15 Things Wives Should Stop Doing

What do your words and actions say to your husband about your love for him?
By Mary May Larmoyeux

In the 1960s , The Suprem es recorded their hit s ong “Stop! In the Nam e of Love!” I rem em ber s inging the words as a teenager: “Before you break m y heart … think it o-o-ver
…”

Even though I’ve been m arried for decades now, it’s s till im portant for m e to cons ider m y hus band’s needs . I s hould think about the pos s ible effects of m y careles s words ,
attitudes , and actions before I break his heart. Can you identify?

I as ked s om e girlfriends , “What s hould a wife stop doing if s he wants to im prove her m arriage?” This lis t is bas ed on their res pons es .

1. Stop thinking that your way is the “right” way. If he does s om ething differently, it does not m ean that it’s wrong. When a wife ins is ts on having her own way, s he is in
es s ence s aying, “I have to be in control.”

2. Don’t put others before your husband. God des igned com panions hip in m arriage s o that a hus band and wife can m eet one another’s need for a clos e, intim ate, hum an
relations hip. He even s aid in Genes is 2:18, “It is not good that the m an s hould be alone.”

So what happens when you put your m other, a friend, or even a child before your s pous e? Actually, you take a s tep (often unintentional) toward is olation in your m arriage. If
you choos e, for exam ple, to s pend an afternoon s hopping with your m om when your hus band as ked you to watch a football gam e with him , you m ay leave hubby feeling that
he has s econd place in your heart.

3. Don’t expect your husband to be your girlfriend. Mos t m en and wom en not only look different phys ically, but als o have unique ways of proces s ing life. One exam ple of this
is the need for convers ation. I don’t know about you, but s om etim es I’m guilty of wearing out m y hus band with countles s convers ational details that he does n’t really care
about. Now if he were a girlfriend, all of thos e details would definitely m atter!

4. Don’t dishonor your husband. Sugges tions included: Stop all nagging and don’t correct hubby in front of others . If you finis h your hus band’s s entences , you m ay be
unintentionally com m unicating, “I don’t really care about what you have to s ay.”

5. Stop expecting your husband to fail you as your dad failed your mom. “I s pent m any years waiting for m y hus band to give up and walk out on m e, like m y dad had years
earlier,” s aid one friend. Her unfounded fears had robbed her m arriage of m uch joy.

6. Don’t put your husband on the defensive. For exam ple, if you are driving around a s ection of town looking for a res taurant and he’s obvious ly los t, does it really help for
you to tell him that he’s been going around the s am e block for the fifth tim e? One wis e wife s aid that s he’s learned to be quiet in s ituations like this . Now, before s he m akes
a com m ent, s he weighs her words —as king hers elf: “Are m y words needed? Would they be encouraging?” Proverbs 10:19 s ays , “When words are m any, trans gres s ion is not
lacking, but whoever res trains his lips is prudent.”

7. Never use sex to bargain with your husband. Som e wom en intentionally or unintentionally s ay to their hus bands , “When I get what I want, you get s ex.” However, 1
Corinthians 7:4-5 rem inds hus bands and wives that their bodies are not their own. “Do not deprive one another …”

8. Stop reminding your husband about things over and over. Don’t m ake him feel guilty or nitpick him about s m all s tuff. One friend s aid that when we cons tantly rem ind our
hus bands about diet, weight, m edication, picking up the dry cleaning, etc., we are actually acting m ore like his m other than his wife.

9. Don’t make your husband earn your respect. Many wom en think, I’ll respect him when he earns it. But there’s a reas on that Ephes ians 5:33 s ays , “Let the wife s ee that
s he res pects her hus band.” As one friend s aid: “If wom en could learn to unders tand that res pect is a m an's native tongue, that it abs olutely heals his heart and m inis ters to
him like nothing els e, it would m ake the bigges t difference in the world.”

10. Stop giving your husband your long term to-do list. A colleague warns agains t overwhelm ing your hus band with too m uch inform ation. You m ay unintentionally caus e him
to feel like a failure, thinking that your long lis t m eans you are dis content. Or, he m ay incorrectly as s um e that you want him to do s om ething im m ediately.

11. Don’t act like your spouse is a mind reader. Ins tead, be s pecific about your reques ts . One bus y m om s aid that s he us ed to feel overwhelm ed with hous ehold chores ,
wis hing her s pous e would help her. She now realizes that the only way he knows her needs is when s he tells him . “Mos t often,” s he s ays , “when I s im ply s ay, ‘Honey, will you
tuck the kids in tonight while I get the kitchen cleaned up,’ he is glad to help.” She’s dis covered that a few words are all it takes “to change a res entm ent-filled, s tre s s ed-out
night into a team -effort bonding tim e.”

12. Stop putting housework ahead of hubby. One young m om told her hus band that s he didn't want to m ake love one night becaus e s he had jus t changed the s heets and
s he wanted them to s tay clean. What do you think that res pons e s aid to her hus band? Another wom an, who puts her hus band ahead of the hous ework, s aid: “Do not leave
the unfolded laundry on your m arriage bed.”

13. Put an end to taking the lead because you think he won't take it. “The firs t m any years of our m arriage,” one wife s aid, “I would s ee what needed to be done and get
frus trated that m y hus band would not take charge and get it done.” She went on to s ay that s he’s changed by learning to wait on her hus band’s leaders hip. “I really belie ve,”
s he s ays , “that our m en don't lead becaus e we wom en are too quick to jum p in and take care of it all.”

Ephes ians 5:23 s ays , “For the hus band is the head of the wife even as Chris t is the head of the church, his body … .”

14. Do not expect your husband to be Prince Charming. After all, the perfect hus band only exis ts in fairy tales and your m arriage exis ts in real life. One young wife s aid that
ins tead of focus ing on her hus band’s s hortcom ings , s he’s learned to recognize the wonderful things about him . What’s been the res ult? He’s been encouraged to do even
m ore to be the m an of her dream s .

15. Never look first to a self-help book, a plan, or a person to fix a problem in your marriage. Ins tead go to God’s Word and believe and act on the things that He s ays . “He
will lead m e to any res ources I need,” one wom an s aid. “God has already given us everything we need for life and godlines s (2 Peter 1:3) but we have to live according to the
prom is es and expect Him to s how up for us .”