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SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives
you some milk.
FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you
some milk.
NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots
one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and
buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell
them and retire on the income.
DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You
vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to
raise money to pay for the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
righteous.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one, and
force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a
consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
FRENCH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You go on strike,
organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A GERMAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them
so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A JAPANESE CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You redesign them
so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow, and produce the milk of
20 cows. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called
cowkimon and market them worldwide.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows, but you don’t know
where they are. You break for lunch
SWISS CAPITALISM; You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong
to you. You chargean outrageous fee to the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You have 300 people
milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high
bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real
situation.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You count them and
learn that you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn that
you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 2
cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka.
INDIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You worship them.
BRITISH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CAPITALISM; Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell
them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the
crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but
at least you are now a Democracy.
AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Business seems
pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM; You have two cows. The one on the
left looks very attractive.
GREEK CAPITALISM; You have two cows borrowed from French
and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect
their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans
you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to
collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of


them to your publicity listed company, using letters of credit opened
by your brother-in-law at the bank , then execute a debt/equity swap
with an associated general offer so that you geta ll four cows back,
with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows
are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretely owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to
all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says
the company own eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell
one cow to buy a new president of the united states leaving you with
nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public
buys your bull.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you a glass of milk.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile,
no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of
starvation.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it
on the black market.

PERESTROIKA
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes
all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
"free" market.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
milk.

BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then
it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
missing cows.

CAPITALISM
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,
because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.

OLYMPICS-ISM
You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling
violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the
moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in
a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the
Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its
parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the
competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and
gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese
cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials,
though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves
it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.

AMERICAN CORPORATE CAPITALISM


Both cows are bloated with toxic steroids. They are set out to graze on
privatized public parks, release massive amounts of flatulence that
destroys the ozone layer, die from excess ultraviolet light, and are
processed into meat-like products that look great as a result of clever
and unprincipled marketing strategies. When you mortgage your
artificially devalued farm at high interest rates in order to buy meat,
you consume the poisoned material and develop terminal illnesses because
there is no health care plan to treat you. The corporate management uses
your purchase price to acquire THEIR meat from cows raised "naturally"
on tree-free rain forest land outside of the country where labor and
resources are cheap.

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some
milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
the other, then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire
on the income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force
the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of
them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual
report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell
one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine
cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize


a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so


they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so


they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where
they are. You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to


you.You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people
milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell
them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of
you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are
part of a Democracy..

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems


pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks
very attractive.

 Russian company: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again.
You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you
have.
 Californian company: You have a million cows. Most of them are undocumented
immigrants.
 Australian company: You have 2 cows. You go make some lunch and come back. You
have no cows. As your land has been taken by the local mining authority and your land
is now sitting in a Chinese Nuclear Reactor.

Totalitarism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they
ever existed. Milk is banned.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from
milking or killing them.

British Decomracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and
they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows,
right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the
movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a


partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows
and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The


government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift
from your government.

Mexican Capitalism: You've got two cows, the narco takes one, an international
company buys the other for a ridiculous price promising cheap milk, this
company sells you the milk for an incredibly high price, you can't pay it, you go
on strike, the state imprisons you.

Anarchy: You have two cows and they're fucking yours.

PAKISTANI CAPITALISM: You got no cows, you buy from China by selling the
milk USA gave you. Now that you have cows, you tie bombs on them and send
to India

Zimbabwe capitalism: you have two cows, you eat them the government
punishes you by milking your wife

AFRIKA CAPITALISM: You have two cows, you think are dogs but your
neighbor comes everyday and take away milk, you wonder how they did
that.....!

Canadian capitalism: you have two cows. You are so nice to them, continuously
apologize to them for milking them. Always signs peace treaty with them and
invite more cows from other country.

Facebook capitalism: You have 2 cows , you share the pics on Facebook.
Everybody shares the pics , now every one has two cows

Dutch: you own two cows and cannot milk them until the governement provides
you with a milking-license. It takes ages, so you decide to roll one up

RANIAN CAPITALISM: you have two cows, the goverenment says that you are
the owner of them but you should give them to goverenment to keep them, after
that, you have no cow, no milk, no money, and if you ask about your cows, you
can see the prison

Hungary. You have two cows. The government imposes 76 different taxes on
them and eventually takes both of them. Later they give these cows to their
friends and family on a "public tender". The official communication is that the
cow reform is successfully implemented.

PHILIPPINE CAPITALISM: You have two cows and sell it to CHINA. The
CHINESE sell it again to PHILIPPINES and put a TAG "CHINESE COWS"

Romania Democracy: You have two cows. The gypsies comes and steal your
cows. You go to the Police and they fine you for reporting an irellevant story
and you wasted their time

DUBAIsm - you have two cows and they are made of pure gold

Philippines capitalism: you have two cows, you sell both, then you go overseas
to work as maid to buy the two cows you sell. repeat.

Hong Kong Capitalism: you have 2 cows. You need to pay the rent to land
developers for the space that the 2 cows occupy. The rent is around the price of
300 cows.

Israeli fascism: Your "grandpa" owned a cow in 722 BCE, you remember it in
1947, decide to steal ours, take our barn, slaughter the helll out of us while our
neighbors observe in silence then opis...turns out your grandpa isn't even from
around here in the first place.

Serbian capitalism: you have two cows, both die from hunger, cause its not
profitable to feed them.. you start to moo and complain, but it doesnt help you.
You help yourself with a beer

Emirate capitalism: you have 2 cows. You build the highest tower in the world
containing the 2 cows dressed in gold and bling bling. Then you charge the
visitors a high amount at the entrance

Croatian capitalism: You have 2 cows and hope that the neighbours 2 cows die
soon!