2-0 Listen FG - v07 PDF

engage! : listen!
engage! : listen!

Inside cover
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Table of Contents
Module 1. Key Element Module (Script time: 32 min 19 sec) ......................................................................... 6
Slide 1: Title Slide ......................................................................................................................................................... 6
Slide 2: (0:11) Intro Comments (Key Ingredient Module) ............................................................................................... 8
Slide 3: (0:33) Who’s On First (video) ...........................................................................................................................10
Learning Task 1: Who’s Not Communicating? (Yes) ................................................................................................................................ 10
Slide 4: (0:21) Elements of Communication – Overview ................................................................................................12
Slide 5: (0:47) Elements of Communication – Environmental ........................................................................................14
Slide 6: (0:31) Elements of Communication – Source‐Controlled ...................................................................................16
Slide 7: (0:30) Elements of Communication – Receiver‐Controlled ................................................................................18
Slide 8: (0:17) Challenge of Communication – video .....................................................................................................20
Learning Task 2: Environmental, Source, or Receiver‐Control Barriers? .................................................................................................. 20
Slide 9: (0:16) Key Ingredient – Introduction ................................................................................................................22
Learning Task 3: Most Important Element .............................................................................................................................................. 22
Learning Task 4: Most Common Barrier .................................................................................................................................................. 22
Slide 10: (0:56) Key Ingredient – Quote ..........................................................................................................................24
Slide 11: (0:27) Key Ingredient –Reflection & Group Discussion ......................................................................................26
Learning Task 5: Receiver Is The Key Ingredient ...................................................................................................................................... 26
Learning Task 6: Examples Of Receiver Being The Key Ingredient ........................................................................................................... 26
Learning Task 7: Impact On Future Communication Effectiveness .......................................................................................................... 26
Module 2. Receive Module ............................................................................................................................28
Slide 12: (0:24) Intro Comments (Receive Module) .........................................................................................................28
Slide 13: (0:30) Introduce REAP Process .........................................................................................................................30
Slide 14: (0:30) Introduce Receive Step ..........................................................................................................................32
Slide 15: (0:08) Define Your Terms .................................................................................................................................34
Learning Task 8: “Receive” In Your Own Words ...................................................................................................................................... 34
Slide 16: (0:56) The 3 C’s ‐ Character ..............................................................................................................................36
Slide 17: (0:38) Reflection and Discussion ......................................................................................................................38
Learning Task 9: Ever Felt Unheard or Unlistened To? ............................................................................................................................ 38
Learning Task 10: Unheard, Unlistened To? ............................................................................................................................................. 38
Learning Task 11: Whom Have You Never Unheard? ............................................................................................................................... 38
Slide 18: (2:08) The Gap Map .........................................................................................................................................40
Learning Task 12: Lights Are On, Somebody’s Home, But In What Room? ............................................................................................... 40
Learning Task 13: Flattery ........................................................................................................................................................................ 40
Learning Task 14: Why, Bless Your Little Receiver’s Heart. ...................................................................................................................... 40
Slide 19: (0:40) Identify the Relationship System............................................................................................................42
Learning Task 15: Relational Triggers: Not All Voices Are Created Equal ................................................................................................. 42
Slide 20: (01:16) Picking the Right Identity .....................................................................................................................44
Learning Task 16: Is The Source Really The Problem? .............................................................................................................................. 44
Slide 21: (0:45) How do you like to be heard? ................................................................................................................46
Learning Task 17: Listening Hero ............................................................................................................................................................. 46
Slide 22: (0:42) Telephone Activity .................................................................................................................................48
Learning Task 18: Telephone Activity ....................................................................................................................................................... 48
Slide 23: (0:19) Looking Forward....................................................................................................................................50
Learning Task 19: Good Receiving, Good Communication ....................................................................................................................... 50
Module 3. Echo Module ................................................................................................................................52
Slide 24: (0:17) Intro Comments (Echo Module) .............................................................................................................52
Slide 25: (0:27) Introduce Echo Step ...............................................................................................................................54
Learning Task 20: Define Echo. ................................................................................................................................................................ 56
Slide 27: (0:41) Who’s On First – clip with echoing questions .........................................................................................58
Learning Task 21: Who’s Not Echoing? .................................................................................................................................................... 58
Slide 28: (0:36) Animation of Echo Step (video) ..............................................................................................................60
Slide 29: (0:54) Use of Paraphrasing & Clarifying Questions ...........................................................................................62
Learning Task 22: Echo To Verify ............................................................................................................................................................. 62
Learning Task 23: Echo To Clarify ............................................................................................................................................................. 62
Slide 30: (0:45) The Goal of Echo ....................................................................................................................................64
Learning Task 24: Impact Of A Good Echo ............................................................................................................................................... 66
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Module 4. Appraise Module ..........................................................................................................................68

Slide 32: (0:15) Intro Comments (Appraise Module) .......................................................................................................68
Slide 33: Introduce Appraise Step ..................................................................................................................................70
Learning Task 25: Define “Appraise” ........................................................................................................................................................ 72
Slide 35: (0:42) The Collaboration Axes ..........................................................................................................................74
Slide 36: (01:23) Be Assertive .........................................................................................................................................76
Learning Task 26: What Is The Value Of The Appraise Statement? .......................................................................................................... 76
Learning Task 27: Discussion .................................................................................................................................................................... 76
Slide 37: (01:05) Be Cooperative ....................................................................................................................................78
Learning Task 28: React to the Appraise Statement ................................................................................................................................ 78
Learning Task 29: Discuss the Appraise Statement .................................................................................................................................. 78
Slide 38: (01:40) Be Additive ..........................................................................................................................................80
Learning Task 30: Being Additive ............................................................................................................................................................. 80
Learning Task 31: Discussion–Good Appraising ....................................................................................................................................... 82
Module 5. Participate Module .......................................................................................................................84
Slide 40: 0:28) Intro Comments (Participate Module) .....................................................................................................84
Slide 41: 0:50) Introduce Participate Step ......................................................................................................................86
Slide 42: 0:08) Define Your Terms ..................................................................................................................................88
Learning Task 32: Define “Participate” .................................................................................................................................................... 88
Slide 43: (02:02) Impact trumps Intent ...........................................................................................................................90
Learning Task 33: Participating In The Idea ............................................................................................................................................. 90
Learning Task 34: What Would You Do? .................................................................................................................................................. 90
Slide 44: (01:18) Affirm, then Challenge .........................................................................................................................92
Learning Task 35: Affirm or Challenge? ................................................................................................................................................... 92
Slide 45: (0:57) Affirm, then Challenge ...........................................................................................................................94
Learning Task 36: Affirm and Challenge Practice ..................................................................................................................................... 94
Slide 46: (2:07) Making Good Soup ................................................................................................................................96
Learning Task 37: “I think I am a…” ......................................................................................................................................................... 96
Learning Task 38: Reflection and Takeaway ............................................................................................................................................ 98
Slide 48: Conclusion .......................................................................................................................................................98
Learning Task 39: Takeaway from the listen! Event ................................................................................................................................. 98

engage! : listen! Facilitator’s Guide
© 2016 Ambassador Enterprises LLC

Steve Gardner, Director
Ambassador Enterprises Press
2845 East Dupont Road, Fort Wayne, IN 46825
260.487.4000 | http://Ambassador‐Enterprises.com


engage! : listen!
Facilitator Orientation
Thank you for serving as Facilitator for the engage! curriculum. The engage! Facilitator Guides are designed to empower you to
help leaders grow into increased levels of mastery of five key leadership skills. These five skills are embodied in events, which
are subdivided into modules.
There are four steps to mastering each leadership skill and these steps are embodied in a four letter acronym, which is further
explained with the event’s various modules. So, for example, participants will learn to REAP to listen! REAP stands for Receive,
Echo, Appraise and Participate, and each of these steps is explained in various modules of the larger listen! event.
The engage! curriculum at a glance:
Acronym Steps Event
REAP Receive, Echo, Appraise, Participate listen!
SALT Share, Ask, Listen, Think discover!
LIVE Look, Identify, Validate, Envision improve!
CARE Chart, Assemble, Relate, Energize collaborate!
DARE Define, Assign, Release, Evaluate delegate!
Novice and Veteran Facilitators
This curriculum is designed for both experienced and novice facilitators alike. If your facilitation experience is limited, then
engage!’s extensive prompts and learning tasks will serve as a helpful resource to take a cohort of students from start to finish
with little or no demand on your part to create original teaching content. engage! is a stand‐alone product, ready to teach a
cohort of students from start to finish. If you are a more experienced facilitator, engage! can serve more as a guideline with
plenty of “breathing room” for your experience and imagination.
Conventions
This quote bubble is prompt for what the Facilitator should say. The subject matter immediately
following this convention is also part of the Facilitator’s script.
This check mark icon is a prompt for what the Facilitator should do.
Facilitator Note 1: This is a note to the Facilitator, and not intended to be read aloud to the participants.
Written Learning Task.
The participant will write down his or her answer in
his Personal Journal.
Discussion Learning Task.

The participant will discuss subject matter with fellow
cohort members. (Participants are, of course, always
welcome to record all the written notes they care to,
including during discussion learning tasks.)

Watch the Clock
In this event, you, the facilitator, will lead a cohort of participants through discussions that will spark
imagination and deep reflection. This is critical in helping participants experience real, lasting improvement
in both relational effectiveness and organizational performance. Keep in mind, however, that today’s
meeting is more about wading in the water; in subsequent weeks, participants will complete homework and
meet with dyad partners as they “dive deep” into the material. Each module and slide has been timed so
that you don’t have to rush through the end or skip sections.


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Facilitator Note 2: How to start the slide deck. Before the event begins, an intro loop of slides with quotes
will be running. To begin the event, simply click anywhere on whichever quote slide happens to be up at that
time. You should immediately go to the main title slide (Slide 1) where you can begin with the script below.
Module 1. Key Element Module (Script time: 32 min 19 sec)

Time for listen! Event
Script Time 32:29
Video Time 7:49
Learning Task Time 1:45:00

Total Time 2:25:18

Slide 1: Title Slide

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Slide 2: (0:11) Intro Comments (Key Ingredient Module)

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Welcome to listen!
During this event we will be exploring the listen! skill and practicing the four‐step REAP process
for more effective listening.


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Slide 3: (0:33) Who’s On First (video)

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Total Time 3:24

Learning Task 1: Who’s Not Communicating? (Yes)
Identify (and write in Participant Guide) factors that contributed to the (intentional) miscommunication
in the comedy sketch.
To get us started, we’re going to watch a video clip of probably the most famous Abbott & Costello
comedy routine of all time. During the clip, watch for the factors that contribute to the
miscommunication that happens. Write in your Journal the factors you identify.
[play video]
When we take the time to think it through, it becomes clear that the communication process is a bit
complicated. There are many elements that must be present for communication to take place.


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Slide 4: (0:21) Elements of Communication – Overview

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This diagram breaks down the communication process into its various elements. Each element is a
link in a chain that passes an idea from one person’s mind to another person’s mind. Like every
chain, the communication chain can be defeated by a weak or missing link.


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Slide 5: (0:47) Elements of Communication – Environmental

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Noise is anything that distracts the receiver from the idea the source is trying to communicate.
Noise can be sound or mental activity or anything else that creates distraction or confusion.
The Medium is the vehicle that carries the idea from the Source to the Receiver. Sometimes
multiple media are used in a single communication process, like when you call someone on the
telephone and use both the electronic device as well as basic sound to transmit an idea by voice to
someone else.
Both Noise and the Medium are part of the environment of communication. While the Source
has some control over what medium is used, both Noise and the Medium are largely independent of
both the Source and the Receiver.


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Slide 6: (0:31) Elements of Communication – Source‐Controlled

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The Source not only has control over the original idea, it also controls the process of encoding and
transmitting the idea to the Receiver. Bad encoding might include poor grammar or bad
handwriting. Poor transmission might include mumbling. Choosing the wrong Medium can also
diminish the effectiveness of communication.
Encoding, Transmitting and Choice of Medium are all examples of communication elements
controlled by the Source.


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Slide 7: (0:30) Elements of Communication – Receiver‐Controlled

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Decoding and Interpreting the idea is the job of the Receiver. Decoding might be complicated by a
hearing impairment, a language barrier or a literacy problem. Interpretation is where all sorts of
barriers to communication can occur no matter how well all the previous elements work.
Once the Receiver has Decoded and Interpreted the idea, it also has control over what (if any)
feedback it provides to the Source.


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Slide 8: (0:17) Challenge of Communication – video

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Learning Task 2: Environmental, Source, or Receiver‐Control Barriers?
Identify the barriers to communication present in the video. Classify those barriers as either
Environmental, Source‐Controlled, or Receiver‐Controlled.
With this brief overview of communication theory in mind, watch this video clip and identify the
barriers to communication throughout the clip. Classify each barrier as either Environmental,
Source‐Controlled or Receiver‐Controlled.
[play video]


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Slide 9: (0:16) Key Ingredient – Introduction

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Learning Task 3: Most Important Element
What is the most important element of communication?
Learning Task 4: Most Common Barrier
What is the most common barrier to effective communication?
Take a moment to answer the following questions in your Journal:
In your experience, what is the most important element of communication?
In your experience, what is the most common barrier to effective communication?
[allow about 1 minute before proceeding]


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Slide 10: (0:56) Key Ingredient – Quote

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The authors of the book, Thanks for the Feedback, made some interesting discoveries while
researching why it is so hard for people to accept feedback from others. Their key discovery applies
to listening generally and is summed up in this quote from the book:
“It doesn’t matter how much authority or power a [source] has; the receivers are in control of
what they do and don’t let in, how they make sense of what they’re hearing, and whether they
choose to change.”
The book then makes the point that it is more important to learn to receive feedback than it is
to learn to give good feedback. In fact, learning to receive feedback well will pay dividends even
when the feedback is poorly given or given maliciously.
The same is true with communication. The Receivers are in control and largely determine
whether communication is effective or not.


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Slide 11: (0:27) Key Ingredient –Reflection & Group Discussion

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Total Time 7:27

Learning Task 5: Receiver Is The Key Ingredient
Identify (and write in Participant Guide) examples from personal experience supporting the idea that the
Receiver is the Key Ingredient in the communication process.
Learning Task 6: Examples Of Receiver Being The Key Ingredient
Discuss with the group some of these examples of the Receiver being the Key Ingredient.
Learning Task 7: Impact On Future Communication Effectiveness
Discuss with the group how focusing on the Receiver as the Key Ingredient in communication might
change the effectiveness of communication in the future.
Take a moment to identify and write in your Journal some examples from your personal experience
that support the idea that the Receiver is the Key Ingredient in the communication process.
[allow about 30 seconds before proceeding]
Who would like to share one of their examples? [get a volunteer to share; facilitate discussion
among participants about the shared example]
How might focusing on the Receiver as the Key Ingredient in communication change the
effectiveness of communication for you in the future. [facilitate discussion among participants]


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Module 2. Receive Module

Slide 12: (0:24) Intro Comments (Receive Module)

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Understanding that the Receiver is the Key Ingredient in communication is only the first step toward
improving Relational Effectiveness through better communication. The next step is to begin honing
our listen! skill by practicing the four‐step REAP process.
You can remember the Rule of engage! for the listen! skill as follows: REAP to listen!


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Slide 13: (0:30) Introduce REAP Process

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The REAP process is a set of four steps in a sequence that will help you become a better Receiver
and improve the quality of communication. Since the main objective of all communication is to
transfer an idea from the Source to the Receiver, the REAP process with help you reap the benefit of
other people’s ideas.
The REAP process is made up of the following steps: Receive, Echo, Appraise, and Participate.


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Slide 14: (0:30) Introduce Receive Step

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The first step in the REAP process is to Receive.
[Play video clip on slide.]
This step focuses primarily on getting the idea from the source into your mind initially. This step is
mostly a mechanical exercise of allowing the message to get into your mind. During this step, your
primary responsibility is to deal with distractions like noise, unrelated thoughts, body language and
other factors that might prevent you from clearly hearing the idea.


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Slide 15: (0:08) Define Your Terms

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Learning Task 8: “Receive” In Your Own Words
Define “Receive” in your own words. Write your definition in the Participant Guide.
Take a moment and write a definition for “Receive” in your own words in the space provided in your
Journal.


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Slide 16: (0:56) The 3 C’s ‐ Character

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You may be familiar with the 3 C’s concept. The 3 C’s are Character, Chemistry and Competence.
The listen! skill, while involving some of all three C’s, is predominantly a Character skill. Being a
good listener begins with having a character that truly values other people and their ideas. If you
don’t really care about other people or what they have to say, your mind will find other things to do
when others are trying to communicate with you.
This truth is particularly important during the Receive step in the REAP process. The Receive
step not only involves clearing away distractions and noise so that you can hear the idea clearly but
also involves body language and other cues from you to the Source that encourage the Source to
continue sharing ideas with you. Bad habits during the Receive step may discourage the Source from
even trying to share an idea with you.


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Slide 17: (0:38) Reflection and Discussion

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Learning Task 9: Ever Felt Unheard or Unlistened To?
Write in Participant Guide notes related to one or more personal experience where someone made you
feel “unheard” or “misunderstood.” Focus specifically on the actions that made you feel “unheard” or
“misunderstood.”
Learning Task 10: Unheard, Unlistened To?
Discuss with the group the actions that made group members feel “unheard” or “unlistened to.”
Learning Task 11: Whom Have You Never Unheard?
Write in Participant Guide the initials of people whom you have never treated the same way.
Have you ever felt like the person you were talking to was not listening or wasn’t even trying to
understand what you were trying to communicate?
Take a moment to write in your Journal one or more personal experiences when someone
made you feel “unheard” or “misunderstood.” Make sure to write down specific actions.
What are some of the actions you identified that made you feel “unheard”?
[write shared actions on the board; try to get at least 5 actions from participants; allow about 1
minute before proceeding]
Now take a moment to think about these actions. Write in your Journal the initials of people you
know that you have never treated this way.


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Slide 18: (2:08) The Gap Map

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Learning Task 12: Lights Are On, Somebody’s Home, But In
What Room?
Share a time when it was painfully obvious that someone was thinking
one thing even though they were saying something entirely different.
Learning Task 13: Flattery
Share a time when you were trying to be “nice” but the other person
sensed your honest opinion anyway.
Learning Task 14: Why, Bless Your Little Receiver’s Heart.
Share some “tattletale” behaviors or actions that tip off Receivers when a Source is saying one thing but
thinking or feeling something different.
In the book, Thanks for the Feedback, the authors point out that we all struggle with significant blind
spots because of a cycle they illustrate by using The Gap Map.
In The Gap Map, the Source has basic thoughts and feelings as well as various intentions. The
thoughts and feelings are expressed in behaviors, sometimes in accordance with our intentions and
sometimes in spite of them. Unfortunately, our intentions are so powerful that they very often blind
us to the true nature of our behavior.
Would someone share a time when it was painfully obvious that someone was thinking one
thing even though they were saying something entirely different?
[allow 30 seconds before proceeding]
On the other side of the exchange, the Receiver is unable to “see” our thoughts, feelings or
intentions. What the Receiver does experience is our behavior which has an impact on the Receiver
and causes the Receiver to develop a story (interpretation) about what we are thinking, feeling or
intending. This story is often (but not always) accurate in terms of our behavior. Unfortunately, this
story is quite often very different from our intentions.
Would someone share a time when you were trying to be “nice” but the other person sensed
your honest opinion anyway?
The final step on The Gap Map is feedback from the Receiver to the Source. If you are the original
Source, this feedback can be hard to take. The Receiver’s story may sound harsh and unflattering
because it exposes either a poor use of behavior to communicate what you were thinking or it
reveals real thoughts and feelings that you were trying to hide behind your intentions.
What are some “tattletale” behaviors or actions that tip off Receivers when a Source is saying
one thing but thinking or feeling something different?
When you are the Receiver, it is important to remember that the feedback step is where you
become a Source. It is common for people to commit the same errors or omissions when sharing
feedback that caused them to form an unflattering story about the original Source in the first place.


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Slide 19: (0:40) Identify the Relationship System

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Learning Task 15: Relational Triggers: Not All Voices Are Created Equal
As you watch this video (Father of the Bride), identify the relationship system in the scene and how it is
impacting communication. Write your observations in the Participant Guide.

While you watch this short clip from the movie, Father of the Bride, identify the various relationships
present in the scene and how they are impacting communication. Write your observations in your
Journal.
[play clip; allow 30 seconds before proceeding]
The book, Thanks for the Feedback, refers to the impact of relationships on communication as The
Relationship Trigger. Sometimes it’s not the idea we don’t want to hear. Sometimes it’s the Source
we don’t want to listen to. Understanding that we “hear” people differently based on the
relationship we have with that person is an important part of improving our ability to receive ideas
effectively.


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Slide 20: (01:16) Picking the Right Identity

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Learning Task 16: Is The Source Really The Problem?
Identify (and write in the Participant Guide) a time when you resisted listening to someone simply
because you didn’t want to admit that what they were saying was true.
Sometimes our ability to receive an idea is not affected by the idea itself or our relationship
with the Source. Sometimes the problem is how the idea makes us feel about ourselves.
Think of a time when you resisted listening to someone simply because you didn’t want to
admit that what they were saying was true. In your Journal, write a note that will remind you of this
experience.
Thanks for the Feedback discusses a Stanford University study that found that people tend to fall
into two camps when it comes to their identity.
Some people see their identity as fixed and unchanging. These people tend to get defeated
more easily because they see individual failures as an indication of an inferior identity.
Other people see their identity as a work‐in‐progress. This Growth Identity sees the self as the
“right now” self but not the “fixed and eternal” self. These people embrace criticism and failure as
learning experiences and opportunities to grow.
One way to improve as a Receiver and avoid the Identity Triggers is to work at developing a
Growth Identity that welcomes ideas (both good and bad) as opportunities for continual growth.


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Slide 21: (0:45) How do you like to be heard?

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(emotional impact vs. functional impact)
Learning Task 17: Listening Hero
Identify someone that you consider to be a “Listening Hero.” Write the name in your Participant Guide
and indicate if the reason for this choice is based on the emotional impact or the functional impact. Think
about what name you would associate with the other impact.
In the Introduction Event, we discussed how we tend to prefer one of two aspects of Relational
Effectiveness. We tend to prefer either the Emotional Impact or the Functional Impact.
The same is true with the listen! skill. When others listen to us, we tend to prefer primarily
either the emotional impact or functional impact. We also tend to listen to others using our
preferred listening impact.
Think of someone in your life that you would consider to be a “Listening Hero.” Write the name
in your Journal and indicate if the reason for this choice is based on emotional impact or functional
impact. Then think about what name you would associate with the other impact.


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Slide 22: (0:42) Telephone Activity

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Learning Task 18: Telephone Activity
Participate in the Telephone Activity. Discuss (as a group) the outcome of the Telephone Activity.
Now we are all going to do an activity that you probably did during grade school. This time,
however, we’re going to play an advanced version of the game.
One by one, each of you will step outside the room to the table with the small notebook. I
speak a sentence to the first person, who will write that sentence down on the first page of the
notebook. Then the first person will take my place and be the speaker for the second person, and so
on.
You may ask the speaker to repeat the sentence. The speaker cannot say anything other than
the sentence.
Once everyone has had their turn writing down the message, we’ll bring the notebook in here
and discuss the result.
[do the activity]
[Once everyone is done, bring the notebook into the room and compare each page to the original
sentence on the card provided. Identify each time the sentence changed in any way (e.g. spelling,
punctuation, vocabulary). Facilitate a discussion of the changes that occurred, why they might have
occurred and what Receivers might do to avoid changing the message.]
[allow between 5 and 10 minutes for the entire activity and discussion]


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Slide 23: (0:19) Looking Forward

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Learning Task 19: Good Receiving, Good Communication
Discuss (as a group) how Good Receiving may change your communication in the future.
Based on everything we’ve covered so far, how might good Receiving change the way you
communicate or the quality of your communication in the future?
[facilitate discussion in answer to this question; allow about 1 minute]
Take a moment to write in your Journal a key takeaway you gained about the Receive step of the
REAP process.


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Module 3. Echo Module

Slide 24: (0:17) Intro Comments (Echo Module)
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The Receive Step gets AN IDEA into your mind, but you can’t be sure that the idea you received is
THE IDEA the source intended. The next step in the REAP process is to Echo the idea back to make
sure you got the right idea.


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Slide 25: (0:27) Introduce Echo Step

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The Echo step focuses primarily on verifying that the idea you received initially is the idea the Source
intended. During this step, you will use paraphrasing, clarifying questions and other ways of
verifying that what you heard is what the Source meant to say. The goal in this step is for both you
and the Source to be sharing the same idea before you move on to the next step in the process.


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Learning Task 20: Define Echo.
Define “Echo” in your own words. Write your definition in the Participant Guide.
Take a moment and write a definition for “Echo” in your own words in the space provided in your
Journal.


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Slide 27: (0:41) Who’s On First – clip with echoing questions

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Learning Task 21: Who’s Not Echoing?
Watch the video clip and write in the Participant Guide the reasons that Lou Costello’s “echoing” was not
effective.
The “Who’s On First” routine by Abbott & Costello is longer than most people realize. The following
clip shows a couple points in the routine where Lou Costello makes an attempt at Echoing to Bud
Abbott to figure out what is going on in the conversation. Listen for the paraphrasing and clarifying
questions used by Lou Costello during this clip.
[show video clip]
Of course, this routine was intentionally designed to cause confusion so any attempt at clarifying the
ambiguities was doomed from the beginning. However, the routine illustrates how tricky
communication can be and how hard we have to work at being effective communicators.


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Slide 28: (0:36) Animation of Echo Step (video)

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[show video; either begin script while video is playing or wait until clip is finished]
Comedy aside, the Echo step in the REAP process is very important because it is the moment when
the Receiver verifies that the idea received is actually the same as the idea the Source intended to
send. During the Echo step, a good Receiver can help a Source overcome poor communication
habits or miscues as well as clearing away misconceptions caused by bias or assumption on the part
of the Receiver.
As in this animation, the end result of the Echo step should be a true sharing of ideas by two or
more people.


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Slide 29: (0:54) Use of Paraphrasing & Clarifying Questions

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Learning Task 22: Echo To Verify
Discuss (as a group) ways to effectively paraphrase the idea and make sure the source understands you
are paraphrasing to verify that you heard them properly.
Learning Task 23: Echo To Clarify
Discuss (as a group) ways to ask clarifying questions to clear up ambiguities or otherwise verify that the
idea received is correct.
One tool that can be helpful during the Echo step is paraphrasing the idea back to the Source. By
putting the idea into your own words, you take ownership of the idea and increase the chances that
the Source will recognize if you are missing the point somehow.
When paraphrasing an idea, it is often helpful to tip the Source off that you are paraphrasing.
What phrases or cues can you think of that will let the Source know that what you are about to
say is a paraphrase of the Source’s idea?
Another useful tool during the Echo process is to ask clarifying questions. Asking questions that
prompt the Source to fill in missing pieces or clarify ambiguous statements helps to ensure that you
receive the right idea.
What are some common clarifying questions or points of clarification that you have
experienced when communicating with others?

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Slide 30: (0:45) The Goal of Echo

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As mentioned before, the ultimate goal of the Echo step is to verify that the idea you received is
actually THE IDEA the Source intended to send. It is not good enough to get AN IDEA from the
Source. Success occurs when you verify that you have received THE IDEA.
Once again, Character is critical in the Echo step. If your focus is on yourself and on simply
gaining AN IDEA from the Source, then you are far more likely to experience difficulties in
communication and Relational Effectiveness. On the other hand, if your focus is on the Source with a
commitment to receiving THE IDEA, you increase your odds of effective communication and of
improved Relational Effectiveness.


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Learning Task 24: Impact Of A Good Echo
Discuss (as a group) how Good Echoing may change your communication in the future.
Based on what we’ve covered so far, how might good Echoing change the way you communicate or
the quality of your communication in the future?
Take a moment to write in your Journal a key takeaway you gained about the Echo step of the REAP
process.


engage! : listen!


engage! : listen!
Module 4. Appraise Module

Slide 32: (0:15) Intro Comments (Appraise Module)
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The third step in the REAP process is to Appraise. This step is when you consider the meaning, truth,
importance and implications of The Idea and decide what you will do with The Idea personally.


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Slide 33: Introduce Appraise Step

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The Appraise step focuses primarily on determining the value of the idea.
During this step, you consider the merits of the idea, comparing and contrasting it to ideas you
already have in your mind. The key to Appraising well is to maintain the right assumptions and
attitudes while evaluating The Idea.
As a starting‐point in this step, assume that The Idea is both true and valuable from the start.
As you begin comparing The Idea to the other ideas in your mind, evaluate The Idea with an attitude
of positive verification. “Positive verification” means you are looking for ways to prove The Idea
true. There may be gaps or omissions in The Idea that can be filled by your other thoughts, but you
should only conclude that The Idea is either false or without value AFTER you have tried every
possible way to prove it true and valuable.


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Learning Task 25: Define “Appraise”
Define “Appraise” in your own words. Write your definition in the Participant Guide.
Take a moment and write a definition for “Appraise” in your own words in the space provided in
your Journal.


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Slide 35: (0:42) The Collaboration Axes

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Collaboration is typically understood as an activity that a committee or team performs as a group.
Teamwork can take on several forms depending on where the team falls along the Collaboration
Axes: the Assertive‐Passive Axis and the Cooperative‐Independent Axis. In the collaborate! event,
we will discuss the Collaboration Axes in more depth and see how they will help us when working in
a team environment.
Collaboration, however, can take place in the mind as well as within a team. The Appraise step
of the REAP process is the step were the Receiver allows ideas and thoughts already in the
Receiver’s mind to collaborate with The Idea.


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Slide 36: (01:23) Be Assertive

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Learning Task 26: What Is The Value Of The Appraise Statement?
Write in the participant guide thoughts, ideas and experiences that confirm the truth and value of the
given Appraise Statement.
Learning Task 27: Discussion
Discuss (as a group) the thoughts, ideas and experiences shared by group members.
As we will discover in the collaborate! event, collaboration requires team members to be assertive
instead of passive. Passive team members often give the appearance of agreement when they don’t
agree or fail to offer a key insight that would greatly benefit the team’s effort. Assertive team
members (not to be confused with talkative or aggressive team members) actively participate in the
project, offering challenges and key insights when appropriate.
The same is true when Appraising The Idea. The Receiver should start by assuming the truth
and value of the idea but should not simply stop with that assumption. Rather, the Receiver should
actively seek out other ideas and experiences that verify and validate The Idea to confirm the
assumption. Simply accommodating the Source by accepting ideas on the assumption that they are
true is the definition of “gullible” and denies the Source valuable feedback that may be beneficial.
The goal of the Appraise step is to confirm the truth and value of The Idea.
Find the Appraise Statement in your Journal. In the space provided below the Appraise
Statement, write your own thoughts, ideas and experiences that confirm the truth and value of the
Appraise Statement.
[allow about 30 seconds for participants to write their thoughts; then ask for someone to share
what they wrote down; allow about 1 minute for group sharing and discussion]


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Slide 37: (01:05) Be Cooperative

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Learning Task 28: React to the Appraise Statement
Write in the participant guide thoughts, ideas and experiences that challenge, add to or revise the given
Appraise Statement.
Learning Task 29: Discuss the Appraise Statement
Discuss (as a group) the challenges, additions and revisions shared by group members.
Collaboration also requires team members to be cooperative instead of independent. Independent
team members often obstruct forward progress by creating competition within the team rather
than collaboration. Cooperative team members participate in the project by offering challenges and
key insights that move the project forward without regard for personal prestige or agenda.
The same is true when Appraising The Idea. The Receiver should start by assuming that The
Idea is mutually valuable and will benefit the Receiver in some way. Likewise, any challenge,
addition or revision to The Idea should be considered in terms of how that challenge, addition or
revision will benefit the Source.
Take another look at the Appraise Statement in your Journal. In the space where you wrote
your thoughts, ideas and experiences in the last activity, identify the items that challenge, add or
revise the Appraise Statement in some way that would benefit the Source of the statement. Feel
free to add new thoughts, ideas and experiences.
[allow about 30 seconds for participants to write their thoughts; then ask for someone to share
what they wrote down; allow about 1 minute for group sharing and discussion]


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Slide 38: (01:40) Be Additive

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Learning Task 30: Being Additive
Participate in the Group Story by contributing the next sentence in the story when it is your turn.
Every idea is incomplete.
All humans are finite creatures with a limited perspective and point of view. We can only see
what our eyes can perceive. We can only hear what our ears can perceive. We can only consider
impulses, thoughts and ideas that are consciously present in our minds. Consequently, we are
limited by what is (and is not) in our minds.
The overly independent Receiver limits the world of ideas to only what is in the Receiver’s
mind. This attitude results in a “My Way” mentality that keeps the Receiver’s ideas very narrow and
discourages others from sharing ideas at all.
The overly passive Receiver uncritically accepts any idea that happens to be passing by. Quite
often, this Receiver accepts multiple ideas as true that are mutually exclusive without even
recognizing the incongruity. This attitude results in a “Your Way” mentality that makes the Receiver
the mental slave of every Source and robs others of the benefits of the Receiver’s unique thoughts.
The goal of the Appraise step is to develop an “Additive” mentality which asks the question:
What can I add to your idea? This “Additive” mentality respects the Source and the Source’s idea
without depriving the Source of the benefit of additional thoughts and ideas that may improve The
Idea.
To practice being additive, I will begin a story with a sentence. Each of you will contribute a
sentence to continue the story when it is your turn. Once we have made it around the room, we will
have a Group Story created by all to use.
[allow about 5 minutes for this activity; consider capturing each sentence in writing as each
participant shares their sentence so there is a record of the final Group Story]


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Total Time 4:19

Learning Task 31: Discussion–Good Appraising
Discuss (as a group) how Good Appraising may change your communication in the future.
Based on what we’ve covered so far, how might good Appraising change the way you communicate
or the quality of your communication in the future?
Take a moment to write in your Journal a key takeaway you gained about the Appraise step of the
REAP process.


engage! : listen!


engage! : listen!
Module 5. Participate Module

Slide 40: 0:28) Intro Comments (Participate Module)
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The final step in the REAP process is to Participate. By “participate,” we mean participating in the
idea. Of course, you should be an active participant in the entire REAP process. The Participate step
is when you offer feedback and other ideas or perspectives that may help the Source further refine,
revise, alter or augment The Idea in helpful and positive ways.


engage! : listen!


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Slide 41: 0:50) Introduce Participate Step

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Video Time 0:12
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The Participate step focuses primarily on feedback you provide to the Source. Feedback is important
in communication because it helps to reassure the Source that you have been listening to The Idea
and offers the Source new information from your own experience. This new information may
enhance or otherwise alter The Idea in a positive and mutually beneficial ways.
Ideally, the result of the Participate step is a new unit of knowledge or understanding that is
shared by both the Source and the Receiver. This new knowledge is a composite of The Idea offered
by the Source and the feedback ideas offered by the Receiver after the Receiver has verified
reception of the original idea (the Echo step) and assessed the value of the idea (the Appraise step).


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Slide 42: 0:08) Define Your Terms

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Learning Task 32: Define “Participate”
Define “Participate” in your own words. Write your definition in the Participant Guide.
Take a moment and write a definition for “Participate” in your own words in the space provided in
your Journal.


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engage! : listen!
Slide 43: (02:02) Impact trumps Intent

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Learning Task 33: Participating In The Idea
Participate in group discussion of the factors to be considered when Participating in The Idea.
Learning Task 34: What Would You Do?
Write in the participant guide some possible feedback you might offer in the given situation.
Remember the Gap Map we discussed
during the Receive step? The source of
the disconnect between Source and
Receiver on the Gap Map is the Source’s
focus on Intent and the Receiver’s focus
on Impact.
There are many reasons why a
Receiver might feel like his head is being
taken off when the Source is intending
to offer a helpful surgical procedure.
Exploring these reasons might create
interesting discussion, but not a pursuit that will help with the Participate step.
When Participating in an idea, the important point is to always assume that Impact Trumps
Intent. It is not good enough that you intend the feedback to be helpful and beneficial. As the one
offering the feedback, you must also encode and deliver that feedback to the Source with the goal
of having a helpful and beneficial impact on the Source.
To accomplish this objective, the Receiver must consider the perspective and feeling of the
Source as well as checking the Receiver’s own blind spots. When offering feedback, the Receiver
should also be tuned in to the Source’s body language and other non‐verbal cues that indicate the
impact of the feedback. As with every other step in the REAP process, good Participating requires
the Receiver to be focused on the Source and giving priority attention to The Idea.
Imagine that a co‐worker (and close friend) is a candidate for a promotion. You learn that your
friend is being passed over for the promotion, but your friend has not yet been told. In a
conversation, your friend is describing some changes she would like to implement after being
promoted. She asks you for your thoughts on the proposed changes.
What factors do you need to consider when determining how to participate in your friend’s
ideas on the changes she wants to implement?
[allow about 1 minutes for group discussion]
Write in the space provided in your Journal some possible feedback you could offer to your friend in
this situation.
[allow about 30 seconds]


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Slide 44: (01:18) Affirm, then Challenge

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Learning Task 35: Affirm or Challenge?
Write in the participant guide feedback statements relating to the Participate Statement. Put the
feedback statements in either the Affirm or Challenge column for each item listed in the center column.
As we will later discuss in the improve! event, we all have two basic needs that are in tension. On
the one hand, we want to be accepted as valuable just the way we are. On the other hand, we want
opportunities to improve. The result is that we all want to be both Affirmed and Challenged.
When Participating in The Idea, the Source needs to be both Affirmed and Challenged. The
Receiver can Affirm points of agreement and new insights gained from The Idea. The Receiver can
also Challenge omissions, inaccuracies or other flaws in The Idea. Affirming and Challenging can be
directed toward The Idea itself, the logic within The Idea, the assumptions underlying The Idea, the
emotions involved in The Idea, the experiences associated with The Idea, or the intuition that gave
rise to The Idea.
The skill needed during the Participate step is discernment when determining what to Affirm or
Challenge and to what degree.
In your Journal, find the Participate Statement. In the space provided, write a feedback
statement on either the Affirm or Challenge side of each item in the center column.


engage! : listen!


engage! : listen!
Slide 45: (0:57) Affirm, then Challenge

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Learning Task 36: Affirm and Challenge Practice
Write in the participant guide feedback statements affirming the Effort, Person and Intent of the Source
but challenging the Methods, Behaviors and Impact.
There are a few elements associated with The Idea that must be handled with care.
If it is appropriate to Challenge The Idea itself, it is best to Affirm the Source’s efforts in forming
and sharing the idea and limiting the Challenge to the methods used to form and/or share the idea.
No matter what you think of The Idea, it is always important to Affirm the Source as a person.
Any Challenge associated with the Source as a person should challenge specific behaviors.
Even if you suspect bad intent on the part of the Source, it is best to Affirm the Source’s intent
and focus Challenges on the impact of the Source’s behavior.
In your Journal, write feedback statements affirming the Effort, Person and Intent of the Source
but challenging the Methods, Behaviors and Impact.


engage! : listen!


engage! : listen!
Slide 46: (2:07) Making Good Soup

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Learning Task 37: “I think I am a…”
Participate in the “I Think I Am A…” activity both as the Source and as a feedback giver.
The difference between campfire porridge
and a good soup comes down to the goal
of the cooking experience and the
methods selected. If all you want is a hot
serving of something that will fill your belly
and provide some nourishment, factors
like flavor and presentation become less
significant. However, if you want the
person eating to be excited about the
dining experience and eager to return for
more, flavor and presentation are vitally
important.
Participating in The Idea should be a “fine dining” experience for the Source rather than a bowl
of bland porridge. As the Receiver offering the feedback, you should want the Source to be
encouraged by your feedback and motivated to continue contributing and improving.
To “make good soup” during the Participation step, the Receiver must be aware of all the
“ingredients” already present in The Idea and in the listening environment. The Receiver should also
rely on what is known about the Source, which is something we will discuss further in the discover!
event next time we meet. Like a good chef, the Receiver then adds new ingredients in the right
proportions in order to improve The Idea. In terms of presentation, the Receiver should be sure to
present the feedback in a way that will help enhance the substantive value and minimize
opportunities for misunderstanding or offense.
In pairs or small groups, designate one person to wear a headband and be the Source. The
Source will read the “I Think I’m A…” card after putting the Identity Card in the headband where the
Source can’t see it. Everyone else will provide feedback to the Source by offering additional
information from the Identity Card that will help the Source figure out person’s true identity. The
feedback cannot include the name of the true identity or words included in the name. Once the first
Source has discovered the true identity, trade places and allow a new Source to try with a new card
set.
[allow about 10 minutes for this activity]


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Learning Task 38: Reflection and Takeaway
Discuss (as a group) how Good Participating may change your communication in the future.
Based upon what we’ve discussed, how might good Participating change the way you communicate
or the quality of your communication in the future?
Take a moment to write in your Journal a key takeaway you gained about the Participate step of the
REAP process.
Slide 48: Conclusion

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Learning Task 39: Takeaway from the listen! Event
Write in the Participant Guide the most significant takeaways you gained from today’s event.


engage! : listen!


engage! : listen!


engage! : listen!
<inside back cover page>
<footer will not appear on final graphic layout>


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<back cover page>

engage! : Introduction Facilitator’s Guide
© 2016 Ambassador Enterprises LLC

Steve Gardner, Director
Ambassador Enterprises Press
2845 East Dupont Road, Fort Wayne, IN 46825
260.487.4000 | http://Ambassador‐Enterprises.com


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Module 4. Appraise Module ..........................................................................................................................68

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Discussion Learning Task.

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Module 1. Key Element Module (Script time: 32 min 19 sec)

Slide 1: Title Slide

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Slide 2: (0:11) Intro Comments (Key Ingredient Module)

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Slide 3: (0:33) Who’s On First (video)

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Slide 4: (0:21) Elements of Communication – Overview

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Slide 5: (0:47) Elements of Communication – Environmental

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Slide 6: (0:31) Elements of Communication – Source‐Controlled

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Slide 7: (0:30) Elements of Communication – Receiver‐Controlled

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Slide 8: (0:17) Challenge of Communication – video

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Slide 9: (0:16) Key Ingredient – Introduction

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Slide 10: (0:56) Key Ingredient – Quote

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Slide 11: (0:27) Key Ingredient –Reflection & Group Discussion

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Module 2. Receive Module

Slide 12: (0:24) Intro Comments (Receive Module)

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Slide 13: (0:30) Introduce REAP Process

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Slide 14: (0:30) Introduce Receive Step

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Slide 15: (0:08) Define Your Terms

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Slide 16: (0:56) The 3 C’s ‐ Character

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Slide 17: (0:38) Reflection and Discussion

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Slide 18: (2:08) The Gap Map

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Slide 19: (0:40) Identify the Relationship System