Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Read the essay first. Does it tell a story? Yes, in fact, it already tells the problem of the story.
2. Does the paper have an YES The essay has a good introduction but as I observed, the main topic has
introduction? been already stated which won’t make the reader get excited for the
succeeding paragraphs.
3. Is there an attention- YES The fact that her topic is about her learning disabilities, this will already
getter? Write the attention- catch the reader’s attention. However, if it is presented in a more
getter. If not, what could the dramatic and organized way, like from the time her parents noticed her
writer do? developmental delays, up to the time she was diagnosed, and so on, the
essay would be more vivid and comprehensive. Nonetheless, the writer is
clear to what she wants to convey in the essay.
4. Is there a thesis? Write the YES “I was diagnosed with a learning disability.” That was stated on the
complete thesis. Does the introductory part. However, the thesis is very vague and the essay
thesis include at least three somehow lacks elaboration. But as her story suggest, I would understand
points? Underline them in that she could hardly put it into writing, though I get her point at some
the thesis you just wrote. If degree.
not, how could the writer
include the points?
5. Is the thesis the last NO I commend her for finishing the 3 pages essay but I think it would be
sentence in the introduction? nicer if the thesis pointed out in the first paragraph would have been
resolved in the later part of the essay. I mean, she discussed about her
learning disability, she should have stated her support system and her
coping skills and strategies to get by with the said learning disability.
More importantly, she should have stated how her learning disability did
not hinder her dream to be successful someday.
6. Does each body paragraph NO Honestly, the topic sentences from the very beginning are the same. I
begin with a topic sentence? observed the writer is emphasizing too much on her learning disabilities
Write the topic sentences and without clearly stating how it fueled her to strive more, work
number them (1st ¶, 2nd ¶, independently and how she was able to manage her everyday life despite
and so on). being a person with disability.
ENGL1301 Essay 1 2
7. Do the topic sentences NO As I have suggested earlier, the writer should be mindful of what the
relate back to the thesis? If points of her thesis were. Through that, she can make better statements of
not, tell which one (1st ¶, 2nd the conflict and eventually can make clearer resolutions to come up with
¶, etc.), and suggest how the a more vivid ending of the essay.
writer can make the topic
sentence(s) relate better to
the points in the thesis.
14. Write the “food for NO “Life is not about having difficult time learning. Life is about how eager
thought” or final statement. you are in learning…”
If there is not one, suggest
one to the author.
15. Check for MLA NO Heading in left corner (Name, instructor’s name, course number, date)
formatting. NO Header in right corner (last name & page number)
NO Centered title
NO Double-spaced with no extra space between paragraphs or in heading
NO First line of each paragraph indented
YES One-inch margins on all sides
NO Times New Roman 12-point font
16. Check for grammar and Run-ons? Put brackets around it and give ¶ number.
spelling errors
Fragments? Put brackets around it and give ¶ number.