CONTENTS

THE MARILYN MONROE TRtP 12

A PORTFOLIO OF SERIGRAPHS BY BERT STERN
WALTER BOWART: MILD-MANNERED EDITOR 25
BY TOM HYMAN
PROF. EINSTEIN TO DR. FREUD: "CAN WE ELIMINATE WAR?" 32
THE PASSION OF NORMAN F. DACEY 37
BY NORMAN DACEY
F.

ORPHAN OF THE FLOOD 42

BY MITCHELL WOJTYCKI
THE EROTIC TOMB SCULPTURES OF MADAGASCAR 44
PHOTOGRAPHS BY SARAJANE ARCHDEACON
AVANT-GARDE'S "NO MORE WAR!" POSTER CONTEST 49
PEACE MOVEMENT 50
BY GARY YOUREE
PICASSO: THE ARTIST AS AN ETERNALLY YOUNG MAN 54
BY BRIAN FIT2HERBERT
THE VISITOR 58
BY ROALD DAHL

EDITOR RALPH GINZBURG

ART DIRECTOR H^BB LUBALIN
ARTICLES EDITOR LESLIE M. POCKELL
EXECUTIVE EDITOR LAWRENCE WITCHEL
MANAGING EDITOR R.CLIFFORD WEBSTER
FEATURES EDITOR JEFF8ERNER
COPY EDITOR L. RANSOM BURTON
RESEARCH DIRECTOR ROSEMARY I^ATIMORE
PRODUCTION DIRECTOR ART WHITMAN
BUSINESS DIRECTOR MIRIAM FIER
CIRCULATION DIRECTOR PAULFEINGOLD
ADVERTISING DIRECTOR DAVID PAUL JAEGER
PROMOTION DIRECTOR SHOSHANA GINZBURG
STAFF: STEVE R. ADAMS. DEBORAH A, BELL, LINDA BRODER MARGO
E
^^^^^ COJULUN. VIRGINIA CUNNINGHAM. JOSE-
^S.^rA^nr^^ ^^^'^ ^'^^ GOLDSTEIN. HARRV C. JACKSON.
P^TP^r?.*?c?'^"'
PATRICIA LEE. ROBERT E. LEE. SUZANNE AIMES
LIVORNESE VERNON MAX-
^^^'^"'^^ MILLER. NORMAN M0SK0WIT2. DAWN
OUELLETTE RO-
^ ^'^^^ -"Q^^ SERRANO. BAR BA R A SMU K Le R.
SS nloc J.
'

r^wF
B WEISS l
K^MARGARET
o^^ut'-'^'^
ST^'^"'NFELD. MARIE UDDGREN SUTTON. CARRtE
A. WHEATlY. VERA WILLIAMS

v v lecie.
'(All <« I'D TWO
 !

TO INTRODUCE VOU TO THE INTERNATIONAL COLLECTORS LIBRARY

Any 3 immortal classics in [24K Goldl decorated bindings

when you loin now
and agree
All for only ^1 only four selections
the coming year.
to acceot
in

LETTERS
TO THE 500_
GONE WITH THE WIND
Marfarti by

Most widely read novel of our cemury! Bound

Mlichrll

EDITOR in handsome William Morns

(jold
design crafted bv
noted American ariisi Rafael Palacios
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m 24 Icarai

Editor.
WAR AND PEACE
Lto by Toliloy
501 A panorama of such sweep and passion it has
Today received first issue of A/G; been acclaimed as ihe greatest Russian novel ever
BEAURIFIC!!! MULTIBRAVO ! ! ! !
wniien Abridged to 696 pages and bound in the
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Mrs. Sherman Patrick
New York CANTERBURY TALES
h\ Ctotlrti Chaucer

536 Among the

first great masterpieces of English

Sir. tilcrature T*enty-four rollicking talcs of

Merrie
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Antoi-
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Your first issue was slender, but more ribbon marker is bound into the book.
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W.E. Cadwalader Th« 0<(il<r.
Aninlnrllr trpHcu bln4lni
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il9 CrnlEtpmuloai.Chirki SIS rw Coed Emh. pfil

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As a designer, I respect your graphics;
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5il n« SruUf t*Dn. ^>l^I^-
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as a father, I'm glad I was home to inter-
r E
,lftMi,'t rfrl'ra
r<jAdr™-jon-
f'tnjlnt
'tplita >tlndln%.

SI 1 Tidiart of Stcrlock
cept your first issue before it reached io* n* Lut D*)! or rom»*u. HoImi. Sir AnhurCon.n Doilr
EU*«iJ BulBtr Lvtton Mrtritt OiifMal Trtt ol U/r rtplica
my 16-year-oid son. Please cancel my binding

subscription.
Frank Vitale
New York

Avant Garde; Now you can acquire a library of classics in bindings so true to the spirit of famous old
My first issue became dog-eared with-
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in a week. Immediately, please send re-
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Intenutional Cullectors Library, Dept 83 ANX
this page for only $1 with trial mem- library you will be prouJ lo own and dis-
my grandchildren. bership in the International Collectors play in your home
Garden City, N Y 11530
eloquent testimony
. , ,
J
'
Pleaie jccepi mt tpplicalion <oi membership tM scmj me ttit
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Mrs. E.P. I
I
beiomr
I

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to introduce you to one of the greatest For such magnificent editions of great II not delighted, miy 'clurn them in ID d*yi (nd mr mem-
Spokane, Wash. ideas in publishing history.
| I

betship Hill bt canceled OltierMisc. I'll continue to «nia|i full

classics, you might expect to pay up to
| nembeft' privileies
The private libraries of the past have $10.00 each, but the International Collec- i Enerr month i nea misleraorli will be described in idvirfce
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II I I

Mf sale obiigjtion is to bui as tew is lour volumci at

Dear Avant- Garde, tent

hand-crafted design Today these priceless to its members for only $3.65 each (plus only Vi each IdIus stiippmg and hindlin^) durint the ncit 1?
I

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wish you fellows would get rich

I
| ^.tl^^.^*;
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in the home libraries of very wealthy col-
than the cost of many books of temporary \

enough to bring out an "expurgated" |

lectors Now the International Collectors interest and ordinary bindings. Your sole Mr
edition so that us double-standard hypo- Library brings you the greai classics of obligation is to accept as few as four Miu
selections in the coming year.
critical bastards could have our children fiction, history, biography, poetry, drama (Pluse Print]

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rupted by the bad.

in it cor-
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Charles Del Marco As with the originals, the beautiful dec- (plus shipping and handling) for all three
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Kansas City •lephon* numlMi, tunk or deiMrtfnefll itor* wtwro
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Forester- AH the major naval exploits of this legen- 2802, BIS8A. By Timothy Burr. Unique dictionary, philosopher. Nearly 400 great thinkers, bolh Orien-
dary fipwre. and gtiide lo Ihe indomitable hero's commentary lo gynecomammology, the study of the tal and Western, many not accessible in any other pot on the home front, it is estimated
wanderings, with cartographer S H Bryant's draw- female breast types, styles, classes, etc. and raling cnllecnon. Urig. $10.00. Only 2,98
inRS of seamen, clippers, cutters, and ships of war scale showing how these portray the character and
A DICTIONARY OF SYMBOLS By
that fully a third to a half of all Army
Profusely illus. with drawings & .10 maps personality of their owners, 35 illus 4040, J E
Ortg. $H .S/j. ^r,-.,,
complete edilu.'n 2.98
Ong. tl2.50 Only 2.98 Cirloi. preface by Herbert Read. The first ref- troops here in Vietnam are grooving their
erence work to provide a central source for sym-
3338. Andra Mouroi*: PROMETHEUS~Th» Lif* of
2134, GREEK MYTHOLOGY. By Felix Guirand.
All bological studies, with Ihe essential unvarying minds with cannabis .
the tempestuous loves, the bloody meaning of every symbol known to Oriental and
Balioc. Distinguished biography of the prolific, unrelenting bai
'promethean' Baliac, the reckless gambler, the ties, the devastating inlrigues of
gods, goddesses Weslern man— symbols from art. literature, How happen that Army sol-
does It
insatiable anli<]uarian, the great lover, the social
mortals, valiant heroes and abducicd maidens— the myth, ritual, magic. 81 illus.
historian, and the genius-author of ir Pcrf
Golden Age lives in the mighty names of Zeus Orig. t!2 00 n.ifv 2.98
diers should in such overwhelming num-
GoTiat, Eugenie Grandct, and the vast Comedie ?
A'^" 200 illus,, Hercules and Mi nos. bers convert themselves from juice heads
Humaxne. S73 pp; 17 illus. Over 24 in vivid full-color, S'.i"x II 'i" 2397 LAROUSSE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF ASTRONOMY.
Prig. ffO no. (Vry Special 2.98 Special Import 2,98 Intro- by F, L, Whipple, Prof, of Astronomy, Har-
vard From the world -renowned publishing
Univ- to potheads? I believe the experience of
POMPEII HERCULANEUM. ''•<l«'n'-rHE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR
1904. 8,
timer Wheeler; pholos by Jan Lukas. Fascinating
Intro by Sir Mor i^?iv?/«
KnATTAHi. A magnificent edition of one of the great
House of Larous.se. a magnificemly illustrated en-
cyclopedia and guide to. and through, the intricacies
my Company-which I shall call "Com-
phoiojfraphic excursion through the partially re- treasures of world literature. exguuUely illustrated
of scicniific astronomy
TIONS — from
—OVER
800 ILLUSTRA- pany One," since do not wish to blow
stored sites of the ancient Vesuvius disaster
SUPERB PHOTOS in GRAVURE^providing a
160 — V 'u J
Kaichadounan
°^ Persian artist Sarkis
Printed on genuine rag paper, beau-
meteors tonovas, wilh a superb
8%" x
text
I

tifully bound. 7" X 10".

for the general reader. 11". the whistle on a good thing— furnishes a
true-to-life panorama of what Roman eiviliiation Specal 1.91 Orig. $17.95. Only 7.95
was really like. 9" x 12", Spfcial import 2.98 prime example.
1500. HIROHITO. EMPEROR OF JAPAN. By Leonard
Mosley. Engrossing biography of Hirohilo. Son of
MAIL THIS COUPON TODAY! As usual, it all started on the troop-
Heaven, God of the Sun. and divine Emperor
reveals the private person behind the public throne
— ship on the way over here.
and, for the first time, tells the whole siory of the
Japanese side of World War 11 24 illus marborO Dept. AG-IOO, 131 Varkk St., New York, N.Y. 10013
The ship on which Company One and
Or,g. t7.0S. Only 1.00 Please send me postage prepaid, the bargains circled another 2700 men made its passage from
below. (PUoM odd
1443. ANANOA RANGA: Th* Hiitdw Art 35c potog* and handling en all ordarj und«r $10.) San Francisco to Cam Ranh Bay was like
Lov*
llluttratwd. A magnificently illustrated edition MINIMUM MAIL ORDER S3
of the classic Ars Amoris Indica. comprising the rest, disoriented and aowded to suf-
rich distillate of six centuries'
a
Ship CO.D.* Enclosed find %
commentaries and
elaborations upon the Kama Sutra's famous
my
Boys of various temperaments
foc:ation.
lechnitjues in the pleasure of love included
also: a contemporary evaluation of Oriental sex
— Chorq*
(thtck on«)
llmei. Dlnirt Carte -Fint Hat'l Clly Limited to and backgrounds were crammed together
medicines and recipes and 25 full-page illustra- Eip, Club llanthe (ord Evtrylhing Cord orden of
lions. Complete & unexpurgated. 8!i x WVt"
S willt In
SS.OO or more like a stocking full of marbles. Among
Ortg. tIS.OO youF a«Mnt ^
Only a.98
124 1195 1246
the men a strange ritual occurred at the
I
1353 1463 1782 1790 1809 1857 1904 1976
II24. INCEST BEHAVIOR. By Dr S K Weinberg
Detailed analysis, with startling case>4n5tories, of 2134 2396 2397 2583 2802 2922 2962 ship's bow every evening. At first there
3008 3150 3272 3274
incesi and ils effects on the individuals, the family, 3338 3360 3462 3500 3569 3622 3626 3685 3707 3726 were only a few initiates, but as contacts
and society, reveals that incesi may occur in any 3730
3741 3749 3786 4040 4667 5643 6997
family, regardless of social standing. 7717 9457
R636 R1035 RI279 Rt280 RI322
grew, so did the nightly group at the bow.
Ony. $5.00 On/v 2.98 RI35I RM77 RI585 R1779
P6t9 P646 P647 P648 P649 P650 P667 P676 Marijuana was bought and sold (usually
9457 MEXICAN « CENTRAL AMERICAN MYTH- P677 P680
OlOGY. By Nicholson- Handsomely printed,
I NAME at going California prices) or given away.
superbly illustrated introduction lo Maya, 0|.
mcc Zapolec, Mixtec, Totonac, Toliec & Aztec ADDRESS Virgins were turned on by their buddies.
mythologies and their interrelaiionships
IILLUSTRATIONS IN GRAVURE, 27 IN
ISO — The underground grew, yet managed to
FULL tOLORof Ihe besi in PERIOD ART— CITY. -STATE. .ZIP CODE keep Itself free from squealers. To this
wilh lucid discussimis on Time & Eternity Check her* if you r»c«iv« monthly bargain circulor. New York City residents add
Twins of Po|iol Vuh, QuetialcoatI Mylb, the 5%
Calendar, the Ball Game, and much more 8'4" salei tojc Other New York Stole residentj odd applicoble soles tax. 'A few cer>ls
extra
day, any number of soldiers would swear
* "'-i" Special import 2.98 for COD Add 25ff per title for deliveries outside U.S.A. and possessions IG-DAY that nothing extraordinary happened on
3784, AN ABZ Of lOVE- By Inge & Stan Hegeler SATISFACTION OR MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE,
the passage, but at the end there were
Ihis IS not a book for beginners it is written by — VISIT A MARBORO BOOK SHOP
a Dani.sh married couple, both doctors, bolh
chologists, both writers, written in
psy- NEW YORK: 47 W
42 St, • 56 W, 8 St • 144 W
57 St • 966 3rd Ave. (58th St.) more than a hundred men whose trip
blunt, non- PHILADELPHIA; King of Prussio Plozo (Bis 202, 23) at Volley Forge Exit •
technical language and illustrated with candor- to the jungles was more than the ordin-
it is what It purports to be. an important Roosevelt Moll Shopping Center, Roosevelt Blvd, & Cottman St„ (Next to Klein's)
book on
bex and an enlightening guide to a complete and MIAMI; 96 Mirocle Mile, Coral Gables ary trip, who did their heads regularly
happier sex life— II stormed the bestseller
lists in CINCINNATI: 27 W, 6th St, { in the Terrace Hilton BIdg. ) •
Denmark. Sweden. Norway and Holland and
has
and became the nucleus of large pot-
reached over 1.000.000 readers. 120 illus. 257 Swifton Center [Feeing Reading Rood)
Or,ff. tlO.OO. Only 7.49
smoking groups which formed once the

3
 ,

men settled into land routines at Cam

These two Ranh and elsewhere. Evidence is too

slight TO tell of activity among the
ficers
rife.
« * *
of-
on lower decks, but rumors were

men have Cam Ranh Bay is not a dangerous

place. We who are stationed here are oc-
casionally harassed by enemy mortar
attacks or fanatical guerrillas, and we ex-
perience up-tight moments out on patrol,

just named
but most of the time we are involved in
purposeless routine— filing papers, clean-
ing latrines, etc. Nevertheless, nerve-ten-
sions build up-if only from the whine
of thegenerators, or the continuous
thumping of artillery or the occasional

you their sight of a

however we can.
Company One
coffin, and we seek escape

is usually well sup-

booze for its off-duty troops,
plied with
mostly beer. But waits between booze

beneficiary
boats can be tedious, and Insufferable
lines develop when the stuff comes in.
In fact, there are waiting lines everywhere
booze is available, in canteens or NCO
clubs where one drinks with noise and
drunkenness at their worst. One alterna-
of a 448-page volume entitled The Best of cost $22.50-you'll realize tive is to chip in with some buddies and
what a fantastic
Fact, recently published by Simon & Schus- offer this buy
is. a case of beer, getting plastered
on
ter at $6.95, but now being offered to read-
1 o obtain
your copy of The Best of Fact, some isolated sand dune. Settle in
ers of Avant-Garde
and
in a special edition for
simply send $3.95 and your name and ad- the hell with how you will greet tomor-
only S J. 95 "
dress, with the words "Best of Fact," to: row's 7:00 a.m. formation. The hell with
The Best of Fact contains over 30 articles Avant-Garde Books, HOW. 40th St,. New what might happen during the night if
that have made journalistic history, includ- York, N.Y. 10018. If you don't happen to
you are called to break out the rifle or
ing: "Time The Weekly Fiction Magazine"; have a stamp and envelope handy, please
to work on some emergency, like medi-
"The Future of American Foreign Policy," use the postage-paid reply-envelope facing
by Prof. Arnold
cal evacuation of the wounded. Drink
Toynbee; "Circumcision:
J. page 72 of this issue of Avant-Garde (sim-
The Unkindest Cut of All," by Dr. John M. ply ignore the writing on the envelope).
up and "gear yourself down" till you
Foley; "A Psychiatric View of Please make checks payable to "Avant- pass out.
War in
the
Vietnam." by Dr. Benjamin Spock; "The Garde Books." Because of the occasional scarcity of
Golden Age of Graffiti"; "How a Middle- Since quantities of this special printing booze, and because of the distateful con-
Class American Housewife Goes About Get- of The Best of Fact are limited, we urge ditions under which it can be had, there
ling an Abortion'"; and hard-hitting opinions you to act at once. Remember what Machi- is sometimes a fierce black market in
by scores of celebrities including Arthur avelli said: "A son may bear with equanim- alcohol. An extreme report has it that
Miller. Dwight Macdonald,Melvin Belli, John the loss of a father, but the loss of an
ity $900 was charged for a pallet of beer
Updike. Mort Sahl. Cleveland Amory, Paul inheritance can drive him to despair." (64 cases) in Cam Ranh. And so many
Goodman, Mark Lane. Tom Paxton. and
of the troops satisfy their craving for
Saul Bellow.
recreation by anew form of respite which
Here's what critics have said about
The though not really sanctioned, of fers boost
Best of Fact: "Prods, pokes and
punches without hangover and a fuller escape.
America's leading sacred cows"~Book
Instead of what can incapacitate and
News. "Something to outrage everyone"-
DenverFost. "Calls needed attention to
numb, with no hassle and for $2 an ounce
shortcomings in American life"-A'eH' York (a mere fraction of the cost of booze) any

Times. "Irreverent, controversial, uncom- soldier in Vietnam may obtain enough

^ r monly frank, impressive, tough "-/./iirarv

Journal. "The most incendiary book in
pot to make his rest worthwhile. Con-
trary to reports though, the stuff is often
They Ralph Ginzburg ( in derby) and
are •puTii" -Marion (Ind.) Chronicle. "It'll laced with opium,
teat Americans not only
Warren Boroson, Editor and Associate Editor your heart ouX" -Nashville Tennessean. fear the habit-forming blend but refuse
of the erstwhile muckraking bimonthly "Truly mind-expander"-C7i/ci^o TViTJune.
a
Fact (which The New Statesman has called
to buy it. Invariably the mixture's effect
"Ra]seshacklesandspeedspulses"-AfiK/ison
"the sawn-off shotgun of American critical is a heaviness of arms and legs. Heads are
(Wise) Capital Times. "Get it; read it; pass
writing"). Ginzburg and Boroson have
just It around"-^/ Paso Herald Post.
known to shake down native dealers who
bequeathed you their combined literary
have burned the troops with hard stuff.
estate.
When you consider that The Best of Only loners have been hooked into ad-
Fact contains the quintessence of three
They have done so through the medium
dictionby such deals.
years worth of this galvanic magazine-
which

4
 . "

Leaving his drunken fellows, the sol- To demonstrate how the Seven Arts Book Society ANY ONE OF THES[:-$4.9S
dier of Company One takes to a quiet can help you build a magnificent art library IHf STVttS OF EUfiOPfAN A«T, .nuo by
place with a few friends. Stoking their
pipes or rolling their joints with excellent
in your own home . .
«<.'(dii i;; 00
ARCHIttCTS ON ARCHITECTURE, Paul
Htyer 4^8 p4gei, 8*»"»12'/,-
ganja, they blow minds in tranquil Ovei 600

Take any one

their
talk as the surf rolls in and the support N(W ART AROUND THE WORLD: Painlins
& Stutplof*. 500 pjgcs, 7V.-H8V." 478 ills
craft tug gently at anchor. While the drug w.lh IJZ in color KeUilSJiOO
lasts its three to five hours these breakers DAUMIER. Kobetl Rey 160 pigej.SV.'t 13
IJh
of the law feel nothing of drunkenness. of these valuable books or sets, retail up to $75,
(Ms. vv.ih 48 hAnd'iippi.-d color pljiei
Kviiil 5)5 00
Talk is not small, but of large perspective. MODERN ARCHITECTURE AND EXPRES-
SIONISM, Dennn Shjip 2Ji pagci
The senses seem on holiday, converting 7'/.-. 9'/.". 161
(teiiilSISOO
raw data into mild and sometimes acute POUSSIN, Walief Tfiedljender pagei
-»'/,- X ir. 175
pleasure. Time appears to slow, prolong- lilt »il)i 48 in (olor.
RelJ'l iiOXK)
ing the wide exhilaration. If the war can't TWENTIETH CENTURY ARCHITECTURE,
lohn )acobu» 210 page*. ^'/."illVr Over
be blotted out, as it can be with booze, ^"0 i"* Relay/ ilfl 50
it can be more nicely ignored {or borne)

with this mind-power. Talk is of happy

ANY ONE OF THESE-S7.95
things, funny or incongruous things. IREASURES QJ KOREAN ART, Che«on Kmi
Tough relationships are formed between Jnd VVun-VonK -'P; pjgti. 10" i llVi'
Over JOO (lis . w,lh J4 in color K.eU:l ilS (HI
these men, regardless of classification,
THE ART Of ARRANGING HOWtRS, SUoio
intelligence, social or economic back- Saio- 3J6 pagej, 10"«12". 484 ills, with 5«
colot plaiei ReuilSiSOO
ground, etc. The men dig each other;
THE FIOWIRINC OF ART NOUVtAU.
everybody's personal interest seems rele- Mjuiice Rheimi 450 pjgei S'/j' 12". (,15
illi wilh 12 color [(Idles.
Reml t22 SO
vant. If they must remain soldiers, they
STUDCOS AND STYltS Of THE ITAIIAN
will not be faceless. Above RENAISSANCE, Andfc Chjiiel, 4J8 pages
all, there is
Ovei 300 illi. >vilh 119 in coloi,
a pervasive humanity of thought and Rulitl S2S.0O

No wonder 713. PABIO PICASSO, Wilhelm Boeck and laimc

feeling. the soldier of Com- S*b*riei, S24 page*, fl'/i" 1 12". Over 600 >llt
pany One seeks relief this way! And no with 45 in color. KeUjI 125 00

wonder he's damned eager to turn on 751. DESIGN OF CITIES, tdmi^nd Baron
and
REBUILDING CITIES, Pertvlohrnon
every innocent to marijuana. MjiihjII HiiioiicjI
and eiilital views o(
# « • jclual (tiiesarid cny planning (rom antiquiiy
lo the prtient. 670 p*ges, ovef 800 ills.
Company One, like most companies . - two kulumtt. combined rrlall {30.00
voufi (or only S7.*S,
over here, can be divided roughly into
two components: the jungle boys who
face the enemy on patrols, and those who 716. VISION + VALUE
SPECIAL OFFERS <
I.Education o( Viiion; The Naluic and Ail
support them. Both groups take on pot, of Molion: Structure in Ad and Science,
Three voluriies edilecl hy Gyoi((¥ Kcpei
but because jungle boys must be absent
Over 450 illi. Rel*i(SJ7.S0
from base for indefinite periods, they ri. The Man-Made Object; Sign, Image,
Symbol; Module, Proportion, Symmetry,
use it less. About 35% of these seek-and- Rhythm. Ihiet volumci ediled by Cyuigy
findersare regular users of marijuana. As Kcpei Over 500 ills, Weiai/ J 37 JO
-magnilkent lii volume lel, retail S7S.00,
one head says, "for pure relaxation it your* (or only $1S.9S.

beats booze to hell." Frequently, these M7, THE WORLD OF MUSIC. Over 1500 psges.
7'/." > 9'/.' More than 5500 enliiet with
men pick up quantities of pot while on over 2000 illv

...lour volume lel, relail SSO.OO, youri for

patrol in outlying districts. The farther
only STSS.
away from home, the cheaper it is. "And 18. GREAT AGES Of ARCHITECTURE
I. Roman, Gothic. Baroque and Rococo, and
how!" exclaims a head who obtained Modem archileclure. Foui volumes, boied.

half a pound of good stuff for $2 while

II. Greek. Medieval, farly Chriitian
and By-
looking for Viet Cong. And in the delta lantine. and Renaitunte architecture. Four
volumes, boved Reijil tJOOO
north of Ben Hoa hundreds of acres of
...eight vnlume* in atl, retail $40, yourt (or
magnificent grass wave gently in the only $9.95,

breeze, ripe for the picking.

The majorpart of Company One
gaged the daily activity of "consolida-
in
tion and supply," much of it paperwork.
When this part of the
at the Bay, eleven of
core heads. Within two months the num-
ber had increased to 60. At the end of six
months, slightly more than 50% of the
"support" troops of Company One were
no longer chaste (in all, about 150 men
isen- M you have an appreciation for fine books on Ihe arls-books such Prhe Seven Arts Book Society S68-1AV
as those shown here-a membership in the Seven Arts Book Socielywill One Park Ave, New Vorh, N.V.
I
Please enroll me as a member The Seven Arts Book Society end
of
enable you to obtain these and other such books at savingsthat will con-
send me the book or set I have indicated, by number, lo the box
tinue for as long as you choose to remain a member. I below Regardless of regular retail price. I will be billed al the
Company arrived We invite you to enroll in this unique Society-to reap the benefits of our (special introductory price plus a small charge (or postage and
handllng-my savings can total as much as 80*/( oft retail. In all,
itsmen were hard- nearly two decades of experience. You will be afforded the opportunity
to I need only purchase four more books in the next
year (rom the
obtain the finest books on the arts-lavishly illustrated, handsomely many that will be offered at prices substantially less then relail-
bound I
and printed books that will most certainly add elegance to any theo I may cancel my membership at any time. My membership
home.
will also entitle me lo receive free books by responding to the
The terms of this offer are simple. You need only accept four more of the I
offers explained in my monthly copy of The Seven Arts News,
many outstanding works that will be offered lo you at members' savings in
the course of the coming year. All books will be explained
Iladicale, by number, your choice o( book or Mt
in your monthly MX.
copy of Ihe Seven Arts News in which you will also find special offers Mn.
en- I

Miss-
abling you to obtain free books.
from a Company of 250).
These heads
could never kick the fear that at any mo- Take a moment right now to select your specially priced book or set and Address.
mail the coupon today to: Seven Arts Book Society, One Park Avenue New
ment a "straight" might turn them in. City -Siaie- -Zip-
York City 10016.

5
•
 Though Army penalties can go hard {one
can be hit with a dishonorable discharge
for ill and although MPs continually had
their noses in the breeze (even those MPs
who used the heads nevertheless per-
it)

severed and multiplied. A number of men

took to spicing their pipes with it, cover-
ing the scent by mixing pot with aroma-
tic tobacco and moving through their

roundspleasantlystoned, showing no out-

ward effects. These "high workers," as
they were called, in no way were social
deviants. They felt that even in stoned
condition they were adequate to Army
chores such as scraping latrines.
• • •

As the pot mystique endeared itself

to the men and as the line between heads
and straights firmed, some soldiers of
Company One not previously so inclined
exhibited interest in "aesthetic" matters.
The sand at the Bay is very fine, with

perfect consistency for art work. Much

of the pot society found an agreeable
way to while away time while stoned by
collaborating on spontaneous sand draw-
ings. The first modest attempts consist-
ed of geometric figures or naked women.
After a while, as familiarity with the med-
ium and with native temple art increased,
so did our artistic conceptions, which fin-

ally became magnificent tridimensional

designs, hundreds of feet square. For fear

Catch all the birds in the bush of losing our masterpieces to

trampler in the dark, the group took turns
standing guard during the night.
some blind

...wearing this dashing new authentic Australian bush jacket. Nor was sand drawing our only mode
Correct for any number of casual occasions. Made of Sanfor- of expression. Jazz was, too, but jazz with

ized British Tan hopsack-cloth, thiselegant bush jacket features a Vietnamese flavor— and sans the ordin-
a belt and four hefty button-down pockets. Its original cost to
ary instrumentals. One evening, while a
group of heads tried to hang together a
the Australia-New Zealand Army Corps was $23, but it is now
Mingus tune, an old-time blood potsmok-
being offered to you for onl y $9.95 To order, simply send
'

er entered the tent with a Mingus reper-

name and address, size (small, medium, large, or extra large)
and $9.95 (plus 65^ for postage and handling) to:
toire only dreamable. With his convenient
help, with the extra bonus of a few sal-
vaged temple airs, and with the jury-rig
ging of a band in the form of bendable
beer cans, bamboo sticks, an harmonica,
and whatever other percussive sound was
at hand, the group acquired a hybrid of
Mingus, the drone of pseudotambura, and
something like the farting of retired gen-
erals. But the sound was infectious and

the pot society swayed in counterpoint,

1 E.42NO STREET. NEW YORK. N
stoned on the grass and the mantra, feel-
ing the smuggest of Army personnel.
Great enterprises were proposed and
discussed by the group. A few hoped to
Y. 10017 go into film-making after discharge. Ela-
borate plots, camera techniques, ideas
for cutting were popular topics when the
men were stoned. One head invented a
huge psychedelic house, and since the
Company's electricians were heads, ex-

6
 ,

periments were attempted with pirated

equipment. Many of these neophyte arty
types were not at all inclined to Bohem-
The First All-Label, No-Obligation
ianism before their arrival at the Bay and
their introduction to the aestheticisms
Discount Record Service
of pot.
Heads were regular visitors to the in-
digenous Viet scene, as if their drug car-
to Offer All These Advantages
ried an invitation to go native. They got
hooked on the native mode of life, spend- PAY AFTER
UNU^AITED
ing much time in stinking villages to soalc
B»G DISCOUNTS! YOU PLAY!
up local culture. Some became wood- SELECTION I

carvers after the manner of the natives.

An, """'"'"l"*"'
Others pilgrimaged in large numbers to available m theU.:*--
Buddhist temples in attempts to scare
up spiritual ancients, and spent their off- Plus a unique extra bonus...
duty afternoons making bricks to rebuild
these shrines.
SELECT ANY RECORD OF YOUR CHOICE
One Company One,
of the heads of now if you join and agree pay the modest lifetime enrollment fee
to
believing that the stuff enhanced his pro- Now... a record-buying service that You can choose any 12" long-playing
prices (plus a small mailing and
pensity for the fantastic, wrote a science- has all the advantages you've been record of any label available in the han-
looking for - Records Unlimited! It dling charge). All records,
fiction novel entirely the product of the United States. In some cases we are of course,
gives you big discounts on all records, are brand-new and guaranteed
able to offer discounts up to 75%! And to be
stoned state. When the urge to write hit,
all labels — with no minimum purchase
m perfect playing condition.
he did his head to ensure the success of
remember. Records Unlimited is the
required. And you can buy on credit only all-label service that lets vou First Record Free
his vision. A couple dozen of the heads with at-home shopping con\enience! charge your records! Your first record is free, if you join
took to writing poetry. None of them What's more, you get your first record
Free Buying Guides
and agree to pay the modest $2.50
jree for joining right now! life-
had the faintest idea of the rules of pros- time enrollment fee. And you can
ody, and
No other service, club or method of You will learn about these special your free record noiv - stereo or
select
couldn't have mattered less.
it
mono
buying records offers all this without savings regularly through your
In search of the hard image, they drew
ohiication of any kind!
free - from the best-sellmg records shown
copies of the Records Unlimited buy- on this page, or you can pick any other
elaborate pictures to fit their verse or No obligations — No limitations ing guide, which will carry listings
of record currently available in the U.S.
sought out fellow heads to provide the new and best-selling hit rec-
Ifyou buy records regularly - 5, 7 or releases
Send No Money
graphics. There was talk of starling a lit- 12 a year - you probably like to make ords. You can take advantage of the
erary magazine, editors and contributors your selections from a variety of labels. super discounts, or order any record Just fill out and mail the coupon.
And you don't want the commitment to you want at our regular low discount VVell send the free record of
your
all belonging to the elegant secret
society. choice promptly. You'll also receive a
Besides
buy a specified number of records.
fascination for the artistic,
its BIG DISCOUNTS ON ALL LABELS copy of the current Records Unlimited
What you do want are the most gen- [

the pot culture revealed itself in other buymg guide, listing hundreds of rec-
erous discounts that can be offered... See for Yourself!
ways. During rain the heads were the and the con\ eiiience of charging your Manufacturers' Suggested ords a\ailable to members at special
RECORDS
ones who stripped raw and ran across purchases. List Prices- UNLIMirEO discount prices, along with a $2,50 in-
the dunes, in their high state digging the You get all these advantages only
Si. 79 through $1.98 $M9 TOice for your lifetime enrollment. Mail
2,49 through 2.78 1.60
with Records Unlimited! 3,49 through 3.78
the coupon today!
feel of rain on sweaty pelts. They 2.33
were 3.79 through 3,98 2.43
Discounts up to 75%
the only ones who hoarded the horrible 4 79 through 4 98

Grade C hamburger until one evening As a member, you liai c no obligation

to buy any records. But every
5,79 through 5.98
6.79 through 6.98
2.98
3.68
4.37
Ha records
1^1^^
unlimited
Harmony, Indiana
when they had enough with which to record Special-Price Records Each Month!
you do buy will have a discount of at
stage a huge open pit barbeque and "put Leading Labels $.95 SI. 19 . $1.60
least 33V3% off the manufacturers' sug- (Originally sold for
Records Unlimited
up to $4.79*)
Box 500, Harmony, Indiana 47853
on" for the entire Company. They were gested list price (see the chart).
-1 -...Mip n.
iii>./iu-L.irc.i ^ pu
n,,,,. l,c
'.,^:^:t^-,,^,s nsi prict
Please enroll me as a member of Records
the ones who ate their stinking mess with- Unlimited and send me this record — free:
out complaint— not because they were
Catalog No.
happy for every little thing but because
in their Title
stoned state beans could taste of
steak. They were theoneswho hung Label
Send tliis record in:
names on their tents like "HEAD-quar-
ters," "The Stone Garden," "Mary Juan-
Stereo Q Monaural
Also send me a copy of the current Records
Unlimited buying guidr and bill mt^ just $2.50 for
ita. Prop.," etc. They were the ones
who lifetime enrollment. I understand Ihat enrollment
includes no obligation to purchase any records at
discussed the relatively innocent possibil- any lime, but I can make the purchases I wish at
ity of secretly turning on the whole Com- Records Unlimited discount prices and charge
them to my uccoont.
pany. One of them-an exceedingly Check here if you're enclosing 52 50 check or
money order for lifetime enrollment. As an
incautious cook-was busted when he extra bonus, we'll also send you. free, a hand-
ground down thousands of seeds and put some. brass-Bnished browser record rack in
addition to your buying guide and free record.
the mash into the mess coffee. Fortun-
ately (or not), nothing happened. The
Name.
stuff tasted badly and inquiries led to Address.
the cause. The heads were the ones who City
especially favored those fantastic steam Zip
State Code
houses run by the Vietnamese for their

72I-9/S3
* 1968 Records UnUnmed" RU-SJ/SG8
 "Any Man Who Hates CLASSIFIEDS own upper classes and for the American
Children And Animals 90(^ per word. There is a
Avant-Garde soldier, where a body could blow grass
The cost of a classified ad in is
^on't Be All Bad" and Avant-Garde's as high as he wanted safely amid embar-
10-word minimum, cash must accompany all orders,
editors reserve the right to rewrite any ad in order to improve its effect-
rassing riches scentedsteam to clean and
iveness.Count two extra words for box numbers. If you pay for four purify the soul, a Geisha-type masseuse

insertions of your ad, we'll run a fifth FREE. We forward all box and foot-washer, a willing and clean girl
number mail and submit postage bills periodically. Address: Classified or boy, depending on taste. And a pipe-
W.C. FIELDS Ad Dept., Avant-Garde, 110 West 40th Street, New York, N.Y. 10018. ful of hash cost only a quarter. Who but
His only (ocording. "Th« Temperance Lecture," someone with a blown mind would fully
A rare colloctof's .lem.' ir LP plus 10.000 $1 tor book "Fasting Can Save Your Life." Shangrj-
word biography artd film stills Includes B Mae Literary dig such wealth? thought the heads. Cer-
La. Bonita Springs, Fl. 33923.
West songs The rtonpareil gift! $3.96 ppd. Will Print Anylhind, no mailer how incendiary
Wanderlust gratified, cheaply, completely. '."World- tainly not the Army, which is effecting
PROSCENIUM RECORDS Contidential service. For pnoe quotation, send sarn-
wide Freighter Travel Guide" lists destinations, rates the closure of these houses.
Dept. AV, 43 W. 61 St.. NYC. N Y 10023 ple-and quaniily desired, E W Printing, P.O. Box
Mn 55408. of 700 passenger-carrying freighter lines, $1.25.
5420, MinneapuUs Within the pot underground homo-
TravLtips. 40-12mk Bell. Bayside, N Y. T1361.
World Peace Requires E^>eranto. Text, record loan-
Miraculous healings through metaphysical rejuvena-
sexuality was discouraged, and not be-
ed free, Esperanto Library, Dept. A/G, Middlelon.
tion, fasting, super-natural nutrition (organic foods, cause all heads werehetero (they weren't),
Wi. 53562.
juices). Individualized blood chemistry determines nor because the high discouraged overt
Perpetual Motion Journal. Copy, 25rf. Free power. natural diets. Naturopaths. Biochemical tests In-
Eniriipv fpvfr'^l. 1616R Compion, St. Louis, Mo. sidious poisons, allergies, deficiencies. Restful scenic
action {it wasn't that high}. Homosexual
Free Paperback Catalog. Details how to save money
shoreline. Conservatory of Natural Longevity, 138 behavior seemed incongruous to the ston-
on pdi;ierba'.ks, fiafdbounds, records. Visit. Write Livingstone Ave Beverly, Ma. 01915.
,
ed nature of things. Once when tvyo of
New York Book. 4G West 43rd Street, New York.
Miscellaneous the men tried to hold hands, the watch-
N.Y, 10036.
Boycott the General Electric Corporation which ers dissolved In laughter not sniggering
"Mesnge to ttie Black Man in America," by Eli|ah violates the civil rights of handicapped Americans
Muhammad. 355 pages. Send $5. Muhammad Mos- or prejudiced laughter, but the sort that
via the "Mr. Magoo" advertising. Send a dime,
que No. 2.5335 S. Greenwood Ave., Chicago 60615. stamp, to Nedwidek.28 Chesrrey Ave., Trenton. N.J, would burst freely if two men had tried
"Love and Power; The Psvchology ot Interpersonal 08638, for further information, to jack each other off during a conversa-
Creativity." by Paul Rosenfels. M.D., ($4.95) chal-
Retiels Wanted, grown away from Santa Glaus, tion about quasars. This, the only in-
lenges the conformist systems ot psychiatry of the
mythical indoctrination, federally supported reli-
modern Freudian era, offering an avant-garde con-
gion, FORE, P.O. Box 2931, St. Louis, Mo. 63130. stance,was never repeated, though the
cept of the real nature of man. Read it on free
two men continued to attend pot sessions.

JAUNTY trial. Write: National Mailcraft. Rm. 401-C, 1737

W. Howard Street. Chicago 60626.

Foreign Paperbacks. Free
lists. Box 767-A, San
Honorary Doctorate. Award yourself a magnificent
phony Huge, ornate baroque diplonna. your name
imprinted, framed, only $10, Millard Fillmore In-
246 94014.
When the underground of Company
One gets word that a Vietnamese village

AUSSIE
stitute, Peoria, Daly City, Ca.
Leandru. Ca. 94577, is to be burned for tactical or health pur-
Future Town Site, Summit Valley, 27 mi, north of
The Liberal, rationalist monthly, with freethought
Company and

HAT
San Bernardino. Ca. 100 acres ripe for develop- poses, the heads of the
booklist. Sample free. Thomas Paine Center, 5233
ment as Cedar Springs Reservoir gelling under way
North 5lh Street, Philadelphia, Pa. 19120.
other heads from miles around flock to
near property. State Highway 138 runs through
the ceremony regardless of the danger.
H^^^Alraditional head- Solstice Society's fully illustrated magazine, $3. property for 1/2 mile. Mainline Union and Souttv

gear ot the rough, tough Australian Stale age, Dept. T., P.O. Box 3775. Van Nuys, Ca, ern Pacific and Sante Fe station less than 2 blocks. And ceremony it is. Native huts seem
Adjacent property $5000 per acre. Investigation
fighting man. Virtually indestructible. 630 Adult Jokes, stones, "Time to Laugh," $1. built of pot and when they burn the
Bovcan's, Sharon, Pa. 16146.
will reveal this offering a steal at $1000 per acre.
Brim snaps up and down. Sage green. $40,000 cash, balance 6% buyer's terms. Agent, fierce smoke has power enough to blow
$15 value. Our price, only $6.95! Send Become an Idler reader. Lively, liberal monthly P.O. Box Redlands, Ca. 92373.
2, the minds of ever y member of Company
of ihe nation's capital. Year's trial $3, Idler, 413
name and address, hat si^'e, $6.95 (plus 6th Sireti, NE. Washington. D C 20002, Employment One, and then some. Before long the en-
75rf for shipping) to: Overseas Positions offer high salaries, free travel. tire Company will be there at burnings,
Happening? Solid infor-
Existentialisi in Search of a
mation by distinguished professionals. Happen, Comprehensive new "Guide to Employment
Abroad" covers all possibilities. Includes "Direc-
including lieutenants, senior NCOs, E-5s,
won't you^ Quarterly, one year-$10. Subsaibe
and E-6s (who are usually status-seeking
Cornucopia Existential Psychiatry, 520 North Michigan Ave,,
Chicago 60611.
tory of American Companies Overseas." Send $1
plus 50 cents postage/handling. Hill International
Publications, P.O. Box 79-A, East lslip,N.Y. 1 1730.
career men).
» • »
Music
1 EAST 42ND STREET, NEWYORK.N.Y. 10017
GuiUri of Spain, Ltd. otters superb concert instru-
AustraliaWants Youl Government assisted passage. Com pa nyOnecanand cannot be
Unlimited opportunities. Latest government infor
ments. Classic and Flamenco, by the world's out-
mation and forms, $1, Austco, P.O. Box 3633-HH,
used as a model of total marijuana use
standing constructors Alvarez, Barbero, Contreras,
Long Beach. Ca. 90803. among all the Army troops in South-
Esteso, Ramirez, many others. Also excellent stu-
dent guitars, Indian sitars. Lowest prices. Inquirie-S Foreign Employment information. Construction, east Asia. The marijuana story of this
welcomed. 134 West 88th Street, New York, N Y. other work pro|ecls. Good paying overseas |obs company is doubtless indicative of gen-
10024. (212) 724-8882. with extras, travel expenses. Write only Foreign
/ Service Bureau. Depl, F. Bradenton Beach, Fl. eral trends. In some Companies, the per-
Merchandise centage of heads is reportedly higher, in
Who's Afraid of Hermann Rorschach? Psychedelic Personals
ink blots pick vour rnind. Complete set, $6.95. Club-Level Square Dancer, attractive widow, needs others lower. One well-informed soldier,
Labyrinth, 550 5th Ave., New York, N.Y. 10036. panner NY NJ area Box 2-105, who has traveled widely among U.S. mil-
Tea Devotee) naturally Grace Rare Teas.
select Dynamic, humanistic music teacher, southwestern itary installations, estimates that the per-
Free brochure. Grace Tea Importer, Department G-1 Massachusetts, Harvard '63, seeking female compan-
centage of Army potheads approximates
79 Wall Street. New York, N.Y, 10013. ionship Box 2-106.
that of some of the large liberal Ameri-
Underground Buttons. Lowest prices. 5/$1, 12/$2. Brunette, long-term divorcee. 35, nonconformist,
SWISS ARMY OFFICER TYPE KNIFE Posters, too. Wholesale, too. For free list, write seeks companionship of over-40 gentleman. West can universities-Cal Berkeley, San Fran-
Featureslarge spearblade.yTiaJI pen blade,
stissors. doublc-cul saw, nail file. Phillips
Box 2 103, Coast. Box 2 107. cisco State, UCLA, Columbia, State
screwdriver, large and small standard Four "Wiir* Forms and Lawyer's "Guide to Wills." Meet Your Ideal Mate through TEAM (Computer University at Buffalo, the University of
$1 Naiional. Box 48313-AG, Los Angeles, Ca. i/ed Dating). Write P,0 Box 359, Church Street
screwdrivers, cap-lif(cr, reamer, wire- Colorado, etc But in the last analysis,
Station, New York, N.Y 10008.
stripper, can opener, and lanyard shatkle. Gravestone Rubbirtgi: prints, instructions, supplies
Handsome crimson body. This $14 value S Haven. 52 Salisbury Rd.. Walertown, Ma. 02172, Bored?Sendstamped. self addressed envelope P O. figures are worthless. Who shall really
costs only $5.95 when you order direct Bo* 1018, Mission, Ks. 66222 care that perhaps half of the troops in
from us. Send name and address, the word "God Is Oud, Vote for Billy GrahMn" 11x14
campaign posters, $1 cai h. Ruk 2-104.
Datir>g Service. Computa Date, P.O. Box 20V, Pea- Vietnam turn on, or that hash is one-
"Knife." and $5.95 (plus"35(( shipping) budy. Ma U1960.
to: Aladdin's Lamp. I Fast 42nd Street. Vacations expensive as in the States, or
fiftieth as
New Exptorer-Scientist desperately needs financial as-
York, N.Y. 10017. Spend Your Vacation Farting. Ideal lesori lor health sistance for adventurous archaeological expedition
that the Army has busted close to 4000
restoration, weight control. Free brochure. Enclose
in Alaska. Prospectus, ref's available. Box 2-108,

8
 "

men the last 20 months, or even that

BORED WITH
in

such-and-such a percentage of those who

command are potheads? What matters is

that Companies One, Two, Three, etc.,

contain active and growing undergrounds
of men who have awakened to the dis-
covery that they are linked by a bond
of secrecy toother men. They are felons.
YOUftr OKiN
But more than that, they are all felons
who recognize the sheer stupidity of the
culture which chooses to
and to treat them as criminals.
call them felons
GRAFFITI?
Put up an ORIGINAL LIMITED EDITION
The primary topic of conversation 16. WARHOL 25 x 28"
among these men revolves around this POSTER and zap! You're a collector. Red. black, green, pink.
47. LINDNER 22 x 16
'

$5
contradiction If one may derive such Blue, red, rust, yellow. $5
innocent and beneficial pleasure from
marijuana,
social
why should it be called anti-
by those straight people who have
never tried it? Resolution of the paradox
^pen Wintgrja^
fAKF
to them appears simple Turn on as many
of the straights as possible, even at per-
sonal risk, so that the crazy contradiction
will
reason,
no longer exist. As these soldiers
anyone who attributes aberrant
behavior to those
not use it and needs
who use marijuana does
to. Returning to the
MA
United States, where a much smaller ratio
of head to straight exists, they are
to become missionaries for pot.
hours spent with friends while their minds
bound
Those
52. TROVA 26 x 26
Brown, tan, orange, white.
Silk screen.
$10
54. LlCHTENSTEtN 40 x 26'
E4. MAGRITTE31V2x2r
WAR
M8.29x39V2 "
Red, blue.
were gently, tenderly grooving on, those Blue, yellow, red.
Black, green, blue. $10 Slik screen. $10
hours of talkof big things, those moments Silk screen. $10
when one head felt he truly loved a fel-
low head he might never have noticed
otherwise, those soft minutes just before 43. MAN RAY
sleepand intriguing dreams— those human 22 X 37"
and humane experiences will not slip from
Glue, red, gray.
their memory. With such secrets of beau-
tosmiifsttjuNiv
$10
minds of Army heads,
ty as these in the
the American public and the Army brass
^ MUyilMlJfARI

will have to contend. The service heads

do not intend to cop out when they re-
turn to the home front. They intend to
as much as they want.
blow grass
• •
'.\i>mr nj wMiiintii.s". UES kLELN G 1. MILTON GLASER
White, beige, rust.

J
The real beauty of pot, as every head E 18. BRAUNER 32' 2 x 19V2 '

knows, isthat it turns hostility into friend- Blue, green, pink, yellow, $3
brown, orange, black, beige. E 33. KLEIN 311/3x17
ship and hate into love, not only between "Klein blue" on gold. $15
$10
individuals, but even between nations.
have seen it happen with my own
I

POSTER ORIGINALS, LIMITED

eyes-at R&R Centers {Rest and Recrea-
16 East 78th Street, New York, N.Y. 10021
tion) where both the N LF and the Amer-
Enclosed check for S. Jar. -posters as follows
icans send their boys (both sides march
in from oppositedirections). Several Com-
No, 16_ .No, 54_ .No. E 18. _No, G 1,
pany One lads inadvertently ran into
No. 47. .No. E 4_ .No, E 33. .No. Y 1 .

their counterparts one evening in Nha

No. 52_ .No M8. .No. 43_ .No. Y2 .

Trang, and as both parties were stoned,

some curious and warm relationships Name_
were formed. The boys got along much Address.
as American and Soviet athletes at Olym
City .State.
pic Games. While this melange shared a
Add 65c and handling one poster: I5«
*of shtpping, Insurance, tor each addi-
couple joints, the Americans were in- tional poster N.Y residents please add applicable sales lax.

structed in some of the fine points ol Y 1. TADANORI YOKOO VISIT THE POSTER CENTER, the first gallery devoted exclu-
28'/2 x 40'/4 Y 2.
Viet Cong pot use, and in return the Red, blue, black, yellow, pink. American and European
sively to fine art posters. Hours 10-6,
Silk screen.
Mon.-Sat. Phone 861-0422.
Edition of 50. signed and numbered $100 each AG-l

9
 Vietnamese were told about American
innovations. It turned out that the NLF

allows its forces to use grass, but only

away from battle (the U.S. Army might
try the same rule). Conversation was
warm, the war was not discussed, and
the friends finally left each other in an
atmosphere of good fellowship.
Such chance meetings take place reg-
ularly, I am told. And I believe there is a
and important lesson to be learn-
practical
ed from them. When the two sides sit
down at the conference table, as inevit-
ably they must (the other alternative is
unthinkable), let's be sure the top brass
is serving marijuana tea.
Thanks for hearing me out.
Yours in Peace,
Stephen Nemo, Specialist 5th Class
Cam Ranh Bay, Vietnam
"Company One"

IIAaUKIIESI Gentlemen:

am pleased to inform you that

I

Southern Methodist University definite-

ly intends to participate in Avant-Garde's

"NO MORE WAR!" poster contest.

THINi;8!
And
cious,
says it

irreverent
in the
and
most auda-
provocative
ness, and Tom
shattering article
Nolan has written a
on groupies, the Sirs:
Robert Halladay
Chairman, Commercial Art Dept.
Southern Methodist University
Dallas

language, with no holds harred. young girls who will do anything

In past months CHEETAH has for a star.
We are participating in your peace

run stories on the '"Henry Ford of Cheetah is the most important poster contest.

Acid," Owsley Stanley... on Amer- new monthly magazine of our day. Cynthia M, Dantzic
ica's new cult heroes. ..and in-deplh Art Dept.
profiles of people like Brian Wilson Long Island University
of the Beach Boys. Janis Ian. and Brooklyn
Michael Pollard, the young actor
who may be up for an Oscar for his
performance in "Bonnie and Clyde." Gentlemen;
isn't With you,
From the
There's wit in Cheetah,
Mama Cass "Playmate of the
you're not with it. We wish you alfsuccess in your NO
Month" poster to the Gourmet's
MORE WAR! effort.

Guide to Soda Pop. John L. Head

And, Cheetah is the only monthly Chairman, Design Dept.
magazine to give its readers a clear CHEETAH Magazine / 1790 Broadway / New York, N, Y, 10019 New England School of Art
iook-in at the current scene. Have Boston
you read the fascinating piece by Yes, I want to subscribe to CHEETAH MAGAZINE.
the Cheetah writer who went along Please rush me the very next issue as part of my
with smugglers as they carried pot
One-year subscription — $5.CX) Gentlemen:
across the Mexican border? Or the —
n Two-year subscription $8.00
Your announcements are posted
piece on communal living?
If contemporary music is your
I am enclosing my check or money order . throughout the School of Art and Archi-
scene. Cheetah offers unparalleled tecture.
Name.
coverage. Bob Christgau has ana- Please print Callista V. Clancy
lyzed the poetry in rock lyrics, Al Address- Yale University
Aronowitz has reminisced about the New Haven, Conn.
last four years in the music busi- City. -State. _Zip_
AV 1

10
 The Theatre Recording Society invites you to accept the David Merrick production of

Gentlemen:

will
Not only students, but our faculty
be entering your contest.

Malcolm P. Junkin, Jr., Director

Estudio Patzcuaro
Patzcuaro, Mexico
wm/sm. "...explodes
It Is
and detonates without mercy..
a spoken-word landmark." — Cue

Dear Editors,

Thisisto inform you that The Cleve-

land Institute of Art will participate in
your poster contest. Faculty will present
FREE
with your first selection as a Society Member

the problem to their students.

Joseph McCullough. Director

The Cleveland Institute of Art

-4 INCLL'DEDATNO EXTRA cost:

Lavish produclion'fclio illustrating cast.
Brodd\vjy siagi: production, historical
Dear Sir, background of MARAT/SADE. A col-
lector's iiem, with over 3(1 photographs
and engravings.
You have a most impressive commit-
tee of judgesand can expect entries from
our school.

Prof. Donald E. Nichols PLUS

School of Art Complete 116-pagc test of
MARAT/SADE includes
State University of New York the music and lyrics to all
12 songs.
Buffalo

Sirs,

Your poster competition has been Now—enjoy the great works of the theatre
given as a class assignment. You can ex-
from Aristophanes to lonesco through the most
pect at least 45 participants from us.

David Gates, Chairman

brilliant performances ever recorded. FREE BONUS GIFT
If you act now' Your prompt rtply will bring you
once your uncut, Olivier. Michael Redgrave, Joan Plowright Richard Burton's magnificent Catdmon recording
Pratt Institute Art School
Tocastreceive at
recording of MARAT/SADE,
original
on and Sybil Thorndyke in Chekhov's Uncle of THE LOVE POEMS OF JOHN DONNE, Ac-
Brooklyn three 12-inch, long-playing records— mail t'a;j,i(i...Siobhan McKenna. Cyril Cusack
claimed by critics, this 12-inch, long-pljying rec-
ord. 3 $5.95 retail value, is yours to keep even if
the coupon at the right. This 518.85 retail -and lonesco himself— in The Chairs . . .
you decide lo return MARAT/SADE
after yout
value IS yours-free— to introduce you lo Ralph Richardson and Anna Massey in Cy- free, 10-day home irial.
the benefits of membership in the Theaire ranii tie Ber^crac .Lee J. Cobb and Mil-
. .

Recording Society. dred Dunnock in Death of a

AG:
Share the opening-night
MARAT/SADE
of
jolt
Salesman. These great plays
—and great artists- are typi-
v THEATRE RECORDING SOCIETY Dept 00 000
posted your peace poster announce-
I
cal of thesuperb productions 505 Eighth Avenue. New York. N, Y, I00I8
If you were lucky enough lo available to you with mem-
ment, but someone swiped it. Please send be a first-nighter at MARAT/ Please send my free 3-record MARAT/SADE and my
bership in the Society. Each bonus THE LOVE POEMS OF JOHN DONNE.
another. This time we'll post it under SADE, you will never forget complete play is beautifully
gift.
Also send my first Society selection (chosen from those
the shattering force with boxed and contains a lavish listed bclowj for which you will bill me later .., and
glass. which this play hit the un- Lee Cobb
J.
production folio. The full enroll mc as a trial member In addition lo my first
suspecting theatregoer. Even selection, my only obligalion is to accept ;is few us

Univ. of Oregon School of Architecture

Prof. Laverne Krause critics emerged visibly pale
...and called it the most soul-
^1
r^^B
text of each play is also in-
eluded, handsomely bound
js a separate volume,
four plays over the next year at the Society's low price
of just over $4 00 per record plus shipping and han-
dling. If not complelely delighted, I may return my
shatlcring experience of
introductory shipment (keeping my bonus
Eugene, Ore. their careers. *fy Members save 33'/3%
wjihm 10 days and my membership
free
will
gift)
be cancelled
Now, adven-
this exciting
ture in "tola! theatre" has
been captured for all time
^
"^fl^
'
Though
Society's recordings
sell for up lo $24,80 per set
at retail... as a member, you
without obligation.
Canadian and foreign prices slightly hig;her.
John Glelgud Claire Bloom
on superb long-playing rec- pay only the low price of just Name-
Brothers, ords. Here in turbulent action, wry politi- over S4 UO per record, plus a small ship-
cal satire, and bawdy Brechiian song, is ping and handling charge. Your only ob- Address.
We have 19 halls on campus and I the seething lunatic asylum at Charenlon. ligation is to accept as few as four plays
presided over by the most fascinating lu- over (he next year from the many offered.
have plastered all of them with announce- City. .State. .Zip.
natic of all the Marquis de Sade, And
. . . There is no extra charge for stereo. Please send my records in Q Mono Q Stereo
ments of your NO MORE WAR! contest. every volt of opening-night electricity is
Claim your free MARAT/SADE now- have checked my firsi Society velection below:
1
brought to your living room by the same
Godspeed! an SIS 85 value! Death of a Salesman. Lee J. Cobb. Mildicd Dunnoijk.
inspired cast that brought it to the Broad- Michael Tolan Member's prlcet only S11.9Q (Retail
way stage. Mail the coupon lo recci\c your free 3-
price; S l^,^5 plus smjll shippmg and handling charge.
record set of MARAT/SADE
i

(Rev.) Gabriel Bullock plus your . . .

Performing for you are exclusive, star-studilei] firstSociety selection for which you will be PCaesar and Cleopatra, Claire Bloom. Max Adrian.
University of Notre Dame casts-available nowhere else! Judith Anderson, Member's price: only $8.90 (Retail
billed later. (Select one of the three choices price: $12,901 plus small shipping and handling charge
Notre Dame, Ind. A Broadway prpducer can rarely even on the coupon.) If you're not completely
QThe Class Menagerie, Montgomery Clift. Jessica
hope to assemble on one stage the brilliant delighted, you may reiurn the shipment
Tandy. Julie Harris, David Wayne Member's price:
artists who perform for you. regularly and within 10 days and your irial membership only $8.90 (Retail price; $12,90) plus sm.ill shipping
exclusively, through the Theaire Record- will be cancelled without obligation. Mail and handling charge. gyg 03
ing Society. For example. Laurence your coupon right now! ^
11
 The
K iMariyn
Hundreds of artists have been hung on Marilyn Monroe ever since
IS/fonroe,
she died five years ago (including Dali^ De Kooning^ Lindner^ Raus-
chenberg, and 38 other greats v^ho participated in an ^^Homage
to Marilyn" show at the Janis Gallery in New York last month).
Perhaps none has been more preoccupied with the image of
Marilyn, however, than photographer Bert Stern who, through
a quirk of fate, became the last man to photograph her. Stern's

portraits of Marilyn, shot at the Bel Air Hotel in Hollywood on

June 21,1962,
again.

Stern.
Still, I
and have been published time and
are classic
have never been entirely satisfied with them" says
Because of photography's technical limitations, they never
rn
quite communicated the dazzling image of Marilyn that existed in

my mind s eye at the time I photographed her" As a result, over

the past five years Stern has been experimenting with various new
techniques that would enable him to capture and preserve the
image of Marilyn he saw at the time he photographed her. Just
this past fall he hit upon the answer: an amalgam of the
dramatic
technique of serigraphy and the blazing colors of Day-Glo ink
On the next 12 pages the editors of Avant-Garde are pleased
to present Bert Stern's phantasmagoric vision of Marilyn Monroe. 12
 V
. Mi

J i

Mi it*

till

V.I'.

3& vv

tt;;;,;.

My?
BY TOM HYMAN

PHOTOGRAPHS BY JULIO MITCHEL

by, hawking a newspaper we had never heard Today, with a fanatic following of 55,000, it is
of before. They were so enthusiastic and in- the Voice of Hip. the Headquarters of Flower
sistent that we finally broke down and bought Power, the heart and soul of the Love Genera-
a copy. We were both magazine editors during tion.

the week and had a professional curiosity to The offices of the East Village Other, or

satisfy. The newspaper, four pages long, was EVO, as the initiated call it, are located in a

called the East Other and was folded

Village loft over an old movie house on New York's
so that it ripped when it was opened. It was, Lower East Side. As I entered EVO's offices, a
we quickly agreed, about the most incompre- few weeks ago, the first thing noticed was
I

hensible piece of trash we had ever seen. The a young girl with a soft smile and long black

articles were so insane, the layout so bizarre, hair, sitting at a desk. The wall behind her

the type so sloppy and riddled with errors, we was covered with an unfinished psychedelic
could only suppose thai the thing had been mural done, apparently, with Magic Markers.
produced by a drunken gang of hebephrenics The adjoining wall carried the message, in large
who had somehow gained access to a printing red letters. "America has a sexual problem -

plant. We
were certain that the publication it can't love." Further inside I entered a large,
would not possibly survive for a second issue. inner sanctum-EVO's main editorial office.
Walter Bowart examines a copy ot his newspaper, It was brightly illuminated by spots sunk flush
Maybe it was the bad light in the street, or
the East Villa ge Other .
to the ceiling. Two windows that faced the
His coat is made of an American flag. the effect of too much weekend booze, or
street had been converted into mock stained
maybe we were unplugged from what was
just
glass, with scenes depicting members of the
really happening. In any case, we were wrong.
On a November evening three years ago, I staff in quasi-holy stances. Between the win-
was standing out in front of the Ninth Circle, a The East Village Other has done better than dows hung monster poster of President John-
a
Greenwich Village cafe, exchanging idle conver- survive. It has prospered. son's head superimposed on Hitler's uniformed
sation with a friend who worked there week- During the three intervening years it has body, which was giving a fascist salute. Graffi-
ends as a bouncer. A couple of young chicks grown from a fragile four-page seedling into ti abound on the wall surfaces: "Viva Che!,"

in Levis, beads, and long straight hair came a healthy, giant, 40-page psychedelic flower. "The season of the witch is now!." "The blos-

25
soming bioverse is yours." On a blackboard, We settled into a booth
above some circulation figures, the chalked
at the restaurant, way, my own experiences out on the street
ahippie establishment called The Naked
Lunch, makes me mucho simpdtico with the kids out
message: "God is love and he who aids in love ordered some food, and Bowart casually and there today."
abides in God and God in him." Off in a cor- amiably began rambling through his past. Bowart discovered that the fork the waiter
ner, boots propped up on a desk and wearing
He grew up in a small town in Oklahoma, had' given him was both dirty and bent.
He
a black cowboy hat, sat the editor and publish- edited his high school newspaper, worked for cursed the establishment roundly in his Okla-
a
erof the £05? Village Other, 28-year-old Walter
local television station producing his own homa accent, got up and obtained another
Bowart. Bowart got up to greet me. He stood show, then received a scholarship in journalism fork himself from behind the counter, came
tall, about six feet, seemed
vaguely athletic, to the University of back to the table, drew in his breath a bit. as-
Oklahoma.
and his face, framed by spilling locks of black
"Butwanted to study painting, so I took
I
sumed an air of slight self-mockery, and sum-
hair and decorated with a mustache
that was sculpture and art classes instead. Then I med up his eariy years; "I came to realize at an
somewhere between a handlebar and drop-
a Salva- eariy age that was all a great morality
ped out, took off my shoes, nipped a coin life play."
dor Dali, looked rugged and practical. to
see whether go to CaHfornia or New York.
I'd From his barefoot days in the park, Bowart
It was late in the evening, he was hungry,
Itcame up New York. So I went to New York moved into the East Village and for six years
so he suggested we adjourn to a restaurant
with fifty bucks in my pocket and no shoes. worked at painting. "Then married a painter's
1
across the street.
He threw on his jacket, which I

hitched a ride daughter and had a painter's child. Then we

happened to be made out of an American flag, all the way with a guy in a top-
MG. took off for the jungles of Puerto Rico for a
lined and with sleeves, and we headed
less It was early in June, cold, and I froze
back spell of Zen meditation. That was really beau-
down the gloomy stairwell. my ass in that car for three days. I didn't know
anybody in New York when
tiful there, sublime. We didn't need anything.
"Don't people get hostile when they see I got there, so I We had
slept in the park and begged
one-room shack. We washed in
a little
your outfit?" asked.I
money in the the rivers, caught rainwater from the roof, had
street. I found out
could beg three bucks an
I
He laughed. "No, man. one Coleman lantern for light. It was beautiful.
1 mean sometimes a hour [switching to a mock-serious tonel
'Par- :
I'd rather be poor and live there than be rich
hillbilly will giggle, but they get over it. They don me, sir. but I just got in from Frisco
see I'm patriotic, right? Besides, I'm and and live here. We stayed there for a year on a
polite, act I need some money to get my typewriter
friendly, respect people, so once they out thousand dollars, which included the money
see that of hock.' During the beatnik era
nothing else matters."
that went for all the gear we took there, including a car
over big. They wanted to believe
it. But any- I picked up for two
hundred dollars. We bought

26
rice and beans. The rest, like breadfruit, we at Walter Bowart. When he finally noticed her My own following of the paper over the
could pick off the trees-andoranges. coconuts, he got up and cleared a space for her to sit last three years (my first hostilities were grad-
avocados. We caught fresh water prawns and down. She spoke so quietly I couldn't catch ually converted to affection) senses other com-
fish. It was beautiful, man." anything she said. Bowart asked her-showing parisons: It's also an editorial gang-bang. A
I looked up to see a young baby-faced great gentleness and soUcitation-if she was graffiti contest. A fantasy. A distress signal. A
chick with flowing locks of gorgeous red hair hungry, if she needed any money, and if she threatening note. A disturbance of the peace.
arranged in a studied disarray. She was stand- had a place to stay.She agreed to have some- A pumpkin. A prefrontal lobotomy. An invi-

ing against the table, her eyes fixed in a stare thing to eat. but mostly it appeared she simply tation to a beheading. A paper orgy. A pictor-

wanted company to pass the time. She was ial be-in. In short, the East Village Other is

weird and different.

happy just to sit and listen. I don't know who
For one thing. EVO doesn't print bad news.
she was and apparently neither did Bowart.
"Bad news does harm," Bowart feels. "It feeds
Bowart picked up the thread. "After a year,
the violence of the mind, escalates the atmos-
something in my head snapped. I went off
phere of fear. Hate begets hate."
screaming. got Time magazine down there and
For another. EVO prides itself in report-
I

itbegan to disturb me. I realized that I'd found

ing the news before it happens. This sounds
peace down there, and I could just stay there. whimsical claim way
like a at first, but in a
But this was my country, and this was where I
EVO makes it true. Bad news happens unex-
should be. I decided to come back and face it. pectedly, good news is often the result of a
Maybe could even do something about it. So
I concerted effort to make it happen, thus to
Icame back, got a job, saved some money, and some degree that kind of news can be antici-
got together with some guys-Allan Katzman pated, especially if you're involved in that ef-

and others-and started this newspaper. Such fort yourself. In its October, 1967 issue, for
as it is. If you can call it a newspaper." example, EVO ran an article entitled "The
"What else would you call it?" Death of Hippie." It read, in part: "This new

Office furnishings include double bed

Bowart stroked his mustache. "A see-it- estabhshment acceptance (at least for publi-

and mural of LBJ as Hitler. and-say-it-yourself television set. Or a bath." city) ain't gonna work.... Hippies are dying,

27
they can't be exploited. On October 6. ..there promotion and Merry Xmas wherever you are."
is going to be a funeral-the death of the hip-
Despite its weird way-outness, EVO is a
pie, the birth of Free Men. The procession
substantial and serious newspaper. Its news
willcircumambulate the geographical Haight- reporting is lively and often first-rate. Follow-
Ashbury and the East Village. There will be ing this last fall's peace demonstration at the
people in trucks, burning effigies of hippies,
Pentagon, EVO ran a series of reports on the
and a coffin, with everyone throwing in their
event that represented the most revealing and
prized possessions.... And then, having destroy-
perceptive coverage of that occasion to appear
ed the concept 'hippie'.. .an act of liberation
anywhere in print.
will happen all over town.... Then the world
EVO's news sources are quite vast. As a
will be ours to love."
member of the Liberation News Service and
Something like that actually did come to
pass. And a month later the New York Times
the Underground Press Syndicate (both now
Magazine ran an on the death of the
article
merged into one press movement) which repre-
hippie movement. sent a pool of 25 college and 60 underground
1

Another singular aspect of EVO-one that newspapers (and a readership of over 15 mil-
accounts both for a wide readership and a cer- lion) EVO has access to an enormous range of
tain amount of apoplectic outrage beyond the material. In fact, however, EVO relies mostly Mana Pardhatan, full-blooded Apache,
confines of the hip community-is its startling- on its own resources. The staff-especially is Bowart's Copy Editor.
ly frank approach to sex. Verbally, it is fearless. Bowart. Peter Leggieri. and Allan Katzman-
What other newspaper would dare use the word write most of the copy themselves. Their col-
port on the Pentagon sit-in: "The next day.
FUCK in a headline of four-inch type. EVO is lective style might best be described as kind when
a the marcher was finally cleared away,
last
also gleefully sacrilegious. A few weeks ago, fol- of poetic, abstract-expressionist para-joumal- what was left was the bitter smell of gas-
lowingCardinal Spellman's death, EVO devoted ism-a potent and exotic brew of hard fact, human and synthetic-placards meaningless
itsfront page to a photograph of the late Car- subjective impression, abstract flights of fancy, the
with words, ashes of burnt draft cards,
dinal, smiling broadly, and a gigantic headline purposeful hyperbole, polemic, and wild irrev- eyes of young soldiers turned gladiator, and the
reading: "Congratulations, Cardinal, on your erence. Here Allan Katzman, ending his now
is re- hovering vibrations of mystic insanity

28
 )

made palpable in time before the new coliseum are do-it-yourself features (a recent one: "How ment?' The sociologists are really a drag. The

of some long ago forgotten event." to Grow Psilocybe Mushrooms" ). Usually there last one, when he asked me this, I grabbed him
Articles and essays are often contributed is a comic strip or two. In truth, from one by the tie [Bowart jumped up to act this out]

by outsiders. EVOpays them nothing. "They're issue to the next, the only thing that can be and started tightening it. This is what it's all

usually people who have something they want safely predicted is-surprise. about! Strangulation! Arrrggghhhhh!
to get off their chest," Bowart says. "If a Bowart and the nameless girl began eating "I've moved out to Long Island." he said,
guy's really strung out, we might give him ten the French fries I had left on my plate. Bowart "to get away from it. Got a little four-room
bucks or something." (EVO staffers all work reflected on what EVO's three years have meant place in the woods out there. I spend three or
for a flat salary- $50 a week. Any profit the to him. "I feel like a grateful puppet in the four days in the city and three or four days
paper makes isplowed back into the operation. whole operation. don't know where it comes
I out there. When I'm in town I on
just sleep

EVO usually devotes four or five pages of from or where it's going. feel like I'm on a
I the office floor. But it seems I'm usually up
each issue to reviewing the arts (pop and rock surfboard balancing on a wave which could at the whole time."

music, films, theater, and art). Occasionally, it any moment sweep over me or leave me be- Suddenly one of the editors dashed through
serializes a book (currently it's running The calmed. All I'm trying to do is keep my own the door of the restaurant and came over to

Rediscovery of America by A. Reza Arasteh, head straight. But the paper's a logical pro- Bowart. "Three Spade ladies are up in the of-
a lecturer in psychology at the George Washing- gression in the step of putting into practice all fice," he said. "They want to see you." Bow-

ton School of Medicine, in Washington. D.C.). the philosophy I developed about life while sit- art squinted. "About what?" "I don't. know;

Sometimes it runs a feature called "Newshit," ting on my ass for so many years letting my they seemed up-tight about something." Bow-
a grab-bag collection of underground news, wife support me. art grinned. "Why didn't you just tell them

views, and advicefrom all over (sample item: "Now it's like the Keystone Cops. There's you were me. They wouldn't know the differ-
"A was charged with assault with
Berkeley girl no privacy, for one thing. If I give my telephone ence." The editor laughed, glad he wasn't Bow-
a deadly weapon when she hit a policeman with number out to anybody. immediately have to
I art. apparently.
a 1 2-foot stuffed effigy of President Johnson."). change it. Everybody wants to know what's "Listen, go up and find out what they
Sometimes there is poetry. Sometimes there is happening, and they think I can tell them. I want." Bowart said. "If it's cool tell them I'll
an astrology column (house astrologer, Celeste, from 'Where's my daughter who
get everything :
be coming up. If it's not. tell them I won't."
predicts a "terrific slump in the stock market ran away who's only 14!?' to 'What do you The editor shrugged, nodded, and with
until February or March."). Sometimes there think of the hippies as a sociological move- those uncertain instructions, departed.

29
 "It happens all the time," Bowart said. they've got to reach for il" broadening, moving out from the parochial
"People." I could see him as a lecturer. Unorthodox, confines of the Love Generation. Bowart wants
A newer demand on Bowart's time is lec- but good. As our conversation wandered afield the paper to recognize and capitahze on that
turing. But he enjoys this. A Methodist and a into the realms of philosophy, religion, politics, wider responsibihty and opportunity.
Catholic organization had each invited him to EVO becoming part of new
art. violence, the slums, Bowart kept up a fas- is a establish-
speak to a group of students recently. "There's ment. Plans are afoot to begin publishing week-
cinating patter, his peculiar personal blend of
a lot of frustrated energy there," he said. ly instead of biweekly. Bowart is negotiating
humor and seriousness, now lecturing, now
"These kids are tuning in! I talk to them about to begin printing the paper from several loca-
cajoling, taking a surprise corner that almost
LSD as the true Host, which is mi church-if loses you. showing tions across the country, to transform it into
of poetry here, a bit
a flash
I've got to go to their church, they've got to
of wisdom there, telescoping his sentences, a national journal. The staff is being expanded
hear about my church-I talk to them about
speaking in bold colors and images, as if paint- and the organization (until now the essence of
drugs, how not to confuse the hard drugs from
ing a picture for you to see. He communicates casual) is being made more efficient. Bowart
the nondrug drugs (soul foods), and talk to I
enthusiasm, and this is much of his charm. feels the paper has a bright future.
them about astro-projection, the recurrence of
the anima symbol, and about [speeding up his
There's more than a little bit of Elmer Gantry About a week following our conversations,

voicel the polysector director and the inter-

in him, and he seems aware of it. Much of his the EVO staff held a birthday party-or rebirth,
humor is directed at deflating himself, wiping
galactic pecker-checker from C-55, Lieutenant as they called it-to celebrate EVO's third year.
away the impression that he's lecturing you,
God and Captain Gabriel of the Space Patrol!... Some thirty staffers were gathered in the edi-
And I talk to them about sex. The kids are or that he means to lecture you. But he enjoys
torial office in the early evening. It was a cold
teaching, being the guru.
really interested in sex. Every time talk some- I night so everyone had come bundled in an

thing happens. Like last week up in Massachu- No doubt this is the basic enjoyment he
odd array of garments to keep warm. One
girl

setts my fly was unzipped. So turned around I

has derived from EVO, which has been an im-
had a man's trench coat, about nine sizes too
and zipped it up and they all laughed. So 1 said, portant platform for his teaching, for spread-
big. wrapped around her: one skinny young
'Well, that's where it's really at. man!* That ing his ideas.
editor wore a bright orange, airline ground-
broke the ice! A lot of what say is over their
I With Bowart's and his editx^rs' ideas, EVO crew jump suit over what appeared to be most
heads, but at least they feel the intensity of it, continues to grow. Circulation and advertising of his wardrobe. Others came in Navy pea
the passion there. 1 can't talk down to them; increase with every issue, and its readership is jackets, old overcoats, blankets, shawls, multi-

30
)Ie layers of shirts and turtle-neck sweaters, championing the former. Leggieri the latter. The girl sitting next to him picked it up-

lesert boots, sandals over socks, and other im- A pipe was passed around and deeply in- together in the same key. a long, deep "000-
)rovisions against the elements. haled by all. A noticeable degree of ecstatic re- OOOOMMMMMMM." Gradually several more
A cake with three candles was lit. Peter laxation began to permeate the atmosphere. In picked it up. In a minute everyone in the room
ueggieri— a short, robust, bearded 25-year-oId the midst of the chatter. Richard Gosselin sud- had stopped talking, had joined into the "OO-
vho is studying for his bar exam on the side- denly drew in his breath and emitted a long, OOOOOOMMMMMMMM," everyone together
!;ave a short invocation. A hymn was sung with sustained "OOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM." on the same vibration. A unison, a tonal unity
agged good humor. Bowart was presented with washed through the smoky air. flowed into the
I large gold-colored ring tied to a loop of raw- corners of the room, poured through the ears
lide. It was placed with great ceremony around and back out through the throat and over the
lis neck. Someone said it represented a snake tongue. A soothing moment of shared aware-
)iting its tail -the symbol that *'all is one." ness. A sense that "all was one."
\mid storms of laughter and applause. Bowart Everyone there was young. Everyone was
nade some remarks about the past success and there because they wanted to be there. They
he future hopes of the newspaper. Then Rich- were all bright people. They could all make
ird Gosselin, a thin, spiritual-looking 24-year- money somewhere in some "job" if they chose.
)ld with disheveled blond hair (he's a dropout But it was better to be there, with Bowart. and
"rom BBD&O) read a long prose poem he had be poor. Because this was what was happening.
prepared for the occasion. When Gosselin fin- This was where it was "at."
shed, he signaled for the staff to gather around "Our purposes are altruistic," Bowart had
;he cake. He held a knife to the frosting, every- told me earlier. **We're part of a revolution that
:)ne put a hand on top of his hand, and togeth- is occurring. In 1776 was the revolution of the
er thirty hands cut the cake. body. In 1 875 a clique of writers led by Emer-
Renewal ceremonies complete, the staff son began the revolution toward the liberation
3roke into discussions. A fairly passionate ex- of the intellect. And now. 1968, we're engaged
Bowart and roommate, a Long Island kindergarten
;hange began about the relative merits of the in the revolution toward the liberation of the
teacher, in yoga "Tantric" position that precedes
:ountry as opposed to the city, with Bowart sexual intercourse. spirit."

31
 enables it to organize and sway the emo- ly his theory of innate aggressiveness. It ual and group behavior, will in the
futuf^

tions of the masses, and to make them its has been shown that aggressiveness -or devote a greater part of their scholarship
assertiveness. competitiveness, hostility- to the understanding of political
tool. beliefs

^Thirty-six years ago, before World "Yet even this answer does not pro- has a vital function: It is essential for and behavior.... It may be. ..that
psychol.

War II, before the Korean "conflict," vide a complete solution. Another ques-
most of Man's accomplishments. And if ogy and psychiatry have a great deal
lo
denied an outlet, it will turn inward. contribute. There nothing to
before the Vietnam"pacirication." some- tion arisesfrom it: Howisit these devices it is is
lose by

League of Nations had arousing men to such As recent studies have shown, a nation trying."
one high up at the succeed so well in
that has a low suicide rate will have a One can only hope— as Freud
an intriguing idea. Why not ask Albert wild enthusiasm, even to sacrifice their says in

lives? Only one answer is possible. Be- high murder rate; a nation with a high his letter to Einstein-that before
Einstein, the man who had multiplied tTie

cause man has within him a lust for ha- suicide rate will have a low murder rate. flour is ready, men are not already
Man's knowledge of the universe, to di- dead

rect any question he might choose to any tred and destruction. In normal times The best way to deal with man's aggres- of hunger.
not to thwart but to * * *
siveness, then, it
person he might choose? The idea sound- in a latent state, is
this passion might exist
ed gimmicky, but the amiable Einstein emerging only in unusual circumstances; redirect it. A final note on Professor Einstein's

but comparatively easy to call into But what progress has been made relationship with Dr. Freud. In
promptly agreed. And he immediately it is it 1936
to the power of a collec- in the psychological study of war since three years before he died, on
announced that he would direct his ques- play and raise it the oc-

Here hes, perhaps, the crux Freud wrote his letter? According to casion of his eightieth birthday, Freud
tion to Sigmund Freud, the man who had tive psychosis.

multipliedMan'sknowledge of Man. What of all the complex of factors we are con- Bryant Wedge, director of the Institute received the following letter:

was surprisingabout Einstein's choice was sidering, an enigma that only the expert for theStudy of National Behavior,
human instincts can resolve." Princeton: "Psychiatry has failed to pro- Princeton, 21.4.1936
that he had always been amusedly skep- in lower
vide practical assistance in the manage- Verehrter Herr Freud:
tical of Freud's theories. Einstein recognized that wars have
ment of international conflict, though
The basic question Einstein asked was psychological roots. No doubt economics, I am happy that this generation has
such conflict has become vastly more the good fortune to have the opportun-
an obvious one. In a nutshell: Can we power-politics, ideology, and history fig-
dangerous to mankind since the time of ity of expressing their respect and
abolish war? If he were alive today, the ure in the causes of most wars, and of the grati-
Einstein's appeal." And one key reason
professor might word it thus; "Lyndon Vietnam war in particular. But, as Ein- tude to you as one of its greatest teachers.
is that "The psychiatric profession has
Johnson says he doesn't want war, and stein saw,wars are caused by people. In You have undoubtedly not made it easy
been savage in its treatment of members
Ho Chi Minh says he doesn't want war; The Arrogance of Power (\966), Senator for the skeptical laity to come to an in-
who show serious interest in internation-
dependent judgment. Until recently,
the Vietnamese people are being killed, J. William Fulbright writes: 1

al affairs. Such psychiatrists are often ac-

could only apprehend the speculative
the country is being devastated, Ameri- "If it be granted that the study of
cused of grandiosity or immaturity. power of your train of thought, together
can men are being killed, American re- politics is the study of Man and that if
International affairs seem both abstract
sources needed elsewhere are being squan- politics is ever to acquire a new charac- with its enormous influence on the Welt-
and oversize from the profession's usual anschauung of the present era, without
dered. Why does the war continue?" ter, the change will not be wrought either
vantage point." The American Psychi-
in computers or in revival meetings but being in a position to form a definite
What Einstein actually wrote was: atric Association, it seems, has much in
through a better understanding of the opinion about the amount of truth it con-
"It would be a great service to all of us if common with the American Medical As-
needs and fears of the human mdividual. tains. Not long ago, however, 1 heard of
you were to present the problem of world sociation.
a curious thing that in an era when a few instances which, in my judgment,
peace in the light of your most recent It is
exclude any other interpretation than
discoveries, for such a presentation
well blaze the trail for new and
might
fruitful
interdisciplinary studies are favored in the
universities, little has been done to ap-
ply the insights of individual and social
D that provided by your theory of repres-
sion. I was delighted. It is always delight-
modes of action....
psychology to the study of international l^ut there are changes in the wind. ful when a great and beautiful conception
"The ill success of all efforts made Wedge points
relations." Some psychiatrists. out. proves to be consonant with reality.
to reach this goal during the last decade * With most cordial wishes and deep
* are studying the personality characteris-
leaves us no room to doubt that strong tics of foreign leaders— perhaps Castro, respects.
Freud's lengthy reply, virtually un-
psychological factors paralyze these ef-
Nasser, de Gaulle-to help U.S. govern- Yours,
known to the American public, reads as
forts. The craving power of the govern- ment agencies in international negotia- A. Einstein
if had been written only a few years
it
ing class in every nation is hostile to any
ago. He was sure that Communism, des- tions. Others are studying psychopolitical
limitation of the national sovereignty.... study ing
pite the hopes of its starry-eyed adher- factors in specific conflicts,
Vienna, September, 1932
"But recognition of this obvious fact ents, would be
by nationahsm. The
rent communications problems, working out
is merely the first step toward an appre- League of Nations or any similar body, means to negotiate with countries like Dear Professor Einstein:
intention lo
ciation of the actual state of affairs. An- he predicted, would be effective only if China. J. William Fulbright even invit- When learned of your
I

views
other question follows hard upon it: How it had a strong peace-keeping army. Large ed a psychiatrist- Jerome D. Frank-to invite me to a mutual exchange of
is it possible for this small clique to bend nations may see to it that there are fewer testify before the Senate Foreign Rela- upon a subject that not only interested
too.
the will of the majority, who stand to wars, but these wars will be infinitely tions Committee. And in The Arrogance you personally but seemed deserving,
lose and suffer by a state of war, to the more terrible. Modern weapons, shudder- of Power, Fulbright leans heavily on psy- of public interest. I cordially assented.)
lyig
service of their ambitions?. ..An obvious ingly fearsome in their capacity to des- chological insights in examining Amer- expected you to choose a problem
knowable. a
answer to this question would seem to troy, may work to keep the peace. ica's role in the world today: on the borderland of the
psy-
be that the minority, the ruling class at Freud'spsychological explanations of "I would hope," he writes, "that psy- theme that each of us, physicist and
from his own
present, has the schools and press, usually the causes of war have also been borne chiatrists, who have already contributed chologist, might approach
ground.
the church as well, under its thumb. This out by subsequent observation, specifical- so much to the understanding of individ- angle, to meet at last on common

34

1
hus the question that you put me-what tract a claim or a refusal. This end is community of sentiments linking up its when they are the expression of a deeply

most when oppon- members. All the mere tautology rooted sense of unity shared by
to be done to rid mankind of the war- effectively gained the rest is all. It is
,

ienace?~tookme by surprise. And, next, ent is definitively put out of action-in and gloss. The situation is simple enough, necessary, therefore, to gauge the effi-

was dumbfounded by the thought of other words, is killed. This procedure so long as the community consists of a cacy of such sentiments.

ly (or our, almost wrote) incompe-

1
has two advantages: The enemy cannot number of equally powerful individuals. History tells us that, on occasion,
snce; for this struck me as being a mat- renew hostilities, and his fate deters The laws of such a group can determine these sentiments have been effective. For
;r of practical politics, the statesman's others from following his example. More- to what extent the individual must for-
example, the Panhellenic conception, the
Bui then realized that over, the slaughter of a foe gratifies an feit his personal freedom, and his privi-
iroper study. I
Greeks' awareness of superiority over
'ou did not raise the question in your innate craving-a point to which we shall lege of using personal force to ensure the
their barbarian neighbors, which found
apacity as a scientist or physicist, but revert hereafter. safety of the group. But such a group is
expression in the Amphictyonies. the Or-
sa lover of his fellow men. And, next. I Thus, under primitive conditions, it only theoretically possible. In practice acles and Games, was strong enough to
eminded myself that I was not being is superior force— brute violence backed the group includes elements of unequal humanize the methods of warfare be-
ailed on to formulate practical propos- by arms-that lords it everywhere. We power, men and women, elders and chil-
tween Greeks-though inevitably it fail-
Js, but to explain how this question of know that in the course of evolution this dren, and very soon, as a result of war ed to prevent conflicts between different
ireventing wars strikes a psychologist. state of thmgs was modified; a path was and conquest, victors and the vanquish- elements of the Hellenic race or even to
you have stated the traced that led away from violence to law. ed-ie. masters and slaves— as well.
. From deter a city or group of cities from joining
But here, too.
But what was this path? Surely issued this time on, the common law takes no- forces with their racial foe, the Persians,
of the matter in your letter-and
it
;ist

my from a single truth-that the superiority tice of these inequalities of power. Laws for the defeat of a rival. The solidarity
aken the wind out of sails! Still, I

your wake and con- of one strong man can be overcome by are made by and for the rulers, giving the of Christendom in the Renaissance age
gladly follow in
an alliance of many weaklings that I'union servile classes fewer rights.
was no more effective, despite its vast
ent myself with endorsing your conclu-
propose to amplify to the fair la force. Brute force is overcome by authority, in hindering Christian nations,
ions, which I

union; the allied might of scattered units from

test of my knowledge or surmise. large and small alike, calling in the
makes good its right against the isolated Sultan to their aid. And, in our times,
You begin with the relations between
giant. Thus we may define "right" {Le., way of end- we some unifying notion
klight and Right, and this is assuredly the
Ihus there is but one sure look in vain for
law) as the might of a community. Yet ing war and that is the establishment, by whose authority would be unquestioned.
>roper starting point for our inquiry. But
it. too, is nothing else than violence, quick common consent, of a central control It is all too clear a contrary direction.
"or the term would substitute
"might" I
to attack whatever individual stands in that shall have the last word in every Some hold that the Bolshevist concep-
tougher and more telling word: "vio-
I

its path, and it employs the selfsame conflict of interests. For this, two things tions may make an end of war, but. as
ence." In right and violence we have to-
methods, follows like ends, with but one are needed: First, the creationof such a things are, that goal lies very far away
iay an obvious conflict. It is easy to
difference; it is the communal, not indi- supreme court of judicature; second, its and, perhaps, could be attained only after
)rove that one has evolved from the other.
vidual, violence that has its way. investment with adequate executive force. a spell of brutal internecine warfare. Thus
But. for the transition from crude Unless this second requirement be fulfill- it would seem that any effort to replace
brute force by the might of an ideal
P violence to the reign of law, a certain
psychological condition must first ob-
ed, the first is

League of Nations, acting

unavailing. Obviously the
as a supreme under present conditions, doomed to
is,

fail.

IJonflicts of interest between man and tain. The union of the majority must be court, fulfills the first condition; it does Our logic is at fault if we ignore the fact

are resolved, in principle, by recourse stable and enduring. If its sole raison not fulfill the second. It has no force at that right is founded on brute force and
nan
to violence. It is the same in the animal d'etre be the defeat of some overween- its disposal andean get it only if the mem- even today needs violence to maintain it.

dngdom. from which man cannot claim mg individual and, after his downfall, it bers of the new body, its constituent na-
I now can comment on another of
jxclusion; nevertheless, men are also be dissolved, the union leads to nothing. tions, furnish it. And, as things are. this
your statements. You are amazed that it
prone to conflicts of opinion touching, Some other man, trusting to his superior is a forlorn hope. Still, we should be men with the war-
is so easy to infect
on occasion, the loftiest peaks of ab- power, will seek to reinstate the rule of taking a very short sighted view of the man has in
fever, and you surmise that
thought, which seem to call for violence and the cycle will repeat itself League of Nations were we to ignore the and des-
stract him an active drive for hatred
settlement by quite another method. This unendingly. Thus the union of the people fact that here is an experiment the hke amenable to such stimulations.
truction,
refinement is, however, a late develop- must be permanent and well organized; of which has rarely-never before, per- 1 entirely agree with you. I believe in the
ment. To start with, brute force was the it must enact rules to meet the risk of haps, on such a scale-been attempted existence of this drive and have been re-

factor that, in small communities, decided possible revolts; and it must set up ma- in the course of history. It is an attempt manifesta-
cently at pains to study its

points of ownership and the question of chinery ensuring that its rules-the laws- to acquire the authority (in other words, tions. In this connection, may I set out a
whose will was Very soon phys- are observedand that such acts of violence coercive infiuence) that hitherto reposed
to prevail. fragment of that knowledge of the drives
as the laws demand are duly carried out. exclusively on the possession of power- many
ical force was implemented, then re- that we psychoanalysts, after so
placed, by the use of various adjuncts; he This recognition of a community of in- by calling into play certain idealistic atti- and gropings the dark,
tentative essays in

proved the victor whose weapon was bet- terests engenders among the members of tudes of mind. There are two factors of
have compressed?
the group a sentiment of unity and fra- cohesion in a community: violent com-
ter, or handled the more skillfully. Now.
and ties of sentiment ("'identifi- We assume that human drives are of
for the first time, with the coming of ternal solidarity that constitutes its real pulsion,
strength. cations") between the members of the two kinds: Those that conserve and uni-
weapons, superior brains began to oust
fy, which we call "erotic" or the "sex-
brute force. But the object of the con- So far I have set out what seems to group. If one of these factors becomes in-
operative, the other may still suffice to ual" (exphcitly extending the popular
remained the same: One party was
flict me the kernel of the matter: The suppres-
connotation of "sex"); and, second, the
to be constrained, by the injury done sion of brute force by the transfer of hold the group together. Obviously such
drives to destroy and kill, which we as-
him or impairment of his strength, to re- power to a larger group, founded on the notions as these can be significant only

35
similate as the aggressive or destructive with human aggressiveness by ensuring the dictates of reason. But surely such a and causes are obscure, its issue is
uncer
instincts. you perceive, the
These are, as the satisfaction of material needs and hope is utterly Utopian, as things are. tain, but some of its characteristics
well-known oppositesLove and Hate, enforcing equality between man and man. The other indirect methods of prevent- easy to perceive.
are
It well may lead to
transformed into theoretical entities, To me this hope seems vain. Meanwhile ing war are certainly more feasible, but extinction of mankind, for
%
it impairs thfl
they are, perhaps, another aspect of those they busily perfect their armaments, and entail no quick results. They conjure up sexual function in more than one respect,"
eternal polarities, attraction and repul- their hatred of outsiders is not the least an ugly picture of mills that grind so slow- and even today the uncivilized races
sion which fall withm your province. of the factors of cohesion amongst them- that, before the flour ready, men
and
ly is the backward classes of all nations
But we must be wary of passing hastily selves. In any case, as you loo have ob- are dead of hunger.
aie
multiplying more rapidly than the
cultur-
to the notions of good and evil. Each
served, complete suppression of man's As you see, little good comes of con- ed elements. This process may,
of these drives is as indispensable as its perhaps
aggressive tendencies is not in issue what be likened to the effects of
,
sulting a theoretician, aloof from worldly domestics!
opposite, and all the phenomena of life
we may try to divert into a channel
/
is it
contacts, on practical and urgent prob- tion on certain anmials-itcleariyinvolvej
derive from their activity, whether they other than that of warfare. lems! physical changes of structure-but
work in concert or in opposition. It seems tht

From our "mythology" of the drives would now like to deal with a ques- view that cultural development is
that a drive of either category can operate
I
an or-

we may easily deduce a formula for an tion which, though it is not in your letter, ganic process of this order has not yet
only rarely in isolation ; it is always blend- be-

indirect method of eliminating war. If interests me greatly. Why do we protest come generally familiar. The psychic
ed ("alloyed." as we say) with a certain
the propensity for war be due to the so vehemently against war, instead of changes that accompany this process
dosage of its opposite, which modifies of
destructive instinct, we have always its just accepting it as another of life's odi-
cultural change are striking, and not ^
its aim or even, in certain circumstances, to

counteragent, Eros, to our hand. All that ous demands? For it seems a natural be gainsaid. They consist in the progre^
is a prime condition for its attainment.
Thus
produces ties of sentiment between man enough thing, biologically sound, and sive rejection of innate ends and a scaling^
the drive toward self-preservation is
and man must serve us as war's antidote. practically unavoidable. I trust you will
down of innate reactions. Sensations thai
certainly of an erotic nature. But to gain
These ties are of two kinds. First, such not be shocked by my raising such a delighted our forefathers have become-
its ends this very drive necessitates ag-
relations as those towards a beloved ob- question. The answer to my query runs neutral or unbearable to us; and, if out
gressive action. In the same way the love-
ject, void though they be of sexual intent. as follows: ethical and aesthetic ideals have under-
drive, when directed to a specific object,
The psychoanalyst need fee! no com- Because every man has a right over gone a change, the causes of this are ulti-
calls for an admixture of the acquisitive
punction in mentioning "love" in this his own life, and war destroys lives that mately organic. On the psychological side,
drive if it is to enter into effective pos-
connection; religion uses the same lan- were full of promise; it forces the individ- two of the most important phenomena
session of that object. It is the difficulty
guage: Love thy neighbor as thyself. A mto shame of culture are: First, a strengthening of
of isolating the two kinds of drives that ual situations that his man-
pious injunction easy to enounce, but hood, obliging him to murder fellow men, the intellect, which tends lo master our
has so long prevented us from recognizing
hard to carry out! The other bond of against his will; it ravages material amen- instinctive life; and second, an
them. introver-
sentiment is by way of identification. ities, the fruits of human toil, and much sion of the aggressive impulse, with all
All that brings out the significant resem- besides. Moreover wars, as now conduct- its consequent benefits and perils. Now
blances between men calls into play this ed, afford no scope for acts of heroism war runs most emphatically counter to
feeling of community identification, according to the old ideals and, given the psychic disposition imposed on us
if you will travel with me a little far- whereon is founded, in large measure, the high perfection of modern arms, war by the growth of culture; we are there-
ther on this road, you will find that hu- the whole edifice of human society. today would mean the sheer extermina- fore bound to resent war, to find it ut-
man affairsare complicated in yet another
your
In strictures on the abuse of tion of one of the combatants, if not of terly intolerable. With pacifists like us it
way. Only exceptionally does an action
authority I find another suggestion for both. This is so true, so obvious, that we is not merely an intellectual and emotion-
follow on the stimulus of a single drive,
an indirect attack on the war-impulse. can but wonder why the conduct of war al repulsion, but a constitutional intoler-
which is per se a blend of Eros and des- That men are divided into leaders and the is not banned by general consent. ance. And seems
it that the aesthetic
ig-
tructiveness. As a rule several motives
led is but another manifestation of their nominies of warfare play almost as large a
of similar composition concur to bring
about the act. Thus, when
moned to engage in war. a whole gamut
a nation is sum-
inborn and irremediable inequality. The
second class constitutes the vast majority
they need a high command to make deci-
u part in this repugnance as war's atrocities.

rest
How long have we
of men mrn
to wait before the
pacifist? Impossible lo
of human motives may respond to this sions for them, towhich decisions they I mow I pass on to another point, the
say, and yet perhaps our hope that these
appeal high and low motives, some open-
;
usually bow without demur. In this con- basis, as it strikes me, of our common ha- two factors-man's cultural disposition
ly avowed, others slurred over. text we could point out tred of war. We cannot do
that men should It is this:
and a well-founded dread of the forni
The upshot of these observations, as
be at greater pains than heretofore to otherwise than hate it. Pacifists we are, that future wars will take-may serve to
bearing on the subject in hand, is that form a superior class of independent since our organic nature wills us thus to
put an end to war in the near future, is

there no likelihood of our being able

is
thinkers, unamenable to intimidation be. Hence it comes easy to us to find
and not chimerical. But by what ways or by-
to suppress humanity 's aggressive tenden- fervent in the quest of truth, arguments that justify our standpoint.
whose func- ways this will come about, we cannot
cies. In some happy corners of the earth,
tion it would be to guide the masses de- This point calls for elucidation. Here guess. Meanwhile we may rest on the as-
they say, where nature brings forth abun- pendent on their lead. There is no need is way see it. The cultural develop-
the I surance that whatever makes for cultural
dantly whatever man desires, there to point out how the rule of poli-
little ment of mankind (some, know, prefer I development is working also against war.
flourish races whose Uves go gently by, ticians and the church's ban on liberty
unknowing of aggression or constraint.
to call it civilization) has been m pro- With kindest regards and, should this

of thou^t encourage such a new crea- immemorial antiquity. To this

gress since to
exposition prove a disappointment
This I can hardly credit; I would like tion. The ideal conditions would obvious- development we owe all that is best in you, my sincere regrets.
further details about these happy folk. ly be found community where every
in a our composition, but also much that Yours.
The Bolshevists, too, aspire to do away man subordinated his instinctive makes
life to for human suffering. Its origins Sigmund Freud

36
 America, estates large and small are being firm collected another million and a half Altogether. $20,000-46%- was taken
1

looted by lawyers who specialize m "pro- The New York Times once quoted a out of the Osgood estate before the
bate practice." The American Bar Associ- probate attorney as saying that there was sticky probate fingers were pried loose.
ation, pontificating about its "Canons no money in drawing wills. "The big Just in case you're thinking that pro-
of Ethics," looks the other way while money," he explained, "is in settling the bate is something that happens only to
itsmembers extort untold millions from estate after the death of the client." millionaires, be advised that, proportion-
the widows and orphans of the country. ately, the burden of its expense falls heav-
Trust companies and trust officers
These "specialists" generally pose as pil- iest upon estates of modest size. Before
work closely with probate attorneys.
lars of their communities. Quite com- me as 1 write is a front-page clipping from
Many of them send members of the Bar
monly, they are shysters of the worst aMissouripaper;theheadline reads: "Fees
periodic reminders that if the lawyer will
type, who'd steal the pennies off a dead Eat Up Nearly Half of an Estate of $19.-
persuade a client to name them as execu-
man's eyes-and frequently do. 425." Two lawyers took 40%^ of the es-
tor or trustee, they'll guarantee that he
The probate system siphoned off 1 1 % tate. Another story from the Cincinnati
is hired to probate the estate.
of Franklin D. Roosevelt's $1,900,000 Post has a seven-column headline, "An-
Not long ago, in a probate court in
other Estate Case Uncovered; Goes
estate in the course of "protecting" it. It Ail
Connecticut where I live, a hearing took to Fees." While that may seem
Dixie Lee Crosby left $1,300,000; the to be the
place on a request to sell a piece of prop-
probate system grabbed Gertrude maximum which can be taken from an
whose family backed erty owned by an estate administered by not be surprised to read
Strong Achilles, estate, I shall
a local bank. The hearing was called to
George Eastman, died in CaHfornia, leav- some day that an attorney somewhere
order and it was announced that a bid of has submitted a 110% of an es-
ing $10,883,503; probate took I ]%. bill for
$85,000 had been received from two at- tate he's been "protecting" via probate.
Robert Sterling Clark died in New
^(tjiamtiioD of York. The administration expense was
torneys. Unexpectedly, a local
bile dealer arose and announced he'd pay
automo- In Geveland. postal employee Charles
Guettinger died leaving $4,500, and no
$856,747, the executor waspaid$2,965,-
$ 1 25.000 for the property Startled looks
.
debts. Eight years later his two sisters re-
683 and the attorney grabbed a million
lfnmcai5lUulou/s dollars. It cost $4,822,430 to "protect"
were exchanged, the meeting was recessed, ceived $400 each. The probate racket
and the parties gathered in the corridor. took the rest.
Clark's heirs. Mind you, none of these
Five minutes later, the automobile dealer In Cincinnati, school teacher Ruth
figures includes taxes- they represent just
departed with a check for $25,000, paus- Crittenden died leaving a $38,000 estate.
the cost of the mechanical process of
ing only to stick his head into the judge's The local Bar association's fee schedule
turning the money over to the heirs.
chamber and withdraw his bid. The hear- called for a legal fee of $ 1 .347. With the
More recently, the estate of Arthur was reconvened and the bids were
ing probate judge's approval, the lawyer took
Vining Davis was put through the pro- canvassed; the two lawyers were the only $8,625. By the time probate was finished,
bate wringer in Florida. The First Nation- bidders and the property was sold to nothing wasleft of Miss Crittenden's $38.-
al Bank of Miami drew $2,512,500 as them for $85,000. True, the property 000 estate except her home, appraised at
executor. Two coexecutors. W.E. Dun- cost the lawyers $1 10.000. but the heirs $ 2.000- and that was sold to
1 a local at-
wody, Miami attorney, and Daniel were robbed of $40,000. The probate
Jr.. a torney for $5,000.
Davis, a nephew of the dead man, col- judge knew it, the lawyers all knew it, Hyde Stewart died in Cleveland leav-
lected$942.I87and$628,l 25 respective- and the trustee bank knew it. In that The attorney should have
115 fiMjers and ly for doing whatever they did. In addi- court, a large American flag stands be-
ing $22,864.
received $875; he took $3,500 in three
tion, Dunwody's law firm, Mershon, Saw- hind the judge. The Jolly Roger would be years and then told the court Stewart
yer, Johnson. Dunwody and Cole, pulled more appropriate. left no heirs. The Cleveland F/am Dealer
out another $1 ,502,000. Still another law sent a reporter to the public library to
WhenKathrynF. Osgood died in
firm, Milbank, Tweed, Hadley and Mc- Washington, D.C. the Riggs National check directories. He found five heirs in

BY NORMAN F.I^ACEY Cloy, was paid $236,000. There was no Bank stepped in as executor under the three days. For not finding the heirs, the

provision in Mr. Davis' will saying, "To will, taking a $50,130 fee out of the lawyer got four times the proper fee-and

If Al Capone were alive today, he the probate system, 1 bequeath six mil- $265,000 estate-nearly 20%. William E. the probate judge approved it.

wouldn't be bothered with the beer busi- lion dollars of my estate," but the pro- Huntington collected $25,000 as coexe- Probate doesn't have to cost a great
ness. He'd be a lawyer speciahzing in bate system took it anyway. cutor. Attorney Sidney Sachs, president deal. It depends on who you are. Gordon
"probate practice" or maybe even a pro- It is common practice for lawyers, of the District ofColumbia Bar Associa- Stouffer died in Cleveland and the ex-

bate judge. drawing wills, to ensure fat future fees tion, chopped out another $40,170- pense for probating his $ 1 ,937.477 estate
Probate is the legal procedure which for themselves by writing themselves in 16%. Another lawyer, Mary M. Connolly, was $97,323. At just about the same
as executors, coexecutors, or trustees of was appointed by the court to "protect" time. Joseph C. Hostetler died in the
marks the settlement of your estate after
your death. Originated generations ago the clients' estates. Often, too, they in- the interests of the 12-year-old boy who same city leaving $1 ,780,394; probate

as a device to protect heirs, it has since sert clauses specifically directing that was the sole beneficiary. She wrote a two- cost $2,798. The explanation: Gordon
become their greatest enemy. they be hired to attend to probating the page letter to the court saying that she Stouffer was an executive of a restaurant

Almost universally corrupt, the pro- wills. I don't know who drew the Davis saw no reason why the will should not be chain; Joseph Hostetler was a partner in

bate system is operated by the legal will, but m lay you ten to one that it was probated since her client was going to get a Cleveland law firm.

profession in close cooperation with poli- the same gent who collected almost a mil- it all, anyway. The kindly judge allowed Generally speaking, probate judges

her a fee of $2,500 for writing the letter. are a sorry lot. In one Connecticut city.
ticians. Across the length and breadth of lion dollars as coexecutor and whose law

37
the probate judge owed a local man $5,- other friend collected $36,000 on one ment to take to their lawyers. This also the Latin sordes, meaning "filth." The
000. The man died leaving a will appoint- appraisal, while the wives of three pro- failed to produce a single inter vivos dictionary definition of the word is "dir-

ing his wife asexecutrix. Thejudge bate court employees hit the jackpot trust. Attorneys condemned the draft in- ty, filthy, morally mean, ignoble, squalid,
pretended to find a flaw in the will and several times. strument, although legal reference serv- low, base."
rejected Officially, then, the man died The Cincinnati newspapers have late- ices that supply forms to lawyers reprint-
it.
The Bar committee that brought the
and was up to the judge to ly been looking into the goings-on in ed my draft instruments with higli praise.
intestate it
action against me never claimed that I

Judge Davies' court. They found that a

began giving clients
appoint an administrator-which he did, Finally. I a print-
engaged in discreditable activity; it speci-
One of the acts certain "Will Jackson" had been named edform that required only that the names
appointing a friend. first
fically stated that no charges of criminal
to waive the by Judge Davies as an appraiser on an of the client, his wife, and the trustee
of the administrator was wrongdoing were involved. From the
and estate. Diligent search for Mr. Jackson bank be filled in. I provided it because
judge's indebtedness to the estate, soiled recesses of his own mind, however.
proved fruitless. Finally, they confirmed the Bar was defaulting in its job.
the judge approved it. When the heirs re- Chief Justice King dredged up the dirty
that there actually wasn't any "Will Jack- When the local Bar association object-
ported the facts to the local Bar associa- appellation, "sordid," and gratuitously
son." He was fictitious— dreamed up by ed to my supplying such forms to clients.
tion, it refused to take any action. applied it to me.
an aide to Judge Davies, the aide im- I sent all area attorneys a copy of the
The appointment of "special guard- The smear got a lot of publicity.
properly collecting the appraiser's fee. trust instrument with background infor-
ians" for children who have inherited
Newspapers, wire services, and radio and
To date. "Will Jackson" has been found mation and offered to give every client a
money is one of the juiciest aspects of
to have been named as an appraiser on no list of lawyers wilhng to supply it. but television stationspicked up the offensive
the probate racket. Two weeks after he
fewer than 65 estates in the Cincinnati the Connecticut Bar Association threat- reference and broadcasted it across the
left office, ex-Mayor Robert Wagner of
probate court. Various local lawyers who ened to prosecute lawyers thus listed- land. I have been sent hundreds of clip-
New York was appointed as "special
handled the probating of those estates for violating the Canons of Ethics. pings headlining it. Every stale Bar jour-
guardian" of 1 1 children, beneficiar-
notarized the signatures of the non- Obviously, the Bar would stop at nal, every law school review has repeated
ies of a trust fund in a New York bank.
existent, ghostly "Will Jackson" whom nothing to keep the public from know-
it endlessly. The American Bar Associa-
None of the children lives in New York;
Judge Davies had appointed as appraiser. tion even headlined its own commentary
them Oregon. 3000 miles ing about the inter vivos trust. Without
three of live in
Embarrassed? Concerned about the on the case with the libelous reference.
away. In court, the children's mothers a hearing, the Bar Association obtained
pubhc disclosure of their gross violation an injunction forbidding me to tell peo- Each of the justices of the Connecti-
protested the appointment of this total
of the Canons of Ethics? Not at all-that how to avoid probate. was the "un- cut Supreme Court in his own years of
stranger as "guardian," but the court ple It
sort of thing is just a part of the day's
brushed them aside. There might be a authorizedpractice of law," they charged. private practice of the law, had prepared
work when you're a "specialist in pro-
countless wills for clients in which he
"conflict of interest" between the moth- I fought it-in the court that issued
bate practice." Not a single one of them named himself executor or trustee of
ers and their children, the court observed. the injunction, in the Connecticut Su- as
has been disciplined by the Bar. After
A knowledgeable probate lawyer in New preme Court, then in the United States the client's estate, thus assuring himself
all, they are the Bar. Each had recommended to
York called it "a nice going-away present Supreme Court, where I argued that my a future fee.
I have here barely scratched the sur-
constitutional right of free speech had countless other clients the appointment
for the Mayor" and estimated that his has made
face of the probate scandal. If it

fees would approximate $50,000 for on- been denied. of a specific bank or trust company as
you indignant, let me tell you what hap-
ly token work, if any. I lost. No substantial federal question executor or trustee under the client's will
pened to me when / tried to do something
had been raised, the highest court said. without disclosing the existence of an
Two years ago, one of the two pro- about it.
Vigorous in upholding freedom of speech iron-clad "gentleman's agreement" that
bate judges in Manhattan appointed the I have been engaged in professional
for civil rights advocates, it found no
the bank named would hire him to at-
30-year-old lawyer son of the other judge estate-planning for 37 years, have written
me to speak here. The Bar was tend to the probating of the estite in-
as special guardian of 35 infants who more than 100 books and articles on the right for
volved, again with rich rewards to him-
were the beneficiaries of a bank trust subject, made some 500 radio and TV sacrosanct; there was no right to speak
self Apparently applying a different
fund. When the newspapers questioned broadcasts, and lectured at many colleges in protest against its abuses.
standard of morality to themselves, the
the appointment, he explained that he and universities-among them the Air In its decision sustaining the lower
justices saw nothing "sordid" or self-serv-
had made it as "a wedding present for Force Academy and the law schools of court's injunction, the Connecticut Su-
ing in such activities.
the young man." A "present" paid for Boston University. Denver, the Univer- preme Court took notice of the fact that
Were they laymen, I would immed-
by widows and orphans who were the sity of Connecticut, and the University many of our clients had instructed the
iately have laid upon them a libel suit
beneficiaries of estates which had come of the State of New York. banks which were to serve as trustee of
their estates after their death to utilize
which would have staggered them. But
into his court to be "protected." Many became aware of
years ago I

the facilities of our firm in making in- it seems that you cannot sue a court or
When it comes to their own families, the abuses of the probate system and of
its individual justices. Cloaked injudicial
the advantages of a legal device called vestments for their accounts. The court
probatejudges are considerably more pro-
affected to see something sinister and immunity, they may visit upon the de-
tective, often by means of the appraiser the inter vivos, or "living" trust, as a
self-serving in the fact that we might re- fenseless layman such libelous indignities
racket. Probate Judge Chase Davies of means of avoiding probate. About 17
ceive a fee for rendering such requested as they choose and he has no recourse.
Cincinnati furnishes a good example. In a years ago, I began quietly telling people
services at some uncertain date in the Traditionally, if a court issues a decision
recent period, his brother-in-law got six aboutit.suggestingthat they consult their
future. With this as his sole excuse. Chief which the layman feels is unfair, he can
appraiserships- on just one of them his attorneys to arrange it. I was puzzled that
who wrote the de- appeal it to a higher court. But the U.S.
tome Justice John R. King,
fee was $36,000. A son-in-law of the somany of them reported back that
justices concur- Supreme Court had declined to review
cision in which the other
judge collected a fee of $6,584; another their attorneyshad been harshly discour-
therecordthatlhad the decision on the grounds that 1 had
son-in-law collected $1,760. The judge's aging, frequently flatly refusing to draw
red, found for
engaged in "sordid activities." not raised a substantial federal question.
golf partner's name appeared frequently the instrument.
The word "sordid" is derived from Forbidden by court injunction to tell
among the appraiser appointments. An- I began giving clients a draft instru-

39
 here were the toll collectors themselves leged evil which afflicts the public at ugly probate system and unwilling to re-
people about probate avoidance. I decid-
of New York a crucial function of form reduced to gagging
to write about il. The result was How that they Since
large. is it. it is its Ci nlcs
ed telling the people it

To Avoid Probate, of which some 740.- could not have access to a book that tells the First Amendment to assure unfetter- and suppressing their writings.

000 copies have been sold. how they can avoid paying ransom to ed exchange of ideas for the bringing The Lawyers' Association wa^ re-

members, get theirestatesout of probate. It's enough about of political and social change, it is
portedly torn by internal dissension ver
In a private report to its >

American Bar Association has ac- to make honest people sick all over the clear that Dacey 's book, wh ich has as one the book-burning image it was crealmg,
the
knowledged that my criticism is valid, carpet. of its major functions criticism of an ex- and it certainly was stung by the N -w
was hard to see how an action like isting institution, occupies a particularly York Times' comment that "many
saying; "The burden of his writings is It ib-

devoted to some
detailed criticisms of this one could be taken seriously by any privileged position in our society. There servers felt that the Bar itself was %h< w-
antiquated, unnecessary, and perhaps judge. But the New York County Law- is no justification for the State to sup- ing bad form." When I asked the Fed a]

questionable procedures which are a part yers" Association contrived to have it press it. Court in New York for an injunci in

of the probate systems presently in force heard before a member of the Associa- "Dacey's book has played a major to stop the abridgement of my const u-

in some states, and which contribute in tion, Justice Charles Marks of the New role in crystallizing public opinion against tional rights, the Bar Association hun d-

a major way to the present expense, de- York Supreme Court (confusingly, in the probate system and bringing pressure ly offered me a compromise: They wi Id

lay, publicity, and lack of security in the New York the Supreme Court is the low- for reform to bear on the system itself. see to it that Judge Marks stayed exi. u-

probate of decedents' estates." est court). It isno coincidence that only after pub- tion of lus order pending my appeal i a

As to my solution, the report states: At what was supposed to be a prelim- lication of the book did the legislature of higher state court, would drop if I ,
e

"From the point of view of being critical inary hearing. Judge Marks was asked if this State enact a reform bill calculated federal action, stay off radio and teli i-

of the basic purpose of Mr. Dacey's work, he was a member of the New York County to remedy certain probate abuses, it is sion. and keep the compromise a seer ,

Lawyers' Association. He replied that he clear, therefore, that Dacey's book has refused.
to wit, to further the use of the inter vivos I

"couldn't remember." After paying dues been more than a voice crying in the
trust, perhaps the American Bar Associa- far Within 24 hours of my "no," the As-
to the Association for 23 years, he wilderness in the field of probate reform. sociation wrote Judge Marks' order
tion is committed to a quite identical : ,!r
couldn't remember whether or not he "It is the public policy of the State him and he signed
program." The printing
it. tnd
belonged to it. The gross conflict of in- to encourage free and open discussion of
The report concludes: "Mr. Dacey distribution of the book was banned, '

terest reflected in his dual position as a our institutions. The effect of suppressing
and his book can be of substantial bene- I must pay a $250 fine for criminal o
member of the plaintiff association and the book would be to immunize profes- tempt or serve 30 days
fittothe Bar in helping to bring into focus in jail.
as the judge hearing the case was brushed sional activity from lay criticism. If this
for its own members the weaknesses thai I immediately appealed to the Nt
aside.
do fact exist in many of tlie ancient
book can be suppressed, any book which
in York Appellate Court which stayed in-
My counsel asked that the Lawyers'
vigorously criticizesprofessionai practices
probate procedures which have long since junction and punishment pending a hear-
Association action be dismissed out of
outlived their usefulness and which now and points the way to reform or avoid-
hand. If it was not to be dismissed, then
ing.(The Federal-Court action is still
need revision or refurbishing, if not elim- ance of those practices by a specific al-
the court was asked to set a date for a
pending.) There, the presiding justice
ination." ternate mode of conduct may also be
formal hearing tu determine the facts.
Harold A. Stevens, the distinguished Nt
suppressed."
Recently, however, the New York Since! was accused of criminal contempt, gro jurist who had been considered A
County Lawyers' Association applied for Judge Marks listened to the argu- the Supreme Court seat which went
a violation punishable by fine and im- i

an injunction against me. against the pub- ments with sullen indifference, interrupt-
prisonment, I exercised my constitution- Thurgood Marshall, tried vainly to dire^
hshers (Crown), and against the Brentano ing once to boast that he was the judge
al right and asked for a jury trial. the attention of his four colleagues >
and Doubleday book chains, seeking to who had Fanny hill in New York.
b^Lnned
the bench to the facts. Outside of ti

ban the distribution of the book in New The New York Civil Liberties Union, Finally, he announced that he would re-
New York political clubhouse of whi
York state on the grounds that such pub- which entered the case on my behalf, serve judgment. This we took to mean
they were a product, the four would ha'- e
licationand distribution constituted the warned the court that the proposed in- that he would consider whether to throw
had difficulty maintaining justice-of-the-
unauthorized practice of law. Incredibly, junction would be a gross violation of the case out without further discussion
peace stature. (One absented himself fn ni
they also sought to have me held in crim-
my constitutional rights and of the pub- or set a time for the jury trial which
the bench during most of the argumei l.
lic's right to know. In its brief, it said:
inal contempt for having written the book. had been requested.
his mind was made up. apparently, and
The New York County Lawyers' As- "We argue here not only for Dacey's By statute, he was required to make
he did not wish to be confused by the
sociation reminded the court sanctimon- right to speak but for the public's right known his decision within 60 days. On
facts.)
iously that one of the Association's chief to read, so that the truth will be more the 80th day, he announced that he was
I lost. The four judges upheld Marks.
functions was "the maintenance, for the likely to evolve. It is not the function of finding me guilty of criminal contempt
Justice Stevens dissented vigorously, say-
benefit of the public, of high standards of the State to suppress what it considers and banning all further distribution of
ing:
professional services and conduct. "Where offensive or incorrect. In fact, it is a ma- the book in New York state. Stripp^ of the arguments and the con-
have these hypocritical defenders of the jor function of the First Amendment to That was all. No jury, no hearing of tentions of the parties, the question may be
public welfare been all these years while disable the State from undertaking such evidence, no decent observance of con- briefly and baldly expressed: Does the writ-

the probate system in their own baili- activity. Under our system, the free in- The probate racket had
stitutional rights.
ing, publication, advertising, sale, and distri-

wick was achieving national notoriety as terplay of ideas rather than the paternal- to be preserved in New York at all costs.
bution of How To Avoid Probate constitute
hand of the State must be depended the unauthorized practice of law? It cannot
one of the most viciously corrupt in the istic The book had to be stopped.
be claimed that the publication of a legal
country? upon to ensure that the incorrect and By such tortured misuse of the legal
text which purports to say what the law is
Senator Robert Kennedy recently offensive will not prevail.
processes which it controls, the Bar makes amounts to legal practice. Dacey's book is
called it "a political toll booth exacting "The major purpose of Dacey's book a mockery of the free speech guarantees sold to the public at large. There is no per-
tribute from widows and orphans." And is the exposure and correction of an al- of the Constitution. Unable to defend sonal contact or relationship with a particu-
its

40
lar individual.
Nor does there exist that pointing out the mistakes. Coronet re- alushlivingsince then in probate practice, public's mouth.
of confidence and trust so necessary printed the piece, trumpeting on cover: and the coauthor, with the present oc-
relation its is "Many lawyers
agree that probate is
10 the status
of attorney and client. This is "A Critical Look at the Best Seller //ow cupant of the probate bench. Judge Frank too expensive, and often they give advice
legal practice-the represen-
the essential of To Avoid Probate: Why the Courts De- Merrick, of a probate manual for lawyers on how to avoid it that is embarrassingly
tation and the advising of a particular per- cided It Was Dangerous for You." Of -which has been described as a "fee- similar to Mr. Dacey's."
situation.
son in a particular course, no court ever said it was danger- maker." It counsels lawyers on how to
offer gen- It is not concern for the public's wel-
At most the book assumes to ous-the finding was that the writing of extract the last nickel of fees from every fare that motivates the Bar in this matter.
advice on common problems, and does
eral
on a spe-
it constituted the practice of law. estate they put through the probate It is simple greed. Recently, the Institute
ooi purport to give
personal advice
Time magazine parroted the Bar's wringer. for Business Planning, a leading legal ref-
cific problem peculiar to a designated or
itaJily identified
person. criticism of my book, branding it as a Rippner reviewed my book for the erence service that publishes books of
How To Avoid Probate has been pub- money-making scheme, then emasculated Cleveland Press, calling it "dangerous." assorted forms that are to be found in all

'"freely sold for more than one my letter of protest and printed It with In Ohio, he brayed, takes only six libraries (and which for some years had
UshcX: it

no showing in this record that words that demeaned me. months

vt If. There is slyly inserted to probate an estate. My state- reprinted my trust instruments with high
exploited the public or led its
the bool has Boyd H. Anderson, Jr., lawyer and ment that it took two to five years was praise) sent the following letter to every
members astray improperly or incorrectly.
son of a probate judge, wrote a vicious "preposterous." As for my claim that it attorney in America:
Certainly, no clear and present danger of
piece for the Florida Bar Journal. He was costing up to 20% to probate an es- "Emergency Bulletin from the Insti-
public corruption or public misleading is
said I had been "convicted" of illegally tate.. .we 11, said Rippner, that was an tute for Business Planning to its friends
shown to exist. In order to sustain the pe-
practicing law in Connecticut, and he "out-and-out-lie." in the legal and estate-planning profes-
tidonef s position one has to conclude that
the book by its very nature comprises the made up out of whole cloth a "quota- Rippner's review aroused the curios- sions. How to lick the dangerous do-it-

tion" from my book. On my demand, yourseif craze for avoiding probate....

unauthorized practice of law. ity of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, which
In all the cases where there was a hold- Anderson and the Journal retracted the assigned three reporters to examine the "Dear Sir:

ing of unlawful practice of law there

was falsehoods and apologized. CuyahogaCounty Probate Court on We have just prepared a special re-

some employment, express or implied, re- which the Rippner-Merrick team has a port that will knock the 'do-it-yourself
The Connecticut Bar Association
sulting eithtr from contract, designation or wills and estate-planning craze into a
published a brochure consisting of a Hbel- stranglehold. Their report, a series of ar-
assigimient. It would seem logical that for
ous attack on me and a defense of the ticles, started with this page-one streamer cocked hat.
one to be guilty of the unauthorized prac-
Connecticut probate system (once de- headline: "Estates of Dead Often Become Enabling you to cope with today's
tice of law he must improperly or illegally
scribed in the Journal of the American Legal Prey." The documented series re- serious threat from amateurs who get
have created or assumed such a relationship.
ported that "estates are kept open for 'avoid probate' notions out of books, this
That is not the situation before us. Bar Association as "one of the most vi-

years while lawyers buiJd up. ..their fees. urgent report can turn a ni^tmare for
How To Avoid Probate is, in one sense, ciously corrupt systems ever distorted by
To that extent, could Lawyers and administrators draw fees the professional into a windfall of new
a do-it-yourself kit. it
the inventive minds of the greedy"). For
encroach upon the preserves of lawyers ranging up to 25% of the estate." wills and estate-planning instead.
the cover of their brochure, the Connec-
(but] every individual has the right to repre-
lawyers photographed the cover of A cross section of the nearly 40.000 Due to the popularity of these 'do-
ticut
sent himself if he chooses to do so. have received reveals a growing it-yourself methods laymen are. ..deny-
my book. 1 had designed that cover and letters I

Dacey's criticism of what he considers ing you the fees you rightfully deserve.
paid two professional artists to execute resentment at the tyranny of the Bar.
the high cost of probate is a right of speech The situation callsfor immediate action...
it. It was copyrighted and in every sense It is doubtful if there is any human en-
to which he is entitled.... That it is not pala- so much is at stake that we can say with-
my property. A printed warning in the deavor from which lawyers do not bene-
table to a segment of society which con- out exaggeration that failure to get hold
book advised that no part of it could be fit. But people are fed up with paying
ceives it as an encroachment of their special
ransom to get what is rightfully theirs.
of these reports now could cost you a
rights hardly justifies banning the book. It reproduced without permission. In the
fortune in fees."
isa prized American privilege to speak one's face of this prohibition, the arrogant Con- They're sick of giving up to a lawyer any-
of the sum That's what the shouting is all about,
mind. Free and open discussion can lead to necticut Bar Association brazenly repro- where from a third to a half

of an arm then-a "fortune in fees" that they "ri^t-

reform, if needed, or improvement where duced it, apparentlyunder the impression awarded them for, say. the loss
might be pru- fully deserve" but that they are being
desirable.
that the law does not apply to Bar associ- or a leg in an accident. It

Unless we are to extend a rule of sup- dent for the Bar to glance back through "denied." A fortune in fees wrung from
ations. I have sued them for one million
pression beyond the obscene, the libelous, that in every revolu- the widows and orphans of America!
dollars for libel and invasion of my prop- history and note
utterancesof or tending to incitement, there New York
erty rights.asking that the action be heard tion, it was the lawyers who were the If I lose in state. I shall
is no warrant for the action here taken. The
ones led to the guillotine. appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. If
(injunction] order should be vacated before a jury. The squirming and twist- first
on the that appeal shall probably go to
law and the petition [of the New York ing they're doing to try to get it heard The Bar has vigorously prosecuted fails, I

how probate jail, for shall never pay the fine im-
County Lawyers' Association] dismissed. before a judge, who will quash it, is a siglil me for disclosing publicly
1

may be avoided, on the grounds that this posed. A principle is involved here.
appealed to the New York Court to behold.
I
of that people get
Another typical detractor is Ellis V. disclosure has constituted the "unauth- I intend to see to it
Appeals-the state's highest court-which
orized practice of law." But the New the information they need to end the
stayed the ban and punishment. A hear- Rippner of Cleveland, who some years
York Times said: "The 'unauthorized Bar's vicious exploitation of widows and
ing took place in Albany on December ago was fired from hrs job in the probate
practice'committeestoo often seem more orphans, book-burning or no book-burn-
6th. I am confident that I shall win. court there coincidental with an investi-
interested in protecting the lawyers and ing. I may lose the battle, for the organ-
Meanwhile, the "smear" continues. gation that resulted in the indictment of
since they are usually more zealous than ized Bar is a powerful adversary. If I do.
A "review" of my book, by a lawyer theprobatejudge for embezzlement. (Tlie
the committees which are supposed to the record will show that I did not sur-
who downgraded it as "muckraking," judge was found not guilty by a friendly
render or compromise. intend to go
discipline unethical lawyers, their activi-
I
permit-
appeared in Consumer Reports, which colleague on the bench and was
frequently leave a bad taste in the down with all^uns firing.
neither answered nor printed ted to resign.) Rippner has
been making ties
my letter

41
 I

i
I

ORmANC^r
THEFLOOD
 BY MITCHELL WOJTYCKI

It seemed to me that
everybody knew
the natural habitat of the three-toed sloth
was the daily crossword puzzle.
You could find it there most any day,
stuck in the corner, taking up two spaces,
justabout the all-time favorite
for lazy-minded crossword puzzle makers.
Or, when you got sneaky-sophisticated,
you discovered it on the Scrabble board,
right near the
end of the game
when you were stuck with two letters, "a" and "i,"
so you snapped your fingers like a pro and said
"sloth!"
and put both letters down
and slipped out of the room in triumph
to the endless awe of your angered opponents.

Well, it used to be like that.

Of course, had seen the ai
I
in a movie once, stupid-looking,
hanging upside down in some South American jungle,
sort of placid, and not the least bit mean,
chomping on a leaf or two,
lazy and ugly and just another of nature's bizarre jokes.

Like I said, it used to be like that.

Until one day, bored and disgusted
with just about everything
(the Bomb, Vietnam-that whole business),
I came across the beast in the pages of Ufe magazine.
Some jerks had caused a man-made flood in Gwamba,
in the jungles of Surinam, Dutch Guiana,

and all the animals were drowning

-deer and ocelots and anteatersand red howler monkeys
and a whole lot of other animals with crazy names.
"Orphans of the Flood," the text said.
And on page 28, in full color, matted and nasty looking
from the water that had dried on its body,
stood a lump of fur with two sad eyes,
clinging desperately to its mother;
my old Scrabble and crossword puzzle pal,
the often-used-as-merely-a-word three-toed sloth.
You mother sloth saw the water rising,
see, this
so she climbed up on a weathered stump,
stuck her baby on top of her head
to keep it above water,
then waited patiently while the water rose,
cherishing that simple-looking kid of hers,
that ugly little child perched tall on her head.
And, of course, she drowned,
but kept her baby alive so it could be rescued.

Now when I see a crossword puzzle,

or get stuck at Scrabble,
I'm no longer imperious in my use
of the two- lettered, two-syllabled word,
but sort of pause in respect,
and think real hard about it,
and conclude, with a great feeling of earth-lived pride,
that the three-toed, two-lettered, two-syllabled sloth
is a very, very beautiful animal.
 COITUS NON
INTERRUPTUS:
THE EROTIC TOMB
SCULPTURES OF
MADAGASCAR

Africa iscontinent of vast, untapped natural resources, not the

a
least of which is its erotic art. This resource
has remained unde-
veloped largely because of cowardly museum directors and
cura-
tors who regard it as unfit for exhibition in "civilized" societies.
However, an increasing number of private coilectors-particularly
in Paris-are turning their attention to African erotic
art and
tracking it down. Among them is Sarajane
Archdeacon, an Amer-
ican expatriate who last summer journeyed to
Madagascar's west
coast to photograph the sculptures shown on these
pages. The
sculptures, measuring one-half life-size, are
carved of Katafa
wood and are the handiwork of the Sakalava tribe. These primi-
tives believe that no greater tribute can
be paid to their dead
ancestors than to celebrate their lust for life.
MEN WOULD RATHER HAVETHEIR
FILL0FSLEERLOVE.AND SINGING
ANDDANCINGTHANOFWARrSAID
HOMER.THE EDITORS OF AVANT-
GARDE AGREE, AND DO HEREDY
ISSUE A CALL FOR ENTRIES FOR
AN INTERNATIONALPOSTER COM-
PETITION DASED ON THE THEME:

Judges: Richard Avedon.Leonard Baskin, Alexander Cal-

der. Milton Glaser. Art Kane. Jack Levine, Herd Luballn.
Dwight Macdonald.Rol)ert Motherwell. Robert osborn.
LarryRivers.BenShahn.EdwardSteichen&Sloan Wilson.
THE WULES OF THE CONTEST/ARE 'AS FOLLOWS toUows SSOOtoagrand pri?e winner and $100 30, 1968, Memorial Day. Winners will be an-
All professional painters, designers, illuslra- to each ol Ihe other nirie winners nounced conference held immedi-
al a press
(ors.pholographeis, cartoonists, and other All winning posters will be featured in an lately thereafter.
graphic artists are eligible Amateurs may en issue of Auant-Garde Magazme Fifty of Ihe Deadline is 5 p.m Monday, May 27, 1968.
,

fer, loo,bu\ only after elimination contests al best entries will be exhibited 3I a New York Enlfies may nol exceed 19" x 25' in size and
colleges, art and photography schools, mu- museum or gallery and sen! on tour of the must be accompanied by artist's name and
seums, and similar instilulions. United Stales address
Ten winners will be selected All wirning Choice ol subject matler the discretion
is at The address of Avanl Garde. both tor en-
posters will be reproduced and sold for $t of individual artisls (though posters must bear tries and inquiries, IS now 40th St.. NeWftjrk,
each through booKs(ores, art suppiv shops, some relationship to the theme ol Ihe contest, N,r 10018. US A
coffeehouses, boutiques, and similar retail world peace) Posters may carry any related
UGAk STlI>uiaTiONS Tn,i<u',>ti|u irur. onl.\ imOfUlw^ An
outlets Sates will be promoted by vigorous slogan, caption, or tiHe— or none at all— and Tvt^ucj fvma.n'^o I'd*" i*« or iioii«r^ a'l* iM^fritfy 'cvflil.n
advertising and publicity campaigns. Profits may such as Ihe
relate to specilic conflicts, and oulot pcclM ipHYwa Sm donaw ki pMC* rjusM
tfrill OH «
will bedonated to peace causes as designated war in Vietnam Entries will be judged on Ihe
iOi«lB) In "«• luaB»i fiiiiti* •cwiU —11 lulirM tr, cjnlieo M
pglVic HCDbnT«nt( A«tr»l GwO* tift'H ftiJ VAVti»t \.v% in
by Ihe judges basis of artistic merit and impact of anti-war ir« Iwndling tt .nFriB. ttrf utuirv. rp«c«'^vl>rir> fry l« or

Artists will receive a 10% royalty on sales. message dvntOB Atboi^vO. mvwn ITia "ohl I0 c^v>g eorl.kl'LiiB

Advances totaling SI .dOO will be presented as Judging will take place in New Yor\i on May Awl Gwa» pniNTED IN U SA
 I hate crowds. ! would avoid a crowd of thisman-tap, tap, tapping on my toilet door-
angels, if possible. Recently, after bidding fare- was simply doing his duty. Although I am by
well atKennedy Airport to a friend who had no means a superpatriot, I do love my country,
flown to Canada to avoid the Draft, I found and must confess that I felt a twinge of con-
myself in the midst of a crowd of antiwar dem- science by remaining mute. But an old gospel
onstrators who had come to protest the arrival song came to me: / will not be// will not be
in New York of President Lyndon Baines moved/I'm like a tree that 's planted by the wa-
Johnson. ter/I will NOT be moved! and ! remained silent.

The crowd surged, and suddenly I was The SS man rapped again, sharper, louder. Now
forced backwards through a door and into a why, I asked myself, did that idiot knock twice
men's room. on my door? Suddenly the SS man kneeled
stood for a moment after the door had
I down and was getting ready to look under the
A STORY BY GARY YOUREE
closed, deciding whether or not to try to see door to my privy to see
if it was occupied. I

myand might have gone undetected,

An anti-war poet
the President and opted against doing so.
sauntered over to the pay privy, deposited
last
I lifted feet
except that the sudden exertion brought forth
describes a dime, sat down, and began to read the graffiti. an involuntary report which betrayed my pres-
Some of was about the President. I took out ence.
a chance meeting it

my Pentel and, in a burst of genius, created the "Come on, open up in there, Secret Ser-
with the slogan that will no doubt cop the button and vice."

bumpersticker market and contribute to the As I lowered my feet, it occurred to me

President of
defeat of the present Administration in the up- that somewhere in our Constitution there must
the United States coming election: "JETTISON JOHNSON IN be an Amendment-perhaps in the Bill of Rights
in a '68." The ink was hardly dry when the outside -that upholds a man's right to sit fast in a pub-
door burst open, followed by an authoritative lic toilet, Commander-in-Chief of the Armed
Kennedy Airport rapping upon the door of the first pay privy, Forces notwithstanding.
men*s room and a no-bones-about-it inquiry, "Is anybody "If you don't mind, mister, I need to use
in there?" The rapping was repeated from privy this bathroom."
to privy on down the line in my direction.
"The President wishes to use the washroom,

PBA^E
Two privies away the person knocking
found his first occupant. "Who wants to
know?" came an indignant voice. "Secret Ser-
vice." said the knocker. "The President will be
using this washroom." "Who're you trying to
and security precautions prohibit the presence
of uncleared personnel..." began the firm-but-
patient voice, which went on to present a good
case for allowing the Chief Executive a solitary
BM. I my country's point
honestly tried to see

MO/E
kid?" the indignant voice responded. I could of view, but the words of that old gospel song
hear the Secret Service man squat down and kept returning and the thought that I could
then say. "My identification, sir." [Stunned delay the President of the United States, if on-
silence] "Well, okay, how come I have to leave? ly for a few minutes, by the simple act of sit-
Hell, I..." "Security, sir." (Grunt of resigna- ting on the toilet, intrigued me. Here, if ever,
tion, rustle of paper, and FLUSH] was an occasion for

MENT
a sit-in. Perhaps an interna-
While drama was unfolding, I
this little tional issue could be made of it. "Mr. President,
was working feverislily on what to say when will you promise to stop bombing Vietnam and
the Secret Service man knocked on my door. begin immediate peace negotiations if I pull
Things like "How many asses does Lyndon out of here? I'll make the first move. Sir!"
have?" and "Why doesn't he sh..." flashed "Come on. open up!" commanded the SS
through my mind, but when the SS man final- man.
ly reached my stall, simply sat upon my con-
I "Can't you wait a minute?" I stalled.
stitutional rights and said nothing. "Let's hurry."
Man's dedication to his gig never ceases to "Well, just don't rush me, that's all," I

amaze me. It takes a very special devotion to said, rising up.

knock on a dozen toilet doors and ask the The outside door opened momentarily, ad-
same question at each. Doubtless, the SS field mitting the roar of the crowd, and when the
manual covers situations where the President door shut again I could hear other voices, other
ILLUSTRATION BY CHAS B SLACKMAN receives an urgent call of nature in public, and feet. One of the voices, the loudest, hawked:

51
 "What the hell's going on here? I've got to "Well, you go right on and flnish your aloud for a few seconds, then confided
that
take me a crap!" business," the President replied with a grin that he was a poetry lover himself, and an admirer
"There's an uncooperative individual in the hfted his ears. "I don't want to constipate a of Edgar A. Guest. Had I ever read Edgar A
last booth. Mr. President." voter." Guest? Oh, yes, when in high school I had oc-
Whereupon I opened the door and stepped Lyndon Johnson's laugh, given the acous- casion to peruse a volume of Edgar A. Guest
out, checking my fly. tics of a spacious men's room, has to be heard after hearing someone remark that he
would
"Let's go!" one of the SS men hissed, reach- to be appreciated. We all laughed, including rather fail a Wassermann test than read a poem
ing for my arm. LBJ was standing only a few the SS men. whose eyes I avoided as turned 1 by Edgar A. Guest. LBJ asked me what a Was-
feet away, flanked by two bodyguards, each to open the booth adjoining the President's. 1 sermann test was.
ready for a fast draw from the breast. The had, however, run out of dimes and, turning "As I understand it, it's a test they use to
President looked much like his pictures, just to the SS man who had nudged me, asked determine venereal infection."
as ugly, but not as big. The SS men all seemed "Do you have change for a..." "Like the clap?" the President responded,
about my age, maybe a little better looking, if He gritted his teeth and pointed toward sharp as a tack.
you go for the clean-cut American type. the exit. "Yes, Sir."
"Take your hand off me," I said to the SS "Give the boy a dime," grunted LBJ. "Clap is on the rise," LBJ responded re-
man, casting an indignant glance at LBJ. His
well-known frown worked
ing, if

meant

the SS
not engaging, grin
as a smile, but since
impossible for
"Howdy,"
man
"Hello, Sir,"
LBJ
said the President,
to release me.
I
itself into a

(it

it
could have been

to smile, he grinned).
is

responded, flushing slightly

disarm-

anatomically

nodding to
mA
palm. I deposited
^ warm
it
dime was dropped into
in
turned the handle, and entered without fan-
fare. made
the little

the necessary adjustments of cloth-

chrome lockbox,
my
flectively. "It's a
ed a study on

at a low ebb."
it."

"Moral fibers are bending

doubt."
shameful thing. We just

"Syphilis, too," I added. "1 was reading..."

"Gonnarear, too. The country's morals are

in the
finish-

winds of

as the President approached and offered his

1
That was my line, and I was pleased with it.
ing and sat down. I could see the President's "That's a good
hand. We watched each other's noses as we way of putting it," said
leftfoot with the trouser legs bunched up
shook hands. Lyndon, at length. "You poets sure have a way
around it. Doubtless, he could see my right
with words."
"What's your name, boy?" For what
foot. it's worth, it has been my ob- Sensing that this settee was due to end
I gave it to him, last name first, for some servation that some men keep the waist of shortly. resolved to steer the conversation
cockeyed reason, and to top off my fluster 1

their trousers drawn up to their knees when onto a meaningful avenue. LBJ, however, was
and embarrassment, I volunteered that had I sitting on the toilet, while others allow the
voted for him in 1964. Every creep he meets too quick forme. From out of nowhere he ask-
trousers to fall down to the ankles. For the ben- ed me what kind of work had done, what my
must say that. thought. He told me he was
I
I

efit of historians, I should like to point out that marital and Draft statuses
mighty pleased to hear it. A Secret Service man were, and what I was
the President is of the latter variety, of the doing
helped him off with his overcoat, while another
1 at "Idlewild" Airport. In answer to the
former.
nodded for me to become scarce. A third SS first question, I mentioned the most prestigious
i could hear the SSmen creeping about, job had ever held-religious education direc-
man nudged me in the spine. "You sure do lighting matches and mumbhng to one another.
I

have an efflcient security force. Sir," I said, and tor,Mt. Moriah Baptist Church ( 954)-evaded 1
Now and then the shadow of one would appear the second question, gave a straight answer to
then turning to the SS man nudging me in the
under my door. Outside, the roar of the crowd
spine, added, "I suppose
the third, and responded to the fourth with
you were also in the rose and fell.
employ of "Well, I came out to Kennedy to see a friend
the Kennedy Administration?" LBJ then asked where I was from. I told
off..."
him Arkansas, and he laughed and told an of-
Old Lyndon didn't ask where my friend
fensive joke that Texans are wont to tell about
was going. If he had, we could have plunged
Arkansans. I told an equally offensive joke
smoothly into the pros and cons of the Drafl,
about Texans. After we had laughed for the
^^VBJ chuckled and began fumbling in his prescribed length of time. President Johnson
the war in Vietnam, loyalty to country, and
pocket for a dime. Quickly, I produced one other nitty-gritty subjects. One might ask why
asked, "What kind of work do you do, boy?"
and inserted it into the lock of the last booth. I didn't initiate such conversation
if that's what
"I'm unemployed at the present."
"Allow me. Sir," I said grandly. I wanted. All I can say is-you would have to
Lyndon grrmted. "It's good for a fellow
"Why. thank you kindly," have been there to appreciate the situation. So
said the Presi- to have a job."
I struck out on another
dent, as I opened the door for him. Unlatching tangent.
I toldhim I was a poet and aspired to
his belt, he asked me, "Did you get to flnish "You get an awful lot of graffiti these
gain my sustenance through that medium, days."
your business in here?" although the zeit geist of the U.S.A., being
"As a matter of fact. "You can say that again," the Chief of State
Sir, I didn't. These what it is, made my occupation remarkably
gentlemen..."
grunted. "The Nation's moral fibers are like
unremunerative. The Chief Executive mused
broken wind."

52
 Then strange sounds began to emerge from that by doing this-and-that-and, more impor- "It's your basic premise I'd hke to discuss,
sounded as though he
the President's privy. It tantly, by not doing this-and-that-we can make Sir. Now take, for instance..."
were spitting and rubbing on the wall. Sudden- this into a swinging world. Well, here we were,
ly, I realized that he must be obliterating my
LBJ and myself, the President and a poet,
line-JETTISON JOHNSON IN '68. Stealthily, side by side with only a graffiti-covered wall
I took out my Pentel and wrote the same mes- between us, a dream come true. But time was
sage in my present stall. running out. I had to get him to trust me. ^^^yndon Baines banged on the partition
"What brings you to New York. Mr. Presi- Who knows, I thought, perhaps just one slightly between us and yelled, "Hey, boy, you got any
dent?" I asked boldly. "If you're at liberty to left-of-center citizen could get next to Presi- toilet paper in there?" I snatched three sheets
discuss it."
dent LBJ and lead him to the threshold of from the little chrome container and held them
I could hear him adding the finishing reality. tapped again on the wall-"Look,
I
under the partition. He took them without
touches to his censorship. "I'm here to address
Lyndon, you can trust me." amenities. A voice on a bullhorn could be
a Democratic fund-raising dinner at the Waldorf
"...just get behind our boys and..." heard outside ordering citizens to move to the
hotel," he replied, slightly winded. "How come
There was a similar message on the door in main lobby.
you're in New York, boy?"
front of me, in red grease pencil, in a different "I don't subscribe to all the methods em-
"It's the farthest could go without getting
I
context. ployed by various contingents of the Peace
wet," I said, with an LBJ-type chuckle.
I spoke louder: "Mr. Johnson, friend, Movement. For instance, I disavow slogans.
"Well, did you come to New York to write
Slogans..."
let's talk the situation over like
two human
poems for a living?" the Commander-in-Chief
beings." "Hand me some more toilet paper," de-
asked. He was beginning to sound like my fa-
From outside: "Hey. Hey, LBJ, how manded the President, slapping the partition.
ther. "I can't see a fellow coming to the city
many..." which was lost, subsumed in the roar. "But I guess some of us are getting a httle
without a definite objective."
"Make them hysterical. When American business interests
knew stop that racket!" the Presi-
I the turn the conversation was about
dent yelled. "I can't take a crap with and racist attitudes are equaled with the pur-
to take. LBJ would ask me all that
where I had been suit of Democracy, why..."
noise!"
published, putting me up-tight to think of a re-
"More paper!"
liable Democratic magazine. He would want The SS men rushed to execute the order,
but when they opened the door the din was a "...uh and when rational citizens are unable
to know if I made a living at writing, and, if
veritable scrotum-shrinker. My anonymity be- to communicate with their elected officials..."
not, then how I did make a living. So I decided
came a precious thing, and I would not-at that '7s that there hall clear yet?"
upon a counterattack.
moment-have changed places with the man on That's it, I said to myself. The President
"How's it going in Vietnam, Sir, if you
my right for anything less than a controlling is damned near deaf. If that hall is clear, a
don't mind discussing it?"
Dow bomb whispers.

A
interest in the Chemical Company.
I rapped the wall smartly. "The thing "Mr. Johnson! Can you hear me?" I scream-
is.
ed.
Mr. President, a lot of us in this country feel..."
Noise.
Couldn't even hear myself. Admittedly, I
"I'm through!" LBJ yelled. "I'm through,
9 ^
pause followed, during which I'm
was speaking in a level, rational voice which, un-
fortunately, seldom heard even under normal
is
boys! I want that hall cleared of everybody but
not sure whether LBJ groaned or the SS men photographers!"
sucked their teeth.And then, as if on cue, the conditions. The SS men
finally got the door
drummed once on
I the partition. "Mr.
crowd outside became much noisier. A voice closed again and I heard myself saying, "...we
President, are you Ustening? Please listen! Do
was shouting, "Hey, Hey, LBJ..." should be acquainted with more of the facts you really believe..."
in the case-Vietnam, that is..."
"Do you think it's possible that we might "Could I have just one more sheet of toilet
"I want that hall cleared before I come
be pulling out of there pretty soon, Mr. Presi- paper?" Lyndon Baines Johnson pleaded in a
outta here!" the President screamed.
dent?" loud, clear, evangelical voice...
Lyndon cleared his throat loudly, and be- "We need more dialogue in this country.
"Sir, for Christ's sake. I'm trying to talk to
gan, "I've made my position clear. I have offer- Sir!" I hollered.
you!" I hollered, handing him one wadded
ed the enemy my hand again and again..." "Did youhear me?" bellowed the President. sheet under the partition. "There's a break-
His voice blended perfectly into the noise The SS men yelled assurances. down in communication in this country, there's
of the crowd. tapped the wall
I lightly. "Loud- "I personally feel, Mr. President, that your a credibility gap, whether you like it or not,
er, Sir, I can't hear you." untenable-not
position is that..." and those of us who have a sense of history
"...seek no wider war..." "Mr. President," came a breathless voice and see what's happening are trying to save
Most of us have
fantasies now and then of outside his door. "The New York City Police this wonderful country of ours, but we can't
being alone with a world leader, and by means are clearing the hall. It seems that some agita- save it if you and the rest of the country don't
of simple truths and irrefutable logic convinc- tors got in." LISTEN r
ing him that such-and-such is the case, and "Well, I want that hall cleared the hell out." FFFFFLLLLLLLLUUUUUUSSSSSSSH...

53
i
GRAPH BY RICHARD AVEDON

Iicasso;
Portrait of
the artist a^^
aneternalt^^
young man
Picasso parades many of the vices and vir-
BY BRIAN FITZHERBERT

tues of the ancient gods he delights in portray-

ing. Like Zeus, he isan omnipotent creator and
a law unto himself. Like Apollo, he is a recog-
nized authority and practitioner in matters of
love and beauty. Like Pluto, he is sometimes
hardhearted and dismal of countenance. And
like King Midas, everything he touches turns
into gold.
Picasso and his art regularly make head-
lines-as with his monuments recently erected
in New York and Chicago and his colossal ret-
rospective sculpture exhibition at New York's
Museum Modern Art-but few outsiders have
of
spoken with him during the last few years. His
fame is probably more widespread than any
other man's in this century and he is certainly
the richest artist who has ever lived.
 -Hicasso is now beyond the reach of ordin- she says, "and kissed me, full on the mouth. entrance that they be allowed to buy a painting
ary criticism. Countless books praise and wor- I let him. He looked at me
'You in surprise. costing upwards of $150,000. They are told
to
ship the man, his work, and his wisdom. don't mind?' he asked. I said, 'No-should I?' go to Paris.
Whatever he says is jotted down, then hallowed 'That's disgusting,' he said. 'At least you could Close friends who have known him in the
and pubUshed by his far-flung court of admir- have pushed me away. Otherwise might get I past wait for him in a favorite haunt in Cannes
ers. Now at the center of a world-wide cult, he the idea I could do anything I wanted to.' 1 or on the off-chance that they will see him pass
has been mummified ahve. Interest in Picasso smiled and told him to go ahead." in his enormous Hispano-Suiza car. Weeks can
has been steadily growing since the turn of the Picasso rarely meets any opposition to what pass by, hotel bills pile up, tempers get frayed
century and there is still no sign of it ending. and an old friend not called to speak with
he wants, does, or says. People who know Pi- still is
But surrounded as he is by an inquisitive world, the Master.
casso are terrified of losing his favor. When
sycophants, and a few remaining friends, he has So seeing and speaking with Picasso is a
Francoise Gilot eventually left him for the
become suspicious of, and even indifferent to, matter of extraordinary good fortune. I saw
painter Luc Simon, she was worried in case
what is said and written about him. him only twice during my lengthy stay at Notre
art dealers and collectors refused to have any-
Just as Picasso is above questions of con- thing to do with her own paintings. She was Dame de Vie, and my conversations were al-
ventional morality, he is above worries of quite right. ways a matter of chance. Picasso no longer
money. In fact, he has no real need of money. gives interviews.
Picasso'sfame is an apology for anything
Whatever he wants, he can draw. Twenty years "People are coming to see me the time,"
he cares to do. Whatever Picasso says or does all
ago Picasso wanted a large house in the south of he says. "They usually want something and so
is Tare]y shocking, merely because he is Picasso.
France. He was able to pay for it with one still- Even though he claims to be a communist, he I don't want to see them. My
friends are few
life. Similarly, if he wanted a Rolls Royce. he now, many of them have
has always had a weakness for the charms of died. Visitors are
could pay for it with a drawing only; a paint- nobility and royalty. He has a particular weak- often like bullfighters, they prod the old bull
ing would be sufficient to pay for a jetliner. and imagine he'll do something. I'm always
ness for the charms of Princess Margaret, whose
and his own collection
Picasso's "Picassos" wedding he saw on television. Next morning he being prodded to do something or say some-
of works by Van Gogh, Degas, and Renoir- told his son Paulo: "If thing. Nobody leaves me alone. It's been going
I had that dream in the
the list of modern works is endless-must be reign of Elizabeth on for years. That's why I left Paris years ago.
I, I would certainly have
worth upwards of SI 00 million at current been beheaded. I couldn't really be put in the Tourists were pestering me at my studio, my
prices. With paint he has become what Getty Tower of London home, everywhere
for a dream like that." went. I was one of the
I

and Onassis became with oil and ships. But or- sights of Paris.
summoned by Picasso, they do
People are
dinary multimillionaires are never held to be
not callon him. Ernest Hemingway, Henry Prize Bull of Notre Dame
divine.
Miller, and Jean Cocteau all expressed a wish "I think Iknow what it is like to be God.
Part of the Picasso mystery, or myth, has to to meet Picasso and had to endure periods of I live at Notre Dame de Vie like a prisoner in
do with his extraordinary virility. Now 86, he
waiting before an audience was eventually my own home. Believe me, wouldn't wish my I
seems to have a remarkable attraction for
still
granted. fame onanybody, notevenonsomeonel
women. Throughout his life he has bowled
Picasso has always kept his dealers loathe. I suffer from this imprisonment, both
over steady succession of women: Femande
a and
collectors waiting. Towards the end of the mentally and physically," he declares.
Olivier, Olga Kochlova, Dora Maar, Marie-
Second World War Picasso had two dealers, "I am locked behind these great iron gates
Therese Walter. Francoise Gilot, and Jacque-
Kahnweiler and Louis and wire netting, the trees and the outside
line Roque being perhaps the best known. Carre. Knowing that
they were fierce gates,surrounded by servants whose job it is to
Each of them has been immortalized in paint rivals to buy his work he
would keep them waiting keep everyone away from me. Every door is
and sent round the world in miUions of repro- together for more
than an hour in one of the anterooms. double-locked here, just in case we have some
ductions.
unwanted, silent visitors. People follow me with
no accident that magazine editors like
It is Waiting to see Picasso is a curious exper-
cameras and binoculars.
showing Picasso, even in his eighties, with a ience, it is like waiting for Godot. One might
chest full of bushy hair. Picasso gives everyone "I'm under siege all the year round. I'm
be called and one might just wait
for hours be-
hope: If he can keep impotence at bay in old probably being watched right now. I have to
fore being finally turned away.
age. perhaps we keep the shutters and curtains closed at times.
shall be able to, as well. If Pi- Mas Notre Dame de Vie
casso can attract young
is a half-hidden I've often had to move in the past because of
women, so can we when house at the top of a hill just
we reach outside Cannes. people spying on me. People always want to
his years. Women invariably think
of Unknown to many people, even neighbors who
Picasso as an attractive, powerful peep. I feel like a prize bull at times.
man, and imagine he lives at Vallauris a
few miles away, **When you have enough money to buy al-
never as a grandfather or an old-age
pensioner. Picasso hides from courtiers and
Picasso's love affair with Francoise Gilot
crowds alike. most anything, eat anything, smoke anything-
Pilgrims to the south of France
gives some idea of the
sometimes dis- what good does it do you when you're locked
power of his attraction. cover he is there and hope to
She was 23, he was 64, when he first made ad- meet him, only away? If want to eat in a restaurant in Cannes,
I
to be sent away at the gate. Naive millionaires a photographer
vances in his studio. "He turned abruptly," is almost certain to put his
occasionally plead into a microphone
at the camera next to my nose."

56
 Picasso says that he is happier sculpting
moon and the sun approached the nadir,
and notes, which made them more valuable than
than painting. "In painting there is tension, the light which shone
on Malaga from the mid- the old or the
but in sculpture there iscombat with the raw mght sky came from a strange combination new notes! I still have them
When I triumph over the materials, somewhere.. .1 must remember to send them
materials. of planets and major stars, whose
conjunctions back to that
I feel like an athlete who
has bettered his op- and oppositions have provided astrologers
girl."
with Picasso has always hoarded paintings,
ponents." And ceramics? "They are simply an great room for speculation. Not surprisingly, sculp-
ture, and objects. At Notre Dame de
amusement. Sculpture is infin-
ancient Catalan Picasso has long believed that there Vie he
is a direct keeps his belongings in suitcases and large
itely more gratifying to me, an expression of relationship between these occult
experiences wooden boxes and claims he can fmd anything
greater permanence." and his own personality and life.
Picasso is amused by Chicago's befuddle-
he wants in minutes.
Picasso was. as one might expect, a
child He always keeps
ment over the sculpture he recently gave it. a large sum of money in
prodigy-and he has remained astonishingly
an old leather bag and sometimes he
"Can't they see it's a woman's head?" asks Jac- prodigious ever since. will ask
a visitor to count it with him. He enjoys
queline, as she serves a drink of Pernod to the check-
A Passion for Tigers ing his other belongings and is very
Master and myself. "How 1 would have enjoyed conscious
"My father was a painter, but he gave it up that visitors might think of taking
being there for the unveiling," says Picasso. "I away souve-
because he said I outpainted him well before nirs.Picasso hates throwing things away and
could have put anything under that cover. Im- I was 20-years old. He just hung up his brush- even his old Gauloises cigarette boxes are piled
agine how funny it would have been if, instead es and vowed he would never paint again. Be- several feet high on top of one another.
of a classical cubist sculpture, thepubhc had cause 1 went through all the academic tests there Picasso is superstitious and this isone reason
found something a bit naughty!" With that, were at that time, I just had to travel abroad. he dishkes throwing things away. He beheves,
Picasso Ufts a ceramic from the table beside
"I first went to Paris in 1900, a few days or haif-believes, that his hair or fingernail trim-
him- depicting Pegasus with a huge erection. before my I9th birthday. London wasmy mings should never fall into the possession of
Picasso's head is tanned and shining. He is
eventual goal, Paris just a temporary stopping someone else.
dapperiy dressed, moves quickly and easily,
place. At the time I was fascinated with English Picasso may live in a besieged castle, sur-
drawing constantly on his Gauloises cigarette.
furniture, clothes, the Pre-Raphaelites, and rounded by a shallow moat and high walls, but
Picasso's eyes are coal-black and fierce.
Enghsh women. he still enjoys most modern comforts. There
They dominate his whole body. Fixed and "English women seemed to be the highest are severalbathrooms, a white telephone in
menacing, they appear to tear at one's face every room, and a large studio he has had spe-
kind of womanhood. Their beauty, strength of
as though he wants to discover one's inner- cially built on
character, and courage had become almost ob- to the house. In his studio, paint-
most thoughts. There is no escape from the
sessive with me. When I was staying in Corunna, on top of one another to form
ings are piled
eyes of Pablo Picasso. an ornamental pattern. To be there is one of
I came across the grave of Sir John Moore and
To see him face to face is to understand heard that he died with the name of his sweet- the nearest experiences to being in Fort Knox.
something of the hypnotic effect he can have
heart. Lady Hester Stanhope, on his lips. Wom- Picasso also has his animals: his Afghan
on others. Fernande Olivier's description of him hound,
en like that must be marvelous, don't you his lovebirds, his pigeons, his cats, and
is as true today as it must have been more than
think? To capture a man's heart right up to his white mice. At different stages of his
life he
half a century ago. "Socially it was difficult to
his last moments on earth. At that time I won- has hada monkey, adonkey, a goat, and a turtle.
place him but thisradiance, this internal fire that
dered whether there were other English women "Tigers are a special passion of mine," says Pi-
one felt in him, generated a kind of magnetism, from the same mold, but somehow Paris kept casso, "but up to now I haven't had one here."
which could not resist.. .He was small, black,
I
me too long for me to find out." Although most people prefer Picasso the
thickset, restless, disquieting, with eyes dark, Pablo Picasso only has to touch an object- man to Picasso the artist, some will still ask:
profound, piercing, strange, almost staring." "What's your about? Are you just
literallyany object from a pebble, a napkin, or art really all
Whether it is love, art, money, people, or a newspaper to a stuffed goat-to make it desir- putting us on?"
situations, Picasso soon dominates them. Al- "Everyone wants understand art," says
able and valuable. His art now has the religious to
though he did experience poverty in Spain and or magic powers of saint's reUcs in the Middle Picasso. "Why not try to understand the song
later in Paris, Picasso soon became popular with
Ages. Picasso objects have become things to of a bird? Why does one love the night, flowers,
both dealers and collectors alike. Before he was venerate, but at the same time are as readily everything around one, without trying to un-
25-years old he had been rechristened "Little convertible as the Yankee dollar. derstand them?
Goya" by his friends and by 909 he had a uni- 1 In 945 Picasso was sent twelve OOO-franc
1 1 "But in the case of painting, people have
formed maid. banknotes which had not been over-stamped to understand. If only they could realize above
Picasso's whole life seems to have been for the revaluation of the currency. "They all works of necessity, that he
that an artist
charmed; Even the time of day he was born were no longer legal tender," says Picasso, "and himself is only a of the world, and
trifling bit
r^ow has that no more importance should be attached
its special significance. Picasso was an American girl called Katherine Dudley stood
born in Malaga on to lose the money. She must have thought I to him than to plenty of other things which
October 25, 1881. He likes
telling people that he was born at midnight; wasanarmex of the Bank of France! Anyhow, please us in the world, though we can't explain
on that day, so the tale runs, both the I had a small woodcut imprinted on the bank- them either."

57
 them around or lend them ou t to strangers, flavor, the pace seldom slackened, and
you do so at your own great peril. If you almost without exception, every single
publish them, then that. I should imagine, entry, whetherit were long or short, and
would be end of both you and your
the whatever the subject, became a marvel-
publisher simultaneously. For you must lous individual story that

ntuanfi
little was com-
understand that thousands of the hero- plete in itself. And
end of it all, at the
ines whom I mention in the diaries are when the last page of the last volume had
still only half dead, and if you were fool- been read, one was left with the rather
ish enough to splash their Ulywhite repu- breathless feeling that this might just pos-
tations with scarlet print, they would sibly be a major autobiographical work
have your head on a salver in two seconds of our time.
flat, and probably roast it in the oven for
good measure. So you'd better be care-

muDDiyi Not long ago, a large wooden

deposited at the door of my house by the
case was "1939."
Volume
I

I,
put it down and pulled out

hoping to find a preface of

ful. I only met you once. That was years

ago, in 1921
in that large ugly

I wasyour
, when your family was

big uncle and

small boy. about five years old.
suppose you remember the young Nor-
wegian nursemaid you had then. A re-
house in

you were
I
living
South Wales.
a very

don't icle
f it were regarded solely as a
chron-
of a man's amorous adventures, then
without a doubt there was nothing to
railway delivery service. It was an unusu- some kind there, or perhaps the author's touch it. Casanova's jWemo/rs read like a
markably clean, well-built gir! she was,
ally strong and well-constructed object, name. Instead, I found an envelope in-
parish magazine in comparison, and the
and exquisitely shaped even in her uni-
and made of some kind of dark-red hard- side the cover. The envelope was address- famous lover himself, beside Oswald, ap-
form with its ridiculous starchy white
wood, not unlike mahogany. I lifted it ed to me. I took out theletter it contained pears positively undersexed.
shield concealing her lovely bosom. The
with great difficulty on to a table in the and glanced quickly at the signature. There was
social dynamite on every
afternoon I was there, she was taking
garden, and examined The
it carefully. Oswald Hendryks Cornelius, it said. page: Oswald was right about that. But
you for a walk in the woods to pick
stenciling on one side said that it had It was Uncle Oswald! he was surely wrong in thinking that the
bluebells, and I asked if I might come
been shipped from Haifa by the m/v Wa- No member of the family had heard explosions would allcome from the wom-
along. And when we got well into the
verley Star, but I could find no sender's from Uncle Oswald for over thirty years. en. What about their husbands, the hu-
middle of the woods, I told you I'd give
name or address. I tried to think of some- This letter was dated March 10, 1964, miliated cock-sparrows, the cuckolds?
you a bar of chocolate if
you could find
body living in Haifa or thereabouts who and until its arrival, we could only as- The cuckold, when aroused, is a very
your own way home. And you did (see
might be wanting to send me a magnifi- sume that he still existed. Nothing was fierce bird indeed,and there would be
Vol. III). You were a sensible child. Fare-
thousands upon thousands of them rising
cent present. I could think of no one. I really known about him except that he
walked slowly to the toolshed, well-Oswald Hendryks Cornehus." up out of the bushes
still pon- lived in France, that he traveled a great if The Cornelius
dering the matter deeply, and returned deal, that he was a wealthy bachelor with The sudden arrival of the diaries Diaries, unabridged, saw the light of day
with a hammer and screwdriver. Then I unsavory but glamoroushabits who stead- caused much excitement in the family, while they were still alive. Publication,
began gently to prise open the top of the fastly refused to have anything to do with and there was a rush to read them. We therefore, was right out of the question.
case. his own relatives. The was rumor were not disappointed. It was astonish-
rest all A pity, this. Such a pity, in fact,
Behold, it was filled with books! Ex- andhearsay,butthe rumors were so splen- ing stuff— hilarious, witty, exciting, and that thought something ought to be
I

traordinary books! One by one, lifted did and the hearsay so exotic that Oswald often quite touching as well. The man's
I
done about it. So I sat down and reread
them all out (not yet looking inside any had long since become a shining hero and was unbelievable. He was always
vitality
the diaries from beginning to end in the
of them) and stacked them in three tali a legend to us all.
on the move, from city to city, from hope that I might discover
one at least
piles on the table. There were twenty- "My dear boy," the letter began, "I
country to country, from woman to wom- complete passage which could be printed
eight volumes altogether, and very beau- you and your an, and in between the women, he would
believe that three sisters and published without involving both the
tiful they were indeed. Each of them was are my closest surviving blood relations. be searching for spiders in Kashmir or publisher and myself in serious litigation.
identicallyand superbly bound in rich You are therefore my rightful heirs, and
tracking down a blue porcelain vase in To my joy. I found no less than six. I
green morocco, with the initials O.H.C. because Imade no will, all that I
have Nanking. But the women always came showed them to a lawyer. He said he
and a Roman numeral (I to XXVIII) tool- leave behind me when die will be yours. I
first. Wherever he went, he left an endless thought they might be "safe," but he
ed in gold upon the spine. Alas. I have nothing to leave. I used to trail of females in his wake, females ruf- wouldn't guarantee it. One of them-*The
I took up the nearest volume, num- have quite a lot, and the fact that I have fled and ravished beyond words, but pur- Sinai Desert Episode"-seemed "safer"
ber XVI, and opened it. The unlined recently disposed of it all in my own ring like cats.
than the other five, he added.
white pages were fiUed with a neat small way is none of your business. As consola- Twenty-eight volumes with exactly So I have decided to start with that
handwriting in black ink. On the title tion, though, I am sending you my pri- three hundred pages to each volume take one and to offer it for publication right
page was written "1934." Nothing else. vate diaries. These, I think, ought to a deal of reading, and there are precious away, at the end of this short preface. If
I took up another volume, number XXI. remain in the family. They cover all the few writers who could hold an audience it is accepted and all goes well, then per-
It contained more manuscript in the same best years of my and
do you over a distance like that. Rut Oswald did haps
life, it will I shall release one or two more.
handwriting, but on the title page it said no harm to read them. But if you show it. The narrative never seemed to lose its The Sinai entry is from the last vol-

59
 ume of all. Vol. XXVIII. and is dated cort his daughter safely home. a curious little manual upon the three females that I know. They remind me of
August 24, 1946. In point of fact, it is But sit Oswald beside a woman, a composers.Donizetti, Verdi and Pon- my very favorite human females."
the very last entry of the last volume of woman who interested him, and instan- chielli. In it, he listed by name all the im- "What nonsense, darling."
all, the last thing Oswald ever wrote, and taneously his eyes would change, and as portant mistresses that these men had "Nonsense? I think not."
we have no record of where he went or he looked at her. a small dangerous spark had during their lives, and he went on to "It's rather insulting."
what he did after that date. One can only would begin dancing slowly in the very examine, in a most serious vein, the rela-
guess. You shall have the entry verbatim center of each pupil; and then he would tionship between creative passion and
in a moment, but first of all. and so that set about her with his conversation, talk- carnal passion, and the infiuence of the
you may more easily understand some of ing to her rapidly and cleverly and almost one upon the other, particularly as it af-
the things Oswald says and does in his certainly more wittily than any one else fected the works of these composers.
story, let me try to tell you a little about had ever done before. This was a gift he Chinese porcelain was another of Os-
the man himself. Out of the mass of con-
^^Fh the contrary, my dear, it is the
had. a most singular talent, and when he wald's interests, and he was acknowledged
fession and opinion contained in those
greatest compliment I could pay. Did
put his mind to it. he could make his as something of an international author-
twenty-eight volumes, there emerges a
you not know, for instance, that the fe-
words coil themselves around and around ity in this field. The blue vases of the
male spider is so savage in her love-making
fairly clear picture of his character. the listener until they held her in some Tchin-Hoa period were his special love,
At the time of the Sinai episode, Os- that the male is very lucky indeed if he
sort of a mild hypnotic spell. and he had a small but exquisite collec-
wald Hendryks Cornelius was fifty-one, escapes with his end of it all.
life at the
But it wasn't only his fine talk and tion of these pieces.
and he had, of course, never been mar- Only if he is exceedingly agile and mar-
the look in his eyes that fascinated the He also collected spiders and walking
ried. "I am afraid," he was in the habit
velously ingenious will he gel away
of women. It was also his nose. (In Vol. sticks. in

saying, "that Ihave been blessed, or His collection of spiders, or more ac- one piece."
XIV. Oswald mcludes, with obvious rel-
should I call it burdened, with an uncom- curately his collection of Arachnida be- "Now, Oswald!"
ish, a note written to him by a certain
monly fastidious nature." lady in which she describes such things cause it included scorpions andpedipalps, "And the crab spider, my beloved,
in some ways, this was true, but in was possibly as comprehensive as any the teeny-weeny little crab spider is so
as this in great detail.) It appears that
others, and especially in so far as marriage outside a museum, and knowledge of his dangerously passionate that her lover has
whenOswald was aroused, something odd
was concerned, the statement was the the hundreds of genera and species was to tie her down with intricate loops and
would begin to happen around the edges
exact opposite of the truth. The real rea- impressive. He maintained, knots of his own thread before he
of his nostrils, a tightening of the rims, a incidentally dare<;
son why Oswald had refused to get mar- (and probably correctly), that spider's to embrace her ." . .
visible flaring which enlarged the nostril
ried was simply that he had never in his "Oh, stop it. Oswald, this minute!^'
holes and revealed whole areas of the silk was superior in quality to the ordin-
life been able to confine his attentions lo ary stuff spun the women would cry, their eyes shining.
bright red skin inside. This created a
by silk worms, and he
one particular woman for longer than the
queer, wild, animahstic impression, and never wore a tie that was made of any Oswald's collection of walking sticks
time took to conquer her. When that
it
other material. was something
although it may not sound particularly He possessed about forty else again. Every one of
v/as done, he lost interest and looked
attractive when described on paper, of these ties altogether, and in order to themhad belonged either to a distinguish-
its
around for another victim. ed or
effect upon the ladies was electric-
acquire them in the first place, and in or- a disgusting person, and he kept
A normal man would hardly consider them
der also to be able to add two new ties a all in his Paris apartment where
this a valid reason for remaining single, year to his wardrobe, he had to keep they were displayed in two long racks
but Oswald was not a norma! man. He
thousands and thousands of^lraneaand standing against the walls of the passage
was not even a normally polygamous
Epeira diademata (the common (or should one call the highway?) which

A
it
man. He was, to be honest, such a wanton English
and incorrigible philanderer that no bride garden spiders) m an old conservatory in ledfrom the living-room to the bedroom.
Each stick had its own
on earth would have put up with him
for B imosl without exception, wom-
the garden of his country house outside
Paris,where they bred and multiplied at above saying Sibelius, Milton, King
it,
little ivory label

more than a few days, let alone for the en were drawn toward Oswald. In the first
duration ofahoneymoon-although heav- approximately the same rate as they ate Farouk, Dickens. Robespierre, Puccini,
place, he was a man who refused to
be
en knows there were enough who would one another. From them, he collected Oscar Wilde, Franklin Roosevelt, Goeb-
owned at any price, and this automati-
have been wiUing to give the rawthreadhimself-no one else would bels.Queen Victoria, Toulouse-Lautrec.
it a try. cally made him desirable. Add to this the
He was a tall, narrow person with a enter that ghastly glasshouse-and sent Hindenburg, Tolstoy, Laval, Sarah Bern-
unusual combination of a first-rate in-
fragile and faintly aesthetic it to Avignon where it was reeled and hardt. Goethe, Voroshilov, Cezanne.
air. His voice tellect, an abundance of charm, and a
was thrown and scoured and dyed and made Tojo
soft, his manner was courteous, and reputation for excessive promiscuity and
. .

,
into cloth. From Avignon, the cloth There must have been over a hun-
at first sight he seemed more like a gen- you have a potent recipe. was
delivered directly to Sulka, who were dred of them, some very beautiful, some
tleman-in-waiting to a queen than a cel- Then again, and forgetting for a mo- en-
ebrated rapscallion. He never discussed enchanted by the whole business, and very plain, some with gold or silver tops,
ment the disreputable and licentious an-
only too glad to fashion out of such and some with curly handles.
his amorous affairs with other men, and gle, it should be noted that there were a
ties

a stranger, though he
a rare and wonderful material. "Take down the Tolstoy," Oswald
sit and talk with number of other surprising facets to
him "But you can't really like spiders?" would say to a pretty visitor. "Go on,
all evening, would be unable to ob- Oswald's character which in themselves
serve the slightest sign of deceit in Os-
the women visitors would say to Oswald take it down that's right and now
madehimarather intriguing person. as he displayed his collection.
. . . . . .

wald's clear blue eyes. He was, in fact, There was. for example, very little that
. . . now rub your own palm gently over
"Oh, but adore them," he would an-
I
the knob that has been worn to a shine
precisely the sort of man that an anxious he did not know about nineteenth-
swer. "Especially the females. They
father would be likely to choose to es- century Italian opera, and he had written
re- by the great man himself. Is it not rather
mind me so much of certain human wonderful, the mere contact of your skin

60
 with that spot?"
ed she was probably right.
"It is, rather, isn't it."
"He'll chop off Oswald's head, too,"
"And now lake the Goebbels and do
she said.
the same thing. Do it properly, though.
"Not mine, dear lady. shall be a I
Allow your palm to fold tightly over the
long way away from here when daylight
handle. ..good., .andnow. .. now
comes. I'm heading straight up the Nile
lean your weiglit on it. lean hard, exactly
for Luxor immediately."
as the little deformed doctor used to do
We were driving quickly away from
. . . there . . . that's it . . . now stay like
the pyramids now. It was about 2:30 a.m.
that for a minute or so and then tell me
"To Luxor?" she said.
if you do not feel a thin finger of ice
"Yes."
creeping all the way up your arm and in-
to your chest?"
"And Isabella is going with you."
"No," I said.
"It's terrifying!"
"Yes," she said.
"Of course it is. Some people pass
out completely. They keel right over."
"It is against my principles to travel
with a lady," I said.
Nobody ever found it dull to be in
I could see some lights ahead of us.
Oswald's company, and perhaps that,
They came from the Mena House Hotel,
more than anything else, was the reason
a place where tourists stay out in the
for his success.
desert, not far from the pyramids. drove
We come now to the Sinai episode. I

fairly close to the hotel and stopped the

Oswald, during that month, had been
car.
amusing himself by motoring at a fairly
"I'm going to drop you here," I said.
leisurely pace down from Khartoum to "We had a fine time."
was a superlative pre-war
Cairo. His car
"So you won't take Isabella to Lux-
Lagonda which had been carefully stored or"'"
in Switzerland durmg the war years, and "I'm afraid not," I said. "Come on,
as you can imagine, it was fitted with hop it."

every kind of gadget under the sun. On

the day before Sinai (August 23, 1946),

he was in Cairo, staying at Sheplieard's

Hotel, and that evening, after a series of

impudent maneuvers, he had succeeded
in getting hold of a Moorish lady of sup-
he started to get out of the car,
posedly anstocratic descent, called Isa- then she paused with one foot on the
bella. Isabella happened to be the jealous- road, and suddenly she swung round and
ly guarded mistress of none other than a poured out upon me a torrent of language
certain notorious and dyspeptic Royal nearly 100 feet higher than the dome of moonlit pinnacle, suddenly observed/Zir^e so filthy yet so fluent that I had heard
Personage (there was a monarchy St. Paul's Cathedral, and from the sum- sinister figures, not one, closing on nothing like
still in in it from the lips of a lady since
Egypt then). This was a typically Os- mit one can observe all the approaches three different sides, and starting to . . . well, since 1 93 1 . in Marrakesh. when
waldian move. with the greatest of ease. No other bou- climb. But luckily for him, there is a the greedy old Duchess of Glasgow put
Bu there was more to come. At mid-
I doir on earth can offer this faciUty. None fourth side to the great pyramid of Cheops, her hand into a chocolate-box and got
niglit, he drove the lady out to Giza and has so many emergency exits, either, so and by the time those Arab thugs had nipped by scorpion happened
a I to have
persuaded her to climb with him in the that if some sinister figure should happen reached the top, the two lovers were al- placed there for safe keeping (Vol. XIII,
moonlight right to the very top of the to come clambering up in pursuit on one ready at the bottom and getting into the June 5. 1931).
greatpyramid of Cheops. side of the pyramid, one has only to slip car. "You are disgusting," I said.
There can be no safer place," he
. .
calmly and quietly down the other . .
.*'
Tlie entry for August 24 takes up and slammed the
Isabella leapt out
wrote in the diary, "nor a more romantic the story at exactly this point. It is re- door so hard the whole car Jumped on
one, than the apex of a pyramid on a produced here word word and com-
for wheels. drove off very
its I fast. Thank
warm night when the moon is full. The ma for comma as Oswald wrote it. heaven was rid of her. cannot abide
I I

passions are stirred not only by the mag- Nothing has been altered or added or bad manners in a pretty girl.
nificent view but also by that curious taken away: As drove, I kept one eye on the mir-
I

sensation of power that surges within the s happened, Oswald had a very August 24 1946
it ror, but as yet no car seemed to be fol-
body whenever one surveys the world narrow squeak indeed that night. Some- "He'll chop off Isabella's head he lowing me. When I came to the
if outskirts
from a great height. And as for safety- how, the palace must have got word of catches her now," Isabella said. of Cairo, I began threading my way
this pyramid is 451 feet high, which is the little affair, for Oswald, from his lofty "Rubbish," answered, but
I I reckon- through the side roads, avoiding the cen-

61
ter of the city. I was not particularly wor- border. Make a search for scorpions en descend, and as a result, the lovely lady heaven, but I myself was in the terrible
ried. The royal watchdogs were unUkely route in the Sinai Desert. Time, about turned into a vulgar screeching trollop, sealed-up dungeon with Aida. singing "0.
to carry the matter much further. All the four hours. arriving Palestine border 2 p.m. disgusting lo behold. terra, addio; addio valle di piantif"
same, it would have been foolhardy to 3. From there, continue straight on What a world we live in! One gets no How swiftly the journey had gone.
go back to Shepheard's at this point. It to Jerusalem via Beersheba. reaching the thanks these days for being chivalrous. I drove to an hotel. The staff was just
wasn't necessary, any way, because all my King David Hotel in time for cocktails The Lagonda moved on smoothly beginning to stir. I stirred them up some
baggage, except for a small valise, was and dinner. through the night. Now for an opera. more and got the best room available.
withme in the car. never leave suitcases 1 It was several years since I had travel- Which one should it be this time? I was The sheets and blanket on the bed looked
behind me in my room when go out of 1 ed that particular road, but 1 remembered in the mood for a Verdi. What about as thou^ they had been slept in by twen-
an evening in a foreign city. I like to be that the Sinai Desert was an outstanding "Aida?" Of course! It must be "Aida"- ty-five unwashed Egyptians on twenty-
mobile. place for scorpions. I badly wanted an- the Egyptian opera! Most appropriate. five consecutive nights, and I tore them
other female Opislhophtlwlmus. a large I began to sing. I was in exceptionally off with my own hands (which I scrubbed
one. My present specimen had the fifth good voice tonight. I let myself go. It was immediately afterwards with antiseptic
segment of its tail missing, and I was delightful; and as I drove through the soap) and replaced them with my person-
ashamed of it. It didn't take me long to small town of Bilbeis. I was Aida herself, al Then
bedding. 1 set my alarm and slept
find the main road to Ismailia. and as singing "Numeipieta. "the beautiful con- soundly for two hours.

had no intention, of course, of go- soon as I was on it, I settled the Lagonda cluding passage of the first scene. For breakfast I ordered a poached
ing to Luxor. I wanted now to gel away down to a steady sixty-five miles an hour. egg and one rasher of bacon. When the
from Egypt altogether. didn't like the 1
The road was narrow, but it had a smooth dish arrived-and I tell you, it makes my
country at all. Come to think of it. I surface, and there was no traffic. The stomach curdle just to write about it-
Delta country lay bleakand dismal around there was a gleaming, curly, jet-black
never had. The place made me feel un-

comfortable in my skin. Il was (he dirti-

me in the moonliglit. Ihe fiat treeless human hair, three inches long. lymg diag-

ness of it all, I think, and the putrid fields, the ditches running between, and lalf an hour later, at Zagazig, I was onally across the yolk of my poached
smells. But then us face the black, black soil everywhere. was Amonasro begging egg. It was too much.
I leaped up from
let it. it really It the King of Egypt to
inexpressibly dreary. and rushed out of the dinmg-
the table
is a rather squalid country; and I have a save the Ethiopian captives with "Ma tu.
powerful suspicion, though I hate to say But it didn't worry me. I was no part re, tu signore possente. "Passing through room. "Addio!" cried, fiinging some
I

of it. I was completely isolated in my own money at the cashier as went by. "Ad-
il, that ihe Egyptians wash themselves El Abbasa, I was Rhadames. rendering I

luxurious httle shell, as snug as a hermit dio valle di piantif "And with that
less thoroughly than any other peoples "Fuggiam gli adori nospiti. " and now I I shook
crab and traveling a lot faster. Oh, how
in the world-with the possible excep- opened all the windows of Ihe car so the filthy dust of the hotel fron\ my feel.

tion of the Mongolians. Certainly they

I do love lo be on the move, winging that this incomparable love-song might Now for the Sinai Desert. What a wel-
away to new people and new places and
do not wash their crockery to my taste. reach the ears of the fellaheen snoring come change that would be. A real desert
There was. believe leaving the old ones far behind! Nothing
it or not. a long, crust- in their hovels along the roadside, and is one of the least contaminated places
ed, coffee-colored lipmark stamped upon
in the world exhilarates me more than perhaps mingle with their dreams. on earth, and Sinai was no exception. The
the rim of the cup they placed before me
that. And how I despise the average citi-
As pulled mlo Ismailia, was
it six it was a narrow strip of black
road across
I

at breakfast yesterday. Ugh! was repul-

zen who settles himself down upon one o'clock morning and the sun was
in the
I( tarmac about a hundred and forty miles
liny spot of land with one asinine woman,
sive! I kept staring at it and wondering already climbing high in a milky-blue long, with only a single fiUing-station and
to breed and stew and rot in that condi-
whose slobbery lower lip had done the
deed. tion unto his hfe's end. And always with
I was driving now through the narrow the same woman! I simply cannot believe
dirty streets of the eastern suburbs of that any man in his senses would put up

Cairo. knew precisely where was go-

I 1 with just one female day after day and
ing. had made up my mind about that
I year after year. Some of them, of course,
before was even halfway down the pyr-
I don't. But millions pretend they do.
amid with Isabella.was going to Jerusa-
1 I myself have never, absolutely
never
lem. It was no distance to speak of. and permitted an intimate relationship to last
it was a city that I always enjoyed. Fur- for more than twelve hours. That is the
thermore, was the quickest way out of
it farthest limit. Even eigiit hours is stretch-
Egypt. I would proceed as follows: ing it my
mind. Look what hap-
a bit. lo
J. Cairo lo I sma ilia. About three pened, for example, with Isabella. While
hours* driving. Sing an opera on the way, we were upon the summit of the pyramid,
as usual. Arrive Ismailia 6-7 a.m. Take a she was a lady of scinlillating parts, as
room and have a two-hour sleep. Then pliant and as playful as a puppy, and had
shower, shave, and breakfast. I left her Ihere to the mercy of those three
2. At 10 a.m.. cross over the .Suez
Arab thugs, and skipped down on my
Canai by the Ismailia bridge and take the own. all would have been well. But I
desert road across Sinai to the Palestine foolishly stuck by her and helped her lo

62
agroupof huls at the halfway mark, at a therefore swarming with millions of living most lovely rich moss-green. I felt per- for about a hundred yards into the desert,
place called Bir Rod Saiim. Otherwise pathogenic cocci whose exact scientific fectly comfortable and at peace with the my eyes searching the ground. I was not
there was nothing but pure uninhabited name I have, happily, forgotten. world. looking for scorpions but for the lairs of
desert ail the way. It would be very hot Can I, you ask, be absolutely sure For a minute or two I played with The scorpion is a cryptozoic
scorpions.
at this time of year, and it was essential that the cook had purulent seborrhoeic with the idea ofperforminganother opera and nocturnal creature who hides all
to carry drinking water in case of a break- impetigo? Not absolutely sure-no. But en route-I was in the mood for "La Gio- through the day either under a stone or
down. I therefore pulled up outside a if he hadn't, then he certainly had ring- conda"-but after singing a few bars of m a burrow, according to its type. Only
genera! store in the main street of Ismailia worm instead. And what did that mean? the opening chorus, 1 began to perspire after the sun has gone down does it come
to refill my emergency canister. I knew only too well what it meant. It slightly; so I rang down the curtain, and out to hunt for food.
meant that ten million microsporons had lit a cigarette instead. The one I wanled,Opisthophth{ilmus,
been clinging and clustering around that I was now driving through some of was a burrower. so I wasted no time turn-
awful hair, waiting to go into my mouth. the finest scorpion country in the world, ing over stones. 1 searched only for bur-
I began to feel sick. and I was eager to stop and make a search rows. After ten or fifteen minutes, I had
"The water boils," the shopkeeper before 1 reached the halfway filling-sta- found none; but already the heat was get-
went in and spoke to the proprietor. said triumphantly. tion at Bir Rod Salim. I had so far met ting too much for me, and I decided re-

Tlieman had a nasty case of trachoma. "Let it boil," I told him. "Give it not a single vehicle or seen a living crea- luctantly to return to the car. I walked
The granulation on the under surface of eight minutes more. What is it you want ture since leaving Ismailia an hour ago. back very slowly, still watching the
his eyelids was so acute that the Mds them- me to get-typhus?" This pleased me. Sinai was authentic des- ground, and I had reached the road and
selves were raised right up off the eye- Personally, I never drink plain water ert. I pulled up on the side of the road, was in the act of stepping on to it when
balls-a beastly sight. I asked him if he by itself if I can help it, however pure and switched off the engine. I was thirsty, all at once, in the sand, not more than
would sell me a gallon of boiled water. it may be. Plain water has no flavor at all. so I ate an orange. Then I put my white twelve inches from the edge of the tar-
He thought was mad, and madder still
1
I take it. of course, as tea or as coffee, topee on my head, and eased myself slow- mac, 1 caught sight of a scorpion's burrow.
when insisted on following him back
1
but even then I try to arrange for bottled ly out of the car. out of my comfortable I put the killing-box and the net on
into his grimy kitchen to make sure that Vichy or Malvern to be used in the prep- hermit-crab shell, and into the sunlight. the ground beside me. Then, with my lit-
he did things properly. He filled a kettle aration. I avoid tap-water. Tap-water is For a full minute I stood motionless in tle trowel, I began very cautiously to
with tap-water and placed diabolical stuff. Often was nothing more the middle of the road, blinking at the scrape away the sand around the hole.
it on a paraffin it all

nor less than reclaimed sewage. brilhance of the surroundings. This was an operation that never failed
stove. The stove had a tiny little smoky
yellow flame. The proprietor seemed very "Soon this water will be boiled away to excite me. It was like a treasure hunt-
proudof the stove and of its performance. in steam," the proprietor said, grinning a treasure hunt with just the right amount
He stoodadmiring it. his head on one side. at me with green teeth. of danger accompanying it to stir the

Then he suggested that 1 might prefer to I lifted the kettle myself and poured blood. I could feel my heart beating away
go back and wait in the shop. He would the contents into my canister. in my chest as 1 pushed deeper and deep-
bring me the water, he said, when it was Back in the shop. I bought six or- here was a blazing sun. a vast hot er into the sand.

ready. I refused to leave. I stood there anges, a small watermelon, and a slab of sky. and beneath it all on every side a And suddenly . . . there she was!

watching the kettle like a lion, waiting well-wrapped English chocolate. Then I great pale sea of yellow sand that was not Oh. my heavens, what a whopper! A
for the water to boil; and while I was do- returned to the Lagonda. Now at last I quite of this world. There were moun- gigantic scorpion. not Opisthophthalmus,

ing this, the breakfast scene suddenly was away. tains now in the distance on the south as I saw immediately, but Pandinus, the
started coming back to me in all its hor- A few minutes later, I had crossed side of the road, bare, pale-brown. Tana- other large African burrower. And cling-

ror- the egg. the yolk, and the hair. Whose the sliding bridge that went over the Suez gra-colored mountains faintly glazed with ing to her back-this was too good to be
hair was it that had lain embedded in the Canal just above Lake Timsah. and ahead blue and purple, that rose up suddenly true!-swarming all over her, were one,
slimy yolk of my egg at breakfast? Un- of me lay the flat blazing desert and the out of the desert and faded away in a two, three, four, five ... a total of four-

doubtedly it was the cook's hair. And little tarmac road stretching out before haze of heat against the sky. The still- teen tiny babies! The mother was six
when. pray, had the cook washed his last me like a black ribbon all way to the
the ness was overpowering. There was no inches long at least! Her children were
head? He had probably never washed his horizon. 1 settled the Lagonda down to sound at all. no voice of bird or insect the size of small revolver bullets. She had
head. Very well. then. He was almost the usual steady sixty-five miles an hour, anywhere, and it gave me a queer god- seen me now. the first human she had
certainly verminous. But that in itself and opened the windows wide. The air
1 like feeling to be standing there alone in ever seen in her life, and her pincers were
would not cause a hair to fall out. What that came in was like the breath of an the middle of such a splendid, hot. in- wide open, her tail was curled high over
did cause the cook'shair. then, to fall out oven. The time was almost noon, and the human landscape-as though I were on her back like a question-mark, ready to
on to my poached egg this morning as he sun was throwing its heat directly on to another planet altogether, on Jupiter or strike. I took up the net. and slid it swift-

transferred the egg from the pan to the the roof of the car. My thermometer in- Mars, or some place more distant and
in ly underneath her. and scooped her up.
plate? There is a reason for all things, and side registered \0T. But, as you know, desolate still, where never would the grass She twisted and squirmed, striking wildly

in this case the reason was obvious. The a touch of warmth never bothers me so grow or the clouds turn red. in all directions with the end of her tail.

cook's scalp was infested with purulent long as 1 am sitting still and am wearing I went to the boot of the car and I saw a single large drop of venom fall

seborrhoeic impetigo. And the hair itself, suitable clothes— in this case a pair of took out my killing-box, my net. and my through the mesh on to the sand. Quick-
the long black hair that I might so easily cream colored linen slacks, a white Aer- trowel. Then I stepped off the road into ly, I transferred her, together with all the

have swallowed had I been less alert, was tex shirt, and a spider's silk tie of the the soft burning sand. I walked slowly offspring, to the killing-box. and closed

63
the lid. Then 1 fetched the ether from the Lagonda shouted their wonderful "Son than that, it is a slow and merciless con- took my knife from its case and cut out
car, and poured it through the little gauze giu mil le e tref" across the desert. Nobody suming of the actual nerve fibers of the a thick section. Then, with the point of
hole in the top of the box until the pad appeared. I pressed again. body by syphilitic toxins. the knife, I carefully picked out all the
inside was well soaked. The man- the Arab, I shall call him— black seeds, using the rest of the melon
How splendid she would look in my came right up to the door on my side of as a receptical.
collection! The babies would, of course, the car and peered in through the open I sat drinking the whisky and eating
fall away from her as they died, but I 5on gia mille e tre window. I leaned away from him, pray- the melon. Both were delicious.
ing that he would come not an inch clos-
sang the horns. Mozart's phrase sounded
magnificent in these surroundings. But
er. Without a doubt, he was one of the

stillnobody appeared. The inhabitants most blighted humans I had ever seen.
His face had the eroded, eaten-away look
of Bir Rod Salim didn't give a damn, it
seemed, about my friend Don Giovanni of an old wood-carving when the worm
and the one thousand and three women has been at it, and the sight of it made
he had defiowered in Spain. me wonder how many other diseases the

At last, after ! had played the horns

man was suffering from, besides syphilis.
"Salaam. " he mumbled.
no less than six times, the door of the
"Fill up the tank," 1 told him.
hut behind the gasoline pump opened and
a talhsh man emerged and stood on the
He He was inspecting
didn't move.
the interior of the Lagonda with great
threshold, doing up his buttons with both
interest. A terrible feculent odor came
hands. He took his time over this, and
not until he had finished did he glance
wafting in from his direction.

up at the Lagonda. 1 looked back at him "Come along!" I said sharply. "I
want some gasoline!"
would stick them on again with glue in through my open wmdow. I saw him
"Gasoline is done," the dreadful Arab
take the my direction ... he
He looked at me and grinned. It was
more or less their correct positions; and first step in
more of a leer than a grin, an insolent said, appearing at the window. "I check
then would be the proud possessor of a
I took it very, very slowly . . . then he took
mocking leer that seemed to be saying, water now, and oil."
huge fem'dk Pandinus with her own four- a second step . .

"I am the king of the gasoline pump at Iwould have preferred him to keep
te'en offspring on her back! I was ex-
Bir Rod Salim! Touch me if you dare!" his hands off the Lagonda altogether,
tremely pleased. I lifted the killing-box
A had settled in the corner of but rather than risk an argument. I said
could
fly one of
(i feel her threshing about furious-

M his eyes. He made no attempt to brush it

nothing. He went clumping off toward
ly inside) and placed it in the boot, to-
away. the front of the car, and his walk remind-
gether with the net and trowel. Then I
"You want gasoline?" he mocked. ed me of a drunken Hitler stormtrooper
returned to my seat in the car, lit a cig-
My God! thought once. The was about doing the goosestep
I at I to swear at him, but I in very slow motion.
arette, and drove on.
spirochetes have got him! checked myself just in time, and answer- Tabes dorsalis^ as I live and breathe.
Tlie more contented I am, the slower He had the slow, wobbly walk, the ed politely, "Yes, please." The only other disease to induce that
1 drive. drove quite slowly now, and it
I
loose-limbed, high-steppmg gait of a man He watched me slyly for a few mo- queer, high-stepping gait is chronic beri-
must have taken me nearly an hour more
with locomotor ataxia. With each step he ments to be sure I wasn't mocking him. beri. Well-he probably had that one, too.
to reach Bir Rod Salim, the halfway sta-
took, the front foot was raised high in
then he nodded as though satisfied now I cut myself another slice of watermelon,
tion. It was a most unenticing place. On the air before hun and brought down
the left, there was a single gasoline pump
with my behavior. He turned away and and concentrated for a minute or so on
violently to the ground, as thougli he
and wooden shack. On the right, there
a
started slowly toward the rear of the car. taking out the seeds with the knife. When
were stamping on a dangerous insect. looked up again,
were three more shacks, each about the
I reached into the door-pocket for my I saw that the Arab had
I

1 thought: I had better get out of bottle of Glenmorangie. I poured myself raised the bonnet of the car on the right-
size of apotting-shed.The rest was desert.
here. 1 had better start the motor and get a stiff one and hand and was bending over the en-
There was not a soul in sight. The time
sat sipping it. That man's side,
the hell out of here before he reaches me.
was twenty minutes before two face had been within a yard of my own; gine. His head and shoulders were out ol
in the
But 1 knew I couldn't. I had to have the his foetid breathhad come pouring into sight, and so were his hands and arms.
afternoon, and the temperature inside
gasoline. sat in the car staring at the
the car was ]0b'^.
I
the car and who knows how many
. . . What on earth was the man doing? Tlie
awful creature as he came stampinglabor- billions of airborne viruses might not have oil dipstick was on the other side. I rap-
What with the nonsense of getting the iously over the sand. He must have had come pouring in with it? On such an oc- ped on the windshield. He seemed not to
water boiled before leaving Ismailia, I the revolting disease for years and years, casion it is a fine thing to sterilize the hear me. put my head out of the win-
I
had forgotten completely to fill up with otherwise it wouldn't have developed in- mouthandthroatwithadrop of Highland dow and shouted, "Hey! Come out of
gasoline before leaving, and my gauge was to ataxia. Tabes dorsalis they call it in whisky. The whisky is also a solace. I there!" Slowly, he straightened up, and
now registering slightly less than two gal- professional circles, and pathologically emptied the glass, and poured myself an- as he drew his right arm out of the bowels
lons. I'd cut it no matter.
rather fine-but this means that the victim is suffering other. Soon began to alarmed.
I feel less of the engine, I saw that he was holding
I pulled in alongside the pump, and wait- from degeneration of the posterior col- 1 noticed the watermelon lying on the in his fingers something that was long
ed. Nobody appeared. pressed the horn umns of
I
the spinal cord. But ah my foes seat beside me. I decided that a slice of it and black and curly and very thin.
button, and the four tuned horns on the and oh my friends, it is really a lot worse at this moment would be refreshing. Good God,
I I thought, he's found a

64
snake in there! "It would have to come from the agents So I wrote down what was necessary He was standing absolutely motionless
He came round to the window, grin- in Cairo. I will telephone them myself." on a piece of paper and gave it to him. in the shadow of the doorway, his arms
ning at me and holding the object out for The fact that there was a telephone gave He walked away with that slow, stamping dangling at his sides. He was looking at
me to see; and only then, as I got a closer me some comfort. The telephone poles tread toward the hut. and disappeared me.
look, did I realize thatwas not a snake it had followed the road all the way across inside. 1 closed the bonnet of the car. "Who is he?" I said.
at all— /Y was the fan-belt of my Lagonda! the desert, and I could see the two wires Then I went back and sat in the driver's "Saleh."
AJI the awful implications of sudden- leadinginto the hut from the nearest pole. seat to think things out. "What does he do?"
ly being stranded in this outlandish place "1 will ask the agents in Cairo to set 1poured myself another whisky, and "He helps."
with this disgusting man came flooding out immediately for this place in a special lit a cigarette. There must be some traffic "I will sleep in the car," I said. "And
over me as I sat there staring dumbly at vehicle," I said. on this road. Somebody would surely it will not be necessary for your wife to
my broken fan-belt. come along before nightfall. But would prepare food. I have my own." The Arab
"You can see." the Arab was saying, that help me? No, it wouldn't— unless I shrugged and turned away and started
"itwas hanging on by a single thread. A were prepared to hitch a ride and leave back toward the shack where the tele-
good thing 1 noticed it." the Lagonda and all my baggage behind phone was. I stayed in the car. What else
I took it from him and examined it to the tender mercies of the Arab. Was I could I do? It was just after two-thirty.
closely. "You cut it!" I cried. prepared to do that? I didn't know. Prob- In three or four hours' time it would
he Arab looked along the road
"Cut it?" he answered softly. "Why ably yes. But if 1 were forced to stay the start to get a little cooler. Then I could
toward Cairo, some two hundred miles
should I cut it?" night. I would lock myself in the car and take a stroll and maybe hunt up a few
away. "Who is going to drive six hours
To be perfectly honest, it was impos- try to keep awake as much as possible. scorpions. Meanwhile, I must make the
here and six hours back to bring a fan-
sible for me to judge whether he had or On no account would I enter the shack best of things as they were. 1 reached in-
belt?" he said. "The mail will be just as
had not cut it. If he had, then he had where that creature lived. Nor would I to the back of the car where I kept my
quick."
also taken the trouble to fray the severed touch his food. 1 had whisky and water, box of books, and without looking, I
"Show me the telephone," I said,
ends with some instrument to make it and I had half a watermelon and a slab of took out the first one that I touched.
starting toward the hut. Then a nasty
look like an ordinary break. Even so, my chocolate. That was ample. The box contained thirty or forty of the
thought struck me. and I stopped.
guess was that he had cut it, and if I was The heat was pretty bad. The ther- best books in the world, and all of them
How could I possibly use this man's
right then the implications were more mometer in the car was still around 104*^. could be reread a hundred times and
contaminated instrument? The earpiece
sinister than ever. It was hotter outside in the sun. I was would improve with each reading. It was
would have to be pressed against my ear,
"I suppose you know I can't go on perspiring freely. My God, what a place immaterial which one I got. It turned out
and the mouthpiece would almost cer-
without a fan-belt?" I said. to get stranded in! And what a compan- to be The Natural History of Selbome.
tainly touch my mouth; and 1 didn't give
He grinned again with that awful mu- ion! I opened it at random
a damn what the doctors said about the
. .

tilatedmouth, showing ulcerated gums. After about fifteen minutes, the Arab
impossibiUty of catching syphilis from
"If you go on now," he said, "you will came out of the hut. I watched him all
remote contact- A syphilitic mouthpiece
boil over in three minutes." the way to the car.
was a syphilitic mouthpiece, and you
"So what do you suggest?" "I talked to garage in Cairo," he said,
wouldn't catch me putting it anywhere
"I shall get you another fan-belt." pushing his face in throu^ the window.
near my lips, thank you very much. I
"You will?" "Fan-belt will arrive tomorrow by mail-
wouldn't even enter his hut. |e had in this village more
"Of course. There is a telephone here, truck. Everything arranged."
I stood there in the sizzling heat of than twenty years ago an idiot boy, whom
and if you will pay for the call, I will tele- "Did you ask them about sending it
the afternoon and looked at the Arab Iwell remember, who, from a child,
phone to Ismailia. And if tliey haven't got at once?"
with his ghastly diseased face, and the showed a strong propensity to bees; they
one in Ismailia, will telephone to Cairo.
I "They said impossible," he answered.
Arab looked back at me, as cool and were his food, his amusement, his sole
There is no problem." "You're sure you asked them?"
unruffled as you please.
object. And as people of this caste have
"No problem!" shouted, getting out I He inclined his head to one side and
"You want the telephone?" he asked. seldom more than one point of view, so
of the car. "And when, pray, do you gave me that sly insolent grin. I turned
going to arrive in
"No," I said. "Can you read English?" this lad exerted all his few faculties on
tJiink the fan-belt is away and waited for him to go. He stayed
this ghastly place?" "Oh. yes." where he was. "We have house for visi- this one pursuit. In winter he dozed away
"There is a mail-truck comes through "Very well, down forI shall write tors." he said. "You can sleep there very his time, within his father's house, by the
every morning about ten o'clock. You you the name of the agents and the name nice. My wife will make food, but you fireside, in a kind of torpid state, seldom
would have it tomorrow." of this car. and also my own name. They will have to pay." departing from tlie chimney-corner; but
The man had all the answers. He nev- know me there. You will then tell them "Who else is there besides you and in the summer he was all alert, and in

er even had to think before replying. what is wanted. And listen . . . tell them your wife?" quest of his game in the fields, and on
This bastard, I thought, has cut fan- to dispatch a special car immediately at "Another man," he said. He waved sunny banks. Honey-bees, bumble-bees,
belts before. my expense. 1 will pay them well. And if an arm in the direction of the three shacks and wasps, were his prey wherever he
I was very alert now, and watching they won't do that, tell them they have across the road, and I turned and saw a found them; he had no apprehensions
him closely. to get the fan-belt to Ismailia in time to man standing in the doorway of the mid- from their stings, but would seize them
"They will not have a fan-belt for a catch the mail-truck. You understand?" dle shack, a short wide man who was nudis manibus, and at once disarm them
machine of this make in Ismailia," I said. "There is no problem," the Arab said. dressed in dirty khaki slacks and shirt. of their weapons, and suck their bodies

65
 . .

for the sake of their honey-bags. Some- far would I get? Not very far in this heat brotherhood existing among people who ly in Arabic about the steps he had taken
times he would fill his bosom, between and without a fan. One mile, perhaps, or own very costly automobiles. They re- on my
behalf. It seemed to me that the
his shirt and his skin, with a number of two at the most . . spect one another automatically, and the two knew each other pretty well, and it
these captives, and sometimes confine reason they respect one another simply was clear that the Arab was in great awe
No-to hell with it. 1 wouldstay is

them to bottles. He was a very merops that wealth respects wealth. In point of of the new arrival. He was
where I was and read my book. practically
apiasler, or bee-bird, and very injurious fact, there is nobody in the world that a crawling along the ground in his presence.
It must have been about an hour later
to men that kept bees; for he would slide very wealthy person respects more than "Well-that seems to be all right,"
that I noticed a small dark speck moving
into their bee-gardens, and, sitting down anothervery wealthy person. and because the stranger said at last, turning to me.
before the stools, would rap with his fin-
toward me along the road in the far dis-
of this, they naturally seek each other "But quite obviously you won't be able
tance, coming from the Jerusalem direc-
gers on the and so take the bees
hives, out wherever they go. Recognition sig- to move on from here until tomorrow
as they came out. He has been known to
tion. I laidaside my book without taking
nalsof many kinds are used among them. morning. Where were you headed for?"
overturn hives for the sake of honey, of
my eyes away from the speck. I watched
With the female, the wearing of massive
it growing bigger and bigger. It was travel-
"Jerusalem," I said. "And I don't rel-
which he passionately fond. Where
is jewels is perhaps the most common; but
ing at a great speed, at a really amazing ish the idea of spending the night in this
metheglin was making, he would linger the costly automobile is also much favor-
speed. 1 got out of the Lagonda and hur- infernal spot."
round the tubs and vessels, begging a ed, and is used by both sexes. It is a
ried to (he side of the road and stood "I should say not, my dear man. That
draught of what he called bee-wine. As traveling placard, a public declaration of
there, ready to signal the driver to stop. would be most uncomfortable." He smil-
he ran about, he used to make a hum- affluence, and as such, it is also a card of
ed at me, showing exceptionally white
ming noise with his hps, resembling the Closer and closer it came, and when membership to that excellent unofficial
." teeth. Til en he took out a cigarette case
buzzing of bees . . it was about a quarter of a mile away, society, the Very-Wealthy-PeoplesUnion.
glanced up from the book and look-
and offered me a cigarette. The case was
I
it began to slow down. Suddenly, ! no- I am a member myself of long standing,
gold, and on the outside of it there was a
ed around me. The motionless man across ticed the shape of its radiator. It was a and am delighted to be one. When meet I

the road had disappeared. There was no- thin line of dark green jade inlaid diag
Rolls-Royce.' I raised an arm and kept another member, as was about to do
I
onally from corner to corner. It was a
now, I fee! an immediate rapport. I re-
beautiful thing. I accepted the cigarette.
spect him. We speak the same language.
He lit it for me, then lit his own.
He is one of us. 1 had good reason, there-
fore, to be elated. The stranger took a long pull at his
cigarette, inhaling deeply. Then he tilted
back his head and blew the smoke up in-
to the sun. "We shall both have heat-
stroke if we stand around here much
longer," he said. "Will you permit me to
make a suggestion?"
he driver of the Rolls climbed out
"But of course."
and came toward me. He was a small "I do hope you won't consider it
dark man with olive skin, and he wore an presumptuous, coming from a complete
immaculate white linen suit. Probably a stranger . .
."

Syrian, I thought. Just possibly a Greek. "Please .

In the heat of the day he looked as cool "You can't possibly remain here, so
as could be.
I suggest you come back and stay the
"Good afternoon," he said. "Are you night in my house."
having trouble?"
There! The Rolls-Royce was smiling
i greeted him. and then bit by bit, at the Lagonda-smiling
I
at it as it would
told him everything that had happened. never have smiled at a Ford or a Morris!
"My dear fellow." he said in perfect "You mean in Ismailia?" I said.
body in Sight. The silence was eerie, and !t raised, and the big green car WLth a English, "but my dear fellow, how very "No, no," he answered, laughing. "I
the Stillness, tlie utter stillness and deso- man at the wheel pulled distressing. What rotten luck. This
in off the road is no livejust around the corner. just over
lation of the place was profoundly op- and stopped beside my Lagonda. place to get stranded in."
there." He waved a hand in the direc-
pressive. 1 knew I was being watched. I I felt absurdly elated. Had it been a "It isn't, is it?" tion he had come from.
knew that every little move made, every Ford or Morris, would have been
I a 1
"And you say that a new fan-belt has "But surely you were going to Is-
sip of whisky and every puff of a cigar- pleased enough, but would not have
I definitely been ordered?"
mailia? I wouldn't want you to change
ette,was being carefully noticed. detest I been elated. Tlie fact that it was a Rolls- "Yes," I answered, "if I can rely upon your plans on my behalf."
violence and I never carry a weapon. But a Bentley would have done equally well, the proprietor of tliis establishment."
could have done with one now. For a "I wasn't going to Ismailia at all." he
I
or an Isotta, or another Lagonda-was a
who had emerged from his
Tlie Arab,
said. Iwas coming down here to collect
while, I toyed with the idea of starting virtual guarantee that I would receive shack almost before the Rolls had come
the motor and driving on down the road all the assistance
the mail. My house- and this may sur-
I required; for whether to a stop, had now joined us. and the
the engine boiled over. But prise you-is quite close to where we are
until how you know it or not, there is a powerful stranger proceeded to question him swift- standing. You see that mountain. That's

66
 is a good mechanic. He'll fit your new said, noticing the poles that branched off now just sitting around and waiting until
fan-belt when it arrives tomorrow. I'll the main road to follow his private drive. she is old enough to get married. But this
tell him now." And then suddenly a queer thought waiting period- what does one do with a
man from across the road,
Saleh, the struck me. beautiful young giri during that time? I

had walked over while we were talking. That Arab at the filling-station ... he can't let her loose. She is far too desirable
Mr. Aziz gave him his instructions. He was also on the telephone . . for that. When take her I to Beirut, I see
then spoke to both men about guarding
Might not this, then, explain the for- the men hanging around her like wolves
the Lagonda. He was brief and incisive.
tuitous arrival of Mr. Aziz? waiting to pounce. It drives me nearly
Omar and Saleh stood bowing and scrap- Was it possible that my lonely host out of my know all about men.
mind. I

mg. I went across to the Lagonda to get Mr. Cornelius. know how they behave.
had devised a clever method of shanghai- I

a suitcase. I needed a change of clothes ing travelers off the road in order to pro- It is true, of course, that am not the on- I

badly. ly father who has had this problem. But

vide himself with what he called "civilized
"Oh, by the way." Mr. Aziz called company" for dinner? Had he, in fact, the others seem somehow able to face it
over to me, "I usually put on a black tie and accept it. They let their daughters
given the Arab standing mstructions to
for dinner." go. They just turn them out of the house
immobilize the cars of all likely-looking
Magliara. I'm immediately behind it."
"Of course." I murmured, quickly persons one after the other as they came and look the other way. I cannot do that.
looked at the mountain. It lay about
I
pushing back my first choice of suitcase
along? "Just cut the fan-belt. Omar. Then I simply cannot bring myself to do it! I

ten miles to the north, a yellow rocky

and taking another. refuse to allow her to be mauled by every
phone me up quick. But make sure it's a
lump, perhaps two thousand feet high. do for the ladies mostly. They
"I it
decent-looking fellow with a good car.
Achmed. Ali and Hamil that comes along.
"Do you reallymean that you have a seem to like dressing themselves up for And that, you see, is the other reason
Then I'll pop along and see if I think
house in the middle of all this this
why
. . .
dinner."
he's worth inviting to the house . .
." I live in the desert-to protect my
wasteland?" I asked. I turned sharply and looked at him, lovely child for a few more years from
It was ridiculous, of course.
"You don't believe me?" he said, but he was already getting into his car. the wild beasts. Did you say that you
smiling. "Ready?" he said.
"I think." my companion was saying, had no family at all, Mr. Cornelius?"
"thatyou are wondering why in the world
"Of course 1 believe you," I answer- I took the suitcase and placed it in "I'm afraid that's true."
I should choose to have a house out here
ed. "Nothing surprises me any more. Ex- the back of the Rolls. Then I climbed in- "Oh." He seemed disappointed. "You
in a place like this."
cept, perhaps," and here I smiled back at to the front seat beside him, and we mean you've never been married?"
him. "except when I meet a stranger in drove off. "Well, yes, I am a bit." "Well . . . no," I said. "No. I haven't."

the middle of the desert, and he treats During the we talked casuallydrive, "Everyone does." he said. I waited for the next inevitable question.

me about this and that. He told me that his "Everyone?" I said. Itcame about a minute later.
like a brother. 1 am overwhelmed by
business was in carpets. He had offices "Yes." he said. "Have you never wanted to get mar-
your offer."
and Damascus. Well. well. thought -every one. ried and have children?"
"Nonsense, my dear fellow. My mo- in Beirut I

His forefathers, he said, had been in "I live here," he said, "because i have They all asked that one. It was sim-
tives are entirely selfish. Civilized com-
the trade for hundreds of years. a peculiar affinity with the desert. I am ply another way of saying, "Are you, in
pany is not easy to come by in these
mentioned that had a seventeenth- drawn to it in the same way as a sailor is that case, homosexual?"
parts. I am quite thrilled at the thought
1 I

century Damascus carpet on the fioor of drawn to the sea. Does that seem so very "Once," I said. "Just once."
of having a guest for dinner. Permit me
my bedroom in Paris. strange to you?" "What happened?"
to introduce myself-Abdul Aziz." He
"You don't mean it!" he cried, near- "No," I answered, "it doesn't seem "There was only one person ever in
made a quick little bow.
ly swerving off the road with excitement. strange at all." my life, Mr. Aziz . . . and after she went
"Oswald Cornelius," said. "It I is a
"Is it sUk and wool, with the warp made ..." I sighed.
?reat pleasure." We shook hands. entirely of silk? And has it got a ground "You mean she died?"
"I live partly In Beirut," he said.
of gold and silver threads?" I nodded, too choked up to answer.
"I live in Paris."

"Charming. And now-shall we go?

Are you ready?"
"But my car," I said. "Can I leave it
"Yes,"
"But

"It is
my
1 said. "Exactly."
dear fellow!
put a thing like that on the floor!"
touched only by bare feet,"
You mustn't

1
H
H He paused and
arette. Then he said,
took
"That
a pull at his cig-

is one reason.
"My
so sorry. Forgive
We
"It's
dear fellow," he said. "Oh,

drove on for a while

amazing,"
me

I
for intruding."

murmured, "how
in silence.
I am

here safely?"
said. But there is another. Are you a family one loses all interest in matters of the
That pleased him. It seemed that he man, Mr. CorneUus?" flesh after a thing like that. I suppose it's

u loved carpets almost as

the blue vases of Tchin-Hoa.

Soon we turned
road on to a hard stony track and headed
left
much as

off the tarred

I loved "Unfortunately not."
tiously.
"! am." he
daughter. Both of them, in
said. "1
I

have a wife and a

answer cau-

my eyes at
the shock.

ing it alt.

"So now
One never
He nodded sympathetically, swallow-

I just travel
gets over it."

around trying
H Have no fear about that. Omar is a straight over the desert towards the moun- any rate, are very beautiful. My daugh- to forget. I've been doing it for years . .
."

friend of mine. He's not much to look at, tain. "This is my private driveway," Mr. ter is just eighteen. She has been to an We had reached the foot of Mount
poor chap, but he won't let you down if Aziz said. "It is five miles long." excellent boarding-school in England. and Ma^ara now and were following the
now ." he shrugged curved around the mountain
/ou're with me. And the other one, Saleh. "You are even on the telephone." I she is . . . . . "she is track as it

67
 "It is also nice and private. I sleep very When Mr. Aziz turned and saw her,
peacefully here. So does the Princess. No he said, "Oh, darling, there you are.
I've
unpleasant young men are likely to come brought you a guest. His car broke down
climbing in through those windows dur- at the filling-station-such rotten luck-
ing the night." so I asked him to come back and stay the
"Quite so," said.
I
night. Mr. Cornelius ... my wife."
"It used to be a small oasis," he went "How very nice," she said quietly,
on. "I bought it from the government. coming forward.
We have ample water for the house, the
I took her hand and raised it to my
swimming-pool, and three acres of gar-
lips. "I am overcome by your kindness,
den."
madame,"I murmured. There was, upon
We drove through the main gates, and
that hand of hers, a diabolical perfume.
I must say it was wonderful to come sud-
It was almost exclusively animal. The
denly into a miniature paradise of green
lawns and flower-beds and palm-trees. subtle, sexy secretions of the sperm-
whale, the male musk-deer, and the beav-
Everything was in perfect order, and
er were all there, pungent and obscene
water-sprinklers were playing on the
beyond words; they dominated the blend
lawns. When we stopped at the front-door
completely, and only faint traces of the
of the house, two servants in spotless
clean vegetable oils-lemon, cajuput, and
gallabiyahs and scarlet tarbooshes ran out
zeroli-were allowed to come through.
immediately, one to each side of the car.
to open the doors for us.
It was superb! And another thing I no-
ticed in the fiash of that first moment
Two servants? But would both of
was this: when I took her hand, she did
ihem have come out like that unless
not, as other women do, let it lie limply
they'dbeen expecting two people? I

doubted it. More and more, it began to

across my palm Uke a fillet of raw fish

Instead, she placed \\eTi\\\imh underneath

lookas though my odd little theory about
being shanghaied as a dinner guest was
my own hand, with the fingers on top;

turning out to be correct. It was all very

and thus she was able to-and 1 swear she
did-exerl a gentle but suggestive pressure
very amusing.
My host ushered me
upon my hand as I admmistered the con-
toward the side that was invisible Irom ^i7iiling.
in through the
ventional kiss.
the road-the north side. "As soon as we front-door, and at once I got that lovely
"It's fabulous!" I said. "It's like all
round the next bendyou'II see the house," shivery feeling that comes over the skin
"Where is Diana''" asked Mr. Aziz.
the fairy-tale castles in the world made
Mr. Aziz said.
into one."
as one walks suddenly out of intense heat "She's out by the pool," the woman
We rounded the bend ... and there it into an air-conditioned room. I was stand- said. And turning to me,"Would you
"That's exactly what it is!" he cried.
was! I blinked and stared, and you like a swim, Mr. Cornelius? You must be
I tell
"It's a fairy-tale castle!
ing in the hall. The floor was of green
I built ii especial-
that for the first few seconds I literaJIy
ly for my daughter, my
marble. On my right, there was a wide roasted after hanging around that awful
beautiful Prin-
could not believe my eyes. I saw before archway leading to a large room, and I
filling-station."
cess."
me a white castle-l mean it-a tall, white received a fleetingimpression of cool
castle with turrets and towers and little white walls, fine pictures, and superla-
spires over standing like a fairy-tale
all it. tive Louis XV furniture.
in the middle of
a small splash of green
What a place to find oneself in, in the
vegetation on the lower slope of the blaz-
middle of the Sinai Desert!
mg-hot, yellow, bare mountain! It was And now a woman was coming slow- he had huge velvet eyes, so dark
fantastic! It was straight out of Hans An- \nd The beautiful Princess im-
is ly down the stairs. My host had turned they were almost black, and when sIk-
dersen or Grmim. had seen plenty of prisoned within
I
its by her strict and
walls away to speak to the servants,
romantic-looking Rhine and Loire valley
and he smiled at me. the end of her nose moved
jealous father. King Abdul Aziz, whore- didn't see her at once, so when she reach- upwards, distending the
castles in my lime, but never before had fuses to allow her the pleasures of mas-
nostrils.
ed the bottom step, the woman
I seen anything with such a slender, paused, Tliere and then. Prince Oswald Cor-
grace- company. But watch out. for here
culine
and she laid her naked arm like a white nelius decided that he cared not one whit
ful, fairy-tale quality as this! The
green- comes Prince Oswald Cornelius to the anaconda along the rail of the banister, about the beautiful Princess who was held
ery, ax I observed when we drew closer, rescue.' Unbeknownst to the King, he is and there she stood, looking at me as captive in the castle
was a pretty garden of lawns and date- going to ravish the beautiful Princess, and by the jealous King.
though she were Queen Semiramis on He would ravish the Queen instead
paJms. and there was a high white wall make her very happy.
the steps of Babylon, and I was a candi-
going all the way round to keep out "Well ..." I said.
the "You have to admit it's different," date who might or might not be to her "I'm going to have one," Mr. Aziz
desert.
Mr. Aziz said.
taste. Her hair was jet-black, and she had
"Do you approve?" my host asked, "It is that."
said.
a figure that made me wet my lips. "Let's all have one," his wife said.

68
"We'll lend you a pair of trunks if you Diana is opposite." Mr. Aziz said, laughing. "It's cooled. be saying, "we are glad to see that
I
you
haven't got any." Three separate rooms. keep
All very close it at sixty-five degrees. It's more re- are not quite so disinterested in women
I asked if i might go up to my room together. Virtually impregnable. I tucked freshing in this climate." as you led us to believe in the car . . . Or
first and get out a clean shirt and clean the information away in my mind and Later, when the sun began dropping is it. perhaps, that these congenial sur-
slacks to put on after the swim, and my went on down to the pool. My host and lowerin the sky, we all sat around m our roundings are helping you to forget that
hostess said, "Yes, of course," and told hostess were there before me. wet swimming clothes while a servant great sorrow of yours at last . .

one of the servants to show me the way. "This is my daughter, Diana," my brought us pale, ice-cold martinis, and Mr. Aziz smiled at me, showing his
He took me up two flights of stairs, and host said. it was at this point that 1 began, very pure white teeth. It was a friendly smile.
we entered a large white bedroom which The girl in the white swimming-suit slowly, very cautiously, to seduce the I gave him a friendly smile back. What
had in it an exceptionally large double- stood up and I kissed her hand. "Hello, two ladies in my own particular fashion. a friendly little fellow he was. He was
bed. There was a well-equipped bathroom Mr. Cornelius," she said. Normally, when I am given a freehand, genuinely deUghted to see me paying so
leading off to one side, with a pale blue this is not especially difficult for me to much attention to the ladies. So far. then,
bath tub and a bidet to match. Every- do. Tlie curious httle talent that 1 happen so good.
where, things were scrupulously clean to possess-the ability to hypnotize a I shall skip very quickly over the next
and very much to my liking. woman with words-very seldom lets me few hours, for it was not until after mid-
While the servant was unpacking my down. It is not, of course, done only night that anything really tremendous
case, went over to the window and
I with words. The words themselves, the happened to me. A few brief notes will
looked out. and I saw the great blazing innocuous, superficial words, are spoken suffice to cover the intervening period:
mal perfume as her mother ambergris,
desert sweeping in like a yellow sea all only by the mouth, whereas (he real mes- At seven o'clock, we the swim-
musk, and castor! What a smell it had- all left

the way from the horizon until met

it
bitchy. brazen and marvelous! I sniffed
sage, the improper and exciting promise, ming-pool and returned to the house to
the white garden wail just below me, like a dog. She was.
comes from all the limbs and organs of dress for dinner.
at it I thought, even
and there, within the wall, I could see more beautiful than the parent,
the body, and is transmitted through the At eight o'clock, we assembled in the
if that
the swimming-pool, and beside the pool were possible. She had the same large vel-
eyes. More than that I cannot honestly big living-room to drink another cocktail.
there was a girl lying on her back in the tell you about how it is done. Tlie point The two ladies were both superbly turn-
vety eyes, the same black hair, and the
shade of a big pink parasol. The girl was same shape of face;but her is that it works. It works like cantharides. ed out, and sparkling with jewels. Both
legs were un-
wearing a white swimming-costume, and questionably longer, and there was some- I believe that I could sit down opposite of them wore low-cut, sleeveless evening-
she was reading a book. She had long, thing about her body that gave the Pope's wife, if he had one. and with- dresses which had come, without any
it a slight
slim legs and black hair. She was the edge over the older woman's; it was more in fifteen minutes, were I to try hard doubt at all. from some great fashion
Princess.
sinuous, more snaky, and almost certain enough, she would be leaning towards house in Paris. My hostess was in black,
What a set-up, I thought. The white to be a good deal more flexible. But the me over the table with her lips apart her daughter in pale blue, and the scent
castle, the comfort, the cleanUness, the older woman, who was probably thirty- and her eyes glazed with desire. It is a of that intoxicating perfume was every-
air-conditioning, the two dazzlingly beau- seven and looked no more than twenty- minor talent, not a great one, but I am where about them. What a pair they were!
tiful females, the watchdog husband, and five, had a spark in her eye that the nonetheless thankful to have had it be- The older woman had tliat slight forward
a whole evening to work in! daughter could not possibly match. stowed upon me, and I have done my hunch to her shoulders which one sees
The situation was so perfectly de- Eeny, meeny, miny. mo- just a little best at all times to see that it has not only in the most passionate and practiced
signed for my entertainment that it while ago. Prince Oswald had sworn that been wasted. of females for ; in the same way as a horsy
would have been impossible to improve he would ravish the Queen alone, and to So the four of us, the two wondrous woman will become bandy-legged from
upon it. The problems that lay ahead hell with the Princess But now that he women, the little man. and myself, sat sitting constantly upon a horse, so a
appealed to me very much. A simple had seen the Princess close together in a semi-circle beside the woman of great passion will develop a
in the flesh, he did
straightforward seduction did not amuse not know which one swimming-pool, lounging in deck-chairs curious roundness of the shoulders from
to prefer Both of
me any more. There was no artistry in
them, in their different ways, held forth
and sipping our drinks and feeling the continually embracing men. It is an occu-
that sort of thing; and I can assure you a promise of innumerable delights, the warm six o'clock sunshine upon our skin. pational deformity, and the noblest of
thathad I been able, by waving a magic one innocent and eager, the other expert I wasgood form. I made them laugh a
in them all.

wand, to make Mr. Abdul Aziz, the jeal- and voracious. The truth of the matter great deal.The story about the greedy
ous watchdog, disappear for the night, was that he would like to have them old Duchess of Glasgow putting her hand
I would not have done so. I wanted no both-the Princess as an hors d'oeuvre, in the chocolate-box and getting nipped
Pyrrhic victories. and the Queen as the main dish. by one of my scorpions had the daughter
When I left the room, the servant ac- "Help yourself to a pair of trunks in falling out of her chair with mirth; and
companied me. We descended the first the changing- room, Mr. Cornelius," Mrs. when 1 described in detail the interior of l^e daughter was not yet old enough
flight of stairs, and then, on the landing Aziz was saying, so I went into the hut my spider breeding-house in the garden to have acquired this singular badge of
of the floor below my own, I paused and and changed, and when came out again I
outside Paris, both ladies began wriggling honor, but with her it was enough for me
said casually, "Does the whole family the three of them were already splashing with revulsion and pleasure. simply to stand back and observe the
sleep on this floor?" about in the water. I dived in and joined It was at this stage that I noticed the shape of her body and to notice the splen-
"Oh. yes." the servant said. "That is them. The water was so cold it made me eyes of Mr. Abdul Aziz resting upon me did sliding motion of her thighs under-
the master's room there"— indicating a gasp. in good-humored, twinkling kind of
a neath the tight silk dress as she wandered

door— "and next to it is Mrs. Aziz. Miss "I thought that would surprise you," way. "Well, well," the eyes seemed to about the room. She had a Hne of tiny

69
 room for coffee and brandy, and then, at "Goodnight. Mr. Cornelius," the light, I made sure that the curtains were
my we played a couple
host's suggestion, daughter said. tightly drawn together. I got into bed,
of rubbers of bridge. By the end of the "Goodnight, my dear fellow," Mr. and for the next hour or so I lay readjng
evening, I knew for certain that I had Aziz said. "Ido hope you have every- some more of Gilbert White's Natural
done my work well. The old magic had thing you want." History of Selborne. That also helped,
not let me down. Either of the two ladies, They turnedaway,andtherewasnoth- and at last, somewhere between midnight
should the circumstances permit, was ingfor me to do but continue slowly, re- and one a.m., there came a time when I

mine for the asking. I was not deluding luctantly, up the second fliglit of stairs to was able to switch out the light and pre-
myself over this. It was a straightforward, my own room. I entered it and closed pare myself for sleep without altogether
obvious fact. It stood out a mile. The face the door. The heavy brocade curtains too many regrets.
of my hostess was bright with excitement, was just beginning to doze off when
had already been drawn by one of the I

and whenever she looked at me across I heard some tiny sounds.

servants, but I parted them and leaned recognized I

the card-table, those huge dark velvety them at once. They were sounds that
out of the window to take a look at the I

eyes would grow bigger and bigger, and had heard many times before in my life,
night. The air was still and warm, and a
the nostrils would dilate, and the mouth and yet Ihey were still, for me, the most
brilliantmoon wasshiningover the desert.
would open slightly to reveal the tip of a thrillingandevocative in the whole world.
Below me, the swimming-pool in the
moist pink tongue squeezing through be- They consisted of
moonlight looked something like an enor- a series of Uttle soft
tween the teeth. It was a marvelously metallic noises, of metal grating gently
mous glass mirror lying flat on the lawn,
lascivious gesture, and more than once against metal, and they were made, they
and beside it I could see the four deck-
it caused me to trump my own trick. were always made by somebody who was
chairs we had been sitting in earUer on.
The daughter was less daring but equally very slowly, very cautiously, turning the
direct.Each time her eyes met mine, and
Well, well, I thought. What happens
handle of one's door from the outside
that was often enough, she would raise
now?
Instantly, I became wide awake. But
her brows just the tiniest fraction of a One thing I knew I must not do in
I

did not move. I simply opened my eyes

centimeter, as though asking a question;

this house was to venture out of my and stared in the direction of the door;
room and go prowling around the corri-
then she would make a quick sly little and I can remember wishing at that
smile, supplying the answer. dors. That would be suicide. had learn- I
moment for a gap in the curtain, for just
"I think it's time we all went ed many years ago that there are three
to bed," a small thin shaft of moonlight to come
Mr. Aziz said, examining his watch. "It's breeds of husband with whom one must
infrom outside so that I could at least
never take unnecessary risks~the Bulgar-
after eleven. Come along, my dears." catch a glimpse of the shadow of the
TTien a queer th ing happened. At once, ian, the Greek, and the Syrian. None of
lovely form that was about to enter. Bui
without a second'shesitation and without them, for some reason, resents you flirt-
the room was as dark as a dungeon.
another glance in my direction, both ing quite openly with his wife, but he
I did not hear the door open. No
ladies rose and made for the door! will kill you at once if he catches you
It was hinge squeaked. But suddenly a little gust
astonishing. It left me stunned. getting into her bed. Mr. Aziz was a Syr-
I didn't of air swept through the room and rustled
know what to make of it. It was the ian. A degree of prudence was therefore
the curtains, anda moment later heard I
quickest thing I'd ever seen. And yet
essential, and if any move were going to
It the soft thud of wood against wood as the
wasn't as though Mr. Aziz had spoken be made now, it must be made not by me door was carefully closed again. Then
angrily. His voice, to me at any rate, but by one of the two women, for only
had came the dick of the latch as the handle
soft golden hairs growing all the way up sounded as pleasant as ever. But now he would know precisely what
she (or they)
was released. Next. I heard feet tiptoeing
the exposed length of her spine, and when was already turning out the was and what was dangerous. Yet
safe
stood behind her was
lights, indi- I
toward me over the carpet.
I it difficult to re-
cating clearly that he wished me also to
had to admit that after witnessing the
sist the temptation of running my knuck- For one horrible second, it occurred
retire. What a blow! I had expected way in which my host had called them
at tome
les up and down those lovely vertebrae. both to heel four minutes ago,
that this might just possibly be Mr
least to receive a
whisper from either the there was
At eight-thirty, we moved into the
Abdul Aziz creeping in upon me with a
wife or the daughter before we very little hope of further action in the
separated
dinning-room. The dinner that followed long knife in his hand, but then all at
for the night, just a quick three near future. The trouble was, though, that
or four
was a really magnificent affair, but I shall had gotten myself so infernally-steamed
once a warm extensile body was bending
words telling me where to go and when;
I

waste no time here describing food or over mine, and a woman's voice was whis-
but instead, I was left standing like a foo! up.
wine. Throughout the meal I continued pering in my ear, "Don't make a sound!"
beside the card-table while the two ladies
to play most delicately and insidiously glided out of the room.
"My dearest beloved." I said, won-
upon the dering which one of them it knew
was, "I
sensibilities of the women, em- My host and I followed them up the
you'd ." Instantly
ploying every skill that . . her hand came over
I possessed; and stairs. On the landing of the first fioor,
by the time the dessert arrived, they were
my mouth.
the mother and daughter stood side by
melting before my eyes hke butter in the side, waiting for me.
"Please!" she whispered. "Not an
sun. undressed and took a long cold other word!"
"Goodnight, Mr. Cornelius," my host- shower. That helped. Then, because I
After dinner we returned to the living- ess said.
I didn't argue. My lips had many bet-
have never been able to sleep in the moon-
ter things to do than that. So had hers.

70
 Here I must pause. This is not like me but I never got three words out
before your way." "Good morning, everybody!" cried
at ail-I know that. But just for once. I the hand shot up again and smacked it- told him how
I grateful I was. the daughter, sweeping into the room.
wish to be excused a detailed description self over my mouth. Rather violently, "We'll be sorry to see you go," he "Good morning, daddy! Good morning,
of the great scene that followed. I have too. said. "It's been an immense pleasure for mummy!" She gave them each a kiss.
my own reasons for this and I beg you to Very well. I thought. Let it be for all of us having you drop in like this, an "Good morning, Mr. Cornelius!" She was
respect them. In any case, will do you now. Tomorrow morning, downstairs
it
in immense pleasure." wearing a pair of pink slacks and a rust-
no harm to exercise your own imagina- the daylight, I shall know for certain I had my breakfast alone
in the din- colored blouse, and be damned
I'll if she
tion for a change, and if you wish, I will which one of you it was. I shall know ing-room. Afterwards, returned to the
I
didn't also have a scarf tied carelessly
stimulate it a little by saying simply and by the glow on the face, by the way the living-room to smoke a cigarette while but carefully around her neck!
truthfully that of the many thousands A chiffon
eyes look back into mine, and by a hun- my host continued writing at his desk.
scarf!
and thousands of women have knownI dred other httle telltale signs. I shall also "Do forgive me," he said. "I just have "Did you have a decent night?" she
in my none has transported me to
time, know by the marks that my teeth have a couple of things to finish here. I won't asked, perching herself like a young bride
greater extremes of ecstasy than this lady made on the left side of the neck, above be long. arranged for your case to be
I've
of the Sinai Desert. Her dexterity was
on the arm of my chair, arranging herself
the dress hne. A rather wily move, that packed and put in the car. so you have in such a way that one of her thighs rest-
amazing. Her passion was intense. Her one, I thought, and so perfectly timed- nothing to worry about. Sit down and
ed against my forearm. I leaned back and
range was unbelievable. At every turn, my vicious bite was administered during enjoy your cigarette. The ladies ought to
looked at her closely. She looked back
she was ready with some new and intri- the hei^t of her passion-that she never be down any minute now." atme and winked. She actually winked!
cate maneuver. And to cap it all, she for one moment realized the significance The wife arrived first. She came sail-
Her face was glowing and sparkling every
possessed the most subtle and recondite of the act. ing into the room looking more than ever bit as much as her mother's, and if any-
style I have ever encountered. She was It was altogether a most memorable like the dazzling Queen Semiramis of the
thing, she seemed even more pleased with
a great artist. She was a genius. night, and at least four hours must have Nile, and the first thing 1 noticed about herself than the older woman.
gone by before she gave me a final fierce her was the pale green chiffon scarf knot-
I felt pretty confused. Only one of
embrace, and slipped out of the room ted casually around her neck! Casually
them had a bite mark to conceal, yet
as quickly as she had come in. but carefully! So carefully that no part

A
both of them had covered their necks
The next morning I did not awaken of the skin of the neck was visible. The
with scarves. I conceded that this might
until after ten o'clock. I got out of bed woman went straight over to her husband be a coincidence, but on the face of it. it
Hll this, you will probably say, in- and drew open the curtains. It was an- and kissed him on the cheek. "Good looked much more like a conspiracy to
dicated clearly that my visitor must have other brilliant, hot, desert day. Itook a morning, my darling." she said.
me. looked as though they were both
It
been the older woman. You would be leisurely bath, then dressed myself as care- You cunning beautiful bitch, I
working closely together to keep me from
wTong. It indicated nothing. True genius fully as ever. I felt relaxed and chipper. thought.
discovering the truth. But what an extra-
is a gift of birth. It has very little to do It made me very happy to think that "Good morning, Mr. Cornelius." she
I
ordinary screwy business! And what was
with age; and I can assure you I had no could still summon a woman to my room said gaily, coming over to sit in the chair the purpose of it all? And in what other
wayof knowingfor certain which of them with my eyes alone, even in middle age. opposite mine. "Did you have a good peculiar ways, might I ask, did they plot
it was in the darkness of that room. I And what a woman! It would be fascin- night? I do hope you had everything you and plan together among themselves? Had
wouldn't have bet a penny on it either ating to find out which one of them she wanted." they drawn tots or something the night
way. At one moment after some particu- ,
was. I would soon know. before? Or did they simply lake it in turns
larly boisterous would be con-
cadenza, I I made my way slowly down the two with visitors? I must come back again. I

vinced it was the wife. It must be the flights of stairs. told myself, for another visit as soon as
wife! Then suddenly the whole tempo
would begin to change, and the melody
would become so childlike and innocent
that I found myself swearing it was the
"Good morning, my dear fellow, good
morning!" Mr. Aziz
small desk he had been writing at in the
living-room.
said, rising

"Didyouhave agood night?"

from a N
H "ever
sparkle in a
in my life

woman's eyes
have I seen such a
as saw
possible just to see what happens the
next time. In fact,
specially
It would be
I might motor down

from Jerusalem in a day or two.

easy, reckoned, to get my-
I in I

daughter. It must be the daughter/ "Excellent, thank you," answered,

I
hers that morning, nor such a glow of self invited again.
Maddening it was not to know the trying not to sound smug. pleasure in a woman's face. "I had a "Are you ready, Mr. Cornelius?" Mr.
true answer. It tantalized me. It also He came and stood close to me, smil- very good night indeed, thank you," I Aziz said, rising from his desk.
humbled me, for after all, a connoisseur, ing with his very white teeth. His shrewd answered, showing her that I knew. "Quite ready," I answered.
a supreme connoisseur, should always be eyes rested on my
little face and moved She smiled andlitacigarette. Iglanced The ladies, sleek and smiling, led the
able to guess the vintage without seeing over slowly, as though searching for
it over at Mr. Aziz who was still writing way outside to where the big green Rolls-
the label on the bottle. But this one really something. away busily af the desk with his back to Royce was waiting. I kissed their hands
had me beat. At one point, I reached for "I have good news for you." he said. us. He wasn't paying the slightest atten- and murmured a million thanks to each
cigarettes, intending to solve the mystery "They called up from BirRod Salim five tion to his wife or to me. He was, I of them. Then I got into the front seat
in the flare of a match, but her hand was minutes ago and said your new fan-belt thought, exactly like all the other poor beside my host, and we drove off. Tlie
on me inaflash.andcigarettesandmatches had arrived by the mail-truck. Saleh is cuckolds that had ever created. Not
I mother and daughter waved. 1 lowered
both were snatched away and flungacross fitting it on now. It'll be ready in an one of them would believe that it could my window and waved back. Then we
the room. More than once. I began to hour. So when you've had some break- happen to him. not right under his own were out of thegarden and into the desert,
whisper the question itself into her ear, fast, I'll drive you over and you can be on nose. following the stony yellow track as it

71
skirted the base of Mount Maghara, with much difference, really. But we do have dred already." "She has leprosy."
the telegraph poles marching along be- you know. You'd be surprised at
visitors, "Yes." I jumped.
side us. the number of people who drop in from I saw him shifting a little in his seat, "Yes, I know," he said, "it's a terrible

During the journey, my host and 1 time to time. Like you, for instance. It as though trying to get comfortable, and thing. She has the worst kind, too, poor
conversed pleasantly about this and that. was a great pleasure having you with us, then he said. "I don't really see why I girl. It's called anaesthetic leprosy. It is

1 was at pains to be as agreeable as possi- my dear fellow." shouldn't tell you the truth about that highly resistant, and almost impossible
ble because my one object now was to "I shall never forget it," I said. "It is house. You don't strike me as being a to cure. If only it were the modular var-

get myself invited to stay at the house a rare thing to find kindness and hospi- gossip." iety, it would be much easier. But it isn't,

again. If I didn't succeed in getting /iim tality of that order nowadays." "Certainly not." I said. and thereyouare. Sowhenavisitor
to ask me, then / should have to ask hitn. I waited for him to tell me that I comes to the house, she keeps to her own
."
I would do it at the last moment. "Good- must come again, but he didn't. A little apartment, on the third floor . .

bye, my dear friend," I would say, grip- silence sprang up between us, a slightly The car must have pulled into the
ping him warmly by the throat as , it were. uneasy little silence. To bridge it, 1 said. filling-station about then because the

"May I have the pleasure of dropping in "I think yours is the most thouglitful next thing 1 can remember was seeing
to see you again if 1 happen to be passing paternal gesture I've ever heard of in my Mr. Abdul Aziz sitting there looking at
fe were close to the filling-sta-
this way?" And of course he would say life."
me with those small clever black eyes of
tion now, and he had slowed the car down his, and he was saying, "But my dear
yes. "Mine?"
almost to walking-speed to give himself
"Did you think I exaggerated when I
"Yes. Building a house right out there fellow, you mustn't alarm yourself like
time to say what he had to say. I could
told you my daughter was beautiful?" he this. Cabn yourself down, Mr. Cornelius,
in the back of beyond and living in it

asked me. see the two Arabs standing beside my calm yourself down! There's absolutely
just for your daughter's sake, to protect
Lagonda, watching us. nothing in the world for you to worry
"You understated it," I said. "She's her. I think it's remarkable."
a raving beauty. I do congratulate you. saw him smile, but he kept his eyes
1
"That daughter," he said at length, about. It is not a very contagious disease.
But your wife is no less lovely. In fact, on the road and said nothing. The filling- "the one you met-she isn't the only You have to have the most intimate con-
between the two of them they almost station and the group of huts were now in daughter I have." tack with the person in order to catch
."
swept me off my feet," I added, laughing. sight about a mile ahead of us. The sun "Oh, really?" it . .

"I noticed that," he said, laughing was high and it was getting hot inside "I've got another who is five years I got out of the car very slowly and

the car. older than her." stood in the sunshine. The Arab with the
with me. "They're a couple of very
"Not many fathers would put them- "And just as beautiful, no doubt," diseased face was grinning at me and say-
naughty girls. They do so love to flirt I

selves out to that extent," I went on. said. "Where does she live? In Beirut?" ing, "Fan-belt all fixed now. Everything
with other men. But why should I mind.
There's no harm in flirting." Again he smiled, but somewhat bash- "No, she's in the house." fine." I reached into my pocket for cig-

"None whatsoever," I said. fully, this time, I thought. And then he "In which house? Not the one we've arettes, but my hand was shaking so vi-

"I think it's gay and fun." said, "I don't deserve quite as much cred- just left?" olently I dropped the packet on the
"It's charming," 1 said. it as you like to give me, really I don't. "Yes." ground. I bent down and retrieved it.
To be absolutely honest with you, that "But I never saw her!" Then I got a cigarette out and managed
pretty daughter of mine isn't the only "Well," he said, turning suddenly to to light it. When I looked up again, I saw
reason for my living in such splendid iso- watch my face, "maybe not." the green Rolls-Royce already half a mile
lation." "But why?" down the road, and going away fast.

know that."
"I
"You do?"
In less than half an hour we had reach- "You told me. You said the other
ed the main Ismailia-Jerusalem road. Mr. reason was the desert. You loved it, you
Aziz turned the Rolls on to the black said, as a sailor loves the sea."
tarmac strip and headed for the filling-
"So I did. And it's quite true. But
station at seventy miles an hour. In a
there's still a third reason."
few moments we would be there. So now "Oh, and what is that?"
I tried moving a little closer to the sub-
He didn't answer me. He sat quite
ject of another visit, fishing gently for an still with his hands on the wheel and
invitation. "I can't get over your house," his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
I said. "I think it's simply wonderful."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have
"It is nice, isn't it?" asked the question. It's none of my busi-
"1 suppose you're bound to get pretty ness."
lonely out there, on and off, just the "No, no. that's quite all right," he
three of you together?" said. "Don't apologize."
"It's no worse than anywhere else," I stared out of the window at the
he said. "People get lonely wherever they desert. "I think it's hotter than yester-
are. A desert, or a city— it doesn't make day," I said. "It must be well over a hun-

72
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