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<i>( theme music playing )</i>

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Mike:
<i>I'd like to begin by saying</i>

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there is only one thing
on anybody's mind today...

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The president's hosting
of her first state visit.

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After welcoming the Israeli Prime
Minister to the White House...

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Did he dye his mustache?

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To ensure that
they seize this...

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Holy shit, he dyed his mustache.

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It's vanity. He's the TV
face of the administration.

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<i>But he's glued Cheetos
to that face.</i>

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He looks like Yosemite Sam.

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Yeah, without the credibility.

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He's gonna get
his tits done next.
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- Sean? - Today's the
president's 33rd day in office.

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She's outlasted William Henry Harrison,
our shortest serving president.

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- How's she feel about that?
- She feels great,

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unlike President Harrison
who contracted pneumonia

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during his inaugural
address and died.

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- ( reporters laugh )
- Thanks, ladies and gentlemen.

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Nice work, Mike.
You're on fire.

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- Nope, wait. It's your mustache.
- ( chuckles )

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I call it Tangerine Dream.

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Hey, are we getting
cocktails later?

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No, I can't.
I've got to get home.

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( laughing )
You...
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- Can you imagine?
- No. We love to drink.

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So our concern is debate
time for Families First.

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Our friends on the rules
committee need a shove.

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So you want me to rule
the House rules committee.

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Yeah, if anyone can do
this, Dan, I'm confident

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you or the guy we hired
to replace you can.

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Gary: I am really excited
about this Israeli visit.

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Gonna be a good day, guys.

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Middle East, middle easy.

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I'm a little concerned
about the dinner centerpieces,

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- 'cause I feel like they...
- Whatever.

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I'm handling world peace, okay?

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You just go make
the room pretty,

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i.e., the opposite of
that fucking monstrosity.

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<i>What is that?
Picasso's heavy period?</i>

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- President Hughes loved it. - Is that
why his wife tried to kill herself?

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- ( Selina laughs ) - Ben: I think it's
called "A Man Who Shits Triangles."

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Bad enough having
the Pentagon up your ass.

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Where is Amy, by the way?

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She's campaign manager,
this is a campaign meeting.

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I mean, I've got to go
save the world.

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I know that sounds
like hyperbole, but...

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- But you do. Yeah.
- I do, in fact.

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I actually do do
have to do that.

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I just got a text from Amy.

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"I'm a latte"?

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- Huh?
- Guess she means she's late.

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( horns honking )

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Amy: <i>You said there
wouldn't be traffic.</i>

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- This is traffic.
- Yep.

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Could be anything... accident
up ahead, active shooter.

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Well, probably not that.

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You make me any more late, and I lock
you in this car and have it compacted.

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- How about some music? Hmm?
- No.

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I Bluetoothed your phone, so...

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Amy's voice: <i>Memo to
self... it is winnable.</i>

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- <i>Delete the private polling.</i>
- Oh, turn that off.
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I thought I had it on shuffle.

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Amy's voice:
<i>Also, hair.</i>

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<i>Ask Marianne about electrolysis.</i>

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The campaign,
the whole comm strategy.

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We've got too many balls
being dropped right now.

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For instance,
we've got yet another

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- appalling photograph of Catherine.
- ( Ben laughs )

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No offense, honey, but, I
mean, look at yourself.

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It's not my fault. The press
doesn't take me seriously

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because I don't
have a role here.

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I need a core role.

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Yeah, that's a very good idea.

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She has good
organizational skills.

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- She turned around the college film
society. - I transformed it, Mom.

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- She... she... good for you.
- <i>( knocking )</i>

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Ma'am, I've got a virtual Amy.

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Ma'am, I am so sorry.

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Oh, can't she just call in?

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I feel like I'm on trial
in the future.

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( breaking up ) Ma'am, if I could
interrupt. I really think that...

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Uh, Amy, it's filtering out
like every other word.

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Usually I just do that myself.

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Okay, this is why we need a
steady hand like Bill Ericsson.

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By the way, I'm bringing
in Bill Ericsson.

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Madam President, did you
just say Bill Ericsson?

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Ma'am, I...
Ooh!

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Selina: <i>Oh, okay, I can't
look at that anymore.</i>

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It's bad enough looking
at Mike's mustache.

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Have you seen that thing?
It's like he ate a volcano.

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Ma'am, we do have that issue
of national security,

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so I'm afraid that
Catherine right now...

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Oh, okay. Catherine, you
have to get out, honey.

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<i>- Go.</i>
- Kent:<i> Sorry, I apologize.</i>

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Madam President,
I'd like to state

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that I think that Catherine
is a valuable asset.

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- Yeah.
- And daughter.

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But her likability index is...

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shallow.

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What?

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We polled her popularity.

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How dare you?

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How could you have
the audacity to...

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Oh.

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Oh, these are not good.

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Okay, well, she's gonna
have to be told.

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Gently, of course.

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But who's going to do that?

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- I believe I have the skills, ma'am.
- There you go.

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Fine.
You do it, Kent.

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- <i>( knocks )</i>
- Okay... what?

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Ma'am, today is
a very special day.

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I know. I'm building
a road map to peace.

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Not just that, ma'am.
Not just that.

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Don't tell me
it's Happy Harrison Day.

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I outlived some dead
idiot president. Wow.

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No.

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- <i>What?</i>
- It's Ben's birthday.

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- Selina:<i> Oh!</i>
- My birthday.

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Happy birthday, Ben.

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- Wow, that was quick.
- Ben:<i> Yeah.</i>

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- We have a cake?
- No.

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No?

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All right, well, that was
a good interruption.
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<i>Thanks.
( scoffs )</i>

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No, no, no.
No, no, no.

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Ah, William Henry Harrison.

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Oh, God, at least somebody...

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Noticed this horrible cake?

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You're welcome.

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- Just go ahead.
- ( knocking )

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Hey, Jonah.

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Hello. Hi.
Hello, sir.

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Better think of a way
to make me feel good.

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Okay, of course.

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I could go get you
some Pringles or...

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Teddy done you a solid.

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On my advice, the veep's
gonna ask you to be

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in the Families First
talks with Dan Egan.

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Oh, that's fantastic news, sir.

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You simultaneously
made my day and ruined his.

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Thank you.
Shine brightly.

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Tap-tap-tap-tap-
tap-tap.

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All good?

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- Yeah. Yeah.
- Doyle:<i> Yeah?</i>

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Gary: See, we need bigger centerpieces
for the state dinner tonight.

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I don't care about the cost.
You got to get on that.

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Listen, please, please, please.

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If anybody doesn't
know the difference

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between a valance and a jabot,
I really need you to leave.

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- Did the president's stylist get my notes?
- Yes, he did.

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Okay, thank God.
Oh, my God.

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Did we get these from a
homeless man's grave?

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They're molesting my eyes.
What's happening right now?

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- There's my favorite guy.
- ( gasps ) Patty!

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My favorite White House
social secretary!

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( chuckles ) Did you hear
about the centerpieces?

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I did. I heard you sent them
back to centerpiece hell.

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I know. We felt
they weren't right.

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So this is coming
from the president?

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It's coming from us.

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And the painting, she wants
that swapped out, too?

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Yes, we do.

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And when you say that the
centerpieces are not right,

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can you just give me
a little indication

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of what you mean
when you say "not right"?

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We just kind of feel like they
need to be a different shape.

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- They need to pop.
- Okay.

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- Okay, they need to pop?
- Pop.

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- No, I heard you.
- Okay.

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- Okay. - It is so good to
find someone who gets us.

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- Mm.
- It really is.

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Sue, I need to see
the president right away.

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Sure, Amy, I'll just tell the Israelis
to move on, 'cause they love that.

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All right, Richard, you
need to hide Ben's Ativan

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till he comes clean
about Bill Ericsson.

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- Hi, Amy.
- Bill, it... it's good to see you.

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- I hear you're working... - Working
at the White House. Yes, I am.

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- In what capacity?
- What capacity?

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I have a specific title,
but a wide brief...

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Eliminate weaknesses.

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That's a little Nazi doctor.

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I'm the new director
of communications.

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Oh, that's cool,
'cause some of us thought

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you were the new
campaign manager.

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- Mmm! - Oh, no. I get it. Okay.
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Well, I just wanted to say a
friendly hello in an unfriendly way.

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Hello.

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Okay, I'm gonna try
to say it right.

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Shalom aleichem.

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- Aleichem. Very good.
- And welcome to America.

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Israeli P.M.: <i>Thank you very
much for your hospitality.</i>

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All right, I don't
mean to be abrupt,

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but this is over.
Thank you.

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So I think we have a five-minute
break and then we can resume, yes?

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- Okay, very well.
- Okay, wonderful. Thank you.

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I like him.
And I loathe politicians.

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Madam President, a painting in the
White House was removed this morning.

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Should we go
to the Situation Room?

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It was the only work of art by a Native
American artist in the building.

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I mean, who knew
we even had one?

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It was the crazy
triangles painting.

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Native Americans are taking it
as a slight, ma'am.

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Then just issue a statement saying
we had it sent out to be cleaned.

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00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,206
Actually, have
Bill Ericsson do that

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00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,809
because I'm having
Bill Ericsson replace you.

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- Lee:<i> Madam President?</i>
- Yeah?

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00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,912
Points of departure
for the possible agreements

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00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:37,282
on the scale-down
of blockades.

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Who is that?

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To be honest, I don't even
know if she's one of ours.

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00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:44,656
20 bucks says she's Mossad. Come
on, we've only got four minutes.

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Okay. Sorry, Jim.
I don't have time

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<i>to explain my thinking on that.</i>

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00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,529
It's just I've got
the Middle East in here.

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Even though we have
our differences,

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I think my mom brokering
major peace talks

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is super awesome.

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It is.
Super awesome.

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00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,909
But I want to talk to you
about a more personal matter.

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00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,110
I didn't take drugs
with those guys.

223
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,812
I was just in their bus
for half an hour.

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00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,884
That is good to know.

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00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:18,823
This is about the brand image
of Catherine Meyer, TM.

226
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:23,595
I asked you in because, um...

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00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,032
Catherine, America
doesn't like you.

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What?

229
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,301
That sounded way too harsh

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00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:30,969
when boiled down
to a headline thought.

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00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,905
- Let me see that.
- It's not that you are unlikable.

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00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:39,210
It's that there's a perception
that you are unlikable.

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00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,312
They hate me.

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00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:42,814
I wouldn't say hate.
You just...

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polarize opinion with the bulk of
it gravitating to this pole here.

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00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,924
Uh... oh, my.

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You have sharp shoulders.

238
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,728
This is like high school
all over again.

239
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,863
Yeah, sure, kind of,
but much bigger.

240
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:02,067
<i>So let's talk about
changing your narrative.</i>

241
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,636
Customary shortcuts
to public affirmation

242
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,271
are military service
or childbirth.

243
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:10,108
Okay, God, no, and, oh, my
God, no, in that order.

244
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,877
Okay, well, then we go
back to the idea

245
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,714
of turning that frown

246
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,316
into the inverse of a frown.

247
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:23,288
- Upside down?
- If you will.

248
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,892
So there wasn't even
like a little part of you

249
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,260
that thought I was gonna
be in these talks?
250
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:33,965
Okay, look, just sit there in the
meeting and let me take the lead.

251
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,701
If I need your help,
I'll give you a signal.

252
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,037
Okay, what's the signal?

253
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,405
There's not gonna be
a signal, Jonah.

254
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,641
- Hey.
- Congressman Pierce, so good to see you.

255
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:46,011
Hey, what's shakin', bacon? That's my
way of saying hello, breaking the ice.

256
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,213
- God, it's good to see you.
- This is my colleague.

257
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,749
- But you know what? Let's get started.
- Yeah.

258
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:54,219
I really like your office.
This is a great office.

259
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,687
The way you've arranged
the furniture.

260
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,155
This horse guy over here,
that painting.

261
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,424
This is the nicest office
I've ever been in.
262
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,892
My friend here
is very excited here,

263
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,862
as are we, obviously,
about the Families First bill.

264
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,897
Specifically,
the pre-K program

265
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,066
for low-income families.
We're very proud of that.

266
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,868
Well, the people
that I represent

267
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:13,271
like to see that money
is spent wisely.

268
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,141
Of course, that's why we always
say invest in education.

269
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,709
You know, don't think
of them as kids

270
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,978
as much as little
human start-ups.

271
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,079
You know, spend to save.

272
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,849
And then you take the money
you save and you spend it.

273
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,918
That's economics.
274
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,920
And, well, on my desk here,

275
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,056
you see I keep a box of coupons.

276
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:31,890
I clip them myself.

277
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,926
And this is to help me
to remember to be economical.

278
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,261
That is a fantastic idea.

279
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,296
I'm gonna take a page.
I'm gonna do this myself.

280
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:42,333
Did you know that a lot
of these have expired?

281
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,370
Yeah, I'm so...
It's so busy on the...

282
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,439
- I'm on the rules committee now.
- Of course.

283
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:50,275
So what you're saying is that you
support the bill in principle,

284
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,010
but you're worried
that an escalation of cost

285
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,978
wouldn't sit well with your
colleagues in the House?

286
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,214
Mmm, that's... yeah,
that's very well put.

287
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,950
- Thank you.
- Hey, you like to bowl?

288
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,753
Oh, I am a terrible bowler.

289
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:04,089
But I enjoy the social
aspects immensely.

290
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,958
Well, you know, we're all getting
together for a little hang

291
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,927
at the White House
bowling alley tomorrow night.

292
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,161
- Oh.
- Throwing strikes

293
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,796
with the President
of the United States.

294
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:13,765
- That's bucket list bowling.
- I didn't mean that she would...

295
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,500
A one-on-one with the
president would be great.

296
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:18,269
- And a photographic record of it...
- You want to get a photo?

297
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,905
- We'd have to check with the scheduler.
- No, we got this.

298
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,307
She's probably not
a very good bowler.

299
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,843
- You might even be able to beat her.
- ( Pierce laughs )

300
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,377
Mike: <i>We do have
Native American staff.</i>

301
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,180
They're on a list that you're gonna
give me in 30 minutes, okay?

302
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:33,284
Now get me some scalps.
Names. Get me some names.

303
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,023
Hey, buddy, I don't
know what to say.

304
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,025
This job's my whole life.

305
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:43,828
Hey, I hate to ask, but would
you mind helping me out?

306
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:47,932
Would you tell the media that
Bill Ericsson's taking your job?

307
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,368
It would just make it
seem more amicable.

308
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,470
Would you do that for me?

309
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,846
No.

310
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:05,416
And if we could just agree to
a timetable for the talks.
311
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:08,953
Can you imagine that? I mean,
it would be the first brick

312
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,523
- in the wall of peace.
- It's not a wall, ma'am.

313
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:14,559
Well, it's an expression.
A bridge of peace, I'll say.

314
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,161
We're so close.
We're so close.

315
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:19,531
So is my country to lots of people
who would like to destroy it.

316
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:20,165
Uh...

317
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,568
Are all these notes about
the Native American painting?

318
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:27,505
Yes, it's ironic that you're
talking to us about occupation

319
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:31,009
while you occupy
someone else's continent.

320
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,945
Yeah, okay. Well, I do
see the irony in that.

321
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:38,283
( laughs ) Excuse me just two seconds.
I'm sorry. Pardon me.

322
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,318
- Hi.
- It's about the painting.
323
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,488
Okay, you see what's going
on over here behind me?

324
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,423
- Kind of a big deal.
- Yeah.

325
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,026
So why don't you tell
Sacheen Littlefeather

326
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:51,229
to get off the rag and
get over it, all right?

327
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,031
- Okay.
- And I never said that.

328
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,333
- Right.
- Right. Okay.

329
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:59,003
To reiterate,
the painting was not removed.

330
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,939
It was just taken out
to be cleaned.

331
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,908
It was painted four years ago.
What made it so dirty?

332
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,945
This was just
a preemptive cleaning,

333
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,246
much like a juice cleanse.

334
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:11,282
But the Native American painting is
the only one getting the cleanse?
335
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,218
Mike: <i>Other paintings
will also be cleansed.</i>

336
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,187
Cleansed is not the right word.

337
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,623
Wiped.
No, not wiped.

338
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,491
Cleaned.

339
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:24,395
Moving on to the state
dinner this evening.

340
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,297
- Sue. Sue, Sue, Sue.
- Yeah?

341
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,866
- I need your help.
- What is it?

342
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,901
Sue, I need a window
for the... whoa.

343
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,170
Gary, you look whiter than
a Georgia country club.

344
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,972
- What?
- Sue:<i> What the hell is wrong, Gary?</i>

345
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,608
I mean currently. We don't have
time for the whole tapestry.

346
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:39,244
I moved the painting.
I did it.

347
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,312
- <i>You have to tell her.</i>
- No, no, no, it's worse than that.

348
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:44,315
- I did something really bad.
- Is there a child missing?

349
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,651
I wanted her first state
dinner to be really nice.

350
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:47,652
So you what?
Hired strippers?

351
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:50,922
No, I spent some money.
Like, I spent a lot of money.

352
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,423
Oh, you really need to tell her.

353
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:55,293
Sue, you know... you know
it's not as easy as that.

354
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,395
Gary, your inner child
needs to grow an outer man.

355
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,931
Okay, I was just trying
to make her happy.

356
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,399
Mission incomplete, dude.

357
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,467
I feel so much better.

358
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:05,904
- Thank you so much. Heart-to-heart.
- Great. Great.

359
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:09,340
Boy, at peace with Israel,
at war with Native Americans.

360
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,043
Do you know what I am? I'm like
the opposite of Mel Gibson.

361
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:15,246
- Well, ma'am, the Saudis are getting
anxious. - Oh, you got to stall them.

362
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,981
- Madam President, I thought...
- Yeah, Bill...

363
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:18,549
Ma'am, the US Poultry
Association is concerned

364
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,551
that there are no current
photos of you eating eggs.

365
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:23,454
- That's terrific. - Hey, ma'am, can
I just have a moment of your time?

366
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,256
No, I can't give you
any little moment.

367
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,058
Madam President,
I have the GDP figures.

368
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,594
Uh, give them to Kent.
Kent, what do you need?

369
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,229
I was gonna ask
for the GDP figures.

370
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,498
- Then that's perfect.
- All I need is just one little second.

371
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,000
Gary, I am going to think
about the dinner

372
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,369
when I'm actually putting
the dinner in my mouth.

373
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,673
Now what we need
is a lot more butt-ugly

374
00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:43,541
Native American paintings, okay?

375
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,476
Because the first
butt-ugly one was removed

376
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:48,413
by some jerkoff with a
hair ball for a brain.

377
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:52,383
- Yeah.
- Now, I have got to go to the toilet.

378
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:56,487
So I hope that can answer
anybody else's questions.

379
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,691
I gotta... wow.

380
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:03,528
Dan: And what we're proposing, Congresswoman,
with the Families First bill...

381
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,629
No, I got this.
I got this.

382
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:08,700
What we're proposing is a minimum
12-month eligibility period

383
00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,268
and a safety check
on all providers.

384
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:14,372
I hear you, but I wanted to ask a
technical question about the bill.

385
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,341
Sure, yeah, absolutely.
Go ahead.

386
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,508
Why do title 2, section 3

387
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:21,012
and title 8, section 5
contradict each other?

388
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,717
Uh, my colleague Mr. Egan, he's
more the nuts and bolts guy.

389
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:27,518
- So I'll...
- No. No, no, you got this.

390
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,455
- No, you can...
- We call him Dr. Details.

391
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,225
Do you like Martin Scorsese?

392
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:37,362
Because we have a private
screening of his new film

393
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,197
at the White House coming up.

394
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,132
Okay.
Will he be there?

395
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:41,733
Yes.

396
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:45,370
Oh, your assistant
has something for you.

397
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,472
Excuse me.

398
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,207
- What Scorsese film?
- I don't know.

399
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:52,410
He's got to have a new one dropping, right?
He's really prolific.

400
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,445
Jesus Christ.
You can't lie, Jonah.

401
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,415
A: she's gonna find out
and B: you suck at it.

402
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,717
Well, you have an entire
team briefing you, Dan.

403
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,153
You got all your Danettes
and your Dangelinas.

404
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,555
I'm flying solo.
I'm fucking Amelia Earhart

405
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,657
and I'm still doing
a better job than you.

406
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,426
- And you owe me a staff.
- Staff?

407
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:09,660
Oh, well, I guess
you'll meet them all

408
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,596
at the Scorsese screening
you're having in your head.

409
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,364
Oh, well, I guess I'll
just start telling people

410
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,767
that you're the one that planted
the Danny Chung torture rumors.

411
00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:17,502
- You shut the fuck up.
- Oh, me shut the fuck up?

412
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,570
- ( arguing )
- Congresswoman: I am sorry.

413
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,173
There's a lot of Navajo
in my district.

414
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,175
This painting thing
is escalating.

415
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,576
I'm afraid I'll have
to postpone.

416
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,112
We completely understand.
We'll be in touch.

417
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:30,681
About that screening
with Marty...

418
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,617
you ever see
"The King of Comedy"?

419
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,788
- I haven't.
- It's a good one. Underrated.
420
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,723
<i>( blow-dryer humming )</i>

421
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,125
Hey, so let me see
the photo face

422
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:44,328
that you and Kent
were working on.

423
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,633
That's not good.

424
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,201
You're flaring your nostrils.

425
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,371
- It feels natural.
- <i>I'll tell you what. You watch me.</i>

426
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,606
See if you can mimic this, okay?

427
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:58,643
Like... more like this.
Like...

428
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,748
You see that?

429
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,751
That's right, honey.
No, no, that was good.

430
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:10,121
That looked happy,
even if you're not happy.

431
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,789
That's the trick.

432
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,625
You got to make sure
she has height here.
433
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:18,529
A lot of volume
because her skull is low.

434
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:19,797
It's kind of indented.

435
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,866
Barbra Streisand pulled out
of the state dinner.

436
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,835
Do you have Sarah Silverman's
contact information?

437
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:27,205
- For the dinner? No. - I think if
there are three whole flower trucks

438
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,407
parked outside the White
House, I would know about it.

439
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:32,143
( whispering ) Go. Outside, go.
Count the flower trucks.

440
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,544
Did you find me an office?

441
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,846
No, but I scouted you
this chair.

442
00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:37,215
And if you stand on it just
like so, you can get Wi-Fi.

443
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:40,718
- You would not believe the day that
I'm having. - Jonah:<i> Oh, what a day.</i>

444
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,154
I feel like this is gonna be
a key scene in my biopic.

445
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,223
Hey, I need a shirt.
This isn't "Die Hard."

446
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,126
Hey, sugar tits, did you stroke
and choke the rules committee?

447
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,695
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Egan
dropped the ball a little bit,

448
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,497
but I picked it up.
He's a good kid.

449
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,432
How's it going with Mr.
Genius Bar over there?

450
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,635
He's eager and hardworking
and never complains

451
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,637
and every night
I dream of drowning him.

452
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,173
- How would you like to get rid of him?
- God, yes.

453
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:06,644
Jonah, I am so proud of you, I could
squeeze you like a sponge in the shower.

454
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,180
Yo, yeah.
Yep, I'll come with you.

455
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,149
You have seven missed messages.

456
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,351
Should I read 'em to you?
I'll read 'em to you. Oh.

457
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:16,654
Uh, Jonah, look, Amy was telling
me all about Richard here.

458
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,557
Richard apparently is the
assistant's assistant.

459
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:22,360
Does that mean, like, he's
the epitome of an assistant

460
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,463
- or he's just an assistant's assistant?
- The first one.

461
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,633
Richard, how would you
like to work right here

462
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,469
in the White House
for the Jonah Ryan?

463
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,671
- Work in the White House?
- Yeah.

464
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,407
Am I being "Punk'd"?
Is this hazing?

465
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,943
Happened to my brother once.
He did not handle it well.

466
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,444
All right, well,
Jonah, there you go.

467
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,546
You now have someone under you.

468
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,848
Great, or at least
between me and Teddy.

469
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,683
- Hmm?
- Hmm?

470
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,418
- Welcome aboard.
- Thank you, sir.

471
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,954
Oh, "sir." I like that.
I'll get used to that.

472
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,355
- Keep doing it.
- Yes, sir.

473
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:54,559
There it is again. That's twice.
Come with me.

474
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,294
Thank you.
I owe you one.

475
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:59,330
Of course you do. Why else
would I have done it?

476
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:02,500
Bill: <i>What's Gary doing?
Trying to max out America?</i>

477
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,702
Wow, who knew they made
lampshades out of unobtanium?

478
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,739
Okay, guys, I will not hear a single
bad word about my friend Gary.

479
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,709
But, no. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, he's out of control.

480
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,411
Did you see the cost
of the dinner?
481
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,413
This'll sting us, make us
look decadent and remote.

482
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:18,249
Yeah, said the Princeton grad
in the Valentino tux.

483
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:19,617
Sue: <i>Does the president
need to know?</i>

484
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,452
She's got a lot on her plate
right now, no pun intended.

485
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:25,423
That her bagman spends like a
Babylonian king? Yes, I think so.

486
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,791
You can tell her.
She likes you.

487
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,660
And I plan on keeping it that
way, so I'll leave it to you.

488
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,929
Sue, would you like
to tell the president?

489
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:36,434
No, I would not, but thank
you for thinking of me.

490
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,737
You have a pretty good relationship
with the president, don't you?

491
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,673
- You guys talk.
- Beep, boop, beboop. Hello?

492
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:43,774
Yeah, hi.
493
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,811
You are in the J-Corps now
and we own these hallways.

494
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:50,548
- Hey, Preppy Longstocking.
- Yeah, your fat mama.

495
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:51,716
- ( chuckles )
- See that?

496
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:53,718
It's kind of how we do
things here in "the Wing."

497
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,255
Now through this door
is the Oval Office.

498
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,657
- Fudge me. No.
- Yeah.

499
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,593
You are like the coolest
guy I've ever met.

500
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,028
The president and I,
we're like this.

501
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:06,764
- You know, not to scale, obviously.
- Of course.

502
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,698
( applause )

503
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,702
<i>( "Hail to the Chief" playing )</i>

504
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:18,909
Selina:
<i>Thank you.</i>

505
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,047
Ah, this is truly spectacular.

506
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,315
Thank you.
I think so.

507
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,517
God, I hope you don't have
any allergies, though,

508
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:30,888
'cause these centerpieces are
kind of imposing, aren't they?

509
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,957
Better not leak any photos.
I see your media

510
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:36,394
likes to make a big fuss
about how much you spend.

511
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:37,862
Oh, yeah.

512
00:21:37,864 --> 00:21:40,464
Yes. Yes. Huh?

513
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,733
What? What fuss?
What spending?

514
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,736
Is it the state dinner?
What, is it Patty?

515
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:48,572
- It's not Patty.
- What is it?

516
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:50,308
- It's Gary.
- Gary?

517
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:52,777
Yeah, he's been
on a spender bender.

518
00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:53,844
How much has he spent?

519
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:55,846
Well, imagine Elton John
on a day he feels fat.

520
00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:59,984
Press just kept sniffing around
after the stink about the painting.

521
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,653
Did we ever find out who moved
that painting, by the way?

522
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,088
Um, that would be Gary, too.

523
00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:09,593
( scoffs ) So I have just
brokered a peace deal

524
00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:10,661
with Israel here.

525
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,097
I, as President
of the United States,

526
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,533
have actually
achieved something,

527
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,635
- which is virtually unheard of.
- Yeah.

528
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:20,671
And yet I'm sharing
headline news with a painting

529
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:24,642
because of that guy right there?

530
00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:27,044
- Yep.
- Okay, got it.

531
00:22:27,046 --> 00:22:28,946
Thank you very much.

532
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:33,984
Thank you.
Thank you.

533
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:35,019
Thank you.

534
00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:39,023
Prime Minister Ben-Haim,

535
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:41,525
Mrs. Ben-Haim,

536
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:44,995
welcome to the White House.

537
00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:50,968
Hatred is a powerful emotion.

538
00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:54,572
But not the most powerful.

539
00:22:54,574 --> 00:23:00,378
Hope is more powerful than hate.

540
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:02,480
Hope can build.

541
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:07,818
But for hope to grow,
we first need trust,

542
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,653
don't we?

543
00:23:11,124 --> 00:23:15,092
To paraphrase
a predecessor of mine,
544
00:23:15,094 --> 00:23:20,865
we have nothing to trust
but trust itself.

545
00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:26,737
Selina:
<i>Gary?</i>

546
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:29,106
Gary!

547
00:23:34,714 --> 00:23:38,182
- Come out of there.
- Ma'am, if you'll just let me explain.

548
00:23:38,184 --> 00:23:42,720
Come out here now.

549
00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:48,859
Who do you think you
are, Gary Antoinette?

550
00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:50,428
Did somebody make you
first lady?

551
00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:52,496
'Cause I don't remember
marrying you, Gary.

552
00:23:52,498 --> 00:23:56,567
I don't remember fucking
you in Niagara Falls.

553
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:57,735
I think I'd remember that.

554
00:23:57,737 --> 00:23:59,069
Ma'am, I'm really sorry
for the painting

555
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:00,671
and I'm really sorry
for the spending,

556
00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:03,674
- but you have to understand...
- Oh, shut up.

557
00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:05,443
Just shut up.

558
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:08,679
You are unimportant, okay?

559
00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:10,614
And you have suckered onto me

560
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:13,984
like some sort of
a car window Garfield.

561
00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:15,152
That is not true, ma'am.

562
00:24:15,154 --> 00:24:17,455
You think you're some sort
of a big shot here?

563
00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:19,990
Oh, my God, you are not
a big shot, Gary.

564
00:24:19,992 --> 00:24:26,497
You're a middle-aged man
who sanitizes my tweezers.

565
00:24:26,499 --> 00:24:28,065
- ( chuckles ) God.
- You're wrong.

566
00:24:28,067 --> 00:24:31,735
- Excuse me?
- When's Catherine's birthday?

567
00:24:31,737 --> 00:24:32,736
- June eighth.
- Ninth.

568
00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:35,072
- Ninth.
- Which senator's daughter is in rehab?
569
00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:36,774
- You're out of line, missy.
- Geldray.

570
00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,809
- What are you wearing tomorrow?
- I don't know.

571
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,177
I do.
I'm your calendar,

572
00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:43,147
I'm your Google, I'm your
Wilson the volleyball.

573
00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:44,215
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am!

574
00:24:44,217 --> 00:24:46,951
- No, you're not!
- I have broken my body for you.

575
00:24:46,953 --> 00:24:49,620
- Oh, come on.
- I have let myself be laughed at.

576
00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:50,788
I have let myself be humiliated.

577
00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:52,189
- But I'm happy to do it.
- Okay.

578
00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:54,592
Most of the time you don't
even know that I exist,

579
00:24:54,594 --> 00:24:55,960
but I am fucking
everything to you!

580
00:24:55,962 --> 00:24:58,963
Oh, I am so happy
to get somebody else
581
00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:00,498
to give me my hand cream.

582
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:01,499
- Okay, go.
- Yeah.

583
00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:05,236
Can you find somebody else
who did what I did?

584
00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:11,208
- You mean on Labor Day?
- I didn't say that.

585
00:25:11,210 --> 00:25:12,810
Yeah, you did.
You just did.

586
00:25:12,812 --> 00:25:14,812
You j... you just
said Labor Day.

587
00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:17,581
I said I would never
mention that, ever.

588
00:25:20,219 --> 00:25:22,520
( sighs )
Oh, God.

589
00:25:22,522 --> 00:25:24,989
Okay, look, I'm, uh...

590
00:25:24,991 --> 00:25:27,024
I'm sorry if I lost
my temper a little bit.

591
00:25:27,026 --> 00:25:29,760
I am so sorry for the
words that I just spoke.

592
00:25:29,762 --> 00:25:31,295
You know, in...
In a relationship...

593
00:25:31,297 --> 00:25:33,898
It's just good to clear the
air is what I mean to say.

594
00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:36,634
- Yeah, I think any relationship...
- Yeah, should do that.

595
00:25:36,636 --> 00:25:41,238
- You know, from time to time.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

596
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,807
( sighs )

597
00:25:43,809 --> 00:25:44,942
That looks good.

598
00:25:44,944 --> 00:25:47,811
Yeah, it's...
It's light sponge.

599
00:25:47,813 --> 00:25:50,748
Would you like a piece?

600
00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:55,219
- Okay, I'll have a piece, I guess.
- Yes, ma'am.

601
00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:01,859
- It's light sponge.
- You just told me that.

602
00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:04,028
Mm-hmm.

603
00:26:05,798 --> 00:26:08,566
Geldray's daughter is in rehab?

604
00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:10,200
Yes.
( sniffing )

605
00:26:10,202 --> 00:26:12,303
That explains all that energy.

606
00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:15,773
- Lot of energy.
- Right.

607
00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:20,311
Wow, this is a light sponge.

608
00:26:21,714 --> 00:26:23,614
- ( knocks )
- Hey, Mike.

609
00:26:23,616 --> 00:26:26,951
- Hey. That should be all of them.
- <i>Thanks.</i>

610
00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:30,688
Is there something
I can help you with?

611
00:26:30,690 --> 00:26:33,324
- Uh, no.
- <i>No?</i>

612
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:40,130
I just find these paintings to
be inspirational. I really do.

613
00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:42,666
I particularly love
this color here.

614
00:26:42,668 --> 00:26:45,869
I think this is so
pretty, don't you?

615
00:26:45,871 --> 00:26:49,006
I believe the title
is "Massacre."

616
00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,208
And giving you your
Celebrating Community medals

617
00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:56,080
is the First Daughter of the
United States, Catherine Meyer.

618
00:26:58,317 --> 00:27:00,284
My, you are small.

619
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:04,154
I suppose you're young,
but you're still very small.

620
00:27:04,156 --> 00:27:07,791
Honey, don't look so worried.
I'm not gonna bite you.

621
00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:10,694
But that man over there
does have a gun.

622
00:27:10,696 --> 00:27:12,730
That's a wonderful
photo of your daughter.

623
00:27:12,732 --> 00:27:16,300
Yeah, she looks so loveable
there, don't you think?

624
00:27:16,302 --> 00:27:18,002
Very... well,
she looks likable.

625
00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:20,738
Do you think she looks
likable in that picture?

626
00:27:20,740 --> 00:27:22,072
Have you ever seen "Star Wars"?

627
00:27:22,074 --> 00:27:25,242
This is a little bit
like the end of "Star Wars."

628
00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:29,880
The whole country
thanks you for your service.

629
00:27:29,882 --> 00:27:31,248
- Sue:<i> Ma'am.</i>
- Yeah?

630
00:27:31,250 --> 00:27:32,650
South Korea has called.

631
00:27:32,652 --> 00:27:35,986
They'd like to know
if you'd like a baby elephant.

632
00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:37,821
I have no response to that.

633
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:40,658
Other than I already have one.

634
00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:41,925
<i>( laughs )
I'm kidding.</i>

635
00:27:41,927 --> 00:27:43,661
She used to be chubby
when she was little,

636
00:27:43,663 --> 00:27:47,197
but she's slimmed down
as she's gotten older.

637
00:27:47,199 --> 00:27:48,832
Thank goodness.

638
00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:52,736
Very good, very good.

639
00:27:52,738 --> 00:27:54,138
Thank you.

640
00:27:54,140 --> 00:27:58,242
Can you pull me out the second
it becomes acceptable to leave?

641
00:27:58,244 --> 00:28:00,010
Mm-hmm.