An Introvert's Survival Guide by Psych2Go

INTRODUCTION
Similar to how there is still so much stigma going around today with how culture and
social media depicts mental illnesses, there are also many myths and stereotypes that continue to
harbor introversion. Our team at Psych2Go would like to join the movement of tearing down
these preconceived notions and inform the public about what introversion truthfully is, the
challenges of being an introvert, tips and tricks on how to survive as an introvert within a world
that favors extraversion, and why it is essential to accept and protect introversion for what it is —
rather than trying to eliminate it altogether. We understand the difficulties involved with being
an introvert and want to support our fans who have faced similar adversities.
Various writers and content creators have contributed to this project, providing a wide
range of perspectives about their own struggles and experiences on how their introversion
personally shaped their lives. Psych2Go is fueled by compassion, and we make it a collaborative
effort to sustain and evolve humanity by combining psychology with authentic stories and
informative interviews that raise important questions to promote open discussions, rather than
trying to meet one definitive conclusion. We strive to help the world co-exist fairly, helping
introverts establish equality with the predominantly extroverted population by informing the
public of their own needs and dispositions that are often overlooked. We want you to know that
it’s possible to make a difference without being loud. Whether you identify as an introvert or
would like to learn more about introversion, it is within our utmost interest and pleasure to
present you with this anthology.
Written by: Catherine Huang
Content Creator, Editor in Chief, & Product Manager
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CREDITS
CEO and Co-Founder

Tai Khuong
Book Cover Designer & Marketing Director

Kelly Soong

Catherine Huang
Editors
Alita Clark
Danielle Fioretti
Sarah Newman
Brian O’Connor
Judy Schumacher
Nicole Segovia
Viveca Shearin
Emily Tang
Jasmine Yiamkiati
Writers
Anonymous
Emily Aron
Jerusalem Brown
Lilian Enke
Essi
Rosy Evans
Elliot Figueira
Laura R. Garnett
Molly Glowacki
Kayleigh H.
Catherine Huang
Irene
Gabrielle LaFrank
Louise
Chau Nguyen
Anastasia Maragou
Karis Marie
Noura
Ash Osborne
Risma
Robert
Baylee Rose
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction, p. 1
Credits, p. 2
What is Introversion? : Revealing the Challenges of Being an Introvert in an Extraverted

World & Debunking Introvert Myths & Stereotypes, p. 6
Essi, “Knowing Your Introverted Self,” p. 7

Essi, “8 Times Introverts are Misunderstood,” p. 10
Louise, “10 Problems Only Introverts Understand,” p. 13
Anastasia Maragou, “9 Problems Only an Introvert Gets,” p. 19
Risma, “12 Things Introverts May Find Difficult,” p. 22
Essi, “Struggles of Being an Introvert: A Personal Account,” p. 27
Laura R. Garnett, “Can I Just Order from Amazon and Telecommute? : 6 Daily Challenges of
Being an Introvert,” p. 30
Molly Glowacki, “7 Reasons not to Judge an Introvert,” p. 33
Emily Aron, “10 Reasons not to Judge an Introvert,” p. 38
Catherine Huang, “10 Interesting Facts about Introverts,” p. 45
Jerusalem Brown, “Drop Your Labels: An Interview with Sophia Dembling on Being
Introverted,” p. 51
Catherine Huang, “10 Myths About Introverts,” p. 56
Anonymous, “7 Common Misconceptions About Introverts,” p. 61
Solitude, p. 65
Rosy Evans, “Isolophilia – A Strong Affection and Preference for Solitude; a Desire to be Left
Alone,” p. 66
Louise, “I Love Doing Things Alone and People Should Stop Worrying About It,” p. 68
Lilian Enke, “Thriving in Solitude,” p. 73
Catherine Huang, “10 Benefits of Living Alone as an Introvert,” p. 75
Catherine Huang, “7 Ways to Incorporate More Solitude into Your Schedule,” p. 78
Relationships (Dating, Friendship, & Family), p. 81
Catherine Huang, “8 Methods an Extrovert Can Use to Approach an Introvert the Right Way,”
p. 82
Dating
Catherine Huang, “10 Things That Make an Introvert Irresistibly Attractive,” p. 85

Karis Marie, “8 Reasons to Love an Introvert,” p. 89
Irene, “6 Relationship Tips for Introverts,” p. 93
Lilian Enke, “Online Dating: Is It for Introverts?” p. 96
Catherine Huang, “10 Things Introverts Need in a Relationship,” p. 100
Catherine Huang, “5 Ways to Find True Love If You’re an Introvert (and Hate Dating),” p. 106
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Laura R. Garnett, “The Odd Couple: The Introvert-Extrovert Relationship,” p. 109
Friendship
Chau Nguyen, “6 Tips for Having Extroverted Friends,” p. 112

Chau Nguyen, “7 Tips for Having Introverted Friends,” p. 116
Catherine Huang, “5 Reasons Why Introverts Make the Best Friends Ever,” p. 119
Family
Noura, “Being the Only Introvert in an Extroverted Family,” p. 121

Catherine Huang, “7 Ways Introverts Can Help Their Extroverted Parents Understand
Introversion,” p. 126
Coping with Stressful Situations & General Tips for Introverts, p. 129
General
Kayleigh H., “9 Ways to Care for Introverts,” p. 130

Lilian Enke, “When You Have a Bad Day,” p. 133
School
Catherine Huang, “6 Tips on How to Survive High School for Introverts,” p. 136
Elliot Figueira, “5 Ways Schools Can Better Accommodate Introverts,” p. 139
Catherine Huang, “College Tips 101 for Introverts,” p. 146
Emily Aron, “6 Ways for Introverts with Anxiety to Manage Stressful Situations,” p. 149
Work
Risma, “Job Hunting for Introverts,” p. 156

Essi, “How to Survive in an Extroverted Work Environment as an Introvert,” p. 160
Laura R. Garnett, “Boss in a Bubble: Working with an Introverted Boss,” p. 163
Catherine Huang, “7 Habits of Highly Successful Introverts,” p. 168
Communication, p. 172
Robert, “An Introvert’s Perspective of a Chatterbox with Sophia Dembling,” p. 173

Essi, “Do You Want to Become a Social Butterfly?” p. 176
Catherine Huang, “5 Tips on How to Survive Small Talk as an Introvert,” p. 180
Baylee Rose, “The Young Introvert’s Guide to Socializing and Conversation,” p. 183
Gabrielle LaFrank, “7 Ways to Express Your Feelings If You’re an Introvert,” p. 186
Ash Osborne, “5 Ways for Introverts to Share Feelings,” p. 189
Elliot Figueira, “10 Signs You’ve Pissed an Introvert Off,” p. 191
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Other Fun Introverted Quirks, Stories, & Interesting Information, p. 197
Elliot Figueira, “10 Kickass Facts about Introverts,” p. 198

Catherine Huang, “5 Reasons Introverts Love the Fall Season,” p. 205
Jerusalem Brown, “Revenge of the Introvert: An Interview with Laurie Helgoe,” p. 207
Laura R. Garnett, “Having Fun in Retrospect,” p. 212
Lilian Enke, “Why Technology Matters,” p. 215
Liliane Enke, “Belle: Our Introverted Role Model,” p. 219
Laura R. Garnett, “A Princess for Us: The Beautiful Introvert,” p. 222
Essi, “An Introvert in the Big City,” p. 225
Acknowledgements, p. 228
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WHAT IS INTROVERSION? : REVEALING THE CHALLENGES OF BEING AN
INTROVERT IN AN EXTRAVERTED WORLD & DEBUNKING INTROVERT MYTHS
& STEREOTYPES
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Knowing Your Introverted Self
By: Essi
Edited by: Brian O’Connor
It can be a challenge being an introvert while living in a society that favors extraversion.
As children, we’re told we need to speak up in class and to join a team sport, and when we’re
older, we’re pressured into being go-getters at work and hitting the town on weekends. If you
don’t give into that pressure, then you’re seen as an outcast. Introverts are constantly told that
we’re too quiet and don’t do enough, and that can take a heavy toll on even the most outgoing
introvert.
Introverts don’t intend to come off as mean or selfish, but to an extrovert who doesn’t
know or consider our introversion, it can come off as rude to always decline invitations. Friends
invite us to parties because they think parties are fun and want us to join in. However, they don’t
realize the pressure it puts on us and the spiral of thoughts that will go down beforehand, such as
the large groups of people there, how to strike up meaningful conversations with strangers, or
how long you should stay.
As a young girl, I struggled with my shyness and introversion. It took me a long time to
realize what made me feel different from most of my peers. Fortunately, being able to read and
talk about introversion has enabled me to understand myself and use my introversion to my
advantage. Most importantly, I’ve learned that there is nothing wrong with us.
Whether you’re leaning heavily towards introversion or extraversion, we all find
ourselves somewhere on the spectrum. Contrary to popular belief, not many individuals are
100% introverted or extroverted. Individuals who are both introverted and extroverted are called
ambiverts. Knowing where you fall on the introvert/extrovert spectrum can be really beneficial.
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It can explain why you don’t feel like going out with your friends, even though you promised
you would, or why you feel bored and anxious when you’re at home alone. When you know the
reason for how you feel, it allows you to understand yourself and how to live with those
emotions.
While most people know what these terms mean, they haven’t thought about applying
them to themselves. Through discussions with friends, I have been able to educate them to
understand why they feel or act a certain way. Individuals might think they’re feeling down or
sad when they really just need to go home and recharge on their own. It can be hard to
understand why you don’t want to see your friends after work when you don’t know your needs.
I’ve learned that even as an introvert, I still need company sometimes; it’s just not as often or for
as long as others.
Taking the Myers-Briggs test and reading about the nature of how I function changed my
life, but I don’t think we should rely too much on the information we get from it. While it has
definitely given me an understanding of myself, and I now have the tools to take my introversion
in stride and use it to my advantage, I also believe we are more complex than that. We shouldn’t
align ourselves with one type throughout our lives.
My advice to you, wherever you find yourself on the scale, is to educate yourself. It will
provide insight not only into how you function, but how other people function as well. If your
friend goes quiet when meeting your colleagues, it will be easier to understand why they seem so
uninterested. If you know they’re observing and taking everything in, you can step in and help
them out. Similarly, educating others will help them forgive you for not showing up to a
weekend party. When friends understand that being around people five days a week is hectic for
an introvert, they know it’s not personal that you need to rest.
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It all comes back to communication. Although some people find it hard, being able to say
that you simply need to go home and be on your own for a bit without feeling bad is one of the
greatest reliefs for an introvert. I can’t count how many times I’ve felt like I may have
disappointed someone for choosing to take care of myself and rest. I worry because the other
person might not understand my reasons for it. However, I also know when to really put in the
effort to attend an event with a friend. Thanks to this insight, I can prioritize and mentally
prepare so that I don’t feel too overwhelmed. It’s a lot better than spending time trying to come
up with excuses not to go.
Don’t be afraid to tell people you’re an introvert. Know what’s best for you, and inform
some people about it along the way. To be able to survive the pressures of an extroverted world,
introverts have to be able to stand up for themselves. While we strive to make it socially
acceptable to live our lives true to our introverted selves, it is only through self-acceptance that
we can be genuinely happy.
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8 Times Introverts are Misunderstood
By: Essi
Introversion doesn’t define a person, but it can help explain why someone acts in certain
ways. Introverts are as well-rounded and layered as any onion, and while there are times when
it's easy to see that a person is introverted, there are other instances when it’s hard to tell because
you’ve never seen that side of them. If you’re introverted, you’ll recognize some of these
situations when you’ve felt misunderstood:
1. When people think you’re shy
Contrary to popular belief, introversion isn’t always the same as being shy. You may be a
quiet person, or you may like to spend a lot of time on your own, but that doesn’t necessarily
mean you are uncomfortable around other people. It takes courage and confidence to not feel the
need to please others or seek validation by constantly speaking.
2. When people think you’re outgoing
It’s not unusual to hear “…you’re a lot quieter than last time” when meeting someone
after an initial encounter. During the first meeting, you may have felt comfortable in the
company of people you trust, had a few drinks, or simply felt impassioned about the topic of
conversation. You may have found yourself being the center of attention because you were
talking a lot, loudly, or both! When you meet that person a second time in a different
environment, you may seem like a completely different person, because the situation and your
mindset has reverted from an extroverted mood back to an introverted baseline.
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3. When people think you’re a bookworm
Just because you like to spend a lot of time on your own, it doesn’t mean you spend that
time reading. People might assume that books are your thing because they’ve been led to believe
that all introverts have their noses buried in them, but you may not enjoy reading at all, and that’s
ok.
4. When people think you’re boring
Or you may have all the “typical” interests that the “typical introvert” has, but that
doesn’t mean you’re not a joy to be around! You tend to share your awesomeness with the
people you feel deserve to experience it. People who don’t get to see that part of you are missing
out.
5. When people think you only like the weather when it rains
Storms give you the satisfaction of knowing you have a perfectly valid reason to stay
inside, but you like going out in the sunshine as much as the next person. You’re introverted, not
a vampire.
6. When people think they can run all over you
People might not consider you determined or stubborn, because you’re a bit quiet in most
situations. When things are going well, you may feel that there’s no reason to speak just for the
sake of talking, but when you don’t agree with something, you have no issues voicing your
opinion.
7. When people think you’re always unhappy or in a bad mood
Introverts don’t incessantly participate in conversations. We tend to internalize our
environments, form opinions, analyze how we feel about what’s going on, and then, maybe,
speak up about them. Internally there is a whole world of interactions going on, but on the
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outside it may come off as simply sitting quietly with an intense appearance while you reflect on
what your peers are saying. Expect to be asked if everything is alright.
8. When people think you can’t have an outgoing job
You might prefer a job that doesn’t require you to be outgoing all the time because it can
tire you out, but you know how to step up to the plate when it’s necessary. Whether it’s casually
speaking with potential customers or engaging in meetings, being introverted doesn’t make you
incapable of reaching outside your comfort zone to succeed.
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10 Problems Only Introverts Understand
By: Louise
“Let’s clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate
small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.” —Laurie Helgoe
Introverts are people who are energized by spending time alone, and are misunderstood
because the majority of the population consists of extroverts. When introverts experience
problems, it can be hard to explain to extroverts no matter how close we are to them. I’ve met
people who think I have admitted to a crippling personality flaw when I tell them that I’m an
introvert. Extroverts don’t understand why we would prefer to read a book or go to a cafe with a
friend, rather than attend a huge college party. Psych2Go shares with you 10 problems only an
introvert would understand:
1. Feeling drained in public settings
I think every introvert knows the draining feeling of being at a party and wanting to go
home, but knowing you can’t leave because your ride isn’t ready yet, or because it’s a wedding
you’re required to stay for, or due to endless variety of other possible reasons. Wanting to go
home may make perfect sense to us, but it’s easier to draw blood from a stone than trying to
explain that to an extrovert.
When we say we want to leave, we aren’t trying to be rude; we just need our alone time.
Carl Jung described extroverts as being energized in social interactions, while on the other end of
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the spectrum, an introvert finds that same social interaction drains them of energy and afterwards
will need to “recharge” alone.
2. Phone calls! —two words that fill you with dread
Phone calls tend to feature more small talk than deep thought-provoking conversations,
which introverts have been shown to favor. I hate talking on the phone, especially with people
who I don’t know that well. There is a maximum of three people who I am willing to talk to on
the phone: my grandmother and grandfather, who don’t like texting, and my best friend.
3. Small talk —the next of the dreaded words
Author Diane Cameron said it best when it comes to introverts and small talk: “Introverts
crave meaning, so party chit-chat feels like sandpaper to our psyche.” I have had some difficulty
with explaining to chatty people what small talk feels like to introverts. I ask them to imagine
that each introvert holds a gauge above their head. At the high-end of the gauge is where the
introvert’s brain is the most active and feeling energized, and at the other end is where the
introvert is least energized and disengaged. Introverts crave deep conversations, and when we
partake in small talk, the needle of the dial slowly starts to dip into the disengaged end.
4. People judging you for enjoying your own company
Introverts relish time alone, no matter how brief. We need solitude like we need air or
food. Some introverts keep a quota of time, which they ration out between social interactions so
as not to be depleted all at once. Others choose to primarily communicate through the internet
and technology, like texts and emails.
When extroverts are left on their own too long, they can begin to feel lonely. This
personal experience gets projected onto other people they interact with, like introverts. An
extrovert can see an introvert sitting by themselves and assume that they are sad, but that isn’t
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necessarily the case. Extroverts usually just want to prevent someone from feeling the same
aloneness they would, and don’t realize that feeling lonely is a subjective experience that is very
different between extroverts and introverts. Introverts need time on their own in order to
recharge, and often times feel more alone in a crowd of people because they can’t have a clear
connection to their inner world.
5. Shyness ≠ introvert
Believe it or not, but there is a difference between being shy and being introverted.
Whereas shyness is a character trait that can be common to both introverts and extroverts, and is
recognized as an inability to open up and engage with new people; being introverted is a
personality type that prefers quiet environments that minimize stimulation. Although it is
possible for shyness and introversion to overlap, there are confident, non-shy introverts as well.
These individuals may prefer not to talk for extended periods of time as they feel it is a waste of
energy, or select the words they use carefully, but this reserved nature is often mistaken for
timidity.
6. Trying to avoid conversation with people
From time to time, it is commonly convenient for people to use headphones on the bus,
scroll through their phone at a restaurant while waiting for their meal to be ready, or read a book
while waiting for their friend, but to an introvert, these are tools to avoid contact with random
people.
However, even obvious signs of wanting to be left alone doesn’t always stop people from
intruding into that small, privately built world to ask what book or song was just being enjoyed.
It’s not a matter of intentionally trying to be rudely asocial; introverts just prefer to be in their
own space instead of having to share it with a stranger. The reason introverts use these items of
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busyness is that it acts as a buffer to help bridge the gap between blatantly ignoring someone,
and the simple desire to be left alone. It’s hard enough commencing in small talk with someone
you know, let alone a complete stranger.
7. Not fitting the cliché of an introvert
The stereotyped introvert would look something like a young woman, cocooned in
blankets and pillows, netflixing romantic dramas with a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate next
to a bookshelf filled with thousands of dog-eared paperback books and completed leatherback
journals.
Stereotypes are formed from real life observations, and while some introverts inhabit all
of those characteristics while others have some of those characteristics, some may not share any
of those traits. There are introverts that don’t like reading, prefer a wind-swept beach to a couch,
hate rainy days, and have never journaled in their life; and of course, not all introverts are
women.
Despite the abundant and diverse combinations an introvert can come in, this prevailing,
internet stereotype of what an introvert should look like continues to influence the general
population to the point that an introvert’s authenticity can come into question if they don’t fit this
strict mold.
8. Being put on the spot
Talking on the spot is difficult for introverts. Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, author of The
Introvert Advantage, theorizes that introverts favor accessing long-term memory over short-term
when communicating. Long-term memory is stored outside a person’s conscious awareness and
information stored there takes an increased amount of time to access, which inevitably slows an
introvert down when speaking.
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Being nervous makes it even more difficult to access the right words due to the release of
the stress hormone, cortisol, which is related to the flight or fight reflex. Since introversion can
go hand-in-hand with some degree of anxiety towards being in social situations, and especially
when placed on the spot in the center of attention, it is no wonder that introverts are
characterized as preferring to think deeply about a subject before speaking on it.
9. You just need to “come out of your shell.”
Group activities and practical learning in school are tailored to support extroverts.
Teachers report that the ideal student has extroverted characteristics, because they are more
likely to partake in class discussions; whereas, introverts are made to believe that their reserved
and less outspoken nature is something that must be fixed because these educational styles don’t
benefit them. While introverts score similarly on standardized tests as their extroverted
classmates, introverts prefer sitting quietly at their desks and their good ideas go down on paper
instead of class discussion. However, despite the same benefit to the educational system, teachers
will often insist that introverted students speak out more in class.
10. Trying to explain introversion
In his article “Caring for Your Introvert” for The Atlantic, Jonathan Rauch explains that
extroverts assume that any company is always a welcome addition to loneliness. This personal
opinion is then projected onto everyone else they meet, introverts and extroverts alike. While the
latter is happy for the new company, the former might not welcome the unsent invitation as
graciously as expected, and this can be a cause of contention between the two personality types.
Due to this breakdown in communication, introverts are still largely viewed as being aloof, rude
or arrogant by a majority of the public. Granted that there are rude, aloof and arrogant introverts,
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a majority of them are just reserved people who prefer their own quiet company in a world that
never stops speaking.
References:
Granneman, J. (2016, January 13). The Real Reason Introverts Dread Small Talk. HuffPost.
Retrieved January 9, 2018.
Helgoe, L. A. (2008). Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength.
Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks.
Laney, M. O. (2002). The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert
World. Broadway, NY: Workman Publishing Company.
Rauch, J. (2003, March). Caring for Your Introvert. The Atlantic. Retrieved January 9, 2018.
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9 Problems Only an Introvert Gets
By: Anastasia Maragou
Common perception holds the belief that being an introvert is a secondary trait of one’s
personality, but this isn’t the case. Being introverted is as much a primary characteristic for an
individual as left or right handedness. There are a lot of benefits to being on the introverted side
of the scale. Introverts tend to be predominantly interested in their mental self, which allows
them to understand themselves better and experience things in a different way than more
outwardly focused people. Having a preference for their own company also means they can
enjoy more solitary activities, such as jogging or hiking for more than just the physical benefits.
However, introversion can cause problems in certain circumstances. Psych2Go shares with you
9 problems only introverts understand:
1. Your introversion being mistaken for shyness
This is a common mistake amongst non-introverts. A preference for solitary activities
over group ones doesn’t necessarily mean that you fear social interaction. While introversion and
shyness can be interconnected, they aren’t homogenous. Just as an individual who is left handed
can throw with their right hand, introverts who prefer their own company can also do well in a
crowd of people.
2. Rapid changes
Introverts are very fond of understanding details and observing things, people and
situations before they speak up or act. Fast alterations in their environment cause discomfort and
are a great inconvenience, because it doesn’t provide time to properly assess things.
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3. Break from socializing
Society, as a generalized whole, hasn’t yet grasped that for an introvert, socializing is
exhausting. Borrowed largely from cell phone terminology, the word “recharge” is often applied
to people taking a break from work, but for introverts, it is also applicable to taking a break from
other people. Introverts actually enjoy being alone, and need time away from social events before
being able to engage again. Introverts are like the first iPhone when it comes to socializing; our
batteries are short to discharge, and take some time to get back to 100%.
4. Phone calls
The phone rings, and both sides know that in today’s age the cellphone is never far from
the pocket, but it goes to voicemail anyway. One side of that potential conversation is aggravated
because they are sick of hearing the voicemail greeting asking the caller to leave a message.
They know whatever message they leave isn’t likely to get returned. The other half of the
conversation —the introverted half —is relieved that the phone has stopped ringing and makes a
promise to themselves to text and apologize in an hour or so.
5. Too. Many. People.
Introverts function better as part of a small group of people they’re familiar with rather
than with a large group of pseudo-strangers. A good strategy for introverts faced with the
daunting task of a group project is to quickly glance at, nod, and form a silent partnership with
the three people you’re most comfortable working with.
6. Pressure to be more social
This might show in the form of loving concern from a friend or family member, or the
less loving concern of a boss, coworker or teacher. The pressure to go somewhere or do
something is always present. Ironically, this pressure becomes a major contributing factor to why
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introverts need time alone to recharge. It is similar to the stage fright that comes with an
impending performance happening in smaller, more consistent daily doses.
7. Parties
Despite the numerous references to an introvert’s aversion to crowds and parties, it’s not
unheard of to be social from time to time. Usually this is facilitated in the form of a friend’s
invitation at the right moment, resulting in an acceptance that is regretted shortly afterwards. If
an excuse can’t be made before the event, then distress will steadily rise during the party,
especially when the friend prefers to stay late and no one is willing to offer an early ride home.
8. The “book-shield”
Reading in public is usually the number one way to avoid human contact. Unfortunately,
many people see you carrying a book as a conversation starter. An argument can be made for the
contradictory nature of reading in public as a means to be left alone, but besides the necessary
errands, it’s important to note that introverts enjoy attending many of the same activities as
extroverts; they just enjoy them in different ways. If parties had a library room, or classrooms
had a way to participate without having to speak up in front of everyone, introverts would be
much more visible.
9. “Why are you so quiet?”
In the external world run by extroverts, silence is associated with being mean, snobby or
antisocial. In the internal world of an introvert, silence is associated with peace, restoration, and
creativity. This dichotomy adds to the stress of attending a social event. After all, there is no way
to politely explain that daydreaming or a far more interesting inner monologue has resulted in
not paying the slightest attention to whatever small talk was being discussed.
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12 Things Introverts May Find Difficult
By: Risma
Although introverts are different, they are more common than you think. Their ideas of
fun and their complex needs differ quite a bit when compared to their extroverted counterparts,
and they sometimes find certain mundane tasks and interactions very taxing. While many
introverts share the same experiences, they deal with them in different ways. Psych2Go shares
with you 12 things an introvert may find difficult:
1. Being told “not to be shy” while growing up
It’s a common misconception for people to confuse shyness with introversion. When a
young introvert hears this phrase often, they begin to internalize it and the way people relate
shyness with weakness. While learning about introversion helps them understand themselves and
how to navigate social terrains, it isn’t always easy to explain to people, even if this knowledge
can help others understand them better.
2. Writing formal emails
Writing formal emails can give most introverts a lot of anxiety. Although having time to
analyze our thoughts and feelings before responding is ideal, having an indefinite amount of time
can lead to overthinking and anxiety when the context is just as important as the content.
3. Over-thinking the little things
Formal writing aside, with the primary environmental and emotional processing
occurring internally, overthinking the little things is an introvert’s Achilles’ heel. Without
adequate time to assess response options, the thought of saying something stupid or making a
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noticeable mistake can be a bit harrowing when it comes to face-to-face interactions with
colleagues or acquaintances. Beyond the realm of the introvert’s control, the other person may
say something unintentionally that triggers a dark cloud to hover over their non-extroverted
companion until they’re able to untangle and then reprocess what was said.
4. When reasoning doesn’t make it better
It may not seem like untangling and reprocessing is a big thing, but what makes it a
distressing, time-taxing experience for the introvert is that reason doesn’t always resolve the
situation. Despite knowing that the other person has probably already forgotten the interaction,
and that what happened isn’t something to worry or overthink about, it persists in the mind of the
introvert until the combination of time, distance, and relaxed thought can navigate to a solution.
5. The idea of social engagements
Just the idea of a big party with tons of people cavorting, small talking and putting one
another on the spot is enough to make an introvert sweat oceans. However, being properly
informed of the details such as who will be attending the party, the location, the
refreshments/food being served, and how long it will last is very helpful to know should they
need to plan a graceful, yet early, exit. Substantial mental preparation, as a defense against the
anxiety associated with large crowds of people, is the best offense when the time actually comes.
6. Cancelled plans (YAY!)
No matter how much mental preparation happens for an upcoming event, the following
days are racked with nervous excitement and exhaustion. Despite this preparation, it would all be
gladly forfeited if the event were to be cancelled. Introverts know that a part must be played and
disappointment must be expressed, but inside there will be nothing short of exaltation. Better
than declining invitations, cancelled plans level the responsibility off the introvert. Now, they
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aren’t antisocial because they were willing to go to the event, but unforeseen and fortunate
circumstances have prevented that from happening. The only downside is that it sets the
expectation to accept the invitation when it is rescheduled.
7. Navigating social events
If the plans aren’t cancelled, and the mental preparation must be acted upon, the introvert
will try to nail all of the mentally rehearsed greetings. Afterwards, with social obligations met,
they try to casually find a place, preferably a corner, to sit comfortably and observe from a
distance. Having friends and people who understand you there is ideal, because they won’t force
the same pressure to socialize or small talk that strangers would. Sticking with them is a good
strategy to have the most enjoyable experience possible, and offer possibilities to meet other
like-minded individuals.
8. Sometimes, it doesn’t work out that way.
At times, it’s difficult for introverts to find people whom they feel comfortable with at an
event. While putting oneself in a conformable corner to observe is ideal, being pushed into a
corner through a series of failed conversations and anxious feelings of not fitting in is both
mentally and physically exhausting.
9. Attempting and failing at conversations
Due to overthinking being the modus operandi for introversion, often times it’s not the
external consequences of failing to make connections that are the worst, but the internal, self-
directed rebukes for even trying that take the biggest toll. Few things are more discouraging than
not feeling heard, especially when speaking up isn’t done carelessly or without introspection.
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10. Bad days
On particularly bad days, or after several days of excessive social drain, introverts just
want to be left alone and not talk to anyone. Even the most empathetic friends won’t always
understand this and may even take offense. These types of unfortunate circumstances are what
creates the most friction between friends and loved-ones. But, just as you can’t negotiate with a
depleted cell phone battery, a drained introvert may just need unwavering solitude without
having to explain.
11. Restlessness and self-disgust
This isn’t to say that friends and loved ones aren’t missed, or that signs of reassurance
aren’t longed for. An introvert doesn’t simply shut off their feelings for others, but taking the
time to recharge in solitude is a form of self-love and self-care that ultimately makes them better
friends. Introverts look to either cleaning or being creative to help restore order and a sense of
control over their external environments. This is also the time to process any restlessness,
overthinking, or unloving feeling towards themselves before reaching out to a friend and
reestablishing connection.
12. Being told to “act normal”
There are times when introverts are just too tired to interact, but they want to be in
friendly company. If the friendly company is in a large group, their voice is easily lost, and
instead of trying to talk over everyone, they usually become quiet and choose to listen instead of
participating. However, their silence draws attention, and with attention come inquires of why
they are so quiet, if everything is alright, or if they’re enjoying themselves. Even friends, most
times a beacon of comfort, can unknowingly rebuke them for their lack of participation. For an
individual who doesn’t like to be the center of attention, drawing attention to them not seeking
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attention makes them feel as though they have to perform, which leads to emotional burnout and
a social hangover.
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Struggles of Being an Introvert: A Personal Account
By: Essi
All my life, I’ve been told I’m quiet. Most of the time, it doesn’t bother me, because it’s
who I am. However, there have been times when I wished I would have fought against my
natural quietness and said something, but the moment rushes by while I ruminate, and then it’s
too late. My consideration for what to say and how to say it often leads me to say nothing at all.
In the rare instances when I do speak up, I can find myself filling with regret because I feel as
though I’ve shared too much of myself or unexpectedly became the center of attention.
I’ve grown used to seeing expectation on my friends’ faces turn to disappointment after
they’ve shared something with me only to be met with silence instead of reciprocation. While
I’m happy to speak objectively, my mind draws the line when things get personal. Friends are
continuously surprised when they find something out about me that I hadn’t disclosed, but they
should know by now that I’m naturally guarded with what I share about myself and I won’t
compromise myself by sharing things to please others. I’m sure it’s fun to be the one with all the
stories, but I’m more comfortable with things the way they are.
There are times when I wish I could get words out, but they simply aren’t there when I
need them. I don’t want to miss out on events, new people, and interesting jobs, but sometimes
my silence holds me back in a way that I can’t control in the heat of the moment. Other times I
wish I could truly express how I’m feeling in the moment, but those emotions, like my words,
can’t escape my head and heart and into my mouth.
This happens particularly during conflicts, because I’m not someone who raises my
voice. My sister is also my best friend, but our argumentative styles couldn’t be more different.
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While I go quiet, shut down and/or leave the room when we get into arguments, she needs to get
rid of tension and bad energy by shouting, and when she can’t, she sits on the couch waiting to
explode. I believe in collecting our thoughts, and then peacefully and rationally explaining our
point of views without the need for yelling and spreading more bad energy. She believes in peace
through conquest. After a particularly bad fight, followed by a long period of silence, I explained
how much I cared for her, and that despite being my best friend, our differences could make it a
struggle to get through everyday life. What she told me in response blew my mind and broke my
heart simultaneously. In my efforts to protect our relationship, I had been hurting her when I
disengaged from arguments because it appeared as though I felt our issues weren’t important
enough for me to even dwell on. I had been making the closest person in my life feel like I didn’t
care about her feelings at all. I know now that not everyone will interpret my silence the same
way I do, and within that moment of vulnerability, we grew closer.
Conflicts are a small part of life, but my quietness and introspection are imbued into
every facet of my personality. On an extended holiday, my friend called me the quietest person
on earth, and after a pregnant silence filled with introspection and self-analysis, my mouth only
allowed the smallest utterance of acknowledgment that I had heard her. For someone as restless
as her, I can understand the frustration of having a quiet travel mate; whereas, she understands
my need to introspection and observation to process everything going on around me.
Ultimately, I’m fine with the quietness of my personality. I still feel like I’m a part of a
conversation even when I’m just taking the backseat and observing. I don’t pay much mind to
the people who don’t know me and complain when I don’t share enough, because I’m not going
to reveal my life like an open book just to please others. However, I try to be careful not to be
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too quiet overall when there’s a risk of being rude or hurtful, or miss out on opportunities I
would like to go for. Once I’ve thought them through, of course.
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Can I Just Order from Amazon and Telecommute? : 6 Personal Daily
Challenges of Being an Introvert
By: Laura R. Garnett
Being an introvert isn’t always on the forefront of my mind as I live my life, and these
lapses of awareness in a predominantly extroverted world can lead to unexpected challenges in
everyday situations. I sometimes find myself unexpectedly uncomfortable or know I must face a
scary situation not perceptible to anyone that introversion isn’t a core part of their being. These
are some of my experiences and personal challenges navigating life as an introvert:
1. The elephant in the room - Crowds.
What isn’t immediately obvious to an extrovert is that I don’t need to interact with
anyone in a crowd to become overwhelmed and exhausted because of it. Simply being among a
large group of people can be taxing, and at such a fast pace, that I am left on the verge of tears. I
tend to avoid festivals and large events because of this. Even traditionally social holidays like
New Year’s Eve are preferably spent at home, tucked in and with snacks at the ready.
2. Personal Grooming
It’s a stereotype that as a woman, I’m supposed to enjoy spa days, manicures, and getting
my hair done, but for me this is a form of torture. While the notion of personal grooming isn’t a
problem, being trapped in one spot for a long period of time while making small talk and being
touched by strangers is my definition of undesirable. In heaven, a haircut would consist of a quiet
chair, a familiar face, no obligatory small talk, and a puppy or kitten to hold.
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3. Making/Keeping friends
It is a constant struggle to decide how many times I can say no without people giving up
on me. I have to balance my desire for friendship with my need to be alone. Introverts can and do
get lonely, but while the cure for that loneliness is good company, it is also partnered with the
contradictory need to be alone afterward to recharge.
4. Work
An employer once told me that I wasn’t so much a people-person as a paperwork-person.
She was being charitable. Introverts encounter a number of difficulties in the workforce where
extraversion is preferred. It is expected that you will be friendly with your co-workers, talk to
them around the proverbial water cooler, and eat lunch with them. Otherwise, you’d be branded
as standoffish, unfriendly, and not a team player. I attempt to do these gestures of sociability as
much as I can, but I am still happiest and most at ease when I am solitarily knee deep in policy
and procedure paperwork. I remind myself to say hello in the mornings, and ask about weekend
plans, and yet despite a lifetime of practice, I haven’t perfected the ruse completely.
When co-workers are in my office talking at me, I am often hiding my hands under my
desk anxiously picking at my fingers. I am excited when someone calls and chooses not to leave
a voicemail or when they don’t pick up when I call them back, and at conferences I spend my
time attempting to look as busy as I can to avoid speaking with my neighbors despite the
expectation of making meaningful contacts.
5. Speaking up
Making myself heard has always been a problem for me. I’m either feeling too shy to
interject or I am overthinking things and take too long to decide on a suitable comment before
the moment passes.
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Any time I think I will be seen as difficult, I just keep my mouth shut, and consequently I
have silently accepted being overcharged, received bad food, incorrect orders, and not fully
understood what was being told to me. In the earliest years of school, I never wanted to raise my
hand to answer questions, even when I knew the answers.
I still find it extremely difficult to ask for help as an adult, make conversation, tell people
no, or advocate for myself. If I can’t find something in a store, I will probably leave without
asking, and if I can’t find a place with a GPS, I simply won’t go. I don’t even like going to the
doctor to get help when I’m sick. As a result, I’ve become a master of excuses from my inability
to tell people no, even though I know hiding behind this veil of white lies makes my life more
stressful in the end.
6. Shopping
Besides not being able to use the internet to buy everything, my two biggest issues with
shopping are running into people that I know and feeling pressured by salespeople. I’ll go into
ninja mode to avoid being noticed by an acquaintance, and/or I’ll leave before asking a
salesperson for help. When the store’s employees find me first, I’ve been known to buy things I
don’t really want because I’m unable to say no. This is especially true at grocery stores, because
I feel guilty for taking free samples, and will often end up buying the product just to avoid
feeling as though I’ve taken advantage.
Being introverted affects how I maneuver through life, but it also gives me a really crazy
and rich inner world. Although I have only a few friends, I value them and I’m loyal to them. At
work, my skills with paperwork have gotten recognized and I have even been promoted to VP of
Records. Being an introvert is different, but not a lesser form of being, and I try to remember that
every day.
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7 Reasons not to Judge an Introvert
By: Molly Glowacki
Edited by: Nicole Segovia
“Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured… Spend your free time the way
you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.” —Susan Cain
Introverts, with our quirks and habits, are often misunderstood by society. Some people
cannot fathom why we choose to read a book at the comfort of our own homes instead of going
to a legendary party. But do not be wary of this, because we think and act differently based on
the social situations we find ourselves in. It’s important to embrace your introversion, rather than
giving in to the pressures of being extroverted. Psych2Go shares with you 7 reasons why
introverts should not be judged for the way they are:
1. Having a small group of friends isn’t terrible!
Some people may have thousands of friends on Facebook, but in reality, most of those
friends are individuals who they do not know personally. They are most likely there for display
or to help that person’s profile picture posts gain likes. However, when you have a small group
of close friends, you’re more likely to limit yourself from the possible drama and gossip than you
would interacting with large social groups on a daily basis.
Introverts are also more likely to act more comfortably in smaller groups instead of being
anxious in a situation where many people pay attention to us. I have never really felt the need to
surround myself with a large group of friends. I like being able to trust and connect with the
same friends every day because if I misspeak or say something silly, I don’t feel as embarrassed.
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2. Small talk < deep conversations
Introverts are known for being creative thinkers. When we are sitting in a class or staring
out the window, we often think about the bigger picture in life, either searching for meaning or
creating our own meaning. We possess a unique and broad perspective in life, rather than just
preferring to focus on things as they are. Due to these inclinations, we prefer conversations with
meaning because small talk only makes us feel uncomfortable when we have nothing to add to
conversations about the weather. If you talk to me about an interesting book or ask me about my
opinion on an issue, I can easily dive into a conversation without worrying about eye contact or
not saying enough. Introverts may not excel at small talk, but we still have plenty of things to
share when meaningful topics are explored.
3. Introverts need time before they start sharing details.
Introverts have deep comfort zones, so we do not immediately trust everyone we talk to.
It takes time for us to feel comfortable with sharing personal details, but if we do come out of our
shell, you should feel special because we believe that you can be trusted and confided in. I don’t
think taking the time to warm up to new people is a negative quality. Throughout my entire life,
I’ve never jumped into a friendship headfirst except for a friend I met on the playground in
elementary school.
4. Being “too quiet”
The number one statement that people say about introverts is how quiet we can be.
Extroverts especially do not understand why we formulate our thoughts before speaking. Our
quiet nature can result in people thinking that we are not interested in a topic or being unfriendly.
But, the truth is that we are very much observing and processing our surroundings, which is how
we slowly grow adjusted to new situations. There will be times that we may be overlooked
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because of this, so introverts need to be able to stand up for themselves in circumstances where
we’re pushed aside.
Not only are we often told how quiet we can be, but I’ve also noticed that people
commonly attach it with a negative connotation. Being quiet isn’t a shameful quality. All of my
friends describe me as a quiet person when they first met me. But it’s frustrating when it’s not
initially accepted that my quiet nature is a core part of who I am. As a result, it makes me feel
uncomfortable in my skin and I experience a sense of alienation, whether or not it was intended
in the first place. Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power, interviewed by Sophia Dembling of
Psychology Today, says, “If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it.
Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to get to the good stuff, you
need to slow down.”
5. Listening
Since introverts do not feel the urge to speak immediately, people are attracted to the
element of mystery we naturally exude. We listen without interrupting or aggressively forcing
our beliefs and opinions onto others. With a couple of nods and agreements, people trust us with
their issues and inner feelings since we don’t press for more information. Introverts may not
always have the perfect advice for someone’s problems, but we truly listen.
I love hearing people’s stories because it’s inspiring to me and I try to collect as many
lessons and words of wisdom from all the experiences they share. Although I’m awful at giving
advice and consoling, I always try my best to listen and understand someone’s perspective. As a
writer, it helps me come up with unique and complex characters because there’s so much I
haven’t experienced yet in life that I am curious about.
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6. Recharge and relax
For introverts, real comfort is staying at home. After a day filled with many interactions
and stress, introverts need to find time to recharge their energy at home where we feel the most
natural. We enjoy watching movies, reading books, and spending time in our own thoughts.
After observing and analyzing events all day, we have to sort through all the information our
brains have collected, so breaks are productive for us. Without time to recharge, introverts can
shut down because we feel drained.
Every day, I try to find time to read, write, or scroll through the internet, so my brain can
relax and check out for a while. People can be overwhelming to me especially when there’s one
nerve-racking event after another. Therefore, taking some time to be alone is a healthy way for
me to relax.
7. Awkward
Introverts can be awkward because of our nervousness in large groups or during small
talk. We overthink situations since we spend too much time in our own heads. Introverts may
experience awkward moments such as mistaken eye contact and being asked if we’re okay or
why we’re so quiet, but that’s okay! Everyone makes a social blunder every now and then, and
it’s probably better to laugh about it than obsess over it.
I’m awkward and it’s something that I’ve been aware of since forever. But over time,
I’ve improved during casual talks. It’s still relatively different, however, when I’m in large
groups, especially when I’m participating in ice breaker-type activities and presentations. Those
situations easily stress me out and send my heart into overdrive. But, with more practice, I hope
to get better at them.
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Edgar Allan Poe writes, “There is no beauty without some strangeness.” In conclusion,
we should all consider that introverts have unique qualities that shouldn’t be judged. This isn’t an
attempt to show that introverts are better than extroverts or other personalities. Instead, I want to
help introverts relate to each other and love their personality.
References:
Cain, S. (2012). Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. NY:
Random House.
Dembling, S. (2009, September 4). Interview with Dr. Laurie Helgoe, Author of Introvert
Power. Psychology Today. Retrieved January 9, 2018.
Poe, E. A. (2005). Ligeia. Retrieved January 9, 2018, from PoeStories.com
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10 Reasons not to Judge an Introvert
By: Emily Aron
For those who find it rejuvenating to be around people, it may be difficult to understand
why introverts behave the way they do. Seclusion, failure to respond when making plans, or half-
hearted conversation may seem rude or aloof, but there’s a lot more going on behind the scenes.
Certainly, not all introverts act this way. In fact, there are many misconceptions and myths about
introverts and our ability to be social. Psych2Go shares with you 10 reasons why you shouldn’t
judge us for it.
1. We do want to spend time with you, just not every second.
People need human interaction to create necessary links to society, promote positive
mental health, and encourage beneficial lifestyle choices. As introverts and human beings, we
need to spend time with other people and we often want to! Just because we don’t always want to
go to big gatherings, party, or stay for the duration of an event, doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy
your company. After a certain amount of time being with other people, we just hit the proverbial
“social wall” and need to spend some quality time with ourselves, a cup of coffee, and probably
a good book.
As an introverted twenty-something living in the United States, I only get to see my Irish
fiancée for a few weeks a year. Even though I hardly see him without a screen separating us, I
still need my space when we are in the same place. Sometimes, we try to be alone together and
call it “mutually co-existing,” but it mostly takes a separate room and some murder mysteries to
get me feeling sociable again.
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2. An introvert’s version of fun is still fun!
The concept of “fun” is very subjective. Some people may think that an introvert’s idea
of fun is limited only to books, TV, and general leisure, but there is so much more to what
introverts enjoy. We don’t dislike what extroverts commonly consider fun; instead, we would
just like to limit the amount of social interactions involved. Many introverts put in a lot of effort
trying to accommodate to more social people in their lives, but it shouldn’t always be our
responsibility to adapt.
My idea of fun includes jiu jitsu, axe throwing, and singing —all things that can be
enjoyed by different personality types. An introverted friend of mine who speaks Russian,
usually joins the police for ride alongs, and likes to hike in the woods of Northern California.
The point is, there is no single way for introverts to have fun. Every individual has their own
preferences. It’s hard to generalize a whole group of people in any instance, let alone their
personal taste. The only difference is that introverts tend to have a lower limit for the time spent
participating in group activities.
3. Similarly, just because we’re different, doesn’t mean we can’t all have fun
together!
In relationships, the mysterious “they” say opposites attract. This may or may not be true,
but both individuals who have opposite personality types definitely does not mean you can’t get
along. Friendship can be cultivated in a variety of ways. Constant socializing may be fun for
some, while others may enjoy one-on-one time more. Either way, there is always an available
compromise. Even with different interests and ideas of fun, if you want to be friends, do it.
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While studying in London, I made a friend who is as extroverted as they come. For some
reason, people found it hard to believe that we could be friends when we spent our free time so
differently. I’m all for a quiet drink in a pub, but if you ask me to go clubbing, 93% of the time
I’ll choose to do my own thing. My friend stayed out until the wee hours of the morning, and
still, we at that time and now, continue to be good friends. Spending time together doesn’t have
to be an uncomfortable situation. Tea and chats can be a great way to catch up without having to
be in a high-pressure situation. That being said, it’s nice to be asked to go out; you never know,
we could say yes! But you should also be prepared for a response along the lines of, “Thanks so
much, but I think I’ll stay in tonight.”
4. Even if we aren’t the most social, we can still succeed in social settings.
We generally prefer to do independent work, but we are still capable of collaborating on
and discussing problems and projects. Introverts can thrive in networking scenarios, friend-
making, and professional life. We can also maintain conversations and enjoy them. Short-term,
high-concentrated engagements with people aren’t that big of an issue, but afterwards, don’t
expect us to want to do anything that involves a lot of people again for a few days.
I was a part of the Dean’s Student Advisory Council for the Business School at my
university. I had to mix and mingle with some top business executives from the regular advisory
council, which involved quickly developing questions and answers to give to experienced and
successful people. The diversity in thought and action at the meetings were thoroughly
enjoyable, even for an introvert. The dean even thought I was an extrovert, ha! After the events
were over, I went home, put on sweatpants, and didn’t talk to anyone for about an hour or two,
but I am and always will be fond of those days.
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5. If we are being quiet, we’re not intending to be unfriendly.
Not all introverts are quiet or shy, and even the ones that are didn’t choose to be that way
to make you uncomfortable. Sometimes in new situations, it can be hard to process everything
that is going on. Introverts may simply be observing and charting a path to the least
uncomfortable encounter for them and it’s probably for the best interest of everyone.
I can be really awkward around people. Not all the time and not around all people, but
occasionally, I walk away from conversations regretting every moment of my existence because
it was uncomfortable for me. I really hope I’m not the only one that has experienced this. During
dead-end conversations, it’s so tempting to just shut down or walk away. Introverts are mostly
quiet and sometimes have no idea what to respond to or how to reply in a certain situation, but
it’s not personal, and we don’t mean to seem rude. If you ever catch me off guard in a
conversation, I apologize for the awkwardness or the silence that follows.
6. Just because we may be quiet, doesn’t mean we aren’t good friends.
It may seem like introverts don’t care about your feelings if we don’t respond right away
or if we aren’t around 24/7. But, the truth is that we don’t want to say anything wrong and we’re
not always comfortable with constant communication. Your feelings matter to us, but we know
what it’s like to be given half-hearted advice and because of that, we want to do better. We don’t
mean to be rude or unwelcoming; we’re just not always sure of what to say or if you would
rather complain than be given advice. The best tip that I can give is to be open and
communicative with the people close to you. If you want something more out of your
relationships, they won’t know unless you tell them.
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Before bed, our brains get a moment to slow down and process what happened during the
day. In these moments, we may feel weak or in need of a company. I have a friend who used to
text me at two in the morning to express his concerns about the trajectory of his life. I would talk
to him and offer whatever advice I could give. He is a very social person and people who know
him might not think of him as an introvert, but he is. He prefers time alone, but when he is
around people, he’s constantly “on.” People aren’t always as they seem; to make assumptions
before you truly know someone can be detrimental to them, you, and your potential friendship.
7. Our angry resting faces don’t mean anything.
Anyone can be accused of having that resting face that makes people think they’re
unfriendly. Women and introverts are generally said to have this kind of problem more often.
Sometimes, beyond a quiet demeanor, it may seem that our resting faces are a personal reflection
on you or the conversation we may be having. 90% of the time, that’s probably not the case. We
could be contemplating the meaning of life or simply thinking about dinner, but our faces aren’t
like that because we dislike you. We’re not trying to be rude; it’s just how our faces look.
The other day, my roommate made a funny joke and I laughed. This scenario seems
logical, but my roommate was surprised to see me show emotion. I hadn’t noticed it to the
extreme that it had reached, but apparently, my face is often in this resting state, where many
frequently have no idea how I’m feeling about anything.
8. Just because we’re quiet on the outside, doesn’t mean we’re quiet on the
inside.
An introvert may not be the loudest person in a group, but don’t confuse us by thinking
that we’re not saying much or that we have a knack for being closed off and don’t enjoy sharing
our opinions or feelings. You may think we seem cold or unimaginative and you may even think
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that we need guidance and direction because we can’t make up our minds. But I promise, we’re
really okay and we have plenty of feelings that we may decide not to show. Whether it’s a
random thought or a string of expletives that we don’t want to say out loud, introverts generally
prefer relevant conversation to mundane and unnecessary small talk. We appreciate your
friendship and insightful discussions, but please don’t try to push us around. We may or may not
say something to you about it, but we’ll definitely be saying a lot in our heads.
While the point still stands that introverts and extroverts can be friends if they want to be,
there is something to be said for the barrier in comprehension between people with different
personalities. A friend of mine had a tendency to treat me like a child, despite me being a
responsible adult. I didn’t defend myself enough due to a combination of introversion and social
anxiety. As a result, it was a tense friendship. It’s important to understand that you should never
treat or see someone for what they’re not.
9. We don’t think we’re better than extroverts or ambiverts.
The main difference between introverts and extroverts is how we regain our energy. We
don’t mind if you’re more social, less social, or prefer sitting in a room full of plants rather than
seeing a human being. If you’re a good person, it doesn’t matter how social you are, so long as
you accept that some of us can’t be around people all of the time. We don’t think that we’re
smarter or more insightful because we like our alone time, because we’re all individuals with
different strengths. Maybe one introvert you know is especially observant and another seems
clueless about how things work in the world. Being introverted doesn’t make us better or worse
than anyone else.
In college, my closest friends were the ones that lived around me in my freshman year.
The girl across the hall became my best friend and we crossed the Atlantic to study together in
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Ireland. I shared an apartment with the rest of them in my senior year. It was a convenient and
lasting friendship. My roommates are mostly comprised of introverts, but we have an extrovert
or two. When they go out, I have fun in my own way and they have fun in theirs. We should be
happy other people are happy. Take the small victories in life.
10. We are all just people, trying to navigate life one day at a time.
Whether you identify as an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert, we all want to do our
best personally, socially, and professionally. We may go about it in different ways, but we all
have the same end goals: happiness, success, and connection. Don’t judge an introvert for being
an introvert because that is not a healthy attitude to adapt. Similarly, we shouldn’t judge
extroverts or ambiverts. We all need to learn to accept people for who they are, not the labels that
describe them.
No one really knows what’s going to happen next. Even adults who seem to have their
lives together are just making it up as they go along. I am an introvert, but that’s just one
component of who I am. I’m a student, a world traveler, and a poet, and I’m not going to let
personality types affect how I live my life. How about you?
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10 Interesting Facts about Introverts
By: Catherine Huang
Edited by Nicole Segovia
Roughly one third to half of the world’s population is made up of introverts. Introversion
is commonly misunderstood today with many stereotypes and myths surrounding it. Luckily
however, with the help of the ever-evolving fields of science and technology, there has been a lot
of research done that justifies an introvert’s tendencies, habits, and needs. Psych2Go shares with
you 10 interesting facts about introversion:
1. There are 4 types of introverts.
Researcher Jonathan Cheek states that it’s impossible to only have one type of introvert. He
surveyed roughly 500 participants, ranging from the ages of 18-70 and asked them questions
pertaining to how much solitude they need and how often they daydream. From the answers he
gathered, Cheek created a model that spells the acronym STAR that explains the four different
types of introverts that exist:
1. Social: Social introversion is commonly accepted and understood as being the archetypal
definition of introversion. People who identify as social introverts prefer small groups over large
ones, or may prefer solitude altogether. According to Cheek, they like to stay at home with a
book or computer, and hang out with close friends instead of going to parties with many
unfamiliar faces. It’s different, however, from shyness, because there’s no anxiety attached to
their driven needs of solitude.
2. Thinking: Thinking introversion is one of the newer concepts of introversion today. People
who identify as thinking introverts are introspective, thoughtful, and self-reflective. Unlike social
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introverts, they don’t have a strong need to stray from large social scenes. They’re often avid
daydreamers with rich imaginations and a high capacity for creativity.
3. Anxious: Anxious introverts seek time to be alone because they often feel awkward and
self-conscious. Unlike social introverts, anxious introverts experience painful shyness when
they’re around new people. The anxiety doesn’t necessarily go away either when they’re alone
because they let things play repeatedly in their heads over what could’ve gone or went wrong.
4. Restrained: People who identify as restrained introverts function at a slower pace and
prefer to think before they speak and act. They are also known for being reserved. Restrained
introverts take time to get things going, because they don’t let impulse affect their decision-
making.
2. Introverts react quickly to new information, but are slower to monitor
change.
According to Australian psychologist John Brebner, the brains of introverts create more
excitation in the phase of stimulus analysis when situations call for them to analyze what is
required of them to do next. For instance, when a phone rings, introverts generate more
excitation in their brains; whereas, extroverts need to inhibit everything else going on in their
head in order to make a decision. When an introvert needs to prepare for action, however, they
may hesitate longer to pick up the phone. An extrovert, on the other hand, answers the phone
right away. While introverts are quick to reacting strongly to new situations, extroverts, in
contrast, are quicker to register changes.
3. Introverts dread small talk.
Psychologist Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your
Hidden Strength, states that small talk blocks honest interaction. Introverts may come off as
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being disinterested towards others because they don’t like engaging in small talk. But, they only
dread it because of the barriers it creates between them and other party. Introverts want to feel
connected; however, they prefer to make connections through authenticity. Deep and meaningful
conversations are what they often crave for that help lower the walls.
4. Introverts need alone time.
This goes back to fact #1 for individuals who strongly identify as social introverts.
According to research, the reason introverts need alone time is because they respond differently
than extroverts do to rewards. Rewards may include food, money, sex, and social status.
Although introverts care about eating, the income that they earn, and cultivating relationships
with others, they are less driven and experience less enthusiasm for the possibilities of them.
Extroverts, in contrast, are more energized by working for those rewards, which is why they are
also prone to instant gratification more often than introverts.
5. Introverts aren’t risk-averse, but they are more careful and calculated
about what risks they choose to take.
This is due to the biological makeup of the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter
associated with sensation-seeking, risks, and new adventures. According to research, there is a
difference of dopamine activity in the brains of introverts compared to those of extroverts. This
isn’t because introverts have less dopamine in their brains than extroverts. Both have the same
amount. However, introverts use less activity from the region of their brain that generates
dopamine.
6. Introverts are deep thinkers.
This goes back to fact #1 for individuals who strongly identify as thinking introverts.
Since introverts use less activity from dopamine, they rely more often on a neurotransmitter
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called acetylcholine. Acetylcholine, just like dopamine, is linked to pleasure. The difference,
however, lies in pleasure that is produced from turning inwards. This allows the individual to
ponder and reflect deeply, and focus on one task with great attention for an extended period of
time. Acetylcholine also influences one to prefer calm, quiet settings over loud, crowded places.
7. Introverts are more creative.
Introverts need solitude to recharge, but it is also within solitude that they find creativity.
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi discovered that teenagers who have a hard time being
alone were less likely to develop their creative skills. Most artists and writers who identify as
introverts do their best work when they’re by themselves as opposed to working in a group
setting. Researcher Reed Larson also found that adolescents feel less self-conscious when they’re
alone; therefore, it helps individuals feel safe taking more risks that allows their creative juices to
flow.
8. Introverts like the rain.
Rain creates white noise that often attracts introverts because of the opportunities it
brings to seek solitude. Its calming effect also helps introverts derive pleasure from it as they can
turn inwards and escape within themselves for the time being. Rain helps lower expectations for
the day and isn’t as over stimulating as other weather days with the overbearing sun.
9. Pretending to be extroverted for introverts can affect their performance
negatively.
Researchers discovered that introverted participants who act extroverted have shown
slower reaction times on cognitive tests than introverts who were allowed to be themselves. This
is because the time introverts spend on pretending to be the people they aren’t naturally wired to
be causes depletion that distracts and disrupts their usual ways of performance. It’s important to
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realize and acknowledge this, since the world is so used to trying to mold introverts into
becoming extroverts.
10. Happiness might not be a top priority for introverts, and it’s actually
okay.
Sounds strange, right? Especially when we live in a culture that emphasizes happiness so
much. But, according to psychologist Maya Tamir of Boston College, introverts prefer to
maintain a neutral emotional state when presented with tasks, such as taking a test, giving a
speech, or thinking rationally. This is because happiness, an arousing emotion, may cause
introverts to feel distracted that can get in their way of performing those tasks efficiently.
Extroverts, however, prefer happiness when completing such tasks because it acts as a motivator.
References:
Cooper, B. (2016, March 30). What Creative People Understand About the Importance of Being
Alone. Quartz. Retrieved September 14, 2017.
Dahl, M. (2015, June 25). So Apparently There Are 4 Kinds of Introversion. NY Mag. Retrieved
September 14, 2017.
Granneman, J. (2016, January 13). The Real Reason Introverts Dread Small Talk. Huffington
Post. Retrieved September 14, 2017.
Granneman, J. (2016, August 13). This Is the Scientific Explanation for Why Introverts Like
Being Alone. Retrieved September 14, 2017.
Granneman, J. (2017). Why Introverts and Extroverts Are Different: The Science. Retrieved
September 14, 2017.
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Helgoe, L. (2010, September 1). Revenge of the Introvert. Psychology Today. Retrieved
September 14, 2017.
P&Q. (2017, January 6). Why Introverts Like the Rain. Retrieved September 14, 2017.
Whitbourne, S. (2013, July 9). An In-Depth Look at How Introverts Think. Psychology Today.
Retrieved September 14, 2017.
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Drop Your Labels: An Interview with Sophia Dembling on Being Introverted
By: Jerusalem Brown
Today, I had the pleasure of peeking into the illumined mind of Sophia Dembling, an
introverted writer, editor, author, and speaker. With a specialized interest in introversion and the
introverted archetype, Sophia’s works consist of establishing The Introvert’s Corner in
Psychology Today and her book Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After. She
graciously agreed to discuss her article “Be Introverted, Not an Introvert,” which discusses how
limiting labels can be, as well as the liberation one can experience when detaching from
prescribed labels. Delve into her motivating perspectives below:
I love the title of your article “Be Introverted, Not an Introvert,” and I understand
its underpinnings. However, tell our readers what sparked the title.
“On occasion, I would hear people decline to do certain things or suggest that they were
incapable of doing certain things because they were “an introvert.” And eventually this started
sounding a little bit like a cop-out—as if their introversion were an inflexible prison. I’m a fan of
Carol Dweck’s work on mindset and the limiting effects of a fixed mindset (I am bad at math)
versus a growth mindset (if I work hard I can get better at math), and that caused me to start
thinking about the ways introverted people sometimes let the label of “introvert” limit their
growth. To my mind, “I am an introvert” is static and suggests something unchangeable, while “I
am introverted” is active. The difference is perhaps splitting hairs, but I mean it to be used as a
sort of visualization technique.”
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I like that you asserted how labels can limit people. As such, many people tend to
confuse introversion with shyness. What is the difference between introversion and
shyness, in your opinion?
“My favorite explanation of the difference came from researcher Louis A. Schmidt, who
studies the biological underpinnings of personality. He says the difference is that shyness is a
behavior—it is fear and anxiety around social interactions—whereas introversion is motivation.
Introverts are less motivated than extroverts to engage in social interaction. It is possible to be
introverted and not shy (like me); introverted and shy; extroverted and not shy (of course); and
extroverted and shy, which can be painful because extroverted people who are shy both crave
and fear social interaction.”
Do you think many introverted individuals consider themselves shy before they
actually discover the tenets of introversion and extroversion?
“I think they do, and certainly they are told they are. Introverts are frequently encouraged
to resist their nature, to get out there and be extroverted. Until they learn about introversion, they
may decide that their aversion to this is shyness.
I also suspect that many introverts eventually become anxious around social situations
because they are told so often that they don’t do them right. For example, introverts might go to a
party and enjoy themselves sitting on the sidelines and watching, and having a couple of in-depth
conversations with other guests, but be chided for not working the room and meeting more
people. If you’re told over and over that your way of fun is wrong and that you should be doing
something that does not feel natural and, in fact, feels unpleasant, eventually you will start
avoiding and even fearing that situation.”
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In this society, one could easily assume that extroversion is more revered. However,
what are the most admirable qualities about being introverted?
“Oh—so many. We are great listeners; we process what other people say deeply and ask
good questions. We tend to be very loyal friends. After all, we don’t need or want a lot of
friends, so when we find people we connect with, we protect those relationships. And in the
workplace, research suggests that while extroverts are great at rocking the job interview and
landing the job, introverts excel at getting the work done.”
I love the gist of your article, which posits that even though introverted individuals
have some similarities, they are not all the same, and they do not have to act in ways that
the label (or society) prescribes. As an introvert, was there a time in your life where you felt
pressured to be more extroverted? If so, how did you come to accept yourself as more
introverted?
“I’ve long had issues surrounding the telephone, which I and many other introverts
loathe. I don’t enjoy random check-in phone calls; a ringing phone makes me want to hide in the
closet. I love email, I love text, and I love face-to-face the best, but the telephone makes me
twitchy. This is often presented as some sort of moral failing or a rejection of the person on the
other end of the phone, when it really has nothing to do with the person. It’s all about the tool—
the intrusiveness (drop everything and answer me NOW!), and the lack of visual cues to help
guide the conversation.”
It is apparent that introversion and extroversion operate on a spectrum, and no one
is all one or the other. Do you think that more introverted individuals can have successful
relationships with more extroverted individuals? Why?
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“One of the most interesting things I learned while writing my book Introverts in Love is
that it’s about 50/50 when it comes to introverts in relationships with extroverts versus with other
introverts. Some introverts want someone in their lives who will boost the energy, do the work as
social director, help them get out of the house, and engage more fully with other people. Other
introverts are happiest when they are with someone who will hunker down at home with them.
So both kinds of relationships can work; it’s just a matter of knowing what you want and need
and communicating, communicating, communicating.”
Speaking of relationships, tell me more about your book Introverts in Love: The
Quiet Way to Happily Ever After and what prompted you to write it.
“I get a lot of questions about relationships from both introverts and extroverts in
relationships with introverts, who often feel neglected, fearful, or resentful of the introverts’ need
for solitude and quiet time or reluctance to engage in as much social interaction as the extrovert
craves. Introversion and extroversion are powerful drivers of our behavior, so it seemed
important to look at how they play out in relationships —and finding relationships.”
I’m certain many people feel pressure to either live up to or defy their labels. What
prompted you to create The Introvert’s Corner?
“In 2009, I wrote an essay titled “Confessions of an Introverted Traveler” for the website
World Hum, and it was so enthusiastically received—it was the top viewed story for that year,
and a follow-up, “Six Tips for Introverted Travelers,” was the second most viewed. It was clear
to me that introverts were hungry for validation. Back then, my goal was to understand
introversion, and reassure other introverted people that our way of being is simply different and
neither better nor worse than being extroverted.”
Are there any additional points you’d like to discuss regarding the article?
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“Introversion has been a hot topic for a few years now and my goal from here is to move
past simply “introvert power” into a deeper understanding of how introverts can consciously and
more effectively integrate ourselves into the workings of the world. I don’t believe introverted
people want nothing more than to be left alone. I think what we really want is to have our quiet
ways and deep processing to be appreciated and respected and, most importantly, to be able to
contribute our strengths without having to fight to be heard or defend our nature.”
As a self-proclaimed introverted extrovert, I feel a keen sense of validation about my
introverted nature after conversing with Sophia. For that, I am grateful and certain other
introverted individuals will likely feel the same. If you’d like to read more of Sophia’s
work, visit The Introvert’s Corner on Psychology Today.
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10 Myths About Introverts
By: Catherine Huang
Edited by: Alita Clark
What pops into your head when you hear the word “introvert”? Do you imagine a
librarian, a writer, or someone who’s constantly doing everything behind the scenes? What if I
told you that introverts have also been some of our world’s greatest social activists, CEOs, and
musicians? There are a lot of common misconceptions about introverts based on our culture’s
superficial portrayal of them. Psych2Go shares with you 10 myths about introverts that have
been debunked:
1. Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is completely bogus. Introverts do like to talk, but it must be meaningful. Otherwise,
exchanging words seems pointless. They don’t see the point in small talk and don’t find it worth
their time to engage in gossip or superficial conversations with content that lacks depth.
As an introvert, there’s nothing that turns me off more than having to take part in a dead-
end conversation. I have to know that it’s going somewhere in order to engage. Otherwise, I’m
mostly content with being silent.
2. All introverts are shy.
Shyness and introversion are two different things. Shyness is the painful feeling one
experiences when they’re afraid of being socially rejected; whereas, introversion is the tendency
to focus more on internal thoughts rather than the external world. Although there are introverts
that are shy, there are also introverts who aren’t. This can pertain to extroverts, too, as some can
be shy at first before getting to know others better. My boyfriend, for example, is an introvert,
but he’s not shy, and depending on the social circumstance, I can be a shy introvert.
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3. Introverts don’t like to go out.
This is false. Introverts do like to go out. They only like staying out for a certain amount
of time before they have to head home to re-charge. This is because introverts take in
information so quickly that it can be overwhelming for them if they have to do it for long
increments. Constantly being exposed to an overstimulating environment takes a lot out of them.
I don’t mind attending concerts from time to time if it means being able to see my
favorite bands perform. I also don’t mind amusement parks or festivals. I just can’t be in those
environments for too long before my body decides it’s had enough stimulation for the day.
4. Introverts don’t like people.
This one actually makes me laugh, because it’s incredibly judgmental. We don’t hate the
human race (although, sometimes we do have those days; who hasn’t occasionally given up on
it?). Susan Cain, an introvert and author of Quiet, writes, “Love is necessary, gregariousness is
optional.” Introverts value their few close loved ones and care more about the quality of the
relationships they have than the quantity of people in their lives.
I can count the number of true friends I have on one hand, and I prefer it that way. The
older I get, the more I realize that having one best friend over having many not-so-close ones
makes a huge difference. After all, what’s the point of friendship if you don’t have someone you
can spill your guts to?
5. Introverts can’t become leaders.
Although studies have shown that there are more extroverted leaders than introverted
ones, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any or that extroverts make better leaders. Although
extroverts are naturally more assertive and enthusiastic, which makes them more attractive to
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their followers, introverts are more inclined to really listen to their followers’ ideas and
suggestions, rather than pushing their own beliefs onto them.
In the past, I’ve worked as a mentor to students. I noticed that the more I listened to their
problems, the more trust was built between us. I allowed them to have a voice, and instead of
directly telling them what to do, I provided options and let them make their own choices, all
while reminding them about the consequences behind each of them.
6. Introverts are poor at networking.
While it’s been shown that extroverts have larger networks, knowing more people
doesn’t necessarily mean more opportunities for jobs. Strong networking is more about the
impression you make on the people around you and the connections you make with them. Since
introverts understand that space is important, they aren’t overwhelming to work with because
they don’t impose their ideas on anyone. This shows others that they can be depended on all
while keeping drama low in professional settings.
Throughout my time working in various settings, I’ve noticed that I tend to be the
shoulder others can lean on. People often come to me with their problems and concerns. Not only
does that help me form connections with others, but it gives us all the chance to be human. It
helps my coworkers and I communicate with one another more effectively and allows us to get
through even the toughest days together.
7. Introverts don’t know how to have fun.
This simply isn’t true. Introverts’ brains are sensitive towards dopamine, the
neurotransmitter that is associated with excitement and sensation-seeking. Just because introverts
are wired differently than extroverts does not mean they are deprived of new experiences
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altogether. “Fun” is very subjective. While introverts might not always be out partying, they fill
their time with activities that are more fulfilling and relaxing to them.
I love going to the beach with a few of my close friends during sunset hours when it isn’t
crowded. We often seek out places where we can have good conversations that takes away from
the stress in our lives, allowing time to slow down. Laid-back activities and good company will
always be fun in my book.
8. Introverts dislike public speaking.
It’s often assumed that extroverts are the ones doing all the live performances and public
speaking. While introverts usually do have more anxiety about getting up and talking in front of
a large group of people, that doesn’t mean they don’t take part in public speaking. It might take
more time for introverts to desensitize themselves to it, but if their passions encourage them to
step up to the plate and deliver speeches about what matters most to them, amazing things can
happen. Public speaking isn’t just about going up and delivering a speech. It’s also a way for the
audience to see something that they otherwise might have missed.
Growing up, I absolutely hated doing class presentations. But the more I did it, the more I
got better at it. There was one particular girl in my high school who watched me progress and
made a comment about it. I didn’t notice how far I’d come until she pointed it out.
9. Introverts make poor salespeople.
People often think that salespeople are outgoing, bubbly, and assertive extroverts.
However, introverts make excellent salespeople because, instead of being forceful and
demanding, they take a more sincere approach and listen to what customers are looking for. This
can help customers feel like they’re on the same page as the introverted salesperson, rather than
attacked and overwhelmed by someone who’s only concerned with making a sale.
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Consumerism isn’t necessarily about what is being bought. Sometimes, it’s merely about
presenting the power for someone else to make a choice. It’s all about fostering the idea that
we’re in control of our own destiny and happiness. I’ve worked in retail for two and a half years.
I noticed that I made more sales when I listened and provided options, telling customers about
the benefits of each one, but allowing space and time for them to make up their own minds
instead of putting pressure on them.
10. Introverts can become extroverts with enough practice.
This one tends to be the public’s favorite but it’s actually heartbreaking, wrong, and even
insulting. Without introverts, we wouldn’t have some of the most amazing art, films, literature,
scientific breakthroughs, or inventions that we have today. Introverts are essential. So, instead of
trying to “fix” us like we’re broken, let us be. We’re vital to the human race.
References:
King, C. (2008). 10 Myths About Introverts. Retrieved October 29, 2017.
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7 Common Misconceptions About Introverts
By: Anonymous
Is introversion something to be ashamed of or a sign that something is very wrong with
us? I’ve been asking myself this question for most of my life. Seeing everyone around me blend
in perfectly with whatever situation was being thrown at them made me think something was
wrong with me and had me questioning my own sanity. We live in a society where people are
commonly labeled and judged if they don’t immediately fit the perceived concept of what is right
and acceptable. This is where another struggle begins. Being an introvert in a world where the
lack of empathy and disinterest in helping others prevails makes it a lot harder. Psych2Go shares
with you 7 common misconceptions about introverts:
1. Introverts and small talk
Introverts do not like small talk. We prefer deep, purposeful, and meaningful
conversations and enjoy them immensely. Outside of having deep and meaningful conversations,
we prefer to be left alone. We tend not to talk much when small talk is the only social situation
we encounter. We avoid it like the plague. Meanwhile, it’s more natural for extroverts to
impulsively fill the void left by silence with minor details. Don’t take it the wrong way when
introverts don’t respond. We may appreciate the effort, but we aren’t going to engage.
2. If you constantly want alone time, then something is wrong with you.
It’s a typical Friday or Saturday night and everyone seems to be planning on making the
most out of the weekend. But we’d rather spend the night in reading, watching movies, or just
enjoying our alone time. Although friends always seem to act in good faith, sometimes it
becomes tedious and annoying to be asked over and over again to join them. In some cases, we
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are practically compelled to give in to said suggestions, ending up with feelings of discomfort
and being utterly drained afterwards.
This kind of behavior is often associated with depression and can lead to others around
you asking uncomfortable and unnecessary questions. Introverts generally don’t like to party or
hang around large groups of people. However, that isn’t to say we’re complete hermits. We do
like to go outside sometimes, but only when we take the initiative. Still, we value alone time very
much. There is nothing wrong with us. We just happen to function better when we have as much
time to ourselves as possible. It keeps us sane and helps us cope with living in a predominantly
extroverted society.
3. Conveying our feelings to others
This is a personal situation I’ve faced many times throughout my life. It’s usually
expected for people to express their emotions verbally, but some of us don’t find it very easy to
convey our feelings to others. Instead, we’d rather write them out. Writing is our safe haven
when we need to express our emotions. Since introverts don’t express emotions as openly, we’re
often labeled as cold-hearted or even rude because we’d rather write them out on paper. But this
doesn’t mean that we are heartless individuals. We’re just careful about who choose to be
vulnerable with.
4. People tend to believe that we are hard to please due to our social
selectivity.
Introverts are often forced into interactions we are not comfortable with. As a result, we
take our social interactions in very small doses. When introverts are surrounded by large groups
of people, our energy reserves drain drastically. This can lead us to need alone time for a whole
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day or more. In order to avoid that, we pace ourselves and limit our social interactions by taking
great care in who we interact with and for how long.
5. The belief that not wanting to meet new people is related to social
awkwardness
Extroverts are often are thrilled by the thought of meeting new people. Introverts, on the
other hand, are not. Attending parties, weddings, or any kind of event that represents an
opportunity of this kind is something that we tend to avoid. Sometimes, our extroverted friends
don’t understand why we find it so hard to show up to any social event we’re invited to. As a
result, it’s difficult for them to imagine the struggle that comes with this kind of situation that we
are not often willing to endure.
6. Introverts’ addiction to technology
There are times where we are more likely to find comfort in our phones and other
technology than the world surrounding us. This is common when we are in a public space
waiting for someone or in a group where everyone seems to be engaged in a conversation that we
don’t want to take part in. Our phones provide us with an instant getaway that others may easily
perceive as an addiction.
Technology (in this case, computers and phones) provides us with a chance to live
comfortably. We can communicate with people without face-to-face interaction, binge-watch our
favorite shows, order food, and do almost any other task more conveniently. But this is not to say
that introverts don’t enjoy indulging in activities outside their phone screens.
7. You’re seen as uptight when you can’t handle being in a crowded place.
I’ve been faced with this situation multiple times: being asked to go to a restaurant or
concert when I know beforehand it will be crowded. The thoughts that come along with the
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anticipation of this often leaves me in a state of distress. Whenever I’ve requested to go to a
more intimate place or order some food and enjoy it in the privacy of my own home, I’ve been
called “demanding” and “difficult.” But, this is far from the truth. Introverts generally cannot
handle being in crowded places because they stress us out easily and make us anxious. We prefer
places with fewer people, a calm atmosphere, and not a lot of noise.
Being an introvert can come with some setbacks. Misconceptions about who we are is
just one of them. But if we work hard to inform people about what being an introvert really
means, then we can work toward being understood better.
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SOLITUDE
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Isolophilia – A Strong Affection and Preference for Solitude; A Desire to Be
Left Alone
By: Rosy Evans
Have you ever felt that your own company is much more fulfilling than others? Do you
often like to be left alone? After understanding the feeling of solitude and being an introvert for
most my life, the possible combination of the two on a stronger level interested me greatly.
Isolophilia is referred to as having a strong affection and preference for solitude
and being alone. This is not necessarily a negative term, or something that has negative effects.
For some people, this can be as simple as preferring their own company, going out by
themselves to eat or drink coffee, or perhaps just feeling much more comfortable by themselves.
Link to Introversion
This may be a trait that is stronger in people who are introverted. Introverted
personalities are characterized as quieter and more reserved than others and those who feel more
comfortable not being in social settings. This is because social settings and interactions, such as
parties or meeting with others, can become very overwhelming and stressful, especially when
introverts are urged by others to be more engaged. Introverts can often feel exhausted by social
interaction; therefore, they would rather engage less in talking and interacting with others, and
take more comfort in being alone.
Within the Modern World
In the modern world where socializing has become much easier due to the presence of
social media, social gaming, and dating websites, simply being alone has been pushed further
away. This is an attempt at no longer “feeling lonely” —to move away from experiencing
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solitude. But psychology suggests that actively engaging in solitude allows us to handle our
emotions better, adjust more easily to changes, and be more creative. Overall, it gives us time to
rest, both physically and emotionally, and helps us connect to others in more meaningful ways.
Despite being social beings, having some alone time is essential. Therefore, those with
isolophilia may give themselves more opportunities to develop as a person in many different
ways, especially emotionally and psychologically.
References:
Bucholz, E. (1998, January 1). The Call of Solitude. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 18,
2017.
Introversion. (2015, August 11). Retrieved October 18, 2017, from goodtherapy.org
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I Love Doing Things Alone and People Should Stop Worrying About It
By: Louise
“Loneliness is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t wanna deal
with people.” —Hedonist Poet
When you think of someone who enjoys doing things alone, what words come to mind?
Loner? Recluse? Shrinking violet? All of the above? Or is there another term that you would
use? It’s no surprise that these words are commonly associated with people who enjoy being
alone. Human beings are seen as “social creatures,” meaning that people are more likely to be
around others and thrive in public settings. Generally, people view wanting to spend time and
sharing experiences with others as natural. So those who eat alone, go to the cinema alone, or
who fit the introverted personality type often gain pity from those around them for being
misperceived as “lonely”.
It’s also common for people try to “cure” them of their love, or even need, for solitude.
Those who fear being alone sometimes project the fear they experience onto people who enjoy
being alone. They believe that everyone feels the same fear and sadness and just want to help.
But, it’s important to understand that this is not necessary and can be detrimental to their
wellbeing.
We’re perfectly fine sitting alone, really.
The number of times random people have offered me a seat at their table just because
they have seen me sitting alone in the school dining area or the computer room is innumerable.
They worry about me being alone. I politely explain to them that I am perfectly comfortable
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sitting alone. I enjoy it. When I’m alone, I can complete any little mundane task without
procrastinating. I can also listen to my music whilst I work, and I love being in my head with my
own thoughts. However, the people who offer their company seem extremely taken aback and
concerned for my wellbeing when I express my preference for being alone.
I’m often told that it’s sad because people “should want to socialize and be in groups.”
But according to a UK study, nine out of ten adults are perfectly content with being alone with
their own company, and 59% are comfortable living alone. Being alone allows you to drop your
social guard and encourages you to think for yourself. You can also make better choices for
yourself when alone than when you’re in a group setting. With so many opinions shared, it is
common for choices to be influenced by those around you, which is why there should be an
emphasis on being alone, especially for your own wellbeing.
Being around people too often is draining.
I enjoy the solitude that comes with sitting alone at a table for two in a café. I love that I
am able to look out of the window and watch those passing by. I love that I can order whatever I
want without judgment, and I love being able to slowly stroll home with my headphones in,
listening to my favorite songs.
Feeling drained in public settings is a big problem for introverts, which is often mistaken
for rudeness. Extroverts usually feel energized in group settings because they need the attention
and feed off of it. Introverts, on the other hand, find group settings demanding and draining. As a
result, we need to be alone to recharge.
3. T.V. presents introversion and solitude as hubris.
Why are people so concerned about seeing others being alone? I believe it has to do with
the T.V. trope of the “loner freak” whom you see as the outsider, villain, or anti-hero. Characters
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that are commonly given these labels often display introverted traits. However, the writing and
directing of their characters often misrepresent introversion as the fatal flaw of hubris.
Displaying a character sitting alone within a social setting, or insisting on being left to their own
devices quickly implies the idea of something being not quite right with this them. If this
character is left alone for too long, they go mad and become a threat to society. This trope
presents people who enjoy being alone as lacking social skills.
Loners are portrayed as those who refuse to conform to social standards that they hate.
People often interpret this as an angry, rebellious act to a world which they hate with all their
heart. However, there is actually no such deep meaning behind it. Introverts just don’t feel
comfortable in group settings. Because of these flawed representations, introverts who enjoy
being alone are assumed to be juvenile or have sly ulterior motives for their actions. These T.V.
tropes have warped social and cultural norms of the world, making being alone in public a social
crime, because it is seen as a challenge to the dominant social order and the values that go along
with it.
The social stigma of loving to be alone
There is undeniably a stigma around enjoying being alone or enjoying your own
company, especially in public. People like to push the idea that being alone means being lonely,
even if you don’t feel lonely when you’re alone. You are more than entitled to refuse company if
you do not want it. It does not mean you have no friends. It does not mean you are a pitiful soul
filled with heartbreak. We’ve somehow begun to accept the extroverted ideal that if you want to
be happy and fulfilled, then you need to be surrounded by thousands of people.
But why is this such a taboo thing to do, to enjoy being alone? Why do we socially
punish introverts for their delight in separation from the world, particularly public spaces? Let’s
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say I spent my entire weekend at home on the sofa, binging Stranger Things for the fifteenth
time with a pizza that I ordered online. This would be seen as “me time” as it’s inside. It is away
from societal judgment where you can avoid making people uncomfortable with your seclusion.
Let’s say, however, that if I was to walk to the Vintage Tearooms and treat myself to a nice little
lunch there, sit by myself at a table for two, and disengage from people, then it would be seen as
unacceptable. It would be viewed as disturbing by people nearby, as they have to see someone
alone in a group setting.
A love of solitude is seen as an issue which needs “curing”
When getting my nails done, the manicurist engaged me in a conversation about being
alone and introverted. I told them how people, including teachers, have judged me for being able
to do things alone. I explained that I enjoy being alone, and that I am not lonely even when I’m
on my own. If I want company, I spend time with my best friend instead of random strangers in a
crowd. I told them how some teachers had made me feel as though there was something wrong
with me for acting that way.
When I shared this, a woman nearby who just had her nails finished tapped me on the
shoulder and said, “Take care, sweetie, and remember, there is nothing wrong with you. Do not
change for anyone.” And I promised that I wouldn’t. With the constant contact that comes with
social media, I personally think that everyone should take time to be by themselves sometimes.
For introverts, spending too much time with people can be draining, exhausting, and irritating,
and this can lead to grumpiness and, in turn, arguments.
You can do things that you want to do alone.
I fully endorse spending time alone. Why not? If there is something you want to do but
none of your friends or family want to do, there’s no shame in going off on your own. That film
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you want to see, but no one else does? Go see it alone, and you can enjoy something by yourself
for a change. That way, you won’t have to worry about forcing someone into watching a movie
they might not enjoy. Is there a place you want to visit, but no one else seems interested in
traveling to Paris, New Orleans, Vienna, or Greece? Then, book a solo trip for yourself! That
way, you won’t have to compromise on what you want to do or see when you get there; the trip
will be purely what you want.
Enjoy your solitude in a world that is constantly forcing interaction. You may not get
much alone time if you don’t make it for yourself. Remember, just because someone is alone,
doesn’t mean they are lonely.
References:
Poet, H. (2018). Hedonist Poet > Quotes > Quotable Quote. Retrieved January 10, 2018, from
goodreads.com
Stroud, C. (2016, September 7). Home Alone. The Sun. Retrieved January 10, 2018.
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Thriving in Solitude
By: Lilian Enke
It’s no secret that I love being inside, but even I have my limits. At the end of last year,
while I was going through a really long and seemingly endless period of unemployment, I
thought I had finally reached that limit. I had no reason to leave the house, my friends were all
too busy to drag me to pubs, and my money was all but gone. Not to mention the winter is
typically freezing here in Toronto, so I wasn’t feeling encouraged to leave the comfort of my
blankets as long as I had chocolate and water.
The first week of isolation was fun and liberating. I mostly wrote stories and watched
movies, but round the seventh week, I began to lose my mind. There are only so many movies on
Netflix, and writing had gone from fun to daunting as I found myself uninspired by my routine.
What is a person to do in a situation like this? I may not know what responsible adults are
supposed to do, but I sought refuge on YouTube, because I figured that was as good as anything
to dull the pain of boredom.
Being an introvert has its issues (namely the fear of what’s outside your comfort zone, the
needing privacy to recharge, or the fact that you’re always looking at your watch thinking, Can I
leave yet?) and we navigate through them to the best of our ability. But if there is something that
can be said about introverts, it’s this: we thrive in solitude. More often than not, we’re
overwhelmed with guilt for rejoicing in cancelled plans and lack of companionship, which is
why solitude is not easy to enjoy, but we are slowly mastering it. As introverts, we know how to
use it for our own benefits. From learning a new skill, picking up a new hobby, or freelancing,
the possibilities are endless.
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Extroverts work on mastering the art of being social, but introverts prefer to master the
art of self. We dedicate ourselves to the quieter activities and, in doing so, find peace from the
world around us. Within the process, we learn more about ourselves and also become experts at
our hobbies! Don’t feel guilty for enjoying your solitude; instead, embrace it.
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10 Benefits of Living Alone as an Introvert
By: Catherine Huang
Being an introvert in a hectic, fast-paced world can be a struggle. That’s why there’s
something to be said about the intimacy you share with your own personal space. No matter how
much time you feel obligated to spend in the outside world, at the end of the night, you always
end up coming back to you. The walls that surround you have learned just as much about you as
you’ve learned to rely on them to keep you warm. Psych2Go shares with you 10 benefits of
living alone as an introvert:
1. You can focus better on your hobbies with fewer distractions to interrupt
you.
It’s easier for you to nurture and keep your hobbies alive when you live alone. This is
because you become an expert at keeping yourself entertained with no one else in your space.
You start to place more value on your hobbies. They’re not done just to pass the time, but rather,
you learn to immerse yourself in them for self-fulfillment.
2. You can daydream and get lost in your thoughts more easily.
Daydreaming is therapeutic. It revitalizes your ability to be innovative. According to
research, it also gives your working memory a great workout. This helps you learn to focus better
on tasks.
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3. You learn to listen to what your body needs.
If you need to recharge and spend time taking naps, you can do it. If you want to practice
being in touch with yourself, you can meditate. Whether it be cooking, reading, or painting, you
learn to do what your body needs to keep it de-stressed and in good shape for as long as possible.
4. You can do whatever your heart desires in the moment.
Whether you choose to blast music and dance around in your underwear or cry after a bad
day at work, you get to do what you wish to do without having to worry about anyone else’s
judgment. It’s a way of establishing honesty and allowing yourself to express your emotions
freely. You don’t have to worry about how you come across, because it’s only you and the space
you’re being vulnerable with.
5. You can decorate your space however you want to.
The space is rightfully yours. You can express your own creativity that matches your
unique quirks and personality, making it all yours and no one else’s. There’s a sense of
ownership you establish, and no one can take that away from you.
6. You establish independence and freedom.
Independence means being able to rely on yourself and no one else. It means allowing
yourself to do what you want without having to run it through with someone beforehand. You
learn to mature and become more responsible at your own pace, not anyone else’s.
7. There are fewer emotional dramas and arguments to get caught up in.
Living on your own means not having to worry about walking on eggshells after coming
home from a long day at work. It leaves room for you to make mistakes without having to
concern yourself with the drama you may inadvertently stir up. And by having fewer emotional
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dramas and arguments follow you, you become less irritable yourself, thus enhancing your well-
being.
8. You can do chores at your own pace.
You don’t have to worry about leaving dirty dishes in the sink or the sight of your
unmade bed, because it’s only you that those factors affect. If you’re having a busier week than
usual, you can do your chores when you find the time to do so instead of being pressured to work
around someone else’s schedule. It’s less invasive, and this makes doing chores a lot more
bearable.
9. You can escape the harsh realities of the rest of the world, which
encourages you to build a stronger sense of self.
Although reality will always be with us, by living alone, you learn to protect who you are
longer. That way, you don’t lose yourself in what the rest of the world wants from you. It gives
you a chance to set important boundaries to separate who you are versus who you project for
others to see. You learn to know the difference. The more you know who you are, the fewer
breakdowns you’ll have over identity loss.
10. Being alone becomes a luxury, not loneliness.
You learn to cherish the time you spend alone. It feels like a privilege. And while you
can’t necessarily erase loneliness altogether, loneliness still becomes less present when you
realize that living by yourself can be grand in its own special, understated ways.
References:
Welsh, J. (2012, March 16). Daydreaming Is Good for the Mind. Retrieved September 5, 2017.
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7 Ways to Incorporate More Solitude into Your Schedule
By: Catherine Huang
Edited by: Emily Tang
When you spend so much of your energy working or being with family and loved ones,
it’s so easy to lose yourself in your career or obligations from the roles that you play, especially
if you don’t live alone. Western culture has created a stigma around solitude, making it
synonymous to loneliness, sadness, or antisocial tendencies, but it has been proven that solitude
is good for you. In order to reap the benefits, however, you must make time for solitude, and
while that may seem impossible with many responsibilities already stacked on your plate, a little
always goes a long way. Psych2Go shares with you 7 ways to incorporate more solitude into
your schedule:
1. Disconnect
Set aside time to turn off your phone, TV, and computer. I know that sounds extreme,
especially in a world where we rely heavily on gadgets for instant gratification, but constantly
being “on” gives you less time to focus only on yourself. For instance, if you keep hearing your
phone buzz from every text message or phone call you receive, you’ll feel obligated to answer.
Disconnecting for a while allows room to breathe and you’d be surprised as to just how much
you can get done without these external distractions.
2. Get up early.
Waking up half an hour earlier than the time you’re used to can give you an opportunity
to rejuvenate before your day starts. You can use this time to go for a morning walk, meditate, or
read. Showing up to work or school earlier than everyone else also means having quiet time to
yourself to de-stress before you have to fulfill your responsibilities for the day.
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3. Close your door.
Closing the door indicates that you need alone time, but leaving it open acts as an
invitation for someone to join you. If others still don’t get the hint that you need solitude, you
can also put up a sign that reads “Do Not Disturb.” To receive alone time, you must set healthy
boundaries between you and others. Unless it’s urgent or there’s an emergency, there should be
no reason as to why others can’t leave you alone for a while without being interrupted.
4. Use your lunch time.
Sometimes, your workload cuts into your lunch time when you have a lot to accomplish
for the day, but when you can, try not to work while you eat. Allow your lunch break to be an
outlet to help you get yourself re-energized and back on your feet when you feel stumped or
defeated. Perhaps use a few minutes to plug your headphones in and listen to your favorite song.
Escapism, even if it’s brief, can help you detach from feeling overwhelmed all day at work.
5. Take a bath.
Showers often feel quick and to the point. But, creating a soothing environment where
you can soak in warm water and relax allows you to let go of all your troubles for the day. You
can light your favorite scented candles and place them in your bathroom while you take a bubble
bath. Part of solitude is resisting the rush and enjoying where you are now.
6. Journal before you go to bed.
Journaling can help you reflect and put your thoughts down on paper instead of letting
them fester and keep you up all night. By writing in your journal, you’re creating an intimate
space between just you and your thought process. It’s a judgment-free zone, so it’s safe to be
honest with your feelings. This helps with problem-solving as you record them and come up with
solutions for what’s bothering you.
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7. Reserve time for yourself on weekends.
You can still go to your family functions and have dinner with your friends at that place
you have been dying to eat at, but having your weekends completely booked with plans leaves
you no room for solitude. Split your time in a fair manner and reserve one day, or a few hours,
every weekend to be by yourself. If you feel burnt out all the time, even socializing with loved
ones won’t be enjoyable. Balance must be maintained, and listening to your body when it tells
you to re-charge in peace will prevent burnout from happening.
References:
Carter, S. (2012, January 31). 6 Reasons You Should Spend More Time Alone. Psychology
Today. Retrieved September 19, 2017.
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RELATIONSHIPS (DATING, FRIENDSHIP, & FAMILY)
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8 Methods an Extrovert Can Use to Approach an Introvert the Right Way
By: Catherine Huang
You might not have noticed them right away, but over time, an introvert has quietly
gained your attention and piqued your interest—except you’re not sure how to approach them
without coming off too strong or scaring them off. Whether this introvert is a coworker that
you’d like to collaborate with more, a person you wish to befriend, or a love interest you want to
court, Psych2Go shares with you 8 methods extroverts can use to approach introverts the right
way:
1. Patience is key.
It takes time for introverts to warm up to new faces. It’s best not to make introverts feel
pressured to try anything new if they’re not ready yet. They’re cautious and like to observe
others first before jumping into the social scene. Show them that you’re reliable, flexible, and
open-minded. Slowly, their walls will come down and they’ll let you in. That’s how trust is built.
2. Ask and never assume.
Introverts tend to listen more often than they speak. Asking your introverted companion
questions can help make the conversation not so one-sided and focused on you. This is especially
important if you’ve always considered yourself the center of attention, so be mindful of how
much you’re dominating the conversation. It’s also best not to assume things about the introvert
unless they have directly told you the truth. It’s tempting to jump to conclusions when introverts
often like to hold back on revealing everything at once, but that won’t help the both of you get
off to a good start.
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3. Be respectful of their space and boundaries.
Don’t take it personally if the introvert you want to approach needs to be alone for a
while—it’s how they recharge. Be mindful of the time limits they set for socializing and don’t
cross those boundaries. It’s important to remain respectful.
4. Invite them out to a small casual get-together.
Don’t start off by inviting an introvert out to a place where there’s a lot of external
stimuli, or a large party. Introverts are sensitive to details in the outside world and it can be
overwhelming for them to adjust right away. Start off with a comfortable and casual setting. It’s
a better way to break the ice and get to know each other as opposed to being constantly distracted
by loud external factors.
5. Show genuine interest in who they are as individuals.
If you want to form a closer bond with them, let them know that you’re actually
interested in getting to know who they are. Something about them caught your eye in the first
place (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article and seeking advice!). Be honest and let
them know what drew you towards them. Introverts value authenticity, and expressing sincerity
can help you have meaningful conversations without the small talk. Don’t be afraid to ask them
about their dreams, hobbies, and what they’re passionate about.
6. Learn how they keep in touch.
Every introvert is different. Some love to stay connected through the web because it gives
them a chance to easily express their thoughts and ideas. Others might like to retreat from the
social media realm and stick to basic texting or email. If you want to keep in touch with them,
it’s important to learn what their preferred methods of communication are.
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7. Don’t ignore the important discussions.
Since introverts tend to internalize much of their thoughts and feelings, problems can
easily get swept under the rug. It’s crucial to address arising issues, no matter how difficult or
awkward they may be. If there’s something that makes the both of you feel uncomfortable, you
must let them know, especially if it’s personal to the both of you. Neglecting to talk about it will
only stretch the issue over time and cause more problems down the road.
8. Learn how to compromise.
Compromise means meeting somewhere in the middle where not only their needs are
being met, but yours, too. It’s impossible for things to be 50/50 all the time, but it’s important to
know that both of you are pulling your weight to make things work out, whether it’s over a
business project or your relationship. Compromise is a big word and responsibility, but so are the
rewards that come from it when it’s achieved.
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10 Things That Make an Introvert Irresistibly Attractive
By: Catherine Huang
I have a soft spot for introverts. Whether it’s someone I’ve had feelings for or a favorite
character from a book or film, more often than not, I tend to be most attracted to introverts.
Perhaps it’s because I’m an introvert myself and there’s a mutual understanding between our
thought processes and the habits we possess, but whatever it is, I never seem to mind falling
under their enchanting spell. Psych2Go shares with you 10 things that make an introvert
irresistibly attractive:
1. They’re good listeners.
Introverts tend to listen more than they speak. They have an interest in understanding
how people and things work in the world. Thus, they listen with the intention of enriching their
ability to see more. The inherent curiosity comes from a place of selflessness to form better
judgment and awareness of others instead of the need to be the center of attention.
2. They’re mysterious.
Introverts do a lot of self-containing. Just when you think you know who they are, they
reveal something new that you would’ve never guessed. It’s not in their nature to lay their cards
down on the table all at once. Rather, they choose to join the dance slowly. People as introverts
don’t need to constantly be in the spotlight to keep others intrigued. They can be subtle about
dropping bits and pieces of who they are, making you come back asking for more.
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3. They think before they speak.
Introverts don’t like to speak just for the sake of it. They speak meaningfully and with
purpose. Introverts are mindful not only in what they choose to say, but how they choose to
deliver it, making their words less brash. They make some of our world’s most eloquent
speakers.
4. They’re unique thinkers.
Because introverts spend so much time in their heads, they’re constantly thinking up new
ideas. According to Susan Cain, author of Quiet, more ideas can be generated by working alone,
rather than brainstorming in group settings. Solitude encourages creativity because you’re
allowing yourself to get lost in your work. People like Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein who
contributed heavily to the branch of physics worked almost entirely alone. Their inventive
tendencies make for attractive people.
5. They pay attention to details.
Introverts are an observant bunch. They see things others may have only scratched the
surface of. Moreover, they can make meaning from the subtle tidbits they have gathered, thus
drawing attention to something that can offer a fresh perspective on life altogether. They can
read others like books, making them great friends and romantic partners, especially for those
who have felt misunderstood all their lives.
6. They’re intelligent.
Intelligence is a classy, sexy, and timeless trait to possess. Introverts have a voracious
appetite for knowledge; they love to read and study for fun, making them intellectual creatures.
When they aim to teach something new, they become inspirational people who demand attention
with what they’ve learned.
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7. They’re great conversationalists.
Introverts don’t like small talk; instead, they prefer depth and meaning. Therefore, they
make some of the best conversationalists with their incredible insights and self-reflection
tendencies. They’re not afraid to dig, theorize, and conceptualize, especially about life. When
they communicate about possibilities, it engages others in open-ended discussions, rather than
black and white conversations that leave no room for stimulating questions.
8. They’re understanding.
Introverts tend to be highly sensitive individuals. Therefore, they become more
empathetic to other people’s feelings. Always on the lookout to understand people better, they
become more receptive and create less distance when forming emotional bonds with others.
Their caring nature results in a comfortable relationship in which people can openly discuss their
inner thoughts and worries.
9. They’re disciplined.
Introverts tend to be less impulsive and delay instant gratification. This means that
they’re prone to working hard towards a goal without being easily discouraged by obstacles that
get in their way. The patience instilled within them takes introverts far in life and makes them
successful and reliable individuals.
10. They’re fiercely loyal.
Introverts are selective with who they let in their social circle. They don’t need a large
network of people to establish closeness. Therefore, the few meaningful relationships they form
with others are ones they harbor close to themselves. They don’t like taking people for granted
and would rather work through the difficulties with their loved ones, instead of leaving them to
form bonds with new faces for instant gratification.
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References:
Oppong, T. (2017, March 31). The Science of Silence: How Solitude Enriches Creative
Work. Inc. Retrieved January 10, 2018.
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8 Reasons to Love an Introvert
By: Karis Marie
“We’re all a little weird, and life’s a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is
compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
—Dr. Seuss
In this loud and fast-paced world, many introverts find ourselves drowned out,
overwhelmed and stomped on by society. We don’t find love because we don’t get the chance.
Psych2Go shares with you 8 reasons to look for an introverted life partner:
1. We’re self-sufficient.
The first thing you should know is that we do not need you. We do not need
relationships, and we do not need others. No, we don’t need them—we want them. If an introvert
chooses you, they want you. Even if we don’t verbally say it, you will always know you’re
wanted because you wouldn’t be part of our lives if we didn’t want you to be.
I have never once told someone that I need them. Wanting someone is so much more
powerful for us than needing them. Needing someone means that once that need is fulfilled, the
person is no longer necessary; wanting someone, however, means that there’s a conscious effort
to keep that person in your life. That’s what we mean when we say “I love you.” It means we
want you beside us for as long as you’ll allow it.
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2. We’re loyal.
Once you’re our person, you’re our person, period. That’s it. End of story. We won’t play
games or flirt with others. We won’t cheat on you or treat you like you’re nothing to us because,
truthfully, you’re worth it all. (Disclosure: If an introvert does cheat on you, it’s not because
they’re not an introvert, it’s just because they’re a terrible person.)
3. We’re great listeners.
Since we know what it’s like to be ignored and overlooked, when you talk to us, you will
have our full attention. Your desire to talk to us means the world, even if it’s as simple as
wanting to know our opinion on something. When we reply, our response will have much
thought put into it. We won’t take your discussion lightly, and you may soon find that we know
much more about you than you do about us. (P.S. Don’t let this discovery upset you. We love
knowing you, and the more we know you, the more willing we will be to let you know us on a
deeper level.)
4. We have a talent for empathy.
Because most of our attention resides in our heads, we find ourselves able to connect at a
deeper level easier than most. We can read others easily and will feel your emotions as if they’re
our own without having to try, especially if we know you well. We won’t respond with
judgement; instead, we’ll respond with understanding, because we know what it’s like to be
misunderstood.
5. We live for authenticity.
In today’s society, our introversion is usually seen as an act of rebellion by others and
even ourselves. Fortunately for us, we know who we are and aren’t afraid to fight for it. We
won’t change to please others. In our eyes, it would only be a lie and an insult to you and
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ourselves. Living sincerely makes us happier than following what others tell us to do. Never give
an introvert what you think we want to hear —all we want to hear is the truth. We want to know
you, not a 2-D image of what you assume we want. We want you. It’s that simple.
6. We understand the power of self-love.
We introverts tend to spend a lot of time mingling with our own souls, which is why
we’ll encourage you to do the same. When we see your true self, we’ll treasure it more
thoroughly than anyone, for we know what it’s like to have to learn to love ourselves, much less
another. One of the hardest things for me is to watch one of my loved ones struggle with self-
loathing. I see them as beautiful, unique, amazing individuals. And for them not to catch a
glimpse of it makes me ask them if they need glasses. Every. Single. Time.
7. We’re pretty creative.
Introverts spend so much time in their heads that they develop their own unique
worldviews. Not a single one of us will have the same perspective, and they’re usually expressed
through art, music, literature, or all of the above. We’d rather express ourselves creatively and
passionately than converse, so prepare to be shocked at the things we can do!
One of my introverted friends is an actress who starred in a play during our freshman
year of college. At her audition, she acted alongside a good mutual friend of ours before he
became our good mutual friend. He’d seen and assumed her to be quiet with not much of a stage
presence. When she took his hand, like the script directed, he had jumped a couple inches off the
ground in shock. Later, when he recounted this, he said he was glad to have been wrong.
8. We’re mysterious.
This will be the hardest to deal with when falling in love with an introvert. More than
likely, you will always feel like we know you better than you know us. We tend to keep parts of
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ourselves hidden because emotional vulnerability is one of our greatest enemies. But, for some
reason, you’ll probably find this mystery alluring.
When one of my good friends was talking about what attracts guys, he said I had it all:
curves and mystery. He said that if I wanted, I could have any guy on campus. When I rolled my
eyes and brushed it aside, wondering aloud how it was true if no one had made any advances so
far, he replied with, “Hey, not all of us can walk with the confidence of someone who’s killed
and gotten away with it. It’s intimidating.” I couldn’t argue with that logic.
We introverts are valuable, unusual, and rarely get the chance to shine. Maybe if you look
around, you’ll see one of us lounging in the background, watching quietly with a smile on our
face. Don’t go up and try to force yourself on us. Just catch our eye across the room and smile. If
we return it and linger on you, come on over. If we just continue glancing around, don’t worry
—it’s not personal. We’ve just got about fifty tabs open in our heads. Who knows? If you put in
the time and effort to get to know us, you may become someone we frequently visit.
References:
Seuss, D. (2014, July 31). 20 Dr. Seuss Quotes that Could Change the World. Retrieved January
10, 2018.
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6 Relationship Tips for Introverts
By: Irene
Getting into a relationship is an exciting thought, but it can also be a scary one if you are
an introvert. What does it feel like for an introvert who is seriously thinking about getting into
their first relationship? It is more than just butterflies in the stomach. For an extrovert, the
thought of getting into a relationship may be enthralling, but for an introvert, it is more like an
uncertainty mixed with hesitation. However, introverts desire to have a strong loving
relationship, just like anyone else.
Quite often, they stumble at the first moment of uncertainty when it comes to dating.
Some introverts may even doubt their success in finding the right partner. In reality, introverts
can find their perfect match if they know how to come out of their inhibitions and handle the
whole process. Psych2Go shares with you 6 relationship tips for introverts who are thinking of
getting into their first relationship:
1. Remove your inhibitions.
If you like someone and you’d like to go on a date with them, don’t engage yourself with
the “n” number of questions that may pop into your mind. Generally, as an introvert, your mind
may want to figure out if the date will be pleasant and bud into your first relationship, or fail and
send you back to square one. Don’t fantasize too much; just keep your focus on trying to know
the person you are dating.
2. Go one step at a time.
As an introvert, you may be serious when it comes to your relationship. Keep your
expectations and fantasies at the base level, and don’t jump into conclusions and decisions. Try
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to figure out the kind of person you are dating and get to know their likes and dislikes, hobbies,
goals, family, work/education, etc. See if your wave length matches with them. Take time to
reflect on your feelings and thoughts about your date when in solitude, which is your natural
tendency.
3. Build the rapport.
As an introvert, you may tend to attach or detach too soon, so it’s important to build a
good rapport with the person you are dating. While you reflect on your own thoughts and
feelings, you should be receptive to how they perceive you. Feeling comfortable is important for
you and your partner to build trust and a solid foundation for your relationship. Part of the
process is communication, which is vital to help you understand your partner and vice versa.
4. Talk about yourself.
Not everyone will understand an introvert well. There are instances when your date may
read you as dull or moody. Tell them what you are like: Your preference to hang out with a small
crowd of your own, how uncomfortable or lost you feel in a big, social gathering, methods you
use to take time to be yourself and revitalize your mental energies, your tendency to lose yourself
in your mind, etc. It is better that your date knows you well as an introvert so not only can they
read you properly, but they will be aware of your boundaries. Being able to understand your
tendencies is important for both parties when it comes to making decisions about a serious
relationship since there is a possibility that your personalities are not compatible.
5. Talk about your values.
The values and perceptions of an introvert may differ from that of an extrovert. Your date
needs to know things that are important to you, especially if you are dating an extrovert. Do your
best to share what you value personally and in life. Values tell a lot about what a person is like,
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and sometimes what you value and what your date values may not always line up. This is
important to understand and know when considering a serious relationship with someone.
6. Demonstrate your strengths.
Perhaps you may think that people do not prefer introverts in a culture of an extroverted
world. Do your best to demonstrate your strengths by being a good listener, an empath, or a
caring person. Relying on your strengths make you special, and being proud of who you are will
help you stay your best in your relationship.
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Online Dating: Is It for Introverts?
By: Lilian Enke
Technology has come a long way in terms of how it’s helped society. From improving
productivity of multiple companies to expanding human life, technology has come a long way to
influence society. Online dating, despite its flaws, is one way in which technology helps people
connect with each other.
When I was growing up, the internet was still a relatively new thing for me and those
around me. It was still a time where books were more reliable than what you found on the
internet. Meeting people on the street and striking up conversations with them was still
acceptable and, for the most part, expected. However, the way in which people meet changed
drastically. People started to meet online rather than IRL.
In the early 21st century, just as the internet was becoming more present in my life and
people were starting to rely on it for virtually everything, the option to socialize without going
outside became a new revolutionary concept. First came chat rooms (anyone remember those?),
then websites specifically created for the lonely hearts in search of their other half.
As expected, there were skeptics. Online dating websites and chat rooms, they told us,
were dangerous, unreliable tools people used because they were ingenuous. It was a cesspool for
the crazy, the perverts, and the desperate. How could you be sure you really knew the person you
were talking to? What if they were dangerous? What if they wanted to hurt you? Every TV show
and soap opera I can remember from that time had at least one episode dedicated to a poor, naive
woman whose heart was broken by online dating, or downright murdered in a horrific way.
Online dating wasn’t something that “normal” people did. “Normal” people found their partners
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in the real world, where it was safe, and you could actually see the person you were talking to. If
you tried online dating, then there was something wrong with you —and you were also likely to
meet your end.
When I ventured into online dating, I went through the same skeptical thoughts. As years
went by, however, I noticed that society’s conception of online dating was changing. Apps were
becoming more popular and specifically designed for certain demographics. People of all
genders and orientations had a place to go flirt, and they were at least welcomed, if not safe.
Meeting people for sex or for commitment became much easier. It became a time where online
dating was a thriving industry; the image of those who tried online dating became less weird and
more of someone who was searching for true love. It was tacky, but at least it was positive.
Despite the progression of society’s views, I was still reluctant to give it a try. Online
dating could never work, I thought. All those messages of heartbreak and death I heard in my
youth must be right —and did I ever meet someone who found a life partner online? No, I don’t
think so.
At the same time, I realized that as I approached my 30s, my options were running out.
People warned me of this in the past: As you grow older, it’ll become harder to meet people. I
was still skeptical, though. Harder than it already was? That’s not possible! It’ll only continue to
be just as bad.
Boy, was I wrong.
As someone who goes out of her way to avoid socializing often, my circle of friends is
very limited, and once I immigrated to another country, it only got smaller. Meeting friends of
friends wasn’t going to happen for me. I also stopped hoping to meet my Mr. Right because let’s
face it: This isn’t a rom-com. The chances your soul mate will fall into your arms in the middle
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of the street are highly unlikely —and even if that happened, I’m pretty sure I’d awkwardly walk
away, not knowing what to say. My choices became limited and I grew tired of being alone.
Finally, I told myself to stop being scared and give online dating a try. Perhaps if I met
someone through my computer, I might stand a chance. And if it doesn’t work out, I can just
block them and keep looking. I set up my profile on a dating site and hoped for the best.
The experience wasn’t particularly traumatic, but it was still much more work than I
thought it would be. I had to dodge creeps on a daily basis, reject several couples who contacted
me for threesomes, and suffer through extremely boring people messaging me. My personal
favorite was a guy who asked me if I liked sex and money, either mistaking me for a prostitute or
perhaps trying to offer me a job as one. Needless to say, I made good use of that block button.
The few people I actually talked to went nowhere. A month later, I deleted my profile.
It took me about a year before I gave it another try, but this time with my previous
experiences in mind. I went through a few dating apps—all basically the same—with one or two
distinctive features. If you ask me which one is best for introverts, I offer this advice to you: Find
whichever app overwhelms you the least, doesn’t feel dreadful to you, and makes you want to
check your messages every day. At the very least, it should feel fun. Personally, after trial and
error, I found an app that was far from perfect but okay enough to get me interested. And just last
night, I went on my first date.
Was it a positive experience? Yes, I believe it was. I mean, I didn’t end up in a bathtub
somewhere with my liver on the floor, so I mark that as a success, and it was probably the least
nerve-wracking date I had in a while. I can’t say that a part of me doesn’t wish I could be a
“normal” person meeting people the “normal” way, but at some point you’re going to have to
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decide to do what is best for you, and that means facing your own prejudices and
misconceptions.
Be it in a bar or on your computer screen, dating is virtually the same. You will meet
people who creep you out, and you’ll meet people who are just not a good fit for you. The
internet is great, but it won’t do miracles for your love life. The one thing they don’t tell you
when you start online dating is that, just like every other activity, it takes dedication. A lot of
work that has to be done is on your end. I wasn’t ready for that. You need to spend time
cultivating your relationships and check on your messages constantly. It might take place in the
virtual world but it is still socializing and very much real—except you can delete conversations
and pretend they never happened. If you’re afraid of social interactions and meeting new people,
having the option of deleting people is a comfort, but you still have to work through your own
fears and soldier through.
Normal is, more often than not, overrated. I’d like to be normal, but I’ll settle for being
happy.
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10 Things Introverts Need in a Relationship
By: Catherine Huang
Edited by: Judy Schumacher
It’s already difficult for introverts to find their niche in a world that predominantly values
extroverted tendencies. As a result, the needs of introverts don’t get enough attention and aren’t
talked about as much, including the way they function in romantic relationships. Are you dating
an introvert? Psych2Go shares with you 10 things to consider:
1. Meaningful conversations
We look for depth in a partner —someone who can keep up with us when we talk about
possibilities and theories. If there’s one thing we never get tired of, it’s the mere entertainment of
ideas. Ask open ended questions instead of dead end ones that result in single one-word answers.
Don’t be afraid to enlighten us with your knowledge and wisdom. Be cultured. And be aware.
Intelligence is sexy, classy, and timeless.
We tend to gravitate towards partners who are excellent conversationalists. And I’m not
talking about your cliché smooth talkers. I have a lot of respect for men who can challenge me
on an intellectual level. Chances are, if you’ve ever gotten me to question what I thought I was
once so sure of, I can guarantee you’ve landed yourself another date. My boyfriend enlightens
me with his perspective. We bicker and debate a lot, but it’s all in good fun. It’s an interesting
mixture —how incredibly different we see things, yet somehow, we can still meet on a common
ground. I think it’s our mutual desire of wanting to understand the way things work that pulls us
together. Curiosity can be a magical thing.
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2. Less stimulating environments
We’re sensitive to external surroundings. You won’t find us going to every social party.
Small gatherings and places where we don’t have to shout to hear one another are more our cup
of tea. Where we decide to spend time with our romantic partner influences the connections we
build and how close we are. But, what matters most is the company we choose.
I prefer dates that take place in less crowded locations. As someone who gets
overwhelmed easily, simplicity is what I aim for. The places one prefers to spend time says a lot
about a person; therefore, intimacy is very subjective.
3. Slow steadiness
A slow and steady pace wins the race to our hearts. We’re careful about who we let in.
We like to gather as much information as possible about people before we display more
affection. While our self-control might make us seem less exciting on the surface, there’s so
much more we can offer in a relationship that isn’t based solely on impulse. Don’t take it the
wrong way if you don’t get a kiss from us on a first date.
While others perceive me as bubbly and enthusiastic on first impressions, it actually takes
time for me to warm up to someone romantically. I always tend to explain to people that I don’t
want them to misinterpret my subtlety for indifference. Building trust is a slow dance for me, but
I feel fortunate that I’m with someone who learned how to step in rhythm with me.
4. Show sensitivity.
As introverts, we tend to internalize. Therefore, we need partners who are sensitive and
considerate of our feelings. Although we don’t enjoy starting conflict, we are not necessarily
afraid of it, but rather, we’re more careful about what battles we’re willing to fight.
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The biggest turn-offs for me are people who are judgmental and quick to dismiss
feelings. What often attracts me in a romantic partner is someone who is very much in tune with
understanding human motives, who can analyze actions, and can make meaning of what is
happening even within the worst of conflicts. I trust people who are capable of these skills,
because it means that they see me for my flaws, but still want to stick around to watch me evolve
and grow from my mistakes.
5. Help us get out of our heads.
We’re prone to analyzing and over-thinking. It’s hard for us to stay in the moment when
our minds dart back and forth with thoughts and concerns. Chances are, we’re probably
ruminating over what next move we’re going to make, because we care about how the
relationship is growing, or maybe we have a lot of other things going on in our lives. We don’t
even mean to do it, and it might create distance and misunderstandings as a result. Play the best
friend role and provide support.
My boyfriend always talks about headspace with me. He knows how much I like to
indulge in it and that I don’t always know how to get out of my own head. When we’re watching
movies, sometimes my hand will tighten up because my mind will go elsewhere. He’ll place his
hand over mine and ask, “You with me?” It’s such a simple action, but it’s reassuring. It helps
me stay in the moment.
6. Read between the lines.
We invented the art of subtlety, so we’re not usually outwardly flirtatious. The way we
communicate is nuanced. Pay close attention to what we say and how we say it, too. Sometimes,
even the smallest phrases can hold large meanings.
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I admire my boyfriend’s forthright personality because I can always count on him to say
exactly what he means. The way we communicate is as if we’re on opposite sides of the
spectrum, and it’s refreshing when he helps me communicate more directly. Slowly, I’m learning
to be less subtle when expressing affection.
7. Respect our need for space.
While we may like you, we also have a need for space. We need to go off on our own to
recharge. We may see constant interaction and contact as overbearing or suffocating. This will
only add to our stress levels and may cause us to retreat within our shells even more.
I make time to see my boyfriend once a week in between our busy schedules. Sometimes
when I’m overwhelmed, though, I need time to go off and be alone before I see him. He
understands that part about me. We’re never pushy with each other and respect each other’s
boundaries. It’s refreshing finding someone who just gets it.
8. Spend quality time.
It’s not about the amount of activities we do, but rather, it’s about the way we interact
with each other. Spending quality time with us is crucial. Although it may seem as though we
like to go off and be on our own, at the end of the day, we still crave meaningful human
interaction. Learning to make the most out of time spent together creates a strong bonding
experience.
No matter how busy my schedule may get, I have always made time to see a potential
love interest. This is usually the biggest giveaway that I’m catching feelings for someone,
because I’m pretty selective with whom I spend my time. Although I’m fairly open to learning
about people in general, I’m particularly careful about who will learn more about me. Spending
quality time with someone opens me to that vulnerability.
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9. Accept who we are.
We live in a culture that is obsessed with self-improvement, always striving to be better.
As introverts living in an extroverted world, better does not mean that we become extroverts.
Popular culture already puts a lot of emphasis on this, and we certainly don’t need that sort of
baggage hanging over our heads in the realm of dating. When we’re trying to build and maintain
stable relationships, we don’t want to waste our time with people who see us as potential projects
they can fix. If we wanted that, there are plenty of self-help books.
The last person I dated was an extrovert and a natural networker. He was charming and
had everyone fooled, especially me. I didn’t pick up on how controlling he was until it was too
late. Looking back, I don’t think he ever saw me for who I was because he was far too obsessed
with his mental checklist of his perfect mate. To him, I was just this trophy he could show off to
and talk about to his friends and family. Then one day, he dropped the bomb, telling me that I
wasn’t enough for him. As a result, I felt an overwhelming pressure to change. Any relationship
based on image and ego will die because self-absorption can’t dish out love.
10. Don’t make assumptions.
Always ask questions and communicate with us. Silence can often be misinterpreted for
plenty of things —anything but the actual truth. We may be slow to reveal things because
communicating what we think doesn’t come as easily or naturally, but that’s not to say we’re
incapable of such tasks. Mind-reading should never replace difficult conversations.
My boyfriend often communicates his concerns and needs with me. I appreciate his
honesty, because it shows he cares instead of just slipping them underneath the rug. When he
tells me what is bothering him, I take the time to reflect on what is happening between us, and
then work on it. I respect someone who isn’t afraid of raising things that may lead to
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disagreements. Working things out together instead of just making assumptions about the other
person brings two people closer.
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5 Ways to Find True Love If You’re an Introvert (and Hate Dating)
By: Catherine Huang
Dating seems impossible at times, especially if you’re not used to putting yourself out
there. I get it. It’s scary when you have to worry about putting your heart on the line. Not only
that, but it’s a lot of hard work and an investment of time. You’ve discovered that even though
you rarely find yourself actively dating, you’re still on the search for a meaningful connection
with someone. Psych2Go shares with you 5 ways to find true love if you’re an introvert and hate
dating:
1. Go to events and places that reflect your favorite hobbies and interests.
Forget hitting the bar or a club to meet people if that’s not where you feel like you can be
your natural self. Meeting new people that you can potentially get to know over time requires
some self-confidence. By going to events and places that cater to your hobbies and interests, it’ll
be easier for you to strike up conversations with a stranger. Common interests can alleviate some
of the stress introverts face when it comes to small talk.
2. Be prepared to go through trial and error.
Love isn’t a fairytale. You certainly can’t go through dating without getting your heart
broken a few times or doing some of the breaking yourself. There are be lessons learned by
putting yourself out there. For instance, you might be used to internalizing your thoughts and
feelings. As you start dating, you’ll learn the ongoing process of how to effectively communicate
them better to your partner. While that may feel difficult at times, it isn’t impossible.
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3. Have honest conversations.
Don’t be afraid to show who you are right from the beginning. As an introvert, you value
authenticity and depth anyway. If you want to skip over the phase of trying to impress one
another, be honest. Have the difficult conversations. Ask about your future as a couple. And see
if the two of you have natural chemistry, but be willing to make an effort to make things work. If
you’re serious about dating, you shouldn’t have to worry about waiting for a certain amount of
time to pass before responding back to text messages or coming off as desperate or clingy. The
point of being with someone is to see each other even on your worst days and still choosing to be
with one another.
4. Only make time for people with whom you really believe you have a
potential future.
Don’t date someone because they seem impressive on paper, or if your parents and
friends will approve. Ask yourself what you really want in a partner and make time to meet up
with people who are compatible with you. Because at the end of the day, it’s you who’s dating
that person, not anyone else. It might seem awful to reject someone, because you don’t see a
future for the two of you. But, it’s part of finding the right match and not settling with someone
just to avoid being alone.
5. Keep an open mind.
This includes dating extroverts. Who’s to say someone who appears to be your opposite
can’t be compatible? As long as you and your partner respect each other’s boundaries, and agree
to compromise, there’s no real reason as to why things can’t work out. Negotiating
misunderstandings that may arise from time to time is normal in any relationship and is to be
expected.
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References:
Woehler, S. (2015, July 7). How To Find True Love If You’re an Introvert (and Hate Dating).
Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20613/how-to-find-true-love-if-youre-an-
introvert-and-hate-dating.html.
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The Odd Couple: The Introvert-Extrovert Relationship
So, you’ve successfully made it past the asking out, first date, and “getting to know you”
phases of a relationship. Congratulations! But now that you are in a relationship with someone
who isn’t a total introvert, what do you do? How do you make it work?
For me, an ideal partner is neither fully introverted nor extroverted, but is rather an
ambivert—someone in between. I’ve dated a true introvert and we were hermits together, which
I guess defeats the purpose of being a hermit, but basically it meant that we avoided the world
together and never stepped outside of our comfort zones. I’ve also dated a true life-of-the-party
extrovert and, as you can imagine, I was continuously uncomfortable and, frankly, felt like a
burden to him.
But, I’m thankfully married to an ambivert and our relationship is still going strong as
ever. For introverts who are in a similar situation, here is how I maintain a happy relationship
with someone who is neither a hermit nor a party animal:
1. Finding Mutual Fun
As an introvert, I have certain activities that recharge me spiritually. These include hiking
(I love the woods), biking, reading, playing video games, and watching movies or TV. Luckily,
my husband enjoys all of these activities, too. Mutual interests are important in any relationship,
but for an introvert, I think it is particularly important that your partner likes doing the things that
recharge you, so that you can share those moments when you want to.
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2. Finding Individual Fun
My partner also has other interests which include things that terrify me, make me
uncomfortable, and in general, are just not fun for me. For instance, he runs an RPG (role
playing game) with a group. If I participate, I pretend to be a character and think of activities my
character would and should do that will benefit the rest of the group. I’m not skilled at it, and I
spend the whole time stressing out, afraid of saying something stupid and disappointing the rest
of the group. Having come to the realization that it was zero fun for me, we decided that he
would do this on his own. So, my second recommendation is to each have your own interests,
hobbies, and activities, and to give each other space to do them. Nowadays, my husband goes to
his RPG group and I have a day to myself.
3. Being Honest
It took a while for me to grow comfortable enough to do this, but I finally talked to my
partner about being an introvert. I shared with him things that can be hard for me and what it
does to me to be placed in certain social situations. For some events that have no impact on our
lives, we mutually decided to avoid them.
For example, we do not engage with people at kiosks in the middle of the mall. We just
skirt around them and go about our business because they overwhelm me. For other
circumstances that are not reasonable to avoid, such as hanging out with friends or going to
events with crowds, we developed a signal system that would allow me to subtly tell him that I
need a break. We’ve worked it all out in advance, so that I don’t experience internal meltdowns
often that make me feel trapped.
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4. Comfortable Silence
A good partner for an introvert will be able to experience comfortable silence. This is the
ability to be together without a need to fill every moment with activity and words. It can take
time for a relationship to get to this point, but it is rewarding to be able to enjoy each other’s
company while also being in your own thoughts.
5. Personal Space
Find someone with the self-confidence to give you space when you need it, and to hear
that you need space without getting upset and taking it personally. It is vitally important for an
introvert to have space and deserve to have it without feeling guilty. Much of this will take time:
being comfortable enough with your partner to tell them about yourself, developing the joy of
sitting in silence together, and honestly telling each other when you each need space. The work
of a relationship doesn’t end once you are finally past that first awkward date, but it is worth it
when you realize that being with your partner can help you to recharge.
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6 Tips for Having Extroverted Friends
By: Chau Nguyen
Extroverts—they are supposedly: outgoing, talkative, confident, cheerful, and like to
smile. But, maintaining a friendship with an extrovert may not be easy, especially if you are an
introvert. These two opposite personalities often attract each other due to their complementary
characteristics: a chatterbox and a listener, or an outward thinker and an internal processor. Such
contrasting traits may become detrimental to a relationship, platonic or romantic. Psych2Go
shares with you 6 tips on having long-term extroverted friends:
1. Know that they love to share their thoughts and experience.
It can feel a bit overwhelming when you hang out with extroverts for a long period of
time. They seem to never stop running out of things to say and stories to tell. Often, extroverts
think while they talk, in contrast to introverts, who often sort out their ideas internally. They may
interrupt you or they may not be inclined to pick up your hints, but this is not because they want
to ignore you. In all likelihood, they may simply feel excited to have someone who listens.
Knowing that they are not trying to gain your sympathy, annoy you, or waste your time is
necessary to avoid negative impressions toward your extroverted friends. Understand that they
generally love to share their stories with others and be grateful that you are one of those special
people.
2. Extroverts often get energized by being around people.
The difference is rooted in the brainstem. Part of its function is to stimulate you to stay
happy; less stimulation and you are sad, more stimulation and you feel stressed. Introverts
already have a high level of stimulation in their brains, and, as a result, they do not need much
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external stimulation. However, extroverts have a lower internal stimulation level, so they often
seek out social situations for their happiness.
Of course, not everyone falls into the same black and white definition of personalities.
However, acknowledging this difference allows you to adjust expectations that you know an
extrovert wouldn’t fulfill. For example, it’s unlikely that they would relate to you enjoying the
peace of midnight or reading a book in absolute silence.
3. Don’t be intimidated by their friends.
We all know that one person who seems to be friends with everyone. Perhaps being their
friend feels amazing, but sometimes you are faced with an awkward situation: seeing them
interact with other groups of friends. You introduce yourself and try to memorize other people’s
names. You exchange a couple of greetings, and then fall silent. What next?
It may be scary to be introduced to many people all at once, especially if you’re an
introvert. Understand that staying silent remains an option. If you do not wish to contribute to the
conversation, then that is fine. If you want to exit the conversation, you can do it. Sometimes,
people want to keep their circle of friends small and close to them. In order to sustain a long-
term friendship with an extroverted person, you should keep in mind that they generally have a
large circle of friends. Although their friends may not click with you instantly, you do not have
to feel intimidated by those friends.
4. Don’t force yourself to accept every invitation to hang out.
Have you ever received a text asking if you would like to go the movies, and you refused
simply because you didn’t feel like seeing people? But, do you find it harder to decline your
friends, especially your extroverted ones? Sometimes, people think of friendships as a thin,
fragile string that can easily be broken by one little slip. Remember, you have the right to refuse
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anything you don’t want to do. Of course, it is wise to retain a sort of balance between refusals
and acceptances, but only do so if you feel excited to see your friend. Your friends want you to
be happy, not anxious and frustrated.
5. Cheer up your extrovert friends with something new or exciting.
As discussed above, the main difference between introverts and extroverts is that
extroverts tend to need more stimulation in their life. When you see that your extroverted friend
isn’t as energetic as they normally are, you can help them cheer up by introducing stimulating
activities or locations into their day. For instance, you can recommend trying a new hobby,
watch a movie, or ask them to open up about recent things that they’ve done. You can also try to
change the usual environment the both of you go to by suggesting a new restaurant downtown or
a different part of the beach that can help take some weight off your friend’s mind and allow
them to relax. Letting your extroverted friend know that you are there for them and offering
support that they can lean on will strengthen the bond the two of you have.
6. Don’t reduce your friend to stereotypes.
Last, but not least, it’s crucial that you don’t place labels on your extroverted friends. If
you do so, they cease to be your friend. In cases of introverts, it may feel daunting to understand
what your extroverted friend is thinking, and you may resort to the internet for help. Useful
information is always available, but you should trust your own instincts when it comes to dealing
with friends. Extroverts don’t always go out and talk a lot. They can be introspective and a
bookworm, just as introverts can be outgoing and chatty. Extroverts and introverts are a blend of
different traits, not made up of a list of definitions.
All in all, introversion and extroversion are on a spectrum, and sometimes traits appear or
disappear, depending on the environment. You should not assume certain things about your
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friends just because they fit in a certain personality type, nor should you forcefully impose your
own ideology of an extrovert or introvert onto them. It’s beautiful when opposites draw each
other’s interest, but to maintain any relationship, energy and effort are necessary.
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7 Tips for Having Introverted Friends
By: Chau Nguyen
Being friends with an introvert may seem difficult because they don’t often tell you
what’s going on in their mind. As a result, they may seem too closed off, or hard to approach. If
you are an extrovert, the differences between you two can be surprising and challenging to
understand. Psych2Go shares with you 7 tips on having introverted friends:
1. Spending time alone
It all boils down to the brain composition of many introverts. Their brains maintain a
higher stimulation level than extroverts, and thus, introverts do not need to socialize as much as
extroverts to regulate this stimulation level. Moreover, too much socializing can cause introverts
to feel stressed and burnt out. As a result, introverts like doing activities that don’t require the
presence of other people—namely, reading, watching television, writing, etc. Of course, not all
introverts are alike, but understanding that alone time is something introverts value will allow
you to be a better friend.
2. Silence doesn’t equate to boredom.
Introverts tend to be seen as shy and reserved. While this fact may be true for some, it
does not always apply. In a conversation, you may wonder why your friend is being so quiet?
Are they bored? Are they listening? Why aren’t they talking to me?
Do not fret. Often, introverts need some time to formulate a response in their mind, in
contrast to extroverts who can speak what they think instantly. Furthermore, introverts are
naturally listeners. They prefer to hear what you want to share. Of course, they would like to
contribute to the conversation, too, but they usually like to wait until the right moment.
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3. Refusing your invitation to hang out
There’s a reason why your introvert friend doesn’t often accept your invitations to hang
out, especially if it’s last-minute. Introverts feel energized being alone, while excessive
socializing saps their energy. Inviting them to go out with you is an offer that introverts
appreciate, but don’t be surprised or feel disappointed if they occasionally decline. Since they
need time to mentally prepare themselves for social activities, it is better if you ask them in
advance, preferably at least a day or two.
4. Often, they’re not open about their thoughts and feelings.
Introverts guard their feelings carefully, preferring to keep things to themselves. They
don’t want to burden other people with their problems, because they think that they’re
responsible for the solutions. It doesn’t mean that they are incapable of expressing their feelings,
though. When they feel comfortable enough, they will tell you, which signifies that they trust
you. But often, they find other outlets to express themselves, such as writing and painting. In a
conversation, if your introverted friends seem expressionless, it may be because they are paying
too much attention to you and forget to respond appropriately. Don’t worry, it’s unlikely that
they are ignoring you.
5. Cheer them up with an activity that doesn’t require much energy.
If you find that your introverted friend is drawn more inwards, or quieter than usual, you
can help brighten their day with activities that don’t require them to leave their home. Perhaps
you can come over just to read a couple of books, binge-watch a drama series together, or just
hang out. Your introverted friend will appreciate your presence in addition to the fact that they
won’t have to socialize much. Don’t surprise your friend; instead, make sure to inform them that
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you are coming over, and do not overwhelm them with too many people. A few close friends, or
just you alone should be enough.
6. They like talking, too —just a different sort of conversation.
In contrast to popular belief, introverts can be talkative when they encounter the right
topic. They often dislike small talks and mindless chit chats, preferring to engage in
conversations that would allow them to know more about the person they’re talking to. Not to
mention, small talks can sap introverts’ energy quickly since they often feel stressed about
maintaining the conversation.
As a friend of an introvert, you can avoid this problem by asking open-ended questions,
so that your introvert friend can produce something other than one-word answers. Questions such
as, “What are you looking forward to this weekend?” or “What’s something interesting that
happened to you last week?” are better than “What’s up?”
7. Text instead of calling.
For introverts, an unexpected call feels like a friend suddenly arrives at their doorstep
without warning. Often, it surprises them in a negative way because they aren’t mentally
prepared to socialize with others the moment their phone rings. They might pick it up, or they
might not—likely, it’s the latter option. To introverts, texting can sufficiently deliver any
information, so utilize that instead of calling. Overall, being friends with introverts can be
rewarding if one knows how to maintain the relationship and being mindful of their differences
and needs. Keep in mind that communication is important to reduce misunderstandings and that
no two introverts are the same.
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5 Reasons Why Introverts Make the Best Friends Ever
By: Catherine Huang
S.E. Hinton writes, “If you have two friends in your lifetime, you’re lucky. If you have
one good friend, you’re more than lucky.” What I constitute as a good friend—a best friend—is
someone who I not only explore the world with, but someone who I can journey inwards with,
too—the most difficult trek of all —and more often than not, that person happens to be an
introvert for me. Psych2Go shares with you 5 reasons why introverts make the best friends ever:
1. They’re great listeners.
Introverts are great shoulders to lean on when you’re going through a rough patch in your
life. They’re the friend that you not only can have fun with on your good days, but the kind of
person you can spill your guts to when you’re at your lowest point. That’s what true friendship is
about: finding someone who still cares about you and accepts you even when times are difficult.
2. They’re understanding.
Introverts don’t take things at face value. Being complex people themselves with many
layers and rich inner lives, they understand that there’s always more than meets the eye. They
choose to get to know you and learn to understand who you are, instead of jumping to
conclusions quickly and making assumptions about others,
3. They’re mature and full of wisdom.
Introverts tend towards introspection, which makes them compelling and wise
individuals. This means they are not only natural philosophers, but amazing advice givers, too.
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Introverts can analyze a difficult situation and can be a solid sounding board for potential
solutions. They also see things you may have failed to see yourself.
4. They offer adventures that stray from your usual social norms.
Introverts offer a unique perspective on the world, and this doesn’t exclude their
definition of fun. Forget partying until the wee hours of dawn or hitting the club. When your best
friend is an introvert, you can aimlessly go for late night drives or hang out at a mutual favorite
spot that’s only shared between the two of you. They can help you appreciate the things that you
may have overlooked initially.
5. They’re loyal until the very end.
Introverts are careful with whom they choose to associate with. When they consider you
a true friend, know that they’ll be there for you through thick and thin. Real friends are hard to
come by. And tomorrow isn’t certain. Cherish your introverted friend!
References:
Hinton, S. E. (2018). S.E. Hinton > Quotes > Quotable Quote. Retrieved January 11, 2018.
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Being the Only Introvert in an Extroverted Family
By: Noura
We all love our families, whether they’re strange, awkward, or extroverted. It’s true that
we don’t get to pick who our families are, especially in my case. I’m an introvert living amongst
many extroverts, but I know I’m not the only one. While some introverts seek the quiet refuge of
their houses from the loudness outside, others try to seek quietude anywhere but home. The latter
few do so because they live with extroverts, and it’s not easy being the only introvert in your
own not-so-empty home. So, if you’d like to know how it feels for an introvert to live with
extroverts, or if you are searching for other people who share your struggle, here are some of my
own experiences being the only introverted in my extroverted family:
1. Everyone is always talking, talking…and still talking.
Imagine your workday, sitting in a loud office, making calls and dealing with clients. On
your way home, you stop by the grocery store and deal with long lines at the check-out lanes,
and then finally reach the serenity of your home. To your horror, you are met with dozens of
greetings. But if you live alone, you’re likely to come home to messages and calls from your
extroverted family. In an extroverted family, everyone is always conversing. Escaping the
loudness of the outside world and coming home to an equally loud home is not the ideal world
for any introvert.
2. There is always someone at the door.
If you are living by yourself, there always seems to be someone knocking. Opening the
door is like playing Russian roulette; you’re always guessing if it’s the pizza you ordered or if
it’s your aunt who was just around the neighborhood and decided to drop by. If it’s not your
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aunt, it’s your mom, if it’s not your mom, it’s your sister, and if it’s not your sister-—you get the
picture. If you live with your extroverted family, they’re constantly inviting their friends over for
some afternoon tea or dinner. When you’re an introvert growing up in that sort of household,
your bedroom door doesn’t block out much noise.
3. Weekends are always for going out in large groups.
Everyone loves weekends. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you love to spend
some time doing the things you love. In the case of an introvert who is placed among an
extroverted family, you may not be provided that option as often as you want it. It’s not that
introverts don’t appreciate being invited by their own family to go out, but when declining an
invitation from your family isn’t always effective, you lose time doing your favorite hobbies.
Sometimes, your family will force you to go out with them, claiming that you need some fresh
air to breathe.
4. “Why are you so sad?”
O! The dreaded question. If you’re an introvert, then you have probably been asked that
at least once in your lifetime. Generally, it’s a thoughtful question because it shows that people
care, but caring and understanding are two different things. For some, they may insist on keeping
you company and talk your sadness away. Although this is a nice gesture, sometimes your
extroverted family may not convinced when you say that you’re fine. This can be overwhelming
for me when alone time can seem a foreign concept to my family members.
5. Doing a quiet activity, like reading, is not an option.
There are a handful of activities an introvert enjoys doing, and most of those activities
demand silence to be done. But reading, writing, painting, and exercising, are almost impossible
to do when you’re living in an extroverted family. Every room you enter in your house, someone
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is most likely conversing, skyping with other distant relatives, talking over the TV, or the
neighbors are visiting. You try to find the perfect place to read your book, but you fail to do so.
So, you end up searching quiet cafes near you.
6. Different sleeping schedule
Research has shown there may be a relation between night owls and introverts. It does
make sense since the night is the quietest time in an extroverted household. Out of habit, some
introverts may become night owls for this reason.
7. Being rushed
Most introverts need alone time to reflect on their day and to recharge, and sometimes,
alone time is used to make decisions. It is no secret that introverts are deep thinkers and like to
rush things. So, when faced with a problem or an idea of change, an extroverted family will
quickly welcome the change without a second thought. As a result, being the only introvert in the
household, you may constantly feel overruled. When someone suggests an idea of where the
family should go next, while you’re trying to pick between a park and a museum, the other
family members will have already decided on attending a loud restaurant or a friend’s cocktail
party.
8. Wearing headphones isn’t an option.
Headphones are one of the hallmarks of being an introvert, alongside with pretending to
text at a party, and using excuses like, “My mom said no,” or “I can’t, I’m busy this weekend,”
when declining invitations to hang out. You get to wear your headphones outside to avoid
unwanted conversations, and strangers won’t bother you when you have them on. However, your
family members are not strangers, and won’t hesitate to snatch your headphones from you to talk
to you.
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9. You have nicely toned legs.
When the house gets too loud or too overwhelming, you usually leave everything behind
and go out for a long walk by yourself. Generally, it’s expected and imbedded in your routine,
because you must recharge somewhere else other than inside your home.
10. Your excuses mean nothing to your family.
You grew up with your family, so naturally, your excuses for why you don’t want to go
out with them or why you stay in your room have gotten too creative to the point where they
almost sound too abstract. Saying your cat had caught on fire, or you’re rearranging your
bookshelves or else a curse will befall you will not stop your dad from counting to ten before
forcing you out of your room to have some family fun time. While your friends are easily fooled,
or rather satisfied, by, “I’m busy this weekend,” your family, on the other hand, can see right
through your excuses.
11. A casual walk with your family soon turns into a reunion in the middle of
the street.
You take a walk with your mom or brother just around the block, or you go shopping
with them and they spot someone they think they recognize. While you’re trying to quicken your
pace and avoid eye contact, your brother or mother have already waved at that person and
walked towards them. To your horror, it’s a friend from high school or an old roommate who
hasn’t been in contact and they need to catch up, right now, in the middle of the street. So, you
just stand there awkwardly, cursing yourself for leaving your phone at home. This happens
almost too often.
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In a nutshell
But despite being loud, outgoing and party-oriented, you still love your family. Sure, they
may not always understand your introversion, just like how you have rarely ever understood their
extroversion, too. Whether they give you alone time or believe you need to go out more, your
family means well, I promise you that.
References:
INFJ Introvert: On Introverted Problems and Insomnia. (2013). Retrieved October 5, 2017, from
http://infjramblings.com/2013/08/introverts-night-owls-and-insomnia.html
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7 Ways Introverts Can Help Their Extroverted Parents Understand
Introversion
By: Catherine Huang
Edited by: Sarah Newman
It’s easy for an introverted child to feel like the oddball growing up in a family of
extraverts. However, instead of letting that cause emotional distance between the parents and
child, the dissonance should be discussed and overcome together. Understanding through
communication is crucial for families to strengthen their bonds, rather than allowing them to
disintegrate from misunderstanding. Psych2Go shares with you 7 ways introverts can help their
extraverted parents understand introversion:
1. Let them know that introversion is not a choice; it’s biological.
You being introverted isn’t a choice; it’s the way you’re wired from the moment that
you’re born. Let them know that you can’t be molded to become an extrovert just like them, no
matter how hard they may try. Make sure to let them know that any efforts with “curing” you of
your shyness or reluctance to jump into social scenes will backfire.
2. Make them aware that introversion isn’t new.
There are plenty of other people in this world who are introverts, just like you. Let your
parents know that you’re not the only introvert in the world. Perhaps this will give them the
opportunity to ask other parents if they’re raising an introverted child, too. When they realize
that they (and you) are not alone, they can exchange advice with those other parents.
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3. Let them know what environments you’re more comfortable in.
If you’re uncomfortable with hosting birthday parties or social get-togethers in noisy
crowded places, let your parents know where you’d otherwise prefer to have them. It also helps
establish which environments all of you can go to when having family bonding time, so that
everyone, including yourself, is having a good time. If you’re nervous about stepping into a new
environment alone, telling your parents can help them provide you with the support you need.
4. Tell them when you need to take breaks from social settings.
If things get overwhelming at family functions and social events, let them know about
your limits. This is also useful information when they drop you off to hang out with friends, so
they know when to pick you up. When you need to recharge alone, it’s recommended that you
give them a heads-up, too. That way, they provide you with plenty of space for you to make the
most of your time spent alone in your room. This creates respect for your privacy.
5. Let them know what’s bothering you.
Your parents are there to provide you with emotional support, but they’re not mind
readers. Be cognizant about what you’re communicating with them and how you’re delivering
your concerns. Try to refrain from having arguments. While arguing does not mean that you’re
misunderstood, because it’s normal and expected, pay attention to what isn’t being resolved.
What aspect of introversion are they failing to accept or understand? What aspect of yourself are
they not seeing? You have to let them know.
6. Let your parents talk to your teachers or guidance counselor with you.
Set up times where you and your parents can talk to your teachers or guidance counselor.
Teachers who have seen how you function in school can help interpret what it is that you need at
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home, too. These meetings also allow opportunities for your parents to express any academic
concerns they may have, as well as to learn about how to help you be successful.
7. Give them opportunities to ask questions.
Your parents aren’t perfect people. They’re still learning about the world just as you are.
And they’re especially still trying to learn about who you are. Let them know that it’s okay for
them to ask questions, because as parents, they might feel pressured to have all the answers. By
acknowledging the knowledge gap, you mark the beginning of where you can grow closer by
facing those questions head on and finding answers to them together.
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COPING WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS & GENERAL TIPS FOR INTROVERTS
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9 Ways to Care for Introverts
By: Kayleigh H.
Are you ever in doubt of how you should care for introverts? Sometimes making these
decisions can be difficult. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, anyone can use these tips
on how to care for introverts:
1. Respect their privacy.
This is important for any person, but especially for introverts. As an introvert gets energy
from being on their own, it’s important for people to respect this need. Make sure you are also
tuned in to your introvert’s nonverbal cues, as they are less likely to openly tell you that they feel
their privacy is being invaded.
2. Do not embarrass them in public.
Introverts prefer not to be the center of attention. In the case of public embarrassment,
while an extrovert can usually brush it off and not dwell on it, an introvert will feel hurt and
betrayed. While an extrovert may think of a situation as joking around, an introvert will take the
jest much more personally. Introverts do not appreciate being embarrassed in public.
3. Give them space to observe new or challenging situations.
Introverts are highly observant, and tend to take in their surroundings before they act. In
caring for introverts, it’s important that you give them the time and space to do this. It’ll make
them more comfortable, less flustered, and they will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
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4. Don’t demand…
…instant answers. Just as introverts like to take in their surroundings before they act,
they like to think before they speak, too. This is especially the case when they may also have
anxiety, such as social anxiety. It’s important to give them a chance to think and not demand
immediate answers.
5. If you really care for introverts…
…do not interrupt. As a general rule, we know that interrupting is rude. Likewise, if you
really care for an introvert’s thoughts, do not interrupt them. Since introverts will wait for their
turn to speak, they will also likely stop talking when interrupted. Because of this, introverts are
less likely to repeat themselves to get their point across.
6. Reprimand them privately.
While most people are generally open to constructive criticism, introverts prefer to
receive this in private. This harks back to not liking to be the center of attention, and feeling
embarrassed more easily.
7. Teach them new things in a private environment.
Again, this allows them to make mistakes without feeling like everyone saw. As they are
more easily embarrassed than average, the best way to care for introverts is to give them the
freedom to learn and make mistakes in private.
8. Don’t aggressively force them to make friends.
Of course, just because they are introverts doesn’t mean that they don’t like making
friends. They just prefer doing it on their own terms, and will not appreciate being coerced into
making friends in a way that’s unnatural to them. Some introverts are excellent at making friends
because they know how to read a crowd, so let them use this to their advantage.
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9. Don’t try to convert them into being extroverts.
Variety is the spice of life! Don’t force an introvert to be something that they’re not —
and the same goes for extroverts. Respect their personality, and everyone will be happier.
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When You Have a Bad Day
By: Lilian Enke
I was supposed to write an article last week and I had a vague idea of what I wanted to
write about. The new season of Sense8 was out (and thoroughly binge-watched) and I thought it
would be a great opportunity to talk about both loneliness and the way introverts connect with
each other. I was very excited about that, but I never got around to writing it because, before I
had a chance, I woke up feeling like I couldn’t get out of bed.
I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been there. Everyone has one of those days when going
to work seems too hard. Meeting people feels like torture, and our usual tactics to cheer
ourselves up don’t work. These feelings don’t always need a reason to appear; sometimes, you’re
perfectly fine one minute, and then the next, you’re not. Well, that’s what happens to me.
To be clear, I have not been diagnosed with depression or anxiety. So, I cannot speak for
those who have, nor can I tell you how to better work around those dreadful days. I can only
speak from my own experience. Sometimes, I’m sad and unmotivated for absolutely no reason. It
doesn’t happen often, but when those days catch up to me, I have two main questions:
1. How do I even know I’m having a bad day?
As an introvert, I prefer my own company and cannot wait to get into my house. I have a
“people limit” that is easily reached and I’ve learned to accept and indulge in my alone time
when I can. On the other hand, I also have a limit for my “me” time, which is when I’ll begin to
crave for the company of people and I’ll stop being productive by myself. And then there are
days when I can’t do anything. My motivation is at its lowest, and there aren’t enough positive
thoughts or friends that can make me smile.
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Sometimes, the lines get blurred and I’m not sure where I stand. There is a difference
between not wanting to leave your bed and not being able to leave your bed, but that difference
isn’t always clear to me. And it can leave me confused as to what I should be doing to make
myself feel better. As introverts, I believe it’s easy to brush off our “bad days” as a desire to be
alone when it might actually be worse than that. When I want some “me” time, I work on myself,
and I do things that give me joy. But when I have a bad day, I’m not thinking about myself or
anything at all.
What I’ve learned from dealing with it repeatedly, though, is that I have to be honest
about my feelings and not just ignore them until they go away. Did something happen recently
that really bothered me? Is the way I’m feeling a reaction to a particular event? Is this hormonal?
Have I reached my “me” time or “people” limit and need to recharge either way? If the answer to
all of these (and hundreds of other questions) is no, then I’m in a very special place called “I
have no idea why I feel this bad, but I do.” Or, as I like to call it, “the sonata.”
While I recognize how pretentious it sounds, I’ve learned from experience to give this
feeling a name. It doesn’t necessarily make me feel better, but it sure helps make this experience
less intimidating. When you’re feeling sadness, you know that crying will help. If you’re feeling
anger, sometimes punching a pillow can help. But if you’re just feeling “meh, I don’t know, it’s
bad,” it’s not always easy to know how to react to it, so I gave mine a silly name. That way, it
feels like a concrete, valid feeling—something that is familiar to me, and something I know how
to react to because I’ve been through it before.
Whenever I feel this terrible and can’t get out of bed, I tell myself that I’m feeling the
sonata, and I immediately know that I’ll be okay, eventually. I’m not crazy, I just have to deal
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with this particular feeling. It’s certainly not ideal, but I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.
This leads me to problem number 2:
2. How should I deal with it?
Calling a friend doesn’t help me, but I wouldn’t want to discourage you from trying that
if you experience the sonata. When my “me” time limit has been reached, then definitely, some
time out with the people I love will boost my mood and energy. But when I experience the
sonata, I can pretend–okay for a few hours and then I’ll get back inside and crash. It’s like I
never left my bed to begin with.
Things that usually give me joy when I’m alone, such as writing, also don’t work to cheer
me up. My creativity becomes seriously impaired on days like this and I find myself numbing
away the hours on YouTube, doing absolutely nothing.
Does that help me feel better? It doesn’t. However, I find that our urge to feel better is
overrated at times. Some days, you just have to feel bad or sorry for yourself, and unless that
interferes with your life or your bad days turn into bad weeks or months, you should be fine.
Along with giving my confusing feeling a pretentious name, I also had to accept that the
sonata is just as legitimate as sadness or anger. And if you need to cry your eyes out or punch a
pillow to get over something, then the sonata should be given the same treatment.
Our brains and our hearts don’t always work the way we tell them to. As a result, we can
get stuck with feelings we didn’t ask for, and that can make our lives difficult. I hate how it
throws off my schedule, and I often feel guilty for missing out on social events I initially wanted
to attend. But, I need to allow myself to feel terrible at times.
And, shockingly, the moment I admitted that, the easier it became to go through them.
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6 Tips on How to Survive High School for Introverts
By: Catherine Huang
High school can be brutal, especially if you’re an introvert. It’s a time where there’s still
so much to learn about the world and about yourself. You will find that you have more questions
than answers, and that it can be a lot to take on. Psych2Go shares with you 6 tips on how to
survive high school:
1. Join clubs, not because they’ll look good on your resume, but because you
have an actual interest in them.
High school is already stressful enough having to be in class for 6 hours a day and getting
your homework done on time every night. It all feels like an obligation you didn’t sign up for,
but one that you’re bound to in the meantime. Don’t let the clubs you decide to join be an extra
stress–inducer just because it’ll make your parents proud or it’ll look good your resume.
While those reasons will help you feel productive, they might not necessarily equate to
personal self-fulfillment. Instead, join clubs because you have an actual interest in them. This
will help you make friends as you’ll share similar interests and create stronger bonds over time.
When I was in high school, I unexpectedly took a liking to theatre when I took it in my
freshman year. While I didn’t necessarily like the aspect of getting up on stage and performing, I
liked the no-judgment zone my teacher created. I liked that everyone could be weird and we all
got a kick out of laughing with each other instead of at each other. It was a safe environment to
take risks. I had friends who joined our school’s theater club, and while I didn’t necessarily take
an active part in it, I liked showing up and watching them perform. It still made me feel like I
was a part of something just by being supportive.
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2. Don’t feel like you ever have to change due to peer pressure just to fit in.
I get it. You’re probably tired of feeling misunderstood when you internalize your
feelings and have so many thoughts swimming around inside your head. You may also find it
hard to make friends by expressing your true self when you just want to belong somewhere. But,
caving into peer pressure to fit in for a short time isn’t worth it. You might end up doing
something you’ll regret later on in life.
From the outside, “fitting in” might seem hip and glamorous. But at the end of the day,
whether or not you fit in, you’ll still head into your room alone. And in solitary moments like
that, it’s hard to lie to yourself because your mask comes off. Then what?
3. Have fun every once in a while.
Whether it’s winding down with a good book on a Friday night or going to get ice cream
with your friends, make time to celebrate the little things in life. It’s so easy to forget that when
you’re constantly just trying to get by in meeting deadlines and passing tests. You’re only this
young once, so allow yourself to enjoy your youth.
4. Become friends with your favorite teacher(s).
Your teachers were once where you’re at right now. Even if you have questions that are
unrelated to the content that they teach, if you’re comfortable around them and feel like you can
be yourself without being judged, ask away. Your teacher may not necessarily have all the
answers to everything, but they can help you find resources or know someone else who can
guide you through a certain situation, whether it’s school-related or not.
5. Let your parents know when you need some alone time.
Constantly being surrounded by your teachers and peers five days a week is a lot. So, let
your parents know when you need to spend some time alone to recharge. That way, they’re
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aware of when to give you space. Remember, your parents aren’t mind readers, but they’re there
to give you support even during the toughest of times. Always communicate so as not to create
misunderstandings.
6. Don’t let your inner critic stop you from trying new things.
I spent most of my time numbing myself through work as I became addicted to
performing well academically. I thought that so much depended on academic success that I
didn’t really stop to take any actual risks. I didn’t try much of anything, mostly because I felt like
there was no room to mess up.
In the end, the emotions caught up and consumed me. It got so bad that I actually went to
the extreme one night of throwing away all the awards I received and projects I had worked so
hard on. My “achievements” felt so completely empty, and I couldn’t shake off that feeling.
Word of advice: please don’t follow in my footsteps. I was unnecessarily hard on myself.
Be kind to yourself. I’m not going to sugarcoat things and advertise high school as being the best
four years of your life, because they aren’t. But on the bright side, there is more to life than high
school, and so much more happens after graduation. Give yourself room to make mistakes, and
be willing to grow from them. It takes a lot of guts to be the person you’re meant to become.
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5 Ways Schools Can Better Accommodate Introverts
By: Elliot Figueira
In high school, I would always choose to work alone rather than in a group for
assignments. I was always the first one to raise my hand and ask, “Can we work by ourselves?”
Sometimes the answer from the teacher was yes, but often I was disappointed to learn that I was
going to be forced to work in a group. While I’m not a complete introvert, I do have introverted
qualities, especially when it comes to learning. Unfortunately, the education system isn’t best
suited for those with an introverted learning style.
It’s hard to explain exactly why I wanted to work alone rather than in a group. I wasn’t
asocial—I enjoyed spending time with friends as much as the next student. Nor was I concerned
about being grouped with less intelligent students as my classmates were all extremely high-
achieving students with their academics. I suppose the simplest answer to why I wanted to work
alone was that it was just easier for me. And it was probably easier because it was less stressful.
Talk to any other introverted student and they will tell you that the current education
system is outdated—even archaic. Over the last century, we’ve made significant progress in our
psychological discoveries regarding how people learn best, which is often through interaction.
And yet, the mainstream education model has had minimal change since the first original
classroom. Rows of desks face the teacher while students listen intently to a lecture, always wary
of the fact that they may be called upon to answer a question in front of the class. Students have
minimal autonomy over their education, and yet the system expects independent free-thinkers
after graduation. Thanks to Carl Jung, we’ve learned so much about extroverts and introverts and
their respective learning styles. So why hasn’t the education system caught up? We have the
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opportunity to completely revolutionize education to better serve the varied minds of young
people, but someone needs to take the first step.
There are many simple changes we can make right now that will help introverts learn
comfortably and at an accelerated rate. Since young children are our future, investing in their
education will benefit our society. The problem is that in many first world countries, school
funding is being cut significantly when it needs to grow. The question is: will the government
and education system listen? Psych2Go shares with you 5 ways schools can better accommodate
introverted students:
1. Don’t force students to work in groups.
The number one thing that introverted students have trouble with is working in groups.
But unless you’re also an introvert, you may not notice this. An extrovert would find groupwork
agreeable to their nature, because socializing gives them energy. But the same groupwork that
energizes extroverts actually drains introverts. In groups, introverts not only need to apply
themselves to their schoolwork, but also need to exert themselves to interact with their group
members. This takes up valuable mental energy that could have been applied to schoolwork.
Groupwork for introverts can feel like being asked to ride a bike and balance a ball on your head
at the same time. In other words, extraverts are able to combine schoolwork and groupwork
together as one task, whereas introverts are not; they need to exert twice as much energy for the
same task as extroverts.
This can easily be solved by giving students the option to work alone. This way, students
have more autonomy over their learning style, and gives them a sense of much-needed freedom.
A lot of teachers will probably argue that there are some projects that are impossible to do alone,
such as lab experiments or performance-based projects. While this is true, the teacher is still able
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to provide a range of options for each student, and not limit their students’ options to one type of
project. Some of my best high school teachers would allow us to pick from one of many ideas
they wrote on the blackboard, or make up our own. This freedom, combined with the option to
work alone, would not only make the lives of introverts easier at school, but also encourage their
participation and creativity.
2. Allow students to be alone if they want to be.
Even if students are allowed to work on assignments alone, there is more to school than
just what happens in the classroom. Introverts really value their solitude, and sometimes this can
be nearly impossible to find at school. Crowded hallways, loud cheering, people rushing from
one classroom to the next are all part of an introvert’s worst nightmare. This is a big reason as to
why schools can be so mentally exhausting for introverts. When they finally get home, it can
take a long time to unwind and de-stress after such a long day filled with people. And since they
are both mentally and physically drained, introverts may shy away from doing their homework
because it requires energy that they no longer have. There aren’t many places you can go in
school to be alone. Even though there’s a library, it’s nearly always just as crowded as the
hallway. So how can we help introverts get their alone time at school?
What I loved about some of my favorite teachers was that they allowed us to go outside
on sunny days to learn. Granted, those days were few and far between (as my school was in rainy
Vancouver), but they really helped me unwind. I would find a quiet, secluded spot outside and
read my textbook or work on whatever the teacher had assigned that day. The benefits were
wonderful for me, and I think this teaching method can also help other introverted students. This
way, a student can put up their hand and be allowed to go for a walk to clear their mind if
needed. Other, alternative methods can work, too, such as scheduled “alone time” where students
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can be given the option to meditate quietly. If it’s unfeasible to give each student their own
private area to be alone on school grounds, the school can create “nap pods” instead, which
would provide enclosed seating areas for students to crawl into and recharge.
3. Stop grading students based on participation.
In high school, I used to get a grade for academic progress, and then a separate grade for
“participation.” This always seemed like a ridiculous idea to me. While participating in the class
is a good thing, should there really be a grade associated with it? What about the students who
are less inclined to participate because they find participation draining, such as introverts? When
students are graded based on participation, extroverts are given an advantage, as they don’t have
to work as hard as an introvert for the same grade. The education system’s grading method needs
to be changed, as it’s heavily skewed to favor extroverts.
If we must grade on participation, I think that we need to redefine what “participation”
means. Participation seems to mean that a student actively contributes to the class discussion;
however, students can still contribute in ways that don’t include talking in front of a class.
Instead, they can be allowed to write down their thoughts instead of speaking out loud. Or, there
can be time left at the end of class to have one-on-one discussions with the teacher. Many
introverts have no problem interacting with small groups, such as pairs, but speaking out in a
large classroom setting can be stressful. Unfortunately, a lot of these micro-interactions can go
unnoticed by teachers, since introverted students don’t usually show their stress outwardly.
Therefore, grading someone on group participation is very limiting on the student and their
potential, since participation doesn’t just happen in group discussion or activity.
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4. Don’t single students out.
When students are quiet in a class that expects group discussion, teachers may single
students out by calling their name, which forces them to answer a question in front of the whole
class. Extroverts will confidently speak their mind with ease, but introverted people often find
this challenging, and in some cases, emotionally distressing. I understand what teachers are
trying to do in these cases—by singling students out, they’re making sure that they’re listening
and also ensuring group participation. But while singling students out may seem logical, it
doesn’t make sense from a psychological standpoint. An introvert may know the answer to the
teacher’s question, but will prefer to say “I don’t know,” rather than spend time discussing their
answer in front of the class. This is especially the case if they have social anxiety.
Not answering the teacher’s question gives the teacher the impression that the student is
less intelligent than they actually are. But this is not the case, as the student is merely avoiding
being the center of attention. Therefore, singling students out is not an accurate measurement of
intelligence. Another problem with singling students out is that introverts often take their time
and are more introspective when finding solutions to problems. It may take them a few minutes
to ponder and meditate on a subject before they think they have the answer. Springing a question
suddenly onto them, like many teachers do, doesn’t give them this time to think as they feel
rushed.
So how can we fix this problem? The answer is simple. Don’t single students out! Allow
the extroverted students to willingly put up their hand to answer questions, but calling on
students puts them in the spotlight before they are ready. Teachers may think that this will “help
build their confidence” or “bring them out of their shell,” but instead, it stresses the student,
which distracts them from learning. If teachers really want to encourage class discussion, there
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are alternatives that can engage both introverts and extroverts. One method that has been gaining
ground in the educational community is the “think-share-pair” approach. This technique involves
a teacher posing a question to the class, and then the students turning to the person beside them
and discussing the answer with each other in a one-on-one setting. This is often more
comfortable for both introverts and extroverts, and the teacher is still promoting class
participation. Everyone wins.
5. Let students choose how they learn.
I think that what we need most in today’s classroom is freedom in learning style.
Imagine an education system where students can exercise their autonomy and choose what
they’d like to direct their attention towards within a general subject. The teacher can allow their
students to research a topic within a particular unit that appeals to them, in their preferred format.
For example, if a class was starting a unit about outer space, a student can research how stars are
born, and create an animated movie about the process. This way, the student would be free to do
their own research, which would give them intrinsic motivation to learn, and everyone would be
free to learn in a way that best suits their own style. As some people learn best by listening, and
others by writing, reading, or talking, we should not limit students to only one style of learning.
I know what you may be thinking: How can curriculum standards and criteria be fulfilled
if students have free reign over their education? Here is how I respond to that question. While
there are subjects that contain certain skills that every student should learn, such as mathematics,
science, and grammar, students can be given the option to learn these skills in their preferred
format. Each class can offer a variety of learning options, such as listening to a teacher lecture at
the front of the room, reading their textbook, or working in groups. Other art-based subjects,
such as history, art, and languages can more easily allow deviations from the curriculum. To
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ensure that curriculum is satisfied, students can test each other based on the key concepts of
what they had learned. The role of the teacher in these classes would be to gently correct their
students if they have misunderstood the main concepts. This way, the whole class is teaching
each other, which encourages students to get involved, and helps them remember more.
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College Tips 101 for Introverts
By: Catherine Huang
College is a challenging environment to be in. It’s often advertised as the one place
you’re supposed to find yourself. So, when you start to get lost, rather than solidifying who you
are, college may start to feel like a scam. But, don’t lose hope just yet, because this is only the
beginning of the journey. Psych2Go shares with you 6 tips on how to survive college:
1. Don’t deny your homesickness; embrace it instead.
Homesickness is very much normal and expected. This especially applies if you’re
moving into a dorm on campus since it will take time for you to get well-adjusted to your new
environment. It’s not every day that you share a room with new faces. Allow yourself to feel
homesick; it’s perfectly normal. There’s no need to pretend like you don’t miss your friends and
family. In fact, reach out and let them know that you’re thinking of them. They may be far away
from you, but by communicating how you feel, they can help you overcome it together. There’s
no need to battle this alone.
2. Get involved on campus. Join a club!
This will help you step out of your comfort bubble and make new friends with similar
interests. For those of you who are commuting (I haven’t forgotten about you—I did it for 3
years!), this is actually a great way to make connections that you might feel deprived of due to
not living on campus. By joining clubs that suit your interests, you can meet people in a less
overwhelming way than going to a party.
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3. Make time for exercise.
You’re not in high school anymore, which means gym class is no longer a requirement.
This can cause your body to become less exposed to regular exercise. To counteract this, make
sure to take advantage of the gym facilities that your tuition covers. Or, if working out in the
gym is not your speed, try to take walks around campus while listening to music. This is a great
way to both relieve stress and keep your body in healthy shape.
4. Use the buddy system.
As an introvert, you’re probably used to being around only a few close friends, or, you
may be mostly alone. While being around few people is less draining, this can be dangerous
when you’re walking on campus at night. Out of all students, between graduates and
undergraduates, an average of 11% experience sexual assault or rape, whether it’s through
physical force, violence, or incapacitation. Of undergraduate students alone, 23% of females and
5% of males experience sexual assault or rape. It’s clear that females run a greater risk of being
victims of sexual assault than males, and since cases are often unreported, these statistics in
reality are likely much higher. But, making sure that you’re not alone can lower your risk of
being a target of such assault. So, when you’re walking on campus at night, walk with a friend.
Or, if you must walk alone, make sure to have a form of self-protection on you, such as pepper
spray.
5. Talk to your professors.
Throughout school, you will often feel uncertain and wonder if the path you’re on is, in
fact, the right one. Here’s the truth: school prepares us so very little for life, despite the intensive
studies required for writing tests and research papers. While studying has its merits, it’s hard to
know how to navigate life in real time until you’re actually living it. In school, I switched my
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major two times when I was a college student. Both times I did it, I was extremely scared of
what the future had in store for me.
But over time, I realized that it’s not the future that counts. It’s what I have right now,
and how I use those resources to help me get to that future. Those resources include the
professors you have; seeking advice from them and an academic advisor is a great way to gain
insight when you’re feeling lost. Insight may include tips on how to study more effectively,
signing up for tutoring sessions, and gaining perspective for your “big picture” questions from
someone who’s already been there. And while they may not necessarily be able to answer all of
your questions, sometimes it helps to express your concerns instead of letting them fester.
6. Visit your health counselors.
Because it usually isn’t made in a public announcement, most students aren’t aware that
there are health counselors on campus paid by their tuition. If you’re struggling with anxiety,
depression, or other health-related stress, it’s important to find someone who you can confide in
for help. Health counselors are professionally trained to offer assistance and help you get through
even the toughest of times. Don’t hesitate to make an appointment.
References:
(2016). Campus Sexual Violence: Statistics. RAINN. Retrieved from
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/campus-sexual-violence/
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6 Ways for Introverts with Anxiety to Manage Stressful Situations
By: Emily Aron
It’s school time again. Whether you are young in practice or young at heart, you may find
yourself in stressful situations which puts pressure on those of us who suffer from anxiety. There
is a difference between being anxious and having an anxiety disorder. While it is completely
normal to react to stress with anxiety, anxiety disorders are more extreme and can manifest in a
variety of ways.
There are physical indicators of anxiety, such as rapid heart rate, shortness of breath,
dizziness, sweating, an upset stomach, and more. These symptoms can culminate into panic or
anxiety attacks. Mental or emotional indicators include increased irritability, fearing the worst
outcome in most situations, feelings of dread, and general panic. I will address some of the
stressors in school that can affect those who struggle with general anxiety, which I hope is
applicable to other forms of anxiety as well.
1. Group projects
We’ve all experienced them and most of us hate them: the dreaded group project. In
theory, everything should be fine. Work gets divided, everyone does their share, all is well—
except that’s never how it works. More often than not, at least one member doesn’t do their
work. Or, even if a group member puts in some effort, the quality isn’t up to par with the rest of
the group, and you’re left doing everything on your own. There’s no doubt about it: group
projects are stressful. Part of the stress comes from being put into a group of people you aren’t
used to, and part of it comes from ensuring everything gets done to the standard at which you
would complete your work.
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In my freshman year of college, I was in a class with mostly upperclassmen. Instead of a
final exam, our class had a group project to write a 15-page paper. In my group, there were two
older guys in my group and neither one did any of the work, leaving me to do their part or risk a
failing grade. I was constantly trying to contact them: I emailed, texted, and tried to talk to them
in class, but nothing worked. The end result was that I wrote the whole paper. A good chunk of
the stress wasn’t the work itself; it was trying to contact my team. But unfortunately, group work
is a part of life.
After a few group projects, there are a few things that I’ve learned. I’ve learned that it’s
okay to ask people how their part of the project is coming along, as long as you ask with
kindness. You can offer suggestions as to how to help, but just remember not to appear too
willing to do the work for them. This is when you can be taken advantage of. Good news though:
you can easily avoid this! Make a plan or schedule for your team, do your part, and keep track of
who is doing what. And if you’re still having trouble, talk to your teacher or professor about
doing group peer evaluations after projects so all team members feel more obligated to
participate.
2. There’s always more work.
When it comes to tests, studying, or extracurricular activities, it can feel like there’s
always more work to do. Sure, you’ve studied, you know the material, but could it hurt to review
one more time? Should you edit that paper for the fifth time or go to bed? How many clubs are
too many?
This one is often my downfall. This year alone, I am overloading credits in my last year
of undergrad, as well as maintaining being a club president, a club officer, an officer of the
Honors Society, as well as being on a council to advise the school dean. I don’t know when to
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stop. It has gotten to the point that I can no longer do things that I enjoy. It’s hard to have a social
life when there’s so much to do for classes and extracurriculars. I’m pretty much always stressed
out and every day I wonder why I do this to myself. I enjoy what I do, but doing this much isn’t
healthy.
There comes a point when it’s hard to distinguish a stopping point with work. You want
to succeed, to have good grades, to be able to put clubs and leadership positions on your resume.
You may not want to hang out with friends or participate in fun after class or during weekend
activities because you want to get ahead. There’s just too much pressure.
To be the most productive, you should take a break from your work every 52 minutes and
break for 17 minutes. While these seem like random numbers, they have been said to work,
reported by The Atlantic and The Muse. I know, it’s hard to stop and pick up from where you left
off, but your mind needs the break whether or not you know it, and you’ll end up procrastinating
regardless. So take a break; do something fun with your friends, or grab a snack, have a run, and
then, come back to your work later. Make a schedule and add in time for fun! We are human and
have limitations, so only take on things you can finish and put your complete effort into.
3. You’re afraid you’ll forget something.
This one has existed for me since elementary school. I was always afraid that I’d walk
into class and the teacher would ask us to take out some assignment I didn’t know we had. To
prevent this from happening, I take notes in class if my professor gives an assignment, and I
check the syllabus and online postings. Yet, I’m still afraid that, somehow, I’m going to walk in
unprepared, causing my grade will drop, and then I’ll look stupid.
If you have a question about an assignment, the best advice I can give is probably
something you already do: ask someone in your class. If that person doesn’t know and you don’t
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want to ask your teacher for fear of annoying your peers, wait until the end of class. Let everyone
leave first, then ask for clarification. If you don’t feel comfortable with a face-to-face approach,
most professors are available by email, and are happy to answer your question online.
4. Writing emails
While I just mentioned that emailing your professor or teacher is a good option if you
have a question, sometimes composing those emails can be rather stressful. From my own
experience, I distinctly remember an email my friend and I composed to one of our professors. It
took us over an hour to write three sentences and it was probably the strangest email he has ever
received. Our question was regarding a reading he said he had posted online that we couldn’t
find. We wanted to get our point across and ask our question without being insulting or
accusatory. We were also really weird and wanted to add some personality in the message
without it getting too strange.
When emailing a professor, be formal and considerate, but also direct. Say what you need
to say and close your message with consideration. Here is an example of a student emailing their
professor regarding a source for their annotated bibliography:
“Hello Dr. Martin,
I hope this email finds you well.
I have been working on the Annotated Bibliography and have found some really useful
sources. I was wondering if it would be a problem to use two sources that share an
author. If you want all unique writers and contributors, I can look for another source.
Thank you.
Best,
Emily”
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In the above example, the student was formal and considerate in addressing their
professor by “Dr. Martin”, and asking if he was well. This is a polite way to lead into their
question. The student directly asked their question, but was also considerate in offering to find
another source, and by thanking the professor for their time. When writing your email, feel free
to use this example as a template.
5. Networking, networking, networking
Talking to people who can have an influence on your life’s direction is intimidating.
Whether it’s a talent scout, potential employer, or someone who works in the field you are
interested in, putting yourself out there and sharing your accomplishments may put you in an
uncomfortable situation. You don’t want to ask too much of someone, but you want to be
memorable enough to achieve whatever goal you set forth from that interaction.
I went to a business networking event where I had to make myself stand out from 60
other college students in the room. It was hard because every company that attends can be
looking for a different quality in a potential new hire. I was really nervous and other people
talked more than I did. Then, I sat at a table with representatives from the company where my
mom works. I legally can’t work there while she does, so I felt no pressure to act a certain way
because I knew it wouldn’t matter. I was professional, but I also wasn’t afraid to answer
questions or make an appropriate joke. They later told me I was the most memorable person with
whom they spoke.
Dress professionally and research the companies you are interested in, but ultimately, the
best thing you can do in these situations is to be yourself. Laugh, smile, make a joke if you want.
Sometimes you can be the most memorable person by you showing that you are a person, not
just resume or a transcript.
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6. Learning how to “adult”.
As we get older, we progress through stages of life that once seemed distant and scary.
This is not to say that life gets less scary; instead, we should take it one day at a time and figure
things out. The journey can be simultaneously fun, surprising, and challenging. We need people
in our lives who have our best interests at heart and are willing to stand by us when the harder
days come around.
I’m nearly done with college. That alone is terrifying because I’ve been in school for
most of my life. I have no idea what comes next. My best friend and I are probably going to
move to England in May, which means that I need to find a job overseas while I’m still in
Pennsylvania finishing up my degrees. The not–knowing is scary. I don’t know what happens
now, so how can I know I’m making the right choice?
I don’t think there is such a thing as one right choice to lead you to a good life. While
there are definitely bad choices that I am not recommending, but the normal ones, such as when
you look for a job or a new place to live, those can’t be wrong. Every choice you make changes
who you are a little bit. They change your perspectives and, perhaps, your destination. Even if a
decision doesn’t lead where you had hoped, or plans goes awry, it doesn’t make that choice bad.
As hard as it may be, keep on moving, even if you’re not sure where you’re going. One day, it’ll
be grand.
References:
Gifford, J. (n.d.). The Rule of 52 and 17: It’s Random, But It Ups Your Productivity. The Muse.
Retrieved from https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-rule-of-52-and-17-its-random-but-
it-ups-your-productivity/
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Thomson, D. (2014, Sept 17). A Formula for Perfect Productivity: Work for 52 Minutes, Break
for 17. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/09/science-tells-
you-how-many-minutes-should-you-take-a-break-for-work-17/380369/
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Job Hunting for Introverts
By: Risma
Edited by: Danielle Fioretti
Introverts live their lives in their comfort zones and weigh different interactions against
each other. If it’s not necessary, then there’s no need to get all dressed up and go out. However,
there are some interactions that simply can’t be avoided and won’t fit into an introvert’s neat
little comfort zone. Among these, of course, are job interviews. As an introvert, looking for a job
and doing interviews is going to take a lot out of you. It’s something you know you have to do
no matter what, especially if you want to eat, pay rent, and not feel like a failure.
Accomplishing this isn’t that difficult. It’s just writing and emailing your resume, waiting
to be acknowledged, freaking out about your interview, not messing up said interview,
wondering whether you should disclose your introversion, then more waiting, and possibly
getting rejected. Doesn’t that sound fun?
Resume Writing
The unemployed introvert’s path has become somewhat easier in recent years when it
comes to applying for jobs. Nowadays, you can just type out your resume and e-mail it. No need
for awkward phone calls or talks with the receptionist. No verbal slip-ups, no nonverbal
accidents like slapping yourself in the face or tripping over your own feet. The resume is an
important step, because you are presenting your best qualifications for the job.
Try to apply to places that you feel fit with your personality as an introvert. Being an
introvert, you may want to avoid jobs where there’s a lot of environmental stimulation and social
interaction. However, if you’ve been unemployed for a very long time and desperately need to
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find a job, this becomes difficult. In this regard, continue looking for jobs or companies that you
feel safe with. You don’t want to put yourself in a vulnerable position or at a high risk for
burnout.
The Waiting
You may not immediately get a reply or call back. Don’t let this get you down. Just keep
sending applications and looking for vacancies. If you’re feeling disappointed or rejected, that’s
okay. But don’t spend large amounts of time wallowing in it. Try to take some initiative. If
emails don’t work, try to leave your comfort zone and make some calls, or approach the
receptionist. Do some networking—because networking is a requirement, as intimidating as that
may seem. But as tempting as it may be, you can’t stay in your private bubble forever.
Landing the Interview
Congratulations—you’ve got an interview! Okay, now calm down and don’t panic. This
is good! Remember, you need a job. You applied to this company because some part of you
believes you can do the job. Now, it’s time to mentally prepare for the interview. Life is a stage:
look at the interview as a scene you have to act out. Prepare by watching some interview tips
online or reading up on the company and the position you’ve applied for.
In addition, research the company’s location and how long your commute will be. Try to
be on time or as early as much as half an hour before your scheduled interview. This will make a
good impression with interviewers, but it will also give you some time to get comfortable with
your surroundings and prepare for the interview.
The Interview
Make sure to dress presentably, but wear what makes you comfortable. This will help you
stay calm. Do a bit of self-reflection. How anxious do you think you’re going to get during the
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interview? Do you think it’s something you can keep under control? If you know you tend to
fidget when you’re nervous, try to be aware of that and keep it to a minimum. If you move your
hands around a lot, shake your legs, or tap your feet, try looking up tricks to manage fidgeting in
a discreet way.
During the interview, take your time answering questions, but don’t overshare. There is
no need to explain the relation between your e-mail name and Transformers. While you’re there,
don’t be afraid to ask your own questions as well. What do they expect from you? Who will you
be working with? Ask them what they love most about their job and the day-to-day
responsibilities that would be required of you. Employers will be impressed when they see
you’ve done some research and that you’ve prepared some questions for them. You’ll stand out
for sure!
Disclosing Introversion
Depending on the work environment, disclosing your introversion can be a risky move to
make, especially if you want to make yourself look good in the eyes of potential employers
because it may negatively affect your chances of getting hired. You may be seen as a weak
candidate, which can prevent the employer from hiring you. However, on the other hand, the
employer may understand introversion and applaud you for identifying your weaknesses and
strengths. This is why it’s important to present your introversion as a strength and how it’ll be an
advantage to your job role. Just keep in mind that being introverted does not make you any less
capable of being a great asset to the company than an extroverted candidate. You just need more
time to recharge when dealing with people, and that’s okay.
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Rejection
But, not getting the job isn’t the end of the world. Unless you’re incredibly broke and
really do need that job, then it can put you in a pretty tight spot. But really, though, the world
isn’t going to explode. The sun is still going to come up tomorrow and set like it always does.
It’s important not to don’t dwell on it. Go through the motions, pick yourself up, and move
forward with purpose. At some point, somebody IS going to hire you, and you’re going to look
back on your job-seeking days with a sense of relief as well as dread. Because you definitely do
not want to do it again.
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How to Survive in an Extroverted Work Environment as an Introvert
By: Essi
In a perfect world, you would make a living staying at home all day, working from the
safety of your lounge with your home comforts. You would be left to your own devices and be
able to keep your batteries charged so that you can do other things. But unfortunately, not all of
us make money from our hobbies, such as painting, writing, or other activities we are passionate
about. Speaking from experience, it can be really tough being an introvert in an extroverted work
environment, so here is a survival guide for how you can survive it:
1. Be healthy.
You may roll your eyes at me now, but hear me out: eat good food that will keep your
energy at a steady level throughout the day, and exercise regularly. Being healthy generally
comes with a lot of benefits, but one of the greatest benefits is having the energy to deal with
being overstimulated on a daily basis, such as your extroverted workplace.
2. Create habits.
Do you work in customer service? Make it a habit to smile and seek eye contact when
you interact with someone. When you make a habit out of it, you will automatically do your job
right with less effort as it becomes second nature. This will also come in handy if you have
resting angry face. You’ll seem more approachable!
3. Get enough sleep.
I know, it’s such common advice: getting enough sleep. It’s also easy to say if you’re not
the sort of person who likes the feeling of being awake at night while the rest of the world is
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asleep. But we need to be well rested in order to cope with stressful events that commonly tire us
out at work. Otherwise, it takes a toll on our ability to perform and execute tasks for the day.
4. Take breathers.
Let your mind and body rest when you get the chance. If possible, have lunch by yourself
in a quiet staff room or outside, away from people. Enjoy the break, breathe, and then push
through the afternoon.
5. Sneak away for a while if you need it.
If one or two breaks isn’t enough for you (which I’m sure it isn’t), take micro-breaks by
sneaking off for a moment. Go to the bathroom, sit in a quiet space, and shut everything out by
going into your head, or take an extra fifteen seconds in the stockroom. It may not seem like
much, but small doses of peace can do wonders.
6. Plan your tasks.
Organize your day according to your mood. If you feel up for it, do the tasks that take
more energy from you. And when you feel tired or overwhelmed, choose to take care of the tasks
that have you sitting down and concentrating for a while.
7. Be prepared for the fall.
Warn the people you live with when you’re on your way home and about to crash any
second. If your head is spinning, and you feel confused and tired, it’s hard to focus on anything
else but your bed that’s ready for you to collapse on. Have a rest, collect yourself, and then start
dinner. If you’re busy with chores, kids, or other responsibilities after work, hang in there and
run for a little bit longer until you can doze off for the night.
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8. Allow yourself to be “the quiet one.”
You can still be hardworking and good at what you do, even if you’re an introvert
working a job that may naturally be more suitable for an extrovert. But, don’t feel as though you
have to compare yourself to one of your extroverted coworkers. Choose quality over quantity
when speaking, and work hard in silence. Let your success speak for you. Just because you may
not be comfortable being in the spotlight at work, doesn’t mean you’re not a valuable asset to
your team.
9. Get to know your colleagues.
Once you’re more familiar with your co-workers, it can feel easier to interact with them
without much effort or thought put into it. And the more they know you, the more okay they’ll be
with your silence. It’s okay if you don’t always make small talk.
10. Aim for the Oscars . . .
. . . because you deserve one for all the acting you do every day, all for the sake of being
what your job needs you to be. You put on a role every morning, just as much as any actor, and
you work incredibly hard. Congratulations—you should be very proud of yourself!
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Boss in a Bubble: Working with an Introverted Boss
The working world presents many challenges for the introvert, from the interview to the
meetings and phone calls. Certain verbs send me into a spasm of dread: networking,
brainstorming, role playing, team-building, ice breaking, carpooling . . . You would think that the
one thing that I would relish as an introvert is to have an introverted boss, but even that can pose
its own problems, too. The biggest problems I’ve personally encountered relate to involvement,
confrontation, and communication.
1. Involvement
My introverted bosses have always kept to themselves. They usually go straight to their
office and stay there. Because of this, they’re often not aware of what is going on in the rest of
the office. If issues arise in the workplace, they are blissfully unaware. Employees who aren’t
pulling their weight in and take credit for the work of others, as well as interpersonal conflicts
and other issues, aren’t on their radar unless things get really out of hand. Along with this, my
introverted bosses are not aware with what I do every day, so I’ve never received a performance
review from them that helps me monitor my own progress. It’s rare that I’ve benefited from
constructive criticism or acknowledgement of my work from an introverted boss, and it can often
feel like I’m working in a vacuum.
2. Confrontation
As I mentioned previously, my introverted boss is highly unaware of conflict in my
workplace that it often leaves the impression that they may also be actively avoiding it. Studies
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have shown that introverts tend to be less confrontational and more cooperative, and I know that
I, too, live in trepidation of conflict. One study has shown that extroverts in small-group
discussion “made significantly more contradictions and counterexamples . . . indicating a greater
tendency to use conflictual discourse.” Another study found that introverts avoid looking at
angry faces. In short, that can mean that your boss isn’t likely to help you resolve workplace
conflict.
Even worse, it can also make you feel as though your boss doesn’t have your back, won’t
defend you when necessary, and won’t stand up for you or fight for situations that would benefit
you. For instance, I used to work at a company that was tentatively considering telecommuting
as an option once a week. My boss thought it would work well in our department, but she was
going to have to argue for it with her own boss, who was less convinced, so it never happened in
my department.
3. Communication
Introverts usually have a lot going on in their heads at any given time, but they often
don’t share those thoughts. This can lead to miscommunication or lack of communication. Under
an introverted boss, you may find that you lack direction. Many times, I’ve heard, “Oh, didn’t I
tell you that? I thought I did.” Sometimes, an introvert will think things to themselves and forget
to convey that information to others. As a result, many challenges arise. So, how do you thrive
under an introverted boss? Here are some ways that you can work better with an introverted
supervisor:
Talking with Your Boss
If you need to talk with your boss, I first recommend emailing them. Specify as clearly as
you can the amount of time you are asking to meet with them and let them know what you would
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like to discuss. This allows them time to mentally prepare and think about your
questions/concerns in advance, so that you may have a more productive meeting.
An example of the email you send your boss may look like this:
“Dear (Name of supervisor),
May I talk with you for about 30 minutes sometime next week about the upcoming
conference? I would like to discuss (specific details).”
Thank you so much for your time,
Salutations/Signature
Research has shown that “the verbal style of extroverts is characterized by a higher level
of abstract interpretation, whereas introverts tend to stick to concrete facts.” So, when
communicating with your introverted boss, try to use concrete, specific language. Finally, if you
feel as though you need more direction, information, or feedback, feel free to let them know that
you would appreciate that, too.
Be your own advocate.
As mentioned, your boss may be unaware of your daily activities, so take time to inform
your boss of the positive work you are doing. At my job, we do a self-evaluation as part of our
performance review. I keep notes on my accomplishments throughout the year, and then discuss
them in my self-evaluation. I take care to balance that with honest assessments of my areas of
improvement, because it’s a healthier approach than creating the notion of arrogance.
Develop a support system.
I know I’m not personally the best at comforting others; I’m often super awkward when
people ask me for a hug. So, don’t be surprised if your introverted boss is less than comfortable
with comforting you or being your cheerleader. Because of this, it’s important to develop a
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support system of friends, a few trusted co-workers, or family members who can listen to your
complaints, wipe your tears, and lift you up when needed.
Create your own opportunities.
Your introverted boss may not be your cheerleader who outwardly pushes you towards
opportunities or actively makes them for you, so make your own. Does your job have an
association or organization affiliated with it? If so, it would be wise to join it, as these
organizations often have online resources and communication that you can utilize. Make a well-
written LinkedIn page and invite quality associates to network with you. Discover the skills
you’re good at and offer to use them in your work. I thrive with policy, procedure, writing, and
documentation, so I’ve offered to become a specialist on new software and train others one-on-
one, create training manuals and other office materials, research solutions for various problems,
and take meeting minutes and distribute them.
Conflict Management
In any job, it’s common and inevitable to be faced with conflict every now and then.
Therefore, it’s useful to learn some conflict management techniques to help you handle these
uncomfortable situations as efficiently as possible. However, if things get extremely out of hand,
be sure to document your concerns in writing with concrete details (day, time, persons involved,
and incident). Provide this to your boss in writing so that they can review it and take it under
consideration. Also, know the chain of command within your organization, so that you are
familiar with the proper route to escalate things if it reaches that point.
The good news about being an introverted employee to an introverted boss is that they
probably value you just based on your introversion alone. Researchers at Oregon State
University found that “introverted team members rated the performance of other introverts
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higher than that of extroverts.” An introverted boss is also likely to value cooperation, avoid
micro-management, be thoughtful and considerate, and have good judgment. If you make note of
their strengths and help yourself in areas where they may struggle a bit, then you can have a
great relationship with your introverted boss.
References:
Beukeboom, C., Tanis, M., & Vermeulen, I. (2012). The Language of
Extraversion: Extraverted People Talk More Abstractly, Introverts Are More Concrete.
Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 32 (2), 191-201.
Klampe, M. (2014, December 16). Introverts Could Shape Extroverted Co-Workers’ Career
Success, OSU Study Shows. Retrieved from
http://oregonstate.edu/ua/ncs/archives/2014/dec/introverts-could-shape-extroverted-co-
workers%E2%80%99-career-success-osu-study-shows
Nussbaum, E. M. (2002). How Introverts Versus Extroverts Approach Small-Group
Argumentative Discussions. The Elementary School Journal, 102 (3), 183-197.
Ponari, M., Trojano, L., Grossi, D., & Conson, M. (2013). Avoiding or Approaching Eyes?
Introversion/Extraversion Affects the Gaze-Cueing Effect. Cognitive Processing, 14 (3),
293-299.
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7 Habits of Highly Successful Introverts
By: Catherine Huang
Some of the world’s most famous and successful people who have made long-lasting
contributions to society are introverts. So, what are their secrets that helped them achieve so
much? Psych2Go shares with you seven habits of highly successful introverts:
1. Set a routine and stick to it.
Japanese contemporary writer Haruki Murakami didn’t realize that he wanted to write
until the age of twenty-nine. Before that, he owned a jazz bar with his wife. Murakami had the
life-changing epiphany one spring day at a baseball game when he saw a home run. It made him
realize that he could write a book. Murakami submitted his first book, Hear the Wind Sing, to a
literary contest and won first place. After that, his writing career launched and his works have
been translated into fifty different languages.
What helps Murakami stay focused with writing is setting a routine and sticking to it.
While he was still managing his jazz bar and writing his first book, he took the time to wake up
early every morning at the crack of dawn and sit in his kitchen to write. Over time, as his writing
career became more serious, he would wake up at 4:00 a.m. and work for five to six hours. Then,
in the afternoon, he would go running, swimming, or do both. Afterwards, he would read or
listen to music, then go to bed at 9:00 p.m. Then, he would get up the next day and do the same
thing all over again.
Murakami states, “I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself
becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper
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state of mind. But to hold to such repetition for so long — six months to a year — requires a
good amount of mental and physical strength. In that sense, writing a long novel is like survival
training. Physical strength is as necessary as artistic sensitivity.”
2. Be persistent.
Introverts can focus intensely on one task for an extended amount of time. This allows
their work endurance to build up and helps them master the art of persistence. J.K. Rowling,
author of the Harry Potter series, has been writing since the age of six. She was a single mother,
raising her daughter on government welfare, when she began writing the children’s bestselling
series. And yet, despite the challenges she faced, she wasn’t willing to give up, because she knew
she had a big idea. And to keep it alive, she understood the importance of nurturing it.
3. Wander.
Despite being in the spotlight constantly, actress Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. To
keep herself sane, she learned that wandering was imperative. When Hepburn wasn’t working on
set, she made time to be alone, took walks with her dogs, and let nature be her escape.
4. Stand up for what you believe in.
Civil rights activist Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man on a bus. By
standing up for what she believed in, she inspired others to fight along with her to end
segregation in America. Parks was known to be a quiet individual, but she certainly wasn’t timid.
Her quiet courage reminds others that being brave doesn’t necessarily mean one has to be loud to
be heard.
5. Find people who believe in you.
In a world full of critics, it’s hard not to be affected and get bogged down at times from
the harsh words of your nonbelievers. Continue working hard and follow your passions anyway.
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Former president Barack Obama said, “The strongest weapon against hateful speech is not
repression: it is more speech.” As an introvert himself who faced a lot of hatred and cynicism
during his presidency, he learned that eventually, his words would still move countless others
who would support him. There will always be people who disagree with you and don’t support
your dreams. That’s why it’s so important to find those who do believe in you and your potential.
6. Build deep relationships with others.
It’s so easy to forget about others when you prioritize work. But, don’t let that create a
big ego that causes you to miss out on getting to know others. COO Sheryl Sandberg stated in an
interview with The New York Times that Mark Zuckerberg, the founder and CEO of Facebook,
“is shy and introverted, and he often does not seem very warm to people who don’t know him,
but he is warm. He really cares about the people who work here.”
Zuckerberg has also donated to the Diaspora Project that was started up by four NYU
students who want to compete with Facebook by building a social network that allows people to
run their own servers. He stated in an interview with Wired.com, “I think it is cool people are
trying to do it. I see a little of myself in them. It’s just their approach that the world could be
better and saying, ‘We should try to do it.’” Zuckerberg not only cares about his co-workers but
also his competitors.
7. Allow your inner creative child to be free.
Studio Ghibli founder Hayao Miyazaki creates films that combine an element of childlike
wonder with mature understanding of evil. In his work, he strives to show that despite darkness
that exists in the world, there is still a sense of profound hope and goodness. Miyazaki states, “I
look at children and try to see things as they do. If I can do that, I can create universal appeal.
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We get strength and encouragement from watching children. I consider it a blessing to be able to
do that, and to make movies in this chaotic, testing world.”
References:
Gould, S., & Harrington, R. (2017, August 4). 17 of President Obama’s Most Inspirational
Quotes. Business Insider. Retrieved January 4, 2018.
Helft, M. (2010, October 2). Mark Zuckerberg’s Most Valuable Friend. The New York Times.
Mufson, B. (2015, January 5). 8 Pearls of Wisdom from Hayao Miyazaki. Creators.
Rampton, J. (2015, July 20). 23 of the Most Amazingly Successful Introverts in History. Inc.
Schocker, L. (2013, August 13). 16 Super Successful Introverts. The Huffington Post. Retrieved
January 4, 2018.
Singel, R. (2010, May). Mark Zuckerberg: I Donated to Open Source, Facebook Competitor.
Wired, Retrieved January 4, 2018.
Wray, J. (2004). Haruki Murakami, The Art of Fiction No. 182. Paris Review. (170) Retrieved
January 4, 2018.
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COMMUNICATION
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An Introvert’s Perspective of a Chatterbox with Sophia Dembling
By: Robert
Edited by: Jasmine Yiamkiati
After reading “An Open Letter to People Who Talk Too Much,” I decided to search for
more work written by Sophia Dembling. Her book Introverts in Love sparked my interest, which
prompted me to ask Dembling for an interview. Along with many of her other works published
in mediums, such as newspapers and magazines, Sophia wrote an interesting book on her
transition from being a New Yorker to a Texan. The Yankee Chick’s Survival Guide to Texas is
available on Amazon. However, today my interest lies in her experience and work regarding
introverts and extroverts, particularly when the two meet.
1) Your article, “An Open Letter to People Who Talk Too Much,” clearly shows
your introverted nature. Is your introversion evident across all domains of your life or
solely during conversations/social interactions?
Introversion may manifest itself more strongly in social interactions, but it is a
personality trait that permeates all domains of life. For example, introverts need ample solitude
to manage their energy; we enjoy being alone, tend to be deep thinkers, and are loyal friends who
would rather have one or two close friends than a million acquaintances…there are many ways
introversion manifests itself in our lives.
2) You refer to the possibility that talking too much is an anxiety issue, what do you
mean by this?
Many people—both extroverts and introverts—will chatter away when they are nervous,
myself included. There are, I suppose, many reasons for this. For one thing, it’s a way of keeping
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control of the situation. As long as you’re talking, then nobody can spring an unexpected
question or idea on you.
3) Being the extreme opposite of a compulsive talker, do you feel you come across as
rude or upset when you speak the “minimum” amount needed?
Oh yes, absolutely. Introverts are often perceived as rude, unhappy, judgmental and all
kinds of not great things, just because we are more likely to sit quietly than throw ourselves into
the action, which can make people uncomfortable. Introverts get very, very tired of people
asking if we’re OK, or why we look unhappy, or whether we’re having fun. We tend to have fun
quietly and not noisily. Although, if I get into a really good one-on-one, give-and-take
conversation, I have plenty to say. Sometimes, I’ve even had to rein myself in—as even I can get
runaway mouth if a topic piques my interest.
4) Do you feel it is possible for an extrovert on the extreme side to have a good and
working relationship with an introvert on the extreme side? (Not including a professional
relationship)?
If they are extreme extremes, it may be difficult. But when I talked to introverts for my
book Introverts in Love, I learned that some introverts prefer to be in relationships with
extroverts because they like having someone who will pull them out of themselves and play
social director. On the other hand, other introverts want someone who will stay home quietly
with them. Of the introverts I spoke to who were in relationships, it was about 50-50 introvert-
introvert and introvert-extrovert. The same was found with the divorced introvert demographic;
about half divorced from introverts, about half from extroverts.
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5) What would you guess is the reason for someone going into so much depth about
stories or speaking for lengthy periods of time, how does it reward or benefit them?
After my post about people who talk too much pissed some people off, I interviewed
psychologist Ty Tashiro about his new book Awkward: The Science of Why We’re Socially
Awkward and Why That’s Awesome and we discussed this. He pointed out that people may talk a
lot for different reasons. Some of these people are narcissists who don’t care if they’re boring
people as they imagine themselves as endlessly fascinating. Some may be pulling a power play
and are dominating the conversation to control the interaction. On the other hand, some may
simply not be attuned to social cues telling them it’s time to stop talking; these are the awkward
people.
6) What kind and effective “escape plans” could you recommend to listeners who
have to escape from people who speak too much?
Well, the usual “I have to go to the bathroom” is tried and true. The same with “Excuse
me, it’s been great meeting you, but I see someone I need to talk to.” You can also try nonverbal
signals; moving away slightly and shifting your attention, but this doesn’t work on everyone.
Tashiro suggests that if you’re dealing with an awkward person who simply isn’t picking up on
cues, you can be fairly blunt about it, saying something like, “Hey, give me a moment to
respond.” He says awkward people are fully aware that they’re awkward and are often actually
grateful to people who (kindly!) let them know they are unintentionally breaking social rules.
I’m sure we have learned much about those who seem to talk too much, and I hope this
article can provide a better understanding if you are one day faced with a similar situation.
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Do You Want to Become a Social Butterfly?
By: Essi
Social butterflies can be very intriguing to watch. They can work a room and effortlessly
attract people to them; they thrive on being the center of attention. These social butterflies even
have active online social lives, as evident by their constant posting on social media. They seem
to live a life so many of us envy and somehow manage to make everything in life look so easy.
Are you a quiet, socially awkward person wishing you could be more like that? Have you
ever put yourself down for not being social enough? Would you like some advice on how to get
over the struggle of socializing and become a social butterfly? Then, here are a few things you
should know.
First, do not see your silence as something negative about yourself. The problem with
struggling with your silence is partly that it can make you feel lonely and misunderstood. It can
feel as though the bridge between you and other people is broken. Although being a social
butterfly seems great, there are great things about being a quiet person as well. So, don’t put too
much pressure on yourself to be something that you’re not.
Second, this social transition is not all or nothing; you can easily be something in
between. There is absolutely no need to be a social butterfly, nor is it necessary to compare
yourself to them. Personally, I’ve felt belittled and have been ignored numerous times due to my
silence – but I am well aware of my own worth. If people can’t stop for a single second to hear or
notice you, then they’re simply not worth your time or trouble. If you’re anything like me, you
may be more comfortable with a few close friends, rather than having many acquaintances; focus
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on the ones close to you and try to understand why they appreciate you so that you can learn
more great things about yourself.
It’s also important to remember that your friends appreciate you for who you are. I’m
often the friend people can talk to because I’m good at listening and letting people vent. When I
do say something, it’s not just for the sake of it. My friends always know that they’ll get my
honest opinion and genuine advice, thus harnessing my “weakness” of being quiet into a
strength. Society may not favor your silence, but your close friends will. In fact, I’ve been told
by people that they feel honored that I’ve chosen to let them in; clearly a testament to my
selective social tendencies.
Consequently, they feel treasured by me, and in return, I feel cherished in the friendship
which allows me to begin appreciating myself. I’m well aware that my self-worth doesn’t come
from the outside but rather, as the saying goes, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. However, if
you’re really struggling with socializing and you need help changing, here are some tips:
Practice, practice, practice.
For me, practicing came when I started a new job as I had the chance to socialize
whenever I met new people. For example, before meeting new colleagues, I’d try to have a
couple of questions or comments ready in the back of my mind. I’ve come to build a habit of
doing this as basic questions such as, “What do you study?” or “What sort of TV shows do you
watch?” have always helped me initiate small talk in an attempt to find common ground.
Study the environment.
The social environment, that is. After conversation, consider making a relevant comment
or asking a question about a meeting may have just finished. It’s common knowledge that most
people like to talk about themselves, so ask someone a question about their hobbies or
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achievements, and listen so that you can ask a follow-up question. Afterwards, they will feel as if
they’ve had a conversation with you even though they’ve done most of the talking.
When anxiety strikes
During this process of social change, you may experience moments of panic, where you
start sweating and shaking; take a deep breath and think back to a basic question you have ready.
If they ask you something, try to continue a one-word answer with a comment which may feel
unnecessary, but that way, you are speaking more words. Do this every time you feel as though
you have the courage to do it. Baby steps are still steps forward!
Start smaller if needed.
Small actions help build long-term habits, like looking a cashier in the eye and greeting
them with a smile. It’s not just about verbal conversation; your overall confidence is evident in
your body language, too. With just eye contact and smiling, you can easily show someone that
they have your attention. You don’t have to use words all the time to connect with other people.
This may seem intimidating at first and you may feel awkward, but you’ll also feel proud of
yourself afterwards; allow yourself to feel proud of the most trivial things. Pat yourself on the
shoulder when you do well to help build up your courage for the next time.
Don’t set your standards too high.
I think a lot of us visualize this completely different, “better” version of ourselves, where
we are social butterflies, thriving in our extroverted work roles. We’re economically stable, self-
confident with a healthy lifestyle, have time to spend with our family, are in a loving relationship
etc. —everything we’ve all seen on TV and social media.
This can be where you find yourself at some point in your life. But it’s important to be
realistic for a minute, and think about who you are right now and who you want to be. How are
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you going to get there? Remember, every change you want to make in your life will not occur
overnight. It’s a long process that will feel like a rollercoaster, but will be worth it in the long
run, so it’s important to set goals and persevere to achieve them.
You’re not alone.
I think a lot of us berate ourselves for having this “problem,” because it just feels so
ridiculous, doesn’t it? We’re not children anymore and it’s expected that we should be able to
socialize like grown adults. But this is a common problem for a lot of people, so you should
never think that you’re alone in this.
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5 Tips on How to Survive Small Talk as an Introvert
By: Catherine Huang
Joel from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind says, “Constantly talking isn’t
necessarily communicating.” In a world where we’re conditioned to use small talk as a means of
social acceptance, it doesn’t do much justice for introverts who dread it. The pure
meaninglessness of conversations that revolve around the weather just to avoid silence can
actually be more stifling when no growth or learning takes place. The absence of these
components blocks honest connections with others that can cause introverts to feel even more
socially isolated than ever.
And yet, to survive the social environment of this world, we have to be willing to meet
somewhere in the middle; the world isn’t a mind reader, so we shouldn’t treat it like one. Instead,
we can be brave and join the dance. Psych2Go shares with you 5 tips on how to survive small
talk as an introvert:
1. If you feel anxious about making small talk, just remember that the
situation in itself isn’t threatening, but rather, the anxiety is based on your
own beliefs and doubts.
Not every conversation you have with someone will be life-changing or fulfilling. If that
were the case, then we wouldn’t have a need to form exclusively special relationships with the
few people we have the confidence to call our best friends or our lovers. If you fail at making
small talk with someone to get the ball rolling, it’s okay. Give yourself some credit for stepping
out and trying. It’s going to be awkward at times, but that’s not to say that it’ll be like that for
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every single experience. Be kind to yourself. Part of getting better at something means having to
take both the good with the bad.
2. Put less pressure on yourself.
If you don’t want to be in the spotlight, then you don’t have to be. You can still engage in
small talk without having to disclose a lot of information about yourself. Instead, ask questions
to get to know the other person better. Once you can establish some similarities between the two
of you, slowly, you can pitch in to the conversation and begin to build a rapport with just about
anyone.
3. Elaborate on your responses.
When someone asks you how your week is going, instead of just saying, “It’s going
well,” instead, you can respond with, “It’s going well. I’ve been making more time for myself to
enjoy life.” That way, the other person can ask you more questions along the way, so the
conversation doesn’t remain stagnant and substance can be added as you both progress.
4. Steer the conversation by offering a chance to dive into the deep.
This is your chance to shine! You can get to know the person you’re conversing with on a
deeper level by asking open-ended questions. This allows the other person to say more than just
a few words. These questions can range from asking about their opinions on certain topics to
what their dreams are, which can make room for the conversation to build up into something
more stimulating and fulfilling. Then, you can reciprocate and insert your own opinions and
relevant life stories.
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5. Don’t brood over what went wrong. Instead, take mental notes (or physical
ones) to help you do better next time.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Instead of blaming yourself, wishing you could’ve done
things differently, take each experience you engage in small talk as a lesson to sharpen your
skills. Ask yourself questions, such as:
1) What worked?
2) What didn’t work?
3) What can I do next time to prevent this from happening again?
The best part is that you always have the power to help yourself; remember that making
small talk is just a tiny part of you, because it’s not an accurate portrayal of who you are. Rather,
it only acts as a gateway for something potentially bigger and meaningful, but you have to be
receptive to those opportunities if you ever want to grow.
References:
Granneman, J. (2016, January 13). The Real Reason Introverts Dread Small Talk. The Huffington
Post. Retrieved September 19, 2017.
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The Young Introvert’s Guide to Socializing and Conversation
By: Baylee Rose
Networking. Apparently, it’s a thing that adults do and can’t avoid. The word has graced
the lips of the most extroverted among us but is relatively taboo around introverts. For those with
no experience in the business world, it can be difficult for young people, such as myself, to learn
how to approach such social situations. While adults have networking and the typical office
water cooler, younger people tend to converse at parties and school. To assist in this transition
from adolescent conversation to adult networking, I’d like to present a few solutions from the
perspective of a reasonably social introvert:
1. Starting the conversation
The hardest part about initiating a conversation is knowing what to talk about. Have you ever
felt like avoiding the topic of weather for the umpteenth time? Or have been stuck with someone
who is so boring you could fall asleep? Luckily for you, I have some advice:
A. Talk about what brought you together. You are in the same place at the same time. Why?
Maybe it’s a school party, talk about why/how you decided to go. Maybe you’re walking next to
each other on the way to class; talk about your last class or next class or perhaps a little friendly
gossip. Use a question or a statement.
B. When the first tip doesn’t work, it’s important to consider the factors at play. Maybe the
atmosphere just isn’t right. Or, perhaps the other person is feeling terrible at school that day or
has some huge secret that they don’t want to reveal, and you’re stuck with that awful, deafening
silence. Then what? I suggest searching deeply for a solid similarity. I’m not talking, “We both
like pizza,” (although that could work in a pinch), but what I mean is a true, personal match in
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identity. Maybe you have the same nationality or come from the same generation. You don’t
need to get political (unless the context is right—then, I encourage it), but those that complain
together, stay together.
2. Continuing the Conversation
Great! You’re conversing (and hopefully laughing), but suddenly you feel it coming—that
dreaded lull in the conversation. You need to think fast:
A. If they’re talking: ask a follow up question. If they mention any type of opinion, ask them
to clarify. Or if that doesn’t apply, get curious. Ask about any detail they mentioned. Try to get
comfortably personal and philosophical as possible to avoid any further lulls. Remember,
silences are natural, too, so don’t panic!
B. If you’re talking, continue saying everything you need to and if you are worried about
boring them, just ask for their opinion. If you think they’ve already stopped listening, simply
change the subject and ask another question. Questions are great because they take the pressure
off to maintain the conversation and also provides the other person with an easy way to avoid
awkwardness. Just avoid asking questions that result in those dead-end, one-word answers.
3. Putting it to the Test

Over the weekend, I tried these tips as I had dinner with four people I will be going to
college with next year. I had never met them before, but I knew they were all quite introverted,
so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to test my own advice. I admit, we did mainly
use tip 1A, but it was found to be the most useful, so I fully condone that. Essentially, we
covered the basics that you discuss when you first meet people, which is necessary. We avoided
conversation starters and most conversations were pretty natural; all in all, quite a successful
night. One last thing to remember: if someone raises a question, they most often have an answer
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prepared. The best way to keep the conversation going after you answer their question is with a
simple, “What about you?”
Conversation is not always going to be stimulating, especially at first. Once you hit it off
with someone, though, you can naturally discuss other bigger topics. Meeting people is supposed
to be fun, so just remember to relax and be yourself!
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7 Ways to Express Your Feelings If You’re an Introvert
By: Gabrielle LaFrank
As an introvert, admitting your feelings to someone, whether they’re positive or negative,
can be incredibly difficult. Everyone has their own comfort level when it comes to discussing
emotions, so you can’t expect everyone to be as open or as apprehensive as you may be. If you
need guidance towards a healthier way to acknowledge your emotions, don’t be ashamed. No
one can spend their life repressing every single negative thought, without experiencing some
serious consequences. Learning a few productive and simple ways to express your feelings as an
introvert can make a world of difference and take some weight off your shoulders. Psych2Go
shares with you 7 ways to express your feelings if you’re an introvert:
1. Talk to a trusted friend.
If you’re able to, talking to someone you trust is a great place to start. When you know
you’re in a safe environment with someone who will listen without judgement, you’ll be able to
have more control over getting yourself out of your comfort zone. If speaking up isn’t something
you normally do, I encourage you to give it a try.
2. Change your appearance.
If you feel the need to express your feelings publicly, you can do so without having to let
everyone know exactly what’s going on. A simple haircut or even a change of clothes can set the
mood you want to express, which may help you feel like you’ve done enough to acknowledge
what you’re feeling.
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3. Meditate.
Introverts tend to do their best thinking by themselves, so don’t hesitate to give yourself
some space from everyone else if you need to think things through. A grounding exercise like
meditation can bring your focus back into yourself; it’ll give you a chance to reflect without
judgement or distraction.
4. Ask for help.
Sometimes, one just can’t go through life alone. Whatever your situation may be, it is
never a bad idea to reach out to someone who can support you in whatever way you need. If a
friend or family member can fulfill that role, you’ve got to let them know. If you need to get help
anonymously, you can also call any number of relevant hotlines or even text the Crisis Text Line
for assistance, which is available 24/7.
5. Write.
If it’s too far out of your comfort zone to talk about how you feel, try your hand at
writing it. A great exercise to try when there’s a lot on your mind is a method known as Stream
of Consciousness writing. There’s no time limit, or any particular topic that you need to write
about; there’s also no need for proper spelling, grammar, or punctuation. Just sit down and write
out your thoughts, however they come.
6. Get some exercise.
Exercise releases hormones in your body like endorphins, which triggers a positive
feeling in the body. While this feeling may affect you more physically, it can definitely make a
mental difference, too. The action of exercising can tire out your body and brain, which may help
to take your mind off what’s bothering you. You’ll also be working hard and sweating, which
can be a productive yet cathartic release for any tension or negative feelings you may have.
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7. Make art.
A lot of people express themselves through some medium of art because it allows them to
be creative as they produce something from their feelings, and spend time allowing themselves
to acknowledge their emotions. Whether you sing, dance, write, paint, sculpt, or draw, you can
express your feelings through whatever medium you please, instead of letting them consume
your thoughts.
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5 Ways for Introverts to Share Feelings
By: Ash Osborne
I have been battling with anxiety and panic attacks for almost 5 years now. A majority of
the time, it was a major struggle for me and I would tend to isolate myself and try to bottle up my
emotions. As a result, I would occasionally experience panic attacks or breakdowns and cry.
Evidently, holding everything in was incredibly damaging for me.
From my experience, I learned that repressing your emotions only ensures that you feel
them stronger than ever. It isn’t healthy, but many people can’t help doing it; especially
introverts as they often find it difficult to talk to people. Being an introvert myself, this hindered
my progress even more. So, here are 5 things that I did when I started therapy to help get my
emotions out:
1. Writing it Down
When I first started therapy, my therapist suggested that I get a notebook that could be
dedicated to writing down exactly what I was feeling. Each time I felt a spike of anxiety, I would
write down what triggered it and how it made me feel. I found this method useful as writing my
feelings down had a cathartic effect on me. Getting all my thoughts out of my head and onto
paper slowed my brain down and helped me calm down. It was also useful for my therapist
because she could see what was triggering me in order to formulate ways to help me overcome
what initiated my anxiety.
2. Recording a Voice Note
If you’re not a fan of writing, you can find a quiet area of your house or a place where
you feel comfortable and just start speaking. Record a voice note or even film a video of
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yourself; this way, you can easily and quickly keep track of what’s triggering you and try to
overcome it. You may feel a bit awkward at the beginning, but once you get going, it’ll be as
easy as writing things down. Over time, your brain will start to empty out, leaving you feeling
calmer than ever.
3. Emailing a Helpline
In the UK, we have something called the Samaritans, a charity that you can call or email
if you ever need help. It’s a free service and you can remain anonymous throughout the
correspondence. Since the person you’re emailing or calling doesn’t know you, it’s easier to
unload all of your thoughts without feeling embarrassed. Whatever country you live in, it’s more
than likely that there is a similar place for you to contact if you need help.
4. Texting or Emailing Family or Friends
I found it extremely difficult to tell people when something was wrong. If I had a panic
attack at school or college, I knew that I should tell my parents or friends that I was upset, but I
never would. I felt like if I said it out loud, then it would become real and I was at a stage where
I didn’t want to admit that there was something wrong. When I expressed this to my therapist,
she suggested that I make a family group chat and establish it as a safe place for me to explain
what I was feeling. It was a great idea and so, every time I had a panic attack, or I wasn’t feeling
quite right, I’d just write a text in the group chat and that would be it.
5. Unleash your creative side.
Whether it’s creative writing, poetry, drawing or photography, just let your feelings out.
Expressing yourself creatively can massively help with a busy brain. You can use your emotions
to dictate your art and you’re also producing something beautiful. Who knows? You may even
discover your inner Shakespeare!
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10 Signs You’ve Pissed an Introvert Off
By: Elliot Figueira
Edited by: Viveca Shearin
I think we can all agree that we don’t want to piss introverts off—that’s the easy part. The
challenge is actually knowing when you’ve pissed an introvert off! As many of you probably
know from experience, introverts like to play their cards very close to their chests. You may have
made an enemy for life in an introvert, and have no idea for years. It turns out there are some
subtle signs you can watch out for that can indicate when you’re getting on an introvert’s nerves.
We’ve all dealt with an angry introvert at some point in our lives. Although introverts
may not wear their hearts on their sleeves like extroverts do, their anger and fury is by no means
weaker than their extroverted peers. In many cases, it’s quite the opposite. Fixing soured
relations with an introvert is hard, but the first step is recognizing where you messed up.
Psych2Go shares with you 10 signs you’ve pissed an introvert off:
1. The introvert responds with one word.
Introverts sometimes don’t show anger in the ways you would expect, especially if you’re
looking at the world through the perspective of an extrovert. Extroverts typically have no
problem with expressing themselves, especially when it comes to things that anger them. But
introverts are a little different. When introverts get pissed off, they tend to “shut down.” This
means that they will say as little as possible, usually in one-word sentences. For example, “yes,”
“no,” “fine,” and so on.
This is because they’re doing the least amount of social exertion possible in order to end
the conversation as quickly as possible. This is actually more effective than not saying anything
if the introvert wants to get people to go away. Because if they don’t reply, then the person will
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start pestering them, saying, “Why are you ignoring me?” or, “Tell me what’s wrong…” and so
forth. One-word answers are their way of saying, “Go away.” This sign of anger is sometimes
hard to spot because the introvert may put very little emotion into their voice, or they may even
try to fool you by faking happiness with their one-worded answers.
2. The introvert doesn’t return your calls.
Everyone knows that introverts want to be alone when they’re stressed out, and this also
extends to when they’re angry at someone. When an extrovert is angry at someone, chances are,
they can’t wait to give that person an earful over the phone, making it extremely clear why
they’re so pissed off. But when an introvert feels ticked off by someone, their reaction is often to
give them the silent treatment.
They don’t even want to deal with that person at all—and this means that they’ll do
anything to avoid talking to them either face to face or on the phone. To them, just interacting
with the person that’s been annoying them is a source of stress, and so their solution is just to cut
that person out of their life. At least, until they forgive them or get over whatever they did to
cause such a reaction.
3. The introvert pretends that everything is okay.
Another key characteristic of a pissed off introvert is the pretense that everything is okay.
It’s their way of completely avoiding the situation altogether, and is often combined with one-
word responses. In an introvert’s mind, revealing their anger will only lead to more social
interaction and those long, drawn-out discussions about feelings that introverts dread so much.
So, their solution is to put on a big fake smile, interact with you as little as possible, and get the
hell away from you as quickly as possible.
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This also classifies as passive aggressive behavior, and it’s a hallmark of introverted
behavior. Introverts know that the quickest way to end a social interaction with someone is not to
become visibly angry at them, because then the person will demand to know why they are angry.
The quickest way to end an interaction with someone you don’t want to interact with is actually
to be pleasant, polite, and excuse yourself from their presence as quickly as possible.
4. The introvert blows up over small things.
Another key characteristic of a pissed off introvert is their tendency to bottle all of their
emotions up inside, rather than revealing them. This can lead to some pretty serious and
explosive consequences. Even introverts, with their hatred of being the center of attention, have
their limits. You’ve heard of the final straw—don’t be around when an introvert reaches it. This
can be seriously confusing to those around the introvert. One minute, they seem fine. The next
minute, they’re screaming their lungs out at you.
This is because the introvert is probably avoiding confronting you about something you
were doing that they hated for a long time. They might have avoided confronting you about it for
months, even years. But when introverts finally reach their limit, they explode in a huge burst of
anger. This may seem like a pretty obvious sign that someone is pissed off, but the key thing that
makes this an introverted quality is that the anger seems to come out of nowhere, and over
something that seems utterly meaningless.
5. The introvert refuses help.
Introverts love being alone. But they will tolerate working with others and accepting help
from people they respect and get along with. When an introvert refuses to accept your help,
that’s when you know you’re on their bad side. True, introverts tend to refuse help from pretty
much everyone, not just those they hate, but it’s a definite sign that you’ve done something
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wrong. This becomes really clear when it makes no sense why the introvert would refuse your
help.
It may be painfully obvious that they really need your help, but they stubbornly refuse it
because that would “infect them” with your presence. For example, you may put your arm
around an introvert’s shoulder after they sprained their ankle, to help them walk towards an
ambulance. If the introvert hates you, they’d probably push you aside and limp towards the
ambulance on their own.
6. Apathy
Apathy is another characteristic of a pissed off introvert. As previously mentioned, an
angered introvert will “shut down” emotionally and socially. Apathy is one of the ways some
introverts shut down. They may have this burning rage inside of them, but can appear as peaceful
as a quiet lake on the outside. They may also seem to stop caring about everything. “Whatever”
becomes their new favorite word. Things they were previously enthusiastic about may seem
unimportant all of a sudden.
A key sign introverts are mad at you specifically is if they only act apathetic towards you
alone. It’s basically a non-verbal way of saying, “I’m angry” or “Something’s wrong.” They
won’t actually come out and say these things, however, because of their aversion to social
interaction and revealing their feelings.
7. The introvert retreats into their work.
This is a big sign that introverts are seriously pissed off at you. Introverts have the ability
to dive headfirst into their work, and are quite happy to drown in it. It can become a welcome
escape for them, especially from the people that are getting on their nerves. This can be pretty
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obvious in the workplace, when a coworker may cancel a lunch date with you because “They’ve
got too much work to do.”
In a school setting, someone may stop hanging out with you because they’ve “got way
too much homework.” It can also manifest in relationships, with the age-old excuse: “I have to
work late tonight.” It’s a way for introverts to show that they don’t need you, and they have
better things to do. It’s like they’re walking away from you and leaving you standing there, only
they’re using an excuse to do it.
8. The introvert only wants to communicate by text or email.
Some introverts will do anything to avoid actually talking to the person they hate, as
hearing their voice can be incredibly frustrating. Luckily for them, in today’s day and age, you
can do that and still interact with them, using written communication methods like email and
texting. You may call an introvert, leave a message, and then get a text from that person replying
to the message you just left.
Clearly, the introvert could have answered the phone, but chose not to. They may also
make up some dumb excuse as to why they didn’t answer their phone, such as “I just got out of
the shower” or “Sorry, my phone was on silent.” While they may be telling the truth if this
happens once or twice, the continuation of this behavior means you’ve done something to get on
that introvert’s bad side.
9. The introvert seems to treat your pets better than you.
Sometimes, introverts seem to get along a lot better with animals than humans. After all,
animals don’t expect you to say anything to them or keep a conversation going, and they’re
usually happy to just sit in silence and enjoy your company. You can tell a lot about someone by
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the way they treat animals, and usually introverts treat animals very well. But sometimes, it can
seem like the introvert prefers your pet’s company to your own.
If you’re with an introvert at your house, for example, and the introvert seems more
interested in your pet than you, you’ve probably done something to annoy that person. They may
refuse to make eye contact with you while you’re talking to them, preferring to keep their
attention on your dog or cat, while nodding in a bored manner at whatever you’re saying. They
may even be saying more words to your pet than to you!
10. The introvert wants to be alone.
In the end, the clearest sign that an introvert is stressed out or pissed off is if they want to
be alone. As most people know, introverts have to be alone in order to “recharge” and “de-
stress.” If nothing’s bothering them, then chances are they’re going to feel a lot less motivated to
isolate themselves from everyone. Put them in a high-stress environment, and they’re probably
going to want to spend even more time alone than usual with their thoughts.
But even if everything is going fine with them, some introverts admit that they still need
to spend about 50% of their time alone in order to function well. As such, it can be very hard to
tell whether the introvert is choosing to be alone because you’ve done something to piss them
off, or if they’ve just reached that point where everything is getting on their nerves. A sure sign
that it’s you that’s causing them to want to be alone is if you’re hanging out with them, in a
group or otherwise, and all of a sudden, they want to go home. Before you can even ask them
why, they’ve said their goodbyes and are out the door. You’ll probably look back and realize you
did something to offend them.
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OTHER FUN INTROVERTED QUIRKS, STORIES, & INTERESTING INFORMATION
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10 Kickass Facts about Introverts
By: Elliot Figueira
Introverts are seriously awesome people. Their minds work in amazing ways, and they’re
capable of achieving great things. But many people don’t fully understand what being introverted
really means. Even worse, some people look at introverts with disdain, dismissing them as shy
loners. Such a brash assessment only looks at the outer surface of introverts, and fails to see what
they really are. It turns out that even psychology itself can be proven wrong when it comes to
introverts. Psych2Go shares with you 10 kickass facts about introverts with psychological
studies to back them up:
1. Introverts aren’t actually that different from extroverts.
Our view of introverts has changed a lot over the years. Recent studies have shown that
there really isn’t as big of a difference between introverts and extroverts as we might have
previously thought. For one, there is no notable difference in intelligence between the two.
Introverts are just as clever as extroverts, and vice versa. Secondly, the difference between the
two personality types isn’t as black and white.
The two personality types can overlap, and do so quite frequently. For example, there are
introverts who love nothing more than to be with their friends. There are also extroverts who
hate public speaking. Our preconceptions about introverts and extroverts can often be
challenged. You may feel like an introvert when you wake up one morning, only to wake up the
next day with a more extroverted mindset.
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2. Introverts release dopamine in different ways.
One of the most interesting recent studies that reveals how introverts are different from
extroverts has to do with the release of dopamine. This was explored in a 2005 study that was
published in Cognitive Brain Research. The study suggests that introverts release dopamine
under different circumstances and in a different way than extroverts do. They studied both
introverted and extroverted individuals and had them play a game which involved gambling.
When an extroverted person won, they released more dopamine than the introverts did in the
same situation. This suggests that extroverts get more of a thrill from risk-taking than introverts.
3. Introverts have more grey matter.
Another amazing study that revealed the difference between the brains of extroverts and
introverts involved grey matter. This study was conducted by Randy Buckner of Harvard
University, and was published in 2012. What they found was that introverts had thicker and
larger grey matter than their extroverted counterparts. For those who don’t know, this is the part
of the brain that is responsible for abstract thought, memory, self-control, and decision making.
This explains why introverts typically like to be alone with their own thoughts when making a
decision. They are relying heavily on the grey matter of their own brain, rather than talking it out
with other people.
4. Extroverts do NOT impress introverts.
One of the most amusing and most kickass facts about introverts is that they are not
impressed by extroverts. This is pretty hilarious, unless you’re an extroverted person who’s
bucking for a promotion from an introverted boss. One study suggests that they’re much less
likely to look upon you favorably. This 2014 study was conducted by Dr. Amir Erez of the
University of Florida, who revealed that “the magnitude with which introverts underrated
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performance of extroverts was surprising. The results were very consistent across both studies.”
Not only did the study find that introverts tend not to give extroverts credit where it’s due, but
they also found that introverts generally found extroverts to be less likable. One theory for why
this is the case is that introverts do not enjoy too much sensory stimulus, and the constant talking
and sociability annoys them.
5. Introverts treat people like inanimate objects.
It’s hard to call this a kickass fact because, like the last study, it paints introverts in a
slightly negative light. But there’s no denying that this fact is pretty badass. A recent study has
shown that introverts react pretty much the same way when they see a car or flowers as they do
when they see a human face. Yep, that’s definitely a little creepy. This study was done through
the Salk Institute for Biological Sciences, and was presented in 2010 at the Annual Convention
of the American Psychological Association. They measured the brainwaves of extroverted and
introverted people while showing them pictures of flowers and faces. The introverts had identical
brainwave patterns whether they were seeing faces or flowers.
Researcher Inna Fishman revealed what this means: “[This] supports the claim that
introverts, or their brains, might be indifferent to people — they can take them or leave them, so
to speak. The introvert’s brain treats interactions with people the same way it treats encounters
with other, non-human information, such as inanimate objects for example.”
6. If being social tires you out, that doesn’t necessarily make you an introvert.
As previously mentioned, there are many studies coming out these days that suggest that
the difference between introverts and extroverts may not be as clear as we think. One of these
studies was published in the Journal of Personality in 2016, and was conducted by Sointu Leikas
and Ville-Juhani Ilmarinen at the University of Finland in Helsinki.
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They found that extroverted behavior resulted in tiredness three hours later. This is
extroverted behavior, not extroverted personality types. Extroverted behavior would be
something like participating in a highly social setting for a few hours. The study measured
people of all personality types engaging in this extroverted behavior, including introverts. It
didn’t matter whether these people were extroverts or introverts; both types of
people still became exhausted afterwards. So that old cliché about introverted people needing to
“recharge” in solitude after hanging out with people isn’t true. It actually applies to all people.
So, if you’re one of these people, it doesn’t make you an introvert, it just makes you… well,
normal.
7. There are many types of introverts.
One of the most kickass facts that you might not know about introverts is that there are
many types. There’s four actually, according to Jonathan Cheek, a psychology professor
at Wellesley College. The first type is the social introvert. This is the type of introvert that
everyone is familiar with. They prefer small groups, or simply being alone. But Cheek maintains
that this is different from shyness, because there’s no anxiety driving them to be alone—that’s
just what they want to do.
The second type is the thinking introvert. Thinking introverts are capable of creating
entire fantasy worlds inside their own minds. They are thoughtful and self-contemplating. The
third type is the anxious introvert. These introverts seek solitude because they feel awkward and
out of place in social settings. They also have the tendency to replay events repeatedly in their
minds, thinking about what they could have done differently, and what went wrong. The fourth
and final type is the restrained or reserved introvert. These introverts take a long time to think
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about what they’re going to say or do before proceeding. It might also take a lot to “get them
started,” as they need a gradual build-up before starting any given activity.
8. Carl Jung coined the term “introvert.”
We have the master psychologist Carl Jung to thank for the concepts of extroversion and
introversion. Like so many other aspects of psychology, the man was a pioneer in this field, and
was the one who first came up with the term “extrovert” and “introvert.” But way back when he
first coined the terms, he also made sure people realized that it was not something that was either
black or white. Some people since then seem to have misinterpreted this vital piece of
information.
The first mention of extroverts and introverts came in his book Psychologische Typen, or
in English, “Psychological Types.” But while Carl Jung detailed how these personality types
were different, he also made sure to stress the fact that no person is 100% introverted or 100%
extroverted, and that such hypothetical people would classify as mentally unstable. This is an
important point, and it reveals that everyone probably has a mixture of both introverted and
extroverted traits within them.
9. Introversion could be genetic.
Introversion may actually be caused by genetics. This would explain why it’s almost
impossible to convince an introvert to engage in a highly social setting, no matter how much
coaxing, begging, or bribery you resort to. It’s not a choice for them. It’s hardwired into their
DNA. Part of this evidence comes from the aforementioned study about dopamine release. The
study also measured the allele responsible for the dopamine release related to extroverts. What
they found confirmed that this is genetic, meaning that whether you are introverted or
extroverted could have been determined way back when you were just 4 months old. Another
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study which looked into this was conducted by David Owen and Jacob Sines, and was published
in Behavior Genetics in 1970. What they found was that “these results provide additional support
for the heritability of inhibition, social introversion-extraversion, or other-person orientation.”
10. Introverts speak more “concretely.”
Introverts speak and communicate in ways that differ from their extroverted counterparts.
The study, which was published in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology in 2012,
found that extroverted people speak in a more abstract manner, whereas introverted people tend
to stick to more concrete terms. They also found that extroverts tend to think of themselves as
understanding more about the conversation than introverts.
Why is this the case? Maybe it’s because extroverts like to branch off on tangents, hoping
to “domino” into new conversations, prolonging the exchange for as long as possible. On the
other hand, introverts might stick to the facts because they want to be clearly understood, thereby
eliminating the need to repeat themselves or elaborate further, thus ending the conversation as
quickly as possible. This is also interesting because as mentioned previously, introverts have
more grey matter, which is linked to abstract thought. But amazingly, this affinity for abstract
thought does not translate into an affinity for abstract social interactions.
References:
Beukeboom, C. J., Tanis, M., & Vermeulen, I. E. (2012). The Language of Extraversion. Journal
of Language and Social Psychology, 32(2), 191-201. Retrieved January 17, 2018.
Cohen, M. X., Young, J., Baek, J., Kessler, C., & Ranganath, C. (2005). Individual Differences
in Extraversion and Dopamine Genetics Predict Neural Reward Responses [Abstract]. Cognitive
Brain Research, 25(3), 851-861. Retrieved January 17, 2018.
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Dahl, M. (2015, June 25). So Apparently There Are 4 Kinds of Introversion. NY Mag. Retrieved
January 17, 2018.
Holmes, A. J., Lee, P. H., Hollinshead, M. O., Bakst, L., Roffman, J. L., Smoller, J. W., &
Buckner, R. L. (2012). Individual Differences in Amygdala-Medial Prefrontal Anatomy Link
Negative Affect, Impaired Social Functioning, and Polygenic Depression
Risk. JNeurosci,32(50), 18087-18100. Retrieved January 17, 2018.
Jung, C. (1976). Psychological Types. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
Klampe, M. (2014, December 16). Introverts Could Shape Extroverted Co-Workers’ Career
Success, OSU Study Shows. News and Research Communications. Retrieved January 17, 2018.
Leikas, S., & Ilmarinen, V. (2017). Happy Now, Tired Later? Extraverted and Conscientious
Behavior are Related to Immediate Mood Gains, but to Later Fatigue. Journal of
Personality,85(5), 603-615. Retrieved January 17, 2018.
Owen, D. R., & Sines, J. O. (1970). Heritability of Personality in Children. 1(3-4), 235-248.
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5 Reasons Introverts Love the Fall Season
By: Catherine Huang
Fall is here with the leaves beginning to change. And if you’re an introvert, you’ll be
particularly sensitive to all else that changes around you, too. Being able to crack open the
window to let the cool breeze in, putting on your favorite cozy sweater, and giving into your
basic Starbucks tendencies by enjoying a pumpkin spice latte —all of these factors help you
appreciate transition and change. But, there’s something more about the fall that particularly
draws introverts in. Psych2Go shares with you 5 reasons introverts love the fall season:
1. The tourists all leave!
This is especially true if you live near the beach like me. You’ll rarely find me outside on
a sultry summer day with large crowds hogging up space on the shoreline. As fall approaches
and everyone is back in school and no longer on vacation, traffic is less busy outside and the
atmosphere is less overwhelming. That makes it the perfect time to read on the beach or go for
walks in the park.
2. There are more excuses to stay inside.
You can indulge in solitude and be the hermit you are at heart! The best part is that you
don’t have to worry about letting others down by straying from original plans made. That’s
because there are excuses, such as bad weather or coming down with a cold, that are legitimate
and give you time to stay inside and re-charge.
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3. All your best work happens when inspiration is in the air.
Fall is about transformation. By taking in all the details that surround you, it peaks self-
reflection and can work wonders for introverts, especially since it helps you engage in deep
thinking. By recognizing that things are constantly changing around you, movement is created.
Thus, creativity also sustains and moves right along with the current that all introverted artists,
poets, and writers ride and adapt to.
4. You learn to let go.
As an introvert, it’s easy to internalize everything and to let negative thoughts and doubts
build up. Autumn reminds us to let go. By allowing yourself to fall, you’re learning to go with
the flow, even when life throws you the most difficult curveballs.
5. You can start over.
You don’t have to worry about who you were. The truth is that you can always start over
and fall fosters that message often and well. All those internal battles you fought for so long can
be turned into productivity. You can become the master of yourself; it’s never too late.
References:
LeMind, A. (2016, September 22). 5 Reasons Why Introverts Love Autumn. Retrieved
September 19, 2017, from www.learning-mind.com
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Revenge of the Introvert: An Interview with Laurie Helgoe
By: Jerusalem Brown
Today, it was an absolute pleasure peeking into the mind of author, speaker, and educator
Dr. Laurie Helogoe. I was excited to interview the prolific writer who penned the article
“Revenge of the Introvert.” I found it delightfully refreshing, and I screamed “yes!” when my
eyes met her declarations regarding what not to say to an introvert. Interestingly, Laurie authored
a fantastic book, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength, which “teaches
introverts how to gain energy and power through reflection and solitude, live fulfilling lives, and
challenges the extrovert-centered biases in society.”
I love your assertion that you are a “card-carrying introvert.” As an introvert
myself, I found it difficult to accept. I wasn’t as social as others would have liked, which
made me feel like something was innately “wrong” with me at times. Did you have similar
feelings at some point? If so, how did you grow to accept yourself as an introvert without
apology?
“Yes, these feelings are what inspired me to write Introvert Power. I recall traveling with
a group and not having access to privacy. I felt drained even as I was exploring a beautiful part
of the world. I also felt very alone with these feelings, because everyone else seemed to enjoy the
constant social stimulation. I thought of other introverts in situations like mine, feeling what I
was feeling, and I wanted to let them know they weren’t alone. That’s when I started writing the
book.
The starting point for accepting myself was simply to recognize that I was an introvert,
and to take seriously what that meant to me. It was extremely liberating to say out loud that I
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didn’t like all the people contact I was having at the time—not because I didn’t like people, but
because I didn’t have enough solitude and thinking space.”
In your article, you asserted being overstimulated at one point in your
psychotherapy practice. This “cognitive fatigue” was obviously a result of having to act in a
“counter-disposition.” Now that you don’t feel burned out by a large case-load, do you find
that you are better able to assist your clients? Do you feel more rewarded?
“Absolutely! I think that a good indicator of success is generosity. By establishing a
better balance between people contact and thinking space, expanding my work to include more
writing and teaching, I felt freer to give my best. My greatest act of generosity was the writing of
Introvert Power. I continue to hear from readers around the world who tell me the book changed
their lives by freeing them of the belief that they were somehow impaired. The secret is, writing
the book freed me as well. Now that’s a win-win!”
Saying no to expectations can be difficult for many people. I commend you for your
ability to do so in your career. What changed inside of you that allowed you to say no to
things that no longer served you? How did you come to release yourself from what was
expected? Also, was it gradual, or immediate?
“I do recall the moment when I released those expectations. I was going through a
personal psychoanalysis, and during a session, I said out loud that I didn’t like my work. I still
wince a little at the memory, because it felt like a taboo declaration. But that is what freed me. In
that moment, I recognized that I get to choose what I like and don’t like. It was as simple—and
powerful—as that.”
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When you mentioned an introvert’s reflection and solitude as a safe-haven, that is
certainly a concept I understand. In your opinion, why doesn’t our fast-paced society value
introverts more?
“I think it goes to the fact that, as a capitalistic society, we thrive on competition. We
have a shared belief that fast and loud translate to the best rewards, that taking the time to reflect
is too expensive. Introverted billionaires like Warren Buffet and Bill Gates are showing us the
other side of the story.”
I have often felt judged for my introverted nature, and in turn, I judged myself for
not being as socially adept in situations as more extroverted counterparts. Was there a time
in your life where you judged yourself harshly for failing to be more extroverted?
“Yes. I was working at a busy psychiatric clinic, and felt constant pressure to increase my
caseload. I initially judged myself for bucking the system, until I recognized that the system was
not supporting my best work. I needed to challenge the system or find/create a system that was
healthier for me. I also recall group social events that left me feeling bad about myself;
“everyone else” seemed to be enjoying themselves, and I was thoroughly bored. I put “everyone
else” in quotes because I learned that other introverts, like me, often feel quietly miserable while
playing the extrovert game. My book encourages introverts to be more honest—with themselves
and with others—about their preferences. If your “happy hour” means coffee with a special
friend or digging into a book at home, say so! You may be surprised how many people
wholeheartedly agree with you.”
One subject you did not mention in your article was introverts and extroverts in
romantic relationships. While I have no doubt that relationships with introverts can be
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highly rewarding, do you believe introverts and extroverts can flourish in a romantic
relationship together? If so, why? If not, why?
“Yes—I’ve been happily married to an extrovert for 33 years! That said, introvert-
extrovert relationships come with their challenges. In a way, both partners have to learn a new
language. This is usually harder for the extroverted partner, because “introvert” is not a shared
language in our culture. Introverts need to be more transparent with their extroverted partners.
For example, if I am pausing after my husband asks a question, I may need to tell him I’m
thinking about it, so he doesn’t assume I’m ignoring him. If I need some quiet time, I avoid
potential misunderstandings by simply saying so. Just disappearing—which I have done—can
send all types of of unintended messages to the extroverted partner.”
Introverts have a rich inner world, no doubt. However, is there anything you
particularly admire about extroverts?
“I admire the curiosity extroverts have about other people. My husband often knows
more about my own family members than I do, because he is highly inquisitive and loves
interacting with others. While I seek intimacy, he covers more ground. Extroverts also have an
exuberance that can be contagious. Carl Jung talked about how the personality longs for its
opposite. People who are comfortable with themselves can more easily respect and admire
contrasting qualities in others.”
Q: Please discuss your book and anything else you desire to share.
“Check out my book, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength,
visit my website at www.drlauriehelogoe.com, and join the quiet conversation on Facebook at
www.facebook.com/IntrovertPower.
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I think this conversation is particularly relevant to introverted young adults, who face
daily pressure to be “out there.” Thank you for inviting me!”
References:
Helgoe, L. (2016). Introvert Power. Retrieved January 17, 2018, from
https://www.drlauriehelgoe.com/books
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Having Fun in Retrospect
Edited by: Catherine Huang
Have you ever had fun in retrospect? This weekend, I went to the Georgia Renaissance
Festival, which I attend every year. As I walked around, I remembered having more fun at it in
previous years, and that’s when I realized something. When it comes to busy, crowded events
filled with many opportunities to explore, such as the festival, I tend to have more fun in
retrospect. Let me paint a picture to explain what I mean.
I usually arrive at the festival 15 minutes before the gates open and I stand in a crowd
with others as we all wait to get in. Many of the people are dressed in voluminous costumes,
such as kids dressed as fairies and pirates who run and dance around. As time passes, actors
appear on the castle wall and speak to us, but I often have a hard time hearing what they are
saying, because a bagpiper starts playing not too long afterwards. Eventually, the gates open and
all of us are released into the larger space of the fair, ready to be explored.
Vendors hawk from all sides. “Can I borrow your wrist?” a perfume vendor will ask.
“Flowers for the lady?” a woman with roses will offer. “Twisted bread!” shouts a pretzel vendor.
“MEEEEAAAAT!” screams a beef jerky vendor.
I wander around, politely shaking my head no at each request and try my best not to make
too much eye contact. I locate a stage where the bagpiper performs with his band and stop to
listen. The music is good and often attracts a crowd where people dance with one another. Then,
I continue to wander around more as people engage with me every few minutes. Each time, I
smile with my mind focused somewhere else, hoping they move onto the next person.
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I stay for a joust and indulge in some meat on a stick before I go home. I’m usually
exhausted at the end of the day and often look forward to a quiet evening to rest. This year, I’m
not sure if I will attend the festival again. But regardless, I always recall having a good time in
retrospect. Truthfully, however, during the actual event, I don’t find myself having a lot of fun,
because it’s difficult for me to process everything when it overwhelms me.
Every time I go to the festival, I’m bombarded by various sights, sounds, and smells that
make it challenging for me to tune any of it out. I’ve heard that introverts are easily distracted
and that rings true for me based on my experiences. It’s not that I lack focus. In fact, I’m
typically good at being focused. But when I’m easily stimulated and unable to filter out what
overwhelms me, it causes me to disengage with the present. This is why whenever someone
shows up late, gets up to talk, or looks at their phone during a play, it immediately pulls me away
from the plot.
Generally, I find that I am sensitive when I’m around too many people, which is why I
often avoid vendors and actors and worry about dancers breaking into my little bubble of
protected space at the Renaissance Festival. I’m also hyper alert of others, regardless of where I
go, and tend to monitor their proximity between us and their facial expressions, which can get
exhausting over time. As an introvert, I spend a lot of time in my head considering and analyzing
that it prevents me from living in the moment. As a result, I’ve discovered that I usually live in
the recent past (was I rude to that lady just now? I didn’t mean to be) or immediate future (uh-oh,
is that person coming over?). That’s why it’s hard for me to relax, let go, and have fun at events
like the Renaissance Festival. And yet, I attend it every year and always remember having fun at
it.
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I realize that every time I reflect on my experiences, I focus on the good memories. I
remember the good music I heard, the delicious food I ate, the unique merchandise I bought, and
the interesting costumes I saw. I usually don’t remember right away all the moments that
bothered me throughout the day. But now I have to decide —is having fun in retrospect good
enough? Or do I need to learn how to live in the moment, and can I?
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Why Technology Matters
By: Lilian Enke
Arguing about the terrors of modern technology is something that often riles me up. More
specifically, it’s when people blame technology today for disintegrating our communication and
relationships with one another. Some believe that it’s the reason why we don’t read books as
much anymore, call our friends, appreciate the nature and beauty that surrounds us, and so on.
The list is endless.
People born in earlier generations are often ready to scoff at today’s generation’s love for
what is modern and the way our lives now revolve around screens. Whether you’re old or young,
however, it doesn’t matter, because you probably know someone who thinks we were better off
when technology wasn’t as prevalent as it is today. Or someone who wishes that we could just go
back to the simpler times of printed word, family nights, and telling each other stories by the fire
(although, as a former girl scout, I can tell you that this last one is severely overrated).
I cannot disagree with the idea that we are becoming increasingly dependent on
electronic devices. Even though I’d like to think of myself as someone who isn’t addicted to her
cellphone, I remember last year, I was forced to go five days without it and realized how much I
relied on it without even noticing. Using my cellphone is the easiest way to communicate with
my family in another country. I also use it as an agenda, address book, and alarm clock. My
phone is the reason I go to work on time and I originally never gave that more than a passing
thought.
I believe that we need to rethink the advantages of “having everything you need in one
place” and find a way to solve these codependency issues. Rather than complaining about change
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and thinking that “the good old ways” are better than what we have now, it’s important to
understand that progress isn’t harmful. Nowadays, we worry about privacy and the way the
internet and social media is slowly making it something of the past. Parents are often concerned
that their children will be permanently damaged growing up with technological devices.
Personally, my favorite complaint is when people mourn over the loss of our social skills and
blame the internet.
There seems to be this assumption made that all human beings are social at heart, that we
crave for each other’s company constantly, and, if it weren’t for all of these screens in our way,
we’d be out there in the “real world,” interacting with “real people,” and having “real
experiences.” Some people assume that we’ve become the obese humans from Wall-E and
believe that the only way for us to get us off our chairs is to unplug our devices and set us free
from their corrupting influence.
Claims that our modern ways are ruining us, as we turn into zombie-like people who
cannot operate anything unless it has a button on it, enrage me because it overlooks the fact that
not everyone can be social the same way. For some, the virtual world is not just a way to get
distracted —it’s a place to do exactly what some say it keeps us from doing: meeting people.
Susain Cain writes, “Introverts are often brimming with thoughts and care deeply for
their friends, family and colleagues. But even the most socially skilled introverts (of whom there
are many) sometimes long for a free pass from socializing en masse or talking on the phone. This
is what the Internet offers: the chance to connect — but in measured doses and from behind a
screen. […] Similarly, when you’re blogging or tweeting, you don’t have to wade through small
talk before you get to the main point. You have time to think before you speak. You can connect,
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one mind with another, freed from the distractions of social cues and pleasantries — just the way
readers and writers have done for centuries.”
The new technologies that are available to introverts today actually make interacting with
others easier because it gives us time to collect our thoughts and express ourselves in ways that
are more fitting of our personality. We no longer need to make dreadful phone calls, for
example, and can instead rely on texting (and the many times we can rewrite them) to
communicate with others. Finding people who share our interests has also become easier for
introverts. We don’t need to leave our houses to discover entire communities of writers, painters,
or knitters when we can do so in a single click. It’s a lot more convenient than having to endure
huge gatherings of people that would otherwise overwhelm us.
It’s easier to be ourselves as introverts through technology, not only because we can
control the amount of socializing we’re comfortable with, but also because we can finally join
spaces that welcome and encourage who we are. Our quirkiness and our unique point of view
can be shared and heard by others like us. Personally, I didn’t even know introversion was
something that exists until recently when people started speaking up and writing articles about it,
and it was a relief to finally understand that I didn’t have to feel guilty about staying at home and
not wanting to call my friend every other day.
Of course, technology also comes with its own issues that can’t be overlooked, such as
our aforementioned dependence on it, the speed of which a lie can travel around the world, or the
fact that bullying has left the school yards and invaded our homes. To maintain and keep these
spaces safe and positive takes work, and it means that we have to put up with a lot of negativity.
Just as it is easier now to find a friend, it also makes it easier for tormentors to find us.
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However, these issues will not be solved by looking back with nostalgia to a time when
“things were better” because they never were. We’ve always struggled to move forward and,
although thinking of the past may bring us a false sense of peace, no one has invented a rewind
button yet. There is a world of introverts who function better in society through the armor of a
screen and the safety of an undo button. We don’t need to be rescued from our devices and
pushed outside to enjoy the sun and physical contact. Instead, it’s quite the opposite. We need to
feel comfortable in our own skin and meet others who understand our struggles and differences
in an environment that makes it easier for us to talk.
If you ever feel compelled to complain about how asocial we are becoming and how
much easier life used to be when people talked to each other, don’t waste your time trying to find
a way back. It’s important to understand that there are people in this world who rely on
technology because it allows them to be social. Don’t be quick to label technology as something
that people need to give up altogether. Like people, technology has its flaws. It’s not perfect and
we shouldn’t expect it to be.
References:
Cain, S. (2012, August 16). Why Gadgets Are Great for Introverts. Time. Retrieved January 4,
2018.
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Belle: Our Introverted Role Model
By: Lilian Enke
I must start this article with a confession: I completely snubbed Beauty and the Beast
when I was a little girl. I had nothing against it and found it enjoyable. But when I look back at
my childhood, I remember it being consumed by The Little Mermaid, Ariel dolls, and Barbies
with fishtails, while Part of Your World played repeatedly in the background. Hopefully, if the
live action remake of it is released, you’ll most likely see me crying long before the trailers even
start.
It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties that I gave Belle another chance, due mostly to
Once Upon a Time‘s re-imagining the character and to several meta I read on Tumblr that
analyzed every aspect of that movie, shattered the myth of Stockholm Syndrome, and claimed
that Belle was a good role model for girls everywhere. Only then did I realize that several
messages that Beauty and the Beast tried to convey went over my head and that this was a movie
worth not only watching again, but worthy of the glorious remake it received.
While Mulan was joining an army to defend her honor, Ariel was rebelling against her
controlling father, Jasmine was loudly turning down suitors, Snow White was leading a
household with seven men, Aurora was… Aurora’s fairies were saving the day and getting none
of the credit —while all of this was happening, Belle was a hero through her quietness and
compassion. Her enemy was not an evil sorcerer, but rather ignorance, patriarchal values, and a
Beast who couldn’t be conquered through sword, but through patience and understanding.
Belle is a clever woman. Her talents lie in the way she thinks, rather than what her
physical skills entail, and I was very pleased to see that the latest movie celebrates her
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intelligence, instead of following the trend of mistaking the word “hero” for “fighter.” They
presented her as an inventor, educator, and advocate for girls to be given access to education.
What a breath of fresh air! Belle hasn’t changed. Instead, she’s been improved and there is so
much one can learn from her.
For example, just within the first five minutes of the movie, we learn how important it is
to befriend people who share the same interests as you. For her, it was a little old bookshop
owner (turned into a priest in the new version) who saw her love for books as something to be
encouraged and praised. When you’re part of a community who doesn’t understand you, people
who share your passion will give you strength —and if Belle can find someone likeminded in her
tiny village, you can also do the same thanks to the convenience of the internet.
Also, see the way Belle reacts to being treated as “the strange girl.” Her society doesn’t
know what to do with her introverted ways and her wild ideas, so she’s often labeled as odd.
She’s ostracized and even punished for not conforming to the world she’s in. Yet, she keeps on
being herself, even though it’s not easy to be kind, patient, or quiet. These are skills that take
time and practice, and are a lot less passive than most people will give you credit for.
Even though complying to the social norm would’ve made her life much easier, she
continued to read her books, stand up for her father, and wouldn’t give in to Gaston’s
harassment, which leads to another great lesson: don’t settle for less. You deserve more than
someone who sneers at your interests and hopes that you’ll someday become their ideal
companion by changing everything about yourself. You deserve a castle, and someone who’s
going to look at your introversion and say, “I should give them a library, they’ll like that!”
And of course, a lesson I was glad to see in the remake because it’s 2017 (and it was
about time!): it’s okay to be extraverted and LGBTQ+. You are not someone else’s laughable
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sidekick, your flamboyant ways are not a joke, and you don’t have to “tone it down” to be
respected. You’re a character in your own story.
Among the many lessons one can learn from Beauty and the Beast, perhaps the greatest
one of all, is also the scariest: sometimes, you have to face the world outside of your comfort
zone.
As introverts, we come to love what is familiar to us. The same places, the same faces,
and the same activities are a source of great comfort and the way we keep ourselves productive
and sane. For Belle, that was her books and her father, but even though she was content to spend
her days reading, she also craved for something more. The “adventure in the great wide
somewhere,” something she couldn’t find in her little village, or even in her books.
When we yearn for the safety of a routine, it’s not difficult for us to trap ourselves in a
situation that is less than ideal, and after a while, that becomes a difficult habit to break. Belle
stood still despite being unhappy, and it wasn’t until she received an opportunity to go on an
adventure (in the form of rescuing a kidnapped parent) that she finally forced herself out of her
inertia.
What a boring story that would’ve been if she hadn’t.
221
A Princess for Us: The Beautiful Introvert
This weekend, I went to see the live action version of Beauty and the Beast. I’ve already
seen it before, but as I sat in the movie theater, I suddenly saw myself in Belle —bookworm,
town “weirdo,” thinker, loner, and introvert. As I sat and listened to the opening song, I got
teary-eyed. I felt such a connection with Belle in that song. It was a love song to the introvert in
me.
As the song “Belle,” plays, the film shows her interacting with the people in her town.
She leaves her home and, one by one, greets people on the street. This is an important distinction
for the introvert. Belle isn’t shy. Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. A shy person
may suffer low self-esteem and often finds social interaction scary. An introvert may well be
comfortable in his or her own skin, but simply does not enjoy a lot of social interaction.
As Belle greets the townspeople, she comments about each one’s daily activities.
Although this scene may be used to point out what Belle considers to be the boring nature of her
small town, to me, it points out another trait introverts possess. We spend a lot of time observing
others quietly, and often notice details that others don’t.
For the most part, Belle says a little more than hello to each person, but if one asks her
about the book she is reading, she will talk your ear off. In fact, in the original version of the
song, she gets excited describing her latest book only to get cut off by the baker as he moves on
with his morning work. Introverts are not likely to find small talk entertaining and will usually
avoid it. But if you ask them about their passions, they will open up.
222
For Belle, her passion is reading, and by extension, imagining and thinking. Introverts
tend to be thinkers, people who spend plenty of time in their own heads. We also have at least
one hobby that is done in solitude, be it reading, writing, art, gaming, etc.
As Belle walks through town, the town reacts to her. What they say about her can easily
be said about me, too:
“Look there she goes, that girl is strange, no question.
Dazed and distracted can’t you tell?
[Woman #1]
Never part of any crowd.
[Man #3]
‘Cause her head’s up on some cloud.
[Villagers]
No denying she’s a funny girl, that Belle.
Look there she goes, that girl is so peculiar. I wonder if she’s feeling well.
[Group Of Women]
With a dreamy far off look.
[Group Of Men]
And her nose stuck in a book.”
In a predominantly extroverted society, introverts are often misunderstood and mislabeled:
Antisocial. Weird. Shy. Strange. Dreamy. Loner. Unambitious. Lacking in leadership. Lacking
self-confidence. Belle has no friends in the town. Instead, she is friendly to others while keeping
mostly to herself as she lives in her books, dreams, and mind, and yet, she isn’t sad or lonely.
223
She craves adventure, but she is happiest when she’s reading, spending one-on-one time with a
loved one, and interacting with animals.
As the movie continues, we find out that Belle is being pursued by the very extroverted
Gaston. Gaston exhibits narcissistic traits and lives for the attention he receives from others. He
is Belle’s opposite in many ways and she finds him, among other things, exhausting.
Eventually, Belle goes to Beast’s castle. As an introvert, she is quite content to live in a
mostly empty castle with a furry creature, a huge library, and a handful of talking furniture. It
sounds great to me, too! To be honest, I was disappointed when the Beast transformed, followed
by a party. Maybe Belle was, too, because she asks him, “How would you feel about growing a
beard?”
It’s not every day that I find someone like me in a movie. Actually, it’s pretty rare, and
here is a movie with an introverted protagonist who gets to have her adventure and saves the day.
For that, all I can say is, thank you Disney!
References:
Beauty and the Beast — Belle Lyrics. (2018). Retrieved January 4, 2018.
224
An Introvert in the Big City
By: Essi
“Introvert” and “big city” may not be terms you naturally think go together. Introverts
like quiet time to themselves and are easily overwhelmed by their surroundings because of
everything their senses are busy picking up and processing; whereas, a big city is busy, loud and
sometimes to be frank, pretty intimidating for a sensitive soul. Yet, as an easily overly stimulated
and sensitive introvert, I keep finding myself being drawn to big cities. Why, when it naturally
seems to go against my instincts, you ask? Well, I’ve asked myself that question, too.
I grew up on a farm in the countryside and never really considered how remote it was
until the kids from town called it “no-man’s-land.” I always had people around me: my family,
relatives, and the neighbors in the village. I also had the privilege of breathing fresh air every day
and be with nature. The biggest challenge, though, was always having to ask for a ride
everywhere I went. Except for the school bus, there was no other public transport for us to take.
It was a dream to finally get my driver’s license.
I always knew there was a bigger world out there, and I was eager to explore it. I spent a
few of my teenage years traveling as much as I could, and then later on, packed my bags and
moved to Sydney, Australia. After living there for five years, I moved to London last year.
London! With 8.7 million people outside my window!
For someone who often likes to exist within her own little bubble, I guess I wanted to put
my comfortable little bubble right in the middle of craziness. This way, I’m there in the smack of
various exciting events without having to engage too much in them. I often stare out my window
and see the red double deckers packed with commuters, people in suits rushing to and from
225
work, and the tourists following a map on their phone. But, they don’t see me. I’m in the safety
of my serene bubble, otherwise known as my flat.
Looking at the world in this perspective is different from a child who feels left out from a
group of friends. Instead, it’s more like an opportunity to be in control of how much I’m
interacting with the world. My sister once said that she can see my point of view and understand
my inner workings. But she also understands the rest of the world and can see where the world
and I sometimes clash with one another. We don’t always understand each other that well. But
there she is, in the middle, ready to build a bridge between us when it’s needed.
Thinking back, I realize this was my subconscious approach to friendships and social
circles when I was younger. Maybe even still. Unlike some introverts who prefer a few close
friends, I’ve always had quite a lot of friends. I’ve been part of a large group that also included
my closest friends. But, I prefer to be in control of how much I interact with them and like to sit
in the back seat, rather than taking on a big role within it. I’m there, but on my own terms. I
participate, but only to a certain degree. Perhaps I like knowing that I have the option to do
something if I wanted to, and then most of the time feel perfectly fine not doing it.
As I’m typing this, I’m sitting on my bed with the window cracked slightly open. Only
slightly because, as previously mentioned, the city can get very loud. If I were to leave the
building, I’d step right into the masses of everyday life happening, and simply knowing I can do
that, makes me feel like I’m a part of this society, without actually having to involve myself fully
in it.
Every time I step out the door, my heart starts beating faster, and I simultaneously
become aware of my surroundings while shutting down as I succumb to my busy head. It feels
like my body and mind have a strong reaction to absolutely everything that happens around me.
226
As a result, I easily feel exhausted, regardless if I put my headphones on and listen to music or
not. It’s stressful for me when I’m out there in the concrete jungle.
So at the end of the day, I rush home only to breathe out in relief as soon as I enter my
home. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been working all day or just get back from visiting the
supermarket. I go through the same motions every time I leave and return to the flat, which
explains why I often come home feeling as though I’ve run a marathon, both physically and
mentally, and need a moment (or several) to rest.
It’s common to hear that introverts like me would prefer not to put ourselves through that
on a daily basis, but I do. Perhaps later in life, I will choose to live in the countryside again. But
for now, I believe I have a large appetite for adventure.
227
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Here is a special thank you and round of applause to all the thoughtful writers who have
contributed to Psych2Go with their unique insights and experiences on introversion:
Anonymous, Emily Aron, Jerusalem Brown, Lilian Enke, Essi, Rosy Evans, Elliot Figueira,
Laura R. Garnett, Molly Glowacki, Kayleigh H., Irene, Gabrielle LaFrank, Louise, Chau
Nguyen, Anastasia Maragou, Karis Marie, Noura, Ash Osborne, Risma, Robert, and Baylee
Rose, and to all the editors for their dedication, hard work, and keen eye for attention to detail:
Alita Clark, Danielle Fioretti, Sarah Newman, Brian O’Connor, Judy Schumacher, Nicole
Segovia, Viveca Shearin (who also took the time to help me take one last look!) Emily Tang, and
Jasmine Yiamkiati. A huge thank you goes out to marketing director Kelly Soong as well for
designing such a cute cover design—her creative, artistic side never ceases to amaze me! In
addition, here is a warm thank you to Lindsey Williams, who we consulted for general editorial
advice and content creator Michelle Linette, for walking me through the steps of publishing.
Also, special thanks to CEO and co-founder Tai Khuong for helping me go through hundreds of
applications and being an incredible support, listening ear, and coach with his contagious spunk
and undying kindness. I am extremely grateful for being given such a great opportunity to do
this. Finally, last but certainly not least, thank you to our loyal readers and fans. Without you,
this project wouldn’t have been possible. All of you inspire us just as much as the growing
amount of content we create and provide for you every day.
Sending much♥as always,
Catherine Huang,
228

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INTRODUCTION

present you with this anthology.

Written by: Catherine Huang

Content Creator, Editor in Chief, & Product Manager

CEO and Co-Founder

Book Cover Designer & Marketing Director

Content Creator, Editor in Chief, & Product Manager

What is Introversion? : Revealing the Challenges of Being an Introvert in an Extraverted

Essi, “Knowing Your Introverted Self,” p. 7

Relationships (Dating, Friendship, & Family), p. 81

Catherine Huang, “10 Things That Make an Introvert Irresistibly Attractive,” p. 85

Chau Nguyen, “6 Tips for Having Extroverted Friends,” p. 112

Noura, “Being the Only Introvert in an Extroverted Family,” p. 121

Kayleigh H., “9 Ways to Care for Introverts,” p. 130

Risma, “Job Hunting for Introverts,” p. 156

Robert, “An Introvert’s Perspective of a Chatterbox with Sophia Dembling,” p. 173

Elliot Figueira, “10 Kickass Facts about Introverts,” p. 198

INTROVERT IN AN EXTRAVERTED WORLD & DEBUNKING INTROVERT MYTHS

Edited by: Brian O’Connor

how long you should stay.

Whether you’re leaning heavily towards introversion or extraversion, we all find

align ourselves with one type throughout our lives.

up with excuses not to go.

we can be genuinely happy.

Edited by: Brian O’Connor

situations when you’ve felt misunderstood:

1. When people think you’re shy

need to please others or seek validation by constantly speaking.

2. When people think you’re outgoing

mindset has reverted from an extroverted mood back to an introverted baseline.

4. When people think you’re boring

6. When people think they can run all over you

7. When people think you’re always unhappy or in a bad mood

Introverts don’t incessantly participate in conversations. We tend to internalize our

what your peers are saying. Expect to be asked if everything is alright.

8. When people think you can’t have an outgoing job

incapable of reaching outside your comfort zone to succeed.

Edited by: Brian O’Connor

introvert would understand:

1. Feeling drained in public settings

explain that to an extrovert.

will need to “recharge” alone.

2. Phone calls! —two words that fill you with dread

3. Small talk —the next of the dreaded words

4. People judging you for enjoying your own company

and technology, like texts and emails.

connection to their inner world.

6. Trying to avoid conversation with people

you know, let alone a complete stranger.

7. Not fitting the cliché of an introvert

8. Being put on the spot

introvert down when speaking.

characterized as preferring to think deeply about a subject before speaking on it.

9. You just need to “come out of your shell.”

10. Trying to explain introversion

never stops speaking.

Retrieved January 9, 2018.

Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks.

World. Broadway, NY: Workman Publishing Company.

By: Anastasia Maragou

Edited by: Brian O’Connor

9 problems only introverts understand:

1. Your introversion being mistaken for shyness

This is a common mistake amongst non-introverts. A preference for solitary activities

An Introvert's Survival Guide by Psych2Go

An Introvert's Survival Guide by Psych2Go