Sean Lee

007264125
HDEV 180
Prof. Manke
Exam 3 Essay

Diana Baumrind defined four types of parenting styles through her studies: three
parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian, authoritative, and neglectful.

Permissive: This style is also known as indulgent. Parents are high on responsiveness
and low on demandingness. There are few demands on the child’s behavior resulting in
irresponsible for their own actions and wrong doings. Children of this type of parenting
style are more conforming to their peers and do not have organization in running a
household.

Authoritarian: Authoritarian parents are very different from authoritative parents.

These parents are low on responsiveness and high on demandingness. They end to exert
firm control but offer little support to the child. They encourage more punative and
forceful disciplinary measures and typically spank their child. Children of this type of
parenting are more dependent and passive. They are also less socially skilled and less
self competent.

Authoritative: Authoritative parents have high responsiveness and demandingness.

These parents are warm to their children, but also firm on what is expected of them. The
rules as to what can be done and what’s not tolerated are made clear to the child.
Children of this type of parenting are generally more responsible, self-assured and
successful in school as they are more psychologically well adjusted.

Neglectful: Neglectful parenting is worse of worst. These parents try to minimize the
time and energy spent with their child as they aren’t responsive nor demanding of the
child. They have very little interest in what their children are involved in and where they
are regarding whereabouts. Parents like these generally only care about themselves and
what they want to do. Children are more impulsive and more likely to be involved in
crime as a result to this type of parenting style.

My Parents
The way my parents raised me was somewhat like every other Asian family.

They used a very authoritative parenting style as I knew very well of what is expected of

me. Through three areas: school, extra curricular activities, and free time, it’s a definite

that my parents follow the points of authoritative parenting.

Since a young age, the grades I get in school were very important. I was expected

to get good grades and if I didn’t, there would be a punishment following. My parents
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007264125
HDEV 180
Prof. Manke
made sure that I understood why I was being punished also, so that it wouldn’t seem as if

they just felt like hitting me. (Please do not consider hitting as child abuse, as there are

reasons to why I get hit.) I learned that they don’t hit me just because I got a bad grade,

but they want me to remember that it’s a consequence to a bigger picture. A bad grade

equals a very slim future when I’m older. In elementary school, I would sometimes be

bullied by older children of the majority ethnicity (White/Caucasian). When I told the

teachers about this situation, they would only tell me to just avoid them and play with

other children. Of course we all know being bullied isn’t something you can simply

avoid so without hesitation I confronted my parents about what happens at school. They

immediately taught me how to deal with the situation and gave me moral support.

They’re very loving and warm to me as parents and though sometimes I can only

tell when comparing myself with other children. Many of my parent’s friends would tell

them that adopting a more “western” style of parenting and merging it with “Asian” style

parenting may result in a troubled child. My parents would make sure I always had the

best of the best school supplies, nutrition and clothing. I never ran out of lunch tickets. I

never had weekly allowances because anything I wanted would have to go through the

approval of them. I remember my first “computer” was a Macintosh. It was quite bulky

now that I think of it. There were no such thing as computer games and everything was

in green font. Then my first family computer was a Windows 94, which escalated to

what is now Windows 7. I don’t think I’ve ever missed out on technology. Though this

might also be because my dad was a professor at USC.

As for my Mom, she would always make home-cooked meals. Fish, meat and

vegetables were a daily deal. Aside from food, she would make sure I’m clothed
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007264125
HDEV 180
Prof. Manke
properly from uniforms in elementary school to the latest “threads” in high school. Other

things such as cellphones and my first Gameboy was also a result to my loving mom.

Aside from school, my parents took me to piano lessons every Saturday from age

4 to age 17. I’ve never missed a single lesson and each lesson ranged from $40 - $60

dollars per hour. There were price ranges because I moved a lot when I was younger.

Each one of my piano teachers were the best of the best. The first 8 years I played for the

Royal Academy of Music founded by Queen Elizabeth. Every year there would be an

exam and judges from England would come to see if I passed the level. My parents

constantly wanted to find me the best school districts and made sure they were

distinguished schools. Like any other child who went into an “art” because of their

parents, I didn’t fully enjoy playing the piano in the earlier years. However like how they

explained to me why I get punished for bad grades, knowing how to play the piano would

give me a backup route to life. They would sometimes jokingly say to me that it’s

expected of me to earn a lot of money when I’m older so I can return the favor to them in

the future.

As for free time, that’s where most of my parent’s friends frown upon. My

parents support me 110% to whatever I want to do, as long as they see meaning behind it.

They don’t like it when I waste time playing games on xbox, stealing cars and shooting

people. However they allow an hour or two per week for me to enjoy things like that.

Gaming-wise, they do allow strategy games that require thinking or something that would

exercise my skill. I remember my very first game console was a Nintendo 64 and the

first game I got was Mario Kart. My parents believed that though it’s nothing like real

life, the game would still simulate driving. When technology was more hi-tech, my dad
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HDEV 180
Prof. Manke
bought me a seat, pedals and steering wheel for a racing game. When it comes to

technology (game consoles and computers), it’s always my dad giving me what’s

popular. I once asked him what goes through his mind when he buys his son a 300 dollar

game console and he replied, “I want to make sure my son stays in the ‘loop’.” He

explained to me that he wanted to make sure I don’t have to worry about other kids

talking about this technology and that, so much that I wouldn’t be able to focus on what’s

important. He proceeded to tell me that him and my mom, will provide anything and

everything they can, to me as long as I stick to what is expected of me. I thought it was a

fair deal.

More recently these few years, I picked up DJing and talked to my parents about

buying a $3500 set of turntables. They supported me but said now that I’m older, I

should consider what’s important. If I wanted to get the turntables, they won’t stop me,

but I would have to make the money myself. It was the first time I experienced a change

in response from them. My grandparents are actually very supportive too and though I

think I might go off tangent a bit, I believe grandparents also have some impression to

some extent. I talked to my grandparents about the turntables and they told me what my

parents told me. $3500 dollars is not an easy number to just have ‘fun’ with, but they

would give me $500 dollars the semester’s GPA if it were to be above 3.5.

As of today, I have no family in California. My parents bought me a

condominium in West Long Beach, not too far from school, left me a car and moved to

Taiwan. This already shows how much they love me, not from the money they spent on

me but the actual feelings put forth. They expect me to call them every 1-2 weeks and

update them of what’s going on in my life because they’re not there. 3 weeks for my
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HDEV 180
Prof. Manke
grandparents. I recently called my mom to talk about a situation I’ve been having about

some issues with a girl. She gave full attention and gave me very helpful insight on how

girls this age think…something I normally wouldn’t know if I were to talk to anyone. A

scenario like this would show that I’m not afraid to talk to my parents about having a

girlfriend nor am I fearful of talking about sex. I also told my mom about how I rarely

eat healthy now that I live alone because there’s no point in cooking for myself if I don’t

eat much to begin with. She immediately told me what to buy and how to make simple

dishes that I used to love and said she might come and visit during the summer. It sounds

like I talk about my mom more, but my dad’s just as great. The laptop I use in class and

desktop I have at home, the car I drive and what not are all provided by him.

Through these three or four examples, it’s fairly easy to tell that my parents are

both loving and demanding at the same time. They know how to cater to my needs as a

child growing up, but also make sure I have what it takes to fully thrive in society. I

know very well of what’s expected of me and even though they’re not around to scold me

when I’m off, I feel bad from deep down because I feel like I’ve let down my parent’s

hard work in teaching me. Though it may not be the place to say in this essay, but I feel

like I’ve let down my parents with this class. I’m quite sure that my grade in this class is

no where near acceptable, but for a good 2 months, I simply did not have the energy to

wake up so early and go to class. I felt so bad that I explained to my parents of this

problem and they had a hard time accepting what was going on, but understood me. I

plan on retaking this course in the near future.