Chat Log C:\Users\JDCon\Documents\ChatLog Addiction Recovery_ Self_Esteem Can be

Toxic_ How to Escape the Trap 2018_02_17 17_04.rtf

Joy Hathaway (to All - Entire Audience): 3:56 PM: on my iPad it’s at the top.
Gerardo Matamoros (to All - Entire Audience): 3:57 PM: hello everyone
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:00 PM: hi everyone!
Regina Mays (to All - Entire Audience): 4:00 PM: hello
Emma Wolvin (to All - Entire Audience): 4:01 PM: awesome hello all :)
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:03 PM: Thank you Dr. Edelstein, 3 Minute Therapy has
changed many of our lives
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:04 PM: Oh, that's nice to hear, Heidi I'll be sure he sees that. :)
CalLadyQED (to All - Entire Audience): 4:05 PM: I an see everyone's first and last names!
CalLadyQED (to All - Entire Audience): 4:06 PM: if you wanted this to be anonymous, you'll need
to change your name with Go To Training.
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:06 PM: Me <<A HREF=> (to CalLadyQED - Private <<A
HREF=>):
If that is a concern, you can log out and re-register: <www.smartrecovery.org/events>

Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:06 PM: Thanks, Callady. We'll let people sort that out. We will not
share anyone's names beyond this event
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:13 PM: Get your questions ready! :)
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:13 PM: Your comments about the cyclical nature of
LFT, addictive behavior and self esteem are interesting
Brian Tague (to All - Entire Audience): 4:13 PM: It seems to me that Dr. Edelstein is saying that
our behaviors drive our level of self-esteem. My understanding is that we need to focus on having
positive self esteem to practive being okay.
Joe Gerstein (to All - Entire Audience): 4:14 PM: you are using Self-Esteem instead of self-
acce[ptance.Why?
Hugh K (to All - Entire Audience): 4:14 PM: When a loved one is "stuck" what could help?
Jane Ayers (to All - Entire Audience): 4:14 PM: is there such a thing as having high frustration
tolerance or that being useful
Zane Reynolds (to All - Entire Audience): 4:14 PM: Micheal, a question in regards to
"partners/spouses" in regards to self esteem
Dennis Rosenfeld (to All - Entire Audience): 4:14 PM: you thoughts on the difference between
self esteem and self worth?
Jonathan von Breton (to All - Entire Audience): 4:15 PM: i STRIVE FOR SELF-ACCEPTANCE,
EASIER SAID THAN DONE THOUGH
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:15 PM: Type out the question, Zane. Sounds interesting.
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:15 PM: Jonathan, can you turn off all caps?
frank padilla (to All - Entire Audience): 4:15 PM: do i understand this correctly that it is the
rating system we use after a choice we make that can be the toxic part of self-esteem in regards to
addiction?
Jonathan von Breton (to All - Entire Audience): 4:15 PM: sure, sorry
Trent Corbett (to All - Entire Audience): 4:15 PM: When supporting a spouce with this, is it
better to support the self esteem or draw more attention to the LFT?
Brian Tague (to All - Entire Audience): 4:17 PM: How do you see your comments about self
esteem tying in with Brene Brown's discussion around embracing shame and vulnerability? It seems
that you're arguing that our addicitions and subsequent behavior are what drive our feelings about
ourselves.
Joan Simmons (to All - Entire Audience): 4:18 PM: the session title is "self esteem can be toxic".
Can you expand on that? Thank you
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:18 PM: Jane - yes!!!
frank padilla (to All - Entire Audience): 4:19 PM: so its the potential for irrational thinking about
ones self-esteem that is the toxic part?
Line Vallières (to All - Entire Audience): 4:20 PM: isn't why we say: work on self compassion not
on self esteem
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:20 PM: Brian, our thinking drives, I think. Did he answer this for
you?
Trent Corbett (to All - Entire Audience): 4:20 PM: Is being over conidence-self esteem toxic or
just the lower/negative side of self esteem causing the toxic behaviours?
Thomas O'Connor (to All - Entire Audience): 4:21 PM: Hello, Dr. E. Why do you think self-esteem
is such a robust concept in our society? I can't think of anyone I've met or interacted with who does
not know what self-esteem is. But the REBT "take" is often totally unknown.
Brian Tague (to All - Entire Audience): 4:21 PM: Skip my question related to B. Brown. Dr. E is
approaching this from an entirely different perspective. He's talking about an egoic driven point of
view that's not related to self esteem.
Hugh K (to All - Entire Audience): 4:22 PM: How does a person move from being attached to
outcomes to being committed to a goal.
Jonathan von Breton (to All - Entire Audience): 4:23 PM: Rate your behaviors, not your self
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:25 PM: I love these!!!
john boileau (to All - Entire Audience): 4:26 PM: Is high self esteem related to narcissism?
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:27 PM: great example!
Jane Ayers (to All - Entire Audience): 4:27 PM: It seems there is a paradox with fighting
"unhelpful" emotions (the ones that end up in C), in that one could get caught in a loop of, I should
not have unhelpful emotions, I must not have done my ABCs correctly etc.... How can you keep this
from happening and focus on accepting these emotions while seeing them clearly
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:27 PM: Brian, I see your questions. Thinking. :)
Joe Gerstein (to All - Entire Audience): 4:31 PM: People fall into the habit of q uesstioning
irrational beliefs instead of questioning all their beliefs to find the ones that are irrational
Jonathan von Breton (to All - Entire Audience): 4:32 PM: Having treated a few narcicists, the
mani iB seems to be that they have no irrational beliefs
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:32 PM: interesting
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:35 PM: Ty Joe. Excellent point!
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:36 PM: I agree, I'e had the same experience as Dee
Maria A (to All - Entire Audience): 4:38 PM: self confidence, performance confidence:)
Emma Wolvin (to All - Entire Audience): 4:38 PM: so is it more about the losing the
judgement ...learning to look at things objectively ...without emotion/judgement ... scrap esteem and
concentrating on being ? and finding joy in it ? am I getting it ?
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:39 PM: Yes, Emma! Very much, I think. :)
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:39 PM: We are, and when we cna look at our strengths, flaws,
etc., we can figure out how we want to act to improve, if we feel like that will help us
Zane Reynolds (to All - Entire Audience): 4:39 PM: totally agree emma
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:40 PM: Yes, They are everywhere when you start to see them
Emma Wolvin (to All - Entire Audience): 4:47 PM: yes that was great Thank you:)
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:47 PM: :)
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:47 PM: Great question, Dee!
Joe Gerstein (to All - Entire Audience): 4:47 PM: How does this relate to the I'm OK, YOu're OK
phenomenon?
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:49 PM: Give me a great wrap-up question?!!?
Vicki Zollo (to All - Entire Audience): 4:50 PM: if I rate my behaviors and demand I always must
perform perfectly in all my endeavorsI thereforeI can only feel good about myself if I perform well.
Accepting myself unconditi0nally versus rating myself as good, a success or bad and a failure
withactually helps me open myself up to making better choices as I am not caught in the web of self
rating. Oh I performed well therefore I am a worhty human being or I made an errror or poor choice
so thereforeI am a loser and a real srew up. this is a dangerous and toxic way of thinking and
therfore behaving. Is this view accurate?
Jaime Robles (to All - Entire Audience): 4:50 PM: Dee, can you write up and post the three rules
for Facilitators that Michael just articulated?
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:51 PM: Yes, I agree with Jaime, That would be very
helpful
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:51 PM: Sure. I can do that.
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:51 PM: (I'm starting a new meeting on Friday!)
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:51 PM: Oh cool, Heidi!
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:51 PM: F2F
Jane Ayers (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: What was that term, a secondary complication?
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: secondary upset
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: secondary upset
Jane Ayers (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: thanks
Dennis Rosenfeld (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: Heidi, where did you find that "25th" hour
in your day?
Maria A (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: What does dr Edelstein think of the opposite: some
people believe they first must change their behaviour and the feelings will follow aka 'fake it til you
make it'?
Jonathan von Breton (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: Never rate your so-called self. You are
not good or bad, a success or a failure, saint or demon. Rate only your behaviors. That way you can
do more of the ones that work for you, get you what you want, keep you alive, and help you avoid
unnecessary pain, and live cooperatively with others. By rating your behaviors, you can also refrain
from or do fewer of the ones that don't work for you.

Terry Coleman (to All - Entire Audience): 4:52 PM: secondary disturbance
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:54 PM: motivation follows action
Dee (to All - Entire Audience): 4:54 PM: Yes.
Hugh K (to All - Entire Audience): 4:57 PM: True Heidi.
Jonathan von Breton (to All - Entire Audience): 4:58 PM: our ancestors lived in an environment
that was constantly trying to kill them and eat them
Jim Dickey (to All - Entire Audience): 4:58 PM: Thanks everybody for your time and input. This
was very informative.
frank padilla (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: evolution woo!
Jonathan von Breton (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: nice hearing you Michael
Jane Ayers (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: Ive had two major questions answered today that
I have struggled with for a long time now. This has been so awesome!! Thanks so much!!
Heather Albert (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: Thank you so much!
William McLaughlin (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: thank you
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: Thank you so much!
frank padilla (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: this was wonderful! thank you thank you i am
grateful!
Emma Wolvin (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: thanks was informative xx many thanks xx
Line Vallières (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: Thank you Dr Edelstein
Maria A (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: Thank you dr Edelstein and everyone who was here x

Dennis Rosenfeld (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: tnx Dr E & Dee.....enjoyed this
tremendously!
Hugh K (to All - Entire Audience): 4:59 PM: False positives are less dangerous than false
negatives?
Hugh K (to All - Entire Audience): 5:00 PM: Ta very much Michael and Dee!
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 5:00 PM: Dee would you post the 3 things for new
facilitators on teh webinar link?
Heidi McGrew (to All - Entire Audience): 5:01 PM: thank yoU!
Claire Bennett (to All - Entire Audience): 5:01 PM: Thank you very much. Really interesting
Trent Corbett (to All - Entire Audience): 5:01 PM: Thanks, very informative for self recovery and
how tgo help instead of direct a spouce to self awareness.
Emma Wolvin (to All - Entire Audience): 5:01 PM: much love everyone xx
Vicki Zollo (to All - Entire Audience): 5:02 PM: TY Dee and Dr edlsstein for a fanastic event
Terry Coleman (to All - Entire Audience): 5:02 PM: Brilliant. Thank you all.
Lana Suvorova (to All - Entire Audience): 5:03 PM: thank you,it was a great event)
James Conner (to All - Entire Audience): 5:04 PM: Thanks
Erik Sanderson (to All - Entire Audience): 5:04 PM: Really enjoyed this, thanks