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happiness for everyone. As I grew older, this idea attracted me even more as I Comment [s3]: becomes more and more
attractive
realized health plays a vital role in life and many people around me need aiding
and caring of health. My dream came closer to fulfilment in 2003 when I Comment [s4]: help with taking care of
themselves.
graduated from high school and enrolled in Hanoi University of Pharmacy,
Comment [s5]: that close? More like “a step
ranked the best pharmacy school in Vietnam. closer”
Until the third year of university, I still thought believed that after graduation I
would choose to work as a pharmacist in hospital or pharmacy to guide the way
to use drugs for patients. However, life is full of twists and turns. You may find
it interesting that my aspiration to be a manager in health area actually began
when I did the worked as of a contributor to for a newspaper, interviewing Comment [s6]: again, try to make your
sentences more concise
making an interview(who?) about health insurance issues in our
countryVietnam. One of the questions I posed to the public health experts that Comment [s7]: so this is the point when you
became interested in health care management?
day was: “In your opinion, in our country, why are people apathetic
withindifferent to buying health insurance?” This One of the experts answered Comment [s8]: I would say "why people in my
country couldn’t care less about health insurance"
me metaphorically thatcame up with this metaphor in his response: “An
ignorant doctor may directly cause the death of a fewa patients. But an ignorant
manager, especially in the healthcare sector, may indirectly cause the death for
of millions of people as a wrong policy will deprive many people of their Comment [s9]: mismanaged? You are talking
about managers or policy-makers?
entitled opportunity to access to health services. Unfortunately, in our country,
the number of good managers in the health area areis rare”. This answer Comment [s10]: this is a good point. But don't
quote him verbatim. Paraphrase it and make it
evokedSomething clicked and I was inspired in my curiosity and inspired me shorter and more to the point.
to learn more about issues related to health management and policy. Comment [s11]: see, you can cut out a lot of
words.
Fortunately, at that time, I had an opportunity to approach the management
theory when taking the Pharmacoeconomics course in university. I realized that Comment [s12]: ??? Why don’t you just say you
took a course about that topic
I could be more helpful offer to my people more by researching and working in
the health system management area.
This strong will to understand the theory of health system management and Comment [s13]: how many theories are there?
Just one?
health policy, combined with my innate indomitable character, has always
Comment [s14]: your competitive nature?
motivated me to pursue achievements inexcel in related subjects in university. I
devoted much of my time actively searching relevant documents in Vietnam Comment [s15]: evidence for this? So far, you
talk a lot about how you became interested in this
and in international context. Thanks to my effort and perseverance, I achieved field and what motivated you. And then when you
switch to what you did to achieve your academic
excellent results in both coursework and research of this field. goals, you become vague -> unbalanced.
1
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However, in the way to become a good manager, I realized that not only
academic theories but also practical knowledge are needed. I registered to be a
trainee in Bach Mai Hospital, one of two biggest hospitals in Vietnam and was Comment [s16]: is it hard to do so? If the
hospital is very selective when it comes to whom
chosen to carry out research there. Working as a clinical pharmacist in hospital, they would admit as a trainee, emphasize that fact.
Secondly, the United States is a developed country with an abundance of Comment [s20]: so here are reasons why it
must be US
medical resources and an advanced health care system. So, studying in the
United States will provide me a chance to acquire a direct, first-hand
understanding of them. If possible, during my second year in the US, I hope to
take an internship at health administration of US to understand clearly about
health system in US, the method of its operation and the context leading to
health policies. Comment [s21]: strong sense of purpose. You
seem to know very well what you want to
Thirdly, the course in the United State would give me a great opportunity to
learn from famous scholars and excellent students around the world. Being
familiar with working in diverse environments with many different types of
job, I believe that I can quickly adapt to new environment, to accept
differences, to learn from others and easily get connected in a network.
Besides, building an international network connection with expert in Public
Health around the world through this course will be also helpful for my future
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