ISSUES AND COPING STRATEGIES OF

TRANSNATIONAL MIXED MARRIAGE COUPLE:

AN ETHNOGRAPHIC STUDY

Submitted to: Assoc. Prof. Dr. Rusnani Abdul Kadir

Submitted by: Teh Siew Choo, Cony

Matric No. GS28191

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

Submission Date: 29 September, 2010

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 2 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

Research Problem

Mixed marriage or intercultural couples refer to marriage that is formed by partners of different
cultures, countries, and nationalities, which may or may not include interracial couples
(Donovan, 2004). The student/ researcher has been instructed by Assoc. Prof. Dr. Rusnani
Abdul Kadir to undertake an ethnographic study on mixed marriage couple for the EDU5103:
Cultural Centered Counseling course this semester.

The student recognizes that such research interest is timely and relevant as the unrelenting
momentum of globalization has resulted in increasing human mobility across national borders
which contributed to the rise in number of transnational and intercultural marriages. Coupled
with the advent in telecommunication technology and the flourishing availability of online social
networking, it is safe to speculate that the number of transnational and cross-cultural
relationships and marriages will only set to multiply in time to come.

However, cited in Donovan (2004), research and literature report that the intercultural couples
tend to face challenges and situations that are unique to their structure of marriage. The unique
conditions brought about by the intercultural marriage give rise to stressful situations in the
marriage that requires additional considerations and sensitivity by the counselors while carrying
out marital counseling.

Hence, the student has chosen to carry out an ethnographic qualitative study to learn in-depth
about the unique issues and stressors faced by a transnational mixed marriage couple and
find out their strategies in dealing with such issues while working and living in a foreign
country with a young child.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 3 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

Research Objectives:

1. To identify the issues and stressors the couple faced by living and working in a foreign
country with a young child,

2. To describe the strategies the couple has adopted in handling the issues and stressors
related to living and working in a foreign country, and

3. To describe the present state of the marital harmony of the couple

Literature Review

The masters dissertation by Ms Sarah Donovan (2004) from Virginia Polytechnic Institute and
State University which entitled “Stress and Coping Techniques in Successful Intercultural
Marriages is the main literature that the student/ researcher referred to in undertaking this study.
As Ms Donovan argued, published studies on the stress and coping strategies of intercultural
couples were hardly available except for one unpublished doctoral dissertation by Giladi-
McKelvie in 1986.

When the student/ researcher tried to search for more relevant literature with special focus on the
stressors and coping strategies of mixed marriage couples, she had to agree with Ms Donovan
that empirical research in the specific domain is hard to come by. This view is supported by
Sullivan & Cottone (2006) in their article entitled Culturally Based Couple Therapy and
Intercultural Relationships: A Review of the Literature which was published in The Family
Journal: Counselling and Therapy for Couples and Families in July 2006.

For the purpose of this study, the student/ researcher adopted the definition of intercultural
couples by Biever, Bobele, & North (1998, cited in Donovan, 2004). Biever et al. (1998) defined
intercultural couples are couples made up of partners from different cultures, countries, and
nationalities, in which may or may not include interracial couples).

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 4 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

Sullivan and Cottone (2006) and Donovan (2004) agreed that even though the intercultural
mixed marriage couple deal with issues and relationship conflicts similar to that of the
intracultural couples, however the issues and relationship conflicts the intercultural couples have
maybe complicated by their differences in cultural backgrounds, race, religion, country of origin,
roles as husband/ father; wife/ mother and etc. Some of the types of emotional baggage and
social pressures that intercultural couples need to negate in their married lives exist only because
of the form of their marriage.

Unfortunately, as mentioned in the first two paragraphs of this section, empirical research in
identifying the types of stressors that intercultural couples faced and the strategies that successful
intercultural couples have employed in maintaining the integrity and harmony of their marriage
are lacking. This presents a gap in knowledge and therapeutic strategies (Sullivan & Cottone,
2006) towards marriage counseling work with these clients or to support counselors in working
out positive outcomes with their clients.

Nevertheless, with the current state of skills and very limited knowledge the student/ researcher
has in this field of study, she surely does not see herself being able to contribute much to the
body of knowledge in treating the unique problems of intercultural marriages, rather this study is
about seeking to better understand the issues, coping mechanism and describe the strengths of a
successful intercultural marriage – one that is characterized by high level of mutual support;
commitment towards a long-term, stable marital relationship.

Theoretical Framework

The double ABCX family crisis model developed by sociologists McCubbin and Patterson
(1983) will be used as the theoretical framework to examine how the transnational mixed
marriage couple coped with the stressors and made necessary adaptation in maintaining a stable
and mutually satisfying marriage.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 5 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

The model was expanded from Reuben Hill’s linear model which described the interaction of the
three factors (the ABC components) namely a stressor event, the family’s perception of that
stressor, and the family’s existing resources that will likely to produce a crisis (X) event:

The interactions of the ABCX components can be illustrated as follows:

Stressor (A) → interacts with resources (B) → family’s perception of stressor/ how
stressor defined (C) → produces the crisis (X).

In the double ABCX model, McCubbin and Patterson (1983) added the variables of coping
mechanisms to explain how families manage the crisis and achieve adaptation over time.
Following is the explanation given by Donovan (2004) on the double ABCX model:

“In the double ABCX model, A is not only a specific stressor, but also a pile-up of all the
other stressors the family may be facing. B is not only the resources the family has and
uses, but also those resources the family develops and seeks out in response to a specific
stressor. C is the meaning the family gives to a specific stressor and the meaning the
family makes of the situation and how that meaning has influenced the family.s ability to
adapt. X encompasses the amount of crisis in a family, the family.s adaptation to the
crisis, whether good or bad, and the effects of mal or bon adaptation (McCubbin &
Patterson, 1983)”

Similar to the ethnographic study conducted by Donovan (2004), the student/ researcher did not
find the issues and stressors that the couple faced in their marriage life has resulted in crisis that
threatened the stability and integrity of their marriage. Instead, the study focused more on the
coping mechanism the transnational mixed marriage couple has used to negate the various
stressors in their marriage and family.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 6 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

Research Methods
Design

This was an ethnographic study, designed to gather in-depth qualitative data of how a
transnational mixed marriage couple was able to meet the demands of the stressors and averted
any possible crisis.

Personal in-depth interviews with the identified couple namely L (the husband) and M (the wife)
L on the issues and challenges they faced over the course of their marriage life, how they
perceived the challenges and what coping mechanism they had employed.

Participants and Recruitment Process

The student/ research wrote an email to M on 30 August 2010 to inform her of the study, its
purpose and nature and asked if she and her husband would be able to participate. The couple
gave their consent after two subsequent emails between the couple and the student/ researcher.
The couple understood that they would participate in a study to discuss about various challenging
situations they have faced in their marriage and how they had come through those challenging
times.

The transnational mixed marriage couple, apart from being chosen due to convenience reason,
they are qualified for the study on the following grounds:

1. The husband was born and raised in Indonesia and the wife was born and raised in
Malaysia.
2. They have been working and residing in Singapore for ten years (since they got married).
3. They had been through challenging stressors in their marriage like hospitalization; child
bearing difficulty; overseas work assignments; and the citizenship renunciation dilemma.
4. They are about to celebrate their 10th year of wedding anniversary with a three years old
daughter.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 7 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

In addition, the couple has been close friends to the student/ researcher and her husband for the
past 13 years. In fact, M and the student/ researcher have known each since childhood days.
They have been friends and close friends for almost three decades. The student/ researcher knew
the whole relationship journey the couple has gone through: how they came to know each other
(via internet chatting); decided to get married; tried to have a child and everything else till now.
Due to the profound friendship, the couple has the trust and sense of comfort talking to the
student/ researcher about the various challenging times they had gone through and the strategies
they adopted in combating the various difficult situations.

However the student/ researcher gave assurance of confidentiality to their identity and would
never reveal details other than those required by the study. The couple was also told they could
decline to answer any question that they are not comfortable with or to even withdraw from the
study if they so find their rights and privacy had been violated.

Data Collection Procedures

After the couple agreed to participate in the study, they also informed that they would be
travelling to Jakarta in the following week (the company that L worked for required him to travel
to Jakarta quite frequently and whenever L needed to stay for a week or more, he would arrange
M to bring along their daughter (little A) to join him). The student/ researcher took the
opportunity to schedule two get-together and interview sessions with the couple while they were
in Jakarta.

The first interview took place at the student/ researcher’s apartment in Central Jakarta on 5
September, 2010, from 6:00 – 9:30 pm. The family (the couple and their daughter) was invited to
have dinner at the student’s/ researcher’s place. The second interview took place at the couple’s
serviced apartment in Central Jakarta on 12 September, 2010, from 2:00 – 5:00 pm. It was the
usual naptime of Little A. Audio tapes and video tapes were taken during both interviews.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 8 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

In view of the very long and profound friendship between the couple and the student/ research
and her husband, the student/ researcher found the interview sessions should be carried out in a
casual instead of formal way.

On 5 September, the student/ researcher and her husband chatted casually with the couple during
It was the way like old friends checking on each other. The questions listed in instrument section
served as indicative guide for the interviews. The student/ researcher seized any opportunity
deemed fit to extend the question to cover more areas related to the research objectives or to ask
for more details about some statements made by L or M. An example is given here to illustrate
the point. When M talked about the dilemma and uncertainty she has to face in deciding whether
to renounce her Malaysian’s citizenship when L has done so by the end of September, the
student/ researcher asked questions like, “What are the things that you worry about?” and “As a
couple, how do two of you make decision on important matter like this?”

Instruments

Interview questions were made open ended to give allowance to the participants to share more
freely about their experiences in relation to the scope of this research. Followings is an example
of the interview questions asked about the most recent issues that the couple experienced:

Warm up Questions
How have you been since we last met in April?
The last time we met, you mentioned that you were about to give up your native country’s
citizenship, so, how is it now?

Experience of Issues and Stressors

What brought you to consider renouncing your citizenship?

Do you find it difficult to make a major decision like this especially when both of you came from
different country, and now choosing to become Singaporeans?

How did the stress of having to make a decision like this affect you, individually and as a
couple?

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 9 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

Did you talk to your own parents and siblings about this highly probable decision of giving up
your citizenship? What were their responses like?

Do you feel your different cultural backgrounds added to the complexity of the issue?

Coping Strategies

How did you two view these issues to your marriage both individually and as a couple?

What did you so invidually, and as a couple whenever you encounter challenging issues in your
marriage?

Looking back on the challenging times you have had been through, how have you managed to
stay together and build a mutually satisfying relationship?

Data Analysis
The set out research questions and theoretical framework guide the data analysis process.

The interviews were transcribed from the audio tapes and video clips. Then, the qualitative data
collected was analyzed by the student/ researcher using content analysis. Content analysis is a
method of objectively and systematically identifying themes from the data and organizing the
themes into manageable categories (Stemler, 2001). The responses gathered from the couple
were then coded to look for themes in both their responses and attitudes towards their
experiences.

The research questions and theoretical framework form the basis of the categories. There are four
main categories:
1. Stressors - The stressors/ challenging situations/ issues that the couple had faced/ are
facing throughout their course of marriage.
2. Perception - The couple’s perception/ attitude towards these stressors/ issues.
3. Coping Strategies - The couple’s approach/ strategies in handling/ coping with the
stressors/ challenging situations/ issues.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 10 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

4. Marital Harmony – Drawing from the couple’s direct response to the question; and the
couple’s verbal and non-verbal cues during their interactions.

Findings

.Judging from the amount of details and quality of responses from the couple, the casual
conversation style indeed created a conducive climate for open discussions and sharing. The
themes that emerged from the data analysis process sometimes fit into more than one category.
The categories were organized under three parts of the double ABCX model, namely: the
stressors events; the perception of the couple towards the stressors; the couple’s strategies in
averting a crisis situation in the marriage. In accordance to the research objectives, one more
category was added, that is about the marital harmony of the couple. Quotes and statements from
the participants will be used to illustrate these findings. They have been organized according to
the four categories:

Stressors
M: I surely experienced a lot of culture shock when I first visited Jakarta….a day before our
wedding reception actually…oh, the people, the way the wedding ceremony went, the banquet,
oh gosh…nothing is anything I know in Malaysia or in Singapore, I was actually quite upset….
L: After that, M refused to visit my hometown (i.e. Kalimantan, Indonesia) for almost two years,
I ran out of excuses to tell my parents….so, I ended up inviting my mom to visit us in Singapore
instead.
M: We so wanted to have children….you know L being the eldest son especially…we tried for
so many years…you knew what we went through…the IVF procedures….almost to the point of
giving up….
L: Ya, it’s true, it wasn’t easy at all for me….the eldest son to even open my mouth to tell my
parents that I would give up being Indonesian….I didn’t know what to say or how to say it….to
them.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 11 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

M: He kept going back and forth about a two months, but let’s face it….we don’t have other
choices unless we leave Singapore and sell off our flat…or unless L feels it is at all worth it to
pay five times more for the (public housing) upgrade fees1.

Perception
L: I think every couple has their own issues….I don’t find any problem that M and I came from
different country….it’s kind of common to me…just need some time to adjust in the beginning.
M: Ya, who cares what other people say or think, it is our marriage, it is between the two of
us….no point throwing tantrums, we are adults….just need to solve the problem at it comes.
M: You know, I feel some of our relatives, his side or my side…maybe….um…hope we will not
work out…but it is not going to happen.
L: Whenever there is problem, it is our problem and we just think how we can solve it as a
couple.

Coping Strategies
L: It takes time; need to adjust; solve it as a couple
M; Two of us; no pint throwing tantrums; we are adults
M: We will find a right time, sit down and talk about it
M: We analyzed the pros and cons , and made a decision together
L: (When sharing about a recent incident in his office involving a male colleague’s unethical
conduct) He must be really really a bad person, even his wife threw him out of the house (L said
it twice).
M: Now A is the center of his life, he puts her daughter first, he’s willing to do anything for A.

1
The Singapore government makes structural changes or extensive maintenance to the
public housing every 7 – 10 years. Singaporean received subsidy from the government
whereas non-Singaporeans pay the full fees which is about five times the amount paid by
the citizens. A few months ago, L and M received a bill for upgrade fees of SGD25,000. They
would need to pay the full sum when it is due. This is the main reason that drove them to
take up the Singaporean citizenship.
Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 12 of 13
UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

Marital Harmony
• L and M held hands when they walked together. L was always smiling, talking gently and
patiently with his daughter. L often volunteered to attend to the daughter and let M take
her dinner.
• L often made plans to bring M (even before they had their child) and AA to visit him
whenever he needed to to be abroad for more than 1 – 2 weeks. He maintained daily
video calls with M and now including A since the technology was made available
whenever he was abroad.
• L had personally shared with the student/ researcher that how much pain M had endured
during the labor, but she never complained, held on for hours and finally delivered A
through natural birth.
• M was a qualified accountant certified in Australia. She gave up her career and took up
the role of full-time housewife for L and A.
• L shared with the student/ researcher that he felt very grateful for what M did for him and
the family.
• M was also full of praises of the patient, gentle and considerate predispositions of L.

Conclusion

Every married couple go through ups and downs in their marriage regardless of whether it is an
intra-cultural or inter-cultural marriage. This is evident as in the case of the transnational mixed
marriage couple in this ethnographic study. Some of the stressors they faced though may be only
unique to transnational intercultural couple, such as experiencing cultural shock, renouncing
their respective native citizenship and etc., nevertheless, the factors that contribute to the success
of intercultural marriage would be very much the same type of factors that underlie the success
of intra-cultural couple.
Two major success factors to any marriage are strong commitment to the marriage and their
spouse, and strong emotional bonding between the couple. When moral commitment and strong
emotional bonding are present, the perspective the couple would take in assessing the issues and
stressors in their life, and the approach or strategies in handling the stressors will very much be

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 13 of 13

UPM M Ed_ EDU 5103: CULTURAL CENTERED COUNSELING

to preserve the unity and harmony of the marriage. And, quite certainly, when the partners are
mutually committed, trusting, and emotionally connected, the cultural differences would not be a
major hindrance for them to establish a happy and lasting marriage.

References

Donovan, S. (2004). Stress and coping techniques in successful intercultural marriage. Masters
thesis. Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, Virginia, USA.

McCubbin, H.I. & Patterson, J.M. (1983). The family stress proess: the double ABCX model of
adjustment and adaptation. Marriage & Family Review, 6, 7-37.
Smith, R. (1996). Two Cultures: One Marriag. Michigan: Andrews University Press, pp. 1-3.
Retrieved from http://dialogue.adventist.org/articles/10_2_smith_e.htm

Stemler, S. (2001). An overview of content analysis. Practical Assessment, Research &

Evaluation, 7(17). Retrieved September 20, 2010 from http://PAREonline.net/getvn.asp?
v=7&n=17.

Sullivan & Cottone (2006). Culturally based couple therapy and intercultural relationships: A
review o literature. The Family Journal. Counselling and Therapy for Couples and Families.
July 2006.

Submitted by Teh Siew Choo, Cony of Matric No. GS28191 Page 14 of 13