Addressing the Issue of Compatibility & Complementarity before Marriage

INTRODUCTION
Genesis 2:18
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet
for him. (KJV)

REVIEWING THE KEYWORDS

Alone
Separated from others. It means being without anyone or anything else

An Help (Helper)
Someone who provides assistance in discharging an assignment or a task by making it easier for the
owner of the task to perform it.

Meet for Him

Suitable:
The right or appropriate person for another specific person, purpose, or situation.

Complement:
Someone who contributes extra features to someone in such a way as to improve or emphasise their
qualities.
Being complementary suggests completing something else or making it better. It means that each part
mutually supplies each others lack. It is serving each other to complete. It also means combining in
such a way as to enhance or emphasise the qualities of each other or another.

Compatible:
Able to exist together.
Being compatible simply means having the ability to have a harmonious relationship; well suited.

IMPORTANT ISSUES: CHRONOLOGY OF THE MARITAL UNION

THE POSITION
Genesis 2:8
And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had
formed. (KJV)

God defines the location of Man. He placed him in a specific and well defined place.

THE PROVISION
Genesis 2:9-
And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good
for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

- Tree for Food

- Tree of Life
- Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil

Genesis 2:10-14
And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into
four heads.

The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is
gold. And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.
And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia.

And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria.

And the fourth river is Euphrates.

THE TASK
Genesis 2:15
And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

- Dress the Garden

- Keep the Garden

THE RULE
Genesis 2:16-17
And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou
eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

THE THOUGHT OF MAKING THE WOMAN

Genesis 2:18
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet
for him.

THE TEST
Genesis 2:19-20
And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and
brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living
creature, that was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for
Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

THE MAKING OF THE WOMAN

Genesis 2:21
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs,
and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

- Man wasn't conscious at the time of the creation.

- Man wasn't aware of the plan of God
- What helps man is in him but must be further processed/refined to be of greater value

Genesis 2:22
And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the
man.

- The woman is a part of the man

- The woman was made from the man, hence, the need for appropriate fitness, complementarity and
compatibility
- God positions the woman where the man can see her because he is on a search for his own soul
mate.

THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
Genesis 2:23
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.
THE STANDARD
Genesis 2: 24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall
be one flesh.

THE PRACTICE
Genesis 2: 25
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

- Honesty void of guilt

- Openness void of embarrassment
- Transparency void of regret

UNDERSTANDING THE ROLES OF THE MAN & THE WOMAN

God did not like the loneliness of man, hence He brought the woman to being. She was meant to
help the man in the proper discharge of His assignment.

She wasn't to be a burden or a distraction but a suitable and appropriate assistant.

This speaks to the issue of mans uniqueness. The animals couldn't fill that void. Nothing can take the
place of a woman in the life of a man:
- She is the expression of his wholeness
- She is the manifestation of his completeness
- She is the revelation of his uniqueness
- She is the perfection of his being
- She is the display of his needed support
- She is the essence of his success
- She is the image of his concealed competence

The man is to be acknowledged as:

- The custodian of the intentions of God in a marital union
- The compass for the journey to embark upon
- The teacher of the customs and practices of high value
- The culture champion for the household
- The curator of the household
- The resource maximiser of the household
- The family advocate and lead ambassador

AREAS OF COMPATIBILITY AND COMPLEMENTARITY TO EVALUATE

The issue of compatibility and complementarity in marriage quenches every desire for extra marital
affairs because you won’t find appropriate help for the task committed into your hands.

It is important therefore that those intending to get married must give due consideration to the issues
of compatibility and complementarity before consummating the relationship in law.

The following areas are vital for consideration before giving a final answer to the question “Would
you marry me?”

1. Spiritual Beliefs
1. 2 Corinthians 6:14
1. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2. Handling Finance
1. These financial questions do not just deal with the beliefs or standards a person has, but their
character.
1. Are they self-controlled vs. self indulgent?
2. Are they resourceful rather than wasteful?
3. Are they thrifty instead of extravagant?
4. Are they content instead of covetous?
5. Will they show deference and meekness instead of rudeness and anger?
2. Will you have full agreement on major purchases?
3. Do you want to save money for the future or spend money and enjoy life to the fullest now?
4. Do you want to take risks to multiply your savings, or would you rather invest slowly and
surely?
5. Are you generous with charities or do you want to save for your future only?

3. Roles and Responsibilities

1. When a man and a woman have compatible ideas about duties and responsibilities in the
relationship and household, there will be greater marital harmony. It is essential to talk about
this marriage compatibility question to clarify expectations before marriage.
2. Do you have a traditional view of the male/female roles in the home?
3. Do you have a nontraditional view of marriage roles?
4. Is your idea of an equal partnership in marriage equivalent to an equal division of all the
household chores?
5. Do you both agree upon your areas of jurisdiction?
6. Are you agreed on areas of self control in marriage?

4. Communication
1. Is there a plan to bring disagreements to a third party?
2. Verbal Intimacy
1. Although it’s the stereotype that women want to talk more than men, it was
discovered in the 1970’s that the most common thing men wanted from prostitutes
was a listening ear. Phone sex callers crave someone to listen to them without
judgment.” Couples who enjoy the same amount of conversation will be more
likely to feel a high level of comfort in the relationship.

5. Children
1. Do both of you love and desire to have children?
2. Is there agreement on ways of child discipline

6. Values, convictions and interests

1. Here are some other marriage compatibility questions under this heading to explore with
your partner.
1. Do we agree upon the same standards in reading and music?
2. Do we have the same vision for what we want home life to be?
3. Do we have the same convictions on appropriate dress?
4. Do we have the same preferences for our recreation and amusement?
5. Do we have the same expectations for social relations?

7. Character and Personality

1. Energy level
2. Intelligence
3. Personal Habits
1. For a more satisfying union, consider the following habits and how compatible
you are with your potential mate: punctuality, cleanliness, orderliness,
dependability, responsibility, and weight management.

8. Sexual Intimacy
 1. How do we fulfil each others sex drives?
2. Empathy and validation are key in coming to an understanding in this arena.

9. Family and Friends

1. How do we want to receive counsel from them?
2. Would we allow them visit and stay over?
3. How do we manage obligations to them?

Compatible couples still ensure they:

a. Remain Committed to each other
b. Give Consideration to each other
c. Embrace Humor
d. Renew the Relationship
e. Give each other Daily Intimacy

REFERENCES
Marriage Compatibility: 7 Critical Areas to Evaluate
http://www.christian-courtship.com/marriage-compatibility.html

Rodman, Samantha Ph.D. Important Areas of Compatibility

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-rodman-phd/important-areas-of-compat_b_7301856.html

Kathy Batesel. 5 Pillars of Compatibility (& Incompatibility)

https://pairedlife.com/dating/The-Five-Pillars-of-Compatibility