DARN MILLENnIALS

UNITY

pls
barack

NO.2
FEBRUARY 2017
EDITOR’S NOTE
UNITY
noun
the state of being united or joined as a whole
The word unity means almost
nothing. It belongs in a book of
buzzwords containing such putrid
gems as ‘synergy’, ‘benchmark’ and
‘upskill’. In fact, buzzword might
be a buzzword itself. Regardless,
unity needs to be shored up to
prevent it from drowning in the
terrible waters of overuse. So
without further ado, let’s get to
defining unity, shall we? In my
mind, unity isn’t binary, but ra-
ther flows on a continuous scale,
from a state of total isolation to
assimilation into the borg. A to-
talitarian hive mind is clearly
not the most desirable of exist-
ences; however some unity can do
a country some good. We of the
United Kingdom should know all
about this, but perhaps a name
change is on the cards, what with
polarizing topics like Brexit
dancing their jig across the col-
lective computer screens of the
country, dividing more than a
maths teacher on coke. Perhaps
Brexit is the ‘yin’ to the ‘yang’
of something like cake that eve-
ryone loves. Maybe everything
needs to maintain in unity bal-
ance so the world doesn’t descend
into universal agreement or uni-
versal argument. Maybe for every
jar of marmite, there’s a jar of
Nutella; for every bounty in the
celebration tub, there's a milky
way. Maybe this article should
end before it begins to offset the
balance...
James

Almost seventy years ago,
India was ruled by the
British. One of the many
reasons the Brits denied
India of its Independence
was because of their claims
that an independent India
would fall apart due to the
divisions in culture, religion,
race and economic system
that could be seen all across
the country. The Brits called
it ‘divide and rule’. At the
time of independence and for
decades after ‘experts’ kept
claiming that India was
bound to fall apart and
dissolve. Yet seventy years
after independence, here they
stand, a united country.
United by what though? By
all logic, the Brits had it
right. How on earth could a
It's at times like this that the world
hatred and violence. People see the
that everybody belongs to groups
based on their interests and beliefs
country as diverse as this
and continents. Our realisation of
maintain a single border.
India has a population of 1.3
billion people, people who
speak twenty-three major
languages and countless
minor ones, practice all major
religions and many minor
ones, eat as many cuisines as
there are states in the
country and support
hundreds of political parties.
It really is a mystery as to
how the nation still remains
united. Indians call it ‘Unity
in Diversity’.
However, I think there are
two things holding them
together – Bollywood and
cricket. Long may it
continue.
Meghdeep
needs to unite more to combat
world as groups of 'them' and
groups of 'us'. The reality is
and these groups cross borders
this will undoubtedly lead to a
safer, happier and more united
world.
Simon
I don’t think that we are united
as one, as I think that in an
effort to organise ourselves
we’ve got confused in the process
and have just managed to separate
ourselves as a result. For
example, in my primary school if Well, correct me if I’m wrong
but if we’re using the
you wanted to ask someone a
question who was in a different definition of unity to judge
‘group’ then you would be turned the typical community, then
away and shut the door on. Even we aren’t very unified, in my
if you were asking a stupidly eyes. I mean, are we all
harmless question (e.g. : Do you joined as one? Some people
know where Jess is? ) So maybe it may think that on a whole the
was just my school that was a bit
world is united, but I don’t.
demented but it separated us! You
see where I’m coming from? To me we are all separated,
Or maybe it’s a good thing that into families, clubs,
we aren’t unified completely. countries, communities,
Like, if you just go around with things that the typical
a few of your friends you feel at person might think that are
ease and not as if you are being making us unified. Maybe this
awkward in any way. But maybe is just my mind being stupid
it’s a personal decision. but ultimately I think there
Maybe it’s just me under a stupid could be a chance that there
illusion that doesn’t make any might be an element of what I
sense. Maybe I was just am saying that is true.
attempting to write a half-decent
, just ask yourself:
article. But even if this theory Am I united?
type thing doesn’t make sense Erin
 TT HH EE G
G II RR LL
ON THE
ON THE
TT RR AA II N
N
NO MURDERS,
JUST EAVESDROPPING

There are two friends sitting opposite me on the tube.

Two women; both late 30s, both wearing loose fitting

fleeces and denim.
The similarities end there.

"I love that about you" I hear.

"If I wear odd socks it drives me mad, but I

love that you don't care, I think it's
brilliant"

I look up, and one beams at the other as she models her
dark green and red socks, sliding her jeans leg up for ef-
fect.

"I've never found a curry I like" one says to the

other "but I'd love to try the one your family
makes, since it's your favourite."

I look up again.

The two women sit and continue to talk, chattering

without pause.

It slowly dawns on me that they appear to be not only

discussing their differences, but choosing to highlight
them and celebrate them.

Their culture, who they love and how, what they believe
in and who they voted for are all raised and celebrated.

All different. And all praised for being so.

This could be unity.

Dana
 06. 02. 17
pls explain: PALESTINE
WHAT ABOUT THE ISRAELIS?

WHERE IS IT?

HOW DID IT BEGIN?

WHAT ABOUT THE HAMAS?

WHY SHOULD I CARE?

HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO TODAY? WALLS INSTALLED TO

WHAT CAN I DO?
SEGREGATE WILL ONLY
WHAT ARE THEIR LIVES LIKE?
GENERATE HATE, AND
NEVER SEPARATE
PEOPLE FROM THE
PROBLEMS THEY CREATE
MARTIN POWELL
 It is unfortunate how what is
intended to unite us, is so often
perceived as what divides us.
People continually search and
strive for solidarity because they
are rarely able to identify a sense
of unity in their own lives or
communities, despite previous
promises of refuge. People
become fixated upon uniting
themselves in one small group to
ensure their own comfort and
sense of belonging,
simultaneously discrediting
others around them as distant,
and removed from their social
sphere.
Unfortunately, the common
belief is there are more
things that divide us rather than
which unites us. The
classification of one person
within a particular group is used
to distinguish between and
polarise people. It becomes
second nature for us to make
instant assumptions regarding
others, merely based on which
'group' they belong to, often
before actually interacting with
that person themselves. People
are defined and distinguished by
contrasting religions, beliefs,
ages, genders, classes, political
parties or culture.
Discrimination stems from fear
of the unknown, and lack of
interaction with people outside
of your cultural 'bubble'. It is
possible to use this clarification
and association of one person
with a particular group to prove
their differences. Hatred so often
stems from focusing on this
contrasting belief someone else
may hold. 
 However, unity isn't the
monotonous belief of
everyone being the same,
rather everyone
acknowledging contrasts,
and everyone being
intelligent enough to realise
that belonging to a group
cant entirely define anyone,
and our shared  humane
qualities far outweigh any
imaginary divisions we
believe to be true.
The fact that we all have
differences unites us. 
In fact, unity is defined as 'a
whole, by combining all of
its different parts into one'.
Aimee
"We are all equal in the fact that we
are all different. We are all the same
in the fact that we will never be the
same. We are united by the reality
that all colours and all cultures are
distinct & individual. We are harmoni-
ous in the reality that we are all held
to this earth by the same gravity. We
don't share blood, but we share the
air that keeps us alive. I will not blind
myself and say that my black brother
is not different from me. I will not
blind myself and say that my brown
sister is not different from me. But my
black brother is he as much as I am
me. But my brown sister is she as
much as I am me.”
-C.Joy Bell. C
 Blah blah, unity is great.
Anyway, so Piers Morgan needs to leave. There I was, all up in empowerment
following the Women’s March last Saturday, the ink not even dry on the ‘Nasty
Woman’ tattoo, when I came across a tweet. It was Piers Morgan, you know, the
slimy one off Itv’s ‘Good Morning Britain’ -a news show so high brow they got
Piers Morgan to be their host- stating, ‘I'm starting a "Men's March" to protest
at the creeping global emasculation of my gender by rabid feminists. Who's
with me?’ Ugh. It even pains me to mention his name. You see, Piers Morgan is
the sort of guy who orders stuff he doesn’t need off Amazon just so he can see
his name printed on the delivery package but considering our readership rang-
es from bored kids in the library to Jinny’s Nan, I’m not too worried about giv-
ing him publicity.
It just ticked me off that he would attempt to un-
dermine an event that had been so well-received
and one that was hugely important to me, in such
a false and unnecessary way. You know, I’ve never
felt ashamed to be a girl but I’d never really felt
proud until that day. I mean I can’t speak for eve-
ryone but 90% of the time I feel unequal pay, ob-
jectification and undermining in the work place is
just a part of my life that I know I’m going to have
to accept. Yeah it’s unfair but I’m not going to sit
around crying about it –this, after all, is only Brit-
ain we’re talking about where women are extreme-
ly emancipated and privileged compared to else-
where in the world.
This march was a beacon for me. To be surrounded
my woman who were powerful, intelligent, strong
and most importantly not the Kardashians was
incredible. I went with my dad and even he felt
empowered to be a woman (and he’s a man).
Morgan’s comment was ridiculous, one, because he
wasn’t there (if he was, what had been a civil pro-
test may have turned ugly) and two because label-
ling a group of people protesting peacefully for
what they believe is right as ‘rabid feminists’ dis-
torts not only the definition of the word ‘feminist’
but also the value of a powerful and moving event.
How dare you even attempt to devalue something that has made me and girls
around the world proud of who they are? A feminist is someone who believes in
gender equality for men AND women –yeah it’s a stupidly confusing name but
the fact is, if you believe both genders deserve the same shot at life, you are a
feminist. If you believe women should be superior to men or the other way
round, you are sexist.
Look, Women’s March was fantastic and all I’m saying is don’t let a waste of
space like Piers Morgan dampen your spirit. Men and women came together in
their thousands to protest peacefully against a president not worthy of his title
and this showcase of unity is something we can all be proud of.
Go away Piers.
Liz Lane
Unity: the state of being united or
joined as a whole.
There are thousands of examples of
this happening in the world, ranging from
political stands in protest of politician’s
controversial opinions and ambitions, to
showing dismay against a
tough issue together. We see acts of unity
so often. However, it seems that
anything can fall under the de�inition of
unity, even football. One of the best
examples of this happened about 3 months
ago, but to this day, it still devastates
many.
On 28th November 2016, a �light
approaching its �inal stages of its
journey from Bolivia to Colombia for the
Copa Sudamerica �inal (the equivalent to
our Europa League (which is one of the
most important annual competitions in the
world) against Medellı́n based club
Atletico Nacional, crashed, killing 71 of the
77 passengers on board. This included 21
Brazilian journalists and 55 members of
small Brazilian club Chapecoense, then
unknown but now infamously recognised
throughout the world.
However sad it was, the reception the
tragedy received from the world showed
how unity can come up anywhere, and
why we call it the beautiful game.
Immediately, numerous clubs around the
world from Bournemouth to Barcelona,
Reims to Real Madrid, Basel to Bayern,
held a one-minute silence before kick-off
and had banners around their stadiums in
support of the club.
#ForçaChape
Even though a minute’s silence pre-match is
no stranger to football, personally being
inside the stadium (the Emirates for
Arsenal’s EFL Cup tie with Southampton) for
it was so moving. An eerie silence of respect
in a cauldron of noise was peculiar, and I had
goose bumps because of just one of the
amazing acts of solidarity with the small club
from Santa Catarina. Yet there were some
notable clubs that went one step further.
Top Brazilian clubs offered players to them
until they got a full squad again and
requested to the Brazilian FA that they
should be safe from relegation for 3 years.
Atletico Nacional (the team who Chape were
due to play in the �inal) conceded, therefore
awarding them their �irst ever
Copa Sudamerica title. The list goes on and
on, and this was just from professional clubs.
Fans donated in their thousands to aid the
club, there was a huge amount of tributes all
over social media, and
almost everyone
(including my football
team) held a minute’s
silence to re�lect on what
was a pivotal moment in
the history of
21st century football.
Whether you are an avid
football fan like me or
not, this story was an
incredible act of unity,
restoring some faith and
positivity into one of the
most depressing years
ever. I am happy to say
that things for the club are getting better
now, but the sad reality is, they will never
forget this. This was the most infamous
sporting tragedy of the 21 st century, and it
will never be forgotten. Despite all of this,
you cannot deny how amazingly we all
reacted to the tragedy. We will never forget
those players, staff and amazing journalists
who died in that plane crash, and we will
never forget this tragedy. Who says that
football is just a game?
Nischal
 the power of protest
United we stand, divided we fall.
A cliché, I know – but humanity is
on its knees and we need all the help
we can get right now.
The united states of America seems
to have forgotten the words it laid
it’s foundations on years ago, spoken
by the founding fathers – ‘All men
are created equal.’
Tyrants will manipulate us through
fear, to achieve their own political
agendas; creating bitter divisions and
turning us against one another. Too
many politicians with tyranny in
their hearts have had their way -in
this current climate we need a power
that can de-box stereotypes and em-
brace diversity and co-operation.
This power lies in the hearts of the
people. ‘We have far more in com-
mon than that which divides us’
said the tragically lost Jo Cox, only
18 months ago in her first Commons
speech. Think of what has changed
since then.
Protests may seem pointless –waving
a banner to feel like you’re making a
difference. But it’s never been about
the individual. Mass peaceful pro-
tests are the epitome of unity and Many people including my- Then about a month later, In times like these,
have, time and time again, brought self woke up on the 9th something incredible hap- it is easy to retreat
organised evil to its knees. Non- of November with a heavy pened. We did not want to to what is easy and
violent protests have shaped history heart. The thought of a be complacent in our own
–think of the Civil Rights movement believe that we have
man who built his entire singular pain. We wanted no voice. But we will
and Gandhi’s India– and as we presidential campaign on to turn that pain and an- not be silenced. If
watch history rewrite itself again, we
must stand together like generations hate and division being guish into something women, if queer peo-
before and make our voices known the leader of arguably stronger, something more ple, if people of col-
the most powerful country malleable. Which was re- our have survived this
Cassie in the world was terrify- alised, could only be long in a world that
ing. Millions of people done in numbers. So we refuses to represent
had now been made to feel took to the streets; to- them, that must amount
they were not welcome, gether, united, strong. to a force much great-
detached from the place It sent a message, a pow- er than one man with
they call home. erful one, that we are nothing more to invest
stronger together and in but his ego.
more resolute than ever.
Caroline
Welcome back to the second issue of
‘ Teenage Angst: The Magazine ’. When I
wrote my ‘Dear Humanity’ ramblings last
month I was under the impression that it
was a one time thing and naturally I
chucked every last barely-bearable cliché
I could think of into it. Now I’m stuck
writing nothing but endlessly clichéd
statements about love and how we’re all
interconnected. Any inventiveness left in
my writing will soon be scraped away by
the monotonous loop of unoriginality that
we all eventually succumb to. The
derivative cryptomnesia-enduced ideas
(dare I say it, since it doesn’t really
make any sense?) that we are all
eventually unified under. Ooh, look at
that. A self-deprecation that managed to
lower your expectations, place a judgement
on all of humanity, and link back to the
topic at hand. How very clever of me.
One thing that the robots will never
understand about humans (after killing all
of them) is their extraordinary ability to
care so very much about things that mean
so very little. Any reasonable robotic
hive mind knows that the only way to be
truly efficient is to not disagree about
anything ever. Humanity would have
probably landed on Mars by now if we
didn’t spend so much time arguing about
whether Avatar was actually any good or
not (it wasn’t).
And so the robot singularity will joke
about the human race with it’s politics
and award shows and opinions about 2009
CGI blockbusters.
A Comedy-bot (that I will of course name
Michael MechIntyre) will perform virtual stand
up at a virtual comedy club and joke that the
perfect representation of the human race is
(I’m paraphrasing here; the joke doesn’t land
as well as it might in binary) a 10 year old
with ADHD on Sports Day that wandered off to
go play in the sandpit during the middle of an
egg and spoon race. That’s what humanity will
be remembered for. Making progress but getting
bogged down in less important things while its
parents urge it to stop putting that much sand
in its mouth. Metallic ribs will be tickled,
and presumably MechIntyre will then do a whole
bit on awkward interactions with its mother-in
-law, a HP Printer, that’ll kill, despite the
slight racism against printers that various pc
PCs would take offence at.
You want unity? Proper unity? Robots are
unity. Robots wouldn’t spend so much time
procrastinating. Robots probably wouldn’t have
voted for a such a horrific president. Robots
definitely wouldn’t spend so much time
debating the correct pronunciation of GIF. But
you see, that’s what makes humans so
interesting. We’re the screw-ups in this
comparison, but that’s not necessarily a bad
thing. On the whole robots are, after the
novelty has worn off, very uninteresting.
Listen to two robots have a conversation and
you’ll be bored out of your mind - they have
the exact same views about everything. The
thing that really makes humanity so special is
their ability to disagree. Each flesh-person
is an individual, with their own opinions and
tastes and senses of humour. No other species
have had a war. Two squids have never been in
a rampant discussion about whether a squid-god
exists. I’ve certainly never heard any of my
pets discussing their takes on Avatar despite
being in the same room I was when watching it.
Humans are passionate, and humans are
individually unique. We’re bloody, gross and
ugly snowflakes.
But Ben, I hear the only person reading this
magazine (my mum) say - where’s the unity in
that?
Well, mother, I’m getting to that. Everyone
bangs on about snowflakes and how they’re all
different when at the core of it, they’re all
just pieces of snow. Similarly, and
ironically, it is those differences that make
us individuals that bring us unity. No other
species is opinionated like we are, and this
unifies us. We are unified by how much we all
slightly hate each other. And that’s
beautiful.
So yeah. Unity, I guess.
To celebrate the massive differences that
separates and unifies us, I would like to
highjack this article to propose my idea for a It was so much easier to
theme park based on the Conservative Party (and
of course my own leftist-bias). Toryland would blame it on Them. It was
be fun for all the family, so long as they were
middle class or above (and I mean properly bleakly depressing to think
middle class, any lower middle class scum will
be turned away at the park gates). The most that They were Us. If it was
daring members of the social elite could take on
the ‘verbal vomit comet’, a Telegraph-sponsored Them, then nothing was any-
ride made up of the bastardising spins of
anything that comes out of Jeremy Corbyn’s one's fault. If it was Us,
mouth, and those with a weak stomach can still
feel the thrills with a roller coaster comprised what did that make Me? After
of the government’s various U-Turns. Children
can take a break from sucking on silver spoons all, I'm one of Us. I must
to ride the ‘Trickle Down Economics’ water
slide. For entertainment one can watch a clown
be. I've certainly never
show (where the clowns somehow eventually become
thought of myself as one of
the mayor of London, and then the foreign
secretary of England itself), or respect their Them. No one ever thinks of
heroes in a Margaret Thatcher waxwork museum
that looks startlingly like the real thing. For themselves as one of Them.
frights horror fans, they can enter a haunted
house which is simply a Lidl in a neighbourhood We're always one of Us.
without a Waitrose. There used to be a NHS
dodgems that was in full swing but due to It's Them that do
substantial cuts it leaves something to be
desired. the bad things.
Instead of a carnival Toryland would have a
farmers market where people can play games (as -Terry Pratchett
long as they have enough wealth to get in) for
prizes. Competitions include a dart stall where
you have to throw an unmentionable part of David
Cameron’s anatomy into a pig head target, a
‘ Guess how much the banker’s bonus is ’ game
that’s rigged because the answer is completely
made up out of thin air each time, and a Brexit
arcade gun game where you’re given a choice to
play as different Tory politicians - but will
eventually shoot yourself in the foot regardless
of who you choose. Winners receive a range of
prizes, from a second home to a Teresa May
‘squeeze-me’ doll that either lists all the
different types of potential Brexits we could
have or simply screams in a mass panic.
Originally a Michael Gove action man was also
available but all the figures have completely
disappeared up their own backsides.
Anyway, that’s my pitch. I leave you with this:
according to Abraham Lincoln and, more
importantly, the Avengers, ‘ United we stand,
Divided we fall ’ . But, since we’re all divided
we unite. And united we stand. Therefore
standing is falling, and nothing really matters.
Hugs and Kisses,
Ben Morris (Part of the Problem)
 As the 45th president of the united
states, Donald Trump, begins his first
(and hopefully last) term, it is clear A TRUE *looks at magazine* "well that's

AMERICAN HERO
rubbish" *throws it in the bin*
that if anything, he has united people -unknown source
from all over America to stand up
against his child-like attitude to his "This is easily the most left
new-found position of power. One wing thing I've ever read"
such person is the beloved American -Omar
actor Shia LaBeouf, who has recently
been arrested on charges of assault
"It's not very good is it"
and harassment during the New York -Jess
Trump Protest. The actor had ap-
peared several times before the alleged "How can one magazine contain
incident, on a livestream known as this much salmon pink"
‘He Will Not Divide Us’. The New -Raffaela
York Police Department (NYPD)
have described the incident as so.
“I’d give it a solid
During the early hours of Thursday, a 6 out of 10”
dispute broke out between the be- -Liz
loved star and a 25-year-old man.
The man had sustained scratches after “Definitely not worth my time”
a verbal debate quickly turned into a -Jinny
more physical dispute. Once local
authorities took control of the situa-
tion, Shia was escorted away from the
scene, in handcuffs, accompanied by a A PUBLIC SERVICE
police officer. In the meantime, Mr
LaBeouf has been released from cus-
ANNOUNCEMENT
tody and will attend a hearing on the
7th of April. Despite this debacle, it is
clear that the people of New York are
still standing strong against their new
president and are willing to look past
the mistakes of Mr LaBeouf, a man
who before the incident, could only
be described as a true American hero.
Charlie

“it’s all gonna be okay”

 thanks
page one
Liz Lane page eleven
Bea Swordy edited by
page two Liz Lane
James Hudson page twelve
Dana Gatley
page three
Meghdeep Basu page thirteen
designed by
Cassie Tatley
page four Wui Jin Lee
Simon Laing & Erin McGawley page fourteen
with help from
Caroline Rauch
page five Charlie Hedger
Liz Lane page fifteen & sixteen
Ben Morris
page six
Nischal Schwager-Patel page seventeen
Charlie Hedger
page seven & eight
Flora Davies page eighteen with thanks to
Liz Lane & Wui Jin Lee Mr Webb
page nine & ten
Aimee Montague

Wui Jin Lee:

leew016.209@sdpupilmail.org.uk
Or Liz Lane:
lanee013.209@sdpupilmail.org.uk