David Ramsey

Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

Reflection from Reading

In chapter five the author, Bruce Ballenger, brings to light some nuggets of wisdom and
strategies to implore on the dreaded and tedious task of revision. Firstly, the author utilizes an
interesting definition of what revision is which he explains to mean as “re-seeing” or
“reconceiving”. To me, the interesting and more important interpretation was the second version
of the definition due to me connecting the word reconceiving with rebirth. Instantly, I imagined
my paper with all the hard work and long hours I spent crafting it in the form of animated sheets
of paper laid out in front of me with little animated bits of information as landmarks chartering
my path and then I picture the papers disappearing to only reappear as something new and
different, yet familiar. After acknowledging the burden sometimes felt by individuals who
engage in the process of revision, the author calls for individuals to go beyond the surface of
revision, to dig deeper than the general or obvious corrections such as grammar, diction, and
citations. To accomplish this task the author offers the concept of global revision which focuses
on a three-prong system which are revising for purpose, thesis, and structure.
Within the three areas, the author suggests techniques and exercises to ease the difficulty
of the tasks involved. However, what resonated with me the most was the concept that we write
for us to understand which does make viable sense. Since a writer in general has an idea of how
they may want to write but when the finger tips are placed on the keys and one begins to type,
the paper becomes something like that of a living organism. This idea creates the need for a shift
in mindset from the creator to the audience which may explain why revision has a negative rap.
Unfortunately, the cut and paste revision technique which does suggest a process I have never
even thought of which is to basically cut your paper into paragraphs, shuffle them, and then
begin to reconstruct your paper from a stating point such as the thesis. Although this technique
does show promise to me to utilize in my own revision, I just question the time it may take but
do note the value this technique has to yield may be priceless. Nevertheless, I will be applying
the strategy of insuring that I have balance within my paper between my own thoughts and the
evidence that I have used for support. Additionally, I will utilize the questions that the author
suggest that I ask someone after they read my paper. For example, ask them to write in their own
words what they think the main point of your paper is? Overall, I found a lot of benefits from
reading this chapter and further propose that any individual regardless of comfortability with the
process of revision, to read the material covered in this chapter and utilize or adapt the tactics
covered.
David Ramsey
Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

Margin Outline

Paragraph 1. Topic Sentence- “Establishment of the Olympic Movement which spurred the re-
establishment of the Olympic Games.”
A) Next Point. “Differentiation between Summer and Winter Olympics
and the quantity there of.”
B) Next Point. “Establishment of the International Olympic Committee”
C) Next Point. “Date and place of the first modern Olympics.”
D) Next Point. “Date, place, and establishment of ice-hockey as a winter
Olympic sport.”
E) Next Point. “Quantity of events that have been added.”
Paragraph 2. Topic Sentence- “A current story of two sisters playing ice-hockey on two
different teams at the 2018 Winter Olympics.”
A) Next Point. “Attempt to evoke the reader by establishing a story.”
B) Next Point. “Identifying the names of the two sisters as well as the
parents.”
C) Next Point. “Identifying the uniqueness of their situation.”
D) Next Point. “Establishing the sister’s love for the game of ice-hockey.”
E) Next Point. “Attempt to evoke emotion in the reader.”
F) Next Point. “Surprise of response to the question.”
G) Next Point. “An example of family.”
H) Next Point. “Why this story is current and relevant to my topic.”
I) Next Point. “Cause for reflection on my own sibling bonds.”
J) Next Point. “Establishing what my inquiry is.”
K) Next Point. “A deeper reason to solve this inquiry.”
L) Next Point. “An example for support.”
Paragraph 3. Topic Sentence- “Date and a sense of time of when I was born.”
A) Next Point. “Birth of one of my sisters.”
B) Next Point. “Acknowledging the landscape change.”
C) Next Point. “Establishing my street credit.”
D) Next Point. “Mother remarried.”
E) Next Point. “Father remarried.”
F) Next Point. “Birth of a baby sister.”
David Ramsey
Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

G) Next Point. “Establishing which sibling bonds that I will be

evaluating.”
H) Next Point. “Reasoning for not counting my step siblings.”
I) Next Point. “Description of the condition of a sibling bond.”
J) Next Point. “Restating the question.”
Paragraph 4. Topic Sentence- “View from early scientist regarding the importance of the
sibling bond.”
A) Next Point. “Definition for the term fungible.”
B) Next Point. “Timeframe for when serious research was beginning to be
conducted.”
C) Next Point. “The diversity of fields who pioneered the research.”
D) Next Point. “An example for support.”
E) Next Point. “Elaboration on example.”
F) Next Point. “Comparison between the animal kingdom and the human
kingdom.”
G) Next Point. “My opinion of the comparison.”
Paragraph 5. Topic Sentence- “Jeffrey Kluger identifies some environmental factors.”
A) Next Point. “Identifying the four environmental factors that I will
utilize to examine my own sibling bonds.”
B) Next Point. “Reason for choosing those four environmental factors.”
C) Next Point. “Identifying four theoretical perspectives that I will
utilize.”
Paragraph 6. Topic Sentence- “Define what a sibling bond is.”
A) Next Point. “Definition of a dyad and an example.”
B) Next Point. “An example of the infamous Kennedy family dyads.”
Paragraph 7. Topic Sentence- “Definition of environmental factors.”
A) Next Point. “Justification in choosing only four environmental factors
B) Next Point. “Some environmental factors are self-explanatory and
definition of birth order.”
C) Next Point. “Stats on the first astronauts in regard to birth order and
illustrates how profound it is.”
D) Next Point. “Firstborn characteristics.”
E) Next Point. “Middleborn characteristics.”
F) Next Point. “Lastborn characteristics.”
David Ramsey
Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

G) Next Point. “Only child characteristics.”

H) Next Point. “Exception to the characteristics is twins.”
I) Next Point. “Acknowledging how that information applies to my
sibling bonds.
J) Next Point. “Acknowledged Suzanna has some traits that need further
investigation.”
Paragraph 8. Topic Sentence- “Introduction to the environmental factor, gender differences.”
A) Next Point. “A break down of sibling dyads into two categories, mixed
gender dyads and same gender dyads.”
B) Next Point. “Application of the mixed gender dyad concept on my
own sibling bonds.”
C) Next Point. “An example for support.”
D) Next Point. “Boys tend to be more pugilistic than girls.”
Paragraph 9. Topic Sentence- “The introduction to the environmental factor of age differences
and my inquiry to its potential impact on my own sibling bonds.”
A) Next Point. “Explanation of the concept of age differences and its
range.”
B) Next Point. “Reference to a study supporting concept.”
C) Next Point. “Application of age difference in my own sibling bonds.”
Paragraph 10. Topic Sentence-
A) Next Point. “Introduction to the income environmental factor.”
B) Next Point. “Statistic on children born out of wedlock and divorce.’
C) Next Point. “Single-parent household tends to be poor.”
D) Next Point. “Explanation that the grass is not greener on the other
side.”
E) Next Point. “The reason I chose income as an environmental factor.”
F) Next Point. “A reflection of my own experiences living with a single-
parent.”
G) Next Point. “Single-parent house hold not having enough resources to
deal with life’s challenges.”
H) Next Point. “Differences in how I lived versus my sister.”
I) Next Point. “An example for support.”
J) Next Point. “Acknowledging the influence of the circumstances that
helped to create me.”
David Ramsey
Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

Paragraph 11. Topic Sentence- Explanation as to why I did not mention the deidentification
process and favoritism.”
A) Next Point. “Definition of the deidentification process and purpose.”
B) Next Point. “Brief explanation of favoritism as we already know what
it is.”
C) Next Point. “Statistics about parents displaying favoritism.”
D) Next Point. “Reason for their exclusion.”
E) Next Point. “Restating my purpose for inquiry.”
Paragraph 12. Topic Sentence- “After learning the environmental factors, how can I apply
them.”
A) Next Point. “Identified the four theoretical perspectives that I will be
utilizing.”
B) Next Point. “Identifying how I will use the theoretical perspectives as
lens to examine the environmental factors.”
C) Next Point. “Definition of psychoanalytic-evolutionary perspective.”
D) Next Point. “The two theories that I will utilize under this
perspective.”
E) Next Point. “Definition of the attachment theory.”
F) Next Point. “Explaining the infant’s first year in which they establish
attachment relationships with a caregiver.”
G) Next Point. “Explaining the second year of a child’s life in which they
use the caregiver as a base.”
H) Next Point. “Pointing out that this attachment sets the tone for further
relationships like that of a sibling bond.”
I) Next Point. “Definition of Adler’s theory.”
J) Next Point. “Explanation of a key concept to his theory which is the
inferiority complex.”
K) Next Point. “Definition of social psychological perspective.”
L) Next Point. “Identifying who proposed the social comparison theory.”
M) Next Point. “Definition of social comparison theory.”
N) Next Point. “Definition of social learning theories.”
O) Next Point. “Defining the principles of observational learning.”
P) Next Point. “Discussing how this process teaches children to learn
social concepts.”
Q) Next Point. “Definition of family-ecological systems.”
R) Next Point. “Explanation of the principles of family system theory.”
David Ramsey
Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

S) Next Point. “Further explanation of the principles of family system

theory.”
Paragraph 13. Topic Sentence- “Explanation of what I began to see.”
A) Next Point. “Discussing the overlap between environmental factors
and theoretical perspectives.”
B) Next Point. “Discussing the relationship between the two.”
C) Next Point. “Tie in of the relationship that I have as well as the two
sisters playing ice-hockey.”
D) Next Point. “Introducing my own points to the conversation such as
there should be more in-depth research completed on the sibling
bond.”
E) Next Point. “There should be greater representation of ethnic groups in
future studies.”
F) Next Point. “Evidence to support claim.”
G) Next Point. “There needs to be a better approach to get solid
information across the full spectrum of sibling bonds.”
Paragraph 14. Topic Sentence- “Restating my purpose for the inquiry.”
A) Next Point. “An example of the age gap and Adler’s theory application
to my own sibling bonds.”
B) Next Point. “An example of the gender gap and birth order application
to my own sibling bonds.”
C) Next Point. “Further explanation of idea of the interplay.”
D) Next Point. “Further explanation.”
E) Next Point. “Exploration to if one thing was changed in my life then it
would not be what it is.”
F) Next Point. “An example.”
G) Next Point. “My appreciation for my sibling bonds.”
H) Next Point. “How I can benefit from the knowledge that I have
learned.”
I) Next Point. “Conclusion, a moving quote by Jeffrey Kluger which
sums up the type of relationship a sibling bond is.”
David Ramsey
Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

A Look at the Big Picture

A) Does the introduction lead into the main point and show the reader why the topic matter?
Is the main point clear?
a) Leading with the rebirth of the Olympic games and then rolling into a current story of
the 2018 Winter Games that showcases the power of the sibling bond and its
relevance presents a logical pathway to my main point. In my opinion, the reader
understands why the topic matters due to the importance and establishment that I
placed on the two sisters story, divulging my own story, and the simply fact, that
there is a multitude of people in the world that have brothers and sisters. Furthermore,
the main point is clear due to my utilization of a writer’s move which is repetition by
stating my main point of why and how I want to analyze my sibling bonds.
B) Does each paragraph focus on one idea or new point? Does each paragraph support the
main point? Does each claim have support (evidence) to back it up?
a) Each paragraph presents specific points that act as breadcrumbs for the reader to
follow and move forward naturally. Moreover, each paragraph was meticulously
written in a manner to represent and serve two purposes, direction and evidence. The
use of only creditable sources as evidence allows me to have consistent support to
back up any claim.
C) Do I introduce a point and then not address it? Are there any places where parts of the
same idea are spread out and need to be brought together? Do I repeat information
unnecessarily?
a) Every point that I introduced and the plethora of definitions I introduced to the reader
were concise and thoroughly examined to the point that a reader should have been left
with no doubts as to what I was discussing. After reviewing the margin remarks I did
notice some places where the information could be displayed differently or shifted.
Even though there are some ideas that I review more than one time but that is
purposefully done on my part to accomplish the clear idea that I want to convey to the
reader.
D) If arguing a point, am I addressing the counter argument and including the opposition’s
claims and evidence?
a) The journey in which I embarked on was one driven by questions of inquiry not of
arguing a point however, there are two examples in which showcase two different
sides to the same issue. Example one occurs when I discuss the shift in the perception
of the value of the sibling bond between early scientists and more recent
developments. Example two occurs when I discuss which bond is more important and
influential to the development of who or what has the greatest effect on a child.
E) Does the conclusion capture the essence of the main point and add something new to the
idea?
David Ramsey
Student ID 800987808
Studio Six
Due 4/27/2018
UWRT 1104-004
Professor Malcolm Campbell

a) The main point of this exploration was to figure out some of the aspects of the jig-saw
puzzle I call my sibling bonds and find new areas to progress further for even more
knowledge and by those standards the conclusion, completely captures this essence.
As far as if the conclusion offers up something new I suggest that it does due to the
power of a quote to motivate the reader to apply these new ideas to probe their own
sibling bonds.