Summary: Upholder

Likely Strengths:

Self-starter

Self-motivated

Conscientious

Reliable

Thorough

Sticks to a schedule

Eager to understand and meet expectations

Possible Weaknesses

Defensive

Rigid, Demanding

Often struggles when plans or schedules change

Can seem humorless and uptight

Uneasy when rules are ambiguous or undefined

Impatient when others need reminders, deadlines, supervision, or discussion

May become anxious about obeying rules that don’t even exist

Dealing with an Upholder

They readily meet external and internal expectations

They’re self-directed, so they can meet deadlines, work on projects, and take the initiative without much
supervision.

They enjoy routine and may have trouble adjusting to a break in routine or sudden scheduling changes

They hate to make mistakes, and because of that…..

They may become very angry or defensive at the suggestion that they’ve dropped the ball or made a
mistake.

They put a high value on follow-through

They may need to be reminded that, unlike them, others aren’t necessarily comforted or energized by
getting things done.

They may have trouble delegating responsibilities, because they suspect that others aren’t dependable.

Questioner
“I’ll comply – if you convince me why”
“Prove It”
“Because I said so? I don’t think so!”
“Don’t lose sight of why”
“Blind obedience is servitude. Or is it?”
“Wait, what?”
“Justification leads to motivation.”
“Seek and seek and seek and seek – and maybe ye shall find.”
“Optimizing life – even when we don’t want to.”
“But Why”?
“It’s my way or the wrong way.”
“Why do we need a motto?”
Summary: Questioner
Likely Strengths:
Data-Driven
Fair-minded (according to his or her judgment)
Interested in creating systems that are efficient and effective
Willing to play devil’s advocate
Comfortable bucking the system, if it’s warranted
Inner-directed
Unwilling to accept authority without justification

Possible Weaknesses:
Can suffer analysis-paralysis
Impatient with what he or she sees as other’s complacency
Crackpot potential
Unable to accept closure on matters that others consider settled if questions remain
unanswered
May refuse to observe expectations that others find fair or at least non-optional(e.g. traffic
regulations)
May resist answering others’ questions
Dealing with a Questioner
They question all expectations and meet them only if they believe they’re justified, with the
result that they may meet only inner expectations.
They put a high value on reason, research and information.
They make decisions based on information and reason; sometimes, the reason is that it’s
important to someone else
They follow the advice of “authorities” only if they trust their expertise
They follow their own judgment – sometimes even when it flies in the face of experts who
(allegedly) know more.
They persistently ask questions, which may make them seem uncooperative or defiant
They hate anything arbitrary – rules like “Only 5 garments allowed in a fitting room”
They dislike being questioned themselves; they consider their actions carefully so they find it
tiresome or even insulting to be asked to justify their decisions
They may have trouble delegating decision making, because they suspect that others don’t
have a sufficient basis for action.
Obliger
“You can count on me, and I’m counting on you to count on me.”
“By serving others, I serve myself”
“If I have to, I will; if I want to, I won’t.”
“I’ll do anything you ask. Until I won’t”
“We need an outside commitment, for everything – even to spend time with ourselves.”
“Say Yes to Less.”
“I have a long wick with a quick burn”
“Treat yourself as you treat others.”
“How can I be of service to you?”
“I don’t want to, but I will anyway.”
“All for one and one for all.”
Summary: Obliger
Likely Strengths
Good boss, responsive leader, team player
Feels great obligation to meet others’ expectations
Responsible
Willing to go the extra mile
Responds to outer accountability
Possible Weaknesses
Susceptible to overwork and burnout
May show the destructive pattern of Obliger-rebellion
Exploitable
May become resentful
Has trouble saying no or imposing limits.
Summary: Dealing with an Obliger
They readily meet outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations
They put a high value on meeting commitments to others
They succeed when given accountability, with supervision, deadlines, monitoring, and other
forms of accountability, such as the duty to be a good role model.
They may have trouble setting limits on others’ demands
They may have trouble delegating, because they feel that some expectations attach to them
personally.
They must have systems of external accountability in order to meet inner expectations
They may be exploited by people who take advantage of them, and because of that….
They may feel resentful or burned out, in which case….
They may need managers or others to alleviate expectations, or they may rebel.
Rebel
“It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to”
“May the Bridges I burn light my way.”
“You’re not the boss of me.”
“I do things only in my own way – a blessing and a curse.”
“Ask forgiveness, not permission.”
“I do what I want.”
“Because I feel like it.”
“Don’t look, just leap.”
“Rules must be broken, except, would this be a rule?”
“Freedom is my discipline.”
“You can’t make me, and neither can I.”
“I’m happy to, when I don’t have to.”
“You can’t spell ‘Rebel’ without the be.”
“If I had to describe myself using only one word it would be “doesn’t follow directions.”
Summary: Rebel
Likely Strengths
Independent-minded
Able to think outside the box
Not swayed by conventional wisdom
Willing to go his or her way, to buck social conventions
In touch with his or her authentic desires
Spontaneous
Possible Weaknesses
Likely to resist when asked or told to do something
Uncooperative
Inconsiderate
Has trouble accomplishing tasks that need to be done consistently, the same way, every time
Acts as though ordinary rules don’t apply
Restless; may find it difficult to settle down in a job, relationship, city
Struggles with routines and planning
May be indifferent to reputation
Dealing with a Rebel
They resist both outer and inner expectations
They put a high value on freedom, choice, identity and self-expression
If someone asks or tells them to do something, they’re likely to resist.
They may respond to a challenge: “I’ll show you,” “Watch me,” “You can’t make me,” “You’re
not the boss of me.”
They may choose to act out of love, a sense of mission, belief in a cause
They have trouble telling themselves what to do – even when it’s something they want to do
They meet a challenge, in their own way, in their own time
They don’t respond well to supervision, advice, or directions
They tend to be good at delegating
If they’re in a long-term relationship, their partner is probably an obliger.