Samantha Huff

Mrs. Jizi

UWRT 1103

18 February 2018

What Music Means to Me

Music has always been there for me when everything seems to be going down-hill and it

calms my nerves when I’m anxious or depressed. I have loved music all my life, my mom sang

in the church choir and I took piano lessons since I was in fourth grade. During my fifth-grade

year of school, one of our music classes introduced us to the instruments used in a middle school

band. That moment I instantly fell in love with the clarinet. The next year, me and my best friend

started band both playing the clarinet.

During my sixth grade I had learned how to play the clarinet and I became the first chair

in my section. It started my career in band. From sixth grade to seventh grade, I played the

clarinet, until one day I saw that there was another type of clarinet, a bass clarinet. I started

playing the bass clarinet at the end of seventh grade and have continued to play it to this very

day. All throughout my band career I have learned how to play many other instruments and have

been in different types of music ensembles.

My freshman year of high school was my first year in marching band. My band director,

Mr. Poole, was very surprised to see a bass clarinet as part of the marching band. As the years

went by I learned how to play the tenor saxophone and baritone saxophone. Both I had played in

the jazz ensemble and I played all three instruments during my senior year of high school. My
band director had seen so much musical potential in me and he always complimented me on my

instrumental instincts.

The one time that I actually took his advice on improving my skills and testing them was

when he repeatedly asked me to try out for All State. I was nervous about trying out because I

had terrible anxiety, but I thought that since he had so much faith in me I could probably handle

it. It was during my junior year and I was the only girl while the other four people trying out

were senior boys. I knew all of them of course. I was close friends with every single one of them.

One was my best friend’s older brother and he played the tenor saxophone. He was amazing at it.

Another was an alto saxophone and he was the best out of his whole section. Then we had a

percussionist and a tuba player that I really looked up to, not because he was the friendliest guy

there, but because of his determination and motivation towards music.

The five of us would stay after school and practice for a good hour and a half,

memorizing the twelve major scales and be able to play a section of music that was given to us

by the instructors doing the auditions. I could play the section piece well, but I have a bad

memory and knew that memorizing those twelve scales would be the worst part about the whole

thing. My anxiety would make me forget things when it came to tests or anything like that, solos

had been my worst fear because I was always scared I’d mess up no matter how hard I tried to

get the piece right. So, with all the doubt that was running through my head, it was hard for me

to be completely confident in myself like everyone else was.

So weeks passed by and it was the night before the big day. I had put on so many alarms,

because I knew that it would be hard for me to wake up at four in the morning since I wasn’t

really a morning person. I prepared myself by taking a shower and getting everything ready that

night and sleeping in the clothes that I was going to wear for the next day. I had been right on the
part of me not being a morning person. The next morning my mom came to wake me up, I

started to freak out and I asked her what time it was. She told me that it was 6:12 am, I jumped

out of my bed panicking and telling her that I needed to be there at 6:00 am. She started to panic

and I realized that I didn’t tell her the night before that I needed to get up at that time.

I rushed to get ready and I grabbed everything that I needed. I called my director, who

didn’t answer so I panicked once more before thinking about all the people that were also going.

It was like a light bulb clicked in my head when I remember that Justin, my best friend’s brother,

was there and I had his number. I called him and asked him where our director was he was said

that he was going to go get gas for the bus and that they were still at the school. I told him that if

our band director made it back before I got there to tell him that I was on my way.

After I ended the call with him, I grabbed my jacket and told my parents goodbye. I

jumped into my car and basically flew down the backroads that took me to my school. I made it

there by 6:45am, before my band director made it back to the school. It was a great way to start

off the already day full of stress for me. We drove to the school that auditions were held at, it

was about an hour and a half drive on the little white activity bus. I slept on the bus with my

blanket and pillow with my headphones it, just like everyone else on the bus except for Mr.

Poole, who was driving.

We made it to the auditions on time and we got registered in. We went into the

auditorium and I saw all different kinds of instruments everywhere. What I could clearly

remember was listening to the contrabass clarinets and there were three of them. I was so excited

to see so many instruments around me, but then I remembered that I had to audition. I got

nervous, but we were given time before the auditions to practice. I practice memorizing the
major scales for the whole time until the bass clarinets were called back. All the guys that were

with me from my school had already been called back.

I went where I was told and I got in line. I was the second person to go in the line. I

listened to the guy that was in front of me as he auditioned. He had played so well, had all his

scales memorized and he played the section perfectly. I was so intimidated as he left, but he

smiled at me as he left. I went into the room as I listened to the deep voices of the directors.

“Please have a seat.” I sat down, but my whole body was shaking. “Please start with your

scales.” He said. I stuttered out an okay and barely began to play my scales from what I

remembered. I was so scared and anxious. I couldn’t remember anything. My jaw, hands, and the

rest of my body was shaking vigorously as I tried to play.

I couldn’t get through my scales and they had to tell me that I needed to just go to the

section piece. I stuttered an ‘I’m sorry’ and my hand shakily flipped the pages in front of me. I

played and messed up but did better than I expected to do. I left the room, hiding my face from

the others in line and rushed back out to where my director was. I was ended up being the first

one back and he asked me how I thought I did I told him with a nervous smile, “Poole, I did

exactly what I thought I was going to do. I messed up on everything and my anxiety got the best

of me.”

I couldn’t play to my fullest that day, because of my anxiety. Though from that day on I

was determined to be able to calm down my anxiety during my playing, because I knew that I

was good at playing and that if I just tried really hard I would be able to play a solo for my

school. I turned out to have that chance when it came to my junior year concert and graduation.

The seniors picked out a piece of music and it had a bass clarinet solo in it and since I was the
only bass clarinet at the time. I overcame my anxiety and did amazing with the solo and I’ve

loved the song ever since.

Peer Feedback - UWRT 1103- Jizi-Spring 2018

Date: 2-19-18

Reader’s Name: Lauren Hatcher

Writer’s Name: Samantha Huff

Three Step Response

1. Velcro Words/Phrases
Instrumental instincts
So much music potential
Determination and motivation towards music
Panic
It was a great way to start off the already day full of stress for me
shaking vigorously

2. Feelings

Intrigued

Anxious

Frazzled

Optimistic

Glad
3. Questions

How many times did it take for your band director to convince you to try out?

Since he had so much faith in you, did that make your decision any easier?

Were you able to calm down on the bus ride there?

What was the official outcome of the tryouts?

Do you have any tricks or methods that help you deal with your anxiety when it comes to auditions or
big performances now?

Criterion-Based Response

Highlight examples of each of the four elements of the personal essay using the following colors:

Personal presence of the author

An engagement between self and the world

The Author’s Exploration and Self-Discovery

The Need to Both Show and Tell

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Copy and paste this document to the bottom of the essay you are reading and then upload when you
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