Ethno Paper

Running Head: DINNER ROUTINE CREATES FAMILY FROM FRIENDS Adams 1
DINNER ROUTINE CREATES FAMILY FROM FRIENDS
Abigail Adams
Saint Louis University Madrid

DINNER ROUTINE CREATES FAMILY FROM FRIENDS Adams 2
Abstract:
This paper will focus on the communicative practices of American students and their
shared mealtimes while studying abroad in the Tierra de Estudiantes residence in
downtown Madrid. This is important because in a residence with students from various
countries, the Americans sit together every night as a ritual routine. After analyzing
observations and interviews I found that this occurs because when required to create new
norms and routines it is possible for people to come together and create meaning in
relationships despite their differences.

Introduction:
Welcome to Tierra de Estudiantes
On my first day living in the Tierra de Estudiantes residence in downtown
Madrid, I went downstairs to the cafeteria and looked around. The large white room with
mismatched bright chairs and bright lighting was full of people that occupied the tables
and waited on line to get their food. I was immediately intimidated because every single
one of them was speaking Spanish and I knew that my own Spanish would not be enough
to keep up. I got my food and ate quickly and alone. As I walked to school later in the
day, I mentally convinced myself that I would be OK as the only American, and that I
would do my best. It would be good for me to practice and get to know people from a
different country. However, later that night when I returned to the cafeteria, there were
American students, speaking English to one another, all at the same table. I immediately
forgot my mental preparation and joined the Americans—who I would go on to sit with
for the rest of the semester.
As the semester continued on, I noticed that the conversations that took place during
dinner were unique from the rest of the conversations that occurred throughout the day.
The same people sat everyday at the same time at the same table. In a residence full of
people from all over the world, the Americans found each other. I was fascinated by this,
and curious as to why their conversations were always so similar. Every night the
conversations focused on the same topics, and the reactions were always similar as well.
The American students seemed to be in their own group as a comfort. One girl that will
be mentioned later, Lisa, even said about a group of American students that moved in
later, “I don’t understand why we don’t all sit together. We are all Americans! We should
join forces” (O-307-8:15).
The purpose of my research is to answer the question of what the meaning of a
dinnertime ritual is to American students abroad. Throughout this paper I will be
referencing my research along with a number of key participants, all of who are
American students that sit with one another during their meals.
Literature Review:
The Meaning of Dinnertime While Growing Up
To understand the importance of meal sharing to American students studying
abroad, it is first important to consider the meaning of a dinnertime ritual outside of that
context. Shared mealtimes most commonly occur within a family setting. Chaya Possik
describes the meaning of family dinners as a ritual by referring to them as a,
Continuous repetition of action, content, and form. Family meals take place in a
set way on a daily basis. There are often special "weekend" meals and family
celebrations that include eating together. There are certain family interactions that
occur only during family meals (Possik 260).
Further, these shared mealtimes are understood to be extremely important in the lives of
children and young adults in the United States. According to Cecily and Albert Dreyer,
the American dinnertime ritual is “perhaps the most stable family ritual in which the child
participates” (Dreyer 1973). Furthermore, in their journal article, Family Dinner Time as
a Unique Behavior Habitat, they discuss the importance of this ritual for white, middle
class Americans and the significance of the roles learned by the children of the family
when the ritual takes place. Dreyer and Dreyer agree that the social skills that a child
develops during their dinnertime rituals often remain with them for life. In support, the
book Workplace Flexibility: Realigning 20th-Century Jobs for a 21st-Century Workforce,
discusses the prominence of family dinner rituals throughout history. Dinnertime is a
ritual that families are expected to strive for to manage a healthy and “American dream”
lifestyle. That being said, it is true, according to Miriam Weinstein, author of The
Surprising Power of Family Meals, that shared mealtimes are a resource that create
healthier lifestyles with less focus on drug and alcohol use, eating disorders, family
problems, depression, and low educational achievement (Weinstein 2005).
Kim Varey and Dan Shapiro studied the impact of dinnertime rituals for college
students over the course of their university experience. They found that for incoming
college freshman, one of the biggest challenges was adjusting to new routines after
leaving home and having to compensate for not having the support of their families. To
add, student’s perception on the importance of a dinnertime ritual depended based on
their family life at home. Students that had other siblings and/or a two-parent household
valued the routine and ritual of dinnertime more than students that were an only child
and/or came from a single parent household (Varey and Shapiro 1995). When comparing
this to the participants in this study, the majority have siblings and come from a two
parent household, although a few do not. However, those who do not are less likely to
prioritize their dinner routine each night. In The Rituals of Dinner, Margaret Visser
discusses the importance of table manners in each culture. While she finds the topic of
table manners to be absurdly funny, she also mentions that without them, the ritual of
dinnertime would be completely different. Relative to the topic of this paper, Visser
states “the smallest alteration in mealtime conventions is a symptom of significant change
in the culture itself” (Visser 1991). While the particular table manners that the Americans
in the Tierra de Estudiantes residence practiced in the United States may not be very
different that those that they practice in Madrid, the culture and conventions still change
with the way that they order their food, and that they are aware of the differences
between themselves and the Spaniards in the cafeteria. Visser also states that we use
eating as a medium for social relationships outside of the family world. Thus, the
relationships formed between the American abroad students over their meals are justified.
Based on the above information, the research questions I have formed are as
follows:
RQ1: What is the communicative meaning of dinnertime conversation among
American students studying abroad?
Method:
Overall Design:
To conduct my research I acted as a complete participant due to my previous
relationships with the participants and my place in the group before I began my study.
Due to the nature of a qualitative study, I used two different research methods:
observation and formal interviews. My research began with observations at dinnertime to
give me a more rounded understanding of unspoken practices of the group before I began
my interviews.
The participants were a group of American students consisting of 12 people. They
were all study abroad students living in the Tierra de Estudiantes Residence in downtown
Madrid, and all but one of them are visiting students at a local University. When the
study began they had only known each other for two months. The participants have all
developed a relationship with one another and only two of them knew each other before
their study abroad period began. For the privacy of the participants and purpose of this
paper I have used pseudonyms throughout the rest of this study.
Formal Interviews: The formal interview procedure that I used was based on the
guidelines provided in chapters seven and eight of Sarah J. Tracey’s Qualitative Research
Methods. When I began my interviews I had a list of ten questions that were based
around the participant’s dinner practices in Madrid, their dinner routine at their home
university, and their dinner practices at home. The participants were asked about why the
American students seem to sit separately from the Spanish students, as well as asked to
detail their evenings, talk about their relationships with the other participants, and discuss
how the dinnertime discussions made them feel at the end of the day. The questions were
designed in order to understand why the participants sat where they did, why their
conversations were what they consisted of, and if there was meaning in the routine of
their practices. For some participants I asked questions that were more tailored to their
observations. This was to allow me to better understand the communicative exchanges
that occurred throughout the observations. Interviews will be cited throughout the paper
as (I-Date-Time).
Observations: My observations lasted for a period of 37 days, with some days not
producing any noteworthy information, and others producing a significant amount. I
decided to continue doing observations when not all of the participants were present
(which was mostly weekends), because it offered the opportunity to observe exchanges
that included masked feelings of some group members toward others. Each night I
attended dinner and participated in the dinner conversation, then noted whatever I
thought might be significant in a Word document when dinner was over so that my note
taking did not have an impact on what was discussed in the moment. When I began to
observe I determined what I thought was important based on the recurring
communicative practices such as teasing or comforting. Observations will be cited
throughout this paper as (O-Date-Time).
Analytic Procedures
After the observations and the interviews I began to code the information. I
started with the material from the observations. To do this, I went through the data that I
collected and looked for similarities and commonalities in the information. To begin, I
went through my list of significant observations and noted two communicative practices
that happened in each. To clarify, for a certain date, based on what occurred, I might have
written “teasing” followed by “heated exchange.” This was the easiest way for me to
begin to see how often each type of communicative exchange was used and by
whom. To follow, I created a chart to reflect who used what communicative practices
and how often that person used them. I listed the communicative practices at the top of
the chart, in order of how often they were used, and the name of the participants
vertically, in no particular order.
Next, I went through the interviews to find commonalities between sets of
interviews, which could be based on answers, background, or demeanor during the
interview. I also created an Excel chart to track the participant’s age, family background,
demeanor, and past dinnertime rituals. This helped me to look at the Excel chart, find a
person relative to what I was looking for, then go back to their interview and look more
in depth at their answers to determine if they were helpful or not.

Analyses:
Beginning of the Ritual
After only two months the participants were close enough to become one
another’s support systems, punch line, and entertainment. The most common
communicative practices that arose in their everyday dinnertime conversations were
support, caring, tension, family relations, joking, and complaints. However, of these
topics the only ones that arose in the formal interviews with the participants were
support, caring, and joking. The most common reoccurring communicative practices that
arose in formal interviews were in regard to the time that everyone sits down, the age
difference and language difference between the Spanish students and the American
students, the fast bond that was created among the participants, and the comedic relief
that comes from a shared dinnertime routine. The quick construction of relationships
among the participants was their ideal, yet none of them expected it so quickly. However,
their relationships thrived for several reasons.
To begin, it is important to recognize the dinnertime practice of the American
abroad students as a ritual. Based on the guidelines provided by Possik, the routine that
was originally convenient became ritual after repetitive practice and it became unusual to
go without it. In her interview Lisa stated, “it is noticeable when someone is not at dinner
because we are all used to seeing each other at the end of the day. If someone isn’t there
we might even text them to make sure they are ok” (I-322-7). To add, in align with
Possik’s definition of ritual, the participants occasionally share a meal together outside of
the residence hall, usually for an occasion such as a birthday or achievement. For
example, when Michael found out his paper was being published in his home university’s
newspaper, Alexa suggested that they all go out for celebratory beers and burritos. (O-
323-7).
Joking Complaints Support Caring Tension Family

Leah 2 1 1
Alexa 2 2 3
Michael 2 1 1 1
Eric 1 2 2 1 2
Henry 3 1 1 2 1
Lisa 1 3 1 4 2
Rebecca 1 1
Thomas 5 1 1 1 2
Claire 1 1 3 1
Phil 1 1 1
Dreyer and Dreyer’s findings on the importance of social cues learned during
dinnertime also carry over into the participant’s dinnertime routine. The observations
show repeated communicative practices for certain participants that indicate their
dinnertime experiences in the past. The chart above shows how often each relevant
participant used each relevant communicative practice. Rebecca’s lack of involvement in
most of the communicative practices that were observed is relative to her interview in
which she stated, “I normally keep to myself during dinner. After a long day of class I am
not in a very talkative mood. Um, I am mostly comfortable with sitting there and
enjoying my food” (I-322-6). Rebecca is an only child that also eats alone relatively often
at home and at her home university. Thus, social cues learned at dinnertime are less likely
to apply to her. That being said, in the case of Michael, who eats with his family every
night, the conversation often turns back to him and stories about his life. This is a social
cue that as the only child living at home he could appropriately keep the focus on
himself. The people around him however do not agree with his social cues, as indicated
by the observation of Leah teasing Claire for chugging a pitcher of sangria if Michael
would talk about himself 50% less, and Leah stating in her formal interview that the
dinner table conversation often focuses around him (O-419-8).
In the observations that he was present for, as well as in his formal interview, Eric
referenced to the group of people that he eats with and hangs out with to be his family.
When Eric makes these grandiose statements the group reacts well and agrees. In her
interview, Lisa stated, “we have all leaned on each other and supported one anther
because we are all that we have here. They are my biggest support system” (I-322-7).
Eric and Lisa thinking of their dinnertime group as a form of family is substantial in that
Weinstein cites that dinnertime rituals within families creates and advocates for healthier
lifestyles. Eric parties five nights a week, and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day.
However, it was observed that a repetitive and recycled communicative practice within
the group is encouraging him against that type of lifestyle. On March 14, the observations
showed Eric going out for a cigarette and Alexa stopping him. In a later interview with
Alexa she stated, “I know he will smoke anyway. But I really hate that he puts that stuff
into his body so I will always try my best to stop him” (I-323-9).
As abroad students, the participants were required to develop a new routine and
adjust to a new life away from home and from their home university. This is not only
difficult, but it is also intimidating. Abroad students are similar to the findings of Varey
and Shapiro in that they are beginning at a new school away from home with a new
routine much like incoming college freshman leaving home for the first time. However,
when there is the absence of being able to return home for the weekend a new routine
must be created, and thus, a dinnertime ritual among friends. In addition to the
relationship among these findings are those of one-child households versus two or more
child households. Rebecca is an only child that keeps to herself during dinner and is not
attached to the routine. Alexa, however, who has an older brother and loves her time with
her family, appreciates the dinnertime that the participants share together.
When going from eating with either your close friends or family every night to
not knowing anyone to eat with at all, a culture shock and intimidation becomes
prominent in the lives of abroad students. Visser discusses the potential detriment of
alterations in mealtime routines and it is relative to the experiences of the participants.
Henry, who usually eats alone or with his mother, now eats with a group of 12 people
every night. That being said, he is known for being loud, talking about himself, and
taking everything as a joke. In his formal interview, few of the answers that he gave were
taken seriously. These different conventions in mealtime routine for Henry are indicative
of the different culture that he became a part of. The previous culture would be one of
eating quickly and on the go in between school and work, and the current is to sit for over
an hour with a large group of people. To add, the rest of the American students are aware
of their separation from the Spanish students but don’t intend to do anything about it
because of the difference in age and the difference in language.
All of the actions observed and mentioned in formal interviews are relevant and
related to the materials cited in the literature review above. The literature review is
largely centered on the importance of dinnertime rituals to families and the meaning that
is created for families when dinnertime rituals take place. Thus, the communicative
meaning of dinnertime conversation among American students studying abroad is the
importance of finding comfort and routine in a new place, which can then become a form
of extended family.
Conclusion:
In a setting unlike anything they have ever experienced before, the American
students studying abroad in Madrid, living in the downtown residence of Tierra de
Estudiantes, had to create a new routine and find new comforts. Around a dinner table
there are an infinite amount of topics that a family can discuss, and through those
conversations comes the possibility of different communicative practices. Through my
analysis of observations and formal interviews as compared with journals and books, I
have determined that the communicative meaning of dinnertime conversation among
American students studying abroad is that of an extended family. Rebecca shows the
reservation of an only child, Lisa shows the constant care of the family helper, Henry
shows the immaturity of someone usually on his own, and so on. Crowded around a
dinner table these very different personalities are able to come together in support of one
another no matter the occasion.

References
Belevol, M. (2017, March 23). Interview Three [Personal interview].
Christensen, K., & Schneider, B. (2010). Workplace flexibility: realigning 20th-century
jobs for a 21st-century workforce. Ithaca: ILR Press.
Denenberg, P. (2017, March 24). Interview Seven [Personal interview].
Dreyer, C., & Dreyer, A. (1973). Family Dinner Time as a Unique Behavior Habitat.
Family Process, 12(2), 291-301. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.1973.00291.x
Mills, M. (2017, March 23). Interview Six [Personal interview].
Nowak, K. (2017, March 22). Interview Five [Personal interview].
Possick, C. (2008). The Family Meal: An Exploration of Normative and Therapeutic
Ritual from an Ethnic Perspective. Journal Of Family Psychotherapy, 19(3), 259-
276.
Ralte, L. (2017, March 22). Interview with Leah [Personal interview].
Sairifi, Y. (2017, March 23). Interview Four [Personal interview].
Tracy, S. J. (2013). Qualitative Research Methods. West Sussex , UK: Wiley-Blackwell.
Varey, K., & Shapiro, D. (n.d.). College Students' Perceptions of the Dinner Time Ritual:
An Exploratory Cross-Sectional Analysis of Differences over the College
Experience. (pp. 1-33, Publication). (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No.
ED385884).
Visser, M. (1991). The Rituals of Dinner: the origins, evolution, eccentricities and
meaning of table manners. London: Penguin Books.
Weinstein, M. (2006). The surprising power of family meals: how eating together makes
us smarter, stronger, healthier, and happier. Hanover, NH: Steerforth Press.

Zubal, B. (2017, March 23). Interview Two [Personal interview].

Appendix
Observations
General notes of routines:

Most Americans arrive between 8 and 8:15. They sit at the same tables every night. There
is not a seating position for this particular table being studied.
Conversations are sometimes dependent on who people are sitting next to.
Repetitive request for Eric to exercise, stop smoking, drink less alcohol.
Repetitive request for Michael to talk about himself less.
March 6, 2017
As the students file in and sit down at the table at different times, each asks one girl
(Lisa) about her exam. When she expresses her concern, nearly all of them smile and say
“I’m sure you did great!” The conversation starts with the day’s events—discussed by the
whole table, sometimes broken into smaller groups based on who is sitting next to the
other. One regular member of the table’s group, Ro, asked people to go around and share
the “peak and pit” of their day.
Themes: support, caring
March 7, 2017
Claire says, “It’s my dad’s birthday and he hasn’t answered the phone all day. He hates
his birthday but I always make him celebrate it so I just wish I were there.” Lisa says
“Awe abs, I’m sure he knows that.” Henry says, “I’m sure your dad is happy you aren’t
there because you can’t make a big deal out of something he hates.”
Themes: joking, caring
In February another group of Americans had moved into El Faro, but all were from the
same University. They always sat in the same section as our group but at a different table.
That night, after talking to them on line for food, Lisa came back to our table and said,
“he is so nice. I don’t understand why we don’t all sit together. We are all Americans!
We should join forces.”
Themes: friendly, joking
March 10, 2017

Lisa and Michael were discussing how much they had to save up for their time abroad.
Thomas mentioned that he did not change his ways of spending and saving before
coming, to which, Lisa replied, “that’s because your parents pay for everything you do.”
Thomas became defensive and also refuted the truth of the comment in an angry tone.
The tension between the two continued throughout the meal.
Themes: Tension, heated exchange
March 11, 2017

Michael had his phone out at dinner because he was trying to find a place for his parents
to stay when they come to visit. He began talking about his parents to the table. “They
know all about you guys and they want to meet all of you. You guys have to meet them—
they’re just really nice, really Slovic people.” Henry turned to Michael and said, “So
they’re almost like you, but they’re actually nice.”
Later, Henry and Michael were speaking to each other in Russian and laughing
hysterically.
Themes: family, joking
March 12, 2017

Thomas turned to Leah and Claire and said, when Lisa sits down tell her that she
complains about everything (said with a laugh). She gets so mad and so frustrated so fast
it’s so funny. Leah and I did not say anything.
Themes: complaints, joking
March 13, 2017

When Henry sits down with his dinner and complains that he is starving. He said he did
not wake up for breakfast in time and only was able to have a quick lunch. “I would’ve
woken up for breakfast if someone had knocked on my door” – in reference to Alexa
and/or me. Alexa became defensive saying that it’s not her job to be his alarm clock or
his mother.
Themes: complains, parenting
March 14, 2017

Eric goes to put his tray away but as he stands up Alexa looks at him and says, “really
Eric?” He looks at her and asks, “What?” to which she replies, “I know you’re not about
to go smoke right now. You have been talking all week about soccer tryouts coming up.”
Eric looked at her for a minute before sitting back down grumpily. Alexa turned to Claire
and said, “I know he will do it later but I just would rather not know about it.”
Themes: caring, parenting
March 15, 2017

Lisa started talking about a production she had been working on at SLU. She invited
people to come and see it. Henry asked which role she was playing and she said, “I’m not
I am just doing lights and sound.” Henry, Michael, and Thomas laughed at her for caring
so much even though she isn’t on stage. Lisa laughed along with them noting that it is
still important to her.
Themes: support, joking
March 16, 2017

Eric started talking about how his friends from when he went to school in London had
been talking about him since he left and that they were not his friends anymore. He also
mentioned that two of his ex-girlfriends had become friends and that they were trying to
turn people against him. He said, “When I found out that all of this was happening I just
really missed my family and I wanted to go home. It was the beginning of the semester
you know, and I was really homesick. But its because of you guys that I stayed. If I
hadn’t met you I would have left. But you have become my family here.”
Themes: family
March 26, 2017

Claire’s first day back from an eight-day trip everyone came up to her, hugged her, and
told her that dinner was not the same without her there. Henry said, “Claire it was so
weird this week that you weren’t here to worry about us or to remind us to be careful and
make good decisions before going out.”
Themes: parenting, caring
March 30, 2017

Phil told the group about his time in the discipline office at SLU. He claimed that Tierra
de Estudiantes wrote him up for having beer cans and cigarettes in his trashcan. The
group simultaneously expressed their disbelief and anger at the situation.
This was followed by a conversation detailing people’s annoyance at Tierra de
Estudiantes for entering their rooms without telling them quite often.
Themes: support, complaining
April 4, 2017
Rebecca came downstairs a few minutes late. Lisa immediately asked her how she was
feeling and if she had gone to the doctor yet. Everyone chimed in saying “oh you’re sick?
What’s wrong?” This was followed by different suggestions regarding the doctor,
medicines, and rest.
Themes: caring
April 5, 2017
Thomas was complaining about his meat not being fully cooked. Alexa suggested he go
back up and ask them to cook it more. This exchange happened three times, and the last
time Thomas snapped at Alexa, saying, “I don’t want to go back up! If you want to do it
then go for it, but stop bothering me about it.”
Themes: complaining and heated exchange
April 6, 2017
As dinner began to come to an end, Lisa (who is fluent in Spanish) leaned across the table
and whispered to Claire and Alexa, that Spanish girl at the table next to us has been
laughing and making fun of us the whole dinner and I am about to snap. Everything we
have been doing she has made fun of us for, except what we have been saying because
she cant understand the English. Claire and Alexa convinced her that it wasn’t a big
enough deal to get upset about and who cares if she was making fun of us, she is much
younger.
Themes: gossip, tension
April 16, 2017

Everyone’s first meal together after spring break and everyone is telling their stories and
events. Alec, Phil, and Jay went to Marbella together. Alec was not present at the meal.
Phil and Jay were fed up with Alec and his obsession with video games. They said that
they think he lacks social cues and that he was rude and not grateful to Jay’s mom for
having them and feeding them. They complained about Alec for about ten minutes—even
saying to Henry (Alec’s roommate), I have a new sympathy for you and what you have to
deal with
Themes: gossip, complaints, support
April 17, 2017

Everyone was laughing and talking about the funny stories that happened over spring
break. Henry was talking about how he and his mom had gotten drunk together and
everyone was laughing about how what they did seemed like they were in high school.
The laughter was interrupted when Alexa asked Eric what was wrong. When everyone
directed their attention toward him he was frowning and his eyes were watering. He said
that his best friend from childhood had died from a drug related incident. I reached out
and grabbed his hand, Lisa wrapped her arm around him, and everyone immediately
began to express their regrets. Everyone asked if he wanted to go upstairs, or if we should
leave him alone to which he replied “No, thank God I have you guys right now. Thanks
for always having my back.”
Themes: support, joking, caring
April 18, 2017

Lisa was telling everyone at the table that someone in her class had been rude to her but
hadn’t realized he was being rude. He told her that she has the most manly eyes he has
ever seen and that her face is extremely handsome. To follow this he told her that she
looks like a cartoon character- like Goofy. When she was saying this the majority of the
table was dying in laughter. Thomas looked at Lisa and said, “Lisa you know he was
wrong. You look more like Cat in the Hat.” This was followed by even more laughter
and Lisa smirking at him in annoyance.
Themes: joking
April 19, 2017

Leah turns to Claire and says, “Claire, I saw that you really like sangria!” Claire turned
red and wanted to know how she knew that. Henry had posted a snapchat story of her
chugging sangria out of a pitcher. When Claire started to get embarrassed she said, “guys,
I took one for the team. Now that I did that Michael has to talk about himself 50% less or
else Henry gets to punch him.” At this everyone started to applaud except for Michael
who said “I cant believe you actually did it.”
Themes: joking
April 19, 2017

Eric mentions the paella that was on Alexa’s snapchat story. He asks her if she has been
working out lately and when she replies that she should have been more he rubbed her
stomach and said “well yeah, you’re gaining a little belly.” Alexa looked at him and
replied, “don’t speak to me for three days.” The rest of the table was in shock and went
silent for a few moments.
Themes: joking, tension
Potential Abstract:
This paper will focus on the communicative practices of American students and their
shared mealtimes while studying abroad. The significance is found in that in a residence
shared by students from all over the world, the Americans students sit together every
night and go through a routine. After analyzing observations and interviews I found that
this occurs for three primary reasons: Americans looking for comfort, replacing a routine,
and desire for familial practices. When moving to a new place for a temporary amount of
time, the routine from America that was lost is replaced with the most comforting routine
possible.
Interview Questions:
1. What do you think of your dinnertime routine at Tierra de Estudiantes?
2. What is your dinnertime routine in the US like with your family?
3. What is your dinnertime routine like in the US during the school year?
4. What do you think your relationship is like with the people that you have dinner
with?
5. Why do you think that the American students and the Spanish students sit
separately?
6. If the Spanish students sat with the American students at random one day how
would the Americans react?
7. What does the conversation at the table usually focus around?
8. Can you describe a typical night at the dinner table for me?
9. Is there a particular seating arrangement that people follow?
10. What led up to this group of Americans sitting together?
Interview Questions: Rebecca

March 22, 2017 6pm
a. It is a very habitual routine. Umm once the clock hits eight I am aware that
it is time to head downstairs to eat. After living here for four months I am
familiar with the food selection and um I know it’s not that good. What’s
another word for habitual? This routine doesn’t change very often, um,
I’m like the worst person to interview. UMMM
a. Um, with my family it’s a little bit different. The time that we eat is very
sporadic and it can be a range of times starting from 6-9pm. My mom
usually chooses what she is going to make with input from my dad and I?
I’m a bad daughter because I don’t help her very often. My dad and I kind
of just wait for my mom’s uh, call to dinner I guess.
b. So you eat together every time you’re home.  Sometimes? If we do eat
together the TV is usually on, um, if I was working um, earlier that day or
was busy with something else then I am likely not eating with them, my
food is probably in the fridge waiting to be heated up. We also spend
sometimes out of the house and choose to go out.
a. During the school year um, I eat dinner pretty late, I uh don’t know how to
cook, so its very rare that I make my own food. I usually go out to eat but
try to lead for a healthier option. If it’s a really busy part of the year or I
have a heavy workload I usually eat with my HW in silence with someone
else doing their work. If it’s the weekend I am more likely to go to a
restaurant with my roommates, but there is a significant amount of time
that my schedule doesn’t align so I go on my phone or with a book.
with?
a. I normally keep to myself during dinner. After a long day of class I am not
in a very talkative mood. Um, I am comfortable with sitting there and
enjoying my food. I don’t think I spend a longer amount of time eating
dinner here like most people do, because I am a slow eater so the Spanish
pace of eating is more fitting to my style.
separately?
a. I think that there is a cultural divide and um I think it is a little bit difficult
for people to envision themselves out of their comfort zones and trying to
break the language barrier. I think that because we have a lot in common
being from the states we gravitate towards each other. If people do go out
of their comfort zones and communicate with Spanish students then the
conversation is very limited because we are not necessarily sure on what
topics are dinner appropriate and in general um I just think ppl are more
likely to like put themselves in different groups rather than sitting and
having one huge table.
a. At first it would be a little bit confusing, shocking even. But I think if they
were to make that first move we would feel um happy that they went out
of their way to interact with us. But I definitely think the first reaction
would be one of surprise.
a. More often then not the conversation is centered on what people did that
day and what they encountered throughout their classes.
a. Everyone normally comes down to have dinner at the same time. Soooo
we all have a habit of sitting together. Um I think in a sense we sit at
random, not necessarily next to the same people. A typical dinner is
normally filled with mundane conversation, weekend plans, and comments
about the food.
a. No its normally at random but within the same group of people.
a. I think with a limited number of American students in the dorm it was
easy to identify who the Americans were and like I said, when you’re
comfortable with people from the states you are more likely to sit with
them as opposed to the Spanish students.
11. In observations it has been seen that people always ask you how you are feeling
when you are sick. How do you feel about this?
a. Good. I mean everyone is really nice and caring. Lisa always offers me
medicine.
Interview Questions: Lisa

March 22, 2017 7pm
a. I look forward to it every evening, mainly because it is the only time to try
to be with family and people almost. In my family dinnertime was the one
time we always got to be together. I look forward to seeing everyone,
getting everyone together, and I like how we always sit in different seats
so every dinner I talk to someone different. And I just really enjoy the
company.
a. My mom comes home from work and me my sister and my dad will have
already set the table with plates, glasses, water, and have prepared
whatever she needs. Like limes pressed or pasta cooked. When she gets
home she finishes cooking up whatever she wants. My dad is in charge of
the alcohol, usually wine, my sister and I are in charge of the salad. Then
we sit and eat dinner and it usually lasts one to one and half hours. We
talk, we sit, and don’t get up until conversation is finished. My sister and I
are in charge of doing the dishes.
a. So, I have a yoga ritual because I try to do yoga everyday. It depends
when yoga is. But I usually go with one of my best friends either before or
after yoga. We do to the dining hall. We sit and talk for about like 25 to 30
minutes. I usually hate the food and end up getting cereal. Sometimes I
make myself a wrap. From there we will go to yoga. Days where yoga is
at 6 I go to yoga with her and we eat after.
with?
a. Um, well I mean everyone has a relative relationship. We all have a
deeper connection, on a different level. But I would assume that we have
created a decent friend group. I wouldn’t say everyone is best friends but
we have all leaned on each other and supported one anther because we are
all that we have here. They are my biggest support system here.
separately?
a. To be honest with you I feel like its intimidation, on their part. Maybe we
speak too fast, or we are too comfortable. We just walked into the dorms
claimed our space, and did our thing. Also a lot of them are a lot younger.
We walked in knowing that we would sit with English speakers and sat
with one another from the beginning. On our part I feel like we can be
very closed and not willing to take an extra step and start a conversation.
That has to do with our generation and our society. We might not know
how good their English is and not want to force our Spanish. Its shyness.
We just feel so comfortable being in our own language.
a. I think we would be very open to it. Its really about who makes the first
step. Just like if we did it vice versa they would probably be open too. It
would be small talk at first, but the language barrier might hinder a real
connection. But both would be open and welcoming.
a. Mainly everyone’s days. Highs, lows, achievements, complaints, plans for
the weekend, past stories. Usually very comedic. Dinner is always
comedic relief.
a. It usually starts with Alexa, Claire, and me being there first since we are
already hungry. We would get the table, the water, and then Thomas
comes in followed by Henry, and Michael with the occasional surprise of
the other guys coming in later. It is noticeable when someone is not at
dinner because we are all used to seeing each other at the end of the day. If
someone isn’t there we might even text them to make sure they are ok
Wherever we sit is where conversation will spur with one another. Once
we all have our first round we go back for seconds or salads. Claire will go
and get some dessert. Then we sit and talk and the whole process is
usually an hour and a half. IT is also where we congregate and plan for the
night out.
a. No not at all. I think everyone grabs the seat they like, or um, but I
definitely move around. Claire and Thomas like the same seat, but we
switch sides and there is nothing official.
a. I would credit this all to Michael and Henry. They’re very open, outgoing
and social. We all met them and they brought us all together. We all
connected with them in our own ways and soon we one by one met each
other and this became our crew. So I credit it to them because they
brought everyone together.
11. Why do you think that you and Henry have so many little spats?
a. I think that he and I are really different but very comfortable around each
other. He is actually like a brother to me because I care about him so much
but I know we both get annoyed by each other snap.
12. What would you say about the differences that the group brings to the table?
a. Oh everyone is so different. I really sometimes can’t believe we are all
friends. But I guess we love each other so it really doesn’t matter.
Sometimes its feels like more family than friends for that reason actually.
Interview Questions: Leah

March 22, 2017, 8pm

a. It’s interactive, fun, an opportunity to get to know the other students from
the dorm better. It’s a time to wind down from the busy day.
a. With my family we usually eat around 8 or 9, same as here. But the
difference is that we usually have snacks at around 4. We try to eat
together every night but we really don’t. Iwould say honestly sometimes
three times a week. We usually sit for an hour to an hour and a half when
we do sit together.
a. Usually at around 7pm, after all of my classes are done. And I make an
effort to eat at a specific time but it can be hard. Usually I eat with my
housemates. Sometimes during the weekdays I eat alone.
with?
a. It’s a friendly environment. Everyone is friends, very open, loud. Henry is
very loud. It’s funny, always a good laugh, its just always fun to be with
the. I get along with everyone, but some I’m not as close with.
separately?
a. Maybe difference in language or language barriers I mena. Fear of a
different culture is possible. Also a lot of us go to SLU and they don’t so
that’s different too. They know we are only here for a semester so its not a
lot of time to build a tight relationship with a lot of people. If someone
would just be in my dorm for a semester I would be nice, but maybe not
waste my time. They’re also a lot younger than us.
a. We would at first be shocked but very welcoming. We would try to strike
a conversation and include the Spanish as much as possible.
a. Michael. What everyone’s day is about. What happened the night before If
someone’s professor was being rude or a jackass. Thomas’s one-liners.
Henry fist bumping.
a. Ok so everyone usually heads down right at 8. 8 on the dot because we are
always so hungry. We get our food, sit at the table, then everyone says
how their days went. Some people talk more than others, like Michael and
Henry. They talk about themselves a lot. If they’re not giving other people
a chance to talk I try to but in and ask other people about their peak and
pits, or high and lows of their days. Everyone usually complains about the
food at some point, and everyone is made fun of at some point. We just
have a really relaxed and laid back night that helps to de-stress for an
hour.
a. No, not really. I think sometimes a few people choose to sit near someone
else or in a particular seat, but most people just sit anywhere. But always
at the same table.
a. Honestly I came in late so I am not really sure. I missed the first week of
school but they all brought me in under their wing in the dorm because I
can be kind of shy. But once I sat with them a few times I never wanted to
change anything.
Interview Questions: Michael

March 23, 2017 7pm
a. Its very different eating with a young group. We always have good dinner
conversation.
a. We always eat together, we have the same seats every night, we usually
have a lot of wine together over dinner and always tea afterwards. Its
always a pretty open conversation. It is similar to here because we always
sit around and talk for a while.
a. I don’t live on campus—so it’s the same all the time.
with?
a. Its good- there is enough people that I never get tired of who I am with,
and its always interesting conversation and entertaining.
separately?
a. The language barrier makes it difficult to casually talk to each other,
which is the best part of dinnertime. I have some meals with the Spanish
kids but most Americans don’t. It’s just too difficult.
a. Positively I think. We are in Spain we want to meet new people. I would
definitely react positively.
a. What we did last night, the plans for the upcoming night, where we are
from, and definitely a lot of stories.
b. Why does it focus around those things? – Because of our age and the life
style we live.
a. Get there around 815, get food, sit down, usually complain about the food,
make obnoxious noises at Henry and joke with him a lot. We also debrief
on recent shenanigans a lot, then Ill have a long conversation with Andrea
and go outside with her while she smokes a cigarette, then we have desert
and I go upstairs.
a. No—we haven’t known each other long enough to get clicky within our
own click. I usually sit somewhere near Henry.
a. We all just met randomly on the first day and bonded. We all continued
sitting down together at the same time, same place, same days. We could
have easily started sitting with other Americans but we all just get along.
But I really don’t know if we would all be friends if not for Tierra de
Estudiantes.
11. Can you describe a conversational moment with the people you eat dinner with
that would be telling of your relationship in some way?
a. Um, ok. Well the other day I was telling them that the paper for my home
university is publishing one of my stories. I was with Eric, Claire, Alexa,
and Lisa. Everyone was so happy for me and really being supportive.
Alexa even suggested that we go out for beers and burritos. Then I started
telling them about how now I can tell people at bars that I’m published
and they said, OK Michael, that’s enough talking time for you now. It’s
like they’re great people and so supportive and nice, but not afraid to joke
around with me and mess with me.
Interview Questions: Eric

March 23, 2017 8pm
1. What do you think of your dinnertime routine Tierra de Estudiantes?
a. The food is normal but the people are nice. I like sitting down with you
guys; I enjoy it.
a. I don’t eat dinner with my family. I eat lunch with my family, they eat
dinner together but I don’t. I eat with my friends instead. Lunch was more
important to my family than dinner ever was.
a. It would be at 11 or 12, and I would eat with my cousin or my girlfriend.
Most of the time it was my girlfriend.
with?
a. Nice, so strong. I told them a lot of things about my life. A lot of secrets,
they have shared the most important parts of my life this year with me and
go through them. Some of them are way more than friends to me.
separately?
a. I don’t think the American students sit separately. I think the Spanish
students are more conservative and to themselves and while the Americans
try to speak Spanish; they don’t want to try to speak English.
a. Nicely. They would be very nice and try and have an open conversation to
the best of their ability.
a. Funny stories- like Lisa for example tonight. The serious ones are not
always at dinner.
a. We all sit down, and we start asking everyone what did you do today, or
how was your day or how was your exam. You asked me today how my
tryout went which was nice. But I also expect it, its normal.
a. Most of the time I sit either next to Alexa or next to you. I don’t know
why, I just know that we always have nice conversations.
a. We didn’t choose. It was just a coincidence. Everyone came from
somewhere different and we all made friends in smaller groups, came
together, and got to love one another.
Interview Questions: Alexa

March 23, 2017 9pm
a. Its always a really good part of my day. If your day was bad then it gets
better at dinner because you’re with all your best friends together. We
always eat a lot later, but you know who you’re going to eat with at the
same time. It’s a lot like the US that way, so it’s really nice.
a. We each have our own seats, usually we have family dinners then its
going to be a really nice dinner. My mom always sets the table and uses
the nice stuff because we never get to eat together a lot. We always cheers,
talk about each others days, then sit around for about another hour and talk
to each other.
a. Usually fast because its in between classes. Its rarely enjoyable. I eat with
people but really fast and if I cant find people to eat with that’s always
stressful.
with?
a. I think I get along with some people better than others. But that is to be
expected. Some people have become my best friends, some get on my
nerves, and some I tolerate. But all of them are important to me now.
separately?
a. Definitely the language barrier. Also they have all known each other for
longer than we have been here because they live here full time.
a. It would be fine. It would just be a little longer because a few of us speak
Spanish but the rest don’t. So it would be a lot of translating. But also it
would probably be perceived, as really sweet because I think we all want
to make Spanish friends, it is just hard.

a. Our days and upcoming plans
a. Well very loud, a lot of laughter, and always funny. We usually get there
around 8 and stay until 9:15. We get our food and always sit at the same
table. We usually talk about how everyone’s days were, funny things that
happened, and finish with the night’s plans if there are any.
a. No we all get along so we sit anywhere. But that being said everyone has a
buddy. So for example, Lisa and I are best friends so no matter where we
sit we are usually near each other.
a. We met Henry and Michael on the first day and they just talk to everyone.
SO when we went down and saw Michael and Henry eating, we decided to
sit with them. Then other people they met came, and the group grew
throughout the week.
Interview Questions: Henry

March 24, 2017 7pm
a. Later than my time in America but I actually really enjoy it because the
people around me are so special.
a. Whenever I get home and I am ready to eat, I eat. I eat with my mom
sometimes when I get the chance, and if I am lucky enough. If I am lucky
then once a week we will sit down for about an hour.
a. Well I live at home so, but I usually eat at home alone unless I am too
busy at work.
with?
a. Sexual for all of them. Extremely friendly. I enjoy my relationship with all
of them but I have sexual undertones with some including the girl
producing this interview and Thomas.
separately?
a. The American students aren’t inclusive enough. The Spanish students love
me an I had dinner with them tonight because I ws late and the American
students were late.
a. Extremely positively. Because they would be able to expand their horizons
and stop being such dumbass Americans.
a. It doesn’t matter I just want to think about Joanna. Me, only me.
a. I sit down, everyone shuts up, and I spiel about my day.

a. No, whoever gets there first goes in the middle.
a. We all speak English and some of us are from the same place.
Single or Eats with

two parent Silly or Family at
Participants Only child? household Age Serious home?
Leah No 2 21 Serious Sometimes
Alexa No 2 20 Serious Yes
Michael Yes 2 21 Silly Yes
Eric No 2 21 Serious No
Henry Yes 2 21 Silly No
Lisa No 2 20 Serious Yes
Rebecca Yes 2 21 Serious No

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Running Head: DINNER ROUTINE CREATES FAMILY FROM FRIENDS Adams 1

DINNER ROUTINE CREATES FAMILY FROM FRIENDS

Saint Louis University Madrid

shared mealtimes while studying abroad in the Tierra de Estudiantes residence in

relationships despite their differences.

Welcome to Tierra de Estudiantes

On my first day living in the Tierra de Estudiantes residence in downtown

for the rest of the semester.

join forces” (O-307-8:15).

The purpose of my research is to answer the question of what the meaning of a

dinnertime ritual is to American students abroad. Throughout this paper I will be

The Meaning of Dinnertime While Growing Up

To understand the importance of meal sharing to American students studying

describes the meaning of family dinners as a ritual by referring to them as a,

book Workplace Flexibility: Realigning 20th-Century Jobs for a 21st-Century Workforce,

discusses the prominence of family dinner rituals throughout history. Dinnertime is a

problems, depression, and low educational achievement (Weinstein 2005).

add, student’s perception on the importance of a dinnertime ritual depended based on

states “the smallest alteration in mealtime conventions is a symptom of significant change

RQ1: What is the communicative meaning of dinnertime conversation among

American students studying abroad?

To conduct my research I acted as a complete participant due to my previous

observation and formal interviews. My research began with observations at dinnertime to

The participants were a group of American students consisting of 12 people. They

paper I have used pseudonyms throughout the rest of this study.

observations. This was to allow me to better understand the communicative exchanges

producing any noteworthy information, and others producing a significant amount. I

observe I determined what I thought was important based on the recurring

communicative practices such as teasing or comforting. Observations will be cited

throughout this paper as (O-Date-Time).

vertically, in no particular order.

Next, I went through the interviews to find commonalities between sets of

interviews, which could be based on answers, background, or demeanor during the

in depth at their answers to determine if they were helpful or not.

Beginning of the Ritual

communicative practices that arose in their everyday dinnertime conversations were

their relationships thrived for several reasons.

To begin, it is important to recognize the dinnertime practice of the American

Joking Complaints Support Caring Tension Family

participant used each relevant communicative practice. Rebecca’s lack of involvement in

dinner table conversation often focuses around him (O-419-8).

alterations in mealtime routines and it is relative to the experiences of the participants.

because of the difference in age and the difference in language.

meaning of dinnertime conversation among American students studying abroad is the

students studying abroad in Madrid, living in the downtown residence of Tierra de

conversations comes the possibility of different communicative practices. Through my

have determined that the communicative meaning of dinnertime conversation among

another no matter the occasion.

Belevol, M. (2017, March 23). Interview Three [Personal interview].

Christensen, K., & Schneider, B. (2010). Workplace flexibility: realigning 20th-century

jobs for a 21st-century workforce. Ithaca: ILR Press.

Denenberg, P. (2017, March 24). Interview Seven [Personal interview].

Family Process, 12(2), 291-301. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.1973.00291.x

Mills, M. (2017, March 23). Interview Six [Personal interview].

Nowak, K. (2017, March 22). Interview Five [Personal interview].

Possick, C. (2008). The Family Meal: An Exploration of Normative and Therapeutic

Ritual from an Ethnic Perspective. Journal Of Family Psychotherapy, 19(3), 259-

Ralte, L. (2017, March 22). Interview with Leah [Personal interview].

Sairifi, Y. (2017, March 23). Interview Four [Personal interview].

Tracy, S. J. (2013). Qualitative Research Methods. West Sussex , UK: Wiley-Blackwell.

An Exploratory Cross-Sectional Analysis of Differences over the College

Experience. (pp. 1-33, Publication). (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No.

meaning of table manners. London: Penguin Books.