Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
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The Pastoral Counseling
Treatment Planner
James R. Kok
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To the ministers, priests, rabbis, and pastors, God's front-line counselors. And to one
who stands out-The Reverend Gareth S. Kok, my father. Neighbors once remarked, `If
there isn't a car parked in front of the parsonage, we wonder what's wrong, "-a testimony
to the steady stream of counselees in a pastor's life.
James R. Kok
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CONTENTS
Preface
Introduction
Aging Parents
Chemical Dependence
Chronic Illness
Death of Child
Death of Spouse
Depression
Divorce
Family Conflict
Financial Crisis
Guilt
Infertility
Interpersonal Hurt
Legal Problems
Loneliness
Marital Conflict
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Medical Condition
Parent-Child Conflict/Adolescence
Prayer Struggles
Premarital Counseling
Religion/Spirituality Differences
Spiritual Doubts
Suicidal Ideation
Unemployment
Unwanted Pregnancy
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PREFACE
When Art Jongsma described a counseling planner designed to help pastors, priests,
and rabbis, I was hooked. These frontline men and women of ministry hold a prime
position of honor and respect in my roster of valued human beings. The prospect of
aiding them in their daily challenges excited me. To me these pastoral people
represent the best of God's good people. Week in and week out, people dealing with
a smorgasbord of trials, conflicts, and dysfunctions show up on their doorsteps
asking for help. And those people are always welcomed in. Weeping, perplexed, in
despair, angry, injured, and ill, they come to the church, cathedral, synagogue, or
temple expecting to meet God's servants, and they do.
There has never been a book like this before. In my thirty-five years of pastoral
ministry, no one thought of such a simple, clear, and effective way to guide religious
leaders on the often opaque journey called counseling. Certainly more books like this
will follow. We have discovered effective paths out of the subjective morass of trying to
help hurting people. We now know these paths can be written down and shared for the
benefit of all.
For nine months of my life I focused very narrowly on this project while engaged
fully in care ministry at the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, California. Something
had to be put on hold for the time beinggolfing, gardening, recreational reading, my aged
parents (Gareth and Ada Kok, well into their nineties) living nearby, and mostly my
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usual laid-back attitude, which Linda, my wife, prefers. But, if the value is high, one
can stay with anything when it is of obvious importance, and pay the price for the time
being. I dedicate this book to the pastors, rabbis, and priests of the parishes,
congregations, and spiritual communities of the world. They are in the trenches, on the
front lines, meeting the needs of humanity with love and humility and drying the tears of
their people. They deserve credit.
Garden Grove, CA
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INTRODUCTION
Troubled people often turn first to their spiritual advisors for counseling. In fact,
research has shown that nearly fifty percent of the population, whether Catholic,
Protestant, or Jewish, asked for help from their religious leaders before anyone else.
And, increasingly, even secular counselors are integrating spirituality into their
psychotherapeutic practices.
Therapeutic counseling requires more time and training than the clergyperson
usually can invest. But, with more congregants turning to them every day, pastors,
priests, and rabbis must nevertheless perform as counselors whether they want to or
not. This book is intended to provide those spiritual leaders with some clinically proven
directions for counseling. It will also give secular therapists new insight into the beliefs
of and the goals and resources available to their spiritually inclined clients. Today,
enlightened therapists look closely at the spiritual beliefs and practices of their clients
and profit heavily by helping their clients draw on the spiritual resources they embrace.
A knowledgeable counselor who does not identify with the faith of his/her client could
still wisely include the rituals, writings, and religious community to the benefit of the one
struggling.
The perspectives from which the spiritual resources are drawn are Judeo-Christian
and should be helpful for anyone from the major religious groups that draw on the
writings and experiences of the Torah, The Bible, and the New Testament. The word
God is used throughout, but the contents of the Planner can be easily adapted to
embrace any higher power. Additionally, the individual chapters can be used effectively
by anyone, regardless of their faith-even by those who simply want to follow the outline
for approaching difficult problems but wish to ignore the specific religious references.
The strongest efficacy for this tool, however, will be found in the complete and
conscientious inclusion of the suggestions made within a religious context. The secular
counselor will carefully solicit a religious history from helpees and then sensitively enlist
their cooperation and agreement in leaning for support on the spiritual resources familiar
to them and loved by them.
This sourcebook attempts to address not just psychological and emotional problems
(which, depending on degree of complexity, clergy may well wish to refer to a
professional therapist), but also life stage issues and decisions as well as challenges to
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faith. Naturally we have not been able to include all the issues a pastoral counselor or
spiritually oriented psychotherapist faces. But, following the suggestions for assessing
and clarifying the various perplexities of a constituent's problem set, the counselor
should be able to handle almost any quandary.
This Planner should be perused in its entirety before the people in crisis arrive
seeking guidance. Familiarity with the nuances of presenting problems and a basic
awareness of counseling objectives are the first steps in meaningful intervention.
Knowing what is involved in some of the problems covered will heighten sensitivity
to a particular person's unique manifestation of a problem. After reading through the
Planner initially, you should consult it as needed, referencing the suggestions under
each of the thirty-one presenting problems that are the chapter titles.
Once you have selected the target issue, the first step is to generate a behavioral
definition of that problem. Each and every person reveals a problem in a unique way,
showing his/her own constellation of behavioral manifestations. The "Behavioral
Definitions" section will guide your assessment as you note how this specific person,
given his/her own strengths and weaknesses, demonstrates various aspects of the
problem. The empty space provided at the end of each section of the Planner invites
you to write down your own treatment contributions when these are not quite described
precisely by the book.
The next step may be done in conjunction with the person seeking help. "The Long-
Term Goals" section states in broad language the desired eventual outcome of the
counseling intervention. A discussion with the person about what goals he or she hopes
to achieve can be very helpful in delineating the scope of the counseling. Again, vacant
lines allow for elaboration of or variation on goals of a personal nature.
The third section of each chapter displays double columns labeled "Short-Term
Objectives" on the left and "Therapeutic Interventions" on the right. These should be
studied in tandem prior to the initial interview. By doing this, you will be poised to begin
the meeting with a clear direction in mind for that session. Certainly the book can
remain close at hand and perhaps even be consulted during the course of the interview
for suggestions as to problem-related issues to explore.
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applicable objectives can establish a strong commitment to the counseling process.
The next step in helping the counselee achieve the chosen objectives and goals is
the counselor's use of professional judgment to select the most effective therapeutic
interventions from those listed in the righthand column. Psychotherapists with spiritually
oriented practices will find this clinical nomenclature quiet familiar, but the average
pastoral counselor may shy away from terminology like therapeutic intervention. Other
words could be used, but frankly, these words fit. Every endeavor to help the situation,
from setting up an initial interview to ongoing prayer support, is covered by the basic
definition of the word therapy, and by intervention as well. Historically, religious leaders
were the only healers for the mind and soul; as they reclaim that mantle today, members
of the clergy have the benefit of the knowledge base of modern psychotherapy to add to
their repertoire of interventions.
Following a listing of the aspects of the problem that are evident, write one or two
goal statements that will guide the counseling process. The Planner will suggest ideas to
you, but you may craft your own also.
Finally, select from the list of objectives those that seem most necessary for this
person to achieve in order to attain the determined goal. Each objective in the list is
followed by numbers in parentheses that reference specific interventions designed for
the counselor to use in assisting the counselee in achieving that objective. Other
interventions from the list may be selected as well, or new interventions may be written
that have been effective in your professional experience.
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counselee focused on goal attainment.
(Continued)
Behavioral Definitions
3. Revelations by one spouse of having lost feelings of love or caring for the other
spouse.
Long-Term Goals
1. Learn and practice new behaviors that meet the needs of each spouse.
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ADULT CHILD DISAPPOINTMENT
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Heartache that one's offspring lives contrary to the spiritual/religious values and
lifestyle taught in the home during the years of rearing.
2. Feelings of failure stemming from observing and realizing the agnostic or atheistic
convictions of one's offspring that cause the adult child to reject the teachings and
rituals of the church.
3. Grief that the hopes and dreams of traditional courtship, marriage, and grandchildren
will not be realized as an adult child reveals a homosexual orientation.
4. Grief that hoped-for grandchildren will not come to be as adult children announce a
plan for a childless marriage.
6. Discouragement about the adult child's way of life that is widely divergent from the
work ethic, thriftiness, and achievement orientation of the home in which he/she was
raised.
7. Shame, anger, and disappointment over an adult child's legal, social, and/or
vocational irresponsibility.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Achieve an attitude of tender, loving concern toward the divergent son or daughter
in spite of the disappointment, dismay, or frustration about his/her life.
2. Show love and kindness fully and fervently to the adult child, as one would if in
total agreement and warm compatibility.
3. Develop a relationship that facilitates learning to understand the adult child in his/her
alternative way of life.
4. Erase the strong agenda to change the adult child and move toward acceptance even
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while fundamentally holding a differing outlook on life and grieving the death of your
dreams.
5. Maneuver with great care to intrude, interrupt, and intervene where the divergent
life is clearly self-destructive or illegal.
6. Entrust the adult child to the care and keeping of a loving God and eliminate all
needling, nagging, or nudging for change.
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AGING PARENTS
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Parents living in their own home ask for assistance with some or all of their day-to-
day basic functions, such as meals, hygiene, housecleaning, appointments,
transportation to physicians, religious services, and friends.
2. The adult children, confronted with the personal care needs of one or both aged
parents, feel a heavy sense of burden and strong feelings of uncertainty in facing
these challenges.
3. Parents appear to neglect or are unable to perform a few or many basic activities of
daily living (ADLs), causing worry and anxiety in loved ones.
4. Aging parents in a nursing home are becoming more physically feeble and/or more
incapacitated by dementia.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Aged parents are able to live in dignity and contentment in a setting where their
personal, nutritional, spiritual, and social needs are appropriately met.
2. Concerned family members of needy aged parents resolve their own feelings and
develop/implement a plan that meets the parents' personal care needs.
4. Children accept parents' failing condition and remain supportive rather than
avoidant.
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ANGER TOWARD GOD
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
3. Frequently makes cynical, negative comments about God, religion, and spiritual
things.
5. Blames God for painful events of life (death of a loved one, disappointment in love
life, serious illness or injury, natural disasters, etc.).
LONG-TERM GOALS
4. An enhanced understanding of God, life, and disappointments that brings peace and
contentment and replaces sadness and bitterness.
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CHEMICAL DEPENDENCE
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
3. Inability to stop or cut down the use of alcohol or other moodaltering chemicals
once started, despite a verbalized desire to do so and the negative consequences
continued use brings.
4. Blood tests reflecting a pattern of heavy substance abuse; for example, elevated liver
enzymes.
5. Denial that chemical dependence is a problem (e.g., "I only have a couple of
drinks"; "I use only on weekends"; "I'm in control") despite direct feedback from
spouse, relatives, friends, and employers that the use of the substance is negatively
affecting them and others.
8. Increased tolerance for the drug, shown by the need to use more to become
intoxicated or to recall the desired effect.
11. Large time investment in activities related to obtaining the substance, making it
available, using it, or recovering from its effects.
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12. Consumption of the mood-altering substance in larger amounts and higher
concentrations and for longer periods than intended.
13. Continued use of a mood-altering chemical after being told by a physician that
using it is causing health problems.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Acknowledge and accept the fact of chemical dependency as a lifelong challenge and
actively participate in a recovery program based on strong spiritual values.
3. Accomplish a sustained recovery, free from the use of all moodaltering substances.
4. Establish and maintain total abstinence while increasing knowledge of the disease,
engaging in the process of recovery, and building resilient spiritual strength.
5. Acquire the necessary skills and resources to maintain long-term sobriety and
abstinence from all mood-altering substances and to live free from chemicals.
6. Reestablish relationships with individuals, friends, family, and groups who will
provide the satisfaction of and support for longterm recovery and well-being.
7. Invest consistent, regular time and energy in religious activities that will enrich life
and reinforce recovery.
8. Contribute time, money, and prayer support directly and indirectly to programs and
causes that aid the recovery of others.
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CHILD'S MEDICAL CONDITION
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
2. Fear and panic over the possibility the child might die from the illness or injury.
5. Anger that a child should be afflicted so deeply and that death could happen.
6. Anger at God, attributing to God the capacity to heal the child while apparently
choosing not to heal.
7. Anger at God arising from the belief that God allows this kind of catastrophe to
happen.
9. Loneliness from the long hours separated from normal routines and relationships.
10. Spiritual neediness and confusion triggered by blaming God and simultaneously
hungering for God's presence, promises, and help.
11. A strong longing for support and prayers from the community of faith.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. To walk with God comforted that God's tears are mingled with ours and that God
experiences infinite pain over the suffering (and death) of little ones.
2. To reach out openly to the religious community, personal friends, and others to
acquire massive prayer support aimed toward healing the child and sustaining the
family.
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3. To reduce or eliminate anger and blame directed toward God and instead rely on
God's loving presence and strengthening spirit.
5. To minimize hard feelings toward spouse and/or other family members who handle
the crisis in a different manner than oneself.
6. To exhibit openness and appreciation for the care of others even when one might
feel resentful of their naivete and triteness of their comments.
7. To find an appropriate person(s) to be an outlet for all the emotional and spiritual
distress aroused by this awful circumstance.
9. To handle the outcome, whatever it may be, in a healthy, honest, and God-affirming
way.
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CHRONIC ILLNESS
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Household order, peace, and routines are disrupted by a chronically ill family
member residing in the home.
2. The chronically ill family member resides in an institutional care facility and needs
frequent regular visitation and supervision of care.
3. The chronically ill person needs visitation, care, feeding, and help with personal
hygiene, dress, and grooming, causing weariness and frustration on the part of
caretaking family members.
5. Family tensions rise as grief over the incurably ill person mixes with tiredness and
anger due to physically and emotionally exhausting demands and expectations.
6. Spiritual turmoil arises in the family as members wonder about what is the morally
right thing to do.
7. Spiritual conflict occurs over handling anguish about negative feelings toward the
dependent chronically ill family member.
9. Feelings of distance from God increase as illness progresses, weariness deepens, and
prayers seem futile.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Accept without bitterness the inescapable, unchangeable fact of the family member's
chronic condition and begin to rearrange a part of life to accommodate this situation.
2. Make decisions and arrangements for the care of the chronically ill family member
that are agreed upon by the majority, and provide optimal care for the ill person
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while preserving the emotional wellbeing of family members.
3. Resolve internal family conflicts triggered by differing opinions regarding the care
arrangements for the chronically ill family member.
4. Maintain a full life beyond the provision of care to the family member.
5. Gain new vigor and zest as satisfactory care plans take effect and relieve the
pressures on family members.
6. Resolve grief over the multiple losses resulting from this illness as counseling aid
takes effect.
7. Accept the normalcy of all the troublesome negative feelings evoked by the
burdensome situation as pastoral guidance and professional counseling provide
answers.
8. Regain spiritual health and stability as pressures, frustrations, and weariness recede
and effective pastoral care helps refocus on God's care.
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DEATH OF CHILD
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
9. Feelings of guilt related to not having done enough for or with the child.
10. Conflict between the parents over how each grieves the loss of the child.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Alleviate the pain as much as possible, learning to cope with the loss enough to
return to life's responsibilities.
4. Develop a new and more beneficial relationship with God, one in which God helps
and strengthens in the face of pain rather than causes or allows it and in which God
hurts with the devastated grievers and restores their souls.
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6. Remember the child without being devastated emotionally.
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DEATH OF SPOUSE
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
3. Anger-at fate, at God, at people who are blamed for causing or not preventing the
death.
4. Feelings of being cheated, swindled, deprived of the relationship that should still be
available.
7. Guilt, both reasonable and unreasonable, over expressions of love and acts of
kindness not offered to the spouse now deceased.
8. Guilt and shame over past misconduct, both real and imagined, that caused pain to
the now deceased spouse.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Carry on an active, fulfilled life, while remembering the deceased spouse positively
and forever lamenting his/her death.
2. Fully grieve the death of the spouse unrestricted by perceived or real attitudes that
discourage grief.
3. Freely talk about and recall traits, habits, and memories of the deceased rather than
avoiding the subject to protect the feelings of others or oneself.
4. Resolve conflict with God over the death and develop a healthier spiritual outlook,
one consistent with a loving God and the uncertainty of life.
5. Develop a perspective on tragic, unwanted loss that values life and strengthens
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spiritual faith rather than sabotages it.
7. Begin to build new relationships as a single person and renegotiate the relationships
that were built around being a couple.
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DEPENDENT ADULT CHILD
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Parents' frustration over the presence of an adult child living in the parental home.
3. Apprehension that the adult child will fail to become an emotionally healthy,
independent person.
4. Disappointment that the adult child acts immaturely in regard to sharing household
chores, cleaning up personal messes, and displaying appreciation for being provided
for.
5. Fear that tension over the adult child not emancipating him-/ herself from the
parental home will erode the strength of the parents' marriage and their general
happiness.
6. Irritation that the adult child shows no inclination or motivation to move out.
7. Resentment over a steady trickle of financial crises where parents feel trapped into
assisting.
LONG-TERM GOALS
2. Enjoy a positive relationship with the adult child on a friendship level without his/her
continuing dependence.
3. Detach from concerns about the personal habits of the adult child that differ from
the parents' own and irritate them.
4. Establish a sturdy policy that precludes giving assistance for the adult child's
personal financial crises.
5. Erase all resentments connected with the unsatisfactory live-in period that has
ended.
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6. Heal all strains on the marriage triggered by the tensions of the adult child living in
the parental home.
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DEPRESSION
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
16. Indecision.
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20. Decreased sexual drive, interest, and activity.
LONG-TERM GOALS
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DIVORCE
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
5. Panic and fear over the prospect of facing the future as a single person.
9. Grief over the loss of companionship and social involvement with married friends.
10. Shattered self-concept and lost identity in moving from married state to singleness.
11. Guilt regarding breaking a vow made before God to remain married "till death do
us part."
12. Confusion about new status in the religious community and with God.
13. Relief over cessation of marital uncertainty, pain, confusion, and fear.
15. Guilt over personal failures and behaviors that contributed to the divorce.
LONG-TERM GOALS
2. Gain a sturdy sense of strength through sensible, strong negotiations for fair and
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equitable distribution of property and other shared valuables.
3. Develop confidence about the benefits for the children of the new peacefulness.
6. Develop new friendships with people who share similar circumstances and values.
7. Fully grieve the loss(es) and emerge with new wisdom, fresh selfawareness, and
enhanced humility.
8. Discover personal shortcomings and tendencies that contributed to the marital failure
and endeavor intently to overcome them with the assistance of a counselor.
9. Uncover self-defeating qualities that may have led to poor partner selection, in order
to avoid disaster in future relationships.
10. Be satisfied that the religious community with which one affiliates is unreservedly
accepting of divorced people.
12. Live with a clear sense of forgiveness and guilt-free before God and humanity.
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FAMILY CONFLICT
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
2. Hurtful behavior, such as name-calling, profanity, vulgarity, and physical and verbal
threats, as a response to disagreement.
4. Ongoing conflict between an adult child and parents triggered by parents fostering
dependence, being overly controlling, and being felt to be too involved in the younger
adult's life.
5. Parents troubled by the dependence of their adult child who consistently gives up
independent living and returns to the parental home.
6. Tension, hurt, and anger separating siblings over concerns about elderly parents such
as caretaking, inheritances, and other life management issues.
7. Hurts and resentments divide the family as a result of perceived parental favoritism
toward selected offspring.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Achieve a situation where family members relate to each other harmoniously in spite
of differing personalities, ideologies, opinions, and attitudes.
2. Negotiate a contract for an adult child to live with parents, balancing the delicate
challenge of economic dependence and emotional independence.
3. Agree on a plan to assist the dependent adult child in emancipating from family
shelter.
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5. Heal the hurts of parental favoritism and gain a new family unity through a process
of dialogue, forgiveness, and establishment of equality.
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FINANCIAL CRISIS
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
2. A single, unavoidable financial crisis (e.g., illness or injury resulting in medical bills
and reduced or no income, unexpected loss of employment) that has made debt
overwhelming.
6. Anger felt toward self and those others who have contributed to the crisis.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Regain financial solvency with living expenses appropriately balanced with income.
3. Gain a new sense of self-worth, one in which the substance of one's value is not
attached to the capacity to do things or own things that cost money.
4. Achieve an inner strength to say no to one's personal impulses, cravings, and desires
that directly or indirectly increase irresponsible debts.
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5. Strengthen one's capacity to resist others who put forth requests, demands, and
expectations that increase expenses, even though refusal risks the irritation and
rejection of significant others.
7. Develop the spiritual strength to live cheerfully within the limits of the income
available and to reinforce the changes made in combating the desire for material
possessions.
9. Develop the serenity that results from measuring one's worth in terms of being a
child of God, not in terms of the accumulation of wealth or material goods.
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GUILT
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
LONG-TERM GOALS
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INFERTILITY
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
3. Desire for an additional child thwarted by physical problems that prohibit conception
or a safe pregnancy or delivery.
LONG-TERM GOALS
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INTERPERSONAL HURT
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Anger and resentment toward another for intentional or accidental behavior that
violated one's feelings, rights, reputation, or plans.
3. Disillusionment and bitterness because of something said or done that was felt to be
insulting, discounting, diminishing, or hurtful in some way.
4. Grief, bitterness, and sorrow from the sad or tragic consequences of a disaster or
accident in which another person was perceived to have been negligent either by
omission or commission.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Defuse the smoldering anger and let go of the strong desire for revenge.
3. Forgive the perpetrator with the aid of religious convictions and the prayers and
support of others.
4. Gain a perspective on what happened that is balanced, unemotional, and fair to all.
5. Recapture a vision and zest for life uncontaminated by the distraction of resentment.
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LEGAL PROBLEMS
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
6. Panic triggered by social costs to the family of shameful behavior and financial
losses from sentences and legal fees.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Humbly face all charges filed and penalties pronounced, acknowledging guilt and
expressing remorse.
3. Accept responsibility for decisions and actions that have led to the arrests and
convictions.
5. Find peace with God, others, and self through genuine confession and acceptance of
forgiveness.
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LONELINESS
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
5. Overeats, overindulges in TV, and sleeps excessively as a means of escape from the
pain of loneliness.
6. Keeps to self at work, in neighborhood, and other places where people congregate
or can be met.
9. Sits alone, off to the side, or in the back of the sanctuary during worship services.
LONG-TERM GOALS
4. Act confident and appear positive in demeanor, clothing, and selfcare in order to
attract people.
5. Initiate counseling to identify the cause of social withdrawal and low self-esteem.
6. Use spiritual resources to respond to the religious mandate to care for and reach out
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to others rather than stay to oneself.
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MARITAL CONFLICT
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
3. A pattern of one spouse angrily placing blame for conflicts on the other spouse.
4. Physical or verbal abuse of one spouse by the other, or both spouses abusing each
other.
9. Revelations by one spouse of having lost feelings of love or caring for the other
spouse.
LONG-TERM GOALS
2. Learn and practice new behaviors that meet the needs of each spouse.
5. Accept the need for more intense marriage counseling and follow a referral to a
mental health professional.
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MEDICAL CONDITION
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Face the medical challenge with an appropriate balance of hope, confidence, and
realism.
3. Develop a clear, helpful relationship with God that will provide meaningful support
throughout the entire medical challenge.
5. Reach a spiritual plateau where the unchangeable medical situation is accepted and
changeable attitudes and feelings are worked for.
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MENTAL ILLNESS IN FAMILY
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
2. Shame arising from this unwanted conclusion that a loved one is mentally ill, putting
him/her in company with those previously regarded as defective losers.
3. Guilt triggered by the diagnosis of mental illness in the family because of belief in the
notion that the mental illness has been caused or exacerbated by family failures of
some kind.
4. Denial that the diagnosis of mental illness is a correct explanation for the condition
of the loved one, leading to a desperate search to prove the diagnosis incorrect.
5. Disbelief that the mental illness is incurable, leading to seeking a solution in a wide
variety of alternatives such as faith, love, prayer, vitamins, herbs, counseling, and so
on.
6. Fear due to what this diagnosis implies for the future of the family's fellowship,
responsibility, and involvement with the mentally ill person.
7. Belief that the mental illness is the result of a curse by God or possession by a
demon.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Comprehend fully the nature of the disturbance affecting the family member and
ensure that everything possible and reasonable is being done to treat the problem.
3. Construct a fulfilling new life with the mental illness neither dominating out of
proportion to what it is nor diminished and hidden inappropriately.
4. Gain a realistic acceptance of the diagnosis that will enable balanced responses to the
needs, demands, and expectations of the mentally ill family member.
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5. Learn about the mental illness through affiliation with local mental health agencies
and support programs.
6. Construct a realistic faith posture that allows for expressions of anger and frustration
toward God combined with expressions of childlike neediness ministered to by the
tender loving care of a compassionate God.
7. Solicit the moral support and the prayer support of the community of faith through
open, vulnerable need and information sharing.
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PARENT CHILD CONFLICT/
ADOLESCENCE
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Negative, hostile, and defiant behavior toward parents and other authority figures.
7. Defiance or refusal to comply with rules and requests even when they are
reasonable.
10. Radical, bizarre dress and personal appearance coupled with hostility toward
parents and society in general.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Eliminate the major tensions in the home by negotiating a way of living together that
honors the parents and their needs while respecting the emerging independence of the
adolescent.
145
3. Arrive at a situation in which parents and teenager live together in an atmosphere of
cooperation, communication, and friendliness.
4. Markedly reduce the frequency and intensity of hostility expressed toward adults.
5. Find a way of living together so that parents can proceed peaceably with their day-
to-day existence and the teenage child may progress with his/her education in a way
that prepares him/her for successful adult living.
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PRAYER STRUGGLES
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
LONG-TERM GOALS
5. To pray daily.
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PREMARITAL COUNSELING
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. In anticipation of marriage in the near future, a couple seeks guidance to lay the
foundation for a successful marriage.
2. Previously married congregation members plan a new marital alliance and seek to
lower the risk of failure by entering premarital counseling.
3. With the wedding date set, a couple must comply with congregational rules requiring
premarital counseling with the pastor.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Become aware of different expectations each partner has for the marriage
relationship as well as areas of potential conflict.
2. Formulate basic agreements that will form the foundation of the marriage
relationship.
3. Clarify each partner's own values and begin to accept differing values in each other.
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RELIGION/SPIRITUALITY
DIFFERENCES*
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Upsetting verbal disagreements between partners over religious faith (i.e., core
beliefs about life and afterlife) and practices (e.g., communal worship, prayer).
2. Attempts by one partner to coerce other into accepting own religious and spiritual
beliefs, values, or activities.
4. Conflicts between partners about their children's religious training and expected
attendance at worship services.
LONG-TERM GOALS
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SEXUAL ABUSE VICTIM
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Feelings of distance from and anger with God related to blaming God for sexual
victimization experiences of childhood.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Clarify and confront family issues contributing to the possibility of sexual abuse
occurrences in order to eliminate future violations of this kind.
2. Firmly place the full responsibility for the abuse on the perpetrator, allowing the
abused to be absolved of guilt, shame, and self-blame and to experience full support
from caring friends and family.
3. Achieve healing within the family system as evidenced by remorse and confession
on the part of the perpetrator, along with a determination to begin a process of
forgiveness on the part of the survivor.
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empowerment and confidence.
5. Find a positive and enduring spiritual linkage to a God known as heartbroken over
the abuse and suffering of this precious child.
7. Heal the damage done by the sexual abuse, demonstrated by understanding its
significance and hurtfulness and by gaining control of feelings along with an increased
capacity for intimacy in relationships.
8. Continue the process of healing from the sexual abuse by moving toward the goal of
consistent enjoyment of appropriate sexual contact.
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SEXUAL ORIENTATION CONFLICT
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Tension, depression, and weariness over lifelong hiding of sexual attraction toward
persons of the same sex.
3. Panic over unexpected emergence of physical attraction toward persons of the same
sex in an otherwise heterosexually oriented person.
4. Anxiety over periodic fantasies of sexual involvement with persons of the same sex.
5. Confusion over personal and church-held beliefs regarding homosexual feelings and
practice.
7. A desire to live a gay life without the pangs of guilt or fear of God's judgment.
LONG-TERM GOALS
2. Establish a sense of peace regarding one's sexual orientation and religious beliefs.
4. Manage life in conformity with one's personal values and religious beliefs about
sexual activity.
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6. Achieve personal support, love, and acceptance from all those whose lives intersect
meaningfully with one's own despite divergent sexual orientation.
10. Achieve a forgiving attitude toward those who are cruel, ignorant, and hateful
toward homosexuals.
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SPIRITUAL DOUBTS
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Disbelief in the positive promises and caring presence of God as traditionally taught.
4. Feelings of guilt over one's behavior of the past with accompanying skepticism about
God's forgiveness.
5. A troubled spirit seeking reconciliation with God after a time of wayward living.
6. Brokenheartedness and feelings of alienation from God after acute moral failure.
8. Feelings and attitudes about God characterized by fear, anger, and distrust.
LONG-TERM GOALS
3. Reexamine spiritual tenets and take a step of faith into a God centered belief system
that feels rewarding and is intellectually embraceable.
6. Accept and embrace the forgiveness of God for each and every fault and failure in
one's troubled conscience.
7. Celebrate a spiritual homecoming, having seen God anew as the waiting, forgiving
Lord.
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8. Stand confident once more before God and fellow humans after confession,
repentance, restitution (where possible), and assurance of pardon.
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SUICIDAL IDEATION
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Recurrent feelings and thoughts that life is pointless, empty, and meaningless and
that death would be welcome.
2. Desire to be free of the painful anguish of living, relieved of the torment of day-to-
day existence.
4. Ongoing suicidal ideas intruding at all waking hours without a conscious intention to
complete suicide.
5. Suicidal thoughts and feelings with a plan in mind as to how to complete the act.
6. Intense mental pain or emotional heartache along with a family history of suicide
used to escape mental anguish and/or other apparently unresolvable illness or
predicament.
7. A bleak, hopeless attitude coupled with recent painful events such as terminal
diagnosis, intense and relentless physical pain, acute disappointment, or a broken
relationship.
8. Social withdrawal, lethargy, and apathy coupled with an expressed desire to die.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Alleviate the suicidal preoccupation and return to the highest previous level of daily
functioning and feeling of well-being.
2. Arrange for a level of care and supervision appropriate to address the suicidal crisis
and assure preservation of life.
190
4. Terminate death wishes and return to a zestful interest in social activities, life
opportunities, and personal relationships.
5. Cease the perilous lifestyle and resolve the emotional conflicts and/or chemical
imbalance that underlie the suicidal pattern.
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UNEMPLOYMENT
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
LONG-TERM GOALS
5. Alter lifestyle and values to meet the demands of a reduced cash now.
6. Acknowledge behaviors and attitudes that have contributed to being terminated and
alter them for future employment.
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UNWANTED PREGNANCY
BEHAVIORAL DEFINITIONS
1. Positive pregnancy test, confirmed by laboratory, sets off panic feelings about the
seemingly impossible issues involved with carrying a baby to delivery.
3. Ambivalence over the moral issues of abortion produces trapped, depressed feelings
and delays follow-through on an abortion plan.
4. Confusion over the right course of action introduces the thought of carrying the
fetus to term and releasing the baby for adoption.
5. Anger at self arises for allowing conditions that made the pregnancy a possibility.
6. Bewilderment is expressed over what legal rights and obligations accrue to the
responsible male.
7. Guilt and shame are felt over sexual involvement and conception contrary to long
held religious and moral values.
LONG-TERM GOALS
1. Resume a normal life having resolved the pregnancy challenge in a way acceptable
to one's conscience, personal needs, and spiritualmoral values.
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Appendix
BIBLIOTHERAPY SUGGESTIONS
Bisset, T. (1992). Why Christian Kids Leave the Faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery
House.
Caplan, M. (1996). When Sons and Daughters Choose Alternative Lifestyles. New
York: Holm Press.
Mitchell, M. (1995). Surviving the Prodigal Years. Lynnwood, WA: Emerald Books.
AGING PARENTS
The Episcopal Society for Ministry on Aging (1985). Affirmative Aging. Minneapolis,
MN: Winston.
Riekse, R., and H. Holstege (1992). Parent Care. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale.
Scileppi, K. (1998). Caring for the Parents Who Cared for You. New York: Citadel
Press.
ANGER AT GOD
CHEMICAL DEPENDENCE
Carnes, P. (1989). A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps. Minneapolis, MN:
Compcare.
206
Fanning, P., and J. O'Neill (1997). The Addiction Workbook: A Step-By-Step Guide to
Quitting Alcohol and Drugs. New York: Fine Communications.
Johnson, V. (1980). I'll Quit Tomorrow. New York: Harper & Row.
Smalley, G., and J. Trent (1986). The Blessing. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.
Smedes, L. (1982). How Can It Be All Right When Everything Is All Wrong? San
Francisco: Harper.
CHRONIC ILLNESS
Harper, Jr., G. (1992). Living with Dying. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans.
Schemmer, K. (1981). Between Faith and Tears. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.
DEATH OF CHILD
Finkbeiner, A. (1996). After the Death of a Child: Living with Loss Through the Years.
New York: Free Press.
Kushner, H. (1981). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. New York: Schocken.
Mehren, E. (1997). After the Darkest Hour the Sun Will Shine Again: A Parent's Guide
to Coping With the Loss of a Child. New York: Fireside.
Wholey, D. (1992). When the Worst That Can Happen Already Has. New York:
Hyperion.
207
Woltersdorff, N. (1987). Lament for a Son. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans.
DEATH OF SPOUSE
Kok, J. (1998). Seeking God in Our Suffering. Grand Rapids, MI: CRC Publishing.
Rando, T. (1991). How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies. New York:
Bantam.
Mayer, P., and S. Von Scherler (1998). Bigger Kids, Bigger Problems. New York:
United Publishers Group.
Seamands, D. (1986). Healing for Damaged Emotions. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.
DEPRESSION
Hart, A. (1994). Dark Clouds, Silver Linings. Colorado Springs, CO: Focus on the
Family.
Helmstetter, S. (1993). What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. New York: Fine
Communications.
DIVORCE
Gardner, R. (1983). The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce. Northvale, NJ: Jason
Aronson.
208
Medved, D. (1989). The Case Against Divorce. New York: Donald I. Fine.
Whiteman, T., and R. Burns (1998). The Fresh Start Divorce Recovery Workbook.
Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.
FAMILY CONFLICT
Cohen, N. (1994). Self, Struggle and Change: Family Conflict Stories in Genesis and
Their Healing Insights for Our Lives. New York: Jewish Lights.
Napier, A., and C. Whitaker (1978). The Family Crucible. New York: Harper & Row.
FINANCIAL CRISIS
INFERTILITY
Silber, S. (1991). How to Get Pregnant with the New Technology. New York: Warner
Books.
INTERPERSONAL HURT
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to Put Your Past in the Past. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
Williams, R., and V. Williams (1993). Anger Kills. New York: Time Books.
LEGAL PROBLEMS
Freed, F. (1997). Breaking Free When You're Feeling Trapped. Chicago: Harold Shaw.
LONELINESS
Kok, J. (1996). 90% of Helping Is Just Showing Up. Grand Rapids, MI: CRC
Publishing.
MARITAL CONFLICT
Harley, W. (1994). His Needs, Her Needs. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell.
MEDICAL CONDITION
Canfield, J., ed. (1996). Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul. Deerfield Beach, FL:
Health Communications.
Cousins, N. (1990). Head First: The Biology of Hope and the Healing Power of the
Human Spirit. New York: Penguin.
Cousins, N., and R. Dubos (1995). Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient:
Reflections on Healing and Regeneration. New York: W. W. Norton.
Dossey, L. (1995). Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine.
210
San Francisco: Harper.
Kushner, H. (1981). When Bad Things Happen to Good People. New York: Schocken.
LeShan, L. (1977). You Can Fight for Your Life. New York: M. Evans & Co.
Smedes, L. (1982). How Can It Be All Right When Everything Is All Wrong? San
Francisco: Harper.
Woolis, R. (1992). When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness: A Handbook for
Family, Friends, and Caregivers. New York: J. P. Tarcher.
Bayard, R., and J. Bayard (1986). How to Deal With Your Acting-Up Teenager. New
York: M. Evans & Co.
Steinberg, L., and A. Levine (1990). You and Your Adolescent. New York: Harper
Perennials.
PRAYER STRUGGLES
Jones, T. (1997). The Art of Prayer: A Simple Guide. New York: Ballantine.
Schuller, R. (1995). Prayer: My Soul's Adventure With God. Nashville, TN: Thomas
Nelson.
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PREMARITAL COUNSELING
Kiersey, D., and M. Bates (1978). Please Understand Me. Del Mar, CA: Prometheus
Nemesis.
Mallory, J. (1996). Battle of the Sexes: How Both Sides Can Win With Honor. New
York: Crossway Books.
Williams, M. (1994). Let's Celebrate Our Differences. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health
Communications.
Buxton, A. (1994). The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming Out Crisis for Straight
Spouses and Families. New York: Wiley.
White, M. (1994). Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America. Old
Tappan, NJ: Simon & Schuster.
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SPIRITUAL PROBLEMS
Kushner, L. (1993). God Was in This Place and I, I Did Not Know: Finding Self,
Spirituality and Ultimate Meaning. New York: Jewish Lights.
Lewis, C. S. (1996). The Case for Christianity. New York: Touchstone Books.
SUICIDAL PERSON
Nelson, R., and J. Galas (1994). The Power to Prevent Suicide. Minneapolis, MN: Free
Spirit Publications.
SUICIDE IN FAMILY
Colgrove, M. (1991). How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Los Angeles: Prelude Press.
UNEMPLOYMENT
Bolles, R. (1992). What Color Is Your Parachute? Berkeley, CA: Ten Speed Press.
213
UNWANTED PREGNANCY
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221
ABOUT THE DISK*
TheraScribe® 3.0 Library Module Installation
The enclosed disk contains files to upgrade your TheraScribe® 3.0 program to
include the behavioral definitions, goals, objectives, and interventions from The
Pastoral Counseling Treatment Planner.
Note: You must have TheraScribe® 3.0 for Windows installed on your computer in
order to use The Pastoral Counseling Treatment Planner library module.
2. Log in to TheraScribe® 3.0 as the Administrator using the name "Admin" and your
administrator password.
3. On the Main Menu, press the "GoTo" button and choose the Options menu item.
5. On the Import Library Module screen, choose your floppy disk drive a:\ from the
list and press "Go". Note: It may take a few minutes to import the data from the
floppy disk to your computer's hard disk.
6. When the installation is complete the library module data will be available in your
TheraScribe® 3.0 program.
Note: If you have a network version of TheraScribe® 3.0 installed, you should
import the library module one time only. After importing the data, the library
module data will be available to all network users.
User Assistance
If you need assistance using this TheraScribe® 3.0 add-on module, contact Wiley
Technical Support at:
222
For information on how to install disk, refer to the About the Disk section on page
166.
This software contains files to help you utilize the models described in the
accompanying book. By opening the package, you are agreeing to be bound by
the following agreement:
This software product is protected by copyright and all rights are reserved by
the author, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., or their licensors. You are licensed to use
this software on a single computer. Copying the software to another medium or
format for use on a single computer does not violate the U.S. Copyright Law.
Copying the software for any other purpose is a violation of the U.S. Copyright
Law.
This software product is sold as is without warranty of any kind, either express
or implied, including but not limited to the implied warranty of merchantability
and fitness for a particular purpose. Neither Wiley nor its dealers or distributors
assumes any liability for any alleged or actual damages arising from the use of
or the inability to use this software. (Some states do not allow the exclusion of
implied warranties, so the exclusion may not apply to you.)
223
224
Index
Preface 8
Introduction 11
Adult Child Disappointment 19
Aging Parents 25
Anger Toward God 30
Chemical Dependence 35
Child's Medical Condition 41
Chronic Illness 48
Death of Child 54
Death of Spouse 60
Dependent Adult Child 67
Depression 72
Divorce 78
Family Conflict 85
Financial Crisis 91
Guilt 97
Infertility 103
Interpersonal Hurt 107
Legal Problems 112
Loneliness 116
Marital Conflict 122
Medical Condition 130
Mental Illness in Family 137
Parent-Child Conflict/Adolescence 143
Prayer Struggles 149
Premarital Counseling 154
Religion/Spirituality Differences 161
Sexual Abuse Victim 169
225
Sexual Orientation Conflict 174
Spiritual Doubts 181
Suicidal Ideation 188
Unemployment 193
Unwanted Pregnancy 198
Appendix: Bibliotherapy Suggestions 204
About the Disk 220
RELIGION/SPIRITUALITY DIFFERENCES* 223
ABOUT THE DISK* 223
CUSTOMER NOTE:* 223
226