Prayer in the Desert.

Feelings… aah, feelings… they can be so convincing.

Firstly, the days of ecstasies and visions are not passed, as the age of saints has not passed.
There are in the world today holy persons having ecstasies and/ or visions. However, there are wicked
people also having ecstasies and visions. Just because someone appears to be receiving extraordinary
graces doesn’t mean that they’re extraordinarily holy, or even that their teaching is orthodox. It doesn’t
necessarily follow that they’re Christian. These are a grace, an instance where feelings are experienced
in the spiritual life.
There is a story told by the Desert Fathers of a proud monk who was given to every kind of sin.
He awoke in his cell one night and saw an angel of light. He bowed down and worshipped and
considered himself very wonderful on account of his vision. It so happened that in the monastery there
was another monk who was humble and pious. He, too, awoke in his cell one night and saw the same
vision of an angel of light. The monk made the Sign of the Cross in fear, and cried out to God for help.
His humility preserved him from being duped by the snare of the demon that was impersonating an
angel of light in order to tempt the brothers in to the sin of pride.
Another story of the Desert Fathers concerns a man who could see the supernatural activity of
demons in the world. He went to the monastery and saw demons hard at work everywhere and was
upset that the monks, who seemed so holy, should have such an array of demons around them. He
went then to the marketplace, expecting to see twice the number of demons, twice as busy, but there
was only one demon, sitting on his hands doing nothing. ‘Why are there so many demons so busy in
the monastery while you are out here in the wicked world doing nothing?’ the man asked the demon.
The demon replied, ‘In the monastery we have to work hard to tempt the brothers to sin. Here in the
world the people do all the work for us and we have nothing to do.’
Religion shouldn’t be based on feelings but on the Understanding and the Will. There is a story
about a man who wanted to pray. He wanted to pray but he didn’t feel like it. He wanted to read a
book, watch a movie, or anything but go to pray. He had a terrible struggle on his hands but he said,
‘Will are you with me?’ and Will said, ‘We shall pray.’ So the man prayed.
There is a story by Leo Tolstoy called ‘Family Happiness.’ In it he declares that ‘Life should be
a guide to feelings, not feelings be a guide to life.’ This is absolutely true. We are so easily swayed by
how we feel. We allow ourselves to fall into luxury and end up doing ‘what feels right.’ Eventually we
slip into the trap of believing ‘what feels right,’ or ‘what is true to me.’ Truth is not subjective. If
something is blue then it is not red. We must educate ourselves and decide with our intellect what is
true. And for those who are contentious- I do belive that the Catholic faith, taken in its entirety and not
out of context, can be understood as Truth.
Feelings can lay a terrible trap for us. We can so easily fall into sin when we rely on our
feelings. We might feel that we love someone, and that extramarital sex is the right thing to do on the
basis of that (so called) love. Is this true love, that calls someone away from God? Feelings can keep
us from prayer. Like the man in the story who discussed his intentions with his Will, feelings can keep
us from prayer. Thus do they keep us from God.
If we actually do pray then feelings can intervene again. Here I am talking about the concept of
acedia. This is a particular kind of dryness in prayer. Sometimes in prayer special graces and
consolations are given and prayer can feel uplifting and delightful. Other times prayer can be a real
labour and there are no pleasant feelings arising from the experience. This doesn’t mean that your
prayer is not good. It doesn’t have to feel good to be right. This experience of being in the desert, of
the dark night of the soul can lead us more surely to God than can all kinds of consolations. We learn
to seek God for His sake, not for the sake of the pleasant feelings we get when we pray. This is the
prayer of true love.
It isn’t easy to be in the desert. Sometimes in prayer you can feel like you are dying, as though
to kneel there one minute longer would be enough to cause your heart to stop beating. And yet you are
perfectly well able to watch a movie without agony. But the desert isn’t always a loathsome place.
There is unspeakable beauty to be found in the desert. It has a way of cutting us off from the world and
drawing us deeper into Mystery. In our living tomb we grow closer to our heavenly Bridegroom. In
the silence that comes from our spiritual exhaustion we hear His voice. Perhaps it doesn’t sound sweet
at the time, but the dark night will not last forever. One day you will look back and realise what
inestimable graces you gained in that suffering and be glad that God granted you that grace.
There is a story from the Desert Fathers about a Novice Master who told a monk to go and water
a stick that was poking out of the ground. The monk went to water the stick every day as he was told,
but he was irritated at the silly task. He finally complained to the Novice Master, ‘Father, I have
watered that dead stick every day for months- why do I have to do this?’ The Novice Master told him
to wait, and to continue in obedience. As a result of his long obedience the dead stick finally flowered.
 This story of watering the dead stick is very popular in monastic communities. Those who
persevere in prayer will some day find themselves in the desert, in the dark night, or watering a dead
stick. The important thing is to follow the dictates of the Will and not the feelings, with the assurance
that Our Father, who sees what we do in secret, will reward us.