Body Language

Publisher: European institute of managemant, law and diplomacy
Autor: PhD. Zendel Abedin Shehy
Design: Dejan Velickovik
Name of the book: BODY LANGUAGE
COBISS.MK-ID 104510986
CIP - Cataloging in a publication
National and University Library "St. Kliment Ohridski", Skopje
159.925:808.5
ISBN 978-608-4782-04-9
Press: KLIK NET
Copies: 500
October, Skopje 2017

PhD. Zendel Abedin Shehi
BODY
LANGUAGE
Content:
1. Introduction and basics ............................................... 13

2. Body language definitions .......................................... 19
3. Background and history .............................................. 20
4. Nature or nurture? ...................................................... 25
5. Body language and evolution ..................................... 26
6. Universal facial expressions ....................................... 28
7. Reading and analyzing body language ....................... 29
8. Body language - translation of gestures, signs
and other factors - quick reference guide.................... 33
9. Interpersonal body language…………………………34
10. Body language signals and meanings ………………51
11. Eyes | mouth | head | arms | hands | handshakes |
legs and feet | personal space .................................... 53
12. Mirroring (synchronizing) body language.............. 102
13. Seating positions and arrangements ....................... 103
14. Body language - examples of cultural differences .107
15. Flirting, courtship, dating and mating body
language - male and female .................................... 110
16. Glossary - main body language terms .................... 121
17. Other audible signals .............................................. 130
18. Fear.......................................................................... 133
19. Fobias ..................................................................... 135
20. Psychology of the lie.............................................. 144
21. Ego ......................................................................... 146
22. Body language references and books ..................... 151
The European Institute of Management, Law, and
Diplomacy was established in 2014 in Skopje, Republic
of Macedonia, by prof. Dr. Zendel Abedin Shehi. He has
extensive experience in management, international law,
and diplomacy, and at the same time, he is an expert in both
body language and communication:
“I have a dream that someday all citizens will realize

that the unity and respect for common values should
invest in trust and love, with people without prejudice
and hate, without any reason, will learn with common
forces to overcome all obstacles that are limiting them
to be part of the world to which they belong.”
— 7 —
“This is a book dedicated to all my friends, colleagues,
associates, students in many countries.
I tried to invest in a friendly factor in breaking down
prejudices and walls placed around us.
The abilities that I possess often helped me to
understand people and humanity around me and their
worlds where they belong to. I give you some of my
knowledge with hope and faith that you will learn and see
the world with better eyes.”
— 9 —
“Success is when you stop to doubt your limitations”
“The World of Emotions”
— 10 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Tirana 2016
International Conference of Sciences “Wisdom” Tirana 2017
— 11 —
Academy of Sciences Tirana, Albania 2015
Seminar for “Management and Ladyship” 2017
— 12 —
BODY LANGUAGE
BODY LANGUAGE
HOW TO READ BODY LANGUAGE SIGNS AND

GESTURES - non-verbal communications
Body Language is a significant aspect of modern communications

and relationships. Body Language is therefore very relevant to
management and leadership, and to all aspects of work and business
where communications can be seen and physically observed among
people.
Body language is also very relevant to relationships outside of

work, for example in dating and mating, and in families and parenting.
Communication includes listening. In terms of observable body

language, non-verbal (non-spoken) signals are being exchanged
whether these signals are accompanied by spoken words or not.
Body language goes both ways:

• Your own body language reveals your feelings and meanings
to others.
• Other people’s body language reveals their feelings and
meanings to you.
The sending and receiving of body language signals happens on

conscious and unconscious levels.
Body language, and more technically the study of body language,

is also known as kinesics (pronounced ‘kineesicks’), which is derived
from the Greek word kinesis, meaning motion.
(N.B. US and UK-English spellings, e.g., ‘ize’ and ‘ise’ are used
in this page to allow for different searching preferences. Please feel
free to change these according to your local requirements when using
these materials.)
— 13 —
BODY LANGUAGE - BASICS AND

INTRODUCTION
Body language is a powerful concept which successful people

tend to understand well.
So can you.
The study and theory of body language has become popular in

recent years because psychologists have been able to understand
what we ‘say’ through our bodily gestures and facial expressions, so
as to translate our body language, revealing its underlying feelings
and attitudes.
Body Language is also referred to as ‘non-verbal communications’,
and less commonly ‘non-vocal communications’.
The term ‘non-verbal communications’ tends to be used in

a wider sense, and all these terms are somewhat vague. For the
purposes of this article, the terms ‘body language’ and ‘non-verbal
communications’ are broadly interchangeable. This guide also takes
the view that body language/non-verbal communications is the study
of how people communicate face-to-face aside from the spoken
words themselves, and in this respect the treatment of the subject
here is broader than typical body language guides limited merely to
body positions and gestures. If you carry out any serious analysis or
discussion you should clarify the terminology in your own way to
suit your purposes.
For example:
Does body language include facial expression and eye
movement? - Usually, yes.
What about breathing and perspiration? - This depends on
your definition of body language.
And while tone and pitch of voice are part of verbal signals,
are these part of body language too? - Not normally, but arguably
so, especially as you could ignore them if considering only the
spoken words and physical gestures/expressions.
— 14 —
BODY LANGUAGE
There are no absolute right/wrong answers to these questions.

It’s a matter of interpretation.
A good reason for broadening the scope of body language is
to avoid missing important signals which might not be considered
within a narrow definition of body language.
Nevertheless confusion easily arises if definitions and context
are not properly established, for example:
It is commonly and carelessly quoted that ‘non-verbal
communications’ and/or ‘body language’ account for up to 93% of
the meaning that people take from any human communication. This
statistic is actually a distortion based on Albert Mehrabian’s research
theory, which while itself is something of a cornerstone of body
language research, certainly did not make such a sweeping claim.
Mehrabian’s research findings in fact focused on communications
with a strong emotional or ‘feelings’ element. Moreover the 93%
non-verbal proportion included vocal intonation (paralinguistics),
which are regarded by many as falling outside of the body language
definition.
Care must therefore be exercised when stating specific figures
relating to percentages of meaning conveyed, or in making any firm
claims in relation to body language and non-verbal communications.
It is safe to say that body language represents a very significant

proportion of meaning that is conveyed and interpreted between
people. Many body language experts and sources seem to agree that
that between 50-80% of all human communications are non-verbal.
So while body language statistics vary according to situation, it is
generally accepted that non-verbal communications are very important
in how we understand each other (or fail to), especially in face-to-
face and one-to-one communications, and most definitely when the
communications involve an emotional or attitudinal element.
Body language is especially crucial when we meet someone for

the first time. We form our opinions of someone we meet for the first
time in just a few seconds, and this initial instinctual assessment is
based far more on what we see and feel about the other person than
on the words they speak. On many occasions we form a strong view
— 15 —
about a new person before they speak a single word. Consequently

body language is very influential in forming impressions on first
meeting someone.
The effect happens both ways - to and from:
• When we meet someone for the first time, their body language,
on conscious and unconscious levels, largely determines our
initial impression of them.
• In turn when someone meets us for the first time, they form
their initial impression of us largely from our body language
and non-verbal signals.
And this two-way effect of body language continues throughout

communications and relationships between people.
Body language is constantly being exchanged and interpreted
between people, even though much of the time this is happening on
an unconscious level.
Remember - while you are interpreting (consciously or
unconsciously) the body language of other people, so other people
are constantly interpreting yours.
The people with the most conscious awareness of, and capabilities
to read, body language tend to have an advantage over those whose
appreciation is limited largely to the unconscious.
You will shift your own awareness of body language from the
unconscious into the conscious by learning about the subject, and
then by practising your reading of non-verbal communications in
your dealings with others.
BODY LANGUAGE IS MORE THAN BODY

POSITIONS AND MOVEMENTS
Body language is not just about how we hold and move our
bodies. Body language potentially (although not always, depending
on the definition you choose to apply) encompasses:
• how we position our bodies
• our closeness to and the space between us and other people
(proxemics), and how this changes
• our facial expressions
— 16 —
BODY LANGUAGE
• our eyes especially and how our eyes move and focus, etc
• how we touch ourselves and others
• how our bodies connect with other non-bodily things, for
instance, pens, cigarettes, spectacles and clothing
• our breathing, and other less noticeable physical effects, for
example our heartbeat and perspiration
Body language tends not to include:
• the pace, pitch, and intonation, volume, variation, pauses, etc.,
of our voice.
Arguably this last point should be encompassed by body language,

because a lot happens here which can easily be missed if we consider
merely the spoken word and the traditional narrow definition of body
language or non-verbal communications.
Voice type and other audible signals are typically not included in
body language because they are audible ‘verbal’ signals rather than
physical visual ones, nevertheless the way the voice is used is a very
significant (usually unconscious) aspect of communication, aside
from the bare words themselves.
Consequently, voice type is always important to consider
alongside the usual body language factors.
Similarly breathing and heartbeat, etc., are typically excluded
from many general descriptions of body language, but are certainly
part of the range of non-verbal bodily actions and signals which
contribute to body language in its fullest sense.
More obviously, our eyes are a vital aspect of our body language.
Our reactions to other people’s eyes - movement, focus, expression,
etc - and their reactions to our eyes - contribute greatly to mutual
assessment and understanding, consciously and unconsciously.
With no words at all, massive feeling can be conveyed in a
single glance. The metaphor which describes the eyes of two lovers
meeting across a crowded room is not only found in old romantic
movies. It’s based on scientific fact - the strong powers of non-verbal
communications. These effects - and similar powerful examples -
have existed in real human experience and behaviour for thousands
of years.
— 17 —
The human body and our instinctive reactions have evolved to

an amazingly clever degree, which many of us ignore or take for
granted, and which we can all learn how to recognize more clearly if
we try.
Our interpretation of body language, notably eyes and facial

expressions, is instinctive, and with a little thought and knowledge
we can significantly increase our conscious awareness of these
signals: both the signals we transmit, and the signals in others that
we observe.
Doing so gives us a significant advantage in life - professionally
and personally - in our dealings with others.
Body language is not just reading the signals in other people.
Importantly, understanding body language enables better self-

awareness and self-control too.
We understand more about other people’s feelings and meanings,
and we also understand more about these things in ourselves.
When we understand body language we become better able to
refine and improve what our body says about us, which generates a
positive improvement in the way we feel, the way we perform, and
what we achieve.
— 18 —
BODY LANGUAGE
BODY LANGUAGE DEFINITIONS
As explained, the terms body language and non-verbal

communications are rather vague.
So what is body language?
And more usefully, what might we regard it to be, if we are to
make the most of studying and using it?
The Oxford English Dictionary (revised 2005) definition is:
“body language - noun - the conscious and unconscious movements
and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated [for
example]: his intent was clearly expressed in his body language.”
The Oxford Business English Dictionary offers a slightly different

definition. Appropriately and interestingly the Oxford Business
English Dictionary emphasizes the sense that body language can
be used as a tool, rather than it being an involuntary effect with no
particular purpose:
“body language - noun - the process of communicating what
you are feeling or thinking by the way you place and move your body
rather than by words [for example]: The course trains sales people
in reading the customer’s body language.”
The OED dictionary definition of kinesics - the technical term

for the study of body language (and more loosely of body language
itself) - depends on the interpretation of ‘non-verbal communication’:
“kinesics - the study of the way in which certain body movements
and gestures serve as a form of non-verbal communication... [and]
body movements and gestures regarded as a form of non-verbal
communication.”
BODY LANGUAGE is more than those brief descriptions.

• Body language certainly also encompasses where the body
is in relation to other bodies (often referred to as ‘personal
space’).
• Body language certainly also includes very small bodily
movements such as facial expressions and eye movements.
— 19 —
• Body language also arguably covers all that we communicate

through our bodies apart from the spoken words (thereby
encompassing breathing, perspiration, pulse, blood-pressure,
blushing, etc.)
In this respect, standard dictionary definitions don’t always

describe body language fully and properly.
We could define body language more fully as:
“Body language is the unconscious and conscious transmission

and interpretation of feelings, attitudes, and moods, through:
• body posture, movement, physical state, position and
relationship to other bodies, objects and surroundings,
• facial expression and eye movement,
(and this transmission and interpretation can be quite
different to the spoken words).”
Words alone - especially emotional words (or words used in
emotional situations) - rarely reflect full or true meaning and motive.
We find clues to additional or true meaning in body language.
Being able to ‘read’ body language therefore helps us greatly:
• to know how people feel and what they mean, and
• to understand better how people might be perceiving our own
non-verbal signals, and (often overlooked)
• to understand ourselves better, deeper than the words we hear
ourselves saying.
BODY LANGUAGE - BACKGROUND

AND HISTORY
Philosophers and scientists have connected human physical

behaviour with meaning, mood and personality for thousands of
years, but only in living memory has the study of body language
become as sophisticated and detailed as it is today.
— 20 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Body language studies and written works on the subject are very
sparse until the mid-1900s.
The first known experts to consider aspects of body language
were probably the ancient Greeks, notably Hippocrates and
Aristotle, through their interest in human personality and behaviour,
and the Romans, notably Cicero, relating gestures to feelings and
communications. Much of this early interest was in refining ideas
about oration - speech-making - given its significance to leadership
and government.
Isolated studies of body language appeared in more recent times, for
example Francis Bacon in Advancement of Learning, 1605, explored
gestures as reflection or extension of spoken communications. John
Bulwer’s Natural History of the Hand published in 1644, considered
hand gestures. Gilbert Austin’s Chironomia in 1806 looked at using
gestures to improve speech-making.
Charles Darwin in the late 1800s could be regarded as the

earliest expert to have made serious scientific observation about body
language, but there seems little substantial development of ideas for
at least the next 150 years.
Darwin’s work pioneered much ethological thinking. Ethology
began as the science of animal behaviour. It became properly
established during the early 1900s and increasingly extends to
human behaviour and social organization. Where ethology considers
animal evolution and communications, it relates strongly to human
body language. Ethologists have progressively applied their findings
to human behaviour, including body language, reflecting the
evolutionary origins of much human non-verbal communication - and
society’s growing acceptance of evolutionary rather than creationist
theory. Austrian zoologist and 1973 Nobel Prizewinner Konrad
Lorenz (1903-89) was a founding figure in ethology. Desmond
Morris, author of The Naked Ape, discussed below, is an ethologist,
as is the evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins (b. 1941) a leading
modern thinker in the field. Ethology, like psychology, is an over-
arching science which continues to clarify the understanding of body
language.
The popular and accessible study of body language as we know
it today is very recent.
— 21 —
In his popular 1971 book ‘Body Language’, Julius Fast (1919-

2008) wrote: “...kinesics [body language and its study] is still so new
as a science that its authorities can be counted on the fingers of one
hand...”
Julius Fast was an American award winning writer of fiction
and non-fiction work dealing especially with human physiology and
behaviour. His book Body Language was among the first to bring the
subject to a mainstream audience.
Significantly the references in Julius Fast’s book (Birdwhistell,

Goffman, Hall, Mehrabian, Scheflen, etc.) indicate the freshness of
the subject in 1971. All except one of Julius Fast’s cited works are
from the 1950s and 1960s.
The exception among Fast’s contemporary influences was

Charles Darwin, and specifically his book The Expression of the
Emotions in Man and Animals, written in 1872, which is commonly
regarded as the beginnings of the body language science, albeit not
recognised as such then.
Sigmund Freud and others in the field of psychoanalysis - in

the late 1800s and early 1900s - would have had good awareness
of many aspects of body language, including personal space,
but they did not focus on non-verbal communications concepts
or develop body language theories in their own right. Freud and
similar psychoanalysts and psychologists of that time were focused
on behaviour and therapeutic analysis rather than the study of non-
verbal communications per se.
A different view of human behaviour related to and overlapping

body language, surfaced strongly in Desmond Morris’s 1967 book
The Naked Ape, and in follow-up books such as Intimate Behaviour,
1971. Morris, a British zoologist and ethologist, linked human
behaviour - much of it concerned with communications - to human
‘animalistic’ evolution. His work remains a popular and controversial
perspective for understanding people’s behaviours, and while his
theories did not focus strongly on body language, Morris’s popularity
— 22 —
BODY LANGUAGE
in the late 1960s and 1970s contributed significantly to the increasing

interest among people beyond the scientific community - for a better
understanding of how and why we feel and act and communicate.
An important aspect of body language is facial expression, which

is arguably one part of body language for which quite early ‘scientific’
thinking can be traced:
• Physiognomy is an obscure and related concept to body
language. Physiognomy refers to facial features and expressions
which were/are said indicate the person’s character or nature,
or ethnic origin.
• The word physiognomy is derived from medieval Latin,
and earlier Greek (phusiognominia), which originally meant
(the art or capability of) judging a person’s nature from his/
her facial features and expressions. The ancient roots of this
concept demonstrate that while body language itself is a
recently defined system of analysis, the notion of inferring
human nature or character from facial expression is extremely
old.
Kinesics (pronounced ‘kineesicks’ with stress on the ‘ee’) is the

modern technical word for body language, and more scientifically the
study of body language.
The word kinesics was first used in English in this sense in the
1950s, deriving from the Greek word kinesis, meaning motion, and
seems to have first been used by Dr Ray Birdwhistell, an American
1950s researcher and writer on body language.
The introduction of a new technical word - (in this case, kinesics)

- generally comes after the establishment of the subject it describes,
which supports the assertion that the modern concept of body
language - encompassing facial expressions and personal space - did
not exist until the 1950s.
Proxemics is the technical term for the personal space aspect

of body language. The word was devised in the late 1950s or early
1960s by Edward Twitchell Hall, an American anthropologist. The
— 23 —
word is Hall’s adaptation of the word proximity, meaning closeness

or nearness.
From the word kinesics, Ray Birdwhistell coined the term kine to
refer to a single body language signal. This is not to be confused with
the ancient and same word kine, meaning a group of cows. Neither
word seems to have caught on in a big way, which in one way is a
pity, but in another way probably makes matters simpler for anyone
interested in the body language of cows.
The Greek word kinesis is also a root word of kinaesthetics,
which is the ‘K’
Kinaesthetics (also known as kinesthetics), the study of learning
styles, is related to some of the principles of body language, in terms
of conveying meaning and information via physical movement and
experience.
Body language is among many branches of science and education

which seek to interpret and exploit messages and meaning from the
‘touchy-feely’ side of life.
For example, the concepts of experiential learning, games

and exercises, and love and spirituality at work - are all different
perspectives and attempts to unlock and develop people’s potential
using ideas centred around kinaesthetics, as distinct from the more
tangible and easily measurable areas of facts, figures words and logic.
These and similar methodologies do not necessarily reference

body language directly, but there are very strong inter-connections.
Bloom’s Taxonomy, and Kolb’s Learning Styles are also helpful

perspectives in appreciating the significance of kinaesthetics, and
therefore body language, in life and work today.
The communications concepts of NLP (Neuro-linguistic

Programming) and Transactional Analysis are closely dependent on
understanding body language, NLP especially.
— 24 —
BODY LANGUAGE
BODY LANGUAGE - NATURE

OR NURTURE?
Body language is part of human evolution, but as with many

other aspects of human behaviour, the precise mixture of genetic
(inherited) and environmental (learned or conditioned) influences is
not known, and opinions vary.
Julius Fast noted this, especially regarding facial expressions. To

emphasise the shifting debate he cited for example:
• Darwin’s belief that human facial expressions were similar
among humans of all cultures, due to evolutionary theory.
• Bruner and Taguiri’s opposing views - in the early 1950s,
after thirty years of research, they largely rejected the notion
that facial expressions were inborn.
• and Ekman, Friesan and Sorensen’s findings in 1969, having
discovered consistent emotional-facial recognition across
widely diverse cultural groups, which supported Darwin’s
evolutionary-centred ideas.
The discussion has continued in a similar vein to the modern

day - studies ‘proving’ genetic or environmental cause - ‘nature’ or
‘nurture’ - for one aspect of body language or another.
The situation is made more complex when one considers the
genetic (inherited) capability or inclination to learn body language.
Is this nature or nurture?
It’s both.
Body language is partly genetic (inborn - ‘nature’) - hugely
so in certain aspects of body language - and partly environmental
(conditioned/learned - ‘nurture’).
Some body language is certainly genetically inherited and
consistent among all humans. Other body language is certainly not.
The use and recognition of certain fundamental facial expressions
are now generally accepted to be consistent and genetically
determined among all humans regardless of culture.
— 25 —
However the use and recognition of less fundamental physical

gestures (hand movements for example, or the winking of an eye),
and aspects of personal space distances, are now generally accepted
to be environmentally determined (learned, rather than inherited),
which is significantly dependent on local society groups and
cultures.
Certain vocal intonation speech variations (if body language is

extended to cover everything but the spoken words) also fall within
this environmentally determined category.
In summary, we can be certain that body language (namely the

conscious and unconscious sending and receiving of non-verbal
signals) is partly inborn, and partly learned or conditioned.
Body language is part ‘nature’ and part ‘nurture’.
BODY LANGUAGE AND EVOLUTION
The evolutionary perspectives of body language are fascinating,

in terms of its purpose and how it is exploited, which in turn feeds
back into the purpose of body language at conscious and unconscious
levels.
Human beings tend to lie, deceive, manipulate, and pretend. It’s
in our nature to do this, if only to a small degree in some folk.
For various reasons people intentionally and frequently mask
their true feelings.
In expectation of these ‘masking’ tendencies in others, humans
try to imagine what another person has in their mind. The need to
understand what lies behind the mask obviously increases according
to the importance of the relationship.
Body language helps us to manage and guard against these

tendencies, and also - significantly especially in flirting/dating/
mating rituals - body language often helps people to communicate
— 26 —
BODY LANGUAGE
and resolve relationship issues when conscious behaviour and speech

fails to do so.
Body language has evolved in spite of human awareness and
conscious intelligence: rather like a guardian angel, body language
can help take care of us, connecting us to kindred souls, and protecting
us from threats.
While the importance of body language in communications

and management, etc., has become a popular interest and science in
the last few decades, human beings have relied on body language
instinctively in many ways for many thousands of years.
Early natural exponents of interpreting body language were for
example the poker players of the American Wild West. The winners
had not only to be handy with a six-shooter, but also skilled in reading
other people’s non-verbal signals, and controlling their own signals.
Before these times, explorers and tribal leaders had to be able to
read the body language of potential foes - to know whether to trust or
defend or attack.
Earlier than this, our cavemen ancestors certainly needed to read

body language, if only because no other language existed.
Humans have also learned to read the body language of animals
(and vice-versa), although humans almost certainly had greater skills
in this area a long time ago.
Shepherds, horse-riders and animal trainers throughout time and
still today have good capabilities in reading animal body language,
which for many extends to the human variety.
Monty Roberts, the real life ‘Horse Whisperer’ is a good example.
Body language, and the reading of non-verbal communications
and feelings, are in our genes. Were these factors not in our genes, we
would not be here today.
On which point:
Women tend to have better perception and interpretation of body
language than men. This is perhaps a feature of evolutionary survival,
since females needed good body language skills to reduce their
physical vulnerability to males and the consequential threat to life,
limb and offspring. Females might not be so physically vulnerable in
— 27 —
modern times, but their body language capabilities generally continue

typically to be stronger than the male of the species.
Thus, women tend to be able to employ body language (for
sending and interpreting signals) more effectively than men.
Katherine Benziger’s theories of brain types and thinking styles

provides useful additional perspective. Women tend to have more
empathic sensitivity than men, which naturally aids body language
awareness and capabilities. Aside from gender differences, men and
women with strong empathic sensitivity (typically right-basal or rear
brain bias) tend to be better at picking up body language signals.
THE SIX UNIVERSAL FACIAL EXPRESSIONS -

recognized around the world
It is now generally accepted that certain basic facial expressions

of human emotion are recognized around the world - and that the use
and recognition of these expressions is genetically inherited rather
than socially conditioned or learned.
While there have been found to be minor variations and
differences among obscurely isolated tribes-people, the following
basic human emotions are generally used, recognized, and part of
humankind’s genetic character:
These emotional face expressions are:

• Happiness
• Sadness
• Fear
• Disgust
• Surprise
• Anger
Charles Darwin was first to make these claims in his book The
Expressions of the Emotions in Man and Animals, published in 1872.
— 28 —
BODY LANGUAGE
This book incidentally initially far outsold The Origin of Species,

such was its wide (and controversial) appeal at the time.
Darwin’s assertions about genetically inherited facial expressions
remained the subject of much debate for many years.
In the 1960s a Californian psychiatrist and expert in facial

expressions, Paul Ekman, conducted and published extensive studies
with people of various cultures to explore the validity of Darwin’s
theory - that certain facial expressions and man’s ability to recognize
them are inborn and universal among people. Ekman’s work notably
included isolated tribes-people who could not have been influenced
by Western media and images, and essentially proved that Darwin
was right - i.e., that the use and recognition of facial expressions
to convey certain basic human emotions is part of human evolved
nature, genetically inherited, and not dependent on social learning or
conditioning.
BODY LANGUAGE ANALYSIS
Body language is instinctively interpreted by us all to a limited

degree, but the subject is potentially immensely complex. Perhaps
infinitely so, given that the human body is said to be capable of
producing 700,000 different movements.
As with other behavioural sciences, the study of body language
benefited from the development of brain-imaging technology in the
last part of the 20th century.
This dramatically accelerated the research and understanding
into connections between the brain, feelings and thoughts, and
body movement. We should expect to see this effect continuing and
providing more solid science for body language theory, much of
which remains empirical, i.e., based on experience and observation,
rather than scientific test.
— 29 —
Given the potential for confusion, here are some considerations

when analysing body language:
Context
Body language also depends on context: body language in a

certain situation might not mean the same in another. Some ‘body
language’ isn’t what it seems at all, for example:
• Someone rubbing their eye might have an irritation, rather
than being tired - or disbelieving, or upset.
• Someone with crossed arms might be keeping warm, rather
than being defensive.
• Someone scratching their nose might actually have an itch,
rather than concealing a lie.
Sufficient samples / evidence
A single body language signal isn’t as reliable as several signals:

As with any system of evidence, ‘clusters’ of body language
signals provide much more reliable indication of meaning than one
or two signals in isolation.
Avoid interpreting only single signals. Look for combinations of
signals which support an overall conclusion, especially for signals
which can mean two or more quite different things.
Culture / ethnicity
Certain body language is the same in all people, for example

smiling and frowning, but some body language is specific to a culture
or ethnic group.
Awareness of possible cultural body language differences is
especially important in today’s increasingly mixed societies.
Management and customer service staff are particularly prone
to misreading or reacting inappropriately to body language signals
from people of different ethnic backgrounds, a situation made worse
because this sort of misunderstanding tends to peak when emotions
are high.
— 30 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Personal space preferences (distances inside which a person is

uncomfortable when someone encroaches) can vary between people
of different ethnicity.
In general this article offers interpretations applicable for Western

culture.
Body Language is relative to age and gender
Many body language signals are relative.

A gesture by one person in a certain situation can carry far more,
or very little meaning, compared to the same gesture used by a
different person in a different situation.
Young men for example often display a lot of pronounced gestures
because they are naturally energetic, uninhibited and supple. Older
women, relatively, are less energetic, adopt more modest postures,
and are prevented by clothing and upbringing from exhibiting very
pronounced gestures.
So when assessing body language - especially the strength of
signals and meanings - it’s important to do so in relative terms,
considering the type of person and situation involved.
faking / deception
Some people artificially control their outward body language to

give the impression they seek to create at the time.
A confident firm handshake, or direct eye contact, are examples
of signals which can be quite easily be ‘faked’ - usually temporarily,
but sometimes more consistently.
However while a degree of faking is possible, it is not possible
for someone to control or suppress all outgoing signals.
This is an additional reason to avoid superficial analysis based
on isolated signals, and to seek as many indicators as possible,
especially subtle clues when suspecting things might not be what
they seem. Politicians and manipulative salespeople come to mind
for some reason.
— 31 —
Looking for ‘micro gestures’ (pupils contract, an eyebrow lifts,

corner of the mouth twitch) can help identify the true meaning and
motive behind one or two strong and potentially false signals.
These micro gestures are very small, difficult to spot and are
subconscious, but we cannot control them, hence their usefulness.
boredom, nervousness and insecurity signals
Many body language signals indicate negative feelings such as

boredom, disinterest, anxiousness, insecurity, etc. The temptation on
seeing such signals is to imagine a weakness on the part of the person
exhibiting them.
This can be so, however proper interpretation of body language
should look beyond the person and the signal - and consider the
situation, especially if you are using body language within personal
development or management.
Ask yourself:
What is causing the negative feelings giving rise to the negative

signals?
It is often the situation, not the person - for example, here are
examples of circumstances which can produce negative feelings and
signals in people, often even if they are strong and confident:
• dominance of a boss or a teacher or other person perceived to
be in authority
• overloading a person with new knowledge or learning
• tiredness
• stress caused by anything
• cold weather or cold conditions
• lack of food and drink
• illness or disability
• alcohol or drugs
• being in a minority or feeling excluded
• unfamiliarity - newness - change
Ask yourself, when analysing body language:
— 32 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Are there external factors affecting the mood and condition of

the individual concerned?
Do not jump to conclusions - especially negative ones - using

body language analysis alone.
BODY LANGUAGE - translation of

gestures, signs and other factors - quick
reference guide
When translating body language signals into feelings and

meanings remember that one signal does not reliably indicate a
meaning.
Clusters of signals more reliably indicate meaning.
This is a general guide. Body language should not be used alone
for making serious decisions about people.
Body language is one of several indicators of mood, meaning and
motive.
This is a guide, not an absolutely reliable indicator, and this

applies especially until you’ve developed good capabilities of reading
body language signs.
Some of these signs have obvious meanings; others not so.
Even ‘obvious’ signs can be missed - especially if displayed

as subtle movements in a group of people and if your mind is on
other things - so I make no apology for including ‘obvious’ body
language in this guide.
Also remember that cultural differences influence body

language signals and their interpretation.
— 33 —
This guide is based on ‘Western World’ and North European

behaviours.
What may be ‘obvious’ in one culture can mean something

different in another culture.
INTERPERSONAL BODY LANGUAGE
Women, on average are better at body language than men; it could

be even said to be innate knowledge. Therefore, the understanding
body language is of great importance if you want to approach
attractive women.
Men need to decode the implied meanings of their actions, but

unfortunately, most men are generally not capable.
The consequence would be the following: a man feeling that

everything is going perfectly until a woman suddenly leaves him.
When you meet a woman who interests you, one of the first
things you need to do is to observe the way she “carries” herself;
the way she moves, stands, makes conversation with others, dilated
pupils, shiny eyes, etc.
Your own body language
List of things to consider:

• Eye contact;
• Eyebrows;
• Smiling;
• Avoiding movement during sitting interaction;
• Hands;
• Feet tend to point out their direction, therefore it is important
this language be conciliatory;
• Look forward and at one direction;
— 34 —
BODY LANGUAGE
• Maintain symmetry. If one side of the body does not match
the othr, that suggests that you only have half interest in the
other person, that you are distracted by something else and not
saying why;
• One suggestion is to look natural, which means to not think
about this list.
If you stay in one place, then you can let the other person or
persons find a comfortable distance between you. Stand in one place
while talking with the other person. If leaving the person, leave
discretely, before the other person becomes completely disinterested
with you.
Good posture potentially improves your confidence and the

impression you make. Sit and stand straight, keep your shoulders
back and your chest up. If you avoid reacting to your own humorous
remarks, the other person might react more.
Do not change the angle of your body. If the other person

approached you first, and your body does not face the body of the
other person, then do not reorient yourself. If you must reorient
yourself, leave and return. It is best to show to other persons that you
are stable and consistent.
The body language of another person
The meaning of some of the body language of this list is not
documented yet:
• Licking lips;
• maintaining eye contact
• looking at you “from below” (persons might be trying to
exaggerate the height difference between you)
• playing with hair
• touching your upper arm
In a social setting, try comparing the other person’s body language
with a third person with its interactions with you.
The “personal space” test consists of moving a little bit closer to
another person in a social setting so that you are standing close and
reducing the size of the space around another person. A person less
— 35 —
interested in you will attempt to move away.

People instinctively raise their eyebrows when they meet
interesting people. Use this to attempt to measure the interest that
other people have with you. Interested or excited people will also
have shiny eyes. The eyes have a tiny gland on the bottom of the
eyelid secreting liquids such as tears and lubrication. When a person
is interested or excited, the glands tend to secrete liquid thus giving
the eyes the shiny appearance. Maintaining eye contact shows a
person’s confidence level.
Closed vs Open
A person forms a barrier: arms crossed, legs crossed, or holding

an object in front of themselves. Their body is closed. It is better to
seek persons who have arms apart, legs uncrossed, and are facing in
your direction. Their body is open.
As an exception, if two persons like themselves well, then they
might close their bodies while standing or sitting opposite each other.
These persons are acting openly. Their bodies are only closed because
they are closed to themselves
Leaning Forward versus Away
When sitting at a table, persons can either lean forward or away.

If you lean forward, then you are more visible to other persons at the
table; it is easier to make conversation with other persons who lean
forward.
When comfort and trust have not yet been secured, leaning
forward can be taken subconsciously as a sign of hostility. This can
be used to subconsciously manipulate or train the other person’s
actions to your liking.
Opposite of this, leaning backward, away from the table, is a sign
of disinterest. However, a person that leans backward but has their
body open might simply be relaxing. Try using some jokes or humor
to gain the interest of this person so that they begin leaning forward.
Therefore, if you want to invite someone home, or plan another
social meeting with them, suggest making the invitation when the
other person or persons are leaning forward with open bodies. Invite
— 36 —
BODY LANGUAGE
the person to meet with you for coffee or some other beverage, or tell
them to write their telephone number, even if they must write it with
your pen on your arm.
Report
Rapport is the technique of mimicking the body language of

the other person. If your body language mirrors the body language
of other persons in the conversation, then you are implementing
rapport. For example:
• If you are approaching a sitting person, you sit too.
• If the body of the other person is closed, avoid being open;
that would seem intrusive.
Other persons sometimes check if you mirror their body
language, and have more interest in persons with rapport. For the
converse, you can check if the other person mirrors you.
Note:
Rapport is more than mirroring the person you are in
conversation with. Mirroring is just one of the things that can
be done to establish rapport. Rapport is establishing a common
ground with someone to make them feel comfortable and
connected with you. People like those that are like themselves, so
by showing body language similarities along with the common
eye contact techniques, among many others, while carrying a
conversation, rapport can be established.
Definitions
Binocular disparity
The difference between the two retinal images of an object.

Because the right and the left eye are at slightly different positions
from each other, they have to turn inwards in order to keep the focus
on an object as it approaches closer. The closer the object the more
the eyes turn inwards. A listener can tell how alert the other person is
by the angle or the eyes turning inwards. Binocular Disparity is what
allows us to have three-dimensional vision.
— 37 —
While talking to a person, subconsciously one can tell if the other

person is paying attention. The more a listener focuses their vision on
the speaker, the more the eyes turn inwards. A listener whose eyes are
both turned straight forward reveals that he’s not paying attention.
Even though there is eye contact, the eyes should be turned in slightly
in order to focus on the speaker.
Binocular Disparity can be used to subconscious communication.
By focusing the eyes on a dot on the other person’s face, one is
perceived to be alert. Maintaining focus on the dot for a longer time
would make the person appear as aggressive or even angry.
On the contrary, looking at the whole face of the other person,
and unfocusing the eyes, makes one come across as relaxed and
friendly or even easy going. Unfocusing the eyes can be used as an
aid in resolving the argument dispute. The decreased angle of the
eyes turning inward makes one look as having relaxed. As a result,
the other person sees a relaxed look of the eyes and tends to relax.
Cut Off / Facing Away
A form of gaze avoidance or intrusion avoidance in which the

head or the whole body is turned fully away to one side.
A sudden cut-off gesture in conversation may indicate uncertainty

or disagreement with a speaker’s remarks. Sustained cut-off may
reveal shyness or inattention.
A cut-off is a form of angular distance. People also turn away

as a form of being considerate and giving the other person space in
a setting where moving away physically is impractical. During an
intermission, the candidates in a debate would respectfully turn away,
in order to give each other room to breathe.
In sales, looking suddenly up and to the side is a signal of the

prospects skepticism. The sales agent could turn his head or the whole
body to the side to make their presence less pushy to the prospect.
While walking away discourages prospects because of the retreating
nature, the cut off can be used as a substitute for angular distance.
— 38 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Facing away is a reaction to spatial invasion either one’s own

of the other persons. After the host and the various guests embrace,
they back off and one or both always look away as an equilibrium-
maintaining technique to re-establish a proper level of proximity.
Males and people of greater physical size turn their heads away
to the side more than do females and people of smaller stature who in
turn find it more comfortable and easier to create distance by walking.
Both gaze aversion and torso rotation increase dramatically in

conditions of crowding.
Dancing as a seduction tool
Dancing is one of those things that can either greatly enhance or

totally destroy your chances to attract some person, depend on how
good you are at it. Many guys would actually be better to stand around
trying to look cool, if they are bad dancers. Women treat dancing as a
form of “safe sex” (a fun, sensual activity without any of the risks or
downsides of actual sex), and a guy’s ability to close-contact dance
with women is often viewed by them as an indicator of sexual ability.
There’s a certain individual that is called “the dance partner”.

This guy likes to hang out all night in clubs, dance for hour after hour
with many women, and go home with none of them. He might either
be gay, or simply have no idea on how to translate the dancing into
sex. Or simply like dancing.
A famous receiver for the Oakland Raiders named Fred Biletnikoff

used to say that ”If you have a woman in your arms, you should be
able to dance with her. That is an excellent way to get her into your
arms. If she is with a group of girls, ask everyone at the table to dance
one by one and at the end stay with the one you like. Talk, watch the
dance and be ready to dance, ask them, if they say no, laugh and go
back to your place. I have had girls that said no come back to me and
want to know why I didn’t ask them again. Usually, those are the ones
that go home with you. I would say that nine and a half out of ten girls
I ask to dance, go out on the floor with me. Let the things flow. Firm
but gentle.”
— 39 —
Ears, Right Ear versus Left Ear
If you’re stuck chatting up a “mumbler” (someone who will

mumble their words instead of speaking clearly) at a cocktail party,
lean in with your right ear. According to researchers at the UCLA
David Geffen School of Medicine, with the right ear you can follow
the rapid rhythms of speech rather than your left. On the other hand,
if you are trying to identify a song playing softly in the elevator, turn
your left ear toward the sound. The left ear is better at picking up
music tones.
Raise an eyebrow
The tendency for people to raise their eyebrows as one approaches

them face-to-face usually indicates respect. If you walk down the
street and encounter someone you don’t know when the chances are
that neither of you will raise your eyebrows. If you recognize each
other, however, even if you do not greet each another, then eyebrows
will likely raise and lower. Of particular interest here in a business-
place context is that if one person is not rated highly by the other
person then that person will not raise their eyebrows, even though
they acknowledge the presence of the first person.
While meeting a person, briefly raise and lower the eyebrows

to communicate greetings as the person enters your scope of vision.
When accompanied by a slight backward head tilt, the greeting gesture
can be made to come across as very sincere and genuine. Both the
zygomatic smile and the eyebrow movement are very popular body
language tools used by salespeople and politicians.
Hugging (rocking)
Primate holding in the arms is a natural mothering response and

is met with clinging. Thus, embracing is the evolutionary correct way
to say “I love you.” As humans embrace, a gentle rocking motion
from side to side occurs. Swaying, a positive sign, stimulates pleasure
centers linked to the inner ear’s vestibular sense. Not only do we rock
babies, but also the adults we love.
— 40 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Kinesics
The importance of body language is recognized worldwide -

there will not be a training for salespeople and management in which
the study of body language is absent. In 1970 Julius Fast wrote his
famous book “Body Language.” In it, he writes about the study of
the language of the body and he called it kinesica. More recently
developed theories on human functioning have given life to Neuro
Linguistic Programming. NLP uses body language as its main source
of information to tell more about the way we operate as people, by
ourselves or when we are together. For instance, we adjust our body
position all the time to our environment when we are in company
or in a public place. It has been researched that we have a higher
success rate of getting our message across to another when we take
on a similar position as him/her. Unconsciously we copy the others
movements. In NLP this process is called mirroring and could also be
referred to as building friendship rapport.
Love signals
A great deal of our nonverbal communication demonstrates

sexuality. Despite speech, courtship is best transacted in an unspoken
medium through, e.g., lip, head, and shoulder. Verbally saying “I love
you” before showing love nonverbally in gesture, posture, and deed
may scare your partner away.
The lesson here! Don’t tell a girl “I love you” too soon. Instead,
use body language gestures and nonverbal communication to show
your feelings of interests. If you tell her your feelings, but you’re too
nervous and your body language is not in tune, she might perceive
your verbal speech as insincere. First, try to use nonverbal signals.
Masculinity
“Keep shoulders broad but posture not *too* straight; keep

eye contact; look other men in the eye and don’t do the “down &
away”; don’t cover your face unless you are acting mischievously,
make slow movements, move from either the hips or the shoulders
— 41 —
(generally),with broad arm movements, move with a sense that you

occupy a great deal of space -- that you have a large domain or territory,
make your eyes expressive of emotion and not of excitement, learn to
really dance (waltz, salsa, samba, flamenco, etc.) and he will become
second nature.”
Both sides of the brain
This theory of the structure and functions of the mind suggests

that the two different sides of the brain control two different “modes”
of thinking.
Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or

hemispheres, of the brain are responsible for different manners of
thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-
brain and right-brain thinking:
Left Brain:
Logical
Sequential
Rational
Analytical
Objective
Looks at parts
Right Brain:
Random
Intuitive
Holistic
Synthesizing
Subjective
Looks at wholes
Some individuals have a distinct preference for one of these

styles of thinking. Some, are equally adept at both modes. In
general, academia tends to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while
minimizing the right-brain ones. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus
— 42 —
BODY LANGUAGE
on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects,

on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.
Pacing and Leading
1) Pacing and leading are one of the keys to influencing people.

It refers to meeting them at their map of the world (pacing) and then
taking them where you want them to go (leading.) Rapport is a basic,
behavioral signal that you have met someone at their map of the
world. The simplest, most effective test for rapport is “if you lead,
they follow.”
2) Choose a safe situation to practice mirroring an element of

someone else’s behavior. When you have mirrored them for a while,
and think you are in rapport with the person, scratch your nose. If they
lift their hand to their face within the next minute or so, congratulate
to yourself: you have led their behavior!
Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviors they

can mirror to build rapport. You can find a way to mirror virtually
anything you can observe.
3) Increase the range of behaviors that you can mirror, and

introduce deliberate rapport-building into situations where it will
benefit you and others (Use your common sense and choose low-risk
situations to practice in.)
Pupil Dilatation
The dilation of the pupils is an increase in the diameter of the

pupils as they get bigger to take in more light as it gets darker.
Dilating pupils is also indicative of interest. One can subconsciously
tell if the other person is eager to see them by the size of the pupils in
the other person’s eyes. When the pupils are large in normal lighting
conditions, the person’s eagerness and alert perception are noticed.
A person with fake interest would be smiling and showing positive
gestures, but their pupils would remain small, thus giving the person
away.
— 43 —
Pupil Dilation combined with shining eyes and binocular

disparity could be used in communicating enthusiasm and warmth
towards the subject.
Push- pull technology
Chris Martin in the song Yellow by Coldplay, demonstrates usage

of body language that is an example of Push Pull.
“Because I love you so”. Stops, look back, turns around, gives
you a chance to leave, gives you space. Then when he sees that you
really do want him, you would wait for him and you in the camera are
there slowing down to stay with him. The camera is moving gradually
along the beach. He walks along the beach. Both he and the camera
were together, that is how we could see him, and now that he slows
down, we see that we are slowing down for him. But he doesn’t make
us, the audience waits, he is the one who comes back. The camera is
staying there, looking at him and he comes back, tight after he looks
around first: Push, Pull.
Make your move, then if the girl’s not going for it by saying yes
right away, just give some space. If she waits for you to come back;
she’s yours.
RECONNAISSANCE
Upon re-entering our home (after several hours of absence),

we feel an unusual need to wander around the space to “check”. In
mammals, this behavior is known as reconnaissance: “. . . in which
the animal moves around its range in a fully alerted manner using all
its sense organs as much as possible, resulting in maximal exposure
to stimuli from the environment. It thus ‘refreshes its memory’ and
keeps a check on everything in its area. This is a regular activity in
an already familiar environment, which does not require the stimulus
of a strange object.
— 44 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Shining eyes
The eyes have a tiny gland on the bottom of the eyelid secreting
liquids such as tears for use as lubrication. When a person is interested
or excited, the glands tend to secrete liquid and is giving the eyes a
shiny appearance.
During courtship, shining eyes are used extensively to indicate a

sign or attraction in the other person. When describing a guy, the girl
might say “there was something in his eyes.” “The lover’s eyes” is
another term used to mark their characteristic appearance.
In practice, it is very hard to have shining eyes without having

genuine intentions, therefore there is the belief that people can tell one
another’s motives subconsciously through face to face interaction.
Shining Eyes combined with pupil dilation and binocular

disparity subconsciously communicate enthusiasm and warmth
towards the subject.
Symmetry
The body plans of most animals, including humans, exhibit

mirror symmetry, also called bilateral symmetry. Bilateral symmetry
is so prevalent in the animal kingdom that many scientists think that
it can’t be a coincidence. After all, there are infinitely more ways to
construct an asymmetrical body than a symmetrical one. And yet,
fossilized evidence shows that bilateral symmetry had already taken
hold in animals as early as 500 million years ago.
Therefore, bilateral symmetry must have evolved for a reason,

the thinking goes. And over the years, scientists have come up with
a number of hypotheses about what that reason might be. According
to one, a body that is bilaterally symmetrical is easier for the brain to
recognize while in different orientations and positions, thus making
visual perception easier.
— 45 —
Another popular hypothesis is that symmetry evolved to help

with mate selection. Experiments with birds and insects revealed that
females prefer to mate with males possessing the most symmetrical
sexual ornaments.
Human experiments also show similar patterns.
Experiments have found that women are more attracted to men

who have features that are more symmetrical than other men. One
study even found that women have more orgasms during sex with
men who were more symmetrical, regardless of their level of romantic
attachment or the guys’ sexual experience.
The connection between body symmetry and mate selection began

to make sense when researchers started finding correlations between
symmetry and health. One study found that men with asymmetric
faces tend to suffer more from depression, anxiety, headaches and
even stomach problems. Women with facial asymmetry are less
healthy and more prone to emotional instability and depression.
Another study found that the more asymmetric a person’s body

was, the more likely they were to show signs of aggression when
provoked.
Symmetry is also prevalent in the physical sciences and is woven

into the very laws that govern our universe.
Tapping
Tapping is a defensive gesture or a warning sign for a person not

to come any closer. It doesn’t necessarily mean that one wants the
other person to leave. It is not an aggressive signal. The auditory effect
of the tapping also has the verbal effect of not wanting to be disturbed
with conversation. The sound itself is meant to block of another
sound as another person might try to speak and has a psychological
effect of distracting the brains auditory cortex. It’s like turning on the
radio to distract oneself from noisy neighbors arguing across the hall,
— 46 —
BODY LANGUAGE
or pretending to be listening to a driver when someone is trying to

start a conversation.
Tapping in a physical sense also serves to designate one’s territory.
Tense eyes
The eyes themselves are not tense as much as the eyelids in

intense situation, more particularly the lower eyelids. The eyelids are
limiting their vision and are having an expression of zeroing in or
targeting someone. When the eyelids are smaller it’s hard to see the
surrounding area, so the person has one location in their scope of
vision in mind. It is the opposite of open body language and a sign
of closed body language. In open body language, a person is friendly
willing and receptive. When the eyes are smaller, they are showing
that they are not receptive. They are focused on one particular area
of importance usually because it is perceived as a threat or a source
of trouble.
The eyes can also be tense sometimes when a person is

concentrating on a task, such as reading an important document, or
working on an assignment, however, when dealing with personal
interaction, tense eyes are very specifically associated with
unfriendliness or hostility. Tensing of the eyelids could also help one
to see well as the tension helps in the shaping of the eyes to focus.
When a person is working on a task and not involved in a social
setting, tense eyes would indeed be a method for the person to focus
better. In a social setting, people have adapted to use tense eyes as
a means of communicating suspicion or wariness, particularly on an
intellectual basis as opposed to emotional or personal.
A tense or unfriendly expression in the eyes is a sign that the

person is disliking something that is something analytical or of
technical nature. For instance, when one’s wife has tense eyes it
could mean that she doesn’t trust her husband. It doesn’t mean that
she’s suspecting him of having an affair or believes he’s forming an
emotional attachment with another woman. The eyes mainly reveal
— 47 —
thought process, unless a person evaluates their personal relationships

on an analytical level, which is very rare.
Tense mouth
Tense mouth is indicative of hostility or disagreement. It is closely

related to the usage of the lower teeth which are associated with
unfriendliness. It is an attempt to hide or not show off the lower teeth
or make an offensive gesture with the mouth while in conversation
with someone not particularly liked.
A tense mouth is visible through flattening and thinning of the

lips. As opposed to full lips, the person is subconsciously tensing
their lips in effect making them seem smaller and less visible. The
lips are a very friendly and encouraging part of the face. When a
person doesn’t like someone, they inevitably find it hard to show their
lips. At the same time, the person is trying not to show off their lower
teeth too much, although this might happen, as this could be a very
offensive and at times inappropriate display of facial expression.
The opposite of a tense mouth would be the lower lip protrusion,

plumping lips (as in flirting), showing upper teeth and in effect
smiling
Appearance
Used very often in public appearance. Public speakers are trained

to make eye contact, to scan the room and at the same time not to
fixate on any one particular person or area. The purpose is to give
everyone recognition and a chance to speak up, if a member of the
audience has a question, but not to be otherwise distracted by any one
particular person or object.
First touch
The first touch—a milestone in courtship—is likely to seem

casual, and “accidental” rather than serious. An eager hand reaches
out to a neutral body part (a forearm or shoulder) which reacts by
— 48 —
BODY LANGUAGE
accepting the contact or by pulling away. Sensitive pads of our

fingertips used as a tactile antenna are measuring the tenseness, or
hesitation of response.
Negative replies include angling away, leaning away, and no

reaction.
Positive responses include

• lifting the shoulders, shoulder shrug
• sideward head-tilt, and
• returning the touch with a touch.
Thus, partners learn a great deal from the first manual contact,
words, and feelings. Touching another’s body captures full attention,
and is the evolutionary true test of where a partner stands.
Touching
Research shows: “Wives under stress are soothed by husbands’

touch.”
Casual touching is one of the most powerful attraction triggers.

The soothing effect of the touch could be seen in MRI scans of areas
deep in the brain that are involved in registering an emotional and
physical alarm.
The first ‘touch’ is most commonly called holding hands. There

are other important reasons for holding her hand, but as this research
confirms, it has an instant soothing effect.
It is believed that casual touching and hand holding, in particular

has a massive effect on success in long- term relationships.
The researcher notes that this effect is many times more powerful
with married couples. It is possible for a total stranger can trigger
a soothing effect on any woman, in her subconscious mind, simply
through the use of a simple touch.
— 49 —
Verbal Plumage
Verbal “Plumage” is quite simply using exaggerated facial

expressions and lips and mouth movement to talk with the face.
We all move our lips and faces when we talk to deliver the sound.
Verbal “plumage” is just that same facial behaviors to a greater
volume, especially when saying pleasant, soft or deep sounds. What
kind of movement you will make with your mouth and lips when
you say words like “you”, “on”, “feel”, “between”, “inside”, “deep”,
“always”, “forever”, “no other” etc. Girls like those words. They are
just words to us guys, but to them, they have special significance
when we say it. The word “special” is another word.
When you say those words exaggerate the lip movement part of
the word as if it has special significance for you too. Girls love that.
They feel special when they hear those words, and with adding verbal
“plumage” to it makes the word that much more profound as if you
really mean it.
Verbal “plumage” doesn’t have to be any particular words.

Verbal “plumage” is simply talking about a person. When the verbal
“plumage” is used in the context of seduction would be to increase
verbal plumage at particular words and phrases that have deep
meaning and feeling attached to them.
Imagine you are talking to a deaf person and you are trying to
understand yourself. Imagine the extra kind of lip sinking you would
do to express yourself. Do that, but only do it with the right words
when you are saying words that are pleasant to girls when they hear
them. Here are some more words that girls like when you say them:
The intention, truth, reality, no choice, I want, appreciation,

sincere, trust, come, on, yes.
In comparison, girls don’t like those words: call, go out, maybe,

I don’t know, no, number, meet etc. They hear them all the time when
guys try to hit on them and get their telephone numbers. Say less
of those words. Girls are already very expressive and feeling when
— 50 —
BODY LANGUAGE
they talk. It’s not attractive for a woman to use verbal “plumage
” because that makes her even clingier when she talks. But in a guy,
it makes him come by as caring and in touch with his feelings when
talking to women.
Voice Training
Right before you call to stand up and sing a little bit at a moderate
to deep tone -- it’ll improve the sound of your voice over the phone.
Enigmatic smile
The enigmatic smile is a very “pleasant” smile, and one of

the most sincere types of smiles which is very hard to produce on
demand. An enigmatic smile is the real item, a genuine heartfelt
smile that involves upturned corners of the mouth, wrinkling at the
eyes, or crow’s feet, and utilizes many more facial muscles than we
can easily control. It is therefore virtually impossible to fake the
enigmatic smile, and most of us, while not necessarily knowing it,
can distinguish it from a “phony” smile
BODY LANGUAGE - signs translation
The body language signals below are grouped together according

to parts of the body.
Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making
the movements.
This is a summary of the main body language signals. More
signals and meanings will be added.
BODY LANGUAGE WARNING
Body language is not an exact science.

No single body language sign is a reliable indicator.
— 51 —
Understanding body language involves the interpretation of

several consistent signals to support or indicate a particular conclusion.
EYES - BODY LANGUAGE
Our eyes are a very significant aspect of the non-verbal signals

we send to others.
To a lesser or greater extent we all ‘read’ people’s eyes without
knowing how or why, and this ability seems to be inborn.
Eyes - and especially our highly developed awareness of what
we see in other people’s eyes - are incredible.
For example we know if we have eye contact with someone at
an almost unbelievable distance. Far too far away to be able to see
the detail of a person’s eyes - 30-40 metres away or more sometimes
- we know when there is eye contact. This is an absolutely awesome
capability when you think about it.
Incredibly also, we can see whether another person’s eyes are

focused on us or not, and we can detect easily the differences between
a ‘glazed over’ blank stare, a piercing look, a moistening eye long
before tears come, and an awkward or secret glance.
We probably cannot describe these and many other eye signals,

but we recognise them when we see them and we know what they
mean.
When we additionally consider the eyelids, and the flexibility of

the eyes to widen and close, and for the pupils to enlarge or contract,
it becomes easier to understand how the eyes have developed such
potency in human communications.
A note about eyes looking right and left.

(Left and right are for the person giving the signals and making
the movements)
Eyes tend to look right when the brain is imagining or creating,

and left when the brain is recalling or remembering.
— 52 —
BODY LANGUAGE
This relates to right and left sides of the brain - in this context
broadly the parts of the brain handling creativity/feelings (right)
and facts/memory (left). This is analysed in greater detail below,
chiefly based on NLP theory developed in the 1960s. Under certain
circumstances ‘creating’ can mean fabrication or lying, especially
(but not always - beware), when the person is supposed to be recalling
facts. Looking right when stating facts does not necessarily mean
lying - it could for example mean that the person does not know the
answer, and is talking hypothetically or speculating or guessing.
PART OF POSSIBLE DETAILED

SIGNAL
BODY MEANING(S) EXPLANATION
looking right eyes creating, Creating here is basically
(generally) fabricating, making things up and
guessing, lying, saying them. Depending
storytelling on context this can
indicate lying, but in
other circumstances, for
example, storytelling to
a child, this would be
perfectly normal. Looking
right and down indicates
accessing feelings, which
again can be a perfectly
genuine response or not,
depending on the context,
and to an extent the person.
looking left eyes recalling, Recalling and then stating
(generally) remembering, ‘facts’ from memory
retrieving in appropriate context
‘facts’ often equates to telling
the truth. Whether the
‘facts’ (memories) are
correct is another matter.
Left downward looking
indicates silent self-
conversation or self-talk,
typically in trying to arrive
at a view or decision.
— 53 —

SIGNAL
looking right eyes visual Related to imagination and
and up imagining, creative (right-side) parts
fabrication, of the brain, this upwards
lying right eye-movement can
be a warning sign of
fabrication if a person is
supposed to be recalling
and stating facts.
looking right eyes imagining Sideways eye movements
sideways sounds are believed to indicate
imagining (right) or
recalling (left) sounds,
which can include
for example a person
imagining or fabricating
what another person has
said or could say.
looking right eyes accessing This is a creative signal
and down feelings but not a fabrication - it
can signal that the person
is self-questioning their
feelings about something.
Context particularly-
and other signals - are
important for interpreting
more specific meaning
about this signal.
looking left eyes recalling Related to accessing
and up images memory in the brain, rather
truthfulness than creating or imagining.
A reassuring sign if
signalled when the person
is recalling and stating
facts.
— 54 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
looking left eyes recalling or Looking sideways
sideways remembering suggests sounds; looking
sounds left suggests recalling
or remembering - not
fabricating or imagining.
This therefore could
indicate recalling what
has been said by another
person.
looking left eyes self-talking, Thinking things through by
down rationalizing self-talk - concerning an
outward view, rather than
the inward feelings view
indicated by downward
right looking.
direct eye eyes honesty - or Direct eye contact is
contact faked honesty generally regarded as a sign
(when of truthfulness, however
speaking) practised liars know this
and will fake the signal.
direct eye eyes attentiveness, Eyes which stay focused
contact interest, on the speakers eyes,
(when attraction tend to indicate focused
listening) interested attention too,
which is normally a sign of
attraction to the person and/
or the subject.
— 55 —

SIGNAL
widening eyes interest, Widening the eyes
eyes appeal, generally signals interest
invitation in something or someone,
and often invites positive
response. Widened eyes
with raised eyebrows
can otherwise be due to
shock, but aside from
this, widening eyes
represents an opening and
welcoming expression.
In women especially
widened eyes tend to
increase attractiveness,
which is believed by some
body language experts
to relate to the eye/face
proportions of babies, and
the associated signals of
attraction and prompting
urges to protect and offer
love and care, etc.
rubbing eye eyes disbelief, upset, Rubbing eyes or one eye
or eyes or tiredness can indicate disbelief, as
if checking the vision,
or upset, in which the
action relates to crying, or
tiredness, which can be due
boredom, not necessarily
a need for sleep. If the
signal is accompanied by
a long pronounced blink,
this tends to support the
tiredness interpretation.
eye shrug eyes frustration An upward roll of the
eyes signals frustration or
exasperation, as if looking
to the heavens for help.
— 56 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
pupils eyes attraction, The pupil is the black
dilated desire centre of the eye which
(enlarged) opens or closes to let in
more or less light. Darkness
causes pupils to dilate. So
too, for some reason does
seeing something appealing
or attractive. The cause of
the attraction depends on
the situation. In the case of
sexual attraction the effect
can be mutual - dilated
pupils tend to be more
appealing sexually that
contracted ones, perhaps
because of an instinctive
association with darkness,
night-time, bedtime, etc.,
although the origins of this
effect are unproven. Resist
the temptation to imagine
that everyone you see with
dilated pupils is sexually
attracted to you.
blinking eyes excitement, Normal human blink rate is
frequently pressure considered to be between
six and twenty times a
minute, depending on
the expert. Significantly
more than this is a sign of
excitement or pressure.
Blink rate can increase to
up to a hundred times a
minute. Blink rate is not a
reliable sign of lying.
— 57 —

SIGNAL
blinking eyes various Infrequent blink rate can
infrequently mean different things and
so offers no single clue
unless combined with other
signals. An infrequent
blink rate is probably due
to boredom if the eyes are
not focused, or can be the
opposite - concentration
- if accompanied with a
strongly focused gaze.
Infrequent blink rate can
also be accompanied by
signals of hostility or
negativity, and is therefore
not the most revealing of
body language signals.
eyebrow eyes greeting, Quickly raising and
raising recognition, lowering the eyebrows
(eyebrow acknowledge- is called an ‘eyebrow
‘flash’) ment flash’. It is a common
signal of greeting and
acknowledgement, and
is perhaps genetically
influenced since it is
prevalent in monkeys (body
language study does not sit
entirely happily alongside
creationism). Fear and
surprise are also signalled
by the eyebrow flash, in
which case the eyebrows
normally remain raised
for longer, until the initial
shock subsides.
— 58 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
winking eyes friendly ac- Much fuss was made in
knowledge- May 2007 when George W
ment, complic- Bush winked at the Queen.
ity (e.g., shar- The fuss was made because
ing a secret or a wink is quite an intimate
joke) signal, directed exclusively
from one person to another,
and is associated with
male flirting. It is strange
that a non-contact wink
can carry more personal
implications than a
physical handshake, and
in many situations more
than a kiss on the cheek.
A wink is given additional
spice if accompanied by
a click of the tongue. Not
many people can carry it
off. Additionally - and this
was partly the sense in
which Bush used it - a wink
can signal a shared joke or
secret.
MOUTH - BODY LANGUAGE
The mouth is associated with very many body language signals,

which is not surprising given its functions - obviously speech, but also
those connected with infant feeding, which connects psychologically
through later life with feelings of security, love and sex.
The mouth can be touched or obscured by a person’s own hands

or fingers, and is a tremendously flexible and expressive part of the
body too, performing a central role in facial expressions.
The mouth also has more visible moving parts than other sensory
organs, so there’s a lot more potential for variety of signalling.
— 59 —
Unlike the nose and ears, which are generally only brought into
body language action by the hands or fingers, the mouth acts quite
independently, another reason for it deserving separate detailed
consideration.
Smiling is a big part of facial body language. As a general rule

real smiles are symmetrical and produce creases around the eyes and
mouth, whereas fake smiles, for whatever reason, tend to be mouth-
only gestures.

SIGNAL
pasted smile mouth faked smile A pasted smile is one
which appears quickly,
is fixed for longer than a
natural smile, and seems
not to extend to the eyes.
This typically indicates
suppressed displeasure or
forced agreement of some
sort.
tight-lipped mouth secrecy or Stretched across face
smile withheld in a straight line, teeth
feelings concealed. The smiler has
a secret they are not going
to share, possibly due to
dislike or distrust. Can also
be a rejection signal.
twisted smile mouth mixed feelings Shows opposite emotions
or sarcasm on each side of the face.
dropped-jaw mouth faked smile More of a practised fake
smile smile than an instinctive
one. The jaw is dropped
lower than in a natural
smile, the act of which
creates a smile.
— 60 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
smile - mouth playfulness, Head tilted sideways and
head tilted, teasing, coy downwards so as to part
looking up hide the face, from which
the smile is directed via the
eyes at the intended target.
bottom lip mouth upset Like rubbing eyes can be
jutting out an adult version of crying,
so jutting or pushing the
bottom lip forward is a
part of the crying face and
impulse. Bear in mind that
people cry for reasons of
genuine upset, or to avert
attack and seek sympathy
or kind treatment.
laughter mouth relaxation Laughter deserves a section
in its own right because its
such an interesting area.
In terms of body language
genuine laughter is a sign
of relaxation and feeling
at ease. Natural laughter
can extend to all the upper
body or whole body. The
physiology of laughter is
significant. Endorphins
are released. Pain and
stress reduces. Also
vulnerabilities show and
can become more visible
because people’s guard
drops when laughing.
forced mouth nervousness, Unnatural laughter is often
laughter cooperation a signal of nervousness
or stress, as an effort to
dispel tension or change
the atmosphere. Artificial
laughter is a signal of
cooperation and a wish to
maintain empathy.
— 61 —

SIGNAL
biting lip mouth tension One of many signals
suggesting tension or
stress, which can be due
to high concentration,
but more likely to be
anxiousness.
teeth mouth tension, Inwardly-directed
grinding suppression ‘displacement’ sign, due
to suppression of natural
reaction due to fear or other
suppressant.
chewing gum mouth tension, As above - an inwardly-
suppression directed ‘displacement’
sign, due to suppression of
natural reaction. Otherwise
however can simply be
to freshen breath, or as a
smoking replacement.
smoking mouth self-comforting Smoking obviously
becomes habitual and
addictive, but aside from
this people put things into
their mouths because it’s
comforting like thumb-
sucking is to a child, in turn
rooted in baby experiences
of feeding and especially
breastfeeding.
thumb- mouth self-comforting A self-comforting impulse
sucking in babies and children,
substituting breast-feeding,
which can persist as a habit
into adulthood.
chewing pen mouth self-comforting Like smoking and infant
or pencil thumbsucking. The pen is
the teat. Remember that
next time you chew the end
of your pen...
— 62 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
pursing lips mouth thoughtfulness, As if holding the words in
or upset the mouth until they are
ready to be released. Can
also indicate anxiousness
or impatience at not being
able to speak. Or quite
differently can indicate
upset, as if suppressing
crying.
tongue poke mouth / disapproval, The tongue extends briefly
tongue rejection and slightly at the centre
of the mouth as if tasting
something nasty. The
gesture may be extremely
subtle. An extreme version
may be accompanied by a
wrinkling of the nose, and a
squint of the eyes.
hand mouth / suppression, Often an unconscious
clamped over hands holding back, gesture of self-regulation -
mouth shock stopping speech for reasons
of shock, embarrassment,
or for more tactical reasons.
The gesture is reminiscent
of the ‘speak no evil’ wise
monkey. The action can
be observed very clearly
in young children when
they witness something
‘unspeakably’ naughty or
shocking. Extreme versions
of the same effect would
involve both hands.
— 63 —

SIGNAL
nail biting mouth / frustration, Nail-biting is an inwardly-
hands suppression redirected aggression borne
of fear, or some other
suppression of behaviour.
Later nail-biting becomes
reinforced as a comforting
habit, again typically
prompted by frustration or
fear. Stress in this context
is an outcome. Stress
doesn’t cause nail-biting;
nail-biting is the outward
demonstration of stress.
The cause of the stress
can be various things
(stressors).
HEAD - BODY LANGUAGE
The head is very significant in body language.

The head tends to lead and determine general body direction,
but it is also vital and vulnerable being where our brain is, so the
head is used a lot in directional (likes and dislikes) body language,
and in defensive (self-protection) body language too.
A person’s head, due to a very flexible neck structure, can turn,

jut forward, withdraw, tilt sideways, forwards, backwards. All of
these movements have meanings, which given some thought about
other signals can be understood.
The head usually has hair, ears, eyes, nose, and a face, which
has more complex and visible muscular effects than any other area
of the body.
— 64 —
BODY LANGUAGE
The face, our eyes and our hands, are the most powerful parts of
our body in sending body language signals.
The head - when our hands interact with it - is therefore

dynamic and busy in communicating all sorts of messages -
consciously and unconsciously.

SIGNAL
head head agreement Head nodding can occur
nodding when invited for a
response, or voluntarily
while listening. Nodding
is confusingly and rather
daftly also referred to
as ‘head shaking up and
down’. Head nodding when
talking face-to-face one-to-
one is easy to see, but do
you always detect tiny head
nods when addressing or
observing a group?
slow head head attentive This can be a faked signal.
nodding listening As with all body language
signals you must look for
clusters of signals rather
than relying on one alone.
Look at the focus of eyes to
check the validity of slow
head nodding.
— 65 —

SIGNAL
fast head head hurry up, Vigorous head nodding
nodding impatience signifies that the listener
feels the speaker has
made their point or taken
sufficient time. Fast head
nodding is rather like the
‘wind-up’ hand gesture
given off-camera or off-
stage by a producer to
a performer, indicating
‘time’s up - get off’.
head held up head neutrality, High head position signifies
alertness attentive listening, usually
with an open or undecided
mind, or lack of bias.
head held head superiority, Especially if exhibited with
high fearlessness, jutting chin.
arrogance
head tilted to head non- A signal of interest, and/or
one side threatening, vulnerability, which in turn
submissive, suggests a level of trust.
thoughtfulness Head tilting is thought by
some to relate to ‘sizing
up’ something, since tilting
the head changes the
perspective offered by the
eyes, and a different view
is seen of the other person
or subject. Exposing the
neck is also a sign of trust.
— 66 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
head head / body interest, Head forward in the
forward, positive direction of a person or
upright reaction other subject indicates
interest. The rule also
applies to a forward leaning
upper body, commonly
sitting, but also standing,
where the movement can
be a distinct and significant
advancement into a closer
personal space zone of the
other person. Head forward
and upright is different to
head tilted downward.
head tilted head criticism, Head tilted downwards
downward admonishment towards a person is
commonly a signal of
criticism or reprimand or
disapproval, usually from a
position of authority.
head shaking head disagreement Sideways shaking of the
head generally indicates
disagreement, but can also
signal feelings of disbelief,
frustration or exasperation.
Obvious of course, but
often ignored or missed
where the movement is
small, especially in groups
seemingly reacting in silent
acceptance.
— 67 —

SIGNAL
pronounced head strong The strength of movement
head shaking disagreement of the head usually relates
to strength of feeling,
and often to the force by
which the head-shaker
seeks to send this message
to the receiver. This is an
immensely powerful signal
and is used intentionally by
some people to dominate
others.
head head negative, Head down is generally
down (in disinterested a signal of rejection (of
response to someone’s ideas etc),
a speaker or unless the head is down
proposition) for a purpose like reading
supporting notes, etc. Head
down when responding
to criticism is a signal of
failure, vulnerability (hence
seeking protection), or
feeling ashamed.
head down head defeat, Lowering the head is a
(while tiredness sign of loss, defeat, shame,
performing etc. Hence the expressions
an activity) such as ‘don’t let your head
drop’, and ‘don’t let your
head go down’, especially
in sports and competitive
activities. Head down also
tends to cause shoulders
and upper back to to slump,
increasing the signs of
weakness at that moment.
— 68 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
chin up head pride, defiance, Very similar to the ‘head
confidence held high’ signal. Holding
the chin up naturally alters
the angle of the head
backwards, exposing the
neck, which is a signal
of strength, resilience,
pride, resistance, etc. A
pronounced raised chin
does other interesting
things to the body too - it
tends to lift the sternum
(breast-bone), which draws
in air, puffing out the
chest, and it widens the
shoulders. These combined
effects make the person
stand bigger. An exposed
neck is also a sign of
confidence. ‘Chin up’ is
for these reasons a long-
standing expression used to
encourage someone to be
brave.
— 69 —

SIGNAL
active head / face attention, When people are listening
listening interest, actively and responsively
attraction this shows in their facial
expression and their head
movements. The head and
face are seen to respond
fittingly and appropriately
to what is being said by
the speaker. Nodding is
relevant to what is being
said. Smiles and other
expressions are relevant
too. The head may tilt
sideways. Mirroring of
expressions may occur.
Silences are used to absorb
meaning. The eyes remain
sharply focused on the eyes
of the speaker, although at
times might lower to look
at the mouth, especially in
male-female engagements.
ARMS - BODY LANGUAGE
Arms act as defensive barriers when across the body, and

conversely indicate feelings of openness and security when in open
positions, especially combined with open palms.
Arms are quite reliable indicators of mood and feeling, especially

when interpreted with other body language.
This provides a good opportunity to illustrate how signals
combine to enable safer analysis.
For example:
• crossed arms = possibly defensive
• crossed arms + crossed legs = probably defensive
— 70 —
BODY LANGUAGE
• crossed arms + crossed legs + frowning + clenched fists =

definitely defensive, and probably hostile too.
While this might seem obvious written in simple language, it’s

not always so clear if your attention is on other matters.
Body language is more than just knowing the theory - it’s being
aware constantly of the signals people are giving.

SIGNAL
crossed arms arms defensiveness, Crossed arms represent a
(folded arms) reluctance protective or separating
barrier. This can be due
to various causes, ranging
from severe animosity or
concern to mild boredom
or being too tired to be
interested and attentive.
Crossed arms is a
commonly exhibited signal
by subordinates feeling
threatened by bosses and
figures of authority. N.B.
People also cross arms
when they are feeling cold,
so be careful not to misread
this signal.
crossed arms hostile Clenched fists reinforce
arms with defensiveness stubbornness, aggression
clenched fists or the lack of empathy
indicated by crossed arms.
gripping own arms insecurity Gripping upper arms while
upper arms folded is effectively self-
hugging. Self-hugging
is an attempt to reassure
unhappy or unsafe feelings.
— 71 —

SIGNAL
one arm arms nervousness Women use this gesture.
across body Men tend not to. It’s a
clasping ‘barrier’ protective signal,
other arm by and also self-hugging.
side (female)
arms held arms confidence, As demonstrated by
behind body authority members of the royal
with hands family, armed forces
clasped officers, teachers,
policemen, etc.
handbag arms nervousness Another ‘barrier’ protective
held in front signal.
of body
(female)
holding arms nervousness Another ‘barrier’ protective
papers signal, especially when arm
across chest is across chest.
(mainly
male)
adjusting arms nervousness Another ‘barrier’ protective
cuff, signal.
watchstrap,
tie, etc.,
using an arm
across the
body
arms/hands arms / nervousness Another ‘barrier’ protective
covering hands signal.
genital
region (male)
holding a arms / nervousness Another ‘barrier’ protective
drink in hands signal.
front of body
with both
hands
— 72 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
seated, arms / nervousness One arm rests on the table
holding hands across the body, holding a
drink on one drink (or pen, etc). Another
side with ‘barrier’ protective signal.
hand from
other side
touching or arms / nervousness Another ‘barrier’ protective
scratching shoulder signal.
shoulder
using arm
across body
HANDS - BODY LANGUAGE
Body language involving hands is extensive.

This is because hands are such expressive parts of the body, and
because hands interact with other parts of the body.
Hands contain many more nerve connections (to the brain) than
most if not all other body parts. They are extremely expressive and
flexible tools, so it is natural for hands to be used a lot in signalling
consciously - as with emphasizing gestures - or unconsciously - as in
a wide range of unintentional movements which indicate otherwise
hidden feelings and thoughts.
A nose or an ear by itself can do little to signal a feeling, but

when a hand or finger is also involved then there is probably a signal
of some sort.
Hands body language is used for various purposes, notably:

• emphasis, (pointing, jabbing, and chopping actions, etc)
• illustration (drawing, shaping, mimicking actions or sizing
things in the air - this big/long/wide/etc., phoning actions, etc)
• specific conscious signals like the American OK, the thumbs-
up, the Victory-sign, and for rude gestures, etc.
— 73 —
• greeting people and waving goodbye (which might be included

in the above category)
• and more interestingly in unconscious ‘leakage’ signals
including interaction with items like pens and cigarettes and
other parts of the body, indicating feelings such as doubt,
deceit, pressure, openness, expectation, etc.
Body language experts generally agree that hands send more

signals than any part of the body except for the face. Studying hand
body language therefore yields a lot of information; hence the hands
section below is large.
There are many cultural body language differences in hand

signals. The section below focuses on Western behaviour. Much
applies elsewhere, but avoid assuming that it all does.

SIGNAL
palm(s) up hands submissive, Said to evolve from
or open truthful, when open upward palms
honesty, showed no weapon was
appealing held. A common gesture
with various meanings
around a main theme of
openness. Can also mean
“I don’t have the answer,”
or an appeal. In some
situations this can indicate
confidence (such as to
enable openness), or trust/
trustworthiness. An easily
faked gesture to convey
innocence. Outward open
forearms or whole arms are
more extreme versions of
the signal.
— 74 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
palm(s) hands defensive, Relaxed hands are more
up, fingers instruction to likely to be defensive as if
pointing up stop offered up in protection;
rigid fingers indicates
a more authoritative
instruction or request to
stop whatever behaviour is
promoting the reaction.
palm(s) hands authority, Where the lower arm
down strength, moves across the body
dominance with palm down this is
generally defiance or firm
disagreement.
palm up and hands striving for The hand is empty,
moving up or seeking an but figuratively holds
and down as answer a problem or idea as if
if weighing weighing it. The signal
is one of ‘weighing’
possibilities.
hand(s) on hands seeking to be Although easy to fake, the
heart (left believed underlying meaning is one
side of chest) of wanting to be believed,
whether being truthful or
not. Hand on heart can
be proactive, as when a
salesman tries to convince
a buyer, or reactive, as
when claiming innocence
or shock. Whatever, the
sender of this signal
typically feels the need to
emphasise their position
as if mortally threatened,
which is rarely the case.
— 75 —

SIGNAL
finger hands aggression, Pointing at a person is
pointing (at a threat, very confrontational and
person) emphasis dictatorial. Commonly
adults do this to young
people. Adult to adult it
is generally unacceptable
and tends to indicate a
lack of social awareness
or self-control aside from
arrogance on the part of the
finger pointer. The finger
is thought to represent a
gun, or pointed weapon.
Strongly associated with
anger, directed at another
person. An exception to
the generally aggressive
meaning of finger pointing
is the finger point and
wink, below.
finger point hands/ eyes acknowledge- The subtle use of a winked
and wink ment or confir- eye with a pointed finger
mation changes the finger point
into a different signal,
that of acknowledging
something, often a
contribution or remark
made by someone, in
which case the finger and
wink are directed at the
person concerned, and
can be a signal of positive
appreciation, as if to say,
“You got it,” or “You
understand it, well done”.
finger hands emphasis Pointing in the air is
pointing (in generally used to add
the air) emphasis, by a person
feeling in authority or
power.
— 76 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
finger hands warning, Rather like the waving of a
wagging refusal pistol as a threat. Stop it/do
(side to side) as you are told, or else..
finger hands admonishment, The action is like pressing
wagging (up emphasis a button on a keypad
and down) several times. Like when a
computer or elevator won’t
work, as if pressing the
button lots of times will
make any difference..
hand chop hands emphasis - The hand is used like a
especially the guillotine, as if to kill the
last word on a discussion.
matter
clenched hands resistance, One or two clenched fists
fist(s) aggression, can indicate different
determination feelings - defensive,
offensive, positive or
negative, depending on
context and other signals.
Logically a clenched fist
prepares the hand (and
mind and body) for battle
of one sort or another, but
in isolation the signal is
impossible to interpret
more precisely than a basic
feeling of resolve.
— 77 —

SIGNAL
finger tips hands thoughtfulness, Very brainy folk use this
and thumbs looking for gesture since it reflects
touching or explaining complex and/or elevated
each other connections or thinking. In this gesture
on opposite engagement only the fingertips touch
hands - each finger with the
(‘steepling’) corresponding digit of
the other hand, pointing
upwards like the rafters of
a tall church roof. Fingers
are spread and may be
rigidly straight or relaxed
and curved. Alternating the
positions (pushing fingers
together then relaxing
again - like a spider doing
press-ups on a mirror)
enables the fascinating
effect (nothing to do with
body language), which
after enough repetition
can produce a sensation
of having a greased sheet
of glass between the
fingers. Try it - it’s very
strange. Very brainy people
probably don’t do this
because they have more
important things to think
about. It’s their loss.
steepled hands thoughtfulness The upwards-pointing
fingers and barrier version tends to indicate
pointing high-minded or connective/
forward complex thinking, however
when this hand shape is
directed forward it also acts
as a defensive or distancing
barrier between the thinker
and other(s) present.
— 78 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
palms down hands seeking or Seen often in rowdy
moving up asking for meetings the gesture is
and down, calm, loss of typically a few inches
fingers control of above the table top, but is
spread a group or also seen standing up. The
situation action is one of suppressing
or holding down a rising
pressure. Teachers use this
gesture when trying to
quieten a class.
cracking hands comforting Usually male. Machismo
knuckles habit, or habit. Meaning depends
attention- on context. No-one knows
seeking still exactly how the noise
is made, but the notion
that the practice leads to
arthritis is now generally
thought to be nonsense.
interwoven hands frustration, Usually hands would be
clenched negativity, on a table or held across
fingers anxiousness stomach or on lap.
index finger hands satisfaction, This is generally seen to be
and thumb ‘OK’ the ‘OK’ signal, similar to
touching at the ‘thumbs up’. The signal
tips may be to oneself quietly,
or more pronounced
directed to others. There
is also the sense of this
suggesting something
being ‘just right’ as if
the finger and thumb are
making a fine adjustment
with a pinch of spice or a
tiny turn of a control knob.
The circle formed by the
joined finger and thumb
resembles the O from OK.
The remaining three fingers
are spread.
— 79 —

SIGNAL
thumb(s) up hands positive In the Western world this
approval, signal is so commonly
agreement, all used and recognized it has
well become a language term in
its own right: ‘thumbs up’
means approved. It’s a very
positive signal. Two hands
is a bigger statement of the
same meaning.
thumbs hands disapproval, Logically the opposite
down failure of thumbs up. Rightly or
wrongly the thumbs up and
down signals are associated
with the gladiatorial
contests of the ancient
Roman arenas in which the
presiding dignitary would
signal the fate of the losing
contestants.
thumb(s) hands self- As with other signals
clenched comforting, involving holding or
inside fist(s) frustration, stroking a part of one’s
insecurity own body this tends to
indicate self-comforting.
Also thumbs are potent and
flexible tools, so disabling
them logically reduces
a person’s readiness for
action.
hand held hands undecided, in Signalling that a decision
horizontally the balance or outcome, normally finely
and rocked balanced and difficult to
from side to predict or control, could go
side one way or another.
— 80 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
rubbing hands anticipation, A signal - often a conscious
hands relish gesture - of positive
together expectation, and often
related to material or
financial reward, or an
enjoyable activity and
outcome.
hand(s) hands / suppression, See mouth/hand clamp
clamped over mouth shock entry in mouth section,
mouth which is a subject in its
own right.
touching hands / lying or This is said to hide the
nose, while nose exaggeration reddening of the nose
speaking caused by increased blood
flow. Can also indicate
mild embellishment or
fabrication. The children’s
story about Pinocchio (the
wooden puppet boy whose
nose grew when he told
lies) reflects long-standing
associations between the
nose and telling lies.
scratching hands / lying or Nose-scratching while
nose, while nose exaggeration speaking is a warning sign,
speaking unless the person genuinely
has an itchy nose. Often
exhibited when recounting
an event or incident.
— 81 —

SIGNAL
pinching hands / thoughtfulness, In many cases this is an
or rubbing nose suppressing unconscious signalling
nose, while comment of holding back or
listening delaying a response or
opinion. Pinching the
nose physically obstructs
breathing and speech,
especially if the mouth
is covered at the same
time. Rather like the
more obvious hand-clamp
over the mouth, people
displaying this gesture
probably have something to
say but are choosing not to
say it yet.
picking nose hands / day-dreaming, Nose picking is actually
nose inattentive, extremely common among
socially adults but does not aid
disconnected, career development or
stress social acceptance and is
therefore normally a private
affair. When observed,
nose-picking can signify
various states of mind,
none particularly positive.
pinching hands / negative Usually accompanied with
bridge of nose evaluation a long single blink.
nose
— 82 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
hands hands / ears rejection of or Not surprisingly gestures
clamped on resistance to involving hands covering
ears something the ears signify a reluctance
to listen and/or to agree
with what is being said or
to the situation as a whole.
The gesture is occasionally
seen by a person doing the
talking, in which case it
tends to indicate that other
views and opinions are not
wanted or will be ignored.
ear tugging hands / ears indecision, self- People fiddle with their
comforting own bodies in various ways
when seeking comfort,
but ear-pulling or tugging
given suitable supporting
signs can instead indicate
indecision and related
pondering.
hands hands / calamity Hands clasping head is like
clasping head a protective helmet against
head some disaster or problem.
hand hands / chin thoughtfulness The stroking of a beard is
stroking chin a similar signal, although
rare among women.
— 83 —

SIGNAL
hand hands / evaluation, Usually the forearm is
supporting chin, face tiredness or vertical from the supporting
chin or side boredom elbow on a table. People
of face who display this signal
are commonly assessing
or evaluating next actions,
options, or reactions to
something or someone.
If the resting is heavier
and more prolonged, and
the gaze is unfocused or
averted, then tiredness or
boredom is a more likely
cause. A lighter resting
contact is more likely to
be evaluation, as is lightly
resting the chin on the
knuckles.
chin resting hands / chin evaluation This is a more reliable
on thumb, signal of evaluation
index finger than the above full-hand
pointing up support. Normally the
against face supporting elbow will be
on a table or surface. The
middle finger commonly
rests horizontally between
chin and lower lip.
neck hands / doubt, disbelief Perhaps evolved from
scratching neck a feeling of distrust and
instinct to protect the
vulnerable neck area.
Who knows - whatever,
the signal is generally due
to doubting or distrusting
what is being said.
hand hands / frustration Clasping a wrist, which
clasping wrist may be behind the back
wrist or in open view, can be a
signal of frustration, as if
holding oneself back.
— 84 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
running hair / hair flirting, or Take your pick - running
hands vexation, hands through the hair is
through hair exasperation commonly associated with
flirting, and sometimes it
is, although given different
supporting signals, running
hands through the hair can
indicate exasperation or
upset.
hand(s) on hands / confidence, The person is emphasizing
hip(s) arms readiness, their presence and
availability readiness for action.
Observable in various
situations, notably sport,
and less pronounced
poses in social and work
situations. In social and
flirting context it is said
that the hands are drawing
attention to the genital area.
hands in hands / disinterest, The obvious signal is
pockets arms boredom one of inaction, and not
being ready for action.
Those who stand with
hands in pockets - in
situations where there is an
expectation for people to be
enthusiastic and ready for
action - demonstrate apathy
and lack of interest for the
situation.
— 85 —

SIGNAL
removing hands / alerting wish For people who wear
spectacles spectacles to speak reading-only spectacles,
this is an example of an
announcement or alerting
gesture, where a person
readies themselves to speak
and attracts attention to the
fact. Other alerting signals
include raising the hand,
taking a breath, moving
upwards and forwards in
their seat, etc.
playing an hands / mock The ‘air violin’ has been
imaginary arms sympathy or around a lot longer than the
violin sadness ‘air guitar’, and is based
on the traditional use of
violin music as a theme or
background for sad scenes
in movies and in music
generally. The ‘air violin’
is not typically included
in body language guides;
it’s here as an amusing
gesture which demonstrates
our conscious practice
and recognition of certain
signals.
— 86 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
thumb and hands offensive - A conscious signal, usually
fingers mockery, one-handed. Insulting
formed into dissatisfaction, gesture if directed at a
a tube and expression of person, typically male
rocked side inferior quality to male, since it mimics
to side or up masturbation, like calling
and down a person a ‘tosser’ or a
(mainly ‘wanker’ (UK) or a jerk-
male) off (US). This is obviously
rude and not used in
respectable company such
as the queen or a group of
clergymen. The gesture
is also used as a response
to something regarded as
poor quality, which might
be a performance or piece
of work or a comment on a
product of some sort. The
allusion is to masturbation
being a poor substitute for
sex with a woman, and
that those who masturbate
are not ‘real men’.
Unsurprisingly the gesture
is mainly male, directed
at other males, especially
in tribal-like gatherings.
Rare female use of this
gesture directed at males
can be very effective due to
its humiliating value. For
obvious reasons the gesture
is unlikely to be used by
females or males directed
at females.
— 87 —

SIGNAL
two-fingered hands / offensive A consciously offensive
V-sign, palm fingers - derision, and aggressive gesture,
inward contempt also called ‘flicking the
(mainly Vs’, widely but probably
male) incorrectly thought to
derive from the 1415
Battle of Agincourt in the
Hundred Years War when
the tactically pivotal Welsh
longbowmen supposedly
derided the beaten French
soldiers’ and their threats
to cut off the bowmen’s
fingers.
two-fingered hands victory, peace British 2nd World War
V-sign, palm fingers leader Winston Churchill
outward popularised the victory
usage, although apparently,
significantly if so, first used
the palm inwards version
until he was told what
it meant to the working
classes
HANDSHAKES - BODY LANGUAGE
Firmness of handshake is not the reliable indicator of firmness of

character that many believe it to be. Firm handshakes tend to be those
of confident people, especially those who have spent some time in
business, and who realise that most people in business consider a firm
handshake to be a good thing. Handshakes that are uncomfortably
firm show a lack of respect or awareness, especially if used in cultures
(Eastern especially) where firm handshaking is not normal.
Handshaking evolved from ancient times as an initial gesture

of trust, to show that no weapon was being held. Naturally also the
handshake offers the most obvious way to connect physically as a
— 88 —
BODY LANGUAGE
way to signal trust or friendship. In more recent times, especially

from the 1800s onwards, a handshake became the way to confirm a
commercial transaction. Handshaking by women became common
practice much later, reflecting the change of social attitudes and the
increasing equality of women, for whom a hundred years back such
physical contact was considered improper. Women have throughout
time generally been subservient to men, hence the very subservient
female curtsey gesture (also spelled curtsy), which survives now only
in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending a stage
performance.

SIGNAL
handshake - handshake dominance Usually a firm handshake,
palm down the ‘upper hand’ tends to
impose and/or create a
dominant impression.
handshake - handshake submission, ac- Usually not a strong
palm up commodating handshake, the lower hand
has submitted to the upper
hand dominance. How all
this ultimately translates
into the subsequent
relationship and outcomes
can depend on more
significant factors than the
handshake.
handshake - handshake seeking to Whether genuine or
both hands convey trust- not, this handshake is
worthiness and unduly physical and
honesty, seek- (often) uncomfortably
ing to control domineering.
handshake handshake non- Most handshakes are like
- equal and threatening, this, when neither person
vertical relaxed seeks to control or to yield.
— 89 —

SIGNAL
pumping handshake enthusiasm A vigorous pumping
handshake handshake tends to
indicate energy and
enthusiasm of the shaker
towards the other person,
the meeting, situation
or project, etc). There
is a sense of attempting
to transfer energy and
enthusiasm, literally, from
the vigorous handshaker to
the shaken person, hence
the behaviour is popular
in motivational folk and
evangelists, etc.
weak handshake various Avoid the common view
handshake that a weak handshake
is the sign of a weak or
submissive person. It is
not. Weak handshakes can
be due to various aspects
of personality, mood,
etc. People who use their
hands in their profession,
for example, musicians,
artists, surgeons, etc., can
have quite gentle sensitive
handshakes. Strong but
passive people can have
gentle handshakes. Old
people can have weak
handshakes. A weak
handshake might be
due to arthritis. Young
people unaccustomed to
handshaking can have weak
handshakes. It’s potentially
a very misleading signal.
— 90 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
firm handshake outward Avoid the common view
handshake confidence that a firm handshake is
the sign of a strong solid
person. It is not. Firm
handshakes are a sign
of outward confidence,
which could mask deceit
or a weak bullying nature,
or indicate a strong solid
person. Strength of a
handshake is not by itself
an indicator of positive
‘good’ mood or personality,
and caution is required in
reading this signal. It is
widely misinterpreted.
handshake handshake seeking When a handshake is
with arm control, accompanied by the left
clasp paternalism hand clasping the other
person’s right arm this
indicates a wish to control
or a feeling of care, which
can be due to arrogance.
To many this represents
an unwanted invasion
of personal space, since
touching ‘permission’ is for
the handshake only.
— 91 —
LEGS AND FEET - BODY LANGUAGE
Legs and feet body language is more difficult to control

consciously or fake than some body language of arms and hands and
face. Legs and feet can therefore provide good clues to feelings and
moods, if you know the signs.
Men and women sit differently, which needs to be considered

when reading leg body language. Partly due to clothing and partly due
to sexual differences, men naturally exhibit more open leg positions
than women, which should be allowed for when interpreting signals.
Certain open-leg male positions are not especially significant in men,
but would be notable in women, especially combined with a short
skirt.
Older women tend to adopt more modest closed leg positions

than younger women, due to upbringing, social trends, equality and
clothing. Again take account of these influences when evaluating
signals.
Also consider that when people sit for half-an-hour or more they
tend to change their leg positions, which can include leg crossing
purely for comfort reasons. Again allow for this when interpreting
signals.
Leg signals tend to be supported by corresponding arms signals,

for example crossed arms and crossed legs, which aside from
comfort reasons generally indicate detachment, disinterest, rejection
or insecurity, etc.
N.B. Where the terms ‘leg crossing’ and ‘crossed legs’ are
used alone, this refers to the legs being crossed at both knees. The
‘American’ or ‘Figure-4’ leg cross entails the supporting leg being
crossed just above the knee by the ankle or lower calf of the crossing
leg. This makes a figure-4 shape, hence the name. The posture is also
called the American leg cross because of its supposed popularity in
the US compared to the UK, notably among males.
— 92 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
leg direction, legs/knees interest, Generally a seated person
sitting - attentiveness directs their knee or
general (according to knees towards the point
direction) of interest. The converse
is true also - legs tend
to point away from
something or someone
which is uninteresting
or threatening. The rule
applies with crossed legs
also, where the upper
knee indicates interest
or disinterest according
to where it points. The
more direct and obvious
the position, the keener
the attraction or repellent
feeling.
uncrossed legs openness In sitting positions, open
legs, sitting - uncrossed leg positions
general generally indicate an open
attitude, contrasting with
with crossed legs, which
normally indicate a closed
attitude or a degree of
caution or uncertainty.
parallel legs legs properness This unusual in men,
together, especially if the knees point
sitting an angle other than straight
(mainly ahead. The posture was
female) common in women due to
upbringing and clothing
and indicates a sense of
properness.
— 93 —

SIGNAL
crossed legs, legs caution, Crossed legs tend to
sitting - disinterest indicate a degree of caution
general or disinterest, which can
be due to various reasons,
ranging from feeling
threatened, to mildly
insecure.
crossing legs interest or Generally the upper
legs, sitting disinterest in crossed leg and knee
- specific direction of will point according to
change upper crossed the person’s interest. If
knee the knee points towards
a person then it signifies
interest in or enthusiasm
for that person; if it points
away from a person it
signifies disinterest in or a
perceived threat from that
person. Signs are more
indicative when people
first sit down and adopt
initial positions in relation
to others present. Signs
become less reliable when
people have been sitting for
half-an-hour or so, when
leg crossing can change
more for comfort than body
language reasons.
— 94 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
American or legs independent, The ‘American’ or
figure-4 leg stubborn ‘figure-4’ leg cross is a far
cross more confident posture
than the conventional ‘both
knees’ leg cross. It exposes
the genital region, and
typically causes the upper
body to lean back. The
crossed leg is nevertheless
a protective barrier, and
so this posture is regarded
as more stubborn than the
‘both knees’ leg cross.
American or legs / arm / resistant, This is a more protective
figure-4 leg hand stubborn and stubborn version of
cross with the plain American leg
hand clamp cross, in which (usually)
the opposite hand to the
crossing leg clamps and
holds the ankle of the
crossing leg, effectively
producing a locked
position, which reflects the
mood of the person.
— 95 —

SIGNAL
open legs, legs arrogance, This is a confident
sitting combative, dominant posture. Happily
(mainly sexual posturing extreme male open-crotch
male) posing is rarely exhibited in
polite or formal situations
since the signal is mainly
sexual. This is a clear
exception to the leg/
knee point rule since the
pointing is being done by
the crotch, whose target
might be a single person
or a wider audience. Not
a gesture popularly used
by women, especially
in formal situations and
not in a skirt. Regardless
of gender this posture is
also combative because it
requires space and makes
the person look bigger. The
impression of confidence
is increased when arms
are also in a wide or open
position.
ankle lock, legs defensiveness Knees may be apart (among
sitting men predominantly) or
together (more natural in
women). There is also a
suggestion of suppressing
negative emotion.
splayed legs, legs aggression, Splayed, that is wide-
standing ready for action parted legs create (usually
unconsciously) a firm
base from which to defend
or attack, and also make
the body look wider.
Hands on hips support the
interpretation.
— 96 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
standing ‘at legs / body respectful Standing upright, legs
attention’ straight, together and
parallel, body quite
upright, shoulders back,
arms by sides - this is like
the military ‘at attention’
posture and is often a signal
of respect or subservience
adopted when addressed by
someone in authority.
legs legs insecurity or Also called ‘leg twine’,
intertwined, sexual posing this is a tightly crossed
sitting leg, twined or wrapped
(female) around the supporting
leg. Depending on the
circumstances the leg
twine can either be a sign
of retreat and protection,
or a sexual display of
leg shapeliness, since a
tight leg-cross tends to
emphasise muscle and
tone. Assessing additional
body language is crucial for
interpreting such signals of
potentially very different
meanings.
— 97 —

SIGNAL
legs crossed, legs insecurity or Typically observed
standing submission or in groups of standing
(scissor engagement people at parties or other
stance) gatherings, defensive
signals such as crossed legs
and arms among the less
confident group members
is often reinforced by
a physical and audible
lack of involvement and
connection with more
lively sections of the group.
Where legs are crossed
and arms are not, this can
indicate a submissive or
committed agreement to
stand and engage, so the
standing leg cross relays
potentially quite different
things.
knee buckle, legs / knees under pressure Obviously a pronounced
standing knee buckle is effectively
a collapse due to severe
stress or actually carrying a
heavy weight, and similarly
a less obvious knee bend
while standing can indicate
the anticipation of an
uncomfortable burden or
responsibility.
— 98 —
BODY LANGUAGE

SIGNAL
feet or foot feet foot direction Like knees, feet tend to
direction or indicates point towards the focus
pointing direction of of interest - or away from
interest something or someone if
it is not of interest. Foot
direction or pointing in
this context is a subtle
aspect of posture - this is
not using the foot to point
at something; it is merely
the direction of the feet
when sitting or standing in
relation to people close by.
foot forward, feet directed The signal is interesting
standing towards among groups, when it
dominant group can indicate perceptions of
member leadership or dominance,
i.e., the forward foot points
at the leader or strongest
member of the group.
shoe-play feet relaxation, A woman would usually
(female) flirting, sexual be relaxed to display this
signal. In certain situations
dangling a shoe from the
foot, and more so slipping
the foot in and out of the
shoe has sexual overtones.
PERSONAL SPACE
The technical term for the personal space aspect of body language
is proxemics. The word was devised by Edward Twitchell Hall
(b.1914), an American anthropologist and writer on body language
and non-verbal communications, especially relating to cross-cultural
understanding. His 1963 book, Proxemics, A Study of Man’s Spacial
Relationship, no doubt helped popularize the new word. Here is
Edward Twitchell Hall’s website - he’s an interesting character, and
— 99 —
one of the founding fathers of modern body language theory. His

other books are listed in the body language references section below.
Robert Ardrey is cited by Julius Fast as another significant expert

and writer in personal space.
Proxemics - personal space - is defined as (the study of) the
amount of space that people find comfortable between themselves
and others.
Personal space dimensions depend notably on the individual,

cultural and living background, the situation, and relationships,
however some general parameters apply to most people, which for
Western societies, are shown below.
There are five distinct space zones, which were originally

identified by Edward T Hall, and which remain the basis of personal
space analysis today.
The first zone is sometimes shown as a single zone comprising
two sub-zones.
ZONE DISTANCE FOR DETAIL

1. Close 0-15cm lovers, and Sometimes included with
intimate 0-6in physical the 2nd zone below, this
touching is a markedly different
relationships zone in certain situations,
for example face-to-face
contact with close friends
rarely encroaches within
6 inches, but commonly
does with a lover.
— 100 —
BODY LANGUAGE
2. Intimate 15-45cm physical Usually reserved for

6-18in touching intimate relationships and
relationships close friendships, but also
applies during consenting
close activities such
as contact sports, and
crowded places such as
parties, bars, concerts,
public transport, queues
and entertainment and
sports spectating events.
Non-consenting intrusion
into this space is normally
felt to be uncomfortable at
best, or very threatening
and upsetting at worst.
Within the intimate zone
a person’s senses of smell
and touch (being touched)
become especially
exercised.
3. Personal 45-120cm family and Touching is possible in
18in-4ft close friends this zone, but intimacy is
off-limits. Hence touching
other than hand-shaking is
potentially uncomfortable.
4. Social- 1.2-3.6m non-touch Significantly hand-shaking
consultative 4-12ft interaction, is only possible within
social, this zone only if both
business people reach out to do it.
Touching is not possible
unless both people reach
to do it.
5. Public 3.6m+ no People establish this
12ft+ interaction, zonal space when they
ignoring seek to avoid interaction
with others nearby. When
this space is intruded
by another person is
creates a discomfort or an
expectation of interaction.
— 101 —
MIRRORING - matching body language signals
When body language and speech characteristics are mirrored

or synchronized between people this tends to assist the process
of creating and keeping rapport (a mutual feeling of empathy,
understanding, trust).
The term synchronized is arguably a more accurate technical term

because mirroring implies visual signals only, when the principles
of matching body language extend to audible signals also - notably
speech pace, pitch, tone, etc.
‘Mirrored’ or synchronized body language between two people

encourages feelings of trust and rapport because it generates
unconscious feelings of affirmation.
When another person displays similar body language to our own,
this makes us react unconsciously to feel, “This person is like me and
agrees with the way I am.
I like this person because we are similar, and he/she likes me
too.”
The converse effect applies. When two people’s body language

signals are different - i.e., not synchronized - they feel less like each
other, and the engagement is less comfortable. Each person senses a
conflict arising from the mismatching of signals - the two people are
not affirming each other; instead the mismatched signals translate
into unconscious feelings of discord, discomfort or even rejection.
The unconscious mind thinks, “This person is not like me; he/she
is different to me, I am not being affirmed, therefore I feel defensive.”
Advocates and users of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)

use mirroring consciously, as a method of ‘getting in tune’ with
another person, and with a little practice are able to first match
and then actually and gently to alter the signals - and supposedly
thereby the feelings and attitudes - of other people, using mirroring
techniques.
— 102 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Speech pace or speed is an example. When you are speaking with

someone, first match their pace of speaking, then gently change your
pace - slower or faster - and see if the other person follows you. Often
they will do.
People, mostly being peaceful cooperative souls, commonly
quite naturally match each other’s body language. To do otherwise
can sometimes feel uncomfortable, even though we rarely think
consciously about it.
When another person leans forward towards us at a table, we

often mirror and do likewise. When they lean back and relax, we do
the same.
Sales people and other professional communicators are widely

taught to mirror all sorts of more subtle signals, as a means of creating
trust and rapport with the other person, and to influence attitudes.
Mirroring in this conscious sense is not simply copying or
mimicking. Mirroring is effective when movements and gestures are
reflected in a similar way so that the effect remains unconscious and
subtle. Obvious copying would be regarded as strange or insulting.
BODY LANGUAGE OF
SEATING POSITIONING IN
RELATION TO OTHERS
Lots of unnecessary friction is created in work and communications

situations due to ignorance and lack of thought about seating positions.
The ‘science’ of where people sit in relation to each other, and
on what and around what, is fascinating and offers opportunities
for improving relationships, communications, cooperation and
understanding.
Here are some guidelines.
— 103 —
These points are generally for the purpose of a leader or someone

aspiring to lead, or coach, counsel, etc. They also relate to one-to-one
situations like appraisals, interviews, etc.
Sitting opposite someone creates a feeling of confrontation. For

one-to-one meetings, especially with emotional potential (appraisals
for example) take care to arrange seating before the meeting to avoid
opposite-facing positions. If you cannot arrange the seating give very
deliberate thought to seating positions before you sit down and/or
before you invite the other person to sit - don’t just let it happen
because commonly, strangely, people often end up sitting opposite if
free to do so.
Consider the rules about personal space. Do not place chairs

so close together that personal space will be invaded. Conversely
sitting too far apart will prevent building feelings of trust and private/
personal discussion.
Sitting opposite someone across a table or desk adds a barrier

to the confrontational set-up and can create a tension even when the
relationship is good and strong. It’s easy to forget this and to find
yourself sitting opposite someone when there are only two of you at
the table. Sitting opposite across a table is okay for lovers gazing into
each other’s eyes, but not good for work, counselling, coaching, etc.
Sitting behind a work-desk (the boss behind his/her own desk
especially) and having someone (especially a subordinate) sit in a
less expensive lower chair across the desk emphasises authority of the
boss and adds unhelpfully to the barrier and the confrontational set-up.
This seating arrangement will increase the defensiveness of anyone
already feeling insecure or inferior. This positioning is favoured by
certain bosses seeking to reinforce their power, but it is not helpful
in most modern work situations, and is not a good way to increase
respectful natural authority anyway. Incidentally the expression ‘on
the carpet’ - meaning being told off or ‘bollocked’ - derives from the
extreme form of this positional strategy, when the victim, called into
the office would stand to receive their bollocking on the carpet in
front of the boss who sat high and mighty behind his desk. (The boss
— 104 —
BODY LANGUAGE
would typically be male, and beaten/abused/neglected as a child, but

that’s another story.)
Sitting at a diagonal angle of about 45 degrees to another person
is a comfortable and cooperative arrangement. This is achieved
naturally by both sitting around the same corner of a square table,
which also enables papers to be seen together without too much
twisting.
The same angle is appropriate for and easy-chairs around a
coffee-table.
A table ceases to become a barrier when people are sitting at
a diagonal angle, instead it becomes a common work surface for
studying papers, or exploring issues together.
Sitting side by side on a settee is not a good arrangement for

working relationships.
It threatens personal space, and obstructs communications.
Low settees and easy-chairs and low coffee tables cause people
to sink and relax back are usually unhelpful for work meetings. For
this reason much seating in hotel lounges is entirely unsuitable for
work meetings. People naturally are more alert and focused using
higher formal table and chairs.
Interviews and appraisals can benefit from relaxed or more formal

seating depending on the situation. Importantly - make a conscious
choice about furniture depending on the tone of the meeting, and how
relaxed you want the meeting to be.
The 45-degree rule is approximate, and anyway under most

circumstances seating angles are influenced by furniture and available
space. Importantly, simply try to avoid opposite or side-by-side
positions. An angle between these two extremes is best - somewhere
in the range of 30-60 degrees if you want to be technical about it.
Round tables are better than square or oblong tables for group
and team meetings. Obviously this works well because no-one is
at the head of the table, which promotes a feeling of equality and
teamwork. King Arthur - or the creator of the legend (King Arthur
and the Knights of the Round Table) - opted for a round table for
— 105 —
this reason. The term ‘round table’ has come to symbolise teamwork
and fairness, etc., for a long time. Unfortunately round tables aren’t
common in offices, which means thinking carefully about best seating
arrangements for square or oblong tables.
A confident leader will be happy to avoid taking the ‘head of the

table’ position, instead to sit among the team, especially if there are
particular reasons for creating a cooperative atmosphere.
Conversely it is perfectly normal for a leader to take the ‘head of
the table’ if firmness is required in chairing or mediating, etc.
It is usually easier to chair a meeting from the head of the table
position.
Theory suggests that when a group sits around a table the person
sitting on the leader’s right will generally be the most loyal and
aligned to the leader’s thinking and wishes. A (likely) mythical origin
is said to be that in Roman times a leader would place their most
loyal supporter to their right because this was the most advantageous
position from which to attempt an assassination by stabbing (given
that most people then as now were right-handed). Assassination by
stabbing is rare in modern work meetings, so positioning an opponent
on your right side (instead of allowing the normal opposite positioning
to happen) can be a useful tactic since this indicates confidence and
strength.
In large gatherings of 20-30 people or more, a ‘top table’ is often

appropriate for the leader and guest speakers. While this seems like a
throwback to more autocratic times, it is perfectly workable. Groups
of people above a certain size are far more likely to expect firm
direction/leadership, if not in making decisions, certainly to keep
order and ensure smooth running of proceedings. Therefore seating
arrangements for large groups should provide a clear position of
control for the chairperson or event leaders.
— 106 —
BODY LANGUAGE
BODY LANGUAGE IN DIFFERENT

CULTURES
Here are some brief pointers concerning body language variations

and gestures in cultures which differ from Western (US/UK notably)
behaviour.
People in/from parts of India may to shake their head from side
to side as a sign of agreement and active listening. In the UK/west
we tend to nod our head to agree and affirm and to show we are
listening; in India it is not unusual for people to move their heads
from side to side in giving these reactions. It is also seen as respectful
practice. (Thanks S Churchill. Incidentally on this point, sideways
head-shaking of this sort is not a vigorous twisting movement; it is
usually more of a sideways tilting of the head from one side to the
other.)
This point (thanks R Fox) concerns eye contact. Eye contact

(other than unwanted staring) is generally regarded as a positive
aspect of body language in Western cultures, which in this context
typically refers to white European people and descendents.
A specific difference regarding eye contact can be found in some

black Caribbean cultures however, whereby young people tend to be
instructed not look at someone eye to eye when being told off or
disciplined. When cultures meet obviously this provides potential
for friction, given the ‘Western’ expectation in such situations, for
example, “Look at me when I’m talking to you”.
Filipino people (and in fact many other people of all races) can
find it offensive/uncomfortable when beckoned by a repeatedly curled
index finger - the gesture evokes feelings of having done something
wrong and being chastised for it.
In some Australian Aboriginal cultures, it is disrespectful to look

an elder, or person of a rank above you, in the eyes. It is a sign of
— 107 —
respect to drop your eyes, (whereas in Western culture not meeting

somebody’s gaze is commonly considered to be a negative sign,
indicating deceit, lying, lack of attention, lack of confidence, etc).
In Arab countries the thumbs-up gesture is rude. Showing the

soles of the feet is insulting/rude in many Asian and Arab cultures,
especially pointing the foot or feet at anyone. Feet are considered
‘inferior’ parts of the body compared with the dignity of the face.
In Arab culture the left hand and right hands have religious
connotations which generally dictate that the left hand is not used for
touching (for example shaking hands) or eating. Arab handshaking
tends to be more frequent and less firm - on meeting and departing,
even several times in the same day.
The eyebrow flash may be considered rude or to carry sexual

connotations in Japanese culture.
Informal male-female touching is less common and can be
considered improper in Japan.
The American-style ‘OK’ sign - a circle made with thumb and

index-finger with other fingers fanned or outstretched - is a rude
gesture in some cultures, notably Latin America, Germany and the
Middle East.
Beckoning gestures in Eastern cultures are commonly made with

the palm down, whereas Western beckoning is generally palm up.
The offensive British/Western two-fingered V-sign is not

necessarily offensive in Japan and may be considered positive like
the Western palm-outwards ‘victory’ or ‘peace’ V-sign in the West.
In some countries, Greece, Turkey and Bulgaria for example,

moving the head up/down or from side to side may have additional
or different meanings to those conventionally interpreted in the UK/
US. Specifically, in Turkey, aside from using conventional (US/UK-
style) head nodding and shaking, some people may also signal ‘no’
by moving their head up.
— 108 —
BODY LANGUAGE
In Japan the male bow is still commonly used, when the depth of
the bow increases with the amount of respect shown, and is therefore
a signal of relative status between two people.
In The Netherlands people touch the temple with the index finger
in order to indicate someone (or an action) is smart or intelligent.
Touching the forehead with the index finger means someone (or an
action) is stupid or crazy. In Russia these meanings are reversed.
Here are some Japanese body language insights, especially for
doing business in Japan (thanks R Wilkes):
• High-pitched laughter means nervousness.
• On introduction, do not offer a handshake. Depth of bow is
impossible to judge without immense experience: it is sufficient
for a Westerner to bow shallowly.
• Business cards should be exchanged at the first possible
opportunity. The card received should be held in both hands
and examined carefully, and then stored, preferably in a wallet,
on the upper half of the body. Holding a person’s identity in
one hand is casual/disrespectful. The trouser pocket is a rude
place.
• Blowing one’s nose into a handkerchief in public is obscene.
(What other bodily waste do you wrap up in cotton and put in
your pocket?..)
• Japanese businesses (unless they cannot afford it) have two
types of meeting room: a Western style room with central table,
and a room with sofas. The sofa room is for non-antagonistic
meetings. In general, the 45 degree rule seems to apply here -
better to sit on adjacent sides than across from one another. This
room can be a great place to cut deals. Nevertheless, the ‘table’
room is where transactions are formalised. There the host of
the meeting sits nearest to (and preferably with his back to) the
door. (This is probably chivalric in origin - he is first in the way
of any invader to the room.) His team sits on the same side of
the table in descending rank. The chief guest sits opposite him
and similarly the minions decline to the side. The head of the
table is not generally used in bilateral (two parties) meetings
except by people brought in to advise on components of the
agenda. A great boss may spend much of the meeting with
his eyes closed. He is considering what is being said by the
— 109 —
subordinates and does not need visual distraction. However, if

he has a firm steer to give, he will instruct his deputy and this
will be relayed immediately.
• Loss of eye contact is quite normal with lower ranking people:
if they drop their head, this indicates deep thought.
• Otherwise, pure body signals are quite similar to Western ones,
with one notable exception: touching the tip of the nose from
straight ahead signals ‘I/me’.
• The Japanese language does have a word for ‘no’ but it is
rarely used in business for fear of causing offence or loss of
face. “Yes, but...” is substantially more acceptable.
I welcome refinements and additions for body language in other
cultures.
FLIRTING, COURTSHIP, DATING AND

MATING - SEXUAL BODY LANGUAGE
Many signals in flirting, dating and mating body language are

covered in the general translation signals above, and the fundamental
principles of social/work body language also apply to the development
or blocking of sexual relationships.
Of course lots of flirting, and more, goes on at work, but for the
purposes of this article it’s easier to keep the two situations separate.
There are some differences which can completely change the
nature of a signal given in a sexual context. Sitting opposite someone
is an example, which is confrontational at work, but is often intimate
and enabling for sexual and romantic relationships: full constant eye-
to-eye contact is helpful for intimacy, as is full frontal facing between
male and female for obvious reasons.
Personal space must also be considered in a different way in

social-sexual situations compared to work and non-sexual situations:
At work, the primary consideration is given to respecting the personal
zones and not invading closer than the situation warrants. In a sexual
— 110 —
BODY LANGUAGE
flirting context however, personal space becomes the arena for ritual
and play, and within reason is more of a game than a set of fixed
limits.
Dancing is further example of how body language operates at

a different level in sexual-social situations. Different tolerances and
tacit (implied) permissions apply. It’s a ritual and a game which
humans have played for thousands of years.
Dancing relates strongly to the attention stage of the dating/
mating/courtship process. In many ways courtship echoes the selling
and advertising model AIDA (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action).
This is also known as the Hierarchy of Effects, since steps must be
successfully completed in order to achieve the sale at the end. For
example, nothing happens without first attracting attention, a point
commonly ignored by people looking for a mate. The attention stage
is even more critical in crowded and highly competitive environments
such as nightclubs and dating websites.
And while not technically part of body language, environment

is a vital aspect of dating and mating. The environment in which the
dating activity is pursued equates to market/audience-targeting in
business. People seeking a mate are effectively marketing themselves.
Commonly people head to where everyone else goes - to nightclubs
and dating websites - but crucially these environments are highly
unsuitable markets for many people, for instance those not good at
dancing, and those not good at writing and communicating online.
Just as a business needs to find the best markets and ways of reaching
its target audience, so in dating people can seek environments where
they can best display their strengths and where relevant ‘buyers’ will
be.
Knowing about flirting body language becomes more useful in a
favourable environment.
female indications of interest in a male
Females have very many more ways of attracting attention

to themselves than males, and so are able to express interest and
availability in far more ways than males tend to do.
— 111 —
Female interest in males is relatively selective. Male interest in

females is by comparison constant and indiscriminate.
This is due fundamentally to human mating behaviour, evolved
over many thousands of years, in which essentially women control
the chase and the choice, and men respond primarily to female
availability and permissions. These differences in behaviour perhaps
mainly exist because females produce one viable egg per month,
about 500 in a lifetime, whereas males make several hundred sperm
every day. Do the math, as they say.
As with interpreting body language generally, beware of

concluding anything based on a single signal. Clusters of signals are
more reliable.
Foot pointing, knee pointing, and leg-crossing signals can all be
due simply to comfort, rather than expressions of interest or sexual
appeal.
Aside from the specific flirting and sexual attraction signs below,
females also express interest using the general signalling explained
in the earlier sections, e.g., prolonged direct eye contact, active
responsive listening, attentive open alert postures and body positions,
etc.
Here are the most common female flirting body language signals
and meanings, according to experts on the subject:
eye contact - anything more than a glance indicates initial

interest.
eye catch and look away - establishing eye contact then looking
away or down is said by many experts to be the standard initial signal
of interest designed to hook male reaction. The reliability of the
signal meaning is strengthened when repeated and/or reinforced with
longer eye-contact.
eye-widening - interest, simultaneously increasing attractiveness/

appeal.
— 112 —
BODY LANGUAGE
eyelash flicker - subtle movement of eyelashes to widen eyes

briefly.
pupil dilating - interest, liking what is seen, arousal.
looking sideways up - lowering head, slightly sideways, and

looking up - also known as doe-eyes, with eyelashes normally slightly
lowered - displays interest and vulnerability/coyness, most famously
employed by Diana Princess of Wales, notably in her interview with
Martin Bashir in battle for public sympathy following her split with
Prince Charles.
shoulder glance - looking sideways towards the target over the

shoulder signals availability, and hence interest.
smiling - obvious sign of welcoming and friendliness.
moistening lips - lips are significant in signalling because

(psychologists say) they mimic the female labia, hence the potency
of red lipstick (suggesting increased blood flow) and moistening/
licking the lips.
parted lips - significant and potent attraction signal.
preening - especially of hair, which exposes the soft underarm.
flicking hair - often combined with a slight tossing movement

of the head.
canting (tilting) head - also exposes neck.
showing inner wrist or forearm - a soft vulnerable area and

erogenous zone.
straightening posture - standing taller, chest out, stomach in - a

natural response to feeling the urge to appear more appealing.
— 113 —
self-touching - drawing attention to sexually appealing parts of

the body; neck, hair, cleavage, thigh, etc. - additionally self-touching
is said to represent transference/imagining of being touched - and of
course demonstration of what it would be like for the target to do the
touching; teasing in other words.
self thigh-stroking - usually while sitting down - same as self-

touching.
standing opposite - normally a confrontational positioning, but

in flirting allows direct eye contact and optimizes engagement. Refer
also to personal space rules: less than 4ft between people is personal;
less than 18 inches is intimate and only sustainable when there is
some mutual interest and attraction, especially when direct facing
and not in a crowded environment. N.B. Crowded environments
distort the personal space rules, where implied permissions (e.g.,
for public transport and dense crowds or queues) override normal
interpretations.
leaning forward - sitting or standing; leaning forwards towards

a person indicates interest and attraction.
foot pointing - direction can indicate person of interest.
knee-pointing - as foot pointing.
leg twine - a tight-leg cross ‘aimed’ (combined with eye contact)

at a target, or when sitting one-to-one, increases sexual allure since it
emphasises leg shape and tone. When employed flirtatiously, female
leg crossing and uncrossing also has obvious sexual connotations and
stimulates basic urges in males.
shoe-dangling - positive signal of relaxation or of greater

promise, especially if the foot thrusts in and out of the shoe.
pouting - pouting involves tightening the lips together; the tongue

rises to the roof of the mouth as if ready to swallow. Pouting displays
various emotions, not always a sexual one, for example projection of
— 114 —
BODY LANGUAGE
the lower lip indicates upset. An attraction pout looks more like the
initial forming of a kiss.
picking fluff - removing fluff, hair, etc., from the target’s clothes
is playing in the intimate personal space zone, in which the fluff
picking is merely a pretext or excuse.
fondling cylindrical objects - phallic transference, for instance

using pens, a dangling earring, a wine glass stem, etc.
mirroring - mirroring or synchronizing gestures and positions is

a signal of interest and attraction.
When considering body language in such detail, remember
that males and females rely greatly on conversation and verbal
communication to determine mutual attraction as soon as the situation
allows. Body language in flirting can be significant in indicating
a strong match, but just as easily can merely be an initial filtering
stage which progresses no further because other (infinitely variable)
personal or situational criteria on either or both sides are not met.
Also bear in mind that a lot of flirting happens for fun with no
intention of proceeding to sexual or romantic attachment.
The purpose of this page is chiefly to explain body language

signals, not to explain human relationships.
male interest in females
As stated earlier there are reasons for the relative sparseness of

male signals compared to female flirting signals.
Most men are interested perpetually in most women, and
therefore male signals are generally designed to attract the attention
of any females, rather than directed at one female in particular.
Male interest is basically always switched on and ready to respond
to opportunity when female availability and interest are signalled and
noticed.
Men believe they take the lead, but actually mostly women do.
Male signals of interest in females essentially follow normal body
language rules, for example widening eyes, dilated pupils, forward
— 115 —
leaning, prolonged direct eye contact, active listening reactions, and

these come into play once eye contact and/or proximity is established.
The most prevalent signals males use to announce their

availability and attract female attention are summarised below. Under
many circumstances these might be categorised under the headings
‘pathetic’ or ‘amusing’. The male of the species, despite a couple
of million years of evolution, has yet to develop much subtle body
language in this area.
posturing - erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.
wide stance - legs apart (standing or sitting) - to increase size.
cowboy stance - thumbs in belt loops, fingers pointing to genital

area.
hands in pockets - thumbs out and pointing to genitals.
‘chest-thumping’ - a metaphor describing various male antics

designed to draw attention to themselves, often involving play-
punching or wresting other males, laughing too loudly, head-tossing,
acting the fool, etc.
room scanning - males who are available and looking for females
tend to scan the room, partly to look for available females, but also to
indicate they are available themselves.
dress - clothing: style, fit, cleanliness, etc - is all an extension of

personality and is therefore part of body language.
preening and grooming - adjusting clothes, ties, cuffs, sleeves,

tugging at trouser crotch, running hands through or over hair, etc.
smell - certain smells are attractive to females but it’s a complex

and highly personal area yet to be understood well. Answers on a
postcard please.
— 116 —
BODY LANGUAGE
tattoos - here’s an interesting one, commonly ignored in

conventional body language flirting guides. Tattoos have dramatically
altered in society’s perceptions in the past generation. Previously
considered indicative of lower class, lower intellect, sailors, soldiers,
builders, etc., nowadays they are everywhere on everyone. Tattoos
have been a significant part of human customs for thousands of years.
They are decorative, and also (in evolutionary terms) suggested
strength and machismo, since the process of obtaining them was
painful and even life-threatening. Certain females are attracted by
tattoos on men, especially extensive markings. It’s a drastic step
to improve one’s love life, but worthy of note, because the subject
is not as simple and negative as traditionally regarded. Tattoos are
significant attention-grabbers, and given the variety of subjects
featured, also provide interesting talking points.
body piercings - again more complex than traditionally

considered, piercings do attract attention and signify the wearer to
be different.
dancing - dancing, in a suitable place of course, has for thousands

of years been an opportunity for males and females to display their
physical and sexual potential. With the exception perhaps of pogo-
ing and head-banging most dance styles replicate sexual movements
- lots of rhythmic hip and leg work, contorted facial expressions,
sweating and occasional grunting, etc. For those blessed with a level
of coordination dancing offers an effective way of attracting attention,
especially in crowded competitive situations. For the less rhythmic,
the lesson is to find a different environment.
stages of courtship
The initial stages of a (usually) male-female sexual relationship

are commonly represented as quite a structured process, summarised
below.
Incidentally courtship traditionally refers to the early stages of
a male-female relationship leading up to sex, babies, marriage and
family life, (followed for many by mutual tolerance/indifference/
loathing and acrimonious break-up). Flirting is a common modern
— 117 —
term for the early stages of courtship, or the beginnings of extra-

marital affairs, which is misleading since most flirting happens for
fun and rarely progresses beyond non-sexual touching.
If considering flirting/courtship body language in the context of

dating and mating, it’s useful to recall the selling and advertising
model AIDA (Attention, Interest, Desire, Action), and especially that
nothing happens without first attracting attention.
Significantly, women are said generally make the first move -

by signalling interest through establishing eye contact, and then
confusingly for men, looking away.
The process can disintegrate at any moment, often before it

begins, because most men are too interested in themselves or the
bloody football on the pub telly to notice the eye contact.
Where the process reaches past the first stage, here broadly is
how it is said by body language experts to unfold:
1. Eye contact (females typically lower or avert their eyes once
firm contact is made).
2. Returned eye contact (by male).
3. Mutual smiling.
4. Preening, grooming, posturing (male and female).
5. Moving together as regards personal space (male typically
walks to female).
6. Talking.
7. Attentive active listening (or simulation of this, sufficient
mutually to retain sense of mutual interest).
8. Synchronizing / mirroring each other’s body language.
9. Touching (more significantly by the female; subtle touching
can happen earlier, and at this stage can become more intimate
and daring).
A generation ago this process took a little longer than it does

today. Alcohol accelerates things even more.
You’ll see variations of the above sequence in body language
books, and no doubt in real life too.
— 118 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Males tend to react to obvious signs of availability shown by

females but miss many subtle signals.
Females give lots of subtle signals, tend not to repeat them too
often, and infer lack of interest in a male failing to respond.
It’s a wonder that anyone gets together at all.
The fact that most people do confirms that courtship is more
complex than we readily understand.
BOWING AND CURTSEYING BODY

LANGUAGE
Although now rare in Western society bowing and curtseying are

interesting because they illustrate the status and relationship aspects
of body language, which are so significant in one-to-one situations.
Bowing - Bowing is mainly a male gesture.

Bending the upper body downwards towards another person or
group is a signal of appreciation or subservience. The bow was in
olden times a standard way for men to greet or acknowledge another
person of perceived or officially higher status. The bow is also a
gesture of appreciation and thanks which survives in entertainment
and performance.
Male bowing traditionally varied from a modest nod of the head,
to a very much more pronounced bend of the body from the hips.
Depth of bend reflects depth of respect or appreciation. For added
dramatic effect the feet may be moved tightly together.
A very traditional Western bow involves a deeper bend combined
with the (normally) right-leg pushing backwards or ‘scraping’ on the
ground, hence the expression ‘bowing and scraping’.
The effect can be augmented by the bower’s hand pressing
horizontally on the stomach, and the other arm extended, or sweeping
extravagantly in a circular motion, made all the more dramatic if
combined with removing a hat.
— 119 —
Such behaviour is rare outside of Christmas pantomimes these

days, however interestingly even in modern times you will see men
slightly nodding their heads in an involuntary ‘semi-bow’ when
meeting a person and wishing to show respect or admiration. As such,
the small nod or bow of a head can be a clue to perceived seniority
in relationships.
Bowing has long been more significant and complex in Eastern
cultures, where the gesture carries a similar deferential meaning, albeit
it within more formal protocols and traditions. The fundamental body
language of bowing is rooted in showing subservience by lowering
one’s gaze and body, literally putting the bower at a lower level than
the other person. Bowing remains significant in Japanese culture.
Curtsey/curtsy - The curtsey is the female equivalent of the

male bow, and in their most extreme versions curtseying and bowing
gestures are quite similar. A curtsey is a bend of the knees, combined
with a slight bow of the head, and sometimes a lifting of the skirt or
dress at each side, at knee-height, by both hands.
This skirt-lift dates from olden times when this prevented a long
skirt from touching wet or muddy ground. The female curtsey gesture
survives in traditional situations such as meeting royalty, or ending
a stage or dance performance, in which you might see an older more
flamboyant and deeper curtsey entailing one knee bending sideways
and the other leg bending behind.
Curtseying has effectively now been replaced by handshaking,
although as with male bowing it is possible sometimes to see small
head bows by women when meeting and shaking hands with someone
regarded as superior or important.
Bowing and curtseying as conscious intentional gestures have
effectively disappeared from Western behaviour, but importantly
people’s body language continues to give much smaller unconscious
signals which can be linked to these old formal gestures and their
meanings.
— 120 —
BODY LANGUAGE
BODY LANGUAGE GLOSSARY
This is not an exhaustive collection of body language terminology

- just a summary of the main and most interesting definitions.
absorbed actions - actions stimulated through unconscious

mirroring.
active listening - listening very attentively and empathizing and

reflecting back understanding through body language and usually
words too.
adaptors - small signals given when anxious or when behaving

in a way that does not comfortably match the feelings, for example
lip-biting or face-touching, which are self-comforting signals.
alerting/announcement gestures - indicating need to speak, for

example raising a hand, or taking a breath and lifting the shoulders.
american leg cross - the ‘American’ or ‘Figure-4’ leg cross

entails the supporting leg being crossed just above the knee by the
ankle or lower calf of the crossing leg. This makes a figure-4 shape,
hence the name. The posture is called the American leg cross because
of its supposed popularity in the US compared to the UK, notably
among males.
anthropology - the study of humankind in all respects - especially

culturally, socially and in evolutionary terms, and how these key
aspects inter-relate. The word anthropology is from Greek anthropos
meaning human being. Anthropology, like psychology and ethnology
and ethology, is a science which over-arches the study of body
language, and provides useful (and for serious students, essential)
context for understanding the reasons and purposes of body language.
Anthropology has been studied one way or another for thousands
of years and became established under that name in the 1500s. The
Human Genome project, which basically mapped the human genetic
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code (started 1990, completed in 2003, and ongoing) is probably the

largest anthropological study ever performed.
asymmetric/asymmetry - describing gestures or facial

expressions, especially a smile, that are not symmetrical (equal on
both sides), which tends to indicate incongruence or a mixed signal
and not what it might initially seem to mean.
auto-contact - describing self-touching gestures and actions.
autonomic/automatic signals - effectively involuntary stress-

induced physiological behaviours, such as crying, shaking, blushing,
quickened pulse-rate, and in extreme cases retching, vomiting,
fainting, etc. Involuntary in the sense that it is virtually impossible
to control these signals because they are controlled by the very basic
part of the brain responsible for our most basic bodily functions.
Breathing rate is perhaps the exception, which while in many cases
will speed as a physiological response to stress, can often be controlled
and slowed or deepened given suitable conscious effort.
back-channel signals - positive body language reactions to a

speaker.
baton signals - gestures which reinforce the rhythm of speech.
barrier - describing signals in which the hands or arms or a table,

or adjusting clothing, etc., form a defence or obstruction between two
people, such a folded arms.
buttress stance - weight bearing leg is straight, while the front

leg is forward, usually with the foot pointing outwards from the body.
Regarded as a signal of reluctance or readiness to depart.
cluster - term for a group of body language signals, which more

reliably indicate meaning or mood than a single signal.
cognitive dissonance - conflicting understanding or feelings

- cognition is understanding things through thought; dissonance is
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BODY LANGUAGE
disharmony or conflict. This is a widely used term in psychology and

the effect arises very commonly in relationships and communications.
Conflicting body language signals can sometimes indicate this
attitude or reaction in a person.
compliance - submissive behaviour, hence compliance signals

or signs, which indicate this.
courtship - an old term for (typically) male-female relations from

initial meeting through to going-out relationship stage. Courtship
in olden times (broadly since the middle ages up until the mid-late
1900s) referred to quite formal steps of increasing familiarity between
male and female, through to intimacy, perhaps with a little touching
of hands or kissing, and lots of going out for walks and visits to the
cinema or theatre, etc. Sex might not rear its scary head for weeks,
months or years; and sometimes, especially if the female was from
an elite or religiously obsessed family, not until the wedding night.
Nowadays ‘courtship’ is a much speedier affair and among modern
young people can be started, fully consummated and effectively
forgotten in a matter of minutes.
denial - signals of denial effectively undo or contradict more

conscious typically false or manufactured body language, thereby
betraying true feeling or motive.
displacement - a stress signal typically prompted by suppression

of natural reaction due to fear or other inhibition, for example biting
fingernails, picking at finger(s) or thumb.
distraction - signalling prompted by stress, usually quite

inappropriate to the needs of the situation, for example stretching
and relaxing, or pausing to take a drink when an emergency arises.
emotional intelligence - also known as EQ, Emotional

Intelligence is based on ‘feeling intelligence’ (rather than IQ -
Intelligence Quotient - based on logical intelligence), and the capability
to understand and communicate with others very empathically, which
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requires awareness of emotional behaviour and ability to deal with

people sensitively. See Emotional Intelligence.
emphatic/emphasizing gestures - gestures which reinforce the

meaning of spoken words, e.g., jabbing fingers, weighing hands.
erogenous zone - any part of the human body particularly

sensitive to touching and sexual arousal - the word erogenous first
appeared in the late 1800s which suggests when the effect was first
analysed and recorded in any serious sense. The word erogenous
derives from Eros, the Greek god of love (Cupid is Roman), from
which the word erotic also derives. Erogenous zones contain high
concentration of nerve endings and are significant in flirting and
sex. Aside from the obvious genital areas and bottoms and breasts,
erogenous zones include necks, inner side of arms and wrists, armpits
and lips. Incidentally the G in G-spot is named after Ernst Grafenberg
(1881-1957) a German-born gynaecological doctor and scientist who
as well as being an expert on the female orgasm, was first to invent
and commercially market a IUD (intrauterine device or coil) for
female birth control.
ethnology - the study of different ethnic people and their

differences and relationships. Ethnology is a branch of anthropology,
concerned with ethnic effects, and where this involves behaviour it
certainly relates to body language. The word ethnology is derived from
Greek ethnos meaning nation. The establishment of the science and
word ethnology is credited to Slovakian/Austrian Adam Franz Kollar
(1718-1783), a nobleman, professor and librarian who became a Court
Councilor for the Habsburg Monarchy of the Kingdom of Hungary,
as it once was. The modern study and awareness of ethnology is
arguably hampered by sensitivities around racism. Ethnic differences
between people obviously exist, and ironically where over-sensitivity
to racism and equality obstructs debate, society’s understanding of
these issues remains clouded and confused.
ethology - ethology is primarily the science of animal behaviour,

but increasingly extends to human behaviour and social organization.
The word ethology first appeared in English in the late 1800s, derived
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BODY LANGUAGE
from the Greek word ethos meaning character or disposition. Ethology

became properly established during the early 1900s. Austrian
zoologist and 1973 Nobel Prizewinner Konrad Lorenz (1903-89) was
a founding figure. Desmond Morris, author of The Naked Ape, is an
ethologist. So is the evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins. Where
ethology considers animal evolution and communications, it relates
strongly to human body language. Charles Darwin’s work pioneered
much ethological thinking.
eye flash - a sudden direct glance to attract attention or warn,

usually followed by some other more specific signal.
eyebrow flash - quickly raising and lowering both eyebrows -

typically in greetings, recognition, acknowledgement, or surprise. An
eyebrow flash can therefore also be a signal of positive interest.
eye shrug - upwards eye-roll signalling frustration.
face frame - framing the face with the hands to hold or attract
listeners’ attention.
haptics - the study of human touch, from the Greek word haptikos,
meaning able to touch. The word haptics in this sense entered the
English language in the 1800s, which indicates when human touch
began to be a serious area of study.
hybrid expression - a term apparently originated by Charles

Darwin, it refers to a facial expression which combines two seemingly
different or opposing meanings, for example a smile with a head-
turn away from the person the smile is meant for. Hybrid expressions
provide further emphasis of the need to avoid reading single signals.
Combinations of signals and context are necessary, especially to
make sense of hybrid expressions which contain different meanings.
illustrative gesture - gestures which shape or describe the

physical dimensions of something by using the hands in the air.
— 125 —
index finger - first finger of the hand - usually the most dominant
and dexterous finger, hence used mostly in pointing gestures.
kine - an obscure term describing a single body language signal

(devised by body language expert Dr Ray Birdwhistell, c.1952, from
the longer term kinesics).
kinesics - the scientific term for the sudy of body language, and
more loosely meaning body language itself. Kinesics is pronounced
‘kineesicks’ with stress on the ‘ee’). The word kinesics was first used
in English in this sense in the 1950s, from the Greek word kinesis,
meaning motion.
labial tractors - a wonderful term for the muscles around the

mouth. The word labial in phonetics means closure or part closure
of the mouth, and additionally refers to the resulting vowel sounds
produced, like w, oo, etc.
leakage - leakage signals are the small signs which are most
difficult to control or mask, and which therefore offer clues even
when someone is generally in good control of their outgoing body
language signals.
mask/masking - using body language, usually intentionally, to

deceive others as to true feelings or motives.
metronome/metronomic signals - these are any rhythmic

tappings or movements which indicate a readiness or self-prompting
to speak or take action- a termed devised by body language expert
Judi James.
micro-gestures - tiny body language ‘leakage’ signals, often

unconsciously sent and interpreted, more likely to be seen and reacted
to unconsciously rather than consciously, unless concentrating
determinedly.
mime/miming gestures - gestures used consciously to convey a

specific message, such as extending the thumb and little finger by the
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BODY LANGUAGE
ear to say “Phone me,” or wiping imaginary sweat from the brow to
express relief after a crisis subsides.
mirroring - the synchronizing or matching of body language

(and speech characteristics), usually between two people, which
helps build feelings of trust and empathy. Mirroring works like this
because similar signals produce unconscious feelings of affirmation.
When a person’s signals are mirrored the unconscious mind thinks,
“This person is like me and agrees with the way I am. I like this
person because we are similar, and he/she likes me too.” See NLP
(Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and Empathy. Pacing refers to the
mirroring of someone’s speed of movements.
NLP/Neuro-linguistic programming - a branch of psychology

developed in the 1960s which combines language, body movement and
thought to optimise self-control and development, and relationships
and communications with others. NLP research has fuelled much
of the analytical aspects of modern popular body language, notably
mirroring and eye movements.
palm - inside surface of the hand - significant in body language

because an open palm has for thousands of years indicated that
no weapon is concealed, which survives as perhaps a genetically
inherited signal of peace, cooperation, submissiveness, etc.
phallus/phallic - phallus means penis, from the ancient Greek

word phallos of the same meaning. Phallic refers to something which
looks like or represents a penis, often called a phallic symbol. Phallic
symbols are prevalent in psychology and aspects of flirting or sexual
body language. The female equivalent term is a yonic symbol, from
yoni, Hindu for vulva and a symbolic circular stone representing
divine procreation. Yoni was originally an old Sanskrit word, meaning
source or womb.
physiognomy - an obscure yet related concept to body language.

Physiognomy refers to facial features and expressions which
indicate the person’s character or nature, or ethnic origin. The word
physiognomy is derived from medieval Latin, and earlier Greek
— 127 —
(phusiognominia), meaning (the art or capability of) judging a

person’s nature from his/her facial features and expressions.
physiology - the branch of biology concerned with how living

organisms function, notably parts of the human body.
physiological signals - body language produced by the

unconscious basic brain which controls bodily functions, which
in body language can be signals such as sweating, blushing,
breathlessness, yawning, weeping, feeling faint, nauseous, repulsion,
etc.
primary emotions - first identified by Charles Darwin, typically

represented as happiness, sadness, disgust, anger, fear, surprise, and
linked to universal facial expressions and recognition.
proxemics - the technical term for the personal space aspect of

body language. The word and much of the fundamental theory was
devised by Edward Twitchell Hall, an American anthropologist in the
late 1950s and early 1960s. The word is Hall’s adaptation of the word
proximity, meaning closeness or nearness.
pseudo-infantile gestures - gestures of childlike vulnerability,

often made to avert attack, attract sympathy, or to induce feelings of
compassion, attention, etc.
pupil - the round black centre of the eye which enlarges or
contracts to let more or less light into the eye. The pupil generally
enlarges (dilates) in the dark, and contracts in brightness. Enlarged
pupils are also associated with desire and allure. Enlarged pupils
are not a symptom of smoking drugs as commonly believed. This
is probably a confusion arising from the fact that conditions are
relatively dark when such judgements are made.
rictus - a fixed grimace, usually resulting from shock or

nervousness. From Latin word meaning ‘open mouth’.
scissor stance - standing leg cross. Various meanings very

dependant on context and other signals.
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BODY LANGUAGE
self-motivating gestures - gestures signalling attempting to

increase mental work-rate or activity, like tapping the head repeatedly
or making circular motions with the hands, as if winding the body up.
show - (noun) - a ‘show’ is term recently adopted by body

language commentators referring to a body language signal. The term
is slang really, not technical. For terminology to become casually
‘hip’ in this way reflects the mainstream appeal of body language as
a subject.
steepling - forming the fingers into a a pointed roof shape, often

signalling elevated thinking or arrogance.
submission/submissive - describing body language which

signals inferiority feelings towards another person. May be conscious
and formal as in bowing, or unconscious as in slightly lowering the
head and stance.
synchronizing - a technical term equating to mirroring or

matching of body language between two people. Synchronizing
is technically more appropriate since it naturally includes audible
signals (voice pace and pitch, etc), whereas the mirroring term
normally makes people think of visual signals only. The principles
of synchronized body language definitely include audible signals in
addition to physical visual signs. See mirroring.
tell - (noun) - a ‘tell’ - a slang term similar to ‘a show’ recently

adopted by body language commentators which means a signal.
tie signs/signals - signals between lovers or intimate couples

which discreetly convey messages to each other and which are not
usually intended for anyone else.
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OTHER AUDIBLE SIGNALS
This section is not particularly scientific. It’s more for interest

and to make a general point:
Body language and the spoken words themselves do not provide
all the clues, there are others.
Other audible signals (apart from the words themselves) also
give lots of clues about feeling, mood, motive and personality.
Words themselves convey their own meaning, which is another
subject, not least when we think about vocabulary, grammar, word-
choice, etc. But what about all the other noises and silences from
people’s mouths?
Other audible signals which are not generally regarded as part of

body language or non-verbal communications include for example:
• pitch (the contant musical note of the voice)
• pace (speed or rate of talking)
• volume - from whispering to shouting
• volume variation (how volume changes in phrases or longer
passages of speech)
• intonation and ‘musicality’ (how the pitch changes according
to what is being said)
• timbre (quality or sound of the voice, and how this changes)
• emphasis (of syllables, words or phrases)
• projection (where the voice is being projected to - for example
lots of projection, as if talking to a big group, or none, as if
mumbling)
• pauses, silences and hesitation
• ‘erm’s and ‘erh’s
• gasps, tuts, and other intakes and exhalations of breath
• habits, such as “I think...,” “You know...,” “Like...,”
• laughing and giggling (which can be interspersed within
speech, or separate signals, such as nervous laughter)
and all sorts of other audible/vocal effects, including:

• accents and dialects
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BODY LANGUAGE
• accent affectations (‘received’ or conditioned, false or

exaggerated - permanent or temporary, for example social
climbers, and ordinary people who have a ‘telephone voice’,
or a voice for talking to authority figures)
• mistakes (spoonerisms, malapropisms, mispronunciation)
• drying up, being lost for words, stuttering (as distinct from a
stammer)
• overtalking (feeling the need to fill a silence)
• interrupting
• holding back (someone has something to say but isn’t saying
it)
• coughs and grunts (some types of coughing suggest something
other than a tickly throat)
• belching and burping
• whistling
• tongue clicking, teeth-sucking, raspberries, etc
Technically these signals are not body language or non-verbal

communications, but all of these sounds (and silences) are quite
different from the spoken words, and they can all convey more and/
or different meaning compared to the spoken words themselves.
All of this audible signalling happens for a purpose. We might

not easily know what the purpose is, but being aware of it is the start
of being able to understand it better, in others, and possibly also in
ourselves.
Commonly the more noticeable unnecessary signals are
embellishments or defensiveness - a kind of showing-off or protection.
Other aspects can be more subtle indicators of social background

or aspiration, and thereby of relationship and attitude towards other
people.
These other audible signals represent a big and complex area

which seems yet to have been researched and analysed to the extent
that body language has. Also cultural differences are potentially
influential, which hinders translation and specific interpretation.
— 131 —
Despite this, initially simply being aware of these signals will

begin to shape an appreciation of their significance, and in many
cases their underlying meanings.
Johari enthusiasts might enjoy seeking feedback and asking

others about what their own signals mean, that is if you/they are
aware of the behaviours.
Certain principles of graphology (handwriting analysis) are

helpful in understanding how people use words and language in a
wider sense. The style and nature of our written and vocal expressions
inevitably provide a reflection of our feelings and personality.
— 132 —
BODY LANGUAGE
FEAR
What is fear?
Fear is one of the most basic human emotions. The fear is

programmed into the nervous system and works as an instinct. Since
our birth, while we are babies, we have survival instincts that are
helping us to react appropriately when we feel fear or when we feel
insecure.
The fear protects us. It makes us aware of the danger and prepares
us to face the danger. The feeling of fear is very natural - and useful -
in some situations. The fear can be a warning, a signal that warns us
to be more careful.
Fear, like all emotions, can be mild, moderate or intense,

depending on the situation and the person. The coefficient of fear can
be short or may last longer. Some people feel a flood of fear. They
could use the excitement of the extreme sports and taste the most
horrible blows.
Otherwise, other people do not like the experience to feel the fear
of taking risks. During the most terrible moments of driving a roller,
a person may think: “If I survive, I will never get on this thing again
in my life.
Another person may think: “This is phenomenal! Once it’s over,

I’ll start all over again. “
How fear works
When we feel the danger, the brain responds immediately,

sends signals that activate the nervous system. This causes physical
reactions, such as faster heartbeat, rapid breathing, and increased
blood pressure. The blood is pumped into the muscle groups to
prepare the body for physical action (such as running or fighting).
— 133 —
Skin sweating is to calmly keep the body “cool”. Some people may
notice cramps in the stomach, head, chest, legs or in the arms. These
physical feelings of fear may be mild or strong.
This answer is known as “fight or flight” because that is precisely

what the body is preparing to do: to fight the danger or to run fast
to escape. The body remains in this fight-flight state until the brain
receives a “clear message” and excludes the answer.
Sometimes fear can be caused by something that is disturbing

(like a loud noise), even if it is not actually dangerous. This is because
the reaction to the fear is activated immediately - a few seconds faster
than the brain can process or evaluate what is happening. As soon as
the brain gets enough information to realize that there is no danger,
it excludes the reaction to fear. All of this can happen in a matter of
seconds.
Fears that people face with
Fear is the word we use to describe our emotional reaction to

something that seems dangerous. But the word “fear” is also used in
another way: to name something that often causes a feeling of fear.
People are afraid of things or situations that make them feel unsafe
or insecure. For example, someone who is not a good swimmer may
be afraid of deep water. In this case, fear is useful because it warns
the person to stay safe. Someone can overcome this fear by learning
how to swim safely. Fear can be healthy if it warns a person to stay
safe around something that can be dangerous. But sometimes fear is
unnecessary and causes more caution than the situation requires.
Many people fear of public speaking. Whether they give a report

at the class, speak at a meeting, or recite in a school game, talking
in front of other people is one of the most common fears that people
have. People tend to avoid situations or things that scare them. But
this does not help them overcome fear, in fact, this can be the other
way round. Avoiding something scary reinforces fear and keeps the
strong one.
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BODY LANGUAGE
People can overcome unnecessary fears, giving them an

opportunity to learn and gradually get used to a certain situation they
are afraid of. For example, people who fly, despite fear of flying, may
get used to unknown sensations, such as takeoff or turbulence. They
learn what to expect and have a chance to see what others are doing
to relax and enjoy the flight. Gradually (and safely) face the fear and
that definitely helps them to overcome it.
Fears during childhood
Certain fears are normal during childhood. This is because fear

can be a natural reaction of security and vulnerability-and most of
what is experienced by children is new and unknown. Young children
often have the fear of darkness, being alone, by strangers and by
monsters or other terrifying imaginary creatures. School children can
be afraid when the weather is stormy or during sleep. As they grow
up and learn, with the support of adults, most children can slowly
overcome these fears and overpower them.
Some children are more vulnerable to fears and may take a long
time to overcome them. When fear lasts longer than the expected age,
it may be a sign that someone is too cowardly, worried, or upset. For
people whose fears are too intense or too long, they may need help
and support to overcome them.
Phobias
Phobia is an intense reaction to fear for a particular thing or

situation. With the phobia, fear is commensurate with the potential
danger. But when a person has a phobia, the danger feels real because
fear is very strong.
Phobias cause people to take care, to be afraid, to feel upset,

and to avoid things or situations that are scary because the physical
feelings of fear can be so intense. So the phobia can interfere with
normal activities. People with a phobia of dog may be afraid to go
to school if they see a dog on the road. Someone with a phobia of an
elevator can avoid using the elevator in certain situations.
— 135 —
A girl with a phobia of thunderstorms may be afraid to go to

school if the weather forecast predicts a storm. She can feel a terrible
fear even when the sky becomes cloudy. A boy with a social phobia
experiences an intense fear of public speaking or interaction and can
be afraid to answer questions in the class, to give a report, or to speak
with his classmates in the lunchroom.
It can be exhausting and disturbing to feel an intense fear. It may

be disappointing to miss opportunities because fear keeps us back.
And it can be confusing and shameful to a feel fear of things that
others have no problem with. Sometimes people tease them because
of their fears. Even if the person provokes irritations does not mean
to be unkind and unfair, the irritation can only make the situation
worse.
What causes phobias?
Some phobias develop when someone has a terrible experience

with a particular thing or situation. The small structure of the
brain called amygdala (pronounced uh-MIG-duh-luh) follows the
experiences that cause strong emotions. Once a particular thing
or situation triggers a strong reaction to fear, the amygdala warns
the person, causing a reaction of fear every time it faces (or even
contemplates) the matter or situation.
Someone can develop a phobia of a bee after being in a

particularly terrible situation. That person can have a phobia when
seeing a bee’s picture, seeing a bee from a distance, or even walking
along the flowers were a bee can be. But sometimes there can be no
single event that causes a particular phobia. Some people may be
more susceptible to fears due to the characteristics they were born
with, the specific genes they inherited or situations they experienced.
People who have strong childhood fears or anxiety may be more
likely to have one or more phobias.
Having a phobia is not a sign of weakness or immaturity. This is

the answer that the brain has learned in order to protect the person. It
is like an alert system that causes false anxiety, generating an intense
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BODY LANGUAGE
fear that is not appropriate to the situation. Because the signal of fear
is so intense, the person is convinced that the danger is greater than
it really is.
Overcoming phobias
People can learn to overcome phobias by the progressive

confrontation of their fears. At first, this is not an easy process. It
takes a lot of willingness and courage. Sometimes people need help
from a therapist to guide them through the process.
Overcoming the phobia usually begins by making a long list of

fears that the person has. For example, a phobia of a dog, a list can
start with things that the person feel less fear, such as seeing a dog’s
image. Then he begins to work with the worst fears, such as standing
next to someone who pets a dog or walks a dog on a leash.
Progressively and with support the person tries to face with every
situation of fear mentioned on the list, one by one, starting with the
smallest fear. The person is not forced to do anything and work on
any fear until he is comfortable as needed. The therapist can also
give instructions to someone with a phobia of a dog telling him how
to approach to pet a dog, to walk with the dog and to help the person
to try to do that. A person can expect horrible things to happen when
a dog is nearby. Talking about this issue can be helpful too. When
people see that in fact, it is not exactly what they are afraid of, it can
be a great relief.
The therapist can also teach a person relaxing practices such

as specific breathing, muscle relaxation, or self-talk. This can help
people feel comfortable and courageous enough to face the fears of
their list. As someone gets used to a situation or an object that it is
afraid of, the brain adjusts to appropriate reaction and the phobia is
overcame. Often the most difficult part of overcoming a phobia is
to start with it. Once a person decides about it - and gets genuine
training and support - it can be surprising how fast the fear can be
reduced.
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SOCIA FOBIA/ SOCIAL PHOBIA
There are moments when it is natural to feel self-conscious,

nervous or shy in front of others. Everyone can have an upset heart,
sweaty palms or tremble in the stomach when trying to sing in a
chorus or when someone has a presentation in front of the class.
Most people manage to survive these moments when needed.

But for some people anxiety that goes with a sense of shyness or self-
consciousness can be extreme. It may seem so unbearable that they
may feel too nervous to respond to an hour, not to make contact with
classmates in the corridor, or avoid talking to others during lunch.
When people feel very self-conscious and upset and it prevents

them from talking or socializing most of the time, it is probably more
than shyness. It can be anxiety, a condition called a social phobia.
What is a social phobia?
Social phobia (also called social anxiety) is an anxiety problem.

Extreme feelings of shyness and self-consciousness are embedded
in an intense fear. As a result, one person feels uncomfortable to
participate in everyday social situations.
People with social phobia can usually easily communicate

with their family and with a few close friends. But meetings with
new people, talking in a group or a public announcement can cause
extreme shyness.
Social phobia, the extreme shyness of the person, self-

consciousness and the fears of shame are part of their life. Instead
of enjoying social activities, people with a social phobia might be
scared of them and totally avoid some of them.
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BODY LANGUAGE
Reaction to fear
Social phobia, like other phobias, is a reaction to fear of something

that, in fact, is not dangerous, although the body and the mind react
as the danger is real. This means that one feels physical sensations of
fear, such as faster heartbeat and excessive breathing. They are part
of the combat response of the body. They are caused by increased
adrenaline and other chemicals that prepare the body to fight or take
a short break.
This biological mechanism starts when we are afraid. It is a built-

in response to the nervous system that alerts us to danger so that
we can protect ourselves. In social phobia, this response is triggered
too often, too strong and in situations where it is out of place. The
physical sensations that go with the answer are real - and sometimes
very strong, and because of that, the danger looks also real. So, the
person will react by freezing and will feel unable to communicate. As
the body experiences these physical sensations, the mind also goes
through emotions as a feeling of fear or nervousness.
People with social phobia tend to interpret these feelings and

emotions in a way that leads them to avoid the situation (“U-oh,
it will attack my heart, this must be dangerous - I better not do
it!”). Someone else could interpret the same physical feelings of
nervousness in another way (“Okay, it’s just my heart, it beats too
fast. I’m upset because it is my turn to speak, it happens every time,
it’s not a big deal.”).
What kind of fears are involved?
In social phobia, fear and concern of a person are focused on

their social performance - whether it’s a big presentation in front of a
class or a small talk.
People with social phobia tend to feel self-conscious and

uncomfortable to be spotted or judged by others. They are more
sensitive to the fear that they will be embarrassed, they will look
— 139 —
stupid, make a mistake, or they will be criticized or ridiculed. No one

wants to experience these things. But most people do not really spend
much time to care about it.
How can it affect one’s life?
With social phobia, thoughts and fears about what others think are
exaggerated in one’s mind. The person begins to focus on shameful
things that could happen instead of the good ones. This makes the
situation look much worse than it is and affects the person to avoid it.
Some of the ways in which social phobia can affect one’s life is:
• Feel lonely or disappointed for the missed opportunities for
friendship and having fun. Social phobia can prevent someone
from talking to friends during a lunch break, getting involved
in a club after school, going to a party.
• Do not get the most out of school. Social phobia can keep
a person away from volunteering, answering during class,
reading aloud or presenting. Someone with a social phobia
may feel nervous to ask a question during class or to go to a
professor for help.
• They lack the chance to share their talents and learn new skills.
Social phobia can prevent someone from auditioning for the
school play, being on a talent show, trying to play for a team,
or engaging in a service project. Social phobia prevents people
from trying to do new things. What is more, it prevents them
from making normal, everyday mistakes that help people to
improve their skills much more.
Selective mutism
Some children and teenagers are so shy and so scared to talk to

others, they do not talk to specific people (a teacher or a student they
do not know), or in certain places (in another home). This form of
social phobia is sometimes called a selective mutism.
People with selective mutism can talk. They have quite normal
conversations with people they are comfortable with or in certain
— 140 —
BODY LANGUAGE
places. But other situations cause such extreme anxiety, so they may
not be able to decide whether to talk or not.
Some people could spend their closeness in silence as a major

attitude or cruelty. But with selective mutism and social phobia,
silence stems from a sense of discomfort and fear, and not from lack
of cooperation, disrespect or obscenity.
Why do some people develop a social phobia?
Children, teens, and adults may have a social phobia. Most of

it occurs during childhood. Like other problems based on anxiety,
social phobia develops due to a combination of three factors:
• Biological composition of the person. Social phobia may

be partly due to the genes and the temperament inherited by
the human being. The inherited genetic traits of parents and
other relatives can influence how the brain feels and regulates
anxiety, shyness, nervousness, and stress reactions. Similarly,
some people are born with a shy temperament and tend to be
cautious and sensitive to new situations and to preach what
they have learned. Most people who develop social phobia
have always had a shy temperament. However, everyone with
shy temperament does not develop a social phobia (in fact,
most of them do not). It is the same with the genes. But people
who have inherited these properties, have an increased chance
of developing a social phobia.
• Behavior is learned from role models (especially parents).

The naturally timid temperament of the face can be influenced
by what is learned from the role models. If parents or others
react overprotective to the child that is timid, the child will not
have the chance to get used to new situations and new people.
By the time, shyness can be grounded in social phobia. Shy
parents may also inadvertently set an example by avoiding
certain social interactions. The shy child watching this teaches
that friendship is uncomfortable, disturbing, and something
that needs to be avoided.
— 141 —
• Life events and experiences. If people born with a cautious

nature have stressful experiences, it can make them more
cautious and timid. If they are under pressure to communicate
in ways that they are not prepared, if they are criticized or
humiliated, or have other fears and worries, they may be more
likely to become a shy or awful person and develop social
anxiety.
People who are constantly receiving criticism or disapproving

reactions can expect others to judge them negatively. If they are
hurt or mistreated by people who are already shy, it will make them
withdraw even more in their shells. They will be afraid to make
a mistake or someone to disappoint and will be more sensitive to
criticism.
The positive aspect is that the effect of these negative experiences

can be reversed by slowly focused but constant efforts. Fear can be
learned. It can also be unexpected.
Dealing with social phobia
People with a social phobia can learn to manage fear, develop

confidence and cope with skills, and stop avoiding things that worry
them. But that is not always easy. Overcoming social phobia means
awakening the courage needed to overcome what is comfortable, step
by step.
Here are suggestions that can support and guide people in

overcoming social phobia:
• Therapists can help people recognize the physical sensations
caused by the fight and learn to interpret these feelings more
accurately. Therapists can help people prepare a plan to deal
with social fears one by one and help them acquire skills
and confidence to do that. This involves the practice of new
behaviors. Sometimes, but not always, drugs that reduce
anxiety are used as part of a treatment for social phobia.
• Family or friends are especially important for people who deal
with social phobia. The real support of a few key people can
— 142 —
BODY LANGUAGE
help those with a social phobia to gather the courage to go

outside their comfort zone and try something new.
Lectures, criticism, and requests to change the behavior, do not

help - and you can only make a person feel bad. Social phobia is not
a personal mistake and it is not something that someone chooses.
Instead, friends and family can encourage people with social phobia
to choose a small goal to aspire to it, to remind them to go after it and
to be there when they feel discouraged. Good friends and family are
there to celebrate every little success on the road.
Overcoming social phobia
Dealing with social phobia requires patience, the courage to

confront fear, and effort and desire to practice new things. The person
commits to move ahead, and not to digress when he feels shy. Step
by step, someone who decides to deal with extreme shyness can
learn to be more comfortable. Every little step forward helps to build
enough confidence to take the next small step. As the shyness and
fears spread, confidence and positive feelings are built up. Soon the
person begins to think less of what can make him feel uncomfortable,
and more about what can be fun.
— 143 —
PSYCHOLOGY OF THE LIE
Why are we lying, what are we losing and how much

do we get?
Everybody lies.
Every day we tell a small lie, and it is called “white lie”.
This is an everyday occurrence.
We do this to avoid inconvenience, not to hurt someone, to give a

better impression to others and for a number of other reasons.
All lies have a specific goal, and that goal is down to achieving
some kind of profit or avoiding a penalty.
Certainly, some people lie more than others.
The huge amount of lie is considered to be manipulation.
There are lying without a specific purpose, without any apparent

benefit, and often it is harmful to the performer himself.
Pathological lying
The person who has problems with pathological lying daily tells
lies, in large quantities and convincing, just like pronouncing pure
truth. It is considered as pathological lying, it is not influenced by
consciousness, and it takes place uncontrollably and impulsively.
Persons who pathologically lie believes in its lies as if they are

true and do not consider them to have a problem.
A person who pathologically lies can lead to a truly awkward
situation.
The impulse to the lie has a function for at least some time to
display the person in as much light as possible and to increase his
self-confidence at a very low level.
— 144 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Recognition
We recognize these people after a large number of broken

promises, because of the inability to complete important tasks in
time, after interrupted communication and relationships with other
people, which are numerous.
Basically, there is a problem with a lack of confidence, so that

their lies will refer to having achieved something important and great,
or they will refer to having friends and relationships that they think
are important (for example, politicians, stage artists, etc.).
If you catch them in a lie, they will ignore it and behave as nothing
had happened. Usually, if they are being discovered by a group of
people, they will leave and choose a new group of people and they
will continue to move until their lie is not revealed, and so on…
Circumstances in which we choose to lie!

A person is essentially not so vague and difficult to understand as it
can sometimes seem to humans. The ego (I) is not such a complicated
structure, as it has been demonstrated by the psychoanalysis, it does
not meet the requirements of other instances, but also on itself.
With the necessary constraint from the generalization that always
brings a little inaccuracy, the needs of many people are similar and
relate to: the need for giving love, belonging, security, realizing
their possibilities, material security, respect, recognition, respect,
acceptance …
People want to be loved and to love, to succeed in what they
do, to accept others, to show it to them, to succeed, to leave a trace,
to be respected, to forgive their mistakes, to rely on others, to be
recognized for the good deeds, and to have their place.
The EGO has the lead role and it is a hardworking worker on all
fronts. He works constantly, as a heart, never sleeps (and when he
seems to sleep, he dreams and resolves in a dream).
— 145 —
The EGO is trying to maintain strength and will, making plans,

developing responsibility, correcting errors, and trying to never make
a mistake so that the mistake cannot be corrected.
Mistakes are often, and that is because it is human to sin and
because it is impossible to live and not make the wrong choices,
assessments, activities.
EGO
Is everything at disposal for his hard work?

The attitudes, beliefs, the system of values, the real and the
idealized image for themselves and, of course, the mechanism of
defense and lie. When we are unable to satisfy our needs, we always
have anxiety and anxiety arises all the time. There are always
flashpoints and analyzes, new plans and estimates, a force is put in
place to succeed or at least make some movement.
We do it even when it seems that we do not move forward from a
dead point. But often all our efforts do not give a result. Sometimes
hidden needs win, sometimes small, petty insults and insecurity, and
sometimes fears and tension are in charge.
The world, like our Ego, asks us to work and continue to carry
out our tasks, i.e. to live.
And when we cannot, and we must, when the situation is as it
is and when we do not have time to regroup our strength and to find
better and more constructive solutions, it is difficult to admit that
we were powerless, weak, wrong, that we renounced our principles
and that at that moment they were more important or stronger some
unacceptable needs.
The lie takes the wheel and at that moment it becomes the only
and /or the best solution. Then we don’t think that the lie has short
legs because we stand on those legs, well and we go further, our
feet are shaking, but we, however, walk and it seems that we can do
everything.
We are afraid that we will be dismissed, treat with disregard, hurt,
unaware, and we persuade ourselves in the benefit of the lie “because
of a higher purpose”.
— 146 —
BODY LANGUAGE
All lies are not difficult, many lies are from ignorance, many
lies are lack of courage, some of them are because of the position of
egoism, and some are a consequence of complexes and fears.
The price of telling lies
The lies are not always so serious, many of them are due to
ignorance, moreover, many lies are due to lack of courage, some of
them due to the position of egoism, and some are from complexes
and fears.
But each lie has a price that we pay with our self-esteem and with
the other values, we carry within ourselves.
We change the truth for the lie, we buy instant relief, instant
avoidance and instantaneous upbringing of ourselves. We sell our
real value for glass beads.
Lies are always against others, but they are also always against
themselves because, while we lie to others, we actually do real harm
to ourselves.
It is difficult to live with lies because they are our experience,
that is us, and we live with ourselves 24 hours a day.
The lie slows down and blurs reality. The more we are far from
reality, the harder it is. However, we should not forget that the lie is
an everyday human trait and that we all want the lie to be forgiven.
Everyone knows that lying can be found in a bad and awkward
situation. Most of us discover that as children. But what if you got
away from the lie? If so, the chances are that you will always try
again, and the lie can become a useful tool in life. The thing is that
now or later such behavior and lie will collect their debt. It will start
to affect your relationships both on your overall life and even on your
health.
Body – Mind connection
Our nervous system is linked to our immune system, so it makes

sense for the brain and emotions to send messages that affect health.
Simply, your body reacts as you think. When we think about
beautiful things, our body produces endorphins, a hormone that makes
us feel good. This also contributes to a healthier immune system.
— 147 —
Also, when we are worried, anxious or under stress, generally, our

bodies produce different types of hormones, such as cortisol and
norepinephrine.
Cortisol increases blood sugar and suppresses the immune
system.
Norepinephrine accelerates heart rate and increases blood
pressure.
Some doctors believe that a person who is constantly lying
eventually will face anxiety, depression, physical and mental illness.
The reason why we lie
One of the most common causes of lying is the fear and the
consequence of telling the truth. Guilt is a heavy burden for those
living with it. There are various maneuvers to which people resort to
avoid the truth just because it is painful and difficult.
So it seems that the price we pay for lying is low compared to
what we get. The first impression is that we avoid lying for someone
to get mad and there is no reason to feel guilty because we have hurt
someone.
There are other reasons why people lie.
They are uncomfortable, lose their status, or cannot get what they
want, and a lie is a good tool for manipulating other people.
People think that with lies they protect themselves, but lying can
be devastating to health and happiness.
It takes much more effort to utter a lie than the truth.
To be convinced, you must live in a lie, which means that you

must also make sure of yourself in the lie. It is stressful because it is
much easier to remember truth than details of a lie.
If they are interrogating you about the situation that led you to
a lie, you must stick to the story, even if someone faces you with
proof that you are lying. It is necessary to move easily through any
challenging memory with a good memory so you can convincingly
defend every lie. Even if you successfully master this skill, you will
continue to worry about discovering your lie. You will feel discomfort
that will constantly bother you and will cause ulcers, headaches,
sleepless nights and paranoia.
— 148 —
BODY LANGUAGE
People who lie and whose lying to them is a life strategy often
become unfriendly persons. The more time they spend with people
who lie, the more they bother them, they even begin to blame them
for their own problems. It is understandable why lying can endanger
working relationships, marriages, and friendships. If you are caught
in a lie, your credibility will fall into the water.
However, we are all lying. It is enough to look in the mirror and
see a person who has ever lied. There are certain signs that can show
us whether a person is lying, but we do not need to understand them
as direct evidence.
Signs that a person is lying:
1.
The lying person most often avoids eye contact, at least in a
particular part of the conversation.
Usually, people most often establish eye contact for at least half
the time the conversation lasts. However, we need to know that there
are people who, regardless of the lie they say they will certainly make
eye contact.
2.
The change in the height of the tone the voice and a lot of muzzle
/ melting (umm, this, ah, etc.) or coughing can mean that the person
is lying.
3.
The unusual body language also reveals lying.
If a person:
- moves his legs,
- make excessive gesturing with hands,
- raises his shoulders,
- turns from you or
-puts his hands on his face.
In other words, if a person seems nervous or uncomfortable, it

could mean that he is lying.
— 149 —
4.
Something sounds suspicious.
Contradictory statements that are inconsistent with the story or
do not sound quite good usually are part of a lie.
You get the impression that the story is not complete and that
something is missing.
5.
Sometimes, the excessive defensive attitude of a person who
refuses to answer all questions, even accuses you of lying, can reveal
a lie.
Of course, it is important how you ask questions and whether you
are also aggressive in doing so.
6.
If someone is lying and you change the subject, the chances are
that the person will just continue the conversation on a new topic.
The person who speaks the truth will probably be asked why you
changed the subject and will want to return to the previous topic of
conversation.
7.
The lying person will often try to change the subject using humor
and sarcasm.
Of course, no one can say with certainty whether someone is

telling the truth or not.
Although we need to trust our instincts, if we are not sure, it is
best to try to collect evidence that supports our thinking. Rather than
relying on specific behavior, catching someone in a lie is easiest if
you know his normal behavior.
When the behavior changes abruptly, it is probably a moment
when a false lie is pronounced.
— 150 —
BODY LANGUAGE
Body language references sources and books
(Thanks to D Ofek, G van Duin, L Campbell, F Suzara, M

Baniasadi, S Aydogmus, DD, and particularly to R Wilkes for the
Japanese section.)
Some of the older books listed here have since been republished
by different publishers.
Willhelm Wundt, The Language of Gestures, 1921
Charles Darwin, The Expressions of the Emotions in Man and

Animals, 1872, Murray
Edward Twitchell Hall, The Silent Language, 1959, Doubleday
E T Hall, Proxemics - A Study of Man’s Spatial Relationship,

1963, International Universities Press
E T Hall, The Hidden Dimension, 1966, Doubleday
J S Bruner and R Taquiri, The Perception of People, 1954,

Handbook of Social Psychology, Addison Wesley
Robert Ardrey, The Territorial Imperative, 1966, Dell
Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape, 1967, Cape
Julius Fast, Body Language, 1971, Pan
D Hartland and C Tosh, Guide to Body Language, 2001, Caxton
P Ekman, E R Sorenson and W V Friesen, Pan-Cultural Elements

in Facial Displays of Emotion, Science Vol 164, No 3875, 4
Apr 1969
— 151 —
C Boyes, Need to Know Body Language, 2005, Harper Collins
E Kuhnke, Body Language for Dummies, 2007, Wiley
Judi James, The Body Language Bible, 2008, Random House
Other significant and founding body language writers include:
Tinbergen, N; Watchtel, P L; Schlefen, A E; Ortega Y Gasset, J;

Carpenter, C R; Cherry, C; Dittman, Parloff & Boomer; Frank,
L K; Goffman, E; Kinzell, A F; Mehrabian & Wiener; Nielsen,
G; Lorenz, K; Mahl, G F.
Roger E Axtell & Sandra McCarthy
— 152 —

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Publisher: European institute of managemant, law and diplomacy

Autor: PhD. Zendel Abedin Shehy

Design: Dejan Velickovik

Name of the book: BODY LANGUAGE

CIP - Cataloging in a publication

National and University Library "St. Kliment Ohridski", Skopje

Press: KLIK NET

October, Skopje 2017

1. Introduction and basics ............................................... 13

“I have a dream that someday all citizens will realize

“Success is when you stop to doubt your limitations”

“The World of Emotions”

International Conference of Sciences “Wisdom” Tirana 2017

Academy of Sciences Tirana, Albania 2015

Seminar for “Management and Ladyship” 2017

HOW TO READ BODY LANGUAGE SIGNS AND

Body Language is a significant aspect of modern communications

Body language is also very relevant to relationships outside of

Communication includes listening. In terms of observable body

Body language goes both ways:

The sending and receiving of body language signals happens on

Body language, and more technically the study of body language,

BODY LANGUAGE - BASICS AND

Body language is a powerful concept which successful people

The study and theory of body language has become popular in

The term ‘non-verbal communications’ tends to be used in

There are no absolute right/wrong answers to these questions.

It is safe to say that body language represents a very significant

Body language is especially crucial when we meet someone for

about a new person before they speak a single word. Consequently

And this two-way effect of body language continues throughout

BODY LANGUAGE IS MORE THAN BODY

Arguably this last point should be encompassed by body language,

The human body and our instinctive reactions have evolved to

Our interpretation of body language, notably eyes and facial

Importantly, understanding body language enables better self-

BODY LANGUAGE DEFINITIONS

As explained, the terms body language and non-verbal

The Oxford Business English Dictionary offers a slightly different

The OED dictionary definition of kinesics - the technical term

BODY LANGUAGE is more than those brief descriptions.

• Body language also arguably covers all that we communicate

In this respect, standard dictionary definitions don’t always

“Body language is the unconscious and conscious transmission

BODY LANGUAGE - BACKGROUND

Philosophers and scientists have connected human physical

Charles Darwin in the late 1800s could be regarded as the

In his popular 1971 book ‘Body Language’, Julius Fast (1919-

Significantly the references in Julius Fast’s book (Birdwhistell,

The exception among Fast’s contemporary influences was

Sigmund Freud and others in the field of psychoanalysis - in

A different view of human behaviour related to and overlapping

in the late 1960s and 1970s contributed significantly to the increasing

An important aspect of body language is facial expression, which

Kinesics (pronounced ‘kineesicks’ with stress on the ‘ee’) is the

The introduction of a new technical word - (in this case, kinesics)

Proxemics is the technical term for the personal space aspect

word is Hall’s adaptation of the word proximity, meaning closeness

Body language is among many branches of science and education

For example, the concepts of experiential learning, games

These and similar methodologies do not necessarily reference

Bloom’s Taxonomy, and Kolb’s Learning Styles are also helpful

The communications concepts of NLP (Neuro-linguistic

BODY LANGUAGE - NATURE