A preacher was on program at a district convention to preach for twenty minutes.

The other preachers from the district were sitting behind him in the choir section,
giving him moral support and throwing in an occassional "Amen" to help the
preacher along. The preacher preached his twenty minutes and continued on
despite alloted time. He preached for 30 minutes, then forty minutes and then for
an hour. He even continued for an hour and ten minutes. Finally, a brother sitting
on the front row took a song book and threw it at the preacher that was still going
strong in his message. The preacher saw the song book as it was hurled his way
and he ducked. The song book hit one of the preachers sitting in the choir
section. As the man in the choir section was going down, you could hear him say,
"Hit me again, I can still hear him preaching!"

This is a true stroy. Several years ago I was conducting a revial in a town where
we had a small mission church. One night, a husband and wife came into the
church just a few minutes after the service began. They were dressed in tattered
clothing, and the smell of liquor was strong on them. During the song service
they would raise their hands and say out loud, "Sing it honey child!" They would
cry and then man took a dirty hankerchief and wiped his tears. The wide decided
she wanted his hankerchief and they began to fight over it, back and forth like
little children. When it came time to receive the offering for the evening, the man
reached into his pocket and dropped a few coins into the plate. The wife hollered
out loud, "You told me you didn't have any money!"

Submitted by Vernon vlccogop@blomand.net

When my daughter was about three I took her to bed and asked what she would
like to pray about. Promptly she answered: "onions." We prayed about onions
and the next morning I asked why she wanted to pray about onions. "Because
you said in your sermon that we should pray for things we dont like."
True story
Once I was invited to preach for a Christmas Service in a rural Church. Seeing
that it was very crowded and sensitive to the time issue, I asked the Pastor, 'How
long do I have for the sermon?". The pastor replied, You can preach for about an
hour". Still wondering about how I could stretch my manuscript, I soon found out
that I was not the only preacher, and the preacher before me also preached for
an hour!

Richard Kishore@rediffmail.com

Length of a Sermon

How long should a good sermon be? It should be like a woman's skirt, long
enough to cover the essentials and short enough to keep you interested!

Stop, Thief!
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church
services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of
robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"

(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be
forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and
explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he
asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a
scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and
two 38's!" GAB in RN

Jamie- God how long is a million years to you?

God- it is but a second Jamie.
Jamie- God how much is a million dollars to you?
God- it is but a penny to me
Jamie- God can I have a penny
God- just a second
-Michelle

A brand new pastor came out to his first church. As usually seems to be the
case, several of the Great Old Saints waited for their new pastor to die.
Consequently in four weeks he did eight funerals. He did not have time to write
his regular Sunday Sermons. So he used the sermon from the Sunady before - 3
more times. The Council went to the Bishop complaining that this new pastor
had used the same sermon 4 times in a row. The Bishop asked what the sermon
was about. The Council couldn't remember, they scratched their heads and
hemmed and hawed - but they really couldn't remember. The Bishop said, "Let
him use it one more time."

A Roman Catholic Priest, an Anglican priest and a Baptist preacher were

standing near a river conversing when the subject of which church was nearest
to the teaching of God arose. The Roman Catholic priest said that of course
there was no argument that the Roman Catholic church was they were
descended directly from the Apostles, in fact Peter was their first Pope. He said
in fact so close are we that I can even walk on water like Jesus and he
proceeded to walk on the water to the other side.

The Anglican Priest said the Anglican church was very similar in origin to the
Catholics and he too demonstrated his ability to walk on water like Jesus Christ.
The Baptist preacher said that he could not care where their origins were, he
studied the word and preached it purely, and without any embellishments. Since
the could walk on water he should be even better at it. He took one step forward
and sunk knee deep into the river. athe Roman Catholic Priest whispered to the
Anglican Priest, "Do you think we should tell him where the rocks are?"

A preacher announced from the pulpit," I have good news and bad news. The
good news is we have enough money to retire the mortgage on the church."

A sigh of relief went through the congregation.

The preacher continued: "the bad news is: the money is still in your pocket."

Having been bored witless by the world's most boring preacher, Jack came out of
church before the preacher had finished his sermon.

Outside he met a friend who asked, "Has he finished, then?"

He replied, "Oh yes, he's finished, but he won't stop!" . . . Keith Alexander

In years gone by in central Alabama lived Rev. Sam the local Methodist
preacher. Rev. Sam had two sons who had the responsability of bringing in the
stove wood. Boy's reported to ther dad that some one was stealing the stove
wood. So Rev. Sam told his sons that untill futher notice that he would bring in
the stove wood himself. This did not bother the boy's at all. Two days later there
was a loud crash that came from the neighbors house. Soon after the boy's ran in
to report to their dad that the neighbors stove had just blew up. Rev. Sam
explained that he had hid blasting caps in the stove wood pile and fron now on it
would be safe for them to start being in the stove wood again.

One clergy family decided to let their three-year-old son record the message for
their home answering machine. The rehearsals went smoothly: “Mommy and
Daddy can’t come to the phone right now. If you’ll leave your name, phone
number, and a brief message, they’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
Then came the test. The father pressed the record button and their son said
sweetly, "Mommy and Daddy can’t come to the phone right now. If you’ll leave
your name, phone number, and a brief message, they’ll get back to you as soon
as Jesus comes.”

A pastor was in the habit of reading every word of his sermons - which were
rather long and tedious. One of the congregation thought to cure him of this,
and, before the service, slipped into the pulpit and removed one page at random.
The preacher began. After a while he reached the point where the page was
gone. "And Adam said unto Eve..." He paused. "And Adam, err, said unto
Eve...There seems to be a leaf missing!"

A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter from
his mother he just got that morning. As he opened it a twenty dollar bill fell out.
He thought: "Thanks, mom, I could use that right about now." As he finished his
meal he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post.
He thought: "That fella could probably use the $20 more than I."

So he crossed out the names on the envelope and put the $20 in the envelope
and wrote across the top in large letters. "PERSEVERE!" So as not to make a
scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the
man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next day,
while the pastor was eating his lunch, the same man tapped him on the shoulder
and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised the young pastor asked him what
that was for? The man replied, this is your half of the winnings. "PERSEVERE"
came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday, and he paid 30 to 1.

A sermon should be modeled as a woman's dress... long enough to cover the

subject, but short enough to keep it interesting!!!

Billy Graham tells of a time, during the early years of his preaching ministry,
when he was due to lead a crusade meeting in a town in South Carolina, and he
needed to mail a letter. He asked a little boy in the main street how he could get
to the post office. After the boy had given him directions, Billy said, "If you come
to the central Baptist church tonight, I'll tell you how to get to heaven." The boy
replied, "No thanks, you don't even know how to get to the post office!"

There was a young lion who wandered from his father to test whether or not he
would get the same respect from the other animals as his father did. As the
young lion approached some monkeys, he roared and asked, "WHO IS THE
KING OF THE JUNGLE?" The monkeys, being afraid, responded, "YOU are!"
The lion replied, "And don't you forget it!" The lion repeated this to each animal in
the jungle and got the same response until he came across a herd of elephants.
The little lion roared and asked, "WHO IS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE?" The big
bull elephant walked closer to the lion, swooped him up in his trunk, swung him
around and around and threw him in the river. Battered and wet, the little lion
replied, "Just because you didn't know the answer to the question didn't mean
you had to get nasty about it!"

Most of us roar through life without God in the same way - as if we are kings of
the jungle - until life throws us in a tail spin and shows us that we are not.

A Baptist preacher, while beginning his text, said this to the congregation: "I'm
gonna tell you the same thing Elizabeth Taylor told all her husbands. And that is -
'I'm not gonna keep you long!'" SLM

A young and new lay preacher was asked to lead an evening service at a church
he had not visited before. A few days before the service he met a farmer who he
knew to be a member of the church he was to visit. The hugely over-weight
farmer was apologetic, saying that he would not be at church that evening and
what was his sermon text? The preacher told him, and even went through how
he was to expound the particular scripture. The farmer was delighted that he had
shared it with him and went on his way. > > The preacher decided that he would
attend morning service that Sunday at the church to get a feel for the place and
its ambience. As he took his pew he noticed a ladder left against the side of the
pulpit. When the service began he was surprised to see that the farmer was the
preacher. As he could not get into the pulpit by the narrow door the farmer had to
climb the ladder and swing himself over the pulpit side. He then proceeded to
preach the same sermon as that prepared by the young preacher. The young
man was extremely annoyed after he had put hours of work into his sermon for
that evening. > > When he eventually entered the pulpit that evening, he
announced to the congregation, “My text this evening is St John, Chapter 10,
verse 1, ‘Jesus said, verily, verily, I say unto you, he that entereth not the door
into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a
robber! ’” Keith Alexander.
One Evangelist said, "My sermons are like chickens with their heads cut off- once
you think the sermon is done, it just jumps back up and runs in another direction!"

Fishers of men. In the children's sermon I had the children share how to catch
fish. Then I asked what we would need to do to catch people. One boy
answered: "Throw them in." bc in MO

Our Catholic preist likes to tell of a time when he'd said "I think there is
something wrong with my mike". Well he was right, the mike was not on so the
congregation had not heard him but assumed he'd said his usual "May Christ's
peace be with you". The congregation gave its typical response of "And also with
you."

A rule of thumb for preachers: If after ten minutes you haven't struck oil, stop
boring!

A priest whose sermons were very long and boring, announced in the church on
a Sunday that he had been transferred to another church and that it was Jesus'
wish that he leave that week.

The gathering in the church got up and sang : "What a Friend we have in Jesus !"

I was a 60 year old widow when I remarried a widower of the same age from our
church. We decided on a church wedding, and my husband's daughter was
explaining to her 3 year old what would happen at the ceremony. She did not go
to church, and he had never been either. She told him, "Now, first the preacher
will come out, and then Grandpa will come out the door after him." > Not knowing
what a "preacher" was, the little boy asked, "Will the CREATURE hurt us?" He
thought it was a comic-strip creature that would come out.

True story: A preacher instructed his congregation to boycott Hardee's

restaurants because he saw the sign at Hardee's that read "free condoms."
Unfortunatley for him, he had misread the sign. It actually read, "free
condiments."

A woman by the name of Gladys Dunne was visiting a church for the first time.
After the service, as the congregation was exchanging greetings, she extended
her hand to a parishoner and said, "Hi, I'm Gladys Dunn." The parishoner says,
"I'm glad he's done, too!" Submitted by Bud Brooks, Pastor, Stamping Ground
Christian Church, Stamping Ground, KY.

The pastor was greeting folks at the door after the service. A woman said,
"Pastor, that was a very good sermon." The pastor says, "Oh, I have to give the
credit to the Holy Spirit." "It wasn't THAT good!" she says.

The definition of a good sermon: It should have a good beginning. It should have
a good ending. And they should be as close together as possible.

I once heard of a pastor who was offering a series of children's sermons on the
symbols of the church. On one Sunday the pastor was speaking about vestments
and asked the question, "Why do you think I wear this collar?" To this question
came the response, "Because it kills fleas and ticks for up to 5 months."
One beautiful Sunday morning, a pastor announced to his congregation: "My
good people, I have here in my hands three sermons...a $1000 sermon that
lasts five minutes, a $500 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $100 sermon
that lasts a full hour. "Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver.

Three ministers were discussing the problem of bats in the attic at church and
how difficult they were to get rid of. The first minister said that his congregation
had tried "smoking them out", but they still came back. Another had tried
poisoning them, but enough survived to repopulate the attic. The third minister
shared his solution: "I just baptized and confirmed them all, and they NEVER
came back!"

Young Assisant Pastor Bill was giving his 427th children's sermon. "Now kids,"
says Pastor Bill, "What's green, lives in the pond, sits on a lily pad, and hops?"
The children looked at each other with vacant eyes as silence ruled that magical
time. "Surely, someone has an idea?" Finally, little Susie stood up and said,
"Well, it sounds like a frog, but it must be Jesus!"

What does it mean when the preacher takes off his watch and lays it on top of
the pulpit before his sermon? Usually nothing.

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.
After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a
brief ceremony before the congregation.

For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be
married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he
requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men
stepped to the front.

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.
After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a
brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be
married.
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men
stepped to the front.

One Sunday Evening our Pastor, who is as long winded as they come, was
preaching up a storm. And I suppose he had even almost put himself to sleep.
He was preaching his heart out and saying "For God will never leave you, nor
forsake you." As he drew to close that evening He said " And remember tell
someone you leave em before you leave." He never realized what he said but the
whole congregation got a good chuckle out of it as we all turned to one another
and said "I leave Ya" It was a fun moment. LOL God Bless you all.

A flat-lander was invited to preach in a mountain Baptist church. He was worried,

remembering that they eschewed educated preachers and were known for their
fundamentalism and simplistic approach to the gospel. He preached with
masterful command of allegory and hard truths veiled in simile. At the close of his
message he gave the expected invitation and just one old gentleman in starched
overalls responded. He came forward and whispered in the minister's ear,
"Young feller, I want you to know that I know that just because the water's
muddy, don't mean it's deep!"
The old preacher had spent 40 years pastoring in the same church and was
highly respected in the community. The end of his life was drawing near and as
he lay on his death bed he ask for the local banker and the local lawyer to come
and spend his last hours with him. Both were impressed that they would be ask
and discussed amoung themselves what great pearl of wisdom the old pastor
wished to share with them. As they enter his room he motioned for one to sit on
his left and one on his right. As they sat down a great peace came upon the man
of God, 30 minutes passed and not a word was spoken. Finially the banker
leaned forward and ask, Reverend, we were wondering what great pearl of
wisdom you may want to share with us since you called us here. The old
preacher looked at him and replied, "as you know Jesus has been my example
all my life, and since he died between two theives I decided thats the way I
wanted to go".

Preacher with bandaid on his chin; "I'm sorry about this bandaid. I cut my chin
this morning when I was thinking about my sermon"

Voice from the congregation: "Next time why not think about your chin and cut
the sermon?"

As a student in CPE I worked in a women's prison with Pentecostal and Baptist

women in the congregation. As a Presbyterian it was a shock when they would
reply as I preached. I began to like the dialogue with them. "Amen, Sister." Then I
went to a Presbyterian Church, I wondered if anyone was out in the
congregation. I was tempted to ask them. I got my answer when people filed out
and an old woman said, "I sat by the fan and couldn't hear a word but I am sure
you were fine." --Sue in Cuba, KS

What's the difference between giving God a thithe and giving a tip? A tip is
15%.

There was a preacher that was trying out for a church. He always used notes
when he preached but he wanted to really impress the congregation with his
knowledge of the word, so he taped his notes to the inside of his suit jacket. He
began preaching, he said, "Brothers and sisters the first man in the bibles name
was, he pulled open his jacket and said, Adam.". He began to preach on Adam
for awhile. He went to another point and said, "Brothers and sisters the name of
the man who built the arks name was, he pulled open his jacket and said, Noah.".
He preached on Noah for awhile. About this time, he had been preaching with so
vigoursly and did not notice that the notes he had taped to his jacket had fallen to
the floor. He said to the congregation, "Brothers and sisters the man who the
bible says was after God's own heart was, he pulled open he jacket and said, JC
Penny!".

At a preacher's convention a preacher got up and started his sermon with this
sentence; "I spent the
best years of my life in the arms of a woman not my wife!" As the congregation
gasped he said, "She was my mother!"
Back home a young preacher decided to use this line in his sermon, but he was
feeling a bit uncertain that he
remembered it right. Forging ahead he started with, "I spent the best years of
my life in the arms of a woman not my wife".
The congregation gasped and the preacher paused, forgetting what the punch
line was. After a few nervous moments he said,
"And I can't remember who she was!"

A pastor was preaching on the Minor Prophets...all

twelve of them in one sermon. After two hours he was
only half-way through his message. Everyone was getting
restless. Most had stopped paying attention. After four
hours, to everyone's relief, he said "Finally...". It
was almost over, they thought. Then to their horror,
the Pastor said, "Oh my, I forgot about Micah...what
shall we do with Micah?". One old lady sitting right
in front could take no more. She stood up and said,
"Hey, preacher! Micah can take my seat...I'm going
home!".

The Reverend Doctor Baptist preacher was holding revival at a rural church.
After three inspired sermons one of the senior saints of the congregation
commented as she shook his hand on her way out:

"Sir, when they told my we were having one of those professor types to preach
our revival, I was not expecting to get much out of it. But may I say that for a
PhD, you preach like a man with no education at all."

A Pulpit committee went to hear a prospective minister preach. The best thing
they liked about his sermon is that it was only 10 minutes long. They
immediately called him as their new Pastor. His first week in the new church he
preached a 30 minute sermon. The next week his sermon was almost 2 hours.
The Deacons met with him and asked him to explain. His response was, that the
first time the committee heard him preach, he had a new set of dentures in his
mouth that hurt him terribly so he could barely preach 10 minutes and had to stop
talking because of the pain. The second time he preached, he said that his
dentures felt fine so he preached a normal 30 minute sermon. They said that
explains those 2 sermons, but please explain to us this last sermon that was 2
hours long. He said that's easy, I got up that particular morning and accidentally
put My Wife's Dentures in my mouth, and when I started talking I couldn't shut
up!

A Methodist preacher was getting really enthusiastic in his preaching to a group

of Christians all gathered at one location, when he said "It's great to see so many
Methodists here today". A voice from near the front said "I'm C of E". Seeing an
interesting discussion there he turned to the man and said "Why are you C of
E?". "Because my father was, and my father was because his grandfather was".
This wasn't quite what the Methodist had been aiming for so he tried a different
way: "What if your grandfather had been mad? What if your father had been
mad as well?". "Well", came the reply "I guess I would be a Methodist"

Preacher: Can everyone hear me at the back?

Voice from the back: Yes, but I wouldn't mind changing seats with someone who
can't.

A preacher preached a vigorous sermon and a lady in the congregation praised

him highly and suggested that he should publish his sermons. The preacher told
her he was planning they be published posthumously. To which she replied,
"Well good, the sooner the better."

A young man preaching for the first time stood before the people as the moments
passed. At last, opening his mouth, slowly he began to speak,..."On the way here
this morning,. only God and I knew what I was to share with you,...and now oly
God knows! JLR

One Sunday after the preacher had preached a vigorous sermon, he was met by
a little old lady at the door who said, "You know Pastor, every sermon you preach
is better than your next one."
If you believe that the Spirit moves the best on the back two pews... You might
be a Baptist.

Two snakes slithering down the road. One snake turned to the other and asked
are we poisonous? The other snake replied I don't know why do you ask? He
said cause I just bit my lip. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT ICE BREAKER FOR
VISITING PREACHERS.

A pastor was bragging that it only took him the time to walk from the parsonage
to the church to get his sunday sermon so the congregation bought him a new
house 10 miles from the church.

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he
moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he
moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before
jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew
leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

A young preacher was preaching his first sermon and he laid his notes out on the
pulpit and about that time in came a blast of wind and blew his notes out of the
window. Nervous the young man laughed and said I am sorry I lost my notes I
guess I will just have to trust God.

A little boy pulls on the preacher's hand to get his attention. Then says, "I'm going
to give you money when I grow up." The preacher says, "Thank you very much
but why do you want to give me money when you grow up?" The little boy
replies, "My dad says that you are the "poorest" preacher we have ever had."

Three boys are bragging about their dad. The first says: "when my dad writes
something called a poem he gets like $100 for it." Says the second boy: "that's
nothing! If my dad writes something called a song he get's like $200 for it." To
which the third boy replies: "when my dad writes something called a sermon,
after he's done reading it, it takes like eight people to collect all the money for it.
The preacher was shaking hands with the members of his congregation after a
service when one man approached him and said, "That was a wonderful sermon
today, pastor!" Filled with christian modesty, the preacher replied, "Oh, it wasn't
me, it was God." To which the reply came, "It wasn't that good."

A new Preacher came to his first church, a little old country church. The first
Sunday, only one person showed up for the morning service, a little old man in
bib-over-alls. The Preacher said to the man, "Brother, your seem to be the only
one to show up this morning, should I preach or what?" The little old man replied,
"Well Sir, I ain't no preacher, I'm just an old farmer, but if I had a truck load of
hay, and I went to the pasture and only one cow showed up, I'd feed that cow!"
The Preacher, inspired by these words of wisdom, began to preach like he never
had before, he preached every thing he had learned or heard and then began to
make up stuff, finally after 2-hours, he finished. He looked to the little old man
and said, "Well brother, what did you think of my first sermon here?" The little old
man replied, "Well Sir, I ain't no preacher,I'm just a little old farmer, but if I had a
truck load of hay and I went to the pasture and only one cow showed up, I
wouldn't dump the whole load on him!" ceb 8/5/99

What do you call it when the elders agree with the Minister's plans?

Ans. "Time For Supper"

Commitment: The chicken and the pig were walking past the church one day and
discussing the problems of world hunger. The chicken suggested that between
her species and the pig's they could provide everyone in the world with a good
breakfast of bacon and eggs every morning. The pig thought long and hard
before replying, 'That's OK for you to say, because from you that's only a
contribution - from me that's total commitment!'

The preacher was in the middle of his sermon when a man all of a sudden had a
heart attack. They called the ambulance and made sure everyone remained
where they were as they waited. The paramedics came and enter the sanctuary
and went to half the congregation before they actually found the man that was
really dead.

It was at the cemetery, on Memorial Day. The little boy asked his mother why
some of the graves had flags on them. She explained, "Those are the ones that
died in the service". He replied, "Was that the morning worship service or the
evening worship service.

A child's version of his nightly prayer:

Now I lay me down to rest, I pray the Lord I pass the test. If I should die before I
wake, That's one less test I'll have to take!

One day a little girl went up to her mother and said, "Mommy I have a
stumicache!" Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty dear, you have to
put something into it." Later that night when they had the pastor over for dinner
he said,"I have a headache!" The little girl smiled and replied, That's because it's
empty, you have to put something into it!"

This is kinda cute: One Sunday when a faithful Christian had no sermon to attend
he took his father's advice to do something that he had never ever done before.
He went bear hunting as his father suggested. Believe it or not, the first time he
goes bear hunting ever he sees a bear who grows rather suspicious of him. The
bear advances toward the christian man and the man gets shaken from this and
he runs away from the bear (not a good idea!) He tries to climb up a near-by tree
but fails and loses his balance completely! The man his numbed in fear but he
still tries to pretend like he's dead. But the bear knows better and he gets up on
his hind legs and he makes himself big. The bear is ready to attack the man. Just
as the man thinks that he is surely going to die he prays to god in his head and
he says: "Please god don't let me die! Not now! Not today!" He prays tog od and
says: "please god I wish for you to transform this bear into a christian!" The man
looks up and he is releived as the bear kneels down to the ground, puts his paws
together and says: "Dear god thank-you for this food that I am about to recieve!"

One Easter, a family (Mom, Dad, boy age 9) that seldom went to church, decided
to go. After church the Mom said, "I thought the choir was a little off key." Then
the Dad said, "Well, the preacher's message was bland, too." Whereupon the
boy said, "I thought they put on a good show for the nickle you put in the
collection plate." BB-AL

One Sunday after the usual sermon, the pastor asked everyone in the
congregation to prepare for next week's sermon. He said the sublect would be
lying and that everyone needed to read the 17th chapter in the book of Mark.
Everyone uttered a sound of approval. Next week after the congregational
singing the preacher said,"If you read Mark 17 please raise your hand." And
everyone in the congregation did. Then the preacher said, "Now I am ready to
start my sermon on lying" And he stated "There is no Mark 17!!" Remeber to read
your Bible and to never lie to the preacher! God Bless!

A preacher was off $500.00 to do a funeral of a man that was the worst sinner in
the world, the only stipulation was that he had to refer to him as a saint in his
sermon, The day of the funeral, the preacher got up and said: this man was a
drunk, he was a cheat, he was thief, but incomparison to his brothers he was a
saint.

A true story: A methodist minister from England did an exchange with a minister
from America. As he was arriving on a Saturday and was expected to preach on
the following day he arrived all prepared!

At the appropriate time he stood up and announced "My sermon this morning is
on the three buts"!! He couldn't understand why most of the congregation were
grinning. Fotunately they soon realised he meant but, they'd heard butt. - Don
Maskell (East Yorkshire, UK)

This is simlar to another on this page...

An Englishman was traveling in the United States where he heard that ministers
regularly used humor in the pulpit. He decided he would try to learn from the
example of his American colleagues. One Sunday he found himself in a large
Methodist Church. Suddenly the minister said, "The best years of my life were
spent in the arms of another man's wife." The congregation was in shock until he
drew himself up and said, "My mother." The congregation then laughed and the
Englishman thought, "Jolly good! I must remember that!" On his return to
England he entered the pulpit and decided to repeat the story told by the
American. "The best years of my life, were spent in the arms of another man's
wife." At this point he drew a complete blank. The congregation began to whisper
and murmur. His wife folded her arms and became cherry red. His mother-in-law,
who had come to church that Sunday was gritting her teeth. So he repeated
himeself (hoping to remembed the punchline): "The best years of my life, were
spent in the arms of another man's wife... ." Alas, to no avail. So he said "For the
life of me I cannot remember who she was!" Now there was pandemonium in the
congregation. Some key lay leadership were heading for the doors, when he
rememered! And he shouted out, "Oh... oh yes, I remember now. It was the
mother of a Methodist minister in America!" her teeth buzzing around and the
ushers were sinking lower and lower in their seats in the back row until I could
hardly see them. Then I remembered our experience in the Pocono Mountains,
and I said in a booming voice, "The best years of my life have been spent in the
arms of another man's wife." Sure enough, I had their attention. One of the
ushers in the back row sat up so fast he hit his head on the back of the pew in
front of him. I had them. But you know something, I forgot what came next. All I
could think to say was, "And for the life of me, I can't remember her name."

Note over the baby changing station at a united methodist church: WE SHALL
NOT ALL SLEEP BUT WE SHALL BE CHANGED.

After an exceptionally long and boring sermon the congregation filed out of the
church not saying a word to the pastor. After a while a man shook the pastor's
hand and said, "Pastor, that sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!"
The pastor was ecstatic. "No-one has ever said anything like that about one of
my sermons before! Tell me, how did it remind you of the peace and love of
God?" "Well", said the man, "it reminded me of the peace of God because it
passed all human understanding and it reminded me of the love of God because
it endured forever!"

A new preacher from the East just received his first church home in the foot hills
of Montana. He arrives in time to greet the outgoing preacher who gives him a
warm welcome and helps him get established in the parsonage. Being
Wednesday now, the new preacher decides to get started on his first sermon,
which he labors over for the next 3 days. Practice, practice, practice! On Sunday
morning, he comes to church, climbs up into the pulpit and looks down into the
congregation - only to see one cowboy sitting in the front row. Somewhat
disappointed, he asks the cowboy, .." I've practiced my sermon for quite some
time, but since you are the only one here, maybe I should just skip it. What do
you think?" The cowboy replied,.." Well, if I went out to the pasture to feed my
cattle, and only one cow showed up - I would certainly feed it!" Reassured, the
new preacher lit into his text with full zeal. 45 minutes later, exausted from his
efforts, the preacher asked the cowboy,.." well, what do you think?" The cowboy
replied,.." Like I told you, if I went to the pasture to feed my cattle, and only one
cow showed up - I would feed it............but I sure wouldn't give it the full load!!!"

I have a friend who has a poster in his office which speaks volumes. A pastor is
in front of his congregation, preaching for all he is worth. Hundreds of
parishioners sit before him. And there in the front row is Jesus ---- asleep.
Several churches now serve coffee after the sermons. Maybe this is to make
sure they are fully awake before driving home.

Ordinand to Bishop: "Bishop, that was a great sermon, but sometimes I couldn't
tell when you were talking about God and when you were talking about bishops".

Bishop: "Young man, in your situation, you would do well to blur the distinction".

Before a pastor began to preach one Sunday morning he thought he should

explain why he had a Bandaid on his chin. "As I was shaving this morning I was
thinking about today's message when I lost my concentration and accidentally cut
my chin with the razor." He then went on to preach the longest message of his
life. After the service one of the teens greeted the pastor and said, "Pastor, next
week why don't you think about your shaving and cut the sermon." Mark
Patterson

We were traveling one summer in the Pocono Mountains and, like a good
Methodist family, attended church while we were on vacation. One lazy Sunday
we found our way to a little Methodist Church. It was a hot day and the folks were
nearly "out" in the pews. The preacher was preaching on and on until, all of a
sudden, he said, "The best years of my life have been spent in the arms of
another man's wife." The congregation let out a gasp, came to immediate
attention, and the dozing deacon in the back row dropped his hymn book. Then
the preacher said, "It was my mother." The congregation tittered a little and
managed to follow along as the sermon concluded. I filed this trick away in my
memory; a great way to get the congregation's attention back when it has been
lost.

Sure enough, the next summer, on a lazy Sunday, I was preaching and the flies
were buzzing around and the ushers were sinking lower and lower in their seats
in the back row until I could hardly see them. Then I remembered our experience
in the Pocono Mountains, and I said in a booming voice, "The best years of my
life have been spent in the arms of another man's wife." Sure enough, I had their
attention. One of the ushers in the back row sat up so fast he hit his head on the
back of the pew in front of him. I had them. But you know something, I forgot
what came next. All I could think to say was, "And for the life of me, I can't
remember her name."

he Preacher’s Notebook

The Paper and Electronic Pulpit of the First Baptist Church of Mineral Springs, NC
(Delivered by E-mail and Us Postage Through Subscription as an Extension of the Pulpit
Ministry of this Church)

Dr. Terry W. Preslar – PO Box 388 – Mineral Springs, NC 28108

(704)843-3858 – E-Mail: preslar12@windstream.net

Copyright (C) 2009. Terry W. Preslar All rights reserved.

Vol. IV April, 2010 Issue 4

The Illustration

for Preaching and Teaching

“A sower went out to sow his seed...”

(Jesus: Luke 8:5)

Introduction

Illustrations capture our attention and further our

understanding in a way that no other sermonic tool
can. This former pastor and current seminary president demonstrates why illustrations
should be used in biblical preaching and then goes on to share how to find and integrate
them effectively. It it clear that illustrations are integral to effective preaching and
teaching, not because they entertain, but because they expand and deepen the applications
the mind and heart can make.

Kinds of illustrations are important on a degree as to their use. In Gospel Sermons and
Bible lessons we
find that an illustration that comes from imagination is the least powerful. Then there is
the illustration that
is taken from real life (your’s or some other’s life) will be a little more effective. The
most powerful
illustration of all is a “Bible Illustration” taken from the text of Scripture.

The Law of the Bible Illustration

Even though there are no “Laws of Biblical Interpretation” outlined in the Bible itself, we
have
discovered a few rules that make hermeneutics easer. One of these can be called the “Law
of the Bible
Illustration.” It is stated thus: “For most truths God gives one classic illustration to carry
the truth home to
the heart and mind of the believer.” (An example is Sin Guiltiness - Isa. 53:6).
The master preacher or teacher knows that having a bag full of tricks or elements to
engage his hearers
is vital to the success of the topic he is covering in his message or lesson. In all forms of
“public speaking,”
one of these tools is properly using illustrations. The Use of Illustrations In Preaching and
Teaching with Power

There is nothing that will substitute for the power of the Holy Spirit on our preaching and
teaching. We
must ever seek His filling, enduing and anointing. But, that said, preaching and teaching
is also a mechanical
and scientific discipline. In the preparation of Sermons and Lessons there are tools that
allow us to produce
fruitful messages and effective lessons. In order to understand the topic of sermon
illustrations, it is
important to recall a few facts about preaching and teaching. These factors apply in all of
the several types
of sermon and lesson styles (Expository – The teaching of a book or longer passage of the
Bible, usually
as a series of messages. Consecutive teaching that does not let you ride some hobby horse
or avoid difficult
passages, Textual – This method develops an outline from a single verse or a short
passage of Scripture.
You will want to check lexicons for meanings of words, and cross references for other
verses that will help
in the understanding of the passage, and Topical – One theme or topic, but using a
number of portions of
the Bible to develop the overall teaching of the Bible on the subject.).

Illustrations in Exposition

In reading, if you miss the author’s point, you can go back and reread the paragraph. If
the author’s
exposition is complex, you can scan over the text or flip to the introduction to regain your
bearings. It is
important to remember that your congregation cannot do any of these things while you
are preaching. They
hear your sermon in the order that you preach it and at the speed you preach it. If they are
distracted for any
reason, they may miss a portion of what you say. They don’t know where you’re going
until you actually
get there.

Pastors that have attended Bible College or Seminary, when they first begin preaching,
their sermons
sound like academic papers – but when they are read out loud to an audience that does
not possess a printed
copy, even the most readable academic papers become boring and dull. Remember, your
sermon is going
to be heard, not read, so organize it accordingly.

Oral exposition must necessarily be simpler than written exposition, because no one can
go back over
the text and reread a passage they didn’t understand the first time. If your illustrations
have too many details,
even if they are all relevant to your point, your point will be lost. If your argumentation
has too many points,
even if they all build to your conclusion, your congregation will still be struggling to
make sense of all the
points and they won’t hear the conclusion. Make sure that your exposition is simple,
direct, and compelling.
One way to do this is to include illustrations. Here are a few general tips:

1- Get to the point and do not dwell on the story. – The length of an illustration must be
limited to allow
the development of the subject matter. It must be kept in mind that the point is more vital
than any
exemplification of the theme. Otherwise, the congregation will remember the story and
forget the
point.

2- Use a variety of illustrations over time. – You don’t want your congregation to tune
you out because
they perceive that you’re just riding your hobby horse. For example, it is moving and
appropriate
to talk about the last things that Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, before he was executed by the
Nazis.
However, if all your illustrations deal with Nazis, some in your congregation will hear
history
lessons instead of the gospel and your point will be lost.

3- Keep the illustrations simple, with just the right level of detail. – While details make
the illustration
colorful, too much color is garish and the picture is lost. For example, if you are deriving
a lesson
from your observation of an anthill you saw on a picnic, don’t include information about
the menu.
The congregation doesn’t know where you are going with the story, so they must retain
all details
until they figure out which ones are important. If you load them down with too many
colorful
details, or if they pick the wrong details to follow, they’ll miss your point.

4- Use illustrations sparingly. – You must have time, in the time space given to you, to
preach the
Gospel. There is no reason to preach if the Gospel is un-heard. If you use too many
illustrations,
your congregation will be overwhelmed by the picture gallery and never get the point.

Illustrations That Presume Too Much

Be mindful that your congregation does not have the same shared experience. Not
everyone is married,
not everyone has children, not everyone has living parents, not everyone grew up in the
local area. It’s okay
if an illustration flies over someone’s head now and then, but make sure you don’t fly
over the same people
on a regular basis. If a person hears too many irrelevant illustrations, you can make them
feel like outsiders,
and the alienation may cause them to tune you out or even leave the church. I once
attended a service that
had a narrow focus. The prayers, the songs, the sermon, everything presumed that the
congregation
consisted solely of married couples in their thirties, whose parents were still living and
who had small
children. However, that was not actually the case. The service alienated everyone who
was single, widowed,
divorced, orphaned, adopted, childless, infertile, too old, too young, or whose parents had
died, and some
walked out in pain.

We should hold marriage and family life in high honor, but we should never allow even
the affirmation
of virtue to push the lambs for whom Christ died off the precipice and into the pit of
despair.

Illustrations from Sports, Warfare, or Controversial Events

Wartime generates a lot of good illustrations, because it is a time when anxiety is high
and when people
learn many insightful truths about life – but not everyone in your congregation lived
through the same wars
that you did. You may think you are making a point, but the old people are smiling at
your youth and the
young people are tuning you out as an old fogy. If you dwell on the name of the war or
the identity of the
enemy, you may raise issues that obscure your point. It’s tempting to reminisce about the
decade in which
the war occurred, but that is usually an extraneous detail. Allow your listeners to
concentrate on the situation
and the lesson you want to derive from it. Be careful also that the inherent violence of the
situation doesn’t
overcome your point.

Any time you draw a lesson from a controversial event, be careful to focus on your point
so that you do
not bring in extraneous issues. If the backdrop is controversial, and you do not deal with
it skillfully, your
congregation will be unable to hear your sermon as they mentally debate the incidental
issues. Make sure
that you do not raise issues that you do not intend to deal with. If you’ve ever had the
experience of
preaching on topic A, but discovering that the congregation heard topic B, which was not
edifying and
which you wanted to avoid, this is what went wrong.

Not everyone is a sports fan. To people who do not follow football, a football story is
simply
incomprehensible, and whatever point you are making is lost. Then by the time your story
is over, they have
found something interesting to read in the bulletin or to whisper to a friend, and your
sermon has no effect
on them because they are no longer paying attention. If you relate how God answered the
prayer of a
football player, someone in the congregation may rightly wonder where God was in the
life of the man he
tackled – and instead of learning of God’s providence, he’ll question God’s justice. It’s
okay to use football
stories, but make sure that everyone can follow along.

Illustrations from Historical Personages

Not everyone has the same opinion about historical figures – especially if your
congregation is ethnically
mixed or comes from different regions of the country – so a story about Robert E. Lee’s
piety may be
offensive to those who associate him with slavery. Of course, you could attempt to
balance it by telling a
parallel story about Martin Luther King, but unless you pull it off skillfully, you may just
end up offending
everyone. In my opinion, it’s not good to use stories from non-biblical historical figures.
If they are recent,
not everyone holds them in the same esteem, and the point is lost. If they are from the
distant past, the story
sounds idealistic and irrelevant.

Stories About the Preacher

Personal stories can humanize you in the eyes of your congregation, by reassuring them
that you can
relate to their struggles and victories – but they can also backfire, by leaving them with
the impression that you are defective.

If you recount an uplifting experience that is too sublime, they may think you are
transporting the
congregation to worlds above, but if they can’t follow, they may conclude that you are
trying to glorify
yourself or that you are a delusional air-head. Some spiritual experiences contain things
that you should not
relate – Paul and John both testify to this in scripture. Suppose you had a vision of Jesus
on the cross. If you
talk about it in the sermon, make sure that you keep it in proportion, or you will lose a
significant part of
the congregation, as they sit poised on the edge of the pew for the cue to call the men in
white coats. Tone
down positive stories about yourself, make sure that they are believable, that they don’t
make you sound
delusional, and that they are not self-serving.

If you recount a personal crisis of faith or a sin, make sure that you spend more time on
the lesson you
learned than on the problem itself. If you dwell too much on the negative part of the
story, you may feel
cleansed by the confession, but before the service is over, you will find out that you have
disqualified
yourself in the eyes of your congregation. Suppose you did something in college under
peer pressure, but
you regretted it instantly and resolved never to do it again. If you dwell too much on your
attraction to vice,
in an effort to empathize with those under temptation, they may be wondering if they
want a delinquent as
a pastor. If the story is particularly disquieting, they may despair – for if you, their leader
in the faith, have
lost your way, how can they possibly be on the right path? If, for example, your mother’s
death leaves you
in anguish and despair and without hope, then who will give them hope?

Talking to the Congregation

It is often a good idea to address the congregation in the imperative mood, to bless them
and empower
them. If you are requiring them to do things they are inclined but afraid to do, or
conferring blessings and
pardon, you’ll come across quite well. However, you must use your authority sparingly,
or they will dismiss
you as excessively bossy or presumptuous.

A good rule of thumb is to use “you” when you are praising the congregation and “we”
when you are
criticizing them. That way you include yourself in your criticism and you don’t come
across presumptuous
or judgmental.

Talking about Outsiders

A cheap way to denounce evil practices is to attribute them to third parties who are not
present in the
room and who therefore cannot defend themselves. There are two problems with this
technique:
1- You may create or exacerbate a paranoid us-versus-them mentality that thwarts the
Great
Commission by reinforcing bigotry or prejudice.

2- Your description will not be valid for all the members of the group, and if anyone in
your

congregation knows someone who belongs to the group but does not fit your
characterization, you will discredit yourself in their eyes.

For example, suppose you are incensed by a recent civil suit in which a lawyer got a large
percentage
of his client’s exorbitant settlement, and you want to use that as an illustration in your
sermon. You might
be tempted to characterize lawyers as obsessed with money. However, if a member of
your congregation
is related to a lawyer who nearly bankrupted himself by taking on a pro bono case, you
will put that member
in distress and you will lose not only him, but all the other people in whom he seeks
solace.

Whenever you characterize a group, make sure that the characterization is specific. Make
sure that your
condemnation is conditional and admits to exceptions, and that you hold even the vilest
members of the
group as lovable and redeemable.

Jesus on Sermon Illustrations

Jesus Christ used Illustrations. What he said though still influences people today. If you
study the things
he said and the way he talked you’ll find he taught largely with illustrations. In fact the
Bible itself says that
Jesus would not speak without the use of Parables (illustrations) (“Therefore speak I to
them in parables...”
Matt. 13:13). And many times when those that he was speaking to did not fully grasp
what he was saying
he would employ illustrations and after he did this, his audience would grasp what he was
telling them. So
there you have a testimony of just how powerful illustrations can be in your preaching
and teaching.

I- Follow Jesus’ example. He never draws a lesson from the lives of historical heroes. He
tells no anecdotes about Judas Maccabee or Antiochus Epiphanes, historical figures
everyone knew about
at the time. He doesn’t draw any lessons from the incidents that occurred during that war,
even
though it liberated Judea and made it an independent country until the Romans came.
Jesus’ lessons
come from stories about anonymous people in everyday situations.

II- Follow Jesus’ example. Use a broad variety of illustrations from everyday life, make
sure they are
pointedly relevant, use them judiciously and sparingly, keep the details sparse, and get to
the point
quickly.

III- Follow Jesus’ example. Invert the congregation’s expectations when you characterize
groups to
make a point. Ordinary Judeans in the first century respected Pharisees, scribes, and rich
people, but
they were suspicious of Samaritans, tax collectors, and poor people. So Jesus uses
Pharisees, scribes,
and rich people as the bad guys in His illustrations, and He uses Samaritans, tax
collectors, and poor
people as the good guys.

The Functional Use of Illustrations

Illustrations need not be long or complicated. If they are it’s just going to be harder on
you and harder
on your hearers to get the point of what you are saying. Instead simple illustrations not
filled with too many
details but that get right to the point is what you want in your illustrations. If you have
too many details your
listener is going to get exhausted listening to an illustration that has turned into a full
blown story.

The transition is also an important element of your illustration telling. You want to find
an area in your
illustration that parallels the most with the point you are really trying to get across to your
hearers. When
you find the place to end your illustration you need to transition into your point.

Illustrations also work well at the very beginning of your sermon or lesson. Usually you
want something
to attract attention to your whole discussion. Illustrations attract attention and can bring
the ears of your
hearers to your message. That’s why starting out with a simple illustration can benefit
you. It also will
benefit you because, usually, telling illustrations is fun and easier than having to explain
the main points
of your sermon or lesson. So by doing that in the beginning you are building your own
confidence in your
message for the rest of your sermon or lesson.

Where to Find Illustrations

If you’re looking for ideas of illustrations you can check the Internet for various stories to
pick from.
However the greatest key I have found to finding good illustrations is just by good
reading. Usually I’ll
pickup illustrations for my preaching from things I’ve read in the past from magazines,
books, news items,
facts or internet web sites. So maybe you have something in your memory to use for your
illustrations.
These stories need to be maintained in a file or computer database (There was a program
that was an appalet
that came with MS-Windows, “Windows Cardfile,” until Win98 (very simple but it will
work). “AZZ
Cardfile” is a simple database program I use for many of these tasks (Has many features
not found in
“Windows Cardfile” and will work “portable” from a flash drive). Parson’s “Bible
Illustrator for Windows”
ver. 3 is great too – It was made to manage illustrations. (Uses the topics list of the
Thompson Chain Bible,
there are many supplements to download free from the Internet). There might be other
programs to use but
you must start today. Your collection will grow if you think “Illustrations”...

C.H. Spurgeon likens illustrations to windows in a house and states that every room, or
main division,
should have at least one (Lectures to my Students). Illustrations can illuminate a sermon
and support its
application.
I- The Uses of Illustration – Sermon Illustrations, if used appropriately, can be an
effective way to connect
your listeners with your message. W.E. Sangster says that illustrations have seven uses:
A) They make the message clear – Illustrations should give light on dark points (Matt.
7:14-23).
B) They make the truth impressive – You can gain the interest and attention of all ages by
using

illustrations.
C) They make preaching interesting – Illustrations can give life to a sermon. Sometimes
the
explanation of a biblical custom or idiom can be rewarding (1 Peter 1:13).
D) They ease the congregation – They enable the mind to relax and then reapply itself to
the message
being heard.
E) They make sermons memorable – Any method that helps the mind to grasp and retain
truth is worth
using. Consider Paul’s picture of a burnt-out city (1 Cor. 3:10-15).
F) They are persuasive – Stories can be used to clarify thought, touch the emotions and
challenge the
will. Illustrations can be used when making an appeal.
G) They make repetition possible – without being boring. A good sermonizer knows the
art of recapitulation and review.
II- The Types of Illustration – The significance and importance of sermon illustration is
indicated by the
statement, “Imagination rules our lives”. But sermon illustration includes more than just
stories.
Consider the following forms of illustration:

A) Figures of speech – Languages are rich in shades of meaning, similes, synonyms,

musical sounds,
and so on. As John Stott says: “We can talk of God ‘breaking through our defences’ or
the Holy
Spirit ‘prising open’ our closed minds to new truth” (I Believe in Preaching). We can
paint mental
pictures by the words we use. So, study the use of words. Be aware of the richness
adverbs and
adjectives can bring to speech.

B) Anecdotes – people of all ages love a good story. Anecdotes are short stories perhaps
drawn from
observation and experience - either your own or someone else’s. Paul uses his own
testimony in Acts
22:2-21 and 26:2-29.

C) Allegory – This is a story describing one thing in order to explain or teach something
else. The Song
of Solomon may be seen as an allegory of Yahweh and his Wife (Israel) or of Christ and
his Bride
(the Church: see Eph. 5:23-27). John Bunyan used allegory to great effect in his Pilgrim’s
Progress.

D) Analogy – Jesus used analogy when he spoke of himself as the Door and the Good
Shepherd (John
10). The parables of Jesus make use of nature and everyday experience. Emulate the
Master - the prince of preachers.

E) Parables – A story or comparison may teach or illustrate a point. The prophet Nathan’s
use of the
parable featuring the rich man who took the poor man’s ewe lamb is powerful (see 2
Sam.12:1-14).
Notice the three parables of lost things in Luke 15.

F) Fables – Fables about animals, birds and trees can be used with effect. See Judges 9:8-
15; 2 Kings
14:9; Ezek. 17:1-24. Could we utilize any of Aesop’s fables in our sermons?

III. The Sources of Illustration – Some wise person said: “One picture is worth a
thousand words”. This
being so, collect and use them. Here are some sources:
A) The Bible – Let the Bible illustrate its own truths. Bear in mind that today’s
generation is
unacquainted with the Bible and its stories. So use them! Recall and apply the teaching
and example
of the Lord Jesus. But be careful not to over-elaborate Bible stories. They are generally
simply told.
B) Observation – W.E. Sangster advises the preacher to go through life with a trawling
eye. Your own
illustrations will be the best. So, keep a notebook – make a habit of capturing illustrative
material.
C) Bibliographies – Use biographies. Stories with human interest are the best. Draw from
your own
experience - but avoid ostentation.
D) Imagination – Preaching should be adventurous. Use your imagination. You can
invent stories, and use them honestly by prefacing them with the word ‘suppose’.
E) Conversation – Talk with people. Stories will come from sharing. Visiting people at
home or in
hospital will supply lots of interesting stories. Pastoral visitation will suggest subjects for
pastoral
sermons.
F) Reading – Books are a rich source of sermon illustration. Newspapers can keep us in
touch with local
and world news. Read widely, and use your notebook to create an index of subjects
which relate to
pages in the books you have read.

G) Radio, Television and the Web – Television dominates people’s thinking. Use
illustrations from the
media. But use these sparingly and keep a good taste. You don’t want to leave the
impression that
you spend most of your time watching TV! Make Phil.4:8 your benchmark for personal
viewing and
sermon content. Use a good search engine to surf the world wide web. There are now
hundreds of
Christian web sites which will serve you as a Bible student and preacher.

IV. The Limits of Illustrations – Any Illustration has its limits and dangers. Here are
some pearls of good
advice.
A) Don’t mix your metaphors – The best metaphors to use are those found in the text of
the Bible. Be
careful not to neutralize those figures of speech and rather, depend on them.
B) Don’t use too many stories. – This will limit the most important element of the
sermon, the content.
The body should be whole biblical exposition and application.
C) Don’t be self-centered. – An illustration with “I-strain” is just as offensive to the
hearer as a one
sided conversation. Hearers need to be able to insert themselves in the story for the
illustration to apply.

D) Don’t use illustrations that need explaining. – Illustrations that need illustrations are
too much
trouble and probably will not work.

E) Don’t be dishonest with facts. – To say “...this happened to me...” when you heard
another preacher
tell the story is dishonest. I have heard one story about a mentally retarded soul winner
from three
preachers and I still don’t know who told it first. (The Credibility of all three is shot!).

F) Don’t build sermons around illustrations. – Any point of a sermon can only be
“supported” by an
illustration. The point must be made by Scripture. The Word of God has a mighty power
not enjoyed
by any other thing.

G) Don’t major on humor – It can be said that preachers can amuse congregations to
death. A.W. Tozer
said: “Most of America is laughing their way to Hell...”. Preach preacher preach!!

The Conclusion of the Matter

Remember that giving illustrations is fun for the preacher or teacher. When you think
back to your
message you may find that the most fun came when you talked about the illustration. If
you have fun with
your illustrations your audience will have fun listening to them. So don’t be afraid to be
lively even a little
emotional and energetic when telling your illustration.

These instructions for giving illustrations in sermons and lessons represents my life’s
experience
illustrations. You may have heard many of them before but, the proper use of illustrations
in many ways
(devotional reading, support for your writing, and illustrations for your sermons and
lessons) will prove
fruitful. This “Preacher’s Notebook” issue is sent out to help preachers and teachers with
their preparation
for the pulpit or podium.

Several Free Downloadable E-Books

My archive for the “Preacher's NoteBook” is on scribd.com. Google my name (Terry W.

Preslar) and
it is usually the first link (Dr. “P”) on the list and go to the archive page if you have
missed any back issues
of this Bible Study NoteBook!!! To download requires a free “sign in” and scribd.com
does not bother you.
Also you can find three of my books (I have been collecting this material for many years
and these three
books are an ongoing project for me), for free download, that will be helpful with
Illustrations for sermons
and lessons at the links below:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/19223769/fwdlillustrations
http://www.scribd.com/doc/19223819/fwdlquotes
http://www.scribd.com/doc/19223706/fwdldumbfacts

The above “Preacher’s Notebook” issue is taken from a course in the curriculum of the
Fresh Waters
Bible Institute authored by this writer. There are 21 course units that cover the subject
matter of
Homiletics, the study of the Preparation and Delivery of Gospel Sermons and Bible
Lessons. If you are
interested in the complete course please contact the school and ask for the “Starter Kit”
for enrollment.

This Periodical is printed by Gospel Publishing and Colportage, a ministry of the First
Baptist
Church of Mineral Springs, NC, and is designed for education, evangelism, and
edification. If we may
assist you in knowing more about Christ and the Christian life, please write us

without obligation: First Baptist Church of Mineral Springs PO Box 388, Mineral
Springs, NC 28108 (704)843-3858
Psalms 107:2 S .
S Romans 12:1-2

These Sermons are used through the subscription to an E-Mail list maintained by Bro.
Preslar
(preslar12@windstream.net) and are the copyrighted property of Dr. Terry W. Preslar.
This document is
part of a growing collection that is part of the Fresh Waters Digital Library. Re-
distribution is allowed with
this restriction: This document must not be disassembled or reverse engineered and all
pages must be
distributed together. This material may not be used in any commercial manner. All files
in this series are
in the PDF file format and can be read with the free pdf reader from adobe called acrobat
reader. It is hoped
that this restriction will not hinder the effective use of this sermon/essay in the teaching
and preaching of
this document. – The Editor

“...when thou comest, bring with thee...the books,

but especially the parchments. (2 Tim. 4:13)

Psalms 107:2 S .
S Romans 12:1-2

P.O. Box 388 Mineral Springs, N.C. 28108

1(704)843-3858
E-Mail: preslar12@windstream.net

First Baptist Church

PO Box 388
Mineral Springs, NC 28108
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