lace shoes, tie scarves,
etc. A simple YouTube video will have you looking far
better.
Style: Principles and Rules

1. It is better to slightly overdress than slightly underdress. An
overdressed man looks like he just got from somewhere, or is
going somewhere. An underdressed man always looks out of
place.
The more you make a habit of dressing well, the more

comfortable you'll feel wearing collars, buttons, and form-fitting
clothes.
2. Dressing well is not optional for a suave man. Clothing is

under your direct control, so there's no excuse not to look your
best. Consider our inspiration: Ocean's Eleven movies, James
Bond movies--you will never find these people underdressed for
the occasion. Style is a major part of presenting your best foot
forward to the world, and it's not an optional piece of the puzzle
if you want to be as suave as you possibly can.
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Ever see the movie "Crazy. Stupid. Love"?
Steve Carrell's middle-aged father character is cuckolded, sent

into divorce, and has to face the life of a single man. The problem
is, he has basically no dating skills, having married his high
school sweetheart.
With the help of Ryan Gosling's character, he changes all that. He

learns how to talk to women, yes, but the change is also visual.
He completely changes the way he dresses.
Consider how he starts off.
If you didn't know that was Steve Carrell, and were simply asked
to make a few assumptions about that guy based off of his
clothes, what would you say? "Dad." "Frumpy." "Probably has an
average job." "Goes on vacation once a year, at places like
Sandals." "Has two-three kids." "Probably isn't down for an
adventure."
But on paper, it's just jeans and a polo shirt. Ubiquitous, right? On
paper, it's a stylish look. So why the hell does he look so damn
frumpy? A few things.
 Fit. The polo's too big - you can tell by how the shoulder
seams fall down his arm and how the waist drops down past
his ass. The jeans are big and billowy, too.
 Wardrobe choices. Yeah, it's a polo shirt, which can work.
But everything about it is off and screams "I'm a
domesticated dad" rather than "I'm a suave gentleman who
will always be suave."
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 Shoes. Ankle-down, Steve Carrell is dressed for the gym,

while Ryan Gosling is dressed to impress.
Focusing almost exclusively on these three items is enough to

completely change the way people perceive you. Fit, wardrobe
choices, shoes.
Now look at how Steve Carrell ends up. If this wasn't Steve
Carrell playing a movie character, you would probably look at
that picture and have about fifty different assumptions. "He's a jet-
setter." "He has a lot of money in the bank." "He may be a bit of a
womanizer, or his wife is gorgeous." "He looks like he'd be fun to
talk to." "He looks important, powerful even." "He drives a nice
car."
A few simple purchases and his vibe has totally changed. Lesson?
It doesn't cost a million bucks to look like a million bucks. So let's
learn how.
Fit
"Fit, fit, fit" is to style as "location, location, location" is to real

estate.
I won't re-invent the wheel here. The fastest way you can learn
about fit is Shujun's Comprehensive Fit Guide over at
/r/malefashionadvice. There's a lot of subtlety in that post, so
defer to his judgments. But here are some key takeaways:
 Know how an item should fit before trying it on. When

you buy a pair of jeans, make sure it fits like this before you
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keep them. If you're buying online, try to learn your sizes so

you can buy right the first time--and make sure that you're
buying from a reputable place with a solid return policy,
because you should be returning clothes that don't fit.
 Generally, billowing is a sign that it's too large. Steve
Carrell's outfit is textbook "too big" because of all the
billowing--the way the fabric gets wavy because there's way
too much of it and it stacks up on itself. Sometimes, you can
go for billowing--such in in the hem of your jeans--but that's
a little too subtle if you're just starting out.
 When in doubt, get measured by a tailor. If you want to
buy online, go get measured by a tailor and ask him to write
down all of the relevant dimensions. You can then click
through various "fit guides" in online shops to see what size
works best. There may be some experimenting you have to
do in order to find the brands that generally do you the best
justice.
 If you're fat, lose weight. It's entirely possible to look stylish
while simultaneously carrying extra weight, but let's face it:
clothes are designed to fit most snugly and comfortably on
normal-sized people. Take solace in the fact that one of the
many rewards of losing weight is that "clothes fit better."
Wardrobe Choices
First, read the basic wardrobe guides at /r/malefashionadvice -

once again, they've done most of the work for me. I'm just going
to whittle it down and explain some essential versatile items that
every man should own.
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Shirts
 Remember our principle: it's always better to slightly

overdress than slightly underdress. I'm not even going to
make T-shirt recommendations; all that's really required is
that they fit. As a newly-found suave man, you should
basically only be wearing T-shirts around the house and to
work out.
 Polos. The suave man's T-shirt, a T-shirt with a collar. Stores
like Uniqlo have simple, stylish polos that are a step above
the Target variety, and for completely reasonable prices.
Here's James Bond rocking a polo for inspiration.
 Button-downs. Patterns like Madras and Gingham are fine,
but there's nothing more versatile than one of these bad
boys, the Oxford Cloth Button Down (OCBD). If it fits, it's
instant style. Note that /r/malefashionadvice calls button-
downs of all types "casual through business casual." In other
words, you can wear these all the freaking time, paired just
about anything from shorts to jeans to chinos to suits.
Generally white and light blue have the most versatility. The
white option should be considered your staple.
 Sweaters/sweatshirts/pullovers. To layer and add insulation
in cooler months, use your OCBD or other button down to
provide the collar for this kind of look. There are V-neck and
standard/crewneck options. Choose whatever you like. I
recommend Uniqlo for sweatshirts--they have a really classic
texture and look that can be dressed up with a collar.
 Blazers/sportcoats. The navy blazer is extremely versatile,
and looks great over a white OCBD. In fact it has its own
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subreddit, /r/navyblazer, which has its own guide on navy

blazers. If you're going to invest in one item that will change
your wardrobe entirely, I think it's a toss-up between the
OCBD, a navy blazer, or maybe a good pair of versatile
shoes. As you grow into your wardrobe, you can add tan,
grey, etc.
Pants
 Shorts can look great - they shouldn't be too long and

shouldn't have cargo pockets. MaleFashionAdvice once
again makes my life easier with a visual guide.
 Jeans should be dark, with high-quality denim. You saw an
example before. They're easy to find. You can buy a quality
pair of darkwash Levi’s in just about any old size - I
recommend the "Rinse" or "Clean Fume" look. You can pull
of light blue jeans, of course...but it's safer to stick with dark
if you're reading this guide.
 Chinos are what a lot of men grow up calling "khakis."
Khaki is a typical chino color, but you can buy them in just
about any color. Avoid pleated chinos. Ryan Gosling "Crazy.
Stupid. Love" says "you're better than the Gap" but you can
find a lot of nice ones there. Also, check out how they dress
their models--a lot of online shops can also serve as outfit
inspiration.
Shoes
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Talk about a post in and of itself. There are different shoes (and
boots) for all seasons. Let's handle three basic "temperatures," if
you will: beach, city, and snowy countryside.
 Boat shoes are a casual option just about anywhere. Zappos

has tons of selections - fact, Zappos is great for all things
shoes. Brown tends to be the most versatile, but blue is good
too. If you don't want boat shoes, the casual option tends to
be low-top canvas sneakers.
 Chukka boots like Clark’s beeswax or brown or tan are
about as versatile as anything you could put under your
jeans and chinos. Suede bucks are a great alternative that
serve essentially the same purpose.
 Winter boots can be anything from Bean Boots to Red
Wings. Chippewa is another nice brand.
Note on shoes: unless you're wearing pants, you should either

wear no-show socks or go sockless. Shoes, shorts, and showing
socks are considered a big no-no.
Notes and Resources
 MaleFashionAdvice Wiki and Guides

 Quick and easy color combinations
 AK's Guide to Suits
 How to roll sleeves
 Men's jacket options
 Effortless Gent's Color Combination Guide
 What Clothing Care Symbols Mean
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Is this a final, comprehensive guide? No. You can get far down
the rabbit hole when it comes to men's style. It's just a basic
introduction for having the right items in your wardrobe that
allow you to up your casual dressing game from "schlub" to
"sharp."
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Chapter Six: Hobbies and Social Interests
“All of this sounds great,” you might be thinking. “But I’m a

shut-in. Where the hell am I supposed to meet all of these
people?”
That’s where adding hobbies and social interests to your
repertoire comes in.
Easy Social Hobbies

These are the hobbies where you can easily go alone and have an
excuse for being there, like "I just wanted to learn XYZ..." In these
cases, you'll likely be paired up with partners or expected to
interact, which makes it easier to break out of your shell. In some
cases, (like Toastmaster), part of the class IS to break out of your
shell.
 Dancing: salsa, ballroom, hip-hop, etc. Salsa lessons.

Ballroom dancing. You go to these classes, and you'll be
expected to not only meet, but get comfortable touching
other people. Ideal for someone who needs to break out of
their shell...and when you show a woman you can dance, it
makes life a whole heck of a lot easier.
 Toastmaster/Improv. You'll meet new people and subject
yourself to social pressure, which will help build confidence
in your ability to speak with other people listening.
 Volunteering. Nothing like being generous to improve your
self-confidence and give you a reason to get out of the house.
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Plus, you meet other people who are volunteering, which

means many of the interactions will be with cool, generous
people. If you're low on cash, volunteering is free.
 Cooking classes.
 Yoga classes.
 Spin classes.
 Bartending classes.
 Language classes.
 Meditation classes.
 Boating/sailing lessons.
 Any classes. You get it by now. Classes are awesome. Got
something you want to learn? Learn it with other people.
 Astronomy events. An observatory near me regularly hosts
astronomy nights, making their telescopes accessible to the
public.
 Soccer.
 Hockey.
 Basketball league.
 Rugby.
 Volleyball/beach volleyball.
 MMA.
 Surfing / wakeboarding.
 Knife throwing. Don't hit anybody.
 Snorkeling. May require access to an area like the Gulf of
Mexico.
 Any sports.
Hobbies that Require More Initiative to Start
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These are great hobbies for meeting people, but they're not quite
as "set up" for you to make it all on your own. There are rarely
teachers here to show you the way, pair you off with a partner,
etc. But that doesn't make them any less rewarding.
 Stand-up comedy. For confidence building, and the truly

brave.
 Karaoke. The ancient art.
 DJing. DJing is great because you'll inevitably meet
people...the said, it's hard to break into, as well, which
means you'll have to be somewhat good at networking and
introducing yourself before you start to book venues.
 Photography.
 Pub quizzes. Don't be afraid to bring a small team to the
game.
 Concerts/festivals. Gotta bring friends and make an effort to
meet people, though common interests are usually assumed
at these things and it's not so hard to approach new people.
One-off Events
A quick tip for one-off events: find the person in charge and say
"you know, I'm kind of bored, so I'm at your disposal if you need
any help." Suddenly you're in charge of getting chairs or
something, and you have something to do and don't feel so
awkward for being there by yourself.
 Poetry/book readings. Add some culture to your life--and

some opportunities to meet new people. Common interests
are already assumed.
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 Wine tastings.
 Tough mudder / Spartan race / athletic events.
 Trade shows and conventions. People are already looking
to network here.
 Charity events.
 Singles cruises. Hey, why not?
Hobbies to Avoid/Minimize
Only 24 hours in a day. Adding new hobbies to your life is going

to mean having to decrease how much time you spend with some
of the old ones.
 TV.
 Video games.
 Porn.
Resources for Finding Social Hobbies
 Meetup.com - Especially effective when you live in a city

 Toastmasters International
Extreme Hobbies
In the Thomas Crown Affair, there's a particular scene where they
cut to what Pierce Brosnan's character and we get to see what he
does with his free time:
Extreme sailing.
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Of course. What else would one of the suavest dudes on earth be

doing with his free time? He's certainly not doing his laundry.
If someone is wondering what you're up to, and life's director

were to "cut to you," what would we find? A man sitting on his
computer reading Reddit to all hours of the night...
...or someone doing something interesting?
These are the kinds of events that make people say, "I wish I
could do that!" The funny part? Basically everybody can. All it
takes is a little initiative.
Why Exciting Hobbies?
You’re not an exciting man until you lead an exciting life. And the
most direct road between you and excitement is a new hobby.
Although the most obvious

benefit to an exciting hobby You only live twice. Once when
is fun, there are tons of you are born and once when you
ancillary benefits to look death in the face.
becoming more exciting:
-Ian Fleming
 You get to face your
fears on a regular basis
 You get outdoors and usually get exercise
 It turns the volume on your ordinary life just a little bit
lower, giving you proper perspective and helping you to
build a better frame
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 Every once in a while, you might share your adventures on

social media...and suddenly the Shallow Hal kicks in,
women assume the best about you, and you're basically
Thomas Crowne's long lost little brother
This is an eBook, after all, about bringing a woman into your

reality - not finding a way to sneak into her metaphorical party. If
you're going to bring people into your lifestyle, you're going to
make it a lifestyle worth living.
Some of these hobbies, true, will be more expensive than some.

But if you kick the idea around a little bit, you can likely find one
that works for you without requiring a huge investment.
Caveat: Part of the fun here is that there actually is danger

involved. So learn everything properly, take lessons when
applicable, follow the local laws, and proceed at your own risk.
If you don't have the stomach for a lot of risk, you might start
with something simple, like indoor rock climbing.
 Hang gliding. There's something special about being

capable of dragging a hang glider up to where you want,
taking off, and soaring above the earth...all by yourself.
Better yet, get a tandem glider and make each second date
the most memorable she's ever had.
 Paragliding. Much like hang gliding, but with a parachute
instead. A great date idea if you want to have some
excitement, as you can do tandem paragliding with an
expert...or you can get into the sport yourself.
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 Skiing/snowboarding. If you live in a cold-weather area,

you might have no other choice unless you want to stop
doing exciting things for half the year. Snowmobiling is
another possibility.
 Rock climbing. Most metropolitan areas will have rock
climbing studios you can investigate if you want to get
started in a safe place; work your way up the ladder and
learn it properly.
 Flying/pilot lessons. You don't have to buy a plane to
experience flight itself. In fact, any kind of lessons are a great
"shortcut" into the kind of lifestyle most men only dream
of...without actually owning the thing itself.
 Auto racing lessons are very much in the same vein.
 Motocross. Honestly, I have no idea how to get into this, but
anything that requires wearing a helmet generally qualifies
under "extreme" hobbies. BMX is an alternative for you
cyclists.
 Kitesurfing and windsurfing. Great for upper body exercise
and enjoying the water - I'm always on the lookout for "two
birds with one stone" hobbies.
 Boat racing. Admittedly, there's a high barrier to entry here.
I didn't say all of these were easy to get into.
 Sailing. Sailing lessons are a good way to get into it, as
buying yourself a boat won't be easy.
 Whitewater kayaking. Not for the faint of heart; the
possibility of drowning is real. Great for upper body
strength.
 Parkour. Not my thing, but it's great exercise, you learn a
new skill, and you're doing something exciting.
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 Ice climbing. I can't even believe people do this, but it's

another extreme sport that people indulge in.
 Cave diving.
 Bungee jumping.
 Base jumping.
 Sky diving. Another opportunity is wingsuit sky diving,
which basically feels like you're flying.
Getting Started
You don't want to go from zero to sixty overnight, obviously.

Maybe browse this list, pick out something right for you, and
then start the following process:
 Look for guides online you can buy.

 Post on online forums dedicated to these subjects if you have
any remaining questions
 Look up local regulations and local meet-up spots or schools
where you can find more information
 Schedule an introductory class and see if it's right for you
It's not nearly as difficult to get started with a more interesting

life once you see that all you have to do is visit a website, make a
call, and meet an expert. In the Internet age, you have no excuse
not to do it if you want to take up a sport like this. Once again: do
it at your own risk, and have fun.
And maybe post a picture or two to Facebook and Instagram.
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Chapter Seven: Your Pad, Your Car, Your

Stuff
The Pocket Guide to Interior Design
Aside from your clothes, there is perhaps no better outward
expression of how you view yourself than the environment in
which you live. And if your goal is to be suave enough to hold
parties, have friends, meet beautiful women, and the like, you're
going to need a place to host them.
But not just any place. Your place should say the following things
about you:
 You live cleanly

 You have taste
 You take pride in where you live (even if it's a studio
apartment)
 You look like you have people over a lot
That's about it. From there, there's some wiggle room for you to
express a little individuality. But before you think about that, it's
time that you mastered the basics. And that begins with
eliminating the most common mistakes men make when they
decorate for themselves.
Most Common Interior Decorating Mistakes
 Frat guy style. Unframed posters (especially of bikini-clad

babes), bottles as decoration, framed posters of novelty items
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like "types of beer," cheesy lighting "porn room" lighting,

mattresses without bed frames, emphasis on toys rather than
furnishings, big giant novelty items like restored Coke
machines and dart boards - you get the idea.
 Too nerdy. A touch of nerd is just fine, but displaying your
full nerd bounty like Steve Carell in "The 40 Year Old
Virgin" is a step or two too far. I keep a few items to show
off the stuff I'm passionate about, but they're certainly not
the emphasis.
 Too spartan. Simple is great; Spartan will make a woman
wonder if you're some kind of squatter. It only takes a
couple of items to fill up a room more than this.
 Nothing resembling a color theme. There are a lot of colors
here but they don't actively clash with each other. Generally,
you'll already have a wall color and a few items of furniture;
you'll want to base the rest of your purchases off of that.
Ideally, you have the money to tackle it all, but let's be
realistic: sometimes, you can only work within your current
budget.
Steps to Overhauling Your Interior Design
 Step One: Blueprints. There's an old saying in show

business: if it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage. Most
guys will haphazardly throw together any old furniture and
possessions when they move in without any real thought.
You're not most men. Do a quick sketch of the room and
start drawing up blueprints. Where might the couch go?
Where do you see some extra space that a nightstand might
fill? What could you put up on the walls to fill out the empty
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space? And look at the room's color. What matches and

complements the walls and carpet? Settle on a basic palette
before you even start decorating - for simplicity, stick with
three colors. Biege, brown, and gold. White, black, and blue.
Hold up a few color palettes to the room itself and try to see
which works best.
 Step Two: Furnishing. A room's furnishing define its roles.
Check out this album from /r/malelivingspaces - do you see
how the design is mostly about the placement and selection
of the couch, carpet, TV stand? See how much this living
room works because of the right couch selection? A bright
purple suede couch, not so much. No matter what else you
put in the room, it won't work if you don't have the right
furnishings. If you have space to fill, do it with furniture
first. Couches, chairs, tables, coffee tables, desks, end tables,
etc. Don't start adding in plants, frames, and the like until
you have the furnishings down pat.
 Step Three: Lighting. For this room, most of the lighting is
taken care of by natural light. This room doesn't have quite
the same thing, and requires assistance. The most important
thing is to make lighting mostly subtle; it should take up a
bare minimum of space. In fact, this guy's night mode
includes lighting that you can't even see - you just see it
reflected off the wall. Also, don't go for novelty lighting.
Thin, minimalistic, and tasteful tends to work well with male
living spaces.
 Step Four: Ornament. Plants, frames, and objects like globes,
clocks, and speakers. Now you're filling out a well-designed
room to make it not only practical, but to make it actually
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look "lived in." And you'd be amazed at how one object can
go a long way. This looks minimalistic, for example, but
consider how bare the bed frame would look without that
contrasting lamp. Here, you want to fill in any "negative"
space with contrasting objects that brighten a room out. Here
is where you can break out of the color palette a little bit and
have a little fun - just not Steve Carell in "40 Year Old Virgin"
fun.
That sounds all well and good, but you're a broke 20-something
who can't go out and furnish an apartment, let alone buy a poster
frame worth more than $50. Or maybe you do have the money,
and you don't know what to buy. Here are some dependable
resources for filling up your place.
Places to Buy Furniture and Furnishings
 IKEA. It's hard to go wrong with IKEA, but they have a few
disadvantages: they can be pricey, and they don't ship to
you (edit: they do offer delivery!), so you have to go to a
store. Still, they seem to do everything right with simple
tastefulness, from simple TV stands to no-nonsense coffee
tables. If you have the good fortune of a nearby IKEA outlet
and enough cash, you should be able to find most of what
you're looking for in a trip or two.
 JCPenney. Heck yeah I'm telling you to check out J.C.
Penney! Their prices are good, they offer just about
everything, and you can shop their clearance rack if you're
on a budget.
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 Unison Home. Free shipping for orders over $150, which is

easy to do when you're shopping for furnishings.
 Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Click over to "Home Decor" and
you'll see just about anything you could need, including full
bedroom sets if you don't like making all of those decisions
yourself. Bed, Bath, and Beyond is basically a total
furnishing store, so always check to see if they have
something you like.
 If all else fails: Target, Wal-Mart, Craigslist, and the like. Yes,
the stuff is cheaper, but if you're a shrewd shopper who
knows how to pick out a good item that fits your color
palette, who's going to know? This guy at MaleLivingSpace
put this together only using Craigslist purchases. If you're
resourceful and put in the effort to research, you can
overhaul a place without a huge budget.
Favorite Accents and Resources
 Zoom Interiors - Haven't used them, but they have an

interesting concept: you take a survey, do a video
chat/phone conference with them, and they recommend an
affordable redesign of your place. Like having an online
interior designer.
Sheets and Linens
 Area Linen Shop is baller, but pricey.

 JCPenney is a nice, affordable alternative.
Plants
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 Urban Garden.
 WindowFarms. I like not having to do a lot of work to buy
plants myself, so this is an easy solution.
Lighting
Most of the furnishing stores you find will also offering lighting,
but here are some special resources to spruce up the place:
 Phillips Hue lets you do just about anything with regular

lightbulbs, from setting lightbulb alarms to normal lighting
to sexy party lighting.
 Lightpack.
 LED strips. LED strips with a basic remote control put
behind a TV can be great for night lighting, under a bar, etc.
Just don't overdo it, and certainly don't make the LED strips
visible.
Wall stuff
 Society6 clocks. It's going to be tough to find one that doesn't

fit, and doesn't make your interior design pop. Some are
obnoxious, yes, but some of them can be really cool in the
right setting.
 Alarm clocks - I like basic ones like this.
 I like to buy cheap matching travel posters and have them
custom-framed at a local frame / arts store. It sounds like a
hassle, but when you're working with $4 posters, the cost is
entirely justified...and ends up being less expensive than
what you find online. Plus, with the frame, the purchase
looks more expensive than it actually was. And yes, I have
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yet to see a wall that was well-decorated with posters or

similar items that were unframed.
Further Resources
 /r/malelivingspace
 Apartment Therapy
 IKEA Hackers
Cool Stuff for Your Living Space

Basics
 Amazon Subscribe and Save - Save yourself an errand and

automate your regular purchases: food, kitchen items,
toiletries, etc.
 Bedsheets and linens and actual other adult possessions
 Cheaper bedsheets and linens actual other adult possessions
- JCPenny
 Cheapo Walmart bed frame - Walmart
 Cool clocks - Society 6
 Rugs/throws - Society 6
 Goulet pens or JetPens - cool pens / notebooks
 Basic party supplies. Cocktail napkins. Stirring straws. A
stack of bar towels.
 Simple, minimalistic alarm clocks
 MoMA Perpetual Calendar - A modern take on the calendar,
never buy another
Lighting
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 Lightpack: When you're watching TV in the dark, ambient

backlighting that mimics what you're watching
 Phillips Hue: Hit a button and your lightbulbs change colors,
dim, etc. Combine with Ambify to make lights match your
music, or even have your lights alert you when you have a
notification. Awesome for parties. Observe what you can do
with Phillips. Lifx is another option here.
 Illumibowl: Motion-activated light for your toilet so you
don't crash around at night.
Random cool gizmos/gear
 Windowfarms: Instant plants near your window

 Urban Garden - Great way to have plants in an apartment
 Urbio - a cool vertical stacking system for plants and other
things
 U-socket USB plug or WeMo surge protector with same
features. Here's a great cheap surge protector with USB ports
as well.
 WeMo Switch: Turn your plugged-in stuff on or off remotely
 Sonos Home Audio
 ivee voice-activated clock
Advanced
 Secret Passageway Switch. Like in the movies.
Toiletries + Bathroom
 Merkur Safety Razor

 Grab Kleenex out of a ball
215
 Toilet light--find your toilet in the dark

 Luxe Bidet Neo 120 - A bidet is convenient and adds a nice
touch.
Travel
 Rolo Travel Bag - interesting travel bag that you can easily
hang in a closet
 Roller - Same idea as above, but a full luggage bag that turns
into a mobile dresser
Cool online shops / resources
 Koostik.com - Wooden mobile phone accessories

 CharlesAndMarie.com - All sorts of interior design stuff
 CKIE - Random gadgets and gimmicks
 The Wirecutter - Home gadget guide
 Belkin - lots of home automation gadgets like motion sensors
and outlet mods
 TouchOfModern.com
 True Utility - for every-day carrying items
Stuff that handles problems for you
 https://ifttt.com/
 https://plex.tv/
Other Lists and Guides
 "Stuff to put on your walls" - /r/malelivingspace

 Sidebar - /r/designmyroom
216
Prep Your Pad for “Drinks at Your Place”

At some point in your journey to becoming a suave and complete
person, you're going to have a woman (or a man, as the case may
be) over to your place.
Be ready when this happens.
There's a lot you can do to make the transition from "make

yourself comfortable. Want something to drink?" to full-on
makeout session easy. A lot of it is making your guest feel
comfortable just by how your place looks, and another is setting
the mood.
Master the Basics First
I went digging for tips on this relevant AskReddit thread and

found a few themes. This is the stuff to always have ready at a
moment's notice.
 Cleanliness. This is one of those boring-but-necessary tips.I

recommend setting a Google Calendar reminder to do clean
bi-weekly, including dusting. The more often you do it, the
less time it takes, and you can easily listen to a useful
podcast or relax with a TV show while you're doing it. Most
important room to clean: the bathroom.
 Smell. Pay close attention to this. Invest in a single scented
candle that you can put on your coffee table and light earlier
in the day just to mask anything you might have missed.
These candles are cheap; buy them at Target or Walmart for
217
a few bucks. If you're afraid of getting something too

"feminine," Yankee Candle has tons of male-friendly scents.
Just don't get anything too obnoxious like bacon smell.
 Pictures of family and friends. But not too many. One or
two around the house or on the fridge will work. Also, not
pictures of yourself unless there are friends in the pictures. If
you put up too many pictures of yourself in important
places, you come off as self-absorbed.
 Don't make the presence of other women obvious. Some
people will recommend that an ultimate bachelor pad will
keep tampons handy, and some inexperienced guys think
having some panties around makes it look like you get laid a
lot. All it does is make women feel territorial.
 Fancy toilet paper. There's nothing more depressing than
paper-thin TP. If you were a millionaire living in a mansion,
having thin TP will make you feel like you're still in the
hood. No matter how frugal you are, I still say this is the first
place to splurge.
 Keep plants. What do plants say about you? That you're a
competent enough adult to take care of something and keep
it alive. Always a good message to send....even while your
plants secretly water themselves and no one is any the wiser!
The Living Room
Okay, you have a competent living space. But we want to be a cut

above competent. Not over the top, but thoughtful. Here's some
of the best "bang for the buck" stuff to have ready:
218
 A playlist. I'm currently building a playlist for you ("Drinks

at My Place" ), but feel free to suggest songs or even rip mine
off and create your own.
 Keep snacks handy. Want a secret? Water crackers. I don't
know what it is about water crackers. They're ridiculously
cheap but something about them says "dinner party." Keep
them in your pantry and bust them out with some fancy
cheese or a dip of your choice - hummus is always popular.
 Champagne bucket. You can get one for like nine bucks at a
restaurant supply store. Ice is free. You wouldn't believe
how much having a champagne bucket on the counter will
change your parties and get-togethers. No one even cares
how cheap the champagne is when you own a champagne
bucket. Who owns a champagne bucket? No one you know,
that's who. Be the first.
 Curate your reading material. Go to a local book store and
buy up some magazines that feature your interests:
snowboarding, astronomy, whatever. Keep them tactfully on
the coffee table. They'll make some great reading material
when you're alone and waiting for Netflix to buffer and
they'll help you show off a different side of yourself. Don't
forget the opposite, either: getting rid of anything too
childish or "frat boy" ish. Keep the reading material about
things you actively do; no one is impressed that you own
Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.
 Wine. Have a bottle of wine ready, along with wine glasses.
Offer it every time; if you're declined, no biggie. Do you
have your conversation piece coasters out already? Good.
219
 Comfortable blanket. Having a comfortable blanket on the

couch humanizes the room and makes it feel more like
"home" than "someone else's place." The cheapest option:
fleece. But women do love furry. And you can make this a
little bit of an eye-popper if you like, like this "Quotes"
blanket
 Giant pillow. Don't ask me why this is magic, just put it on
your couch and wait for her to find it. Maybe nothing
happens, maybe it's her favorite thing ever. You can't force
it; the pillow must choose her.
The Bathroom
It's completely clean, right? Did I mention how important

cleanliness is? I clean my bathroom weekly so none of the
nonsense gets a chance to build up; it takes fifteen minutes to a
half an hour and you can listen to podcasts as you go.
 Bidet. The Luxe Bidet, as recommended in the "Cool stuff"

section. Not only do women like it, but it shows you have
clean balls.
 Get a hand soap dispenser. You can buy a plastic one for
cheap, or you can get bulk hand soap for cheap and make it
look fancy with a dispenser of some sort. I like the cheapness
of this foaming one.
 Great toilet paper. Find the thickest, lushest, fanciest money
can buy. This isn't only for guests; this is for you. Also buy a
toilet paper holder (your choice) in case the toilet paper gets
low.
220
 Bath mat. One by the bath, one in front of the sink. A bare
bathroom floor is depressing. They're cheap, too
 Hand towels. Don't have stanky old white hand towels. White
shows stains easily. Here are some nice ones from Amazon. And
yes women are judging you for your hand towels. Here are some
fancier ones from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Bedroom
 Most of it just having a clean, adult, tasteful bedroom. More on

that in a bit.
 Condoms. Be a big boy and provide your own. Keep them
somewhere reasonable and discrete, like in a shelf in the night
stand.
 Towels. A warm towel afterwards feels great, and it's
considerate.
More on this in a minute.
Places to Shop:
 TotalWine.com - includes everything from fancy cheap club soda to

novelty wine holders.
 PartyCity.com - Discount party supplies. Cheap things that no one
ever thinks to order online.
 WebRestaurantStore.com - all the stuff no one ever thinks to buy.
Optimize Your Bedroom
221
If eyes are the window to the soul, then your bedroom is the eyes
of your apartment. It's where you spend some of your most
intimidate and vulnerable moments; it needs to be a comfortable,
relaxing place. It also should be a place you look forward to
retiring at the end of each day, not to mention an invigorating
place that will have you recharged and happy in the morning.
The Bed Itself: Sleep Like an Adult
You spend a third of your life in our bed; might as well optimize
it. If there was ever a piece of furniture to put money in, it's your
bed.
 Mattress: You have a lot of options here. You could give

Tuft and Needle a shot. Bottom line: you want your mattress
to be as comfortable as possible. Not only will you spend
1/3d of your life on it, but it should be a place your
significant other enjoys just as much.
 Sheets, covers, and pillow cases: Consider J.C. Penny (low
price), and LL Bean (medium price), and Area Home (high
price). If you can, make sure to get a complete
sheet/cover/pillowcase combo set so that you're done with
bed designing as soon as you click "order."
 Bed frames: I'm a fan of low and simple platform-bed
myself, but it's not the only option. Just about anything will
work provided it's simple and includes a headboard; there's
something about a headboard that separates "fancy place to
sleep" from "college kid's first apartment." Avoid frilly
options like bed skirts and just keep it a normal, well-put
together, comfortable bed.
222
Something as simple as pillow cases that match your bed sheets

go a long way in making your bedroom look like an actual adult
lives there.
Buy Nightstand, Stock Nightstand
Even if you do nothing in your bed but sleep, you're going to

need some devices handy to help you make your bedroom more
efficient: you'll want an alarm clock to wake you up, a handy way
to charge your electronics, etc. Invest in a nightstand. If you have
any plan on making your nightly and morning rituals become
habits, you'll need it. Then, stock it with the following:
 An alarm clock. You can go minimalist with this one

because it's simple and kind of old-fashioned, or you can
optimize and get an alarm clock that also tells you the
weather, like this one.
 A nightlamp. For reading and for easily turning out the
lights at the end of the day. It doesn't have to be anything
too fancy; something simple like this one from IKEA will
work.
 Wireless bluetooth speakers. Here's one from Bose. For
setting the mood, waking up with energy, etc.
 Smart phone dock. Admit it, you bring your phone with
you everywhere. Might as well have an easy time and place
to charge it. You might have a universal one that guests can
use too.
 Prophylactics. Don't keep condoms out in the open, though,
guys.
223
Optional:
 A scented candle. For pleasant aromas.

 A pen and a pad. For jotting down inevitable flashes of
inspiration.
 Flashlight. For emergency navigation if the power's out.
 Weapon. For defending yourself against home invaders.
Even a simple baseball bat in the closet is better than
nothing.
 Coasters. You WILL eventually bring a glass of water next to
your bed; it's inevitable. I like these coasters because they
have character.
Lighting and Remotes
The goal: handle everything like a much, much milder version of

Austin Powers - mood lighting at the touch of a button, without
getting up.
 Phillips Hue starter pack: replace your bedroom lights with

these and start programming your lights from your smart
phone. Don't go overboard with the porn lighting; Hue is
great because it lets you dial it down a notch while still
setting a mood.
 IFTTT connected with Hue gives you options like changing
the lighting to blue when it's raining or automatically
turning on your bedroom lights at a certain time to help
wake you up.
224
Don't Leave Your Walls Empty
Empty walls make you look like a refugee. Don't look like a
refugee.
 WindowFarms and Urban Garden are great for adding a

dash of life to your bedroom via plants. It's good to have
some plants nearby for both air freshness and to show that
you're capable of keeping something else alive.
 Put something on the wall that's not a half-naked chick.
Vintage TWA posters are neat and add a lot of life to your
room. The key here: show a little taste. And always, always,
always frame your posters before hanging them up.
PlanetQuest from NASA also has vintage-style travel posters
for you space nerds.
 Before I forget: include some photos of family and friends. A
digital frame works great for that. Again, we want to be the
opposite of the political refugee look.
Extra Touches
If you want to go a step above and beyond - and this is the sub for
doing just that - then here are a few suggestions:
 If you must keep a guitar, try not to make it so on the

ground and obvious: a minimalist guitar hanger isn't a bad
idea, because it helps the guitar become part of the decor
when it's not in use.
225
 Keep extra blankets handy. Women are universally cold;

take pity upon them. Bonus points if you can find a
comfortable wool blanket.
What NOT to have in your bedroom:
 Lava lamps.
 Exotic animals/aquariums.
 Incense.
 Condoms strewn about.
 Posters of half-naked women.
 Sports posters
226
Conclusion
I’m not saying it will be easy.
A lot of the advice in this eBook is indeed aimed at giving you the
quickest path to success by focusing on fundamentals like inner
confidence, making new friends, becoming a host, and attracting
people into your life naturally—with minimal lines and
techniques.
But none of that is going to work if you don’t put the lessons you
read here into action.
My recommendation: take it one step at a time, one chapter at a
time, one section at a time.
Start with the inner confidence first. Commit to a 21-day habit of
affirmations and visualizations—and write down your results in a
journal. You might just be surprised to see how much your life
can change in as little as three weeks.
After those 21 days, add another step to your journey: go outside
and make eye contact with someone new. If that’s too easy for
you, go outside and say hello to someone new.
Break it down by week. Every week should be different. One
week, you’re focused just on getting the house. The next, maybe
it’s saying hello to someone new every day. Then, several weeks
go by, and suddenly you find yourself signing up for a class, or
hosting your first party, or going on your first (or fifth) date.
227
The key? Consistency.

One of the most powerful techniques you can use to continue
your upward mobility is to make a goal of taking some action—
and doing it every single day. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld is famous
for saying this was his big productivity secret that gave him
momentum.
Use chains.cc to track your progress. Set a new daily goal every
week, and just focus on checking that off.
Or, if you’re really motivated, tackle more than one thing at a
time.
There are two keys to success: both thought and action. Your
actions won’t last long if you don’t have the confidence to believe
you’ll eventually be successful. And your thoughts won’t change
anything if your actions aren’t in line with your new ideals.
The information here is a good head start. But the difference that
will make the difference in your life is simple: it’s you.
Now go start building that suave social life.
228

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GuideToAdulthood.

Chapter One: Inner Confidence ................................................................................................ 8

The World is More Malleable Than You Think...............................................8

On Frame and Suaveness: Having a Strong Reality .....................................56

Basic Social Competence in Three Lessons ....................................................97

Becoming More Attractive Without Chasing ..............................................140

How to Make Rejection Feel Good ................................................................161

A Quick Guide to Posture...............................................................................180

Easy Social Hobbies .........................................................................................200

The Pocket Guide to Interior Design ............................................................208

Sophomore year, I arrived to the dorms a whole new person,

“routines.” I advocate some things that are controversial with a

Chapter One: Inner Confidence

But sometimes, you have the opposite experience. Sometimes you

Sometimes you have an experience that's so inexplicable that it

I remember one of mine.

I had a series of affirmations and visualizations, and one of them

women would instantly start coming up to dance with me. I had a

In truth, it was a bit of a

At one point, I was dancing, minding my own business...when an

They even approached me and started talking to me.

Another “affirmation” came true that night: I told myself that

After doing the inner work, I probably walked, talked, and

affirmation...come on...I want more tips on what to say. Give me

When I first started going out, the idea of possibly having a

I didn't think it was possible for me to make out with a woman I

I didn't think it was possible to give out my number and have

But you get the point.

I'm not saying I'm a glorious master charismatic ninja valentine

have a buttload of struggles and inconsistencies I need to work

But I have had enough spooky and paradigm-shifting experiences

There's a reason I talk about “being normal” later in this book, to

Everything about being suave starts in your head.

It's time to start using it.

 Your mind shapes your experiences. You don't have to

that forms your experiences, that makes a rejection feel

listens to your command. If you smile long enough, your

That maybe pickup lines and fancy techniques designed to

First Things First: Decide Exactly What It Is

One day, when he was

Specificity. Before you can

It all starts with a seed.

Who Do You Want to Attract? An Exercise

Cory Skyy, a dating guru with a more “natural” approach,

STEP ONE: GET SPECIFIC

Write down a list of what you want in a significant other, in

 What do they look like?

 What does their hair feel like?

Personality and Things in Common:

 Are they fun and outgoing?

 Do they have a lot of money?

STEP TWO: TURN THE MIRROR AROUND

Why is this important?

Visualize Your Life / Your Perfect Day

 What is your job like? How do you earn money?

Social and Lifestyle

 What kinds of friends do you have?

 When you go about your errands, do you meet people? Do

Once again, knowing the difference between your current

If you want to enjoy rock climbing, for example, you're never

First, the rules:

 Your dream should be motivating. So motivating that you

can accomplish in the long term. You're not looking for

Now, your first action steps towards inner confidence: