1

00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,800

What's the key to being a great dad?

2
00:00:06,368 --> 00:00:09,436
That's a tough one.

3
00:00:09,504 --> 00:00:14,441
Giving them the freedom to be
whatever they want to be...
Right, exactly, and --

4
00:00:14,509 --> 00:00:15,776
...Wha pilot, a president...
Me

5
00:00:15,844 --> 00:00:17,578
And for us,
what we're gonna --

6
00:00:17,645 --> 00:00:20,414
...Of a company
or of a country.

7
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Patience.

8
00:00:24,586 --> 00:00:27,488
Well, be their buddy.

9
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That's your answer?

10
00:00:29,124 --> 00:00:31,024
And stay in school.
No.

11
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And don't do drugs.
No!

12
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Just give me the answer.

13
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Oh, god.
14
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,667
Still thinking.

15
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Transcript by addic7ed.com
-- <font color="#ffff00">Sync by honeybunny</font> --
www.addic7ed.com

16
00:00:58,119 --> 00:00:59,653
Hey.
Hey.

17
00:00:59,721 --> 00:01:00,654
Hi.

18
00:01:00,722 --> 00:01:01,855
Oh, okay.

19
00:01:01,923 --> 00:01:03,457
Hi, um...

20
00:01:03,525 --> 00:01:05,359
This is my husband,
phil.
Hi.

21
00:01:05,427 --> 00:01:07,928
And that's my son, luke,
right there.

22
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This is...
Desiree.

23
00:01:09,297 --> 00:01:10,798
Desiree -- right.
Sorry.

24
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Desiree just moved in
down the block.

25
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Fun. Where?
314.

26
00:01:14,736 --> 00:01:16,670
Oh,
the two-bedroom cottage

27
00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:18,605
With the indoor/outdoor
family room.

28
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Very good.
How did you --

29
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Bet you're loving
that steam shower.

30
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Phil, that's creepy.
Oh, sorry.

31
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[ laughs ]
I'm a real-estate mogul.

32
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What?! No, I am
a real-estate agent.

33
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Um, we caravanned
that house.

34
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Great, uh, deck.

35
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Thanks.

36
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I'm just there
till my divorce is final.

37
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Now, who is coconuts enough
to dorce you?

38
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We got to go,
but we'll see yoaround.

39
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Well, we'll have to
have you over sometime.

40
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I'd love it.
All right.

41
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Bye.
Bye.

42
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She's awesome.

43
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No, we are never
having her over.

44
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I heard she already slept
with two dads from the school.

45
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What?
Mm-hmm.

46
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That's...Horrible.

47
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Luke: Dad!
Watch out.

48
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Oh,
watch it, buddy.

49
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Grandma.

50
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I'm sorry.
51
00:01:59,614 --> 00:02:01,315
That still looks like
a girl's bike.

52
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Well, we'll add
more black tape.

53
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Phil: My son has been riding
his sister's old bike.

54
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Until he's
responsible enough

55
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To take care
of his own bike.

56
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Look, he spilled a soda
on my computer.

57
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He ruined our digital
camera taking pictures
of himself underwater.

58
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It's a girl's bike.

59
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I'm all for teaching him
a lesson,

60
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But I worry about
the ridicule he might get

61
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From some
loudmouth bully.

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[ horn honks ]
63
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[ laughing ] hey.

64
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Nice bike, sally.

65
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Dad!

66
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Come on. He looks like
little bo peep on that thing.

67
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Actually, not for long.
He's getting a new
bike this afternoon.

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I am?
Mm-hmm.

69
00:02:32,814 --> 00:02:34,014
He is?

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Phil: Sometimes a man's
gotta put his foot down

71
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And do what a man's gotta do.

72
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And if the old lady
don't like it...

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Honey?

74
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...That's too damn bad.

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Mitchell: Yes!
Who's excited, huh?
76
00:02:49,831 --> 00:02:52,399
Cam, come on. Hurry up.
We're gonna be late.

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It's a toddler play class,
not a flight to cabo.

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We're gonna be judged enough
as the only gay parents there.

79
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I don't want to be
the late ones, too.

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<i>Wow.
Paisley and pink.</i>

81
00:03:01,676 --> 00:03:03,810
Was there something wrong
with the fishnet tank top?

82
00:03:03,878 --> 00:03:05,812
Obviously not --
I'm wearing it underneath.

83
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,414
Kidding.
Just chill, please.

84
00:03:07,482 --> 00:03:09,716
I'm sorry. I just want to make
a good first impression.

85
00:03:09,784 --> 00:03:12,052
You mean you want to fit in
and not terrify the villagers?

86
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,988
No, hey, come on.
Today is about lily, all right?

87
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We -- her future best friend
might be in that class,
88
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And I don't want to rub anyone
the wrong way.

89
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Can you please just...
Change your shirt?

90
00:03:22,931 --> 00:03:24,331
Fine.
You know what?

91
00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:25,799
I'll just go put on a pair
of khakis, maybe a polo shirt,

92
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And everybody will think

93
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We're a couple
straight golfing buddies

94
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Who just decided
to have a kid together.

95
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Hey, I called
that place in napa

96
00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:36,610
And got us upgraded
to a villa with a hot tub,

97
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So pack whatever you wear
in a hot tub.

98
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Mwah!

99
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I usually wear nothing
when I'm in a hot tub.
100
00:03:43,351 --> 00:03:46,620
Neralmente no uso nada
and my college roommate's wife
just had to get a new hip.

101
00:03:46,688 --> 00:03:48,388
[ laughing ] sucker.

102
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Manny's father is
taking him for a couple
of days to disneyland,

103
00:03:51,559 --> 00:03:53,660
So we're gonna go...
To the wine country!

104
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We're gonna drink some wine,
eat some good food.

105
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You know, we would do something
like this a lot more often

106
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If it sn't for,
you know, manny.

107
00:04:01,002 --> 00:04:02,970
It's good.
He keeps us grounded.

108
00:04:03,037 --> 00:04:04,738
Yeah.

109
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Like fog at airport.

110
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Limo gets here at 4:00.

111
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This morning, I thought
I'd go over to the club,
hit a few balls.
112
00:04:10,812 --> 00:04:13,480
No! What about the fan
in manny's room?

113
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Oh, yeah.

114
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Call a guy.

115
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No! You're supposed to
do it with him.

116
00:04:18,419 --> 00:04:21,154
It's important that
we teach him how to
do things for himself.

117
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In my culture, men take great
pride in doing physicalabor.

118
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I know. That's why I hire
people from your culture.

119
00:04:27,595 --> 00:04:28,862
[ laughs ]

120
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You're snny!

121
00:04:30,865 --> 00:04:32,866
I'm gonna share that one
with my next husband

122
00:04:32,934 --> 00:04:35,369
When we're spending
all your money.

123
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Dad, this is
the coolest bike ever.

124
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Awesome.

125
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So, listen, buddy.

126
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Certain members
of this family

127
00:04:44,245 --> 00:04:46,713
Don't think you can take care
of this bad boy.

128
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U mean mom?
Your words, not mine.

129
00:04:48,783 --> 00:04:52,552
Look, uh,
your mom and I are a team,

130
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:55,389
And she -- we feel
like this is a chance

131
00:04:55,456 --> 00:04:57,891
For you to show
some responsibility.

132
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Don't make us
look like jerks here.

133
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I won't.

134
00:05:01,262 --> 00:05:03,330
Okay.
One more rule.

135
00:05:03,398 --> 00:05:04,398
What?

136
00:05:04,465 --> 00:05:07,234
Have, like,
three buttloads of fun.
137
00:05:07,301 --> 00:05:08,301
Thanks, dad.

138
00:05:17,445 --> 00:05:18,679
So, let's do this.

139
00:05:18,746 --> 00:05:20,547
Okay, but I need to be done
by 3:00.

140
00:05:20,615 --> 00:05:22,616
That's when
my dad's picking me up.

141
00:05:22,684 --> 00:05:23,984
Hey, if we're not done
by 3:00,

142
00:05:24,052 --> 00:05:25,686
I'm gonna tie a noose
on this thing.

143
00:05:25,753 --> 00:05:27,521
Gloria: In colombia,
there's a saying --

144
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:31,224
If you have two stubborn burros
that don't like each other,

145
00:05:31,292 --> 00:05:33,593
You tie them to the same cart.

146
00:05:33,661 --> 00:05:36,396
The ceiling fan is the cart.

147
00:05:36,464 --> 00:05:38,532
My dad's takg me
on space mountain.

148
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,535
It's supposed to be
really fast, but he's
not scared of anything.

149
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:44,004
He d't even wear a seat belt
when he drives.

150
00:05:44,072 --> 00:05:45,505
Wow.
How about that?

151
00:05:45,573 --> 00:05:46,973
He killed a bear once.

152
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:50,177
Really? Was the bear sitting
in the passenger seat?

153
00:05:50,244 --> 00:05:52,713
Read me the instructions.

154
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:53,980
"safety tips.

155
00:05:54,048 --> 00:05:56,183
Warning. To reduce the risk
of electrical shock --"

156
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,684
We can skip that.

157
00:05:59,487 --> 00:06:01,154
Uh, "failure
to heed these warnings

158
00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:02,956
Can lead to serious injury
or death --"

159
00:06:03,024 --> 00:06:05,092
You know, you worry too much.
You know that.

160
00:06:05,159 --> 00:06:06,827
Nobody's gonna get
shocked.

161
00:06:06,894 --> 00:06:08,495
One time, my dad was struck
by lightning.
162
00:06:08,563 --> 00:06:10,664
That's why he can drink
as much as he wants.

163
00:06:10,732 --> 00:06:14,167
Jay: Manny thinks
his dad is like superman.

164
00:06:14,235 --> 00:06:16,136
The truth?
He's a total flake.

165
00:06:16,204 --> 00:06:18,638
In fact, the only way
he's like superman

166
00:06:18,706 --> 00:06:21,708
Is that they both landed
in this country illegally.

167
00:06:21,776 --> 00:06:24,077
[ music playing ]

168
00:06:24,145 --> 00:06:25,879
Mitchell: I can't believe
I'm so nervous.

169
00:06:25,947 --> 00:06:28,081
They're gonna love us.
Let's just be ourselves.

170
00:06:28,149 --> 00:06:30,550
Or a slightly toned-down version
of ourselves.

171
00:06:30,618 --> 00:06:31,618
[ scoffs ]

172
00:06:31,686 --> 00:06:32,719
I j-- I just don't
want this

173
00:06:32,787 --> 00:06:34,121
To become an episode
of "the cam show."

174
00:06:34,188 --> 00:06:36,022
Oh, my gosh,
people love "the cam show."
yes, I know.

175
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:37,491
You watch "the cam show."
I do watch it.

176
00:06:37,558 --> 00:06:38,725
It's appointment viewing.
Okay.

177
00:06:38,793 --> 00:06:40,093
Hi!
Hi!

178
00:06:40,161 --> 00:06:41,328
Are you here
for toddler time?

179
00:06:41,395 --> 00:06:42,596
Yes, I-I'm mitchell,

180
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:45,031
This is cameron,
and this here is lily.

181
00:06:45,099 --> 00:06:46,933
Oh, well, welcome.

182
00:06:47,001 --> 00:06:49,836
We're all over here
taking turns blowing bubbles.

183
00:06:49,904 --> 00:06:53,607
Oh, well,
how nice for...

184
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,142
The babies.

185
00:06:55,209 --> 00:06:58,745
Mm-hmm.
[ chuckles ]

186
00:06:58,813 --> 00:07:00,847
This is gonna be
really difficult.

187
00:07:11,893 --> 00:07:14,261
Phil: 10 minutes
after making a promise to me,

188
00:07:14,328 --> 00:07:15,729
He leaves his bike unlocked.

189
00:07:15,797 --> 00:07:18,465
All I can hear
is claire's voice in my head --

190
00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:20,267
[ high-pitched ]
"he's not responsible.

191
00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:23,236
You never should have
given him a bike."

192
00:07:23,304 --> 00:07:26,239
[ normal voice ] I know.
I do a pretty good claire.

193
00:07:26,307 --> 00:07:29,209
So I decided
to teach him a lesson

194
00:07:29,277 --> 00:07:32,445
And let him think
his bike was stolen.

195
00:07:32,513 --> 00:07:33,947
Now, I know
that sounds kind of rough,

196
00:07:34,015 --> 00:07:36,883
But sometimes it's a dad's job
to be the tough guy.

197
00:07:36,951 --> 00:07:38,852
Excuse me.
Thank you.

198
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,520
On your left.
My left, your right.

199
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:45,332
Everyone, we have a new family
joining us today.

200
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,769
I'm, uh, I'm mitchell,
and I am a lawyer.

201
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,405
I-I'm cameron,
and I'm currently not working,

202
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,141
Which gives me more time
to grill

203
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,343
And shoot baskets
and --

204
00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:59,211
And this is lily.

205
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,647
Okay, we're gonna start
with the hello dance,

206
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,317
And then we're gonna move on
to blocks and finger painting,

207
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,552
And then we're gonna do
our family dance.

208
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,688
All right,
who wants to start us off?

209
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:11,190
Dance us in, p.J.!

210
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,326
[ music playing ]
211
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:17,463
She's adorable.

212
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,664
Oh, thank you.

213
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:19,765
7 months?

214
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,133
Uh, 8.

215
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:24,103
Oh! Is she grabbing
or scooting yet?

216
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,204
Y-yes, absolutely.

217
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,139
I mean,
when she's not grabbing,

218
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,408
She is -- she is scootin'.
[ chuckles ]

219
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,677
Danielle:
Dance us in, tyler!

220
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,346
[ gasps ]
are you ready?

221
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,480
Okay, here we go!

222
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,015
Whoo!

223
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,116
Whee!

224
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,752
Cam, lily is not
grabbing or scooting yet.

225
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:43,089
Well, she's not doing it yet,
but she will eventually.

226
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,791
No, a lot of these other kids,
they're...

227
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,826
They're grabbing.

228
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:48,060
I-I just...

229
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,262
Here, lily, look at the --
look at the block, huh?

230
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,697
Grab the block, lily.
Grab the "h."

231
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:54,033
Dance us in, lily!

232
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,868
Okay, I got this.
Cam, just --

233
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,636
Yes, I know --
tamp down my natural gifts

234
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:58,971
And dance
like a straight guy.

235
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,239
No slapping
your own butt.

236
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,041
But that's
how I make my horsey go.

237
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,075
[ coos ]

238
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,210
[ grunts ]

239
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,588
Thank you.

240
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,692
That was very good.

241
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,360
I feel dirty.

242
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,831
Oh, hey.

243
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,199
Hey! Hi!

244
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,300
Hi.

245
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,302
Hi, uh, this is
really embarrassing,

246
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,671
But I locked myself
out of my house.

247
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,574
Oh, tsh! I do it all the time.
Don't be embarrassed.

248
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:37,109
[ chuckles ]

249
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,478
I was -- I was hoping
you could help me.

250
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,614
There's a window open,
but I can't reach it.

251
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,115
Would you mind?

252
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:48,854
Yeah, sure.
Great. Yeah..

253
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,723
Of course. [ chuckles ]
you know what they say --

254
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:54,226
Every time god closes a door,
he opens a window.

255
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,096
Or I guess ithis case,
every time he locks you out.

256
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,631
Okay,
what do we got here?

257
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:01,634
I mean, am I attracted to her?
Yes.

258
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:04,036
Would I ever act on it?
No. No way.

259
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,373
Not while my wife
is still alive.

260
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,508
Are you sure I can't get you
something to drink?

261
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,777
Yeah, no, I'm -- I'm fine,
really.

262
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,213
If I knew a man was gonna climb
into my bedroom window,

263
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,714
I would have
cleaned up a bit.

264
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,982
Are you kidding me?

265
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,051
It smelled great in there,
like lotions and oils.

266
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:23,022
For...Dry skin and, you know,
calloused hands.

267
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,623
Yeah.
It's a candle.

268
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:25,691
Uh-oh.

269
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,726
What's wrong?

270
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,061
The bike's gone.

271
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,197
Oh, no.
Can I help you find it?

272
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,232
That's all right.
Thank you.

273
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,267
Okay.
Thank you!

274
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,505
So, to teach him a lesson,
I took his bike,
275
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:42,007
And then -- crazy thing --
I put it down for one minute,

276
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,243
And someone swiped it
from me.

277
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,712
<i>Maybe that was your dad
teaching you a lesson.</i>

278
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,214
[ chuckles ]

279
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,216
Zinger!

280
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,450
So...

281
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:55,287
Any chance I could get
a break on this one?

282
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,323
I can throw in a bell.
Deal.

283
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,024
For $5.
No, sir.

284
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,759
So, you want to go for
the insurance this time,

285
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,128
Or is it still
for suckers?

286
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,896
Ha ha!

287
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,831
Got me again.

288
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,501
Well played, milord.

289
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,203
I will take some insurance.
Thank you.

290
00:11:10,271 --> 00:11:12,205
Gloria:
What's going on in there?

291
00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:13,540
Manny:
That's not step 4.

292
00:11:13,308 --> 00:11:14,441
Don't worry about it.

293
00:11:14,509 --> 00:11:16,143
Well, it says
right here that --

294
00:11:16,211 --> 00:11:17,578
That's
worrying about it.

295
00:11:17,645 --> 00:11:19,880
I thought you guys
might need a drink.

296
00:11:19,948 --> 00:11:21,582
Oh,
you have no idea.

297
00:11:21,649 --> 00:11:25,118
<i>Manny, mi amor, I have to go
get some stuff for our trip.</i>

298
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:27,421
Ay, but have some fun
with your father, okay?

299
00:11:27,488 --> 00:11:29,756
And I'll see you Monday.
Mwah!
300
00:11:29,824 --> 00:11:33,694
Makes me so happy to see
my two boys working together.

301
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,929
Jay shocked himself
twice.
Okay, manny.

302
00:11:35,997 --> 00:11:37,064
Well, I warned him.

303
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:37,765
Yep,
he's been a big help.

304
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:42,068
Look at you two
with your private jokes already.

305
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:44,271
You're a regular
salazar and el oso.

306
00:11:44,338 --> 00:11:45,472
[ chuckles ]

307
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:48,275
It's a very big comedy team
in colombia.

308
00:11:48,342 --> 00:11:50,377
El oso is always
hitting salazar in the head

309
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:51,912
Headder and things,

310
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,281
And sometimes they wear dresses.
[ chuckles ]

311
00:11:54,348 --> 00:11:57,951
They make you laugh,
but they also make you think.
312
00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:02,022
"you blew it.
You made me look bad."

313
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,691
No, "you made
your mother and I look bad.

314
00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:05,759
We are a team."

315
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,394
Luke, you in there?

316
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:08,828
Luke: Hey, dad.

317
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:09,863
Hey.
Hey, buddy.

318
00:12:09,931 --> 00:12:11,264
[ video game beeping ]

319
00:12:11,332 --> 00:12:13,466
That was, uh, that was
pretty fun today, huh,

320
00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:14,634
Gettin' a new bike?

321
00:12:14,702 --> 00:12:15,902
Yeah, it was awesome.

322
00:12:15,970 --> 00:12:17,737
So, uh, what happened
after I took off?

323
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,673
Anything you want to
share with me?

324
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,041
Not really.

325
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,842
So if I went out
to the garage

326
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,111
To take a picture
for the scrapbook,

327
00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:26,646
There'd be no surprises?

328
00:12:27,949 --> 00:12:29,683
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean it.

329
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:30,951
I just made a mistake.

330
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,986
<i>Yeah, a big mistake!</i>

331
00:12:33,054 --> 00:12:35,055
You're making me look
really bad here.

332
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,057
I told mom
you were ready for this.

333
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,191
It's just a scratch, dad.

334
00:12:38,259 --> 00:12:39,859
That's not the point,
luke -- what?

335
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,128
I scratched it
on my way into the driveway.

336
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,530
I'm sorry.

337
00:12:43,598 --> 00:12:46,099
So...It's not stolen?

338
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:48,535
No. Why?

339
00:12:48,603 --> 00:12:51,638
That's good, 'cause...

340
00:12:51,706 --> 00:12:53,940
There are bad people out there
who would steal a bike.

341
00:12:54,008 --> 00:12:55,742
Those are thieves.

342
00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:58,612
You sit there and think
about the scratch part.
That's not good, either.

343
00:12:58,679 --> 00:12:59,946
[ crack ]
gonna fix that step.

344
00:13:00,014 --> 00:13:01,881
So don't scratch anything
while I'm gone.

345
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,450
Unless it itches --
that's different.

346
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:08,021
The good news is,
luke has his bike.

347
00:13:08,089 --> 00:13:09,656
More good news --

348
00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:11,925
I taught some random kid
a valuable lesson

349
00:13:11,993 --> 00:13:13,460
By stealing his bike.

350
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:16,029
Best news --
claire knows nothing.
351
00:13:16,097 --> 00:13:19,099
So, I figure
I'll just dump the new bike

352
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,800
Where I stole the first bike.

353
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,036
That way,
random kid gets his back,

354
00:13:23,104 --> 00:13:25,805
And this new bike doesn't rais
a lot of embarrassing questions,

355
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,007
Like why I had it

356
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,843
Or who boosted who
through a bedroom window.

357
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,412
So, everybods happy.

358
00:13:32,848 --> 00:13:34,649
Uh-oh.

359
00:13:34,716 --> 00:13:36,183
Oh, son of a --

360
00:13:36,251 --> 00:13:38,219
You gave me
the wrong screwdriver.

361
00:13:38,287 --> 00:13:40,254
Maybe you're
just using it wrong.

362
00:13:40,322 --> 00:13:41,856
My dad's great with tools.

363
00:13:41,923 --> 00:13:43,991
He can get the wheels off a car
in less than a minute.
364
00:13:44,059 --> 00:13:46,193
Just get me to wine country.
Just get me to wine --

365
00:13:46,261 --> 00:13:47,194
Ooh. Oh!

366
00:13:47,262 --> 00:13:48,429
Aah!
Sorry.

367
00:13:48,497 --> 00:13:49,964
I think
my arm is broken.

368
00:13:50,032 --> 00:13:51,332
Relax.
It's not broken.

369
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,401
How do you know?
You don't know anything!

370
00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:55,102
You have no concern
for safety.

371
00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:57,038
Because it didn't hit you
that hard.

372
00:13:57,105 --> 00:13:59,440
Why don't you just say it?
You don't want me around.

373
00:13:59,508 --> 00:14:00,841
You know what?
Right now, I don't.

374
00:14:00,909 --> 00:14:02,743
I don't want to be
with you, either.

375
00:14:02,811 --> 00:14:04,078
I'm gonna go wait
for my dad.
376
00:14:04,146 --> 00:14:05,980
[ mockingly ] oh, but --
but if you leave,

377
00:14:06,048 --> 00:14:07,515
How will I ever finish?

378
00:14:07,582 --> 00:14:10,751
You know what?
I wish you never married my mom.

379
00:14:10,819 --> 00:14:12,053
I hate living here.

380
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,521
You think
I like this arrangement?

381
00:14:13,588 --> 00:14:16,891
I got a two-seater
parked in the driveway.

382
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,141
[ laughs ] I mean,
I don't understand.

383
00:14:21,209 --> 00:14:23,210
Why are you trying to sneak
around and hide things from me?

384
00:14:23,278 --> 00:14:24,578
I actually think
it's pretty funny.

385
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:25,746
You do?

386
00:14:25,813 --> 00:14:27,180
I do, yes.

387
00:14:27,248 --> 00:14:29,683
I mean, you steal a bike
from some poor kid

388
00:14:29,751 --> 00:14:32,219
And then the bike
gets stolen from you --

389
00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:33,387
That's hilarious.

390
00:14:33,454 --> 00:14:35,656
[ laughs ]
classic me, right?

391
00:14:35,723 --> 00:14:38,392
Yeah! So, where were you
when it got stolen?

392
00:14:38,459 --> 00:14:39,927
Oh,
I was getting some gas.

393
00:14:39,994 --> 00:14:41,228
Uh-huh.
Yeah.

394
00:14:41,296 --> 00:14:43,363
You don't stand near the car
when you get gas?

395
00:14:43,431 --> 00:14:45,098
Yep, but, uh,
I went inside

396
00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:46,567
To get a soda
because I was thirsty,

397
00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:48,669
And if I had a sod
I wouldn't be thirsty anymore,

398
00:14:48,736 --> 00:14:50,871
So I bought one, and then
I drank it all right there,

399
00:14:50,939 --> 00:14:52,306
Which is why
I don't have the can.

400
00:14:52,373 --> 00:14:53,540
Well, honey, please,

401
00:14:53,608 --> 00:14:56,543
Let's try to remember that
I'm your wife, not your mom,

402
00:14:56,611 --> 00:14:59,846
So in the future, you don't need
to hide things from me, okay?

403
00:14:59,914 --> 00:15:01,848
Okay.
Okay.

404
00:15:01,916 --> 00:15:04,851
Ohh! Oh, yeah!

405
00:15:04,919 --> 00:15:06,219
You get back here, you!

406
00:15:06,287 --> 00:15:07,788
Claire:
What are you doing, phil?

407
00:15:07,855 --> 00:15:09,056
I just love you
so darn much!

408
00:15:09,123 --> 00:15:10,724
I know, I love you, too,
but that hurts.

409
00:15:10,792 --> 00:15:12,159
Let's get you inside.

410
00:15:12,226 --> 00:15:13,193
It is a hot one.
Hi!

411
00:15:13,261 --> 00:15:14,595
I know.
That's hurting a lot.

412
00:15:14,662 --> 00:15:16,196
This is a hot one.
Hello! Hi, there!
413
00:15:16,264 --> 00:15:17,798
Oh, hi!
Hi, again.

414
00:15:17,865 --> 00:15:20,000
I, uh,
found your bike.

415
00:15:20,068 --> 00:15:21,201
Uh...

416
00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:23,770
Oh, good! You -- the --
at the gas station?

417
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:25,238
No, at my house.

418
00:15:25,306 --> 00:15:27,441
One of my neighbors saw it
and put it in my garage

419
00:15:27,508 --> 00:15:29,676
When you were
in my bedroom, so...

420
00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:34,982
Classic me?

421
00:15:35,049 --> 00:15:37,884
Come on, honey,
grab the block.

422
00:15:37,952 --> 00:15:39,653
See, like did.
You got to do that.

423
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:40,821
You got to grab it like him.

424
00:15:40,888 --> 00:15:43,557
So, you seen
any m-movies lately?

425
00:15:43,625 --> 00:15:44,891
Uh, yeah.
426
00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:48,962
You know, my husband and I
just rented, uh, "mamma mia,"

427
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:50,597
Which I liked, but...

428
00:15:50,665 --> 00:15:53,166
I don't know that meryl streep
was the right choice.

429
00:15:53,234 --> 00:15:55,268
What did you think?

430
00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:57,638
Cameron:
Excuse me --

431
00:15:57,705 --> 00:16:00,674
Meryl streep could play batman
and be the right choice.

432
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,175
She's perfection,

433
00:16:02,243 --> 00:16:05,278
Whether she's divorcing kramer,
whether she's wearing prada.

434
00:16:05,346 --> 00:16:08,081
Don't even get me started
on "sophie's choice."

435
00:16:08,149 --> 00:16:10,550
I get emotional
thinking about it.

436
00:16:12,387 --> 00:16:14,621
She couldn't forgive herself.

437
00:16:17,992 --> 00:16:19,259
[ whimpers ]

438
00:16:19,327 --> 00:16:21,695
I guess she was okay.
439
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,363
Really? Ugh.

440
00:16:23,431 --> 00:16:25,098
Ugh, ugh, ugh.

441
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:26,533
Mitchell:
Grab the block, sweetheart.

442
00:16:26,601 --> 00:16:27,868
You're not even interested
in it.

443
00:16:27,935 --> 00:16:29,136
Danielle:
Is henry stacking?

444
00:16:29,203 --> 00:16:31,271
Good job, henry!

445
00:16:31,339 --> 00:16:32,839
Good job!

446
00:16:37,111 --> 00:16:39,279
¶ q, r, s ¶

447
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:40,947
¶ t, u, v ¶

448
00:16:41,015 --> 00:16:44,785
¶ w, x, y, and z ¶

449
00:16:44,852 --> 00:16:47,187
¶ now I know my... ¶

450
00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:48,989
Whoa, lily!

451
00:16:49,057 --> 00:16:51,091
Oh, not so high!

452
00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:51,526
Oh!
453
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,928
That is a big moment
for her.

454
00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:55,930
Yeah.
Would you like
a videotape?

455
00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:57,532
Uh, you know, I don't --
I don't know

456
00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,634
If I can actually get her
to do it again, so...

457
00:16:59,702 --> 00:17:02,770
Well, we tape
all of our classes.

458
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:04,238
<i>We don't like parents
bringing cameras in.</i>

459
00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:05,606
<i>It takes them
out of the moment.</i>

460
00:17:05,674 --> 00:17:06,874
I'll get you a copy
after class.

461
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,277
That's super. Yeah.
Thank you.

462
00:17:10,913 --> 00:17:11,979
Mitchell:
Cam. Cam, let's go.

463
00:17:12,047 --> 00:17:13,614
I-I don't know
what's happened to me,

464
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:15,750
But I just stole a baby's
intellectual property.

465
00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:17,685
What?
You'll see it tonight
on the news.

466
00:17:17,753 --> 00:17:18,953
Let's just go.

467
00:17:19,021 --> 00:17:20,755
Danielle:
Oh, look who's here --

468
00:17:20,823 --> 00:17:22,790
Anton and scott!

469
00:17:22,858 --> 00:17:23,958
Hi! Sorry we're late!

470
00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:25,259
Scott:
Don't look at me --

471
00:17:25,327 --> 00:17:27,095
The eye candy here
can't leave the house

472
00:17:27,162 --> 00:17:29,430
Without spending 20 minutes
in front of the mirror.

473
00:17:29,498 --> 00:17:30,364
[ laughter ]

474
00:17:30,432 --> 00:17:32,033
Are you kidding me?

475
00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:33,434
I am so sorry.

476
00:17:33,502 --> 00:17:34,535
Look at those queens.

477
00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:36,170
I would have killed
with this crowd,

478
00:17:36,238 --> 00:17:37,872
But you had to
clip my wings,

479
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,707
Which you used to be
the wind beneath.

480
00:17:39,775 --> 00:17:41,042
I know. I'm sorry.

481
00:17:41,110 --> 00:17:42,777
This class has turned me
into a complete monster.

482
00:17:42,845 --> 00:17:43,878
I'm -- I just --

483
00:17:43,946 --> 00:17:45,379
I'll make it up to you.
Let's just go.

484
00:17:45,447 --> 00:17:48,349
Okay, it's time
for parents dance!

485
00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:51,085
Everybody dance
for your baby!

486
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:53,321
[ dance music plays ]

487
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:56,257
You want to do it,
don't you?

488
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,025
I do.

489
00:17:58,093 --> 00:17:59,894
I want to dance
for my baby.
490
00:17:59,962 --> 00:18:01,896
[ sighs ] all right,
go on, get in there.

491
00:18:01,964 --> 00:18:02,897
You sure?

492
00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:05,466
Make that horsey move.
Go ahead.

493
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,340
[ all cheering ]

494
00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:27,155
Oh,
I think I hurt myself.

495
00:18:40,135 --> 00:18:42,470
[ telephone rings ]

496
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:44,972
[ beep ]

497
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,207
Hello.

498
00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:47,875
Hey, javier.

499
00:18:47,943 --> 00:18:50,878
Manny's waiting for you outside.

500
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:52,446
What?

501
00:18:52,514 --> 00:18:55,116
Why not?

502
00:18:55,184 --> 00:18:57,652
Hold that thought.

503
00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:01,622
His son's sitting on a curb,
waiting to go to disneyland,
504
00:19:01,690 --> 00:19:04,960
And superman can't drag himself
away from a craps table.

505
00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:08,062
<i>And I'm the jerk.</i>

506
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,667
Say, listen...

507
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,969
I, uh...

508
00:19:15,037 --> 00:19:17,171
Sorry, but I got
some bad news.

509
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,339
What?

510
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,808
Your dad
couldn't make it.

511
00:19:20,876 --> 00:19:22,143
Why not?

512
00:19:22,211 --> 00:19:23,544
The plane was full,

513
00:19:23,612 --> 00:19:26,280
And this old lady
needed to get home,

514
00:19:26,348 --> 00:19:27,982
So he gave up his seat.

515
00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:29,550
You're making that up,
aren't you?

516
00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:30,551
No.

517
00:19:30,619 --> 00:19:32,020
He just didn't
want to come.

518
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,122
Are you kidding me?
He was very upset.

519
00:19:34,189 --> 00:19:37,325
He was dying to see you.

520
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,328
In fact,
look what he sent.

521
00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:41,496
A limo?

522
00:19:41,563 --> 00:19:42,764
Yeah!

523
00:19:42,831 --> 00:19:45,667
He wanted me and your mom
to take you to disneyland.

524
00:19:45,734 --> 00:19:47,535
I told you
he was an awesome dad.

525
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,604
Yeah, he's a prince.

526
00:19:49,672 --> 00:19:51,072
Let me see...

527
00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:55,009
Okay, the key to being
a good dad?

528
00:19:55,077 --> 00:19:57,979
Look, sometimes things work out
just the way you want.

529
00:19:58,047 --> 00:19:58,347
Race you to the end.

530
00:19:58,415 --> 00:20:01,116
That is not a good idea...
For you.

531
00:20:02,986 --> 00:20:04,753
Sometimes they don't.

532
00:20:04,821 --> 00:20:06,655
You got to hang in there...

533
00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:09,925
Because when all is said
and done...

534
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:15,230
...90% of being a dad --

535
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:18,367
Just showing up.

536
00:20:29,612 --> 00:20:31,380
Hey!
That's my bike!

537
00:20:31,448 --> 00:20:34,950
Oh.
I don't, uh...

538
00:20:35,018 --> 00:20:36,251
Well...

539
00:20:38,288 --> 00:20:39,403
I was giving it back!

540
00:20:42,691 --> 00:20:44,625
[ voice breaking ]
she couldn't forgive herself.

541
00:20:44,693 --> 00:20:47,361
And...

542
00:20:47,429 --> 00:20:48,863
She had to choose.

543
00:20:48,931 --> 00:20:51,465
And I think
because now I have --

544
00:20:51,533 --> 00:20:53,301
We have -- we have l--

545
00:20:53,368 --> 00:20:54,635
We have lily,

546
00:20:54,703 --> 00:20:59,073
It's so hard to imagine
being put in that position.

547
00:20:59,141 --> 00:21:01,542
If I had to choose
lily or mitchell,

548
00:21:01,610 --> 00:21:03,277
I mean, I would choose l--

549
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:06,948
I don't know!
I just -- I don't know!

550
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,216
Transcript by addic7ed.com
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

551
00:21:09,284 --> 00:21:11,218
I don't know!

552
00:21:11,286 --> 00:21:14,021
I don't know!

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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