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Emma Lightfoot

Jackie Burr, Instructor

English 2010, Section 2

April 9, 2018

Silently Suffering

A two year old girl lay draped on the floor, limbs pointing in odd directions, eyes

swollen, breath short and failing. Her supposed to be loving care taker, hiding in the back room

articulating an absurd story of how he did not beat this young girl. Firefighter, Aaron Lightfoot

recollects this story with a somber heart and expresses the toll that it took on him and his crew

members. He expresses the mental and physical exhaustion after working as fast and careful as

possible to get the girl to the hospital alive and suppressing their anger with her caretaker.

Luckily their crew has an established ritual after traumatic calls like this one; “debriefing

together at the kitchen table, the crew members take turns sharing their perspective of the call”

(Lightfoot). Maybe one saw a scene more horrific than the others, or maybe one firefighter

needs to simply get his emotions off of his chest. Each debriefing session concludes with what

most would consider dark humor. Lightfoot explains that the humor helps the healing process

because they have not been taught another way to shed light on the situation. However, he does

clarify the subject of the humor is never about the patient themself, especially when the patient is

a child. Lightfoot attests to the fact that this ritual is extremely uncommon among first

responders and their stations and has only been happening for the last couple of years. He

elaborated on the lack of communication among first responders and the detrimental effects he

has witnessed and these effects being escalated because of the lack of awareness and lack of

mental training for first responders. The effects of living through these type of experiences
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everyday and having no outlet are causing the first responders to commit suicide, ruin

relationships and decrease their quality of life.

“First responders to critical incidents, such as house fires, accidents, shootings, and

natural disasters, are also survivors of these events, although the public does not give this type of

participant as much consideration as a survivor” explains Nadine Garner and other researchers

(170). The majority of civilians picture first responders as goofballs, invincible, happy-go-lucky,

tough men who are emotionless during their job, when in fact most responders have hearts of

gold, connect with their patients and have life threatening effects because of the emotion they fill

on the job. This false image stems from many different causes. One being that the first

responders themselves never share any other part of their day at work besides the fun relaxed

portion. Lightfoot explains that he doesn’t even tell stories of calls he has gone on anymore

because they “are so gruesome and so out of the ordinary that it is beyond the capacity of the

normal person to be able to comprehend it that it could be so traumatic for them” and another

reason being that retelling these stories to a person who does not understand and does not have

the tools to be able to help can do more harm than good. He progresses by expressing the

beneficial impact that having an outlet for first responders would have on them and their

families. Lacking a person to vent their feeling to forces their experiences to be bottled up and

never brought out, this mentality is known as the “shove it down deep and never dig it up again”

mentality around the fire station, which has been the same fatal mentality for years. This

mentality is being to change, because first responders are realizing the Post Traumatic Stress

Disorder, but not having a resolution become more frustrating.

The suicide rate for first responders is ten percent more than the rate of the general

population (Venteicher). The infographic shown to the right reveals that first responders are a
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leading occupation in suicide deaths. Not only is the

statistic horrifying, Anne Marie Farina explains that

first responder deaths are not commonly known.

Therefore, first responders are taking their own lifes

significantly more than the rest of the population and

nobody knows. Leslie Dangerfield and Jessica

Reinland being interviewed by Brendan Farrington

desperately try to raise awareness of this statistic

because they have both tragically lost their first

responder husbands to suicide. Because of their tragic

story, they actively spread awareness of the severity of

the mental issues appearing in first responders, but

constantly urge others to pay attention to their loved

ones, become educated on how to help and not shy

away from sharing their stories because there are

hundreds more heartbreaking stories of first

responders’ families losing them to suicide

(qtd. in Kane).

Along with having a higher suicide rate than the rest of the population, first responders

also have about a fifteen percent higher divorce rate (Jahnke). Ruining their relationships is

another consequence of unresolved Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Lightfoot regretfully

expressed his experience with PTSD by admitting that he was combative with his eldest son,

overreacted when the dog ran away, etc. for nine years until he discovered his own way of
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coping and debriefing. This includes letting all of the emotions of the call flow through his body

and recognizing what the emotions are and how they are making him feel. After feeling all of

the heart break, stress, fright and other emotions depending on the call, he reassures himself that

these emotions do not make up what he is as a person and lets them go. The amount of time for

Lightfoot to be able to let go of his feelings differs depending on the call. When the feelings do

go away, they stay away for the most part, if they do happen to come back he does the same

thing: let the emotions flow right through him. Coping and debriefing remains a vital part to be

mentally stable as a first responder and many have not been taught how or have not been given

the opportunity. Spouses remain unaware of the taxing their husband’s taxing job and this

consequently causes strains on their relationship. When the first responder reacts to a seemingly

small issue irrationally, their partner quickly becomes irritated. Lightfoot explains that they

plain do not understand which results in frustrations, strains on the relationship and many times

divorce. Spouses do not account for all first responders’ ruined relationships. Many damage

their relationships with their parents, children, siblings, friends, etc. Many of these heroes live

alone or with a temporary relationship because their trauma has caused many of their irrational

actions to drive away loved ones.

As far as quality of life is concerned, the longer the first responder stays in their job

without any mental help, their quality decreases. Many are pessimistic and filled with anger.

Their negative outlook on life causes them to be unhappy the majority of the time. Because

“most physical and psychological trauma of first responders remains hidden” not only from the

outside world, but themselves, many tend to think that something is wrong with them (Garner).

This thought nags a long with countless other traumatic experiences and creates a nasty

combination of poor self worth and haunted thoughts. Some up and quit their job because they
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do not feel like they are making a difference, they have failed too many times or they cannot take

the trauma anymore. After quitting their job they feel even more hopeless and negative that it

begins to be a steep emotional spiral downwards. This spiral could be prevented or stopped with

more awareness which leads to the proper psychological help that many first responders

desperately need.

The lack of awareness of the amount of trauma that is causing “85% of the first

responders [to] ha[ve] experienced symptoms related to mental health issues” is detrimental

(Amato). The first responders themselves are aware that this statistic is unknown to most, but

who are they going to tell? Are they going to tell their neighbors that on their shift that day they

ran into a house that had two year old girl beaten on the floor or that they personally ran a dying

baby into the hospital and tried to comfort the crying mom afterwards? Not only are non-first

responders oblivious to the mental trauma that comes with the job, but new first responders are

oblivious as well because “First-responder training doesn't prepare trainees for the mental impact

of what they see” (qtd. in Venteicher). Therefore, not having an outlet causes mental damage

and PTSD but, the common population being unaware and the lack of mental training for first

responders exaggerates this issue further. “post-traumatic stress disorder at rates similar to those

found in service members returning from combat”, communities need to become more informed

of their surrounding neighbors and loved ones who courageously choose to be a first responder

(Gillespie).

Works Cited

Amato, Valerie. “Survey Shows High Rates of Depression, PTSD Among First Responders.” 9

May 2017. Web. 14 April 2018.

Farrington, Brendan. Death Takes a Toll: Bill Helps First Responders with PTSD. US News
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Online, Associated Press DBA Press Association,

02/05/2018.EBSCOhost,search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=n5h&AN=AP

dd07af56d6114d10b5c92e62da8273e7&site=ehost-live.

Garner, Nadine, et al. "The Private Traumas of First Responders." Journal of Individual

Psychology, vol. 72, no. 3, Fall2016, pp. 168-185. EBSCOhost,

Kane, Laura. "First Responders Call for National Strategy to Tackle PTSD Crisis." Hamilton

Spectator, the (ON), 23 Jan. 2017. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=n5h&AN=Q4KHSON2017012341260

213&site=ehost-live.

Lightfoot, Aaron. Personal Interview. 10 April 2018.

Venteicher, Wes. “Increasing Suicide Rates Spark Concern.” 19 March 2017. Web. 12 April

2018.

Gillespie, Emily. "First Responders' Selfless Service Leaves Them Vulnerable to PTSD's Toll."

Columbian, the (Vancouver, WA), 14 May 2017. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=n5h&AN=2W628

8961441&site=ehost-live.