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<i>SEUNA". Are you watching this?
Look at this.</i>

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Sean Penn is doing more about
the hostages than we are.

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These poor kids, they're
like Catherine's age.

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I'd be terrible in a hostage situation,
even as a hostage taker.

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So, ma'am, no word yet from
the Secretary of Defense

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about joining him at the Marine base?

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No, nothing from Maddox,

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but he knows I've got a bigger role
in the White House now,

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which means I've got a bigger dick,
which means he can suck it.

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I'm so happy about that.
How's my speech coming?

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Oh, one minor change.
Just one word, really.

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"Considered response" is now
gonna be "robust response."

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Robust? Damn, that's good.

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Yeah, I mean, it's subtle enough
to seem loyal to POTUS.

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- That's gonna electrify DC.
- Oh, it's gonna AC DC.

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Robust is a good word. And you don't
hear it often, like bumptious.

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Yeah, it's what you want
to hear in a hostage crisis.

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Robust, not bumptious.

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Mike, what do you think?
What do you think about robust?

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Robust? I like it. It
makes me think of wine.

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It's actually how I like my reds.

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You like your reds through a bendy straw,
too, right, Mike?

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You got donut on you, Mike.

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Sue, good luck at the hearing.

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- DAN: Remember, Sue, be dull.
- I will.
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Are you here for a meeting?
I'm not expecting anyone.

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- Sue, I'm your fill-in, Cliff.
- Cliff. Hey, I'm Gary. I'm your neighbor.

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Remember, take care of Selina, okay?

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VP stands for "very precious."

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- Okay?
- Okay_

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- Cliff.
- Yes.

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This is the Veeplopedia.

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It's everything you'll ever need to know.

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Wow. Hope it comes with CliffsNotes.

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That was a play on my name.
My name is Cliff.

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Don't do jokes, Cliff.

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I don't have a sense of humor
and neither should you.

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Good morning.

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How do you make two perfectly
pleasant words so irritating?

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And here he is, the man who can't take
a leak without polling his balls.

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Bring me my cerise-colored binder, Jonah.

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Cerise? Yes, sir.

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The VP's base visit today.

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Secretary of Defense Maddox
is living up to his name.

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He's mad as an ox.

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I'm sure I can break up any catfights
when I get there.

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The Veep's more concerned
with the hostage situation.

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Yeah, I was talking to POTUS last night.

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He had a pro-strike hawk boner
the size of Jonah.

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And then you talked to him
about it this morning

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and he's suddenly totally against
the operation.
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All I do is provide POTUS with the polls.

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- Cold numbers.
- BEN: God, I hate numbers.

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There's cultures that don't even have
any numbers and they do just fine.

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Well, Ben, it seems like you're ill-suited
for your job and you should resign.

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Ben's breakdown aside, the VP feels
we need a quick military strike here.

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Yeah, precise and surgical,
like your lobotomy, Kent.

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- The cerise binder, sir.
- No, that's cherry red.

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- Cerise.
- I'm sorry, sir.

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I must have a very specific form
of color blindness.

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I cook these noodles every day.

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Oh, the noodle analogy.
You guys are gonna love this.

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I will leave.

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They need to be heated at 800 watts
for three minutes and 35 seconds.

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Any more and they'll dry out.

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Any less and they will be flaccid and damp
like a lady's hair in the rain.

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- Why are we talking about noodles?
- No, let me rephrase that.

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Why the fuck are we talking about noodles?

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I'll tell you why.
Hostage crisis, noodles, same principle.

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Both require precision timing,
neither should be rushed.

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Inaction only becomes untenable
when more than 65% of Americans

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support intervention even with casualties.

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So you'd like me to tell the Vice President
we do nothing until then?

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Waiting is not doing nothing.

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I choose to wait for my noodles

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even though my salivary glands are crying
out to me like newly hatched birds.

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But they will thank me
because I waited until...

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(BELL DINGS)

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You just timed out that whole shit analogy
for your little ding?

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That is fucking pathetic.

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(SIRENS WAILING)

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Hey, have we heard anything from Maddox?

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Is he spitting bullets
'cause I'm showing up at the base?

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- Nothing. Nada.
- Really?

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GARY: It's eerie, right?
SELINA: It is eerie.

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GARY: <i>Hey, Neilio. We're in.
See you in there, I guess.</i>

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Okay. Thanks.

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Probably got his head stuck in her ass.

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Yes, I do. Oh, my gosh, yes.

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Hey, ma'am, you've got five minutes
of Veep time before Maddox arrives.

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- Yeah.
- They're not saluting you.

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- They don't salute indoors, Gary.
- They don't salute indoors, Gary.

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- Good morning, Marine.
- Ma'am.

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You served in Iraq? I see.

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And were you anywhere near...

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- Baghdad.
♪Anban

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- An bar?
- Yes.

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Anbar, wonderful.

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Ma'am, this base houses Marine Two.

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I understand that Marine Two is here.

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And <i>did you know in the</i> CD <i>player
I've got Ride of the Valkyries? (CHUCKLES)</i>

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<i>Apocalypse Now.</i>

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That's one of my favorite films.
It's dark, but I like it.

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- Marines like to be called Devil Dogs.
- Devil Dogs.

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You are a bunch of Devil Dogs,
that's what I hear.

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I was married to a Devil Dog,
but he wasn't a Marine.

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He was more of a devil.

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(ALL CHUCKLE)

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She's so funny.

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Thank you for your service.

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- Good morning, Marine.
- He has a nice face.

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- You have a nice face.
- Thank you, ma'am.

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And where did you serve, Marine?

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MARINE: Cease fire! Cease fire!

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These small arms have
a max effective range of 25 yards.

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Small arms means guns, ma'am.

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- Oh, really, Gary? Not T-rex hands?
- Okay.

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Mr. Secretary, would you like to try?

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No, I'm good. I've fired a gun before.

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(CHUCKLES) Okay.

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In anger, too, I might add.

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Ooh, uh-oh!

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But why don't you give it a try,
Madam Vice President?

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- Oh, I don't...
- (ALL CHEERING)

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Can you give me just half a sec?

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(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) What the fuck?

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- This could backfire.
- It's not gonna backfire.

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The gun could literally backfire.
That's where the phrase comes from.

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Ma'am, this could really chap
Maddox's ass, too.
130
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Oh, yeah, it would, wouldn't it?

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You could chip a veneer
and I don't really want that to happen.

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I don't care. I'm going in.

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You know what? Let's lock and load.
What do you say?

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Yeah? Yeah.

135
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Here he is, Kanye West Wing.

136
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Congressman Ramsey, right?

137
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No, I'm Cliff. I'm Sue's Sue.

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- I'm the boy named Sue.
- What?

139
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Cliff, when I said no
jokes, that wasn't a joke.

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Sue, Hessler's efficiency hearing,
you've got to keep it dull, okay?

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Give 'em a blah job.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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I know, Jonah.
That's what everyone's been saying.
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Keep it dull, which
incidentally, is also dull.

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HESSLER: I'd like to first of all
thank the Vice President

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for waiving executive privilege
in the interest of transparency

146
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and allowing Miss Wilson
to join us today on the committee.

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Do you think she's nervous?

148
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Why would she be nervous?

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The only people watching this are you

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and some guy in the hospital
with locked-in syndrome.

151
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If I may, I'd like to
begin with percentages

152
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of your office budget dedicated to
international and domestic transportation.

153
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My pulse is racing, sir.

154
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Here you are, Madam Vice President.

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Ensure you keep your finger straight
and off the trigger.

156
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All right. This is fun, isn't it?

157
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If you don't mind my saying, ma'am,
there speaketh a civilian.

158
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All right. There speaketh a pricketh.

159
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Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!

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(LAUGHING)

161
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Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't...

162
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These fellas have heard
a lot worse than that, ma'am.

163
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- Tremendous shot, by the way.
- Really?

164
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Oh, how about that?
Fastest gun in the West Wing.

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- Did you see that? How about it?
- MARINE: Yes, ma'am.

166
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As you know, we have
a very special guest here today.

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It would have been nice to have been
consulted about your speech, ma'am.

168
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I could have given you some advice.

169
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I know what I'm doing, George.

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With this hostage situation,
I don't think you have the intelligence.

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As in intel, of course, ma'am.

172
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Are you serious?

173
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Are you actually questioning
my qualifications, George?

174
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Well, there are just some security issues

175
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with the four countries
that neighbor Uzbekistan.

176
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Is it four or is it five?

177
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Or is it six? Or is it seven?

178
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You don't know, do you?

179
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It's five.

180
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So first, please welcome
the Secretary of Defense George Maddox.

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I pulled that straight out of my ass.

182
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You were born for that moment.

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I know. He's lwo Jima.

184
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I'm planting a flag right on his head.

185
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Now I'd like to work on breaking down

186
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the Vice President's official

187
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versus political duties if we can.

188
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Sir, I was told that I'd be asked questions
about efficiency.

189
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So far you have barely asked me any.

190
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Your efficiency hearing
isn't very efficient.

191
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,246
You want a question?

192
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What can you tell me about this visit
to the Marine base at Quantico?

193
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The government sending
two different motorcades,

194
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the Defense Secretary's and the VP's,
to the same location.

195
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<i>- That doesn't seem very efficient.
- Oh, shit</i> a shark.

196
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This is why I told her to be dull.

197
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Do you not have measures in place

198
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,484
to prevent this kind of wasteful
duplication of government resources?

199
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:11,322
Sir, we have a system
that I believe to be robust.

200
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,844
- Robust?
- Robust.

201
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,561
And you don't think it's a sign
that your office is poorly managed?

202
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:23,043
<i>Our management team is robust.</i>

203
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,487
Okay, now she just sounds mentally ill.

204
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CLIFF: Don't you have somewhere
you're supposed to be?

205
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,170
I'm working remotely.

206
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,085
I'm guessing you have one of those
word-a-day calendars.

207
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,367
And I know what the word for today is.

208
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,245
It's robust.
209
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,402
Would you like to give me
a definition as well?

210
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:42,405
Well, I'm guessing that you think
you have a sense of humor, Mr. Hessler.

211
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,768
Which you are wrong about,
as you are about the calendar.

212
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,083
That is my definition of robust.

213
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,209
My speech is a face-melter.
These buzz cuts are gonna flip.

214
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,641
It's not your speech.
My fingerprints are all over that sucker.

215
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,041
They're sticky and they're
on the back, Mike.

216
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,169
It's time to robust a nut
all over this place.

217
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,969
- Oh, shit. We can't.
- What?

218
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,050
Sue, she just used robust
three times at the hearing.

219
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,610
- No, she didn't.
- Yeah. What the...

220
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,444
Selina can't use that now.
We need another word.
221
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,045
Just a synonym for robust.

222
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,326
DAN: Give me something. Give me a word.

223
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,561
- Any word!
- AMY: Aggressive.

224
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,051
DAN: No, that's too aggressive.
We don't want to say that.

225
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,521
- Okay, resolute.
- Determined.

226
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,967
- That's the exact same thing as resolute.
- Then we'll use mine.

227
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,202
Explosive. Punchy. Fearless.
I'm just saying words.

228
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,240
- Strong. Go with strong.
- Strong? Strong, got it.

229
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,408
Gary, I need the speech.
I need the Vice President's ear.

230
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,931
Get your own ear, van Gogh.

231
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,331
Back off.

232
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,606
Thank you.

233
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,331
- Thank you.
- What the hell?

234
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,084
Good morning, Marines!

235
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,761
- Oorah.
- Oorah!

236
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,366
Oh, my goodness. (CHUCKLES)

237
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:48,000
We who have answered the call
to serve this great nation know this,

238
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,050
that those who challenge our freedoms

239
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,409
can expect a robust response.

240
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,288
- There goes the R-bomb.
- I thought we weren't doing robust.

241
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,010
I thought we were still on considered.

242
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,243
We have the best military in the world.

243
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,403
And we are not afraid.

244
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,131
- Hey, Mike?
- Yes, ma'am.

245
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,841
Stick a thermometer up Washington's ass.
See how much heat I just created.

246
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,684
- Parting the cheeks.
- (SELINA CHUCKLES)
247
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,368
You know robust is my word.
She stole my word.

248
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,090
She was supposed to be dull, Mike.

249
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:29,370
<i>And did you see that photo of me in
Politico? My God, I look constipated.</i>

250
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,488
- No, you don't.
- SELINA: Meet me in my office.

251
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,289
MIKE: <i>You don't look constipated.
You look the opposite of it.</i>

252
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,203
SELINA: What's the opposite
of constipated, Mike?

253
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,611
- Relieved.
- No.

254
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,604
Relieved is not the opposite
of constipated, Mike.

255
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,887
Hang up the phone, dummy.

256
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,644
- Hey, ma'am, you seen this yet?
- What is it?

257
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:44,801
<i>Just the Post.</i>

258
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:49,289
SELINA: "VP sister act
robusting the moves"?

259
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,728
Ma'am, there's also... Yeah.

260
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,123
What in the living fuck is this?

261
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,044
It's a word cloud from
this morning's <i>DC Press.</i>

262
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,090
The size of each word corresponds
to its total number of uses.

263
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,208
Do people not use sentences anymore?

264
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,521
Well, I mean, your word,
I mean, robust is dominating.

265
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,250
So, you know, that's good.

266
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,731
Look at the word Sue.

267
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,201
- Sue made it.
- Sure. It's there, too.

268
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,486
Well, where's the word Selina?

269
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,403
Oh, it...

270
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,403
It's...

271
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,165
I just saw it.

272
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,049
Ha! There. There it is.
273
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,565
Look how teeny tiny that is.

274
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,563
It's bigger than collapse.

275
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,967
AMY: It's teeny tiny because
technically you have four names.

276
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,451
Vice President Selina Meyer.

277
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:31,245
Yeah, plus all the nicknames
that we don't talk about.

278
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,608
I mean, Sue only has one name
like Pocahontas or Hitler.

279
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,887
- Or Moby or Bigfoot.
- Hey, Sue!

280
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,201
- Sue!
- Yes, ma'am?

281
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,926
What? You're not fucking Sue.

282
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,367
I'm Cliff. I'm filling in for Sue

283
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,363
while she preps for her
return appearance on the sixth.

284
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,330
She has a return appearance?
What does she need an encore for?

285
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,320
Yeah, it's an encore.
Start popping your popcorn.
286
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,771
- Okay, thank you very much.
- Must Sue TV.

287
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,285
I said that's enough. Thank you.

288
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,569
Gary, we need to start prepping
for the whole senator swearing-in thing.

289
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,450
- Oh, yeah. It's Gary-oke time.
- SELINA: Yes, it is.

290
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,807
All right, I put together
one card for each senator.

291
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,406
Actually, ma'am, I had some ideas
about some opportunities here.

292
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,006
I think it'd be a good
idea if we focus more

293
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,607
on each senator's particular policy
interests rather than small talk.

294
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,967
- Yeah, I don't think that's a bad idea.
- What?

295
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,122
Yeah, take the coat.
That makes sense to me.

296
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,480
I think that... Oh, there's Sue.

297
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,488
Okay, get away from me. Sue!

298
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,689
Sue! No, the real Sue.

299
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,762
You stay away from her ear. Do you hear me?

300
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,320
Gary-oke is done, my friend.
It's time for Danny-oke now.

301
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,643
- Danny-oke?
- End of an era, buddy. End of an era.

302
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,327
Don't be ridiculous. I'm not famous.
Well, maybe only in DC.

303
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,401
Oh, yeah, me and Kim Kardashian. Ha ha.

304
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,528
Oh, I've got to go. Bye, bye, bye. Ma'am?

305
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,166
- Why don't you take a seat, Sue?
- Oh, sorry, ma'am.

306
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,890
Sit down, Sue.

307
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,160
- All right, I've got a bone to pick...
- MIKE: Ma'am, I know you really love me,

308
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,123
- but now you're gonna hate me.
- What?

309
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,964
Sec Def Maddox just did
an interview with B/oomberg-

310
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,964
- Yeah?
- He's now calling for an aggressive response.
311
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,964
- Aggressive?
- DAN: Yeah, I just got that, too.

312
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,281
Does aggressive trump robust?

313
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:00,851
Well, it's robustier.

314
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,526
No, robust is like a rock
and aggressive is like paper.

315
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,560
Oh, shoot, paper covers rock.
I forget about that.

316
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,206
- AMY: We just got a text from Ben.
- And? What's his word?

317
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,282
His word is "get-the-vice-president-
over-here-right-now-

318
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:11,486
"we're-having-a-fucking-meeting."

319
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,562
It's all one word hyphenated.

320
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,044
Remind me, you said what?

321
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,849
- Your response needs to be what?
- Robust.

322
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,042
- Robust. And you said?
- Aggressive.

323
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,361
- You see the problem?
- No, I don't.
324
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,680
They're different words.

325
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,882
And saying different words means what?

326
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,009
It means we're not on the same...

327
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,366
- Diet?
- Page.

328
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,442
Oh, I thought you were gonna say diet, Ben.

329
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,723
- I don't like your tone.
- And I don't have to answer to you, Ben.

330
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,848
Or to Lara Croft here for that matter.

331
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,810
Yeah, perhaps not,
but we all work for the President.

332
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,963
Oh, where is the great
and powerful Oz, by the way?

333
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,805
Listen, we all know the White House
would work so much better

334
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,882
if there wasn't a President, but there is.

335
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,610
So we work around that.

336
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,480
And we do that by sticking
to the same fucking words.
337
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,086
And it's your job to
coordinate that, maestro.

338
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,245
That's right. So from now on,
the words are calculated response.

339
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,369
Calculated? That sounds so...

340
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,926
- Calculated?
- Pussy-ass, that's what I was gonna say.

341
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,571
You've got to light a fire
under the President's butt.

342
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,682
Let's get some action here.

343
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,400
She fires a gun one time
and she thinks she's Rommel in the desert.

344
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,249
Yeah, let me tell you something.
I'm a good shot.

345
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,402
You know what? I may even start, you know,

346
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,887
whatever it's called, packing heat.
How about that?

347
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,247
When you do that, I'm gonna
start supporting gun control.

348
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,125
- I have news on the noodles.
- What's he talking about?

349
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,771
- We can move on the hostages.
- Cock-a-noodle-doo.

350
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,571
Oh, my God. I'd kiss you right now,
but I'm never gonna do that.

351
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,610
MADDOX: Earliest we could go in would be
the sixth or the ninth.

352
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,047
BEN: We got to go early. You know POTUS.

353
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,009
If we give him enough time,
he's gonna change his mind.

354
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,003
He's gonna procrasterbate forever.

355
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,287
- KENT: Madam Vice President?
- Huh? Yeah.

356
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,761
Just give me one second.

357
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,609
One second.

358
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,962
Amy, call the office.

359
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,611
- Office of the Vice President.
- This is the Vice President.

360
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,206
- Yes, it is.
- No, no, this is the Vice President.

361
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,601
- Oh, okay. I'm sorry, ma'am.
- SELINA: It's fine.

362
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,887
Look into my calendar and tell me
if there is anything

363
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,406
on the sixth that is immovable.

364
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,403
No, ma'am, it all looks moveable.

365
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,600
The only thing that can't move is Sue's
second hearing appearance on the sixth.

366
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,961
- Oh, that's on the sixth?
- CLIFF: Yes, ma'am.

367
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,647
Set your DVR. I'm thinking of...
Okay, you hung up.

368
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,361
Well, gentlemen, the sixth it's gonna be.

369
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,528
Let's bring these kids home
as soon as possible.

370
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:24,601
So we're all agreed?

371
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,648
The sixth, it's gonna be
a bad day for the bad guys.

372
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,643
Let's go find POTUS.

373
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,801
AMY: Now you went with the sixth
because it's before the ninth?

374
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,723
- Yeah, of course.
- And Sue's return to the committee
375
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,007
- has nothing to do with it?
- You know what I'm interested in?

376
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,641
Getting innocent Americans
home safe and sound, right? Mmm.

377
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,009
Move everything off of the sixth for me.

378
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,684
- You can clear that.
- CLIFF: Absolutely, ma'am.

379
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,081
The only thing I need to move
is the senator swearing-in ceremony,

380
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,804
so we're good.

381
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:03,850
What?

382
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,644
The senator swearing-in ceremony.

383
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,322
You said that everything was moveable.

384
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,209
And that's not moveable.

385
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,250
That's immovable.

386
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,924
Surely nothing is immovable.

387
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,368
Amy, this is like explaining gravity
to a chicken.

388
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,205
The senator swearing-in ceremony
is set in stone.

389
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,523
She's the President of the Senate.
She swears in all newly elected senators.

390
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,762
SELINA: Right? You get that?
You understand it?

391
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,960
- Do you need to Google it?
- No, ma'am, I understand.

392
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,809
I don't think you do understand.

393
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,211
Because you are grinning.
Why are you grinning?

394
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,731
- I'm not grinning.
- You are grinning.

395
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,566
You have made a fuck-up the size of France

396
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,371
and you are fucking grinning about it.

397
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,408
I'm trying not to.
I'm not sure why my face is doing this.

398
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,528
- Oh, damn it.
- AMY: Okay.

399
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,451
I don't know what's going on,

400
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,524
but she didn't mean what
she just said, okay?
401
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,206
Okay. Ma'am, is there anything...

402
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,329
- Classified!
- Oh, my God!

403
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,249
I pushed for the sixth, right?

404
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,130
I got my date. This is my date, Amy.

405
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,407
This is my hostage rescue mission.

406
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,966
The most important thing on the day

407
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,441
is we can't look suspicious
in our movements.

408
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,922
Yeah, I know that.
I know how to act normal, okay?

409
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,810
I'll be normal. It's gonna be great.

410
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,251
<i>SEUNA". I can't believe
I'm in this position.</i>

411
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,240
This is all Cliff's fault,
that grinning fucking Ewok.

412
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:26,686
They're all in the situation room.

413
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,047
I'm stuck here swearing in
a shitload of senators.

414
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,602
Well, the virtual sit room is right back there
and we've got a secure video teleconference

415
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,170
- in the situation room, so...
- Oh, great.

416
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,925
My secure video
teleconference with history.

417
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,321
Okay, ma'am, you got 33 senators
to get through.

418
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,802
Oh, boy. Well, I feel like that porn star
who had to do 200 men in one day.

419
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,928
At least she got to lie down, right?

420
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,809
(CHUCKUNG)

421
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,962
Well, let's bring this beautiful family in.

422
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,044
Oh, look at this. You all have good blood.

423
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,009
- What's up?
- I can see it. It's right here.

424
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,323
This isn't a POTUS thing.
Why is scrotus here?

425
00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,970
Think of me as a cheerleader, Mike.

426
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:04,204
Oh, God. I'm imagining you
in a bathtub full of rose petals.
427
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,601
Thank you. Off you go. Brian, you're up.

428
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,364
- Come, come.
- Madam Vice President.

429
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,851
- Congratulations.
- What an honor.

430
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,166
It's so good to see you.

431
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,608
I want to know how all
your filmmaking is going.

432
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:15,841
- Beg pardon?
- And so on.

433
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,366
- BRIAN: Beg pardon?
- Your fishing.

434
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,171
Oh, yeah. It's good.
I'm still hunting for that big one.

435
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,483
Oh, well, that's all we want.
We all want the big one, don't we?

436
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,843
- Did she just make an innuendo?
- Yep. Yep.

437
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,321
That I will bear true faith

438
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,926
and allegiance to the same.
That I take this obligation

439
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,686
freely without any mental reservation
or purpose of evasion

440
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,650
and that I will well and
faithfully discharge

441
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,520
the duties of the office of which
I am about to enter, so help me Brian.

442
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,887
- Yes.
- I am Brian.

443
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,840
- I know.
- I think you mean, "So help you God."

444
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,370
Yes, yes. Oh, so help you God.

445
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,124
- So help me God.
- Me, God, yes.

446
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,726
Oh, my God.
Okay, let's get the family in here.

447
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,165
What's going on?

448
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,527
It's just a blip. She's gonna be fine.

449
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,204
- I'm Ruby.
- Oh, Ruby.

450
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,045
Oh, I wish that was my cousin's name.

451
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,441
This is the worst small
talk I've ever heard.
452
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,602
And I'm including mine in that
and mine is horrible.

453
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,489
She's done worse.

454
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,251
I can't think of when, but she has.

455
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,129
And off you go. Maryanne.

456
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,441
What in the living

457
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:19,081
Lord of Christ are you doing here?
(CHUCKLES)

458
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,083
- But you are.
- I'm here.

459
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,491
So you had a good New Year's?

460
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,528
Yes, we were skiing in Vermont.

461
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,046
Well, that's how the cookie crumbles.

462
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,367
Yeah, now let's take a photo.

463
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,090
West Wing. Jonah.

464
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,049
Okay, Philip Dorsey's the last one,
so he's gonna be quick.

465
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,407
His wife just died and
he has no family left.

466
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,245
That's great. For us, I mean.

467
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,084
- 'Cause we're done.
- Okay.

468
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,763
Amy, it's time o'clock.

469
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,003
- What's time o'clock?
- Time o'clock.

470
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,884
This is... I can't take this anymore.

471
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,167
And so won't you give my love to Patty?

472
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,242
- She passed away.
- Yes. Yes.

473
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,800
Excuse me, ma'am. It is time o'clock.

474
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,441
All right, let's get swearing, Philip.

475
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,966
- I do solemnly swear
- (REPEATING)

476
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,042
that I will support and defend

477
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,403
the Constitution of the United States

478
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:14,361
against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

479
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,442
That I will bear true faith...

480
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,527
- Maybe she's pregnant again.
- Oh, God.

481
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,927
Or she's menopausal.

482
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,891
Oh, God, she's gonna want that
testosterone gel. I'm out of here.

483
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,770
- So help me God.
- So help me God.

484
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,729
So help me God.

485
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,364
I have to move on, Philip.

486
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,721
PHILIP: They all leave me eventually.

487
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,246
Something's up. Something's up.
What's going on?

488
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,521
- Ma'am. Ma'am. Right here.
- Oh, yeah.

489
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,443
- Ma'am, I've got...
- No, you're not needed here, Gary.

490
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:52,931
- This is man's work.
- Ma'am, should I...

491
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,565
Same goes for you, Dan. No.

492
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,563
- AMY: Let's black op till we drop.
- Sorry, fellas.

493
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,768
I'll just be closing this door right now.

494
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,570
Wait a minute. Jonah's going in?

495
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,642
- Say hi to history, ma'am.
- Oh, God.

496
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,923
The men get the situation room,
I get the shituation room?

497
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,128
Ma'am, the comms should be live now.

498
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,725
Hi, gentlemen.

499
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,805
I hope you heard that joke.
That was meant for you to hear it.

500
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,882
<i>Madam Vice President,
this is General Mercer.</i>

501
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,964
This is so awesome.
I'll bet you camera three gets a kill.

502
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,644
General, Mr. President.

503
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,961
<i>MERCER: Operation Good Shepherd
is proceeding well, ma</i> 'am.

504
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,761
<i>We are looking at live feeds
from cams aboard the Black Hawks</i>
505
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,001
<i>and we are about to go in.</i>

506
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:32,929
- Good luck, gentlemen.
- Ma'am.

507
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,368
<i>MADDOX: When the guns go off,
they will be loud, Madam Vice President,</i>

508
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,124
<i>so no swearing.</i>

509
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:42,250
George, comments like that
are incredibly inappropriate

510
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,163
when people's lives are at stake.

511
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,801
<i>I've got to get a refill here.
Old jumbo needs a refill. Excuse me.</i>

512
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,723
- It's a good photo, ma'am.
- Jonah, there are more important things

513
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,689
going on in the world right now.

514
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,161
Oh, yeah. Huh.

515
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,408
<i>Acquisition is confirmed.</i>

516
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,170
<i>The eggs are back in the basket!</i>

517
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,641
Yeah! Eggs-shak-a-laka!

518
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,768
In your fucking face, eggs.

519
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,207
What? The hostages? We got 'em?

520
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:06,321
(ALL CHEERING)

521
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:07,726
Yeah!

522
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,041
Legacy marker. Yeah!

523
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:11,770
AMY: Gary. Gary.

524
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,764
So Sue's return to the hearing's
wiped off the news map.

525
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,842
That's the last thing on
anyone's mind today. Come on.

526
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,763
MIKE: Of course. Of course.

527
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,561
<i>SUE: Last year's expenditure
on office supplies</i>

528
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,371
was held at the exact same level
as the previous year.

529
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,403
Which means that the total sum...

530
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,609
Seems like you're
no longer news, Miss Wilson.

531
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,927
Your 15 minutes might be up.
532
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,769
Ashes to ashes,

533
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,047
robust to dust.

534
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,962
MIKE: Oh, hey, Sue. How was the sequel?

535
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,485
<i>Short.</i>

536
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,086
Pumped and dumped
by the fame monster, huh?

537
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,561
Oh, I got the full mission
eval from the NSC.

538
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:51,801
- Let's speak to the Veep.
- AMY: Let's go.

539
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,928
Yep?

540
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,002
- Ma'am.
- Congratulations, ma'am.

541
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,360
Thank you, Mr. Ryan.

542
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,205
Operation Good Shepherd, total success.

543
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,442
Yeah! Semper fucking fee.

544
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,443
- Fi.
- Fi. Fi, right.

545
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,443
All hostages recovered unharmed.

546
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,330
- Only one injury.
- AMY: Detail on that injury?

547
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,689
A Marine sergeant, 2nd Recon Battalion,
stray ordnance, he lost a leg.

548
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:15,926
Wait, wait.

549
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,322
You mean one of our Marines lost a leg?

550
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,402
Yes, ma'am. His left leg, ma'am.

551
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,211
The entire leg?

552
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,806
I believe he lost from above the knee.

553
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:34,525
Oh, so they were able to
just salvage his foot?

554
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,443
No, I believe he lost from above...

555
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,760
He basically doesn't have a leg
from above the knee down.

556
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,962
Was he part of the operation?

557
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,010
Yes. He was actually due
to be rotated out on the eighth.

558
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,003
Oh, on the eighth.
559
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,208
Huh. Okay.

560
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,009
Is he... (CLEARS THROAT)

561
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,809
Is he in a lot of pain?

562
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,120
- Oh, no, ma'am.
- Oh, good.

563
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:56,850
No, he's in an induced coma.

564
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,922
But I suppose when he wakes up...

565
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,608
I just need to get some air. Excuse me.

566
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,961
- JONAH: Congratulations again, ma'am.
- Thanks a million.

567
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,523
- Congratulations, ma'am.
- Thank you.

568
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,843
- I lost a man his leg, Mike.
- So good. So good.

569
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,571
No, no, no. I lost a man his leg, Mike.

570
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,768
Thanks. Thanks, guys.

571
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:26,845
Thank you.

572
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,607
Ma'am, I just want to say
consummate performance.

573
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,930
Not only did you rescue the hostages,
but you annihilated Sue.

574
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,810
You picked the operation date
to blow her appearance off the map.

575
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,082
I mean, genius play, ma'am. Genius.

576
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,322
I call that overshadowboxing.

577
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,050
You know what, Dan?

578
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:47,522
The problem with being so close
to somebody's ear all the time

579
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,683
is that you begin to think
that you can see inside their head,

580
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,411
but you can't, Dan. You can't.

581
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:56,930
- Do you understand that?
- Understood, ma'am.

582
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,968
- Hey, ma'am.
- Yes?

583
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,849
Can I get you a cinnamon mocha
or something?

584
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,888
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, let me get that for you.

585
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,202
End of an era, buddy.

586
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,408
End of an era.

587
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,929
I lost a man his leg.

588
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,650
Please stop saying that, ma'am.

589
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,569
He'll bounce back. I got a feeling.

590
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,081
Ma'am, the Vice President
sometimes has to do bad things

591
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:22,525
to make good things happen.

592
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,611
The leg is just the price of admission
to the place you wanted to be.

593
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,081
Well, maybe we could invite him
to the White House.

594
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,925
- Oh.
- You know, once he's back up on his...

595
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,083
Sure, we'll roll out the ramps.

596
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,283
Ma'am, some of the prosthetic legs
they have these days

597
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:42,885
are as good as real legs.

598
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,281
I guarantee you they're better than
my shitty legs.

599
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:48,842
I hate my legs. In fact,
if I had the choice...

600
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,646
Huh?

601
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,611
Never mind. I'm gonna go.

602
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:02,647
Hey, ma'am. How would you like
a nice little almond croissant?

603
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,131
Oh, yeah. I would love that.

604
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,964
Okay. Okay.

605
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:07,883
Can you make it a big one

606
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,327
so you can stuff me inside of it

607
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,005
and smuggle me out of here?

608
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,730
GARY: Of course I can.

609
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,804
And there might be a little raspberry
surprise in them.

610
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,247
Okay. Thank you.

611
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,684
My pleasure.