HOW TO RAISE GREAT CHILDREN

Written by BALA MUHAMMAD

Saturday, 23 May 2009
A few weeks ago, this column discussed kindness to parents. As a rider, a couple of
readers sent in contributions on the issue of raising good children for them to grow up to
be able to appreciate the parents.

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days it is extremely difficult
to expose children to an ideal environment given the influences from friends, television,
radio, Internet and other forms of media. It is therefore up to parents to set the correct
example. It is impossible to shield children from all the negative forces that can shape
their minds and, ultimately, their behaviour, but here are some tips parents may want to
consider.

Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn
would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon
him) was the best example in being kind to children.

Teach them examples: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes from
your culture. From a Muslim perspective, these should be such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn
Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others.

Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially at
social occasions. The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would often
put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

Make them feel important: Consult children in family matters. Let them feel they are
important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and wellbeing of
the family.

Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out
only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you
want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who
they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them
YOUR company.

Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children
feel a sense of pride when their parents praise them and will be keen to perform other
good deeds.

Avoid humiliating them: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children
make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If
you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

Engage in sports: The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged
sports such as swimming, running and horse-riding. Other sports that build character and
physical strength are also recommended.

Make them take some responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give
them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an
important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they
will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid
extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your
city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

Be a parent, not only a friend: It is common in the West for parents to consider their
children as friends. In Islam, always remember you are the parent and they should respect
you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited
to you and them keeping an open dialogue so they can share their concerns with you and
ask you questions when they have any.

Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to
your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to
others, your children will follow too.

Let us today end with that familiar story, GRANDFATHER’S EATING BOWL, which
was once rendered so beautifully in Hausa by the late Alhaji Abubakar Imam in his
Magana Jari Ce.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law and four-year old grandson. The
old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred and his step faltered. The family ate
together at the table, but the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made
eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk
spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and his wife became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about
father,” said the son. “I’ve had enough o his spilled milk, noisy eating and food on the
floor.” Therefore, the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather
ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish
or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s
direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the
couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old child watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father
noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What
are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for
you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went
back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears
started to stream down their cheeks.

Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband
took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of
his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor
wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled or the tablecloth
soiled.

Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes are ever observant, their ears ever
listening and their minds ever processing the messages they absorb. If they see us
patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that
attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realises that every day the building
blocks are being laid for the child’s future. Let us be wise builders and role models.