Running Head: Cell-Phones and Romance 1

Community Problem Report: The Effects of Cell-Phones on Romantic Relationships

The University of Texas at El Paso

RWS 1301

Kimberly Vasquez
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Cell-Phones and Romance

Abstract

Cell-phones have been integrated into our everyday lives so much so, that it affects how we date.

The topics of interest are the “talking” stage, online dating, phubbing, and snooping. The talking

stage and online dating change how we go about finding and choosing dates. The online dating

app, Tinder, is the main focus for this section as it is one of the most popular dating platforms.

Phubbing is a common phenomenon where people ignore others in favor of their phone and is

found to be bothersome in terms of romantic relationships. Lastly snooping through the cell-

phones of romantic partners has become a symbol of untrustworthiness and can destroy the

confidence partners have in one another. While cell-phones have altered dating, they are no

different than any other cultural shift. Learning how to adapt to growing technology is necessary

to be successful in a modern world, and there are many ways to maintain balance between

physical and digital relationships.

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Cell-Phones and Romance

Introduction

The people of today’s modern society have become so dependent on their smart phones

that it is almost as if it is an extension of their body. It is either in their hand or in their back

pocket; in their bag or on the table. The mere presence of the cell phone is palpable and

imperceptible at the same time. The reality that one checks their phone on “average, 47 times a

day,” (Alderman 2017) puts things into perspective. The age that we live in is addicted to those

small, rectangular devices; so much so that we had to create a term to describe the irrational fear

of losing them. Nomophobia, as defined by the Merriam Webster Dictionary, is the “fear of

being without access to a working cell phone.” This addiction to our cell-phones has affected us

in many ways; it has even changed the way that we date. The entire process from creating a

romantic relationship to maintaining it has transformed. First we will discuss how the talking

stage and online dating websites have changed how we find a date, then how phubbing can out

strain on a relationship, and last how cell-phone snooping can destroy trust.

Talking and Tinder

The talking stage of a relationship is a recent addition to the process finding a significant other

which owes its birth to the smart phone. Nowadays, instead of going on a date with someone to

get to know them, “talking” happens before even going on a date. Contrary to what talking might

sound like; face-to-face, verbal communication rarely takes place in this stage. Talking consists

of instant messaging either through text, a social media platform, or a dating site. The messages

sent are usually flirtatious in nature and are used to get to know the other person. People can

spend anywhere from a week to several months in the talking stage. That time is used for both

parties to decide whether or not they would like to date one another. While both parties may
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understand that they are not dating, there is still an enormous amount of ambiguity involved. The

status of the relationship is in limbo; the two are not just friends, but they are not in a romantic

relationship either (Morphew, 2016). After months of talking with no progression towards the

dating stage of the relationship, it can be confusing as to where one may stand. There is not a

surefire way to know if each participant is telling the truth, or even if they are only talking to one

person. Communication is a large part in maintaining a relationship of any kind, and “it can be

hard to determine if you will click with someone based only on online communication”

(Guerrero, et al., 2017). It is due to technology that face-to-face conversations have become a

less popular form of communication. Talking has become such a widespread phenomenon that it

has been applied to the most prevalent dating app, Tinder.

Tinder is one of the most popular and most used dating apps. Tinder is a dating app that

is available on any smartphone free of charge. To sign up all that is required are Facebook

credentials and that a few questions based on the user’s preferences be answered. After signing

up the user is able to write a short text about themselves and to pick the photos they want people

to see. Once everything is set up, they can start scrolling through other Tinder users’ profiles and

decide whether or not like they like anyone. If two people like each other’s profiles, then a match

will be made. If one person does not like a profile and the other passes, then nothing will happen

(Black, 2017). It is an easy, silent way of showing disinterest without the awkward conversation.

If you are willing to be more direct, Tinder allows you to “Super Like” someone; this sends a

notification to the person letting them know you liked them and allows them to see your profile

(Black, 2017). The “Super Like” is just one of the ways that Tinder attempts to make their app as

realistic as possible. You can only use the “Super Like” once per day; this prevents people from

forcibly speeding up the process of obtaining a match.

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Cell-Phones and Romance

After finding a match on Tinder, you are taken to a chat were you two are allowed to talk.

As stated earlier, this is the stage where more is found out about the individual of romantic

interest. If the interest dies in the talking stage, as it so often does, then the two cease talking and

move on. There are no commitments or uneasy silences, no money spent on dates trying to get to

know each other in person. The talking stage exists for situations like these; situations created by

technology. It acts as a pre-test to speed up the process of elimination. This method of

meticulously choosing a date can be useful for narrowing down potential partners and is

extremely practical gaining information without spending time or coordinating schedules to go

on a date (Guerrero, et al., 2017).

Cell-phones have made finding love convenient. The talking stage and dating websites

have taken away the extra effort it takes to meet someone. If a match is made on dating site and

either of the two involved lose interest in the other, then they can simply ignore their messages

and be rid of that person. There is no real commitment involved, no real dates; erasing someone

from their life is clean and easy. The talking stage allows people to craft their messages carefully

and it makes it easier to lie. Even if lying doesn’t take place in the talking stage, people often

“misinterpret or overinterpret social cues which cause them to see potential partners more

positively when communicating online versus face-to-face” (Guerrero, et al., 2017). Without the

body language that is present when physical, close proximity, it is hard to gage if two people will

really “click.”

Staying Connected

Cell-phones have not only affected how we find love; they have also affected how we act

while in a romantic relationship as well. A study was done by Aimee Miller-Ott and Lynne
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Kelly, both of whom are professors in communication, where college students participated in

discussions about cell phone use in romantic relationships (2016). Questions were asked to

identify opinions on community, romance, control and freedom. The discourse on community

and romance asked the students how they felt about their significant other using their phone to

communicate with their friends while in their presence. Many of these college students felt that it

was entirely okay for their partners to do this. One even states, “you shouldn’t stop talking to

your friends just because you’re out with someone” (Miller-Ott, Kelly, 2016). However, their

opinions changed when the topic of cell phone use on dates came up. The majority of students

believed that using your cellphone while on a date was

considered to be disrespectful; that when on a date the

focus should be on the other person. This behavior is

known as phubbing. When one phubs someone, they are

ignoring a person who is present in favor of their phone.

This practice of ignoring a person who is very close in

proximity for a cell phone is commonly done on dates

(Alderman, 2017). Putting away the cell phone while on a

(Man, phubbing woman) date was considered an effort to display how interested someone

was; giving one’s undivided attention was a sign to show that they cared about the date they

were on.

Phubbing is a common behavior that can be easily observed; but it is also one that can be

easily avoided. Feelings of being unwanted or overlooked can cause tensions to build in

relationships; tensions that can lead to conflict or increased negativity in relationships

(Alderman, 2017). This isn’t to say that before cell-phones, people never got distracted or
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Cell-Phones and Romance

wanted to talk to someone else while on a date. The difference between being distracted versus

and phubbing is that using a cell-phone on a date is entirely a conscious decision. People allow

their cell-phone to distract them from the person in front of them. Checking a text message, the

moment it has been received, has become an impulse. “There appears to be a cultural expectation

that individuals are constantly available to everyone via cell phone” (Miller-Ott, Kelly, 2016).

This need to be accessible to everybody, both present and not present, at the same time can make

it difficult to maintain various relationships in one’s life.

Snooping

Maintaining a relationship of any kind, requires trust. Many couples who are in serious

relationships, or are married, believe that their partner should trust them with everything about

themselves. They feel that knowing every detail about their partner means that they are intimate

with each other (Perel, 2016). This includes all the personal information on their cell-phones.

When suspicion arises about the loyalty of a lover, many people often go straight to snooping to

gain information. Instead of confronting the accused and talking about the conflicts in the

relationship; prying eyes scan through call, texts, emails, and social media accounts to look for

evidence. Snooping is not a new concept, but it has become easier with the invention of cell-

phones. Gaining access to someone’s cell phones is like gaining access to their identity. People

can act entirely different in the digital world, and it can be tempting to want to browse through

this alternate persona that exists within someone else’s cell-phone. However, this method of

meddling is one of the fastest ways to lose someone’s trust. Regardless of whether or not

incriminating evidence is found, searching through someone’s phone without permission is a

violation of privacy.
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Conclusion

Cell-phones have changed the way we date in more ways than one. We now have masses

of people we can choose from for potential romantic partners; people we never would have met

otherwise. The talking stage has allowed us to postpone dating until we have found someone that

we deem worthwhile. The time that it takes to find a date has become longer, we have become

more adept at ignoring people, and privacy has become slim. Now, this isn’t to say that the cell-

phone is the problem. Cell-phones represent a cultural change; we just need to learn how to adapt

with them. Cell-phones have affected how we date because we choose to let them affect us. We

need to realize that dating sites are not meant to be used to literally date someone; they are meant

to be used to set up a date with someone. That going out on a date implies spending time with

another physically present human being that deserves our undivided attention. That cell-phones

are personal devices that should not be pried into without permission, no matter how close you

are to a person. Our cell-phones hold as much power over us as we give them. We have to be

aware of that and make the conscious decision to choose how we use it in our romantic

relationships.
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References

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much.html

Black, M. (2017, October 10). How to use Tinder. Retrieved from

https://www.techadvisor.co.uk/feature/software/tinder-3515013/

Guerrero, L.K., Andersen, P.A., Afifi, W.A. (2017, March 1). Making a Love Connection. Close

Encounters: Communication in Relationships (pp. 202-203). Retrieved from

https://books.google.com/books?id=MAs9DgAAQBAJ&dq=communication+and+relatio

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Miller-Ott, A.E., Kelly, L. (2016). Competing Discourses and Meaning Making in Talk about

Romantic Partner’s Cell Phone Contact with Non-Present Others. Communication

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Morphew, K. (2016, March 9). Understanding the Talking Stage of a New Relationship.

Odyssey. Retrieved from https://www.theodysseyonline.com/weretalking

Perel, E. (2016). Close Encounters: The Case Against Snooping. Cosmopolitan Magazine,

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