Child Low Self-Esteem

Does child low self-esteem worry you? Do you wonder if your child suffers from poor
self-esteem? Children who lack a positive view of themselves or who suffer from low
self-esteem may exhibit problems in one or several developmental areas, including,
social, emotional and behavioral difficulties, as well as learning problems.

Children who exhibit acting out or aggressive, defiant behaviors may suffer from
child low self-esteem. Similarly, children who internalize their distress and who exhibit
symptoms of anxiety and/or depression may also suffer from child low self-esteem.

Child low self-esteem can be a factor in bullying situations. Both the bully and his
or her victim may suffer from child low self-esteem.

Helen was worried about the self-esteem of her 13-year-old daughter, Amanda.
She had been victimized and bullied during her earlier school years. Although the
bullying has ended, Amanda's mother feels she still suffers from child low self-esteem.
She described her daughter as insecure and uncomfortable around her peers, and as
easily led. She worried about Amanda's ability to fit in and cope socially in high school.

Consequently, she sought help from a child psychologist. This psychologist worked
with Amanda and her mother to build Amanda's self-esteem and her social skills. She
also developed a more positive view of herself and is now more confident, assertive and
socially competent.

Find Out More About Child Low Self-Esteem

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem applies to our overall evaluation of our worth as a person. It answers

the question "How good am I?"

Children base their self-esteem on the judgment of other people, along with the
information they gather about themselves, as they observe their own behavior
and compare it to their peers (Harter, 1999).

Self-esteem is multi-dimensional. Children's view of their self-worth applies to several

categories. These categories include: the academic or cognitive domain, the social,
behavioral and athletic domains and the child's physical appearance. In other words,
"How smart am I?", "Do I look o'kay?", "Do the other kids like me?", "Am I good or is my
behavior okay?", or "How good am I at hockey or football or swimming or am I just a
loser?"

Children's view of their self worth or their levels of self- esteem can vary across
categories. Children may have high self-esteem in one area and exhibit child low self-
esteem in another. Consider Janie. She had many friends, great social skills and was
well liked by her peers. However, she struggled academically and experienced
academic difficulties in most subject areas. She lacked confidence in her academic
ability and felt so uncomfortable and insecure about her academic skills that she often
refused to attend school.

Due to different social and academic skills, Janie's social self-esteem was high
and her self-esteem or view of her worth as a student was low.

Children integrate their view of themselves in several domains to form an overall

view of their self-worth or just how "good they are." Their overall self-esteem
reflects their integrated view of their self- worth across several domains. Children who
feel competent and worthy in several domains will have higher overall levels of self-
esteem than children who feel unworthy or inadequate across a number of domains.

Why Do We Need to Help the Child with Low

Self Esteem?
Children who suffer from child low self-esteem are at increased risk of developing
social, emotional, learning and behavioral concerns. On the other hand, children
with high self-esteem are likely to do better at school and at home.

In addition, high self-esteem correlates with happiness, resilience and optimism,

whereas low self-esteem is often associated with depression, anxiety and anger
or hostility.

Reason enough to enhance the self-esteem of the children we care about and
work with. However, it is naive to believe we need only praise children to raise their
self-esteem and help them to "feel good" about themselves. Unfortunately, this belief is
common and has resulted in programs to boost child self-esteem through constant and
indiscriminate praise. In some instances children are taught mantras, such as "I am
okay" or "I am special", and encouraged to repeat these regularly. (Fletcher, 2000,
p.A3).

Those who criticize this approach emphasize that indiscriminate praise, or the
repetition of mantras about how good one is, fails to foster true self-esteem.
Positive self-esteem, they stress, is built on a foundation of accomplishment and the
mastery of new skills.

In addition, unwarranted praise of children may do more harm than good. A

positive self-perception is important, but children who are the recipients of indiscriminate
and unwarranted praise may develop an inflated view of just how "good they are." This
can lead to problems. Although low self-esteem is problematic, an artificially high self-
esteem is also a concern. Children who believe they are exceptional as a consequence
of unwarranted and indiscriminate praise may have problems coping in situations where
they are not the centre of attention and applauded and praised.
Conditions that Foster High Self-Esteem in
Children
So what can we do to build true self-esteem in children? Let's begin by considering
what contributes to high self-esteem in children. Then you can apply those strategies or
foster the conditions that work.

Research findings indicate that the following conditions foster positive self-
esteem in children:

1. Competent children who receive positive social feedback from others are more
likely than less competent children to exhibit high self-esteem (Harth,1999).

2. Warm, democratic parenting styles contribute to high self esteem in children

(Lamborn,1999). In addition, parents of high self-esteem children establish
clearly stated rules, which they enforce. They also encourage their children to
express their opinions and to help make family decisions (when their input is
appropriate). Perhaps this style of parenting helps children feel they are
important and respected.

3. Children who enjoy a secure attachment with their parents and whose parents
communicate approval and acceptance are more likely to have a positive self
esteem (Doyle et al., 2000). In contrast, children who feel they are not important
or don't measure up are more likely to suffer from child low self esteem.

Enhancing Self-Esteem in Children

Remember, children who suffer from child low self-esteem usually feel they just aren't
"good enough" in one or several domains. They may struggle academically or have
trouble making friends or fitting in with their peers. Some children feel unhappy with
their appearance; they are too fat or skinny or they aren't pretty or handsome enough.

To enhance self-esteem in children try some of the following :

1. Support the child and build his skills and competence in areas where he
experiences difficulty or just doesn't feel "good enough". For example, if the child
experiences problems with peers, implement strategies to develop his social
skills.

2. Children who struggle academically can benefit from remedial support to build
their academic skills. In addition, provide these children with academic work that
they can complete successfully. To help them develop a sense of
accomplishment, ensure that the academic work they are asked to complete is
not too difficult or beyond their academic skill levels.
 3. Some children with child low self-esteem set unrealistically high standards for
themselves. They may also be perfectionists, or project a negative self
perception. Help these children to develop a more realistic view of themselves,
and their goals, as well as their weaknesses, capabilities and strengths.

4. Try encouraging children to build on their strengths and to take pride in their
accomplishments. High self-esteem grows out of sense of accomplishment and a
“can do” attitude.

5. Help children to accept their weaknesses and recognize that everyone makes
mistakes. Mistakes are okay. They aren’t a big deal.

6. Encourage children not to be hard on themselves. When things go wrong teach

them to take set backs in stride and learn from them.

7. Provide praise and positive reinforcement that is based on the real things the
child has accomplished or done well.

8. Do not overindulge the child or treat her as if she can do no wrong. Encourage
her to develop empathy and to appreciate and respect the feelings and rights of
others.

9. Teach children positive coping strategies like assertiveness, problem solving and
decision making skills. Children who feel competent and that they can handle
problems usually feel good about themselves.

10. Assess your parenting style. Is your style democratic? Do you set firm limits?
How do you feel about yourself? Do you model the traits of healthy self-esteem.

Contact Dr. O. Connor about child low self-esteem or any other child problem that
worries you.

Low self esteem in children is associated with a range of child problems. This
includes internalizing behaviors like child anxiety or depression, or externalizing
behaviors like acting out or aggressive behaviors, or learning problems and specific
learning disabilities.

"Understanding the Problem is the Key to Solving It." Dr. O'Connor

offers Psychological Assessments to increase understanding of child problems and how
to help.

To learn how a Psychological Assessment can increase your understanding of

child problems and how to help, click here.

Resources Used in this Article

1. Doyle, A.B. et al.(2000). Child attachment security and self concept: Associations
with mother and father attachment style and marital quality. Merrill Palmer
Quarterly, 46, 514-539.

2. Fletcher, M.A.(2000, March 26). Putting value on self worth: Studies challenge
the belief that black students’ esteem enhances achievement. Washington Post,
pp. A3, A17.

3. Harter, S. (1999). The construction of the self: A developmental perspective. New

York, NY: Guilford.

4. Lamborn, S.D. et al.(1991). Patterns of competence and adjustment among

adolescents from authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent and neglectful
families. Child Development, 62, 1049-1065.