To Heal and Go Full Circle

Q & A with journalist-adoptee Trace A. DeMeyer, author

of the new book ONE SMALL SACRIFICE: Lost Children
of the Indian Adoption Projects, named Native America
Calling “Book of the Month” in March 2010

Why did you write the book?

Trace A. DeMeyer: I’d never told my story of opening my adoption. A few friends knew
details but not all of it. I got the idea for a book when I wrote an article in 2005 about
Stolen Generations of North American Indian children placed for adoption with non-
Indian parents. That article “Generation after Generation, We are Coming Home” was
published in Talking Stick magazine in New York City and then in News from Indian
Country in Wisconsin. It took me down a path I never expected.

What do you mean?

TAD: I was not aware of the various medical terms for adoptee issues such as severe
narcissist injury or post-traumatic stress disorder. There is new science called birth
psychology so I read studies about adoptees in treatment for identity issues, reactive
attachment disorder (RAD), depression and suicidal thoughts. Then I found statistics. An
adoptee friend in Toronto told me to read Adoption: Unchartered Waters by Dr. David
Kirschner, a book about adoptees who are notorious serial killers. Another chilling book I
found was “The Baby Thief: The Untold Story of Georgia Tann, the Baby Seller who
Corrupted Adoption.” I soon realized the adoption industry doesn’t disclose any of this
to the media or political leaders or to adoptive parents or to adoptees like me. So I wrote
my memoir as an adoptee and wrote about the history and business of adoption as a
journalist. I found more adoptees after my article was published, which really added to
my understanding of the devastating impact of the Indian Adoption Projects.

How did you handle being an adoptee in a closed adoption?

TAD: I grieved my birthmother but didn’t know I was grieving until much later. Being
adopted affected my self-esteem but no one had told me. Trauma and grief issues were
like tentacles, affecting me even as an adult. I had difficulty feeling good or bad. I was
hurt my birthmother abandoned me as a baby, so I didn’t bounce back emotionally until I
had counseling and after I found my birthfather. My emotional state recovered but it took
many years.
How did you recover?

TAD: First, I opened by sealed adoption file at age 22. That healed me more anything, to
know my name. Even though I never met my birthmother, I did meet my birthfather
when I was 40. Our reunion is in the book. Finding out why you are abandoned and put
up for adoption, once you know the truth, it works like a miracle. I call it my cure. It felt
like a dark cloud lifted and I could feel again. Before I met Earl, my b-dad, I did co-
counseling in Seattle where you tell your whole life story – all of it – with complete
honesty, no holding back. Then it was like a powder keg exploded. I started to see how
being adopted had locked me up in illusions about who my birthparents were, so when I
learned the truth about them, my heart did begin to heal. I was no longer a mystery. Even
my health improved.

What about the Indian Adoption Projects?

TAD: There is congressional testimony and documented proof of various adoption

programs in different states which lead to the passage of the Indian Child Welfare Act of
1978. The idea in America and Canada was to assimilate Indians. If they took us and
placed us with non-Indian parents, they assumed we’d forget we’re Indians. But we don’t
forget. I know my ancestors were in my head, talking to me when I was young. Adoptees
who are American Indian are called Lost Birds, Split Feathers, Lost Children, and Lost
Ones. Of course most of us adapt and bond with our birthparents but as we grow up, our
identity and name might still be locked up in a sealed file. Adoptees told me we won’t
heal until we open our adoption and go full circle, which means we meet our tribal
relatives. The adoption projects are acknowledged by the Bureau of Indian Affairs and
the Child Welfare League of America, and I include one apology in the book. My book is
basically a memoir but it does include history.

How long did it take to write?

TAD: About 5 years. I chose the title “ONE SMALL SACRIFICE: Lost Children of the
Indian Adoption Projects.” I self-published with Lulu.com in January. Now Amazon is
selling it and bookstores and libraries will be able to order copies.

Who should read ONE SMALL SACRIFICE?

TAD: Adoptees, definitely, and the families who adopted us. One birthmom is California
told me she plans to read it with her son she placed in an open adoption. Those who have
read my book do react strongly to the idea the American government condoned and
conducted closed adoptions to erase our identity as Indian people. My hope is tribal
leaders will read it so they understand Lost Birds are anxious to return to the circle, meet
relatives, relearn language and attend ceremonies. In Canada they call their adoptee
population “The Baby Scoop Generation” and their reunions are called “repatriation to
first nations.” There are no programs in America for adoptees to be repatriated or
returned to their tribal nations as adults. With sealed adoption records in the majority of
states, adoptees struggle to get answers. My book offers suggestions and places to write
for help. I offer my help, too.

What’s next?

TAD: Some adoptees are in reunion, some are not. Their stories need to be told.
I’m compiling stories from other Lost Birds/adoptees for my next book: Split Feathers:
Two Worlds. Adoptees can get in touch with me on Facebook or read my blog:
www.splitfeathers.blogspot.com. My email is tracedemeyer@gmail.com. It’s my goal to
shine a light on adoption secrecy and end the atrocity of closed adoptions affecting so
many American Indians who are now adults. We do need to heal this to go full circle.

FMI: One Small Sacrifice: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects,
[ISBN: 978-0-557-25599-3.] c/o Trace A. DeMeyer, PO Box 1061,
Greenfield, MA 01302.

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