1d100 Barbarian Delicacies

1d100
Meat
Salt it, flatten it, leave it to air-dry until it falls apart. Really
1 Hanging meat.
tough, a little green around the edges.
2 Pickled eyeballs. Mostly flavorless, slightly greasy, hard to explain to visitors.
3 Dried eel. Leathery. Smells like wet dog.
The tendon from the left leg. The wattle. The gizzard. Something
4 Weird bit.
you wouldn't normally eat.
A stomach filled with other bits of animal and special spices, left
5 Blended organ sack.
to ferment.
Has to be a very specific kind of fish. Carried in glass bottles.
6 Rotting fish.
Smells like death.
Served in honey. Well attested in holy books; less appealing these
7 Dried crickets.
days.
PC swears it's an aphrodisiac; everyone else thinks the smell is
8 Fermented crab.
off-putting.
Mashed with fat and berries and dried in strips. Tastes like the
9 Dried meat.
bottom of a gardener's boot.
10 Mashed stoat. Minty fresh for some reason.

More Meat
Except it's not a local rat. It's some kind of smug-looking foreign
11 Baked rat.
rat.
The leftovers from a thousand plates of fried pork. Crunchy. Kept
12 Pig grease.
in a jar.
Lured out by the PC and cooked in a pot, then mixed with grain.
13 Mashed ants.
Terrifyingly awful.
Would be fine, but it's coated in some sort of black foul-smelling
14 Whole songbird.
paste.
15 Fermented bird. Store it in a sack then drink whatever drips out. Absolutely awful.
16 Dried lizards. Tiny. Eat a handful at a time. Crunchy but extremely dry.
17 Rabbit ears. Why the ears? And why eat them with the fur still on?
Horrible little sea insect. Too many legs, bright pink, baked then
18 Sea thing.
preserved in red sauce.
Smoked, and then kept in a sack. Eaten whole. Pungent smell and
19 Tiny flat fish.
scales everywhere.
Handfuls of broken teeth from all sorts of animals. Swallowed
20 Teeth.
whole.
Eggs
Boiled in something unpleasant, left to dry in the sun. Tastes like
21 Eggs, cooked.
battery acid.
22 Eggs, fermented. Buried in clay for a month. Sulphrous, crumbly.
23 Eggs, mashed. Mixed with some horrible root. Smells like burnt meat.
 Put in an urn with weird roots. Crystallized, snaps like glass,
24 Eggs, candied.
tastes like hair.
Lots of little tiny ones, black like stones. Briny, unpleasant
25 Eggs, fish.
aftertaste.
26 Eggs, insect. White, the size of a thumb, taste like soap.
27 Eggs, lumpy. From a bird with the hiccoughs, maybe. Bulges. Tastes like milk.
Pickled in brine. Thin shell, tastes like mushrooms, slight worries
28 Eggs, snail.
of snails hatching inside you.
Not sure if they are from a plant or a fish. Large, green, briny
29 Eggs, sea.
pouches.
Blue and green with stripes. From somewhere in the mountains.
30 Eggs, exotic.
Watery and sulphrous.

Strong Drink
Horrible herbal
31 Sold in tiny glass bottles, vaguely greasy taste.
liquor.
Blessed by a particular saint or god. The PC can taste the
32 Blessed water.
difference.
Apparently made by monks. These monks must be real sick
33 Green infusion.
bastards.
34 Brown liquor. Very strong, made by alchemists, dries out your throat.
35 Honey beer. Comes in clay pots. Delicious but distinctly foreign.
36 Fermented cloves. More of a mash than a drink. Will make your earwax run.
Thick like treacle, tastes like fruit, but makes everyone but the PC
37 Red liquor.
throw up 10 mins later.
Make a horrible medicinal drink if soaked in boiling water. The
38 Bitter leaves.
PC eats them raw in emergencies.
Made from trees, somehow. Tastes like pine needles, sap, and
39 Pale brown liquor.
splinters.
Not made from grapes, that's for sure. Strong, but kind of slimy.
40 Buttery wine.
Starchy flavor.

Root Vegetables
41 Fat purple turnips. Kind of tasty if cooked, but the PC insists on eating them raw.
42 Long grey carrots. Very very spicy.
43 Rock-like vegetable. Devoured raw, leaks milk. Utterly disgusting.
44 Round green lumps. Some kind of nut? No one is sure. Incredibly bitter aftertaste.
45 Thin white roots. Served by the handful. Faint smell of cut hay.
Worse than regular turnips in every way, from appearance to
46 Corkscrew turnips.
texture to cost.
Like an obese carrot, but it tastes like sweat. When dried it starts
47 Fat white root.
to fall apart.
48 Horrible onion. Red, not yellow, and sharply acidic. The devil's onions.
Shaped like a deformed person or a sick animal. Orange and
49 Lumpy root.
fibrous, strong flavor. Chewed.
50 Hairy yellow root. From a flower. Tastes like vinegar, but it keeps away insects.
 Leafy Vegetables
Opens the pupils, increases the heart rate, makes the PC talk very
51 Broad green leaves.
quickly.
52 Diamond leaves. Tingly, stains the teeth green, fairly mild flavor.
53 Small grey leaves. Ashy. Sold by apothecaries. Strong hallucinogen, PC is immune.
Stringy frayed
54 Tastes like soap. PC insists it does not taste like soap.
leaves.
Bitter, watery. Slowly rot into a dripping mass that is still,
55 Flat green leaves.
somehow, edible.
56 Fern leaves. Taste like grass, but with runny sap. Stains the teeth green.
Dried and crispy. Crushed up and held under the tongue. Makes
57 Orange leaves.
the PC sleepy an hour later.
Tastes like copper and makes everyone but the PC sneeze
58 Little round leaves.
uncontrollably.
59 Veiny lumpy leaves. Bitter and horribly chewy. Like eating a sheet of lead.
Little balls of green, swallowed whole. Gives everyone but the PC
60 Curled-up leaves.
gas.
Bread
Why would anyone do that to bread? So dense they hurt your
61 Hard cakes.
teeth.
62 Drip cakes. Bread thrown into boiling fat. Extremely weird.
63 Spice bread. A pinch of spice from Foreign Parts. Tastes like leather.
Layered meat and cheese inside bread. Looks appetizing, but the
64 Rolled bread.
spices used are very unusual.
65 Yellow bread. Made from some grain from Foreign Parts. Gritty.
Like bread that's been left to die. So stale, so crunchy. Squeaks
66 Corpse bread.
when you eat it.
67 Hole bread. The baker must be mad because it's full of air and holes!
Tiny round loaves, hammered flat, then layered with some
68 Stack bread.
powdered spice.
Strange flour and water cooked in a pan. Makes a round puffy
69 Incompetent bread.
thing. Goes stale immediately.
Spheres of dough with meat and yellow spices inside. The spices
70 Round bread.
are very strong.

Cheese
Wrapped in the stomach lining of a goat. Smells awful, causes
71 Blue-black cheese.
birds to fall from the sky.
White lumpy In a wineskin. Acidic, but fairly tasty on bread. PC insists it pairs
72
cheese. well with fruit.
73 Grey runny cheese. Tastes like salt and sand.
74 Yellow hard cheese. Looks fine but tastes appalling. Chalky, pungent, almost dusty.
75 Purple cheese. Made with blood or something. Veinier than usual.
Thick rind, smells like a cow dying of starvation. Kept coated in
76 Grey hard cheese.
wax.
 Made with milk from blessed cows and covered in the remains of
77 Monk cheese.
holy candles. No real taste.
Cheese with all the water squeezed out and replaced with an
78 Travel cheese.
unpleasant thin oil.
Served in clay jars. Sweet, but causes gastric disasters in anyone
79 Soft white cheese.
but the PC.
The PC insists on making it with things from the ocean and not
80 Meat cheese.
pork or beef trimmings.

Mushrooms
81 Folded mushroom. Moist and curled like a calf's brain. Tastes like pine needles.
82 Black mushroom. Looks deadly and menacing. Tastes like buttercream.
Crunches like frost with white puffs of spores. No taste, but it gets
83 Crinkly mushroom.
in your nose and ears.
Round pink
84 Dilates the pupils and makes everything look fuzzy.
mushroom.
Round grey Deadly to dogs and cattle, but the PC swears it's fine to eat. Tastes
85
mushroom. like old beef stew.
White spots, perfectly round, dries into little hard lumps. Dusty
86 Red mushroom.
and acidic.
Tall white
87 Like little spears. Acidic taste. Smell like burnt bones.
mushroom.
Brown plate Grows on the side of trees, apparently. Like eating a soggy plank
88
mushroom. of wood.
Round white balls with fine brown dust inside. Dust chokes the
89 Puffball mushroom.
lungs and tastes like ash.
Has wet black spots like eyes buried in soft white flesh. Tastes
90 Eye mushroom.
like peat.

Assorted
91 Brownish beans. Taste like sawdust and bleach.
Like pebbles, but chewy. After a few minutes your tongue goes
92 White beans.
numb.
Taste metallic, deeply unpleasant. Apparently very good for you
93 Red beans.
in large quantities.
Orange. Looks like a deflated penis. Probably tastes like a
94 Horrible sea thing.
deflated penis.
Full of seeds. Burns like fire, makes your eyes water, and gets all
95 Pointy red fruit.
over your hands.
96 Oval green fruit. Bitter, salty, and chewy. Leaks oil.
97 Snake venom. Makes the tongue go black. Not enough to kill anyone if ingested.
From the mountains. Apparently heals you and makes your hair
98 Pink salt.
grow. Just tastes like salt.
99 Cat milk. Seriously, who milks a cat? A thin crusty rind of milk.
Ground up wizard skulls or something. Makes your hair stick
100 Magic powder.
straight out and your eyes bulge.