RDS MATURIT Y

TEN STEPS TO HELP YOU TOWA

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HU GH ES YPS.SEP T.OC T.2005.30TH.ANNIV
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SIDER IN THE PURSUIT

10 IMPORTANT STEPS TO CON MATURITY +
OF SPIRIT UAL AND EMO TIO NAL If I was to put my finger on the biggest single
+ ERS ARY.SPECIAL
cause of failure in the Christian life, I would
YPS.SEP T.OC T.2005.30TH.ANNIV say it is a failure to take in daily spiritual
YP S.LD
YPS .LDDR
DR.
.44.Y
.YTHTH.
.ININTR
TRO resources. A diver who is too busy to think
of getting his pipe line for air working before
he descends to the depths is foolish. No
more foolish is the person who descends
LDDR4YTHINTROYPSLDDR4YTHINTROYPSLDDR4YTHINTROYPSLDDR4YTHINTROYPSLDDR4YTHINTRO
century. I know that on the surface of things into the stifling atmosphere of today’s world
this generation is quite different from the without getting the breathing apparatus of
generation in which I was brought up. Take prayer connected with the pure air of the
just this one comparison for example. In my
1. PUT FIRST THINGS kingdom of God. If we grow anaemic and pale

FIRST
day, ideas and living styles were initiated in spiritually it is likely we have done this harm
the adult world and filtered down to youth. to ourselves.
Now things go the other way. Lifestyles are PUT.FRST.TNGS.FRST.

SOME YEARS AGO I WAS INVITED TO SPEAK AT A spawned at the youth level and are pushed This opening of ourselves to spiritual
CHURCH IN SINGAPORE, THE CONGREGATION OF upwards. Every Christian’s first commitment is to resources is best done in the first part of the
WHICH CONSISTED LARGELY OF YOUNG PEOPLE develop an intimate relationship with day. If that is not possible, however, then find
UNDER THE AGE OF 25. THE PASTOR, IN HIS EARLY Eugene Peterson, author of The Message, Jesus Christ. Note what I say – not just a another part of the day in which you can be
THIRTIES, INTRODUCED ME TO HIS CONGREGATION a streetwise paraphrase of the Scriptures relationship but an intimate one. Nothing alone with God to talk to Him and let Him talk
IN THIS WAY: ‘TODAY OUR SPEAKER IS FROM THE which is increasingly popular with today’s can be more important than this. The way to you through His Word, the Bible.
UNITED KINGDOM AND IS A WELL KNOWN YOUTH generation, says: ‘Dress fashions, hair styles, a relationship is developed between two
LEADER …’ music and morals that are adopted by youth human beings is to spend time with each The writer C.S. Lewis said that if we put first
are evangelically pushed on an adult world other. The more time one spends with a things first then we are likely to get second
As I was sitting in full view of the congregation which in turn seems eager to be converted’. friend the more the relationship is likely things thrown in. If we put second things
all heads turned toward me and, drawing close Is he right? Other commentators seem in to intensify. The relationship between a first then we are likely to lose both first
to 70 years of age at the time, I could see the agreement with him when they point out that Christian and Christ works in the same way. and second things. Developing an intimate
puzzlement on their faces. I imagined them it is common to see adults in their thirties, The more time we spend with Him in prayer relationship with God is a Christian’s first
thinking: how can he be a youth leader when forties and fifties who have not only adopted and the reading of His Word, the Bible, the priority. If you get the right thing first then
his youthful years are obviously decades the external trappings of the youth culture more our relationship with Him deepens. your life will come out right. If you get the
away? I had just a few seconds before moving but are actually experiencing the emotions, wrong thing first then nothing will come
+
+
to the podium and my mind raced over how traumas and difficulties typical of youth. One of the best pieces of advice I was ever out right.
I could correct the pastor’s inappropriate given when I was young was when an old
introduction of me when he said once again, One of the big differences I see between the Christian put his arm around my shoulders
‘Yes, our speaker is a youth leader,’ and present generation and my own is that the and said: ‘Whatever you do, try to start your
then after a pause remarked, ‘he is leading world is changing so fast that no one gets a day right. Start it with prayer and the reading
us by close on 50 years’. Of course at that chance to feel at home in it. Christian young of God’s Word. Take on board spiritual assets
point everyone burst into laughter, but his people, however, have the advantage of an to help you face the day. If prayer lags, then
amusing introduction gave me a helpful ramp unchanging Christ and an unchanging book life sags.’
over which I was able to engage with that – the Bible.
congregation of young people.
It is on the basis of my understanding of that
It is from the vantage point of my mature book, the Bible, that I present these ten steps EVERY CHRISTIAN’S FIRST
years that I write these words to the Christian as a ladder for you to climb upon as you move COMMITMENT IS TO DEVELOP AN
young people of this, the twenty-first toward spiritual and emotional maturity. INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH
JESUS CHRIST.
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FND.A.CSE.2.WHCH.U.CN.CMMT.URSLF
2. FIND A CAUSE
TO WHICH YOU CAN
COMMIT YOURSELF
The apostle Peter, speaking about Christ’s
mission here on earth, said in Acts 10:38 that
‘he went around doing good … because God
was with him’ (my italics). As a follower of
Jesus Christ, make it your aim to do good
also. Doing good is quite different from being
a do-gooder. Do-gooders are people who do
good because of the rewards they get out of
doing good – good feelings, recognition, the
appreciation of others and so on. Doing good
is helping others because it is the right thing
to do – whether we are rewarded or not.
So find something you can give yourself to
– a cause that involves you in investing a
part of your life in helping others. Support an
agency that ministers to those less fortunate
than yourself, volunteer for some overseas
project that is designed to help remedy some
unfortunate happening or circumstance such
as a flood or a famine.
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‘The true test of Christianity,’ someone has
said ‘is when you find yourself thinking of
others more than yourself’. God has designed
+ WORLD’S CULTURAL
us not to be self-centred but ‘other-centred’
– to focus more on the needs of others than on
our own needs. When our lives are self-centred
and self-focused we violate the divine design.
We are made in the inner structure of our
being to give ourselves to others. The more we
do that the more fulfilled our lives will be.
A psychiatrist gave this piece of advice to
his students who took his university course:
‘If you want to help people avoid a nervous
breakdown tell them to invest their lives in
helping others. Doing something helpful for
those less fortunate than themselves is a
wonderful way of maintaining mental and
emotional health’. Jesus put that same truth
in a different way when he said ‘It is more
blessed to give than to receive’ (Acts 20:35).
As the hymn writer Horatius Bonar put it: ‘It
is the way the Master went; should not the
servant tread it still.’
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TODAY’S CULTURE SEEMS
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TO BE MORE AND MORE ACCEPTING
OF THE IDEA THAT THERE
ARE NO ABSOLUTES
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? as the central truth of Scripture. But it is a
?
RSST.TH.WRLDS.CLTRL.BRNWSHNG
3. RESIST THE
BRAINWASHING
The apostle Paul, when writing to the Romans,
gave this piece of advice to the people of his
day and all who would follow: ‘Don’t let the
world around you squeeze you into its own
mould, but let God re-mould your minds from
within’ (Rom. 12:2, Phillips). Paul more than
anyone knew the dangers of allowing the
culture of the world to creep into our minds
until we stop thinking christianly about things.
When it comes to a clash between culture and
Christ then as Christians we are expected to
choose Christ.
A disturbing result of a research project
conducted in the USA a few years ago
suggests that today’s culture has affected
the thinking of many young believers. A large
group of Christian young people were asked to
give what they thought was the central text of
Scripture. What would you guess the answer
to be? John 3:16? That certainly would have
been the answer a generation ago, but most of
the young people who were polled said it was
Matthew 7:1: ‘Do not judge, or you too will be
judged.’
The researchers who did this survey believe
that because the big word in today’s culture
is ‘tolerance’ – let everyone do their own
thing without criticism or condemnation – this
had led the young people to see Matthew 7:1
mistaken view of the text. What the text means
is that judgments which are passed without
recognising one’s own vulnerability and the
possibility of failure are inappropriate for a
follower of Jesus Christ.
Of course tolerance in some areas of life
is a good thing. But when it comes to the
difference between right and wrong or that
Jesus is the one way to heaven there can
be no tolerance. When we violate a biblical
principle we must not tolerate it but repent of
it. And when the world passes laws that are
clearly contrary to the Bible, are we to refrain
from making judgments? Of course not.
Today’s culture seems to be more and more
accepting of the idea that there are no
absolutes. Guard against this. Guard also
against the tendency of the day to use bad
language or even crude language. Words are
powerful and without realising it our inner
world can quickly become a reflection of our
outer world. Stay away from drugs also. When
the group you may be in rationalises these
things – dare to be different. Keep yourself
pure. Don’t act by pressures, act by principles.
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.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX.
The evangelist Billy Graham, when addressing
sd
a large crowd of young people on one
occasion, said: ‘the biggest battle in life is the
4. WIN THE BATTLE sex battle. Overcome that and you are well on
OF SEX
your way to victorious living as a Christian.’
WN.TH.BTTL.OF.SX But how, in a world that is heavily loaded on
the side of sex, do we win that battle?
¢ Well, first keep in mind that sex is something
God thought up. It is not cheap or dirty when
™ practised within biblical guidelines. God
designed sex so that humans could reproduce
¢
¢ and also for the mutual pleasure that a
married couple can bring to each other.
¢ The sex drive is the creative drive and is one
¢ of the most powerful drives in the personality.
In those who are not married it needs to be
™ sublimated. Sublimation is the process by
which instinctive emotions are redirected
¢
to things that benefit both you and other
™ people. Throw yourself into plenty of activity,
¢ ¢ especially activities that help others.
Some of the greatest work has been done by
™
those who denied, voluntarily or otherwise,
the normal outlets for sex. They have turned
the tide of this strange power into creativity
+ in other ways. The strongly sexed can strongly
serve. If the sex drive is just damned up with
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no outlet then it can prove a constant source
of conflict and frustration. Beware of those
who advise casual sexual relationships as relief
from the feelings that arise from the sex drive.
Much of the tensions that arise from the sex
drive can be dealt with by monitoring your
thinking. The ancestor of every action is a
thought. Stop the action at the place of the
thought. Don’t dally with the thought saying
‘I’ll keep the thought but I’ll stop this side of
the act’. You won’t – for in any battle between
the imagination and the will, the imagination
always wins.
On many television programmes sex outside
of marriage is portrayed as normal. Today’s
culture knows little or nothing about the
principle of delayed gratification (being patient
and waiting!) – especially when it comes to
waiting for marriage. The world may say
sexual experimentation is OK, providing you
take precautions. That is not what Scripture
says. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 we read, ‘Flee from
sexual immorality’. And this, by the way, is just
one of many texts on the same subject.
The apostle Paul gave this advice to his
younger friend Timothy: ‘Flee also youthful
lusts’ (2 Tim. 2:22, AV). Keep away from
questionable parties, sex magazines and
television programmes that arouse sexual
desires. They are not worth your time. Keep
out of the devil’s territory.
The modern idea is to live together outside
of marriage. This is against God’s will and
purpose. Scripture says in Genesis 2:24:
‘For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife, and
they will become one flesh.’ No longer do
hotels concern themselves about whether
a couple are married or not. This is an age
when anything goes. Decide to do the godly
thing. Dedicate yourself to God. If there is no
dedication to God’s purposes in relation to
sex then it can soon lead to compromise and
further misuse of the gift of sex.
Always remember too that though the
Christian life lifts standards to almost
unbelievable heights, it also provides the
power by which we reach up to them. Ask God
to help you resist life’s pressures and give you
power over temptation.
I discovered as a young man that the best
way to overcome a troublesome passion is to
replace it with a bigger and more powerful
passion. One desire can be expelled by a
higher desire. The apostle Paul said: ‘Christ’s
love compels us’ (2 Cor. 5:14). Fall in love with
Christ and let the love that He produces in the
soul be the fire that controls all other loves.
All the guidelines given to you about sex will
not help you unless the love of Christ is at the
centre – then the sex urge becomes marginal.
THE BIGGEST BATTLE
IN LIFE IS THE
SEX BATTLE
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 Æ
B.THRGH.N.TH.SMLL.TSKS.&.OPRTNTS
will have a bigger job waiting for you.’ At the
6. BE THOROUGH IN end of every service I took the hymn books
THE SMALL TASKS AND and carefully went through them to see if a

OPPORTUNITIES page was torn or a child had put a sticky sweet

TK.GD.N2.UR.CHC.OF.A.LF.PRTNR.
5. TAKE GOD INTO
wrapping between the pages. I applied myself
to that task as if it was the most important
Marriage is not for everyone. Some can remain
happily and contentedly single. However, if
On one occasion, Jesus told a task in the world.

YOUR CHOICE OF A you feel drawn to marriage pray that God will
story to His disciples about a
master and a servant. The master Later my pastor said to me: ‘I have been
LIFE PARTNER lead you to the right person. Scripture advises
a Christian to avoid marrying a non-Christian
complimented his servant on the fact watching the way you have done this job and
sd
that he had been faithful in a few things, I compliment you on the way you brought
(see 2 Cor. 6:14). A question I am often asked
so he would be put in charge of many creativity to a humble task. Now I have
by young people is: what if a Christian decides
things (see Matt. 25:21). The point Jesus was another job for you … I want to teach you how
to marry a non-Christian – is he or she likely
making there was that out of the small tasks to prepare a sermon.’
to lose their salvation? I don’t believe so.
well done will grow bigger responsibilities.
But there will be a missing dimension in
I believe that not only was my pastor watching
that marriage. Marriage consists of three
I could give you a list of people I have known how well I did that task, but God was watching
dimensions – physical (sex), psychological
who have failed in life because when they too. Had I not prepared myself in that way
(mental and emotional communication) and
were given small tasks they did not apply I believe I would never have been given the
spiritual (the sharing together of spiritual
d

themselves to them in the way they should. task of founding an organisation which is well
truths based on Scripture and prayer). Without
They cut corners and took the easiest way of known throughout the Christian world.
the spiritual dimension a marriage can never
dealing with things rather than the right way.
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be complete or become what God intended it

When they were given bigger tasks to do they
to be.
show the same attitudes, which ultimately
shipwrecked their lives. They did not pass the
Base your choice of a marriage partner on
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small test and failed also in the bigger.

something more than physical attraction.
Many are attracted by someone’s appearance,
So learn to do the little things well and see
but consider also the things that will remain
them as part of character building. One of the
in later life, when a person loses their physical
first jobs I was given in the church where I
attractiveness. Look for someone in whose
became a Christian was looking after the hymn
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conversation you can have a lifelong interest.

books. My pastor said: ‘Do this job well and I
But don’t expect perfection because you
will never marry anyone who is perfect.
s

And remember also that it is better to be

contentedly single than unhappily married.
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HNR.UR.PRNTS
7. HONOUR YOUR
PARENTS
Parent–child relationships can be fraught with
great difficulty. So much so that many young
people carry into adulthood bitter feelings
against their parents. Over and over again
when counselling young people I have heard
so many say: ‘I hate my parents. They just
don’t understand me.’
When God gave humanity the Ten
Commandments (recorded for us in Exodus
20) one of them had to do with parent–child
relationships. God said, ‘Honour your father
and your mother, so that you may live long in
the land the LORD your God is giving you’ (v12).
If you have difficulty in honouring your parents
because of some difficulties you may have
had with them, then keep in mind that there
are no perfect parents. They are the result
of their own upbringing and may have had to
live through some very difficult experiences.
There is an old saying that ‘to know all is to
understand all’. There may be many hidden
factors you do not know about that may have
influenced your parents to behave they way
they do. Keep that very much in mind.
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Often young people carry bitter feelings
towards their parents because they focus only
on the negatives and ignore the positives. In
an experiment I have often done with young
people who feel bitterness toward a father or
mother I have asked them to make a list of
the positive aspects they will have observed
over time in the lives of their parents. I have
often been surprised at the change that comes
over them as they focus on the positives. It
is a principle in life that if you focus on the
negatives in a person you will feel negative
toward them; if you focus on the positives you
will feel positive toward them.
But though this may help, the real issue is a
matter of forgiveness. However hard done by
you might feel, or however you might have
been deprived of love, attention, and so on,
God requires you to forgive your parents in the
same way that He has forgiven you.
Before you leave home to go to college
or set out on your own, or even to get
married, try putting together a letter to your
parents thanking them for the good things
they contributed to your life. Overlook the
negatives. Focus on the positives. You will be
surprised at what a letter like this can achieve.
What you must not do is to carry bitter
feelings into your new relationships because
they can lie there as seeds of destruction in
your personality and can interfere with any
future relationships you might develop.
Honouring your parents doesn’t mean you
have to like everything about them. But you
must see that in the most difficult of parents
there will be things that are worthy of praise
and appreciation. Focus on those things, and
be thankful for them.
OVERLOOK THE NEGATIVES
FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES
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 If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it
in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let
him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if
it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is
contributing to the needs of others, let him
give generously; if it is leadership, let him
govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him
do it cheerfully.

YOU CAN BE SURE THAT YOU HAVE AT

LEAST ONE OF THE GIFTS IN THIS LIST.
The subject of gifts is something that the Whatever your natural gifts, God has deposited
DSCVR.UR.BSC.GFT

8. DISCOVER YOUR Church, generally speaking, has not given within you a certain giftedness through which

BASIC GIFT
enough attention to. Many years ago, I devised you can contribute to the health of Christ’s
a chart to help people discover what might be Body, the Church. Your local church needs you
their basic spiritual gifts. It has been used by and God has already provided you with the gift
hundreds of thousands of people. Many have or gifts to enable you to play your part.
Every Christian has a basic gift from God and written to me to say that since they discovered
if this is not understood then we can find their basic gift and began to exercise it, they Let me encourage you to explore this issue of
ourselves undertaking service for God in His experienced maximum effectiveness with your basic gift; it can mean all the difference
Church for which we are not well suited. We minimum weariness. Before their discovery between success and failure in your spiritual
can become square pegs in round holes. they were trying to operate outside their life. The ‘Discovering your Basic Gift’ chart
giftedness and experienced maximum mentioned earlier can be obtained from CWR
There is a view in the Christian Church that weariness with minimum effectiveness. or downloaded free from www.cover2cover.org
whenever we see a need we fill it. Now that
may be necessary in times of emergency but
not as a permanent lifestyle. Scripture clearly
teaches that God has given every one of His
children at least one gift which He plans for
them to use in His service. So congratulations
– you’re gifted! Listen to how the apostle Paul
puts it in Romans 12:6: ‘We have different
gifts, according to the grace given us.’ Then he
proceeds to outline some of those gifts.
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9. LEARN THE VALUE
OF SELF-DISCIPLINE
To be a disciple of Jesus Christ is to be
disciplined person. This does not mean you
have to turn into an unnatural, odd type of
person, but it does mean that some of your
natural instincts will need to be controlled.
The word ‘discipline’ doesn’t sit well with some
people. It is particularly troublesome term to
those who like freedom. There is a false idea of
freedom in modern-day society. A young man
said to his teacher: ‘Sir, this is supposed to be
a free country. Where is my freedom? They tell
me to go to school and I have to do it. They tell
me to study or go home ... and I have to do it.
I ask again; where’s my freedom?’ The young
man was serious – and in serious trouble with
himself. He failed to understand that freedom
means you are not free to do what you like but
free to do as you ought. I am not free to shout
‘Fire!’ in a crowded room when there is no fire.
As someone has put it, ‘my freedom to wave
my arm ends at the tip of your nose’.
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Discipline is really putting aside those things
that don’t help us do what we’re meant to be
doing instead concentrating on what we should
be doing to reach our goals. Sports men and
sports women discipline themselves to reach
their goals. As Christians we must discipline
ourselves also to reach the goal of becoming
the best Christian it is possible to be.
We must discipline ourselves so that nothing
remains except that which counts and
contributes. Go over your life and see if there
is anything that is incompatible with your
goals. If so, decide to have done with them.
The minister, teacher and writer Harry
Emerson Fosdick said: ‘No horse ever gets
anywhere until he is harnessed. No steam or
gas ever drives anything until it is confined.
No Niagara is ever turned into light and power
until it is tunnelled. No life ever grows great
until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.’
So discipline yourself so that you can achieve
your goals. If it is studying to get a particular
qualification then stick at the task until it is
completed. Discipline yourself also with the
way you handle money. Save all you can and
make sure that what you do spend is on the
right things and in the right way. The more
disciplined you are, the more freedom you will
experience – the freedom to be the ‘you’ that
can make the best contribution to God’s world.
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If you have a dozen people in one situation
who all want to be leader, what do you have?
The stage is set for a clash. Jesus told His
disciples there was only one title He could
trust them with – servant. The servant He said
would be the greatest of all.
As you lose yourself in the service of all
you will become the greatest of all, you will
become great by the very self-losing.
But note also that Jesus said we are to be
servants of all, not the servants of some.
Servants of your class, race, colour? No,
the servant of all. That is where true
greatness lies.
These ten steps on the ladder that leads to
spiritual and emotional maturity may not
be all that is required of you in becoming a
mature person but they are some of the most
significant. My wish for you is that you will
10. DON’T TRY TO BE ascend them one by one and go on to make
A LEADER – BE THE your mark in the world – a mark that will not
SERVANT OF ALL only make you a successful person but one
whom God can highly commend.
It may be that God will put you in a position
of leadership one day but don’t aspire to it
– instead aim to be a servant. In Matthew 23:11–
12, Jesus said to His disciples, ‘The greatest
among you will be your servant. For whoever
exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever
humbles himself will be exalted’.
Therefore, don’t try to be a leader – be
the servant of all and out of that service
leadership will come as a by-product. The
attitude of the leader who does not know
how to serve is ‘I lead, you follow’. It is
self-assertive. Someone has said that such
an attitude produces not leaders but ‘fussy
managers of people’.
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THIS LITTLE BOOKLET HAS BEEN

WRITTEN FOR YOU IN CELEBRATION
OF YP’S 30TH BIRTHDAY.
Selwyn Hughes, the founder of CWR,
was the original author of YP’s – and he
felt he had some important words of
wisdom for young people today.

Once you’ve read A Ladder for Youth,

you might like to pull it out and keep
it somewhere safe as it’s packed with
advice that will help you for many years
to come.
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Published by CWR, Waverley Abbey

House, Waverley Lane, Farnham,
Surrey GU9 8EP, England. Copyright
© CWR 2005.