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She, the paid domina, scolded and spanked him, then pressed him to her breasts
to console him.
Post-Freudian research (for example, John Bowlby’s) showed that the child’s
original attachment to another is not based, as Freud suggested, on sexual drive,
but rather itself represents the manifestation of a basic primal need. Expressed
more abstractly, the child’s primary need is to remain in a state of merger with
the caregiver, to dissolve in it to nonexistence.
This basic need for fusion persists throughout life, the form of bodily intimacy
that we habitually denote by the term “sexual contact” is rather a substitute and
compensation for this basic need, yet it is never completely replacing it. The
corporal proximity of adults imitates the state of the initial fusion of
the child with the caregiver — penetration into the body of another,
the feelings of the warmth of her body, the exchange of fluids and the
synchronization of the rhythm of movements.
Infant desire of fusion can not be completely satisfied. The main obstacle on the
way to its satisfaction is the separateness of the body of another. Even the most
caring caregiver physiologically can not fully meet the need of a child since this
need is absolute. Even if the caregiver never ignores the infant’s cry, the mere fact
that she cried indicates that her need already failed to be satisfied and for this
reason she began to cry. The fact of crying does not manifest any precise
meaning — the infant simply feels bad — but retrospectively one can
reasonably consider her crying as manifestation of the desire to subjugate the
body of the caregiver, but also as the manifestation of the desire to be possessed
by her body (within the framework of the generally accepted association of
domination with the penetration into the body of another, which happens during
breastfeeding).
Conceptualization of the adult desire for the body of another as based on the
original infant desire for fusion deconstructs and emancipates the physical
intimacy traditionally conceived within the framework of pansexualism and
strictly defined sex roles. The ambivalent infant desire of the body of the
caregiver is asexual, that is, exists outside of scheme of sexual differentiation, the
subsequent association of the male with the domination, and the feminine with
the submissivity largely depends on the culturally conditioned perspective.
Violent tenderness
(October 20 - November 10, 2018)
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Theory and Practice of BDSM therapy: An Integrative
Approach
(February 2 - 32, 2019)
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