Chapter One

W hat is Self Esteem Exactly?

Self-est eem covers many aspect s but basically it is your sense of self wort h. How

valuable you t hink you are as a person. If you want t o discover w hat your level of

self-est eem is t here are many t est s you can t ake and I have one on my w ebsit e at

t hat t his page:

ht t p:/ / ww w .more-selfest eem.com/ t est .ht m

However, you can ask yourself a simple quest ion and t he answer t o t his w ill t ell

you what your present level of self-est eem is…

“ How m uch do I value myself?”

If you t hink about t his quest ion carefully, your answers will t ell you a lot . You

should spend a bit of t ime t hinking about t his and t aking a few not es would be

very helpful before you st art to read t his e-book.

You can’t touch it , but it affects how you feel…

You can’t see it , but it ’s t here w hen you look at yourself in t he mirror…

You can’t hear it , but it ’s t here as a voice inside you…

This is your self est eem!

The opinion and values you hold are influenced by physical appearance,

performance of various t asks, parent s, religion, leaders, peers and siblings.

ESTEEM m eans:

• Value

• wort h

• confidence

• respect

• honour

• hold one in high regard

So self-est eem is your awareness of all t hese about yourself. Let ’s t ake a few

minut es t o look at all t hese import ant point s above one by one.

Value

Everybody has an int ernal pict ure of t heir own value w it hin societ y. To have a

healt hy level of self-est eem you need t o have a good self opinion of yourself in

t erms of t he value t hat you have in your family. This is so im port ant . M uch of

your self est eem was formed in t he first place in t he family when you were a child

and as you grew up your level of self-est eem depended on t he role t hat you held

in your family. Whet her you are a fat her, mot her son or daught er you need t o
know t hat you are performing your role w ell and t o t he best of your abilit y and

t hat you are appreciat ed for it .

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Your relat ionships wit hin t he family are very import ant in forming your ow n

opinions about your value t o t he ot her members of t he family. The respect t hat

you receive from your part ner or your children also comes int o t his.

M en and women have a lot of different st resses and expect at ions w it hin t he

fam ily and so a man, for example, w ho has lost his job and is unable t o provide for

his fam ily can suffer a drast ic fall in his self est eem because he believes t hat he is

not performing his dut y appropriat ely. Women, on t he ot her hand, have different

roles t o play but nonet heless if t hey are t aken advant age of, (as is oft en t he case

wit h wom en), low self est eem result s. Women usually have t he role of running

t he family in t he sense of looking aft er t he children and preparing meals et c. (t his

is a very st ereot yped view of course but it is st ill nonet heless t he norm ).

Women somet imes have so many demands placed on t hem, (especially nowadays

when women are also working and developing careers). This oft en means t hat

t hey have t o make choices and t he problem w it h choices is t hat if you are forced

t o make t hem against your desires you can suffer low self est eem .
The problem in fam ilies is t hat t here are so many conflict ing roles and

responsibilit ies t hat not everybody can alw ays t ake care of t heir ow n needs. This

oft en leads t o sit uat ions where people feel neglect ed or t hey feel t hat t heir needs

are not being respect ed. This is especially t he case wit h adolescent s and young

children who have lit t le t olerance for parent ’s ot her responsibilit ies and dut ies.

As children we need t o feel t hat we are valued. Whet her we feel valued or not as

children, depends on t he messages t hat w e get from our parent s. Children feel

valued when her parent s give t hem posit ive messages and t hey feel bad when

t hey receive negat ive messages. Parent s t hese days have many responsibilit ies

and wit h t he fast pace of life in t he modern world parent s oft en do not give

enough t ime t o t heir children and worse, when t hey ret urn home from work t ired

and st ressed it is very easy for t hem t o get angry and give t heir children negat ive

messages. If t his is repeat ed oft en t he child grows up t o be a child who suffers

from low self-est eem and t his can cont inue int o adult hood.

If you suffered from negat ive messages as you grew up as a child and let ’s face it

we all have t o a cert ain ext ent , t hen you m ay st ill be suffering t oday and t his may

be why you do not value yourself as much as you should.

If you are a parent you should be aware of t he affect t hat your negat ive messages

have on your children. How oft en have you heard yourself saying t hings like:

“ You never list en”

“ You’re so lazy”
“ You never clean up your room”

And many ot her negat ive messages w hich repeat ed over a long period t ime really

affect your child. Think back t o w hen you were a child and t he messages you

received and you may underst and t hat perhaps you are st ill suffering from t he

aft er effect s of all t hose messages.

Wort h

Your self-wort h is also import ant . When you t hink of t he job t hat you have and

t he t hings you do every day, do you believe t hat t hey are valuable t o t he world in

general?

The t hing about self wort h is t hat t he most im port ant t hing is what you t hink.

Your lack of self est eem is direct ly relat ed t o your own opinion of t he value of

what you do and who you are and t his is t ot ally wit hin your cont rol t o change. Of

course it is difficult if you are in a posit ion where you always receive negat ive

messages from your part ner, from members of your family or from colleagues at

work.

What we’ll do in t his book is t ry t o alt er t he way you t hink about yourself and

make you aware of how your t hinking affect s your abilit y t o achieve your pot ent ial

and reach your dreams. If you are serious about reaching t he goals t hat you have

set for yourself and you want a life filled wit h happiness t hen you must st art wit h

im proving your self est eem and building your confidence.

Confidence

Self-Confidence is such an import ant aspect of self est eem because w it hout Self-

Confidence your self est eem w ill be ext remely low . Wit hout self belief you’ll be

defeat ed before you even get st art ed. Chances are t hat you may not even st art

difficult t hings because you will t alk yourself out of it . As soon as anybody else

t urns round t o you and gives you a negat ive message you will t end t o believe

t hem . In addit ion, low self confidence w ill mean t hat you are easily put off by

ot hers comment s and you w ill give up.

The reason why self-confidence and self-est eem are connect ed is because if you

have no self-belief and you doubt yourself and your capabilit ies you w ill not

challenge yourself and you will st ick wit h t hings which are safe. You w ill be

holding yourself back and a voice inside you will nag you because you will know

t he t rut h. The worst t hing in life is t o know t hat you are holding yourself back

because you are paralyzed wit h fear of failure. Lack of self confidence fills you

wit h a fear of failure.

Fear of failure oft en means t hat you w ill fail because you w ill expect not hing else

and we all know t hat t hrough t he law of at t ract ion what you expect is w hat you

get .

High self-est eem enhances self confidence t hat enables a person t o int eract ,

part icipat e and relat e posit ively wit h ot hers.

To find out how you can boost your self confidence visit :
ht t p:/ / ww w .more-selfest eem.com/ self_confidence_t ips.ht m

Respect

Respect is anot her fact or which is highly import ant . Self est eem not only depends

on your ow n self respect but also depends on w hat you t hink ot hers t hink of you.

If a woman t hinks t hat her family does not respect her or t hat t hey do not list en t o

her t hen she will suffer from low self est eem.

It is t he same for you. You need t o feel t hat you are respect ed by ot hers and if

you don’t you will find it difficult t o respect yourself.

Honor

Self-est eem also depends on honor. What do I mean by t his? I mean t hat if you

believe t hat what you are doing is honorable you w ill have a high opinion of

yourself and you w ill value w hat you are doing and what you st and for.

Honor is somet hing w hich is based on honest y and prest ige. It is very difficult t o

experience higher self est eem if your work or t he act ivit ies you’re engaged in are

less t han honest or even dow nright wrong. However, even really bad people can

somet imes managed t o just ify w hat t hey do in t heir own m inds so honor is

complet ely dependent on who is judging it .

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Are you serious about building your self est eem?

Get a copy now of my new e-book " Self Est eem Secret s" :
ht t p:/ / ww w .more-selfest eem.com/ ebook.ht m
Important :

The way you view and feel about yourself has a profound effect on how you live

your life.

These opinions are shaped by experiences in t he family, at school, from

friendships and in wider societ y.

Self-est eem involves your abilit y t o t hink, t o deal wit h life and t o be happy…

Okay, so self est eem is all about how you value yourself as a person…

“Yes, but w hy do I not value myself highly and w hy do I suffer from self esteem?

And w hat can I do about it?”

I just heard you ask t hat quest ion so I’ll t ry t o answer it . Even if you didn’t ask out

loud, believe me it was in t he back of your mind. Let ’s go one st ep at a t ime…

The reason why you do not value yourself as highly as you should is because of t he

const ant negat ive messages which you have received as you t hroughout your life.

If you hear somet hing oft en enough you begin t o believe it and especially as a

child when you are very prone t o believing what grow n-ups t ell you. The t ragedy

is t hat experiences and t he messages we received in our family environment as

children somet imes st ay w it h us for t he rest of our lives.

For many people, low self-est eem and t he negat ive effect s t hat go w it h it may

have last ed for such a long t ime t hat it may seem ext remely difficult t o solve t his

problem . Before you read any furt her, please underst and t hat it is never t oo lat e

and never t oo difficult t o t urn your life around. You can experience higher levels

of self-est eem but t here is no magic wand t hat I can wave and make your problem

go away….

You have t o work at it and keep a close eye on it because it somet hing t hat can

change from moment t o moment or day t o day. Not only will you need t o know

how t o quickly improve your level of self-est eem you will also need t o learn how

t o maint ain it and what t o do if you not ice yourself st art ing t o t hink negat ively or

feeling bad about yourself.

There are so many t ricks and t ips t hat I can give you but in t he end how you feel

depends on your t hought s and your effort s and t hese t hings are t ot ally wit hin

your cont rol.

When we t alk about self est eem we m ust also t alk about ot her t hings like self

belief and self confidence and as part of t he overall armour t hat you need t o put

on t o make yourself indest ruct ible.

I know how you feel w hen you suffer from self doubt , lack of confidence and low

self est eem because I have experienced t hem t oo. The feeling of hopelessness and

dread as you approach every new challenge. I want t o t ry t o help you t urn t his

around and go from t hese negat ive feelings t o boost ing your self confidence and

posit ive at t it ude.

Check out t his page for more about posit ive at t it ude and t he effect it can have on

your life:

ht t p:/ / ww w .more-selfest eem.com/ posit ive_at t it ude.ht m

So what are we wait ing for?

Let ’s get st art ed on t he pract ical st uff…

(There will be a sect ion like t his at t he end of every chapt er. These quest ions and

exercises will help you know yourself bet t er and move you t owards your goal of

high self est eem)

Exercise:

How much do I value myself?”

Take a few m inut es t o t hink about t his quest ion and writ e dow n your answer in a

few sent ences. Think about w ho you are and what you do. Then consider t his

quest ion…

What can I do or change t o value m yself m ore?

Not e dow n your ideas and t hen get ready t o read on, t he next chapt er will help

you t o st art feeling bet t er almost immediat ely and begin t o find t he hope you

need t o st art building your self est eem and confidence…

You can st op writ ing now…

It ’s t ime t o move on  ….

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That ’s t he end of chapt er one.

…t here are anot her eleven chapt ers filled wit h secret s and t ips t o help you build
your self est eem and t urn your life around…

Want t o read t he ot her chapt ers?

Well, you need t o get a copy of my Self Est eem Secret s e-book t oday here:

ht t p:/ / ww w .more-selfest eem.com/ ebook.ht m

Or get t he BESTSELLING paperback version here:

ht t p:/ / ww w .more-selfest eem.com/ book/ selfest eemsecret sbook.ht m

And if you act now you will get all t he bonuses but hurry t hey’re going fast …

Good luck,

Karl Perera

“ Self Est eem Secret s” E-Book “ Self Est eem Secret s” Paperback