Running head: MY COUNSELING PHILOSOPHY 1

My Counseling Philosophy

Eden Driscoll

Western Illinois University

MY COUNSELING PHILOSOPHY 2

My Counseling Philosophy

I consider counselors as teachers, especially in the field of student affairs. Helping

students in the context of higher education is to encourage their learning about themselves and

how they interact with the world around them. In order to do that, we, student affairs

professionals acting as counselors, teach them how to think critically and develop agency over

their thoughts and feelings. We provide them the emotional encouragement they need to engage

in a process of continual growth. Moreover, we counselors should be working collaboratively

with each other so that we create a network of support for students that spans across campus.

I personally believe that being a helper means partnering with students to assist them in

processing how they are making meaning of experiences. I want to empower them to reach their

own conclusions rather than give them direct advice. By asking questions rather than providing

answers, I hope to encourage personal reflection and critical thinking that challenges students to

examine their beliefs and the issues they are facing through multiple lenses.

My counseling style is strongly influenced by Carl Rogers’ humanistic approach and, to a

lesser extent, cognitive behavior therapy. Both theories stress the importance of unconditional

positive regard shaping the relationship between the counselor and person being helped.

Growing up, my parents constantly told me that they would love me no matter what I did. My

Christian background also emphasized how much God loves people despite all their sins.

Therefore, the concepts of withholding judgement and believing in the underlying goodness of

people seem essential to me in order to establish an effective counseling relationship with

students. As stated by Corey (2009), “When therapists are able to experience and communicate

their realness, support, caring, and nonjudgmental understanding, significant changes in the
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client are most likely to occur” (p. 169). I want to develop authentic relationships with students

in which they feel safe, valued, respected, and understood.

I also agree with the shared humanistic and cognitive behavior principle that the client

has primary responsibility for self-healing. Therefore, I approach counseling as a collaborative

partnership between equals. I cannot heal students, but I can assist them in healing themselves.

This is highly influenced by Baxter Magolda’s (2004) Learning Partnerships Model. While

challenging students to further develop themselves, I want to validate them as knowers in their

own right, to situate learning in their experience, and to mutually construct knowledge with

them. For example, if I am working with first generation students who are academically

struggling, I would ask them to identify what non-academic strengths they have and then

brainstorm with them how they can adapt those strengths to their schoolwork.

Some of the most important skills I have learned in this course are reflection,

confrontation, disputing beliefs, giving feedback, and using silence. Another relevant

characteristic of humanistic therapy is “reflecting and clarifying the client’s verbal and nonverbal

communications with the aim of helping clients become aware of and gain insight into their

feelings” (Corey, 2009, p. 166). I can use ‘you’ statements to reflect back the content and

feelings that I am perceiving from whoever I am helping. For example, to someone who is

telling me about her struggles with her roommate, I might respond with “You feel frustrated that

your roommate constantly leaves her dirty dishes in the sink.” Doing this allows me to

simultaneously check my understanding of the situation and validate her feelings.

I also believe, like cognitive behavior therapists, in “replacing faulty cognitions with

constructive beliefs” (Corey, 2009, p. 278). I may subtly dispute a student’s beliefs in order to
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accomplish this. “You say that your roommate ​always​ leaves the kitchen a mess. I wonder

whether ​always​ is the most accurate word to use.” If I have a strong relationship with the

student, I may try gentle confrontation. “You complain about your roommate’s messiness, but

you also told me that you often do not have time to clean because of your other commitments.”

If I am very comfortable with a student, I may ask her whether she would be open to feedback.

“You have a tendency to be quick to judge people - how have you talked to your roommate about

her reasons for leaving the sink a mess?” Sometimes just sitting in silence may be enough to

prompt students to reflect on what they had been saying.

I also need to take into account the cultural differences and unique identities of each

individual that I am counseling. As Brew and Kottler (2008) state, I need to gain an

“understanding [of] the client’s unique worldview, including core beliefs; awareness of one’s

own biases and values; and an understanding of how methods must be adapted to fit the needs of

each person” (p. 35). Therefore, I must constantly engage in my own personal work of

confronting and challenging my own biases and beliefs. Constant reflection and solicitation of

feedback from others will help me accomplish this.

Another aspect of this course that I believe is critical to developing a healthy relationship

with students is setting goals and expectations at the beginning of our meetings together. When I

was leading the Alternative Spring Break trip last year, I was very frustrated with my two student

trip leaders. They never seemed to step up to their responsibilities, but I later realized that this

was partially my fault. Although I had communicated general expectations to them at the

beginning of the trip planning process, it would have been much more effective if we had created

formal goals together to which I could have held them accountable.

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One of the most important concepts I learned from the reflective journal assignments was

when to use closed and open-ended questions. I discovered that close-ended questions are most

effective in soliciting specific information while open-ended questions give more control of the

conversation to the student. I can glean a greater understanding of the situation and deeper

responses from students by asking open-ended questions.

The most crucial realization I had over the course of my three helping sessions was that

staying truly present with a student is extremely difficult. I have to remember to take inventory

of the content and tone of students’ responses, their non-verbals, and my non-verbals, all the

while trying to navigate between staying in the moment with them and considering whether I

should ask a question or make a statement. If I do judge that a verbal response is necessary, then

I have to decide what would be most helpful and appropriate to say or ask. Doing all of this at

once can be very overwhelming and draining.

Final Self-Assessment

Staying with the student while considering all those other factors is certainly one of my

greatest challenges. I also have a tendency to mirror facial expressions rather than content

because I have always been taught that that is the polite thing to do. When someone is laughing

while describing some hardship, I need to do better at responding to the content of the message

rather than the delivery. While I consider my listening skills to be a strength, I need to practice

asking questions and making statements since I noticed throughout my helping sessions that I did

not sound very confident while doing so.

I believe that my empathy and desire to help others is my most valuable quality, but this

can also be a weakness at times. I want to be able to fix people’s problems for them and heal
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them completely when that is neither possible nor beneficial for people in the long term. As

Brew and Kottler (2008) explain, people could either blame me if I suggest something that does

not work or become reliant on me if it does. For my own mental health, I also cannot become

lost in people’s struggles and take them on as my own. I need to find the boundary between

empathy and over-involvement. Finally, I have recognized my tendency to crave approval. “If

the therapists’ caring stems from their own need to be liked and appreciated, constructive change

in the client is inhibited” (Corey, 2009, p.174). I have to stay aware of the reasons behind my

actions. Am I behaving a certain way because it is helpful for the student or am I just wanting to

be liked? I need to constantly be checking myself.

Thankfully I can still practice all of these skills regularly in my daily life once this course

is over. I kept mentioning ‘students’ throughout this paper as people who I would be helping,

but it really could be anyone: coworkers, family, friends, etc. Practicing ‘you’ statements, asking

open and closed-ended questions, staying aware of my non-verbals, drawing boundaries,

responding to content rather than facial expressions, and staying aware of what is motivating me

are all concepts that I can be implementing in my life outside higher education as well as inside

of it. As I continue to practice what I have learned, I hope to continue my development as a

counselor, as well as a human being in general.

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References

Baxter Magolda, M.B. (2004). Learning partnerships model: A framework for promoting

self-authorship. In M.B. Baxter Magolda & P.M. King (Eds.), ​Learning partnerships:

Theory and models of practice to educate for self-authorship ​[pp. 37-62]. Sterling, VA:

Stylus Publishing.

Brew, L. & Kottler, J.A. (2008). ​Applied helping skills: Transforming lives.​ Thousand Oaks, CA:

Sage Publications.

Corey, G. (2009). ​Theory and practice of counseling and psychotherapy ​(8th ed.). Belmont, CA:

Brooks/Cole.