Christine Bronski

GBP
Mr. Odierna
12 March 2017
The Fishing Industry- At what Cost?

Fishing can be attributed as one of the first successful colonial industries in America.

People have been reliant on the ocean for its abundance of fish, and in light of that, there have

been major developments that have made fishing easier, [no comma]and more accessible. In

places such as Glouchester and New Bedford fishing became a major industry, where

communities were built around, and thrived on [phrasing a bit awkward here, try not to end

with a preposition]. The fishing industry has defined itself in these areas by having vast

economical and cultural value. The type of fishing introduced to new England was “Groundfish

fishing—or fishing for cod, haddock, pollock, flounders and other bottom-dwelling species—

was the first commercial fishery” (NSC). Fisheries began to push America towards economic

growth, with its technological advancements. The original necessity for fishing led [did it lead

to that or evolve into that?] to crisis down the line because of the poor factors this industry had

on the environment. The industry became very efficient, and in a sense, it became too powerful.

Early on in the developments of the industry, technology became so advanced that it was thought

to be threatening the productivity and advancement of stocks [what type of stocks? Do you

mean the number of those fish populations or the stocks of the companies?]. Ships became

bigger, and more powerful, which led to more fish being taken from the water. With new

navigation and depth systems, fishermen were able to go deeper into the water, and capture more

fish. Through human error, the industry was unable to balance factors of fisheries work, and the

ecosystem [what do you mean by human error? It seems mostly it was unintended

consequences]. Overall, fishing has had a long lasting impact on Boston’s economy, and was an

industry built through developments in technology, and a supply and demand need, at the cost of

overexploitation of the fish inhabiting New England waters. [Your thesis starts off a bit vague,
the latter half is good and the point you are trying to make. Make it concise and strong:

Despite the positive impact the fishing industry has had on the economy through

technology development and plentiful supply, it has had a negative impact on the

environment through overexploitation. The intro itself is a bit wordy. Lots of good thoughts

in there but they don’t all flow together as well as they could and you almost get into too

much. Good content, but try to clean it up a bit.]

The industry began with the use of baited lines, but expanded to heavy machinery soon

after. [this is a statement of fact, not a topic sentence] In the mid 1800’s, the industry grew,

and with it, the technology needed for commercial fisheries advanced. Technological advances

such as “gear technology, electronic navigation, fish-finding tools, vessel power and efficiency”

were all developed as the industry grew (NSC). The jump from baited lines, to trawling by steam

powered boats led to vast “consequences of the industrial revolution” [worded awkwardly -

these were changes from the industrial revolution that had consequences - not the other

way around which is what it sort of sounds like in your sentence](NEFSC). The new

technological advancements were seen as being too powerful, and may [you switched from past

tense to present here]serve as a threat to the productivity of stocks. In order to refrain from a

collapse in the stocks due to the increase of technology, fishing regulations were set. Data

collected shows that “by 1930 there were clear signs that the fleet had grown too efficient in

relation to the capacity of the stocks to sustain growth in landings” (NEFSC). With the size of

new nets, and no regulations on what should be used, 37 million haddock landed at Boston, with

another 70-90 million baby haddock discarded dead at sea”(NEFSC). Because of the high

demand for fish in New England, regulations weren’t developed until the late 1900’s. [Again

this last sentence is a bit unclear - did the high demand delay the regulations, or did the

high demand make regulations a necessity? You have some good information in this

paragraph, just need to bring it together a bit more succinctly]

The increased value for fish in New England led to a heavy supply and demand need.
[What is your transition? Increased value wasn’t mentioned in the previous paragraph.

And was it a supply need or a demand need? You wouldn’t really say them together.] In the

1880’s, “nearly 400 vessels fished out of Gloucester,” which also lead to an increase in jobs.

With the abundance of ships, ports were opened, and trade was made easier for the

industry. During the war years of America, the industry benefited because “fish was canned for

the GIs, and protein demands and rationing necessitated a return to fish consumption” (NOAA).

The war also played a large role in ship making, and distribution. Fishing vessels were built so

large, that “many fishing trawlers were commissioned as naval trawlers” (NEFSC). This multi

use system allowed for both the fishing industry, and the Navy to benefit. To complete the

trading of ships full circle, after the war, “the Admiralty could sell these trawlers to commercial

fishing interests” (Brookings). Communities were able to grow because of the industry, and were

able to prosper because of everything it had to offer. Due to the need for fishing, not just in New

England, but across the states, the waters became tense, and and was fought over.[This sentence

is a sudden change in purpose of this paragraph from before. Everything up to this point is

good, then all of a sudden a change. Finish this paragraph with its purpose and then start a

new one with new purpose] In light of this, “congress enacted the Magnuson Act of 1976,

taking control of the exclusive economic zone (EEZ), and setting up a system of regulation of the

domestic industry” (NEFSC). In response to more fishing, expensive steam ships were created,

which had a negative side of being very expensive. In order to subsidize the costs to build ships,

“they needed to fish for longer seasons” (Smithsonian). [Need a concluding sentence]

All of these technological and economical advancements were able to happen [Word

choice here could be better] at the cost of the environment. [This is a good topic sentence]

Seen in the fishing industry, “ a continuing trend has been the overexploitation and eventual

collapse of species after species” (NOAA). Fish such as Atlantic Cod, Ocean Perch, Haddock,

and Yellowtail Flounder, were once prominent fish in the sea, and were able to feed millions.

Atlantic Cod being the most well known, “could join the ranks of species written-off as

commercially extinct” (NSC). [Good]New technology made it easier to fish in bulk, but quickly
led to overfishing. Atlantic Cod was what New England formed the economy around, but the

population began to plummet. [This is a bit of a repeat from two sentences before. Try to

organize your paragraph a bit more succinctly]In areas such as, “Newfoundland, formerly the

largest cod fishery in the world, had estimated declines in cod biomass of more than 99%”

(Environmental Science). In addition to the scarcity of fish, aquatic habitats were also ruined.

Dredging and Seafloor Trawling both had large negative impacts on the environment, which both

lead to destroyance [I don’t think this is a word] of necessary filter feeders, which provide for

the fish, and keep the oceans clean. [Good info, still missing a concluding sentence]

Currently, the economy is still benefiting from the fishing industry. [Good topic

sentence] It was recorded that “commercial and recreational saltwater fishing in the United

States generated more than $214 billion in sales and supported 1.83 million jobs in 2014” (Dept.

of Commerce). The fishing industry plays such a crucial role in today’s economy because it

brings in so much more revenue than just casting a pole. [A bit of an exaggeration] With the

fishing industry comes the seafood industry, which creates other jobs that benefit society.

Recreational fishing is an important factor in coastal tourism industries, while commercial

fishing supports jobs across the nation. The economic values of the industry skyrocketed with

“estimates that suggest the economic contribution of the U.S. fishing industry is nearly $90

billion annually, and supports over one and a half million jobs” (Brookings). [Good info, but

doesn’t show that it has skyrocketed] Fishing is recognized to be a “tremendous economic job

provider and creator” (Sport Fishing). In today’s society, there is a marine dependent economy.

If a fish population were to crash, it would affect the ecosystem, as well as stocks. [Decent

paragraph, good points about the economic benefit and necessity of fishing, but need to

work on paragraph organization and structure]

In recent years, fishing has had a poor impact on the environment, but there have been

recent solutions and precautions taken in order to save our oceans, while maintaining a steady

economy. [Good - but you are bringing this up in the conclusion…]Recent research has been
done that has “focused on new methods of fishing that are less destructive” (Environmental

Science). Examples of this can be seen through different aspects of fishing, but most widely

known is the way dredging has been changed. New methods to dredging allow for the necessary

filter feeders of the ocean to be able to survive and thrive in their environment, whereas in

dredging, their habitats are ruined. In a similar way, there have been trials to see how fisheries

bycatch can be avoided. Fishery bycatch is when an animal that was not intentionally [intended

to be] caught, is captures in netting. This is seen a lot of times with dolphins, whales, and sea

turtles. New netting has been introduced to the industry, in hopes of minimizing the catch of the

wrong animal. [All of this is counter to your paper, so difficult to have as part of your

conclusion] Habitat destruction, and overfishing are major factors that are harming our oceans,

and need to be fixed. Help with overfishing has come from a lot of places, but most importantly

from congress. In the United States, congress implemented regulations on the fishing industry,

which cut back on the amount of time that people can fish. This regulation reduces the total

amount of fish being caught, but most importantly, Atlantic Cod. In the 18600’s it was said that

there were so many Atlantic Cod, that if you stepped one foot into the water, you’d be walking

on them. Today, the population of Atlantic Cod has decreased immensely by factors that could

have been prevented. With the help of environmental specialist who come up with wildlife safety

precautions, and congress, who implements rules and regulations for the industry, the economy

can prosper, and the animals that live in the oceans can be safe, and their homes can be

preserved.

Works Cited
Department of Commerce. www.commerce.gov/news/blog/2016/06/fishing-and-seafood-

industries-strong-part-us-coastal-economy.

Environmental Defense Fund. www.edf.org/blog/2014/04/02/report-overfishing-bad-fish-worse-

economy. This website talked about how the economy related to fishing is directly linked to the

oceans' health. It said that "much of that focus has been on ways to solve overfishing—the most

urgent threat to the health of the oceans and the single biggest cause of depleted fisheries
worldwide." As a whole, this website was helpful because it discussed both the positive and

negative aspects that play into the fishing industry and its impact on the economy

Environmental Science. www.environmentalscience.org/environmental-consequences-fishing-

practices. This gave me insight on overfishing, habitat destruction, bycatch, and environmental

solutions for these problems.

Massachusetts, General Court, Assembly. History of Boston's Economy Growth and Transition

1970 - 1998. General Court. This PDF contained information on how certain things effected to

the economy in Boston. Under the section that discussed "trade" I was able to see information on

how the fishing an ports in Boston positively impacted the economy in Boston. The trade that

was able to occur from the fishing industry, as well as trading port in general, made an overall

increase in productivity.

Overfishing Around The World. sites.google.com/a/cornell.edu/overfishing-around-the-

world/economic-impact. This website was important and useful because it had data on the

economic impacts of the fishing industry, mainly based around Cod fishing. It also had data on

environmental impacts, along with useful graphs.

Smithsonian National Museum of American History.

americanhistory.si.edu/onthewater/exhibition/3_4.html. This website contains information on the

fishing industry, primarily in Gloucester. The big topic discussed is how the industry is based

around the Atlantic Cod and how it was essential to early Atlantic commerce. The article also

talked about how as immigrants reached America, the nation's cities industries, and population

expanded along with that.

Sport Fishing. www.sportfishingmag.com/recreational-fishing-economy-impact-2017. This

website gave me a perspective different from the other articles because it talked about fishing

from a fishers perspective.

You have a lot of good information throughout your paper. You did some good research,

have some good data, and bring up some good ideas and issues. However, the organization

of your writing makes it difficult to follow your ideas. It needs to be more succinct and have

better flow. The ideas are good, but your writing needs to be cleaned up. You clearly did

some research and cited throughout, but your bibliography is not formatted properly and

your annotations don’t cover the biases and perspectives.

 Cultural Change (CC): B
A-Range: Exemplary
C ● Student demonstrates an
a accurate, detailed, and
u insightful understanding of
s the multiple, varied causes
e of change with essentially
s no misconceptions.
N ● Student demonstrates an
a accurate, detailed, and
t insightful understanding of
u the multiple, varied
r elements of how change
e occurs (e.g., diplomacy,
/ violence, litigation,
M propaganda) with
e essentially no
t misconceptions.
h
o
d
s
P ● Student demonstrates an
e accurate, detailed, and
r insightful understanding,
s with essentially no
p misconceptions, of how
e individuals and/or groups:
c ○ define themselves
t relative to others and
i their world
v ○ perceive and interact
e (e.g., conflict,
s cooperation,
negotiation) with
others relative to
themselves
E ● Student demonstrates an
f accurate, detailed, and
f insightful understanding of
e the multiple, varied effects
c of change - both intended
t and unintended - drawing
s upon evidence with
essentially no
misconceptions.
Textual & Mathematical Analysis (A): B
A-Range: Exemplary
E ● Selects relevant, quality
v evidence (eg. quotations,
i models, etc.) for use in
d support of the main idea
e that insightfully captures the
n ideas at hand.
c
B-Range: Proficient
● Student demonstrates an
accurate and supported
understanding of the causes
of change, with no major
misconceptions.
● Student demonstrates an
accurate and supported
understanding of the
elements of how change
occurs with no major
misconceptions.
● Student demonstrates an
accurate and supported
understanding, with no
major misconceptions, of
how individuals and/or
groups:
○ define themselves
relative to others and
their world
○ perceive and interact
(e.g., conflict,
cooperation,
negotiation) with
others relative to
themselves
● Student demonstrates an
accurate and supported
understanding of the effects
of change with no major
misconceptions.
B-Range: Proficient
● Selects relevant, quality
evidence (eg. quotations,
models, etc.) for use in
support of the main idea.
C-Range: Needs improvement
● Student demonstrates a
limited and/or general
understanding of the causes
of change, with perhaps
some misconceptions.
● Student demonstrates a
limited and/or general
understanding of the elements
of how change occurs, with
perhaps some
misconceptions.
● Student demonstrates a
limited and/or general
understanding, with perhaps
some misconceptions, of how
individuals and/or groups
○ define themselves
relative to others and
their world
○ perceive and interact
(e.g., conflict,
cooperation, negotiation)
with others relative to
themselves
● Student demonstrates a
limited and/or general
understanding of the effects
of change, with perhaps some
misconceptions.
C-Range: Needs improvement
● Selects evidence (eg.
quotations, models, etc.) for
use in support of the main
idea that is somewhat
relevant, but lacks quality.
D/F-Range: Does not meet
● Student demonstrates a
significantly limited
understanding of the causes
of change with major
misconceptions or
omissions.
● Student demonstrates a
significantly limited
understanding of how
change occurs with major
misconceptions or
omissions.
● Student demonstrates a
significantly limited
understanding, with major
misconceptions or
omissions, of how
individuals and/or groups:
○ define themselves
relative to others and
their world
○ perceive and interact
(e.g., conflict,
cooperation,
negotiation) with
others relative to
themselves
● Student demonstrates a
significantly limited
understanding of the effects
of change with major
misconceptions or
omissions.
D/F-Range: Does not meet
● Does not select relevant or
quality evidence (eg.
quotations, models, etc.) for
use in support of the main
idea.
e
I ● Expertly analyzes relevant
d facts (eg. plot, data, etc.),
e addressing the central ideas
a and/or themes of the
s work/topic with accuracy,
detail, and insight:
& ○ Demonstrates
understanding of the
T entirety of the
h work/topic.
e ○ Provides an
m examination of the
e ideas/themes.
s ○ Makes connections to
the context
surrounding the
work/topic (eg. time
period, variables).
Research (R): BC
A-Range: Exemplary
S ● Gathers information from
o quality, relevant,
u authoritative sources and
r covering all perspectives, as
c appropriate.
e ● Number of sources is
s appropriate to the task,
representing a wide variety
of different forms (e.g.,
database, museum website,
news source, etc.).
R ● Presents an accurate and
e supported assessment of the
l strengths and limitations
i of each source in terms of
a the task, purpose, and
b audience with essentially no
i misconceptions.
l omissions.
i
t
y
M ● Cites sources accurately
L throughout the work:
A ○ Someone else’s words
are in quotations.
○ Information that was
obtained through
research is cited.
○ Opinions and
assertions made by
others are cited.
● Produces a complete,
correctly formatted
bibliography using MLA
● Effectively analyzes
relevant facts (eg. plot,
data, etc.), addressing the
central ideas and/or
themes of the work/topic
with accuracy and support:
○ Demonstrates
understanding of the
entirety of the
work/topic.
○ Provides an
examination of the
ideas/themes.
○ Makes connections to
the context
surrounding the
work/topic (eg. time
period, variables).
B-Range: Proficient
● Gathers information from
quality, relevant,
authoritative sources.
● Number of sources is
appropriate to the task,
representing a variety of
different forms (e.g.,
database, museum website,
news source, etc.).
● Presents an accurate
assessment of the strengths
and limitations of each
source in terms of the task,
purpose, and audience with
no major misconceptions.
● Cites sources accurately
throughout most of the
work:
○ Someone else’s words
are usually in
quotations.
○ Information that was
obtained through
research usually is
cited.
○ Opinions and
assertions made by
others are usually
● Analyzes some relevant facts
(eg. plot, data, etc.), but does
not address the central ideas
and/or themes of the
work/topic with accuracy
and/or support:
○ Demonstrates limited
and/or inaccurate
understanding of the
entirety of the
work/topic.
○ Provides a limited and/or
inaccurate examination
of the ideas/themes.
○ Makes limited and/or
inaccurate connections to
the context surrounding
the work/topic (eg. time
period, variables).
C-Range: Needs improvement
● Gathers information from
sources, but some may be
lacking in quality, relevance,
and/or authority.
● Number of sources is not
fully appropriate to the task,
perhaps lacking a variety of
different forms (e.g.,
database, museum website,
news source, etc.).
● Presents a limited or general
assessment of the strengths
and limitations of each
source in terms of the task,
purpose, and audience with
perhaps some
misconceptions.
● Cites sources accurately
through some of the work,
but may have issues with one
or more of the following:
○ Amends someone else’s
words to avoid using
direct quotations, but
maintains “sentence
skeleton” of the source.
○ Uses words or phrases
from a text without using
quotations.
○ Does not cite
● Does not analyze relevant
facts (eg. plot, data, etc.),
and does not address the
central ideas and/or
themes of the wor/topic
with accuracy or support:
○ Demonstrates
significantly limited
and/or inaccurate
understanding of the
entirety of the
work/topic.
○ Provides a
significantly limited
and/or inaccurate
examination of the
ideas/themes.
○ Makes significantly
limited and/or
inaccurate connections
to the context
surrounding the
work/topic (eg. time
period, variables).
D/F-Range: Does not meet
● Does not gather
information from sources
and/or all sources have
serious issues with quality,
relevance, and/or authority.
● Number of sources is not
appropriate to the task,
lacking any variety of
different forms (e.g.,
database, museum website,
news source, etc.).
● Presents a significantly
limited or general
assessment of the strengths
and limitations of each
source in terms of the task,
purpose, and audience with
major misconceptions or
● Does not cite sources
accurately throughout most
of the work and has many
issues with one or more of
the following:
○ Uses words or phrases
from a text without
using quotations.
○ Does not cite
information from
research and/or does
not cite accurately
○ Does not cite opinions
 format.
Written Communication: C
A-Range: Exemplary
O ● Length of the product
r is appropriate to the
g assignment.
a ● Introduction is
n organized, insightful,
i and effectively preview
z the whole product using
a context and background
t of the topic.
I ● The purpose of the
o product is relevant,
n specific, and clearly and
/ concisely articulated.
S ○ Thesis makes an
t insightful,
r debatable, and
u sophisticated
c claim.
t ● Product uses smooth,
u effective transitions
r between ideas.
e ● Product maintains a
logical, flowing
progression of ideas
throughout the work.
● Conclusion clearly and
concisely reviews and
emphasizes the central
argument.
P ● Topic sentence(s) have a
a clear, controlling idea,
r summarize the argument of
a the paragraph, and are
g neither too broad nor too
r narrow.
a ● Evidence (eg. quotation) is
p effectively integrated:
h ○ Context is provided
s before evidence.
○ Analysis is provided
after evidence.
○ Content fully supports
the topic sentence
● Concluding sentences
restate the main idea clearly
and concisely in a single
sentence and do not
introduce new topics or
evidence.
C ● Writing is essentially free of
o any errors in grammar,
n spelling, or punctuation.
v ● Writing exhibits skillful and
cited.
● Produces a complete,
mostly correctly formatted
bibliography using MLA
format.
B-Range: Proficient
● Length of the product is
almost appropriate to
the assignment.
● Introduction is
organized and
effectively previews the
whole product using
some context and
background of the topic.
● The purpose of the
product is relevant, and
clearly articulated.
○ Thesis makes a
debatable claim that
adequately establishes
the focus, but may be a
little broad or narrow.
● Product uses effective
transitions between
ideas.
● Product maintains a
logical progression of
ideas.
● Conclusion clearly and
concisely reviews the
central argument.
● Topic sentence(s) have a
clear, controlling idea and
summarize the argument of
the paragraph, but may be
too broad nor too narrow.
● Evidence (eg. quotation) is
usually integrated:
○ Context is provided
before evidence.
○ Analysis is provided
after evidence.
○ Content generally
supports the topic
sentence
● Concluding sentences
restate the main idea in a
single sentence.
● Writing has some minor
errors in grammar,
spelling, or punctuation,
though errors do not detract
information from
research and/or does not
cite accurately.
○ Does not cite opinions
and assertions.
● Produces a partially
completed bibliography that
may include some errors in
MLA format.
C-Range: Needs improvement
● Length of the product is
not appropriate to the
assignment, and may be
somewhat long or short as a
whole or in certain sections.
● Introduction is previews
the product, but may be
somewhat disorganized
and/or lacking in context
and/or background.
● The purpose of the
product is somewhat
relevant and/or vague.
○ Thesis is in the form of a
debatable claim, but does
not make a concrete point
to establish focus and/or is
excessively broad or
narrow.
● Product uses some effective
transitions between ideas,
but does not do so
consistently.
● Product struggles to
maintain a logical
progression of ideas.
● Conclusion strays away from
the central argument and/or
goes somewhat into an
unrelated topic.
● Topic sentence(s) are general ●
statements and lack a clear,
controlling idea.
● Evidence (eg. quotation) is
included, but not always fully
integrated:
○ Context may be missing
or vague before
evidence.
○ Analysis may be missing
or vague after evidence.
○ Content moves away
from the topic sentence
● Concluding sentences state a
somewhat different idea from
the main argument.
● Writing contains several
errors in grammar, spelling,
or punctuation.
● Writing somewhat misuses
and assertions.
● Produces an incomplete,
incorrectly formatted
bibliography.
D/F-Range: Does not meet
● Length of the product is
not appropriate to the
assignment, and is too
long or short as a whole
and/or in certain sections.
● Introduction is not
organized and does
effectively preview the
whole product, missing
the context and/or
background of the topic.
● The purpose of the
product is irrelevant.
○ Thesis does not make a
debatable claim and does
not establish a viable
focus.
● Product does not use
effective transitions
between ideas.
● Product does not
maintain a logical
progression of ideas.
● Conclusion is missing or
goes into a completely
unrelated topic.
Topic sentence(s) are facts
and lack a clear, controlling
idea.
● Evidence (eg. quotation) is
not included or not at all
integrated:
○ Context is missing or
vague before evidence.
○ Analysis is missing or
vague after evidence.
○ Content is not relevant
to the topic sentence
● Concluding sentences are
missing and/or state
completely different ideas
from the main argument.
● Writing contains several
major and distracting errors
in basic grammar, spelling,
or punctuation.
e appropriate use of
n sophisticated words and
t phrases.
i ● Sentences are well
o constructed with varied
n structure.
s ● Tone is always appropriate
to the assignment.
● Cites sources accurately
throughout the work
from the writing.
● Writing exhibits effective
and generally appropriate
use of words and phrases.
● Sentences are generally
well constructed.
● Tone is usually appropriate
to the assignment.
● Cites sources accurately
throughout most of the
work
and/or uses inappropriate
words and phrases.
● Some sentences are not well
constructed.
● Tone is inconsistently
appropriate to the assignment.
● Cites sources accurately
through some of the work
● Writing consistently
misuses and/or uses
inappropriate words and
phrases.
● Sentences are consistently
not well constructed.
● Tone is rarely appropriate to
the assignment.
● Does not cite sources
accurately throughout most
of the work