Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Part Four: Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
1: If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin. Before you point out a fault in another person’s
action, begin with honest appreciation for what they have done well or correctly. After doing so, you
might even find that the other person points out their own fault and volunteers to correct it.
2: How to Criticize – and Not Be Hated for It. When Wanamaker’s department store president John
Wanamaker was on his daily rounds through the flagship store, he noticed a customer waiting at the
counter unattended as store staff stood talking and laughing among themselves at the other end of the
counter.
Wanamaker slipped behind the counter, served the customer himself, and handed the package to the staff
to be wrapped as he continued on his way. Without saying a word, he had clearly communicated to the
(probably mortified) staff what was expected of them.
When you must criticize, try to find a way to do so indirectly.
3: Talk About Your Own Mistakes First. Criticism is much easier to take when the other person first
talks about their own faults. When you need to directly criticize, first mention how you made similar
mistakes, or have deficiencies in other areas. “Well, I’m awful at A and I couldn’t B to save my life, but
one thing I do know is…”
4: No One Likes to Take Orders. By asking questions instead of giving direct orders, you save people’s
pride and preserve their feeling of importance. As Charles Duhigg points out in Chapter 5 of The Power
of Habit, a person’s effectiveness is greatly diminished when they are taking orders instead of
understanding the purpose of an action and choosing to do it.
5: Let the Other Man Save His Face. General Electric once had to replace the head of one of its
departments – a genius in electricity who, it turned out, wasn’t cut out to be a department head. Instead of
demoting him, General Electric gave him the new title of Consulting Engineer of the General Electric
Company.
We usually don’t take the time to think about helping others save face, but if we do, it usually doesn’t
take much effort.
6: How to Spur Men on to Success. You’ll get much better results by praising people for any slight
improvement or small thing done right than by criticizing when they come up short.
7: Give the Dog a Good Name. A truth of human nature is that people will be compelled to live up to
whatever reputation you attribute to them. Tell a person that you think or you have heard that they are
honest, or industrious, or any other variety of virtue, and they will usually live up to it – even if their
previous actions had indicated otherwise.
8: Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct. The author tells of how he once declined to play a game of
bridge with a friend, stating that the game was too complicated for him. His friend replied, “Why, Dale, it
is no trick at all. There is nothing to bridge except memory and judgment. You once wrote a chapter on
memory. Bridge will be in a cinch for you. It is right up your alley.”
By telling people that some goal is easily within their grasp or some fault can be corrected with only a
minor adjustment, you will give them the confidence to reach the goal or correct the fault.
9: Making People Glad to Do What You Want. The key to making people glad to do what you want,
yet again, is to make them feel important. Give them recognition as the best person for a job or authority
to oversee a matter, and they will embrace the role you have laid out for them.
When Napoleon Bonaparte created the Legion of Honor, he gave out 1,500 crosses to his soldiers, named
18 of his generals “Marshals of France,” and christened the troops “the Grand Army.” When criticized for
giving out “toys,” he responded, “Men are ruled by toys.”
Part Six: Seven Rules for Making Your Home Life Happier
I can understand why the publisher excluded Part Six of the book from the 1981 publication; it is a bit
repetitive, and most of it could probably be summed up by saying all of the principles above apply just as
much to home life as they do to business. Some of the perspectives and wording could be construed as
sexist, though I would say it could be far worse for a book published in 1936.
Regardless, the author does have some good things to say about the application of these principles to
romantic relationships. Here are a few gems:
As Leland Foster Wood said, “Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the
right person; it is also a matter of being the right person.” Don’t try to change your partner; it
probably won’t happen, and will only lead to resentment. Just focus on being the best person you
can be.
Most relationship failures come not from a singular tragedy, but from the lack of little attentions
that show the other person they are important. Practice trivial kindnesses.
Beyond kindness, another quality is essential: courtesy. Henry Clay Risner said, “Courtesy is that
quality of heart that overlooks the broken gate and calls attention to the flowers in the yard
beyond the gate.”
Before you walk through your door after a long day, take a moment to mentally leave the day at
the doorstep. There is no need to carry the stresses of the day into your home and burden your
family with them.
Conclusion
While there are several legitimately brilliant insights in this book, most of the content will register as
common sense. Most concepts are simply a different iteration of, “Be nice to people instead of criticizing
them.” The book’s value lies both in its reminder of what we know we should already be doing, and in its
illustration of the nuances of kindness toward others.
Mr. Carnegie advocates an approach to human relations that is analytical and proactive, going a step
beyond the requirements of civility by thinking in advance about the other person. It seems simple
because it is; effective relationships come simply from having the ability to put other people first. This
book’s reminders and insights about how to do so practically in everyday life are what have earned it a
reputation as one of the most useful relationship books of all time.