Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
by
Sarah Koch
LCA.Dist.
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REFERENCES
This is a coaching course like no other. Sarah writes from a very deep place and is able
to facilitate your spiritual growth (and therefore the growth of your client) from the core of your
essence. It is a well mapped journey that leaves no stone unturned, from the highest state of
being, right down to the smallest practicality.
Once you have been able to find your answers to the questions (and there are a lot!) you
will have been prepared for every eventuality throughout the whole process. It is one of the
most direct, but profoundly rich guides for living life to the full that I have ever come across.
It is a wonderful gift that Sarah brings to those who are ready to appreciate it.
Julia Williams. www.personalimpact.com
This course has strengthened my ability to coach in an effective way and to protect
myself. The material has given me the confidence to go forward as a professional coach, rather
than a coach.
About myself; the course has taught me that I am on track with my goal to change
peoples lives and to make a difference, and that common sense is a large part of this.
David Millner. www.earthenergiesnews.co.uk
Wow! Thank you so much for all the guidance. What you have written has made so
much sense to me. I feel really inspired and ready to go away and try what you have suggested.
Thanks once again. Sara.
Just wanted to say how much I appreciate the wisdom and intelligence you offer. I feel I
am really learning from you, that my mind is being opened and stroked in new ways and it is a
true pleasure. I also like the warm and kind ways you address people and issues. Much thanks.
Love and Peace. Susan.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 5
THE COURSE 8
SESSION ONE 9
Self-Awareness
SESSSION TWO 25
Client Awareness
SESSION THREE 39
Congruency and Clarity
SESSION FOUR 49
Achieving Goals
SESSION FIVE 63
Starting: Suggestions: Feedback and Finishing
SESSION SIX 75
Building your Practice
SESSION SEVEN 90
Coaching and Counselling
TYPES OF QUESTIONS 98
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INTRODUCTION
Life Coaching is becoming more and more well known and is seen to work well from the
individual, including children, to the large corporations. In simple terms coaching moves a per-
son forward when they have become stuck, for whatever reason, by helping them create new
possibilities in their life, and then supporting them in their decisions until that person is ready
to go it alone.
We all need help at times because all of us, at some stage in our life, have become mud-
dled and unsure; losing confidence and motivation, and wondering if this is really what life is
about. At these times it is difficult to know what it is we truly want. We can become influenced
by others, even though they have good intentions and wish to help, but they will usually look at
our situation from their own experiences and perspectives and then advise us on what we should
do. This is very commendable and can help, but their solutions is what worked for them and so
does not necessarily mean that it will work for us in the long term.
We are all unique and will look on life uniquely. One person’s experiences are different
to another’s even when we go through the self-same experiences together because we all will
see things through our own eyes; through our own feelings, and through our own perceptions
and judgements, as we are meant to. The world will be a very flat place if we all think, feel and
Life coaching is a tool to help another through life’s dark patches. Life is not a easy road
at times and when we become lost in that darkness, we need a light to guide us out and this is
where a coach comes in. They are a guide, that is all, holding a lamp whenever we become un-
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The lamp does not belong to the coach, but to us and any good coach will know this.
When we have lost our lamps or forgotten we have one, the coach will find it for us and shine its
light back onto ourselves. Within our darkness the lamp will begin to illuminate that which we
cannot see or have not realised, and then we will find a solution that belongs just to us, free from
Our lamp brings forth our own answers and clarifies what our authentic life really is and
can be. It can help to realise a dream, if that dream is in our own best interests, because an au-
thentic life does not necessarily mean a life that society expects of us and what is seen to be suc-
cessful...Oh no! A life lived truly does not always lead to a promised land of riches and eternal
happiness and dreams come true; instead it will lead to a life where challenges can be met with-
A good coach will hold our lamp for us and will make sure that we begin to live an au-
thentic life and not a false one, because they will know that a false life will not hold true and
will not be sustained, and when we become strong again within ourselves and begin to trust our-
selves, to trust our answers and to actually act on them, that is when the lamp is given back and
This course has been written to train and teach you to achieve your own dreams and as-
pirations, if they are meant to happen…..If not, then the life that is calling to you can become
illuminated if you are ready and willing to step on it…...as well as training and teaching you to
help another to reach their aspirations and authentic life. It will take you, step by step, through
the structure and concept of coaching, from the foundations up, to give you the essential tools,
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knowledge and understanding from which to build your practice, if that is what you want. Or it
I suggest that you read some of the many books available on the subject and to keep a
portfolio on your progression, your thoughts, feelings, ideas; how you would like to coach and
the area you may want to specialise in. Practise on willing friends, ask for their feedback as well
Over the following 7 sessions you will be going through your own coaching journey, so
that you gain an understanding of how it feels and of the work that is undertaken. All good
coaches will always start with themselves and their own progression, because if a coach cannot
walk their own talk then they really cannot expect their client to walk theirs. A coach must be
willing to ‘stand in the fire’ with their client and to go the distance with them otherwise the rela-
tionship will not work. Coaching is about relationship and it has to be trustworthy and in confi-
dence, and that means firstly being in trust with yourself and to be confident within yourself,
this is why the first session deals with personal development and understanding and carries on
Please enjoy the process and the journey and remember that life never stops moving on
and evolving. There will always be an obstacle or challenge somewhere that might be tricky to
negotiate around, but with the tools of coaching those challenges can become a motivation
rather than a depression as you are lead to realise that they are put there simply to show you
your strengths, talents and creative inspirations, as well as being a living example to others; to
show them that life can be truly lived with a lively determination and motivation, instead of just
‘going through the motions’ which is ultimately unfulfilling, uncreative and deadening.
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THE COURSE
Session One
Self-awareness
Session two
Client awareness
Session Three
How to stay clear
Session Four
Achieving goals
Session Five
How to conduct a session
Session Six
How to start a practice
Session Seven
When to coach and when not to coach
All ‘the questions’ within the course need to be answered so that you understand what coach-
ing is, and is not, and to make you the best coach you can possibly be. If you do not go through
the process of finding your own answers you will miss vital steps and concepts, and will not
Self-Awareness
How many people really listen to another? How many people really listen to themselves?
All coaching begins with the ‘self’ even though it is about helping others. If you cannot be
aware of yourself, you cannot be aware of another. Everyone has their own inner dialogue
which governs their life. This comes from our upbringing, the beliefs of our parents, friends,
peers, society, religion etc. It gives us our life experiences, our sense of self-worth and affects
This session is about starting a real relationship with yourself. You are now embarking
on a journey of self-awareness and the goal is to talk your true talk and to walk that talk
The positive is where you think and/or believe that you can achieve what you intend to
do. The negative is where you think and/or believe that you will fail or not do well at what you
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intend to do.
You are what you have experienced and what you think you believe!
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re usually right:” Henry Ford.
Most beliefs live at the sub-conscious (unaware) level and you can act out those beliefs
unconsciously. We have all reacted to some situation and then wondered why we acted the way
we did. Self- awareness is about bringing those beliefs to the surface, discovering where they
have come from and then accepting them, if you like them and they work for you, or changing
‘Why?’
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‘How did your life respond to these changed beliefs?’
Change comes from the ‘inside out’, not from the ‘outside in’. Everything comes from
your own perspective, however it is shaped, which drives your behaviours. Changing a behav-
iour does not work because the underlying belief that governs that behaviour is still alive and
kicking. All true change starts by quietening the unwanted inner dialogue/talk and by replacing
that dialogue with more positive statements that come from you and not from someone else or
from past experiences. This is re-training your sub-conscious mind and it takes time and prac-
tise.
Change is not an easy process and is very unsettling. You are walking into new, unknown
territory leaving behind the familiar and the comfortable. Coaching is about helping a client
leave their comfort zone and supporting them on their journey until they can go it alone. Know-
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ing how they feel, because you have gone through a similar process yourself, builds understand-
The true inner voice resides below all that inner dialogue; the key is getting to hear it,
communicate with it and then to listen to it. There are ways to overcome the inner talk and to
start hearing the true self. Any activity that you enjoy lessens the ‘talk’ allowing that ‘little voice
within’ to come through. You have put yourself ‘out of the way’ of your world and this is when
Sleeping on it.
By daydreaming.
Taking time out through having a massage, or being pampered in some way.
By telling or writing a story because we tend to tell our own story through this process.
Through relaxation and meditation, or by keeping still, as this quietens the body as well as the
A guided meditation:
The following meditation has been inspired from the weekly Meditation groups I hold and
is designed to help with self-awareness and personal understanding. Many people find that just
sitting quietly is a difficult discipline to achieve as thoughts tend to crowd in, confusing us and
defeating the object of the meditation. Stilling thoughts, worries and concerns takes practise and
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dedication.
Guided meditation is a journey into another realm where the focus is placed on the route
taken and where unknown or unconscious thoughts and observations can take place. As more
journeys are undertaken, unwanted thoughts will fade or will not have so much emphasis and
more of the truer underlying thinking, inner knowing and inner tuition (intuition) will arise,
The purpose of this journey is to help you with your present life. You can then face your
future with more confidence, the path before you becomes a little clearer and then you can de-
cide if this is the path you truly wish to go down. There is always choice available to you if you
are willing to listen to yourself and this is how a guided meditation can help. The route de-
scribed is just the bare bones, it is you that fleshes it out and makes it real.
Meditation can be done anywhere and at any time, except when otherwise occupied such
as driving or working machinery etc. Walking, washing up, standing in a queue or gardening
etc. are good mediums for when the body is busy, the mind tends to become clear due to the fo-
cus being on the activity in hand. Many people gain ‘insights’ at these times, but these may go
unrecognised or are forgotten. ‘Sleeping on it’ is another form of meditation as ‘you’ are out of
your situation for a while because the body and the conscious mind are resting.
The following meditation is best carried out sitting with both feet flat on the floor, with
your back straight, not slumping, but well supported and with your hands resting, uncrossed, on
the top of your legs. Eyes are closed. Make sure you are in a quiet environment where you will
not be disturbed. Turn off the phone. Gentle music is recommended as absolute silence can be
unsettling. The meditation has, at the beginning and the end, a prayer as this prepares you to
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open up safely and, afterwards, to gently bring you back to the material world.
There is also a small prayer during the course of the meditation, this is for any healing
needed. Near the beginning of the meditation there is a bringing down of the protecting light.
Prayer is a Statement of Intent. Your intentions are also the basis to your life and it is im-
portant to see where these intentions lie and what are the reasons behind them. The prayer for
the meditation is to intend that only the highest and the ideal comes to you, to guide you forward
The bringing down of the light is to activate and to protect that intention. The enveloping
light can be visualised anytime. It only needs to be asked for and is particularly helpful when-
ever you find yourself in a stressful or draining situation. The light is a reminder that God’s/The
Source’s light, love and protection is always there for the asking. When you feel secure within,
you can then channel that light/energy to others who need it, those who have forgotten the
nature. And is, again, it is what you intend. Visualisations/images are given during the medita-
tion. These images are just the structures for you to build on for as your journey progresses and
everyday thoughts lessen, other images or thoughts will come in, seemingly unbidden or un-
thought of., just let these happen and do not analyse or think about them too much, just note
them, let them flow naturally and go with them. Remember……you have intended and acti-
vated love.
I suggest that you tape or ask someone to guide you through it. Allow 2 minutes to elapse
between each part and there are questions within the meditation to be answered.
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To begin:
Breathe in through the nose over a count of 4 and out through the mouth over a count
of 4.
Focus on this breathing method and continue for as long as you like.
You may start to feel light and your hands and feet may feel ‘numb.’ This is normal as
you are focused and are allowing the outer world to recede.
When you are ready allow your breathing to return to a slow, normal breathing pattern.
If unwanted thoughts return at any time, concentrate on the slow and deep breathing
method again.
Take each stage of the meditation slowly, letting events unfold at their own rate and say
out loud the following prayer of intention. It is a guide only and you can start and finish
‘Divine Spirit
May your light and love always shine down on me bringing clarity and understanding to
I ask that only the highest and best come to me as I give this time to myself
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May the peace to be found within be brought forth.
Amen’
Walk slowly through this garden enjoying the colours, the sights, sounds and smells,
The sun’s rays touch the top of your head and slowly descend down the whole of your
body, passing your feet and going deep into the earth.
You are now enveloped in a beautiful column of sunlight as you continue through your
garden.
In the distance you can see a house which you slowly walk towards.
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‘What is the size?’
‘Is it welcoming?’
The door slowly opens and you step through, the door gently closing behind you.
Explore the ground floor and any upper floors. Take as much time as you like.
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‘How you do feel?’
‘How can you apply this to your outside life, later on?’
‘Divine Spirit
Thank you for the healing light that fills up this place within me, restoring peace and
Amen’
In this room a gift has been left for you, which you pick up and look at.
Give thanks.
Taking the gift with you, have another look around your house.
‘Why?’
Make your way back to the front door, which slowly opens and you step back into the
Place your gift there and relax for as long as you wish to.
Bring your awareness back to the present by wriggling your toes and your fingers and,
keeping your eyes closed, say out loud the closing prayer.
‘Divine Spirit
May the healing light within and my inner gifts be brought out into the world for the good
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of myself and all others as I walk this outer world with confidence
Amen’
When you are ready, come fully back fully to the world by wriggling your toes and fin-
gers again. Stretch gently and stamp your feet, open your eyes slowly and then have a drink of
water. Write down the answers to the questions and what you have seen, felt and sensed.
The meaning:
The following is just a very basic guideline for you to build on. With practise your own
inner knowing/intuition will supply the answers. However, do not get too bogged down with
discovering the ‘why’; it is how you feel/are at this given time. Acceptance of yourself ‘warts
and all’ is the start of self-awareness and healing. This does not mean that certain behaviours are
excused and condoned, it is about being aware that this is how you ‘work’ at this time, with an
intention to change the beliefs that are behind those behaviours, to the better, for yourself and
for others.
The house you have been in is yourself. If it was small and unassuming, there maybe a
need to build up your confidence and self-esteem. If it was large and opulent, maybe you a little
The number of rooms shows your many capabilities and talents. If some were unused,
Rooms on the left are of your intuitive/feeling self. Rooms on the right are of your practi-
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The kitchen represents how you nourish yourself foremost and how you ‘feed’ others.
The bedroom shows how you rest yourself. More bedrooms could show you have a wel-
coming nature and you provide a place for others. Too many may mean you cannot say No! or
A games room can depict your playful nature and how you enjoy yourself.
The bathroom can be a guide to how you regard and look after your body and how you
pamper yourself.
The garden is how you walk through and view your place in the world.
These interpretations are just a place for you to start from. The ‘rooms’ will mean differ-
ent things to different people. You know what a kitchen or bathroom means to you and this is
what you go with. The House Meditation is a useful tool to use at any time, whether you are
happy or unhappy, because it shows you how you are really feeling about yourself at this point
in time.
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Be gentle with yourself, especially if this is the first time you have meditated. If after a
few sessions you find it doesn’t suit you, find another method that does. I suggest that another
way to do this meditation is to write down, or draw, what your house will look like in your
mind’s eye, and to answer the questions that way. If you do this, make sure that you write down
the FIRST thing that pops into your head, however bizarre it seems.
Learning to relax in body and mind is part of the coaching process. It is about creating
time and a space for yourself for preparation, focus and to gain access to your intuition. Stilling
your thoughts, perceptions and judgements, to become as much of an empty space as possible,
to become totally focused, not on yourself but on the client and their session and to hold that
Knowing who you are, where you are coming from and why and continuing with your
journey of self-awareness, is the sign of an excellent coach. Without this, you will project your
beliefs/perceptions/ judgements onto your client and you will not give them the quality, impar-
After becoming still and focused and before any coaching session begins, the next step to
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‘How many clients do you want to attract?’
‘How will you know that you are ready to start coaching?’
It is very common to find yourself coaching a client who has a similar issue/problem that
you have and this is why relaxation, focus, continuing self-awareness and the asking of your in-
tentions are so necessary and important. Self-awareness promotes impartiality, keeps you out of
your own personal agendas and makes you more aware of your client.
Well done! This is one of the most important tools of coaching and needs to become an
on-going exercise. Eventually it will become second nature to you and you will find that it be-
comes easier and easier to discover your own answers to your problems and dilemmas; in effect,
I suggest you take another, a friend maybe or a willing person/s, the more the better,
through this meditation as it will help you to begin to become aware of their ‘self’ and, most im-
portantly, will get you listening to their answers without preconceptions and judgements.
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Summary:
Coaching always starts with yourself, by being aware of your own inner dialogue, beliefs
and intentions, and by being prepared to look at and change these if necessary. Self-awareness is
a continuing journey, and you and your coaching will reflect this. Coaching is about creating a
time and space for yourself, for the above, but also to allow your thoughts, perceptions and
judgements to become as still as possible, so promoting impartiality and to focus totally onto
Making a change:
These following 4 questions are excellent when unsure about how life will change, or
Think about what you want to change about yourself or within your life and then answer
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SESSION TWO
Client Awareness
All that people really want is to be heard and to be acknowledged. They do not really
want to be ‘fixed’ or to be put right. People do like to have a good moan sometimes and are not
looking for any answers...Some people are happy complaining about their lot in life just to gain
sympathy and attention and will certainly not take up, or even be thankful for, any solutions that
you may offer. In fact, these types will very rarely act on any solutions that they themselves may
come up with, however, they are good to practise your listening skills on because the majority
of the session with your client will be taken up with just listening.
Most clients are so relieved to have someone to really talk to, at last, that they will
‘offload’ just wanting to get everything out, and as quickly as possible. As most coaching ses-
sions are for about 45 minutes or so, it is necessary to pick up on key points very quickly and to
bring your client’s focus and attention onto these. However, do allow for this offloading for
much of their first session as clarity and goal setting can be of secondary importance, for your
NB. Any issue that may come up, at any stage/session, will need to be offloaded too be-
your client will simply not work and your coaching them will lead no where.
Rapport:
Rapport is when two people ‘hit it off’ because they are on the same wavelength, they
are communicating on the same level, they are sharing similar aspirations and goals and they
‘How would the person feel as you say their name regularly?’
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If you cannot establish rapport within a few minutes, then your coach/client relationship
will not work. Your client will know automatically that you are not there with them and so are
not really ‘hearing’ them, which will lead to any communication between you breaking down.
Any trust and confidence that they may have built with you will disappear, and then their goals
Rapport gives your client a confidential and ‘safe environment.’ After all, they have
come to you because they will be probably be undergoing big or even major life changes and
with all the accompanying stress that goes with it. Even the smaller changes still need the same
level of support and respect, as any change is not easy for many people. For you, as the coach,
rapport gives you that ‘safe environment’ too; to be able to relax into the session and to really
listen to what your client is saying but, more importantly, to listen for what your client is not
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saying.
If your client is avoiding the issue; if they are getting uncomfortable in any way,
then you are probably getting close to the source of their problem!
Rapport also gives you the confidence to ‘hold the space,’ to keep silent, whilst your
client’s real feelings/thoughts are coming to the surface. You will need to practise and to really
develop your instincts, your intuition, to know when to remain silent whenever your client
Next time you meet someone and they start talking to you, create your ‘empty space’
within yourself and focus on them totally, however do make sure that you are not staring. Really
listen to them, noting their body language, how they are saying what they are saying and what
their tone of voice is. Do not over concentrate, this is really easy to do, as you will then miss
NB: Do not concern yourself with asking questions at this time. The point of this exer-
cise is to simply listen, however, do ask questions if you feel the need of course.
It is not about you ‘fixing’ anything or finding answers because, eventually, your client
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‘How was the rapport between you?’
‘How did you know that they were leaving something out?’
‘If you asked questions: How did you know what questions to ask?’
‘What is the difference between really listening and just waiting to speak?’
Listen to as many people as you can because this will not only develop your rapport
building, but the silences/pauses will also become easier to hold. Empathy and understanding
will become apparent and your questioning skills will become more natural and spontaneous.
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Many new coaches (and, if they are honest, even some experienced ones), worry about
the questioning side of coaching. They ask themselves…..“Are my questions good enough?”
“What if I can’t think of one?” “Am I asking enough/too many/too little?”………..and so on!
Getting hung up about asking fantastic questions or by being worried about asking any
questions at all, is a signal that you have come out of your ‘empty space’ and that you have re-
focused on yourself. This will cause you to lose rapport and will stop you listening properly.
Also this could lead to your impartiality be compromised. This is very common and is, again,
why the personal development side of coaching is an on-going practice A coach is human them-
selves and it is very easy to lose concentration and focus. This is why sessions only last for
about 45 minutes. If this happens, be honest and tell your client because it will build an even
more trusting relationship between you and will give you time to re-focus yourself.
‘How will you know that you have temporarily lost focus?’
‘How will you let your client know that you have lost focus?’
Coaching is about your client finding their own solutions through your
It is not your job or responsibility to give advice or to supply the answers for your client.
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Giving advice is not coaching; however, you can offer suggestions if they are stuck. A sugges-
tion is not advice as it is just an option given and it is up to your client to choose to use it, or not.
The real aim of this is to just to get your client moving forward again.
Have you ever really taken advice or acted upon the answers given by another?
Has anyone really taken or acted upon the advice or answers you have given them?
People may ask for your advice/answers, but generally they are only offloading, just
wanting to be heard and acknowledged and to get their problems out into the open, into the
nearest sympathetic ear for as long as possible. Also advice takes away a person’s own problem
solving abilities, absolving them of their responsibilities and potentially giving them the oppor-
tunity to blame their advisor. Also, if you do try to ‘fix’ them, you immediately lose their inter-
est because your attention is no longer fully on them, even though it is their problem, but onto
yourself. You will then access your beliefs, values and experiences to solve their problems.
Your client will lead you naturally into the questioning stage and they will give you your
‘answer’ about the type of question to ask, as long as you stay focused and listening. Coaching
is not about ‘passing a test,’ it is about being ‘in tune.’ If a ‘wrong’ question is asked, then ask
another or re-phrase it, it doesn’t matter within a strong relationship. If you can’t think of a
question at all, tell your client and ask them what question they would ask themselves at this
time.
How to question:
Asking ‘open’ questions keeps your focus and attention onto your client and it makes
them feel ‘heard’ and valued. Open questioning allows your client to access themselves, to start
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getting them out of their problems and into their solutions.
‘What……………………………………?’
‘Where………………………………….?’
‘When…………………………………..?’
‘With…………………………………….?’
‘Which…………………………………..?’
‘How…………………………………….?’
‘Who…………………………………….?’
‘Why…………………………………….?’
‘If…………………………………….?’
These are ‘open’ questions and they are designed to open up your client’s mind and
thinking processes which will lead them into themselves and into their own inner answers. This
is why the silences, or giving them the time to think things through, is such an important tool in
coaching. Sometimes some pauses can last up to 5 minutes; at these time make some gentle
noises, especially if you are on the phone, so that your client knows that you are still there with
them.
NB: When asking ‘Why,’ make sure that it is in the context of confirming an option etc.
otherwise your client could become defensive. Eg: “Why are you taking this course of action?”
is a fixed position and negative ‘why’….it is better to use, “Tell me more about this/that!” in
this context. “Why is this important to you?” is more of a positive ‘why’ question as it asks your
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client to move forward into a deeper look without causing a feeling of justification. Some peo-
ple can become quite stubborn if the ‘why’ question is framed in a way that they need to justify
themselves. Do be aware also that ‘why’ can also elicit more ‘don’t know’ responses too.
‘But’ * and ‘Because’ * are both forms of open questioning. These encourage your client
to open up even more after they have paused or have given an, answer, and when you can ‘hear’
or offloaded. Sometimes people will need to vent and it is normal for them to become angry as
well. Hold the space for them as acknowledging this problem will be very therapeutic and re-
leasing, however, this will keep your client within that situation and not moving forward so do
not allow your client to remain there for too long. Information questions will still need to be of
an ‘open’ nature.
These are open information questions’ and will begin to move out of the problem.
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‘Did……………………………………..?’
‘Do……………………………………...?’
‘Can…………………………………….?’
‘Will……………………………………..?’
‘Would………………………………….?’
These are ‘closed’ questions because they just need a ‘YES’ or ‘NO’ answer and will
keep your client’s mind closed to any solutions. However, coaching is not a rigid process and
there will be times when a closed question is appropriate, within a certain context or by using
voice tone etc. As with the pauses, and as you practise these techniques, you will develop the
There will nearly always be a time when you will receive a, “I don’t know” answer.
When this happens, the best solution is to hold the silence for a few moments as this encourages
your client to access themselves and then they start finding solutions. It also clarifies to your
client that you are not prepared to accept this type of answer. Coaching is a 2-way street and
your client has their responsibilities too. If all you are getting is, “don’t know,” “don’t know,”
“don’t know,” then you will need to look at their commitment level and to firmly clarify that
they really want to evoke change. Coaching does require the need to really challenge your client
at times, after all, this is what they have employed you for, to move them forward in their life.
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Practise on a friend who has agreed to be coached.
Focus, listen, stay impartial, tell them that everything is confidential and ask them what
it is they want to talk about. Listen and practise your questions, and ask them for their feedback
afterwards.
NB: This exercise is not about asking loads of questions. In fact, the less you ask the
more you are listening and holding the space during the pauses.
‘How did you get on with applying all the tools you have learnt so far?’
‘If you didn’t know what question to ask, what did you do?’
‘How can you be aware that you are asking directive questions?’
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What is the difference between interrogative questions and encouraging questions?
‘If you received a “don’t know” response: How did you overcome this?’
‘How would a reinforcing signal help your client to remember their solution/outcome?’
Coaching is not a rigid process by any means, and remaining open and flexible is impor-
tant as a coach follows the needs and requirements of their client, whilst keeping to your own
values and boundaries. Who you are tends to attract a certain type of client, so it is important to
know what type of coach you wish to be and how you want to coach.
Remember, you are only being a temporary guide for your client, however, coaching is
about a relationship too and like any good relationship, mutual respect, responsibility and hon-
When questioning, make sure you are not interrogating your client as this will put them
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on the defensive especially if you need to establish a reason for a certain situation etc. Looking
back to when a problem first began is usually necessary, but do not ask them ‘why’ they did this
or that..…...they did, so that is that! Encourage your client by them by asking them what they
have learnt from this experience, and then moving them out of it and forward; this will engender
more positive feelings and will encourage them to really move away from it once and for all.
You, as the coach, will probably be able to see the route that you think your client needs
to go down to reach their solution or goal; however, this will be from your own perspective and
is not necessarily the better way for your client...in effect, they will then tell you what you want
to hear, which will please you but which will not cause them to really ‘own’ their solution. Ask-
ing for more options will help to overcome these potential directive or leading questions.
It is important to make sure that you do not ask your client leading questions...this takes
practise as it is very easy to do because you are just wanting to help your client as quickly as
possible….but the quicker, directed route is not always the most appropriate or even lasting one,
and sometimes you will need to remind yourself as well as your client of this fact.
Coaching moves a person out from their situation rather than lingering within it, how-
ever, as said, a little clarification of the past is needed at times to understand where your client
is coming from.
NB: There are examples of ‘types of questions’ for you at the end of this book.
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Summary:
All people really want is to be heard and acknowledged. They do not want to be fixed or
to be directed to their solutions or goals, otherwise this will come from you and not from them.
Coaching is about building rapport, trust, confidentiality, saying your client’s name regularly,
and to simply LISTEN for the majority of the session by focusing, but not staring, totally onto
your client and by being aware of what they are really saying, but more importantly, by what
they are not saying and to encourage them to open up more and more.
Coaching is not about giving advice, because this takes away your client’s own problem
solving abilities and absolves them of their responsibilities, however, there will be times when
your client will become stuck and really can’t access any answers, so this is when giving sug-
gestions helps and will start to open them up again. Asking them to tell a story is a good ‘tool’
way forward from out of your client. This is achieved by using open and non-directive questions
as these open up your client’s thinking processes which in turn, encourages them to move out of
any problem or dilemma with more confidence, within themselves and in their own abilities.
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SESSION THREE
If any of the above 4 processes are out-of-harmony/not-at-ease with each other, life will
not flow as smoothly as it could because there is a dis-ease within one or more of those proc-
esses; something is jarring, it is not in harmony and this can hinder any progress.
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‘How does this affect you?’
‘How do you feel when a person says one thing and then does something else?’
‘How often have you been aware that you have done this?’
‘What is or can be your feeling or signal that you are not in harmony with yourself?’
As a coach you will need to clearly establish what your values are, so that you and your
coaching stay congruent to those values, otherwise you will start to compromise yourself and
then your client. It is no good following your client’s lead if it leads you into areas that you are
not comfortable with because your personal integrity, values and impartiality will then be seri-
ously challenged. Who you are will attract your type of client, so being really clear of your own
values and boundaries is vital, and is a process that your client will need to look at also. Values
and being clear about them is another one of the tools of coaching
Write down everything that is important to you including your wants, dreams etc.
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This is a brain storming exercise and you will end up with quite a long list and the more bizarre
Re-organise your list into no more than 8 sections/sets giving each one a title. eg. ‘work,’
‘family,’ ‘leisure,’ ‘security’ etc. You will find that the same ‘thing’ can be put into more than
one section. Keep your mind relaxed, as well as your feelings, whilst doing this as this exercise
is not about being scientific and very practical; needs and wants also come from your intuitive
self.
Write down the reasons why each of these sections are of value to you. This is going to
take time so be patient with yourself and allow your thoughts and feelings to rise naturally.
Remember, you are learning to meditate, in your way, so apply your technique when doing this.
Making sure that they stay congruent to each other, place some of the sections together
to form a group and form as many different groups as possible. You will find that a section can
be placed into more than one group. Eg: You may place ‘family’ with ‘leisure:’ ‘family’ might
Now you will discover which section/s has been placed the most often within those dif-
ferent groups and the placements of the other sections. Eg: If you had say, 9 groups, one section
may have been placed into 5 of them. Another section may have been placed into three and so
on.
You are now clear about your sets of values…….At this point in your life!
Now you know which section of your life is of the uppermost importance, how valuable
it is to you and it probably isn’t what you thought it was. However, this doesn’t mean that your
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other sections are of a ‘lesser’ value, it just means that you have become more clear of their
truer place and you can adjust/adapt to them accordingly; after all, you still have your reasons
Every section of life interacts and affects the other sections, one cannot work without the
others and this is why they all need to be eased/harmonised into your life, otherwise your life
will not be truly balanced because ‘something’ will be missing from it. This exercise will also
establish your personal boundaries and how far you are prepared to stretch them. Maybe you are
not, and that is your personal choice too, as a person and as a coach. However, as said, these
values are what is important to you now at this stage of your life, and as life is an on-going and
moving process, do be aware that your values, needs and wants may have to be adjusted,
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‘Which areas of your life need adapting or changing?’
‘When will you know that you need to re-evaluate yourself, your beliefs, your values
This is a useful and important exercise, especially if you or your life are not flowing
well, it is changing or you are feeling uneasy. Evaluate your 4 processes and/or your beliefs,
values and boundaries and make the adjustments or changes when you are able and ready.
Walking your talk is what coaching is all about, for you as well as your client….if you can’t or
aren’t prepared to, then you can’t expect your client to either and they will know when you are
being true to yourself, or not, as you will know when your client is being true to themselves, or
not.
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You will need to do this exercise with your client as a way of looking at and establishing
their beliefs and values, before the coaching process can truly begin, especially if your client is
going to go through big life changes. Straightforward themes will not always require this exer-
cise, however, it is still a very useful tool to know in any case and can only bring more clarity
It is your job and responsibility, as their coach, to stay aware of your client’s sets of life
values etc. and to re-evaluate them often, as it is vital that they stay congruent to those values.
This is to keep them clear, within their boundaries and moving in the right direction, intact, oth-
erwise your coaching will lead into incongruent goals and outcomes. It is no good coaching
someone into, for example, having a successful career if it is at the expense of their home life
and family; this is not good and congruent coaching because is it has not lead to a balanced life.
Some people acquire a coach to level up their lives, to bring together and integrate the unfilled
or neglected areas and this is how the life values exercise can help.
No matter what your client’s ‘set-up’ is though, no matter how ready, willing and able
Coaching is about having clarity: About being clear about what you really want
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‘How do you know?’
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You will need to be clear about how you want to run your coaching practice and how
you want to coach. For example: Do you want to be a firm, quick and no nonsense type of
coach, or do you want to take a more slow and gently probing manner? The type of client you
want to attract is also important and they need to be congruent, more or less, with your values
and boundaries.
For example: It is no good coaching a client who, lets say, supplies drugs and wants to
increase their patch, if this is not part of your own ethical belief system. Yes, a coach needs to
remain impartial and non-judgemental, but if you are compromising your own values and
boundaries with a client like this, then it will be practically impossible to keep yourself out of
the equation and impartial. What the client does and how they live their life is their own choice
and responsibility, but this does not mean that you have to condone this and to coach them. This
is also why it is important to know the reasons behind why you want to coach; how you want to
coach and who you want to coach as this clarifies and becomes your key, your theme to your
Clarification of what your client wants gives them their theme; the subject or problem
they wish to discuss with you. This is their key to moving them towards their outcomes/goals.
NB: If your client cannot decide on their theme, which can be a common sticking point,
refer them back to their sets of values as their ‘wants’ will be listed within their sections. If there
is still a problem, then they will need to do the life values exercise again, this time labelling it as
Brainstorm the wants; and re-organise them into their titled sections, then ask them to
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give the reasons behind this. Then they match sections together. This will give them their upper-
Clarification is another tool of coaching. If at anytime the coaching process becomes un-
clear or incongruent, then it needs to be halted and this area needs to be addressed until all is
clear, for your client as well as for you. If an answer given by your client is hazy, or you simply
do not know what they mean, then you have to ask them and keep asking them until you do un-
derstand. Do not blag your way through it because eventually you will lose your way and will
Coaching is not about looking and being knowledgeable and trying to second guess any-
thing...no, no, no! Ego has no place in coaching because it is about an honest, open and mutually
respectful relationship. A coach does not put themselves ‘above’ their client: A coach is a guide
shining a lamp into their client’s ‘darkness’ to illuminate and resolve problems, obstacles and/or
dilemmas, for their client. This is why, again, it is vital to keep your own self-development go-
ing because, without a doubt, coaching will change you as well as your client, and you need to
be aware and be prepared for this at any stage and with any client.
any coach as it can only lead to a congruent and authentic goal…..which is to be the best coach
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Summary:
Coaching is about being congruent and clear, not only with yourself, but also by keeping
your client congruent and clear and to be aware, and to work within, their life values. This keeps
them within their boundaries and moving in the right direction intact, otherwise your coaching
Clarity establishes what your client really wants and why. This is the key to achieving
successful outcomes and goals, and is also why you need to keep yourself, as a coach, clear and
congruent and within your own personal ethics and boundaries, otherwise you and your coach-
ing practice will not reach your desired and wanted outcome.
Be prepared to change as you become a coach and as you coach. Life is always moving
and progressing, or not, and you need to be aware of this and to adapt accordingly, putting time
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SESSION FOUR
Achieving Goals
A clear theme or subject establishes where your client wants to go; why they want to go
Coaching is about establishing realistic goals and achieving them, step by step!
The goal of coaching is to help your client reach the goal that they have decided they
want, in the way that is best for them and for those around them. As a coach, you will need to
make sure that those goals remain realistic, that they stay within your client’s values, boundaries
and limitations, otherwise nothing will get achieved, for you and your client.
Choose a straightforward theme, one that you have wanted to achieve before and write it
For example: “I want to have extra time for myself,” is a positive and ‘open’ statement.
The correct type of statement is necessary because it starts the thinking processes off
straightaway, whereas negative statements tend to become an obstacle almost immediately, and
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‘What stopped you?’
‘Why?’
‘When you achieve your goal: What will it feel and look like?’
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‘What will you do to stop it from stopping you?’
‘What can you do to improve this score if it was less than a 10?’
‘How will you know that you’ve achieved this first step of your goal?’
This is a very basic example of the coaching model. This process is not set-in-stone as it
is designed to be flexible, adjusting to the needs of your client. It shows you the raw outline of
the process and is a focus for you, for as you tune-in and listen to your client, their answers will
lead you into more in-depth questioning and onto slightly different processes and routes. The
route, or the how, to a goal is really not that important, achieving the goal is, in whatever form,
Goal.
Reality.
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The Goal:
Setting the goal starts the process off. Your client needs to be clear about where they
want to go and their reasons for aiming for this. As their coach you will need to know their
Coaching is not about taking one giant leap forward. That is too much growth, too
quickly and it will not be sustained. It is about taking small steps, achieving smaller goals,
within the larger one, one step at a time so that each of those steps are lasting when the finish
has been arrived at. Too often a goal is reached, only to collapse after a while due to unexpected
problems surfacing because they weren’t explored properly, or were not thought of. Coaching is
a journey; it is not a race. The fastest doesn’t necessarily get to the finish first.
If your client wants to achieve fast results, then you will need to establish the why.
Sometimes this occurs if the theme or problem is going to be ‘painful.’ Your client wants to get
it out of the way as quickly as possible, skirting over the issue, which is understandable, but it is
not realistic to any successful outcome. Or there could be other reasons and these will need to be
discovered, encouraged and explored. Committing to the process, however long it takes, is para-
Any issue that does not want to be properly addressed and dealt with
Setting the correct pace gives results in a sustainable way and keeps the momentum go-
ing. Looking at the results of the goal, from the present standpoint, gives your client the excite-
ment of the finish and the will to get going. It is also a marker, letting your client, and you,
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know when they have reached their goal, as it is very common to not recognise a successful
outcome.
Coaching requires you to question your client at each step or stage, even if this means
going back to previous stages or jumping forward to another. Remember, coaching is a flexible
process. The goal is to keep your client clear and to get them through any potential problems or
obstacles, not by avoiding those obstacles, but by looking at them and dealing with them in a
realistic way.
Looking at where your client is now in their life and at their circumstances establishes
what the reality of their situation is and whether their goal is actually a real possibility. It is no
good aiming for a goal of say, going deep-sea diving, if your client is afraid of water. That is the
reality now and it will not lead them to achieving their goal.
The first step is to discover the reasons behind their fear of water and then to help and
encourage them to devise step-by-step strategies of how to overcome that fear. The second stage
is to discover the skills and qualifications needed and to clarify if they are really prepared to go
for it and that they are actually capable of doing it and so on, otherwise it may be best to simply
It is wonderful to have a dream and it is a very necessary part of life as it keeps a person
feeling alive and is a something to believe in and hope for, especially when times are not easy.
Usually though a dream remains just that, a dream, and this can be necessary sometimes. If there
is no real belief that it will, or ever could, come true and, deep down, it is not really wanted to
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be realised at all, then it is best to leave it because achieving the reality of the dream may not
Sometimes any dream will do and it does not necessarily have to be achieved because
the dream of it is enough. Some people love to live in their imaginations and are fulfilled by
this. As a coach you will need to establish the real dreams and goals from the ones that are just
an imagined dream, or is a larger-than-life fantasy, because some people simply love their fanta-
sies and the last thing they really want is to have them actually realised.
A dream or goal has to have the belief, and the commitment, behind it as well as the
focus and the will to overcome any real or potential obstacles etc. otherwise it will never be-
come a reality. Questioning your client’s real belief on this matter will give the answer to the
reality of their dream, or not. Also, knowing what your client has done so far to help themselves,
up to now and finding out the level of their intent, will clarify a real dream from one that is not.
The reality check establishes the true reality of the goal, shows what has indeed been
achieved so far and clarifies that which doesn’t need to be done; this will then naturally lead into
the next step which is to discover what options your client has to start them working towards
Awareness is the prevention rather than the cure and looking at other options can, in the
long run, save time, avert unnecessary potential problems and which will lead to a more realistic
and achievable way forward. Exploring other ways also gives your client more choice and opens
their mind to other possibilities, as well as giving them, and you, more awareness to what can
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happen which can then be prevented or be prepared for.
Too many people use the same tried and tested methods then wonder why they get simi-
lar results. A goal or dream to be realised, especially if it has been attempted but has not been
achieved before, will need different strategies and approaches as well, maybe, a different belief
pattern behind it. Remember, beliefs govern behaviours, so it maybe necessary to look at your
client’s beliefs again, and again, and again throughout their coaching sessions.
Exploring the many options with your client will give them a feeling, and a belief, that
they have more control over their outcome, as well as preventing them from going down a
course of action half blind (unaware). This gives them a more realistic picture of any future
pitfalls and these can then be anticipated, and dealt with, before they become a potential and
much larger problem. There is always more than way one to do anything and nothing is set in
Clarification of the best way forward starts the action part of the process and this be-
comes your client’s first real step towards achieving their goal, so how willing they are now
needs to be questioned.
Many people say that they are, ‘going to do this and are going do that!’ talking about it,
but actually doing nothing. It is easy to talk, but not so easy to actually walk that talk. The best
way forward is to ask your client to give themselves a score of between 1, which is to do noth-
ing to achieve their goal, to a maximum of 10, which is to be totally resolute in it. This scoring
tells you how really committed they are to taking their first step forward.
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Any score under a 7 means that your client isn’t real about their commitment or they just
aren’t ready. Even if they do start, they are very likely to stall and then to stop. Something isn’t
congruent within them and this will need to be addressed before anything else takes place,
otherwise you will be wasting your time, and theirs. The way forward in this situation is to
either question the reasons for this lower score and/or to re-look at the options and their motiva-
tion, or to re-look at the actual goal because something isn’t right here.
A score over a 7 is a more realistic move and any steps taken are more likely to be sus-
tained. However, getting your client looking more towards a score of 10 becomes a much better
and truly realistic move forward. However, do not get hung up about getting your client to a 10
score because this could hold them, and yourself, back causing enthusiasm to weaken.
Questioning your client about when that step will actually be taken pins them right down
and motivates them to really move on. Ready, willing and able they may be, but by committing
them to an actual time, with you expecting them to start at this time and them knowing that,
focuses their energies and charges them up. After all, your client will know that if they don’t
start at the time they specified. ie: that they haven’t done their ‘homework,’ that this will lead
them into having to answer a whole set of sticky questions at the start of their next session.
The GROW model is designed to be a guide and focus for you when appropriate. It is
easy to 'get lost' within a session and, also, sometimes the client needs to be put back on track
and this process is excellent for that. However, coaching is about listening intently to your client
for much of the session and their talking to you will give you the questions and will clarify the
way or direction that you, and they, need to go whether you use the GROW model or not. It
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doesn't really matter how a session is run, because it is your client communicating with you,
Intuition or instinct is the biggest factor, the major tool, in coaching: To feel your way
through a session along with a great deal of common sense. Your intuition or instincts will be
the main tool for you and will also be your guidance to you, within your coaching as well as
within your life. Through your intuition, and by utilising the other tools of coaching, you can
then guide and help your client to realise their requirements and to help them to move forward
This exercise has 2 separate coaching sessions to it so find a willing person, preferably
someone you don’t know too well; this is better for you because you will not be as involved as
you would be with a close friend. It is also easier to begin your coaching training with someone
face-to-face rather than having an die-embodied voice on the telephone, even though 90% of
coaching is carried out this way. This is so that you can learn to associate certain voice tones
Clarify a theme and then take your client through the GROW model, remembering to
apply what you have learnt so far. Ask for their feedback at the end of the session. Your client
NB: Can I give a suggestion? ……..Make notes as you go through your coaching ses-
sions and ask your client to make their own notes too. Some coaches like to present their clients
with a nice looking notebook as doing this makes their client feel important and that time, effort
and belief, on the coach’s part, is being put into the sessions, as well as it being a subtle form of
57
commitment for both parties.
Book a second session with your client and take them through The Grow Model again..
Ask for their feedback, about their progress, at the beginning and at the end of this session.
First session:
‘How observant were you to your client’s body language and voice?’
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‘What happened during the pauses?’
‘How did you establish that the client’s goal was real and achievable?’
‘How could the option part of the process have been expanded, if necessary?’
Second session:
‘What else can you do if your client didn’t start or wasn’t ready?’
‘If your client did start: How much did they achieve?’
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‘If it was different from the first: How was it different?’
‘How did/do you know that your client is really ready to move forward?’
Well done! It is nerve racking when you begin coaching a real client, whether it be for
training purposes or not. Most coaches become slightly nervous and this is a good thing because
it keeps you on your toes and stops over-confidence. Remember, this is a working relationship
60
but it is a relationship nevertheless and needs to be kept as a 2-way street, each with their own
responsibilities. Everything does not rest with just you alone, but with your client too, because
You do not need to know the full in’s and out’s of your client, their work, or of their
situation to effectively coach them, because this, as well, could potentially cause you become
too involved, and so less detached. A coach works from the now, with maybe just a quick look
back into the past, which is only to clarify and understand certain things, mostly for your client.
Detachment does not mean that you don’t care, but simply means that you are keeping a
healthy, respectful but emotionless relationship. It is not good to become emotionally involved
with any client because your impartiality will become compromised, as well as your profession-
alism and, when the time comes as it invariably will, to really challenge your client about some-
thing: For example: They may keep making silly excuses instead of having good and genuine
reasons….there is a difference!….Then you could find it very difficult to re-establish you pro-
Your coaching relationships and their processes will be different each and every time,
and this is another reason to not become too rigid within it. Keep to your values and what you
want of your coaching practice and of clients, but also realise that goals can, and do, change for
Flexibility within parameters is another tool as well as adaptation and creativity, and
remember, what works for one client may not necessarily work for another, but this is what
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Summary::
It is not about taking one giant leap forward, as quickly as possible, because this is too much
The Goal.
Commitment is vital to the coaching process otherwise nothing will be achieved, for you
or for your client. Asking your client to give a score from 1 (this being no commitment), to 10
(full commitment) will give clarification of this. A score under a 7 indicates something isn’t real
or congruent for your client. The way forward is to either question the reasons for this lower
Be aware that goals can change even several sessions later….usually if a client isn’t
carrying out their specified tasks, then this could mean that their goal isn’t the real one, so this is
why it is important to remain open and flexible to possible changes and to different processes.
That is life! Coaching is about life and all of the diversity that is contained within it.
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SESSION FIVE
Rapport building which makes you and your client relaxed and ready to proceed.
With new clients, informing them about what coaching is; giving them a general outline
Stating the length of the session as this gives, and reminds, your client of the time frame.
Asking your client what type of feedback they would like for the forthcoming session
Getting their feedback about their progress from the homework set.
sets the boundaries and has given clarification. This only takes a few minutes to do.
‘With a new client, how will you start your coaching journey together?’
‘How will you inform them about what can/may happen within this journey?’
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‘How often will you say their name?’
‘How will you ask your client how they wish to receive your feedback and suggestions?’
‘How will you approach your client about your requirements and feedback?’
The next stage is to clarify with your client about what was decided upon on the previ-
ous session, and to then question them about the homework that was set and what action was
taken. Most coaches ask their client to fill in, and to send them, a preparation form before their
next coaching session. This helps to keep focus and clarity and saves time at the start of the ses-
sion. An example of a preparation form is given at the end of this session for you.
‘How well did you proceed from your own GROW model from session four?’
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‘What is your goal for this session?’
‘If you didn’t take that first step, what stopped you?’
Suggestions:
There are going to be times when your client becomes stuck and really can’t see a way
forward or any other options. This is when you can give them a suggestion/s.
Suggestions are given just to get your client moving again; they do not
As a coach, you will be able to see the ‘bigger picture,’ because you are observing from
a more detached perspective so the road ahead is clearer to you, whilst your client is right in the
middle of it and probably in a fog. Giving a suggestion helps to lift that fog, shows a way for-
ward and is designed to get more ideas and options flowing again.
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‘How will you know when to give your client a suggestion?’
‘What will you do if your client starts to shift their responsibilities over to you?’
‘How will you respond if your client doesn’t accept the suggestion?’
‘If you can’t think of a suggestion, what else can you do?’
Feedback:
Feedback is an important part of the coaching process because it re-clarifies the session,
the goal and how the client is feeling etc. as well as making sure that the session/s are staying on
track. This all deepens the relationship which engenders more trust and opens up your client
even more to the possibilities within their life and to the belief that it can be reached and
achieved. Coaching is a mutual journey and your client’s progression will also becomes your
own, as you will learn something from every single session and from every client.
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Coaching is about feedback; not only from you but also from your client!
Generally feedback is held at the beginning and at the end of the session, but can be
given at any stage. It is up to you and your client to discuss how much feedback and what type
‘How will you respond if the feedback is not what you expected?’
Something can be said yet it can be ‘heard’ and be understood in many different ways by
just using a certain tone of voice, or by missing out a key word, or through pausing in the wrong
place and/or by mis-quoting etc. All of this can give different meanings to the listener and will
How many times have you heard, “but I told you….!” only for you, back then, to have
understood it in a completely different way? Feedback from you, to your client, is needed
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during the times when they have given an ambiguous or unclear statement because, without a
doubt, ambiguous and unclear statements will lead to all sorts of problems.
It is so important that you remain clear to what your client is actually saying, and mean-
ing, and not to what you think they are saying. At these times you will need to pause your client
and go over again, and again and again if it is needed, the statement that your client has said so
that you become absolutely clear about what they have actually said, and to clarify their true and
real meaning. Do not worry about taking time over this because you will save time in the long
run. If your client gets agitated then you will need to explore the reasons behind this agitation
and annoyance, encouraging them gently and re-affirming that you are there to help them
‘How will you pause the session when you are not sure of your client’s meaning?’
It is so common for your client to say something, only for them to deny it or to say that
they didn’t mean it that way at all, at a later date, and this can happen even within the same ses-
sion. This could mean that your client is becoming defensive or is using avoidance tactics and
you will need to challenge them about this if this is the case. Do also realise that it could be a
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matter of a simple mis-understanding as well.
Whenever these denials happen, for whatever reason, it is so easy to become unsure
when you are being challenged like this and this is why the taking of notes will keep you clear
to what your client has said and then this can be fed back to them word for word.
Asking them how they want to finish in the time that is remaining.
Asking them for their feedback on how they felt the session went.
With new clients, also asking how this first session was for them.
Setting homework. Make sure that your client writes this down.
finishing on time!
After all, this is a working relationship as your client is paying you to coach them and
correct closing establishes that. Allowing your client, or yourself, to overrun the session will not
give enough time to write up your notes, clear yourself and be ready for your appointment with
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‘At what stage will you remind your client about the time remaining?’
‘How will you respond if they ask for a few minutes extension?’
‘How much time will you allocate for feedback and for homework setting?’
‘How will you book your next session with your client?’
‘Your client has paid in ‘block’ and this was the last session of that block, how will you clarify
‘Why is it important that your client writes down their own notes, homework and goals?’
‘How much time will you allocate to the writing up of your notes?’
‘How much of this time will be for given to write down your progression?’
Coaching is ‘going to work’, even though the majority of it is done at home, either face-
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to-face or by the telephone, so it is important that you have a space to work in which can be
separated, or feels separate, from your everyday, home environment and where you can ‘feel the
part,’ even if this ‘space’ is only a table in the corner of the room, because what is important is
that when you are there you feel business-like, ready for work (focused), and that you know that
At this stage you will probably be thinking and feeling that you will never make it as a
coach because lots of things would have gone wrong...you probably have had a disastrous ses-
sion, or even a few, and your confidence it falling rapidly, or that you can’t remember every-
thing etc.
This is very, very normal in these early stages of coach training and if this hasn’t hap-
pened…...well done to you!..... do make sure that you don’t start to get ‘clever’ and over-
confident.
Every ‘mistake’ you make can only make you a better coach because we all, really, only
learn from our errors etc. The bit to remember, and to really take on board, is not to beat your-
self up about it and to think about giving it all up, which is common at this stage; however,
nothing ventured nothing gained…..and like the coaching process, it is the dedication and com-
mitment that you put into your learning that will eventually result in you becoming, and being,
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Coaching takes practise and this is needed to begin to build up your practice!
This form is to benefit you and your client. It is designed to keep them focused and clear
about their weekly goals, and you of course. It is recommended that they return this form to you
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To be completed after the session:
4. Anything else!
Date:
Signed:
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Summary:
Your job, as a coach, is to manage your sessions with confidence by starting with
rapport building and with your session ‘rules.’ To get feedback from any homework set and for
Suggestions can be given if your client becomes really stuck, but this is to just to get
The writing up of notes, as well as your own progression, is very important, as this clari-
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SESSION SIX
Most coaches begin building up their practices by having non-paying clients at first.
This gives you time to build up your confidence with your new profession and to try out vari-
ous techniques until you feel comfortable and practised with them. Every client you have will
be, different and will need different approaches and every coaching session will be different,
Non-paying clients reduces much of the pressure to ‘deliver the goods,’ at first, and
helps you to relax into your coaching and, of course, allows you to practise, practise, practise.
Also, these first clients can supply you with testimonials and references which can then be
Note: Do be aware that non-paying clients are only investing in their time, and maybe
their curiosity, and not their money etc. Would your sessions be ‘of value’ to them and would
they really act toward their goal? I suggest you choose your practise clients carefully and
Not everyone likes contracts, however they do set out, in writing, your fees, your
terms and conditions and how you run your coaching practice.
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A ‘letter of agreement’ is a more subtle approach. It is your coaching practice and it is
your choice which method you use. Contracts and letters are a positive sign that your client is
committed to the coaching process. Two copies are sent to your client with a request that they
Coaching is a self-employed profession and will need to be declared to your Tax Office.
Term your coaching as ‘one-to-one training,’ this way you do not pay VAT.
Coaching sessions are usually booked in blocks of 4 weeks, however, this is again for
you to decide and with what you feel comfortable with. Do make sure though that your client
Your client pays your fees in advance. This avoids bad debts and the risk of
non-payment.
Do not start your coaching sessions until you have received your payment and it has
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been cleared.
During the 4th week, confirm the arrangement for the next 4 if appropriate.
Be firm with late calling clients. Finish the session at the appointed time.
It is your practice and you determine the dates and times that you will coach.
‘How does your fees compare with the fees of other coaches in your area?’
‘If you don’t know, how can you find this out?’
‘Would you pay this, or more, for coaching sessions for yourself?’
‘What will be your reply if your client says they cannot afford your charges?’
‘What would you offer them if they really cannot pay your maximum fee?’
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‘For how long?’
‘What can you do to find out when your client can pay your full fee?’
‘How will you approach your client if they are slow or reluctant in paying?’
‘How will this affect your time and your appointment system?’
‘If your client cancels their contract, how will you deal with this?’
Most coaches offer a 20 minute free session to potential clients as this gives them a taster
of your coaching and will also clarify for you if they are the type of client you want. How the
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rapport is between you can also be determined as well as how committed they would be to the
coaching process.
It is wasting your time and your credibility, along with their money and the risk that they
may give you bad references, if the potential client will not seriously commit themselves, for
whatever reason. Sometimes this is because some people like to have a coach, just so they can
say that they have a coach because this is a form of attention seeking; it is a ‘poor me,’ and it
fosters dependency as well as bolstering their negative self-belief system. Coaching is a suppor-
tive system that is designed to help your client out of their problem and to move them forward
and away from it. It is not to probe and to stay within it, as this will keep your client looking
back and could possibly keep them stuck within that problem.
Record keeping:
Note the dates, start times and finish times of every contract and of every session.
It is a sign of an excellent practice to adhere to a code of ethics and good practice. This
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sets out clearly the standards you are prepared to work by and builds trust and an effective
communication with your client. It is a ‘contract’ that sets out the essential elements of an ethi-
‘A coach has no judgements about their client’s decisions and goals, however, what will be
your course of action if you are unable to carrying on coaching your client because your
own personal code of ethics and integrity is being compromised too much?’
‘How will you feel and what will you learn from this?’
An example of a basic code of ethics is set out for you at the end of this session.
Advertising:
Networking is the best form of advertising and it is free! Wherever you go, tell people
what you are and describe your profession in a brief, but proud way. The best way to get people
interested is to have an opening statement that makes them question what it is you actually do.
Hand out your business cards and place adverts around your area.
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Personal recommendations and references are another good form of advertising, so ask
every client to write one for you. Put these references onto your adverts if you wish, however
there is a school of thought that this is not good practice, but this is for you to decide. Keeping a
portfolio is another good way because this can then be shown to potential clients and it will also
show them any on-going training that you have undertaken, or are planning to do.
Getting your local paper to write an article about you usually generates many potential
clients and a lot of coaches use this method, as well as approaching your local radio station.
Bizarrely, a lot of coaches have found clients by advertising in the local hairdressing salons.
Sport halls are good too and where any form of personal development/fitness etc. takes place.
‘How will you know that you are ready to accept fee-paying clients?’
‘What can you do, or what signal, can you give yourself to remember?’
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‘How will you know that a person might be a potential client?’
‘What approach will you use to encourage the potential to take up your offer
‘How will you encourage the potential to sign-up for fee-paying sessions if all goes well?’
‘If the potential wants to sign up, but you are not comfortable with them,
‘When will you look into the reasons for your feeling uncomfortable?’
Complaints:
If your client complains, clarify the nature of the complaint and question your client
about how they would like you to rectify it as this effectively throws the ball back into their
court. If there is still a problem, offering one free session to solve the problem usually works as
your client will feel appeased and heard and it will strengthen the rapport between you, as well
as the trust.
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‘Will this cross your boundaries?’
‘If a free session doesn’t work, what else can you do?’
‘If this doesn’t work and other options have been investigated, what is the
Closing a contract:
Inevitably your contract with your client will come to a close. They will have reached
their solution/goal, with your valuable support and they will be ready to make their own way
forward from then on. Closing a contract is a time of celebration, tinged with sadness, because a
special relationship is ending with all the happy and sad emotions that can accompany that.
You, as the coach, will be proud and happy for a job well done and for helping another; but also
Your client will be happy that they have come through a challenging time in their life
and can now go alone with confidence; but also because their supportive ‘friend’ has gone and
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‘How will you know that your client is ready to go alone?’
‘Will you ask your client to periodically keep you updated with their progress?’
Building a practice, as with all new businesses, takes time and dedication and you will
have to decide how much of your time you will need to build up your practice if you wish to
eventually coach full time, especially if you are in other work. This is an area most new coaches
find tricky at first, as obviously we all have financial commitments; however, it is possible to
run a successful practice alongside your other work and, as with the coaching process, it is the
Keep networking and keep your skills up because there is always something new to learn
to add to your talents and abilities but, above all, be yourself. Coaching is an on-going journey
and the more experienced and knowledgeable you can become, about yourself and your profes-
There are examples of a Letter of Agreement: Code of ethics and Letter of Achievement
following.
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LETTER OF AGREEMENT
Thank you for signing this letter of agreement. Please can you read through it; sign both
The Agreement:
The Coaching sessions are over…… sessions and I… …………..have paid the fee of
The sessions will be via telephone calls which will be paid for by myself and will be
Signed:
Date:
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CODE OF ETHICS AND GOOD PRACTICE
All clients should expect a high standard of practice from their coach.
Clients are required to recognise their own personal and professional limitations, or
Coaches must maintain good personal health and fitness in body and mind. If general
fitness is compromised, the coach is required to withdraw from their practice until they are
restored to good health. Clients must be offered the appropriate, alternative support during
this period.
Coaches are required that their clients are informed of the coaching contract/letter
of agreement, terms and conditions, prior to the initial session. This includes confidentiality,
Coaches are required to be honest and straightforward with any requests for information
from their client about the methods in which the coaching process will be conducted.
Clients are required to be honest and straightforward with their coach and to inform
them of any change of circumstances, whether personal or professional, that may affect the
Coaches must respect their client’s culture, religion, gender, race and sexuality.
Coaches must respect the client’s right to terminate their coaching contract. The client
Coaches must maintain appropriate records of their clients and their progress.
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Coaches are required to keep themselves informed of any statutory or legal requirements
Coaches must act in a manner that does not bring the profession of coaching
into disrepute.
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LETTER OF ACHIEVEMENT
Dear
Thank you for your very enjoyable sessions and congratulations on your achievement
It is easy to forget, or to not realise, how much effort and dedication is required for an
achievement of this kind, and I am sure that the knowledge and confidence that you have gained
will go toward helping you successfully reach your future goals and aspirations.
Signed:
Date:
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Summary:
Coaching is a professional business; contracts are signed and working practices are
The type of contract you and your client feel comfortable with.
Record keeping.
Closing a contract.
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SESSION SEVEN
There will come a time when a client will come to you to help them with their problems
which are out of the boundaries of coaching. It is important to realise when your client needs the
support of another professional and your job and responsibility is to coach and move them into
Counselling looks back into a problem to find the cause and the way to treat
Personal ego has no room in coaching. The goal of coaching is for your client to achieve
If you start to suspect that your client has a disorder of some kind, then this needs to be
addressed by a trained counsellor and not by you. Closing a contract because of this does not
mean that you or your coaching methods have failed. On the contrary, it establishes that you
have clarified a situation and have shown the way forward to treating and healing that situation
for your client as well as proving your integrity and sense of responsibility.
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Your coaching is not for you, it is for your client! Responsibility is ‘the ability of how
to respond to a given situation’. If you feel a failure or lose confidence over this, or over any
other matter, then this is a signal that there is an issue within yourself that needs to be looked into
and dealt with. This is the awareness of self as set out in session one.
‘What signals do you need to be aware of, that point to a disorder within your client?’
‘If you are not sure, how will you find out ?’’
‘How will you move them into more appropriate forms of treatment?’
‘If your client denies that they have a problem, how will you respond?’
‘When does the time for suggestions stop and advice giving begin in this situation?’
‘How will you close the contract if your client is still denying, but you know not to continue?’
‘How can you clarify that you have helped them to the limit of your knowledge and ability?’
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‘What else can you do?’
Make sure that all your notes are written up in full and detail what you have advised
your client to do etc. Most coaches keep a list of the names and telephone numbers of all the
local therapists and counsellors which can then be passed onto your client. It is your client’s
choice on how they proceed after they have finished with you and whether they take up therapy,
or not.
Although for the purposes of this course you have been asked to practise on friends,
most coaches would agree that it is best to leave your friends as just that, friends.
It is very normal to want to use your new found skill on everyone you meet and all new
coaches tend to do this; however, there is a line between friendship and work and you could end
up coaching to all and sundry (great for practise sessions) to the detriment of your coaching
practice and to your friendships. If a friend wants you to coach them, I suggest that you put
friendship aside and regard them as a normal paying client. You only coach them at the times
decided upon and never in a social setting. This does seem clinical, but it is very easy to be
taken for granted and not to be valued. After all, this is your living and no matter how much we
all freely wish to help another, there do need to be boundaries set up and adhered to, for the sake
‘What would you say to a friend who has approached you for coaching?’
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‘Would you sign a contract or letter of agreement?’
‘How would you feel if your friend/client has issues come up?’
‘If they become uneasy, how will you deal with this?’
‘If necessary, how would you suggest that they go to another coach or counsellor?’
‘What is more important to you, in this situation, your friendships or your practice?’
The Family is where very, very few coaches tread. This is an area which can become,
Children and teenagers respond brilliantly to coaching, but it is far better if it is done by
someone outside of the family. Even the adult members can be very….surprising! Too often a
coach will be told… “Don’t you do that coaching stuff on me!”....or issues will come up which
can lead into all sorts of unexpected emotions and problems. I suggest, very strongly, that you
leave your family alone unless you are really aware and prepared for any possible consequences,
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If they approach you, be clear, and that you make sure that they know your ‘rules’ and
how far you are prepared to go. I recommend that you keep it to straightforward themes.
A Life Coach never stops learning, changing and adapting, just like life itself because
life is a very diverse and, at times, challenging road and coaching and the clients that you will
have will reflect that, and in all of that diversity. Coaching is wonderful work which rewards
immensely and it is an honour and a big responsibility to help others but, through it all, really
enjoy your coaching and have fun with it because life is all about that too
‘How can you incorporate your previous skills with your new knowledge of coaching?’
‘If you have a problem, will you engage the services of a coach?’
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‘How have you changed since you began this course?’
Well done for completing the course and, hopefully, you are now feeling that you have
gained enough background knowledge, and have had good experiences, to give you the confi-
dence to move forward into your own coaching practice, however that may be.
If you do not, then I suggest you go over some of the sessions again and keep practising
on pro-bono clients. As was said before……. ‘Your client is your best teacher’…..and do please
Coaching is not rocket science, it is the ability to listen with empathy and rapport, to
another, to help them to clarify a way for them and to move them out from their situation.
Coaching, it seems, has become a bit exclusive, complicated and is now very expensive,
so it is out of the reach of a lot people who would love to coach, but believe that only an accred-
ited or well-known course will help them to achieve this. However, most people are naturals and
are listening to people, and helping them, without probably being aware of it and this is where
this course comes in as it gives the foundations and the methods, or tools, of coaching. Some of
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the best coaches have had no official training at all, but coach through a genuine and heartfelt
desire to help another…..called to service if you like…..and through experience, intuition and
common sense. Like everything, the more complicated something gets, the more difficult it is to
just simply let yourself know what the next step, question or move is.
Coaching, or those who teach it, state that everyone has the answers within them and that
we all really know what to do….and it is the same with actually coaching someone. You will
have the answers within you, it is simply about pulling them out, and this is what this course has
intended to do. Of course, damage can be done without the right training, intentions, integrity
and care, and some do want to coach simply as a power or ego trip because, after all, coaching
does affect people’s lives so there does need to be a very healthy respect for this. However, as
said, it is not rocket science and coaching does emphasise that the client has control over their
coaching session, with the coach just being the guide and the clarifier.
Thank you for joining me on this course. There are many excellent accredited training
courses out there which are available and do not cost the earth, and I hope that this course has
Following are examples of types of questions....they are not in any particular order, and
do remember the 4 questions ‘making a change’ from session one….these are most clarifying.
Happy coaching!
Sarah Koch.
www.dragonduciel.com/lifecoaching.htm
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Summary:
Coaching moves a client out of their problems and into their solutions and clarifies a
way forward. Counselling looks back into a problem to find the cause and the way to treat that
problem. The goal of coaching is for your client to achieve their goals, even if this is through
Be clear with friends who wish to be coached by you. Regard them as a normal paying
client, coaching only on the times decided and never in a social setting. Be clear if a ‘mates rate’
is to be applied.
Leave your family alone unless prepared and keep to straightforward themes.
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TYPES OF QUESTIONS
What is ahead?
What would it be like to experience excitement and fear at the same time?
What would it take for you to treat yourself like your best client?
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What is motivating you?
What is your vision for yourself and for those around you?
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What aren’t you willing to give up?
What are the different ways you can approach this issue?
Why not?
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How does your behaviour affect others?
What is the difference between the you of now and the you of yesterday?
Looking back from now, would you still call them mistakes?
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How does the beliefs of others affect you?
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COACHING LINKS
www.learndirect-advice.co.uk
www.coachingnetwork.org.uk
www.associationforcoaching.com
www.comptogether.co.uk
www.coachville.com
www.24-7coaching.com
www.coachingformore.co.uk
www.coachfederation.org
www.peer.ca/coaching.html
www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/life_coaching
www.coachingsupervisionacademy.com
www.new-oceans.co.uk
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/training-ideas
www.dragonduciel.com
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This is a simply written, proactive, unique and practical course which takes you, the
The course will take you, step by step, through the structure and concept of coaching, from
the foundations up, to give you the essential tools, knowledge and understanding
Self-awareness
Client awareness
Achieving goals