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School curriculum is selected by the central education authority rather than by the teachers, as tdo

you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is true that the syllabus in many schools is determined by the sate education authority instead of Commented [AB1]: ‘state’ - spelling

other parties, such as teachers, parents, and pupils themselves. In my opinion, the latter should be

involved in deciding what courses are delivered at schools.

First of all, teachers should be allowed to participate in the decision making process of school
Commented [AB2]: ‘decision making process as to
selecting /designing choosing school curriculum’ – this has
a clearer meaning.
curriculum, as they know what students really need to learn. After all, the time spent at teaching and
Commented [AB3]: ‘time spent at teaching’ – to spend
time doing something.
the feedback obtained from course work enable teachers to have the first-hand resources of Commented [AB4]: ‘experience’ collocates better here
than ‘resources’.
Commented [BZ5]: Have access to, a better word?
students’ learning outcomes that the central authority may not know. This information would of
Commented [AB6]: Yes ‘have access to’ or ‘have an
insight into’
Commented [BZ7]: Would be of great help
great help, if it was used for deciding school curriculum. For example, in China, teachers are allowed
Commented [AB8]: You could use ‘invaluable’ here if you
find it hard to remember ‘would be of great help’.
to make changes on what courses to be taught, allowing them to put more emphasis on academic Commented [AB9]: ‘deciding on’ means ‘selecting’ or
‘determining’ which is clearer than just ‘deciding’.
Commented [AB10]: More concise – ‘This information
subjects, and to better help pupils with exam preparation. would be invaluable for deciding school curriculum’.
Commented [AB11]: You repeat this word a lot –
‘enabling, meaning that they …..’

Additionally, parents and students should also have a say on the subjects taught at schools. Spending Commented [AB12]: ‘a lot of’ – ‘much’ is used in
negative sentences and questions.
Commented [BZ13]: where
much time raising their children, parents may know better than anyone else about what the passion Commented [AB14]: ‘where their children’s passion lies’
– is more natural.
Commented [AB15]: ‘know best of what subjects’
of their children lies. Similarly, students themselves know best of what subjects they are really
Commented [AB16]: ‘If’
Commented [AB17]: ‘ignored, students’ …..’ – these
interested in. if both of these voices are ignored. Students’ future development will be at lost. A case clauses should be combined to make a conditional sentence.
Commented [BZ18]: suffer, a better word? - Yes,
definitely.
in point is, again, the situation in China, where the education authority make every courses they Commented [BZ19]: Has made? – Yes or ‘has always
made/ continues to make’.
Commented [BZ20]: No ‘s’
decided at school compulsory. Without adopting any ideas or suggestions from pupils and their
Commented [AB21]: ‘every course / every courses’
Commented [AB22]: ‘choose, select, decide on’
parents. This has stifled students’ individual development, resulting in their mediocre performance Commented [AB23]: This is not a sentence but can be
connected to the previous sentence. You have a noun
‘adopting’ but no verb.
later in the workplace.

In conclusion, I believe school curriculum should be decided with the consideration of the

suggestions from teachers, students, and their parents. Only with this, do I think that students can

receive a good education.

Comments:

IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment A good introduction and


excellent conclusion. Presents 7.5
a well-developed response to
the question with relevant,
extended and supported
ideas. There is a clear
direction and the author’s
ideas can be clearly followed.
Cohesion and Coherence Sequences information and
ideas logically. Manages some 7.0
aspects of cohesion well.
Uses paragraphing sufficiently
and appropriately - the essay
flows well in parts, however
there are two incomplete
sentences which is quite
serious.
Lexical resource An excellent range of
vocabulary with some 7.0 +
advanced collocation
‘mediocre performance’ An
issue with the word ‘decide’
and the need in places to be
more concise in some
sentences. More synonyms
for ‘allowing’.
Grammatical Range Produces some good
and accuracy sentences. Has some good
control of grammar and 7.0
punctuation, but may make a
few errors which relate to a
couple of sentences – some
issues with some extra
prepositions and ‘much vs
many’.

Overall score – 7.0– a very good answer with excellent ideas. Close to a higher score but a need for
more synonyms and the issues with the incomplete sentences affected the score.

Hi Alistair,

The comments in this essay were actually made when I was typing this essay. Some of the mistakes
that I made, such as ‘Would be of great help’, and ‘where the passion lies’, are actually those on
which I once failed. I didn’t notice them even when I was doing prove reading. I shouldn’t have
made these mistakes. I have summarised all my previous mistakes in a word document, but, it seems
that I was still making the same mistakes, every now and them, at least. This is too bad! Could you
please give me some suggestions on how to avoid this?

Regards,

Bochuan