Trammell 1

Tiara Trammell

Professor Watson

Eng. 1100-35
Commented [yw1]: Please spell out your date.
9/09/18
Commented [yw2]: Font must be in Times New Roman
style.

Commented [yw3]: Your title must not be the same as

Unhealthy Eating Makes Healthcare Expensive the article’s title.

Timothy Philen, a former director who is now an author wrote the article

called "Unhealthy eating makes healthcare expensive”. He mainly focused on statics,

being pretty honest, his experience. “Any attempt to provide affordable quality
Commented [yw4]: You have some good points here in
healthcare in the U.S. can’t succeed until Americans change their diet”Philen. your introduction on your select article, and you include a
quote for support. Good work! however, I don’t see your
thesis statement or any reference to your audience appeals
here.
Commented [yw5]: Too much space between
First Timothy uses ethos from his experience as a writer, He was a writer for paragraphs.
Commented [yw6]: Italicize your titles.
The Washington Times. Philen says the portions we eat has become bigger, More

calories, also more ingredients. He uses his research to present the truth, as he

compared the U.S. to other countries and see we eat more. He got my attention by

stating “Despite spending 32 million on healthcare, for more than other

countries.” Philen.
Also, how American males rank 17 in life expectancy amount than the other
17 countries. As the guys rank 17 in life expectancy compared to the other 17
th
Commented [yw7]: You make a good point here on our
increasing portion sizes. However, the quote you use lends
itself to the logical appeals of the article. Numbers don’t lie;
they just present the facts.
Commented [yw8]: Sentence fragment

countries. He states that American men also rank 2 in noncommunicable diseases

nd
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killing is, and then 4 from infectious diseases. This study isn’t all the way accurate
th

because this study did not include minorities.

Philen becomes blunt and appeal to his article straight to the point he uses pathos.
Commented [yw9]: ? avoid clichés and slang.
By him doing this experience I become woke to Americans and what we really

eating by him saying “We are a country of carbohydrates added, fat gorgers and
Commented [yw10]: This quote must be cited in-text.
chemical addictive guinea pigs.” We went from a regular sized burger and fries to it

being supersized and two times the calories, just for one meal. Yikes! He is very

good at getting the reader's attention.

Commented [yw11]: I agree. Yes, the author gets to the
Finally, Phalen uses logos by using important facts and including information point. good work on bringing this out of the article!

to support them, and hearing stuff to back his facts up. It is not cheap to be

unhealthy. ‘Diabetes alone cost $176 billion in one year and a loss of 69 billion in

productivity”. 70% are overweight and 61% are women. The numbers are lower for

kids but as adults it’s just too high. There are a lot of diseases from eating unhealthy

you can get forms of cancers that impact the healthcare system and is the cause of
Commented [yw12]: Good work on showing the logical
raising healthcare By uses logos he supported his thesis. appeals in this article with this quote! It needs to be cited
in-text.

By uses logos, ethos, and pathos he brought attention of how eating unhealthy

is more expensive on the medical side of it. To become healthier, we need to stop

eating bigger portions and processed foods. He did a great job on this article and

really caught my attention from what I really be eating since I adapted to eating so
Commented [yw13]: Avoid slang and clichés.
crazy.

Nayasha gave me some great critics about my summary she told me to re state some of my
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sentences which was very helpful. Commented [yw14]: 😊

Works Cited Commented [yw15]: Work; too far down the page.

Philen, Timothy. "Unhealthy Eating Makes Health Care Expensive.."

Opposing Viewpoints in context,
link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/IUJHJD092554260/OVICu=ucinc_main&xid=91e
e5cb9 Accessed 25 Aug. 2017. Originally published as "A plea for ‘tart
reform’,"
Washington Times, 17 Jan. 2017 Gale, 2017. Commented [yw16]: Missing hanging indent; font must
You bring out some very good points about the article; you also have some decent quotes that you use for be in Times New Roman.

support; I made comments on these. Your quotes must be cited in-text; please see your handbook on these.

Also, you don’t quite reach the three pages I was hoping for: more information could be added for depth

and clarity; your points need to be more developed and they need to connect with the rhetorical audience

appeals of logos, ethos, and pathos. Also, you need more quotes from the article to support these points. I

noted some mechanical issues as well with your works cited page and I made comments throughout; please

let me know if you have questions about these. Overall, the analysis looks interesting!

Rhetorical Analysis Essay Rubric

When grading your essay, I’ll be looking for the following as well as the standards of good writing set by the
English Department (on your syllabus):

Content/Ideas: __10__/15

 Well-chosen article
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 Developed coverage of points from prewriting sheet (esp. logos, pathos, ethos)
 Clear thesis is well supported by evidence from the text
 Good understanding of the text and effective analysis
 Efficient use of direct quotes to prove thesis

Organization: __15___/15

 Clearly states a thesis in the introduction and supports it with evidence from the text
 Introduction gets reader’s attention and makes him/her want to keep reading
 Persuades readers to agree with thesis
 Conclusion ties up loose ends and closes effectively
 Events flow together logically with good time transitions and cueing devices

Style: __5__/10

 Correctly formatted and cited quotes from the text

 Evidence of careful revision

Mechanics: __7___/10

 Interesting and correct word choice and sentence variety

 Correct punctuation, usage, MLA format, grammar, and spelling

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